CheapShow - Ep 47: Paul Gannon's FrothShop

Episode Date: June 28, 2017

Important Note: In this episode we accidentally give out some actual proper advice! We apologise wholeheartedly and promise never to knowingly do it again! With that out of the way, why not enjoy another hour of cheap tat, cheap tunes and cheap laughs. In this episode, Eli rummages through more of his weird and wonderful vinyl... Paul tries and fails to create a new exciting feature for Cinefiles... Gannon also looks into a collection of off brand candy AS WELL as knockoff BeanBoozled jelly beans called Double Dares! One particular flavour will send shock waves through one of the hosts, but who will it be and what flavour? Finally, Paul & Eli discover two annoying new sounds that aim to show their smug appreciation of a thought! Welcome to the FrothShop! And if you like us, why not support us: www.patreon.com/cheapshow Share & Enjoy. Subscribe or Die! You can see pictures and accompanying videos for this episode on our website www.thecheapshow.co.uk If you want to get involved, email us at [e-mail] And if you have to, follow us on Twitter @thecheapshowpod or @paulgannonshow & @elisnoid If you like what you hear, please spread the word! Like, Review, Share, Comment... all that jazz!

do your intro this time i won't ruin your intro by trampling all over it with something boisterous and long-winded like i did last time because i thought last time what i did there was step over your quite brilliant work by kind of focus pulling which i know you've got a big problem with recently i know you don't like me focus pulling so i'm just gonna i'm gonna say nothing i'm just gonna let the music roll i'm gonna let you do your thing i'm not gonna big you up in any way i'm not gonna talk you down in any way i'm not going to give you any kind of big intro just basically saying that for this one moment this one episode

I'm going to let you do your thing without any interruption at the beginning at all so when you're ready Eli it's time to go build up that courage you can do this give us your introduction to Cheap Show right now whenever you're ready

but ultimately right now are you ready? say yes Paul say yes paul say yes paul fuck you paul hi everybody i'm eli silverman this is the cheap show podcast and here's your co-host paul danner wow that is the let me count one two three yeah the least amount of fucks you've ever given to an intro. It's because you've deflated me from beforehand.

Oh, I didn't mean deflate you, darling. So, for the record, let the record stay to that, we are recording this episode on the same day we did the live show, the same day we did the previous episode. It's still hot in London. No one wants to hear about your hard workload. They've had a hard day at an actual job probably paul an actual thing that they do and you're just undermining them oh poor me i went to comic con and i had to do things and then i had to come back and i'm gonna fucking hit you don't don't and that's another thing what the physical threat of violence it's only physical

it's not something anyone should have to put up with. You're right. All right? Yeah. All right? I'm not going to make a joke of violence. You're very deadly serious about it, yeah. You ruin everything. I'm drinking

I'm just basically saying Paul is drinking everyone hello welcome to Cheap Show it's hot today all I'm saying is we're recording on the same hot day in the house of pickles it's still hot

with the one Yeti microphone oh and it's hot and I had to have a cold drink and I fancy drinking some lager which is very rare for me yeah but it's not

it's that stupid kind of lager I'm saying go on you're saying it's that Desperado lager which is flavoured with tequila

we're not endorsing it that's piss for people who don't know how to drink properly you see we're not endorsing it you fucking you wuss

it's just because it's very sweet I like sweet things you like sweet things not like. It's just because it's very sweet. I like sweet things. You like sweet things. Not like actual men's things. Does it matter? It doesn't matter. Are you just going by gender norms?

I'm not gender normative. Opposing them onto me. No. You can enjoy sweet things. Frilly things, if you like. You're a cook, mate. C-U-C-U-K. Oh, God.

C-U-C-U-K. This has got to be one of the worst openings to a podcast. You've really lost it. You have half a bloody shandy. I'm saying it. I'm tired. It's hot. And all we do is talk.

And it's hard to talk. Hello, welcome to Cheap Show. My name's Paul Gannon. Hello. All right, good. That's what we should have done several minutes ago. So thank you once again if you've been a Patreon. Hopefully we've been rolling those things out to you.

Again, if you want to help support the show, help us buy, you know, a new microphone. You can do that, though. Do that, though. Do that, though. You can do that, though. What can they do that, though? Basically lay the land on the land. You can go to patreon.com forward slash cheap show

and give a dollar or give 50 or whatever in between we'll give you lovely things back and you'll help keep this bloody podcast going thank you it's been awesome actually we've had a lot of lovely people get a love and we're on twitter i'm quite chatty on twitter i send you beard nuzzles you whatever that means so i've got whatever that means i've got you know what it means you don't be coy with me paul you know what it means you don't be coy with me Paul you know what it means what have we got I want to do a new segment that is just for me

because as you know I am a student of media I had film studies at A level and went to a media course at university you know what they call that useless job I have a 2-1 in watching telly I had film studies at A-level and went to a media course at university. Yes. You know what they call that? Useless job. Yeah. The total useless for cunts.

I have a 2.1 in watching telly. Yeah. Brilliant. Did that get me a great job? Well paid? No. Go to patreon.com forward slash cheap show. No.

I want to do a segment that reaches to that pot. You have the music. That's your passion. I like pop culture and movies. That's my fashion passion. My passion. Shut up. I've got a passion for fashion.

It's my passion. And I thought I'd have a segment called Paul's Top Shelf. Okay. Does that have to justify this to me? I'm also a fan of the moving image. I know. Yeah? I know our tastes differ.

They certainly do. Wow. But I thought I'd tell people about the DVDs and movies that I buy second-hand in charity shops. Yeah, so you picked something up in a charity shop recently. Yes, I have. It is called Guesthouse Paradiso. That's the film I'm going to be talking about today. Now, if you're thinking, Guesthouse Paradiso sounds like a charming British comedy from the 50s, maybe.

Or it sounds almost like an art house, sort of. What is that? Merchant Ivory. And I think it's riffing on... Cinema Paradiso, isn't it? Yeah, Cinema Paradiso. I think it's trading on that in terms of its humour. But basically... It's not an art house film, though, is it?

No, it's not. It's a movie based on the popular sitcom from the 90s, Bottom. Good morning. Good morning. Morning. I am, in fact, a qualified gynaecologist. Well, strictly speaking, I'm an amateur, but I'm bloody keen. Oh, here's a pencil.

Ah! I think I'll have the fish. Sir, but I'm bloody keen. Look! Here's a pencil! I think I'll have the fish. Wise choice. Can I ask where your eggs come from? Hen's vaginas. I shall bring your luggage up directly. Mice. Hey, hey, give her one for me, won't you?

If you get too tired, don't worry, just phone Nan. I'll happily come up and give her one myself. I'm not joking, actually. I'm Eddie the Bellboy. The Bellboy? That's right. Oh! Oh!

Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!

No! No! Ah! Ah! What happened to you? Candle in the eye. Righto. Starring Rick Mayle and Ade Edmondson. They wrote and directed this movie.

Well, Ade Edmondson directed this. He plays Eddie Hitler. Oh, he directed? No. Has he directed any other features? I don't know without double-checking right now. And you don't like it when I get OK Google out. No. But he might have done, won't he? I think so know without double checking right now and you don't like it when I get OK Google out. No.

But he might have done won't he? I think so but he definitely directed this anyway. Here are some results from the web. It heard me.

That's creepy. I know. You insist on having that fucking thing. But look. It didn't even look for guest house parody to look for baby monitors.

Because you said OK Google after we did you see what I mean? OK Google because it... Baby monitors. Because you said OK Google after we... Do you see what I mean? It only... OK Google, Ade Edmondson, Director.

Since we're here now. Alright. Here are some results from the web. You've let me down again. Ade... OK Google, Ade Edmondson.

There we go. According to Wikipedia, Adrian Charles Edmondson Is an English comedian Actor Writer Musician Television presenter

And director And director So let me see While we're here Let's do a bit of research Shall we What he's directed He played in those

He was part of the Reformed Bonzo Doodog Da da band I knew that Yeah Filmography There you go. So, yeah.

As director. Doesn't have them. Mostly actors. Bottom, absolutely fabulous. Oh, God. This bit's pure gold, Paul. I really love the new segment. Shut up.

It's working. I'm working it out as we go. Oh, my God. Why won't you just fuck... Anyway. He probably only directed the movie. I'm guessing. Yeah, could well why won't you just fuck... Anyway, he probably only directed the movie. I'm guessing.

Yeah, could well have been his only directorial. Anyway, it's based on the sitcom Bottom. Now, Bottom was a kind of dismal, sad... No, it wasn't sad.

It was like, it was a very violent, funny comedy about two lonely cunts in Hammersmith living in poverty and trying to get laid all the time. Sort of an existential

way the God Godot meets... Yeah, it's Pinter-esque, isn't it? It is. With the violence... With slapstick. With the anarchy. Broad slapstick. Yeah, with the anarchy comedy,

kind of alternative comedy. Great show, I have to say. It generally is my favourite sitcom of all time, Bottom. There are better sitcoms out there. I'm saying it means the most to me. Love it. Love it. So this is the movie version that came out long after the TV show had finished,

because I think it finished early 2000s. And this movie was made in the year of... God, really? 1999, actually. I thought it was a bit later than that, but that makes a lot of sense. But it's not the characters from Bottom that they're playing. But they are very similar. In the movie they're called

Eddie and Richie as they are but their surnames are different in the movie. Ah. So that's how it's different. But they're very similar. Very similar.

I mean they don't do much. I think they changed the name so they didn't have to pay the BBC to use the characters from Bottom. Ah I see. That's why the movie's not called Bottom probably.

Yeah. Anyway I love it. I love this film. It's not great. It's one of Simon Pegg's earliest movie roles I believe

where he plays a young father of a family and it turns out he's got nipple rings and he ends up hanging from the ceiling on a fishing wire

because Rick Mayall is fishing for his nipple rings or something I guess it's you have to see it really

it's well known for its wacky, violent fights and its wordplay and its grimness. But what ruins the film for me is the last third when it gets just gross for no reason.

It ends up with the whole cast vomiting everywhere. Because there's been a bad fish dinner. And everyone vomits. And then the bad guy tries to vomit and stops and holds his mouth in. So the vomit builds up behind his mouth until his head inflates so huge

that the ball of sick rolls out. That's very cartoony. Just weird ending, full of sick and snot and balls of vomit. And you just think, I can't show this to my mum. No. My mum would say, you're sick. You've got a sick mind. You have.

This DVD includes outtakes from the movie, a DVD-ROM game. That's good. I might have to check that out and report back. The making of documentary and original trailers

and moving menus. That's not like a computer game. A DVD-ROM game is more like a sort of role play with just pages load. Isn't it? Yeah, probably. I don don't know it might be a thing where you hit a button and it goes richie richie richie or it's like go in here what do you do now yeah i'll report back you know maybe i'll put it in the patreon special right you can find out more there and when it says moving

at menus i think it means they're animated not not that, you know, they're heartfelt. And you're going to, you know, oh, that chapter selection touched me in a way I never expected. So I got this for 50p in Oxfam. It's a nice price. Yeah, I could have bought three for a quid, but I just wanted this one. You didn't want anything else there? It's been a while since I've seen it. And there are some lovely bits.

There are some horrible bits. It's not an unmit I've seen it and there are some lovely bits there are some horrible bits it's not an unmitigated success the whole way through then no but it's got some lovely bottom bits it's just got a lot of

unnecessary dirty bits right you know too crude too gross out for your taste too crude

too gross out this is me talking yeah this is me talking I know it's you so was it not you talking before?

no who was talking before? No. Who was talking before? This is film critic Paul talking now. Oh, I see. I mean, the mise-en-scene in this film leans towards the kitchen sink drama British gritty movies of like, you know, the 50s through to the 80s.

You know, the Ken Roach. Has it got that kind of... It has that element to it, but with the Fawlty Towers-esque. Well, it is a guest house, isn't it? So he's... Is this Rick Mayall doing his the Fawlty Towers-esque Fawlty Towers. Well it is a guest house isn't it? So is this Rick Mayall doing his Basil Fawlty?

This is bottom inner hotel basically. You're right it's Fawlty Towers by Rick Mayall and Ade Edmondson. For better or for poorer.

You know. Could we have real Paul who isn't a film critic back because fucking film critic Paul is creepy with his mouth noises.

It's just my thoughts you know I think Aidan Edmondson is a director that's not that's not going to fly with anyone Paul honestly

that's one of the worst film critic approaches hello and tonight on film with Paul Cannon you love it I'll be talking

to Mickey Rourke about his resurgent career that's awful so the reviews taken I'll let you read

the reviews and then where they came from and see if you kind of reach the audiences you kind of yeah you can see

behind it like you know Daily Mail this is great it's obviously it's a fascist propaganda it's a horrible newspaper and it's not going to like this is great it's obviously it's a fascist propaganda it's a horrible newspaper

and it's not going to like this film but it's called Rude, Crude and Very Funny by the Daily Mirror uncut magazine which I don't believe is still going anymore

I think it is is it? it was like a loaded kind of thing but a bit more trendy edgy for the alternative blokes yes

that says mindless and hysterically funny four stars. Bottom with knobs on, says the enemy. All I'll say is, I went to see it in the cinema, and it was just me and my mate.

That was it. That was opening night. It didn't do well then? No. It disappeared without a trace, would you say? Yeah. So,

that's the film I've taken from Paul's top shelf today. Guesthouse parody, so rated 15. Rick Mayle, Ed Edmondson. If you like Bottom, you know what you're going for. I would give it... Don't make the noise. Out of... Right, good.

Yeah? Yeah, good. Oh, I like that bit. That feature blossomed. Yes. Right, good. Yeah? Yeah, good. I like that bit. That feature has blossomed. Yes. All right, next bit. So, next up, it's time for Eli Silverman's Platters. I love Silverman's Platter.

It's becoming one of my favourite parts of the show. This is where we look at records that I possess. And that means you own, not spiritually inhabit. No. Like a ghost. I know. Haunted records. I rotate.

Wow, you get fucking three sips of Desperado down your gullet and you're like all over the shop. And it's ladies night. And the feeling's right. Come on, Kath. Okay, I have to apologise to everyone. Paul is pissed. I'm not drunk. I'm just hot and everyone. Paul is pissed. I'm not drunk.

I'm just hot and tired. Alright. And I'm trying to beef up this sadly lacking podcast with some spunk. Oh, some spunk. Okay.

Frothy spunk. Right. Hang on. So, what's the first record I've decided to put on this... Oh, no, let's start

with... You've got a question. Yes. Every now and then we say on Twitter, do hashtag AskSilverman, because if it comes up with AskEli, apparently that goes to some music singer in America who has a hashtag Eli thing.

So, hashtag AskSilverman, and put a question to us. And a friend of the show, Alison, had a very good question. What was it, Mr. Silverman? I think I'm paraphrasing the actual wording of the question, Alison, had a very good question. What was it, Mr. Silverman? I think I'm paraphrasing the actual wording of the question,

but I think she said, what would be a good, reasonably priced record player to buy? Yes. Now, then,

I didn't want to just answer her immediately on the Twitter because I wanted to have a little think about it, Paul. Yeah, I understand.

I'm glad you're taking the time. Now, the problem is I don't know what she means by reasonably priced and I don't know what her budget is. I would say, let's say between $30 and $100. I reckon that's mid-range.

See, that's the problem. That's not mid-range. That's bottom range. Is it? And basically, you are never going to get a record player in that price range which has anything near just even a basic hi-fi standard sound.

This is quite the dry section of the show. I know, that's why I didn't want to. All right. Basically, you've got a load of these portable ones. Don't worry, ladies and gentlemen, Paul will be saying frothy cock any moment now. Anyway, you've got a load of portable machines. Yeah. Which have sort of, with the resurgence in vinyl, the kind of nostalgia.

That you'll find in like a Maplins or Radio Shack, that kind of 90-pound... Or Urban Outfitters. But didn't you say to me, it doesn't really matter, sometimes it just depends on how good your needle is. So you could get a cheap machine, but then get a really good needle. Not at that level. What makes the difference, then? What is it? They've got cheap plastic cartridges, which is the bit which holds the needle.

Okay, that makes a difference. Terrible. Okay. Cheap plastic tone arms, which is the arm that the cartridge goes on. Yeah. And it doesn't even track properly the groove. Okay, because it's not weighted or something.

Yeah, and it has a weird angle on it. So the further into the record, the more at an angle the needle's going to be in the groove. So your sound quality's going to deteriorate there. I think you need a... I'm not going to make that noise. I was just thinking you might want to throw maybe your own noise in when you get nerdy about music. Just a thought.

I don't need to. It's just a thought. All right, how about this? So... I like it. So, yeah, so those cheap boxes also have built-in speakers yeah which are like are terrible okay um so if you're going to spend in that range yeah a lot of it's just like the retro design

but honestly it's enough to put turn people off vinyl vinyl because you get none of the richness of tone

it's a bit tinny and dynamic range and warmth yeah you don't get warmth that you get from a proper hi-fi system so what I'd say everyone's saying

what's the the amplitude of sound you could almost argue the amplitude i'm not gonna go there is it a quality item you're about to suggest yes so you really don't you need to be spending a bit more in the sort of at the very minimum 150 pounds yeah which is 200 or so i guess okay and over and then more, I think. If you're spending 250 quid, you're spending more like $300. It's around that. Okay.

Sort of $200 to $300, maybe. Yeah. And there is a company called Project... Yeah. ...who make quality turntables. Hashtag spawns. They make quality turntables in that lower range. Right.

And that's when you hit hi-fi quality, and it's just... Revolutionary. It's going to be much better, the sound quality. And it's just... Revolutionary. It's going to be much better, the sound quality. So just by paying an extra hundred... This is a separate... It doesn't have any built-in speakers, so you will need a separate amp. But if your budget is a hundred quid... And speakers, it's a hi-fi, aren't you?

Yeah, but let's say your budget is only a hundred... Let's just say your budget is a hundred quid. Can you get something manageable? You might be able to get a second hand. Interesting you mention second hand. Like a Craigslist or an eBay or a Gumtree. You probably could get a second hand higher quality. But if you're going to get a new one...

If you're going to get a new one, I mean, you just spend some money. All right, honestly. And it just spend some money. All right. Honestly. And it does have to be modular, ideally. So don't make sure it doesn't have a CD player built in or it has a cassette player either as well. No, I wouldn't go for those. Make sure.

I'd go for a modular piece, yes. Modular. Modular. So I hope that answers your question, Alison. Alison. And maybe anyone else listening who wants to get into vinyl well it's a bit of a dry one

but you know I'm happy I'm happy right moving swiftly on let's go to your vinyl platy your Silverman platy

the platy first song you've got today to play is a song called Gimme Dat Ting by the Pipkins let's listen to it now. Gimme, gimme that, gimme, gimme, gimme that thing How do I do the matrimony without a full brain?

Well, you try to be a fast-grinning body Never tell me sweet dreams How do I tell the rhythm written on the bar? How can you ever hope to know just where you are? Oh, you gimme that, you wanna make an old man happy Yeah, well, give me some of that Interesting. So that was one of those tunes that was almost kind of ubiquitous in my childhood. I remember a lot. It was just in the ether, wasn't it?

It was just recognisable. It must have been on several thousand adverts, really. I was going to say, it must have been in an advert. Shall I do a little bit of research? Oh, my God. What? All right. OK, Google.

You could cut this bit out. Yeah. OK, Google. Give me that ting. No, I just want this bit out. Yeah. Okay, Google. Gimme dat ting. No, I just want to do it. No. I'm not going to look it up then. Okay.

Interesting. So, Bit Glam. Very much of the glam style, but extremely poppy and throwaway. It's a one-hit wonder. We do know that. Yes. Pipkin seemed to be like a one-off novelty hit band just for this one. It sounds like they weren't really a band. They were just sort of like the name of the band that they put together when

they put this out it almost it has that sort of universal quality of a popcorn or a song like that just like a just an earworm for the pure sake of it isn't it because it's meaningless it's a meaningless piece of frippery it's got a bit of charleston to it it's got a bit of honky tonk piano to it yeah knees up mother brown to it it's an interest of Charleston to it. It's got a bit of honky tonk piano to it. Yeah. It needs up Mother Brown to it. It's an interest. I do like it. But it's like again

it's like something like Moldy Old Dough by Lieutenant Pigeon who we'll be coming to in a little bit actually. You remember. Right.

Fuck's sake. Give me that ting. This is what Wikipedia says. It's a 1970s popular UK song of the novelty type. It is a novelty tune, isn't it?

Song sung by one hit wonder, The Pipkins, and written and composed by Albert Hammond and Mike Hazelwood. Released as a single, it is the title section of an album which The Pipkins recorded and released with EMI. The song also featured on a bunch of compilations and also with another up-and-coming group called The Sweet. Now, The Sweet were proper glam. They were proper.

That was pop glam, but of a high quality. I like The Sweet, actually. Tiger Feet was them. Tiger Feet wasn't them. Wasn't it? Oh, that was Mud. Yeah. They did...

Bullroom Blitz. Bullroom Blitz. And Piece of the Action. Yeah. And Your Love is Like Oxygen. Do you know that one? Yeah. That's fucking excellent.

Yeah. And they've reformed recently, The Sweet. Who? The Sweet that one? Yeah. That's fucking excellent. Yeah. And they've reformed recently, the suite. Who? The suite. Suite? Yeah. Why?

Because they need money when they go on tour. Fair enough. And I saw a review of the Osmonds because they'd also reformed. Oh, great. And I read a concert review

of the Osmonds but the suite were supporting them and the reviewer was like, fuck the Osmonds. The suite blew me away basically you know what I mean

the suite were proper proper stompy yeah no they were really good I like that kind of music I like that type of glam that

stompy pop glam it's like you know the Fratelli that came out a few years ago they had a very similar style yes I like it

and Slade of course and Slade you can't miss Slade Slade is the daddy you know yeah for me when you say glam I think of Slade of course and Slade you can't miss Slade Slade is the daddy you know yeah for me when you say glam

I think of Slade oh you know I know it's probably what about David Bowie I mean come on yeah but he straddles so many more genres

and styles he's multifaceted but again like there was a and dead there was a dichotomy wasn't there yeah

you had the pop end of it yeah sweet mud Slade yeah then you had the kind of of it. Yeah. Sweet, mud, Slade. Yeah. Then you had the kind of more highbrow, although it was still very popular. So what? Iggy Pop. Bowie.

Bowie. Elton John. I guess so. And also, of course, what's the band with Brian Eno and Brian Ferry in called? Ferry Eno. No, it's not. Eno Ferries. Twig a twig. E&O Ferries. Leave it to Twig.

E&O. Oh. Don't start with... The whole... Look. Gimme Dat Ting was used as a Gimme Dat...

Roxy Music. That's glam. Didn't you claim? Is it? Yeah. Is it? I would have thought that was more new romantic.

It's considered a part of the same sort of thing. Genesis. No, that's prog. Prog zeppelin hard rock really yeah pink floyd psychedelia stroke prog i tend to okay all right think of a band i am squeeze squeeze were from the 80s so it's much more. They were sort of New Wave.

Okay. What you'd call New Wave. But they were also straddling the pop line. Oh, yeah. No, they were very poppy. Yeah. Very, very poppy. They're poppy.

Give Me That Ting was called Give Me That Ring by Coca-Cola to advertise their new ring pull cans in the early 70s. Oh, see. So that must be it. That's why it got so... Ring number seven in Canada. Also, it was the tune of one of the several musical accompaniments to time-lapse slapstick scenes on The Benny Hill Show.

See, that's what I mean. It was just everywhere. It was just... You just soak it up. 1997, the song was used in adverts for Dairy Lee. Yeah. A cheese-based product in the UK. And finally, a live version was performed

at the Fremont Town Hall and appears on the album Shags Own Thing by the Shags oh the Shags I don't know the Shags oh the track was also used on a commercial for

Pucker's Pies yeah so there you go so there you go that was our first song I like that it's a jolly little novelty it's annoying

it's a jolly little novelty it's a very annoying record. It's not very offensive, though. Right, next one. Are we going to give it a score? Yes. I'll say six. I'll also say six.

Okay. But a more positive six. Copying me. Seven. Why don't you say six and a half? Seven. All right. I'm going to go with seven.

All right, thank you. Give me that ting. Give me that next platter. Nice segue. Well, the next segue is the song called The Villain by a popular band on a cheap show, Lieutenant Pigeon. Oh, my God. This is the B-side to their huge hit, Moldy Old Doe. Moldy Old Doe. Basically, if you want to know what Moldy Old Doe sounds like, just listen to that clip again that we just played.

Very similar. It's got more honky-tonk pianos similar to... This has that glam thing that comes in. It's got that fat bass. It's that big bass glam. It's that big bass glam. It's almost like minimalist glam. It's like glam pared down to its very bare bones. Very barest bones.

Which I find kind of pleasing. Do you see what I mean? It's so minimal and sort of weird. And it sounds like it's got an insane person on it. It does sound unhinged. It does sound unhinged. He does sound unhinged. I think that was part of the appeal. And so this is like, strange, it's like dark music.

It's dark side glam, novelty glam music. It's just not, it's nothing like it, is there, really? No, can you imagine going into someone's room and you hadn't seen them for a few weeks, you don't know where they are, but you know, the last time you saw them was in their room. When you open the door, you hear that... Well, it's called The Villain, it's meant to be.

And you go in and you can see the song playing. It's stuck on a groove, just that fat bass sound over and over. And you see your friend and he's in a distorted angle. He's like screwed up and with his face white with horror twisted and what does his eyebrows do

his body his face has been shocked out of all the arrangements it's been like a lightning deformed chewed

gnawed gnawed they're just all twisted and branched and the nose is split and punctured like a splatted tomato right

and his eyes bugged out terrified the eyebrows pull back so much the skin is split above the forehead thanks for getting to the eyebrows I was going to ask about that

and then lightning strikes and you're on the wall you see make it stop written in blood with his own guts on the wall with his own guts

yeah how do I know it's his own guts and they're hanging out of his body because he's pulled them out right so he's my friend is dead and he's listening to out. Right. So he's my friend is dead and he's listening to the

villain. Wouldn't that be bad? It's like yeah yeah it would be it would be yeah yeah. It would be yeah.

I like that again because it's so abnormal. I like it. Yeah. Yeah. I like their their because it's so abnormal I like it yeah yeah I like their their work of that period I have to say

done a lot of weird stuff though haven't they it's a strange instrumental glam weird but sort of excellent to have sex to that song as well

and Moldy Old Doe keeps your pace just right yeah da da da da da da da da da da da da

and if you can come when he says mouldy old dough you've won life mouldy old dough where's it gone missing my face well

so that's that song out of I say 8 I like 8 I like it I'm going to stay with 7 on that I actually actually like it I think it needs to bring in

the fat bass earlier yeah it does me under a little bit it's just a B-side. It's obviously something they just thought. And, you know, if you are thinking of killing someone, maybe that's the song for you. That's all I'm going to say. Could be.

Could be. Could be a soundtrack to a killing. Yes. And to continue the dark theme, the next song is called Nightmare by... Arthur Brown. Because I keep forgetting. You can't remember the guy's name.

I can't remember that guy's name. It's Arthur Brown. And I keep forgetting. You can't remember the guy's name. I can't remember that guy's name. It's Arthur Brown, and it sounds like this. Dynamic explosions in my brain Shatter me to drops of rain Falling from a yellow sky Orange faces through an open eye Stop me Hold me but as I jerk So that was Prelude, pre-entities, closed, parentheses for closed, parentheses open, Nightmare.

Arthur Brown. From the crazy world of Arthur Brown, the album. I think it's the first track off of it. It's a strong track. Yeah. All the breathing. I really love that Prelude. It's like they've said,

let's make a weird piece of music, which is a bit like being asleep and being in a nightmare and they really succeed I think and it's got a real feeling to it it's got a tone yeah

it's like the amplitude of it shut up it's just right it's a quality product you know I try and fucking say

something serious on this fucking podcast you know what I mean we've been doing it for years Paul you just fucking you have to fucking two years you've been doing this now years, Paul. You just fucking... You have to fucking...

Two years you've been doing this now. And the best thing we've got is this fantastic app. Oh no, he's bought the app out. Don't get the app out. Like, you can get all his lovely catchphrases like, you look like shit.

Or, I'm willing to taste it. Or, this could be donkey dick meat it's free to download from the Google App Store yeah so I love that prelude and I just like

it's a rocking tune as well isn't it it's a very rocking tune I like it very much in the psychedelic style it's very do do do do do do and the lyrics are sort of

those nonsense Lewis Carroll style which was big with the glam surreal is it glam no psychedelic rock psychedelia he did say yes style... Which was big with glam. Surreal. Is it glam? No, psychedelic rock. Psychedelia, you did say.

Yes, yes, yes. This was just before glam really came in. Mmm. The psychedelic period, very short. Oh. From about 68 to 1970.

Oh. In British rock. Oh. And it started with Sgt Pepper? The Beatles. Well, yeah, mainly. Is that what people say?

Yes. There was no snifter of that beforehand? There was. A big snifter. Oh. And even from other bands. Even, yeah, mainly. Is that what people say? Yes. There was no snifter of that beforehand? There was. A big snifter. Oh. And even from other bands. Even earlier, from 66.

It was starting to happen, basically. And the Beatles album Revolver has a lot of Psyche... It really does. ...elements on it. It really does. Yeah, it's good. I like Arthur Brown, and he kept going to the 70s, more of a straight rock thing. And more people remember him for the song Fire. Fire.

I leave you to burn. Which is an absolute stonking classic. It is. And was released on Pete Townshend of the Who's label. Really? Track records, yeah. And was it a big success for him? I think it was a number one, wasn't it? He's probably living off it right now still, isn't he?

But he famously had a headpiece. Yes. Which was like a metal crown that he put petrol in and it had flames coming out. And it burnt his head and stuff, you know. Health and safety in the 60s, forget about it. It did not exist at all.

And there's that footage on the BBC of him of him playing on uh on top of the pops like oh the pops i thought was the old grey whistle or something yeah it's in black and white and um the smoke that's coming off his helmet his fiery helmet his big hot helmet is literally distorting the camera you can see it's really hot and white smoky you know because it's petrol yeah and he must have been thinking, this was a very good idea when I was stoned, thinking about this. He must have been stoned the whole time

just to avoid the blisters on his head. Yeah. Is he bald now, do you think? Yes, he is bald now. Well, there you go. If you want to keep a full, luscious head of hair, why not set your head on fire? And before we go on the subject of hair as well

I posted a picture from our live show on Facebook and there's been a few comments underneath that I have to share with you I just have to share with you so

I will say this so there's us a lovely picture of you me, Tom and Ash and someone pointed out that in that picture you look like

Will Ferrell from Zoolander it's hard to disagree I don't have white hair and then Joe comedy friend Joseph Wilson

sent this picture of what you look like oh my god Dom DeLuise I do not look like Dom DeLuise you do no I don't

yeah you do mate well who do you look like usually when you describe me a Giacomo pedophile that's a good bad name so that's our at Eli's what are we going to give that last one There you do, mate. Well, who do you look like? Usually, when you describe me, a Giacomo pedophile. That's a good band name. So that's our... What are we going to give that last one out of ten?

Oh, I'm going to give it nine. You're going to give it nine. I'm going to give it eight. Okay. Doesn't quite tickle me in the same way as other songs. They had a theme running through them today, all quite glammy. Yeah, really quite glammy. But it's the variance within that whole genre

isn't it because you've got a kind of throwaway novelty pop record then you've got a weird novelty bit of experimental

almost experimental pop you could call it I'd say yeah and then you've got the psych which is a sort of

precursor to that stuff but also so everyone once again learns a little something about the musical genres around us right let's go on to the next bit So everyone once again learns a little something about the musical genres around us. Nom, nom, nom, nom, nom. Right, let's go on to the next bit.

Eli. Come with me and you'll see. It's a world of pure imagination. Yeah? It's a lovely place if you let it in your heart. If you want to view paradise, simply look around and view it.

Where am I going? There's no simple way to do it. I don't pull. If you want to do it, B and Q it. We're going to Paul's Candy Sweet Shop

Sweet Shop I haven't wanted to do this bit for a while good because you know we do cheap eats but I wanted to do

Paul's Candy Sweet Shop Paradise mate let's just keep it to Sweet Shop I think we you know

Paul's Sweet Shop let's stop brainstorming Gannon's Sweet Shop we should basically brainstorm the names of the segment before we recording. Gannon's Sweet Shop. We should basically brainstorm the names of the segment before we record the podcast. Gannon's Sweet Candy Shop.

What about Gannon's Candy Land? What about... That sounds creepy. What about Gannon's Frothing Rock? Hmm. We'll get the froth in. Gannon's Frothy Sweet Shop. Gannon's Froth Shop. Froth Shop.

Poor Gannon's Froth Shop. Froth Shop. Paul Gannon's Froth Shop. Right. Makes no sense, but I like it. Yes. So, welcome to Paul Gannon's Froth Shop. Thank you. What's frothing this week, Paul? Well, it's in my sweet shop called the Froth Shop.

I'm going to have to explain it every time now. I've gone to a little corner shop near me because they have a brand of candy by a company called Bobby's. Now, whatever Barrett make, you know Barrett make like sherbet dips and all the dips. Barrett's liquorice short sorts. Yeah, and wine gums and things like that.

And liquorice short sorts, yeah. Bobby's is the knock-off brand version of Barrett's. They copy it, do they? It's Bobby's. Bobby's Sweet Shop, ladies and gentlemen. They also do crisps. Yeah, they have crisps. They've got onion rings.

We'll be doing that. Tomato balls. We'll be doing that in the froth shop in the future. They've got those twisted... What are those spiral twisty things? Spiral tris... Computer. Computer?

Spiral crisps. Welcome to Paul Gannon's Stream of Consciousness podcast. He's drinking beer. He's high on the desperado. Yeah. You've really loosened up, Paul. I don't think I like it.

Tickle, tickle, tickle. No, stop now. Tickle, tickle, tickle. No. Right, okay. Wow, you're really sensitive to booze, aren't you? Right. Okay.

It's hot. I'm hot. I'm delirious. Yes. Anyway, it's my thrift shop And you're welcome in Okay thank you I went and bought some Bobby's sweets

They're all knock off All their versions of popular sweet brands Okay We're going to try them out And what I like about Bobby's Is you buy them And it is like the sweets you buy In a Wonka's

You know Like an 80's Sweet shop You know It's all big Like for instance Let's get this big one out of the way It's a big sticker

it's called Bobby's Snake Winder twisty turley fondant filled candy strawberry and cream flavour wow

and it's a great big it's a long one isn't it so yeah and it's sort of like a straw it's a snake

it's long it's playing on the snake motif it plays on the snake motif it's got it's quite nice packaging the snake motif. It plays on the snake motif. It's got... It's quite nice packaging, really. Yeah.

You could see that would appeal to a child. It's got, like, a cartoon snake head there. A big jar of them, with them all come out the top. Shall I open it? Please open it. I'm getting a strawberry sort of smell coming through the pack. You'd think so, with it being a strawberry-flavoured snack. I'm unsheathing it.

You're pulling it from its sheath. I'm not doing a very good job. Why don't you just tear a bit off? I'll just pull it all out. There it is. I've flopped it down. You've flopped it down the desk, yeah. This is Eli's flopping his big snake winder down on the table.

Here we go. Listen. Yeah. That's not very impressive. Yeah, I'll have half of that. I'll have half of this. Let's have a bite. It's basically strawberry laters, isn't it?

It's just like those strawberry laters they do in Tesco's, isn't it? But with a fondant centre, as it says. Bounding it together. I like that a lot. I have to say, that's really... I mean, the strawberry laters are a little bit artificial. They're not as... I mean, they're all artificial.

Yeah, just the standard taste of them. But the sharp sugar is a bit more apparent in this one, I think, they're all artificial. Yeah, there's just a standard taste to them. But the sharp sugar is a bit more apparent in this one, I think, than Tesco or Sainsbury's brand. Tesco or Sainsbury's brand tend to be a bit

softer. They're a bit more kind of flatter a taste but in a positive way, so it's more juicy than just sugary. Okay. Yeah.

So you're saying it's not as high as standard, the actual strawberry string bit? Well, you know what? I've had to clean my palate with some booze. You can

unpick this which is also good for kids. It's nice to be able to play it. A bit like cheese straws you can strip it down. Exactly like cheese straws.

You can pull it and you can save the fondant. If that was your favourite bit you could save that. There's a suck on that. Yeah. So you can whip it out. That's what I've done.

I've stripped the fondant off. I've de-robed the fondant and it's there and it's dangling naughty whiteness naughty whiteness

and yeah I enjoyed that a lot well anyway we can now find out if the strawberry laces taste the same because I bought a bag of Bobby's

strawb laces but this is just going to be what he's wrapped the snake in maybe maybe not it'll be exactly the same we just don't know do we Straub laces. But this is just going to be what he's wrapped the snake in. Maybe. Maybe not. We'll be exactly the same.

We just don't know, do we? So let's find out. How much was that? I think that was like 35p. That's worth 35p. Definitely. Anyone's money. So this is Straub laces, Bobby's stretchy candy. This is 39p.

So that must have been maybe 39p as well. But go on, have a few of those. Now let me have a taste of these. Now these are a lot thinner actually than the snake ones. Yeah, I think, I suspect they're exactly the same in terms of their makeup. Hmm. These are sort of like red straws. Laces.

Like red spaghetti, red laces, yeah. Like gelatalous laces. They're nice. Yeah, but they're exactly the same. I think they are the same. Just I think they're a little bit thicker. But I think that makes it, because they're thinner,

that makes these a bit more palatable. They're a bit nicer, yeah. Yeah, you know? Because the fondant is a bit too sharp and sweet. I mean, I just like that. I mean, it's nasty.

Okay, what else have you got by Bobbies? Well, diabetes probably on the way. But let's have a look in my sweet shop thrroff Shop bag. What else have I got? This is a strawberry and white chocolate flavoured bar

called a Spobby's Strawberry Milkshake Bar. They're getting to strawberry. They must have a load of strawberry flavouring. Must be part of the factory. Fucking hell. Vera's brought another fucking batch of strawberry in. Stop making the strawberry. We're going to have to Vera's brought another fucking batch of strawberry in stop making the strawberry

we're going to have to come up with another fucking free product called strawberry I can't think of any more puns

with the straws on it man but that's all I know brilliant bit of acting there I have to say so I don't know

if I'm going to like this because it's white chocolate. It's white chocolate. But the strawberry might offset it quite well. Why do they call white chocolate chocolate? It's not chocolate.

Why do they call it what do they call it? They should call it sugar piss. They should call it puke solid. Yeah. Now look. I unsheathed it

from its pack and it's 50-50. It's two tone. You've got a strawberry end and the white chocolate end its pack and it's 50-50. It's two-tone. You've got a strawberry end and the white chocolate end. I thought it'd be segmented. And it looks like a radiator or something. It's got a ridge.

It does have a ridge. It looks like a bath mat. It looks a bit like a bath mat with a fence around it. Beautifully put. Thank you. So I'm going to snap a bit off. Got me doing the noise now. I think we should snap off the white bit first. I don't want to. I don't like it. I don't like it. Beautifully put. Thank you. So I'm going to snap a bit. Got me doing the noise now. I think we should snap off the white bit first. I don't want to.

I don't like it. I don't like it. It's a very white chocolate. As well, you look at it, it's very white. Ladies and gentlemen, Paul has had a reaction to the white chocolate. It's bringing back all sorts of traumatic childhood memories. The Milky Bars are on me! They're all over me!

The Milky Bars are literally in you. I had a really violent reaction to that. Yeah. That's the first time I've had white chocolate in years, I think. Yeah. Years and years and years. I tell you what, Paul, shall I taste the strawberry bit?

Because I'm tasting strawberry there. I think it might just be a cosmetic difference. So it tastes like strawberry and cream, but the colour's different. The whole thing is, yeah, I think so. I'm tasting the pink bit now, guys. Thank you for taking the dive for me on this.

That's all right, Paul. I saw that was a genuine piece of disgust there. I need to wash it down with lovely booze. Yeah, it tastes exactly the same, the strawberry bit. It's basically a combination of...

It's called a milkshake bar, so yeah. Not my thing. Not my thing. It's got no tang. It's all just... It's sickly. I think it's the word. To put it bluntly, it's not my ting. See? We're a professional podcast. What's next? In Paul's candy bag thrift shop.

Let's see. I mean, I don't know if I can take much more. I'm getting... These are called Bobby's Kickers. They're fruity, they're fizzy. Pick your kick. Fruity and frizzy, chewy candy discs. So what do we think this is a sort of take-off on?

I think either wine gums or um what were those things tutti frutti's you remember those square things but i think they're more now that's a classic sweet that's a great british sweet the tutti frutti yeah you never see that anymore do you mix pick and mix bags the tutti frutti ladies and gentlemen was a hard candy but it again then went chewy I mean it had a unique kind of make up it had a crispy coating and then

like a kind of fat skittle yeah that's probably the closest thing a fat skittle yeah but better because they were square

and they were not as soft as a skittle so more yeah more work a little bit more of a fight had to be had with the thing

so I'm glad we've had that reminisce yes these these kickers are... Oh, they're like little... Oh, I don't know. I was going to say jellybeards,

but they're not. They don't look very good, do they? Some are shiny and some are matte. Yeah, I think they're just not very well produced. I'm going to try one, but they do look like a halfway house between Skittle, Tutti Frutti and... No, there is a distinction.

Some are shiny and some have got a mottled... Like a matted thing. Let's try an orange one. It's a Skittle. With a cheaper flavour. I think. What flavour was that one you just had?

Orange. I had an orange one. What? You like that flavour? I think it tastes fine. It tastes like Barocca. Yeah. That's what I mean.

It's got that real artificial orange flavour. Let's go for those purple ones because they look the same. Okay tastes like Barocca. Yeah. That's what I mean. It's got that real artificial orange flavour. Let's go for those purple ones because they look the same. Just different shape. Right. Oh, that's much softer. Oh, they're tart. They're quite tart, aren't they?

Oh, they're very tart. They are. I like that, though. I like tart. Fizzy. It says fizzy. Oh, there we go. We should look at the pack.

You've got a fruity and then on the other end a fizzy just so you know I read out fruity fizzy when we read this okay I didn't pick up on that but that's why because you never listen to me during this fucking podcast

I've noticed I got real there I got real you need to start with the drinking I'm going to go with this green oh yeah

check yourself before you wreck yourself I'm going to try a green one but is it a fizzy one or a fruity they're all fizzy. No, they're not all... The ones that are shiny

are... Fruity. Fruity. And the ones that are mottled are fizzy. Yeah. Have a little test. That's totally...

They're different. It's two different sweets in the same... Now you brought it to me. My attention. That's what I've been trying to fucking say. Well, I'm having them.

Get off. They're actually really... They're the best thing so far, aren't they? They're nice. Quickly, let's break them. That's a good confectionery product. How many froths?

So, one to five, right? So, the first one, which was the strawberry winder, the strawberry fondant winder. I'll give it three froths. I will froth three times, too. And? Next one was the milk and strawberry bar. No, it wasn't.

It was just the laces. The laces, strawberry laces. Three again? Three again. It's basically the same. Nothing remarkable, but three again. But I'd say to have them over the... I don't need the fondant. No, I just want the laces. The laces. Strawberry laces. Three again? Three again. It's basically the same. Nothing remarkable, but three again. But I'd say to have them over the... I don't need the fondant.

No, I just want the laces. You know what I mean? So the next one was the milkshake bar. New, new, new, new, new. I didn't like it. Barely a froth from me. I'll give it two. It's more of a squirt.

Not so much froth. Just a little bit of jism. Prejizz. A little oily pellet of prejizz. Kickers? They get four. I'm going to give four and a half. I like the fact that it's a bit of a gamble.

Very nice. Very nice. They were well conceived and executed. Skittles knock off. Yeah. Well done, Bobbies. Because Skittles, you have to buy a whole pack of the sour ones or a whole pack of the fruit ones.

And then you have to mix them yourself, don't you? You think, is this too much work? I can't stand it. And also, they're forcing you to buy two packs. Yeah, fucking corporate. Bobbies are all over it, mate. Go with Bobbies. Go with Bobbies.

We'll give it hashtag spawns. Bobbies. Seriously, Bobbs. Bobby, baby. Listen to me. This is Candy Don't Stop. Next one is Bobby's Soda Blast Cherry Burst, 50p. It's a little plastic cola-esque shaped bottle with what looks like little tiny sugary cherry

probably fizzy sweets. Okay. It says just twist it. I've got sugar sweats. You've got sweat for every fucking thing. You've got meat sweats, booze sweats, fucking life sweats. Right. Right, I'm going to tip a few onto your hand.

The little diddy little things they are. They're like little ecstasy pills. Yeah, I guess they to tip a few onto your hand. The little diddy little things they are. They're like little ecstasy pills. Yeah, I guess they are. Little pill-shaped. They're little sugar-balled sweets, compressed. Just sherbet. Yeah. Oh, man.

I have just had the biggest flashback eating one of these. To what? There used to be a sweet van that went around the streets when I was growing up. Right? So growing up in the North West... A sweet van? Yeah, a van that would drive around and ring a bell. I mean an ice cream van to be a sweet van that went around the streets when I was growing up. Right? So growing up in the North West. A sweet van? Yeah, a van that would drive around and ring a bell. You mean an ice cream van?

No, sweet van. I've never heard of such a thing. Every day of the... There's a certain day of the week it would come to your street. You'd hear the ding-a-ding-a-ding-a-ding. The same concept as an ice cream van. And a candy floss van that we had coming around as well that did the same thing. Oh, yeah.

Somewhat. But this sweet shop van, every Thursday, let's say, I ran out to it, vividly remember this, buying some sweets from a pocket money. Yeah. One of the sweets I got,

I can't remember the name of, but they tasted... Exactly like that. Well, here's the thing. I want you to hold that thought because this is the cherry one. I bought lemon and lime spritz. Now, I think...

It's the same thing. Sodablast. I think... These are... They're sherbet. Essentially little sherbet tablets. But they taste just like the sweets I had growing up when I was a kid. This brand I can't remember. I think

it was actually an orange flavour. But... It's just like that. Yeah. Mate. Well the bobbies are very traditional sort of... They use those cheap flavours that you remember from your youth, don't they? So that's cherry. You've got lemon and lime. I'm opening lemon and lime.

Just give it a twist. Oh, I like them. Ooh! Very tart. Oh, really? Oh, that's really artificial. It's almost like soapy, isn't it? Mate, that's like crunchy fairy liquid.

Yeah, yeah. That really tastes toilet ducky. Yeah, it tastes like toilet duck. So, the clear winner of the soda blast is the cherry burst. The clear winner is the cherry burst. Yeah, that's harsh. That kills 99% of germs dead kind of blast. Yeah, that's very soapy on the lemon and lime.

Oh. But we have... Christ, I don't know if I can take any more, Paul. Honestly. Well, then you're going to hate this. Because the last one is the piece de resistance. Is this by Bobby's as well? No.

Actually, this is by a company called Zed Candy. We need to give a mark for the soda bottles. Soda blast for froths for me. For the cherry burst. Yeah, for cherry. But that one, two. Two for the lime. It's really but that one two two for the lime it's really antiseptic

and toilet ducky bleaky I'd say one froth for the lime yeah and two for the cherry burst two froths

really yeah I'm not into that okay well difference of opinion anyway the final one today you're not looking forward to this but

Zed candy have something called double dares and if you want to know what they are I'll say one word to you and it'll explain exactly what this knockoff is You're not looking forward to this. But Zed candy have something called Double Dares. And if you want to know what they are, I'll say one word to you, and it will explain exactly what this knockoff is. Beanboozled. It's a Beanboozled knockoff.

Now, this is a quid, and it's basically a test tube full of jelly beans of different flavours. And like Beanboozled, a green one is going to be two flavours. So it could be grass, or it could be apple. It could be a disgusting one, or a nice one. I will tell you the flavours we have in this tube, apparently. Green is either watermelon or... What do you think it is? Snot. Is correct.

The brown one is either cola or squid. Dog shit. No, squid. Dog shit. God. How do you even know if that was correct? Barry knows. I know.

Right. I'm blind. Pink. No, orange is either peach or cough medicine. See, I wouldn't mind. I know right I'm blind pink no orange is either peach or cough medicine hmm see I wouldn't mind blue

no I think they're both fine I like the taste of cough medicine blue is blueberry or toothpaste again why is toothpaste so derided see but they've because the bean boozle

the jelly belly bean boozles yeah have toothpaste as one of the nasty flavours no don't get it and freshly mown grass is one of the nasty flavours and freshly mown grass is one of the nasty flavours

again not a nasty thing it's a bit herbal but this seems to have all three it has toothpaste what is it what was the other

one you said snot no that's nasty squid squid I don't mind well the next few flavours are strawberry or fresh

blood now that's nasty and lemon or rotted cheese. Nasty. So, that's yellow. So, shall we just pour these out and try them out? Yeah. I think there's two of most of them.

I've not tried these. I'm opening this for the first time. And you're hoping we can use these instead of being boozed on. Still for protection. Yeah. Make it a deal with Bobby's. This is not Bobby's. This is manufactured by...

Zed Candy. Okay. They're out of the tube. We'll go for yellow first. Shall we start with yellow? There's quite a few yellows. So... Actually, I can smell the cheese ones.

You can smell it? I can actually smell the jelly belly cheese ones. That's just the remnants of the cheese pot noodle from the previous episode. Can you not smell the cheese ones from there? Yeah. Don't get so close to the mic. That's unsettling. All right.

Let's pick a yellow one each then okay ready I'm not feeling good about this 3, 2, 1 I've got cheese I've got cheese

I've got lemon that wasn't bad was it it tastes just like that cheese pot noodle oh really it's the same fucking company flavouring

maybe I guess you could spit into that and empty it out later. That's all right. I mean, it's not that bad, actually. All right. Oh, is there cheese? These are not as good at all.

Well, we've only tried one. Yeah, but you can tell the whole... The texture. The texture's just wrong. It's slightly chalkier. Yeah, yeah. Much chalkier and crumblier. They don't have a good consistency.

Okay. And also, that may have been cheesy, but it didn't have a very strong flavour. Maybe that will help us out when we get to some of the other flavours. Right. I think we should do brown next, which is cola or squid. Okay. I've picked a brown one up. Okay.

I'm going to go with a brown one. This one. Ready? Three, two, one. Oh, that's really bad. Cola. I've got squid. It's very dog shitty.

That is deeply unpleasant. Oh, that's so bad. That's one of the worst bean boozles I've ever had. Wow. That's really rough. Does it taste of squid, though? Yeah. Mouldy squid.

Oh. It's musty. Honestly they've put fucking fish essence in that. Smell that. That does smell very fishy. It does doesn't it? Fucking hell.

Now that came out of left field. I was not expecting that after the weakness of their cheese offering. The weakness of a cheese offering does not appease me. Whoa. Can I just say, I'm glad I didn't get that one. That's really, really unpleasant, mate. Well, there's two blue ones.

Shall we have a blue one each? Well, this could be toothpaste. It's a palate cleanser, basically, though. So it's blueberry or toothpaste, all right? Here we go. I've got toothpaste. I think this is blueberry. Why am I getting all the nasty ones

that is a good point and you're picking them weird yeah that's toothpaste which again but that's fine minty it's very minty

that was nice and blueberry that was fine nice flavour really Paul as you said the texture isn't quite right you're right

but you can tell the cheapness with the texture but honestly that squid one Paul yeah what haven't we chosen we haven't done

the greens or the reds we haven't done the greens or the reds. We haven't done the greens or the reds. Or the orange. Did we do the orange? Yeah, because that was either squid or... No, no, we haven't done orange, so that's fine. Right, we should do... I hope you get a nasty one, Sue. Let's do green. So what is green again?

It is... Watermelon or snot. I'll let you pick my one, then. Just point. Okay. So you touch it. Sorry. Well then, you have to pick whatever you want, then. Ready? Okay. Watermelon or snot Watermelon or snot I'll let you pick my one then Just point Okay Until you touch it Sorry Well then you have Pick whatever you want then Ready Okay

Watermelon or snot I got watermelon I got watermelon You're such a lucky bitch There were two left though Should we try the other two greens Must I Right ready

Yeah Watermelon Watermelon Didn't get one snot We didn't get any snot Okay It's not a very good watermelon flavour Very artificial

Yeah very artificial Not strong or Doesn't feel right No It's not quite right It's not quite right Alright Okay so what do you want to end on

It's almost kind of floral Yeah You know what I mean Florally Lavender-esque Yeah it's got a lavender thing Which is strange So there is

There's peach and cough medicine left And strawberry and fresh blood What do you want to end on Well let's go for the orange and then the red. Then end on red. Yeah. All right, okay. What is this, peach or?

Peach or cough medicine. So I think either way, I'm going to be happy with this. Yeah, again, cough medicine isn't that disgusting. Yeah. Or might be, I mean. That's peach. That's peach. Shall I try that one?

Yeah. Get a nasty one. Okay. Here we go. The second orange. Oh, that's a cough medicine yeah oh but it's nice

is it like a cough drop yeah yeah yeah oh exactly cough drops are a legitimate sweet people like that it's like a cough drop flavoured one

mmm nice well it's like double smell my breath I'm not smelling you smell my breath you'll get oh I got it

yeah it's almost like a anise yeah cough medicine yeah oh that was nice, that. Well, you know. So, to end on, we have three left, three red ones. And blood.

So they're going to go for an irony, sort of. We'll see. I don't know what it's getting at. I've never... Believe me, the squid was so bad. That was outstandingly bad. Really bad. So, you pick one for me, then.

It was almost like the fish sausage that I tried. Oh, right. Amplified. Amplified, yeah. Yeah. Which one almost like the fish sausage that I tried. Oh, right. Amplified. Yeah. Which one? Shall I have that one? Yeah. Okay.

So strawberry or blood? Oh. He's gone for the smitter. Was that blood then, Paul? I got strawberry. Describe it to me. Lots of iron. Yeah.

Really unpleasant. Like chewy garbage? Yeah, it was really bad. Oh, God. I think the bad ones are... I feel like I've been punched and I'm tasting my own blood. Yeah.

The bad ones are actually worse than Bean Boozled, aren't they? That's really disgusting. Yeah, I know. I told you, the squid was out of this world.

Can I try that? I'm not trying it. I've already got a bit of a dicky tummy. I'm going to try it simply because it's the last red one and it might be strawberry

and clean my palate. It might not be. I don't want to see you vomiting in the house of pickles. I have a little nibble. All right? Here we go. Mr. Fucker.

Good. He had a bad run out. What was that? So. I need bleach so I need bleach I need bleach yeah he's going to take the lemon and lime

oh he's pouring the lemon and lime bobbies mmm down there mmm nice and fizzy and bleachy ok so to sum up

double dez not not as good quality confectionery as jelly bellies of course jelly bellies are like primo

aren't they well they were marketed originally as the gourmet jelly bean yeah very much the gourmet yeah so these are not as as Jelly Bellies. Of course, Jelly Bellies are like Primo, aren't they? Well, they were marketed originally as the gourmet jelly bean, weren't they? Yeah, very much the gourmet.

Yeah. So these are not as well made. On a basic level. I mean, they still put the same processes in, but the slightly

quality of the colouring is different. They're more crumbly, the texture's more crumbly and sort of sugar crystal, crystallised sugar sort of. And in terms of the

flavours, less nuanced than your Bean Boozled. But the bad ones... Horrible. Really? I mean, they weren't messing around with that squid. I was going to be like, shall I try the squid for a laugh?

And I was thinking, if your reaction is like that, I will barf in your bedroom. It was really bad. Really bad. Mate. That blood one was awful. Yeah. Yeah. mate that blood one

was awful yeah yeah so full marks to Zed Candy there for coming up with some

truly disgusting disgusting I'm going to tell you what I'm going to give that four and a half froths but not because

it's a great product but because actually it does what it says on the tin quite well maybe better than Bean Boozled does I mean Bean Boozled does have some

disgusting ones the vomit is pretty bad but you know what the balance is the good ones for Bean Boozled does. I mean, Bean Boozled does have some disgusting ones. The vomit is pretty bad. But you know what the balance is? The good ones for Bean Boozled taste much better as candy than the good ones in the Double Dares, whereas the bad ones

for Double Dares are far more potent. Yeah, they just seem to be more like a real essence, like a real fish essence that they somehow got in there, you know?

It was magical. So, yeah, I'm going to give that four and a half froths just for, I don't know. It's quite good, really. And it's a quid. It was a quid for that. That's alright there, you know? It was magical. So, yeah, I'm going to give that four and a half froths just for, I don't know. It's quite good, really. And it's a quid.

It was a quid for that. That's all right. And you get, what, about 20 or 20? It's your little entry into the world of disgustingly flavoured... So is that candy? All right, mate. Yeah, because they did Bean Boots.

Oh! Jelly Belly. But they also had the Harry Potter ones. And the Harry Potter ones had different flavours, didn't they? We haven't tried the Bertie Botts ones yeah I think it's very similar we could give them a try

and end up that trilogy I guess I think we should alright then well that has to be Gannon's Throff Shop thank you do you think it works

I think we need to work on the title oh god I'm just sorry I keep tasting the blood as well

you know every time we record Paul I think maybe the podcast has well you know every time we record Paul I think maybe the podcast has reached a new low I'm glad we're still reaching down okay let's say goodbye

that's it it's the end I'm going to swig my last bit of booze yes now I don't think you should do that

I know it was a hot day and you wanted a hot beer I mean a cold beer it's been a long cheap and you wanted a hot beer. I mean, a cold beer. It's been a long cheap show day. Yes. Cheap show HQ. And if you beguile me.

No, begat me. If you make me feel bad for making me drink one Desperados, then mate. I'm not. We're not afraid of you. I know. You're afraid of you. I know. You're not a friend of you. You really... It really seems to affect you. 25.9 vol-ca-hol.

Vol- Volume of alcohol. Yeah. You're just not a big drinker, are you, Paul? No. Right. Paul likes his drugs.

I've just realised my mum listens to this now. I don't do drugs, mummy. Good. So, wow, it really smells bad. Yeah, I'm a squid. That don't do drugs, mummy. Good. So, wow, it really smells bad.

Yeah, that squid and blood sweet, bad. Anyway, goodbye. This has been Cheap Show. It's been a great show for me. Thanks for supporting the show

on Patreon, everyone. At least wait for me to eat before we get serious. Look, I'm just trying to get it, get it, get it,

get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it,

get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it,

get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it,

get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it,

get it, get it, get it, get it, think about it this way. When you give us money on Patreon, you're not so much helping keep a show afloat. You're keeping a human being alive.

You're keeping Eli. Just that one more day before the gun accident. What? I might kill myself. That's comedy, is it? Because the word might. Weak. Anyway, patreon.com forward slash cheap show. Weak. Anyway, patreon.com forward slash cheap show.

Weak. You're keeping us doing this fantastic, well honed, well thought out, delicately delivered comedy podcast. Briefly in the top 50 of comedy iTunes. And then forever shooting downwards. Like a runaway train. Downwards. Like a runaway train. At this point, I think it's only apropos that I actually pull out this.

Give us money on Patreon. Goodbye, everyone. I hate Paul. Eli, what sound effect best describes your love life? Yeah, because I make them chirrup. That's been Cheap Show for another bloody episode. Thank you for supporting us on patreon.com forward slash cheap show. Different ways to pay a dollar, whatever you want to do.

It helps us. We really, really do appreciate it. Thank you so much. Follow us on Twitter. We're quite chatty on that. We always like a natter at the cheap show pod our website thecheapshow.co.uk for all the images that support this episode yes you can see all the pictures of the uh the sweets and stuff that we've played with today and also the videos of the full vinyl tracks they've only played clips of i put all those up as well okay um what else email us if you have any questions ask silverman hashtag on twitter if you have any questions for us as well. Okay. What else? Email us if you have any questions. Ask Silverman hashtag on Twitter if you have any

questions for us as well. I especially like questions about noodles. Thecheapshow at gmail.com is that email address

and that's it. Thank you once again. We're getting close to our 50th and it looks like the audience have said

they want Don't Get Mad to come back. Okay. We'll get mad. We'll try our best. We'll get mad. We will and you

will. I'll say something about shitting. You will. Yes. And we'll all it'll be. I'll say something about shitting. You will, yes. And we'll all it'll be like, oh Eli said something about shitting. And it'll all be cosy and lovely.

And you'll go, oh I shat in the bed. Can we end this episode now? Yes, we can. Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for being here today. We've had a lovely time. Thank you. Goodbye. Thank you everyone. You're a great audience.. Thank you. Goodbye. Thank you, everyone. You're a great audience.

We love you so much. And remember, don't have nightmares, just have great looking hair. What? Nothing. Shouldn't have said that. Say what?

That stupid line that you always say. What else then? Just something better. All right. Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for listening to Cheap Show. We put the economy in comedy. Thank you. That doesn't work either.

We put the comedy in economy. Comedy in economy. We put the comedy in economy economy comedy in economy we put the laughter in disaster no we're dead fleek for the cheap what? we're on fleek

for cheap I like that we're on fleek for cheap yeah ladies and gentlemen you've been listening to Cheap Show and remember

you're on fleek for cheap no we're on fleek we're on fleek for cheap no we're on fleek we're on fleek for cheap take it together ready

ladies and gentlemen thank you for listening to the cheap show and remember we're on fleek for cheap 45 fucking episodes until we have a sign off