CheapShow - Ep 459: Tat Hunt Destination Unknown (Stereo)

Episode Date: October 24, 2025

Stereo Edition After the success of last week’s Tat Hunt in Teddington, South London, Paul and Eli are now in search of a place to sit down and review the stuff they’ve purchased! The Cheap Chaps had a budget of £10 to find as much treasure amongst the Charity Shop Trash as possible and now it’s time to evaluate their discoveries. There is one HUGE problem, however. They have no idea where to go to sit down and pour through their items. What begins with a simple plan very quickly devolves into fighting, confusion, impromptu bus journey’s, altercations with security folk, a desperate search for a toilet, and the possibility that they may not have an ending to the episode! Follow Paul and Eli on another, far more aimless than usual, walkabout romp! Special Thanks to Tom from The Channel 84 Variety Show Podcast who saved this episode from a digital grave! See pics/videos for this episode on our website: https://www.thecheapshow.co.uk/ep-459-tat-hunt-destination-unknown www.patreon.com/cheapshow If you want to get involved, email us at [e-mail] For all other information, please visit: www.thecheapshow.co.uk Like, Review, Share, Comment... LOVE US! MERCH Official CheapShow Magazine Shop: www.cheapmag.shop Send Us Stuff: CheapShow PO BOX 1309 Harrow HA1 9QJ

Previously on Cheap Show. Oh, we're going to Teddington. Oh, hello, I'm Paul. Hello, Eli. Oh, I'm going to this charity shop. Let's go to charity shop. What have you got? What have you got? I don't know. Let's go to the park. I'll go to the park. Here's a park. Here we're sitting down in bushy park. We have some sandwiches. Ah, now it's time for part two. Oh, is this part two now? Oh yeah. We're in the middle of two now. Hello everybody. Welcome back to Cheap Show. I'm Eli Silverman. I am Paul Gannon. Now for you, it has been a week. But for us, we're current in the middle of time. We're taking that time shit. We're taking that time shit. we're taking that time shit right now we're parting our rectal muscles and quaffing out a nice solid log of more cheap show content for you

I am surprised you got to the end of whatever that was I think it was close to a sentence but not quite we're on what's it called Bushy Park Bushy Park it is massive goes all the way down to Hampton Palace I know what you saw what you want

at a massive bushy Oh yeah what did you call them I called them... Philomena hairy swam. I filled her in. I filled in filamina. Fill my quimmer. No, no.

Okay, this is the problem when you do it's part two. This is what you do when you do are part two. And the energy is already low because of part one was so draining. And now we've got to record another episode. So, hey, look, last week it's Tat Hunt part two. We're starting in Bushy Park. We went to Tendington Broad Street. We went into about five charity shops, I think, six in all, something like that.

Grabbed a few things. It was four on one side. Two on the other? Three on the other. Seven. And you saw two? There was... Oxfam and then that other one up the road?

No, no, there were three. Well, I missed that one then. And I walked up that twice. You're sure? Yeah, you've got BHF. Oh. Anyway, I mean, it was a week ago, Eli. Anyway, so we spent a tenor,

bang on each. We've both got some items. We're going to go to a place now to review them. And we thought, what larks it would be to jump on our old favourite Superloop and head back to the Chapel of Peace at Heathrow Airport. Well, hopefully we can sit down and have a nice little review of the items we got. But what if there's loads of people?

I don't know if there are a lot of... We'll have to figure that out when we get there, I guess. But what if there are a load of people there? Then we need to plan B. I bet there won't be. Will there be? I don't know. People need to fly out of the country and stuff, don't they?

Yeah. They go for a little prayer, a moment of quiet contemplation. I hope my plane don't crash. Well, there's that. But also... But what if you missed your plane because you were doing that? Well, then God obviously...

Mate, don't blow it in my face. Ish! A cold wind blows. A warm wind. That's what I call a Norwester. That's what I call a beef ghost of the airways. Beef ghost. Now...

Fridge raider. Oh, mate. Actually, I want... Can I give a score for those veggie fridge raiders? Oh, yeah. Minus 5. Very much a minus 5 situation. Grotesque.

Glottesque, horrible, nothingness. Giving vegetarian food a bad name. Just a piece of tofu is infinitely more... Just stick with tofu. You don't need this, pap. So, we're going to start where we left off last week, but for us it was half an hour ago because, you know, we've had a break.

I think that break was a mistake. We should have kept on going because I think your energy's waning, isn't it? No. My energy's definitely waiting. I'm just about to have a sugar-free red bull. Oh, I should have got me coffee. Notice my red bull...

Well, intake. has gone down and I'm only having the sugar-free ones these days. Do you remember when I was going on about those Thai ones? They're bad news, man. Those are bad news, original Red Bull. It's the crystal meth of the genre, right? It's like, you're just doing a nice simple line right now, but, you know. No, because you get those little mini monster extra strong,

which is still and in a can like that. That's also. It's basically medicine. It's basically like pure adrenal gland. Right, welcome to Cheapshire, everyone. We're off on our way to do our tat hunt too. We're going to make our way now to a bus stop. I need a piss before then.

Eli, it's full stop. Pishing impossible for Eli. It's quite pishing quite difficult because... It is because there's no hidey holes or anything like that. It's very flat and open as a park. Parks around here tend to be. Yeah, but you know, we usually frequent... There's a lot of commons.

You think of a common as being more flat and open, don't you for some reason? But we like our, you know, country parks. I'm not a country park, a hilly country park, yeah. Like when I took you to Stansted. A heath, in fact. Heath. Scrub.

Not Stanster. Where was the country park? I took you that time. Stan Moore. That was a lovely little place off the bridge track. I mean, it's not even a little place. It's quite a big place. Bigger than I thought.

Brilliant. Anyway, welcome, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls of all ages to Cheap Show. Also, Eli, the rule of me saying, we'll see you in a bit and then you slap me is still in force. I do not want you to drop the ball on that. Okay. Can I just say something? Yeah. When you say here, press the fucking button, can I just gobble your chod off? Yes, not gobble it off, but...

Nobble your gobble off. You know what we were saying about energy levels? Yeah. Mine's really low now. It's gone really low. Well, you're going to neck that red bull, mate. I need my wing man. You're my goose. How long have we done already? 30 seconds.

Right. Welcome to Cheap Show on the Tat Hunt Part 2. Cheap Show, Ta-Hunt, Part 2. It's the price of cheap show to the money It's the price of shite Cheap's up to the money Welcome to Cheap Show We're on our way Eli hasn't found a place to piss yet It's not going to happen is it

I've got a whiff of dog shit so bad from the dog ship bin I thought you'd farted Had that fresh urgency You know what I mean? I think that would just look you know like Just Lane There must have been hot, steaming

Just Lane eggs right below my nose in there fresh out the baker's oven but Why are you so you're the scatological I am no I've always been a scatological

comedian I'm happy I'm actually comfortable with that because not many people are and would be happy to say so oh it's fan to say I'm a political comedian or I'm... He's going to attack Richard Osmond any second now

fucking woggley eye bastard Jesus Just saying He came to you with an offer To develop cheap show He would ruin it though He would ruin it Oh right so you wouldn't accept it

No Fame and fortune No From Richard Watson No I doubt Of all people here Of all of them He could offer me

Like a hooker a day And Coke for years And champagne on tap I'd do it if I was famous Wouldn't I How would you do it If you got famous overnight. Oh, here we go.

This isn't about me. And no, I wouldn't. Fucking John Bluchio over there. He was dead at 31. Yeah, well, you've done it right there. Well, don't you? Well, how could I be anything like him then? But yeah, he got famous though.

If you got famous at 31. Oh, maybe, Christ. So, you know, thank you. My point somewhat stands. But we haven't left the park yet. I had no chance of being famous when I was 31. No, not me. No, neither.

I used to get told, Oh, if you're not famous by 27, you won't be famous at all. Thank God. Well, I mean, we have some fame, don't we, you and I? Here we go. By lieu of our podcasts and our YouTube. Thanks for listening, everyone. Thank you.

Oh. This is the gate we came in. Laurel Roadgate. Yeah. And I must say, magnificent part. In it? We should come back and properly explore it sometime. Yeah, they've got buildings in it.

There's ponds. Maybe a patron episode or something. We don't see nothing here. Maybe we could do a Patreon there in one day. I don't know. It's a thought in it. Right, the sun is blinding me. Let's get out.

Right, no foraging. There might be a route through the park here to get to... Well, no, because we need to go to the main road for the bus. We need to go to Hampton Road or Park Road, whatever it is. Why is it so fucking busy here, why? I need to slash up a tree. I know. When one needs to simply slash up a tree...

Oh, mate, it's deer rutting season. From now until heary, November. Oh, mate, cancel the... I'm going to be... I'm going to hang out here. Let me just read this out. From now until early November, male deers will roar and clash antlers in a bid to fight off rivals and attract females. Be extra careful.

Please keep a distance of 50 metres from deer. Keep dogs on leads. Never get in between two rutting dears. I mean, there's advice. No, you mustn't. Wow. And you can't go foraging. Do not pick mushrooms, chestnuts or seeds and plants.

Why? Because it's their food? I mean, maybe there's that point of it, yeah. I think they have to keep that food for the deer. And also, have you noticed these cages? that are around a number of the trees. Yes. And especially the little saplings.

Yeah. That's to obviously protect from the deer's eating them. Oh, yeah. We haven't seen any deer, have we? I know. Bastards. I want to see rutting deer. I bet you can see bats.

Oh, this is closing soon. The gates do close in this place. Oh, do they? No barbecues. It talks about the fungi here. It wouldn't be fun being locked in. Oh, you are right. It says it is forbidden to collect fungi

because doing so will diminish the population and deprives wildlife of its habitat and food sources. Yeah. So there you go. There's mushrooms. Rural Park. Do you know it's a rural park? It's a rural park.

Yeah, you can tell by the shit benches. Yeah. Oh, can we give it a minute case big dog bite me? I don't want to get caught between rutting dogs. They look like those XL bullies. Oh. Oh. Oh.

We're getting fucking fucked to death by a dog. All right. There we go. Right. He's all anxious to keep out of his way. What fucking kind of advice is that? My dad's a mad. My dog's a mad bastard.

You better stay out of its way. It's like I was going to take it to the park. The hive of us look like we're even getting anywhere near it. Fucking dick. Sorry. No. I don't know what he said. Mind out for my fucking mental, angry dog.

Why I just take to a public park? It was a perfectly, he had a muscle anyway. Yeah. But it perfectly, we were, I don't. Oh, mate. Is that your mad dog? Can I just, can I just, He wanted to have an issue.

Guy took its balls. He wanted, it was almost like he was provoking us to say, oh, I didn't want to touch your dog, mate, or something. I don't know. Oh, cunt. The dog didn't look that bad. He was just a bit excited. Oh, God.

It was a black Labrador. I love those. I love that, those breeds. Golden Retrievers, Labradors. Sexy. Well, I sort of giving me the eye. You haven't got experience with dogs? You never had a dog at home, did you?

No, never had a dog. No. I'm not a dog, no, I'm not a dog. cat lad that's fine i'm a both you go both you swing both ways the pet the next issue of the magazine the cheap show magazine's all about pets i wrote something for it you've written something for it haven't you and if you're a patron supporter you'll get a free copy of it as a pdf at some point when evan has magically made it because it's all event's talent so thank you evan now what are you hoping for from my cachet of a charity shop goods bought in teddington

well for me when i think of what you buy you tend to buy stuff that's kind of like here we go no no no i'm honestly trying to make it work like it's a different it's a kind of cross between what you think i'd like but what you actually like so one or two things you've bought because you thought oh i like these i want these whether that's a record or something no i kept those off the books i might i might introduce those yeah but yeah okay and then other things are kind of utilitarian so you tend to get like lamp holders or like I couldn't think of a word like keychain or or cutlery or a penknife it's like known to I've been known to we actually haven't done this in a while well we did it earlier this year we went to Watford we had different

parameters then because like we had to get a board game we had to get a toy we had to get a gadget It's been all very sort of jazz. Oh, mate, this traffic looks like it could slow our journey down to Heathrow. And, you know, since you're looking for toilet, it might be a troubling time for you. I'm just saying. Let's just see what the things is. Anyway, we need to make a decision. I say we walk up a little bit because there's the main road up there.

We might find other opportunities, right? Okay, well, this random tatunt, part two, is now venturing into the vein. We're aiming to get to Heathrow, but that might be a bad idea. But at some point, we'll figure it out. Oh! Right, we're on the main road anyway, so off we go. Well, the sense could be an hour looking at it, either bus. In fact, it says the 285 is on its way.

Quicker, slightly, than the SL7. And seeing as we've been on the SL7 before, albeit at night time, it would be more spicy, and we're going to be more spicy, and we're going to see bits of the town that we more likely see bits that we are completely unfamiliar with which gives me a little bit up bit of a buzz to be frank if we take the two five three I guess by that way there in an hour I guess by that logic I wish we'd gone through the park a bit more then yeah maybe there's another gate down here you want to go back in the park yes because I need a piss real bad all right

well this journey episode's already hey look the roadbook do you know what that is it's a The deer? Yeah. All right, okay. So the deer's obviously a thing around here. Is there an roadbook on the other side of the road? I could take a fish in that pub, couldn't I actually? Yeah, but then you'd have to get a drink and it's all awkward.

Can we even get into the parking that way, do you think? Maybe. This is Laurel Road. This is the same road with the gate. Yeah, but they... We're going back. We're going back in. Yeah, I'd rather than go along the high road, honestly.

There's another one in 16 minutes. Yeah. Are we going to aim to get the 285 in 16 minutes? minutes. That's a long way, isn't it? The stop is... Is it just around the corner? It's right here.

Let's look for the bus stop first. Come on. Wait, where? We haven't passed it. Yeah. Yeah, but that's going the opposite direction, isn't it? Yeah, it is. We need to go in that direction.

So there should be a bus stop here. Maybe, or maybe it's just out the way there. But it's definitely this direction we need to go. That's weird. It should be a bus stop here. just there called I know but it's not again I agree but there is no bus stop there at all saying wait for the bus here to me now that doesn't look like park and ride though retrace our steps to find find no because here's a bus coming now see it yeah so that's not the one we want anyway I reckon we walk up this way though yeah but I need to

to the next stop up here yeah okay just we can get our bearings all right there might be somewhere up here you see we'll figure it out dear how confident are you ladies gentlemen about this podcast so far I think it's slightly gone off the rails but let's see it's a very aimless one this week oh mate that looks like one of those kind of pubs where once you go in

they all know you're not there usually you're not a regular and I bet they all no I don't think so it's a horrible pub full of a racist or something I reckon so It's one of those pubs where if you get locked in, you're never seen of again. It's one of those pubs where the landlord, he spits in your drink.

Well. It's one of those pubs where the jigbox only plays de ream. Right, that's it. You put me off now. That's the one. That's the one. Laurel Dean. So that's Laurel as in Laurel Road. There's a Laurel Laurel Laurel Laurel.

Laurel Laurel, isn't it? Hey, you did it again? What? You repeated what I said, because it, It was funny. I was building on it and developing it into a better comedy thing.

Laurel, Laurel what? Laurel laughs. Okay. Yeah, it looks asilla black. Yes. I said Laurel laurels. Yeah. So, again, I was developing

and improving upon it. Nice, old, almost Victorian-era garage frontage ruin thing there, isn't it? Yeah, yeah. Take a shot of that. You take a shot of that.

I'm going to have to press stop on this because, you know, we can't record all of this fucking shit. No, I've got to press stop on this. Oh. You and your liminal... I'm back here so I can hear that you don't say the thing and I don't have to hit you and punish you. Oh yeah, fair enough.

Okay. This is the end of this segment. Press the back. No, no. I'll slap you. How far away are we? Oh, you're taking a picture? All right, fair enough.

Can I just say something? Yeah, go on. Miles and miles of Brewers Tudor. That's just a tone poem. It's a tone poem. We're on the, was it two-five? 285. Two.

That's where we're going. We're going to Heathrow Airport Central. But this is a brand new episode of Dusk Buson, where we go on a busk at dusk. Busk at dusk. I tell you what, this is the land of Brewers Tudor and excellent vernacular brutalism, plus dystopian ruination and graffitied up old thirties buildings.

We're jutting up against the 90s facade of old grand designs of the past. You know what I mean, when they used buildings in the 90s, that were meant to look like Roman, bloody collarsings, but they looked like they were made of fucking shitty bricks. You know what I mean. Anyway, chicken, Big Mac, what's going on? Now, you, listener, will... We'll know that.

I have specifically mentioned the Chicken Big Mac on the podcast and discussed it with the podcast co-partner, co-host Paul Gannon, before. Please let me know if you know this to be the case and if possible, give me an episode number because we've just gone past an advert for the Chicken Big Mac which has been out for months.

This is the second fourth time. It's come back on the Big McDonald's menu and he's like, what's the world coming to? Like, it's the first time you've seen it. Unbelievable things happening in McDonald's. Unbelievable. I've never heard of such a thing before in all my days. Also, what was the thing I remember said?

Remind me of something. I forgot what I was going to remind me about. Oh, yeah, one. You pissed all over the seeds at Costa. There was piss all over the seeds. I let her wipe it. I left it. It was there when I went, and I just...

Oh, then I wiped up someone else's piss. Yes, he did. Well, that was very nice of me, wasn't it? Well, it's tasty. I wasn't going to deal with that. It's like, I didn't add to the mess. I just, I aimed in between. I did splash on, though.

Shocking, though. People can't even clean up after each other. That's why I have to lick it up. Disgusting. Oh, wait, it's coming to me. I'm trying to remember there was something. Oh, that thing we couldn't just figure out what it was last year, the last episode with the semen all over it.

Remember that great big thing with the semen all over it? No. One was at the bottom of the shaft, was at the top oh the rack yeah the nautical themed rack yeah we didn't know what it was apparently it's for coasters so things you put your cups on of course of course yeah yeah and I bet it came with a set of nautical or fishing themed coasters so it was an incomplete item maybe even like you know those kind of coasters they make where it's like one big twine rolled up into a spiral it could

be that like nautical rope you mean style yeah that's what I was thinking anyway so we're on this bus, it's 6.30. It's going to be dusk and past dusk when we get to. The problem is, it's rush hour. Dead in the centre of it. Oh, look there's Jackie Chan. Where? Rush hour.

Oh, my God. Ho, ho. Paws on fire. On dusk bus and the new Cheap Show spin-off. We go on a bus specifically between like six to like eight o'clock. No, it's the worst time to go on a bus. Why? Because it's from a rush hour.

There's a park. Stop talking about the Jackie Chan film. There's a bus, not a bus, got us up saying bus, there's a plane coming in, so we know roughly where we're going. We are near Heathrow, yes. Heading on an Heathrow, and this is exciting time. We're going past Felton, where there's a famous jail, I think. Feltem up. Can you turn it off?

You've angered and tired me now. We are running on super low energy for this part of the episode. No, not, but we're going to get a boost when we see each other's items. Oh yeah, we will. What are you doing? You've got your arm in my ribs and belly. It's because there's so much of it. That's good.

That's good. There's just too much of it, so I couldn't... It was getting a bit intimate. Could I? Yes, your great big gun was pushing into my soft, soft belly. My big big gun? Your arm is you going. Oh, I thought you were talking about me, you know, me Ghibli Watson.

We are in public. Stop. Look, there's another Brewers Tudor pub. At Everest Spice Lounge. Saloon and lounge. I'll go in there. get a curry, nice cold lager. Nung-n-n-n-n-num.

Cobra. Yeah, maybe. I bet they've got more. Maybe. That's a good colour. Pistachio. Oh, God. That's it?

Day glow pistio. Like chock chit-meat. Dusk bussing. It has a ring to it, doesn't it? No. But it's the wrong time. This is dusk, though, isn't it? This is dusk, though, isn't it?

This is dusk-bush, but... Well, this is the only episode of Duskbussm, we're going to do. It's rush hour, isn't it? It's always rush around rush-rush-hour. So it's a shit time to get a bus. Yeah, but that's the point, isn't it? You can take short journeys that last longer because of the bus. Yeah, but then he's just, ah.

I'm just, mate, if you're going to spit on every new format, I'm going to suggest. You just ruined it for me. Listen, this is this. I want to give you an update on this dusk busing. I think we're about halfway down. Everyone listening, if you want dusk busing to be a thing, comment below this thought you have. You can't have two spin-off bus podcasts, mate. Mourn busing.

the busing where we get on the bus around about six o'clock in the morning. That's terrible, terrible. And we get it. Oh, this magistrates court. You see that whole magistrate's court? Victorian magistrates court. Yeah. But it's now housing.

I'm enjoying this because I have never been. This is a good route. This is a good route. This is peak cheap show bus route. This is probably where it diverts from the Super Luke route. And that was at night anyway when we did it. Oh, that is a good point. Yeah, we're not on the super loop roads.

No. Look at this park here in a valley. Oh. Oh. See, this is just what we like on Cheap Show, isn't it? It's what we like. You... Go over there.

You want us to swap seats again? No, you just go over there. Why? Otherwise we can't record. You'll call your meaty gun. Stop being so scared of my... Oh, we can't now anyway. Ah ha ha ha.

Stop being afraid of my masculinity. Just embrace it. Don't take a picture of mine. He's taking a picture of me. Right. We'll see you when we get to here. Let's not what else we've got to do, just sit here and enjoy ourselves, right? So we'll do it go to Heathrow. See in a bit.

Bye. Hello. Ow. We're the last one standing on the bus, but we're sitting. So we must be near. I mean, we went through... The next one's Mondial way. We're not even near, yeah.

No, there's several stops. This is deep into Heathrow country, isn't it, around here? These are all like hotels and like... God, that Batherson Blue looks ugly as fuck. It's like, do you want a Las Vegas hotel for one-tenth of the cost? Yeah, it does. It looks like a cut-rate Vegas, yeah. Not even Reno.

No, that lady thought we were tourists because we were taking a load of pictures of the sunset. And then she said, oh, it was a beautiful sunset. When you went, no, no. I just, I was kind of like, no, we're just having a romp. Now, the Renaissance Hotel. Look at all the lights me and Elyle are getting very, nostalgic for when we went to LA and we got the plane and we flew out you remember you

know happy days oh happy days that fly was terrible yes no American Airlines is almost objectively objectionable yes you know so we must be near because he throws just there so it must be just going around the outside yeah come around here go round the outside, around the outside. What's that song? Buffalo Galeigh, Go Around the outside, by the guy who managed the sex beast doors.

Whose name was? Something McTwattie Ginger Man. Malcolm McLaren. Who owns a race car as well, which is a fact. And you can tell that to anyone you hear. There's another hotel. Ibis style.

Style? There's not even an Ibus hotel. It's just in the style of. No, it's, you know, all these big hotel trains have these sub-chains, don't they? Holiday Inn Express or whatever. Travelodge Extra or whatever. This must be the next one.

Yeah, it's the next one. Oh, here we are. We've been on the bus for about, what? An hour. Has it been an hour? Almost. Either way, when we did the night bus an episode, which is, I think, the one we released early this year

to cover our New Year's adventure. Really? That whole, yeah, it was literally Ted. to here, wasn't it? I know it stopped off a hat and cross. But still, it's a huge big section without stop, uh, without stops. Oh, look at all this. It goes fast here in the sunlight, isn't it? It looks like Blade Runner or something, doesn't it? It's because you've got all the blinking lights and the tall buildings and the lights and... A very sci-fi vibe up in this bus. Certainly on that side of it. Yeah.

Oh, here's the plane. Here's the plane coming in. No, the plane that stands at the entrance. Oh, yeah. The fake plane. It's the model fake plane. Lots of airports have that. They do. Imagine you got into that and you were like, ready for lift-off, ready for take off. And then it took off? Imagine that.

I'm looking that from the dollop. There was a dollop, yeah. You shouldn't have told me. It's a really funny bit that Gareth did about getting into that and, you know, yeah. You know, because all airports have one, don't they? Loads of them have them. He was doing it as like a little play thing to get in pretend to be pilot.

And the people was actually taking off in it. Over it, just to repeat that is not a real aircraft. You know, it was like, I mean you couldn't even get in it's got no doors it's just it's just a it's just a it's a big toy in some places it's like a out of service an actual jet that's been taken out of store we're in the tunnel take a picture of the tunnel while we're in it I like this I like tunnels I like being on a bus in a tunnel as well just for a future reference oh yeah I'm on pausing yeah that's nice and you got that this is so uncomfortable doing it

That position. I'm taking a picture now, fuck you. New tunnel. So, yeah. So this goes under the runways, doesn't it? This tunnel, Eli, goes under the runways, doesn't it? Yes, I don't know. Does it?

Yes. Goes under the runways, I think, so you can get to the newer stuff. Anyway, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. we're nearly there and we're getting off and then we can um we've done a bit of everything really today haven't we we've done a charity shop hunt we've done a kind of walkabout we've done a night bus yeah but all together today it's been a big mix of stuff that was last week no but all together for us today it's been a mix yeah but that's i'm talking about us you belligerent sweaty bowl bag Sweaty boobabab. Sweaty ball bag. What's the cash emoji, man? Just write cash in.

In what? In the little search engine for your emojis, so you can search for emojis like you're looking for. Put cash in or money. Yes, of course. I know you could do with gifs, but not with emojis. Mate, the things I could teach you. Let me show you the world.

Scrolling through fucking emojis. I could show you the world, shining shimmer. shimmering splendid oh where Eli when did you oh here we are getting off the bus finally fucking put this coffee cut down no right we're getting off here we go oh is that your bottle no oh I'm not taking blame for that then get out of the way right we're getting off here we go ding ding got my wallet here we go here we go Right. I want to find a bin because I'm sick of tired and carrying this coffee cup round.

There we go. I seem to have another running motif in these podcasts Eli, in that I getting annoyed by holding on to coffee cups for longer than I have to and needing to find a place to put them. You just did. I know, because I'm also working the mic. in the mic, I'm carrying gubbins. You know what I mean? I've got a lot going on. I'm a busy man.

Yeah, we have to go out and around and over and through. So, okay, we are now. Do you need to go toilet or anything? Oyster car. Do you want to do that now before you forget? Yeah. Because that way, if you need to race and get something, you don't have to worry about that. Oh, will I have to? Well, it has been a cheap show day, isn't it?

Oh, well, there's another loophole you love to exploit. I'm just saying it. It's disgusting. All right. I'm going to pay him his blood money. where is it it's uh you have to go down to the terminals and they're closer to the uh to the underground yeah that's a bus station well let's find out anyway let's sort that out and come back to you right we are in the garden of remembrance which we visited in our previous night busing episode

a place to reflect and to recharge st george's chapel a place of worship anyone to have a moment to themselves before maybe they take a flight that they're frightened of or reflecting on those they have lost. But either way, that's where we are. Although weirdly surrounded by motorways and as you mentioned last time,

this weird Star Wars kind of black... That's my R-bag. I've left it there. I just put it there. But I'm just saying that... It's this weird Star Wars kind of black monolithy thing, isn't it? It's weird. That is a advertising order.

I mean, I know that, but you know what I mean? Like from this angle, Death star? Yes, it's quite sculptural. Yeah. Well, there's no one else here. No one else here. The chapel seems to be closed. Well, that's all right. We weren't going to go in. I mean, there's probably cameras and stuff, security,

so I wouldn't act like a silly goat. Just saying. But there's plaques all around us for various remembrances. Keith, Heathrow colleagues who have passed. Oh, wow, the 66 passengers and crew lost when the Comet four B.

G. Arco, British European Airways, flying from London to Athens. Crashing the Mediterranean Sea, 1967. Christ. So as you can see, there's lots of plaques around here for various reasons. I don't think we'll go into them all. So are you ready to evaluate your stuff then? Is it time? Because I reckon we pull up a pew and time to review.

Oh, I like that very much. Pull up a pew, it's time to review. Oh, did you spill your drink on yourself? Maybe it's sugar freezer of every city? No, we'll still have a bit... All right, whatever. Right, okay. How are we going to do this?

We're going to do a quick break and then we'll just show an item at a time, all right? Okay. Yeah? Right. You can't smoke a fag here? No, we can't smoke a fag here. We can smoke a fag around the corner

because you could do it under the underpass, but not here. This is a place of remembrance, and you will fucking behave. Make it under the... Yeah. Why? I don't know, because this is...

By that e-cigrets? Well, that e-cigrets? They're probably not really allowed here anyway. Why don't you just behave? Why do you have to have a smoke right now and we're recording? Pissing all over a seat. You said you have a break. I'm not pissing over anything.

Mate, let's just put it this way. Do you want to have a break? Or do you want to just get this episode fucking done? And then we can chill axe, dude, man. I'm in good mood. I've recorded that, and that one's keeping in as a document for Eli's sin. His lacklustre attitude. You see, if his, oh, mate, this is a garden of remembrance.

I didn't it want it to be your dinner from this fucking last night? Remember that? It's just a place to reflect and recharge. E-rested. Are we going to get E-rested? Are we going to get e-rested? Now, you're the one breaking wind and shouting like a child. You shut up.

Get your thing out. Your first item. You can't do that in the church of remembrance. It's not the church. We're in the garden. Garden of Remembrance. Right, be respectful. Here we go. Oh, play, coming in. Can't I hear it.

Yeah, you pinched your cheeks then, didn't you when I pointed the recorder at you? Can you stop? You're like a psychopath. I'm not the one breaking wind violently and loudly. That's not what set you have to do. It's what normal humans do. Yeah, but you don't do that either. This is a great can be a great photo. Is it? of that planter. Right.

Plantar in the rain. What do you want to do? Do you want to do an item each at a sign? Or shall I go through all my items first, take a break, they go through all your items next and stop? Do you want to do it that way? Go an item each. Yeah? You do one, I do one.

All right. Do them in the order that you bought them as well. I can't remember what that was now. Why to keep it right? What about, because you got some records, didn't you? Yes. Is it for this or is it for you those records? Fuck me, your gut smell of a kebab shop.

Jesus. Christ. Well, they are a cab shop. Yes, they usually are. It's on the Holloway Road. It's called Eli's Guts. Eli's dirty. If you walk inside my lower colon and you scrape off a bit of the muck on the wall, I give you a Peter.

I'll supply the Peter because it's part of me so I'm like round the side. My big arms. Oh, I have a Peter. Can I have an extra large colon kebab please? Just scrape it off yourself, mate. Oh, love it. Well, don't do sizes. You just get Peter. It's like a cover charge. You mean this dangling dry skin

that I have to snip off with nail clippers. No, no, it's... It's... It's... It's a lovely story. I'm just thinking, because we both got records, if they're part of the...

If they're part of the 10-pound thing, then we can do them each now, yeah? So do you want to do that? I've got one record that's part of my 10-pound thing. All right, I've got two. So we could do that bit first, right? Okay, fine. I'll start with mine, then.

Hang on. Right, I got two pieces of vinyl. They're little seven inches, right? You don't look. The first one... is theme from sons and daughters, the Australian soap opera. That's actually quite a banger theme. Sons and daughters love and laughter, tears and sadness and happiness.

Yeah, that one. So it's done by someone called Kerry and Mick, and here's a clip of it right now. Love is very strange. It can come and go. It can happen when you are young or old. When it comes, it comes from nowhere. When it comes, it changes your life. Sons and daughters love and laughter, tears and sadness and happiness, we will find out our sons and daughters are what we do were once above.

That was what I bought. There's the extended version on the flip. I don't think we need. the extended version. It's got a rap bit in it. That's what I think. It's like, wik, wik,

such a daughters. You don't see that very often. Coming up your borders. I'm going to have your son. It's going to be a lot of fun. It was like neighbours, but slightly classier. Yeah.

But they were trying to do more of a dynasty Dallas thing there. Were they? You know what? It's been at least 30 years. It used to come on. Me and my mate would sing the theme and then turn it over.

At least. We would never watch that crap. But also, it was in that genre of like flying doctors. and, you know, those Saturday morning, yeah. That's what I'm saying. What was the basic thing? I don't know.

I think it's just a soap. Honestly, I think it's just a soap. So that's my first one. The second one is this. It's called The Dark Side of the Sun, the main theme from the BBC series. And apparently it's about this guy's... Staphras.

It's by Staphros. I don't know what it sounds like, though, but I got it because apparently it's like a folk-horrey kind of show about a guy who's, I think, wife dies, So he, no, he dies, he's an artist. And so his wife goes on an adventure to find out

there's supernatural horror involved. I've never heard of that. I've never heard of it. But I'm going to edit it in right now for you listening, but we haven't heard it yet. So this is what it sounds like. Aren't you lucky you're hearing it before us? Chronologically.

I'm going to be able to be. I would have snapped that up. I would have snapped that up. Where was that? The Shooting Stars. That was a good one, the shooting stars. Yeah. Oh yeah, there is. On the back, there's a plot. Hang on. The Dark Side of the Sun is a six-part mystery by Michael J. Bird, the author of The Lotus Eaters and Who Pays the Ferryman and the Aphrodite Inheritance.

The action is set on the island of roads and concerns a photographer who goes there to illustrate a travel book. He dies in mysterious circumstances and his young and attractive wife determines to carry on with his work. This leads to an increasingly frightening series of supernatural incidents. So, lots of, and then this is the music. The guy, Stavros, who compiled the soundtrack, is one of Greece's leading composers, and previously wrote the music for the Lotus Eaters and Dark Side of the... Lotus Eaters was quite a big.

I don't know. Have you never heard it? No. What's the surname? Zachach. I don't know, it's Greek, in it? It begins with an X. X-A-R-H-A-K-O-S.

So, okay, now, and which were these both together? How much do you think this was? But go these two. And you'd be right to, that was a quid for these both. And I can't wait to hear them. What did you get? I got a Barry Blue record. Who's Barry Blue?

It's not Barry Blue, but Barry Blue's behind it. Again, who's Barry Blue? He did the hit. In the glam era, he did the hit. He's gone. He's gone, everyone. I don't have to give my phone out. I feel like dancing?

No. Dance, dance till you can't dance no more. Here we go. Danzo, Barry Blues Dance, Disco Party Mega Mix. It's a big hit and it's an excellent sort of... Barry Blues Disco Tech. It's like a pop, um, stompy glam thing. Disco, uh, Disco Duck.

He's a pop guy. Disco Fox. Barry Blues, Disco Fox. Do you want to dance? Do you want to dance? Do you want to dance? No. Do you want to dance? Do you want to dance? Do you want to dance? That's the one.

Isn't that Gary Glitter though? No. Barry Blue. Yeah. Yeah. I thought this is Gary Glitter. No. Barry Glute.

Sounds like Gary Glitter, though. Do you want to dance? Do you want to dance? Do you want to dance? It appeals to me. No, it's not. So what's this then that you got? It's not this.

No. Oh, plane going over. Maybe, I don't know, so what's this one? I'm gonna have to get me torch on. It's not a lot of light in this chapel, I remember. It's totally towards the light I saw it, it's fine. I need to get my torch on. Torchy, torchy, there it goes.

The bump. Oh, zigzag. Is that the name of the artist? Yeah. Peter Golby. Producer. Barry Blue. Yeah, and on the flip. On the flip.

This is a magnet, by the way. Right. Sleeping Blue Nights. All right, well, we'll put the bump... Barry Blue and Lindsay DePaul. Who's Lindsay DePaul? Rings a bell by your name. Should we listen to a bit of that?

I'm going to put... I'm going to say what? Let's put a little bit of Barry Blue's the bump in now. It's not Barry Blue's the bump. Zigzag's the bump. Ziggs the bump by Billy. It's not even written by Barry Blue. It's just produced by.

He might have written it. He might have had a hand in. Anyway, listen to it now. No, because it's got a writing credit on the record. It could be lies, though. Could be a pseudonym. Yes, I mean, it's always a possibility. There's always possibility that I could be right.

Anyway, here's that, here's that track. Oh, I'm a happy desperate. Right, and on we go. We listen to those. We listened now. The bump we like. Because it has Mugon. Again, it's very much in the vein of do you want to dance, like a stomping,

pop glam thing. And the dark side of the moon was just... Dark side of the sun. Dark side of the sun was just fiddles and stuff. Balalaika's ringing out. Yeah. It's fine. No, not Balalaika. What's the Greek one?

Gizuki. What's it called? Banzhou. Banjolini. No, it's the one from the Monty Python. Shut that bloody bazooki up. Oh yeah, no, it is. It's the bazooki.

What does it say here? Yeah, bazookie and Turkish fiddle. There you go. I had a man who gave me a Turkish fiddle. Oh, yeah? Was he a racist? Yeah? He was a huge racist. That's a shame. It ruins the story, so what. Can I just mention two other records I've got?

You can, but I'm going to cut them out. Why? Because it'll take too long and I want to mention them. Go on quick. Ten seconds. No, can you stop this? We're meant to be having a nice time. You're the one adding time to us?

No, it doesn't matter. Aren't you having a nice time, it's calm. We're in the Chapel of Remembrance Garden. Yeah, well, I'm remembering to hurry this up. No, don't have to bother, do you? Do you? Just give me a second. To do what?

Where can't you work your phone? What you're doing? I'm working my phone. Why can't you just fucking... It's like watching my granddad use a smartphone. No, it's not. It is. It's exactly like watching my granddad use a smartphone.

You're the one? You even type like him? I do not. Finger jabber. You don't know your granddad anymore. He's dead. He's not. Okay.

One of them's dead, though. No. His wife's dead. Oh, do you want to just pick out my family? You've died. You're a cunt. Right. It's not like your granddad using his fucking smart.

It is. Like it's a constant fucking puzzle for him to work out. He nervously thumbs at the screen, not knowing what to undo. I don't. I use smartphones fine, Paul. You're the one who had a meltdown trying to use it the other day when we did that puzzle. That was because the software crash, not because of my user. No, it's not. It's because you're a hand-fingered old Luddite.

Well, you're a granddad knuckled, wobbly-handed, fuck away, aren't you? Why have you got all that go all of a sudden? You're the one who called me a con. I've not used to C-word at all this week. Oh, whatever. You know what this is? There's a difference between fucking manners and courtesy.

I gave you the curts. You don't have any manners. This is why I didn't want you to add the records because it sets me off and then sets you off so you've soured this. Now what do you think this is? Danny and Davis and the National Brass Come See Us.

Opry land. USA. I think it's some kind of tourist's track. Is it a kind of, you know, rag-timey kind of thing, do you think, or gnaulines? It could be something like that because it's Nashville, isn't it?

Yeah. Or is it racist? Caribbean is the name of the other... It might be a racist thing. You might have bought a racist thing. This is quite interesting. Look, a white label I found managed. Mezzo Forte.

Midnight song. And then on the flip side, Meza Forte Garden Party Live. Now, you and has played the 12-inch version of Garden Party by Meza Forte. What genre are we talking here? It's kind of 80s synthy jazz funk. Discoe jazz funk. Quite cheesy. Steiner what?

I don't know why it says that there. 715. Is that like the catalogue number or something? I have no idea. Three minutes and 51. That could be. That looks like a catalogue number. It does, doesn't it?

But interesting. Yeah, no, it's interesting. I'll give you that. That is only for a quid. And it says, look, Fair condition. They all had these kind of, they were graded in one of those charity shops.

That is much better than fair condition. Much, much better. I can see from a visual grading. That's a very good plus. It's a bit dusty, but there's no marks, are there? It's probably got a bit of grot on it. Fair is fucked. Fair is one of the worst.

Fair is like you've got a few scratches, mate. Yeah, no, fair is it jumps. Well, mate, the good one, Grumbleweeds album I got on eBay had two fucking major scratches that I think ruined the recording. Yeah, if it makes a clicky noise the whole way through it, does that all your records then? Yeah.

All right, cool. Let's move on then to our next items. We got turfed out of the place. What? No, here's the thing. I was polite to them because if we, what was the point of being... standoffish. So three security guys came here and said, unfortunately, basically, he

throws private property. So, as a result, unless you're flying in or flying out, well, I could have been a prick and so, well, church and blah, blah, blah, reflection. And he could have lied, but then it doesn't matter. The thing is, you're on getting unnecessarily angry. You got road to Rome, mate. I hate that. I hate that private cops thing when it's a public space, you know, I hate that. Anyway, look, they've asked us to move on because apparently the whole of Heathrow is private property. So we have to find another place now. What a load of shit.

Again, you're getting far too angry about... That was so flimsy. Oh, because you're not flying in or meeting people or what? Come on. We're allowed to do what you like. At least I didn't say this time. Do you know who I am?

No. You did better, but I think you were just a bit obsequious or whatever. No, because what's the point of, like, being arcy? Do you know what I mean? Because then they get... It ends up being.

a far more negative experience. Yes, it's not, yeah, you're right. So it makes more sense to say, all right, mate, if you say we can't be here, let's just move on. I agree, I agree. Right? No, I do agree with that,

but I just found the whole thing. Like, did you fly in? It's like, we just told you what we did. Do you know what? I think he was actually trying to say, is someone you know, did you fly in? Because then we can leave you alone. We might be able to move on

because we can say, oh, these guys are flying out or flying in. I think he was trying to basically say, if you say yes, then all right. But then that would have led to, or can you show us your ticket or And then it's like, oh, oh, so there's no point. So he wasn't.

Well, we don't know. We just don't know. All I'm saying is, all I'm concerned now is where do we wrap this episode off? You're not allowed to visit the chapel if you're not flying in or flying out or meeting someone. No. I know it's terrible. You're not allowed to visit the chapel, Cusbyard? I know.

Fucking bullshit. We still have to figure out a place to record. Well, you're allowed here. It's just like a load of shit, man. That's no entry. Oh, okay, well, that was handy. So now we need to... I know, but honestly, you're getting way more worked up about it than I am.

No, they piss me off. Fucking jobs work bullshit. We still have to finish this episode, so we need to have a think. We'll think of somewhere we can go, buddy boy. There's no way in any of the airport. Gonna have to have a think about this. No, we can't do it. We can. You know what? You are one of the most easily defeated people I have ever met.

Well, you're the one who rolled over and let them kick us out? Would no... Okay, so what do you want me to do? Kick off and say, we demand to stay here and then it all get ugly and drag down. No, it's not public. It's not. I said, he literally just said it, unfortunately, it's private property. So again, you're asking me for what? To tell them to fuck off. It's not my fault. I'm not saying it's anyone's fault, but at the same time, stop being defeatist. Okay, so how about you use your critical faculties? We could go back to mine if you want to, just to record the last bit. I don't want to, because it's another fucking...

What, night bus? Hours. It's hours away. We can get the tube or something. You can want to just cut the time down. We could get on the Piccadilly line. Mate, we have to finish this episode somehow. This episode's not ending here.

Let's get the bus back to yours then. Do you want to get the bus back to mine now? Yes, of course. Right. Let's figure that out. then so I've got to speak to my partner and make sure she's all right for us to come back let's not do that I don't want to go back to yours I don't want to go back to yours because it's way out of my way already was such a whinging

baby easily defeated cry baby I don't know half seven get on a bus somewhere where that is public that we are allowed to be like a park or something. We're going to have to figure this out, ladies and gentlemen. We're going to have to figure this out. Hold tight. Right, we're on the SL-9, and we're heading to Harrow, where at my place, we will wrap this fucking episode up.

Right? Right. I just want to say, I think I did overreact a bit there. I just find it. There they are. There they are. They're all three of them. Stick your fingers.

Look at them. Cocky little bastards. the fucking jobs were. Do you think that was it? You think they were going, like, mate, I know we can get sucked off. You can make him fucking little daisy chain. Come on.

Did you get any of them speaking on? No. So explain again to the listeners what happened. Three security guys said you can't record it because it's private property. We were in the Garden of Remembrance. And they turfed us out. Yeah, we've said all this.

Literally, they just heard it. Okay. I was just sorry, I was in the people of tears. There they walk away. It's the two younger goons and they're like their supervisor who was the man who spoke to us. I guess he was.

who looked like David Ike. I guess that's their job. He was very David Ike. He looked exactly like David Ike. He was like, is it all I could think about? Honestly, it was all I could think about while I was just saying, yeah, we'll go. It is private property. That is fair enough.

But it just seems like they can't even, you're not even allowed to come to this place and do a podcast. Yeah. You know? Apparently not. They'll be got away of it once before. So it fucking jokes on us, them. Yes. Someone's got a joke on them.

We've done two podcasts. last there. So we beat the system twice and we continue to subvert their expectations. Anyway, we're heading home. Well, my home. We wrap this up. Eli goes home. He starts his filming. It's all very exciting. Later this week, I'll be filming it. Very exciting. But it's been a good day. Apart from that, little sour milk at the end. You know, a little sour taste. Yeah, but a little frisson. A little bit of drama. A little bit of drama for the end of the park. Rip it up. And yeah, it's been a beautiful. It's a beautiful sunset on the bus coming in, wasn't it?

A lovely day, a surprisingly lovely day. One of the most stunning days of the whole year, I'd say. Weird, isn't it? It's October. Yeah, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful. Right. But you've got a lot to look forward to still, guys. No, not that much.

You've got stuff for me to look forward to. Not that much, actually. There's not much. We're near the end now. We're going to run through it. Check the running time. You'll see how much is left. We're going to run through it just like that

filly cheese stack, ran through my guts at two of the this morning god why am i getting like this i'm getting like you don't blame me for your inability to be creative and funny i'm making a face of surprise and indignation you look like that guy from a hollywood cop i do not you're not like you put the exact same face you're thinking samurai cop they both put the same faces in that but they're different actors are they both african-american actors i think so yeah actually they both do this they both do this they pursed their lips. That's because the Phil Chervin said,

right, just do a lot of reaction shots to various stuff. Yeah. That's great filmmaking. Best. There's the model plane. Right, we've got to stop repeating ourselves. Let's just... Well, we're leaving by the way we came in.

So... On a different bus. Yeah. What bus are we on now? Another super loop. Two super... No, we've only done... This is the first super loop of the day.

Yeah. I'm feeling good about it. You need to shut up. No, you need to shut up. No, you need to shut up. I can't tell you to shut up by, then I need to talk. All right, well, next time you hear from us, we'll be going through the remaining items that we found in Teddington

was Brook Street. Yeah. Broad Street. Broad Street. Give my regards to Heathrow, we're out of here. Okay. Right, we're off the bus, we're in Harrow, we're walking back to my gaff.

and yeah what a strange day it's been but also what a lovely day it's been actually a lovely day and I do enjoy that we were on the SL9 was the bus that we got out when we had to escape from Heathrow and that's a great bus as well coming up through Hayes and Harlington do you know what we should do

the next time we fly out for something like if we go back to LA or New York we'll go to the chapel and we'll sit there and wait for those fucking bell-ins to turn up. And then we'll say, oh, but we've got tickets for a flight, you fucking David-eyed looking prick. How about that? Yeah. We should do that? His, like, goons, whatever, the two younger security guards did seem a bit reticent, didn't they? They were a bit sort of, I think it was like, here's the old dog showing the younglings

how to do it. And the thing is, here's what bugs me more than anything else, because I was like, fine, let's just get out of here. What I don't like is when he over-explained the reasons. It's like if, okay, do you not want to see her? Fine, we'll go. That's why I got shirty. I was just like, I don't need, you know. I don't need this from you. It's bullshit.

Actually, that's reminded me of something. Hang on, where's my phone? I wanted to read something out to you because when I read it, I was like, I'm sure there was a failure there in a translation. No, no, no, this is from ages ago. This was in the charity shop. I took a picture.

Okay. I took a picture, mate, of a bottle in a charity shop. Hang on, I've got to find it. Here it goes. Because it just says, here's the bottle. You know, it's like a travel bottle for drinking. He's got a little spout. Yeah, and on the bottom it says,

So big world, I wanted to see. I wanted to see. So big world, I wanted to see. And I'm thinking, did the Italian guy from a lo-a-lo say this right this? No, I bet that's like a T-Mu or Ali. What's it, Ali-Baba? No, Ali. G.

Express. Al-EXpress. Al-Express. It's a Chinese. Poor translation. Yeah. I think it's meant to say it's a great big world out there

and I want to see it. Something like that, right? I wanted to see the world. Right, well, I'm going up my road now. This is a privileged piece of information that I will not be sharing my address. Oh, no, of course not. So I'm not going to tell you

which direction we've walked from the station nor will we tell you what street or what post could, all you need to know. Nice, cool evening. What a lovely day weather-wise. I know I keep saying that. It's not really interesting, is it? It's not interesting, but I can't believe.

been when I said we need to do this this week it was just because of the means to an end right because you're doing this and blah blah blah blah but actually it could have been it was a this might be the last perfect day of weather we got to record this podcast on from now it's all autumnly winter chills yeah well the rest of the week seemed similar yeah but it was really warm

but we're not recording the rest of the week so no we're not so right in that case I'm going to sign off got a few more items and we're going for the items and then Eli's going home for a nice cozy bed because he's got to get his script ready and learn his lines. I do need to learn my lines, yeah. You've got to do that, mate. And I've got to edit two weeks worth of podcasts

and also sort out all the 31 days of Halloween thing and also sort out the live show. I've got a lot of stuff. It's okay. It's okay. You've got a steps in today, didn't we? Yeah, I did. So we got some exercise.

Yeah. Right, shut up. I love you. right we're in the kitchen if the house on haunted on the hill and we're now going to wrap this motherfucker up Paul what a day yeah we were discussing this mezzo forte garden party white label seven inch that I picked up there are jazz funk guys

from the 80s and they are they tend towards the cheesy but it's very 80s sort of day glow Is it that stuff like... You remember we were in the car with Brian in L.A. And he was saying, listen to this cheesy 80s stuff. And it was a British band called Electro or something. Very much like that, yes. It's very 80s, very...

Like lift music. Like sort of synthy lift music, funky. I enjoy it personally because it gives me a kind of nostalgic, shopping more kind of vibe. Isn't it funny how the older you get, you're more tolerance of stuff you absolutely rejected as a kid? because you kind of appreciate the change of tone, if nothing else. Yeah, I absolutely hated disco when I was getting into funk in the late 90s.

It was like, Disco ruined funk. Do you know what I mean? And now I love disco. I mean, so there's a thing. So yes. Update, we aren't eating the quints because it's a bit tough too. You shouldn't eat it raw. No, it gives you the shit.

It's very tough and tart. But nice smelling quince. Nice smelling quince. So that's the quince story. Now, we've got some items to go through. I've got my final three. How many have you got left? I've got several.

Do you have any books? Because we did... Yes, I've got a book. Yeah. Okay, so I'll go for my book. Yeah, you do your book first then. This is the exact edition of well-loved tales, Lady Bird Easy Reading book, Rumpel Stiltskin, that I had as a child.

I had this as a kid as well. That one. It's in good Nick, and for £1.50, not bad. It's hard back with a paper cover. It's got the paper covers and great Nick. Look. That's rare, because the version I had didn't have that. it was just the hard, you know, the hard back without the cover.

Yeah, I'm not sure. I think I did have the hard back without the cover, with the more glossy cover. This is probably an earlier, earlier edition. Let's see. A reprint? This special edition of the original 1968, well-loved tales, Rumpelstilkin,

celebrates Lady Bird's yes. So it is a reaper, be nice. A hundredth anniversary in 2015. It's 10 years old. Still, though. It's a lovely, but it's a complete facsimile of obviously of the 68 original. It looks great.

What a lovely thing. What a lovely thing. And there he is. And it really stuck with me all of these illustrations. I'm glad that... Look, there he is. Little fucker. I identify with him.

That looks... It looks like Carrie Fisher from Star Wars. It does, and she looks very, like, Lady Madonna, like... Virginal. Like, it's trying to be... They're trying to say she's almost godly in her goodness, which is what the tale is about, isn't it? It is.

Because she can't tell a lie, can she? Isn't that right? No. because Womple Stiltskin is about he helps her out He can't tell a lie No but he She gets his name right No she has to guess his name for him to fuck off

She look That really sticks But look at all the golden thread there In a big heap It looks like a Like a like a Yeti or something Pubis Okay so that's my book

Yet so my book Yeah I do Definitely the edition that you had Yeah yeah yeah Because I remember the artwork Obviously it was a different style But yeah that was Nice

That was the book I It's a bit warped Only slightly But it's in great condition 10 years old The book I got isn't exactly as fun as this

but actually it was a book I was wanting to read for a while never got around to it and it's a charity shop and it was a quid so I got this hang on

don't look at me bad oh don't look at me bag I got that oh Sunday Times bestseller Bob Mortimer the Satsuma complex now is this fiction or fiction

but Bob Mortimer wrote it who's a hero and let me tell you little story this week at the BBC when I was working on the overnight shows usually I get in round about when the one show's filming down below us because they film it at Broadcasting House Bob Mortimer's on there this week talking about his new book I was this week yeah this Friday just gone and you saw him well I'm as far away from him as I am from you right now but I couldn't do anything because I was having to take a guest

up to the show to do the thing so I literally had to say excuse me Bob Mortimer in my head comedy hero I love you can you want to be in my podcast I have to take this guy up and he was like oh sorry me kind of thing yeah lovely but then that's it that's it i asked him to move out my way oh slash from uh guns and roses once had to ask me to move out of his way as he kind of got through went through his studio anyway so that's the book i've wanted to read this for a while because i want to know what his writing style is like but apparently it's it's it's a comic yeah yeah yeah yeah serially kind of yeah so i bought that because it was a quid how much was yours.

I'm 50. Great. Not bad, not bad. And I'm genuinely looking forward to reading that as well. It's not like a, ugh, whatever.

Shell, we move on. What was your cheapest item? Well, the records, I reckon, because they were 50p each, yeah. I'll show you my cheapest now. All right, okay. Oh, this is equal. No, this isn't the cheapest.

This is the quid's gambit item. Oh, it's a quid. Did any of your items cost a quid? Yeah, that. Oh, that was a quid. Here we go, I'm going to hand it to you. Oh. I don't think we've ever done this

because we've tried to avoid them because they're such typical pieces of tap Yeah well it's been 10 years Let's fold It's a little thimble It's a little... It's a clazon enamele Isn't it?

Yeah, it's a very elaborate How do you pronounce that word though? Don't know but it's a very very elaborate way of enameling something You see how they do it And it's just madness I've seen... It's a particular technique is it?

Yeah, if you look on Instagram mate You'll find it eventually But like it involves like constant baking. How is it spelt again? C-L-O-S. I don't know. But this is a little blue thimble

with an enamel surrounds which is, it's a swan or a bird of some kind. Clausewine pronunciation. Here we go. Crosonet. Clauseurne. Clauseurne. Clausene.

Clausene. So it is a little blue thimble in that style of two little ducks on the river or something. I didn't see what it was. But I like it. But I like Closanet. and it's usually quite expensive. Quid for a bit of Clozonne

seems like a good deal for that. Well, because that's quite small, it must have been a nightmare to do. Because I say it's a really elaborate process of like adding inks and powders and baking and boiling and then welding metal onto it and then adding more. Closne.

A lot Closinet thimble there for you. Anything else? What have you got? I've got two more items in there quite big. All right. Let's go for this. All right. Fantastic.

I saw this. I was tended to get this. Measuring spoons, fantastic fish. Why? Is it for kids? No, I think it's just an imaginative way of measuring spoons. Don't grab it. How fucking have you.

This is mint on card. Yeah. Set of fun measuring spoons. They look like little fishies. They're very adorable, but you get a teaspoon, a tablespoon, a tablespoon, and a half spoon, and all the usual stuff. So we see, though, because they are mint on card. This is unopened.

It's also interesting in that. It's one of those things you think you never want as a teenager or as a young adult. And then eventually as you get to a certain age, you go, I need measuring spoons all the time. These are great, man. Oh, yeah, they are. Look at that. How the biggest one is purple fish.

Yeah. And they've got different markings, different types of stripes on them. Yeah. And then you've got second size with the, what? And that's one teaspoon. What's the largest? Table spoon. Table spoon?

Teaspoon. Teaspoon. You'll have caught. Yeah. They have a very kind of a fisher price vibe to them as well, which I'm actually well into those. Yeah. They've got a hook. Oh, the hook is like a fish hook, yeah.

That's a nice little detail. It's a nice little touch. And if at a glance, you'll be able to know which one you need to measure the right one. You know what I mean? That's going up in the kitchen. Good. I think it should. I hope it gets a news.

I think they were my most expensive item. Really? Two pounds. Oh, you spent a lot on a little. I don't think I spent more than two pounds. We'll see. Actually, on... Is that it?

We've got the thimble was a quid. That was 150. Yeah. The record was... And which was your record? 50p. Yeah. Oh no, that is my most expensive item, I believe.

So let's have one of your items. Or do you want to go continue to the end of my? No, I'll do my item now. I'll do another one. So this is something I actually do want to try out, and I got it because it was $3.000. Ooh, it's a light. It's a sad lamp.

It's a tiny little sad lamp. It takes batteries, but, you know, it's meant to be. for your mental health and waking up more healthfully sunrise lamp do you have

good blackout curtains in your bedroom anyway they are so you wouldn't the natural sun won't come in and wake you up

so you're gonna give that a go yeah you're gonna report back to us I'll report back in for you week's time for me forever ago I don't know

I haven't tested it I mean they said they test everything before they put it back on the shelf so you'd hope and I haven't actually

pressed it on or anything I think it needs batteries won't have batteries yeah does it have to screw out.

Yeah. But it's a lovely little thing and hopefully it works and it costs... It looks like one of those Pokemon disc things

but in white so this is three four what else did I get? I got the two records that was a quid oh I've got

two items left in here oh I forgot about the other one this one was a quid I guess this is the quid's gambit oh there was a quid one here it goes

handed me oh they had diced I saw these oh it says two but it was one quib when they rang it up. Poker dice. Yeah. Should we see who wins?

You can get the best sake. Don't break it. Just peel the tape off. Don't fucking whatever. There's no need to get. Okay, I'll peel the tape off. Stabby, stabby with it. I wasn't getting savvy.

Peeling, peely, peely. It's like all the people who comment on our 31 days of Halloween with like you and your stabby thumbs getting right in. I was doing it on purpose for effect. No, you weren't. Look at this and be very gentle. You are not, because I've told you. you two. I'm a capable

of gentleness. I am. So you want to, shall we have two rolls? Yeah, what happens then? You roll the dice and what if it gets the best hand in the roll? Every poker hand is five cards, and there are five dice here. And you know what? I figured out the other day, do you know what it's called a hand?

Right. Five fingers, well, fingers and thumbs. Isn't that weird? Or is it because you hold it in your hand? Because there's other games that have hands that are different sizes that are also called hands. But I wonder whether it comes from poker. because it's for like the five fingers. But think about it this way, people palm cards. So, yeah, it could all just be part of the whole hand palm thing.

Just as you hold them in your hand, rather than it's five. Do you see what I mean? Anyway, interesting. Throw your dice. Let's see what I get. He's got a queen. I've got two tens, a pair of tens, three tens. Are those both full house?

You're never going to believe that. No, I know. I got a full house. Well done. The random opportunity of chance has allowed you to win. Yes, maybe. You might get four of a kind. I've got ace. You've got a pair of aces.

A king, jack, and a ten. You've only got a pair of races. That's fine, though. Oh, what a lot of fun that was, potentially. But I got that, like, dice. All right, we can put that on your shelf, and they'll sit there. Yeah. Put it on your shelf?

Yeah, I'll close those up for you. All right, so do you have any other more items? I do. All right, because I've got one more left, and it's me biggie. I've got one more of the thing, and then one honorable mention I want to give, okay? All right, go on. But let's go for this. Look, I'm handing it to you.

I don't even want to open it. Ames lettering guide? now with metric well that fucking shows it instantly how good condition that is but what oh what is this

like a little letroset plastic little letterset that you put you put your pen nib in one of these holes and it does things yeah it's like a little professional spirograph

thing what's it for guide um there's French on one side and then because metric because they're obsessed with metric things in France

that must be to do that they're very metric in France they try to metrify um sausages time because you know

time's not metric is it 60 seconds so forth they try to have a hundred seconds you can't fuck about with time not like that

it can't it's been the theme hasn't it today anyway and shit in it's always shit which is just spoiler warning

that's how I'm capping off my day Amis letter guide lettering guide it was that quarter it says one dollar

ninety eight was this sold in America yeah because then they would mention metric as well weird Canada must be Canada because they explains the French on the other side yeah that's right it's Canadian eventually but it cost me it weird it says EEM there I don't know what that means I don't know what you do I mean how to use it but

you don't know one pound 49 but is it about spacing lettering right here it says what you can do direct setting to cross for cross hatching what's that where you cross hatch it's how you shade by cross hatching oh okay That's a type of shading. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Maybe it doesn't mean that. Maybe it means something else. Grouped set of guidelines.

So you can do guidelines. I don't know what it's for. It's for lettering, though. So perhaps it's for... I don't know. Anyway. Finish man symbol. There's 1.49 that was.

I'm going to see what it's underneath there. I hate it when they put stickers on stuff and it tears the packaging. It's not going to... It came off nice and smooth. What's that saying? Meeting tomorrow. needs today. What's it say at the very, very bottom there? New, more durable, high-impact

plastic. So I don't know, but whatever it does, it does it. I like these old, um, anachronistic, old, weird items, especially when they're good condition like that. I quite like that. Let's see now that everything, uh, is smartphones and laptops and none of this is completely defunct. Do you know what it reminds me of? We had an item on the show. It reminds me of that, but it also just in terms of the, it's sort of style. it reminds me the thing we had on the show a couple of years ago which was that little puck of glass

that was for like stopping your milk from boiling over it. I still got that in that drawer. You have you used it? Yeah, it does work. After a saying about it's lost to bobble on the bottom with a pan, so you know the milk is hot but not boiling. Okay. But isn't it a similar sort of design? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, that's my... All right, well I'm going to...

I'm going to grab this last one then. Which again says... There you go. Yeah. And I thought, Yeah, but you'd already been in there. Yeah, but I went back because this is one of my, should I get this? So this is by a company called Quickshot. It is the QS-2030 Metal Miner, electronic metal detector for kids.

Trigger-actuated metal detector for the young adventurer or junior private eye. Trigger activated. What does that mean? It means when you pull the trigger, it only works then. Yeah, but is it actually a metal detector? Will it detect metal? Indicates presence of metal by means of sonar like beeper and LED indicator. Does it come with the headphones?

Yeah. So you've got, I'll open it up in a minute, but it has an LED light indicator, sensitivity selector to dissent electricity, headphones, piston, pistol grip, start trigger, spotlight, handy flashlight for working in dark places, detector head, electronically senses presence of metal, even through sand, wood, water, etc. works just like a real metal detector. On the top, there's Sherlock Holmes. There's no limit to what you can do.

So you can be Sherlock Holmes. Look for hidden clues. Or an American cop with some like a dirty Harry but in a costume. And he's brandishing a pistol or a miner with a headlamp on. Or what's that? A prospector. A gold prospector.

Like a Western. They look like a weird version of the village people, don't they? Actually, it looks exactly like the village people. But what I don't understand is, can you use gold to find, can you use metal detector to find gold? Of course. Okay, I just didn't know if that was a whole thing. It's gold, isn't it? Shall I open this?

I mean, I should. Let me just open it. Hang on. Yep, it's all in there. I mean, maybe the instructions aren't there, but it's minting box almost. The box is in great condition. Where did you think it dates from that, the 80s? It's got to be the 80s, judging by that box alone.

Oh, no, the instructions are on the lid. How much was it? Well, it said five, but. she gave, she asked, she gave before. Oh really? Why? Huh? Why?

I don't know. Maybe it was a pound off. So, low batteries, as shown. There's a light and LED on the top. Make sure no metal is nearby. Put on headphones and press trigger it. Where did the batteries go? I don't know.

In the... Oh, look, it's still got his QVC, it's test passed gold stick. Yeah, QC passed. For best results, keep detector head perpendicular to surface. Yeah. Precise, sensitive. Adjustments is necessary to detect small, submerged or buried objects.

So, I could give it a go. I could give it a go. Let's not give it a go now. No. I mean, the headphones might have seen better days. But they're those kind of old Sony-type ones, aren't they? They're crazy with the fluffy... Yeah.

What a nice thing. Yeah. Well done. So that was £4. They could show it on a video one time. Oh, yeah, for a cheap shot. Yeah. Yeah, we'll say, quick shot, cheap shot.

Job done. The manufacturer is Quick Shot. Why do you think that is? Who did you think they are? Have you ever seen them before? No. Oh, wait. It does say the date here.

I've just seen it. Play copyright, 1987. Okay, so yeah. Would you say that says 987? Bottom corner? Bottom left corner? I've got my glasses on, but I can't quite see. So 87, a bit later than I thought, actually,

because it kind of looks early 80s, late 70s. Yeah, but it could have been, you know. But anyway, you got that in a sensitivity. It's got a nice heavy plastic, heavy duty feel. It doesn't feel flimsy and cheap, does it? No. Feels like a good quality plastic. All right, well, if you watch us on YouTube,

you can watch us play around with that on a cheap shot. Maybe I'll bury some things in some sand or something. Can I mention something that I was really pleased me? All right, let's be quick. That I got for myself, obviously not as a cheap show thing. Yeah. Look at this. Lavaware.

Oh. A milk jug. Mid-century. Nice. These would definitely go in other places for like 15. quid, it was three. Yeah. Burned orange kind of look.

Nice, smoky. The glaze is, it's very much that lavaware, that, that mid-century German, you know? Okay. Rieks are the 70s, but I likes it, Eventies.

Right. Overall, for 10 quid, I think we did all right each, 10 quid each for what we got. I know it's all about a random shit, but ultimately we got something to listen to, something to play with, something to read,

and something has utility. What, the spoons, the fish spoons. and I've got a quince as well but I don't think that will get used well you don't know do you maybe if you give it to Rogan you'll think of something clever right I'll tell you what I'm going to think a little bit of a break

and then I'm going to wrap this up with the proper sign off um Other than that, look, thank you for joining us on this two-part expedition into South London for a little rummage into the charity shops they are found therein. Shut up. Just the bay was bad. The cheapshow.com. UK is you one stop.

Yeah, I know. The cheap show at co.com. UK is you one stop for everything. Go there and you'll find whatever it is you're looking for from us. And it will take you anywhere on the internet where it will be. Cheap shop videos every fortnight on our YouTube channel. Just look for Cheap Show podcast. and then finally

thank you to our Patreon supporters who allow us to carry on making this bloody podcast every single month for the past 10 years so thank you to them and if you'd like to well yeah no true every day for me I live this I live it anyway if you like to join their number

and get access to early editions of the YouTube series special podcasts night busing behind the scenes things behind the scenes footage or lovely dusk busing dust busing it might not catch up But anyway, all of that is yours if you would like to sign up. It's patreon.com forward slash cheap show.

Give what you can, but please only do it if you can. And that's it today. It's been an epic day for us recording. We hope you've enjoyed the last two weeks. We'll see everyone at the live show and we'll be back. I think even the week after we'll be the live show episode. So next week's episode will be the live show. I think that's the plan.

We'll be the live show episode. Yeah, I think, yeah, there will be. I think it will be that. And then after this one's gone. It's gone already. And you're filming a film. You've filmed a film. well hopefully

barring some kind of huge disaster knocking on wood because I don't want to curse it you're not me in a touch wood touching that wood Do people knock on wood?

Yeah I knock on wood Oh is that that's the song Yeah Knock on wood, think I better knock on wood Touch on wood Touch on wood, touch on I tell you what is I am touching cloth

I'm going to call this on I've got to call the pod I've got to call the podcast off because I am touching cloth If I see you next We'll see you next week For the live show I guess I am

No I am Bye everyone The turtles having a little lick around in the fresh air Like that Thanks everyone Thanks everyone Thank you

Bye bye bye Bye Bye Bye Bye way I've just dropped this into the episode because Eli forgot something so Eli you have a small amount of time right now go now some of you might remember years ago I had a very nice item of TAT which was my two scantily clad ladies on motorcycles riding through the sky ashtray

was it the airbrushed picture type art thing yeah yeah classic um this is very much in that vein and from a cinema type of shop not from a charity shop but from a hardware store This is a little tin for tobacco, but what does it depict? It has a little baby sitting on a potty reading baby news and presumably having a shit while he catches up on the raters. What does that relate to I need to put into the tin? Baby poo, newspapers? It's a funny thing to how much.

But look at the colouring of it. Eli's just ended up on a fucking watch list, by the way. This is a very sepia. Like it's pretending to be a black and white photo. It's cursed. It's like one of those Athena poster type fucking bollocks where it's like, here's a slightly strange picture about a baby

being weird and slightly more adult than a baby should. Don't like it. That's very much a cursed object. And the other last item is this poor. These are both £1.50 each, by the way. This is an ashtray

that looks like a cigarette. Like a cigarette, but... Like a stubbed cigarette almost. No, it does look like a cigarette, but like a stumpy one. Yeah, but it must be an ashtray then, right? Yeah, it must be. I can't get it out.

All this, uh... Yeah, I'm not thinking on along with it. Why can I get it out? I need a knife. There we go. I popped it open. It has a bowl bit at the top with a little hole in. Yeah.

And a little fag rest. And then you unscrew it. Oh no, it just slips in, yeah. And that's when you empty it. It's for the car. in it, I think. Maybe. If you smoke fags in the car.

Or if you smoke fags in bed, it's probably handy for that as well. I might actually use this. Not that I smoke fags in bed or in a car or drive. Smoke. I do smoke. But anyway, as an addendum, thank you for bringing it to our attention. I'm glad we didn't miss out on this. Right.

What is frankly, Eli, a waste of time. Well, but it's completious. It's a waste of time. Did we cover all my pitch? Yeah, you're right. Okay, groovy.