CheapShow - Ep 474: Think Of A Platter

Episode Date: February 13, 2026

After last week’s book heavy content, Eli and Paul decide to delight your ears this week by revealing their weird little 7 inch vinyl treats! These musical curios will make you question everything you know… Well, maybe not, but they are definitely “interesting”. CheapShow peaks back into the 1970s and 80s with a selection of tracks that tickle the nostalgia bone. There is some cute New Wave “computer game” based pop music from New Zealand, The Highway Code as sung by some A Cappella vocal group, an awful ballad taken from a forgotten Pirate movie and a flexidisc containing the familiar tones of kids TV favourite, Johnny Ball! Oh… And we have a new food segment on the show now too. Apparently. See pics/videos for this episode on our website: https://www.thecheapshow.co.uk/ep-474-think-of-a-platter www.patreon.com/cheapshow If you want to get involved, email us at [e-mail] For all other information, please visit: www.thecheapshow.co.uk Like, Review, Share, Comment... LOVE US! MERCH Official CheapShow Magazine Shop: www.cheapmag.shop Send Us Stuff: CheapShow PO BOX 1309 Harrow HA1 9QJ

Do you want to grouch Eleni louder before we start? Blah blah blah Blah blah Yes, I was trying out my Arnold Schwarzenegger inflection Thank you Fat tongue,

Paul with his cunt's mouth Why, what a great start Behave, calm down I wasn't a grelch It was an internal thing That I have no control over You do No, I don't

How can you Diet, chewing your food When you're... Oh, here we go Is that what you're going to go to You're going to attack my health? Fat piggy Fat, fat, fat, fat little wiggly piggy

Such a dickhead. Why is that cheered you up? I don't know. You're the one jiggling your big flabby belly fat the other day. Wiggly piggy. Then saying, oh, I'm going to take this out after you was... Yeah? Hello.

So are you going to take this out, are you? Welcome to the new episode. Wiggly Pigley and the fat man. I'm the fat man, and I is Wiggly Pigley. That's nonsense, shit. What a load of fucking garbage. Oh, I've got the squeaky chirp. Sorry about this, everybody.

Hurry up, quick. It's a professional podcast. I'll be back in a second, everybody. Sorry about this, everybody. It's an award-winning professional podcast. Sorry, sorry about this, everybody. I'm sorry about this, everybody. Why, and you listen to your headphones?

You're making me feel weird. Because I can't anymore. Because it doesn't work. But Paul, it's a new Zoom recorder. Shut up, Wiggly Piggy and sit down. I'm not responding to that. You are a Wiggly Piggy, sit down. Come on, Wiggly Piggy.

Just because you had a cunt's mouth. Yeah, that's literally all this balls down to. Is my petty-iggy-a-gritty. A grievances. A grievances. Oh. You know what I've got? I've had rolling grot for so long.

Rolling grot. Which is a good term, isn't it? I don't know what it is. You need to explain it. The endless successions of small colds and flus that one gets around this time of year. Rolling onto each other from one another. You're the only person I know who has that.

With Nester Gap. Oh, shut up. Everyone is going to fucking... It's funny how you could talk for ages on actual inaccurate bullshit. And then when I say, you're wrong, that's when I'm told, just shut up, isn't it? It's weird how you just fucking go down the leafy highway of Eli's mind

of all the fucking incorrect facts and figures he just spews out with confidence. I'm fine being incorrect. And the minute someone at the side of the road says, hey, you might have been a bit incorrect there. It's all of a sudden this abrasive fucking shut your mouth, I know all. I just need to say, no one's listening to you because everyone is agreeing silently in their heart with me and my coinage of the term rolling grot. what I mean, and it's just you denying your own mortality again, Paul.

I'm sorry. No, that's what it is. You are so... I was going to put my shoes over. I forgot to take this fucking long walk down to Eli's fucking windy mouth, wiggly-pigley-pigley fucking tongue garbage that rolls out in lieu of actual fucking content. This podcast is over. It's over. It's over.

It's finally over. After the music, you'll hear nothing but silence for 60 minutes. Goodbye. Anyway, I just wanted to say, because of the rolling grot, which you're going to be, which everyone agrees with. No one does. I've got that thing where my inside of my nose

smells of shit. Hello, I'm the cheap show. It's the economy comedy podcast. Oh, me, Paul Gannon and... Pigley Wiggly!

Hello! Bluble, blubbblub. And piggily wiggily. You've asked for this. Wiggly pig. Wiggly pig. And wiggly pig. Oink, o'ik.

Ooh, booby, booby. Oh, right. Obooby booby booby. That's what I say. Blub, my mouth so full of food. Blub, blah, blob. You know what? You make me regret the things I say.

Oh, I just regret a whole lot of stuff around this whole area. Anyway, we're out of sorts this week, everyone on the podcast. No, we're not. We're always out of sorts. We are. I'm in sorts. I'm in shorts. Don't, don't.

Don't direct the podcast to your groin. I'm in skimpy shorts. My nuts. You're not. My nuts are peeking out. You're not. Like Grandad Longfellow. Like sock like, scrotled sock.

I miss on this podcast. What? When we used to make sense. When we used to have conversations. We're going to have conversations today. No, we're not. I'm going to lie back and let you pour out the garbage in your brain. That's it.

That's what's going to happen. Didn't you say Gunty was going to be on? Well, no, that's the other thing I might have sought about. He's outside waiting to come in. Because he's been told that he gets to do his food. You know, there's a smell with Gunty. And it's not like a bad smell, but it's like that over cleaned. You know, like really soapy, too much.

Almost bleachery, right? Yeah. No, I don't. It's like. Smell that man has. The minute he gets a little speck of dust on him, He fucking goes into a meltdown. Anyway, so what's this?

He's going to have a bit. He's going to have a bit. I've said he can come in, and he says he's going to finally review his Vianetta. He said he bought new Vianetta. So, come on. Come on. Come on in, then.

Go get him. All right. Go bring him out. He's there. Come on. John. John. John, mate.

Yeah, come on. Come on. Yeah. Oh, yes. Oh, Charlie. I'll go up. Oh, there. Come on.

Come on. Come on. Come in, close the door. Anyway, this is a podcast. Eli and I go through charitieships, bargain bins and powerlands to see what treasure we can find amongst that trash. We've just got to do this one quick segment. Sit down.

Just sit there. Okay. Here I'm chopping the vina. Yeah, put your bags there. Oh, hello, Paul. Hello, John Gunty. Hello, John Gunty. So we spoke to Brandoff.

He's going to get me a scientist. So as a result, yes, you can do your segment on the show. He's getting you a scientist. If you want to get what you want, I have to get what I want out of it. I don't know what you mean. All you need to know is that you've got. that you've got the time now to do one of your, what's the segment called again?

Ganty's Food Reviews. Fine, simple, you know, classic. I mean, all right, I'm going to play this little bit of music. I know you can't start. Can I just say before I start? Can I just say? It's not like what I want to do, is it? Well, Paul, I know you're reticent and I know you feel like you've been coerced, so to speak.

To be, yeah, a little bit, yes. But I just want to, I want to assure you, I've put my all into this review segment. Once you, I'm sure once you hear it. Your Vianetta's melting on my children. Listen, I just need to say this. Once you hear it, you're going to love it. And you're going to want to, you're going to think, why didn't I give that guy a segment before?

This is going to be the great. This is going to launch this podcast into the stratosphere. Hello, everybody. I'm John Ganty. I'm going to play a little bit of music, and that's your cue. All right. So let me do an intro and then do your thing and then go. Thank you very much.

Okay. Right, ladies and gentlemen, on the podcast. No, you are we ready now. You are genuinely going to have to shut up if you want this to go through. Just let me do my thing. Ladies and gentlemen, on the Cheap Show podcast for the very first time ever, it is John Gunty's Food Review. Take it away. Hello, everybody. I'm John Gunty.

Food reviewing is something that is in my heart. I started very young when I used to give stickers to different ice creams as a child. I'd eat like a lolly of some sort. Get to the review. Sorry. Get to the review bit. I thought this was supposed to be my segment. Get to the review bit.

Anyway, today on Gunti's food reviews, I'll be comparing Vionettas and Vionetta variants, because Vianetta is actually a trademark, which means not every store can use a Vionetta in the name of their product, but they can use something similar, maybe in a similar Italian language, and obviously it's a very simple. but I'll be rating these on a system. It's a five point system but decimals are allowed. I'm John Gunty now. Let's get into this first tub. This is the real deal. Everybody, this is a classic.

So, oh, um, the Sainsbury's I give 5.2. For the Vianetta original, that has to be a five out of five. It is the standard by which Vianettas are all judged for Liddles. Beandetta roll Oh, that's the three. Very poor. Very sugary. Very poor. All these, um, bendy-detto. Hello. Waifer.

Yeah, he's here. I scream wafer. 2.5. Very disappointing. Uh, Gunty, your wife's on the phone. Oh, no, tell her. She wants to know where you are. Just tell her that I'll be done in this, that minute.

He's going to be down. What? She says, you should have been over half an hour ago. I know, but I'm doing a food review. Just explain to her. You just, you speak to her. Yes, Jane, I know But I said I would do it

This is for both of our goods Because... I'll be home in five minutes I love you I love you too Give you the phone back You can fuck off now We have a show to do

You've done your segment Have given you 55 minutes of my time All right Eli, he's outside I think Is he? Yeah, I know he was out of there He was making a cup of tea Sorry

Tell him to come in on the way out Thank you very much And what will the episode be going out It'll be going out this Friday, mate, so you can listen in there. I'll be listening avidly and so were all my friends at work. By all means, do that. All right. Bye, no, bye then. Bye-bye.

Oh, this is great being a performer. Don't. It's great. I feel like I'm real. I will hit you. Get out. Get out. Why does my wife have your number?

Get out. Okay. Get Eli. Bye. Take your fucking Vianetta with you. Sorry. Thank you. Take them.

Okay. Thank you. I get to Eli. Can I put this in your business? No, yeah, put him straight in the bin. All right. Not the inside bin. Take him to the outside bin on the way out.

Go on. Get Eli. John, it's good to see you, John, yeah. All right. Oh, that's nice, isn't it, to have him do it a bit? Because it just means I get a break, you know. How is that then? That's brilliant.

It was interminable. It was 40, well, no, nearly an hour, actually, of him withering on about Vienetta. It's not. I'm cutting it all out. I get editorial control over this podcast, so fuck him. All right, mate. He's done his thing.

Right, so where are we? Fucking 25 days into this recording. All right, so we are this week on the podcast. We're going back to one of our favourite places to go, the old record shop. And we're going to play some vinyl treats for you today, aren't we, Eli? It's platter or splatter on Silverman's platters. Yes.

Four platters. Four. Will they be platters or will they be splatters? That's what we'll be asking. That's what we will be putting out into the universe as a question. Are these records worth your time Or relegated to the bin of forgotten law? Novelty song history

Yeah, the bonfire of someone's vanity Hey? You wanted to say vanity as soon as it said bonfire then, didn't you? I liked it. The bonfire of someone's vanity. You know what I mean? I quite like that. Yeah.

That was a film with Tom Hanks and Bruce Willis. Stop being Greg Turkington about things. I never saw it. I know. I know a thing. Wasn't that Willis' first big. flop. He's also rumoured to have a large penis, isn't it? Because him and

what's that guy called? Milton Burl. He's come up twice today. No, Milton Berl and him apparently had a big cock off. Yeah, because Bruce Willis said, oh, apparently Milton Byrne, you've got the biggest cock in Hollywood. Let's compare sizes. So Bruce Willis got his out and Milton Bill got just enough

of his out to prove his point. I bet, I reckon that just enough. You see what I'm saying? That's what he said. You didn't have to get all of it out to win. Yeah. But I think he probably took it. Took it. And then sort of pulled a loop out. And then like the whole, like the tip still tucked in. And he's, through the flies, he's got it. Like one of those bent sausages you see in a butcher shop.

Yeah, like he took some big loop. Yeah. Because that's enough. Can you see it? It's like a big, you don't see the root. You don't see the tip, but you see the mid-leg. No, you just see a big fucking arc of meat. The loop of the length.

A huge swan's neck of fucking meat looping around. Talk about fruit of the loin. He shrunk. I honestly thought that was going to land better. But when it came out of my mouth, it was like, nah. It didn't land. Well, anyway, that just. this week's penis talk out of the way.

Let's move on. Is it? Is it really out of the way now? Let's go on to the platter selection, shall we? This segment's been quite long enough. Thank you very much. Do I have permission, though, to talk about penises again if I... If it comes up naturally in the conversation, of course. Denim rub, rubs?

No, that's your own thing. Bollock juggling. Right. Loop, penis, tip, west... You know what's going to go there. I'm editing it out. You're editing it out. I'm going to edit that last bit out.

Right, the records we've got, I've uploaded to our data mainframe, and so trackbotorg.x.ex.com is hosting all the records we're playing today. Why couldn't he be here, little fella? Well, he's in the content house? In he? What? Yeah, he's... Doing what? I don't know. I don't know what he's doing. I don't watch it. They're all in the content house, Eli. I thought you made that abundantly clear. All we have access to is his software so I can use my... Well, that's going to be useless. Nest thing over there. That's going to be useless. No, it's not. It's fine. Listen, hang on. Okay, trackbot. Welcome to... Trackbot. Online. services.

Works just as good. Ask it something. Okay. Hello, trackbot. Trackbot. Who wrote the Beatles song yesterday? Duba, laba, laba, dauba, dauba. Duba, laba, laba.

Duba, laba, laba. Duba, laba, laba. I mean. Duba laba laba, da. It's slower than Google. Doba laba. What, is this on dial-up or something? Duba, laba, lava.

Duba, laba, da da lava. No, this isn't terminable. No internet connection. Oh, for fuck sake. Paul. I'm sorry. Hang on, let me... Okay, trackbot.

Trackbot. Trackbot, um, what song's been at number one for the longest time ever? Duba, blah, blah, blah, blah. Duba, blah, blah. He's not going to fucking answer you. This is fucking... Dobalababab. You've got the circle of death thing going there.

Duba, laba, duba. Duba, duba. Fah sake. Missletoe and wine, Clef Richard, 1943. That sounds a lot. like trackbook. He's wrong in all sorts of ways. Anyway, trackbook, can you download to my playlist of songs on today's

vinyl selection, please, that I digitised from their vinyl originals? Just so it's consistent. Paul? Yeah. But this is no useless. Why is? Because there's no receptacles. There's no charging nodes. There's no cupboards. There's no soft cables. I don't know if you saw the

contract for contract, contract house. Content. I don't know if you saw the content for contract house. Contract, contract for content house. Yeah. Apparently, there are stipulations in there, which is kind of a look, don't touch on trackbot. That Brandoff is saying... No wonder he's gone over there.

Yeah. Brando's like, don't fuck with his property. He can talk. Yeah. It's the one thing that doesn't turn him on is trackbots charge port. Weird, because every man I've ever met. Every man. And most women as well. Everyone.

Yeah. Everyone wants to get... It's truck bot's fault the way it's built. You know? It's leading you on with its sexy little... I've seen dogs. I mean, tight little port. What was that dog called?

The Brandy dog, remember him? He was fuck it all the time. Yeah, I don't know what. To Randy Dog. He got killed. I saw him. Did you? Yeah.

You know what it was? I didn't want to tell you this. I mean, I know you didn't love Randy Dog that much. It was more that he was, you know. He smelled bad. He did smell bad. And he spunked up everywhere. Literally everywhere.

No, it was, um, juicy Jeremy's jalopy. Last time he was hearing. Oh, did he run over? Get it run over. Yeah. I just had to put him in a bin. Oh, sorry. I should have told you.

I mean, it's fine. He was still spunking up dead. Yeah. Can you imagine that? I'm trying to put him in the bin. or whatever it was. Fucking death goo going in my eye.

You know when you die and you get an erection it's that thing is it? The angel horn. The angel horn or something. Stinkhorn. He had old yellow

angel horn. Stinghorn. Old yellow. Not just name of the dog but the colour is mucket spunk. Oh like custard.

Old yellow. Right, come on. Anyway, so track pop. Oh, fuck this. Come on. Can you download the songs onto the playlist, please, today? Yes. Duba luba luba, da-la-la-lub-la-lub-a-lub.

Oh, fuck, you know, I'm going to go and make another cup of tea, Paul, honestly. Duba-lub-lub-lub-lub-lub-lub-lough. Download it. Right, okay, thank you, track, bot. Right, okay, so we've got, yeah, we have four seven-inch singles to talk about it today. What do you want to start with? We've got MySex, Master Singers, Johnny Ball or Pirates. What do you want to go with?

Johnny Ball. Johnny Ball. Let's start with Johnny Ball. Start with Johnny Ball. It's the odd one out because this is a flexi and was not sold separately. No. Very much likes a lot of flexies.

Do you see there's a new book out? Another flexi book. Because we got the Johnny Trunk book. You got me. I got you that for a Christmas present. The Johnny Trunk book of Flexys. Yeah. Johnny Trunk also brought out a book

which was Records Shop bags. Right. But there was a book out of... Oh, Chris Packets. Yeah. It's like 15 quid. That's not very much for a book these days. It's a lot for a book.

Like a big Mac and chips. I do. We can look at the crisps. I will get it. That's what I'm saying. This. Don't you like crisps or something, Paul? It's fine.

I don't want to spend 15 pounds on a self-published book with just crisp packets in. It's just a personal taste thing. All right? Being weird. How do it then? I will. You're your best fucking life. I will, but it just isn't crisps like central to what we've been doing here all this year?

To what we've been doing on the podcast, but not to me in my personal life. Oh, he's trying to throw a line everywhere. I do. I have a life outside of this. fucking podcast that doesn't involve fucking crisps and noodles. Oh, I'll get it. I just thought you might be interested. Moral degradation.

Looking at it. I don't know. Listen. Listen, listen. Just go on with the floppy dish. Listen, listen. I've got nothing. Go on then.

So, our first track today was a flexia, and I believe it was sent to us by someone. We mentioned it a episode to go, and I wanted to pair up with the other single that I wanted to talk about, but I couldn't find that fucking today. But we're going to talk about Johnny Ball in general, and we're going to introduce you to him via this, flex he called Johnny Ball introduces science. Here's a little clip.

I'm Johnny Ball and the fact that you're listening to this disc means you've opened up one of the five kits in the Thomas Salter Junior Science Range. So I'd like to welcome you to Thomas Salter's world of science. You know, during the last few hundred years a great scientific revolution has taken place, completely changing the world we live in. That revolution has been achieved through man developing the sciences. Take, for instance, the science of chemistry. The first chemical scientists were alchemists who worked in secret in an effort to turn base metals into gold

or to search for the secret of eternal youth. All their efforts in both fields eventually failed dismally. But what these early scientists did was to begin to isolate and identify the basic elements that go to make up our world. From these early discoveries, the science of chemistry developed, and to today we're surrounded by hundreds of completely new materials, building materials and metals, synthetic rubbers and plastics,

hundreds of vital new drugs. All of these provided by the science of chemistry. Thomas Salter Chemistry sets are a perfect introduction to the world of chemistry, and with a chemistry kit, you will set out on a journey of discovery, just like the chemical scientists that have gone before you. What is more, you'll discover things just as they did, through experimentation, observation, and with a lot of surprises. So, Johnny Ball, I remember him being on the telly when I was a child.

You know when you think back on children's presenters from your youth that you think very fondly of? Johnny Ball's definitely one of them. Absolutely agree with that, yes. And importantly, never U-tried. Never U-tried, still... Which is a sad stipulation of half the fucking pot culture from that time, right? Yes, but I remember Saville, obviously, king of the U-Tree. Trail of For Sale, Lawrence.

Sorry, go on. don't remember actually liking Jimmy Saville as a child. I remember loving the format of Jim Fix It. But finding him repulsive. Yeah. And sort of, it was just sort of accepted by everyone. But Johnny Ball. Let's move on to nice Johnny Ball instead. Okay. Because he was, you know, I'm getting at. Yes, I do. But I do remember loving Johnny Ball. Yeah, because he had... Actually thinking I love him. What was it? Because he had that like a vuncular, cozy, favorite uncle vibe. Absolutely. And he was also never condescending, always high energy and felt like, he gave a fuck about the things he was talking about.

And this Flexi, although he is, it's just filler, because this came free with a science set, right? So just to backtrack, Johnny Ball was mostly known for being a kids TV presenter, but specifically he promoted science and mathematics into the shows he did in the 80s, although he didn't start in that realm. No, his background was in performing.

He was in the military, you said briefly. So, yeah, no, he was born in Bristol. They say Bristol, but his family moved to Lancashire where he got that northern twang. It's a twang, but that's what I was going to say. Although this record is a lot of filler, not much content, his voice is a lovely thing. It's a cozy thing. That must have a lot to do with why we remember him so fondly, as well as not being U-tree. But also, he was funny and educational, and it didn't feel like the education got in the way of his personality or vice versa.

And so, yeah, he ended up being in the Royal Air Force for three years. And then out of the back of that, he became a Butland's red coat, which was kind of like a thing a lot of people did to get into performance back in the day. Fundamentally, it was easier to get into the art by being a red coat in a summer camp than it was going to like a stage school or acting. Of course, because there's a class thing here as well.

There's a whole elitism. So you get the stage experience, and I dare say you get better sort of crowd control skills as a red coat than you were doing repertory theatre. And you're working with kids as well, because, you know, you're there to keep them entertainment. and stuff. And also, it's very similar to the British love of the working men's

club kind of performance. So you can see where he got his almost vaudevillian schick from. He has a bit of that. It's quite broad, yes. You're right. I never thought of it like that. Barney, kind of, without the nefarious elements of Barnum. But you know, like a showman. A showman, yeah. So that's, yeah, but not a scientist.

Not a scientist at all. Which is strange to me. He started out doing Play School, which is a very famous BBC kids TV show for like very young kids play school. Yeah, but long running, it went on till just a few years ago. At least till the 80s. Because then I think it was taken over by Playbuss

when it got revamped in the things. Oh, that's right. I think I wasn't until the 90s. Play days, Playbuss. It was that kind of. But it's essentially the same slot. Same slightly different. Fundamentally the same kind of gears and innards.

It was play school when I was watching it. Had Jamima and had Floella Benjamin. Big Ted and Brian Kant. I mean, we've talked about it before in the past because you've played the albums. Yeah. But then at some point in the very late 70s, early 80s, he suddenly started doing more shows, teaching kids, science and maths.

And one of the shows, famously, was a show called Think of a Number. Think of a Number. So it's all about learning, you know, mathematical theorems via games and sketches and songs. And actually, this gives me a chance now to slip in the song I wanted to put in,

which was he released a single of the theme tune of Think of a Number TV show, and I think it's absolutely fucking great. If you want to know the prices of the things in shops or stores, the optimum velocity with which Apollo soars or the temperature or height or weight of a body, Mine or yours, think of a number It's your number!

There's a number for a date And a number on a gate And a number where your stop, watch stops and starts It stopped. There's a number for the hour And for unlicense plates on cars And for where your favourite records in the charts When Galileo counted All the stars that shone above

When Cleo Petra counted All the time she fell in blood When Henry the 8th counted all the wives who got the chop When Cujac started counting As his hairs came out on top When Muhammad Ali he counted all the boxes he had flawed And when Kevin Keegan counts up all the goals that he had scored They think of a number

So think of a number Think of a number So that song shows you right there and then How he had that song and dance vibe Oh totally To everything he did We should mention the Moog on those Flexi. Yes, please.

That's a lovely little bit of library muig a motif that breaks up his little bit. Data in a perfect way. Yes. It's like nothing says science of the late 1970s. Early 80s. It is early 80s, isn't it? It's like 1980 or 81 you said, I think. Yeah, no, the Flexi was released in 1981 via Salter Science.

Now, who were they? Were they a big manufacturer of science kits? Yeah, for kids. They were based in Scotland. They were running since the 19th. 1920s or 30s, I think, and then didn't stop making them until the mid-90s when that kind of stuff sadly fell out of favour with kids. They had a thing called Junior Chemistry, 20 simple, exciting experiments, and it came with that Flexi, which the whole thing is kind of a broad, isn't science

great? And this little set can help your kids, kind of spoken word thing. I miss the days when flexies used to be given away for free with stuff. I agree. Especially when you got them on record, you know, like serial boxes, you could cut them off. I think Stuart Dinney did a video years ago on like the weird things you got in cereal boxes and like the vinyl records from Frosties or whatever. Well, it's very easy to put a, although it gets damaged quite easily, it's an easy thing to put onto a cereal box

or the cover of a magazine because it's so flat and light. And Salter, science, they just made science kits. Good on them. Chemistry, magnets, electronics, you know. Oh, that was the other thing, isn't it, that they said in that video. Because they were quite popular in the 70s and 80s,

they had brands and one of them was the Kojak Crime Fighters kit. Right, which more forensic. sort of themed experiments, one would imagine. Like a CSI kit would be today, I guess, for kids. Yeah. But that is funny because it reminded me of what we discussed on last week's episode in the book nook when we looked at the Roger Moore book.

Yeah. Where there's a kids' entertainment and sort of police procedural and crime genres were happy bedmates. And Cojack is another thing. I can remember loving Cojack as a child, but it's like hard, it's hardcore sort of New York crime stuff. Cojack is, like I said to you before,

as a show I never really watched, but it just existed in pop culture because of the impression, because of Teli Savarris having a quite prolific career in the late 70s and 80s with like his albums and his films. And he was a Bond? He was in a Bond. He was in a Bond film? Ah, he's great in Bond. He was a, what was it on in Midrishy Secret Service playing Blofeld?

He's Blofeld, of course. I think, who's your favourite Blofell, though? Do you know who mine is? Oh, it's on its, pleasant. Yeah, there's no, I mean... There's no question. There's no question. Anyway, so, yeah, they made science kits,

and then they partnered up with Johnny Bull because, you know, kids liked him, and he was like a gateway, drug to these kids, I guess. I think the key word for his appeal is, you said it, Paul, avuncular. Yeah. It has to be very much. And that is why, again,

we're all so relieved he didn't you, Trial. Oh, we could only, we could only breathe a sigh of relief that I don't have to caveat every single fucking thing we say about his career. We should mention Zoe. Zoe Ball, his daughter, who had a very, very good career

as a kid's TV presenter, and then radio presenter herself. And then quit recently. Oh, the 19. Oh, the 90s. The last bastion of what we held warm in our hearts for nostalgia for the overabundance of it, poisoned it and rotted it and showed it to be the farce that it is. I actually have to say, Zoe, as a presenter, does retain some of Johnny's warmth, I have to say. Yeah, I feel, you know? Yeah, no, I think with Zoe, she was never ashamed of the things she was doing, if that makes sense.

So she never, like, was in a kid, she was like, I'm better than this. No. She completely embraced the format. Which is exactly what her father was like. Yeah, yeah, yeah, okay. You know, I mean, she taught kids' gunged tanks and celebrity gossip. She did similar things, yeah. And he taught them maths and science and things.

Bit more value to what he was doing. But what I'm saying is, the whole of the media landscape. If I had to pick one to kill, I'd have to kill Zoe. Yes, but even though she's much younger. Yeah, it break me off. He's 87. Yeah, but, you know, he's got so much more to give. I do.

I want to have semi-serious point. I'm serious, mate. No. One of them's going to die. Go on. Yeah, you say that, you know, he was like math. and she was more like gossip but the whole of the media

landscape for children's media Yeah, fine moved that way over the 20th century, didn't it? You know what it's funny? It's like we talked about it before... From education to... We talked about it before... We talked about the Saturday morning kids stuff.

So you know when we talk about Tiswas and Swap Shop? It's like that's almost the litmus test of the kids of that era. You can see the changes, especially if you watch BBC it goes from Swap Shop to like live and kicking. Yes. All sort of changes. Platter or splatter though.

I'm going to say just for the Moog motif alone, which is pure. It's pure like... It just sets them. It's a period piece. It feels like, what's that pastiche show that... Oh, look around you. Yes, that's it. It has that vibe to.

That's why I look around you. It's fucking awesome. Yeah. I'm going to give it a platter. I'm going to as well for that. Just, if nothing else, as a tip of the hat to the governor. Governor Johnny Ball. Johnny the Governor Ball.

Johnny the Governor was that guy Lenny McLean, who was a famous street fighter. He was the governor, Paul. and Johnny Ball Right, next track We're going to go to something A bit more poppy now Actually, we're kind of staying On the 70s Moogie

Almost electronic I think it would be an ARP By this stage True, but we're going to keep Like synth Ordnobly We're staying not too Out of the realm

Of what we've just done There's a synth through line here Yes Very much like a sign wave This is everybody This is a song This is a song called Computer Games by

Me Sex Me Sex Me Sex It's an interesting track Where did you find this? I believe I found it in the states. And my much... Not a state, the state, you say.

Well, the state being Florida, in my much grieved for radioactive records in Florida. Oh, is that closed? Yeah. You showed me pictures of that place. It's like, what a... I loved it, man. For 20 years, almost.

I used to go there. And then last time I was in Florida, permanently closed when I looked it up, looked up the opening times. Got so many great sevens there. And I told you that... Has he gone online? Yes.

There is something online, but I don't know what it is. But I told you the real sad thing. So I was like, oh, let's go to a different record shop. You know, and I looked up some in the area and went to one. It was fucking shit. But there was like a bargain bin bit of it. And I picked out, it was a copy of You Can't Touch this by MC Hammer. But you could tell from the price sticker that it had been bought a stock.

Yeah, it was stopped from Radioactive Records. It's like, oh, these like echoes. These echoes, these remnants of retail glories. Anyway, me sex is a New Zealand new wave band, originally active from 78 to 1986, led for much of its existence by a guy called Steve Gilpin as a vocalist, blah, blah, blah. Number one in Australia.

This song, yeah, was a top 10 single in Australia, number one in Australia, number five in New Zealand, their home country. And it came from an album called Graffiti Crimes. They were known for their cutting-edge production and dynamic live shows. Yes, the production is pretty cutting-edge on this. It is utilising, I think, midi-style synthesizers that were just coming through at the time.

Sequences. Yeah. Bliple, blipple sort of that thing, I think is a sequenced thing rather than some actually playing it. I think it's like a sequenced effect.

You know what I mean? It does sound. Bluble Blu like that, you know? But the whole vibe... I know I'm not being very exact here, but you know what I'm getting at? Yeah.

But the whole vibe of this song is like a little bit of roxy music, a little bit of ultravox, a little bit of, you know, like, I don't know. Lena Lovitch. Yeah. It was vocal. It's very much.

It's got that, yeah. Adamante. What's Adamante? Adamantium. Adamantium. That's what comes out of Wolverine's claws. It is, isn't it? It is, isn't it?

It's not. It's pop out when it comes out. And he goes, Eh! Ha! Yeah. Isn't that just amp music or something? Isn't it?

Oh! Prince Charming! It's that, though. It's that weird affectation. That is very new wave. And I believe is, you're right, it comes from Roxy Music,

which is 10 years earlier. It's early 70s, that Roxy Music stuff with Brian Ferry singing like that. And also, let's not forget, who else had that sort of style that was hugely influential on the new wave. What? David Bowie.

The way he sang is also influential on that. But then that goes back to Anthony Newley. Yes. So it all goes back. It all goes back to Anthony Newley. But there's also something about the way he does the vocal on this MESX song that reminds me of fucking Kedis of the Red Hot Chili Peppers. Okay.

Yeah, I get it. I don't know too much of their uvra. Yeah. He's sort of rapping it. rapping it a bit. Anyway, it was number one in Australia. I find it interesting because, like, computer game music now is a whole thing,

which they release them as records, and they release the soundtrack. Oh, yeah, it's orchestral scores. And, you know, it's a whole, it's a different world. It's a whole thing. And, like, in GTA, for example, you listen to the radio and you get actual tunes. Like, the whole thing is shifted.

This is a song more about the culture. It's a more, the song is from the point of view, I think, of a gamer or developer who's, like, deep into a game and sees past its, like, aesthetics into the code of it. It's about this guy obsessed with the computerism of computerists. And in terms of the production, you've got like electric guitar almost sort of battling with the computer effect synth. Oh, here's an

interesting point, actually, sorry to interrupt. The name MySex, I want to know where that came from. It comes from an ultra-vox song called MySex. So that's where you can see the influence even more. You do. And also, I think you're right about it being from the perspective of a developer or something like that. I mean, I look at the lyrics. It is. It reads that way, yeah. But also, it seems to be sort of thematically sort of saying,

oh, here is this sort of new media that is novel. It's a novelty. It's using it in a novelty way. But no different from like the guy who released Pac-Man mania or whatever. But also it reminds me of that B-side that we covered on this segment of Cheap Show a few months ago, which was Love on Atari. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Love on Atari. By Sharon. But that would have been a bit later than this because Atari was like, you know, late to 70s. There was a, there was a, there was a, there was a, there was a, There was a clutch of singles, wasn't there, sort of celebrating this new very young medium at the time of the computer game. It was tying in with the electronic music coming over from Europe and stuff. So it all kind of came together at the same time. I mean, like West and Europe and America and Europe.

It's a dream of the future that is, it's a retrofuturism now. Yes, it's a very quaint to listen to. It's a horticological thing now. It's funny when a song tries to be super modern, but all that does is like surround it in the amber of its time. and like seals it off. Has a good, actually, weirdly good phrase from you there. Thank you. Surround it in the amber of its time.

Yes, thank you. That could be your autobiography. It's the new album by yes, I believe. There's an interesting side point to this in that me sex or my sex, sorry. I'll coat you in the amber of my fucking time. Nice thick garbage. Right. My sex gained publicity during 1980 due to the then Prime Minister of New Zealand,

Rob Muldoon. Oh, he's a monster, I think. Yeah, his government imposed a 40% sales. Bales duty on records, much to the objection of the New Zealand Arts Council, record retailers and record companies. On April 21st, Muldoon claimed that popular music was, quote, not culture, end quote. Facts stating that the records sold in this country are not Kiri Ticuana's, and they are 50 to one of those horrible pop songs, and I'm afraid I'm not going to take the tax off of them.

Wow, what a can't. Because his taste in the line with popular music, he thought, fucking tax him. He was a fucking stuck up. Which is choking the industry. As a song, though, it's charming. I have not much to say about it outside of the... We listened to what was on the flip, which was a kind of new wave,

but much more mediocre and sort of forgetable, wasn't it? Much more ultra-voxy. Oh, yeah, but just totally forgettable. The chord structure is just really boring, basically. Yeah, whatever was unique about side A is not there on side B. I like the synth, basically. The way the synth is used, that...

Blu-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-heph. That kind of computer-going-mad effect. I always enjoy that. I love it, too. context. It's a lot of fun. You know what I'm getting it? Yeah.

So for me, that is, again, a platter, definitely. Oh, I'm going to say splatter. Not because I find it deeply objectionable, but it didn't really do much for me. Ultimately, it comes down to that. Fair enough. You know. I do prefer Sharon's Love on Atari, which has a sort of ghostly vibe to it. Do you remember that one?

Love on Atari. Yes, we've covered it on the podcast. I know there's been a fair few of them, but I do remember some things. Anyway. Anyway. Okay, well, you're being contentious. there but we both know what this next is going to be for both of us. I'm only calling it a

splatter in terms of does it engage me, not the quality of it itself. Fair enough. If that's fair. It's up to you, Paul. I'm not here to judge you whether you say platter or splatter. Anyway, the next record we're going to listen to that in about eight minutes time I will say splatter to. Yeah, and so will I be. It's this track, which

you found this, right? Yeah. And it feels like it's come from another dimension, a reality, like the other Bair and Steen-Bers paradox thing. It feels like, yes, it's a mandat. A Mandela effect time fork. And with that... Because I don't recall anything at all.

I know nothing about this. But when you look at it, you go, this seems like it should have been the biggest thing of the 80s, but it doesn't exist. This is a track from a film that you've probably never heard of called The Pirate Movie. And this track by Christopher Aitkins is, How Can I Live Without Her?

Take it away, Christopher. I know she'll never understand. I gave my word before. I just can't go breaking. She'll say she thinks I'm out of... Now, the first thing we thought of after hearing that was a certain British pop musician who had a song that we thought was very similar to what you just heard called...

Cliff Richard, everybody. And the track was called It's So Funny. It's So Funny. You don't talk anymore. We don't talk anymore. It's about the relation. So you just see each other on a Monday and then you ignore me for a week. Which was number one, I'm sure, for Cliff.

Probably, that I was. It was a big hit, though, yeah. It's a massive radio hit. So this song came from a film called The Pirate Movie. The Pirate Movie is a comedy musical about, if I've gotten this straight, a woman who knocks her head and then wakes up in a pirate film. There was quite a lot of that kind of plot around at the time. The lazy plot is what I'm going to call it.

No, it's more a take on the Yankee Connecticut in King Arthur's Court, isn't it? It's that story being retold effectively. Fish out of water, but a sort of almost magical fish out of water story. Wizard of Oz. Yeah. You know, it's that same. A normal character from our world who we can relate to suddenly ends up in a different era or a different world or a different country

or some kind of other place, right? This product is very strange because it was at a time when, like, the musical wasn't hugely popular in cinema. There were musicals still coming out, but I don't think any of them ever did big, business apart for maybe like Annie. What was the year? This is 1982.

82. Yeah. So, yeah, you could say it was like a historic low point for the musical in movies. There was a weird line where you'd have films like Sada Night Fever, which aren't musicals but have a lot of music in them which informs the film. Then you have The Whiz, which is based on Wizard of Oz, but it's also based on a Broadway musical, which is, you know, a black Wizard of Oz effectively. Starring Diana Ross and Michael Jackson. Yeah. Was that a big hit?

No. That was a flop. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But then you all. also had Annie, which I believe was a big success. I went to see that in the cinema, you know? So they weren't out and they weren't in at the same time. So for an Australian 1982 musical comedy film loosely based on the opera The Pirates of Pazans.

Is that what it's mostly based on? Yeah. Gilbert and Sullivan, right? Yeah. It's no surprise that this film fucking died on its ass. It completely disappeared. I tell you what, it is the trailer for The Pirate movie, which I think, thought it was going to be the next big thing.

Only one movie will have this sound. And only one movie will have Christy McNichael and Christopher Atkins. Singing. Loving. Laughing. Laughing and swinging their way through time in the biggest, most original movie in a hundred years,

the pirate movie. Blas flash off with his head and the Charlie Richard and everything. Naples hand is yours. It's more than a musical. Man, I'm older than the Beatles. It's more than an adventure. Definitely more than a pirate movie. I want a happy ending.

Pirate movie. It's more movie than ever before. Not bad. So yeah, it's one of those obnoxious, wacky. I mean, Greece was like, what, 80? Yeah. It's just a strange. Who are the stars, though?

That's what I would like to know. Well, the cast. Christopher Atkins, is he the star as well as the sale of this song? He is an American actor and businessman. He was also in the Blue Lagoon beforehand. With Brooke Shields. Which was a controversial but kind of famous film within Hollywood because it used, you know, a lot of sexual imagery of underage kids.

She was underage when she made it, right? And Kirsty McNichol. She was an actress, child actress. She was a load of sitcoms and then ended up being in a few films that didn't do very well. Yeah, so this is, I mean, what I'm sort of getting at, I'm not trying to be nasty. In a way, this is kind of like another nail in the coffin of their careers.

They're budding careers, really, isn't it? Yeah, it must have cost a bit. It's pirate. It's, you know, there must have been some money spent. The budget was six million. That's a lot for them. It did get a 9 million box office gross in America. Right.

But it performed well below expectations and lots of negative reviews from critics. So not a huge disaster, but not a success. You look at the way the print is on that. It's like selling it. is like the big 80s film that you need to go see. I don't know. The tone of it's odd as well. That's obviously a yacht rocky type ballad.

But some of the other songs are all much more traditional light opera. Like the flip. The flip, which is what, a Pirate King song? We'll play a little bit of it. Oh, fuck it now. I venture forth to seek my prey. I crush my foes in a royal way. The ladies yield and the ships go down.

Or is it the other way around? But many a king in a gilded tower. If he wants to cling to pop and power Must manage somehow to get through More dirty work than ever I do It is a glorious thing to... Yeah, very Pirates of the Penzancey. Much more character, Gilbert and Sullivan's sort of old school

Yeah, comic opera style. It's not taken from the opera, is it? Yes, that is from the Pirates of the Penzance. It is, so it is taken. In the credits, the writing credit, it says Gilbert and Sullivan. Okay, so yeah. Interesting. Interesting. It's an adaptation of the original, yeah.

But then they've slapped in a load of... moderner music to appeal to It's terrible. Musically very mediocre. Yeah, because we could talk about the film and the movie seems to be too eager to please like comedy, romantic,

almost Princess Bride-esque levels of self-aware None of that brilliant. None of that brilliant. Yeah, there have been a big resurgence on Broadway of the Pirates of Penzance at this time. So the producer of this movie decided, oh, fuck it, let's just turn it into a movie.

Is this about around the time that the pythons made that bluebird film as well. Blue, not bluebird. Yellow beard. I can't remember when that was made. It's a similar era. It's like even like 70s, early 80s that film, but yeah. So there is a sort of pirate thing in the air, isn't there?

Yeah. At that period for some weird reason. They hired Christopher Atkins because he'd been in the Blue Lagoon. That's literally why he got the role. Yeah, and he was a hot young, blonde, leading man sort of type, I guess. And then McNichael, the female lead, she said she went to see parrots of Penzance and found it boring

and she annoyed people on the set because she wouldn't stop chewing gum. Which I imagine on set is really annoying especially if you're trying to do a musical number. Yeah, just anyway. Meanwhile, Atkins, who was the star of a musical, had no musical dancing experience and had to learn to sing and dance on set

as well as dancing and fencing. Well, it was a... It's a splatter for me, Paul. They wrote the screenplayed four days and he earned him the highest paid for a script in Australia's whatever ever. Okay. He was the highest-paid Australian scriptwriter at the time

because he was irrequated to something like $175,000. So there's a Cliff Richard theme today. There is an antipedean theme, put it that way, today, because that was New Zealand. This is Australian. And there is an Adam Ant theme today because if you look at the photo, Paul. Oh, yes that as well. He's wearing this jerkin thing that Adam Ant adopted for Prince Charming.

Like a dandy highway man kind of pirate look. A striped blouse. It must have an official name that garment. But who nicked it off Adam Ann? Boy George. Huge name. I don't know, Hugh. Michael Jackson.

Oh. Think about it. I was going to say Hugh is huge name. Huge Janame. Hello, I'm Hugh Jain. You may have heard of me. I'm a huge name. Shut up.

Oh, one last thing, one last thing. Do you know what I'm talking about now? Michael Jackson. I absolutely see. I agree. Last point on this then. Fox Studios, who put the money in, we're not happy with the film and they wanted 20 minutes of cuts.

The producer said it ruined the film, emasculated it because they had to cut out all the sensitive racial jokes and the off-colour humour had been left on the cutting room floor. It's to say, they cut out all the best racist gags. That's why it's shit. The edge, sort of is what he's saying, isn't it? This film doesn't need that edge. Well, we don't know.

We haven't seen the film. We haven't seen it. But I bet it's... It could probably be funnier than it is, you know? Splatter. Splatter for me as well. Right, and just get that one out of the way. I think we talked more than I thought about that.

Yeah. Right. our last one today. Oh, which one of these will be going to play? Because it's a EP effectively this, isn't it? Well, it might as well play the title track. All right then. This is called the Highway Code by the master singers.

The high part one, the wrong foot, walking along, where there is a pavement or adequate footpath. Use it on a pavement or footpath. Do not walk next to the curb with your back to the traffic. Do not step into the road without first looking. Where there is no adequate footpath, walk on the right of the road to face oncoming traffic. Do not loiter in the roadway or walk along cycle tracks. A marching body on the road should keep on the left,

and side. It should have lookouts at suitable distances at the front and rear. And at night they should carry lights white at the front of the column and red at the rear. So this is produced by one of the most famous producers in, I would say, of the 20th century.

Jonathan King. Fascinating stuff. I mean, I don't know how we got involved in this, but yeah. He's being funny, everyone. I'm being funny. Of course, it's George Martin. Just like the Clifford. Richard and the pirate song, Conflation.

I couldn't help but not think of Derek and Clive's jump when I was listening to this. As I was walking through the street one day, I saw a house on fire. There was a man standing outside the stop of store of window, shouting a street to the crowd

and gather there below, for he was so... Jump, you fuck a jump, jump into this blanket what we are holding, and you will be all right. He jumped, hit the deck, broke his fucking neck.

There was... no blanket laugh I nearly shat I haven't laughed so much since Auntie McGard died An Auntie Mangle

got a left it caught in the mangle We are miserable sinners Filthy fuckers Are sold How many times have we listened to that As adolescent That Derek and Clive album

For all of its many many issues and problems It's still very beloved to me But anyway I couldn't help but not thinking that when I was listening to this. I thought of it as well. We both did. But this is, they were school teachers. Initially, these four guys.

Their music, they were just in the choir at their posh, posh, posh as fuck school. And then they had an inadvertent accidental hit when they did a choral version of the highway code. And it was a novelty thing. But in what context did that slip out to the public? I don't know that. BBC article did not, just see if you can find it now, Paul. So the original setting of the house. Highway Code and Anglican chans was devised by John Horrox,

a teacher at Abingdon School. That's him. In the late 1950s. He performed it with various friends at local churches and local schools for years in 63. To celebrate the school's ternetri, ter centenary. To celebrate the school's anniversary, Horax and three other teachers,

George Pratt, Jeff Keating and Barry Montague made a private recording of the Highway Code in different styles. Probably on a reel to reel. Yeah. A copy of the recording Reached Broadcaster and Humoritz Fritz Spiegel who passed to the BBC where it's played on a radio show

hosted by Winston Churchill. What? The grandson of the former Prime Minister. Anyway, and then from there on it slipped out. They first appeared on a record in 1965 with Peter Sellers when they did the version with help with him, the famous, you know... Which I guessed, yes.

Which was also produced, of course, by George Martin. That's where Peter Sellers does help, He recites the lyrics to the Beatles help in the style of Olivier playing Richard the 3rd. It's been a hard day's night. Just like Richard the 3rd, isn't it? And I've been working like a done.

Yes, I love those. It's great. It's great, oh, you know. I've got that 7 inch. It's also in Parlophone, which this is... Horrible human being, but very funny, talented man, Peter Sellers. Yeah. And Jonathan King.

No, King was worse than Sellers. Yes, obviously. The Highway Code arranged by Horrocks and Keating and produced by George Martin was released in April 1966 and rose to 25 on the UK singles charge which was quite an achievement back then. Now this is a later addition because what you have in your hand

and the record that I found is the EP so it has, it colates all of their singles do you see what I mean, it's got four tracks on it. Yeah, because certain companies and businesses reached out to them to say, can you do the same for us? So like the post office

and then some of it was more humorous like the weather forecast. There's a weather forecast which opens side too which is obviously a pastiche. Yeah. A cute idea, but fucking really outstays it's welcome. And that's what I think the problem with these is, is that I think you get the gag in 30 seconds,

and then there's like three more minutes. I know, but it was a different era. I do agree that most of it is down to my attention span, but I also think that the gimmick does wear itself out before the song ends. It certainly does. I agree, Paul. But I thought, before we'd look down the research, this might be something like a road safety campaign

that they'd made a song for. Do you see what I mean? But it's not that. It doesn't seem like that. It just seems like it was something he did around schools. Yeah. But here's the thing. Has that ever been proven to be successful as a way of educating kids? No.

To sing facts at them. No. Because we go back to Johnny Ball to kind of loop it round. And he would do songs that had mathematics in as well. Yes. But it was always basic arithmetic and it was never theorems, like you said earlier. It wasn't like complicated things. What I think the difference is, he would say, here's the idea first and explain it and then reinforce it with the song.

It's not like you're learning it first via the song. Yes. Look, by the way that we were able to sing most of the lyrics of that Derek and Clairons, live thing. Yeah, the new onics of it. Yeah. Was because it was

musical, wasn't it? That's why it's, it's something about poetry or song does stay in the memory. And it's why pop songs work. Why hooks stick in your mind, you know.

And it's like, earworms. The animaniacs made a really successful career of turning like lessons into songs. Yes. The country of the world, United States Canada,

Mexico, Panama, hated Jamaica, Peru. Which is all based on that stuff. On that David, what's he called, Lurr. Who did like the, Oh, Lera.

Yes, who did. The Vatican Ragh and the, Periodic tables. Yeah. Periodic right. It's a similar sort of vein of novelty. True.

But he's purposely not educating in that. It's like he's using those elements as puns and gags. It's a parody. Yeah. And I think this is meant to be funny, but it's not as sophisticated as Lera or skilled. What it is is charming and cute, but I don't think it's particularly educational.

And also, I know times of change and kids taste of change, but the kids really need to learn the Highway Coe from Gregorian style chanting. Well, no. It's just meant to be. funny and it's not as funny as the Peter Sellers one. No. But, you know, well recorded by George Martin. Before you cross the road, look left and right and left.

But we've also on this show, on this segment, we've covered, do you remember the... Or else you die, and your mum will be bereft. The kids of Hackney primary. Do you remember that single? I got the kids of Hackney thing. Yeah, but what did they sing? They were like, cross, look, there was like that, look across the road, blah, but and on the other side, there was that sort of deep folk,

psych folk sort of number. Yeah. On the flip, really cool. Bill Donuts should have released something like that back in his day, I reckon he would have been good for it. I still think Donuts should appear in our forthcoming narrative. I'll get the voice funny for him. It's basically my version of Grumpy Session, so I don't know why I'm making an effort. The Green Cross Code, Oh, the Green Cross Code. Don't put your penis in a big fat toad.

It's the Green Cross Code, the Green Cross Code. Look left, look right, look left again, and then cross a runny road. Thank you, Bill. I'm warming him up. I'm getting back into it. So you agree? His elastic band is still a stone gold fucking classic. I love donuts. So you're agreeing to put donut in on our forthcoming narrative art?

Yes, because I need a song. I need a song. Stop touching your mic stand. I don't know how to lean forward to high my view. I'll come to you. Anyway, platter or splatter for the missing master singers? It's got to be a splatter for me. I'm sorry. I'm going to say splatter again, but with again, the caveat. There's nothing inherently bad about it I hate.

It's just of its time in a way that isn't racist. You know what I mean? Yeah. It's of its time. It wouldn't fly today, really. The other thing that just briefly came to mind, do you remember there was that Gribin song that we covered about changing the postcode song? Yes, yeah, yeah.

That was more on the education side, wasn't it, to auto-publicize it. It's a culture thing. Again, where it's like if you want to sell a message, sell it via song. Famously, Bruce Forsyves, I'm backing Britain, which is him saying, you all should listen to this fucking song, because my message is, work harder for less money and more time on the clock. Is that what it was about? Yeah, the song's based, because, you know, during the 70s and early 80s,

that phrase I've said a lot today. Yeah, well, that's the period, isn't it? Was, you know, the depressions and the three-day weeks and all that kind of shit, all that blow over. So the song was like, everyone has to work harder for less money to get through this time of austerity. Forsyfe was being more honest because it wasn't, it wasn't a policy of austerity back then. It was everything kind of breaking down in the late 70s, early 80s. But as we covered in that, it was a fucking song come up by three secretaries to kind of get everyone to just shut up,

complaining and work harder for the government. Yes. You know, and it's like fundamentally. No, it's still sort of propaganda. Yeah. But it's not as horribly enmeshed. No, flatter for me, but I do like, it's a nice, it's an attractive EP. Well, yeah, the cover, which you can see on our website or on our Instagram account,

if you look for the Cheap Show podcast. Well, the vinyl cover for that is very, very attractive. I do like it. Okay, good. Right, successful. Trackbot. Okay, track bot. Track bot.

Thank you. You can now store these in our electronic. a digital database. Okay. Buda, budda, budda, budda. Boda, buddha. Boda, buddha.

Boda, buddha. Thank you just supporting us, everyone. I'm going to be. I can't be dealing with this. Files corrupted. Oh, fucking. They all. Oh, track bot.

And we didn't even get to spank in his hole. Let's just spunk here anyway. No. Just in memory of him. I'm going to lash one out right now. Buda, buda, buddha. Shut up. Where's the button?

I'm excited. Right, we're going to do a walkabout episode soon. I can't wait and we're going to go for a spooky wood again. Do we have to do it at night? Yeah. Is it going to be anyone else there? Our last one of 2025 was a spooky wood. I want the first one of our walks this year to be a spooky wood.

I like some sense of continuity. And we'll bring me flask full of hot coffee. I'm going to bring my new flask. Oh, we're going to have a lovely time in the woods. On my outdoor gear. That's coming up before Eli fucks off to Florida for a couple of weeks. Right. Hello.

That was cheap show. It was a podcast. We hope you enjoyed it. I do hope. I do hope. We have a website. It's our one-stop. shop. If you go to our website, someone stop shop, it'll have its little tendrils to wherever else

we are on the internet. Thecheepshow.co.com. That's the cheapshow.com.com. And every episode has a dedicated page on that website, which means if you go to it, you'll see pictures of the things we talk about. And sometimes, videos too, to accompany it. Little videos, a little bit of video. And also, Cheap Show is a multi-award winning, decade-long running podcast approaching 500 episodes. And we couldn't have done it, literally couldn't have done it, without our Patreon supporters who we thank and love and cherish dearly.

Oilly beardy, scitchy, scritchy, all the kissy, micies, leavey staney. And they support us on Patreon. Patreon.com forward slash

cheap show, give what you can but only if you can. And if you can't, help spread the word with us elsewhere on the internet and just spread the good word

of cheap show. Spread the muck around like a hippo shitting in the water. Like scat. Muck spreader over a field. Here comes the muck spreader murderer.

So, yes. and depending on the tier you join you'll get access to extra podcasts, behind the scenes videos, exclusive top tier videos. Spin off podcast. Spin off ancillary podcast. Early access to live shows

and all the all the fucking cheaps all the cheap shot videos early as well. We're filming new ones of those this week. Oh, that's what's going to ask you. I've got no fucking ideas for that anyway. Remember I said I'll do my tins? Yeah, bring your tins. I've got so many tins.

That's going to be a mega bit big. That could be a two-parter. No. We could do two. Two with tins. I mean, you spread it across. You can spread it across. Then you have to do less sort of editing overall, don't you?

Yeah, I guess. Am I warming you up to the double tin two head? Not really, because I need to think of something I can also talk about. I don't know. So anyway, that's for us to worry about. Not you. You've listened to a podcast. You can now relax and go listen or do something else, depending on what your focus is like.

They're probably doing something else already. People do that. Yeah, like cooking in the kitchen. I like to do things when I listen to a podcast. I like it to walk and listen or sit on the tube and listen and zone out. travel. Have my own intrusive thoughts drowned out by this shit. But the thing is, it's weird how podcasting is such a,

it covers so many different things because, you know, we've discussed the whole rise of the video format podcast. Which I think is awful. Yes, which I don't like either. But you can't really watch a podcast and travel, you know what I mean? No. It's a different sort of thing. Like I like to say, if we want to have you escape into the fantasy of our show

with our character stuff, having a fucking camera filming us, doing those characters, absolutely. It doesn't work for us. do do videos, cheap shot videos, but they are ancillary. Yes, and they are just a little bit of fun. A fortnightly bit of fun on YouTube's. Tin-based phone. Right, that's it. I think it's now time

to say goodbye. You have been a brilliant audience, probably our best audience yet, so thank you for listening. Just saying, whoever listened to this week's episode is probably one of the best audience that you've ever had. So well done you. Eli's fucking a sheep, right? We'll see you next week. Bye, everyone. Bye. Bye. Bye.

Bye. Oh, you can. Thomas Salter's electronic kits not only explain it's all in the simplest way possible, but right for the word go, the kit will have you building and operating electronic circuits. What is more, you'll quickly understand precisely how and why it all happens, whether you're making a Morse code oscillator, or a police siren, or a burglar alarm. All you need to do is read the instructions and connect. But that goes for all Thomas Salter kits.

Just follow the manual provided and you're on the way to understanding a little more of what the world around you is all about, which is all about. Whatever kits you have, I hope you have many hours of fun. I'm sure you will, and I'm sure you'll agree that they're all absolutely scientrific. Good luck.