CheapShow - Ep 463: Mess Express

Episode Date: November 21, 2025

Although Paul & Eli have sworn off getting anything from Temu, Ali Express or Wish, that doesn’t stop our listeners! Whether that’s for good or for ill. This week, CheapShow HQ has been sent something via the PO Box (details below) and its jam packed with Ali Express (and charity shop) treats and, in some cases, horrors. Not only do the Cheap Chaps have a few awesome presents to be grateful for (thank you Obie!), but there is an Ali Express themed “Price of Shite” to tackle. When the items can be truly random and the prices could be anything, just how many p’twings can Paul and Eli hope to get? Eli has his ideas, Paul has his own… but who will win, not only the game, but the “special prizes” on offer to the winner? It’s another tat filled audio adventure. See pics/videos for this episode on our website: https://www.thecheapshow.co.uk/ep-463-mess-express www.patreon.com/cheapshow If you want to get involved, email us at [e-mail] For all other information, please visit: www.thecheapshow.co.uk Like, Review, Share, Comment... LOVE US! MERCH Official CheapShow Magazine Shop: www.cheapmag.shop Send Us Stuff: CheapShow PO BOX 1309 Harrow HA1 9QJ

Why do I have this dip? Do you mean? As soon as you press record, the joy, the Bonnevi, Bono, Bono-Me, Bono-de-Bon-Ve-Ve-Vos. Bon-Ve. That must be the shortest till I laughed. That must be the shortest till I laughed. Just because I said bon-Vie-Vir. I don't understand why that's so funny.

Stop saying bon-Viver. I will stop saying bon-v-ver. That helps. Yes, it is. No, it's not. Bono-Me. Okay, Google. Oh, here we go.

What does Bonnevie mean? No. Oh, hang on. Bon vivie. Bon vivie. You forgot what you said. Bon levy. What's up?

It's a phrase. It's like you've got a bit of bon vivere. I can't remember the word now anymore. I've said it so many times. You're confusing. Bono me and... Bon vivor. Bon vivor.

Yeah. Bon vivour. Yeah. Bon vivour. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Bon vivor Yes Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, what does it mean, a social

And luxurious lifestyle is known as a bon vivor Yes, all right, so can I just now say It wasn't right, it didn't fit Bomb vivor It was real One is, it's a noun Yeah, it's a noun, not a verb Yeah, but I didn't know what you were saying

I just because you said something bomb I don't know what I was saying, Paul What are you talking about? I've got something to admit Go on. I didn't really know. About any more? I set a drift on moon.

Now, memory bliss. Baby, you take me now. Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, oh. Take a trip on memory of bliss and you send me. What is that? I've not heard of that in years and it's just popped in my head. PM Dawn. No, it is the afternoon and my name's not Dawn.

Bon vivor, everyone. No, no. Bonfivu. I'm a bon vivor today. What I was trying to say, Paul. I guess I have a bon vivor, aren't I? I guess I am a bit of a von Verveau. We're both a pair of bon vivor.

Borgiever. I've got to stop saying bonfever. Right, should we just stop. Hasn't she got lovelier. Oh, she's lovelier with her von Viver. Right, hello, welcome to cheap show. No, no, no. I need to finish the point.

What was it? You said you can't remember. I don't, I would say is I have a very nice feeling towards you, towards the listeners. Yeah, I do too. I'm feeling good. Before you press record. And then as soon as you press record. Cut, it goes out the window.

Five, you count down in your With the way I go five, four And then he stops Go to get a bit of silence And then I have to count in my head And then I lose all the will And then you lose at all

The will to be funny The will to speak The will to sit And now he's doing I love it He's adjusting the mic Just a little bit ladies of gentlemen Anyway that was all I had to say

And I wish I hadn't said it now And I also wish you hadn't said it Welcome to Cheap Show Cheap Show It's the cheap show to the other way. Welcome to Cheap Show. They're all gone, by the way. Hello, welcome to Cheap Show.

Podcast, Paul, Eli, Cheapstuff. Who are? Everyone in my attic. All the characters have fucked off. Oh, that's good. No, weird. A van pulled up yesterday, a big white van. And Brandoff got out, started like,

pushing people around, tell him to go over there. Anyway, long story short, they all came out of the attic, they're all gone, they all went into the van and fucked off. He didn't say a word to me, by the way. How is he getting away with this? Getting away with what, though? He's people trafficking, obviously, all of our characters, all of them. No, he kept sitting out there, go rough, rough, rough,

content house, rough, rough, rough. Yeah, so what? I don't know, literally. He marches into the house. I didn't know he had keys to my flat. He marches in, gets into the attic and goes, everyone out, they all start coming out, all fucking loads of them.

He can't be running the operation by himself. It was biscuits. There's a sniff. Biscuits wasn't around. I sniffed biscuits. No, there was no biscuits on the day. He was on the phone to him. I kept hearing him and say, Jimmy, Jimmy, Jimmy, Jimmy, Jimmy.

Where? Rob, Ruff, Ruff, Jimmy, Jimmy, Jimmy, Jimmy, Jimmy, Jimmy, Jimmy. Jimmy, Jimmy, Jimmy, Jimmy, Jimmy. Jimmy, Jimmy, Jimmy, have you got the keys. Rob, Ruff, Ruff, Ruff, Jimmy, Jimmy, Jimmy, yeah. That sounds like him, to be honest, that does, you've captured something about him. Jimmy, Jimmy, Jimmy, Jimmy, Jimmy, Jimmy, Jimmy, Jimmy, so.

So, yeah, disturbing, but at least they're gone. They're all fucking gone. Honestly, it's not a moment too soon. Because that must have been the smell must have been something awful. Well, the other day they were celebrating... Uncle Grumbly. No. Was he making soup or...

It was his birthday the other day. They were helping celebrate his birthday. And they went, oh, let's bring out the cake and it smelled of shit. Yeah. This house stunk of shit. And a bit... Jim, Jimmy, squishy Jim. He's called Jimmy as well. It was like stomping in the shit cake.

And it came... Squishy, squishy. Jumping around. There's a staining around the skirting board at the top there. Literally. dumped through into like, into the capillaries. So anyway, they've all fucked off. I don't know what's going on.

But all I heard, before he slammed the door, was like, happy now? And left. Well, he's obviously up to something. Anyway. Something that could lead to something. A special episode later on down the line. Not before Christmas though. No.

After Christmas. Well, at least you're, we're being realistic about the scheduling of that special show. I'm burnt out. May you fucking be honest with you? I know, but, you know. After the Halloween, my brain went to. Please, no more special this, no more special projects, live shows, albums, live streams. Can we just chill till Christmas?

I'm 100% behind you on that. Hyundai P, as they say, Paul. All right, cool. Although I would like to do a walk about before Christmas, I would like to do another GeoCash episode and maybe somewhere like Epping Forest, a nice Christmasy, wintry geocash in the forest thing. Cool. Just in the thought, sometime next month. I think we're going to get some coldness in the UK, some proper chill.

Because it's been doing my head in in recent weeks, Paul, that you go out and you get on the Victoria line. It's hot. Hot. It wouldn't say it's all nice and warm or anything like that. It is hot. It is too hot. And there's all these people just because it was raining and the sky was grey or whatever.

They're on the Victoria line full puffer jackets, hats, scarfed. They must be so hot, man. I get down to my T-shirt and I'm like, foof. I mean, I sweat a lot, though. Yeah. So I'm more sensitive to overheat. as well, there's a big stink. There's a big stink coming from me.

It's a sex stink. It's a sex stink. I know what sex stink stinks like. It stinks like sex. And when I say sex, Paul, I don't mean the chain of stores that exchange electronics. Oh dear, fucking hell.

Apart from the fact that only really works as a UK kind of guy. That kind of works. Hey, I've heard a joke that I like. What do you call? This used to be a podcast. What do you call these people who are really...

You know what, can I just say when you do a joke that has the phrase these people, it kind of shows that you're not really thinking about it. All right, me and my mate, we're zealots about shampoo and we go door to door, telling people how... And are you head and shoulders above the rest? No. All right, good, I just want to get that out of that way.

We go, we're zealots, and we go around door to door. Selling shampoo and also proselytizing. Procelotizing. About how good shampoo is. Proselytizing. Do you know what we are? Yeah. Yo-yoba's witnesses.

God. No. Your Yobah's witnesses, Paul. Your Yobah's witnesses. I don't even know what Yo-Joba means. Well, you're so bad. Your Yoba, oh, well, then you don't get it, do you? No, that's why I did the whole...

There's people at home who got it, and they know what I'm talking about. If they got it, they should go to the doctor for it, get a nice rag. Listen, if you've been grown up in New Age, hippie sort of stuff in the 80s, health food stores, Holland and Barrett, that type of thing. Yo-yoba shampoo was a fixture, basically. Right. And a J-O-J-O-B something. I didn't like them anyway because every time I tried to throw it away

kept coming back to my hand because it was a yo-yo-y-o-y-o-bby, yo-yo-yo-yo-yo-yo-yo. Hi-fi for trying. I'm in a forgiving mood, Paul. Right, good, because today we've got a super-packed, big old whack-a-do of a... Boy, howdy, boy, howdy. Recently, the P-O-box has been inundated with goodies and actually from the live show, we've got loads of stuff to get through.

So we're going to be right for content for a little while. We've got lots of stuff, mate. We got one bag this week One bag to get through this week I put it in a bag Because it was in a big box Went in a bag Yeah

From a box to the bag To a convenience for myself Oh right Hey And this bag's got a la la la la A zilla black would want to say It's got a la la la shit in it She never saw

No But there's a lot to get through So that's what we're doing This week on the podcast I'll tell you what We'll start Before we take a break Yeah hello cheap show

Podcast Cheap things good times Let's have fun Is that your intro for sure Yeah, for real. For real zies. Realzies? Because I'm a bon vivor.

A bon vivor. You don't drink enough. Red wine. But I see a sort of typical bonvvvvier as someone who puts sivet musk in his hair and has a big cravat, yeah, that kind of thing. And a cigarette with one of those old... What was the point of that?

What was the point of those big cigarette holders? Was it just to keep the nicotine off your lips or something? It calls the smoke. Okay. And it's more elegant. I thought it was about not getting your fingertips or... And also you're less likely to burn your fingers and stuff? Or get the stinky, stinky, yeah.

It does cool the smoke. Yeah. Well, then I'm not a bonty-ver. You know when you get right down to the end and you're hotboxing the end of a thing? Oh, dear. And how harsh that is. You want to stick it in a nice...

It makes you cough. A nice empty Bick-Biro. And people... Hippies used to have clips, what they call roach clips. Yeah. Which were little devices to hold the very end of a marijuana cigarette.

You don't see them anymore, do you? No one bothers. Because you can just use like, I don't know, like a pair of these, clip tweezers. Yeah, I mean, but no one even does that, though. No. It's a weird different.

It's weird how all substances have different cultures around their use. And obviously, cannabis has one of the most varied and sort of worldwide range. I'm actually bored now. I know, Paul. I'm bored of you talking right now. I was like, no, I'm not a move for this. I know you're bored. Wait, listen, I tell you what, let's just get right into it.

Some people don't find me boring. No, it's not like you are a boring person. I just found that bit boring. That got a bit boring. It was a little bit dry, yeah. All right, let's wet this fucker up. It's all a bit nanny's fanny for me, that really. Dry, musty with a huff of dusky.

Right, let's just start this episode. Dry and musty with a half of dusky. No, dry and musty with a whiff of husky. Right, let's get right into it. We've got this big box. There are two envelopes there that I've put under mulchy fibbage, are wonderful knitted representation of that character by Nicky, which is my favourite thing ever.

So she was at the live show. Yes, indeed they were. And did us knitted, cheap show, hats, which are great. Super cozy. I wore one the other day when I was out going to work. Just kept me a nice and cozy. We should wear them on some kind of... Well, I wore the...

I wore one to the Highgate video, didn't I? Which you can see in our Halloween live stream video on YouTube if you want to watch that back. Anyway, Mochi is looking after the answers for the price of shite, which we'll come to a bit later. There is a price of shite included in this bag, is there? Yes, there is. A very nice one. But before we get to that, we've got loads of goodies to get through first. So here we go.

Okay. Hello, Cheap Show boys. My name is Obie. Hello, Obie. Obey, I. You sound like a bon vivor. I hope you enjoy this box. Sorry for the terrible handwriting.

Never apologise, as long as it's legible. But what if it's skirting the line? Then I won't mention it. I'll just let it go. I bet you get a word wrong. I always get word wrongs. Yes. Thank you so much for the many years of joy and laughs.

you've always been a... Here we go. It's just got a little bit small. It's always been a source of happiness in the many ups and downs of life over the last decade. That's nice of you to say. Thank you very much, Kobe.

May you continue for many more or until it all falls to pieces. Well, we're getting there. Right. So, we have a price of shite. And what's interesting is I have said on the podcast before that after consideration,

we would never do anything from Wish or Ali Express or whatever, whatever, whatever. Because it's kind of like, You know, it's kind of, yes, there's kind of icky, ethically speaking. I mean, there's nothing we could do about it because one small podcast not buying things off, wish. But we don't want to promote them.

No. Other channels do it. I'm not judging them. I just think for us, even though these things aren't dirt cheap, they're also, I don't know, there's a nebulous kind of moral quality thing going on. I totally agree. Everything in this bag, though, from Oby has been bought from Ali Express. Alley Express. Now, they got in touch with me beforehand to say, oh, I've heard you're not doing this, do you mind? And I was like, no, no, no, if you want to send stuff to us and that's what you've done, we're not going to turn. it away. That's ridiculous. That would be wasting it, wouldn't it? And that'd be wasting it. Yeah. So, there is a load of stuff in here that we're going to get into. We're going to start with

the goodies, the things that aren't price of shite items. I'm looking forward to this. Because every time a box comes in and I open up to see what's in there, I go, oh, I can't wait to show Eli, this on podcast. Okay, great. Where do we start? Okay, well, there's loads of stuff. Eli, can he open it? What do you want to do now to break the flow? What are you going to say? Go on. Get it off your little furry chest. I was going to say, on the price of sight, I've been dominant, obviously, for the last year and a half. Apart from the last one, when I fucking smashed it. You didn't smash me.

I fucking smashed you. Like, by a lot. Okay. Like, I was nearly spot on with nearly everything. We'll see if the tables have really turned. That's all I'm saying. I only brought it up as a little fucking thing, but no. Yeah, to fluff your little feathers, to preen your wares. What are you fucking done?

Yeah, well. Your little peacocking is what you're doing, isn't it? All right. We all know about your peacock. Here's the first, shut your fucking gob. Here's the first thing for you to tell the lovely audience about and to thank OB4 I can see now that it is a cup noodle by Nishan bag

and it's a fucking huge though whoa it's a huge bag it's almost as tall as me you could get in that I think it's a shopping bag in it's like a tote material yeah be careful

like a heavy cotton and it is waterproof lined lined with a sort of semi-waterproof thing at the top it gets further up it gets yeah it's expanding it's a skirt it's got a tassel

so you can tighten it is it like a laundry it's a laundry It could be anything. It could be shopping. I need this. Well, look, you can't have it. I just said that, you ignorant toss pot.

Well, no, it has a particular... Talking to the mic as well, you ignorant... Biffoon! Biffoon Viver! You're a buffoon vivor! I like that, now. It must have a particular design. Do you mean...

It could use it for shopping. You can use it for laundry. It's a big bag. You can use your imagination and put things in a bag. It has a sphincter at the top with a drawstring. A drawstring, so you can seal it. Which is good. Yeah, you can close the top with a sphinxter.

bag is vaguely cooked noodle shaped as well. With a sphincter coming over the top. You can carry on saying it, but I still won't find it funny. An iris. Bum iris. Ars iris. Arsiris. Hello and welcome to Ask Iris when I tell you my view on your bum hole problem. Okay. First caller. Hello. My name's Rebecca. Hello Rebecca. For about the last five years, my bottom has this kind of pulsing movement. I just feel it pulsing like I can't explain like a baby asking for bottle it just can't

I don't want to go up with this I don't want to go on this I don't know if you can hear this but it's doing it now listen I pulled my knickers down and I'm placing my bum hole across the receiver of the phone

you don't need to Rebecca there's good breathing action I can hear from her asshole oh I'm saying he's very sorry anyway What's wrong with Mbam?

I'll tell you, I've been in this game. We've got so much to get through. I don't have time for this, but go on. Well, you've done your bits, so it's time for me to give my advice now. What could I possibly do for my pursing bum? You sounds to me, Rebecca, you have a breathing asshole of the highest standards. I don't know what you do for a living. And I hope you don't think I'm being presumptuous.

But you, with a talent like that, a breathing ring of that quality and prestige could go a long way in my neck of the woods. Goodbye, thank you, thank you. Right, what do you think of the bag? I like it. What are you going to, you're keeping it then? No, you can have that, honestly. If you want it, you can have that. Wow. It's a good bag, isn't it? I have to use it for something.

For what it is. It is excellent. It's really, all the merch, the Nish and merch is of a good quality. Yeah, this is very, this is legit. We don't know. Very heavy duty. Now, it must be, because they've got the proper, it's all. Yeah, no, it's proper. Anyway, as ever, pictures on our website, the Cheapestill at the Coo, UK, and also on our Instagram account. just look for Cheap Show Pod. Well, it has a thing here, the bottom of this bag. Takarajima Asher Incorporated.

I will say this. There are no prices for these particular items, so it's not like we have to guess them, whatever. But... Great thing. Lovely thing. Lovely thing. So that's item number one.

Now, item number two, I think, is for me. And I'm going to whip it out now. This one came in a little bad. This is for you. It's a blankie of some sort. It's a blankie of some sort. But what? It looks from the coloration.

I would say it's a trap-door blanket. Oh, spoilers. I was going to do a slow reveal. I'm sorry. I'm just too good at recognising things. Also, you're a lime-like stealing cunt. I didn't mean to do it like that. I can't help acknowledge.

Oh, that's nice. Look at this. I'm going to have to get up. It's very fleecy, isn't it? I can see from here. I'm gone. Don't snatch. Don't you snatch!

I'm just excited, Paul. That's all it is. That's excellent. They've printed the trap door, and then you've got the characters from trapdoor, and at the bottom, don't you open that trap door because there's something down there.

It's lovely What's he called the main? Burk, of course And what's that little geyser called? Drut. Trut. Do you know why they called it Drut? Why?

It's the word turd spelled backwards. Of course. And then the character with the skull is bony. Boney, I'm really. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Excellent. Very nice thing, Paul. I mean, it's probably cheap as chips

but it's actually quite cozy and I likes me trapdoor. But this is just something what these people on these websites do. Yeah. They take all properties and basically steal it. You can point it on anything they can.

Yeah. Because they have a factory in the dozen. I mean, that's the other reason, isn't it? There's a lot of dodgy IP stealing going on. Because I'm pretty sure whoever owns, Trappedore license right now. Didn't get a money from that blanket. Didn't get an email from the company saying, can we use this artwork? They just pinched it.

No. Oh, that's what I was going to ask. I forgot now, Paul. But before I went on my diversion about who's winning at Price of Shine. Yeah. What is distinguishing? Because I know about Timu and I've heard of Ali Express. Yes.

And Wish is the other one. What distinguishes these three corporations? Not much, but AliExpress is more about, like, gadgets and hardware. It's more tech. More tech. Whereas Wish and Ali Express are much more like anything fucking goes. Right. Yeah. Loads of weird, random cheap shit. Yeah. Like, there's a, there's a channel I watch on YouTube called, his name's Austin Evans, and he does, like, tech stuff. He does a thing where, like, he'll go, I went on to Wish and bought this stuff, and we tested it out against all this other kind of stuff. Sometimes he goes, this is fucking great for no money. And then sometimes he goes, this is a piece of disgusting shit that is way too costly for what it is.

But Stuart does this random word generator ones. Yeah. Is it all Ali he uses for that? Oh, I think he mixes it up, to be fair. Yeah. But yeah, he uses... Fair enough. Those are entertaining videos. No, they are very entertaining.

And also one of the reasons why I didn't want to do on Cheap Show, because it feels like we'd just be doing that, really. But we've got sent this, and Obie, thank you. We're enjoying it so far. I love the cup noodle stuff. I've got a cup noodle cap. Yeah. They are the best cup noodles.

I don't care what experts say on YouTube videos. Shut up now. There's all other things he put in the bag, but we're going to say that for the office Christmas party because there's things like that, Jaffa cakes stuff we saw. You remember

that I showed you earlier? Oh, cosmic berry flavoured jaffa cakes. Am I ruining everything? Yes. By recalling it. You are. It is being ruined

by your eagerness to be on top of everything. I can't help it. Do you know what I am, Paul? Well, a cunt. A bon vivor. No, you're a fucking

Bonvolver. A good fanny. Close enough. I am a good fanny. Ginger bread-flavored Doritos. I now have three bags of that. You got three bags? Do they multiply?

Do they have sex with each other? They're like Gremlins. You don't get them wet after midnight or something. I bet if you got them wet at any stage, they'd be nasty. What about people who put milk in there? What's that? Was it Gary Boosy? I don't know.

Someone was like to say. Just pouring milk into Doritos bag here. Monsters. So there's loads of snacks and stuff that we're going to save for the office Christmas party. We won't get into here. There's a few more little things in here. There's two Lego type sets. Now, unfortunately for you, I've already chosen the one I want.

You can have the other one. Well, beggars can't be choosers. But you don't like that. I'm not begging. I'm not begging for them. There should be another thing beggars. Giftees can't be choosers. Don't look at gift horse in the mouth.

Is that close? Yeah. You can have this one. You know what I mean? I didn't know I was going to get any Lego today. So why would I be disappointed that I didn't get to? Do you see what I mean? You could have just said, here's your one.

Yeah. You didn't have to make a thing about it. But I have and I did. And it's a little needle, isn't it? Yeah. You're just trying to say, in this hierarchy, you're trying to... Gannins as best. Yeah.

That's what I'm saying. Yeah. Fuck you. How about that? Well, if the stuff came to your... I didn't need to... If the stuff came to your house, then maybe you could have first dibs.

I know, but I'm not making... I'm not complaining about it. You are. That's why you're raising your voice. I'm complaining about you making a big deal about it. I know. But you shouldn't. Because fucking Lego...

Daddy is boss. Daddy can fuck himself in the ass with a table. So we've got two Lego sets. They're not official Lego. Table leg. They are by a company called Jackie. Okay. And so my Lego set

is a Sony original Walkman set You know the original Sony Walkman Blue That's a little Lego one of those That's very nice So that's a little cassette it comes with as well Fake headphones I'm trying to look at the loose... There should be a little book in there for you

Yes but I'm looking at the loose blocks And I'm seeing if I can guess Why? Because that's a fun thing to do, Paul Is it? You've not shown that to be true so far What? Guessing?

Yeah And being observant and I don't know Remembering things? And things You know what Paul? I was thinking about this today Yep, yours. You don't...

You don't like thinking. I do like thinking. I think a lot. In fact, if anything, I think too much, and that's why I'm mentally tired all the time. But then, yes, but... Because I edit... People know what I mean.

No, they don't. No one knows what you mean. Yeah, you've got the TV one. Everyone knows what they mean. It's a bigger one than that one up there, the little mini one I've got, that came in the jackbox or whatever. It's bigger than that.

Yeah, bigger. Yeah. This is a red television, cathode ray tube style. Yeah, CRT. What were those... They called... V antenna. Well, locally they call them rabbit ears, don't know?

Rabbit ears, that's it. I knew there was a term. Rabbit ear antenna. Yeah. And it's got rainbow in the picture and says no signal. Nice. So that's a little Lego set for you and I got the Warpman one. I was just like, I am having that.

Can you make... There's a sticker in there? Yeah, because you probably have to put a sticker on something, don't you know, at some point. Probably got a sticker feature. That's no signal. Yeah. That's the cover. Is that?

No, that doesn't go on there. Maybe it goes on the back or something. Or maybe it's just a separate sticker. That's what I mean. I think it's just a separate sticker. Have I got a sticker? I don't think I own. Open your book.

Open your book. It was nestled in there. Maybe. Oh, you're a tiny one. I knew you'd have one. Oh, no. No, this is a sticker for the Lego bricks themselves. It's a little thing you stick on.

I don't want to make this. Can you make it for me? Why don't you want to make it? I don't enjoy making Lego. When was the last time you made Lego? Years ago, I don't care. Mate, I find it like one of the most... Like, what's the word I'm looking for?

Like, you know, like when you relax. It's a lovely moment to put some music on and just play with that for half an out and build something. I do. I draw and stuff like that. I know, but you could sit at your table and make a little Lego set. I'll make the Lego set then. Anyway, two little Lego sets.

Daddy gets his way again, everyone. De-da-da-da-da. Do you're doing to doing something I don't like doing. Oh, dear. Oh, dear. It's so fucking hard to come to record a podcast. All you're asked to do is talk.

I wasn't saying. And you get free stuff. I wasn't talking about that. And you're still complaining about it. I'm just saying I don't like Lego. You are a winging little tow rag. Don't call me tow rag. That's much worse than you think it is.

Do you know where that comes from? Is it probably something you've misremembered that I have to edit out the podcast when I do research for it later? No, no. Because that tends to me what happened. You say, here's the actual history of this thing. And then I do it at a look at where we're editing. And I go, well, that's being chopped out there. It's absolutely

not true. No. Yeah, well, we're not getting into it because they've got lots of stuff. I just want to say tow rag. It's a bum, it's basically a poo rag on a ship. All right, yeah, that's right. That's good. They have this rope that goes down at the toilet, which is just a hole into the sea. Yeah. And it's the rag there that everyone uses on a boat.

I'm just going to put this in. Bear with me one second. Eli, you're absolutely correct. Great. That's absolutely false, Eli, and I've cut it out. Right, that's how this segment's going. Torag, origin mid-19th century, originally denoting a rag-wrapped rounder foot as a sockhole,

by extension, the wearer, such as a vagrant. So, look, one last little thing before we get into the price of shite. There's just a bag of curios and knick-knacks. Oh, I do love a bag, pal, and put something on your lap. could, you know. Okay. But I've got my lap out. My lap is always out.

Give me a board or something. A lap board. Keep it flat. Here we go. Oh, nice. I'm pouring it out onto a lovely... This is the one I haven't really looked at properly, but it's just a little bag of Ali Express,

knickknacks and curios. I don't know what's in it. Paul's giving me an impromptu lap board made from corking. Right, and it's a corking good... Oh, mate, it's a ruffled crisp hair clip. Yes, it's a little clip. It's a little clip. It's just a normal clip.

But it looks like... two ruffled pringle-styped paraboloid shapes. Chips. Yeah. That's excellent. It's a nice little thing, isn't it? I like things that look like other things,

especially when they look like things that are food. What a great observation? Poor. What are they? These toxic high school cards. Oh, I didn't see that. We've had these before. Oh, yeah.

Oh, these are small in the ones I were given. Five packs of those. Yeah, there's seemingly chewing gum in there. I don't really want to eat that. It's be dry, won't it? Let's see. These are like knockoffs, though, because the ones I got were bigger. That's right.

Of a much higher quality. But they were called toxic high, weren't they? Yeah. And you only get two cards in as opposed to four, I think you should get. Maybe it's just a different format by the same company. Oh, the gummies or the chewing gum's brown with bits in. Ugh. Oh, it's rancid shit.

It's fine. It's not going to kill you touching it. Obviously, it's fine. I'm going to put my fingers in my mouth and eat them or whatever. But fuck me. All the flavour's gone. You smell it. Yeah.

There's no smell. No, I smells like cardboard. Yeah. Well, it sounds like cardboard. Oh, here we go. I like these. I like the art. the artist

Yeah, what is that artist? It's very familiar He's done a lot of stuff With these tops originally They are top Yeah it says on the bottom corner Topps company So they're just a different format pack

But are they knockoffs Because they feel cheap Compared to the other set I've got somewhere Just a different format Well anyway I'll put a few pictures Of those up We'll get them all out now

What else is in there Now this is Oh I know what this This is a 3D printed thing This is Super Mario Look into the mic Christ Almighty It is an audio podcast

They need to hear Will you do malice This is a musical instrument, I believe. Oh, I'm done with this episode. I'm going back to not talking. You've put me right off it. Stop. Just pick up your toys from the pram out of the pram.

The ones I've just thrown out. Yeah. So I put them back in the pram now. Yeah. Put them back in the pram. No, I don't want to. Because I'm just going to throw them out again. All right.

We'll leave them out there. We're. Exactly. Baby poorly wanty bottle. This is actually more like what's going on. Poorly wanted his panty change. Where? You'll have to talk to your mother about that.

Oh, you're my man. Mama. Eli, Mama. I want Titty milk for Mama. All right. You can have Titty milk afterwards. Dick Titty. Dick Titty.

That's a callback, everybody. It's a good callback as well. Dick Titty. This is Mario, Super Mario branded. It is a key chain. It is a blue rectangle with sort of gill-like. Give it here. I'll tell you what it.

And I can see what it does. No, you don't. And it's an instrument. basically makes a noise is that it no you're doing it wrong give it here each little plastic

like give it here each little prastic prong plastic prong plastic plong whoa each prong

is each prong is basically tuned a little bit differently so when you slowly run it across the thing it sounds it's like you know

when you run your thumb across a comb I know yeah I know so if you do it with the right speed it makes more sense let me try it

slower than I was doing you mean I got Yeah, no, it's shit He has to try for himself But that's fair enough, everyone It makes a bit of a noise I think it's did it

Did It, I think it's that Oh, it's made to play the tune Yeah, it's the Mario tune, isn't it? It's part of it. Hang on, hang on Yeah, no, it's bollocks But, you know, amusing bollocks all the same You could probably get the knack of that

Yeah, yeah, but we're not doing it now Oh, there's a little miniature noodle thing Of some sort of that Is it a sauce? Should I open it? I mean, you may as well. It's a little pot, a little plastic pot. It's like a fake noodle.

Oh, okay. It's an eraser. It's a little noodle biscuit shaped eraser. A little deck of instant noodles. A biscuit of noodle is what it is. Little deck of instant noodles. Does it have a smell? Or is it just rubber smell?

Rubber smell. Oh, fine then. But it's very convincing like one third size sort of pot noodle thing. I thought it was a real little sauce pot. Pictures of all everything will be. All the way around. On the... Well, you know, if I see a person who's struggling, I want to help, don't I?

Paul, you're such... It's one of your least appealing traits. Yeah? Yeah. Telling me how to close a car boot door, for example, last year. Well, you stuck in my head. Yeah, but you had trouble doing it. Weird.

Fuck you. Right, next look like it. You get that back on. Right, he has to do it himself to see that it's difficult. See? See? See? I haven't started properly yet, have I?

Go on. Struggle, struggle. No, I just don't want to break it, that's all. No, and even do I. Oh, you haven't put the lid on properly that's why. Is that what it is? Yes. Oh, fuck it.

There we go. Job done. Job done. Right, Wales. Good. Well done, Paul. Next, next. Next.

Another noodle eraser. Nice. But this one's in like a deck in a, instead of in a cup noodle. Yeah. This is like a just a flat deck of them. Nice. There you go, Paul. I don't want to open that.

All right. It's over there. It'll ruin it. I have a Wales branded pack of playing cards. The country Wales, not the great big things under the water. It has the Welsh flag, which must have a name because flags have names. Uh. It is the...

No, I'm truly trying to think of it because I was told it. You went to university. Isn't it just a flag of St. David or something? Oh yeah, something like that. There it is. Nice, attractive pack of playing cards. What else we got in this?

Another keychain, this is a beer opener. Wales, it says. Oh, okay. So are they from Wales? Beer bottle opener, quite a chunky little piece of metal there. Yeah. And there are some pin badges here. Oh, hello.

Right, hang on there. Let's deal with the last of the key chains. Right. I don't understand what this. is it's a plastic made to look like a piece of rock. Let's have a look. Oh, you know what it's meant to be? Or poo or beef.

No, it's meant to be like a slice of like terriaki meat or something like that. Oh, yeah. It is. It's a little chunk of like beef jerky or something. Yes, that's it. I like that. I like food-shaped things. Yeah, no, I've noticed.

So we've got the crisp clips and the dingle dangle. Meat dangle. Yeah. Put those over there. Now we're on to the pin badges, Paul. Right. What have we got? You don't want any of these to take it because you will. Let's see.

I literally didn't look in this bag. All right. So I don't know. I'll give it over here. Okay. I'll take my lap tray away. Oh, I'm sorry.

I went over too far. I bet you don't amplify that. No. Come on. I doubt that would be picked up. No, it will. That was a little bit of a sprat. I heard it from here.

That was a bit of a sprat. I know. Please. Play that back again and again. Like I did in the Halloween video. Oh, there's a Ghostbusters one, Paul. I bet you've got this. Tell me look.

Is it just the logo? It's the logo, but it's as if the ghost from the logo whose name is, Uh, Moogley. Moogley had a baby with slimer. So it's Moogley shape, but slimer colored with slimy. It's like a slimy. Oh, yeah, no, I have got that. You can see it on my board just there.

But this is, yeah. This one's slightly smaller. Well, you compare them and see which one you prefer. You can do that right now. The coloration looks slightly different as well. No, I'm going to keep the one I've got up there. Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's the one I got first. That was sent to me, so. That's nice. Well, thank you, Oby all the same. Thank you, Obey. And then we have a Game Boy one. I bet you've got this one. I have, actually, that one's up there somewhere.

It's pointing. We're doing this. I can't see it right now, but it is on my board somewhere. House of Hell Harrow. Oh, no, there it is. In the kind of like, if you go to like 10 o'clock in the corner on the board, if you see the whole thing as a clock, head towards like the kind of 10 o'clock angle from the center. Right.

And you'll see it by the kind of below the haunted mansion and fight club. So I'm there. Cool. You can have that one as well. What? Is that a Game Boy original Game Boy? That's a Game Boy color or at the very least a pocket. And it has Game Boy logo.

It has. This one. It says pocket on it. It'll be this one. Oh, because I've got a Game Boy pocket right here. And it's the same color, yellow, with a copy of Donkey Kong land, which is also yellow, so it always all fits.

Donkey Kong, oh, that's a lovely little unit. Yeah, thank you. That's a nice unit. That's a colour, but it's a colour, just a colour. This is a pocket, which is the same as the original Game Boy, but just a lot thinner. So that's just like a better version, essentially, of the original. Yeah.

But anyway, you can have that badge next. Now we have another Ghostbusters pin. Oh, let's have a look. This is marshmallow man riding in Ecto 1 with slimer. Oh, no, I'll have that one. I don't have that one. That one always pops up on my eBay suggested because I have like a save file for like Ghostbusters and Amble Pin badges.

Well, you've got that one now. And what's the last one? Another noodle-based item, Paul. Oh, what is it? Shin, which is a type of noodle for Korea. Peruming so. Shin Cup. It's a famous noodle brand.

Well, the brand is Nong Shim, but the cup is shin. Here we go. It's a type of Korean ramen. It's very spicy and salty. After eating one of those, I'm often. Touching cloth No I'm a very funny man

Much funny than Eli Sylvan I think objectively Yeah Doesn't fight back on that Like go on the look Can I have a look? You just haven't shown me yet It's a little muted

The colouring on that way Oh it's nice though It's kind of like Subtle But like kind of cool as well Like kind of like Outside the Artie almost I'll wear that

Yeah that's a nice one Nice thank you So that's the bag of I love a badge But now it's time for the main event Now it's time for the price of shike With prizes and all sorts So I'm looking forward to playing it

Duh-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-Rice. Priced, oh, shy. Right, master-price. Priced-Mapation. No, let's not do that one. Let's not do the obvious joke here. Spunk up your mouth palate. Bipple-bopple-bipple.

And there we go. Bipple-boppel-bipple. When all those fails, Bipple Bipple Bipple from Eli. No, he liked it. You can tell because he repeated it. No, I'm echoing you like it. So you know how awful it sounds. You don't repeat things.

You've got exactly every phoneme and syllable, right. Bipple, bubble, bit a minute. Yeah, I'll give you a foamy. I'll give you a foamy. I'll give you a foaming. I'll give you a foaming. I'll give you a hard foaming too. We'll be, you'll know. We'll know. We're both making wanking gestures right now as we do this. I'll give you foaming. You'll know you've been foaming too. You'll know when you've been foaming too. Now, come on. Come on. Come on. You're going to say it. You're going to say that practically fucking button. People like, we're fucking hack. It's the fucking price of shite It's the fucking price of shite It's the fucking price of shite It's that fucking price of shite

And that's right And that's right It is the price of shite The game show The whole world knows and reveres And that is right And Eli and I We get stuff sent to us

Or we choose ourselves And carry shops And we have to guess the prices And that's right Now obviously this one's been sent by Obie So let's go into Obie's rules There were five items, yeah.

That's right. And that is right, yeah. Christ. I've got a joke, Paul. Have you, or just have you a tortuous pun? This one will work better? Go on. Then the Yo-Yoba's witnesses.

All right, please do. Is this one from your mate, Adam? Yeah, he just sends it now. Is he like a staff writer for a cheap show now, then? He just sits there and sends you shit fucking messages on WhatsApp. When your phone should be off and we record. I was just checking during the break, and this jokes come through, and I just want to essay it on you. D-D-D-D-Dick-D-D-D-Joke report.

Strawberry, sugar, lemon juice and pectin. Now, that's my jam. Fuck off Just fuck off Time wasting cunts You know what this That is

It's a candied pork chump Is it? A chump Whatever the fuck that is You can edit that in No I'm leaving that in The skid stay in the picture

Well then you need to keep That wet fart that you did That was audible And you can boost it I'm not going to boost it Please boost that far No No

This shouldn't be a podcast Where we highlight farts I know This is one of the reason why we've never been taken seriously. There's lots of things that this should and shouldn't be, Paul. That's true. Because we're Maverick.

You're doing it now. Does fucking Richard Osmond let rip? Join one of his fucking, let's talk about pop culture podcasts. Yeah, but the adaptation of his novel into a series on Netflix or film or whatever. It's one of the most internable films I've ever fucking seen. So at least you haven't put your name to something like that, Paul. No, but he got a great big, big, fat check out of that. Yes.

And here we are. Filling the world with Slop. And we're just filling the world with ass gruffs. Right. The price of show. shite, Ali-Express edition. Yay. Normal rules apply.

Total price of everything, £10.50, right? Total ceiling price. That is the ceiling on this one. That is an exact ceiling. All items are below one pound, so therefore no... Wait. How many items?

All items. No item... Okay, sorry, I've read that items. There's five items. I said that already. Pay attention. 10 pound 50 altogether. 10.50 altogether.

No items below one pound. No items below one pound. So I'm presuming one pound the... Well, that leads on me into the next question, Paul. Yeah. You know where I'm going. Before you ask the question in case it's answered in the course of... Okay, please, yeah.

Right. Alex Price items. Alex Price items. Just fucking whatever. Should I get the tonal quality of the words right? Yeah. Chukunk. Right, I'll do that. What?

I said chumka. I said something like chumpke. Chumpke. Yeah, that's a new way everyone's saying it. It's the new way that everyone's saying it. All ali-expersexual. express items are randomly priced, so they are not round prices. There's no £1, £2, £2, or ending in £25,000 or £75p, etc. Well, that has answered the question,

has it? Because I was wondering if the quid's gambit rule would be in play. Well, theoretically, it still should be because it says, oh no, because it says there's no pounds. Okay, so there's no quids gambit. Yes. But also, it's going to be maybe a little bit tougher to get those one single per twings. Because here's the other thing, we don't give away points, we give away per twings. you get the price exactly right two betwiings if you get it within 25p either way of the correct price that is one per twing no other little gambits are in play so surely then it's going to be harder for us to get the exact two between yes on the nose that's what you meant right yes so yes i would almost say we are not going to get any two between possibly not and do they like randomly price so it

could be like one pound 74 or something like that yeah yeah yeah yeah that's crazy i know so we're have to step up our game because this is not our comfort zone. Well, you know, stranger things have happened. Should we play this? Yeah. Right. Okay. We have a bag. We've got the bag. All five items are in there. Yeah, all five items are in there. No big items. No, but five items are all the same. I'm going to pull out

the fabricy thing. What is this? It is. It looks like another printed underpants. Oh, it's a pair of Ghostbusters underpants. With the logo on the front right on the codpiece bit. And on the back. And the logo is like the Mugly Ghost being pulled out the logo and into a trap. Yes, so not official. I'm going to

them on. Oh no. I'm not going to take me keks off. He's going to do it like Superman. He's putting them over his pants. This is cool. I've got to get a photo of this. Right. I'm getting a photo. That's fine. That's fine. This is good, Paul. It's very much center of the shot. Don't fall over there. Try not to have your legs apart. Wait, no. Put the ass. Let me see the ass. Wait, hang on. Before you take a picture, I'm going to put this in. Oh, no. He's put something to make him look like he's got a big wee-wee-wee. Oh, that one in. That looks like you have a health condition if anyone believe that was your penis

fucking awesome cock take it I did take it yeah yeah now everyone will see how manly

are you gonna keep those on yeah for the rest of the recording I am so they're very nylony looking you want to touch them oh come on

but you've got them on now I'm just gonna touch the bite so like by the side by the legs stop maybe they feel no I'm not going near the gusset I'm not. Stop.

Back off. Back off. Don't be afraid of my love eggs. No one could be afraid of your love eggs. Mate, my knees should be scared of my fucking love eggs. Your knees are haunted by your love eggs. Yeah, they're fucking sweeping down like the wrecking ball. Your knees are just walking down. Did you see that? What was that? My balls are like a wrecking ball.

They touch my knees and know the floor. Right, okay, here we go. So how much do you think? I don't like those. How much do you think? I do not like these pants. I do not like these pants I'm just going to write pants here Eli, do you want to go first with the guess then

Okay, sure How much do you think these are? Five items No more than 10, how much was 1050? All over a quid, I'd say Let me write 1050 here so I can remember that Right, how much do you think for the pants? I'm going to say £2 £1, £2, £1,000

Oh yeah, yeah, yeah You've got to think outside the box on this shit thing But also, if I know either way That I can't get it spot on I may just go for the one per twing so I can be 25 p out either way That hadn't be specific Yeah

So you still have to think of a specific price That's the name of the game I don't know what you're trying to say there But yeah I'm going to say four quid for these Four on the nose Yeah four because you know they're pants But you know for a fact

It's not going to be No But I also A clean number But if it's like 376 Or if it's 425 I'm going to be able to get it

aren't I Yes but I'm still going to put 4 quid down That's fine But do you see what I mean That's not a Not a legitimate strategy

what you're saying because because if you do give a random guess then you at least have a chance of getting it. But now by choosing just a clean four number and even number, there's no chance. So some chance is better than no chance. All right, but then I would argue

if I try and aim to get two betwiings on most of the prices, I've got more chance of actually missing all them to get the ones. See, that's what I disagree with. Anyway, moving on, I like these strategy talks, Paul. Right, okay, so that's the pants. You said 2-11, I said 4. Okay. Okay, let's go on to the second item.

I'll let you do the next item. Okay. And out. I'm just grabbing it randomly. It's another key ring and it is a one-arm bandit key wing. Oh, is it? Key ring and a wing. And it works.

Does it? Yeah. I mean, I've got two watermelons and a seven. It's not proper, proper works. It's got... It doesn't spin them individually though, does it? Does it? Yeah.

That's all right then, actually. What do you get? Well, maybe it doesn't. It's fake. You're right. Right, okay. But still, it's quite an impressive mechanism. I listen to that.

Can I have a little look? It's a little metal keychain, right? Of a one-arm bandit. It's plastic. Oh, is it? Oh, okay, yeah. It's a good thing. It's a little one-arm bandit fruit machine thing.

It works well, didn't it? It says, lucky what? Sevens, probably. Slot. Lucky slot. I knew a one. Anyway, no, let's not do that one. Yeah, we get it.

Oh, I got a grape, a melon, and a bar. There we go. And the next one is, uh, oh, I got all sevens. Let's see. It's falling down now because I just handed it. But I got all sevens. Anyway, it's just a little key chain of a little thing. Cool.

Now, you need to guess the price first for this, Paul. Nothing under a quid, all weird random prices, to remind you. Two quid. What are you going to go for? I'm going to say £1.22. It's going to pay off for me this. Fruit mash, that sort of one. Fruit mash.

As a food machine, I've just written it short an ear. Fruit mash, you could turn into some kind of whiskey. No, you'd need grain for that. But you could make some kind of... Like cider, which now, as we've discussed everyone, in America they call cider hard cider because apple juice is cider. Isn't that weird of them?

Here's the next item. Oh, oy, it's great. You're like, calm down. How could you describe this? Can I just say, out of all the things you were going to react to, I didn't expect you to react like that to this item? This is a lattice, a movable lattice toy. It's a fidget toy kind of thing, I'd imagine.

It's a fidget toy kind of thing, and it's hard to describe, but there's lattice bits. a circular by stretching out the lattices. An accordion action, you'd call it. Something like that. Or like one of those garden fences, you see. So it goes from Ovoid, compact Ovoid, and then you pull it out, and then it goes into cigar, I think, is that what you call that shape. Big poo.

A very, or a very long pine cone. Or Umar Manami or whatever that thing was called that came from outer space. No, you're wrong. That was the band who did a cruel summer. Now that's Bananorama. I know. That was the gag. Do you remember there was that object that came out, wasn't from in the solar system?

And everyone said it might be aliens, but it wasn't aliens It wasn't, it was just that Umani ma'mami namami Did it taste like mushrooms? They did actually They did a little science experiment on it And they said what would it taste like this outgassing It was coming off like a comet

You know, as it gets close to the sun It starts outgassing stuff And they did a test And they said what would that taste like Because you know they say what the smell of spaces Yeah Lavender And it would actually taste of mushroom

Is that a fact or you just know You know, thank you putting the effort into something that I think killed one minute of time. No, that's a funny, fun little fidget toy. Yeah. Pointless plastic. Pointless plastic, but it does the job. Do you think that's 3D printed? It's not you can see could this work or hooked on.

I mean, you can do crazy things with 3D printing. It's not out the realms of understanding that they can do that. It just doesn't have that vibe to it. I'm handing it over to. You know what I mean? You can usually see. There's usually a giveaway, but no, this looks like it's been, yeah, mold injected and printed out. And then printed, all the elements then stuck together.

Yeah, because they are just little slices of plastic interlinked. So, yeah, no, this isn't 3D printed. But, you know, effective, does the job. How much, though? Is it my turn or yours to go first? Mine. I'm going to say £1.89. Oh, $1.89.

Um, 150. Yeah. Yeah. All right. Another quick one. I had to push up my estimation there just to get to the $10.50 ceiling. Do you see what I mean? Yeah.

Because we're what? We're three items in. Oh, yeah. What are we? Hang on. With three items in. 4, 5, 6, 7,000, 750 I've done. And you've got four.

four, five, so like £5.20, I think we've got. So next item. I'm hoping for more expensive looking things. This is a pen, novelty, biro. It says here it's an oil timer pen. It's like an egg timer, but instead of sand. It's oil. It's oil and two different, two different viscosity.

You see there it's going. Yeah, it's like a larvae-lamby kind of thing almost as well. See that? You twist the top and it has a baro embedded in it. But a really short biro. Because of the device, look, it's more timer than pen. Yeah, and it's not a very good timer either. This is the worst item so far.

It is because I can't see how you can judge that. You can't time anything. Well, for instance, it doesn't, it's not regular. No, is it going to be one minute? You can see them all dripping down there. Yeah, but how do you, how are you using it to measure time? It doesn't, it wouldn't, it's not an accurate timer. It's not practical in any way. It's not as a pen or a timing device.

It fails at everything. What a load of shit. But we need a price from you. Oh, yes. The novelty. oil pen I mean I'll have it do kind of

collect novelty by those two quid how much do you think come on love 249 249 and then on to the last

item we can squeeze it in now this is the piece to resistance this is the one I did see and instantly went I'm saving this till last why well

it's some kind of knob thing because if I've ever seen a more pointless and repugnant thing in all my days it is probably going to be this Cool. I'm just going to put your hand out.

I've got my eyes closed. And then just explain it to when you see it. I'm opening my eyes. It's like a can top. Yeah. Re-cealing fizzy drink can. Yeah. Or jam jar.

Yeah. Made of silicon and plastic. Yeah. And it depicts a lady's intimate curtains. It's a clunge. It is a clunge cap. It is a fanny like seat. Don't sniff it.

It's not going to smell like fanny, is it? Oh, it's been that. long, Paul. You know what I mean? Do you want some alone time with that? You can stick it on the end of the pet and make a makeshift flashlight. No, I think we can all agree. You can probably get your cock in that as well. No, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I would say it's probably get two of yours in there. Oh. No, but what? Also, it's a very tiny can. Is it like Red Bull-sized or something? I saw the back first and the reverse looks like the Save the Children logo, doesn't it? It does, yeah. So I thought, what does he mean? It's a save little children. No, because when you flip it over,

it is very... It looks very volva, volva, Volvvvik. Volvik water. It's a clunge can caper water. Imagine they'd been called that. Does it fit on your can of that Coke over there? I think it would only fit on like Red Bull. I don't it kind of fits over. No, it totally does. It's designed for a standard. Why, though, would anyone... So you can you sip out of fanny? Yeah, but why would you want to sup, for example, your Coca-Cola orange cream out of a pussy? What's it for you? Do you not just talk over me where I'm trying to explain that to you? Do you want to?

I'm trying to. I'm excited. Here's what it's for? People who don't get Fanny to drink out of Fanny. I don't want to pretend a fanny as a drink. So many things it's funny to drink soft drinks out of an open clunge. No, it doesn't. It's a novelty. But also, it doesn't even seal the drink. It doesn't reclose it because you've still got the fanny opening. Is it part of a cozy?

I mean, it's pretty cozy once you're in. You can look, you can kind of seal it because you can twist it around. Oh, okay, yeah, but that's what it is. I guess. It's a re-sealer. It's a novelty resealer that looks slightly like a vagina. But it won't keep it fresh. It won't, like, seal the tin and keep the bubbles in.

You don't keep the bubbles going. But also, anatomically speaking, it hasn't gone to much effort. No. You know, there's one clit there. Little clit at the top. There is a clit. Which your nose might bang on when you're drinking. The labia majora is all that's depicted.

There's no none of the inner folds or anything like that. There's no wee wee hole either. There's no wee wee hole on this. Note to AdExpress designers. More wee wee hole. Put the wee pit in. An arseoll while you're about it. Yeah, why not drink out of an arsole?

Why don't I just put a great big floppy cock on And make it look like a straw as well Well, they've done that You get those, those cock straws Are everywhere It's hendos Oh, fucking hell Fanny Kappa

Fanny Kappa You'll go to guess first Or is it, mine I guess first No, I guess first I guess first You, me, you No, you

You, me, you, yeah It's me, yeah Can you give me a rough? One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, Just under $8 quid altogether so far. So that would make that around $2.50. Do you want to go with that?

Yeah. Let's say $2.455. Have I got $4.5.7, 8, 9. Oh, I'll go $150 then. Okay. So I'm just, I think I'm just over $10.50. Now, I'm hoping one of, if I get one of those on the nose, it's all over for you, my friend.

Do you see what I mean? Do you see the point I'm making? The only thing you're going to get on the nose is that fanny clip toy. Am I taking it home with me tonight? Yes, you are. That's your prize. Whatever happens to there, you're going on with the fanny tapper. All right, that's yours, it's safe.

Thank you. Right, let's get on to the prizes. I meant prices. Yes, but there are prizes for both the winner and loser here in the Lego boxes, Paul. So maybe that was a slip, that was a little egg corn there. Maybe. Because this is the first time we've ever had prizes. I don't know if that's true, but it's certainly been a very long time since we've had your enumeration for the game.

And definitely the first time we've had a consolation prize, surely. Yeah, no, maybe. And don't call me Shirley. Yeah. Right, Grumpy has been looking after the prize. His name is not Grumpy. Munchy. Thank you.

Fucking hell. Munchy's been looking after the prices. He's been sitting on the envelopes. Spirit creature. And, oh, I'll say, there's two envelopes for a reason. So one has the sealed prices in this one. Right. And then this one says,

two sealed envelopes. Only open in the event of a tiebreaker. He must guess the total price of red and blue Lego boxes before opening. Yeah. So that's a complete. shot in the dark guess we ever get to closest wins. Yeah, but that's only even tied. We may be tied on betwiings, mightn't me.

Oh, okay, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. All right, here we go there. I like it. So this is seal with... Obie has thought through all the mechanics here. I'm going, I'm not going to cut it, I'm just going to tear it open. He's tearing open the answers, the actual prices for the price of shite items. Five items, everybody, and all from Allie Express.

And was everything in... Very well sealed. Was everything that... at obi cent from Alixpress every single thing I'm presuming so I mean I don't know I mean very Al Expressy things

The cup noodle bag Maybe the Wales things Might have been from a charity shop Because why would you buy that on Ali Express I mean yeah they have that sort of stuff Don't they all right okay I'll like you read it out then On a greetings card in red nice

Nice little detail in the pack Well sealed all Very good I don't want to look at this Because it will ruin my day If I can see that I've got all wrong Let's do it by Well you don't remember your prices

do you. So, you read out it in your order and I'll tell you what you've got. Well, funnily enough, the first one we did was the first one here. What was that? Ghostbusters undies. Oh, okay. All right, cool. You said £2, £1,000? I said £4,000. Oh, you bastard. £3.99.

Oh, that poll, your shit idea is going to be shit and be shit, you shit man shitter. Well, I've got one between there. Do get one between there. And nothing for Eli. I'm going to get destroyed. Right, there we go. He's literally bouncing up and down in his seat, everyone. All right, cool, what's next?

Waffle, that's the word we didn't use for the fidget toy. All right, you said 189, I said 150. What? Fuck. What is it? 159. Oh, fuck you know. I'm just outside the time.

Wait, you've got it though, haven't you? No. 189, 79. Oh, dear. Fuck. Your shit idea is going to be, you got me. I just get one and I destroyed you. Oh, that's good this, isn't it?

Well, I could still happen. That's true, yeah, to be fair. All right, although I have got two, so it'd only draw at this point. Right, what's the next one? I'm not going to, but I could move into... All right, what's the next one? Slot machine, toy. Yeah, okay.

You said £1.22, I said £2, £1.61. Neither of us. No, neither of us. Did I see $120? You said £1.22, $32, $32.50. Yeah, no, you're out. Fuck sake. So, no, none there for his either.

I'm looking at a huge donut. The Fanny capper. You said 2 pounds No, no, that's not what I've got Oh, okay, what's next then? The pen. Oil timer pen, yeah. All right, you said 249, and I said two pound.

Ooh, what? What does that say? 260, no, 246. Yeah, 246. I get between there, thank you. And I don't? Yes. All right, okay, good.

And then finally the Fanny caper. Fanny caper. You said 245, I said 150. One pound 30. Oh, it's between for me. No. Forty-50? You said, what did you say?

One pound 50. You said 245, I said 150. What was the price? Fuck. What is the price? One, one. One, thirty. So, yeah, I'm in.

No, I get one because I got one 50, so I'm still in 25p either way. Yeah, you get no. Hey! So, at the end of that, it's one, two, three betwiings for Paul. And let me just go through this carefully. So I don't feel like I can twing everyone. Not that one. No, no, not that one either.

That's that one either. That one you get a between. Well, at least I get zero. One. One between. for Eli and I get three so let me just see how my theory went against yours because it seems

it just seems to me that it actually fucking worked really well you just guessed well either way but still the proof is in the pudding that my theory worked you can argue all you like all you like all you like I will I mean I'm right so now it's time to open the box

we don't have to do the tiebreaker although I guess it will tell us the prices of the things afterwards so let's get into the little boxes see what we got so Eli I'll let you open the loser box first the little red Lego brick box So open it up Now these are sealed with a little bit of tape

Nice Nice tape Nice design It's not pretty easily Yeah it's definitely gift tape I'm gonna open mine but not open open open mine I'm gonna tape off Lovely little Lego box

Lovely little Lego box What are those called sixes What do they? Eight and that's a four That's a four I've got a smaller one by four and used two by two by two. Okay, something wrapped in tissue in here.

Oh, what is it? Oh. Two things. Maybe it's a cum rag. Maybe it's Oby's cum rag. Any tissue is a, oh. Could be Oby's cum rag. Here's the loser.

Not a cum rag. Not a cummerg to be, you mean. No, it's been a used memento. No, it's not. Oh, what is that? Oh, what is that? It's a pair of bollocks. It's a pair of bollocks.

3D printed bollocks. It's a keychain. No, I don't know. You can put it next to your chunkunk. Got you? Oh, God, that really is a horrible? A horrible thing. A horrible thing to own, oh, mate, it's, yeah.

Look at that. You could hang it out of the side of your cats. They are like stunt nads, aren't they? You could hang it outside of these undies like this. I've got to take a photo of that. I don't know if we should put this online. They're like granddad nuts. They're like little granddad bollocks.

Oh, look at that. No, come on, hold it in place. Hold the bollocks in place so it looks like it's coming out of your pants. All right, does it look like it's coming out the side of me pants if I do this? Yes. Like that? Yeah. He's more worried about his belly.

No, do it down the bottom of the gusset. That's not unrealistic. No, just sort of like right at the bottom. So it's sort of resting on the seat, yeah. This is, you know. There you go. On our website, guys. All on our website.

We've got to get banned. Let's see what you won, for real. In my blue box. Here we go. Oh, lots of stuff in there. Oh, it's a pocketier. It's two pocketiers. Oh, look what you could have won, Eli.

Look what you could have won. Fuck. Oh, these are in very good condition. Are they tommy? They were definitely Tommy ones. Yeah, made in Singapore. One is called Space Invader, and it's like, I don't know what that does. It winds up or something.

And you've got to shoot the UFO by... Yeah, which it looks a bit like the Space Invader computer game sort of... And I think... Format. They go back and forth. Hang on. Like in Space Invaders. Yeah, look, you've got to shoot the thing through it.

Yeah, like that. Cool. So they go side to side. This makes no sense. I'll put a picture upon the website. So there's that one. And then the second one is, oh, it's like another UFO one, kind of. What's it called?

Has it got a name? No. It's like there's a helicopter and then a radar thing. Oh, yeah, we see something similar to that. Oh, that's how it's like magnetized. Yeah. You're trying to get, it's like a rescue thing. You're trying to, it's like, you know what it is?

It's like that helicopter one I've got where you have to flick it onto the helicopter It's a similar format But the story, so to speak, is he's crash landed from outer space He's an astronaut And the capsule's gone into the sea And that's the rescue copter

Do you know what I mean? Yeah When the capsule lands at sea But it's weird That's like the Apollo capsule depicted at the bottom there Yeah But like you're firing like these metal balls

And they're like connecting via a magnet But when they don't They fall to the side To the best I could get was 30 points And you see there's a scoring calibration That's what you said Oh, that's a nice one. I'll tell you what, mate, which one would you like?

We'll have one each. You want that one? Yeah. All right. Oh, thanks, Paul. Wonderful. They're cool little things. Now, unfortunately,

right now, Stuart has all my pocketeers because he went, I want to make a video. Can I borrow them? And that was three months ago. He hasn't made a video yet. So, boy up, Stuart, fucking make your videos. I want your pocketeers back. We want him to lend us in Screwball Scramble three, don't we? Yeah, we do, actually.

So, you know, keep him sweet. Actually, I'm going to open this other envelope and see what the prices work. What do you think? this isn't official No I mean this isn't I don't think these were bought off

I could come up back and win the win the show I don't think these are Ali Express I mean the the bollocks maybe

but these look like an eBay purchase It's a nice little pocoteer Oh okay So all together Wow actually

So this That and the bollocks Apparently all came to £2 £25 That's good For these Pocketeers Which I've seen

On eBay Go for like Honestly Like 50 60 quid Sometimes This one's a little scratch But I've

seen them in much worse shape than this. Considering these are like 40 years old, these are pretty fucking good shape considering. Ovi, what a fantastic fucking box that was. Thank you so much. We have lots to get through from other Cheap Show supporters. If you want to send us anything to the PO box in the podcast app, you're listening to this on. If you go to the description, you'll see all the blurb and then links to the PO box address and all this kind of stuff. It's also on our website, the Cheapshow.com.com. Anyway, so there you go. If you want to send us goodies. Right, what do you think? What do you like?

Outstanding box of stuff, Paul. Yeah. Well played on the price of shite. Thank you. You know, the experts will be looking at the strategies laid out and discussing that for years to come. Multi-fibbage was here, sitting there. There's going to be YouTube videos breaking down the play,

you know, when they were making moves and when they should have held, all this kind of stuff. It's going to be studied. Some amazing tat, actually. Yeah. And I love a Pocketeer. I love Tommy. Can't go wrong.

Call me a geeky boy. Geaky boy told me. I'm not that geeky that I actually sort of research the history of the company or anything. No, you're not that fun or anything. I'm not that fun. No, never has been. All fun. Never will.

A joyless human being. Anything else? Joyless human being. Paul, there's a lot of things people could say about me, yeah? A lot. I do. I try. Yes.

But joyless I ain't. I get joy. I find very. I haven't seen you happy as happy as when you got that first between today in several months. It just shows how easily enjoyable I am. You just show us. It's starting bouncing up and down. Yeah, I got excited.

It was fun. Yeah, no, it was fun. So, Oby, thank you for a wonderful, wonderful AliExpress Adventure and a price of shite romp. Where can they, if they want to... You mean the stuff I just said two minutes ago? Did you say it? About the website and on the metadata. Well, I'm going to do that now once we go to the sound effect.

I don't know what the plan is. Every now and then, I like to let you pick the sound effects. So which one do you want to end on? I don't know. I can only remember the cash machine one. We got the cash machine. Have you got one that sounds like a... Yes, I do have a fruit machine payout one.

Let's do the fruit machine. Here it is. I just look at a text from Brandoff. He says, do we want to stop by the content house next week? What does he mean? I said we would. I just said, yeah. No, no, no, no.

Don't agree to anything. Why not? Well, content house sounds like... It's like he says he's doing a housewarming and he wants everyone to be there from Cheap Show. He's going to, but he'll... You know what he's like, yeah? There's going to be something, some kind of scam angle on this.

No, not Brandoff. When has he ever done that? Next week we have to go around there. Where is it? I don't know. He hasn't told me where it is yet. If it's on a fucking roundabout again, it's a makeshift's place. It's got a house at least like 60 characters, so it's got to be pretty big.

Bet it's a slum landlord type deal. Well, like rising damp. Brandoff is suddenly becoming Leonard Rossiter. Jimmy Biscuits. It's Jimmy Biscuits. Good gay. Thanks for listening, everybody. But if they do want to support us, Paul, you press the button yet.

The one-stop shop for All Things Cheap Show is the Cheap Show is the Cheap Show is the Cheap Show.co. That's got a page for every episode that you can look at pictures and videos on, links to our Cheapshots, videos released fortnightly. Everything's there. Just go, the Cheapshow.com. UK. And also, we are supported by our lovely Patreon backers.

You are lovely people. You deserve oily beard scritchings, a scitchie, scitchie. Yeah, and you get access to bonus podcasts and videos and behind the scenes things and early access to this, that and the other, and the latest Cheap Show magazine from Aven, which is Fantastic. Oh, you'll get access to all of that. And all you're going to do... And spin-off. We have a spin-off podcast. Oh, yeah, night busing. Night busing. We're going to do this week. We're doing a new

one this week, finally. I was going to do it this week. It is. I have out of no sleep. Anyway, so... Hopefully that will happen. Patreon.com.uk. Forward slash cheap show. Give what you can, but please, only if you can. Only if you can't. Help spread the word on social media. Review us on all those fucking apps. That all helps.

But don't be a hippo that it spreads its green shit throughout a lake. muck, spread your shitting opinions. With your windshield wiper type tail. Right. And that will do. Thanks, everybody. It's been a big episode, lots of pick through. We'll see you next week on the Cheap Show podcast.

Bye, everyone. Bye-bye.