CheapShow - Ep 48: House of Pickles 4

Episode Date: July 13, 2017

It's time for a minisode, live from the House of Pickles! And this episode? Well, it's hardly bloody mini! We spoil you. In this loose and lively podcast, Paul & Eli take questions from the audience with the #askcheapshow hashtag thing. The questions are odd and the replies are just as shady. Also, for the first time, we speak to the first of our Patreon Donors who paid the top tier. As a result Steven Feary get the "honour" of being a small part of the show... Wanna be a guest on The House of Pickles? Well just get behind us on Patreon and you too can be in the firing line in a later episode! And if you like us, why not support us: www.patreon.com/cheapshow Share & Enjoy. Subscribe or Die! You can see pictures and accompanying videos for this episode on our website www.thecheapshow.co.uk If you want to get involved, email us at [e-mail] And if you have to, follow us on Twitter @thecheapshowpod or @paulgannonshow & @elisnoid If you like what you hear, please spread the word! Like, Review, Share, Comment... all that jazz!

Oh yeah, it's time for the House of Pickles. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Because you introduced Cheap Show, I've decided from this point on, I also introduced the House of Pickles episode. Okay, go on then. Ladies and gentlemen, please stay sitting for this new edition of the House of Pickles mini-so-cheap-show podcast. Good job, Paul. Starring Paul Gannon, wordsmith and genius, as well as co-host and pity merchant, Eli Silverman. Welcome to the show. Hello.

Okay. It's another mini-show. Yes. Yes. Eli here. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Where we talk about anything we want. We get loose. Yeah, we get loose. We get jangly. We get Yeah. Yeah. Where we talk about anything we want. We get loose. Yeah, we get loose. We get jangly. We get jangly. Just repeat everything I say. That's good.

It's good improv technique. Down with it. We get down with it. Say that again. We get down with it. Thank you. Okay. So we are in the House of Pickles.

Once again, we're in the Mucky Grotbags House of Pickles. We've got the Grotty hockey over there. Grotty hockey still marked by stained underpants. I'm standing not too far away from the Museum of Tat. Museum of Tat there. Eli's collection of, well, you've seen it, ladies and gentlemen, bits and bobs he's found in bins, streets and toy boxes. Toy boxes? Yeah, you know, like Kinder Eggs and stuff, you know, things you've stolen.

I know it was on the floor there. Things I've stolen. Santa Claus. Santa's on the floor. Why have you got a Santa Claus decoration on the floor? Because I haven't picked it up. Why is it even there?

It's not even Christmas. I bought it. Where'd you buy it? At the charity shop. We've done it in an episode of the podcast. Oh, that episode. All right.

So, welcome to Cheap Show. No, this is House of Pickles. Do another intro, Paul. That's what everyone fucking wants. House of Pickles, everybody. Hello, welcome to the House of Pickles. What have we got on this little mini-mini episode? Well, we've got a conversation with our Patreon donors.

The word is Patrons. The word is Patrons. The word is patrons. I know, it's just weird. The word is patrons. Our Patreons. No, they're not our Patreons. They're our Patreons. They use Patreon to be patrons. Anyway, we're going to be speaking to one of them.

Just say it after me. It's very easy. Patrons. Patrons. I let myself in for that one, didn't I? So, we've got a chat with one of our patrons who donated in the top tier. So they get to be a guest on the House of Pickles. So they will be appearing on this episode.

Yes, at the very end. And because we haven't recorded yet, I don't know who it is yet. Great. Excellent. So we'll be talking to him. Looking forward to that. Looking forward to that. What have we got before that, though?

Well, I've got some topics for you. I asked on Twitter to if they uh had any questions questions to do hashtag ask cheap show is that what r silverman has become yeah because you're included all about you yeah okay well you know just all right well i've heard my show okay you can just field the ghostbusters questions and i'll do everything else right yeah is this a ghostbusters one no well i Well, I'll field it then. No. Shut off. Okay. Here we go. Good.

At K Y S Mike. I thought you were going to say K Y Jelly there. I didn't though. K's Mike. Cassie Mike. Casey Mike. Anyway, her name is kale oh your surname's even harder m y double l y n i e m i millennium millennium millennium i'm sorry for getting your name wrong anyway she says maybe she asks he or she asks i think it's a she hi guys any plans on going international europe maybe and what did you what made you start the

pod how did you meet love from finland okay well that's quite general um quite a lot of stuff going on in that question well we've mentioned many times how we met so that's where we met doing stand-up comedy and what was the other part that question how big is your cock eli are we going to go international yeah well it's funny you should make that joke about my cock because I am actually officially in two countries already with the size of my cock you know

it's crossing borders I can't help it it's larger than the earth the tip of his cock has a different passport to his balls so are we going international one

the thing is it's like yes we'd love to, but we'd need to get more people listening in different parts of the country. Right now, like, our main listenership is UK. Yes. And then after that, it's America. So I would say, you know, maybe half our listeners are British,

a quarter America, and then the other quarter is, like, everywhere else. So if we knew we were getting good numbers in Germany or Ireland or, you know, Norway... It'd be great to. It'd be great to. We could taste their disgusting cheap food. Exactly. Straight from the horse's mouth. But if only one person listens to us in Helsinki, it's not worth us going to Helsinki.

It's the same for America. We'd love to do like American shows and go out there. So... America is the land of opportunity for podcasts, isn't it? If you're listening to us and you're not in the UK, you're in a different part of the world, spread the word.

And the more people who get listening to us, the more chance we can actually do world tours. Which we'd love to do. We're right now planning, or hoping, to get into a comedy festival

in America to do a cheap show. I'm not going to say which one because it might blow up my face and then I'll be disappointed and this becomes a document to my failure. It is already really. Yeah, it is.

In every way, every second of it documents our failures. The basic gist is we'd like to, but we need to grow the audience. Okay. So that's the plan. Great. Any other parts of that question? She had three in one, the cheeky.

How did you meet and why did you start the pod? Why did we start the pod? Well, if you're a Patreon donor, you'll find out because we've just released the unclippables i've got to make some content bullying people i have to make i was going to give them a broad outline of the past but basically we did a we did unclippables the initial version of this show and it was a struggle for various reasons and if you're a patreon listener you'll listen to that pilot and those episodes. However, we started a pod because we just wanted to do more live comedy.

We hated stand-up. Yes. Because stand-up is death. Both tired of the stand-up. I'm no good at it. I enjoyed doing stand-up, and I had some amazing gigs, but my heart was never in it.

Yeah. It just depressed me really badly. Yeah. Anyway, that's kind of sad but yeah and then we got too old for people in the biz to care about us

so we have to make our own industry Cheap Show is our own industry please give to patreon.com forward slash not just Cheap Show

it really was also to do with your love of everything radio yeah and I like a bit of radio and look we've almost got 50 episodes

of material now. Over 50 hours of content. Wow. Two of which are really good. So, next question. Next question. Okay. This is Mr Cheap Show podcast.

This is from Daniel May. Thoughts on CEX switch prices in particular at the moment? Wow, that's dry. Well, CEX, basically, if you want to save your money on Netflix, get a DVD player, a portable one, go to Netflix and ask to borrow any DVD they've got stocked and watch it in. You mean sex?

CEX. You said Netflix. You can't go to Netflix and borrow DVDs. Let me get it right. I can edit this. If you can't afford Netflix, save money by going to CEX. Thank you can't afford Netflix, save money by going to CEX. Thank you.

That's now correct, yes. With a portable DVD player and watching all the DVDs they have in stock instead of renting from Netflix. Right. Now that you've made me break it down. It's not very good, is it? It's not very good. So what's he saying?

What price is compared to? Well, look, if you want to buy a Switch from CEX right now. Oh, a Nintendo Switch. It'll cost you about £350. Bare bones. Whereas an Argos it'll probably cost you £280. But they're hard to get hold of. But is this new? New from CEX? Yeah. Oh, do they

hold new stuff? Some people just buy consoles to give them straight to CEX to make money. Okay, but it is officially second hand. They don't have any, like... I think... I mean, I don't know. I think they do have some new content. Okay, new stock. But most of it is, you know, people palm stuff off.

Do you know, Paul, I hate to be insulting to Daniel May. I mean, he's had some good questions in the past. But what a prick! But come on, this is so dry. Anyway, I think CEX overpriced stuff because they have to make a profit, but I think they make

a profit at the loss of the second-hand market. There we go. Happy? I'm happy. Right. Next one is from Shane at

Beagutbuster and he simply asks, Cock? No, both myself and Paul, although, you know, open to... You're not as open as you think. Open to... All kinds of love.

Yeah, love is love. Love has no genitals. Love has no preference for genitals. It has no preference. You can love without genitals, but it's not a prerequisite. Well, it wouldn't be much fun. No. I'm rubbing your scar where your dick used to be.

Do you like that? No. Do you like it? No. Yeah. Well, that got creepy. So, in answer to cock, no.

My answer to cock is maybe. Keeping hope alive there, Paul. Keeping the hope alive. Daniel West at Daniel Mark West You're called Daniel. They're all Daniels. Daniel, my brother Keeping the hope alive. Daniel West, at Daniel Mark West, says... You're called Daniel. They're all Daniels.

Daniel, my brother. Here we go. Asks, what are the most frothiest noodles out there? Frothy noodle. Frothy noodles. Now, I'm thinking frothy in terms of just more kind of flavour. What's the most flavourous, most exciting flavour of noodle out there? Well, I hope...

These questions! I may have mentioned it before, but the Jar Jar Noodle, which has a separate pack for the little broth, is frothing my tops off. Is it? It's lovely. It's a stir-fried star noodle. Is it? I just laughed there because Paul did his cross-eyed thing. Yeah. And it's a lovely umami noodle.

Umami noodle. And Jar Jan jar jam yeah i'd say that is frothing my boat at the moment jar jam binks that's all i've got to give to this conversation yeah but also uh all sorts of amazing noodles out there and let me just say this on the topic of noodle just very briefly yes okay mania noodle which has been rated five stars by my good friend and noodle reviewer mark allen hello mark allen uh i know you listen and look down on this podcast he loves it really so um he has got this mania noodle which he totally rates and i think we should do it in the show also coming up we've got the smack noodle by nissan oh you see that we have to do smack in the future and also at some point

I want to taste this Latin American style noodle Maruchan ramen lime and chilli shrimp flavour shall we save that for the 50th

when we do our let's do that on the 50th real time mega mix 50th anniversary special I'll have to actually prepare them before we start the show because that's fine

it's fine ok so our noodles noodles will be coming up another question yes It's fine. Okay, so our noodles will be coming up. Another question? Yes. At Bohemian Gamer says... Asks. Asks and says,

what is the single weirdest item you've ever purchased? Maybe for the show, maybe in real life. The single weirdest item. Yeah. It does depend on your definition of the word weird and your definition of the word item. And your definition of the word the. Fuck. It's a hot day in the house.

Jesus wept. What is the weirdest item I've ever bought? Paul? I don't know. I haven't been you. No point. I think quite weird is the, well, quite specific is the post-it note. The red apple post-it note.

The red apple post-it note. Dispenser. Why are you so weird on that, though? It's weird, isn't it? I mean, it's an unusual item, isn't it? I also have a frisbee, which you can fold up and put in a little bag and put it on your waist. That's quite weird. Yeah.

Stop. If you disparage this whilst we're going along, no one's going to like you ever again. I'm losing it. Go on, carry the show, Eli. Okay, good. What else is weird? Carry the show, Eli. What else is weird happy. Okay, good. What else is weird? Carry the show, Eli. What else is weird?

What is the weirdest item I've ever had? I don't know. Oh, it's fucking comedy. Gold magic. Right, next question. Next fucking question. Right, we've got some more. What are your guys' favourite weird records from Silverman's Platter?

That's from The Wonderspons. Come on, let's make this quickfire. What's your favourite record? I really like, because it was stuck in my brain for ages, Pipkin's Give Me That Ting. Give Me That Ting. You don't like it. No, I do like it.

You were ruining the day that you ever heard it the other day. But no, I was sitting there, minding my own business, walking around town and all of a sudden be like, give me that, give me that, give me that. Fuck, get out of my head! Yeah, it was a very very infectious earworm that plagued you

all day long didn't it yeah so that might be my favourite but I also concede that it also gave me a massive case of earworms

what about you well I love I love 33 Floors by Amadeo that's a nice one we got that in the Eurovision special

it's a strange tune but it is really very good. And I also really enjoy, basically, cheesy Euro disco. Chexie baby. Yes. Just with space theme. Yeah.

And coming up on an upcoming show, we're going to be reviewing Dishingus Khan. Aren't we? Dishingus Khan, everybody. With what? What do you mean, with what? What's the name of the song? Dishingus Khan. Aren't we? Dishingus Khan, everybody. With what? What do you mean, with what? What's the name of the song?

Dishingus Khan. We didn't use it. I know, but that's why it's coming up. So nebulously coming up in the future. Ask me the name of the song. What's the name of the song?

Dishingus Khan. Right, got it. What's the name of the band? Ask me that. I'm going to presume it's not too dissimilar. Just ask. What's the name of the band?

Dishingus Khan. You're such a twat. Right, next question. Can you try the Henderson Challenge? Start in the name of the band? The Shinkers Can't. Right. Next question. Can you try the Henderson Challenge? Start in the centre of town with no money and at the end of the day, person with most wins. Well, can you start the Henderson Challenge?

Start in the centre of town with no money and at the end of the day, person with most wins. Okay, Google. What is the Henderson Challenge? We'll find out. I don't know what this is Here is some information about the Henderson Challenge The power struggle between Mickey and Danny is as fierce as ever I don't know what that means

That seems to be a reference to some kind of fictional story Yeah, that doesn't seem like a thing Here are some things to try You can say things I don't know what that means. Do you? Well, who asked the question? Someone called Henderson?

Andrew Steen. Can you try the Henderson challenge? What it seems to be is a challenge where we go, we have no money, and then we beg. Okay, Google. Henderson challenge. Here are some results from a search. From The Hustle. Oh, The Hustle was a TV show.

It certainly was. Interesting. Let's have a look from TV show. It certainly was. Interesting. Let's have a look from the hustle.wikipedia.com. The Henderson Challenge was in the second episode of the third series and marched on March 17th, 2006. What was Hustle? Were they like cops? Or what were they? They were con artists?

Yeah. Every episode was about a different kind of con. Okay. You know, like a heist movie pair episode. We need to close the door because noisy neighbours. Well, that didn't work at all. Oh, mate, they're really going noisy now. They're having some kind of...

It's all right, this is House of Pickles. Quality can be purposely lower. They're really going mad out there now. What are they doing? Oh, my God. Are we about to record a murder? Do you think that's what's going to happen? This episode becomes evidence.

I'm glad they didn't do that earlier. And the court says, just before the stabbing was happening, you could clearly hear on the recording, Eli say, I done a shit. I shit the bed. So. Okay, so here's the gist. Flaws are revealed in the gang's leadership

as the rivalry between Mickey and Danny escalates. To solve this dilemma, Albert suggests the Henderson Challenge. Dropped naked in the middle of London and given six hours to drift. Naked. We don't need to do that. We do. Could I oil myself up as well? No.

Shut you dirty. I'll get all baby oil. Drop naked. Like a stripper. I'm going to be sick in my mouth. Could I have a pole? No I don't want you sexualised in my head

I don't want to see you greased on a pole In a little kind of thong I can make 20 quid I can make 20 quid Immediately If I was allowed a pole Pole dancing Fucking a pole

Rubbing a pole rubbing a pole I'd be you'd be arrested you'd be arrested can I do they'd think it was fucking Bigfoot if you were naked

mini Bigfoot yeah they'd be like Sasquatch Sasquatch more like drop naked in the middle of London and give them six hours to grift

as much money as possible it becomes a test of pure grifting skill between Danny and Mickey yes so basically could we start in the middle of London and then by the end of the day to grift as much money as possible it becomes a test of pure grifting skill between Danny and Mickey. So basically could we start in the middle of London and then by the end of the day

who would have the most money? I wouldn't do it. I don't want to beg. I don't want to beg. I've been trying to avoid that. Ideally we'd like to not turn the show into a begging format. It's not called crime show is it?

It's not called ripping off people show. It's not called human desperation hour. Well, actually, it could be. Right, next question.

Okie dokie, which board game would you most like to play on the show? I'll be honest, one of the ones that slipped away and I wanted to know

what it was like was Noel's House Party, the board game. Why has it slipped away? Because it was in a charity shop and then it was not there the next day when I went to buy it.

Okay, well, we'll keep our eyes open for that one. Keep our eyes out for that. I mean, that must have been quite a big seller at the time. I don't know. And it was sealed. It looked in good nick as well. It was only £2. Noel's House Party, the game. Yeah, it comes with a grab-a-grand

unit. So it comes with a grab-a-grand unit. So you know in the show, Noel's House Party, they threw someone into a kind of room and they blew money around and they had to grab a grand. Oh, they grabbed a grand. Because it was all air blown around. What if you didn't grab enough? Then you'd leave with what you had. So like somebody walked out with £10. Oh, so you could grab a grand because it was all air blown what if you didn't grab enough then you'd leave with what you had so like somebody walked out with 10 quid yeah you should think better than that the most they could grab was a grand yeah but there were prizes anyway you can anyway the board game came with a little mini version of that with a little pump and you could

pump it and that sounds good actually has to be said i mean so that would be one i'd like to get my hands on for the show failing Failing that, we could do, what would be nice is one of those Charcombe's 221B Baker Street games where there's a murder and we've got to try

and solve it. Oh yeah? Yeah. It's like Cluedo, but the difference is you actually find who the person is and the motive.

It's got more layers than Cluedo. Well, Cluedo is a game of elimination. It's boring. It's that poker-esque card-counting nature to the game.

It's not poker-esque at all. There's no bluff. Is there bluff in Cluedo? No, no, but what I'm saying is you have to win by guessing what the mystery hand is. Because that's the gist of it, isn't it?

By eliminating all the cards. Yes. So, shut up before you get really fucking arsey with my analogies, alright? Wow. That was a pretty good one.

Okay, Paul, okay. So, 2-2-1-B Baker Street, Sherlock Holmes, is a game where you read that little short story and then you play as a character and you move around the board to, like, the butcher, the baker, the police game where you read out a little short story and then you play as a character and you move around the board to like the butcher,

the baker, the police station. Candlestick maker. You interview people and you make notes and at the end of the day you go back to 221B Baker Street. What does the candlestick maker

have to do? Aren't you clever? Aren't you clever? Stop. Aren't you clever? Stop. Aren't you funny and clever? Stop intimidating me. Right, let's all skip through this. Anyway, what board game would you like? Let's just skip through clever? Stop. Aren't you fully in cover? Stop intimidating me.

Right, let's all skip through this. Anyway, what board game would you like? Let's just skip through this. I love that. I love it. What board game would I like? Yeah. See, I like games like Kensington.

And I think we should do Kensington. Ugh. I think we should do Kensington. Ugh, I'll do Kensington. Because it is a charity shop. It's a charity shop phenomenon. Because it's an LP-shaped game. And so it's so often in the LP.

Stop making faces, Paul. Fuck. Any more questions? Yes, one more, I think. Actually, there's a few, but let me go through them quickly. One person actually says you should accept one-off PayPal payments on your website for people who just want to donate once. I think we should look into that.

I don't know how it works, but if you can, we can add a button onto our website. Thank you for that, Matthew RW. Rick Matthews asked a question about the board games. And I think that's it. I don't think there's any weirdest item. Obviously, when you have money to, would you consider cheap show merchandise?

Yes, we've talked about that, but we're maybe looking into a t-shirt thing we'll see it's all about money and time and we have neither really okay so

one last question from Rhiannon from the Isle of Skye you know Rhiannon the wee Scottish poppet who listens to the show hello Rhiannon one of our favourite listeners

one of our favourite and most furthest away in terms of the UK listeners well because she's way out there. Out in the Hebrides. Is that your little accent? Aye, aye.

I think we may have lost Rhiannon. I'll do it in her accent. All right, I'll ask this question. Ooh, hello. Getting into the gear like you do with the hello. Nice. Also, strange and random question. That's Welsh.

Just keep going. But are there any languages that you would like to... No, you've given up. I've given up. I don't want to offend her any more than, Oh, are there a strange and random question? But are there any languages you would like to love or learn to be fluent in? Yes. Okay, that got really weird.

Any languages you would love to be fluent in? I'd love to be fluent in all languages. Yes. Like? Pick one. Like that superhero from the New Mutants. Have you heard of... Oh, fuck off! Don't waste a question with that. I'm not wasting a question!

Jesus! That's a fake language you can't use apart from comic cons. No! It wasn't a fake language. He was a mutant, yeah? The New Mutants was a spin-off from the X-Men, right? And they were mutants and they were young mutants new mutants and they were young yeah and one of them it was called cypher i think or something like that and he was um his mutant ability was he could understand and

speak every single language not just on earth pa. Not just in this little realm of Earth. But... He was a human babblefish. Yeah. Could have just said that. And he could do computers as well. He could hack computers because he knew computer language. Oh, isn't that convenient?

I would like that. But, going back to your question, Rhiannon, Italian. Italian's a good one. I like Italian. I learnt one phrase in Italian, and that's va-fan-coo-lo. Which means up your bum and be a motherfucking cunt.

You know that? Japanese I wouldn't mind learning. I'd like to learn Japanese as well. Genki desu ka? Which I believe is how are you. So you like to know Japanese? Japanese, Italian, that would be a good one. English.

Do you know what would be really useful to be able to speak? Go on. Spanish. Why? It's a big language. But that's the problem. Being a lazy English speaker you don't really have the impetus because English dominates

world communication so hugely. Well on that boring note let's not stop. People like the fact that I have knowledge Paul, you know. Don't be ashamed. Knowledge is nothing to be ashamed of. Yours should be.

Why? Because it's wide and varied and don't be ashamed knowledge is nothing to be ashamed of yeah yours should be why because it's wide and varied no and doesn't just involve one fucking horror comedy film from the 80s

is like your penis small woefully underused smells anyway at this point in the podcast We're going to hand over to Our chat with all our Patreon folk

Good So we're going to hand over now to that And if you want to have a chance to be on House of Pickles Why not go to Patreon and find out how Go to patreon.com forward slash Cheap Show And you can appear on one of these mini episodes yourself Mini episodes Well I'm sure it'll be fine.

Stop doing that thing with your mouth. Bless you. Weird neighbour. Anyway, here we go. Hello and welcome to part two of this week's House of Pickles. And as promised, if anyone donated more than $50 US currency, they got the chance to appear on the House of Pickles with me, Mr. Silverman. Hello, Mr. Silverman.

Hello there, Mr. Gannon. Hello. And we've got a very special guest, our first Patreon, to lay down his dignity and self-respect. Patrons. We can't have this argument all the time, Eli. We just can't. Well, then say it right.

We just can't do it. If you don't want to have the fucking fucking argument say the word correctly paul that and that actually that actually you know is in place for a lot of the things that you do right yeah we don't have the argument if you get it right okay it's that fucking simple yeah good yeah so patron good patron. Good. Patron. Patron. Patron. Stop patronising me and let's get on with the show. So, please welcome our first patron donator to the Cheap Show podcast. Please welcome on to the show, Stephen Freary. G'day, Paul.

G'day, Eli. Hello, Stephen. So, are you nervous? I am. I actually waved Eli. Hello, Stephen. So, are you nervous? I am. I actually waved then. So, yeah. Did you wave? Yeah, I did, yes.

It's all right. Heart to heart, I did too. Oh, that's the guy. That's nice, yeah. So, tell me. All right, this is where you boost our ego a little bit because me and him, we need it. How the hell did you find out about the podcast? Because one of the things I just don't know is how people find us.

Well, yeah, it was through the barshans obviously so i've been watching actions for years and years and uh when the barshans channel started it was great i got into that and then uh yeah surely slowly but surely you guys sort of got in there and started to be more prominent and uh that noodle talk from eli really got me in and i actually commented on that and you guys read out one of my comments which is good. Oh, cool. Yeah, yeah. It was about Indomie migraine noodles. But anyway, yeah.

Yeah, I remember that. Yeah, exactly. That's right. And yeah, I love noodles as well, but that was part of the fun. And you guys are just great. I enjoyed the randomness. And at work, I listen to you guys all the time. And it's a bit weird when I'm chuckling at work working on editing on videos but um yeah no it's great and uh yeah you guys just got me in with your uh tat uh talk about tat and stuff

like that that was just really great really random um and the and the music like the eli's classic and crazy uh hits it's just fantastic. A great mix of old school stuff and you guys are from the same sort of vintage as I am. So, or you had all the same child experiences and stuff. Yeah. Because being here in Australia... We're Xennials apparently. We're Xennials. Xennials. Okay. Alright.

So it's sort of on the cusp of being like a Gen Xer or something like that. Yeah, well it's in between X and the Millennials. Yeah. That's right, yeah. It's a bit of an awkward sort of stage. We have one foot in each sort of time.

We have our pre-internet sort of memories, and now we're hosting. Yeah, that's right. It's a really interesting time. Yeah, no, I just got into you guys. Like here in Australia, we have a lot of the same experiences as English because we get a lot of your stuff for a lot of your shows, like Banana Man and Supergirl.

I saw all of them as well, so that was great, yeah. It's like TV hand-me-downs where we were like, hey, here's our shows. We're finished with them. Do you want them? They'll fit you. Yeah, it was great. But, Paul, you're forgetting that we were

subjected to neighbours and home and away. Well, some of us fell in love with Danny Minogue. Alright, some of us fell in love with Danny Minogue. Danny? Danny, yeah, okay. That's an interesting choice. Danny was a dirty bitch.

Right, okay. Maybe that's why I liked her, right maybe she was a bit edgy you like too clean and whistly you like a slutty australian dear don't say slutty i just like girls with an edge i'm sorry danny yeah danny if you're listening eli sorry so what kind of videos are you editing there at work? I do. Yeah, yeah, you can ask. I do instructional videos.

It's for the RAF, actually. So I work on a base where they do the initial training on how to learn how to work on aircraft and stuff like that. So all the initial tasks that they need to do, like learning how to tighten bolts, simple things like that, up to fixing avionics components. We're just filming all that and editing it down into five to ten minute packages for supplementary material. So yeah, that's what we're doing.

You don't have Australians in the RAF. You've got Brits there. I don't get it. It's the RAAF, so it's the Royal Australian Air Force. Ah, sorry. Got an extra get it right eli fucking cunts but it's actually it's actually an english company i work for so um right uh based in uh cheltenham so yeah it's um i'm actually headed over there in uh late september

to do some training which is pretty cool so yeah no it's all good it's all happening do some vr training so yeah so here's the next important good. It's all happening. Do some VR training. So, yeah. So here's the next important question, though. Who's better, me or Eli? Now, I don't want to sway your opinion, but I can just stop this Skype call anytime I want. So I'm just going to put that out there. Well, so, see, the good thing about it, you guys bring two different energies to the stream.

Like, Paul, you're sort of like a manic excited energy and and and eli you're more uh um twat you can say twat it's fine no no uh like i like your uh i like your uh um it's hard to describe it's hard to think of something you like about eli i know i know that feeling i like your enthusiasm for um for what you for what you do, your music and your noodles and stuff like that. Noodles, Paul, yeah. Thank you. Mate, that's your legacy, noodles. How sad is that?

And the strong opinions too. I like the way you put your opinions forward very strongly. That's very entertaining to hear. It's great. Yeah. Thank you. Still doesn't really answer the question though. I'm sorry to pressure you on this.

Sorry, I was being diplomatic I guess. I'm a bit political for my liking. I want a man who's... It doesn't matter who he likes more because without each other we can't do this. Right. Heal the world.

Make it a better place for you and for me and the come on you know the words it's like saying what what part of a what part of a tennis racket do you like better the head or the handle yeah the head there you go i answered that i've got conviction i mean you're a conviction all right what do you like more eli? HP or ketchup? Ketchup But Paul They're not part of the same fucking thing Are they? It's not one sauce called HP ketchup

And it's one thing That's very famous They're two totally separate sauces They're still different sauces And I'm asking you to choose one you prefer Ketchup. Good! Right, we've discovered that.

What about you, Stephen? Do they have HP sauce over there in Australia? I think they do have HP sauce, but I don't really have much Breon sauce myself. There's definitely some Worcestershire sauce in the cupboard, but probably not some HP. Definitely lots of tomato sauce.

Yeah, that's more of an Aussie sort of thing as well. Yeah. How do you pronounce that? What? You were cleaning out your what? Because I was going to say something boring. Yeah, don't say things boring, Paul. Think about it.

All right, but you did say, I just cleaned out my fridge, and I can't imagine it might be any more boring than that. And there was a bottle of HP, squeezy HP in there that went off in 2014. It's still good. It's probably edible still. I mean, not on its own, mate. That's sad. Sitting there in your pants on a hot day

squeezing cold HP sauce down your throat. Yeah, that's the way I'm rolling, my friend. Sad. Anyway, so I just wondered, actually, Stephen, because you're here, did you have any questions for us? Did you have any things you wanted to bring up? A point of view, a right to reply, anything we can correct or change on the show?

Well, I don't know if I... Have you guys ever told your origin story, like how you guys two met? I don't know. I've Have you guys ever told your origin story? Like, how you guys two met? I don't know. I've listened to most of your podcasts a few times. I don't know if I actually heard that exact story, like how you guys initially met. I think we told bits of it scattered across many shows.

Just to... I'll give you a very quick summary, Stephen. Paul was working as a male prostitute. Yeah. And, you know, after I ejaculated against you. All over my face. He said, oh, God, oh, oh, God, I'm going to kill myself. And I said, show you up, mate.

You can fucking come along to comedy night and play at fucking ukulele and as he wiped his semen your semen is your semen on my face he was turning tricks basically and I rescued him from a life of crime

I enjoyed it it was a good job I had flexibility it was like zero contract, but it was better. That sounds good because I've seen some pretty old videos on YouTube at the comedy club and stuff. And yeah, so you guys must go way back. Yeah, yeah. That is the truth.

That is the brew house where it all happens. I think we do need to spend an episode talking about the brew house one day. It's a very formative part of like, not only really like me and him and this podcast, but also like comedy in general. And the brew house was kind of like the death of the last of its kind almost. So we were there just as it died. So yeah,

so it might be, it might actually, you're right, Paul, it might make an interesting episode. I think it will actually, I think we might dedicate an episode to the brew house one day. So,'re right, Paul, it might make an interesting episode. I think it will, actually. I think we might dedicate an episode to the Brewhouse one day.

But basically, no, me and him just got together at this club. We did improv shows together, and then we did a sketch show together, and then we both lost our love of stand-up together. And then I wanted to do a podcast live, which was The Uncleakables, because I ripped it off from a Hollywood Babylon. I mean, Eli, we're just working more and more anyway together on the geekatorium which is a live show we did yeah yeah i've heard some of that and then he came inside me and then we just fell in love because i knew that mattered you know when it was outside it was very much like a dominating kind of move from him for his ownership

of me but once he came inside me and it was there was a deeper understanding there and a respect you see paul when i do a little riff about you being a prostitute it doesn't come across really really homophobic but when you do how's that homophobic yeah whatever now steven right does that answer your question yes yes yes that's right so you guys met the brew house time so that that that does answer the question for me yeah because i have yeah that is that is when we met that is when we met okay excellent yeah so there is like a like a paper trail of our origin story to get to cheap show and it just kind of go awful stand-up awful improv awful sketch group

awful stand-up again and then awful podcast sketch group, awful stand-up again, and then awful podcast. So we've been consistent. No, well, you're doing really well. I reckon you're in a good place now. I reckon you've found your stride and you've got your format down. No, it's great. It's great to hear. I do have a question for you, Eli, actually.

Sorry. Oh, okay. I did fire this question to Paul on the Twitter, but I've heard you did some clowning training in the past. Yeah. Would you be willing to talk about that at all? Sure, yeah. I trained with Philippe Goliath.

Okay. He's a French clown guy. Was he in football? Because he was a goalie. My question, Paul. Yeah, my question. And he's trained a lot of famous people, such as... And you.

Baron Sasha Cohen, a.k.a. Ali G in Borat. He went there. And Emma Thompson I believe trained with him as well okay awesome yeah

and it was a one year course he's gone back to Paris now and I don't know if I can get done for libel but he was a cantankerous pervy bearded old drunk

okay wow right okay and he had a little drum he had a little drum and if he didn't like what you were doing, he'd bang the drum and go, bon.

Goodbye, bon. And that was it. You had to stop. Mate, does that mean every time you performed, it sounded like a Keith Moon solo? Oh, God, that's awful, Paul. Awful. Yeah, so it was, it actually, you know,

it seemed very strange and sort of quite frustrating at the time because you know you might just uh wait the whole day to get up once and try something and he'd say it was shit basically and that that was it that was your moment for the whole day uh but okay in subsequent years you just realized that it it was very good training for physical comedy and physical sort of acting. Also, with that in mind, Eli, why aren't you a very physical comedian? I fucking am, Paul. You're not!

What? Well, the show the other... Give me an example of you being... The show the other day, the groin grab, which got applause. How is that not... I'll be be honest mate, it got a laugh but it did not get applause, I think you built that

applause in your mind when it happened also, Eli Roll yeah, of course, Eli Roll is actually your masterpiece in your top 5 moments in Barshan's it's like Eli Roll and Eli's Noodles I have listened to Sir Pet Roll have you seen the roll I've seen the roll, yes It's like Eli Roll and Eli's Noodles. I have listened to that role.

Have you seen the role, Stephen? I've seen the role, yes, very much so, yep. Yeah, hilarious, isn't it? See, that's training. It's not hilarious. I can see the training. Indeed, I can see the training. Oh, mate, you don't need to suck up to Eli, mate. There's no point.

Listen, there's a line, Paul, on one side of the line of people who actually understand the importance of instant noodles. Yeah. And on the other side is your lot. There's humanity. It's your lot. My lot?

Yeah. You're, you know, nonchalant, pretending noodles aren't real. You know what we should do, Eli? We should have a noodle Brexit to decide whether we oust noodles from this podcast. Yeah. That is not even worth asking that question. You're right, I know what the outcome's going to be. So, Stephen.

Yes. What kind of noodles are going on down there? I mean, it must be a very different kind of instant noodle culture. Well, so we have the main starting point for most children is Maggi noodles, and they're just like a regular... Oh, my God, this is happening. This is just happening, and I've got to just take it. Maggi, yeah, I know about Maggi.

They are a Swiss conglomerate. Okay, yeah. But they're very big in sort of Indonesia, which I guess is closer to Australia, isn't it, really? Yeah, that's right. Yeah, so Maggi, it's almost become like an Australian staple. So they're just your standard thing, square brick brick and they've got your chicken or beef powder very standard uh so then you've got one packet noodle yeah exactly and then you've got your cups so

you've got your uh noodle cups they're just called um instant noodles or two minute noodles two minute noodles is what they call them oh my god i'm so depressed sorry sorry about that just this ow and it's there. What I'm interested in particularly is a lot of noodles are sort of... They do special flavours that cater to the particular palette of the nation that they're in. For example, you have Polish ones that are gherkin flavoured. Very interesting. So is there anything like...

I don't know. What's an Australian staple that they might... You know, barbecue shrimp shrimp flavored ramen or something? Well, we have a very strong Asian influence here. So we just go straight for the Asian flavors basically when we want something exotic. Because Australia, like coming from the English point of view, basically it's chicken, beef. But then you throw in the Asian, Mediterranean flavors. And it's like a really big mixing pot here in Australia.

Yeah. So we sort of don't have an individual flavour that we could point at, so it's more leaning towards Asian, I guess you could say, with traditional English thrown in. I'm a bit of a noodle nut. Listen, Paul, you know what? Thank you, Stephen, but let me just say something to you, Paul. I know you've got the app out now.

Yeah? No. And that's one thing... That's one thing... No. That people have said they don't like. Okay? And do you know what pisses me off?

Yes. You petty, petty little dictator. Paul. Paul, are you there? There is no Paul, man. Only Eli. Eli fucking hates you. Stop with the app.

Let's wrap up this house of pickles. All right. Yeah. So, Stephen, any final thoughts, questions before we sign off? Well not really, no I think I've got most of what I what I can think of at the top of my head

Yeah, it's a bit I should have written some notes down or something No, don't worry, we don't want you to work We do the work, yeah Barely Don't pretend to do some work. You don't need to write shit down. So how come?

Did you stay up especially to record this with us? Yeah, I do stay up pretty late, but, yeah, it is quite late. It's like 10 to 3 in the morning. So, yeah, this is a pretty late night for me. I've got to get up at 6.30, so it's going to be, you know. Oh, mate. Mate, all right, go to bed. It's fine.

I do this quite often, actually. It's probably more than I should, but, yeah, it's all right go to bed it's fine like i do this quite often actually it's probably more than i should but yeah it's all good yeah you pull the old silverman we just do a little bump of coke in the morning before the big day listen paul what i've read an article today people are more intelligent people stay up late intelligent people yeah that's interesting intelligent people are known to swear more stay up up later, and have messy rooms. And wank off to non-porn. So, that's Eli. That was very specific.

I don't know why they said that. It was very specific. Right. So, anyway, thank you for being our Patreon patron, Stephen. Thank you, and hopefully we'll get you back on the show soon. Oh, that'd be great. And thanks very much, guys, for all your work's it's great to hear you all the time and uh yeah i look forward to your next next episode as always yeah it's great thanks for thanks for having me all

right thanks for being on man right that's it another house of pickles thank you to giving us really loud sneeze they probably didn't pick it up on the mic. Well, the problem is with the House of Pickles, you've got this weird sort of sound well in my backyard. Garden. It's not a garden. It's more of a... Yarden. Anything outside that proximity is okay.

You can't hear. But if it has any noise within it, it gets amplified right into here. So apologies again for that, guys. Doesn't matter. It gives them a little bit of flavour of where they are at the House of Pendants. And there is this little girl

who doesn't know how to speak who makes a funny noise. And you lie in bed listening to that at night. I have to. Creepy. Where else do I have to go? Not at night. In the morning,

in the daytime when I'm asleep. When you hatch. Also... Right. Is that it? I just want to wrap this hatch. Also. Right. Is that it? Also. I just want to wrap this up. Right.

I won't mention the fox. They make loud noises. Chatter, chatter, chatter. Nyeh, nyeh, nyeh, nyeh, nyeh. Thank you, everybody. Is that it? Yeah. All right, good.

Follow us on Twitter. I'm trying to fucking add some flavour, Paul. Add some flavour, Paul! At the Cheap Show Pod. You can follow me personally at PaulGannonShow. We have Balshans every Friday on YouTube. Stuart Ashen, Barry Lewis, Eli Silverman. Eli, where can people follow you?

I believe you've got a stupid Twitter account. Eli Snoid, E-L-I-S-N-O-I-D. And your brutalist pictures on your Instagram. Eli J. Silverman on Instagram. We also have an Instagram for me Gannon Planet I put Cheap Show things up there

so I'm not going to do a Cheap Show account I'm just going to say go to Gannon Planet for Cheap Show tickets

to see Cheap Show shop and again if you want to give any money to us on Patreon patreon.com forward slash

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and love it yeah and then we pre-love it yeah and then we put it back glistened

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or just do hashtag askcheapshow askcheapshow and that's it formerly asksilverman yes but now Paul felt left out

I'm gonna kick your fucking little head in. No, stop with the violence. I'm going to do it. Can I just want to do a thing? Go on. Cheap show, show, show, show. I don't know, cheap show.

Everybody, cheap show. Ah, your mic fell out because you were cutting it. It's dropped off. How was that? No, don't plug it back in now. You've had your moments. Oh, he's plugging it back in. What a knob. Get it in. Sorry about now. You've had your moment. Oh, he's plugging it back in. What a knob.

Get it in. Sorry about that. It seems so, everybody. It seems so. It seems so. Shut up! Just end this fucking episode. It seems so.

It seems so. you