CheapShow - Ep 465: The Best Thing

Episode Date: December 5, 2025

Sometimes on CheapShow, things can get TOO exciting at times. This week is probably not one of those times as Paul and Eli put “thick white sliced bread” to the Off Brand/Brand Off test! Four loaves of supermarket basic white bread will be chewed and reviewed by self-proclaimed supertaster, Eli J Silverman! Which will come out on top – the name brand leader or the budget supermarket equivalent? The results may surprise you… But probably won’t. As Christmas once again looms on the horizon, Paul orders the “Grinch” McDonald’s meal to see what makes it so “grinched”. Will it just be a load of green coloured food? Probably, but at least it comes with free Grinch socks! As the year winds itself down, CheapShow marches forward! See pics/videos for this episode on our website: https://www.thecheapshow.co.uk/ep-465-the-best-thing www.patreon.com/cheapshow If you want to get involved, email us at [e-mail] For all other information, please visit: www.thecheapshow.co.uk Like, Review, Share, Comment... LOVE US! MERCH Official CheapShow Magazine Shop: www.cheapmag.shop Send Us Stuff: CheapShow PO BOX 1309 Harrow HA1 9QJ

OI, well, I have a question. Okay, for me, or just for... I want to run it past you. You want to run past me, a question past me. Can you get... Drugs for you? Hard drugs, yes. I can get it.

Well, mushrooms. All right, I have two questions there for you. One question is, can I have some of the Runny Mead? The Runny Mead? Runny Mead is, what's that? You know, Alex gets it for you, Ronnie Mead. Alex, Ronnie Mead gets it for me. No, Alex.

Alex. The drug man. Alex, Drugman, Henry. Get you Runny Mead. He gets me more than that. It gets me hard. And then it runs out my knob end. Do you want to not be 40 seconds in before you go to knob material?

I'm ready. I've already... I'm cooking up, Paul. I'm cooking up some knob material for the first bit. Fine, thank you. Come back to me on that because I've got a spunk joke. But I've also got a good in for you. It's not really a joke.

Because here's my real question. Well, not question, but theory. Question theory. Runny Meade. Are we dropping that now? Yeah. Because you ruined it with your knob talk. I don't know good stuff.

What do you do with Ronnie Mead? You're the one who brought up the... whole drugs side agent anyway so we can move on from your bad ideas what I'm saying What do you do with

Ronnie Mead? Drink it Pour it in a pour it You put it into a little pot and you light it underneath and the vapours come up

Oh really? Yeah, Ronnie Mead And what's the highlight? It's like The only way I can describe it is it's like having a big

joint on a hot sunny day You're kind of like lying back on the grass And you take a big hit And the world kind of spins for a bit But what's that underneath my head? Dog shit.

I've got poo on my head I'm running around I've run into Hampstead village I smell my head smells a poo Everyone's like Oh They won't look at me

The shameful man With the poo on his head Smell my head Smell my head So now that you've gotten that at your system It's never out my system Can I just say Here's what I really want to ask

Can you get a semi-circumcision No You can only get it all off for Because here's the thing Mine's beginning to look like a wind sock And I was just wondering I like having a foreskin. I don't want to get rid of it.

But can you take a few inches off the top. Yes, you can get, but that's not a circumcision. Circumcision goes down where? From the tip to what? It takes the whole of the hood away. How long's the hood, though? What's determined by the hood? Because it's just a shaft of skin with a dangley tangle at the end.

It's not a shaft. It's more of a hollow tube of skin, isn't it? Yeah, a shaft. No, a shaft, to me, suggests a solid rod-like. Well, then why would you have a lift shaft? Ah, very good. Thank you. Very good.

Anyway, the pink skin shaft tapers. at the end, right? Can I take a few bits off? On some men it tapers. All men are different. I know, but mine fucking tapers. Is this where the running mead comes out of the end? Mine looks like a king's flag. It's just fucking

a medieval king's flag. Paul. I know if I could take a few inches off the tip of my cock without having to have a full on circumcision. What we're talking about? And then I wonder if I can monetise that if it doesn't already exist. Come to Snippers. I'll take a little bit off your tip. Yes. You can get, because

cosmetic surgery on your penis. Yeah. It's expensive, probably quite risky. I want to know if I can shape it up my penis without having to get a full circumcision. So basically what you're saying to me is your balls are going longer and longer. I mean, that's a different issue. You know, it's at the other end, isn't it?

I mean, it should be, here the thing is, it should be like a drawstring. It should be if I pull my foreskin hard enough, my balls raise up. Or if I pull my balls down. I'm sure that's true. The cut comes back down. I'm sure that's true to a certain extent. There's still a lot going on. Paul, we all get older, man.

We do. At least someone's interested in your baggy cockskin, okay? I haven't had my cockskin seen too in years now, okay? So, you know, at least someone's willing to put up with your bag. Don't get that messed with. You don't want to mess with that. I just can't go to, like, the barbers and go snip, snip, how you feel. Like, take a couple of...

No, no, they're not going to shave your cockskin at the barbers. Oh, yeah. You could put it in, like, one of those things they used to cut ham at the butchers. You know, like, you put it against it. A meat slice. Not a slice. Yeah, like the slice. Yes, a salami slicer.

It's called a salami slicer. Why can't I put a little bit of that and then tip it off? You can. We can do that. All right. We can do that. Or do you want to come with me after this to the butcher's? I will have nothing to do with this.

And I don't know why you thought this would be a good way to start the episode, talking about your flappy, probably slightly fishy usually. Knob flap. Nob flap. Oh, where comes the knob? Here we go. Eli's falling into sentence gumbulls. No, I'm not falling into any gumbles.

Word jumbalaya, Eli. I'm looking forward to what we've got coming up on this episode, Paul. Well, coming up on this week's episode is me shaving the tip of my cock off with a pencil sharpener. I'm going to put it in the tip of a pencil and then just twist it round, like, you know, sharpened in a pencil. And then just get a little, nice little ribbon of skin off the side. There'll be blood and sine you and go. I can't believe I repeated that. Anyway, anyway, welcome to Cheap Show.

It's the comedy comedy podcast where every week, Eli and I go for the Bargabins charity shops and what notary of written to look at the treasure amongst the trash, and to talk about whether my penis needs a shaving. Some people have proper medical issues, which you are making light of. Just because you're like, ooh, the whole junk isn't as tight as it used to be. Oh, I've got a couple more millimeters on my floppy knob skin. Not millimeters, mate. We're talking inches.

Yards. Fucking hell. It's dragging on the floor. Yeah. Even when it's hard, there's still a noticeable drop-off at the end. I tell you, I could monetise it. Yeah. Make a cinema for mice or a lot.

like a puppet show, uh, uh, shadow. Like clangers. I've got a fucking pair of clangers right here, mate. And when I pull me cock, it goes... You pull it torts. You get a torch, you pull it taught. Right. And then you put your nuts up and you can...

Your nuts talk to each other as shadow bollocks. Right, hello, welcome to the episode. I'm going to put the music in now because, you know, why not? It is a podcast. Can I just, uh... What, do you want to interrupt me again as I'm just going into the intro, which means once again, you've made it stagnant. Oh, make it stagnant for you, baby.

I put the stag in stagnant. I make it well stagnant. Oh, smells of a drain. I put the stag in stagnant. You put the and in stagnant. That's how it works out. I've lost mother of the world to live. Cheap show to my mind.

It's the price of shame. Welcome to Cheap Show. You put the gnat, the gnat in stagnant. Nat, stagnant. You waited 30 seconds ago with that fucking bonn-loss. I didn't come up with it 30 seconds ago. It came up for about two seconds before you press the button. You put my gran in a stagnant.

Hello, welcome to Cheap Show, the a comedy comedy podcast, where Paul Gannon and me, Eli Silverman, him, go for the bargain bins, charity shops, look for cheap things. Hopefully they're going to be fun times. A plenty. You put the shitty pant in Grand's nan pant. Right, okay. Well, that's adding way too many words anyway for a start.

Brands Nant-Pant with a fanny fant. This is not... Do you remember what words are, Eli? I'm just wondering if... What are words. Come on, mate. This is a podcast with speaking in. You can't just go mum, mum, ma.

Give me a speaking task. Come on to get me warmed up. Like, well, this week, on the Cheap Show podcast, we're going to be doing something incredibly exciting. We're going to be talking about the best thing since sliced bread. It's just sliced bread. It's sliced bread.

We are doing an off-brand brand off about one of the most exciting things in the world. White bread. I'm into white bread, Paul. Now, perhaps you need to explain to anyone who might be just joining us for the first time. That haven't turned off originally because they've heard the first five minutes of this and thought it was

clap trap. Well, those are the kind of people we want. It's like those fishing, you know, those scams that they misspell on purpose so they only get the really stupid people which is who they want. So what you're calling is our audience stupid just sticking around further? I'm calling them very unique. I happen to think our audience is quite a droid. I think those are the

adroits you're looking for. These are the adroit you're looking for. Paul. Even by your standards. That was poor. It was poor and also you seem to have like mentally given up. Where are we? Three minutes in. All you've got to do is be a

human, Eli. Just for fucking an hour. You can still be witty and have your characters But if you're just sitting They're going Like that in the background It's nothing It makes people think we're idiots

Incompetant idiots Do you want people to think that about us Do you want people walking down the road They go Oh there's Eli What a fucking nitwit Hey There's Paul Gannon

What a calamitous fucking wank shaft Wank shaft Wank shaft You just what you've done Is it here You've repeated the word Wankshaf because it tickled you Tickles me

It doesn't mold that Don't you want our reputation when this is all over and done with in a few weeks time? Don't you want our legacy to be? Well, they were very interesting people, Paul and Eli. They did a very interesting podcast with some very interesting points. It's too late for that, Paul. It's way too late. So I'd like to say about white bread.

Remember, you've told me over the years, you used to have something you called a white sandwich. Yes. Where you take white bread, you use salad cream. Yeah. And it had to be thick loaf. And then that white cheese. Yeah, Cheshire cheese.

No, is it? Yes, one of those. Either way, I like it. It's kind of plain cheese. It's kind of plain cheese. It's very, yes, very white. Yeah, but it's very nice. Then you wouldn't toast the bread, no.

You'd cut the crusts off. No, I keep the crust. Oh, really? Yeah, okay. Put hairs on your chest. And my back and my balls. So, you know, I ate a lot of bread. So so far, your opinion of bread is just describing my sandwiches that I had.

Because I need a little bit of context. My school was maybe about a 10 to 12 minute walk away from my home. So for lunch, I would just run home, make a quick sandwich, watch off an hour of TV, and then run back to school, right? Yeah. But in that time, it was easy to make that white sandwich, and also I liked it. So I'd go, bosh, bosh, bosh, bosh, gnom, no, cup of tea, back to school. So that's why I would have that sandwich. It wasn't as if I went out of my way to make a boring white sandwich.

It was. But did you watch neighbours when you went back in that half hour? That was on at lunchtime, wasn't it? I think I would watch half an hour of, like, diagnosis murder or something like that, you know? And then you never knew who'd done it. Or I knew who did it, but not what they did. I have had an idea how you could improve the basic white sandwich that you made. Two more ingredients, right?

Two more ingredients is all it needs to be elevated, basically, to something you could serve in a Meachlan Star. But will it change the name of the sandwich? No. Are you adding colour? No. I don't know about adding colour. Both the things I'm adding are white.

Please don't be man fat. I don't want your fucking bollerclard all over my white sandwich. No. Two ingredients. Go on, I'm listening. I'm open to this. Knob, Spunk Bubble. Here we go.

I thought you were going to confound my expectations today. Knob Rub and Spunk Bubble. Oh dear. Here was Paulie Wu sitting here thinking, oh, maybe Eli's going to, you know, add something genuinely quite interesting to this, like white chili pepper or... Oh, you get those.

I know. Or banana. You know, something a bit more left field. That is kind of a bit yellowy, but all right, it kind of works because salad cream's a little bit yellowy, new. You know what I mean? It's like that.

Spank is clear. and then goes wide. Yes, well, I'm not waiting that long. I'm not going to add cum to my sandwich. Knob rub. So what was the two things? So knob rub. Manchovi cream.

Manchovi cream and knob rub. No, knob rub is Manchovi cream. Which sounds like a 70s detective show. Manchovie and knob rub. You want me to play that out? Yes, come on. Manchovy, I told you to get here half an hour ago. It's heating up.

We've got to go out and find this dastardly criminal that they call him the quim snatcher. Yeah, no, I'm not going to do this game. Oh, I don't want to do this seed. Come on, manchovee rub. Manchovey. So what are you? Dr. Spunkie.

You're a knob rub. A manchovey and knob rub. Is that what it was? I don't know. You're confusing me and I don't like it. Well, what have you got to say about bread then? It's white and it's fine. I prefer it to brown.

I don't know why. Brown's probably better for you. But all bread in general isn't something you should have a lot of because it's fattening. As my fat tummy is proving on a regular growing basis. Pasta also. Yeah. Potatoes.

All the things I like best. Potato, cheese, white bread, pasta. Everybody talks about hot laughter. Anyway, God, I'm losing fucking every single fibre of my interest in my own podcast right now. It's not good. Paul, well, that, I mean, when you do a podcast with someone, you need them to, I don't know, give you a sentence in return so a discussion can be made. and maybe whimsical comedy thoughts.

But the best we've got today is Manchovian knob rub. That's good, isn't it? No! I like almost all types of bread I've ever eaten. What's the best bread? The best for me, if you were just going to eat it by itself. Yeah. Like, oh, I like a nice slice of bread right now.

I like a baguette. Oh, okay. A French baguette, a nice fresh French baguette with a cruspy, crispy bit. And then very soft on the inside. Yeah. With a slight char almost burnt on the out. Right, my favourite is tiger bread The order I get, the more I like tiger bread

What is it? But it doesn't have cheese on? No, it's like they, what is it? Rice they put on the top And it cracks and breaks the bread top It's not rice, is it? It's something like that, yeah, hang on I'm going to find out how they make tiger bread

What is tiger bread all about? It's called tiger bread Because whatever they do makes it stripy, right? Yeah, it makes the top all kind of, yeah, like the pattern of a tiger. Yes. Oh, tiger bread also has another name. It's called Dutch Crunch.

That's what you find in my bed after... After you have sex with someone from Denmark. Is that what you're basically saying? Oh, this woman came over the other day and left a load of Dutch crunch on my bed pillow. That would be Danish crunch. Is it? Oh yeah.

What's Dutch? Holland. Holland. I can tell for why they changed its name to Tiger Bread for the British market. No one's buying Dutch crunch bread. So anyway, look, it's known as Dutch crunch and under various brand names

as a bread of Dutch origin that has a mottled crust. The bread is genuinely made. with a pattern baked onto the top, made by painting rice paste onto the surface prior to baking. Wow. The rice paste that imparts the bread's carous...

Oh my God. Characteristic. Thank you. Flavor dries and cracks during the baking process. The bread itself has a crusty exterior but soft on the inside. Ooh.

Typically, tiger bread is made as a white bread bloomer loaf or bread roll, but the technique can be applied to any type of bread. You see, once you get into the world of bread it's weird because you can get different base grains that you use but you can do white and brown

and whole grain versions of those so you can get for example sour dough white sourdough I've been enjoying a loaf of at the moment nice but you also get brown sourdough or a granary sourdough or a rye sourdough or a spelt sourdough or forever go on forever one thing I have to say though

this whole sourdough it has been inflated the sourdough revolution that happened during COVID because every can't started I'm sure sourdough is a thing way before that people got bored of. But they got bored of it before that. Yeah, it was, but they came back. So does the thing.

Yeah, it came back. Okay. It came back during COVID as a sort of lockdown pastime. Right. Well, that's what? Can I just say, though? Yeah, well, fuck sourdough. All right, you're going to have a, you're going to die on that hell.

And it scrapes your palate. There's nothing worse than having a sandwich that cuts your mouth. But baguettes can do that, though, I find sometimes. Baguettes can do that as well. I'm just saying, I don't want you to, you know. Yeah, baguettes can be harder to cut the mouth. Yeah, but I like him. I mean, there's as good as baguette, as be good as you get, baguette, baguette, bagu, bagu, bagu, bagu, bagu, boy, whoa, I've got a formal word, there we go, words are back in my mouth. All right, got it, sorted. Right, so, we are doing white bread today. Paul, you pulled. You should have just rolled with it. With it. Oh. You should have just rolled with it. You should have just rolled with it. And that's how we're ending this segment. Come back after the sound of

where hopefully we're going to eat bread. BAPS. Shut up. I've heard enough from you. Gotta get up, got to get out. Grab the world by the throne and shout. Buy it, sell it. The game's getting hard.

It's bread, my gyro card. It's bread, everyone. I was going to bring that up. I was going to come up with a song, By the Band Bread, but then I realised I don't know any songs by the band Bread. They were very much milk toast. Ha ha ha.

And I think, I believe that their biggest hit was a version of the BG's, You Don't Know What It's Like. I don't even know what that song is as well. You know that one. No, I just said it didn't. So if you want to remind me, that might help correct. It's the absolute, it's one of the, I think, the greatest song ever written by any of the Gibbs. You don't know what it's like, baby, you don't know what it's like.

I don't know. To love somebody. I honestly don't know that one. To love somebody. A way I love you. Nina Simone does, the actual version. Hey, do you know the BGs used to have all these little primates in their family? Because they were the Gibsons.

Gibbons! The Gibsons! I fucked it! Nothing's going right today. Why fuck that? Nothing's going right today. I honestly thought I could conflate Gibson's and Gibbons and that would be fine, but Gibbons. Gibbons.

You made a monkey out of me and you. I did, haven't I? Yeah. Yeah. Gorillas. Right. We are trying bread. I want you to name more apes.

What's that one? Shackmar was. Baboon. Baboon. Oh, that's a great name for an animal. Baboon. Yes. In it?

Gorillars, baboons and monkeys, too. Spider monkeys. Chinchilla's a dog? No, that's a chihuahua. I'm very confused by this week's episode. I feel like I don't get my own. content this week. Now, I like to say, now... Well, you don't know what I'm going to do yet.

Let's explain, though. Off Brand-Brandoff... Oh, yeah, tell them what that is. It's the segment of the show. I, Eli Silverman, hello, everybody, am the super-taster of the show. Well, let's put it this way. Perhaps I'm not officially a super-taster, but along the line from normal taster on one end of the spectrum to super-taster at the other end of the spectrum, I'm further along the line towards super-taster than Paul here. Oh, no. Yes. What's that a train or something coming along?

I'm just doing it to get on your nerves. I know. That's what I'm doing. What we tend to do is we like to bring you value advice about food and also tell you what food we like here on the show. So off-brand brand off is where I do a blindfold taste test of items of everyday food and you can't get any more every day than bread, can you? Well, this is the thing.

In the past, we have purposely chosen the base versions of things. We've done tea, beans. Tomato ketchup. Tomato ketchup. We also did some cheese biscuits. Yeah, things like that. Things that don't have a lot of like flavor variety. Jaffa cakes.

Brand to brand. You know what I mean? But have enough continuity between them that you can mark them against each other, right? Brand sauce. Not the Noel Edmunds swap shop band of that name. Featuring Keith Jagwin. So with all that being said,

I thought we would try for, well, you will try, four slices of bread. I can see them bread. I bought these some, a number of shops. of a range of qualities and a range of prices. And just to continue explaining, Paul,

my mission will be able... If you choose to accept it. Well, I would like to do a review and say which of these breads I like, but also which I believe to be each brand here. That's the sort of competition for me to try and guess correctly, which is which. Not under the fallacy that whatever the brand thing is,

is automatically the best. No. And also to impart information to everyone about where they could maybe make a saving by buying the off-brand item. Oh, that's also true. That's as true as you can make it, a statement. For example, and this always comes up, doesn't it?

It always comes to mind. Always comes up, what is it? It comes, the Kinderbeno. Kinderbeno, Batta, Guadero. The off-brand were much, much better than the Kind of. It was one of those weird moments where I remember going, oh, I like Kinderbuenos, nom, nom, nom. Then you have the other knockoff.

I was like, while Kind of Breno tells like cheap shit. Why? Yeah. Look, anyway, so I got four brands of bread. Tell me what they are. In a minute. Because I wanted to go with white bread. I wanted to do it thick sliced because that's kind of the every man bread, okay?

Our base model is... They're all fixed sliced then, are they? I could have 100 bloody loaves here right now, and I've just decided to do four for the basis of this experiment. Okay. Because we could have got a hovis loaf, but I couldn't find one in time. A hovers white... They could find brown, granary, tiger bread. I couldn't find a white loaf for that one.

So the base line... It's plain white, thick-slice white. Yeah, and the baseline for us in terms of our brand will be the Warburton's. That would be the on brand? Yeah, the soft, thick, white bread. All right, that's our base. I also have M&S, thick white, super soft loaf.

Okay. Now, this one was 99P, I believe. Quit for that, not bad. Now, for this one, the Warburton's, by the way, half, I mean, it's a smaller loaf, you can see. It's about, yes, a third. Same price. Sainsbury's extra thick, soft white,

Toasty bread. They've gone for similar colouring as the Warburton, so that definitely is an off-brand thing, isn't it? I mean, they must be, is that just something that generally that type of bread traditionally have been in that colour? Because I think like you have your brown breads and all their wrappings always brown. Yeah, I've never noticed that white bread has an orange. I mean, the M&S isn't, is a green coloured cell of fame. Yeah, but still. And then we've got, oh, by the way, the same one was 75P. And then we've got this one here, waitrose, half loaf, soft white toast, thick slice. Again, the wrapping is trying to mimic the Warburton's in my mind.

All orange wrapping. Yes. So, how much was the Waitrose? That was 99P or just over or just under a pound. Waitros, a lot of people think of as the posh boys. An M&S sometimes, but I've always fucking Eminet stuff shit. I'm just going to say it where's bread. I've been going to Brent Cross Shopping Centre by myself and there's an M&S there.

Oh, good boy. You went all by yourself without daddy on your hands. I didn't mean like that by myself. I meant. I went to the shops all by myself. I didn't mean it that way. I meant it as in solitude. But I like the idea of you going out with your little school cap on

and your satchel with your little Jimmy Cranky costume. I'm off to the big city to go to the shops today. And I'll come by with a Bino. I'd get arrested for that. I hope so. If I was around in shorts, hanging around Brent Cross in a schoolboy uniform. I would call him. I would say, I know this guy.

He's a fucking danger. I've gone there by myself. They do have an M&S. And I have to say. He's going to want to try and suck off a Scotsman in the park. In their sort of flagship, larger food stores, you do get good stuff. But I agree with you, often their food is underwhelming, especially the ready meals, which they're known for,

can be very sort of unseasoned. Yeah, we also need to do a ready meal day off brand or something one day. Because I think that's what we've never done. Because honestly, the reason why is that most of them are microwave meals, right? And I have one and you don't, so you have to do it here. So we should think about that in the new year. Of course. Bedi meals.

Anyway, look, I have got the bread. Have you got the talent, Mr. Silverman? I'm thinking I might not be able to distinguish anything. What would I be, you think? I just want you to say what you think is the best slice of white bread. That's it. And then you will have an idea because it might be like the best one is this one and the most flavourful one is that one.

You know what I mean? I'm thinking that the M&S will be flowery because they try and impart a kind of freshness, fresh baked kind of vibe by putting flour on, loose flour. So I'm looking at that there and I'm just thinking, and the warburton's has is the on brand, so maybe the best overall. The problem with bread is it's one of those things.

It's so basic. It's like water. Of course they have flavors and water tastes different from different parts of the country and different bold brands. But because it's the context, it's the background for every other drink flavor you've ever had. It's there. It's present. The flavour of water is basically present in every drink you ever have.

I'm bored of this. Paul's bored of this. Let's go on with the bread. Do you see what I mean? It kind of cancels itself out. Yeah. And that's why I'm daunted by trying to, I want to get this right. I want to have a good, you know, I've got pride.

As the supertaster, I've got pride. Shut up now. I've got a lot of pride. I'm a proud supertaster. You've had your moment. Here I come down the street. Here's me talking. And I'm talking like this.

I think the thing you need to keep an ear out or all the tongue out for is I think the cheaper ones will be sweeter. I think there be an inherent sweetness. Right. Shut your gob. It's time for Eli to get you off. Brand Brand off on. And it's time to start this now. Oh realizes.

Off brand, brhand, off, brand, off, blah, blah-a-blub. Off, off, off, off, off and on, an on, and off-and off, and off, and off, and off-brand off and off, and on and off-brand-brand, off-brand-brand, off-brand-brand-brand. There we go, right. So we got four breads and four mouths and four mouths to feed. Each one of those mouths as Eli's mouth. I have four mouths. And yet I must speak. I've given him a blindfold. He can't see out of it. He can't see me flicking the Vs right now

or making the wanking hand gesture. Luckily. He's unaware that I'm doing that right now. The outside of this expresses my feelings about this whole thing. It does. It's a little... Do you tell them what it says? This is a bespoke.

It's one of those sleep things, isn't it? Well, they call them sleep masks, really. Blindfold. We know the process. We get it. It's a sleep mask. It says, I fucking hate you on it. There we moved on.

Oh, Ghostbusters logo. On the back of it, it's got London buses and shit. Weird. Yeah. Where did this come from? Someone sent it to us a long time ago. Well, thank you very much. And it's been around.

And I think, Eli... It's been in some poo on someone's asshole. No, I generally think I've flexed it on my cock for a last once. That's what the smell of mackerel is. It's not mackerel, mate. It's Gannon. It's the fresh smell of Gannon paste. Yeah?

Gannon's homemade paste. Yeah. Old Grandpa Gannon's manchavi cream. Yeah. Oh, it comes on thick. Oh, wait, it does. Old man ganon's anchovy cream. And just like cheese, you have to like ferment it for a long time on my tip.

Oh, manganon's man chri-crem fermented style. The only problem is to get it into the jaw, you're going to like squeeze it like a zit, push it into a like a little jar. Oh, I come home at night and I'm tired from the day down, the collier. and at least I know on the table at the end of the day wafting up into my nostrils my veerers made me two great slices of white bread toast with butter and lashings and lashings

of old manganans manchery creme spread fermented and it's all ditches on me Oh, it's how my Graham likes it. Oh, God. Oh, Gannon's manchovey cream. Feed your family tonight. Give me. Right, here we go.

I've got four loaves of bread. I'm going to give you a slice at a time on a plate, all right? Just a whole slice. So I get a whole slice of each. So you can sniff it, lick it, double and flick it, right? Fantastic. Yeah. I've written down the order already, so I remember what I give you

in that order. And remind me of what we've got. We've got Warbutton's, Toasty, Thick Slice. We've got Warburton's, Waitrose, Sainsbury's and M&S. So I'm going to open up the first bread. Now, I've bought a lot of bread for this, and a lot of it will be turned into bread and butter pudding and cheese toasties.

One of the greatest ever puddings. Greatest ever British inventions. Now I shan't be giving you the heel. I shall be giving you a slice. A slice from the centre of the loaf, please. Indeed. From the centre of the loaf, here we go, plating your hand. My hand, and this is the first bit of bread.

This is the first bit of bread. Oh, yeah. I'm getting a whiff off it. Yeah, give us a whiff. Oh, that's definitely a bread smell there. That's definitely a slice of bread. And it's weird, because you mentioned the sweetness. I'm getting a sweetness of this.

Feels quite rigid. I know, but what about the bread, mate? Concentrate, would you? Yeah, bread. It's bread. Mate, I did say this wasn't got the most exciting fucking thing, but it's bread. I just need you to give me an idea of what you think of the bread. I'm fighting into the bread, ladies and gentlemen.

He's masticated. it for your enjoyment, Eli, give us your thoughts on a slice of white bread. Not very impressed with this. Why? It's sweet at first. Right. Like you said, there's a sort of sweetness and then it just turns to nothing. Oh.

Very weak bread flavour. The texture turns to just mulch, just, it all just compresses. There's no, you know what I mean? I do. I do. I'm not impressed at all with that. Texture, is it fluffy? Is it, you know what I mean?

What have we got going on here? The texture in the hand, it feels quite light, fluffy, nice. but as soon as it gets in the mouth, it's just sweet and then it just... Maybe don't eat and talk at the same time. It's not fun to listen to it, even worse to fucking hear when you're editing it, eh? Piggy Wiggy? Yes, it's like it turns into like pellets in the mouth. There's no... The texture's really bad, and it just feels like it's been brushed with sugar water

when you put it in your mouth. That's all I'll say. And the crust is not doing, you know, the crust is just... Fine. All right. It's token crust, I'd say. It's not, you know, it's not a got... And no, there's no real difference between the crust and the rest of the bread. Very poor.

So was there a Sainsbury's, did you say? Yes, there's a Sainsbury's one. One of them is a Sainsbury's. I would say that's Sainsbury's. Because I've been to Sainsbury's in recent months. They keep going downhill. Something like Aldi is better than Sainsbury's now.

But like if you think of the traditional hierarchy of what's meant to be, you know what I mean? Stisbury's is meant to be above. Here you go. Here's a next bread. That was a terrible... Bread. Terrible cheap piece of bread.

That was awful. This is bread number two. I'm giving Eli now. Do you want to have a little bit of your Red Bull or something or have you guzzled it? It's okay. I've guzzled it, but it's fine. Let's have a sniff.

All right, he's having a sniff. Oh, I'm nicer. Now, there's nicer because there's an almost umami, a salty, a sort of salt, savouriness. Okay. Not just the sweetness. Okay. Oh, there's definitely like a salty smell from this. Yeah.

No, that's definitely better. It's definitely better. In the hand, it feels a bit drier, more dried out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's definitely almost like a marmite. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Jesus. Old Gannon's Manchovey paste.

I'm liking this more already. Oh, this is the catchphrase. Old Gannon's Manchovey paste. Yes, it is a fishy business. Thanks, Paul. Thank you. He's back to masticating. Let's see what his opinions are.

Once he's swallowed. Dirty bastard. Similar, but nicer flavour, more sort of, more neutral, less of the sweetness, much less of the sweetness. And the texture is slightly better as well. In that you can feel a sort of coarseness before it turns immediately into clumps. You know what I mean? It clumps rather than kind of crumbles. Yes, but this crumbles more than the first one.

In a good or bad way? In a good way. In a sort of feels fresher, feels more textured. Like the first one had no texture whatsoever. All right, this is definitely better. It feels fresh, the texture just feels... Again, I'm going to ask you to stop fucking talking and eating at the same time. More elastic.

Right, next one. Much better. I'd say that was... That's either the Warburton's or like the M&S. I mean... I like the way you say Warburton is like he's a kind of rich American tycoon when it's Warburton's. Oh, right. Of course, yeah.

It's like, hey, there goes old Warburton. The guy who built the railroads. Who's the father figure guy in Annie? Starbucks. Warbucks. Starbucks. It's Warbugs. Daddy Warbugs.

Oh, in Annie, yeah, you're right. Next bread number three. Okay, let's go for a sniff on this. He's going for a sniff. Okay, it's, again, the sweetness isn't there. Sweetness is not there. This is the least smell of all three so far. The least smell.

Yeah. You hear that, everyone? The least smell of the three. There's not, that of, yes. There's no overwhelmingly kind of sweet. No. And it feels, it doesn't feel very thick. Well, that's not.

That's not. That's not. Paul Gannon's ongoing trial to make everything rude he's eating into it now he's going to chew and masticate and once he's swallowed the load he's going to give you his thoughts Eli what are your thoughts on this slice of bread bread number three really lacking in flavour like any kind of flavour whatsoever

but the texture I'd say even might be even the best of the three in terms of it bready texture it's bready yeah it's bready but weirdly there's no there's no taste the salt's lower than the last one okay you know which is which I do. I'm keeping a track of it. Don't worry about it. That could be the Walburton's. Last slice of the show. This is good. This is much, this is larger.

This has got a nice heft to it in your hand. Yeah. Yeah. Again, smells like the second one. Yeah. Like a better, no, more the umami, more of the quality sort of, um, bready smell. Okay. Less of that sweetness.

He's back to masticating and I can't wait to hear his thoughts on a slice of white bread. Here we go. Bread number four. Eli, what are you thinking? What is your tongue telling you? Very similar to the last one. Texture good. Yeah, you can take your brownfold off now, I guess. But lacking any flavour.

Okay. So I think the second one I had was my favourite. Do you want to have a guess what it is? And the third was the worst. I do want to guess what they are. Okay, so you think the second one was your favourite. So I'm going to put Fave. Yeah. And then you said the third was the worst.

The third slice of bread you how was the least favourable to you? No, I think the first was. Okay. The first was my least favourite. Do you want to have a guess at what the brands are from one to the other. Yeah, I think the first one was Sainsbury's. Okay.

Sight number two was... I think was the M&S. Number three was you've got... Waitrose. Yeah, waitrose. And then the final one that you just had... Warburton. Warburntons.

Find out next week what happens on this week's edition of Boring White Bread, Bough Bram Brandoff. We'll see you then. Take care. Goodbye. Boff Brandt off. There's a new one where you boff off some gran. Bough my gran off.

That's a very different former. But let's talk, because I'm not against it. Only joking, we're going to give you the results now. Did you taste any of the bread, Paul? No, I didn't, actually. I could have done, but I didn't. And I'm not going to. So we're going to move on from that.

Wow. But I approve of all of Eli's comments here. I'm not here to upturn them. I'm here to give you the results that you want. Right, so off-brembram, Brand off, four slices of bread, Each one around about a quid Really give or take Although two of the loaves are noticeably smaller

So they're more expensive Which are the Warburton's And which as well The Waitrose Right so the first one You said was Sainsbury's Because I just disres I have got no respect for Sainsbury

And you said it was the worst Yeah It was the sweetest The answer is Marks and Spencers That was Marks and Sparkss Which goes to my theory again That they're sure

Yeah it wasn't good Number two, you said, was M&S. You said it was your favourite. The answer is Sainsbury's. That was a Sainsbury's slice. Oh my God, Sainsbury's have done it again. That was the same place. They did this with the mayo, yeah.

Fuck. Oh, dear. After I diss fucking Sainsbury's, I think it's the best one. I know, it's always going that way. Number three. It was the most flavourful. You said was Waitrose. It was actually the Warburton's, the third slice.

Okay. Leaving the fourth slice, which you said was Warburton's to be waitrose. Yes. So there you go. you had M&S, then Sainsbury's, there's Ward, Warburton's, and then Waitrose. That was the outcome. I have to say, in conclusion, it was,

it was a pack of three, and then the one that was much worse, which was the M&S, the first one, much sweeter, much less. I don't get MNS's stuff. It's terrible. Because M&S has this certain kind, there's a logic, just Eminest, because of its roots and its history, and that, it doesn't really have

branded things in store. It doesn't have Kellogg's cornflakes. It didn't, till a couple of years back, like four or five years back. And what they started introducing brands? Then they said, we're going to we're going to carry branded items as well. Oh, I don't remember that.

I don't certainly, but in this way, it's not overwhelming. There's still, like, most of the choice you get in there is M&S branded things. Well, but it's because they emphasize ready meals, pre-made salads, kishes, and all of their own brand and their own brand drinks and all of that kind of thing. Yeah, but it's booze and it's soft drinks and it's sweet. It's everything in there. It's everything in there is M&S. At one point, they thought we're losing too much money by not stocking PG tips as well as our own brand tea, for example.

Yeah, I haven't checked the teas and things like that, but that's probably more likely to be branded stuff in there now. But I think there's a lie to M&S where it's like, oh, M&S, bit posh, bit, middle, middle class bit, you know. And this demonstrates that bread is noticeably worse than the others. Considerably worse. Yeah. Certainly when you compare it to, well, Sainbury's, obviously, I guess.

Which, you know, for the same price. Surprised me, because Sainsbury's have been letting me down, you know. But are you surprised by the results then? I am genuinely. I thought I would find the Sainsbury's the worst. I'm not surprised at the M&Sbris. underperformed. Now, with this being said, we could have gotten Tesco's

as the, maybe in the future, maybe for a cheap shot, we'll revisit some other white bread brands. Yes, and again, in conclusion, very hard to tell the difference between any of these. Yeah, by and large, very hard to tell them. But there was a note, the only real noticeable difference was the first one, which is much sweeter and much less

cohesive, structurally. Yeah. But hey, Eli, thank you for an off-brand, Brand-off. Your super tasting skills have once again informed and amused. Thank you. And I think, our listeners will go out to the world tomorrow with a little bit of a more little bit of a little bit of a little bit more knowledge

in their head. A little more, a little more knowledge in their head. You know, a little, a little, a little bit more knowledge in their head. So next time you're out buying white bread, remember. Just remember when you're out buying white bread, have a little little little bit of foresight out there, you know. All right.

Hey, mate, I've got a little surprise for you. What? Because it's December now. So let's get our Christmas on. I've got something for you. It's more food. We're going to do it now. Surprise.

Shush. It's a surprise. Not for the people who read the metadata for the title for this episode, but it's a surprise for you right now in the moment. It's not a surprise for me. It's not because I've told you about that as well.

Bullocks. Oh, well, there we go. It's not a surprise for anyone. The next bit is not a surprise at all. Right, I've got a little treat for Eli It's a little treat for the little naughty boy Because you know what, you don't like Christmas, do you? You're a mean old Grinch, you are, aren't you?

He's a mean one, Mr Grinch. That's you, isn't it? I'm not aware of any of this. Say, yeah, because it leads into the thing. You're a right old nasty prick, aren't you at Christmas? Yes. You horrible shit. Oh, you fucking ate Christmas.

You even go around saying Christmas is for horrible cunts. Yeah, that's what I've... And I thought to celebrate Eli's grinchiness, we'd splash out on McDonald's because they've released a thing called the fucking Grinch menu, which you've already had it anyway, so it's ruined everything. I did not have the whole of the Grinch menu, Paul.

What did you have? The thing that piqued my interest, unsurprisingly, was the pickle flavour of the Grinch McShaker fries, which we'll be tasting. So here's the thing. McDonald's have released this thing called the grinched menu, for some of their food.

I'll read you what the official McDonald's website says. They unveil their Christmas TV advert, McDonald's Christmas Grinched, blah, blah, blah, it's on ITV and all that shit. This was released in November, brand new festive TV advert, packed with humour, holiday spirit, and a wonderfully wicked twist.

The advert stars none other than the infamous, Dr. Seuss is the Grinch, returning with a plot to sabotage Christmas meals everywhere, or so he thinks. The advert opens deep inside the Grinch's layer on Mount Crumpet, where he peers through a telescope. Is that from the original book? It is called, yeah, it is.

It is. And they're all enjoying McDonald's meals, and he's like, oh, how dare they at Christmas? Why isn't there a crumpet? Why, well, they don't have it. Why is there a fucking crumpet? Christmas Crumpet. Determined to put an end to their festive cheer,

the Grinch slips back into his layer and begins plotting and squeaming. Squeaking. Squeaking between bubbling equipment in his lab. Bumbing equipment in his lab. He's not bobbling equipment. He hasn't got a bumming equipment, has he? What?

How the Grinch took it right up the ass. Has he got like a both sides equipment? Yeah, he's got a spit roast. Yeah. Grinch, self-spit roasting. Spit grinching. Anyway, he huddled over his computer,

cackling menacingly with glee, and he advises the perfect way to ruin a Christmas meal. They will truly despise Girkin's seasoning on fries, he says. Do you see how that got me going? Yeah. And they're all in for shocks.

When I knit them odd socks, which is another thing we have to mention as well. And then he coached the fries and a bright green girkin seasoning and stitches odd socks and dances triumphantly, blah, blah, they eat it and it's not disgusting

they end up liking it. So they've load, basically added pickle to flavourings, it seems. No, that's not. There's a lot of, I have a lot of thematic and conceptual criticisms

of the whole grinched menu from McDonald's this year. Right, okay. For the first thing you've hinted at there, this fries are gherkin flavoured because of the green gherkin. Yeah. But the other things that are grinched,

are not. They are simply made green. For example, we have the Grinched frozen lemonade. It's just got green in. What's the flavour of that? What's the green flavour? Frozen Grinch Lemonade. A zesty frozen lemonade made with a vivid green Grinch melon swirl for a freshen. Okay, that could be good. Cheeky twist. That could be nice. There's apparently a coconut latte

they've got on the menu. I didn't see that. That's a Grinch coconut latte. And a McFlurry. Yeah, we didn't get the McFlurry. I agree. No, but that was just called Miss Chief McFluoy. It's just got smarties in. Well, there's the Grinch menu, isn't it? You should have got the full Grinch menu. Well, I did.

Everything that's different. Yeah, but it's just a normal burger, but they're the fries and the drink. We've got the pie as well. We've got the pie as well. Oh, yeah, it's called Grumble pie, which I'm definitely sure I've used as an euphemism at some point. Well, we've got the whole character, Uncle Grumbly, don't we? He puts poo into food. I gave her a little bit of grumble in here pies.

Fanny, Quim, vagina, clunge. Now, also, it's cheap because they haven't gone to crump it, right? No. They haven't gone into the actual law and they haven't done anything to any of their actual burgers. You get the Grinch meal, Big Mac meal.

It's just a normal Big Mac. Yeah. And they grinch you the fries. So it's all about... But you have to grinch them yourself. And you have to grinch them yourself, which I like, which is the McShaker. They had a similar thing.

Yeah. Their muxaker fries were on their heist menu, which was the menu before this. Oh. Did you see that? I didn't. No, but there weren't these. It was a different flavoured one.

Essentially, what they do is... So this made Christmas green is what they're doing. Yeah. A green Christmas. It's not very good. And do you know who owns the, like the Grinch IP? Is it one of the big books? That's a complicated story.

It's really complicated since his death and the wife took over the estate. And I don't know who owns the rights. It wasn't like sucked up by like Disney or something like that. I think it's spread over a bunch of different companies. Oh, really? Like for instance, Universal. Different books. Universal has a like Dr. Seuss land, right?

Right. And I think Universal made the movie. But I don't believe it was them who made the original animated cartoons, which were like Warner Brothers. And the recent animated Seuss films have been Illumination, which I believe is Sony. So it's all over the place. They might have an independent estate that controls all the different IPs and the books and so forth. Burger King do things where they colour the bun, don't they?

They have the black bun and... McDonald's are sort of trying to do that, but they're not going so deep, are they, this is the Taylor's oldest time, mate. Even, again, going back to Ghostbusters too. I remember going to Wimpeys, which were running that promotion in the UK, Because it was a Burger King thing in America. Oh, because you've got the pin badge from that, have you? No, no, no, no.

That is when you got a boring, fucking regular... I think it was even a green milkshake. Slam of a milkshake. Green milkshake. And you got a little tin you couldn't open because they had a ghost thing. But when you did open it, it had just like fluorescence in it. Yeah.

Glowed and then I... Then you did a cum in it or something. Oh, yeah. Your bag of, your bag of tricks is becoming increasingly shallow. I made it out of your foreskin. That's a callback. So the bit everyone's trying to forget, including me. Right.

Sorry. Here's that... I spanked my load. And low did it glowed. So Eli. That's the worst thing I've ever said. Well, I don't know. That's up for debate.

Let's get this segment pinched by having something grinched. Can we get it into the eating? Yeah, let's do it. Right, let's get this out the way because it's going to go. Drink first. There's a frozen lemonade with melon. This could be really nice because like I was trying to say before, on their normal menu in the summer at least,

they have a raspberry frozen lemonade, which is lovely. But watch out everybody. This can give you brain freeze quicker than anything else I've ever tasted. It's pure fucking brain freeze material. Yeah, it's crazy. Oxide or not ice as well, that's laughing gas. No, I think there's antifreeze of some sort, like edible anti-freeze in it, which keeps it.

You see what I mean. Same for their milkshakes as well. They use the same fungi or whatever it is. Yeah, and their milkshakes will give you terrible brain freeze as well. Yeah, I don't have that either. I love those. Anyway, I don't often have soft drinks from McDonald's. I don't have any of the, like, the cafe range, usually,

apart from the coffees. So I would be interested in what their lemonade's are like, and I'm going to give it a go now. I'd say one of the best things they do in terms of, like, just being a very good example of what it is, like a frozen lemonade. What are you getting there from the taste? That's all right.

It's weird. With the lemonade and the melon, what you actually get is lime. This feels very lime-like. Is that just because of the visual thing? I think that tastes more like lime. Yeah, once the flavours's kind of... I don't have to go through the straw.

Yeah, once the flavours meld in your mouth, you feel like it's just lime. There's like a little bit of lemon up front, and then it kind of weaves in the melon softness, the kind of more rounded, fruity... Yeah, but it's not a very strong melon flavor, is it? You're right. No, and it ends up tasting more like lime.

Very much so, yes. Which is fine. In itself, that's a perfectly lovely, refreshing, cold drink. Yeah. Very sweet. But again, let's just make it green because Grinch. Yeah, I mean, if you just gave me that, I would say that's a, that's a, an iced lemonade. Yeah. Or a limaid.

I wouldn't say melon. I wouldn't be able to pick out melon, would you there? No, not all. Because melon has that kind of soft, more kind of. Yeah, like a rounded sweetness. Like overly sweet, sweet nature to it. Like honey almost. Like a honeyish sort of like that.

It is, right. Yeah. And there's none of that really. There. No. That is very nice, though. But is it what it says it is? It doesn't really fucking matter, does it?

No. Right. And prepare, Paul, to be fucking disappointed with the gurkin-flavored chips as well. How did they fuck that up? Well, we're going to find out. Because you get a little bag, which has grinched, and it has the little hand of the thing. That's pretty cool. And then you get a separate little sachet of grinch salt, girkin-flavored seasoning.

Now, you put the... Yeah, and you put the normal... Well, you're in charge of this. Oh, I'm in charge. Eli, you're in charge of grinching these chips up, and these are just chips. There's nothing, they haven't become pre-prepared. Now, I like this development, because like I say, they did sort of essay this as a concept before with their heist menu

where they had some kind of Polish shaker fries, exactly the same. And I think they're feeling that the pressure from other big chains that have some kind of loaded fries option. Or, for example, Wendy's, which has only been in the country for about two years, they do chili cheese fries. And so McDonald's thinking, we need something that, you know, they're known as having the best fries, but they need, I think they're...

That's a low fucking bar, though, really, having the best takeaway fries. It's all a low bar. We're in the world of fast food, but do you see what I mean? I guess. Would you agree that it feels like they're kind of responding

to the fancier fries that some of their competitors are doing, basically? Yes, but also, I think this, even though it's a gimmick where it's like, pour the salt in, pour the fries, shake the bag. Yeah.

I think what they're doing here is giving you the option to whether you want to ruin the flavor of your chips. You know what I mean? Like, if you just want to eat your chips, But you want to try a few of them. You can pour a few into the bag, test it out, go, oh, and then not waste your whole order.

Yes. And more so, even more so than that, like sick people will take this and put the, take just the sashet and take it home and put it on other stuff and, you know, try it that way. And the whole thing, run it, rum it, run it, run it on the top of my tip. Yes. The whole thing has a toyetic aspect. And I bet the kids love to give it shake. Yeah, like salt and sake chips.

Chips. He's going to do the shake and vac and put the chips in the bag. put the grinchy chips inside the bag and shake it. Now, I like the illustration of the Grinch's hand. I mean, it's the least they could fucking do, right? Yeah, but it's still, it's effective and it has something of the Dr. Seuss feel to the drawing. You know what it reminds me of? Remember years ago? I think it was even during COVID when we did the, someone got us a big box of those potato chips in a big tumbler,

and it came with loads of little different sachets of flavors, and you could mix and match. Oh, yeah. Remember that? That was crazy. That was years ago, wasn't it? I think that was like 20-20. We did that. We do a lot. crisp stuff. We've been going a while, everyone. I can see why Paul wanted to try this.

Basically, we've been going a while. Was this the item on the Grinch menu that made you think we should do this? Well, honestly, a few people on social media have been saying, have you seen this, have you seen this? And so it was like, well, why not do it? I did like that frozen lemonade. It's just, but it's exactly, it's exactly like their rose group. And also, can I just be frank?

Who's going to really order lemonade in December? You know, why not make a grinched coffee where it's got, I don't know, I don't know, but, you know what I mean? There is a grinched coffee on the menu. I saw it today. There is. I just looked. It was coconut latte. That was part of their Christmas menu.

It's not related to this. Can I snuff the salt? I'd just be careful because that's the salt. I've got the crisps into the shaker bag. Oh, that's really quite pungently gurg-y. Wow. That's like crystal meth of gherkin powder. That's the flame with their gherkins.

And on the nose, it feels like it's going to be really nice. But believe me, just somehow something about it doesn't work for me. But I'll let you have your... Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Eli now is pouring the salt into the Grinch bag. He's put the chips in. Shaky, shaky time is about all to commence. He's making sure it's all out there.

And it's literally fucking, like the powder. You can see it rising. Can you see that? Oh, God, yeah. It's like asbestos when they fall out of the attic. You know what I mean? It's crazy. It's fucking toxic.

It's literally blowing clouds and fucking gherkin. I can feel it eroding my lungs as we speak. You know what I mean? Christ. Ooh. Give it a shake. Give it a, a shake in the bag and puts the gurkin flavors on.

He shakes the bag with gurking flavors. it in the bag. Now, the smell, I do like the smell. I just don't feel it... I mean, the smell is the smell, right? It's exactly what it says on the tin. But I just don't feel it goes with... It's one to one note with these fries.

Yeah, he's giving it his own shake. If you don't mind, just for my own satisfaction. I've tasted these, like I said last week. I don't know why I'm smelling the bag. It smells gone. Right, here we go. I'm reaching in. They feel coated.

Quite well coated. I'll say that for you. Yeah, it works. And it's quite toyish, isn't it? Oh, yeah. Yeah. It's actually quite powdery. It's quite powder

He sounded like another character there You know what I'll say You're right The flavour isn't all that strong But maybe that's to its credit The butteriness of the chip still comes through And kind of overwhelms the pickly bit But ultimately it's like really powdery

It's like you taste it On your tongue in lips And you've got this kind of dry residue Salty put Which you find unpleasant No no not unprecedented It's just a fact of eating it Which I don't know if it really sells it

I'm actually liking the more than now the second time I've tried them. There is like a garkin, a gurkin. I am a garkin. I come from the planet garkle. There is a very sour. They've got the sort of sour vinegariness. Yeah.

And the sweetness is there. And I think it's the sweet. They're a bit oversweet for me, I think. Maybe. But I think that's the actual fries themselves because they're quite buttery, sweet, oily, you know, as well. No, it's like the sugar. There's a sugaryness to the powder. A little bit, but I think that's just the salt.

You know, like when you add salt to chocolate and it like, like, draws out the flavour of both and makes it a bit more exciting. I think that's what's happening here. They're not bad, actually. I'm getting more from them this time. I don't know why. No, but they're all right. I think that's because they've cooled down.

Maybe. Who knows, but... I would say, on its own, the drink I would give out of five, I would give that three. Not too exciting, but it does what it says. It's fine. The gherkins, I would probably give 2.5. Gurkin fries.

They're not horrible. It's not like I've eaten them and gone, oh, I'm not going to finish that bag off. I could, I could finish them off, I think. Maybe. Oh, I don't know. I'm never ordered it again, put it that way. It feels like a gimmick too far.

Yeah, I'd give them maybe three. I mean, I like that lemonade. Yeah. I'd give it a four just because I love it as a whole concept. I love frozen lemonade. But I just want to make a comment here, Paul. Oh, here we go. Now, as a concept, though, shake of fries,

which you could have different types of flavour packs with, going forward, I think it's a great thing, you know? I like it. I like it as an option. That would be fun option. Yeah. You know, I don't know how you could implement it, but it could be something they could do seasonally.

Why not you just have like five different shaker fry flavors you can or, you know. Yeah. You see what I mean. Put them on the menu. Barbecue. Barbecue. Spicy paprika. Chili. Yeah, that's what I said. Yeah. That's what I said. Yeah. You said paprika, which is a lot softer. Which is type of chili. Yeah, but it's still a lot soft. I was thinking like red hot chili. I'm agreeing with you. I'm not. I'm agreeing with you. All right. Fucking cunt. Whoa. Green with me. Right. And now it's time for the dessert. I piff poff. I don't wish I'd say.

Really. There's no need. There isn't, no. So the dessert here is called a grumble pie. It is a crispy pastry filled with apple, cranberry and custard. I didn't see what it looked like until I looked at the image. But look at it. It's green.

It's a green thing with red and white bits in. You see, what I would have liked, Paul, what I think would have been more cohesive, thematically for McDonald's UK to have done with them. this, yeah? Like a British thing? No, they are, this is only a British thing. No, no, like a British IP. No, no. With this IP, the Grinch, right? Yeah. But you see they've got the Girkin that, mail in that, this is something else is the green. And then they didn't change the actual burgers. Why couldn't they've said gurkin flavour here and also a type of girk, maybe a gurkin

mayonnaise on the quarter pounded? Or what the bread was gherkinny? Yeah, or something like that. Something like that. That would, you know. But out of interest, is there like a British IP you could used instead. Thomas a tank engine? No, like a Christmas IP kind of thing. Could we have... Paddington is the big one, isn't it? Well, in the UK, right,

there was Raymond Briggs's Father Christmas book, stroke cartoon. Father Christmas is too real. Because he's a bloke in that. I don't know about it. Like, Melksmith does the voice. It's like, blooming Christmas. It's all that kind of thing, right?

I used to love the book. Could they have done something like that, like blooming Christmas thing? Yeah, you know what I mean? They could have. Because, no offence to Americans, but this is still very much an American IP. And there's so much American, like,

pop culture just like inseminating itself into us like elf on a shelf stuff yeah that was such an American thing and I was like all the British families are like oh the mummy daddy is must have an elf on the shelf yeah well there's a big cultural even to this day there's a big cultural uh influence from the states isn't it don't go over to America and see them going oh burger kings doing the carry on meal where you get a Sid James burger the Monty Python meal you know yeah or anything like that like it's a it would be in the Monty Python meal it would be a mallard flavoured Oh, crunchy frog and all that kind of stuff, yeah. It's not crispy chicken pellet.

It's like dead parrot nuggets or something. Yeah, I don't know. Dead parrot fillet burger. Get a happy meal in with like a wind-up foot that stops about. Slapped fish. Yeah, slap fish. A slap fish dinner. Something like that.

Yeah. You've got to just force it into someone's face. What were the goodies? I'm not a, what of their goodies meal? Oh, the goodies. That's an interesting one. What were their food jugs? You could do like a kitten Kong thing maybe.

You could do a cat burger. Pussy burger. A cat burger. Hairy Pussy burger. A cat burglar. Oh! Well, that is what the hamburglers are about. So I had the first bite of grumble pie.

Yeah, you go and I'll bite from the other end. Yeah, you bite one end of the grumble pie. What's it meant to be the flavours? It looks green. It looks like an apple. It was green. It was something like that. It's obviously, I've warmed it up, but obviously it's not as warm.

Smells all right. Well, they are, those pie things are traditionally burn your mouth, aren't they? So it's good that I could see some steam coming out. It's still warm. He's taking a bite. That's okay. I will say it's quite Christmassy. That's okay, honestly.

I was expecting that to be much worse than it was, but actually the custard works well. Okay, here's the thing that people probably know about me, but I'll say it again. I don't like hot fruit. No. I don't like hot fruit things. I don't like cherry pie, apple pie.

I just, it's not, for some reason, I find it off-putting. With that being said, I think the custard does a lot of work to make that palatable. It kind of offsets that tart sweetness of the cranberry and the apple. No, they work together, definitely.

My criticism It's crispy But it doesn't really have any Elasticity, the dough And I'm getting a sort of A doughnut flavour That's all right I like that

I'm going to say I like that doughnutty kind of pastry flavour Yes But at right of the back There's a sort of off oil Like it's in rancid oil There's a bitter

Right back at the note That I'm getting I'm sorry I didn't get that But fair enough I can obviously I can taste the sort of The oil it's been cooked in

Like a bit A little slightly rancid Bitters I prefer what they did last year I think it was last year It was like the Terry's chocolate orange pie where in the middle is just hot molten chocolate That's a fucking business

That's Paul's business He's a business business, he's going back He's enjoying it Well that's all fine As soon as you swallow That's when the problem start Yeah, I've heard that before But I enjoyed that

It's not my cup of tea I would never order that usually But for this It's Christmasy enough It's green Ah fuck it It's probably the most Well not the successful thing

But it's What's the best of these Grinch items We tasted the McShaker, Girkin-flavored fries, the melon swirl, grinch iced lemonade, and the grumble pie. I wonder what that comes from. He grumbles, because he's a...

Because miserable, grumble miserable. I mean, it also sounds like a sex euphemism as well. And also, you know, the word grumble to me has always seemed dirty. I had a bit of a grumble with it. You know what I mean? I got my cock out and a grumble mags. That's what they are called...

Grumble mags. I think that's even used in bottom, they call the grumble mags. That's where your association comes from. It's not where McDonald's got it from. Oh, actually, you know what? It might be botten told me that the word grumble can be dirty.

That's what I mean, yeah. Because they refer to grumble mass. It's a great word though, grumble. It's a lovely word. There's so many different sounds coming out of it. You've got the hard kind of gut-r-r-sounds and the um-b, you know what I mean? It's not like, it starts gruff and ends liquid. Blobbly.

It's like, it's hard at the front and then soft at the end. Like my penis. Like my... Your floppy flag. Floppy king's flag. Oh, you won't hang that from a lampost and your town squirt. I'll tell you what, though, if we get, if we get a, uh, stranded somewhere

on an island we could use it as a sail we could you just hold it up and I go yeah wind surf off it

we could do that or I could just put it over your head and try and eat you like a snake and hello for fun I would probably say

the fries because it's the only part of the menu that actually is the conceit which is he's out to ruin Christmas with Gherkins

something on it yeah whereas that's nice pie and that's nice drink and that are just coloured green yeah yeah

so the fries are kind of, it's only USP, apart from... Oh yeah, they're free gifts. So, yeah, you get a pair of socks when you order the Grinch meal and it comes in this little Christmas present wrapper, which I think's quite nice. Green and red.

Green and red. Which are the Christmas colours now? Property of the Grinch. These are going to be cheap shit that you'd get off wish or something, but I'd imagine they're just going to be like green socks with like Christmas trimming of some sort. You don't think they'll feature the Grinch in anyway.

I don't think they'll put his hand on it or his face. I think it'll just be like, it'll look bad stitching or, Green. Anyway, let's find out because I've purposely not tried to look at images of this.

Oh. I mean, they don't, oh, do you know what? They don't feel that cheap. Because you know you get those socks and they feel cheap, they feel almost like silky. Yeah, yeah.

These are, well, these are quite nice. One's a red sock. One's a green sock. Oh, look, that's quite a detailed Grinch's face. And there's a Grinch on it and then there's a Merri-Loo

or whatever. And a McDonald's ball. Oh, those are cool. And what does it say on the bottom? It just says, Property of the Grinch. Says it twice. Oh, no, does it?

Those are some Christmas... Oh, the Grinch was here. Yeah, on the other one. Those are some Christmasy socks, aren't like, yeah, they're good, yeah. No, they're a heavier weft. I thought they were going to be much shitter than that. No, that is good, isn't it? Yeah.

In terms of quality, that's a decent, they're decently warm as well, they feel. Oh, you'd hope so this time a year. And they've gone for, like, they don't match. They're proper Christmas party socks. I can feel the seam feels like it would dig into your toe a bit. Yeah, maybe, but... What do you expect for free socks? For free socks?

For free socks, they're right, aren't they? I'm not, yeah. I'm not complaining about it. that. I wish McDonald's would just stick to innovating along normal lines. You don't need these promotions. Bring that the filly cheese stack. Here's the thing you say that.

But without that experimentation, we wouldn't get the chili cheese stack, would we? You know, we wouldn't. I would have seen it. I've been eating McDonald's for years, man. I know, judging by your frame, I can see that. Also, this sock, mate. Doesn't it look like the end of my penis? It's almost got the exact same kind of

feel. It's not flappy and like a sleeve enough. Honestly, it's like that. So, all right, okay, I would say, Overall, fine gimmick, I think the socks, you know what? Yeah, it's fine. I wish they'd done something with a burger. Absolutely agree with you there. They could have done a gherkin-based thing with a burger. It feels incomplete without a burger.

Like a gurkin mayo, a green mayo, you know, like that. Anything. Even it was just like they'd made the buns green. That would have been part of. I know, but no. See, that's what I'm against, that sort of thing. I agree. But if you got, if you're going to actually have your Grinch meal and then your main part,

the burger is just a burger, then it feels incomplete as a concept. project. That's why, even if it was just a green bun, admittedly, it would be shit. At least it would tie it all together, is what I'm saying. Yeah. That's it. I'm not saying that's what I want. It feels a bit slapdash and piecemeal the way they've applied it to their menu. Yes. Doesn't it? Yeah. Yeah. So, anyway, long story short. Not bad, though. And that's gherking chips. All right. And at least now when people say, have you seen this on social media, I can say yes. It's episode four, six, five. I can't remember where we are. No more. No more, no more. No more.

Anyway, it's this week's episode. And that was this week's episode. No more. So now we're going over to the admin part of the podcast. You may want to turn off now because it's just admin, but who knows what might happen in the next few minutes. Eli might say Chodney Sparoff. I never say nothing like that.

You should bring that back. You've even forgotten what it was. Choddy Sparoff. You never give me a chance. And end. Hey, look, you'll find Cheaps here on YouTube, on Instagram, on all the other social media's. Facebook, but ultimately your one-stop shop, your beginning point is thecheapshow.co.

You can go there from that web page. There's loads of links to everywhere else on the internet or YouTube week fortnightly YouTube episodes called Cheapshots. We've got some coming up soon, some brand new ones. Oh. Cheapcher. You don't want my out, do you? You don't want my out. That's it.

The Cheapsher. That's it. The cheap shop, Paul. The important thing is our patrons because we've been going for nigh on 10 years, closing in on 500 episodes, and we couldn't have done it without the support of the people who back us on Patreon. That is patreon.com forward slash cheap show. And depending on how much you give a month, whether that be a little or a lot, there is loads of content there for you to wade through from bonus podcasts, night busing, early access to cheap shots, top tier video episodes, magazines when they come out behind the scenes videos. there is so much there for you to dig into and there's now 10 years of extra cheap show

so if you're listening to us for the first time and you're thinking, I'd like more of that well bugging my tight holes I guarantee you Patreon is another hot destination. We should also offer a screening of your first four-skin shadow play. Okay, yeah.

The title, I've got a title for it. Yeah. Waiting for Bollock. Oh, I like, I do like that. However, the problem is it's more like, you know, pulmonary of the penis. So it now needs to be like, No, it's not, Paul. They had fucking tight little foreskins.

The formulation of the foreskin. They had tight little foreskins. They did. They did. They had tight little foreskins. Jealous bastards. They had trim, very trim little foreskins. Dirty bastards.

They didn't do fast. So, so jealous. They don't have floppy. I'm so jealous of their tight, reserved, upright citizen foreskin. The Charlie Horse, yes, sir, I can boogie. Charlie Horse. Yes, sir, I can boogie. Salute the Major.

God bless the Admiral, tight, tight foreskins. I want one. You know what yours looks like? Mine looks like someone smashed in a worm with the heel of their boot. Mine looks like a nice and trim actually, by this. Does it? Yeah. I don't believe so.

I reckon your foreskin looks like... You've never seen it. It looks like a Jim Ensign puppet's mouth. That's what I think. It's like Fossey's gob. That's what I think it looks like. Actually, your penis could look like a vast array of puppets. All the puppets at once.

Even Sesame Street. mine looks like Big Bird Mine looks like Mr. Snuffaloficus Yeah, that's probably true as well Actually, if I could describe your penis As anything on Sesame Street Mr Snuffaloicus is probably right up there Possibly followed by Oscar the Grouch next

That would be your balls Whereas I'm Big Bird This is the worst episode we've ever done for Is it? This is the worst outro improv we've ever done Is it? Real bad You're already grasping

You've been grasping all the episodes I'm just trying to I'm too hot in it Compare and contrast I know it's cold outside Do not think you have like a problem with your body then? You always say this

It's quite chilly in here right now. I'm sweating. You're probably going to have a stroke. I'm not having a stroke. Go on, have a stroke. All right. Have a stroke. Have that kind of stroke.

Whatever stroke you want, mate. I'll watch either. Either or. I bet lots of people have... Yeah, this is awful. This is awful. I bet lots of people have had strokes whilst they were given with themselves a stroke. Well, if that's you, comment below this episode.

We'd like to know how you got on. Oh, yeah, this is pretty bad. Oh, you have some of that lemonade. Let's have some... You have some of that lemonade. That'll call me down. Thank you. There you go.

I will see you next week. It's the run-up to Christmas, so I think we're out and about next week, aren't we, Mr. Silverman? Thank God. And the office Christmas parties two weeks away. Oh, we're going to celebrate big time this year. Me and Eli, big-time party dudes.

So we're looking forward to Christmas this year. Oh, boy, howdy. Oh, you know, I've given up all sentences when old boy howdy comes out. Not old boy. Old boy howdy. Barney with old boy howdy. And now I used to live around here

You're on the great gold rush of 1847 And now I sit in here with my spittuna Don't got nothing anymore in the day So you need to if you'd like to get in the back of the van In the back of this van? This van here Yeah, I'll get in the back of this rain right now Where's my mama?

Where's my mama gone? My mama, where's my mama gone? In the back of this round, you see That's what I said, I'll drive. You're going to drive now? Where's my mama? What is the name of it? for this character, by the way.

Old boy, how old boy, how oldie? Oh, yeah. Where my mum are gone? He's an old man who thinks he's still got his mum, and he lives in the old west. He's a prospector or something. Oh, good, yeah. I'm working on the character.

This is boring. This is bad. I'm old boy, howdy. Oh, it's wrong. It's wrong. I'm in the back of this van. I'm in a suit, suit. I really hope it's better next week, everybody.

I don't know. I just think it's to the end of the year, like lethargy. I just think we're tired, and I'm tired of you. I'm tired of you. Oh, it's not the best way to end, is it? But it is how we're ending it.

So goodbye, see you next week.