CheapShow - Ep 462: Munchos By Proxy

Episode Date: November 14, 2025

Paul threatens to reduce his word count down to 25 words this week, but Eli is desperately having none of it. He just wants a nice, normal episode of CheapShow. But when as CheapShow ever been nice and normal? On this week’s episode, Eli is obsessed with assonance and tongue-twisters for no good reason, a package from New Zealand offers a lot to munch over and Paul has discovered an old board game based on the career of UK comedian/actor Lenny Henry! Thanks to an online website called Sanza, a very kind listener to the podcast has sent CheapShow some tasty treats from New Zealand and there is a LOT to slurp, crunch and guzzle over. How will they go down with Paul and Eli? For a Gannon’s Golden Games segment, Paul has discovered a “stand up comedy” themed board game, but will playing it actually raise any laughs, or will the usual in-fighting ruin the love of the game? As ever, you’ll find out over the next 75 minutes! See pics/videos for this episode on our website: https://www.thecheapshow.co.uk/ep-462-munchos-by-proxy www.patreon.com/cheapshow If you want to get involved, email us at [e-mail] For all other information, please visit: www.thecheapshow.co.uk Like, Review, Share, Comment... LOVE US! MERCH Official CheapShow Magazine Shop: www.cheapmag.shop Send Us Stuff: CheapShow PO BOX 1309 Harrow HA1 9QJ

Little question for you. Little question for little old me. After last week's innovative breakthrough, perhaps best podcast of all time episode. Yeah. What are you going to do for us? Well, this week. Magic, Paul.

What are you going to bring? What little tactic to open me up? To open the world up. What tactic are you going to use? What little fucking as in prying. You knew this was going to happen, didn't you? Yeah. You knew this was going to happen, didn't you?

Yep. So what's the strategy? Well, after last week, if you didn't listen, I attempted to do a whole episode by only using 50 words. But... And it was a massive success. But you only came up with that idea after you'd said considerably more than 50 words. Which is why... And you said a whole bunch at the end.

Yeah, which is why, after the credits of this week's episode, I will be attempting to do this episode in 25 words. I've got me a little clicker here now. No, no. So this week, it's going to be 25 words. I hope you're ready for it because I think... Paul, please no. It's fine. You did so well last week, mate.

Oh, I see that you're turning the tables. Is that what this is? You're turning the tables. Because I love it so much talking. Can I be honest? I'm phasing myself out of the podcast. You know, that's what they do, some of these American guys? So what's going to happen is I'll do less and less every week.

Then it'll be more and more you. And then it'll be like Eli Silverman's cheap show. And then it would be Eli Silverman's show, the Eli Silverman's show. And then it's all yours. You can have it, mate. It's fine. It's yours to have. And I will walt off.

into the sunset like Bernie Winters with his big dog Snorbitz. Snorbit's what a hound. Yes. What a lovely hound. That's what I'm going to do after this. He was like that. Like, you know, he'd come on. He'd drool.

What dog was that? It was to St. Bernard, wasn't it? St. Bernard. Was that the one that used to have a little thing around its neck? Is it just because I'm confusing him with Bernard. Cribbins? No. Matthews.

Matthews. Bernard Matthews. They all in this big nebulous cloud of concepts in my head. Like, that guy with the dog. What was he called? A basket of Bernards. Yeah Who? Bernie Winters

Yeah It was lovely Lovely But is Bernie a Bernard Though Is it the same Derivation Bernie and Bernard

Yeah Is it I don't ask you Can you think of another name That are Bernie Hello Bernie Bernice Yes but that's a lady's name

Yeah well You did just think of another name And it did Oh I think of another name Alan I like I like Good one Alan

Yeah Yeah Right so after the credits We are going to be doing 25 word episode of Cheap Show No No, please no, please say that's not true. Please say that's not true.

Why not? You love it. You get to talk nonstop. You get to do nonstop talking. You love it. I don't think we should keep this bit going. Why not? I'm pushing the boundaries, mate.

This is a matter. Think about it. Podcast, double act podcast, where one hoffitt says fucking nothing. Yeah, that's what Jay and Silent Bob did, isn't it? Marseille or so, or whatever its name is, you know? Did Jay and Silent Bob? Yeah. Is he dead now?

No. Oh, wait. They're both very much still alive. As of recording. Right, so that's it. Look, he's hinting there, everyone, at the curse of cheap show there. Both of the curse.

That's why he said at time of recording because they drop like flies. Yeah. It's because we talk about old cunts. That's why. Like Bernie Winters and snorbitz. Well, he's dead already. Both of schnobits is.

Good. How many snorbitts did you think you got went through? 83 snorbitzes. He probably shot them after a year when they start to lose their looks. Elasticity. Yeah, maybe like the minute they got a bit long in the tooth,

He just put a bullet in the back of their heads. And he probably ended up in those turkey burgers. Bernard Matthews. Went down the Bernard chain. Lovely. What did he used to say? Beautiful. Booteful.

That's it. Fuck's sake. Why can I not remember that? He said beautiful and Bernie Winters said, eh. Yeah, they're both in the same drawer in my head. Yeah, they are. Bernard Matthews and Bernard,

Cribbins. And Cribbins is in a different drawer. No, he's in a different box altogether. I know. Cribbins is a cut above. He certainly is. Right. Well, that's what the gym show is about this week.

So, join us. us as we continue our Cheap Show Odyssey over the next hour or so. Come along! Hey! Welcome to Cheap Show. Welcome to Cheap Show. No, no, no.

That's it. It's cracking him up again. Paul's had a tough weekend, everybody. Can I step outside the podcast a minute? I love it when you do that as well. Can we step outside the podcast? Can we open the door? Let's do the door thing. Hang on.

Climb up the ladder. No, I'm not doing that sound effect. No, it's a silent ladder. I've greased it. All right. It's very, very slick. And we're at the top. Hatch open. Come out, right?

Because I can say whatever I want when I'm outside the podcast. You can. Okay, so that's good. Keep coming up and down the ladder. I'm committing to this 25-word thing this week. So I've already said three. So I'm going to try and save most of it

for the board game bit at the end because we're going to do with cheap eats today. All right. And then we're going to do a Gannon's Golden Games thing. I don't know, Paul. Why, you can do it? I believe in you, all right? I'm going back into the podcast.

Can I just say it as well? Do you know how easy it was to it last week's episode. Oh my God. Fucking banged it out, mate. He means it, everybody. Are they even listening? We're outside the podcast.

Who? Who? I don't know. The people, some people. I don't know what you mean. I'm losing actually all my memories out here. You're getting paranoid. I'm getting space fucking brain.

Ooh. Hey, hey, how, how, oh, oh, you, you, you. Silver, silver man, man, man, man, man. I'm stressed out. Hello. Go back in the... Touch, touch, touch, touch, that. I can't really do this. I cannot believe.

Touch, touch, touch the, the, the, the, nubber, nubber, nub. I'm in a weird space with my own thoughts. Where's even Paul got? Twenty-five words, what do you get? And all the part over and I'm deeper in debt. Yeah. Deeper in debt. And my kecks are all wet. Two who

won't protect you for your family. Bomb. A chat myself. Right, I'm going to go back in. I don't want to do this. Here we go down that. I don't even know. Down the ladder. Wee.

It'll open the door. I'll be down a sec. Can't. Come on there. I'll get back in there. Hello everyone. Welcome to Cheap Show. I'm Eli Silverman.

Paul Gannon over there. Hello. Good. We go through the bargain bins, basements and bingo halls of Britain to find you the treasure amongst the trash. and the I did well last week everyone thought I did well last week you know that poor

they all loved it they said Eli really rose to the occasion and they didn't mean got a big recky as in a big erection and whacked it off and spunked up I know how to get you you see

I'm going to talk about spunking off he's already yes anyway welcome to Cheap Show we talk about Spunk, wank, whank, spoff, and bollock loads of blah. Now, stop getting cheap show wrong. Stop it.

That's how many words was that? Stop getting cheap show wrong. Stop it. Seven words. Yep, you're almost done, bro. Okay, well, we do like here on Cheap Show, Paul, to find the treasure amongst the trash and the delicious morsels amongst the detritus of the modern fast food.

and convenience food landscape that we find before us in the whole world. Often, listeners will send in little courtesy packages full of yum-yums, which we taste and we rate, yeah? So who's got some yum-yums before us? He really wants to join in, everybody. Come on, you don't have to do this two weeks in a row. I do. He'll find some device to get out of it so soon.

Look, look, I don't know why you're doing this. He loves it. Can you hand me the thing? And I'll read the thing. Someone sent us some food, everybody. He does. He needs a rest. Paul had a very busy weekend.

Didn't you, mate? So it's fine. I did. Yeah. So honestly, it's fine. If you just hand me the paper, we can move on to the... You can just be difficult

as well as not saying any words. Yeah? Honestly, what's that 21? 16. 16. Oh. Oh, shall I? 17.

Right, you just wait there silently for a second, Paul. Why? Anyway, Paul, we got some food then, do we? He's nodding, I'll describe him, he's in a flannel shirt today, fetching, and goes with his combat pants, which are in khaki, but a darker khaki. Darker khaki. It's a perfectly legit thing to say. Don't look angry because I said darker khaki.

I meant a car key of a lower... Oh, I don't know what I'm saying. Hand me the paper, please, and we can start this segment. No. So what is it, perhaps you'd like to mime again, what is it you'd like me to do here, right? Sing, sing, open up, speak, speak a lot, chat, shit, do emu, be emu, be Rod Hull, be Rod Hull, having sex with himself.

You know he did that. Did he do that? Emu couldn't be gentle with a man's penis, could it? Even his own man's penis. Do you think Emu was gentle? He wasn't. He probably got up to some rough stuff. Bad grab man.

Bad grab man. If you don't know, Rod Hull was a light... Was it light? It was pretty hardcore, wasn't it? Emu. Anyway, that's what you wanted me to do. Talk about Emu for a bit, was it, Paul? Talk more?

Talk more. Okay. Hello, everyone. Cheap Show here. Now, Paul has a letter because we were sent a care package from New Zealand. We've got listeners worldwide. So you're...

No. Not New Zealand. That was a word. You said two there. You got two left. You almost said two left. I've done 25. Now what do we do?

You give up on this. And I mean this with full politeness, Paul. Tired gimmick. It was fresh last week, this week. Ooh. It's like an old match. Left Out in the Cold On a northern British street

Someone's gobbed up it I wish you had a fucking clicker Which stopped you fucking talking Incessantly Someone's probably shat behind it No I was gonna say Welcome to Cheap Show Do all the proper admin

You skipped it all You just went off on one Yeah Comedy Podcast We're doing some cheap eats And we're doing the Gannon's Golden Games Right now we can move on I'm gonna stop it

All right Fine Paul It's fine I enjoy this The leg up that I gave you Last week to Excel I know Has become a kneel

What Leg up has become a Neil A kneel A kneel down Leg down Do you want me to get on my knees And gove you off Yeah

I wanted to keep talking about that mattress Made to make your mouth water Right Someone spunked on it No one spunked on any mattresses Someone's shat behind it This is going to be a spunk free episode A fox has made its home there

In your spunk mattress Behind it when I dumped it out in the road God this sounds haunting Right Some young ladies of cute buzzballs onto it No we're going to move on You know buzz balls, Paul? Remember buzz balls?

We did them in Crystal Palace. Yeah. Buzzballs. Yes. We should, they've got other flavours, you know. Right. They're different flavours. Right.

Like grape. Okay. I would like to do grape. All right. I'm going to move on now because obviously... I can talk about shit. Well, no. Well, there you go.

I'll have to be 25 words. Go on then. No, please, Mr. Gannon. Please, can you? Tell me you fucking need me. Oh, he's sick. He was sick. It was such a disgusting thought.

I need her poo. Because I'm a dirty. Baker. All right, I'm just going to stop on that note. She was the worst of books,

Fizz. Who was? Dirty baker. Right, okay. So what happened was a week or so ago, I got an email from this company called

Sanza saying, we tried to deliver this package to you, but we can't, can you please give us another address? Because P.O. boxes,

it gets kind of complicate. Some P.O. boxes stuff can't be delivered to us via partial force or international because of it. to do with the size of the actual box?

It's got something to do with some fucking bullshit about parcel force not delivering to PO boxes. Anyway, so I got this letter saying can you give us an address? Someone's bought you a little box of things. I was like, oh, that's nice. So I got it.

And it came with this little letter from sanza.com.com. Delivering a slice of home right to your front door, not spons, just reading it out. No one says non-spons anymore because everyone's sponsored to the Hilt. And also, who's ever going to sponsor us?

So everyone should just know that we're doing this of our own goodwill. Right, here we go. the letter. It says, hello Paul and Eli. Over a year ago, I sent you a parcel from New Zealand, but completely forgot to enclose a letter. I seem to remember that, yeah. You may recall the pink smokers, which made quite an impression on you both at the time. Those little pink kind of chalky sweet that came in a big bag called pink smokers, which I thought was a horrible euthemism. Fine. I'd like to include the old pink smokers. Yeah, old pink smokers. They call them

the old grey pink smokers. The old grey pink smokers. The old grey pink smokers. grey pink smoker's whistle test Yeah, pink whistle test Yeah, getting gobb around that grey pink whistle test A whispering bob Tell you what I gave from the old whispering bob Last night

Anyway, it turns out that postage from New Zealand to England is hellaciously expensive And not really in keeping with the theme of the show Quite right too Therefore, this time I'm getting some cheap Kiwi treats Sent to you from a speciality supplier In the UK Boom! I hope you find the

is in good condition and that you both enjoy them. Kang regards, Matthew, P.S. Long live, the chukkney owl. Thank you very much. There he is. He's always in the rafters round here on cheap show, the chutney owl. And while the chukniall is here, let's get right into the first item because I've got it right here. Let's do it. This comes from Sanda, which I presume therefore do antipedean type supplies to expats. Well, it could be the whole of the antipodes, which includes Australia.

Yeah. Or it could be just New Zealand. Does it say antipodian? There's a kangaroo. It's got three flags on. Ah, yeah. It's got... It looks like everything.

That one flag and then the one that's got a Y on in green and then the other one that I think is Australian. So perhaps it's the whole region. It would make sense to import food stuff from the whole region. Probably would, wouldn't it?

So let's wow the Chukley owls here. Where's me Chutney? Oh, Chutney. Is it Chutney? That's why he's been hanging around. I know, he sensed it. He could smell it. He's very, very sensitive

Chutney nostrils on that owl. Thank you. Thank you. Yes, the chutney owl. Very pigeon-like. He's very pigeon-like today. Well, he's anxious because he sees you fumbling with the fucking lid. This is, I'll tell you what this is, everybody. Yeah. How are we going to eat this? We ain't got no spoons.

Just have a bit. Just have a bit. Just have a bit. It's not. It's very watery. I know what, Anise. Just have a little bit out of the bowl. I knew this was coming. I knew this was coming. I know. Okay. You're not going to do this. But I don't care about the chutney. I don't care about malting shunny. I don't know why I'm the only representative of chutney tasters on this fucking. Anything liquid. You don't like the sound of this. This is F. Whitlock and Sons, tomato chutney, thick sauce. See, it's a sauce.

See, they've actually said chutney and sauce the same thing. Chutney and sauce. What separates the two? I would have said in the British parlance that I grew up within, Paul, that chutney is a thick, a much thicker condiment. Then this, which is like, this looks more watery than ketchup. Yeah. It's sloshing about.

in this bottle. What's the difference between this and ketchup? Well, that's the question, did it? Well, I need you to taste it with me, my friend. Please, will you smell it? I'll smell it. Okay. I've managed to get the... Does it say anything on the back right? We have famous chutney or whatever. Because chukny's more like a big load of bits in a sauce, isn't it? Yeah. Thicker. Thicker. Chunky, more like... Chunky, more like Branstons. Pickle. It's weird how all these interchangeable things. It's because sauce is... I watched a whole video about the history of brown sauce the other day. Did you know? I didn't know how did they form that band?

Because I know they got to the charts where I want to be a winner. I've got literally like seven copies of brown sauce. I've got a couple banging around this. It's fucking ridiculous. Now, Paul.

I want to be a winner. Obviously, please. Paul. Right, he's having a huff. And he's pulling your face. I always do. I know, yeah. That is a very, very tomatoy smell.

It's almost like a bloody mary kind of smell. Oh, okay. Spicy tomato. Which is what those Pringles mystery Nintendo Pringles were. Spicy tomato Those got fucking polished off By my flat mate here

Sure yeah They're not bad Oh that's so much Um spice in it I'm handing it to him now Oh yeah Christmas spice cinnamon Yeah

Winter grass or whatever It's very It smells good But very ketchupy still as well That's a very strong tomato flavour But to me this is kind of more Like a daddy's scent

Than a hinds It's much stronger than daddy Surely A bit more vinegar More vinegar He's put his finger right in the neck and he's got some on his finger. I bet it's quite sweet.

It is incredibly sweet. Actually, it is incredibly sweet. But, honestly, if that was in a little tub next to some fries, lovely, lovely, lovely, like ketchup. Yeah, like ketchup. All right, I'm going to taste a bit now and then we'll move on.

Yeah. Oh, yeah, it's nice. Oh, it's very sweet. But not like too sweet, just sweet. I don't see why you take this in preference to some Heinz ketchup, though, do you know what I mean? It's almost like saying,

you can put that with pasta, but that wouldn't work with pasta. No, there is that cinnamon, note, that spice note, it's like an all-spo, clove. That's what it's got as well. Yeah. That sort of spice and that would give it. It's right at the back though.

That on a steak or a barbecued piece of meat. Do you know what I mean? That would really work. Oh, a lovely sausage. Yeah. Oh, a nice big banger. I think it would work better than on chips with meat. No, it would be fine with chips for dipping.

I'm just saying, I can imagine it being sloshed over a big banger. I like that. I'm going to hold on to that. You can have that. It's had your finger in the whole of it. Yep. It's had your finger down, it's gullet. I've had my dirty pinky.

You've had your way with it, with your little pinky. I've had my old little pink smoker down it. All right, what's next? Right. I'll tell you what's next after this. Right. Right. Shall we do drinky poos?

You want to do drinks? Yeah, let's do drinky poos because we've got three drinky poos to do quickly. Then, oh, right, I don't, have we, this is the thing? Yeah, I knew, I knew you're going to say that because, yes, that has been around. V? For years. Yeah. Is that not in Britain anymore?

That was one of those early, early Red Bull competitors. Early, early. Because I'm also sure we've done this. Wasn't it virgin? Have we not done this already? We have. It's V energy drink.

We're not going to do it. I swear to God, I've seen this in B&M. I'll give it a little taste. All right, give it a little taste why I get the other one out because the other one's a little bit more interesting. So it's meant to be... Maybe it just looks like it. That's a different can than the one we're thinking of.

I don't know. That looks like the stuff you can get in B&M. I'm sure it is. Not the Bournemon. It's been around for years since the Lipa Vitoed. Lipovito da... Lipo... Yeah.

Keep going. Lipovitan days. I've got faith in you. Keep going. Do you remember? I must have mentioned it before, but Lipo Vitan used to have a brand in Britain. Oh.

Oh, what's that? What's that? Oh, there's a sensation coming off that. Oh, it's really is piss-colored this, V. Well, that's what you'd expect. Oh, you'll like that. Why? It's got a real candy, candy smell.

Smell the candy. All right. Smell the candy. Oh, God. Christ, that's it. It's sweet. Yeah, sweet smelling, isn't it? Oh, I will have a bit.

Yeah. You know what it smells like? It smells like cough medicine. Yeah. You know that red cough medicine you point out as like, I like this, and I'm going have a whole bottle right now. I love that red cough medicine. Oh, God, that's very sweet.

Nice sweet or too sweet? It's fine, sweet, but I couldn't finish a can of that. That's too much. Oh. Oh, I quite like that. Yeah, that's hardcore. That's like a Red Bull, right? Yeah.

That medicine-y taste is from the Torin. It's like old-school Red Bull. It's cough mixture in a. kind of candy floss vibe crossover. I could see if you had a terrible hangover that would kind of cut through on a cold morning. Perhaps there's a mattress out there.

I'm going to leave that one. There's no point. Oh, everybody. Next one is called Fresh Up. And Fresh Up. Excuse me. Classic Fresh Up.

You go and fucking fresh up. These balls are clean. You fresh up. If you're not going to give anything of worth to the podcast, then don't do anything at all is what I'm going to say. Fresh up seems to be, if I'm guessing correctly, the New Zealand Sprite, the fresh, not Coke, but you know, like the kind of fruit drinks, like a lilt or something like that. And this one is apple and orange. They do have others, apparently. They have... It's a large

tin. It's almost like a monster-sized tin. Yeah, they have harvest red apple flavor, but that's nice. Apple and summer fruits. And then they have, which ones you might recognize, the more bottled ones, that look a bit more like a Sunny D, which is horrible. But this is fresh up, and this is like, I think this is the OG one. If anyone can, can, can, this can. Wait, what? If anyone can, can, can. If any can can can, can't can, can, this can can.

I don't know what the other can can can means. Do the dance, the can can't. But what's like going to do with this drink and New Zealand? Let me see it. If any can can can can, this can can can. Yeah, it works. No, it doesn't. If any can can can, this can can can, would be how it works. I don't know where the extra can can come.

That's a word can can. Yeah, I know. Look it up. C-A-N-C-A-N. Yeah, I know, Camcan. If any can... That must be the dance, right? So if any can, meaning a can...

Well, this just says, literally, can refer to the 19th century French dance characterized by high kicks and lifting scans. Which it does. As in, this does a dance in your belly and on your taste buds. You know what I mean? If any can, can, can, can, can, this can can can. Yeah. So it's all about the...

It makes grammatical sense. Only when you know where to put the right emphasis on the words. If any can, can, can, can, can. It's one of these little language games that people sometimes do. Like, I found out how many times I could repeat the phoneme wood by saying, Edward, Wood, Wood, Wood, Wood, Wood, Wood, Wood. And that's a lot of Woods in a row there, isn't it? It's a similar thing.

Edwood, Wood, Wood, Wood, Wood Wood, Wood Wood, Wood Wood Wood, Woodley Wood. No, wouldn't he wood. No, that doesn't make grammatical sense. It does, because the last wood is spelled with the teacher's name. You're talking to someone called Mr. Woodwood at the end. Edward Wood Wood Wood Wood Wood Wood Wood Wood Wood Wood Wood Wood Wood Wood. Dickhead. Oh.

I thought you were going to get something in there. It's Ed Wood Wood Wood wouldn't he? Wouldn't he? It's four woods in a row. But if you talk to someone called Mr. Wood, you can put another one on the end, couldn't you? Why? How can you get Mr. Wood in there? You can't. Of course you can. You say like you talk to Mr. Wood. Oh, just refer to him as Wood.

Okay, right. So we've got three people, me, Edward Wood Woodward and Mr. Wood. Wood. What does he teach? Woodwork. Yeah, Woodwork. Ah, let's get another one in. Right. So. But then you'd have to say Woodward Woodward. And he's asking about what Edward Wood Wood Wood Wood Wood would do. Yeah. What Woodwood would Ed would do. Yeah, and I have to go, Wood.

I refer to him as Wood or Woody, because he's my mate, Mr. Wood, right? It's like an informal thing. Let's call him Woody then to break it up. And I'm, and he's going, what would Edward would, Edward would do? What would, Edward? What would Edward would do? And then I'd say, Edward, Wood, Wood, Wood, Wood. Wooden tea, Woody.

Woody, yeah. There, we've got another wood. This is bullshit. You fucking started it. I know, because I thought you'd made a breakthrough and getting woods in a row. I did. I got a lot of wood in a road yourself. So, demonstrate.

Give us the sentence. The now more than four woods in a row in a sentence. Wood, wood, wood, wood, wood, wood, wood. Woody, Woody, Woody, Wood. I love it, man. Love it when you just try something and you're totally failing at it. Yeah, but it's more fully, though, when you do something and it's just dry and dull. Anyway, there is also a sentence which has had a load of times as well.

So it is a sort of linguistic game where you try and repeat the thing. And that's what they're done here, I think. Right, open it up, because I'm getting bored now. So, just to explain it in full, if any can. We've spent too wrong on them. Meaning the tin can. If any can, can, can, do the dance. If any can, can, can't, can.

This can can, can. Mr. Can. You see, you can put a can on the end. I'm opening it up. All right, good. I'm going to have, oh, nice citrus. Oh, it's very fruit juicy on the nose, I'd say. Do you get apples and oranges out of it?

Much more juice than soda. That's all right. This is a juice drink. Oh, it's not effervescent. No, I bet it isn't. And it's cloudy. It's like cloudy lemonade. I think you'll like it.

Pour it out. Pour one out for the. Gang. Yeah, it's still and it's cloudy as fuck. It's more like fruit juice. Fruit juice in a can, everybody. That's all right. I'm happy with that.

It smells like, that cheap. Can I ask a question? Yeah. Do you often feel it's unsettling when you open a can and the drink inside isn't effervescent? Yes. It's a weird psychological thing. It's in a can. It's got to be fuzzy.

It's not fizzy. Me, no like. Oh, it's weirdly smells kind of pineappley. Yes. It's like that cheap, just juice pineapple juice, right? Yeah. It smells just like that. Has it got pineapple in it?

No, it says orange. It just tastes like really cheap. Fruit juices. It's just concentrate. It's made from concentrate. It's not awful. It's just like that type of fruit juice you got as a kid. You know what I mean?

Yeah, it's a little bit weak. Just juice. It's just juice. No, but that brand, just juice. Everyone knows a brand just juice. Yeah. It's fine. Yeah.

We've got one more to go. Right, last drink. like what they, that last drink, though, Paul, it's like what they call nectar in the shops, in corner shops, and they're selling in cartons. So this one is called Ellen P, lemon and Pieroa. Good lemony stuff.

Now, I looked this up, and even though it is a New Zealand drink, a par-oh, you know what, I'm actually going to do the research on this. Do some live research, everyone. Because I looked this up already, because spoilers, I look in the bag so I could pack it for today.

You only spalt it for yourself, Paul. Exactly. So, I hope I get this right. P-A-E-R-O-A. Pyroa Perroa, often shortened to LMP is a sweet lemon-flavored

soft drink manufactured in New Zealand. It is considered Kiwiana and was traditionally made by combining lemon juice and naturally

carbonated mineral water from the town of Perowa. So it refers to the town not an ingredient not a fruit I thought it

might be a different fruit you know what I mean I thought that that's why I looked up like I've never rode fucking up before but it turns out

it's just the water from the town is named after the spring today is manufactured you'd buy... Coca-Cola. Exactly.

Back of the net. And yeah, it's been going, I think, since the... Oh, no. The origin of the drink is uncertain, but the brand itself, the company says it goes back to 1907. So it's been around the block. Yeah.

Coca-Cola really wants to buy up all of those ones from different parts of the world. Yeah. Like, it bought Thumbs Up in India, which was their big cola brand. You know, they really move in on the sort of oldest,

most sort of beloved brands in these other parts of the world. I've noticed. They just hoover it up. Hoover it all up, yeah. Interestingly, though, they were saying that back in the day in the early 1900s, they did a test of this drink because of the water that was used and found out that it had medical benefits such as constipation. Is that a benefit? It's only if I'm on a plane and that happens naturally. It says, oh, everybody, on a plane. Oh, get this. In 1980, they got bought

up by Coca-Cola after moving to Auckland. In 95, a complaint was made under the Fair Trading Act to Commerce Commission, stating that the water in the drink now comes from Auckland. rather than the Perowa Spring and it should be renamed Lemon and Panmure. Panmure is the current location of the water company or move the company back

to the original place where they got the water from. The commerce said no no one's doing any of that. Get to fuck. Yeah. There are variations but we've just got this one.

Okay. I'm excited. You saved the best for last. I thought so. Definitely. There's a great big bottle of it outside the old factory and it's kind of nice.

It's got a funky design, yeah. It's a bit like that big bottle of a... Oh, it used to be in it. Oh, it's still there. There he is. We're still there. What's the smell? Where's your glass?

You've got the glass there? Yeah. Very, very faint lemony. Only faint? Very faint. It's not very strong. But then we've often found strong-scented drinks aren't very flavorful. Or vice versa.

And vice versa. So who knows? It's got a little bit of lemon pledged to it, but that's just the nature of the beast. I bet it's well pledgy. Oh, it's fizy. It's fizy. It's very light yellow. I love the yellow.

Almost champagne yellow. the design of the can. Pictures on our website or on Instagram if you want to see what we're looking at. It's yellow lettering and a yellow lemon... Like splashes. The words are like splashes.

And they're on black and it's just that really nice contrast of the, like wasps. Again, the flavour's not... Wow, there's very little. Yeah, the scent's very weak, very pledgy. I'm going to go in.

Much lighter than the V in colour. It's like you've had a pint and a half and then pissed. You don't like the taste? It's... It's not awful, I'm just kind of underwhelmed. Oh my God, that's so generic. It's weird because it's kind of like, yes, that does taste to some extent,

like raw lemon juice has been put into fizzy water. However, it has got that, oh, this is also good for cleaning your bathroom with kind of flavor. This for me is just the most sort of basic lemon soda. This is like R. White's lemonade. No, that's better. R whites is better than that. Why? Because it removes that weird kind of antiseptic lemon notes.

I'm not getting that pledge note that you've. are so strongly. Maybe I've got a block nose today. Yeah, maybe. But to me, this is like, if this was ice cold and you're in New Zealand or something, you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It would go right down the edge.

I think you are correct. The colder you can make that drink, probably the more refreshing it is. But I don't know. Not bad, very, very sort of mid. Very mid. I don't even know which is my favourite from those. I think I like that juice in a can. What was that called?

Fresh up. Fresh up. Fresh, oh, that's the best name. Apple and orange. That's quite a cool graphic design on that one as well, actually. Quentin first since 1962, apparently. The winners here for me, Paul,

are the artwork and the cans. I like the artwork better than the drinks. The V can, bleh, don't care. But out of these two, I reckon they're reasonably iconic if you grew up with them as a brand, especially the LP one. Definitely, and it's weird.

Do you think that's a standard size because it's like a big, it's like a stretched coat can? Well, it's more like a lager can shape, isn't it? It's a lager can, yeah. That's probably too much. But who knows?

Listen, before we end the segment, I'm just going to throw one thing in your direction because, you know, it is what it is. Hang on. A noodle, everybody. Quick noodle, quick noodle free, like, just a quickie. This is a brand I have not seen before. Trident.

Yeah. The three-ponged noodle attack of Trident. Yeah, you know. They are. Thank you. Well done. This is hot and spicy flavor noodles. Two minutes, which probably means that they're, when it says two minutes,

you could probably just pour boiling water on that. I mean, you may as well at that point, right? And they'd probably cook fine. Is it a wet pack or a dry one? It's almost certainly dry. All right, I'll try those. What else do you want me to say? And that's it.

I just wanted to get them out of the way quick because we now are moving on to lovely little crisp snack type thing. So, non-nom, nom. Right. We have two big bags of crisps here type things. Well, you know, snacks because they're not really crisps. We have Bluebird Burger Rings,

full-on burger flavor. And they're, you know, that's that. Then we have Griffins, munchos. Spicy tomato. Munchos, now I think those would be nice. They look to me a bit like... Ooh, are they... Well, I'm going to let the master of Hoffen.

He's handed me the munchos. Griffin's munchos. These look to me, corn, puffed corn. You know what? I've got a confession about those, to be fair. You ate a whole pack of them. No, I forced a friend of mine

to eat the whole bag until they were sick. And then they got done with munchos by proxy syndrome. I didn't know where you were going with that I wasn't sure really I wasn't sure completely No you should have That needs work It does but in the moment

It's a win No but it needs work But it only works with one particular Yeah I know That's why I can only work right now Yeah Muncho's my proxy I go into a stand-up gig tomorrow

I go Moshos my proxy I need to see the crisps Oh wait on Let me just get my podcast now Let's do this bit Right Now let's have a look at these

These look more interesting They look like puffed corn Yeah, not unlike a What's it It says here Made here Loved here Well a bit patriotic

Well yeah And also not true Muncho's packet Well no they were Because we're just here with us now Made there No it's not made It doesn't work

It doesn't work It doesn't Obviously not Made here no Loved here No We'll be the fucking Judge of that

Munchos Cunts I'm just looking I dislike to them For no reason You've got Munchos By proxy

Right I want to see What they are Where do you Does it say what they are? What do you mean? Like, in terms of how do they describe themselves? What is it?

Is it corn? I mean, it looks like a puffed corn snack. I'm just going to hossolate and joff. Go, hostelate and joff. All right, I'm giving it a shake to wake the flavour. He's going in for a huff. It's a farty, farty to marty. Farty to Marty Tomarty.

Look, see the way he repeat me there. Hey, he liked it. Let's go to a 40 to Marty party party. It was a good one I said farty, party to marty. Oh my God. Don't be tarty. Oh, fucking. Tarty down the part...

Next to Russell Harty. Russell Harty's farty-tomarty party. You have a huff. I'm going to jostolate them joff. No, I'm going to keep on saying Russell Harty's farty tomato party. Oh, it gets fucking filthy. It gets naughty. It gets gnarly at his fucking tomato party.

Right, here we go. Oh, it's quite spicy. You like it? There's a tomato smell. They're all right. What's the shape? They're like weird little... Strips.

They're almost like, the closest I can say, is like tiny strips that are not unlike a rice cracker. Yeah. No, what, prawn cracker? Okay, yeah. Yeah? Certain types of prawn crackers. You know what?

Phileas Fogg used to have things that were like this shade. Yeah, these are dirty good. I quite like these. Yeah. That's corn, right? Yeah. They're not over... Very crunchy.

Mm, great texture. Night umami sort of oiliness almost. You know what I mean? Yeah. But not too overwhelming. It's quite subtle. There's a little sort of sour kick. the end?

Yeah. Like a tomatoy... Yeah. Do you know what I mean? Acid. Yeah. I'm happy with them. You can see why they're popular.

Yeah. What's it say on the back? Griffin's muncho, surprise your taste buds with a full-on mouth crackling. Spicy tomato taste explosion. Grab a pack, rip into it, satisfy your munchies, you stoner wanker. Fucking hell, they're em. No, emiss. They all really nice, aren't they?

It's a really nice flavour. And the texture's outstanding. I like the texture a lot. Oh. That one. Oh, you're going to take those home with you, mate. We'll see. I think you should.

Wow. These are Bluebird Burger Rings. Yeah, see, I'm less excited. I know, but maybe I can excite you more because, for some reason, a lovely little penguin on the front going, oh. Is it penguin flavour? I mean, I... Maybe Bluebird is what it's more referring to.

That's a penguin. That's not blue. I'm trying me best, dear mate. Already I'm confused by this. I'm trying me best ear, mate, to make sense of a nonsensical world. I know. Don't let the munchies get the better of you. Oh, what's...

What? It's calling out this. That feels like a dig. These also have a particular size that isn't a sort of British Chris Packet size, is it? No, these are all like the kind of budget ones you get in a B&M. Yeah. If you don't mind me going back to that example again.

You love it. You walk around the B&M all hours, don't you? You wait there, wait for them to open. Hello, Mr. BN. Are you opening up yet? Oh, look, there's a V, that V drink. They've got that in B&M. And we're open.

He's running around. Jesus. Oh, he's monkeying up. He's munking up. He's munking up B&M's, everyone. Where are you now? Oh, he's got his face in the jaw cereal. He's munching it.

Coffee made? Coffee made. All right. Look at the price of those batteries. Coffee made. Oh, millions. I shouldn't have mentioned B&M because he really wanted to go with it.

Oh, the Christmas aisle is open. He really wanted to go with B&M. He's in there. He's in B&M and his mind. In the toy aisle What is in the toy aisle? They've got too much houseware there

In the one I went to I'm in the toy house Ooh Can you open Pass me Excuse me B and M Monkey Paul I'm overstimulated

Could you pass me the The Penguin Burger Bites Please pass me the penguin burger thing I'm gonna open this time I'll dare you Josalay Hang on Where any burger smell

A light smell They kind of smell It's kind of weird. I can only describe it as a smell I remember for my childhood, but I don't know why or where from. Is it? So a nostalgic huff. They're very small little onion-ringy.

Yeah, like funnions. They look like funnions. They look like mini funnions. Or massive witos. Or massive witos. You know, or Cheerios. Oh, yeah. That's like the classic beef burger flavor crisp, cheap crisp.

No, like beef flavored hula hoops. No, it's not hula hoops. It's... Monster Munch. No, it's Space Raiders. It's that kind of thing. Yeah. Right, I'm going to go, yeah

I kind of like them as well They're doing a monster-munchy Space Raiders thing You know what's kind of weird About what I like about it It's like song man Here's an onion ring Here's an oxo cube Bosch

There you go Good flavour The dirt cheapy kind of cheap Yeah but it's a nice flavour That's a really nice Umami Beefy You know what I mean

Beefy stock Gravy yeah That's both excellent man But which one do you prefer You have to pick one To Crown it King of Snacks I'm very much in two minds, but... You know what? Let them both be winners today.

No, I can't decide. I can't decide. I think Burger Kings might edge it. Yeah, but I don't like the confusing bluebird packaging. In terms of the packaging, the munchos, I mean, your product's called munchos. Yeah, there's no fucking about there. Once you've, like, copyrighted that, you're like, yes. Straight in.

I own the name munchos. You've got fucking carte blanche there, go out and make a product. You know what I mean? Munchos by proxy syndrome. Munchies, do they still exist? Munchies? Yeah. Wait,

are they the chocolate things? Yeah. Yes, they do. Biscuity chocolate sweet things. They're like rollos, square rollos. Yeah, I'm reasonably sure. I bought one within the last six months. Really?

Yes. Yes. I'm going to look into that because I don't remember seeing them. B&M. Multi-packs in B&M. So do you know that meme where the preacher's going, you got the munchies. You got the munchies!

I love that. Just checking with diary. Yeah. Been five years since you last mentioned that clip. You smoked don't. Right. Go down the pharmacy. Smokin' dope.

Well, first of all, thank you to Matthew for sending you that lovely package to us. I got the monchees. Thank you very much. And then thank you, Sanzor, I guess, for allowing this to happen and reaching out when they couldn't. Because they've reached out to me to say, this has been sent to you,

it hasn't reached you, how can we get it? So they made an effort. Good on them. And they also said, it's someone else got this for you, it's a nice surprise. What's that? That's the bag that was in the sauce.

So it's just a wrapper. It's fine. Bag that was in the source? Yeah, so I'm going to stick to that sentence. Okay, fine, I don't. But you know what I got and what I was in fearing, so it doesn't really matter. The bag, I don't know where the sauce. The source was in the bag.

Why don't you? The bag that held the sauce. Why don't you? The bag in which the source... Fuck off. So we can end this segment. Go on, press the fucking band, mate. Oh, smack!

Right then, we're going to do a quick curse. Okay, so here's the thing. We've got to do with Gannon's golden games, but this is not really a golden game by any stretch of the imagination. So I'd need to do the soundtrack or I don't need to do the song? Well, this is all the pleasant past. time, isn't it? One of Paul's pleasant pastime. Is it really? It looks like a board game to me, Paul. Ancillary. Oh, it's

still a board game? Ancillary. But it's ancillary to the main. I like that word as well. It's ancillary. Hello, I am ancillary. You must have done that before. I mean, if we haven't, we're doing it now. Well, Anne, what do you suffer from? Well, I'm just... Yeast, yeast infection? I've gone

to her fanny. I'm quite clean. I'm quite clean. Oh, God, I can't believe I did that. I'm quite clean. I'm sorry, everyone. I'm moving on from that, so we don't have to dwell too much under. But if you want to stick a pin in that? I don't want to stick a pin in her vagina. Is that what you're talking about? Do you keep digging, mate? Do you want to just, oh, I said some of the awful. So I'm now going to say, stick a pin in a clit and move on from that. Oh, I didn't mean that. I meant like, pin in a clit, pin in a clit, pin in a clit, pin in a clit, pin in a clit, pin in a clit,

pin in a clit. Knife of the hog's eye. Oh, right down the eye. Can you imagine that, getting your cock out and then someone taking a big blade to its dainty mouth. Can you imagine a world with no letter T? I mean I could It would be hard It would be It would be Imagine words

Imagine even in the world With no words Ewa woo-woo-woo-woo-woo-woo-woo That's what you should have said Anyway We need to move on It's a Lenny Henry Stand-up comic

board game I saw this on eBay for I think there's about £2, 250 baby Put a bid in Got it, send It's been sitting here forever And I

Because I wanted to know what it is Paul Before we move on Describe the It's like literally the box The tartan on his Yellow shirt Is exactly matches the pattern

On the design of this Lenny Henry And it's based on a garment He's wearing in the photograph on the cover, right? I know but that's what I like about this Are we going to take a photo of this? We will, we'll do it later But I'm just going to say Could you do that on purpose?

No No sadly no But I am going to do it in tribute To Lenny Henry who is As of recording still alive Right So, Lenny Henry, let's go back in time a little bit, was a... Well, he is, he's a standard comedian, now he's an actor,

does far more dramatic roles than he used to, still keeps his hand in comedy, but initially he was a stand-up comic. He was quite young. Very young, discovered on new faces. Yes. Or the other one. No, it was new faces.

It was new faces. Or no, it might have been Opportunity Knox. Let's just say it's one of those. It was one of those 70s talent show, TV show things. Yeah. So he was talking. about his early days because apparently he was like doing

working men's clubs at the age of like 15, 16 and doing reasonably well in Birmingham. That's where he grew up, but that's why he's such a unique figure in the history of stand-up in this country because of his black background.

It's also weirdly one of the many similarities between him and Eddie Murphy. You know what I mean? Because Eddie Murphy, a very young guy doing stand-up in New York, got his big break on Saturday Night Live. Lenny Henry, young comedian, dude his working men's clubs,

gets on new faces. Then Tiz was, which I think Tis was was what cemented him. And then it was like he did three of the kind Lenny Henry show where it was more like a sitcom

wasn't it? That's where I came in. Me and my friend Virgil would, and he, Virgil was the only one I had a telly at the time that was that back then.

I couldn't watch telly because my parents were hippies they didn't believe in it. Your fucking parents did a number on you, mate. Well, everyone's too, don't know.

Mine did a proper number on me. Exactly. So, you know. And it used to be like, and he would be like, I saw the Lenny Henry show last night and also in school. Yeah.

I saw the Lenny Henry show You'd be doing Katanga All of his little catchphrases Because that was the thing It was a sitcom about him As a pirate radio DJ wasn't it And it like It was sometimes

But it had sketches in as well No, it was always a sitcom No There was a no Oh mate No I'm pretty sure it was mostly sitcom No

Because I definitely saw him doing Like an impersonation of Hendricks Where he did Hendricks Playing the guitar with his teeth And different characters It was like it More like a All I can tell you mate

It's based on what I'm reading here Is that it describes itself as a sitcom. Okay, so the original version 84 to 85 called The Lenny Henry Show. Round for two seasons, 84, 85. Each one had six episodes, 40 minutes special at Christmas. Recurring guests include Nicholas Lindhurst and Robbie Coltrane. Bands featured on the 84 series include musical youth and second image. So maybe that was what you're remembering when it was a sketch show. And then it was rebranded in 87 as a sitcom. That's what I remember. Yes. And that would be the age would be right because I would that still be when I didn't have a sitcom. There was

no sketches in this version of it. It started as a sketch show. That's where I came on board. That's when I first knew about him. Okay, but then, yeah, then it went on to be a sketch show where he played Delbert Wilkins, who did Katanga, my friends, and it was all this kind of stuff. And then he became kind of known for, like, his work with comic relief. And stand-up specials, great stand-up specials. Like Eddie Murphy did. Yeah, absolutely.

Now, he had some corkers. But, they were funny. Do you know the Lenny Henry movie that he tried to use to break into Hollywood? Yes. What was it called? It was called I'm white or something. Well, no, but it was called true identity. He whited up.

He whited up. Yeah, it was a true identity where, if I remember rightly, he has to go on the, cover or go into hiding. It's a pure Eddie Murphy idea. So, yeah, he had to hide himself as a white man to escape the mob. From Touchstone Pictures, after Miles Pope is the man of a thousand faces.

And the mob wants all of them whacked. I gotta disappear now. But if he wants to save his skin, you may be look like Wayne Nuky. He'll have to give the performance of a lifetime. Frankie, Salo. I know who I am, and it's not Ward Cleaver.

True identity. I'm a mulatto. From the ways down, that's how it happens sometimes. R. So there's lots of him in prosthetics and pretending to the other people. It's weird how that's what Hollywood wanted to do with black comedians, though. It's always about the identity, the whiteness, the blackness. That is the focus. So Eddie Murphy didn't really do that. I know he played like a white character or one in like maybe a character here and there,

but mostly he played like within the black community, like famously coming to America where he practically plays everyone in that. There's so many good Eddie Murphy films. And even like, I know it's not the greatest example, but like Nutty Professor 2, where he's playing his whole family. Yeah. So he was into prosthetic stuff. It was definitely with him in mind that they tried to do the thing with Henry, right? So this goes back to what I was saying.

So he did not new faces, right? And then there was a show on BBC a few years ago about Bob Monkhouse, about his life and career. And in it, Lenny Henry talks about how when he did his first TV appearance, it was lost to time. Because, you know, if he didn't tape it off the TV and no one had this. video recorders back in the late 70s. They did not. Especially, certainly, like, normal families wouldn't have thought of it. That was lost to time.

And then one day, it turns out that Bob Monkhouse had record, you know, because he taped tons of things off the TV, Bob Monkhouse is like, oh, I've got a copy of that. Monkhouse was a big taper. Yeah. Like, he had a huge collection of them. Yeah. And so he was like, oh, yeah, I've got a copy of that. Do you want a copy of your first appearance on TV?

Archivist is the word, yeah. And also, Bob Monkhouse was a big champion for Lenny Henry in general. Yeah. But the weird thing is you watch the clip of his first TV appearance. And it's kind of one of those things where it's a tragic element of the time where he's a black comedian in a predominantly white male industry, right? And so he has to kind of give fealty to the fact that he has to hang a lot on and being black. So the first thing he does is you see him on stage in a big coat and a beret and he goes, hmm, Betty. And you go, oh, and you hear the voice of him doing Frank Spence.

And then he turns around because he's black. He gets a great big laugh from the audience. Just because he's black. Yeah. Yeah, that's just so weird. Because the voice is so good, but then the subversion is like, oh, but I'm a black man. And then the first gaggy tells is about, oh, Betty, I want to put some fake talent, I all act partly too much on, the crowd goes wild.

This is what I mean. Bob's time at ATV in the 1970s gave him access to a unique recording of another ATV show, new faces. The very first TV appearance by a 16-year-old Lenny Henry had been thought lost forever. I've been looking for it for 30-something years. It was a very important document to me because the very first appearance was where people saw the promise in me and the potential in me and I'd never seen it, I'd never had it.

But the other day, I was sort of on the phone to my PA and she said, oh, there's this, somebody wants to get touch with you from Birmingham, they've got your first ever new face appearance and they're doing it, and I went, what, what, what, what? I said what that many times, what? What? And they said they've got your first one new play. It was in Bob Bunkass's basement.

He's a really new, exciting face to television just 16 years old. Enough from me, let him express himself in three minutes as we bring on Mr. Lenny Henry. He saw the Queen on Christmas Daddy, my darling. That's my baby. Jessica, that is. There's a lot of people out there. If you're wondering about the slightly permanent suntan,

it does start to win betty got me a job as a salesman for Ambroschalea. It's not funny, I only put a teaspoonful and I can't get it off now. And I've been asking various people for years, have you got that first, No, not the London Palladium, one where I did Al Jolson and sang leaning on a lamppost, for Christ knows why. But the first one where I was doing stuff that I'd written, that I was, that I'd worked in the clubs in the Club Lafayette in Wolverhampton and the Summer Hill in Dudley.

Those, that material, that was definitely more Lenny than that other stuff. And the fact that Bob recognized that, that was a big deal. Suddenly for that performance to, show up again, that meant a lot to me. And the fact that Bob had it, and Bob always had it. It didn't make me seem in a different light,

because there was always a tinge of respect there for him, but my respect for him went up hugely. And I was incredibly grateful to him for holding onto it, because nobody else had it. But that's what he had to do to kind of be accepted in the mainstream. It was kind of like, oh, I'm going to make fun of that before you do. But there were other comics from the working man's, like, I'm thinking of Charlie Drake, is that right?

Yes, he was another one who had to put up a lot of fucking shit, apparently. And also his whole set is basically about how he's black, that sort of thing. But again, it's like, I'm going to tell the jokes that they want to tell about me first. And then if I, if I say it, then you can feel good about laughing at it. I know, it's terrible. Anyway, he gets successful off new phases. He's on Tizwas.

He's got stuff coming out. He released ball, beef and carrots. We also remember that from back of the day. Yeah. And then this board game, which is called... Another parallel he has with Eddie Mervo. I thought you're going to play me in the clip, by the way. I'm cutting that in.

I'm not playing you it now. Oh, okay. But I can play it in the break, if you want. It's fine. All right. But I've already edited it. They've already aired. But you said it's a surprising clip.

I thought you said I was going to react to it or something. No, I just wanted to tell you the story without having to tell you it twice. Oh, right. Okay, cool. That's it. Yeah, nice. A big twist. One other thing that he is, has a parallel with Eddie Murphy on.

Yeah. They're both frustrated recording artists, singers, basically, aren't they? Well, I don't know about Lenny Henry too much. He wanted to be, he, Murph, Eddie. I'm sure Lenny Henry went for it. Eddie Murphy. Lenny Murphy Lenny Murphy

Lenny Henry Lenny Henry definitely I think because he used to do that thing with the he'd do a whole musical number at the end of his

stand-up specials all comedians did back then yeah I mean even like used that character of you know like philonious wild beast or whatever

he was a because he was an amount that was a song right amalgamation between like Barry White Barry White

and Teddy Pendergrass yeah but the thing is is that that was a character more than like a serious attempt at music whereas Eddie Murphy was like please take me serious as a musician please

look who I'm working with that one album and those tunes aren't the worst he's like four albums though didn't you're not that bad they're not great they're not great because in how much edge he had as a comedian yeah the album has none of that edge I mean now people listen back to Eddie Murphy stuff now and they just can't stand the homophobia

and basically the homophobia but it still makes me laugh am I bad it makes me laugh not the homophobia per se it's just delivery Eli's cancelled Oh, my God. Anyway, we're going to play Lenny Henry's board game because somehow we've got a board game

and effectively the object of the game is to reach the center of the stage while negotiating the Rocky Rogue to stardom and the pitfalls of everyday life. Let's do this. Let's get into it. I've been hanging around for eternity, waiting for you to turn on to me

but now you're here at the snow turning back. Prepare yourself for a lap of that. Danny, Lenny, Lenny, Lenny, Lenny, Lenny, let me have you show. Break out of depression, break into a smile, break out of the sweat, break the four minute mile, give yourself a break and break new ground, break up, break even, break down. Red, break, break, break, break. Reddy, Lenny, Lenny, man,

Danny, man, let me have you show. Where's the dice? I got it, it here. Right, so... I'm red, person, you're... And what story is told by this game, Paul? Well, here's the thing, I've just noticed this now. It seems to be that the board game is some kind of journey of stardom for Lenny Henry himself in VAT.

You play Henry, a version of Henry, several versions of Henry. Yeah, and you go around the board until you get to the middle, which says star of the show, centre stage, Lenny Henry. of arrive star of the show. Star of the show. There's cards that have good news, bad news on, which will come to where we get to those. We have stand-up comic cards,

which have jokes on that you have to read and impress the other plays with to earn points. We're not going to do that. You're going to be honest. We're not going to do that. I'm not going to give each other points. It's going to go how far we get to the centre before the time runs out.

Are we going to even read the jokes out? Yeah, we can do it if you want. I like to think of the jokes. Think of our own jokes. We can't, but there's an option there if we can do either all. Yeah. You can't think of a joke. Do you know what, Paul?

I'll be able to think of a joke. Well, let's hope so. That is the whole gimmick. It doesn't sound like a joke. It might not sound like a joke. It might be a weird joke. So I'll put a pimmage. I'll put an image and a pimmage up on our Instagram

and obviously on our website so you can see what the board looks like. But it's basically a great big spiral on a yellow board that goes around to the middle. And you start with the class clown square where, as you know. Oh, because you start from being a class clown. You know, I'm as a class clown at school. And now I'm a multi-millionaire comedian. And that's how it works for. Every single famous person.

You always say, I was the class clown. Which means you were a prick. I was the class cloud at school, and I was a prick. Are you a prick? Yes, but I'm also not a multi-millionaire, and I need to stress that really quite a bit. Right, we're going to start this game. I'm going to roll the dice.

Roll me the dice. Three, two, one, begin. Here we go. 20 minutes on the clock to see how far we can get. Move me along. One, two, three, four, five, six. Joke. So you have to roll the dice again,

and I'm going to tell you what type of joke. Four. So, four is a riddle. So if you can come up with a riddle, and I have to guess it, right, and blah, blah, blah. So you have to come with a riddle. Oh, there's probably one on the car if you want to read it.

Fucking riddle. So these are on the stand-up comic cards, which give you outs in case you can't think of one yourself. So there should be a riddle on there, maybe. Do you need your specs, Mr. Piper, man? Oh, dear. That's fucked up the timer then, hasn't it?

No, I'll just stand up. Oh, he's going to stand up, and what bellow. There's more light over here. Why don't you use your phone camera maybe and enlarge it that way? How about that? That's an idea, isn't it? A good idea, yeah.

Yeah, thank you. I have good ideas. Well, I mean, good. I have, well, well, cheap show's a fucking good idea, wasn't it? Well, it wasn't really an idea. Well, you can fuck off then. How about that? How about that?

How about that? By the beginning of this fucking episode, it was you was going to fuck off. I'm just phasing myself up. Incrementally reducing what you say. I'm going to phase myself out or recast me. Recast you. Come on, think of a riddle. James Gordon, that's who I want to see opposite me there.

Pervert. Come on. Time's a wasting. I haven't rolled my fucking... There was a young girl. Is that the riddle? No, that's a limerick. Norman Tebbit.

That's potentially a riddle? I don't know. You can't think of a riddle. I could, but I don't want to. What about this? Go on. There's no riddle here. Why isn't there a riddle here?

I don't know. Is it a number four is the riddle? Maybe. See, there's no riddle. It says here at number four. An amateur guitarist Mike Reed has finally mastered a chord. The one in his pajamas. That's not a riddle.

That's a pun. minute. You know what, I'm just going to just give me anything. I'll just do one, yeah. Okay. What do you call? Yeah. This is a sort of riddle, isn't it? Go on. What do you call a writer with four legs? An underwriter? I don't know. How's a guess? That was a bad guess. Well, I don't care.

Barbara Cart's horse. How was I meant to get that? You weren't. That was a joke. Give me a, what would you award me for that joke? Two. This game. Is this better better for the non-visual aspect this game? I've got to come up with a joke about a riddle. A riddle is a riddle for you. All right.

What gets wetter the more it dries, a? A towel. Correct. There you go. Do I get points for that? Two points. That was well done, you thought of a very basic riddle. Right, your go.

You didn't waste five fucking minutes doing it as well. It's Grandpa Peepers can't fucking read the card. Grandpa Peeper. Six. Blow. One, two, three, four, five, six. I'm going to fucking win this. Go on. Do a joke, roll the dice.

Four. Mate, you know what? Just do, on the theme, just do a tongue twister. Tongue. There might be one on the card. There was one on this card. I could do the pheasant pluck up one. No, do five.

Do number five. See if you've got to say eight times, I think. All right. You count them on your fingers. All right. Oh, I've got me clicker. There's my clicker. I can do me clicker.

You count them on my fingers. Go on. Eight times. Number five, yeah? Yeah, number five, say eight times. Peter Powell picks the Pope. Go on. Peter Powell picks the pop.

Peter Powell picks the pop. Peter Powell picks the pop. Peter Powell picks the pop. Peter Powell picks the pop. Peter Powell picks the pop. Peter Powell picks the pop. Peter Powell picks the pop. Peter Powell picks the pop. Peter Powell picks the pop. Peter Powell picks the pop. Peter Powell. That's quite an easy one for us, isn't it?

Poof! Spunky mum, Spongy mum, Spongy mummer Rubb, Rubb Rewind Drop the B Right, here we go My turn Roll the dice

One Not a joke Oh that's shit Right roll it again Two It's a news flash I've got to read a news flash out for you Here we go

What's a news flash You don't have to think of a joke then No You have to think of a news flash Don't you? I'm coming up with a news flash Latest news from the past The D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D.

Oscar Wild has splashed gold paint over Miss Langtree. He's been accused of Gilding the Lily. I don't know. Any of those, though, I don't get any of that? Yeah, Gilding the Lily. But who's Miss Langtry? She's Lily Langtry. Who's Lily Langtry?

You've heard that name before, that, isn't it? I bring to Bell, but do you know who Lily Langtry is Lived a lob. Libby-Lapid Lillie Lankry is Lach-Libia. Lubricate Lily Landry's lush labia, liquid labia. Larry Lapte at Lily Langtree's luscious labia. Oh yeah. Got right in there. Blah blah blah blah blah.

He said blah blah blah blah blah. Anyway, you'll go roll the dice. You'll go roll the dice. Blah blah blah. All right, we get it. The cookie monster of clunge. Yeah, that's what they call me. Yeah, the cookie monster of clunge.

That's a horrible name. Six. Six again. One, two, three, four, five, six. Five, six. Another joke. Roll the dice. Yeah. One, two, three, four, five, six. Roll the dice again to get a joke. Three, we haven't had a three yet.

A limerick. You've got to do a limerick. Come on. Create one. Come up with a one. There once was a man called Pierre. Nice. Who had very luscious long hair. Okay. He once did a shit. Right. But he hadn't lifted the lid.

Right. And now he's got shit in his hair. Right. Okay, good. Yeah, I got there. No, you rhymed hair with her. No, no, Pierre and here and here. Yeah. Sorry, I tried.

Very poor. I tried to keep the story going. She should have just said, and put shit everywhere. Everywhere. That's the one I was reaching for. Here we go. Two. Ladder to success.

Oh, that's literally snakes and ladders. Yeah, you go up to the next ring. You'll go, only because of the ladder. You got a ladder coming up. One. Miss one, two. Oh. Gannon can reach out and get to the lead now.

Five. Oh, he's gone well. You're going backwards, mate. Ballet parking, I think that just means... No, it doesn't, is it? Yes. Oh, yeah, yeah. Fucking hell.

Shouldn't it told him. Bad career. Oh, he's gone back down. He's behind me. I must have got a racist joke on the stage or something. You still get another go, though. Oh, yeah, because you've missed a turn. Six, well, he's overtaken me again.

Not so bad. Bad news. What does that mean? Right, I've got to read the bad news card. A video company has put your act on tape. Seller tape. Miss a turn. Miss a turn.

Right. How could you put the act on cellar tape? It's... It's derogatory saying you weren't good enough for videotape. It's cellar tape. It wouldn't work, then. I don't...

I'm just going to go ahead and say none of these gags are going to be good. Four. Four. One, two, three, four. Same as me. So you've got to read the bad card, whatever that is and do what it says.

Bad news. Bad news. Your silent film is being done on the radio. Does I want to say it to the mic? Your silent film is being done on the radio. What a Zinger. Miss one turn. Oh dear.

But I miss a turn. But I miss a turn. So does that mean I have a turn or you have a turn now? Let's just do that. Six again. Fucking hell. It's all heating up. One, two, three, four, five, six.

Oh, you dirtbag. He's done a missy. Kind of like a snakey bit again. I jumped a few cubes. One. What was that say? Oh, he's gone up. Yay.

There's any impressions. There are impressions. Yeah, there was impressions as well. because I forgot, but you're right. I think he won new faces by doing impressions, didn't he? That was an impression. Like I said, Norman, Frank Spencer.

Frank Spencer, yeah. It said roll again and move one. That's why I'm doing it again. Four. Four. Four. It was not a four. It was.

And you even called it. I went by you. I got it wrong. Oh, did you? That's the first fucking time you've ever admitted to that then. Three. One, two.

Four. Oh. Oh, short cut to success. That's it, nothing there. Because you just jump a load. That is the privilege you get. Right. Two, that way.

Good news. Oh, let's look at the good news card. You get a heckler to shut up, roll again. I go, and sleep. Oh, I hate that. It's really well, but it always works. He gets that in every time. Four.

He did that at the live show. One, two, three, four. Greasy spoon. I don't know what that is, but I'm in a greasyy spoon calf. Well, look what it says on the rules for Greasy Spoon. I don't think there is one, honestly. It's just you're in a greasy spoon. Bad contact, we don't need that.

Lallet to success, we've done that. Career move, yeah. Oh, wait there. Valet parking, greasy spoon. The player awaits his next turn. Well, that's just mean it's a normal square then. It's nice to have a greasy spoon on the board, though. One, two, what does that say?

Valet parking, same as Greasy Spoon. I mean, it's just a nice little square. We might do, actually, because we've got, as of now, we've got 10 minutes left. Judging by our time We're only halfway through our time Yeah, but we're almost there You're almost there Two, joke

Roll again Five Impersonation Right, it's to see if I could I have to guess who it is, yeah Okay You're not allowed to say their name Or anything like that

Right, okay See if you can get this impression Oh, I don't really know I don't know what that character's called Oh I don't really know It's that woman off Coronation Street Yeah, what is her name? Oh, I don't really know

No, Bobby Davro. I was doing an impression of Bobby Davro. Doing an impression of... No, Bobby Davro didn't do that. It was... I was doing a... Oh, yeah, Les Dennis. It was Dennis.

I was doing an impression of Bobby Davro doing an impression of Les Dennis doing an impression of that woman from... Deirdre? Deirdre? No, Deirdrie Barlow's the one with the glasses. Who knows or cares, frankly? There's someone on the listening right now going,

it's this person. Well, we don't know right now. Four. Right. Move me. One, two, three, four. Good news. Good news, everybody. Read the good news card out.

Good news, everybody. It's going to be a lame gag. Might be, or it might be an opportunity to go further on the board. You've been offered lead in a silent film. Roll again. Oh, that's good. Roll again then. What's this silent film thing? Why is there so many silent? Why does anyone care about silent films in the 1970s?

Why did silent films keep coming up? Weird. Actually, when is this board game out? This board game came out in 86. So his sitcom was on at this point. Yeah, he was, you know, it's all based on his image, so it's... One, two, three, four, five, six, I think this reflects that he was big

with sort of young teenagers, that kind of thing. Well, he was a lot more family friendly than Eddie Murphy could. I don't think you could have got an Eddie Murphy board game. I think the kids loved him, though, because I remember it was just the best thing ever. Oh, let's play Eddie Murphy's raw board game. Six. Oh, I've been fucked in the ass.

Anyway, yeah, it was a different scene. Very different scene. Very different scene. Because you had people like, what's his name? Were you always reference the... Oh, like Bernard Man. No, who's the guy, the stand-up, Ash, Frith? No.

No, he's not a stand-up. In America, Betty Blue, she needed the money, you know, that guy. Oh, Andrew Dice Clay? Yeah. Clay, I thought Clay in Ash, Dickery, Dickery, Doc. This woman was sock in my cock. She then went down, I filled up here crowd with my mug coming out of my cock. Hey, that's good.

Bam! Well done. But you know what I mean? That was more like the scene. It was more fratboy, more rude, the kind of whole stand-up scene. Wild kind of soldier. kind of thing. Right.

Six. Again, I keep getting sixes. One, two, three, four, five, six. Good news. Good news again. Eli could snatch this away as a win. Hickory, dick. Hickory all over my cock.

Sorry. I put my dick in a clock. The clock struck ten. I came again and filled up my nan with a sock. Nice. You're on fire. Hey! Now that's more Rodney Dangerfield.

He, I get no respect. I can't fucking read this Come on old man Good news Do we need to read it for you Yeah Christ

Good news You get a new scriptwriter After the old one dies Of nervous exhaustion Roll again Blow Blow Six

That must be a win That must be a win That must be a win All concertinery Right towards the end Doesn't say Oh to win A player must throw

The exact number To arrive at the centre With Lenny If a player Overfroes He must move backwards So that means You go

One two three Two, three, four, five, six. All right. So you need to roll three? Yeah. Yeah? All right, let's go. Five.

Five. One, two, three, four, five. Joke, one. One, joke one is a knock-knock. Well, got one. Come up, we want to use the cards. He's going to use the cards, everybody. So I can use it.

Right, knock-knock. Knock. Who's there? Jacoby. Jacoby, who? Jacoby nimble. Jacobi quick. Jacobi taking him a hold of my dick.

Yeah. Jack had been wanking off all on my dick All right, mate, well done You've got to roll three now Jacking off my cock All right We got it You can allow to say

Stuff like that And I'm not You are allowed to say It's just that when you do it It's awful One No, that's why you can move one space Why you've got to roll a two

Is that concertina a bit It's confusing It is it is It is? I think they just thought Let's cramp a few spaces It is in it Yeah, I don't think

This is going to be Anyone's favourite game One Fun for a few minutes Good news It's certainly, you know Lickety split gaming, isn't it? Hickory-dickory split!

Oh, you've been asked to do a bird impression for the royal family. Move ahead two spaces. I don't really get the reference there. A bird impression for the royal family? Do you know what that could mean? Weird. I mean, I know Prince Andrew likes a cock or two,

but that's a different thing altogether. He doesn't like a cock or two. Oh, I'll do a different one then. Princess Diana loved a cock or two. A cock or two. I'm not even going to say cockatoo. Cock or two. Right, you've got to roll two now, four.

No, you didn't count that as one. You don't do it as count, do you? Yeah. Oh, okay, in that case, it's still wrong. He's still further one up. So push it forward one, yeah. So I need a two to get in. Two.

He's catching me. Joke, one. Another knock, knock. Oh, I should have read a joke then. Oh, well, it doesn't matter. Knock knock. Knock. Knock.

Who's there? Howard. Howard. Howard, the duck? How would you do? How would you do? How would you do? How would you do?

How would you do? How would you do what, mate? No, how do you do? It does say Howard here. How would you do? How would you do what? How would you do? No, but how would you do what?

What? Who's on first? I've got one. Go on. Knock, knock, knock. Who's there? Edward, Wood, Wood, Wood, Wood, Wood, Wood, Wood, Wood, Wood, Wood, Wood, Wood, Wood. Wood Wood Wood, Wood, Wood, Wood, Wood, Wood, Wood, Wood, Wood, Wood, Wood.

Edward to the power of 14, who? It's my go. Is it your, no, you're at your go. You've lost track of time. It's two. We got. Five. You got.

Two minutes, three minutes left. Oh, he's back on the E. Do you want to do a joke, roll again? Roll again the dice. It tells you what jokes to do. Two. News flash. So look on those cards for a news flash,

unless you want to do your own funny news flash. That's fine. Yeah, you're right, mate. Don't lean on your imagination. It's not your strong suit, is it? It's not your strong suit, is it, mate? Shut up. I can't see, can I borrow your glasses for a second?

I don't think these are going to help you, mate. By all means, give them a try, but I don't think you're going to enjoy wearing them. Russell Grant. Just don't say a name Russell Grant's decided against going around the world Why It'll be easier if the world goes around him

Because he's fat Is that what they're implying with that Was he was a big Yeah but that was what the joke's implying That it's easier for the world to go around him Because he's so fat than he needs to go around the world Does that make no fucking sense Conceptually?

It makes no fucking sense mate It's just mean There are loads of things you can criticise him for We see the other Russell Oh no that's Bernard Was he the astronomer? Yeah, he is the esponomer. God, he's given me a...

Waring your glasses has given me cars... Am I in or am I out? Yeah, you're in, well done. Am I in? Well done. Hey, shaky, shake. I'll end on a gag. I'll end on a gag from the card.

It's giving me car sickness wearing your glasses, mate. Really has suddenly. Yeah, I know you shouldn't do that. I'll end with the limerick. There was a young man from Bolloyne who spent a week in their dodoin on champagne and oysters in love. luxury cloisters and all on a 20-p coin.

Ho-ho. The ones was a man called Woodwood, who performed in films that were dead good. He was in the wicker, man, and that other film in that's in the can, and I regret starting this poem. It's not that good. That good. It wasn't that bad.

Well done. The ones was a man called Eli, who liked to run around making kids cry. He'd go to the park, sometimes after dark, and pull out his dirty little potty. Oh, no, it's fine. Don't let that be the last thing in people's minds this week. All right, then.

What did you think of their board game? Honestly, it's fine. It's not that bad. It's not that bad. You can see that being fun. It's fine. You wouldn't return to it. No. There's no strategy.

It's basically snakes and ladders with gags. Yeah, but to be fair, it's not the worst thing I've ever seen. And also, it encourages play and performance and imagination. A nice thing. Well done. And a nice thing for your collection as well, Paul. Oh, yeah. No.

and the fact that it matches my shirt means all the more as well. So there we go, Lenny Henry's stand-up comic board game, get what it's like, feel the joy of Lenny Henry, live his life as a dice-rolling exercise. I'm going to give that my thumbs up this timeout. Gives a thumbs up for me as well. Right, good. Let's wrap this show up.

Cheap Show, the Economy Comedy Podcast, has a website with Cheapshow.com.com.com. If you go there, it's a one-stop shop. It's a one-stop shop. It'll take it everywhere else we are on the internet from social media to dedicated video pages and episodes based around episodes themselves with pictures and sometimes videos. In an enigma. In an enigma. Also, this podcast has been brought to you by our kind, supportive and lovingly generous Patreon supporters. Love you guys.

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Flying mattress filled with beard oil through the skies it goes. Do you want to talk about anything of note, Mr. Silverman? Listen to my radio show on Soho Radio. Every two weeks on a Sunday, two to four, the House of Pickled Sound Show. And the live show from a couple of weeks ago now is on YouTube for everyone to watch. If you missed us live and you want to see what it's like,

you can now watch it on our YouTube channel. It was a fun little show there. It was a fun little show, Paul. And to everyone I met. You got you drunk afterwards. Cheers. Thank you very much. much, yes.

Thank you to everyone who came, everyone who bought merch, everyone. And gave us stuff. We have plans for 500. I'm not going to tell you what they are right now in the midst of it, but if you want to see us live, 500's going to be the next big one.

So that's it. Let's wrap this show up. Okay. Beard oil mattress. Beard oil mattress. Woodwood. We've done all limericks. We've done a match today.

I don't know. It wasn't that good. And now I've lost all loose all my energy. It's been a grim week. The weather. It's been so bad. Weather is not good. Money, moan.

Mone. Moan, moaning, moan, moan-moan-moan-moony. How are we going to distribute the grub? Really? Yeah. You're not into it. That's fine. You should eat properly.

Yeah, that's why I don't want to take them. I know, that's why I don't want to take him. I know, but you didn't like any of that. What about that chutney? So-called chutney. No, it's fine, but you can have runny chutney. Edward Woodwood's runny chutney. Yeah.

He could have, he could have had a sauce brand. He might have. He had that gravitas. He might have. Christopher Lee's, uh... Woodwood's own. Woodwood's own. Like Newman's own, yeah.

Can you imagine Woodwood's own Chutney Yeah Oh bless it What was he called The enforcer No

The equalizer Yeah Equalizer Equalizer Equalizer Oh Edward Woodwood's Equalizer

Tizer Does that work Nothing works Nothing works Nothing works Right We'll see you next week Bye bye bye

Bye bye Bye Bye Bye Bye Thank you.