CheapShow - Ep 456: Don't Call It A Comeback

Episode Date: October 3, 2025

It’s an episode of extremes this week, as Eli and Paul battle through the usual segments whilst trying to deal with a whole host of new annoyances. Jimmy Biscuits and Richard Brandoff are back and trying to capitalise on their glorious return to the podcast. Paul is NOT happy to be dealing with an attic full of old and new CheapShow characters and something has to give. To make things worse, a trip to the Snack Palace reveals a very dark denouement for that particular segment. Two crisps enter, but do ANY of them leave this episode alive? Finally, there is a Price of Shite battle for the ages where Eli’s crown might just be about to slip! Can Paul make a glorious comeback? It’s time to find out. See pics/videos for this episode on our website: https://www.thecheapshow.co.uk/ep-456-don-t-call-it-a-comeback SEE US LIVE: Oct 18th @ The Cheerful Earful Podcast Festival 2.30pm, London https://cheerfulearful.podlifeevents.com/festival/cheapshow---live-from-cheerful-earful-podcast-festival-18th-oct-2025-tickets Watch Our 450th Episode Celebration YouTube Live Stream! https://youtube.com/live/ErCEZo6V3AE?feature=share And if you like us, why not support us: www.patreon.com/cheapshow If you want to get involved, email us at [e-mail] For all other information, please visit: www.thecheapshow.co.uk Like, Review, Share, Comment... LOVE US! MERCH Official CheapShow Magazine Shop: www.cheapmag.shop Send Us Stuff: CheapShow PO BOX 1309 Harrow HA1 9QJ

Eli and son, Eli and son, they were getting to Eli and son, Eli and son, welcome to the Eli and son show. Are you doing... Oh, Papa Eli, tell us a story from the old country, Papa Eli. One day I came home from work, son. Yes, Papa Eli, tell us story. I came home from work. I looked in the living room, so there's a poo. And then I went, squishy, squish.

Oh, Papa Eli, that's not one of your best stories, isn't it? Well, it wasn't one of your best fucking openings, mate. Oh, at least it was an opening. And also, you know, Matthew and Son is by... Eli and Son. Who did that song? I don't care. You know who it was?

Cat Stevens. Cat Stevens. Do you know what his reputation is now? No. Extremely handsy, verging on. Touchy, nuchy, bad. Yes. Oh, dear.

He was a proper coxmith. Was he? So, you don't want to bring him up, mate. We're trying to avoid those. Well, I didn't know the relation, did I to hear the song and him? Matthew and son the worst. I'll pick another song then. No, he didn't do that?

He did he do that? I don't know. He also did. It's not time to make change. I knew you're going to see that. See, my version, I'll tell you what. This boy zone, right? Let me say this.

My favorite version of it is the boys' own version, but for all the wrong reasons. It's because it's so fucking awful. It's because of their accents mangle the song. It's not child. Like a trade. Get me back. Take it to you. You're still young.

You're going. That is in the club style there from you. It is a little bit. But you know what I mean? Anyway, you know what? What? I was listening to The Beatles. Well done, you.

Hey? What was that like? What are they like? You know the song? You know in my name. Look up the number. Yeah. Which is a comedy weird.

It's just them riffing, various styles of stuff. But at one point, John is blatantly doing, or it might be Paul. He's doing, Vic Reeves' is... Oh, yeah, pub song style. Yeah, no, it's always been a thing, the club style. Yeah. Yeah. Because it was such a working man's club vibe.

It's a thing, isn't it? Yeah, it's funny. And I know Vic Reeves kind of popularised the comedy aspect. And he also took it. You also took it to an absurd level, didn't me? One of my favourite things growing up in the 90s was they released, like, BBC panel shows as book and CDs, right? So you'd get a book full of questions and a CD that went along with the book. And there was a Nevermind the Buzzcox one.

And there was a Shooting Stars one. And the Shooting Stars one was a CD of nothing, nothing but Vic Reeves doing pub songs. And you know what? What a fucking gift that CD is. Have you still got it? Yeah, somewhere. I think you can even watch it on YouTube, to be fair now. Probably, yeah.

But it's like him doing Earth song. What about chickens! Like that, basically. It's great. I can't recommend it enough. Anyway, this is the cheap show cold open. And boy, how oldie, have we got a show for you. Oh, yeah?

Should we just get into it? Do we have a show for them? Yeah, we have a lovely show for them today. But Paul, do we? But Paul, do. Saints on her? But Paul. What?

Do we? Papa Eli, we have a story. Oh, do the Papa Eli thing again. Oh, Papa Eli. Just pretend you're at home and you're waiting for Papa Eli to come back, yeah? Wind's blowing Oh Where is Papa Eli

He always dad a Papa Eli I need him Oh Oh Papa Eli Hello son Where have you been I've been at work

Oh Papa Eli Tell us a story from the old country Let me just get these boots off Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, my blisters of burning. Oh, Papa Eli. Sorry, I just had to let that one go. Oh, dear. Now, what are you saying?

I don't know, but I could smell the old country now. Old country. Leave it. Let's leave it at that, shall we? I don't know, I like that, yeah. When you do a nasty, grizzly shit, you go, oh, I can smell the old country. Well, at least someone's a mute. Oh, I did a fart!

Right, here we go, Cheecher. No, this has gone back, we've regressed. Don't, you told me the other day you regret farting on the pod. I do, but no one heard that one. It was just for me. I mean, we know about it now. The warmth, the weft of the warmth.

The wefted and weaved. Yeah, it wefted and weaved. Over my bottle. Yeah, welcome to Cheap Show. Press the fucking credit. Up, run, run, up, up, run, on. Paul Gannon, Eli Silverman. Welcome to the Jeep show.

Storces and words and phrases. Two things I'm responsible for. Chodney Borough. I hate you. I got to be a beautiful posse. Jeep show tonight. It's the price of cheap show to the mind It's the price of shine

Welcome to Cheap Show It's Cheap Show time That's right everybody I'm Eli Silverman And I am Paul Gannon And this week I wasn't ready for that, sorry And this is the Economy Comedy

Podcast for your ears That we go through bargain bins and basements stuff like that to find what we call what we define as what we term the treasure amongst the trash the trash of Britain the trash of abroad the trash of the international community trash yeah well I say trash no one said that's an American thing isn't it trash yeah but it works with treasure yeah we should

we should think of a more British one rubbish is the word isn't it Americans don't understand rubbish yes they don't understand the word rubbish well trash it's just a synonym they use trash instead don't they And do you think those two words are like fighting and evolutionary battle to become the top word for... I think trash is going to win. Because rubbish is too kind of rubbry a word to say. Rubbish is difficult, especially for people

with a bit of a speech impediment around the R sound, such as, my good self. Yes, you do have a slightly... A eulist, fumbly... I'm not going to have... I'm not, I'm fine with that. You've got a bit of a lisp, and I've got a bit of an R thing.

Sorry, everyone. He's a little bit country. I'm a little bit rock and roll. Something like that, isn't it? Yeah, so... Anyway, hello, welcome to Cheap Show. I was trying to, you know what it is? I zoned out for a little bit then, if I'm being honest with you.

Because I was trying to find a word to rhyme with pennies. And I couldn't think of a word to rhyme with pennies. Jenys. Jenys is a name, you know what I mean? That's not great, is it? Jenys. You know, I was trying to think of a... Because I was trying to think 20s.

As in 20s. Yeah, I guess. Because I was trying to think of a phrase with... I mean, I'm thinking of some. We're the podcast that saves your pennies, but ninnies. You know what I mean? It's that kind of thing. Yeah.

So we help you save your pennies. and remember where your pen is Yeah but that's just Pennies again Come on I'm workshoping I know Throw a lot of shit against the wall That's true

Before you get a dirty protest Some would argue I would say We've thrown 454 or 5 episodes Of shit against the wall Yeah and it keeps coming out Because it's all runny It's all runny I'm housing it down

Yeah Are you spanking it off Asplassing brown Gubbage coming down At the bottom of your rectal Have you ever gone to the loo After someone Who's left a bit of poo on the toilet

and used your piss to wipe their poo off and felt really weird about it. No. It's very specific. I'm glad I got that out. I'm glad. And you're like, oh, I'll just clean that off

with my piss, but it's someone else's poo. The redneck power shower. And then you feel like, why am I cleaning the poo off of my wee? Someone else's poo. You've done it. You've done it.

You've done it. I have done it. I'm going to agree with you. What I do not agree with is you thumming your penis as you tell me this story. I'm thumbing. You were doing this.

I was just scratching or something. No, no. It looked like you. Stop, what are you. You should need a fucking ruler to whack my hand when it fucking goes below my waist. It's like you're a weird sex magician. I just want to say to all the listeners, long-term listeners, no. I was not fuming my knob.

It looked like it, though. I was just getting into the vibe of what I was doing. I know what I was doing now. Yes, I was doing the mime of holding my penis using it as a hose to clean other people. I don't need to see this. Puppy pebble. They call it the pebble splasher, the pebble hose. Apparently the phrase is, it's a redneck power.

shower when you piss on someone else's dry droppings on the rim of the toilet. I believe so. A redneck power shower, everyone. And we're going to give you a redneck power hour of content. Yes. Because what we've got coming up is we've got a price of shite and a trip after many months away to the snack palace. The snack palace. To see if we can indict, no, induct.

Induct some snacks back into the hallowed walls of that palace. And hopefully they won't... We don't talk about the mine. We've been legally told to not... talk about the mine. If we don't want to pay that fine, we don't talk about the mine. That's what the lawyer said, remember? Ross, right, come on, Jimmy.

Oh, no. I forgot to mention this, mate. Oh, hello, boys. Roth, you don't mind if I just, hey, you don't mind if we just come in and do a few measurements, do you guys? Roth, we're just looking around soon where we can mount. Let me just put there. When do you think the TV's got to go? Jimmy, we're going to have TVs in every room. Can you two please fuck off, please?

If you look at the corner there, that's perfect for a kind of wide shot, Jimmy. No, fuck off. Stop. What? Eli, I need to talk about this. What? Why are they here? What the fuck's going on?

Hi, Jimmy. Hey, everybody. How you doing? Jimmy, it's Eli. Remember me? I remember Eli. Get out the way. I remember Eli.

You're my favorite guy. And me and the Bassman over here, we're just making some measurements. Don't you mind us. Carry on with the recording. We're just going to carry on. I just need to look at, just check a few details. No, no, just stop this. Eli, that's what I keep saying.

Since 4.50, I've got all the fucking characters up in my attic living there. Why? even teeny plops and came down for a shower the other day. They're all up there. I don't think Teen Yeti would be able to deal with the lack of luxury, not insulting to your attic. They don't have much of a choice. They have nowhere to go to.

They've all gone into my attic. It's not appropriate. I'm sorry, but what are they talking about then here? I don't know. Rob, Rob, yeah, what we're going to do, it's all the rage now, you see? I mean, I was at a low point, but I've come up with a new project. Oh, God. And it's all the rage now to watch people making it.

content online. Well, you can't do that here, though. This is where my, this I live here. We record the episodes here. It's going to be a content house. No, this is not going to be a content house. This is not, no. What do you think, Jimmy? I think this is going to make us a star. Think about it. All the characters sitting there, hidden cameras all over the place looking into their deepest, darkest moments. And don't forget their moments of humanity and joy and charity. Animals, they love animals. So let's get some weevils or something. We'll get some stoked. Some start. They could have a little...

They could have a little... Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop. Shut up, shut up, shut up. A little litter tray. And they all... I mean, they could have a litreys. We could have a camera. I can't live like this.

We could have a stout or a Martin pissing into a litter tray and we could have it live. Eli, people love that. I haven't said this on a while, Eli. Can we step outside the podcast for a minute? Okay. Come on. What?

This can't go on. I refuse to share... Oh, it's nice seeing these guys around. They just can't be in my house. It's great to have that. energy of brand off there. There's like 50 of the fuckers up there. Oh, what?

Every single shit character who ever churned out is up there right now. Now, luckily, they sleep during the day. Is inch man? What's he up to these days? Quief Huffer, pun stopper. They're all there up there. Name one. They're all fucking up there.

They're all sleeping right now because of the daytime. Yeah, he's there. Anyone else you want to make? No. And have a little nibble. I put a lock on that fucking padlock in the attic so they can't come out at night. They must be starving to death. I don't give a fuck.

Look, it looks like, um, it looks like, um, it looks like, Brandoff is, he's using a screwdriver on some of your... He's taking the shelvings down. I don't know why he's taking the shelving. It's not for him to say. It's to get equipment in. He's building a content house. He's not turning the living room into like a fucking studio.

Well, what's the solution, Paul? What do you want me to say? I don't know, but they have to fuck off. I've got no suction with these guys. Can they live with you? They used to live in your other room, didn't they, back in the day? No. Private room.

It was when the podcast was some kind of conceptual train with anti-rooms and huge amounts of space for them to exist in. I'm sorry they're in your house now, but there has to be some solution to this. I've got a pretty good suspicion, by the way. They ate Orphan Boy. How could they do that? Why would they eat the orphan boy? Because I'm not letting him out for food.

They must be literally the most stringy, lean meat of all time. Apparently, he was fattened up in the digital nether space. They fattened Orphan Boy up in the digital nether space. Yeah, then they kept him dipped in a goose fat. They're like confi orphan boy. That's basically what they've been doing. That saddened me. It is.

But, you know, it has kept them quiet for a little while. He's literally got two of your shelves down. Right. I'm going to go back. Jimmy seems to be making a phone call. Mate, can you go back in? I've just got to have a moment to myself a second before I go back in. Okay.

Weird. I'm weird. Okay, I will. Fine. Okay. Cunt. Right, you two. Out.

Out. Get out. Go in the garden for a bit. You can't be in here. We're recording the podcast. Right. Put those shells back. You're going to have to put the monitors there.

Oh, come on now, Paul. Stop being the podcast. the baby man. I'm going to put the monitors there. I've got to try and change your life here. If he's going to be a big baby about this Rothrock, come on Jimmy, we'll go to the garden. I've got some phone calls to make. And also, I noticed there was some squirrels or something. Yeah, there's got squirrels in the back tree, yeah. Oh, fucking milked their

bladders into my mouth in a weird way. We could do that squirrel milking is all the rage in there Thailand at the moment. Listen, there needs to be a stote, Stroke Martin. I'd like to stroke a stoat. I would fucking love to me. Hey, we could do that hoping up a sexy pet in the back garden where people can come and pet and fuck the animals. No, I, uh, well, Jimmy.

Right, I don't know about that. Anyway, let's just, I like where we're going. And then they pay him a drink or do us, something like that. I don't know. And then they settle down, and then we take the goat. Just the goat, for example, into the shed. I don't even think you could take on a goat, Jimmy. And we give them seven minutes of pleasure in the shed.

Goats eat everything. Yeah, baby. All right, we're going to go now then. Guys, please. We're going now. We've had our fun. to go in the garden, look up the pencil. Lock the door, Paul.

Let me just put the electronic code on. There you go. We've got to get them out. This is not going to work. They've got a crazy manic energy. I can't. They really want to make a content house here. Well, they're not doing it here.

Don't give a fuck, they. You've still got the rest locked in your... How is this going to work? How are you going to get them out? It's not been working. For the past, I don't know, what, five weeks. They just... And it stinks of shit up there as well.

All our characters are fucking incontinent In one way or another Anyway Seriously, every night at 2am Roll out the fucking barrel Lady Plops on the Bon Tempe Ridiculous Terrible

Well, she's quite talented singer No she's, you know what We never really got into that But yeah, no lovely You know what, I'd like to hear a duet Between her and Bill Donut Interesting They could, yeah

Anyway, how are we ending this scene? This will do, let's get on with the show I'm just waiting, Eli. Yeah. I'm waiting for the old bus to take us. You know where to? The snack palace. The old snack palace.

There should be one along very soon because I've looked at the timetable. Yeah, that's definitely the buzz noise of bus makes. Here it comes. All aboard to the snack palace. Two, please. And off we go. There's nice scenery there

Jiggle, jiggle, jiggle, there's the old pie factory over there There's the cheap show pie factory Yeah, they've put a lot of sort of landscaping On the drive here, on the drive up Yeah, no, it's nice, they've pebble dashed They must have fuck you money somewhere the people behind this Where did they get that from? I think that's a brand off thing

I don't want to get involved in that Isn't it the mines? I thought it was the mines where all the towels We can't talk about the tiles Since the collapse, we can't talk about those mines do you know how many people lost their lives not only in the accident but in the rescue for that well they must have used the money to

look at these palm trees there's a palm tree in a golden like a golden urn thing yeah no that's a strange thing to point out but yes they do have a massive gold urns with a palm tree in it I'm just trying to build a picture next stop snack palace

all right thank you thank you driver can I ask you driver Yep Who pays your wage Are you paid in like flannels Do you get towels? I don't rightly know what you mean

Sir Oh right then fine Money sir Thank you John Joe Thank you John Joe It's not my name sir Why does it say John Joe On a little label on your thing then

I'm not at liberty to tell you sir Weirdo come on Paul Thank you Would you like to see my collection of dogs Oh fuck sake Paul Paul Paul

Paul I'd like to see your selection of dogs John John John Joe John Joe, John. John, Joe, John. No, I raised them for the police. You know, they're good sniffer dogs. That's what they are, sir. They're sniffer dogs. Oh, you raised sniffer dogs. But how would you show me your collection then? I have a selection of... Are they in the bus?

Used... Used sniffer dogs. Used sniffer dogs. They've had their life at the police station, sir, and they come and retire and they live with me where I give them a happy home. I bet you do. I bet you do. That's it, sir. Nothing nefarious. All right. Take care.

Thank you. Oh, fuck them. What's that? What's that at the end, you said? He said he fucked him, Paul. No, I don't think he said that. He said he fucked the dogs. I don't believe that.

Yes, he said he fucked the dogs. No, I didn't. Hey, John Joe, fuck off. Worst character of all time. Ding ding ding. Ding, ding my ass. Right. Right, we have two.

Right, we have two. Right, we're in the snack palace. Yeah, we have two. This is where we put snacks if they pass mustard. Explain the segment. because that is going to be confusing. I'm doing it now. We haven't done it in a while.

Do you know what? The whole snack segment law doesn't really work. Has it ever needed to work? It's never needed to work. Well, here we are at the snack palace. It's a mighty mansion on a golden hill. And the snacks that we'll be trying today, Paul. Yeah.

If they pass muster, they can be resident in the snack palace. If they can gain entrance to the hallowed halls of the snack palace. Only the best Christmas of snacks. Only the best. And the others, they used to get sent. To what other work space? Into slavery. Aggressive, cruel slavery.

There's a huge seam of natural towels that runs beneath this part of the land. And we've been trying to mine it for a while for our burgeoning hotel business. It's making it more confusing for anyone. I'm going to make it more confusing. Anyone? Anyone here?

Anyway. So anyway, the upshot is we're going to taste some crisp. No, no, but here's the thing now. Now we don't have to work the mines. Because I realize, get this, you can towel frack. You just put a lot. lot of pressure into the ground. With water?

Yeah, and then towels come to the surface. They just pop up. I mean, it does cause landslides and destruction to property and roads. Infrastructure,

sewerage, piping. But we do get some towels, you know, so I'm just saying we could carry on with the fracking. Oh, my good, yeah,

don't have to tell me. Unless, as long as I get the envelope. You get you cut. You get you cut. If we get the envelope, I don't need to know. I don't even know.

I don't even know. I don't even know to ask about it. I just, just, Just stop telling me about it. Third parties, you know? I don't even, listen. All right.

Fracking is, you know, the destructive thing that they do to the ground to get more energy out of this precious earth that we live on without any... What crisps are we going to meet then? They should be along, shouldn't they? Crispy along? Oh, yeah, it usually comes on the next bus. Thanks to stop for me.

For some reason, we do it on the driveway, this bit of... Oh, here comes one now. Here comes the bus. Ding ding! Oh, thank God it's a different driver. I can see that. It's a different driver. Oh, hello.

Hello. Hello. My name's Babby Bobb. Oh, Babby. Is there some Chris for us to see? Yeah, I've got two little whippersnappers here. Come to pop her out. Bring them out at the back of the bus.

Do you like Stoats? Oh. It's just that I've got stotes. He's trained stoats, yeah, and you fuck them, yeah. No. I mean, I don't know why. Now, I don't train them. You put them up your ass.

No, I don't do nothing like that. It's just they can't keep their hands off me. I don't know what it is. I'm very, very. So why did you ask me whether I like them? I thought they might get together and hang out. You want to hang out with me? You've just met me.

I've heard your podcast. You're nice. You sound like a nice. Oh, you heard the podcast? I want to find the podcast, Paul. Oh, is it? That's good. Yeah.

So I was just wondering, you know, would you like to hang out with me and my stoats? Yeah, sure. A few drinks. Maybe go to movies. Listen, I've got to do this segment of the podcast. Right. Yeah. You've heard of the segment.

Oh, the old snack palace. Yeah, no, I've taken on this route. Yeah, you're taken on the route. Anyway, I'll let these go. I'll let these go, I'll just go. Here you go, let's go. But we'll definitely do that later with the stoats. Here they go.

All right, see you later then, nicely. Can't wait to fuck that stout. Oh my God. I'm not happy with myself. I'll be honest. I know. You should do something in the edit with that. Anyway. No.

Thanks for listening, everyone. We've got two snacks here. Hey. And they're not going to personify the snacks. That's what we used to do. We'll do it in a minute. I'll just get for the admen. Because otherwise we'll be doing.

characters forever. I'm sorry the driver was different. We should have gone with John Joe. I think John Joe would have been a better choice. You know where you stand with John Joe. So I went to Morrison the other day and McCoy's now have a deal with the NFL, the old National Football League of America. These are limited edition McCoy's because I guess NFL is now a big thing in the UK. A lot more people watch it. They go watch it in Wembley and stuff. And didn't they have the Super Bowl here? The actual final played here? Yeah. They did a few years ago, didn't they?

Well, there's a chance to win a trip to the Super Bowl with these crisps because there's two flavors. One is secret burger sauce flavor, ridge-cut potato crisps. So that's sort of implying what? McDonald's. Special sauce, Big Mac sauce, isn't it? Oh, yeah, I hadn't thought about that.

That would be interesting. That is what they're suggesting, yeah. And then the second flavor is blazing buffalo chicken wings flavor. And that's it. They're the two flavors now. Okay. Now, I like Buffalo. wing flavour things because you have those

hers cheese curls blue cheese buffalo wing blue cheese they are bloody excellent I like those are bloody excellent and the Snyder's pretzel pieces buffalo wing flavour hot buffalo wing flavour is the best of those yeah wouldn't you agree I will not wish to be contentious

on any of those matters you know what I'm surprised Tarkis haven't come out with a buffalo well now you put it into the universe mate you spoke of the words Come on. You made orange cream happen. I'm still waiting for the Blue Rars Muller Corner movie.

I mean, let's just see. Anyway, yeah. So I've got a high host, is what I'm saying, because I tend to love things. And you know what? I love buffalo, actual buffalo wings as well. It's that combo of cheese and sour. No, heat. Yeah, if you get the blue cheese as well.

But I'm talking about just the buffalo. Oh, okay, all right. It's a combination of vinegar. So you've got the tart and then chili. And that's it. basically. Now, full disclosure, I got these a week or two ago. And he's been at.

And in one of those, oh, I'm starving and can't be asked, I opened the bag of these to try. And then we... A bag each. A bag of each. And then we basically just cained most of these bags. Now, there's a lot more of one or the other, and we'll maybe discover why that is the case later. But for now, I reckon we start with... Actually, let's start with the secret burger sauce flavor, Chris.

Okay. All right. Come forward. Hey, I'm the burger sauce. Oh, hello. Hey, I'm McCoy's burger sauce and I'm here to taste. Tell us, uh, why have you, why have you decided to try and get into the snack palace today? Well, I'm a mighty American and I like to put my weight around.

Sorry, it's hard to make out what you're saying. The accent is so fucking... As an American, I like to make sure I get what I want. Okay, and any... any sort of, anything we should... I like to live in the life of luxury. Just Jimmy Biscuits with a fucking... Weird.

It's like an ancient Jimmy Biscuits after he's put on 300 pounds or something. Oh, well... I just want to come in. You're winning me over. I just want to come in with me burgers sauce. Why is the burger sauce secret? You don't want to know.

I don't want to know. I don't want to know, buddy. Okay, well, let's see. We're going to have to over it. Open you up now. Oh, these are little tiny little multi-pack. It's a multi-bag thing that I got, yeah. Do you think these are only available in multi-pack?

I haven't seen them separate. Yeah. You see, it's all these funny things. You know what this reminds me of? Yeah. Sports tying, because Walker's do it every year, it seems, with the World Cup. Or, yeah, Euro or the World Cup. You know what you never get?

Like, golf stuff. Golf sucks. No, but you never get like, oh, Pringles with the US Open and they're blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Because the type of people who eat crisps, golfers aren't a crisp people. I think, I don't identify crispy eating with golfers. They're more of a moose folk, aren't they? They'll have a nice bowl of moose or like a chocky. Bowl of moose.

Chucky moose. Sometimes you and food. Like a choky moose. Like a little, like an aeropod. I'm aware of what that is, but it's a bit like when you said honey tea. It's like this weird. It's a fine thing to say. It's weird.

It's not weird. You're weird with food. I just know you too well. I know you too well. Maybe. Give it a huff. It's the old Jocelyn and Huff. It's the old Jocelyn.

And do these open like normal packets of crisps used to by pulling apart? Yes, I'm imagining that hasn't changed. Yes, amazing. He's having a snuff of the burger huss stuff. Now, I shouldn't it be surprised that the main odour coming off is Girkin. Yes, no, I was going to say that. McDonald's-style Girkin. See, when I, again, because I've had this already, so it's no surprise here.

But, yeah, it just fell on the generic burger flavour thing. I'm looking at one of these. They're nice and riched, obviously, because they're McCoy's. And they've got little speckles on. Nice speckles. And a little orange hue. So I don't know if that's the... The speckles being the sort of representing the little chunks of gherkin that you get in a burger sauce.

Right, he's putting a few in his gob, and I'm now going to edit this part out. He is masticating, and he is almost ready for his report on the flavour of that. 4.3. Really? Already? I like that a lot. Okay. I'm not going to lie.

I thought you might not like that. Weird. Because when I had it, here's my issue, and I'm going to be open, because I've had both these already, I just think when I had the other one first and then those,

those paled in comparison. I mean, I might still like the other ones more, but honestly, I really like that. It's a very strong flavour of dill. Yes. It's more girkin forward

than you think, yeah, much more. But there is also a sourness. Yeah. That would be my criticism. If you gave me that and said this is like a dill dip flavored sauce. Or even just burger-flavored crisp.

I think it would go, yeah, all right, yeah. But the fact that it's like the burger's secret sauce. It's like, well, whose secret sauce you're referring to? Is the secret Dill Gherkins, yes. Well, yeah, but my point is... Hello, I'm secret Dill Gherkins. But my point is, right?

It's like, it's a secret source, but it doesn't tell you what secret source it's meant to be comparing itself to. It's McDonald's. That's why you get the McDonald's smell. You are right, but it's so generic a title. There's a herbiness, somewhat reminiscent of like a ranch Dorito, a cool blue Dorito.

Okay. There's just that at the back, a kind of herbie, nice. Yes, no. I mean, it's also got a nice kind of cheesy, cheder-y kind of tone. There's a cheesy sort of creamy aspect as well. I don't think they're too bad at all, mate. No, here's the thing. I don't want to say they're a bad crisp.

They're not. It's just that, again, compared to the other one, I was like, I'd bother. I'm really looking forward to the other one then. All right, because as you can tell, from the bag, that was the one we didn't eat the most of. Can we reserve judgment about whether they get into the palace? Yeah.

Until we've had the other one, yeah? So are you ready then to... I mean, I'm going to... If I had to give those points just for the record, I would probably give it a nice solid three. Not my favourite, but not awful. Nice. Three is above average.

Yeah. It's above the halfway point, so... All right, well, let's get the other guy out. Hello, hello, everybody. Hello, yeah, it's me. The buffalo chicken bean's never. Chris me. Hey, buddy, how are you going?

Oh, how are you? I'm doing all the kid. I'm doing okay. All right, you seem like you put on a bit of weight. How dare you? And how's that obstruction, the medical obstruction in your throat? Was that okay? Put a pipe in so I can believe.

All right, well, I hope it goes well. I'm sorry, I have to... Oh, that's the pipe making that whistling noise, is it? That's quite disturbing. I've got to go over here. All right, lads, I'm all yours. Right, so why do you think you should get into the snack palace, Mr. Crisp? Oh, well, I'm a classic flavour.

Oh, are you? Buffalo cheese wings, whatever it's called a flavour. Buffalo chicken wings flavour. Now, what are you? Blazing. I'm blazing. So what does that mean you're hot then? Spicy and a little bit tart.

Oh, like my mother. All right, it's not blind date. Just calm down. Come on, isn't it? No, it's not like blind date at all. I know I'm a repulsive scouser. But that's not, that's where the similarities end. Anyway, I think I should get into the snack palace because I am so zesty and I've got

lovely feet. All right, well, you step over there, and we're going to have a little look at you. Oh, I'm just over here. Just over there, yeah. But, I mean... Next to him. All right, here they are. Close the door.

We're outside of the driveway. How can we close the door? Oh, what is reality anyway, Eli? Well, that's a good question. Exactly. I quite like the way they've distinguished between these different flavors of these NFL special, as if each flavor was... A team, a team.

The logo on this is like two squirty saucepourses. bottles across a shield with a helmet on. You think, oh, I wouldn't who that is. It's the Cincinnati squirters or something. I saw them live. What a great sex show. And these buffalo chicken wing ones have a helmet, a winged helmet with a bee on.

Yeah. For the buffalo burger boys. Yeah, that's it. I saw them live as well. They were great. Now, these are the ones you love. I know, for a fact, these are the ones you love. More that I preferred.

Right. All right. I preferred these. There was a sort of sourness. In a good way, a tartness to the other ones, the burger sauce ones. But again, without being told it was burger sauce, I would just not think of it specifically like that, much more generic burger.

Yeah. Anyway, he's having a huff of the other one. Oh, sweet. I'm getting sweet, slight chili on the nose. Again, this is the buffalo spicy blazing wings or whatever. It's an umami odor. I don't know if that even exists, but there's a sort of, it's, I'm getting a sweetness.

It smells like a barbecue sauce. Okay, you know, that kind of. of smoky, slightly smoky. Slightly smoky. Sweet and with a sort of a spiciness. Okay, well, and he goes... It smells nice, but it's not what I was expecting. No.

Well, that's the thing. Both of these are not quite what you expect, flavour-wise. Yeah, not what I expect. No. I mean, if I smelled that, I wouldn't be able to say that's buffalo wing flavor. No. At all.

But the proof is in the pudding, so... Let's have a masticate and have a little pause. Masticate while you wait. He's mulling thoughts over at this point, and I think it's now time to go over to our snack reporter on their feedback of this particular brand. Pleasant. Umami.

Okay. It's a nice feeling, a warm umami feeling in the mouth. Not like a mushroomy kind of a mommy, more the kind of plain meats kind of amy. Yeah. Yeah. Almost like a tomatoy amami. All right. Because there's a sweetness.

Definitely not as sweet in the mouth as it was on the nose. And not as sweet as the burger one. Yeah, not as strongly flavoured as the burger one. Which is why I think I preferred it. They're nice. They're more subtle though in terms of the flavour profile, much subtler. Yeah. I'm getting a sort of tomato-y-y-ness.

They're less tart. They're less sharp than these ones as well. Now, I was expecting from Buffalo that sharpness, that vinegory sharpness. Do you know what I mean? I think they're more yoghety in their flavour profile. You know what I mean? Like a kind of Greek yoghurt kind of thing. It's any way I can describe it.

It has got this kind of... Oh, no, there is some tartness there. Oh, those are good. Yeah. No, they're not as strong. I didn't get a good one. Yeah. Both of these have that sort of salt and vinegar, that tartness.

Yeah. And it just makes things delicious for me. And that's how tarkeys... Oh, here we go. Have done their whole... That was their whole approach. Tarky, talky, talky. I keep talking about Tarkis.

Happy Tarky, happy Tarkies. Talk about Tarkis that I like to fucking eat. You know what? I had those fucking new knick-knack cheese and tangy in my room. They're disgusting, man. Oh, since last week. Hang your head in shame. Also, someone said to me, I can't remember where this was on social media now,

but they said, oh, do you miss bits of pizza crisps? If you go to Aldi, maybe a little They have a thing there called party wheels Which are apparently flavoured just like them Oh yeah So it might be time to investigate Is it party wheels as in their little It's like all these little plastic compartments in a wheel

And you've got pretzels, goldfish, whatever like No, they're the actual wheel-shaped thing Do you remember those little wheel-shaped puffed crisp You could get all the time in the 80s and 90s That looked like a wagon With the spokes, yeah And then you bite them off so they look like Thai fighters from Star Wars I never did that

I did that But anyway that's that So that kind of thing, I think it is. So here's the thing. Excuse me, guys. So what do you think? Who goes in the palace? Now, Paul, just if you guys could just, because we're deliberating,

that really is off putting. Because you're going to put my finger in it. The crisp will die if you do that, Paul. Not if we get this sorted in the next few minutes. Now, I haven't given those a mark. No, give them off. I'll give those a straight 3.5. They're nice.

I would give them a 3.5 as well. I didn't love either, but I didn't. didn't hate either it's just i don't know like we said before they're nicely flavored but not in the way you're expecting them to be based on what they're selling themselves as i don't think we can put either of these in full consciousness into the snack palace they're not classics are they they're not and that's where it needs to reach that level they're fly-by-nights aren't they yeah but nice i liked them both and i would finish i'm going to finish those later i think what we should do is just because i'm hungry i'm quite hungry now that's fair enough you got that pasty in the fridge

You've got an orange cream coke in here. You're doing all right. You're doing all right. I think they're very nice. So is there somewhere we can put them like a halfway house? Yeah, there's the old farm, isn't there? Oh, the old farm? Yeah, you know, like we send the dogs there and they send the old animals here.

Last time I was there, it was a real mess. It wasn't that happenable. Is it okay now? No. It's still a shit old. They don't deserve that. Yeah, well, they can go fix it up. Couldn't we just give them the option to come back or something?

No. It's either they go to the old farm and make a place there to stay. Right? Either go, or. Down the mines. No, we can't. The mines are gone. Forget about the mines.

Are they really gone? Yes. They're filled with water now, are they? From the fracking. We could send them to the towel fields. But that involves us flying them out on uncharted planes. I just want to get this over with because I feel guilty. They're both looked like nice chaps, apart from maybe the Buffalo guy, annoying.

A bit annoying. Oh, God, I'd let them breathe from here. Hey, guys, come on. Listen, I'm destined for great things, I am. I don't think they like us very much. Let me talk. I'll talk above us. I think you've...

So, we're going to get... The next bus that comes by is going to take you to the old farm. And it's basically like a little fixer-upper. You go there, you can make the place your road. Lovely, it's a couple of miles out into the countryside. Got to steal the hogs on the rooms and things like that. All right.

Hey. I can live out my... I reckon. Right, let's fuck off because... I mean, I'm sick of this. Ding-Ding-Ding. Oh, John Joel, Jimmy, Jibb, Jibb, Jibb. Jum-Jim-Job.

Here, I'm here to take them all to the old farm, Steve. Oh, okay, on your go, guys. Right, well, let's get on. All right, oh, Jesus, fuck. Right, let's take them all to the farm, stay. Take it to the farm, please. Take it to the whole country farm, Steve, let's go. Hey, boys, I hope you two like chickens.

Ding, ding, ding, the end of the segment, boys and girls. Oh, my God. Overall, we both like them, and if you see them on the shelves, you want to give them a go, I recommend it. They were like a pound 50, a big for a bag of six. They were nice. Definitely at that kind of price. The texture as well makes them nice. They're really crunchy.

McCoy's are a good brand. And especially if you're like, if you're one of those horrible people who likes American things. You'll love it. But they're not really. That's Macoys always have been a fake Americana, a British brand that sort of apes Americana.

Well, didn't they start off as aping Canadians specifically? It was like Mounties, wasn't it? Like Lumberjacks. Oh, it was, wasn't it? That was the original McCoy's thing. Maybe, or was it the other one? Roysters? No, you can still get roosters.

I like a beef, beefy roister. A roosters are unique crisp in the world of crisp. It's a bubbly disco, essentially, isn't it? We never see the like of that again. No, they're available. No, they're not. You can't get them and B&M. Can you?

Yeah. They've gone to live into the hinterlands of their... Hintillidlands. The Lintillidlands. The Lintilliland. The multi-pack universe. The multi-pack only. I think Roysters are multi-pack only now.

Yeah. In fact, I'm pretty sure. Anyway... Roysters enter the multi-snack verse. You know, to say something as well. I don't know if we have to step outside of the podcast to do this now. just me and you. Why do all our segments about tasting crisps in recent years

have been really sort of terrible? Do you remember the whole thing with the... On the ground tunnel that lasted like two or three episodes. And we forgot. We just forgot. Yeah, it was bullshit. Yeah. Well, here's the thing.

I don't like all the work of the snack palace. Oh, do you like just to do hello, ladies gentlemen, here's a crisp. Yes, that's what used to do cheap eats and then we'd sing cheap eats. And then we'd just do that. That was fine. Let's do a trade-off. We can burn down right now the snack palace and all the crisps inside it. and then just fuck off.

Why are you so genocidal, man? Just fuck off. Let's burn it all down, move on, draw a line, right? This is the other thing about the snack palace. You get really weird and sort of like, like an evil villain, like a super villain. And then I'll just call my man and say, kill the younglings.

And then move on, you know what I mean? Can we just, let's just move on, but let's, I don't know. Mate, if you want, you want to burn down the snack palace. I like those crisps. I don't want to burn it down. That's fine, mate. of his hands. How about you get the bus?

I'll wait here. And if anything happens to the Snack Palace, while I'm here. I can call the ambulance. I don't know where, I don't actually trust you 100% to send me back home.

Walk home then. All right. I'll just wait here until you're out of view and then I'll burn their place down. All right. I'll just wait here then until he's gone. Good of minutes. And then, uh...

Bye. Bye. Couldn't burn it all down Hey everybody. It's the time. Hey everybody, it's the time in the show for the Price of Shite game. And it goes like this. Oh, it's the fucking Price of Shade.

It's the fucking Price of Shade. It's the fucking Price of Shade. It's the fucking Price of Shade. It's the fucking Price of Shite. And that's right. Paul, what is the price of shite? The price of shite this week has been sent to us via the P.O. Yeah, but what is the price of shite? It's a game where...

It's a game where people send us delightful things they find in charity shops and they send it to us and we have to guess the price based on certain parameters that are established at the beginning of said game. Right? Not necessarily charity shops

because we had a price of shite recently where it was in returns, wasn't it? No, but if I start going down all the tangents and avenues, I'll just end up being here forever. So, this week's price of shite items comes from the P.O. box, details of which, if you want to send us stuff, is in the metadata for this podcast on the app you're listening to or on our website main page. Just scroll down a bit. Right, here we go. I shouldn't have sparked that orange cream because I've got the... You've got the gobbly. Windy pup, sorry. Well, if you keep it off, Mike, I can edit them out. Don't you worry about that? I would never embarrass you on this podcast. Right. Hello, cheap show. I hope this letter and box of goodies finds you well. Hello

It's all By the way This is from Alfie I'll say that now Alfie said this box Thank you Alfie Thank you Alfie Long time listener

First Time caller Hello Alfie Thank you Alfie Hello Alfie Thank you Elfie Are you Michael Cain Hello Alfie Hello Alfie

That one Did Silla Black do the song For Alfie Alfie She did She did God Why does she keep coming up

When people say, oh, poor McCartney, I can't believe he gave the world Rupert the Bear and the Frogs saw. I can't believe he did. It's like, no, the worst thing he ever did was give Cilla Black any fucking spotlight and attention at all. Evil. Evil woman. And a terrible singer.

A terrible singer. It's like when someone gets a dog that's breathing normally and then moves its jaw up and down to make sounds. You're like, ah, sausages. A dog came again. Did it? I'll clean that up. With your mouth.

With my mouth with my little mouth. Licky, lick and chop, chops. He sucks up dog come with his mouth. Anyway, Alfie. He sucks up dog come with his mouth like a human Hoover. He's a human Henry Hoover sucking up the cunt. I'm the Hoover of your spooja. Right, Alfie.

Hi. Hello Alfie. Long time listener. Between weekly episodes, I've been re-listening to the podcast from the beginning. currently on episode 304. Wow. And it is equally hilarious and fascinating to hear the pod form into the beast us listeners love today.

Thank you. What's bizarre, though, is how often coincidental synchronicities occur regarding the same topic years apart. Oh. For instance, you'll talk about a song, food, or you treat 80s entertain in an older episode, only for the same topic to come up again in that week's later episode.

Latest episode. Laterest episode. Circular, isn't it? It's the windmills off popcorn. Alfie, it's not coincidence. It's because we have human minds and human minds have constraints. There's only so much stuff we can remember

and talk about. And you do it for 10 years, mate. You're just fucking... What I'm trying to say, Alfie, is that's not a coincidence. It's because we don't talk... We've only got a repertoire. Can only be so large, can't it?

And also, when it comes to, like, the pop culture of this country, there are certain touchstones that you will invariably come across again and again, despite things only being, like, slightly related to... Like, for instance,

if we're talking about... the morning kids TV show at some point you're going to talk about Noel Edmunds. And then that will lead to maybe Rolf Harris. And then that, you know what I mean? It's like Yeah. It's like six degrees of Jimmy Saville is basically what it comes down to, in it? That's what could be another name for our podcast. That's what we should call our podcast. No, we're not renaming this podcast. Six degrees

of Jimmy Saville. We should call it contemporary films and politics with six degrees of Jimmy Saville. It's not snappy as Cheap Show. For you, it's been years, but for me it's merely moments. There have also been moments like when a car boot challenge started playing as I pulled into a car boot sale myself and shared topics with completely unrelated podcasts years apart. That is coincidence then.

Well, it's like when we did the Roy J thing back in the day. And when we got that album, it was like, oh, there's a Roy J thing. Oh, yeah, it was an old stand-up? I vaguely remember it. And then the whole, was it 4-chan? It was one of these things. Some fucking Reddit 4-chan, YouTube, social media, violence. Where they started to say that Roy J was an AI created by an AI and put into the data

as by a runaway AI which is like a kind of fun thing but is not true it is but it just kind of shows you how willingly media illiterate some people choose to be online yeah think about it it's younger people and they literally

it's always just been the internet for them yeah so they see these things without context of time and distance travel that must seem weird seeing Roy J just suddenly like all this stuff of Roy J and the way he's weirdly he's weirdly like an occultly figure isn't he Because he's like Mr. Sleepy or whatever.

There's something weird about him. But no, not really when you consider the landscape of like entertainment in the 70s and 80s in this country. And comedy. How often have we gone, like for instance gone, oh, back in the days, you could be a TV celebrity, make millions by just wrestling a puppet on stage or owning a dog. Owning a dog is the most, yeah. That guy who would run around on stage on a fake bird, you know, with his legs through. Or Duncan Norville, whose whole act was, chase me. You know, it's not too uncommon.

isn't it? It's when variety was variety and then it wasn't comedy. Now, comedy, you have to think of new stuff to do every year. Yeah. You know? You want to be a comedian stand-up. Yeah, and Roy J was probably doing the same material by and large for most of his decade of being a stand-up. The whole way

that he starts in a terrible American accent and then it's completely dropped by the middle of the act. Anyway, it's that kind of thing. So anyway, let's got onto the box itself. Okay, and we will be playing, Paul. We've got multi-fibbage over there. Oh yes. So the envelope, the answers to the price of shite are in a sealed envelope. And can I inspect it, please, Paul, just to go, because we know about your dirty tricks.

Now, this has been, that was an actual sign. How many episodes have you completely won and cream this? So where at all have I had any chance? Doesn't mean you don't cheat? Well, no, you'd think if I cheat. Are you referring to the fact that now I should be officially known as the goat of the price of shite, basically? I've heard similar. I've heard similar about you, yes.

That I fuck goats No, but you're just a big cunt Anyway This is sealed expertly Alfie Thank you And that little prying hands There's no way you could have got into this Without me knowing

So good I know grumpy sessions As knitted by the He's not called grumpy sessions I know it's really fucking me off that now Maltzy fibbage As knitted by the fantastic Nicky Is multi fibbage in your

The actual multi fibbage in your attic then as well No no he's at least still in Epping Forest Oh good He's moved to Epping Forest at the moment He likes it there. Of course. He needs to be. I mean, he's a spirit.

He said more bodies. It's all he said to me. Well. He's grown as well. He's like three times as big as I saw him. He's got four acres long or something? Yeah, probably give or take. Wow.

You just put some pesticide down. You can curtail his growth. It's fine. Anyway, Moucchi sits there on the envelope so no one can fiddle with it. And we will be playing. This is unusual because we haven't played against each other. In a while. A little while.

Not properly, anyway. But, I mean, I do joke about being the greatest of all time. But I am on a mad. run and I beat our guest Nick Helm by one very valuable betwiang last week. Yeah, but not actually on naming the price. You got it for the charity shop. It was a bit. It was part of the rules, but theoretically nothing.

It was a real betwixte bonus betwings. I'm not taking that away. Not taking it away. Our petwings. Anyway, here is the price of shite. Curated from many charity shops around my hometown of deal in Kent. Hey, what's the deal? In Kent.

I bet that you've used that as well sometimes to their marketing. And then the answer's been, not much. Where? Your typical gentrified sleepy fishing town on the southeast coast, but you might recognize it as where John Rogers finished his recent White Cliffs of Dover Walk. I don't watch his outside London videos. Oh!

I find them. Well, I might watch that one because I don't like his inside London ones as much. I like the suburbs. Yeah. Anyway, he hasn't done the new river. And we have. Fuck you, John Rogers, if you're listening. Yeah.

Check on, you twat. Right. Okay, so, standing. price of shite rules apply. The quid's gambit is in play, right? So that means one item is... Well, the £1 item comes up a lot in cheap show and rather than just allow someone to say £1 for everything

and get lucky, you must play the quid's gambit and that allows you to place a £1 bid on just one of the items in the selection. And if it's correct, you get double points. So that means four between... You get four between alone. It's the biggest score you can get in this game. It's the...

It's the Royal Flush or something. Yes, it's the rule flusher of... It's the quid's price of shite. Right, so there were five items, 12 potential betwiings. The total, well, actually, no, if you get the quid's gambit, then that means there's 16, no, 14. Yes. Because you get two. Another two, yeah.

Yeah. So 14 altogether, so sort that out, Alfie. Sorry. So the price altogether of the items comes to less than £9.50, however you want to interpret that. See, that's not a, that's not a clear ceiling, is it? Right, is it? That's more than a... Because it could be five pound.

Yeah, it could be one P. It's... Anything less than 950. Alfie, you started so strong. You taped up the answers so well. And then you made some schoolboy errors, I want to say. Yeah. You fucked it.

I might... This might lead to me losing. You would so love it. I would actually. Today, I would love to actually destroy you. Answers are included separately with receipts and joy. Cool. All right.

We've got the receipts below. So, okay, thank you for 10 years of Economy Comedy Gold. Thank you. Keep up the great work and I hope you enjoy this box of bits. Well, I'm sure we will, Alfie. Thank you very much. I have written down a grid. We've got five items.

Oh, they're wrapped like presents. They're up right presents. So I don't even know what these items are. They're numbered as well, so we should do them in order. Oh, good point. Alfa, you've really gone. The presentation is good. He messed up the rules and the scoring a little bit there.

But that's fine. It's not so much for ceiling, more as the kind of suggested height for a roller coaster kind of thing. It's more of a fat roof, isn't it? Because it gets a bit mulchy up there. Or it may be even like a thin tent. It's more of a tent. It blows in the wind. Yeah, like a Timo tent kind of thing.

It gets sodden and rotter. Just leave it at the festival. Yeah, he just put it in a bin. Pissing it. Yeah, I have a big old dirty wank and a shit in it, pissing it, throw it in the bin. And leave a Captain Bird's Special inside for someone. A Captain Bird's Ice Special.

Yeah. What's that? It's a... You don't know. You just said it because you thought it was sounding funny. You know what? It does. It does sound funny.

Right, let's get into it. Right, we have five items. We're all wrapped in lovely wrapping paper. Should we open two at once for... Yeah, we'll do two at a time for these segments. Expedity, isn't it word? Well, I'll tell you what, open this one. Let's expedite this.

Which means speed it up. Yeah. Oh, no, we're not going to. Why is expedition then, like mean long journey? It's weird, isn't it? Expedite an expedition? Expedite. Maybe it doesn't mean speed up, but it means to do, I think.

Yeah. I don't know. No, fuck it. We're not going to teach you stuff on this podcast. No more. Right, this is item one. It has a base. It looks like a figurine or model of some sort.

That's what I guess. So, yeah, I'm opening it up. Oh, it's been nicely wrapped. Well done, Alfie. Well, it's a big, oh, it's a metal object. Alfie's a nice name, isn't it? Alfie's an all right name, isn't it? I like it.

It's just a bit of, um... But it's also got one of those names where it's like hard man. but he can turn it on but then he could have you in a fight Alfie Because it's very much associated with that generation It's one of those old men names, Alfred Yeah but also younger guys called Alfie Jack a Jack of the lad, aren't they?

Yeah, you know what I mean? Yeah, they've like people called Mikey. Yeah, this is a silver-plated dolphin figurine on a tray But it's attached to the tray It's a little, you know what it is? It's a jewellery hanger-on thing Oh, is that what that is? Look, I'm going to take my ring and I'm going to...

Okay. That must be what it is. A necklace or earrings? Yeah, you can put anything on that. Can I have a look? It's quite nice. Is it pewter or? Yeah, I think it's silver-plated, isn't it?

Hang on, there is a little thing on the bottom. What does it say here? The stickers still on. Silver-plated, made in Hong Kong. There you go. So that means it is just a base metal that they've dipped in a thing and then metal plus silver-plated. It's got silver on it, so it mean, yeah. It could almost be, it isn't, but it could be an ashtray kind of thing.

You could use it as an as an as-ray. It's not, I don't think it was designed for that. No. But it's definitely designed for some kind of utility above just being a model of a dolphin, right? Yeah, it's weird because it feels like a little tray. With this little groove here on the bottom, it feels like it's meant to sit in something. It's weird. Maybe it is like a, well, I don't know what that is.

Maybe that's a handle to take something off. It looks like almost like the top of a decanter or something like that. But it's not because it wouldn't have felt on and it's too big. Or about like a jewelry box that has, you know, it's the lid of that. I think it's a jewelry keep or whatever. It's something to hang jewelry on, I would say. I don't know. No.

It doesn't say on the sticker, no. But that's quite a good quality thing. It's all right. I mean, it is what it is. And it's a nice little dolphin. Would you like me to guess first? Yeah. How many items do you have?

It's £9.50 altogether, right? I mean, I can't. And it's outside London. He lives down there. Yes. And we can go back. One of them is a quid. That's definitely not a quid.

But one is a quid, remember. And we can have a little... Oh, yeah. Quid gambit. Yeah. I don't think that's a quid gambit, though. I mean, neither do I. But you shouldn't tell me what you think.

I'm not, am I? And you already said you didn't think so, so I said it after you said your... Everyone, if you just joined the show, I'm on one of the best winning streaks of this game that's ever had, that's ever existed. I'm absolutely owning it on course. To be the Michael Jordan of the Price of Shite.

You're going to be more like the O.J. Simpson of the Price of Shite. How about that? That's in bad taste. Yeah, it is. I mean so nasty. Because I don't like this cocky nature of yours. I'm the best at this. Let's go, look, just commit to it.

Come on then, clever bollocks. Three, uh, three. I am going to say... Silver plated dolphin. I'm going to say two quid. Okay, fine. We're going to go back. Two quid for the dolphin thing.

It's hard to say. I've written it down, happy. There's quite a lot of items, this is what I'm thinking. And I would say five. I mean, I could see that easily in crouch ends where I go. That would be a five or any day of the week. But maybe, but yeah, it's hard to say. Honestly, it would.

I'm opening the second thing. Oh, again, lovely wrapping. It looked, it's from the British Heart Foundation, apparently, traced by the backing card. But I think it is tiny little plastic men that you would use to decorate a train track, a hobby train track thing. A hobby train track.

Whatever do they call it? That's what I mean about honey tea. It's when you don't know the term for something and you kind of use other term. Model train set. Yeah, that's what it is. But wasn't there a company called Hobby? Or is it, no, Hornby.

I love it, man, when you do that. You can see language at work there in your mind. Either way, you understand what I was fetching. Stop, stop. Fetching your fucking face. So, yeah, yeah. So, yeah, it's tiny little plastic men that I think you use in a model train set. I'm opening it now.

And I also think they look like little workmen, like they're working on the line or they're, you know, I'm going to open this up. This is nice because what they do in... Oh, we haven't said what they do... the betwiings are. Okay. Quickly, you tell them quick.

So points aren't points in this podcast. They're petrings. And how do you get them? You score petrinks by guessing the price of these rights. So. Spot on guess. You get two bettweens for that. If you say two quid, then it is two quid, then you are getting two betwiens.

Did Alfie say he's going by these rules but just put the queen's gambit? Yeah. Quid's gambit. Okay. If you get it 25p either above or below the actual price, you score. Again, let's just say you say two pound, but the price is two pound. You'll still get one per twing. You get one per twing for that.

Those are most betwiens scored are. in that range, in that method of getting them. The bonus, if you guess the price, if you guess which item is one pound, we've already explained the quids gamut, we can move on, but yet. You get the two for being on the nose and double that, because you've got the quids gambit. Now, I like it when charity

shops use their own packaging materials to repackage toys. And often they, I think BHF are good charity shops. You know that. Yeah, definitely. They're good for funk level. They like, they straddle the sort of sterile corporate oxfams. Yeah. And the,

incredibly funky local hospice ones at the other end of the spectrum. It depends on what part of the world you find one, really. But anyway, what do you think of these tiny little men because it's taking you genuinely four minutes to do this now? It's your guess first.

Is it? Yeah. I don't think these are going to be much. So if everything's 950, I'm going to say these are my 50p item. I'm going to say 50p for this. Quid's Gambit. Oh, you're doing quid's gambit?

Absolutely. So quids, gambit. I'm writing that down there, QG. Yeah? Happy? You've got a nice handwriting, mate. That's a little fella. Let's go through these little fellas, show you?

A little fellow in a blue suit. He doesn't look like a workman. He looks more like a commuter, doesn't he? Or someone who's pointing at something saying you've missed a bit right. These aren't workmen at all. I thought they were. This is a race car driver. He's just won a medal.

Oh, do you think it might be like scalet tricks then? Like you can litter a scalet tricks or something with it. Yeah, who knows? That doesn't look very train set. No. I honestly thought I saw a sportsman, I think. I thought that Orange Man was it. Oh, that's a flight, like an airplane guy.

Oh, you're right. An airplane flight controller guy with his stick. So maybe this is just generic model village or something. When I was a kid, I used to find model villages incredibly fascinating. Now here is someone with a hard hat. Oh yeah, okay, I saw him. He could be from Devo. You think you almost got into being into models?

No, not that. But I remember we were taken to a little model village once years ago. And I just found it the most fascinating fucking thing in the world. They're great. We've always said on the podcast. We love tiny mini versions of big, huge things as toy gadgets and stuff. Now here comes, this guy looks like he could work on a train. Well, he's holding something.

Flat cap on. He's got a flat cap. That's saying train to me. He's got a sausage in his hand, I think. Pictures of all of this on our website, the cheapshot code at UK. Yeah, this is a minor. He's got gloves, silver gloves and a silver helmet. Either way.

Do you know, like model village or... Lastly, some black running along in a cat. He looks like it could be on a railway as well. So you were partially right, but it's a bit of mixed. I just saw the orange and I thought, oh, they look like workmen. Either way. Right, so I said... Oh, yeah, you said quids gambit.

And you said 50. 50p. Right, let's move on to the next lock. I get to open this one. Oh, this is a little one. This is a number three? Tiny one. Tiny but a keychain.

It feels like a piece of jewelry or a keychain. Is it a keychain? I reckon it's a tourist piece of, I'm guessing it's a tourist thing. I don't know what country, but it's a tourist key ring. That's what my gut's saying right now. Not a keychain, key ring. Same difference, in it? No.

I've heard people call them key chains for things that dangle off. No, but that's the actual chain. Yeah, but I've also heard it called that. That's a ring. There's a ring and a chain. What is it? It is a key ring and it's a name one. Oh, you were right.

What is it? It's a lenticular one's quite nice. Hollywood. Hollywood Los Angeles. One side of the lenticular says Hollywood, the other one you shift it. There's one on the back as well. It says Los Angeles. What to say on the back?

It's got palm trees. It's got Jane, the name Jane. And it's just sort of like a rays of light behind that move with the linticular. Oh, okay. Jane doesn't finish. Well, that's all right, isn't it? I enjoy a lenticular. I love a lenticular.

Lenticular. Does everyone know what a lenticular is? Yeah, it's that kind of image that, based on the angle that you view it from, changes the image itself. Yes. Because of the way it's all ridged, so you're seeing the image. But it's not a holograph. No.

You used to get them on, like, serial packets and things. You used to see them a lot more, that's what I'm saying. I like this. Lenticular postcards. For what it is, if you're Jane and you've just been to L.A., and you've walked down the Hollywood Boulevard. Even if you're not, Jane. Dodged all the vagrants and things and the people dressed up with Spider-Man and Shrek.

The smell of marijuana and shit. And trash. And, you know, you've also, you know, dodged all the horrible tourist traps and wax museums and Jimmy Kimmel live tourists lined up. And then you get out of Hollywood. You walk up towards sunset, walk up on sunset.

A minute or two away from it. And then it gets really sort of like posh. No, no. First, there's that whole wasteland where it's like everything just shut down comedy clubs and stuff. Remember all that? That was when we were coming in from... That's when we left Hollywood

and we were walking up towards. sunset. Yeah, but that's what I'm saying, we were coming out that way, but we dropped down a road or two, so strictly speaking, that's not. We weren't walking along sunset. You're right. But no, you're still right. You walk any direction.

There's a sort of dead zone before you get to the posh bit, is what I'm saying. Yeah. But even if you're on Hollywood Boulevard and you walk a block past it, all of a sudden you're in posh. Oh, right. Remember that's where we bought the taxi from. Oh, we were walking around. Yeah, we saw enough of that.

He booked a taxi and then he got confused. We've heard that story a number of times now, even in the episode itself when it fucking happens. How much is this? How much is this? Now, do I have to guess first on this? No, I guess first on this because you get the queen. I know what you're going to do. Yeah, I'm going to play the quids gambit on this.

Oh, you little bitch. The next two are quite big and I can't imagine those being... I might have to swap that quid's gambit round. What are you going to do then for this then? For the key chain, 75p, pound, 150, 125. How much do you think this little thing is? Might even be 10pee. Who fucking knows, eh?

150, 150. Yeah. All right, Eli's saying one pound and finny pence for this. Oh, I might be owned. It could be the end of my reign of terror. Or it could be yet another catastrophic win for you. Catastrophic win, nice. That's how I feel it.

Right. Item 4. Oh, I open this one. It's your turn to open. It's a nice big one. It's a little box. These have been wrapped like presents, which does add a free song.

It's just a bit fun in it. Yeah. I think it's a game of something. Looks like a little board game or card game. Yeah, like a charity shop gate. Not a charity shop, you're like an impulse buy kind of board game. You see it like Kate. You see those more and more these days, don't you?

Yeah, it might be right. What is? Oh, no. What is it? Something dirty. Love Island, the game. Wow. Pair up and take on these hot challenges to be crowned the ultimate Love Island couple.

Right, so how did you fucking play Love Island the game? Enjoy the taste of Islander Life. Islander. Islander Life. That was weird. I couldn't fathom that. Fathom. That's another one of your words.

Fathom. Enjoy the taste of Islander life with this game of Love Island challenges. Battle it out over hot challenges like sexy charades. or the sexiest pub quiz ever to be crowned the winning couple. Oh, this sounds fucking awful. Have you ever watched Love Island? No. Oh, it's got a spinner.

It's got a spin the bottle device. That's kind of... Couples quiz. Do they ever spin the bottle thing in the actual TV show? No, it's just a reality TV show where horrible people with no soul try and get laid on TV and then get a TV career out of it by presenting some fucking tawry segment on this morning. Yeah. That's what the fucking parabolic arch of someone's fucking career who appears on one of these shows.

Parabolic. You know what I mean? we're just arc straight up. They go, well, no, on anything. Then the next thing you know, they're fucking sucking off pigs. Animal sex comes in again. Sucking off pigs in the jungle.

All right. Anyway, why am I saying? Sexy charades. Here's a sexy charades. What's this? He's like, he's shagging a pig. Shagging a pig? He's got it low down.

Doggy style. Doggy style? No. It's like, wank, rub. Rub off. Rub one off.

Rub one off. Am I getting a phrase? Uh-huh. Thrust. Thrusting. I don't know what I'm trying to guess. Dry-humping is what I was doing. That was terrible, man.

All right. What's this one? I let me do one. Here's one. Oh, he's going to be the same, isn't it? He's threading a needle. No, he's threading a needle. He's eating a banana.

There you go, eat banana. You pick a sexy charade and you do one. It's going to be better. Then dry hump is quite difficult. actually to convey. I mean I was dry humping literally to prove it but it's hard you explain

the difference the dryness it's like what's wet humping hey is that just sex that's when you get the wet yes that's just sex

wet humping they don't call it they don't like it go on you pick a charades yeah here we go you ready yeah

I'm watching right two words oh I didn't forget to do that yeah go on two words he's all tucked in in bed

yeah oh someone else is coming in and jumped on and also got into bed there's two people now in bed him and another person.

Oh, there's a, there's a ballast between them. There's a space. Yeah, a big space between them. And they're both in bed. Bed hopping. Yes. Hey. Yeah, good, good, good.

Marvellous. All right, one more from you. All right. Well, I'll do two. You did two. No, I've got this is different. We've got sexiest pub quiz ever. So I want to see what this is.

What is the average length of an erect penis, Eli? Is it? Five inches, stroke, 13 centimeters. Two inches. Is it six inches and 16, 15 centimeters. or 7 inches stroke 18 centimetres. So 5, 6 or 7 inch is the average length of a penis. I think it's 6.

I like somewhere at 6, yeah. The answer, according to this card, says 5. 5 inches is the average length of an erect penis. Well, that makes a lot of people feel better. I've always said I'm over average. Oh, fuck off. How long does the average female orgasm last? Organs.

How long does the usual fever? They can't play long organ solos as women. They tire out. Does the average female orgasm last? I don't know if you know what one of them is, Eli. Shut. I just tell you what... Basically, what happens is sometimes when you have sex to the lady.

When you love each other very much? You excite them to such extent, they go all fizzy and they make big, loud noises and there's contraction. Do I have that fucking multiple choice? Yeah. Is it 10 seconds, 30 seconds or one minute? How long is the average female orgasm? 30. 10 seconds, it says here, which is better than the three seconds a man gets.

It's all over. Well, for some people. Oh, what is the average speed of male ejaculation? 28 miles per hour, 8 miles per hour, 80 miles per hour. It's the speed of dynamats. It's the speed of love. I make sex at the speed of love. What were they, sorry?

28 miles per hour, 8 miles per hour, 80 miles per hour. 28. Is correct. And one last sexy pub quiz question for you. Are you going to play this with your friends? You meant to spin a wheel. You're going to turn you on. I don't understand.

These cards here with his physical challenges, where it's like, as a couple, will demonstrate your sexist yoga pose. Sexiest pose wins. It's like a bunch of fucking people who can't, who don't want to swing, but almost feel like they want to swing. Guess which is your partner by touch alone? Blindfold required. It's just basically, why don't we just have an orgy?

And like, do you know what I mean? Rather than just sticky dick in your friend's girlfriend, you know, consensually. Play a game and then get, let's just spread it out with fucking charades and pub quiz challenges. It's terrible thing. Anyway, the last one is what percentage of 75 to 85 year old men are still having? Is it 40, 50 or 60%? 60.

The answer is 40%. Which gives us still a little bit of hope to cling on to. I think you'll agree. But Eli, it's now time for you to tell me how much this stupid fucking Love Island garbage is. You know what else would cling on? A piece of poo. Pooh on your bum on.

What's that got to cling on? What's that got to do? Are you talking about Star Trek now? What's going on? How much do you think this is? Am I guessing first? No, I guess the last one first, didn't I? Yes, you did.

Yeah. So this is. Quig's Gambit for the last one. Quidd's Gambit. I did, yeah. I mean, that could have been quid's gambit, really, on reflection. 350. 350. What are you going to say? He's looking at the answers. One, two, three, three, three, three. They're right there. How can I... No, he's looking at what the answers been given so far.

I'm just counting out how much I've done so far. Very calculating. One, two, three, fifty, three, fifty. I'm going to say three quid. Right, on to the final item. And on to the final item, item, item number five, the biggest and the heaviest. It's the big boy. And it's all wrapped, so I don't know what it is. So what do you think it is?

By touch alone. I think it's a model, it's a figure of. Oh, I guess it's a bit specific really. I mean, it's hard to tell, but I think it is a figure, a little statue of a figure. I'm hoping it's some kind of ceramic food tie in, like an Orville or a Bassett's, Mr. Bassett. Oh, yeah, or who's that guy, the Home Pride man? If it's a Home Pride, they have really collected. I mean, I'm jealous of Rogan's one.

He's got several home prides. If I made, just do a quick tangent, when I was a kid in school, in primary school, We had a teacher, awesome teacher called Miss Strawbridge. And what I remember most is that if the class was good on the way out of the classroom every end of day, she would get out her Fred Home Pride Man. And it was always full with little sweets. And we could take a sweet and then go home.

And it was always like a little, you know, like an all sort or something. No, like a licorice, all sort or whatever. Anyway, she was one of those formative teachers who made me appreciate writing and fantasy and swam-glash. I'm glad she just didn't give you like overweight diabetes. No, no, no, no. No, I was entirely wrong, Paul. Oh, what is it?

It's a to-rack. Oh, what? A toast track. Well, I haven't got the bubble wrap off, so I might be mistaken still. It's still a lumpy void. Isn't it? Right now, it's still a lumpy void.

Oh, there is some... Oh. It's like a little weatherman or something. What the fuck is this, man? I don't know. I don't know. I haven't seen it. I still haven't seen it.

There's a fisherman model on top of it. Is it a lighthouse? Some kind of... It may not be a toast track. I don't think it is. Oh, there's a person at the bottom. It's a naval... It's a spring?

Is it a... Is it a to-it-it-be-a-toes-rack? You might be right. It's a vertical to-o-s-row. No, I think it does go on its side. No, it doesn't because the men... That's the base. Is it for letters?

There's two nautical-looking gentlemen. One lies prone at the bottom. Smoking a pipe. He's smoking a pipe. Got a stripy white and blue shirt. He's definitely a man of the sea of some sort. And he has a pillow. He's using a life-firm preserver as a pillow.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And on top, you have what looks more... more like a fisherman in a yellow fisherman's tunic and a yellow fisherman's hat and he is lowering some rope or rigging. He's not having a poo by the way. That's not a euphemism for taking a shit.

He's not lowering rope. He's not pinching cable off. Yeah, he's not doing that. And there's some rope around the bottom. But the central portion is like a rack, a toast rack. What the fuck is it? Oh, is it a CD rack? No.

Well, what else could it be? Honestly, what else could you put? Plates for plates or fish plates. No, plates is no fish plate. Something like that. It's got to be nautical, right? There's no such thing as a fish plate. There is, actually.

Specifically for serving fish? Yes, there is. A fish plate? There's a fish plate. There's a fish plate. There is in this world a thing called a fish plate. In what respect? You know, he's reaching for his phone.

He won't have it. Not that it won't have it. It's like when you have fancy silver service dinner, there's the fish course, right? Yeah, and you have a fish fork and a fish knife or whatever. A fish plate. But I've never heard of a fish plate. It's not going to help. The internet's not going to help clear this up.

A fish course. A fish plate, splice bar or joint bar is a metal or composite connecting plate that bolts two railway sections together to make a continuous track. There you go, fish plate. That's what I meant. Yes, Eli. That is what you meant, you lying, cunt. Ooh.

There's no such thing as a fish plate. Fine. Fine. You say there's no... You say things that there's no such thing as all the bloody day long. And yet, here am I correcting you, which makes for a refreshing change on this podcast. So let me have it. I think it's for CDs.

I think it's a CD. No way Think about it though I mean they'd fit in there They don't fit in the bottom Look because he's in the way Why is it ornamental? That's shit

I think the design is shit You put something in the back You put fish spice Stop saying fish Because it could be It could be toast It could be letters It could be your mail

You put your mail in It's still It's a rack of some sort Ugly horrible thing It's nasty They're nasty They're nasty in plasticie Like Baker Lighty

Sort of hard plastic The detailing is not that bad It's got a little bit of detail You had a sort of nautical themed kitchen Yeah, fine, go crazy, but I think Kitchie? A lot. A bit nasty and kitchie, but do I have to guess first? To quote someone I hate, it's a lot, a lot of shit.

Yeah, you're going first. So, so far you've said, £3 for the Dolphin thing, quid's gambit for the little mini men collection, £1.50 for the key chain thing, £3.50 for the Love Island game. 8.50. And apparently it says it's $9.50 altogether.

well it's no more than 950 he says so with that being said do you want to change some prices or do you want to lock that in for a quid or whatever you think it is it's a tricky one how much you think that's worth i'm honestly just going to go ahead and say two okay i'm going to say two and i'm i want to say two too too but well you can say two that's four in it that's what that's what you actually in reality got for your degree i will pull up right now evidence i can just want to see it. Not right now, but I do want to see it.

I definitely got a 2-1. I want to see it. Film and radio production studies. I would like to see that. Yes, that's fine. Oh, listener,

you should see he's got actual hurt in his eyes. But I'm actually quite proud of my 2-1. You know? This is like the dollop, like killing Dave's dad. This is like this, our thing. And also, it's like,

you know what? I probably couldn't prove I got a 2-1 either because I've lost my certificate. Oh, that's convenient, in it. I don't care. I don't care. Come on. I'm going to say 250 then

just because I can't say 2. You could say 225. Split the difference. Yeah, you know what? I will. I mean, yes. Thank you, Eli. Strategy tips.

225, I'm putting. If that fucking gets you the between that wins this week, I'm going to be so fucked off. So I've got £2 for the thing, 50p for the mini man. So that's £2.50. So that's £3.50, 45, 6, 7, 8, 8, 25, I've spent there. I want to shave off a pound off one of my items. What was the first?

I said, $3 quid for the pew to monkey. Dolphin. when monkeys monkeys were dolphins I'm doing that so what do you want to do I associate monkeys and dolphins in my mind

and sometimes I imagine doing things fucking both yeah all right goodness get to the bit where you fuck either a monkey or a dolphin maybe both at once yeah

fuck a blow oh have a monkey toss you off or something or stroke your balls how could go on I'm glad you're

I'm glad you corrected that because there's no way could get his little monkey hand around it if it's in the blowhole. It could be helping the shaft or it could be tickling your bum ball. It could be helping, yeah. Either way, what are you going to do?

Dolphin, three pound to what? 2.25. Okay. That's the only thing. Yeah. I'm going to stick with my instinct on the quid's gambit, but it could be many. And it's so could be a quid that thing,

couldn't it? You said 50p for these. Yeah, because I thought that would be dirt cheap 50p. Anyway, hopefully Alphis will tell us, but I'm going to open them, aren't I? Oh, yeah, okay. Because you've done the score.

In that case, it's, It's now time that we've locked in our prices to reveal the prices of the shyses. Right then, go on, Maltzy. Oh, give me a grubble, here's the point. I'll open the answer. He's going to open the point. I enjoy that ball in he.

Like, oh, zippy. Thank you, Maltzy. Yippie. I feel like, oh, the receipts are in here, so. Yes, that's true. We have the receipts. Oh. I feel like it's the quid's gambit that might fuck me.

Well, let's find out. I think we're reasonably similar in our guesses, to be fair, either way. So I'm happy with this. You know what, Paul? Even if this is the end of my run, it's been enjoyable playing against you. Do you want to use this to tear it open or something? I can't find my family. It's been good.

I've enjoyed my run of winning, and, you know, everyone deserves a lick of the pie. Well, you've had a big old lick of that pie. In fact, I would say you've licked it right to the middle. These are actually working quite well in getting the table. He's a big pie licker. Here comes the pie leaker Murderer He's a crusty little

That's what a school bully would say Is that? Shut up, McFly Shut up mum Right, he's a hairy pie leaker Murderer He's a big pie eater Ape murderer

Excuse me, Mr Officer Who doing the Conalinkers? Who doing it indeed Oh this really is Dare I say, too well Well, it's too well taped. You've taken forever to open everything today. It's just, it is unbelievable.

It's like guerrilla's in the mist. I feel like Diane Fosse sitting across a gorilla in his nest. Well, all the, all the receipts are in there. It's all legit. The receipts are here. Now, all right, well, I mean, I'm assuming we wanted to check the receipts. I mean, I don't think anyone's ever done that before.

No, we have had receipts said to us before. That is not uncommon. Okay. It's just often not necessary. I've got the letter you got our score. Now, this could be when I... I got it. Number one.

Right, so what does it say there? We'll go by what the list is there. The item here, dolphin jewelry stand, I was right. Oh, it was a jewellery stand. All right. So I said two pound, you said $2.25. How much is it? Two pounds.

Ooh, ding, betwing for Paul and one per twing for Eli. I said 225. Yeah, so... I wish I'd gone down. Between, per twing. You get two petwings there. Two per twing for that. I don't know, it's nice start.

Right. Okay. Next is the mini-manman. I said 50p, you said quid's gambit. Race track marshal figures, so I wasn't too far off with scale electric. The giveaway is the guy who's winning the medal. Yeah, but I didn't see that, did I? It was a guess when I said maybe for scale electric,

so I'm just saying, I am correct. I am correct. I said 50p, you said quid's gambit on that. Oh, what? 75p. We both get between. We do, because the quid's gambit still counts as a one pound thing. So between and that means it stands at 3-2 right now

I didn't get neck and neck I didn't get the quid's gambit Oh no you didn't Which means you get the quid's gambit Well we don't know We don't know what the next one I mean I don't know what the Glover Island game is You're gonna win the quid's gambit

Oh fuck how much was it then Hollywood L.A. Jankyring One pound Oh you said 150 so Oh between between between between between launching me into a four five six seven Between lead against Eli's two This is mate this is quite

the comeback kid fuck I love this I knew it I should have changed my fucking quid's gambit

fuck what's the next one anyway whatever congratulations love island I'm giving it I don't know no I don't want to play

anymore you have to see this no I'm sorry I'm not going to play anymore you win whatever all right well you can't have

all the nice things then I can have the can have the dolphin no you can't have anything if you're going to back out now

okay well done what's the next one love island game which we both hate it yes you said 350

I said £3 pound oh Oh, what? 2.99. Oh. Get one for that. I guess one for twing then, I guess.

Close to two. And nothing for Eli. Fuck. Dirty, dirty Eli. Crash it out. What's next? Now, the rack. We are not going to be finding any joy in the description.

Why, what's this saying? Because it looks like Alfie went through a similar thought process to us. Right. And has termed this item, named it. CD rack question mark, record rack question mark, toast rack question mark. Black metal thing. with men on. Yeah.

I think we can boil it down to the word rack. It's a rack of some sort. Yeah. And what did we say? You said two pound and I said two pound 25. Fuck.

What? 250. Oh you fucker because I said 250 as well. I still get up a twing. Yeah. In fact, yes. And Eli gets knelt.

So let me just go over, let me just go over the scores just for clarification. I knew it was the end of my reign. At the end of that price of shite run, Eli gets two. Two per Twings over in. Out of a potable 14.

What did I get? Nine? I got one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine. Good score, man. Juicy per Twings. He's so happy with himself, everyone. I'm going to stop playing charades, doing a bit of my dry hoping.

Now, we need to know what that is for, that thing. I need to discover that. So if anyone, leave a message in the comments or whatever. I think it's a shit CD rack. Or maybe. It cannot be. Or maybe a shit cassette rack. It's a plate rack.

I want to check a cassette. I don't think a cassette goes in here. No. I mean, it'll fit. But I mean... No, it won't even fit. It won't even fit. It's definitely not that then.

No, no, no, no. No, no. Congratulations. No, no. Oh, there's a CD here on the floor. I'm gone. I mean, a CD will go in there. Of course it'll go in there.

But even that's a bit loose. It's definitely not a CD rack. It's definitely not a CD. Right. Anyway, well done. Nine betwiens. Nice score. Probably one of the highest in a single run of the game. Probably one the best scores ever. No, come on. Don't... I mean, I scored a shitload. I scored a shitload recently.

At no point, did I not get a betwiing in that? So that's like a real good success. You scored a between on every item? I did. I did. Fucking hell you did as well, didn't you? Yeah. Insane. Yeah, I got every single one I got right. Scored every item. That is unusual. I'm going to go ahead and so that maybe Paul is the best at this. You have to keep that accuracy.

Eli may fumble his way through to a few clumsy little puttwings every now and then. But when Paul gets them, they're surgical. Oh, quite. Have your moment. Absolutely. Have your moment. Forensically chosen prizes with my brain, my great brain. Press the button.

Well done. I said well done. Shut up. Can I have the dolphin then? You can have whatever you want because otherwise it's going in the bin. No, don't put it. You should re-gift that. I will. I will. Yeah, I will. I promise.

Honestly, you shouldn't. It's becoming quite like Alfie. You say so much shit. You say with so much shit on the mic that you don't... That was a false promise. You're going to throw that in the bin, aren't you? I promise I'll pay you this month, Ely, as well. Promise you. No, actually, we are getting into the habit now of going to charity shops and stuff. I did a great big offload the other week to St. Luke. I mean, I reckon that will probably end up in the bin eventually, but don't you be the one to do it.

I won't be the one. Right. Thanks for listening, everyone. Thank you, Alfie, for that P-O box. That was fun, Alfie, thanks. Lovely price of shite there. Let's muck the show by closing it out with our final little snippet of this show. Let's close it up. Close it up.

Close it up. Souter it and stitch it up. Let's clean out the wound and stitch it up and put a lovely big sticker over the top of it, a little bandage. Is it a wound on a dot? That has a little Mr. Man on the top, probably Mr. Happy. Okay. It's admin time. It's admin time.

line for admin time. If you want to hear the news on the top-pest line, it's time to get behind a fucking admin time. Admin time. Right. So, very simple. If you want to find us online, the one-stop shop is our website, the cheatsher.com.com. If you go there, you will find links to social media, our YouTube channel, our videos, extra bits and bobs, links to tickets for the live show. And all the photos from today's episode. And all the photos from today's episode will have its own dedicated page on our website. Links will be in the description for this episode that you're listening to now on the podcast app of your choice. So let us know what kind of rack you think it is.

It's a shit rack. That's what I think. Just say shit rack and we'll all move on. Simples. It's something about fish. I saw that, Phil. I said fish again. I know.

Stop! The live show, still got tickets on sale. Come along, we're going to have a lot of fun. Paul Putner now, comedian, actor, extraordinaire. We'll be joining us with Realina on 18th of October. We're going to be selling the new cheap show pin,

which you may have seen. I've received mine. everybody and it is a doozy a cute I think my favourite favourite pin so far oh I say we've got that on the go doesn't have the logo do you know why it's my favourite it has noodles on yeah it's got noodles on although one of the noodles does

look like your flaccid penis hanging over the side as a few people have commented on that well that's very much on brand that rumour anyway if you want to get your hands on the pin you can come to our live show we're going to sell them for five quid a piece however we are going to be doing bundles because we've got a ton of cheap show magazines and a few cheap show vinyl

album we will be selling on the day. So if you want to come along, grab an album, grab a sign magazine, we've got a few issues to give away. Pim badges, we'll sort out a bundle for you grab a load at once. Like I think, what do you think? Like if we get the album and a badge and the magazine together, it's like 25 quids, something like that. Oh, it's going to say 30. I know, but I kind of want to, you know, make them affordable. Okay, fine. That's a good deal. There's some people are down a long way. Do you think about it? See us. Yeah, absolutely. And we'll sign the LPs. Yes, we'll sign them. And they've still got those four to give away during the show. We'll figure that out soon. So yeah, we've got P.

pin badges, magazines and vinyl to sell. We'll be outside after the show. Come and join us 18th of October, 2pm, cheerful, earful podcast festival. The Bedford. The Bedford. Look at our website. Look at our website.

There's a link to our tickets there. And they're running out. Bebott Booney. And finally, Patreon supporters help keep this podcast going for 10 years. Cool, blimey God love them. And they've been getting extra videos and podcasts, magazines and stuff for all that time. If you'd like to join their number, help keep this independent podcast afloat, then you can by going to Patreon.

forward slash cheap show depending on the tier you join at depends on what you get but you get a lot of lovely stuff you know recently posted up the Nick Helm video the Nick Helm video yeah you know we've been going so long that podcasts have actually become a video thing now I don't like it we're a podcast honest and true the cheap shots are a separate thing that we do for shits and giggles oh yeah cheap shots everybody tell them about cheap shots well we're just four nightly videos where we muck about

there's no real rule on the YouTube cheap show YouTube channel everybody we've just done a one about swap shop merch the old the morning Noel Edmund's show. We just want a swap shop video. And a self-eating noodle. That was the latest. That was a few weeks ago, but that's all online. Look, there are offshoot that we hope you enjoy and makes you investigate the podcast

if you have come from Cheap Shot to the podcast that way. Hello. Because some people have told me that they have recently. Oh, hello ever you guys. So thank you for joining us here. There's no visual aspect of this one. No, fuck that. If there is, then it ends up being a Patreon thing.

Usually, that's how it goes. That's why it's a boon for them. But they can support us on Patreon for as little as? Well, a quid or a dollar, whatever it is. But for those who do support us, thank you. We couldn't do this without you. We hope you enjoy what we do with what you give us. So thank you.

And I think that's it in a nutshell. I think that's it. Oh, God. Who's what in a minute, right? What do you want? Come in, what you want? That was very out of order. What you did?

I don't like being chained up like that. I've supported this. I've supported both of you. financially over the years, Rob, Ralph. Okay, is that right, Jimmy? Yeah, that's right. Of course that's right.

But now it's time to give us back what we gave unto to you. No, no, no, no. That's right. You've given us nothing. Well, we need to use this space to... We will pay dividends. This is my personal property, right?

My partner's not happy with it. She's like... I've numerous fucking run-ins with Willie Wanker and his fucking beast in the garden. Oh, Rob, Willie Wanker... Hey, that's right. Willie Wanker does those sex farm things. We should get in touch with him.

See if he's got any subtle sheep. Yes, Jimmy. I don't know what you're saying. I think Jimmy's quite tired after doing a whole episode. No, no. No, I've got this entrepreneurial idea going out. Okay, good. Listen, listen to me, Paul. Listen, thank you, Jimmy, yes, thank you.

Jimmy, if I could, Roth, Roth, Roth. I put the rotten in Fratton. All right, this is just have one minute. Just talk to them. Jimmy, Jimmy, Jimmy, Jimmy, Jimmy, Jimmy, Jim, Jim, Jim, Jim, Jim, Jim, Jim. Brandoff. Yes. Listen, listen, listen, I've already got contractors coming in.

Is that right, Eli. Yes, it's not my house, Paul, so... What you have some fucking say? You got upset when they were at your place for all those fucking ones. I mean, it's your place, your deal, I don't... You just got lucky because you got TrackBot to fuck at your place. I've got all the fucking useless pricks in my attic. All the OG losers.

Rob, Rob, now, listen, I've got contractors already paid them. They're coming here to install cameras in every room. No. It's going to be... We're going to film it. It's going to pay dividends, Paul. You're going to like the money, Rothrov. when it starts rolling in from all these different characters in the house.

We've got sex cam, Lady Plops has already said she's all right with that. We're not going to exploit Lady Plops sex cam. Anyway, I'll see you in court. Come on, Jimmy. Just give me a minute. I need to explain this to you clearly. My partner has said if she sees any more those characters in here, she'll call the police. Now, you lot, I would include Lady Plots.

So how are you going to play poo-poo-poo-poo-Rulette? I want you out. I want you out. Right, I'll see you. And you, Eli. What, I've got nothing to do with it? Yeah, he's just as bad, that little fucking gutless pricky, like, let's sit the day of being a little shit. You know, pissy little, little he's not, like, I don't want to get his hands dirty with the major work to turn this into an enterprise.

That's not, Jimmy. This is the real game now, baby cakes. Right, we'll see both of you, little weasels. I don't care where you look. In court, but you're all out of it. This is my content house. It's not, it's my character contact house. You are squatting.

My content house. Go and get a different content house. Come on, Jimmy. Go on, leave these fuckers You've got 24 hours And then I'm kicking you all out I'll get the police and everything I'm going now

We're coming back with the police to evict you Grab that squirrel Jimmy Yeah, we're going to get our own place It's going to be bigger And taller And it's going to have more windows Than this shitty fucking place And it's going to have air conditioning

Come on Jimmy! Right, just fuck off Right That's it for Cheap Show this week If they're here next week We're not doing it I'm sorry All right well listen

Can't live like this to shit old Why was Chimmy so mean to me just then? Well, you are gutless. You're a coward. You don't like confrontation. Press the fucking button quietly.

You don't like confrontation? Come on. No, I shock my toddy wand, nod. Put your finger on the thing. Oh. And then I should stop this, should I? Stop this. Stop rubbing your tits.

He's rubbing his tits, everyone. Fucking chutney owls out of the attic. You're going to have to get that out with the net. I just press the button. Thank you.