CheapShow - Ep 459: Tat Hunt Destination Unknown (Mono)

Episode Date: October 24, 2025

Mono Edition After the success of last week’s Tat Hunt in Teddington, South London, Paul and Eli are now in search of a place to sit down and review the stuff they’ve purchased! The Cheap Chaps had a budget of £10 to find as much treasure amongst the Charity Shop Trash as possible and now it’s time to evaluate their discoveries. There is one HUGE problem, however. They have no idea where to go to sit down and pour through their items. What begins with a simple plan very quickly devolves into fighting, confusion, impromptu bus journey’s, altercations with security folk, a desperate search for a toilet, and the possibility that they may not have an ending to the episode! Follow Paul and Eli on another, far more aimless than usual, walkabout romp! Special Thanks to Tom from The Channel 84 Variety Show Podcast who saved this episode from a digital grave! See pics/videos for this episode on our website: https://www.thecheapshow.co.uk/ep-459-tat-hunt-destination-unknown www.patreon.com/cheapshow If you want to get involved, email us at [e-mail] For all other information, please visit: www.thecheapshow.co.uk Like, Review, Share, Comment... LOVE US! MERCH Official CheapShow Magazine Shop: www.cheapmag.shop Send Us Stuff: CheapShow PO BOX 1309 Harrow HA1 9QJ

Previously on Cheap Show. Oh, we're going to Teddington. Oh, hello, I'm Paul. Hello, Eli. Oh, I'm going to this charity shop. Let's go to charity shop. What have you got? What have you got? I don't know. Let's go to the park. I'll go to the park. Here's a park. Here we're sitting down in bushy park. We have some sandwiches. Ah, now it's time for part two. Oh, is this part two now? Oh, yeah. We're in the middle of two now. Hello, everybody. Welcome back to Cheap Show. I'm Eli Silverman. I am Paul Gannon. Now, for you, it has been a week. But for us, we're current in the middle of time. We're taking that time shit. we're taking that time shit right now we're parting our rectal muscles and quaffing out a nice solid log of more cheap show content for you

I am surprised you got to the end of whatever that was I think it was close to a sentence but not quite we're on what's it called Bushy Park Bushy Park it is massive goes all the way down to Hampton Palace I know what you saw what you want

at a massive bushy Oh yeah what did you call them I called them... Philomena hairy swam. I filled her in. I filled in filamina. Fill my quimmer. No, no.

Okay, this is the problem when you do is part two. This is what you do when you do are part two. And the energy is already low because of part one was so draining. And now we've got to record another episode. So, hey, look, last week it's Tat Hunt part two. We're starting in Bushy Park. We went to Teddington Broad Street. We went into about five charity shops, I think, six in all, something like that.

Grabbed a few things. It was four on one side. Two on the other? Three on the other. Seven. And you saw two? There was... Oxfam, and then that other one up the road?

No, no, there were three. Well, I missed that one then. And I walked up that twice. You're sure? Yeah, you've got BHF. Oh, I was on the other. Anyway, I mean, it was a week ago, Eli. Anyway, so we spent a tenor,

bang on each. We've both got some items. We're going to go to a place now to review them. And we thought, what larks it would be to jump on our old favourite Superloop and head back to the Chapel of Peace at Heathrow Airport, Well, hopefully we can sit down and have a nice little review of the items we got. But what if there's loads of people?

I don't know if there are a lot of... We'll have to figure that out when we get there, I guess. But what if there are a load of people there? Then we need to plan B. I bet there won't be. Will there be? I don't know. People need to fly out of the country and stuff, don't they?

Yeah. They go for a little prayer, a moment of quiet contemplation. I hope my plane don't crash. Well, there's that. But also... But what if you missed your plane because you were doing that? Well, then God obviously...

Mate, don't blow it in my face. Ish! A cold wind blows. A warm wind. That's what I call a Norwester. That's what I call a beef ghost of the airways. Beef ghost. Now...

Fridge raider. Oh, mate. Actually, I want... Can I give a score for those veggie fridge raiders? Oh, yeah. Minus 5. Very much a minus 5 situation. Grotesque.

Glottesque, horrible, nothingness. Giving vegetarian food a bad name. Just a piece of tofu is infinitely more... Just stick with tofu. You don't need this, pap. So, we're going to start where we left off last week, but for us it was half an hour ago because, you know, we've had a break.

I think that break was a mistake. We should have kept on going because I think your energy's waning, isn't it? No. My energy's definitely waiting. I'm just about to have a sugar-free red bull. Oh, I should have got me coffee. Notice my red bull... Well, intake.

has gone down, and I'm only having the sugar-free ones these days. Do you remember when I was going on about those Thai ones? They're bad news, man. Those are bad news, original Red Bull. It's the crystal meth of the genre, right? It's like, you're just doing a nice simple line right now, but, you know. No, because you get those little mini monster extra strong, which is still and in a can like that.

That's also. It's basically medicine. It's basically like pure adrenal gland. Right, welcome to Cheapshire, everyone. We're off on our way to do our tat hunt too. We're going to make our way now to a bus stop. I need a piss before then. Eli, it's full stop.

Pishing impossible for Eli. It's quite pishing quite difficult because... It is because there's no hidey holes or anything like that. It's very flat and open as a park. Parks around here tend to be. Yeah, but you know, we usually frequent... There's a lot of commons. Yeah.

And you think of a common as being more flat and open, don't you for some reason? But we like our, you know, country parks. I'm not a country park, a hilly country park, yeah. Like when I took you to Stansted. A heath, in fact. Heath.

Scrub. Not Stanster. Where was the country park? I took you that time. Stan Moore. That was a lovely little place off the bridge track. I mean, it's not even a little place. It's quite a big place.

Bigger than I thought. Brilliant. Anyway, welcome, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls of all ages to Cheap Show. Also, Eli, the rule of me saying, we'll see you in a bit and then you slap me is still in force. I do not want you to drop the ball on that. Okay. Can I just say something? Yeah.

When you say here, press the fucking button. Can I just gobble your chod off? Yes. Not gobble it off, but... Nobble your gobble off. You know what we were saying about energy levels? Yeah. Mine's really low now.

It's gone really low. Well, you're going to need... I need my wing man. You're my goose. How long have we done already? 30 seconds. Right. Welcome to Cheap Show on the Tat Hunt Part 2.

Cheap Show to... It's the price of Cheap Show to the Money It's the price of Shite Cheap Show to the Mother Welcome to Cheap Show We're on our way Eli hasn't found a place to piss yet It's not going to happen is it I've got a whiff of dog shit so bad from the dog shit bin

I thought you'd farted It had that fresh urgency You know what I mean? I think that would just look you know like Just Lane. There must have been hot, steaming, just lane eggs right below my nose in there. Fresh out the baker's oven.

But... Why are you so... You're the scatological... I am, no, I've always been a scatological comedian. I'm happy. I'm actually comfortable with that because not many people are and would be happy to say so. Oh, it's funny to say, I'm a political comedian.

He's going to attack Richard Osmond any second now. Fucking woggle-eyed bastard. Jesus. Just saying. He came to you with an offer to develop cheap show. He would ruin it, though. Oh, so you wouldn't accept it? No.

Fame and fortune. No. From Richard Watson. No, of all people here, of all of them. He could offer me like a hooker a day and Coke for years and champagne on tap. I'd do it if I was famous. Wouldn't I? Howard, you'd do it.

If you got famous overnight. about me and no i wouldn't fucking john blusio over there he was dead at 31 yeah well you've done right there 50 well done you well how could how could i be anything like him then but yeah he got famous though if you got famous at 31 maybe christ no so you know thank you my point somewhat stands but uh we haven't left the park yet eli i had no chance of being famous when i was 31 no not me no neither i used to get told oh if you're not famous by 20s you won't be famous at all. Thank God.

Well, I mean, we have some fame, don't we, you and I? There we go. By lieu of our podcasts and our YouTube. That's for listening, everyone. Thank you. Oh. This is the gate we came in. Laurel Roadgate.

Yeah. And I must say, magnificent part. In it? We should come back and properly explore it sometime. Yeah, they've got buildings in it. There's ponds. Maybe a Patreon episode or something. We don't see nothing here.

Maybe we could do a patron there in one day. I don't know. It's a thought. in it right the sun is blinding me let's get out right no foraging there might be a route through the park here to get to well no because we need to go to the main

road for the bus we need to go to hampton road or park road whatever it is why is it so fucking busy here why you need to slash up a tree when one needs to simply slash up a tree oh mate it's deer rotting season from now until eerie November I'm gonna hang out here let me just read this out

from now until early November male deers will roar and clash antlers in a bid to fight off rivals and attract females. Be extra careful. Please keep a distance of 50 metres from deer. Keep dogs on leads. Never get in between two rutting dears. I mean, there's advice. No, you mustn't.

Wow. You can't go foraging. Do not pick mushrooms, chestnuts or seeds and plants. Why? Because it's their food? I mean, maybe there's that point of it, yeah. I think they have to keep that food for the deer. And also, have you noticed these cages that are around a number of the deer?

trees yes and especially the little saplings yeah that's to obviously protect from the deer's eating them and oh yeah I haven't seen any deer have we I know bastards I want to see rutting deer I mean I bet you can see bats oh this is closing soon the gates do close in this place do they no barbecues and it talks about the fungi here it wouldn't be fun being locked in oh you are right it says it is forbidden to collect fungi because doing so will diminish the population and deprives wildlife its habitat and food sources yeah so there you go. There's mushrooms.

Rural Park. Do you know it's a rural park? It's a rural park. Yeah, you can tell by the shit benches. Yeah. Oh, can we give it a minute in case big dog bite me?

I don't want to get caught between rutting dogs. They look like those XL bullies. Oh. Oh, no, that's a... Oh. We're getting fucking

fuck to death by a dog. All right. There we go. All right. he's all anxious to keep out of his way what fucking kind of advice is that my dad's a mad my dog's a mad bastard you better stay out of its way

it's gonna take it to the park did the hive of us look like we're even getting anywhere near it fucking dick sorry no I don't know mind that my fucking mental angry dog I just take to a public park he had a muscle anyway

but it perfectly we were I don't oh mate is that your mad dog can I just tickle its balls have an issue. Guy took its balls. He wanted, it was almost like he was provoking us to say, oh, I didn't want to touch your dog, mate, or something.

I don't know. Oh, cunt. The dog didn't look that bad. He was just a bit excited. Oh, God. It was a black Labrador. I love those. I love that, those breeds.

Golden Retrievers, Labradors. Sexy. You didn't shut up? I sort of giving me the eye. You haven't got experience with dogs? You never had a dog at home, did you? No, never had a dog. No, never had a dog.

No, I'm not a dog, no, I'm a cat lad. It's fine. I'm a both. You go both ways. You swing both ways. The next issue of the magazine, the Cheap Show magazine, is all about pets. I wrote something for it. You've written something for it, haven't you?

And if you're a Patreon supporter, you'll get a free copy of it as a PDF at some point when Evan has magically made it because it's all event talent. So thank you, Evan. Now, what are you hoping for from my cachet of a charity shop goods bought in Teddington? well for me when i think of what you buy you tend to buy stuff that's kind of like here you go no no no no i'm honestly trying to make it work like it's a different it's a kind of cross between what you think i'd like but what you actually like so one or two things you've bought because you thought oh i like these i want these whether that's a record or

something no i kept those off the books i might i might introduce those yeah but yeah okay and then other things are like utilitarian so you like you tend to get like lamp holders or like I couldn't think of a word you're like like like keychain or or or cutlery or a penknife it's like known to I've been known to we actually haven't done this in a while well we did it earlier this year we went to Watford we had different parameters then because like we had to get a board game we had to get a toy we had to get a gadget oh mate this traffic looks like it could slow our journey down to Heathrow and you know since you're looking for toilet it might be a troubling time for you I'm just saying see what

the things is anyway we need to make a decision I say we walk up a little bit because there's the main road up there we might find other opportunities all right okay well this random Tatunt part two is now venturing into the vaguely unknown we're aiming to get to Heathrow but that might be a bad idea but at some point we'll figure it out oh right we're on the main road anyway so off we go well it's a sense could be an hour looking at it either bus in fact it says the 285 is on its way quicker slightly than the SL7 and seeing as we've been on the SL7 before albeit at night time it would be more spicy and we're going to see bits of the town that we more likely see bits that we are completely unfamiliar with which gives

me a little bit up bit of a buzz to be frank um if we take the two five three i guess by that logic we'll be there in an hour i guess by that logic i wish we'd gone through the park a bit more then yeah maybe there's another gate down here you want to go back in the park yes because i need a piss real bad all right well this journey episode's already hey look the roadbook do you know what that is it's a deer yeah all right the deer is obviously a thing around here is there But is there a roadbook on the other side of the road? I could take a fish in that pub, couldn't I, actually? Yeah, but then you'd have to get a drink, and it's all awkward.

Can we even get into the parking that way, do you think? Maybe. This is Laurel Road. This is the same road with the gate. Yeah, but we're going back. We're going back in. Yeah, I'd rather than go along the high road, honestly. There's another one in 16 minutes.

Yeah. Are we going to aim to get the 285 in 16 minutes? That's a long way, isn't it? The stop is... is it just around the corner it's right here let's look for the bus stop first come on wait where we haven't passed it yeah yeah but that's going the opposite direction isn't it yeah it is we need to go in that direction so there should be a bus stop here maybe or maybe it's just out the way there but it's definitely this direction we need to go that's weird it should be just there

i know but it's not again i agree but there is no bus stop there at all. I'm saying, wait for the bus here to me now. That doesn't look like a park and ride, though. Can we retrace our steps to find... No, because here's a bus coming now, see it. Yeah, but that's not the one we want anyway. I reckon we walk up this way, though.

Yeah, but I need to... To the next stop up here, yeah? Yeah. Okay. Just so we can get our bearings. All right, there might be somewhere I can do. Oh, look, there's a crossing here, you see? We'll figure it out.

Dear. How confident are you, ladies and Jetwood, about this podcast so far? I think it's slightly gone off the rails. Well, let's see. It's a very aimless one this week. Oh, mate, that looks like one of those kind of pubs where once you go in, they all know you're not there usually. You're not a regular.

Well, I mean, it's... And I bet they all... No, I don't think so. No. It's a horrible pub full of a racist or something. I reckon so. It's one of those pubs where if you get locked in, you're never seen of again. It's one of those pubs where the landlord

He spits in your drink Well It's one of those pubs Where the drink box only plays de ream Right, that's it, you put me off now That's the one That's the one Laurel Dean

So that's Laurel, as in Laurel Road There There's a Laurel Laurel Laurelory, Laureloryl, didn't it? Hey, you did it again? What? You repeated what I said Because it was funny

I was building on it And developing it into a better comedy. Laurel, what? Laurel, Laurel laughs. Okay. Yeah, it looks asylla black. Yes, I said laurel, laurels. Yeah.

So, again, I was developing and improving upon it. Nice, old, almost Victorian-era garage frontage ruin thing there, isn't it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Take a shot of that. You take a shot of that. I'm going to have to press stop on this because, you know, we can't record all of this fucking shit. No, I've got to press stop on this. Oh.

You and your liminal... I can hear that you don't say the thing. and I don't have to hit you and punish you. Oh, yeah, fair enough. Okay, this is the end of this segment. Press the back. No, no. I'll slap you.

How far away are we? Oh, you're taking a picture? All right, fair enough. Can I just say something? Yeah, go on. Miles and Miles of Brewers Tudor. It's just a tone poem. It's a tone poem.

We're on the... Was it two? 285, that's where we're going. We're going to Heathrow Airport Central. But this is a brand new episode of Dusk bussing, where we go on a busk at dusk. Busk at dusk. I tell you what, this is the land of Brewers Tudor

and excellent vernacular brutalism, plus dystopian ruination and graffitied up old 30s buildings. jutting up against the 90s facade of old grand designs of the past you know what I mean when they used made buildings in the 90s that were meant to look like Roman bloody collarsings

but they looked like they were made of fucking shitty bricks yeah you know what I mean anyway chicken big Mac what's going on now you listener will know that we I have specifically mentioned the chicken big Mac on the

podcast and discussed it with the podcast co-partner co-host Paul Gannon before please let me know if you know this to be the case and if possible give me an episode number because he's he's we've just gone past an advert for the chicken big mac which has been out for months it's this is the second fourth time it's come back on the big man big McDonald's menu he's like what's the world coming to like it's the first time we've seen it unbelievable things happening in McDonald's I was unbelievable. I've never heard of such a thing before in all my days. Also, what was the thing I remember said?

Remind me of something. I forgot what else got to remind me about. Oh, yeah, one. You pissed all over the seeds at Costa. It was piss all over the seeds. I had to wipe it. I left it. It was there when I went and I just...

Oh, then I wiped up someone else's piss. Yes, you did. Well, that was very nice of me, wasn't it? Well... It's tasty. I wasn't going to deal with that. It's like, I didn't add to the mess. I just...

I aimed in between. I did splash on, though. Shocking, though. People can't even clean up after each other. That's why I have to lick it up. Disgusting. Oh, wait, it's coming to me. I'm trying to remember there was something.

Oh, that thing we couldn't just figure out what it was last year, the last episode with the semen all over it. Remember that great big thing with the semen all over it? No. One was at the bottom of the shaft and one was at the top. Oh, the rack? Yeah. The nautical themed rack that we didn't know what it was.

Apparently it's for coasters. so things you put your cups on. Of course. Of course. Yeah. And I bet it came with a set of nautical or fishing themed coasters. So it was an incomplete item.

Maybe even like, you know those kind of coasters they make where it's like one big twine rolled up into a spiral. It could be that like nautical rope, you mean, style. Yeah. That's what I was thinking. Anyway, so we're on this bus. It's 6.30.

It's going to be dusk and past dusk when we get to. The problem is. It's rush hour. Yeah. Dead in the centre of it. Oh, look there's Jackie Chan. Where? Rush hour?

Oh, my God. Ho, ho, ho. Oh, ha, ho. Paws on fire. On dusk busing. The new Cheap Show spin-off, we go on a bus specifically between like six to like eight o'clock. No, it's the worst time to go on a bus. Why?

Because it's from a rush hour. There's a park. Stop talking about the Jackie Chan film. There's a bus coming. Not a bus. Got stop saying bus. There's a plane coming in, so we know roughly where we're going. We are near Heathrow, yes.

Head and on a knee throw and this is exciting time. We're going past Felton, where there's a famous jail, I think. Feltem up. Can you turn it off? You've angered and tired me now. We are running on super low energy for this part of the episode. No, not. Can I get a boost when we see each other's items?

Oh yeah, we will. What are you doing? You've got your arm in my ribs and belly. It's because there's so much of it. That was good. That's good. There's just too much of it, so I couldn't... It was getting a bit intimate. Yes, your great big gun was pushing into my soft, soft belly.

My big, big gun? Your arm is you going. Oh, I thought you were talking about me, you know, me Ghibli Watson. We are in public. Stop. Look, there's another Brewers Tudor pub. At Everest Spice Lounge. Saloon and lounge.

I'll go in there, get a curry, nice cold, lager. Nong, yum. Cobra. Yeah, maybe. they've got more. Maybe. That's a good coloured pistachio. Oh God. That's it? Day glow pistachio. Like chock chit-leastin. Dusk busing has a ring to it there, doesn't it? No. But it's the wrong time. This is dusk though, isn't it?

This is dusk, though, isn't it? This is dusk but... Well, this is the only episode of Dustbusin, we're gonna do. It's rush hour, isn't it? It's always rush around rush hour. It's just a shit time to get boss. Yeah, but that's the point, isn't it? You can take short journeys that lasts longer because of the bus. Yeah, but then you just... I'm just, mate, if you're going to spit on everything you format I'm going to suggest. He just ruined it for me. Listen, this is this. I want to give you an update on this dusk busing. I think we're about halfway down. Everyone listening, if you want dusk busing to be a thing,

comment below this thought you have. You can't have two spin-off bus podcasts, mate. Morn busing where we get on a bus around about six o'clock in the morning. That's terrible, terrible. And we get it. Magistrate's court. Do you see that old magistrate's court? Victorian Magist But it's now housing. I'm enjoying this because I have never been. This is a good route. I've never been round here.

This is peak Cheap Show. Because this is probably where it diverts from the Super Loop route. And that was at night anyway when we did it. That is a good point. Yeah, we're not on the Super Loop route. No. Look at this park here, in a valley. Oh.

See, this is just what we like on Cheap Show, isn't it? It's what we like. You... Go over there. Do you want us to swap seats again? No, you just go over there. Why? Otherwise we can't record.

You'll call your meaty gun. Stop being so scared of my mask. Oh, we can't now anyway. Ah ha ha ha. Stop being afraid of my masculinity. Just embrace it. Don't take a picture of me. He's taking a picture of me.

Right, we'll see you when we get to Heathrow. There's not what else we've got to do. Just sit here and enjoy ourselves, right? So we'll do it go to Heathrow. See in a bit. Bye. Oh! Ow!

We're the last one standing on the bus, but we're sitting. So we must be near. I mean, we went through... The next one's Mondial way. We're not even there, yeah. No, there's several stops. This is deep into Heathrow country, isn't it, around here? It's all, like, hotels and, like...

God, that Badason Blue looks ugly as fuck. It's like... Do you want a Las Vegas hotel for one-tenth of the cost? Yeah, it does. It looks like a cut-rate Vegas, yeah. Not even Reno No That lady thought we were tourists

Because we were taking a load of pictures Of the sunset And then she said oh it was a beautiful sunset When you went no No No I just I was kind of like No we're just having a romp

The Renaissance Hotel Look at all the lights Me and Eli were getting very nostalgic For when we went to L.A and we got the plane And we flew out You remember you know Happy Days

Oh, happy days That flight was terrible, though Yes, no, American Airlines is Almost Objectionable Yes You know So we must be near

Because he throws just there So it must be just going Round the outside Yeah Come round here Go round the outside Round the outside What's that song

Buffalo Gale By The guy who managed the sex beast doors. Whose name was? Something McTwattie Ginger Man. Malcolm McLaren. Who owns a race car as well, which is a fact. And you can tell that to anyone new here.

There's another hotel. Ibus style. Style? There's not even an Ibus hotel. It's just in the style of. No, it's, you know, all these big hotel chains have these subchains, don't they? Holiday Inn Express or whatever. Travelodge, uh, extra or whatever. This must be the next one. Yeah, it's the next one. Oh, here we are.

We've been on the bus for about, what? An hour. Has it been an hour? Either way, when we did the night bus in episode, which is, I think, the one we released early this year to cover our new year's adventure. Really? That whole, yeah, it was literally Teddington to here, wasn't it?

I know it stopped off a hat and cross. But still, it's a huge big section without stops. Oh, look at all this. It goes fast here in the sunlight, isn't it? It looks like Blade Runner or something, doesn't it? It's because you've got all the blinking lights and the tall buildings and the lights. It's a very sci-fi vibe up in this...

Certainly on that side of it, yeah. Oh, here's the plane. Here's the plane coming in. No, the plane that stands at the entrance. Oh, yeah. The fake plane. It's the model fake plane. Lots of airports have that.

They do. Imagine you got into that and you were like, ready for lift-off, and then it took off imagine that. I'm looking that from the dollop there was a dollop, yeah you shouldn't have told me the really funny bit

that Gareth did about getting into that you know yeah you know because all airports have one don't they loads of them have them he was doing it as like a little play thing to get in pretend to be pilot over it just to repeat that is not a real aircraft

you know I mean you couldn't even get in it's got no doors it's just a it's just a toy it's a big toy In some places it's like an out of service, an actual jet that's been taken out. Oh, we're in the tunnel. Take a picture of the tunnel while we're in it.

I like this. I like tunnels. So do I. I like being on a bus in a tunnel as well. Just for a future reference. Oh yeah. I'm on, I'm pausing. Yeah, that's nice.

And you got that. But you've head down. This is so uncomfortable doing it in that position. I'm taking a picture now. Fuck you. A big tunnel. So yeah, so this goes under the runways, doesn't it? This tunnel, Eli, goes under the runways, doesn't it?

Yes, I don't know, does it? Yes. It goes under the runways, I think, so you can get to the newer stuff. Anyway, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. We're nearly there, and we're getting off, and then we can... We've done a bit of everything, really, didn't they? haven't we've done a charity shop hunt we've done a kind of walkabout we've done a night bus yeah but all together today it's been a big mix of stuff that was last week no but all together

for us today it's been a mix yeah but that's i'm talking about us you belligerent sweaty bowl bag sweaty boobaboo bag you sweaty ball bag what's a cash emoji man just write cash in what in the little search engine for your emoji so you can search for emoji so you can search for like you're looking for. Put cash in or money. Yes, of course. I think you could do with gifs, but not with emojis. Mate, the things I could teach you.

Let me show you the world. Scrolling through phishing emojis. I could show you the world. Shining, shimmering, splendid. Oh, where Eli, when did you? Oh, here we are. Getting off the bus. Finally fucking put this coffee cut down.

The town's not really round for people. No, right, we're getting off. Here we go. Oh, is that your bottle? No. Oh, I'm not taking blame for that then. Get out of the way. Right, we're getting off.

Here we go, ding, ding. Got my wallet. Here we go. Right. I want to find a bin because I'm sick of tired of carrying this coffee cup round. There we go. I seem to have another running motif in these podcasts, Eli, in that I getting annoyed by holding on to coffee cups for longer than I have to

and needing to find a place to put them. You just did? I know, because I'm also working the mic. I'm carrying gubbins. You know what I mean? I've got a lot going on. I'm a busy man. Yeah, we have to go out and around and over and through.

So, okay, we are. now. Do you need to go toilet or anything? Oyster car. Do you want to do that now before you forget? Yeah. Because that way, if you need to race and get something, you don't have to worry about that. Oh, will I have to? Well, it has been a cheap show day, isn't it? Oh, well, there's another loophole you love

to exploit. I'm just saying it. It's disgusting. All right. I'm going to pay him his blood money. Where is it? You have to go down to the terminals and they're closer to the underground. Yeah. That's a bus station.

I bet it has an oyster. Well, let's find out. Anyway, let's sort that out and come back to you. Right, we are in the Garden of Remembrance, which we visited in our previous night busing episode. A place to reflect and to recharge St. George's Chapel, a place of worship for anyone to have a moment to themselves before maybe they take a flight that they're frightened of

or reflecting on those they have lost. But either way, that's where we are. Although weirdly surrounded by motorways, and as you mentioned last time, this weird Star Wars kind of black... That's my R-bag. I've left it there. I just put it there.

But I'm just saying that... It's this weird Star Wars kind of black monolithy thing, isn't it? That is a advertising order. I mean, I know that, but you know what I mean? From this angle, it looks like something you'd see on the desktop. Yes, it's quite sculptural. Yeah.

Well, there's no one else here. No one else here. The chapel seems to be closed. Well, that's all right. We weren't going to go. go in. I mean, there's probably cameras and stuff, security, so I wouldn't act like a silly goat, just saying. But there's plaques all around us for various remembrances. Heathrow colleagues who have passed. Oh wow, the 66 passengers and crew lost when the

Comet 4BG Arco, British European Airways flying from London to Athens, crashing the Mediterranean in C, 1967. Christ. So as you can see, there's lots of plaques around here for various reasons. I don't think we'll go into them all. So are you ready to evaluate your stuff then? Is it time? Because I reckon we pull up a pew

and time to review. Oh, I like that very much. Pull up a pew, it's time to review. Oh, did you spill your drink on yourself? Did you sugar free? So where we stick it? No, we'll still have a bit. All right, whatever.

Right, okay. How are we going to do this? We're going to do a quick break and then we'll just show an item at a time, all right? Okay. Yeah? Right. Can't smoke a fag here? No, we can't smoke a fag here.

We can smoke a fag around the corner because you could do it under the underpass but not here. This is a place of remembrance and you will fucking behave. Can I literally smoke it under the... Yeah. Why? I don't know because this is... Is that e-cigrets? Well, that e-cigrets?

They're probably not really allowed here anyway. Why don't you just behave? Why do you have to have a smoke right now and we're recording? Pissing all over a seat. You have a break. I'm not pissing over anything. Mate, let's just put it this way. Do you want to have a break?

Or do you want to just get this episode fucking done? And then we can chill axe, dude, man. I've recorded that, and that one's keeping in as a document for Eli's sin. His lacklustre attitude. You see, if his... Oh, fool, mate, this is a garden of remembrance. I didn't it want it to be your dinner from this fucking last night? Remember that?

It's just a place to reflect and recharge. E-rested. Are we going to get e-rested? Are we going to get e-rested? Is that what you're going to get I-rested? Now, you're the one breaking wind and shouting like a child. You shut up. Get your thing out. Your first item. You can't do that in the Church of Remembrance. It's not the church. We're in the Garden of Remembrance.

Right, be respectful. Here we go. Oh, Blake up in it. Can't hear it. Yeah, you pinched your cheeks then, didn't you when I pointed the recorder at you? Can you stop? You're like a psychopath. I'm not the one breaking wind violently and loudly.

That's not what the same thing is do. It's what normal humans do. Yeah, but you don't do that either. This is a great, can be a great photo. Is it? Of that planter. Right. Plant her in the rain.

What do you want to do? Do you want to do an item each, assign, or shall I go through all my eyes? items first take a break they go through all your items next and stop do it that way go an item each yeah you do one i do one all right do them in the order that you bought them as well i can't remember what that was now what about because you got some records didn't you yes is it for this or is it for you those records fuck me your gut smell of a kebab shop jesus christ well they are a cabb shop yes they usually are it's on the holloway road it's called eli's guts elize dirty

You walk inside my lower colon, and you scrape off a bit of the muck on the wall. I give you a Peter. I've supplied the Peter, because it's part of me, so I'm like round the side, my big arms. Oh, I have a Peter. Can I have an extra large colon kebab, please? Just scrape it off yourself, mate. Oh, love it. Well, don't do sizes.

You just get Peter, it's like a cover charge. You mean this dangling dry skin that I have to snip off with nail clippers? No, no, it's pup on the side of my colon. This is a lovely story. I'm just thinking, because we both got records, if they're part of the 10... No. If they're part of the 10-pound thing,

then we can do them each now, yeah? So do you want to do that? I've got one record that's part of my 10-pound thing. All right, I've got two. So we could do that bit first, right? Okay, fine. Now start with mine then. Hang on.

Right, I got two pieces of vinyl. They're little seven inches, right? You don't look. The first one is... Theme from sons and daughters. the Australian soap opera. That's actually quite a banger theme. Sons and daughters, love and laughter,

tears and sadness and happiness. Yeah, that one. So it's done by someone called Kerry and Mick, and here's a clip of it right now. strange it can come and grow it can happen when you are young or old when it comes it comes from nowhere when it comes it changes your life sons and daughters love and laughter tea and sadness and happiness we will find out our sons and daughters are what

we do are once above. That was what I bought. There's the extended version on the flip. I don't think we need the extended version. It's got a wrap bit in it. That's what I think. It's like, whik, quick, swatts, sons of daughters. You don't see that very often.

Coming up, your borders. I'm going to have to have. have your son it's going to be a lot of fun it was like neighbours but slightly classier but they were trying to do more of a dynasty Dallas thing

there were they you know what it's been at least 30 years it used to come on me and my mate would sing the theme and then turn it over at least

we would never watch that crap but also it was in that genre of like flying doctors and you know those Saturday morning that's what I'm saying what was the basic thing I think it's like I think it's just a soap

honestly I think it's just to soap. So that's my first one. The second one is this. It's called The Dark Side of the Sun, the main theme from the BBC series. And apparently it's about this guy's... Staphras. It's by Staphros. I don't know what it sounds like, though, but I got it because apparently it's like a folk-horrey kind of show about a guy who's, I think wife dies, and so he, no, he dies, he's an artist, and so his wife goes on an adventure to find out this supernatural horror involved. I've never heard of that. I've never heard of it. But I've never heard of it. But I'm going to edit it in right now for you listening, but we haven't heard it yet.

So this is what it sounds like. Aren't you lucky? You're hearing it before us conologically. I don't know. I would have snapped that up. Where was that? It was in the shooting stars. That was a good one, the shooting stars. Oh yeah, there is. On the back, there's a plot. Hang on.

The Sun is a six-part mystery by Michael J. Bird, the author of The Lotus Eaters and Who Pays the Ferryman and the Aphrodite Inheritance. The action is set on the island of roads and concerns a photographer who goes there to illustrate a travel book. He dies in mysterious circumstances and his young and attractive wife determines to carry on with his work. This leads to an increasingly frightening series of supernatural incidents. And then this is the music. The guy, Stavros, who compiled the soundtrack, is one of Greece's leading composer. and previously wrote the music for the Lotus Eaters and Dark Side of the... The Lotus Eaters was quite a big.

I don't know. Have you never heard it? What's your surname? Zohachach. I don't know. It's Greek, in it? It begins with an X. X-A-R-H-A-K-O-S. So, okay.

Now, and which were these both together? How much do you think this was? But go these two. And you'd be right to, that was a quid for these both. And I can't wait to hear them. What did you get? I got a Barry Blue record. record.

Who's Barry Blue? It's not Barry Blue, but Barry Blue's behind it. Again, who's Barry Blue? He did the hit. In the glam era, he did the hit, um... He's gone. He's gone, everyone. Something about dancing, we'd have to give my phone out.

I feel like dancing? No. Dance to you can't dance no more. Here we go. Hipto Danzo. Barry Blues dance disco party mega mix. It's a big hit and it's an excellent sort of... Barry Blues Disco Tech.

It's like a pot. Stoppy glam thing. Disco, disco duck. He's a pop guy. Disco Fox. Barry Blues, disco, Fox. Do you want to dance? Do you want to dance?

Do you want to dance? No. Do you want to dance? Do you want to dance? Do you want to dance? That's the one. Isn't that Gary Glitter, though? No.

Barry Blue. Yeah. I thought this is Gary Glitter. No. Barry Blue. Sounds like Gary Glitter, though. Do you want to dance? Do you want to dance?

Do you want to dance? Do you want to dance? It appeals to me. No, it's not. So what's this then that you got? It's not this. No. Oh, plane going over.

Maybe. I don't know. So what's this one? I'm going to have to get my torch on. It's not a lot of light in this chapel. Tilted towards the light I saw it, it's fine. I need to get my torch on. Torchy, torchy there it goes.

The bump. Oh, zigzag. Is that the name of the artist? Yeah. Peter Golby. Producer. Barry Blue. Yeah.

And on the flip. On the flip. This is on Magnet, by the way. Right. Sleeping Blue Knights. All right, well, we'll put the bump. Barry Blue and Lindsay DePaul. Who's Lindsay DePaul?

Rings a bell by the phone. She's a belt. Should we listen to a bit of that? I want to hear a bit. All right. I'm going to say what. Let's put a little bit of Barry Blues, the bump in now. It's not Barry Blues the bump.

Zigzags the bump. Zigzags the bump by Billy Blue. It's not even written by Barry Blue. It's just produced by. He might have written it. He might have had a hand in. Anyway, listen to it now. Because it's got a writing credit on the record.

It could be lies, though. It could be a pseudonym. Yes. I mean, it's always a possibility. There's always possibility that I could be right. Anyway, here's that track. Dicked. Well, when I talk the border,

Take some time to learn to dance this way We should see it to believe it It's easy to achieve it Phone lines behind me dance is free Keep on bumping To the bump and We listen to the bump It's a mougum

It's a big on bumping Bumpen Keep on pumping To the bump Right and on we go We listen to those We listened now The Bump we like

Because it has Mugon It's again It's very much in the In the vein of do you want to dance Like a stomping Pop glam thing Yeah And the dark side of the

was just... No, Dark Side of the Sun. Dark Side of the Sun was just fiddles and stuff. Balalaika's ringing out. Yeah. It's fine. No, not Balalaika.

What's the Greek one? Gizuki. What's it called? Shia. Banjo. Banjoliti. No, it's the one from the Monty Python. Shot that bloody bazooki up!

Oh yeah, no, it is. It's the bazooki. What does it say here? Yeah, bazookie and Turkish fiddle. There you go. I had a man who gave me a Turkish fiddle. Anyway. Oh, yeah.

Was he were a racist? Yeah. He was a huge racist. That's a shay. It ruins the story, so well. Can I just mention two other records I've got? You can, but I'm going to cut them out. Why? Because it'll take too long and I want to mention them. Go on, quick.

Got ten seconds. Now, can you stop this? We're meant to be having a nice time. You're the one adding time to us? It doesn't matter. Aren't you having a nice time, it's calm. We're in the Chapel of Remembrance Garden. Yeah, well, I'm remembering to hurry this up.

No, don't have to bother, do you? Just give me a second. To do what? Where can't you work your phone? What you're doing? I'm working my phone. Why can't you just fucking... It's like watching my granddad use a smartphone.

No, it's not. It is. It's exactly like watching my granddad use a smartphone. You're the one? You even type like him? I do not. You don't know your granddad anymore. He's dead.

He's not. Okay. One of them's dead, though. No. His wife's dead. Oh, do you want to just pick out my family who died? You're a cunt. Why?

It's not like your granddad using his fucking smartphone. It is. Like, it's a constant phone. fucking puzzle for him to work out. He nervously thumbs at the screen, not knowing what to undo. I use smartphones fine, Paul. You're the one who had a meltdown trying to use it the other day when we did that puzzle. That was because the software crash, not because of my user.

No, it's not. It's because you're a hand-fingered old Luddite. Well, you're a granddad knuckled, wobbly-handed, fuck away, aren't you? Why have you got all that go all of a sudden? You're the one who called me a con. I've not used a C-word at all this week. Oh, whatever. This, you know what this is? There's a difference between fucking, fucking.

manners and courtesy. I gave you the curts. You don't have any manners. This is why I didn't want you to add the records because it sets me off and then sets you off so you've made, you've soured this. Now what do you think this is? Danny and Davis and the National Brass

Come See Us. Opry land. USA. I think it's some kind of tourist track. Is it a kind of, you know, rag-timey kind of thing, do you think, or gnaulines? It could be something like that

because it's Nashville, isn't it? Yeah. It just... Or is it racist? Caribbean is the name of the other. might be a racist thing this could you might have bought a racist thing this is quite interesting look a white label I found managed

mezzo forte midnight song and then on the flip side meza forte garden party live now you and has played the 12 inch version of garden party by meza forte what genre are we talking here it's kind of 80s synthy jazz funk

discoy jazz funk quite cheesy Steiner what Stein Steiner Steen I don't know why it says that there 715 is that the like the catalogue number or something, you think? I have no idea. Three minutes and 51. That could be. That looks like a catalogue number. It does, isn't it? But interesting.

Yeah, no, it's interesting. I'll give you that. That is only for a quid. And it says, look, they all had these kind of, they were graded in one of those charity shops. That is much better than fair condition. Much, much better. I can see from a visual grading. That's a very good plus. It's a bit dusty, but there's no marks, are there? It's probably got a bit of grot on it. Fair is

fucked. Fair is one of the worst. Fair is like, you've got a few scratches, mate, deal with it. Yeah, no, fair is it jumps. Well, mate, the good one, Grumbleweed's album I got on eBay had two fucking major scratches that I think ruined the recording. Yeah, if it makes a clicky noise the whole way through it, does that all your records then? Yeah. All right, cool. Let's move on then to our next items.

We got turfed out of the place. What? No, here's the thing. I was polite to them because if we, what was the point of being standoffish? So three security guys came here and said, unfortunately, basically, this is. Heathrow's private property. So, as a result, unless you're flying in or flying out, well, I could have been a prick and so World Church and blah, blah, blah, reflection.

I mean, he could have lied, but then it doesn't matter. The thing is, you're getting unnecessarily angry. You got road to Rome, mate. I hate that. I hate that private cop's thing when it's a public space, you know. I hate that. Anyway, look, they've asked us to move on because apparently the whole of Heathrow is private property. So we have to find another place now.

load of shit. Again, you're getting far too angry about... That was so flimsy. Oh, because you're not flying in or meeting people or what? Come on. We're allowed to do what you like. At least I didn't say this time. Do you know who I am? No. You did better, but I think you were just a bit obsequious or whatever. No, because what's the point of like being arcy? Do you know what I mean? Because then it ends up being a far more negative experience. Yes, it's not, yeah, you're right. So it makes more sense to say,

all right, if you say we can't be here, let's just move on. I agree. I agree. Right? No, I do agree with that. But I just found the whole thing.

Like, did you fly in? It's like, we just told you what we did. Do you know what? I think he was actually trying to say. Is someone you know, did you fly in? Because then we can leave you alone.

We might be able to move on because we can say, oh, these guys are flying out or flying in. I think he was trying to basically say, if you say yes, then all right. But then that would have led to, or can you show us your ticket or?

And then it's like, oh. Yeah. Oh, so there's no point. So he wasn't. He was trying to... Well, we don't know. We just don't know. All I'm saying is...

All I'm concerned now is where do we wrap this episode off? You're not allowed to visit the chapel if you're not flying in or flying out and meeting someone. No. I know it's terrible. You're not allowed to visit the chapel, Cusbyard? I know. Fucking bullshit. We still have to figure out a place to record.

You're allowed here. It's just like... A load of shit, man. That's no entry. Oh, okay, well, that was handy. So now we need to... I know, but honestly, you're getting way more worked up about it than I am. No, they piss me off.

Fucking jobs work bullshit. We still have to finish this episode, so we need to have a think. Well, think of somewhere we can go, buddy boy. There's no way in any you throw airport, though. Gonna have to have a think about this. No, we can't do it. We can. You know what?

one of the most easily defeated people I have ever met. Well, you, the one who rolled over and let them kick us out. Would no... Okay, so what do you want me to do, kick off and say, we demand to stay here, and then it all gets ugly and drag down? No, it's not public. It's not. I said, he literally just said it, unfortunately, it's private property.

So again, you're asking me for what? It's not my fault. It's not my fault. I'm not saying it's anyone's fault, but at the same time, stop being defeated. Okay, so how about you use your critical force? faculties. We could go back to mine if you want to, just to record the last bit. I don't want to, because it's another fucking...

What, night bus? Hours. It's hours away. We can get the tube or something. You can want to just cut the time down. We could get on the Piccadilly line. Mate, we have to finish this episode somehow. This episode's not ending here. Let's get the bus back to yours then. Do you want to get the bus back to mine now?

Yes, of course. Right. Let's figure that out then. So I've got to speak to my partner and make sure she's all right for us to come back. Let's not do that. I don't want to go back to yours. I don't want to go back to yours. Because it's way out of my way already. You're such a winging baby.

Easily defeated cry, baby. What time is it? I don't know. Half seven. Well, let's find some of it. Get on a bus somewhere where that is public that we are allowed to be, like a park or something. We're going to have to figure this out, ladies and gentlemen. We're going to have to figure this out. Hold tight.

Right, we're on the SL-9, and we're heading to Harrow, where, at my place, we will wrap this fucking episode up, right? Right. I just want to say, I think I did overreact a bit there. I just find it. There they are. There they are. They're all three of them. Stick your fingers. Give the fingers, look at him. Cocky little bastards.

Do you think that was it? You think they were going, right, mate, I know we can get sucked off. You can make him fucking little daisy chain. Did you get any of them speaking on? No. So explain again to the listeners what happened. Three security guys said you can't record it because it's private property. We were in the Garden of Remembrance.

And they turfed us out. Yeah, we've said all this. Literally they just heard it. Okay. I was just sorry, I was in the beer of tears. There they walk away. The two younger goons and they're like their supervisor, who is the man who spoke to us.

I guess he was reasonable. Who looked like David Ike. I guess that's their job. He was very David. ike he looked exactly like david ike he was like is it all i could think about honestly it was all i could think about while i was just saying yeah we'll go okay it is private property that is fair enough but it just seems like they can't even you're not even allowed to come to this place and do a podcast yeah you know probably not they'll be got

away of it once before so fucking jokes on us yeah yeah yeah someone someone's someone's got a joke we've done two two podcasts then so we beat the system twice yes and we continue to subvert their expectations. Anyway, we're heading home. Well, my home. We wrap this up. Eli goes home. He starts his filming.

It's all very exciting. Later this week, I'll be filming it. Very exciting. But it's been a good day. Apart from that, little sour milk at the end. You know, a little sour taste. Yeah, but a little frisson. A little bit of drama.

A little bit of drama for the end of the park. Rip it up. And, yeah, it's been a beautiful sunset on the bus coming in, wasn't it? It's a lovely day. A surprisingly loved. one of the most stunning days of the whole year, I'd say. Weird, isn't it? It's October.

Yeah, beautiful. Beautiful, beautiful. Right. But you've got a lot to look forward to still, guys. No, not that much. You've got stuff for me to look forward to. Not that much, actually. There's not much. We're near the end now. We're going to run through it. Check the running time. You'll see how much is left.

We're going to run through it just like that filly cheese stack ran through my guts at two this morning. God, why am I getting like this? I'm getting like you. Don't blame me for your inability to be creative and funny. I'm making a face of surprise and indignation. You look like that guy from a Hollywood cop. No, I do not. That's not Hollywood cop.

You're thinking of Samurai cop. They both put the same faces in that. But they're different actors. Are they both African-American actors? I think so, yeah. Actually. Chervan is the filmmaker. They both do this.

They purse their lips. Yeah, which is what you did. The Phil Chervin said, right, just do a lot of reaction shots to various stuff. Wanker. That's great filmmaking. Best. There's the model plane. Right, we've got to stop repeating ourselves.

Let's just... Well, we're leaving by the way we came in. So... On a different bus. Yeah. What bus are we on now? Another super loop. Two super...

No, we've only done... This is the first super loop of the day. Yeah. I'm feeling good about it. You need to shut up. No, you need to shut up. I can't tell you to shut up. Then I need to talk.

All right, well, next time you hear from us, we'll be going through the remaining items that we found in Teddington was Brook Street. Yeah. Broad Street. Broad Street. Give my regards to Heathrow. We're out of here. Okay. Right, we're off the bus. We're in Harrow. We're walking back to my gaff. And, uh... Yeah. What a straight.

day it's been but also what a lovely day it's been actually a lovely day and I do enjoy that we were on the SL9 was the bus that we got out when we had to escape from Heathrow and that's a great bus as well coming up through Hayes and Harlington do you know what we should do the next time we fly out for something like if we go back to LA or New York we'll go to the chapel and we'll sit there and wait for those fucking bell-earns that turn up and then we'll say oh but we've got tickets for a flight you fucking David-eyed-looking prick. How about that?

Yeah. What should do that? His, like, goons, whatever, the two younger security guards did seem a bit reticent, didn't they? They were a bit sort of, I think it was like, here's the old dog showing the younglings

how to do it. And the thing is, here's what bugs me more than anything else because I was like, fine, let's just get out of here. What I don't like is when he over-explained the reasons. It's like, okay, do you not want to see her? Fine, we'll go. That's why I kind of got shirty.

I was just like, I don't need, you know I need this from you. It's bullshit. Actually, that's just reminded me of something. Hang on, where's my phone? I wanted to read something out to you, because when I read it, I was like, I'm sure there was a failure there in a translation.

No, no, no, this is from ages ago. This was in the charity shop. I took a picture. Okay. I took a picture, mate, of a bottle in a charity shop. Hang on, I've got to find it. Here it goes. Because it just says, here's the bottle, you know, it's like a travel bottle for drinking

It's got a little spout Yeah, and on the bottom it says So big world I wanted to see I wanted to see So big world, I wanted to see And I'm thinking, did the Italian guy from a lo-a-lo say this No, I bet that's like a T-Mu or Ali What's it, Ali Barber?

No, Ali... G, Ali... No, the... Express. Al-Express. Al-Express thing. It's a Chinese... Poor translation.

Yeah. I think it's meant to say It's a great big world out there and I want to see it. Something like that, right? to see. I wanted to see the world. Right, well, I'm going up my road now. This is a privileged piece of information that I will not be sharing my address. Oh, no, of course not.

So I'm not going to tell you which direction we've walked from the station, nor will we tell you what street or what post could, all you need to know. Nice, cool evening. What a lovely day weather-wise. I know I keep saying that. It's not really interesting, is it? It's not interesting, but I can't believe it's been, when I said we need to do this this week, it was just because of means to an end, right? doing this and blah blah blah blah but actually it could have been it was a it might this might be the last perfect day of weather we got to record this podcast on from now it's all autumnly winter chills yeah well the rest of the week seems similar yeah but it was really warm but we're not recording the rest of the week so no we're not so right in that case i'm going to sign off got a few more items and we're going for the items and then he lies going home for a nice cozy bed

because he's got to get his script ready and learn his lines yeah yeah You've got to do that, mate. And I've got to edit two weeks worth of podcasts and also sort out all the 31 days of Halloween thing and also sort out the live show. I've got a lot of snowmded news. I've got a lot of stuff. It's okay.

It's okay. You've got a steps in today, didn't we? Yeah, I did. So we got some exercise. Yeah. Right, shut up. I love you. right we're in the kitchen if the house on haunted on the hill and uh we're now going to wrap this

motherfucker up paul what a day yeah we were discussing this mezzo forte garden party white label seven inch that i picked up there are jazz funk guys from the 80s and they are they tend towards the cheesy but it's very 80s sort of day glow is it that stuff like you remember we're in the car with brian in l-a and he was saying listen to this cheesy 80s stuff and it was a British band called Electro or something but very much like that yes very it's very 80s very feel like lift music like sort of synthy lift music funky I enjoy it personally because it gives me a kind of nostalgic shopping more kind of vibe but isn't it funny how the older you get you're more tolerance and stuff you absolutely rejected as a kid because you kind of

appreciate the change of tone if nothing else yeah I absolutely hated disco when when I was getting into funk in the late 90s. It was like, Disco ruined funk. Do you know what I mean? And now I love disco. I mean, so there's a thing. So, yes. Update, we aren't eating the quints because it's a bit, it's tough too.

You shouldn't eat it raw. No, it gives you the shit. It's very tough and tart. But nice smelling quince. Nice smelling quince. And so that's the quince story. Now, we've got some items to go through. Yeah, I've got my final three.

How many have you got left? I've got several. Do you have any books? Because we did breath. Yes, I've got up. I have got a book. Yeah. Okay, so I'll go for my book.

Yeah, you do your book first then. This is the exact edition of well-loved tales, Lady Bird, easy reading book, Rumpel Stiltskin that I had as a child. I had this as a kid as well. That one. Yeah. It's a good Nick. And for £1.50, not bad.

It's hardback with a paper cover. It's got the paper covers and great Nick. Look. That's rare because the version I had didn't have that. It was just the hard, you know, the hard back without the cover. Yeah. I'm not sure. I think I did had the hard back without the cover.

cover with the more glossy cover. This is probably an earlier, earlier edition. Let's see. A reprint? This special edition of the original 1968, well-loved tales, Rumpelstilkin, celebrates Lady Bird's Yes. So it is a reaper. Nice. A hundredth anniversary in 2015.

It's 10 years old. It's a lovely, but it's a complete facsimile of, obviously, of the 68 original. It looks great. What a lovely thing. What a lovely thing. And there he is. And it really stuck with me all of these illustrations. I'm glad that...

Look, there he is, little fucker. I identify with him. That looks, she looks like a Carrie Fisher from Star Wars. It does, and it looks... She looks very, like, Lady Madonna, like... Virginial. Like, it's trying to be, they're trying to say she's almost godly in her goodness, which is what the tale is about, isn't it?

It is. Because she can't tell a lie, can she? Isn't that right? No. Because Womple Stiltskin is about, he helps her out. He can't tell a lie. No, but he... Is she gets his name right?

No, she has to guess. his name for him to fuck off. She, look, that really sticks. But look at all the golden thread there in a big heap. It looks like a, like a, like a, like a, like a Yeti or something. Pubis. Okay, so that's my book.

So my book is, yeah, I do. It was definitely the addition that you had. Yeah, yeah, yeah, because I remember the artwork. Obviously it was a different style, but yeah, that was. Nice. That was the book I had. Only slightly, but it's in great condition, 10 years old. Right, the book I got isn't exactly as fun as this,

but actually it was a book I was wanting to read for a while. never got round to it and it's a charity shop and it was a quid so I got this hang on don't look at you back oh don't look at me bag

I got that oh Sunday Times bestseller Bob Mortimer the Satsuma complex now is this fiction or fiction but Bob Mortimer wrote it who's a hero

and let me tell you a little story this week at the BBC when I was working on the overnight shows usually I get in round about when the one show's filming down below us because they film it broadcasting house

Bob Mortimer's on there this week talking about his new book I was this week yeah this Friday just gone and you saw him well I'm as far away

from him as I am from you right now but I couldn't do anything because I was having to take a guest up to the show to do the thing so I literally had to say excuse me Bob Mortimer

in my head comedy hero I love you can you want to be in my podcast I have to take this guy up and he was like oh sorry me kind of thing yeah lovely

but then that's it that's it I asked him to move out my way Oh. Slash from Guns and Roses once had to ask me to move out of his way as he kind of got through, went through his studio. Anyway, so that's the book. I've wanted to read this for a while because I want to know what his writing style is like,

but apparently it's great. It's a comic. It's a comic. Serrely kind of, yeah. So I bought that because it was a quid. How much was yours? I'm 50. Great.

Not bad, man. Not bad. And I'm genuinely looking forward to reading that as well. It's not like a, oh, whatever. Shall we move on? What was your cheapest item? Well, the records, I reckon, because they were 50p each, yeah. I'll show you my cheapest now.

All right, okay. Oh, this is equal. No, this isn't the cheapest. This is the quid's gambit item. Oh, it's a quid. Did any of your items cost a quid? Yeah, that. Oh, that was a quid.

Here we go, I'm going to hand it to you. Oh. This is, I don't think we've ever done this because we've tried to avoid them because they're such typical pieces of tap. Yeah, well, it's been 10 years, let's fold. it's a little thimble it's a little clazon enamele

yeah it's a very elaborate how do you pronounce that word don't know but it's a very very elaborate way of enamelling something you see how they do it and it's just madness I like it

I've seen it's a particular technique is it yeah if you look on Instagram mate you'll find it eventually but like it involves like constant baking how does it spell again I don't know

I don't know but this is a little blue thimble with an enamel surrounds, which is, it's a swan or a bird of some kind. Clausewine pronunciation, here we go. Crosanet. Clozone.

Clawanet. Clozone. Similarly, Clozonee, Clozone. Clause. So it is a little blue thimble in that style of two little ducks on the river or something. I didn't see what it was. But I like it. But I like Closanay, and it's usually quite expensive. Quid for a bit of Clauseanae seems like a good deal for that.

Well, because that's quite small, it must have been a nightmare to do. Because I say it's a really elaborate process of like adding inks and powders and baking and boiling and then welding metal onto it and then adding more. Closanet. A little Closanet thimble there for you. Anything else?

What have you got? I've got two more items in there quite big. All right. Let's go for this. All right. I saw this. I was tended to get this. Measuring spoons, fantastic fish.

Right. Is it for kids? No, I think it's just an imaginative way of measuring spoons. Don't grab it. How fucking that. Have you? Mint on card? Yeah.

Set of fun measuring spoons. They look like little fishies. They're very adorable, but you get a teaspoon, a tablespoon, a tablespoon, and a half spoon. Yeah, and all the usual stuff. So we see, though, because they are mint on card. This is unopened. Also, interesting in that. It's one of those things you think you never want as a teenager or as a young adult.

And then eventually as you get to a certain age, you go, I need measuring spoons all the time. These are great, man. Oh, yeah, they are. Look at that. How the biggest one is purple fish. Yeah. And they've got different moms. markings, different types of stripes on them.

Yeah. And then you've got second size with the, and that's one teaspoon. What's the largest? Tabelspoon. Table spoon? Teaspoon. You'll have caught. Yeah.

They have a very kind of a fisher price vibe to them as well, which I'm actually well into those. Yeah. They've got a hook. Oh, the hook is like a fish hook. Yeah. That's a nice little detail. It's a nice little touch. And if at a glance, you'll be able to know which one you need to measure the right,

one you know what I mean that's going up in the kitchen good I think you should there's nice I think they were my most expensive item really uh two pounds oh you did you spent a lot on a little don't think I spent more than two pounds we'll see actually on it we've got the thimble was a quid that was 150 yeah the record was how much was your record 50p yeah I know that is my most expensive item I believe so let's have one of your Or do you want to go continue to the end of the home? No, I'll do my item now. I'll do another one.

So this is something I actually do want to try out and I got it because it was three quid. Ooh, it's a light. It's a sad lamp. It's a tiny little sad lamp. It takes batteries but, you know, it's meant to be good for your mental health and waking up more healthfully.

Sunrise lamp. Do you have good blackout curtains in your bedroom anyway? Yeah. They are, so the natural sun won't come in and wake you up. So you're going to give that a go? Yeah. Are you going to report back to us?

I'll report back in for you, week's time, for me, forever ago. I don't know. I haven't tested it. I mean, they said they test everything before they put it back on the shelf, so you'd hope. And I haven't actually pressed it on or anything. I think it needs batteries. You won't have batteries in. Yeah, that's fine.

You have to screw out. Yeah. But it's a lovely little thing, and hopefully it works. It looks like one of those Pokemon disc things, but in white. So this is three, four. What else did I get? I got the two records, that was a quid. Oh, I've got two items left in here.

Oh, I forgot about the other one. This one was a quid. I guess this is the quid's gambit. Oh, there was a quid one. Here it goes, handed me. Oh, they had dice. I saw these. Oh, it says two, but it was one quid when they rang it up.

Poker dice. Yeah. Should we see who wins? You can get the best. Don't break it. Just peel the tape off. Don't fucking, whatever. There's no need to get.

Stabby, stabby with it I wasn't getting savvy, stabby, peeling, peely, peely. It's like all the people who comment on our 31 days of Halloween with like, fucking you and your stabby thumbs getting right in. I was doing that on purpose for effect. No, you weren't.

Look at this, and being very gentle. You are, nags that I've told you to. I'm a capable of gentleness. I am. Do you want to, shall we have two rolls? Yeah, what happens then? You roll the dice and what else gets the best hand in the roll? Every poker hand is five cards

And there are five dice here And you know what? I figured out the other day Do you know what it's called a hand? Right Five fingers and fingers and thumbs Isn't that weird Or is it because you hold it in your hand

Because there's other games That have hands that are different sizes That are also called hands But I wonder whether it comes from poker Because it's for like the five fingers Think about it this way People palm cards So yeah it could all just be part of the whole hand

Just because you hold them in your hand Rather than it's five Do you see what I mean? Anyway, interesting. Throw your dice. Let's see what I get. He's got a queen. I've got two tens, a pair of tens, three tens.

Are those both full house? You're never going to believe that. I know. I got a full house. Well done. The random opportunity of chance has allowed you to win. Yes, maybe. You might get four of a kind.

I've got ace, ace. You've got a pair of aces. A king, jack, and a ten. You've only got a pair of races. That's fine, though. Oh, what a lot of fun that was, potentially. That's your quids gambit. All right, we can put that on your shelf and they'll sit there.

Yeah. Put it on your shelf? Yeah, I'll close those up for you. All right, so do you have any other more items? I do. All right, because I've got one more left and it's my biggie. I've got one more of the thing and then one honorable mention I want to give. All right, go on.

But let's go for this. Look, I'm handing it to you. I don't even want to open it. Amez lettering guide. Now with metric. Well, that fucking shows its aid instantly. Oh, look at how good condition that is. But what, oh.

What is this? Amezzar set. Plastic little. letter set that you put you put your pen nib in one of these holes and it does things yeah it's like a little

professional spirograph thing what's it for guide it's French on one side and then because metric because they're obsessed with metric things in France that must be to do that they're very metric in France they try to metrify

sausages time because you know time's not metric is it 60 seconds so forth they try to have a hundred seconds You can't fuck about with time Not like that It can't

It's been the theme Hasn't it today Anyway And shit in It's always shit Which is just spoiler warning That's how I'm capping off my day Amis letter guide

Lettering guide It was that quartering It says $1.98 Was this sold in America Yeah Because then they would mention metric as well Weird Canada Must be Canada

Maybe Canada Which explains the French on the other side Yeah that's right It's Canadian eventually But it costs me Weird it says EEM there I don't know what that means

It costs me I don't know what you do I mean how to use it But you don't know 1 pound 49 But is it about spacing lettering No look here it says what you can do Direct setting to cross

For cross hatching What's that Where you cross hatch It's how you shade By cross hatching Oh okay That's a type of shading Yeah yeah yeah yeah

Maybe it doesn't mean that Maybe it means something else Um Grouped set of guidelines so you can do guide I don't know what it's for it's for lettering though so perhaps it's for

no anyway finish man symbol there's 1 49 that was I'm going to see what it's underneath there I hate it when they put stickers on stuff and it tears the packaging it's not going to

it came off nice and smooth what's that say meeting tomorrow's needs today what's it say at the very very bottom there new more durable high impact plastic so I don't know but it Whatever it does, it does it.

I like these old, anachronistic, old, weird items, especially when they're in good condition like that. I quite like that. I think now that everything is smartphones and laptops and none of this is necessarily. This is completely defunct. Do you know what it reminds me of? We had an item on the show.

Spirograph for a start. Oh, it reminds me of that, but it also, just in terms of its sort of style, it reminds me of the thing we had on the show a couple of years ago, I don't know, which was that little puck of glass that was for, like, stopping your milk from boiling over it? in that drawer. You have you used it? Yeah, it does work. After a saying about

it's lost to bobble on the bottom with the pans, you know, the milk is hot but not boiling. Okay. But isn't it a similar sort of design? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, that's my, alright, well I'm gonna, I'm gonna grab this last one then, which again says, there you go. Yeah, and I thought, yeah, but you'd already been in there. Yeah, but I went back because this is one of my, should I get this? So this is by a company called quick shot. It is the QS-2030 metal miner electronic metal detector for kids. Trigger-actuated metal detector for the young adventurer or junior private eye. Trigger activated. What does that mean? It means when you pull the trigger, it only works then.

Yeah, but is it actually a metal detector? Will it detect metal? Indicates presence of metal by means of sonar like beeper and LED indicator. Does it come with the headphones? Yeah. So you've got, I'll open it up in a minute, but it has an LED light indicator, sensitivity selector to dissent electricity, headphones, pistol grip, start trigger, spotlight, handy flashlight for working in dark places, detector head, electronically senses presence of metal, even through sand, wood, water, etc. Works just like a real metal detector. On the top, there's Sherlock Holmes. There's no limit to what you can do, so you can be Sherlock Holmes, look for hidden clues or an American cop

with some like a dirty Harry but in a costume and he's brandishing a pistol or a miner with a headlamp on or what's that a prospector? A gold prospector like a Western they look like a weird version of the village people

don't they up there? Actually it looks exactly like the village people but what I don't understand is Can you use gold to find Can you use metal detector to find gold? Of course. Okay I just didn't know if that was a whole thing It's gold, isn't it?

Shall I open this? I mean, I should. Let me just open it. Hang on. Yep, it's all in there. I mean, maybe the instructions aren't there, but it's minting box almost. The box is in great condition.

Where did you think it dates from the 80s? It's got to be the 80s judging by that box alone. Oh, no, the instructions are on the lid. How much was it? Well, it said five, but she gave, she asked, she gave me four. Oh, really? Why? Huh?

Why? I don't know. Maybe it was a pound off. So, low batteries, as shown. There's a light and LED on the top. Make sure no metal is nearby. Put on headphones and press trigger it. Where did the batteries go?

I don't know. In the... Oh, look, it's still got its test past gold stick. Yeah, QC passed. For best results, keep detector head perpendicular to surface. Yeah. Yeah. Precise sensitivity adjustments is necessary to detect small, submerged or buried objects.

So, uh, I could give it a go. I could give it a go. let's not give it a go now no i mean the headphones might have seen better days but they're those kind of old sody type ones aren't they're crazy with the with the fluffy yeah what a nice thing yeah well done so that was uh four pound they could show it on a video one time oh yeah for a cheap shots yeah yeah we'll say oh quick shot cheap shot job done the the manufacturer is quick shot yeah why do you think that is who did you think they are have you ever seen them before right oh wait it does say the date here i've just seen it play copyright nine

1887? Okay, so yeah. Would you say that says 987, bottom corner, bottom, bottom, bottom, left corner? I've got my glasses on, but I can't quite see. So 87, a bit later than I thought actually, because it kind of looks early 80s, late 70s. Yeah, but it could have been, you know. But anyway, you got that in a sensitivity. It's got a nice heavy plastic, heavy duty feel.

It doesn't feel flimsy and cheap, does it? No. Feels like a good quality plastic. All right, well, if you watch us on YouTube, you can watch us on YouTube, you can watch us play around with that on a cheap shot. Maybe I'll bury some things in some sand or something. Can I mention something that I was really pleased with? All right, let's be quick.

That I got for myself, obviously not as a cheap show thing. Look at this. Lavaware. Oh. A milk jug. Mid-century. Nice. These would definitely go in other places for like 15 quid.

It was three. Burnt orange kind of look. Nice. Smoky. The glaze is it's very much that lavaware that, that mid-century German. you know? Okay. Reeks are the 70s, but I likes it,

70s. Right. And overall, for 10 quid, I think we did all right each, 10 quid each, for what we got. I know it's all about a random shit, but ultimately, we got something to listen to, something to play with, something to read, and something has utility. What, the spoons, the fish spoons?

And I've got a quince as well, but I don't think that will get used. No, you don't know, do you? Maybe if you give it to Rogan, you'll think of something clever. Right, I'll tell you what I'm going to take a little bit of a break and then I'm going to wrap this up with the proper sign off.

Other than that, look, thank you for joining us on this two-part expedition into South London for a little rummage into the charity shops they are found therein. Ah, shut up Oh, that was bad The Cheap Show.com.com. Is you one stop...

Yeah, I know. The Cheap Show at Co.com. UK is you one stop for everything. Go there, and you'll find whatever it is you're looking for from us, and it will take you anywhere on the internet where it will be. Cheap shot videos every fortnight

on our YouTube channel. Just look for Cheap Show podcast. And then finally, thank you to our Patreon supporters who allow us to carry on making this bloody podcast every single month for the past 10 years. So, thank you to them. And if you'd like to...

Well, yeah. No, true. Every day for me. I live this. I live it. Anyway, if you like to join their number and get access to early editions of the YouTube series,

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It's patreon.com forward slash cheap show. Give what you can, but please only do it if you can. And that's it today. It's been an epic day for us. recording we hope you've enjoyed the last two weeks we'll see everyone at the live show and we'll be back I think even the week after we'll be the live show episode so next week's episode will be the live show I think that's the plan will be the live show

yeah I think yeah it will be that and then after this week this one's gone it's gone already and you're filming a film you'll have filmed the film by then well hopefully barring some kind of huge disaster knocking on wood because I don't want to curse it you're not me in a touch wood not knock on it touching that wood, mate. Do people knock on wood? Yeah, I knock on wood, yeah. Oh, is that, that's the song?

Yeah. Knock on wood. I think I better knock on wood. Touch on wood, touch on. I'll tell you, I'll tell you what is, I am. Touching cloth. I'm going to call this off. I've got to call the podcast off because I am touching cloth.

I see you next. We'll see you next week for the live show, I guess. I am. No, I am. Bye everyone. The turtles having a little lick around in the fresh air. Like that. Thanks everyone.

Na-night. Take care. Bye-bye. Love you. By the way. By the way, I've just dropped this into the episode because Eli forgot something. So Eli, you have a small amount of time right now. Go.

Now, some of you might remember years ago I had a very nice item of Tad, which was my two scantily clad ladies on motorcycles riding through the sky ashtray was it the airbrushed picture type art thing yeah yeah classic um this is very much in that vein and from a cinema type of shop not from a chariot shop uh but from a hardware store this is a little tin for tobacco but what does it depict it has a little baby sitting on a potty reading baby news and presumably having a shit while he catches up on the latest why does it do you know why does it What does that relate to I need to put into the tin? Baby poo, newspapers?

It's a funny thing to... It's a very... But look at the colouring of it. Eli's just ended up on a fucking watch list, by the way. This is a very sepia. Like, it's pretending to be a black and white photo. It's cursed. It's like one of those Athena poster-type fucking bollocks where it's like,

here's a slightly strange picture about a baby being weird and slightly more adult than a baby should. Don't like it. That's very much a cursed object. And the other last item is this, Paul. These were both £1.50 each, by the way. This is an ashtray that looks like a cigarette. Like a cigarette, but...

Like a stubbed cigarette almost. No, it does look like a cigarette, but like a stumpy one. Stumpy. It must be an ashtray then, right? Yeah, it must be. I can't get it out. All this... No.

I'm not thinking of one. with it. Why can I get it out? I need a knife. There we go. I popped it open. It has a bowl bit at the top with a little hole in. Yeah.

And a little fag rest. And then you unscrew it. Oh no, it just slips in. Yeah. And that's when you empty it. It's for the car, in it, I think. Maybe. If you smoke fags in the car.

Or if you smoke fags in bed, it's probably handy for that as well. I might actually use this. Not that I smoke fags in bed or in a car or drive. Smoke. I do smoke. But anyway, as an addendum, thank you for bringing it to our attention. I'm glad we didn't miss out on this. Right.

What is frankly, Eli, a waste of time. Well, but it's completious. It's a waste of time. We needed to cover all my pitch. Yeah, you're right. Okay, groovy.