CheapShow - Ep 469: Hello New Listener

Episode Date: January 9, 2026

Hello New Listener! Are you new to CheapShow? Well, why not use this episode of the economy comedy podcast to dip your toes into the warm, inviting waters of thrifting, charity shops and snacks! Let the charming, witty hosts, Paul Gannon & Eli Silverman take you by the hand and present an edition of the podcast that gives you a little bit of everything CheapShow has to offer! There is nothing weird, unsettling, off-putting or inappropriate about this show. Nope. It’s a perfectly normal thing to listen to! This week, we review some gummy snacks, a Nissin special edition instant noodle pot with a pumpkin spice twist, a Pepsi gingerbread concoction, listen to a few vinyl discoveries ranging from Disney disco to BBC story time adventures, and we also have to time to cram in a book that alleges to show you how to cheat at cards! It’s a packed show – and we promise it’s just as good as all those other comedy podcasts that you’ve heard about. Honest. See pics/videos for this episode on our website: https://www.thecheapshow.co.uk/ep-469-hello-new-listener www.patreon.com/cheapshow If you want to get involved, email us at [e-mail] For all other information, please visit: www.thecheapshow.co.uk Like, Review, Share, Comment... LOVE US! MERCH Official CheapShow Magazine Shop: www.cheapmag.shop Send Us Stuff: CheapShow PO BOX 1309 Harrow HA1 9QJ

Right, well, take it easy this week. We're back in the saddle after a few weeks off. New year, new possibilities, new cheap show. I've got merch lined up. Have you heard of Labuboos? Have you heard of Labuboos, Eli? No. Labubos are those weird little hairy creatures with baby faces with rabbit ears.

Like this. Like this. Don't point at New Willie and say, does your penis look like a Labubu? Because actually you know what it does. It does. Like this. Yes, like that.

Like what I have here. Like this. Like your sad little troll nubbing face. knob end. Poor. Your penis that looks like an extra from the film Labyrinth.

Poor. Your penis that looks like a creature from the dark crystal. A luboo riding a beach ball. Yes. How about that? Anyway, I've got this cheap show once. He takes part in his own degradation.

Get in the filth. It's a new year. Get right in the trough. Oh, bollocks rolling down the trough like a pair of big wheels. Oh, Paul's trying not to laugh. No, I'm trying not to listen. It's a subtle difference.

Picking up the pig swill on my roly hairy balls. Anyway, I'm going to do cheap show Labuboos, and they're going to be called La Poo Poo's. That's the joke. I'm sorry. You just came up with it. No, I was sitting on that for weeks. You were sitting on it?

Weeks and weeks and weeks had the Poooo Poooo gag, and what's that show for it? I think La Pooos, I mean, Labubos have spent their load, haven't they? Yeah. You didn't even know what they are, though. I do know what they are. I do you now. Of course I know what a little.

A looo is. You're so six seven. Get with it. Don't say that. You're so six, seven. Anyway, this is Cheap Show. It's a podcast. It's a podcast based around finding the joy in cheap things.

And it's called Cheap Show. It's a show about cheap things. And I'm Paul Gannon. Secondhand cringe. And that's Eli Silverman. And we're just going to... Are you doing the intro before the intro again? Yeah.

This is the cold open, man. Get loose. Get jazzy. Do you want to work? Yeah. Work on my balls, roll down the trough. And there's all a load of swilly. in the trough. It smells bad.

Yeah. Sticks my nards. Yeah, baby. Getting a rat, Rex in. Yeah. I'm actually quite unwell. Want to say something about that?

I want to say something about that? If you're playing the cheap show bingo, now cross off your R.R. Well, card. Yeah, I'm really under the weather. I've had a nasty bug, Paul, and I believe it's one that you had. And I think that book...

That happened to a friend of mine at work at the other day at Broadcasting House. What happened? The English map fell on them. They were under the weather. Because the English map, la pooh, la pooh. Sorry, the English map fell on them. The map fell under the weather.

Because the people who did the weather. Yeah, but the weather map fell on them. Yes, but you didn't say weather map. I was trying to hide it so the gag wasn't obvious. Snip, snip, snip. Well, how many podcasts do you know that happily run through their creative podcast, often to at fault? What are you talking about? I am Paul Cannon, and this is the cheap show podcast of Eli Silverman.

The information content of what you say has gone right down. This show happens now. Press the fucking credit. Dorses and words and phrases. Two things I'm responsible for. I hate you. I got to be useful posse. Cheap show to.

Well, Paul, consider me warmed right up a treats, yes. Yes, I am warmed up. We're fighting fit and ready for 2026 to throw what it can at us because Cheap Show, all boy baby, do the wheels stay on. Brum, brum, brum, chiepsho. Take your picks for 2026. You know who I'd pick, Paul?

Me and you and Cheap Show. Yeah, 2026 can suck all of our dicks. That's the catchphrase for us this year. Suck our dicks. It's 2026. Because they did have survived till 25 back in 24, didn't they? Yeah, but what did 24 have? I don't know.

I don't know no more in 2024. That's what it was. Anyway, it's 2026 right now. And it's time for a cheap show. What we thought we do today is. I was going to say, Paul, I was going to say, if you could just stop you there. Go on.

I was going to ask what we've got coming off on the show today, Paul. New Year, New Horizons, I thought what we do is, as case as a new listener, jumping in, going, oh, what's this cheap show? Shall we welcome. Yeah, let's say hello to any new listeners. Hello, new listener. If you're a new listener, and this is your first episode. Welcome.

Welcome to the most normal podcast you will ever hear. Please come in, make yourself come here. Sit down. You're on the cushy-cush. Not there. That, yeah, there. Sit there. On the cushy-cushy, on the little doily.

On the cushy, cushy, are you comfy? Is your bum, bum comfy on the cushy, new listener? Oh, nice and snagly on the cushy! Why don't you, why don't you take your shoes off? Get comfy. Go on, take your shoes off. You don't want to wear your coat. Take your coat off too.

Oh, get it off, new listener. Get them all off. Sorry. I'll tell you what, why do you just do a couple of buttons? It's warm in here. Oh, we're abusing the new listener. Take your trousers off. Take your pants down.

Oh, this... Come on, new listener. You know what, this podcast. Listener, show me your genitals. Right. I need a goatee from the new listener or else we're not going on. We're not going on until one of yours. No, we're not doing it.

I'm not going to ask someone to take a picture of their gaping arse or pulled apart with their hands. That's what a goatee is. It is. Where does that come from? Goatsey. I used to know and now I don't. It's one of those facts best forgotten.

Yeah, it is. It's one of those facts that you don't really need to know unless you're in the world's worst pub quiz. No, what I thought we do is. coming up on the show. He's done the noise. New listener, if you're all right after that or deal. I'm passing the new listener on the head and saying,

go below a little bit lower. As you're down there, that's what you always say. Why are you down there, new listener? Come on, come on, come on. So I just thought what we do is a little smorgasbord of things we do on the podcast, like a little, like a finger buffet, like a taster table. Yes, but for us it would be more of a sprawl, just board. No, yeah, you should be.

I actually think you should be. I should be very sorry. I should be sorry. I should be sorry. I never apologise. I know, that's why you should be sorry. Should be sorry about that. Eat these gelatinous treats off my splodgers board.

Right, good. Anyway, new listener. Thank you. Thank you. Welcome in, sit down. Get on the splodgers board, new listener. Sorry, I'm quite excited. I would just like to add at this point,

before we go any further, Eli, I would like to draw your attention to my Ghostbusters board. Because I added just one new badge And I'd like to know if you can spot it I have a large selection of pin badges New listener I'm an avid collector of them But specifically Ghostbusters pin badges

And even more specifically Variations on the famous no ghost logo That's what's going to say Give me a look like It's a new, it's a new variation On the logo Rather than just a Yeah yeah yeah

I see there's stuff that isn't strictly the logo That has crept onto your Ghostbusters board Yeah I'll put a picture of this on the website Go on what do you think I've got many I'll say it's it in the lower off. Did you get it over Christmas? Yeah, got poster to me.

Well, I say poster, I bought it. I don't know why I've made it sound like it was a fucking present. Oh, is it the Mario Boos one? Yeah, it's the Mario Boo Ghost. That one there, yeah, the Mario Booghost in the No Ghost logo. I was very taken with that when I saw it. Very nice. I've got another similar one.

That's the Pac-Man one there, isn't it? That's a Pac-Many one. But there's also another similar one which is a boo ghost somewhere, but I can't see it. What? Ring. Oh, yeah. You could have her coming over the bar. I bet you there is one.

Yeah. See what I mean? Clay Cawing out of the TV. That is a good idea, actually, that one. Thank you. I'm surprised that one hasn't been done. Oh, you can have that for free, everyone. Etsy person.

Etsy person. You listener, Etsy listener. Oh, they're not the new listener. It looks like the new listener's gone to sleep. They've gone to sleep while they're asleep. Oh, come. Come on, you listener, why you sleep. Paul, come on.

We can't do this. They're asleep. They don't know. They've found our podcast boring while they were listening to it. They've gone sleepy bye-by-bye. And then so what you suggest to me? Now it's time. What have we got coming up?

I need to distract you from that. What, A? That train of thought. What train of thought? The train of the meat train into poo-poo hole. That wasn't the thought. Meat train into poo-poo tunnel. Just for the record, that wasn't the thought.

This is the meat train pulling into poo-poo tunnel. Pooh-poo! Here comes the pink meat train, chattling down the track. A bakerloo line has got more than one inference now, hasn't? Especially because it's the brown line. The bacon-loon line. The bacon-lew? Because you get your bacon in it

You got a fat slithery cock That looks like a fucking otter's gob I don't know what What? You've done it again You went off You went too far off It's a podcast about cheap things

And we're going to present A bunch of cheap things How much of the otter's gob? Shut up It just sounded funny The word the phrase otter's gob It sounded funny That was all

Thank you Oh she had a fanny like a otter's gob I don't know what that means But I like saying it Anyway So for the rest of this episode we'll be giving you a little taste of some of the segments that we do on the show in miniature. And we'll be a good beginning.

I can't know. Not a good start this. Listen, I'm sorry about the mucoids, everyone. Sorry about the mucoids. Doctor, doctor, doctor, who are these? These are the mucribes. We are the mucoids. They're snotty creatures that have a gelatinous form.

And splodulate. And they splodulate, yeah. All right. You couldn't even say to jack. They did say ejaculate, didn't they? When they're trying to get them out of spaceship or something. They didn't say ejaculate on Doctor Who. I bet they did it after hours special just for the Christmas party one.

Doctor Blue. Yeah. There was a porn Doctor Who. Yeah, but that's a porn Doctor Who. Yeah, but you can imagine the Daleks say ejaculate there, don't they? I've been in Doctor Who, so... No, you haven't. You've been in one of the ancillary knockoff adventures.

I went straight to VHS and the 90s during the wilderness years of the series. It's going to breathe. I've got to breathe. It's canon, man. It's not canon. It's pure canon. It's not canon. I'm closer to the doctor than you.

Well, who cares? Actually, that's not even true. Because we both know Sue's Kempner, and she was in real Doctor Who. Okay. She was in the universe of Canon Doctor Who. Well, it's certainly is big finish. And she's been on the show. And she's been on the show.

So even by your own metric, you're wrong. Okay. All right. Have you met a doctor? I never met a doctor in my life. Woo-hoo. That explains a lot. Right.

Should we crack on then? Yeah. Now in the show, on the podcast, we like to have a bit called Paul's Page Turner's Rive, bought a book for cheap in a charity shop online, whatever it is, but in a massive discounts, and we talk about it, and we have a quick read and a skim of it, and we see if it's worth the pennies or pounds we've spent. But this week, oh, I've got to take it back. Eli's in charge of the book this week, and we're going to call this segment instead.

What? Hello, everybody. Please come in. I like books. My name's Eli, and you come into the... E library. E library. Hello. Now the door will shut by itself. No, you don't.

Leave the door. I'm trying to give you one of those like 70s kids storybook music kind of things. Why are you doing a voice, by the way? It's your own segments. Hello. Right. Is the E.I. Who reads books some kind of mental half-wit?

The Eli inside me is a. mental half-wit. Well, the outside shows off a lot of them too. It's all half-wits. Now, this book, Paul, is called What? How to Cheat at Cards. Yeah. And catch your friends doing it. Right. It's from 1971, I believe. The author is A.D. Livingston. It's a nice big hardback, nice 70s hardback. You know what I mean? There's a type of hardback that is specific to the 70s, and this reeks of it. I've got some ghost-thumping books that look like that. It's that great big, oh, killer dog with a book books. Yes. It's a lovely, It is actually a lovely edition, you're right.

And it's got a nice, it's quite good Nick, and it's got the sleeve. The sleeve there. And it's got lovely photos throughout illustrating how to cheat at cards. Now, obviously, you wouldn't sell this now. In fact, I looked into this. Imagine you'd been playing cards with your mate for like the last 15 years on the street. Oh, Gary's a bit of a good run.

Yeah. You know, it's fun. And he puts some little nibbles out and everything. But I am down £3,000 over the last six years. Gary doesn't. And then one time he goes, oh, the toilet's not working. Go down to the one in the den.

And you see this. You know what I mean? You see this book. Gary, what's this book? You what? There's a book down here. It's called Out at Winnet cards. Cheat cards.

It says cheat right in the title. And then your friends as well. Yeah, don't know about that, mate. So this is the pattern. And when you see things about casinos as well, it's always how to catch cheats. Yeah. And this is how they do it.

And this guy's obviously an expert, an ex cheat. That's who they get to do it. the back there of the author. What's his name? J.D. What? What's his name? J.D. Livingston. Oh, I presume. He comes from the land where card sharpers traditionally have met with summary justice. Oh. His mission in life is to save us all from being suckers. See, that's how you frame it. That sounds like a female cop show. He's been playing poker. He's been playing poker since he was 12. Fuck him, then. And has written about the game for Life magazine and Sports Illustrated.

Is that a name you knew by any chance? No, I looked it up. It's funny. I'll get to that in a second. All right. I just wanted to mention. These are bicycle cards that he uses throughout. Right. And it's like dice as well, how to look. It's how to load a dice. It's proper stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's close almost to being like a card magic book, right? Yes. Because a lot of card magic is dexterity and how to control a pack, right? Yeah, no, it is like a mechanics manual. Yeah. You know, a card mechanic is one of these people who is basically what you'd call a close-up magician now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But they do it for, you know, cheating, dealing seconds.

Look, there you go. There's an illustration. here of a card feeding machine up the sleeve. Look at that. Which you kind of hard to believe was ever a thing that they got away with. No, people do that. I know, but it's surprised anyone got away with it. Yeah, I love things like this.

Because you're sitting there at the card table. It's like, do you want to stick or twist, sir? And you're sitting there and all you hear is a twang. I'm going to stick, thank you very much. Yeah. Four aces, twang. Twang, twang, twang. That would be good scene, actually.

Yeah. So I thought as well, look, there's a signature here on the first point. I thought it was signed. Yeah, but it's not because it looks like the name's Rafferty Williams or something. I got this real cheap and it goes for quite a lot of this. This is a very collectible genre of book. Yeah. Card books.

It was given to Oxfam, right? Yeah. Can I have a look at that one second? Thank you. Because again, I love the colour of the... What kind of chat? It's beautiful. Here are the card sharper's tricks.

Is that a word? Card sharper? Yeah. Not card shark. Card sharper. No, a shark is someone who is in a game of cards who is very good. A shark. Oh, is that what that means?

Yes. I thought that meant a con man. you have a shark and then the fish in a poker game, the fish are the suckers. Does that mean whales? Sharks and fish. Yes, the whale is a big fish. A big spender. Yeah. No, so whale is a massive dolphin.

Obviously it's not biologically accurate, but a whale is a massive fish in that he'll lose a load. Yeah. And they're also known as VIPs. Yeah, I'm a shark dolphin. Shut up. You get off. You get off from reading. Here are the card sharpest tricks, the marked cards, the shifty cuts, false shuffles and haymaker stacks.

What's a haymaker stack? I do not know. But a stack, that's when you stack the deck. Because haymakers is like when you punch someone, isn't it? It's the knockout. So you stack the deck. You build up the game until it's all on one last big pot and that's when you stack. I think that's what I think that must be, the haymaker.

I would like you to respond to the next few sentences. Let me finish them. I generally want your interesting point of view on this. Bridge, the author considers, is the world's most crooked game. Blackjack is a dealer's game. Stud poker and Gin Rummy have many a curious twist to them. What do you think about that? Yes, absolutely.

Why is it the most crooked game? You play in pairs, teams of two. Do you? But you're not allowed to talk about what's in your hand to the other person. Right. In your team. So there's all of these things that get developed to how you signal. Secret rules.

Like a Twitch or whatever. I think that's what it means. I'm just going to play this hand. But in those games, sometimes it becomes an actual card that if you play, if you've got like the Jack of Diamonds and you play it in a certain way, that signals something and that's accepted. It's like a convention. Do you see what I mean? Yeah. Anyway, just let me finish this off to so people get an idea because it's a thick book. We're not going to get into it really. But the author touches too on the interesting potential of roulette,

craps and other dice games. All these techniques are displayed in a series of unique photographs that show as never before how the dreadful deeds are done. If you want to cheat at cards, be warned. Don't give this book to your friends. They too will know what a kippitzer is and how to book Canuckie... How to book I can tucky step up. That sounds so dirty. What a Kibitsa?

Kibitsing is... K-I-B-I-T-Z-E-R. Isn't that Kibetzing is... No. Isn't that when someone's playing a game and you're giving your two penceworth? I'm going to have a look. I'm going to look it up, you can't.

What does it say? I said a little earlier that the poker player should shield his hand from Kibitzers who can give a hand away even without intending to cheat. Yes, Kibz is someone who stands outside of the game and gives his two penceworth. It's a Yiddish word.

If you gamble at these games at high stakes, it's best to bar out all Kibitzers. Yeah. Why is that, though? Why should that be a good thing? Because there are people who just stand around and they can give away what you're doing, inadvertently. Oh, he says here, I don't really feel sorry for the victim in this case, because there's obviously a little story beforehand,

because I believe that each player should shield his cards from peekers and Kibitzers in a poker game. Yes. Besides, the pigeon was going to lose his money anyway, and Goosneck just got it over with fast. What's Gooseneck? Just the person. It's like convoy speak. Like, breaking night.

Now we've got a kibit's around the whole loots and a goose neck coming up on the ag 95. A pigeon's another word for fish or loser in the poker game. So it's a lovely thing, isn't it, actually? It's a lovely document. You should read that before you get rid of it. And it's so in depth, isn't it? Yeah. But I like it because it's got a point of view.

It's not just the kind of bare-bone scientific, the nuts and bolts. Here's a guy who's got a point of view on cheating and card marking and all this kind of stuff. Now, it's too much of a manual for ne'er-do-wells, isn't it? And I believe the title was changed in letter editions of this book, not from how to cheat, but emphasising the how to catch cheats thing. Right. Rather than how to cheat. Because you don't want to encourage people to cheat a card.

No. It's a bad thing to do. It's theft. It ruins the game for everyone. It's theft. And it's theft. You get killed. Anyway, AD Livingston has a lot of books.

Yeah. Nonfiction, all nonfiction. Yeah, cool. But most of his books are about a different subject than card games or cheating or casino games. What do you think that is? So that isn't in the same ballpark? It's something completely different. All we talk is something adjacently similar.

No, completely different. What do you think it might be, though? It's a big subject in nonfiction, a massive one. I mean, is it historic? Is it history? Is it history-based? Is it like dinosaurs? Is it the Tudor?

I'll start reading out the list on Waterston's if it's books. Well, give me the title then, yeah, and I'll see if I can guess from that. Unless the first title is my interest in history. It literally is jerky. Make your own delicious. Oh, well, there you go, that explains that. So it's like meat products. Yeah, basically, bass on the fly.

That's about bass fishing. Yeah, got it. Strictly steak, a cookbook. Right. The Wantsworth Guide to Edible Plants and Animals. That's good. I was thinking about getting that. Venison cookbook.

Oof. Comodgant's book of skillet cooking. Duck and goose cookbook. It's diverse and yet sad. Cast iron cooking. Venison cook book. Cold smoking and salt curing meat. Fish and game.

Yeah. And then what? How to Cheat It Cards? Cast iron cooking. A.D. Livingston's Big Book of Meat. That's a euphalism. You'll love this next one, a book simply titled Sausage.

Yeah, ice. And chili. A.D. Livingson sausage. Mastering the cast iron skillet. He loves skillet. He's a dude, isn't he? He's a fucking skillet. He's a man who drinks hard liquor, plays cards.

Yeah, cheats of cards. Thicketts in the planet. Venison. Venison cookbook. Poker wit and wisdom. Oh. Whole grain cookbook. Fish and game cookbook.

This is really is a shellfish cookbook. He is really a cross. Sausage. And there's a paperback of sausage as well. I was going to say, I don't want a hard back sausage. I didn't see it there, but there is a,

I think that there is enough. The rename of it. There's a rename one. But interesting thing. Also, one other mention, these kind of books are very collectible these days

about cards because poker people collect those kinds of. And it reminds me of a very famous poker book, Mike Caro's book of Tells, which is about things that poker players give away their hand,

little twitches or whatever, things they do. William. William Tell. Yeah. Big book of tales. Wogan's in there as well, isn't it? Wogan Tell. You know, they used to call what Wogan Tell.

The old Terry, tell, old tell. So William Tell, Wogan. What else can I do? No, I'm not cutting this bit. This is one of the wittiest bits of the podcast. Mike Carrow's book of tells, similarly, has a load of photographs, similar to this. Penn and Teller, the magicians, that's another tell. Who else have I got him yet? Tell. I don't want to do the rest of the episode now, Paul.

Tell, Tell, Tell, Tell, Tell, Tell. Paul, I don't want to do the rest of the episode now. Trens Trent Darby, Kiss and Tell. That's a song that he wrote, I think. It's not. Wishing well. No, wishing well. Something like that.

It wasn't not called Kiss and Tell. It was something like that. And I'm sticking to it. Hey, hey, I told the police. Yeah, there we go. Sticking to it. I told the police. They wouldn't believe me when I told...

They wouldn't believe me when I told them. I'd written my autobiography on flypaste. Why don't you just buy a big dog and go full Bernie Winters? But that's my story and I'm sticking to it. Right. Everybody, I'm sticking to it because it's on fly paper. Yeah, no, we got it. And we heard it weeks ago.

Have you got a joke? Yeah. Go on. How many fingers does it take to fill up a, fill up a man's asshole? Hey? Oh, five. Five. No, because one's a thumb.

Ha, ha, ha, ha. Oh. Oh, well, I wasn't ready. It wasn't prepared. Have you got something to bring to the party? No, that was it. Just your one book, a page turner. A good book.

I would give this four out of five as a book, yeah. Snip, snip, snip. Honestly, snip, snip, sniff. What would you give it? What would you give it out of five then, eh, as a book? A 4.5. 4.5. It's a good, you're going to read it as well.

No. Why not? You might learn something. I know quite a lot about that subject. Yeah, but you didn't know some of the things we were talking about. We opened it up briefly then. So why not? Learn.

Learn. I've read a whole book called... Oh, well done. So don't buy this book if you want to cheat at cards because... Don't cheat at cards. These days, you hear stories about... It still goes on, like, very high-tech, like, marked decks, but they're special glasses. Oh, right.

People have special glasses on. That will see the pattern on the cards. Yeah. And it's literally just coming off the deck. Like, to what card it is. Way back when we did digitiser, Biffo and I had a Nintendo pack of cards, which had that very thing built in the backs of them. You had a patent that you could only see with these little glasses,

these little blue rins glasses things. It's quite a basic technology, but I think they've done high-teched it. Yeah. To the max extreme. Right. Now on for the next segment. That's what I meant when I said, have you got what you bring to the party? Let's go over this sort of thing.

Right? Into the next link. Yeah. All right. I'll do something like, I'll go like this. I'm at a party. Here's the scenario, yeah. What's that?

Cheese and cheese and pineapple. Oh, what have they got to drink? Oh, that's quite flat. Hello! What are you going to bring to the party? Well, come over here. I've got something a little special. In fact, we can play it.

It's a little bit of music. Do do, do, do, do, do, do I hate you. Hate that. Play me. Hate that. Awful suggestion. I know. Well, he can't all be winners, mate.

No, we should at least try once. Right, so we're not going to do a bit called Silverman's platter, except Twistie, twisty, twisty, Silverman hasn't got the platter. It's, uh, Paul's, uh, vinyl. our music. Paul's pop. Paul picks pop.

Paul. Paul pickers. Pit pop. Pit pop. Paul, pop, Paul. Paul, Paul. That works for me. Pole pot, pick pocket, pull, pick pops.

Right, here we go. So, someone sent us a lovely PO box. Oh, you got a letter there. And in it was a number of vinyl records of the 12-inch variety. New listener, I think you've woken up. Just wipe the sleep from your eyes. There you go. And the rest.

Here, have a tissue. Do you want to? Here's a sponge. New listener, lots of people, believe it or not, do send cheap show stuff to our PO box and it forms a great big hunk of the content that we do on the show, Paul. Yes, and if you go to our website or you're looking to the description of this podcast on the app you're listening to, the PO box address is in there for you. Anyway, and I've received a load of great stuff of various cheap show listeners over the Christmas period.

Got those two tomy toys. Yeah, we got, big track we got for the Christmas. Yes, we looked out, boyo. Oh, blimey. Anyway, cheap show. Hello. Says Jake. Cheap show.

First of all, just have to say how much the live show was. How much the live show was? God, I'm sorry. We just have to say how much fun the live show was. You didn't say fun the first time. Yeah, but it was implied. What do you mean it was implied?

How much the live show was? What they were fucking complaining about the price? I just want to say how... It was quite good for what it was, actually, Jake. How much was it? Fifteen quid or something? What? What was it?

A live show? It was like a tenor or something It was a tenor? In this economy Right How much the live show was First off I just want to say how much fun

The live show was I'm great to sit and chat after I mentioned How about you shut up And let me read the letter Or I will punch you On your labyrinth tip It means you will eat

I don't know Fucker God Do you want to have a breather for a moment I'll breathe you You breathe my farts in Do you want to eat my farts You want to eat my farts

Right out my ass I'm going to be a Hot You want a phosphorous this soda fountain. I want to truffle on your buttons. This is going to be the worst episode. Well, just shut up then.

Let me read the letter. I will. That is to be normal for a bit then. Yeah? Please continue. I mentioned when we were talking most of these records a while ago on the Patreon. Rescuers, Mickey Mouse Disco,

Mary, Mungo and Midge all came from a charity shop in Cleethorps. Or maybe Grimsby, difficult to know where one start to the other finishers. I think it was just a pound for all three. May have remembered that was wrong. Anyway, it was a while ago.

And also, there's a flexion here for you, I think you like, and a Play School LP that I found in British Heart Foundation shop at the weekend. Jake. So, here's the thing. He sent us some of the albums are over here. All right, so on top here, he's... Oh, BBC Records, Mary, Mungo and Mitch. I've not heard of that.

It's a 70s animation show, yeah. It was... I've never seen that. It's hard to describe, but it's basically like cute friends playtime kind of vibe. You know, it's that thing. For a children's record, The LPs in quite good condition. Yeah.

Often they're the worst. And it was on the BBC. And I presume it's just like a story book on vinyl of some of their adventures. Yes, because you have banned one, the letter, band two, the fairground. Presumably those are those stories. Did I look at that myself? Your favourite shows from the BBC TV, the letter the crane fairground, the toy shop. Yeah, what's it say?

Four stories. Created by John Ryan, who has adapted to the scripts for this stereo recording production. Original scripts by Daphne Jones. Nice thing. Mary writes a letter to her. and gives it to Mungo and Midge to poach. Who what? Post.

Midge is curious to know how a letter gets to its destination. It decides to find out. Mary, Mungo and Midge. Live in this town. They live with Mary's mother and father in this tall block of flats. They live right at the top. There are eight flats built on top of each other. Mary, Mungo and Midge live in the flat with the flat with the flat.

flowers growing in the window box. There's Mary. There's Mungo. And there's Midge. Mary Mungo and Midge have a large sunny room to play in, a room full of games and toys and picture books. Mary's always very busy. She's always got something to do. Today she's writing a letter to her grandmother to thank her for a birthday present. Mungo is helping her. He's a wise old dog, so old and wise that he can usually help Mary with whatever she's doing. He's holding the paper down to make it easier for Mary to write. Mary's other friend is Midge Mouse. He's usually very difficult to find because he's very small and runs very quickly. He's very inquisitive. That means he's always trying to find out things. What does he want in that toy lorry? Ah, his flute. Midge likes music. He likes it so much that he's

learned to play a flute, but he only knows one tune so far. You listen. I wish that would learn another tune. At least we know where he is. So I think Mungo is the dog as the mouse and Mary is the Mary. That would make sense. Yeah. Yeah. So that's nice.

BBC records, lovely. Next up, The Rescuers, original soundtrack. I love these things. Story and songs from the film. Yeah. Now, where does the rescuers fit into the whole story of the 90s Disney Renaissance?

Well, this is 70s. Was this a hit? I think it was a minor hit. The thing about Disney is, A lot of their films that people forget, even though they were classics, some of them weren't successes at the box office. Like, I think, like, Sleeping Beauty was not a success. And Pinocchio wasn't huge.

Well, here's the thing. It must have been somewhat of a success because in the 90s, or the late 80s, they made the rescuers down under, which was a sequel, which is a rare thing for Disney to do at the time. A theatrical release of a sequel. I think it came out after Basil the Great Mouse Detective. I remember, I'm looking at the back here, and there's a seagull that they fly around on.

I remember his character. It's got a few famous voices in. This is also one of the few days. Disney films that would have up front and centre famous voices. Like I think Bob Newhart is one of the characters in it. So you've got with the talents of Bob Newhart as Bernard, Eva Gabor, as Bianca, Joe Flynn. You know who that is? As Mr Snoops.

And Geraldine Page as Madam Medusa. See, I recognise some of those names. Madam Medusa very much a sort of Corella DeVille sort of template there. It's a similar kind of story. To the 101 Downation. Yeah, similar. Not exactly the same. It's unfair to say it's the same, but similar. Coming to video for the first time. Disney's original classic The Rescuers.

It's Bernard and Bianca on their very first rescue mission to save Penny from Madam Medusa. Put me down, broodagh. It's runaway fun and soaring Disney adventure. How do you have to money go? On land, on sea and in the air. Charge! It's Walt Disney's original classic, The Rescuers, coming this fall to video cassette for the first time. Let's just check the condition.

Now this is a Pickwick record And who owned Pickwick? Because didn't they They were the ones Who released Disneyland Records in the UK? That seems to be the case. Yeah, no, Pickwick, there's all sorts of stuff

Turn up on it, similar to labels like charisma or MFP. Yeah. They are budget British record companies, basically. But I'm just trying to figure out who the daddy company of Picnic was.

Pickwick. Pickwick. I said Pickwick. He said Picwick just now. I said Picque. No, I didn't. I said Pickwick. I'm pretty sure.

I hope I didn't say picnic. I'm going to die. Well, you all going to die, Paul. Yeah, people are going to listen back to this and say, what's the fucking point? Right. Now, I'm checking your picnic. Hey, oh, I'm getting it now.

I'm checking whether Pickwick has some kind of ownership. The Hyde Industrial Estate, the Hyde, London. No. It could be anything. It might be an independent one who might get the license. International. Oh, maybe it is. No, they're like a budget one.

They do kids staff. They obviously have got the Disney license. They got the Disney license. Because like half of those, you can't see them, but I've got records on them a table, which are all the book and tapes Disney ones. Yes. They're all on Pickwick, are they?

Yeah, and these are the ones with, say tape, but these are ones that come with the vinyl records, not the cassettes. And they're Disneyland releases. Yeah, book and, not book and tape, but book and record. They're nice things if they're in good condition. I love those. Those are in good, if they're in good condition, but the problem was that often their books would have colour in bits.

Like them sometimes did, yeah. And then they're almost always destroyed by obviously a child. This is in lovely condition as well. Not bad. Anyway, what's the last one? None of these are the ones I really wanted to talk about. I just wanted to say thank you. I'd have a quick look and say thank you.

Jake. That's in lovely. Here's the one. Here's the one that... Oh, it's actually talking about. Months ago, maybe even a year or so ago, Eli bought a vinyl and then was sad to learn that inside was not the vinyl he thought he bought. Well, now you can own the Walt Disney Productions Mickey Mouse Disco vinyl album by Pickwick.

Jake sent this as well? It's part of the same patch, yeah. Oh, it feels quite lightweight. Yeah, because it's, you know, it's a cheap pressing. But not bad, I've played it, and it sounds fine. This is more bashed up than the other ones. But to be fair, still... But it exists.

Yeah. But it still sounds fine. This is on Pickwick. Yeah. Disneyland. Mickey Mouse Disco. And basically, in the heat of the disco craze, like 70s, early 80s. Everyone jumped on.

And including Disney. So this album is a collection of sound-a-like disco hits that aren't quite the hits you know, but are close enough. And then they all have Disney characters like front and center. So they're Nick bits from a like. It's like macho duck on this track is almost but not quite the village people was macho man. Macho Man. Macho Man.

Yeah. But it's not quite the. the same song. It's different enough. But some of these are like old school Disney numbers, such as, it looks like they've finished both sides with an old school Disney number. You've got Zippa da... Zippa Duda. Zippity Duda.

Which is from songs from the south, the very contentious Disney live action animation across. Zippity Duda seems to be okay to these days. The thing about Zippity Duda is that the song almost became bigger than the film. And it was used by Disney in general for its TV shows. And like, famously, the theme park ride, Splash Mountain was based on. Brer rabbit stories taken from songs of the south. So it was all built into it. And that's gone forever, Splash Mountain is now,

yeah, Tiana's Bayou, something or other. The Princess and the Frog. Yeah, they were rebuilding at the time. What was the big one that was closed? The big space one as well. No, Space Mount was closed as well. We'll go, let's go back. Yeah.

See you in a couple of years, Brian. Get ready. Macho Doc. And then, yes, chimcheree. For Mary Poppins. Is at the end of the second side. I'm not to hear that. Fine.

But they're kind of like milk-tocococ. disco. Yeah. And the production's great. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The production's great. They put a lot of effort in. It's a fun album for kids.

It is what it is. But at the same time, it feels like all the edges are taken off. It's almost too slick. And it's all... As a result, it sounds weirdly safe and basic,

even though if you listen to it, there's a lot of production going into it. Yeah, yeah. You know, what I'm going to do is we're going to end this segment with one of these tracks. So which one would you like to end this segment with?

We don't have to play a little bit. I don't know. Why don't you play one of those ones that you said was good? Well, I was thinking we could play Disco Mickey Mouse the first track. Okay, let's have a hear a bit of that. Yeah, that's its kind of an opening mantra. I should mention, I love the cover.

Yeah. The artwork is Prime Disney, and they're literally getting down. He's got a very John Travolta. Saturday Night Fever look. That's it. And by that time, that version of disco, as we may have discussed before, that's not really what disco was like, the disco that has portrayed in that film. You know that?

No, no, no. And it's based on a novel about the mods. It's a very strange. thing but did popularise. Yeah. And if my moment you were all reading is correct, this came out in 1979. Because I wanted to know how late to the disco craze was it? You've got Daisy and who's that bloke that goes out with Daisy in the cow?

I think that's called Horace, the horse. He's Macin' Man, look at him. There. No goofy. He's got proper pimps shoes on and stuff. Yeah, there's Chippendale, the rescue ranges. And Chippendale, this is great. The back cover's almost better.

Donald and Daisy. You got Donald and... Wait, that's Daisy. That can't be Daisy as well. What's the cow called? I don't know. Is that Daisy Daly? Duck is Donald's girlfriend.

Well, I mean, I don't if you ever made it official, but I think it's taken as red that they, they're at least friends with benefits is what I think it is. Yeah. Anyway, so overall...

It's funny that they've got Donald Duck there, but then you have Disco Duck, which was an impression of Donald Duck, Davy Dee's and his Ricky Dee's, and his cast of idiots, is it? And yeah, and even though that that song was culturally a bigger impact than anything off that album,

every single track off that wipes the ass of that disco dog. It's a totally throwaway bullshit. And it should have, And they should have paid the guy who did the fucking Donald Duck impression on it. Probably, no. Well, they did, but just paid him shit. Can't. Because at the time, think about it,

I'll do this thing for that cunt DJ who's a joke. Oh, what, it's number one in the hits. Where's my money now? Give me some money. And then someone knocks on his door. Excuse me, sir, you did an lawful Donald Duck impression for your song. Please give us that money now. Yeah.

Oh, and he pulls his collar. I think. Rick D's. Rick D's should have... Paid him more, yeah. Should have made him whole. You know what I'm saying? It should have been a good man.

Should have made his whole. hole. Made him whole. That's like what they say, make it good. Oh, yeah. Make it good. Just say make it good. Make it whole. Make it whole. Make it whole. Make his whole good. Spunk in my bum hole. Big big old bum hole. Paul, goat.

Goatzy bumo spunk, chuffy. Chuck your muck up my goat's y'all. All right. Chud fat. Chuck your muck up me otter gob. Oh, right. Come on. We're gonna stop.

We're gonna stop. Here come to hairy balls rolling down the trough. Here we go. Hairy, hairy balls rolling in the mac yourself. Murdererer. Hairy, hairy balls and the pink cup straw. There will be violence. Oh, the straw was gone in my scroped or sack. Right, here is a track from Mickey Mouse's Disco.

And it's cool, I think Mickey Mouse's disco. Inflate my balls. Right, so we do records and books, charity shop fines and whatnot. P.O. Box. Right, what else do we do? Snacks, food, sweets, candy drinks, sauces, noodles, etc. Did you get that new listener? The new list has put some...

What are they doing? They wadded up a load of bog roll and putting their ears. And they're... And they're putting a spoon. behind their eyeballs. Why they doing that? Don't know. Don't look good. Oh, what are they doing that for? Stop it. Oh, when you turn the eyeballs inside out.

Yeah. What's going on? I don't know. But anyway... Why is he stroking it? We do food as well. They're also stroking it at the same time. I'm just going to try and tell him, Paul. Put something around his neck and they're choking it. We do food stuff as well on the show. Don't do that. Put a lemon in your mouth.

Oh, God. Right. So anyway, we have a thing called the froth shop. It's our little candy store where things of sweet delights Things of sweet delights For a cheap price For a cheap price Come past our tongues And we give you honest reviews Right

And we got these We got a while ago And we haven't To taste Ooh We got these a while ago We didn't get round To a haven't

Anyway Anyway this is called Shut your mouth Gummy Shaken Snack Why did you say Shake your mouth Because you thought

I was going to say something Yeah And you were You were You were I was not It says Gumy Shaken Snack

Oh You thought I was going to say Oh Spanky Spank Yeah Something like that And it comes Zed Candy, who I believe did their own Double Dare Beans knockoff

to whatever they were called. Yes, that's right. Yeah. So this has instruction. Shake, tear, snack. So you, one, pour everything into the box because you get a sauce pack with it. Ooh, what's it meant to be?

Shake it up and then tear and eat. You tear it along. It's got a toy attic. Can I have a look before you do that, please? Yeah, there's a little tape. We can't open it here. We've got to open it here first. I understand.

I understand. You have a little look. I didn't understand anything. Gummy shake and snack. They're gummy. French fries in a kind of McDonald's fries box. I know, and they come with two little sauce packs, one that looks like

Shiracha, then the other one that looks like mustard maybe? Yes. Or cheese. Or cheese. Nippers, it's called. What's the red one? We can look into it now? Okay, can I open it then? Yeah, open it the top carefully. And now I think you just literally open everything up. Okay, we can take everything out, yeah. Shake it and pour it. Let's see what we got in here. They're the fries. They're like gummy worms,

but they're yellow, if you can imagine that. So I've taken that out. All right, so I've removed... Yeah, the gummy fries. I've removed the first sash. That's the gummy fries. They could be worms. If you said their little yellow worms, I believe you. I believe you.

If you said their little, what's another short? Little gummy sponks. How, I bet that's existed. Gummy cum. You know, gummy cum, like a big bag. It exists every Saturday night around my guff. I call them buttons. Snip, snip.

I'm just wondering. Just wondering that's a whole bit out. Buttons? No, that was good. That was kind of surreal. Right. I've taken the second sashet out. I'm going to have a look at that. What's that say?

That's the cheese or mustard. Screamers nippers, nippers, sour candy crunch. Oh. And here's the serracha, which is probably like strawberry or something like that, right? It says super sour again. Sourracha. Sour ratcher. Shall we make this then?

Is that what we're going to do? Yeah, it says you pour it all into the box. Give it a shake. Shake it, which I think is a stupid idea. I'll just give it a gentle, a gentle shake. Just you want to coat everything. No, no, I get the premise. Now, I've sniffed the gummy fries.

I've sniffed the gummy fries, extremely generic candy smell. There's no other flavour. It's just fruits. Can I please have one separately before the gum goes gets all gooey? Just to see what flavour they are. Good idea, Paul. Pineapple? Generic.

There's maybe a little bit of pineapple. Let's have a look. No, that is generic gummy flavour, I couldn't tell you. Maybe lemon. Out of push. All right, I'm going to just get the whole effect. Now, one, pour the fries in. Yeah, done that.

You pour everything in. Everything in. Doesn't matter which way around. Which do you think I should do, the liquid or the bits? I think liquids first are the bit stick. Vinegar first or it's the worst. Salt first, that's the worst. I need to work on that one, I think.

I mean, you've got the information there. It's all there. Now, I'm pouring the gummy. The saracha, the sour ratcher, rather. You could put the packet on that piece of paper there. And some of it's gone on the side of the box. Of course it has, because why would you do something cleanly? That's the letter from Jake.

I know, but what am I going to do with that afterwards? it in my keeps a book of my dreams and wishes. I don't know. No, I don't. Okay. Don't attack. No offence to Jake. Thank you for the letter.

At least it's typed. It's good. No, it's a good letter. I can't, I don't, my partner says I should have kept all the letters over the years and I should have maybe,

but I'm not starting now. It's been a decade, you listener, a decade. Anyway, put the crunchy bits in now. Screamers, nippers. It says screamers in like graffiti writing. I think that's like the overall brand of their sour stuff. It's sort of...

Yeah. I see. So this is also as an advert for their other products. I mean, yeah. Why has everything gone toyetic in the world of everything? Well, because we didn't even have shaker ships in this country. No, we had shit like that back there.

We never did in McDonald's. Well, no, but that's not, well, I'll talk about McDonald's right now, are we? Yeah, but they're the ones who have introduced this product that this is aping, which is shaker fries. Yeah, right, right, but whatever, because we had the grinch ones or whatever, because when we had the licky dips or whatever with the lollipops and the powder and stuff. You know, licky dips. Oh, don't laugh at that.

Just don't know the licky dips. mate that's not what they're called I know they're not called Lucky dips No lucky dips is the name of the bag When you had a bag full of toys And shirbert was called Lucky Dips What's the Sherbet Sticks

Dib Dabs? Dib Dabs I've got a case of the dibabs I've got a fucking diarrhea I've actually shat myself Oh where comes Oscar Wilde And his wit Usually boils down to having a shit Oh he's rhyming along

Right I'm putting the Orifice Wilde more like That's not good either No that's all right That's all right Don't, you know. Oscar wide.

Oscar ass wide. Oh. Are you ready for you? Shake it up. To put these. Yes. God, this takes forever. Right.

Close it. Close it properly. Close it properly. The flaps go down first. And then you do the shaking back and put the freshness back. Right. I'm not going to be too violent. Shakey, shaky, shaky woo.

Right. Do you think that's... Shaked enough? Yeah, shaked enough, I think. No, you just tear it now. Yeah. You tear it along the zip line there. Put your finger in and push.

I have. Oh, would you like a gummy fry? Let me take a picture of that fucking on holy sweet mess. Yeah. It's done. It's coated a bit and everything. It has. Right.

I'll be mother. Should we do it like birds? I'll put it in my mouth, chew it and then spit it in your gob. No. Why not? Because that would be weird and gross. That's how close we are. I'm trying to get one with a little bit of everything on.

There you go. You've done it. Uh. It's fine. Right? We've both eating it now. All right. I think the most interesting part is the actual gummy fry, because the crunchy bits didn't taste of anything.

It was just grit. No, they added a sour. Well, yeah, you're right, but it was such a kind of underwhelming sour that it felt like most like grit in my mouth. And then the sauce was kind of like not really there. No, the whole thing's kind of underwhelming. Not that bad, though. To what I like to call empty sweetness.

Where's like, yes, it's sweet, but where's the flavor? Where's, you know what I mean? Where's excitement. Low flavor, high sweetness. It's like when you have a chew it, right? You know what flavor of chew it that is. Chewis is great. There's no guessing.

That's the way it's releasing. is the flavour from the molecular structure of the actual chew itself. True, but also there were just better brands out there that encapsulate a flavour better. And this is just Merrick. Chewitz being one. Two it's a good, aren't there? This is just sugar and then a sour sugar. I'm going to say two words to you now.

Go on. Too it's extreme. The apple ones. They're good, aren't they? Yeah. That's like the secret menu at McDonald's for sweet shops. It's like, you got any. They've got the secret menus come in at McDonald's now.

We're not talking about this. We're moving on. We're moving sauce, everybody. What would you give that gummy shaken snack and put the freshness back? The toy bit was half-assed. It just sort of put it all in the fucking box. Shake it and tear it. You know what I mean?

And tear it. I didn't think, the whole thing half-assed, the flavour's half-assed. Think about if you were a parent and you go on a long drive, let's say to Wales or something. And you had two of those in the back with two kids. Everything's fuck. Crunchy bit, sticky on the part. It's going to be sticky fingers everywhere. And I'm sticking up for the boring old grown-ups here.

But fucking hell, man. Stop getting it on my old home street, Daniel. You know what I mean? However, I'm going back in. for another one. He is going back in. Well, he'll finish that off. I'm going to give it, I'll be honest, I'll give it a 2.5 out of five, right? It's about that. It's mid.

It's mid. Right. But the food train don't stop there. Poop, poop, pooh, leaving the station. We're leaving from the froth shop and getting on the candy train and we're heading over now to Noodle Town. Oh! Because you got a little surprise for Eli. Yay! Eli, right, hold on. I've had a noodle already today. We're going to Noodlesville.

So let's get ready. Boop-pooh-chuffa, chuffa, chuffa, chuffa, chaffa, chaffa, chie. Chuffa, chuffa, chaffa, chaffa, chaffa, chaff. A bit of a callback there. Yes, dear listener. And also new listener. A new listener. You listen up now here, please. You put your clothes back on now, you listen.

There's no need for this. Yes. You've made this all very uncomfortable. Have you taken the toilet paper out of your ears? And your tattoos are weird. What's that? It's like Garfield, fingering Heathcliff, the cat. No, it's all that about.

It's that. What, what is that? It's not that. It's not. It's not that. Right, here we go. Eli, tell the people about your noodle love. Oh, I love noodles, Paul.

Anyone who's been around here for any amount of time knows, I am the noodle posse. It's just me, everybody. I literally put photos of my noodles onto social media. That's how into it I am. I had a noodle today. I know what brand of noodle that was. I give my close friends online advice about noodles and reviews.

I'll review a noodle like that. Drop of a ham. At noodle review, that's what you'll get from me. I'm noodle mad, me. And don't forget, we have our country urban noodle test lab kitchen. That's where we cook noodles. We pimped noodles. Pimp them, review them, taste them.

I literally bought some air-dried sausage, steamed that shit, slice it up, put it in several noodles. And pickles. Right. And with all that being said, today we have a noodle, which I think we thought we'd never get. Ooh, oh, can I guess what it is? Well, can I read the letter out first, and then you can have a guess.

I know what it is. All right. Well, anyway, this is... I'm super excited in real life for this now. All right, well, calm down, because it might not be that and you might end up being bitterly disappointed. I'm just saying,

Meji, check your expectations. Don't point at me either. And look at me like you've just fucking come in a goat. How did you know? Because I've seen you fuck a goat. All the time, every Saturday night. He likes those ones that go rigid and pass out. He likes those fainting goats.

He says... Shut up. He says, he says, one shove. Oh, heaven above. That's what you say, isn't it? Oh, oh, one shove. Oh, heaven above is what you say. If you knew me at all, Paul, you'd know that I like goats that have been raised to believe they were dogs.

This isn't working. This is not working. Right. Oh, it's not working for you. Not for me. Not for me, no. Right, this is a little letter with a nice little sticker which says a 802 local. That's a nice sticker, isn't it?

Can I have that sticker? Yeah, you can add the sticker. I don't know what 802 local means. Stick on one of my record box. I hope it's not like a racist thing. 802 local. Isn't that the tattoo that the new listener's got? It's like a man with two buckets.

and there's like hands wrapped around and I'll read show you it later because I've got to read her letter out on the back. Oh, I do not know, sorry. Dear Paul and Eli, greetings from Vermont. Hello. Oh, Canada.

Yeah. My girlfriend listens to your show. Yay, hello you. Enclosed is an unusual noodle cup I found. Enjoy. Natalie. Thank you, Natalie, and thank your girlfriend, which you could have named, since she's the fan.

Weird. Could have just said, my girlfriend, I don't know, like Anne likes the show. But unfortunately, you decided to not bother. So, uh... Hello, who's this person, Paul? What's this person? Natalie.

The girlfriend is called Natalie? No, she is Natalie, she's got a girlfriend. I can't accept this. Doctor? The doctor's a lady. Anyway. Right, come on. Natalie, thank you and thank you very much to your girlfriend.

Yeah, who actually listens and you could have named. That would have been nice. If you're the girlfriend of Natalie, please get in touch and we'll send you one billion pounds of a cheap show. Of the Spanish. I've got it in my bedroom. How about you? Don't offer it. How about you don't offer bags of spunk to our listeners?

Well, they love it. No, do they, though? They ask for it. They send it back. I've got an attic full of your cup. When the characters lived up there before Christmas, they used to use them as bean bags. They used to eat it. Right.

Anyway, 802 local sticker for real life. It's a lovely sticker, actually. Really nice. Anyway, without any further ado, I look like it might be a cooperative or like some kind of collectivist grossers. I don't know. Natalie, if you'd like to give us some context. I'm now thinking it's probably not. the noodle I was hoping it was. Well, you don't know.

Have a look. It's time to reveal the noodles. It is Nishon. It is Nissen. Or maybe it is the one I'm hoping. Is it a Nissen impossible? We're going to find out. It's not the one I wanted. Oh, what is it? What was the one you wanted? I wanted the Dill Pickle-Flavoured. Yeah, we haven't got that yet. And still, we've got this.

This is cup noodles, pumpkin pie flavoured. Raman noodles in sauce. Oh my God. We haven't had this one, have we? We haven't had this. No. We've had the American breakfast, the ever thing bagel. Yes. We had their sodas. We had their sodas.

Still got the little bottle here. Great bottles. And we also had their special additions. Remember all five special edition ones? 50th anniversary special edition ones. This is great to hold my hand, Paul. So even though I'm slightly disappointed, it wasn't the pickle one. It might come eventually.

We have great listeners. You can live in hope. And if you have access to it, we want to send it to in the PO box, again, is on a website or in the meta descriptions for this podcast on the app of your choice. This is limited edition. Yeah. Now, this could actually be not. Is it going to have that sweetness

that they added to like the chocolate What was that one where I had chocolate in as well? The marshmallow, smores. Yeah, that wasn't great. Yeah, that wasn't great though. I didn't like that. I hope they're going for a savory pumpkin pie. Pumpkin pie is a sweet thing.

You know what we can do right now? Huff it. We're going to eat it, but do you want to huff it? Now, with these noodles, you only peeled it back halfway. Just a little bit. You just want to pull back it a little bit. Right, go on sniff. What have you get?

Is it like a pumpkin spice kind of smell? Like a Starbucks. Oh, Christ. Oh, yeah. Cinnamon. Cinnamon. Yeah, like gingerbread, almost, isn't it?

Oh, well, we're going to try that now. Okay. So let's get the kettle on, and we'll be back in a short while to taste, eat, review, and tell you to stay away from it. Okay, let's do this. Put the kettle on, Brian.

Okay, so we're back from the kitchen and we have prepared this pumpkin pie limited edition, Nishon. Nishon. Cup noodle. Now, we've had, like I said, several of these before.

The one I liked was the Everything bagel. I liked that one. Yes, I like that one, because it wasn't too outlandish. That was okay. And what was, the American breakfast had a nasty mapleness to it. It starts off well, but then it has too much of a mappily after-takes and merely make it. It kind of makes it sickly after a few bites. And the smores similar.

Yeah, small's one didn't work for me. And I feel this is going to have a sickliness to it. And it really pushes it into, they could have done something interesting where they actually use the flavours to build into a noodle. But these, because they make them sickly sweet, to me it just reeks of novelty. the sake of it, not to try and actually give someone a pleasant eating experience, just for the sort of Instagram bragging rights of like, oh, you see what I mean? Which, to be fair, is part of the marketing of the brand in general, but this isn't sold in Japan, this one. This

looks like it's an American-only release. Yeah. Because I don't think this is going to be of much need or want or desire on Japanese markets, right? Well, do you correct me if anyone's from Japan who gets these? Japanese people love Western food and they kind of fetishize it. do their own takes on it, like Italian food and all of this. So I do think they might well be into this. But this still seems like an American gimmick for the brand rather than a homegrown one. Yes. Yes.

And pumpkin spice. I mean, pumpkin pie is traditional, but the whole pumpkin spice thing was basically invented by Starbucks, wasn't it? It didn't used to be a sort of thing, but now is. And that's the smell, Paul, that I'm getting very much. And I'll tell you, I'm the supertaster on this podcast. You are. Dear new listener.

And I'm getting the. Hopkins spice and everything. There's an undercurrent of swimming pool. Tell me I'm wrong. Hang on, on swimming pool. Tell me I'm wrong. There's a sort of...

Oh, I know exactly what you mean when you said that. That almost chlorophy. Chlorine. Chlorine. You know, foot bath area. It's like that bit. It is, yeah.

The little teppered pool you have to walk in it. It's weird. That was always my least favorite part of going to the swimming pool. Because there's something manky about its concept. Well, there's a whole strain of backrooms, liminal horror, which is all about pool. The pool rooms, they call. it, which is all of that.

It's that experience of the little dunk pool for you. We used to have this little cold veruca pools. Yeah. You used to have to wade through. And they had those plastic mats in. I can feel those now on my little feet. Then you go to the soup machine afterwards

and get maybe chicken-flavored soup. And roast beef-flavored monster mushroom. Oh, your ox tail soup. Whatever happens at oxtail soup. You know, that's delicious. This used to be a country. Right. I'm going to have to taste it.

Taste it. Come on. I'm getting some noodles. He's got some noodles on this. I'm just going to go. Just go straight in. for some noodles, then I'm going to have a little sip of the broth. Okay, can I have a little bit before you sip the broth?

I'm sipping from this side. Oh, God, all right, fine. So the mouth goes in. I'll be editing his side of the conversation out because no one wants to hear that. I don't, and I have to. And that's why I'm still talking, so I don't have to hear what sounds like a bulldog giving a blowjob to a fat man. Oh, he's not enjoying it. Put it that way.

All right. Come on. You want to sip the broth? I'm going to have to. Well, you could give it to me first where you can recover. Always going to sip the broth. Right, okay. Oh, no.

This hasn't gone well for Eli. I'm going to take a bit here. Now, considering I'm the weaker mouth of the two of us... I said weak a gullet. Yeah, I'm not looking forward to this sensation. I'm going to say careful, Paul. No. He always says, no, like that.

No, he's not enjoying it, everyone. There's a look in his eyes of sort of panic, like a deer in the headlights. I'm pushing this down. Yeah, I know. That's exactly what I experienced. Oh, no. That's deeply unpleasant.

It's interesting. In that, at least, it wasn't as overwhelmingly sharp and nasty as I thought it was going to be. However, there is no need in the world for pumpkin spice instant noodle. I just don't see this. There's kind of a saltiness right at the end that's fighting the sweetness at the beginning so hard. Like a licorice salt. Yeah.

It's that kind of weird, almost molassesy salt. Yeah, horrible. Horrible. And yet, like, it's more cinnamon than pumpkin. Yeah. Because pumpkin really, what? What is pumpkin? It's not really anything.

I think that's what they're going for with that savory, almost umami. That's the taste of the pumpkin. But yeah, that vegetable, almost vegetable note, that's the pumpkin, you know? It's not their worst. However, I'd say that's their worst for me. Really? Yeah. Fair enough.

But I prefer the smores, even though I didn't like that. I prefer the American breakfast, even though I didn't like that. I would have liked that more if they just kept the bacon off, the maple off, sorry. Do you know what's going to be fucking excellent is their Dill Pickle one? Well, if anyone's out there... Does it exist? Is that just an AI mock-up? No, it exists.

It just got a limited release in America, like, most like this, to be fair. Well, if you're out there and you can send us it, you know, with the PO, box addresses. We need scores on the doors for that. Again, I'm not going to say it's worst, personally speaking, but that's like a one at most. I would never return there. 0.75. I would never return to that.

I'll give it up. Yeah, that's a good score. I want to say. I'll go 0.5. I'll go 0.5 out of 5, everybody. I know people complain about it when I say it a lot, whatever. But that also has a horrible sweetener after taste. Yes.

For something that doesn't really need to have sweeteners in, I just don't think noodle and the word artificial sweeteners goes together. No, no. It's terrible. You're absolutely right. Hasn't a spa tame. A really horrible a spa tame taste. Sorry, Nissen. That is going in the bin.

That is a miss. It's a missin for the Nissen. But great packaging. And I guess that's, like we say, the Instagram thing is the main thing for them. It's hard to believe that the good people of Nishin back in Japan, whose products are fucking excellent generally, really tasty. Great with flavors. And great dehydration.

Great dehydration of like actual. ingredients such as prawns, vegetables and so forth. Et cetera. What do they think of this crab? They're probably like, oh, let them do it. Fucking whatever. Yeah, I mean, it's a huge brand. If it helps us get a bit more recognition, whatever.

I was in a charity shop in Camden the other day. They had those Uniclo-Nition co-lab ones. Oh, yeah. It's like a t-shirt with a pocket, but the pocket is the pot. And then there's a design of a fork coming over and noodles coming into six pound 50. It might get it tomorrow. Yeah, I would. That's a good one, eh?

I think that's good. Oh, yeah, definitely get the Nissen one. I like the look of that. Okay. What did you say about that? 0.5. 0.5, yeah. Well, you know what we need to do?

We need to wash this down, I think, and that means going over to the soda jerk for our final segment of today's show, which is our soda soft drink segment of the show. We like to call the soda jerk. Please me. Great, cool. No, all right.

I'm up for it. Hi, juicy Jeremy here. Hey, it's juicy Jeremy. Back from being dead, alive, alive, alive, dead. And then back. So, first of all. Hi, boy. How's how you doing?

Hello, Juicy Jeremy. It's been a while since we've seen you. Oh, my boys, my boys. I'm always working at the grindstone of the Sodipop Mountain. What's the air content house like? Because you've all moved in. Oh, I don't want. Let's say...

But you've been filming for about a month, though. I've been living in the jalopy now. What, you're not in the house? No, something happened. I don't want to go into it right now. If you're going to force me to introduce the idea of a content house to the show that we can get to eventually in a special narrative episode closer to Easter.

Maybe don't. when I suggest the idea of a character being in that house, you just go, no, I'm not in the house. I was there. Yeah? But I had to leave for some reasons that are going to be coming up later on. That you don't know about it, and you've just played that gambit now,

and now you have to commit to that. Oh, I... Good. Because in the past, you gave me drinks that made teeth grow out my spine. I'm sorry about that poor, forever. Sorry about what I do. The worst thing was, they were baby teeth.

So when they all fell out and I was like, hey, fucking greater pig grew out the back then. An adult back teeth, yeah. And next week, by the way, I've got to have fucking root canal done to my spine. No, it's funny, in it, juicy, Jeremy. Hey, listen, my boys, I love this chat. Can I just, before we go on with the recording. By the way, he comes by and gives us drinks from his shop,

and then we test them. And that's how the format works with his character. Can I just ask you a little question? Yeah. I put the jalopy, but there's double yellow lines. Am I okay there? No, you could have parked up on the drive. We have a driveway.

Why do you park on the main road? You're going to get it towed. Well, I'll, I'll. How long before the man comes? Can you see him from? Can you see the... Well, I can see the van outside. Oh, no.

Go up and down the street with his ticket. I'm just got to run there. Yeah, you've got to move your car. Oh, juicy Jeremy. Move it on to the drive and come back in. Oh, I'm not coming back. You just take the drink. All right, okay.

You guys, I'll come back later for the scores. We'll leave you a message. We'll leave you a message on WhatsApp. Oh, that's fine. Just give me the scores, my boys, my boys. Oh, wow. Okay, bye. Yeah, no, it's all right.

You don't have to commit to the going bit. Right. So here's what Juicy Jeremy's brought us, Eli. Oh, sorry, I was in a coma. You were just over there in a coma with the new listener. I was just looking at the corner like that. He was sitting over the new listener who was in a coma and he was reading them a bedtime story.

That's what you were doing, weren't you? It's like that. No, no, no. When people are in comas, they like to be read to and spoken to, so, you know, they feel like they're there. I was reading to them or who was in the coma, me or them? That's what you thought you said. They were in a coma and you were both in a coma.

Oh, this is a coma. A love coma. This is like, what is it, St. Elsewhere. But the last episode, it's all a dream inside a dream inside a snow globe or something. Yeah. Yeah. Right, what are we tasting here?

Anyway, he's dropped off. What has juicy Jeremy dropped off? He's dropped off a Pepsi drink. But this is just not normal, no new Pepsi drink. This is a zero sugar. We would be tasting no normal Pepsi. Zero sugar, but it is, limited edition.

Gingerbread flavour. We're riding the ginger train. Now. Nice brown wrapping on it. They're going for that with their limited editions. They've had like... Christmas. They've had like five new flavors

in the last half of the last year, They had the cookies and cream. No, not cookies and cream, but strawberry and cream, was it? Yeah. The cream soda. Yeah, I can't remember them all, but yeah. There's a load of them. But this is the problem with soft drinks at the moment.

It feels like they're all like desperate for your attention. It was like, ooh, look at me, I'm strawberry and cream. No, no, no, no, look at him. We're eggs and bacon. I know, and only sometimes they hit. Yeah. I tell you two times they've hit recently. Orange cream.

Orange cream. Yeah. Dr. Pepper Blackberry. That's a good one. That's so good. What's the other one I fucking like, that mountain dew, which you keep getting the name up, but that mountain dew was the dragon fruit mountain dew? Whatever it was, it was like a fruit punch or something.

It's a Halloweeny one. It's fucking great. Anyway, this is gingerbread and it looks like it's... Now, mate, it's just gingerbread flavor in a bottle. What are your thoughts going into this in terms of what you expect? Expect to like it or not? What are you saying? I don't know with this one because this might work fine, but I think, and again,

I heard to repeat myself, it might be undercut by the sweetener. Okay, you've got a problem with the sweetener, yes. But I think ginger is a flavor, just the flavor of ginger. goes with everything think of as cola flavor as well. Do you know what I mean? In terms of profile, similar flavour profiles. They go together. I think they definitely go together.

Also, like lamba, laba, laba, laba. Let's not ignore the fact that ginger ale and ginger beer are both huge soft drink categories in their own right. Yeah, but it's a different type of ginger, isn't it? Well, that's what I'm interested in. This is going to have cinnamon and vanilla in it as well. This is going to be like that, but not noodles. I hope it doesn't taste too much like that.

Well, let's find out. Get the snaf sniff, sniffy. A bit of a sizzle coming through. It's been in the fridge, so it's nice and chilled. This is cheap. Going for a quid, which is less than like their normal stuff. This smells quite nice. But almost reminds you like Dr. Pepper.

It's almost, it almost smells like Dr. Pepper. Let me have a little sniff. Have a sniff. Oh, yeah. Oh, that smells good. It does actually smell quite nice. And just know those flavors are all, this could be. This could be a classic, man.

Well, this could be certainly a surprise or certainly, you know, a nicer surprise. As you know, I'm a big... I'm a big lover of Pepsi Max Cherry. And Lucas is a... A good lemonade, zero sugar, everyone. I've seen that around and I've had that. That is outstanding. Now, in the glass.

More colory. More colory. But that's fine. Down the hatch, it goes. I cannot taste the difference. I cannot taste the difference. That kind of really just tastes like Max. There's a little bit of ginger in there.

It's very subtle, isn't it? That's not bad. No, it's not bad. It's not dealing with that taste of the artificial sugar very well, though. The aftertaste is more ginger than the flavour is ginger. Yeah. It's not bad at the front. It's got quite nice, zesty gingeriness almost, like a sharp gingeriness.

You know what I mean? For me, the sugar emptiness comes through more on this than it does on Max Cherry, for example. No, I would agree with you on that. It disguises it less. Well, cherry's more of a kind of interesting flavour profile that masks that fake sugar. Yeah, absolutely right, which is at the back of the palate. Yeah. Whereas I think the ginger brings it out.

Yes. But it's not horrible. What I will say is the minute this goes warm and flat, it's going to be vile. Yeah. So enjoy it while it's cold and fizzy. Yeah, not bad. I'd give that a three. I'd give it three.

I think three is perfectly respectable score for that. I'd give it three. Not too bad. Not too bad. Pepsi fucking evil, though. You know that as a company. We live in a world where evil is normalised and nothing shocks us anymore.

We're just very disappointed in ourselves. And the world is burning. But don't worry, because Cheap Show's here to keep a smile on your face. Next week. Woo-hoo. Blum, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong. It's a wacky show.

It's not wacky. That will keep you amused while the world tears itself apart behind you. He's trying to raise, He's trying to make me laugh. Oh, look at my Willie boys. Look at my big Willie boys. Where's Willie Boy.

I wanted to say Willie Boys today. Willie Boy One. I wanted to say Willie Boy One. He's Willie Boy two. I'm Willie Boy three and four. Billy's Bosch, bish, bush, boh. Bish, bosh, bitch, bish, boh. Willie, whey, Willie, boys.

I'm Willie, he's, Willie. We're both Willie, Willie, Willie, Willie, boy, boys. We'll sort your cocks at. That's what we do. We come around, we have a look at your dick and we'll fix it. I'll give it a big old sniff. He goes, oh, he's more about a, hygiene and I'm more about presentation, right?

So I'll make sure he's all doled up, looking fresh, fresh-faced. Who, me? You? You, you're in charge of, like, talc and perfumes. Can we stop this now? And I'm in charge of, like, presentation, like, shaving the piabs and, like, tighten the ball bags. Don't why I say piabs like that? Because piabs is funny than saying pubic hair, isn't it?

Is it? Willie boy, Willie boy, one, two, three. He's Willie one, Willie two, and he's Willie three. Hopefully we'll warm up into the year, everyone. Yeah, that's this is. I mean, please, the Willie boys will not become regular characters on this podcast. However, I do like saying the word Willie Boys. I was thinking today when I was coming over to Recurly Boys.

I thought, how can I get Willie Boys here? I'm not joking either. Isn't that weird? We've both been under the weather. You're still recovering. And this is our first show of the year. So, you know, oof, oof. We're powering through.

We did. And thanks for listening, everyone. And that's the listening. Look, we're going to wrap it up. So bear with us. Here's the admin part of the podcast. Where's the bear? Where's the bear? Where's the bear?

Willy boys. Long story short, go to our website, thecheepshore.com.com. If you go there, you'll find us everywhere else on the internet. Links to social media, links to our YouTube channel where we have fortnightly episodes called CheapShots. Patreon also is a link there. But if you want to go straight there, patreon.com forward slash cheapshow.

Give what you can. Only if you can. But if you can't, help us online by sharing, retweeting. Spreading it all around. Or reviewing it on all the different apps and things like that. Spread it thinly all around. Tell your friends, because that helps us more, even if you can't help us with Patreon.

And to those who do help us on Patreon, thank you, bloody tons, because without you, we wouldn't be here a decade down the line heading towards 500 episodes. Scruffle, scruffle, scruffle. Go bless you, Gavner. Scruffle, scruffle, scruffle.

And that's it. We'll keep it simple. We have got plans for 500. We have got plans for the year. But right now, we're just getting the machinery going again. So bear with, let's just have a bit of a laugh until then, eh?

A little bit of a laugh until then. I was having more of a laugh at the beginning of the episode. By the way, they've towed his jalopy. He couldn't get out of the house in time, and the trucks took it away. They're going to take it to the impound lot. He can't stay here. He's not staying here. I've already said to him, he can borrow him a card and get.

We'll get him an Uber. I said, get an Uber. Yeah, but he said, please don't send him back. He didn't seem himself, did he? No. He seemed quite badly performed. Yeah. He can't afford to get that jalopy back.

That's going to get trashed. No, he can't. It's his life's work. Yeah, well, he shouldn't have parked it on the double yellow, should he? outside. Also, across two lanes and a disabled parking. Just for a mediocre

special edition of Pepsi as well. He's host by his own partard there, isn't he? Yes. And he's got to lose his own and he's got to go back to the condom house. He's jammed up by his own jallopee.

Yeah. Paul feels like he hasn't been funny enough right at the end of the show, everyone. Now he's going to do some very, very poor attempt to try and rescue a sense of mirth. But it's over with. We're both tired. We both got flu.

We both feel that it wasn't our best episode. And now he's picking something up. It's a torch. He's going to shine a light in my eyes. Well done. That's really intense. Yeah. I have to get a new torch because the other one broke.

That's really powerful. I mean, please don't. This one's more directly right in your eyes. Can you stop? Can you stop? Can you get it right there? Why are you hurting me? That could cause permanent damage.

How about strobe? Will that help you if I strobe you up? Why are you doing this to me? Can you not? I'm going to get a head day. Number nine. You're going to give me a migraine. Number nine.

Violence. Silence. Number nine. This is really bad. All right. SOS. I've turned it off now. Good. Please, it's turned my eyes.

But look, it comes to a little timer to tell you how long it's got left. Put it in your eyes. Ah! Oh, God, you're right. Oh, God. Yeah. Number nine. Number nine.

Oh, we'll see you next week, everyone. Bye, everyone. Bye. Truffin off, truffin off, roll the ball of coughing off, puffin off. Willie boys.