CheapShow - Ep 480: Remember The Alamo

Episode Date: March 27, 2026

Eli is finally back from his break in the US of A and Paul’s had a week off to try and get some of his sanity back. However, because Eli’s return is so close to the release of our weekly schedule, Paul suggests another one of their patented “real time” episodes to save him a bunch of editing! Once again, they start the clock and don’t stop for 60 minutes! Well, apart from when they stop the clock to throw in a “secret recording” and once again to collect their order from KFC! It’s a foodie episode this week and there are some truly HORRIBLE “Cheap Eats” for Paul and Eli to endure. To make matters worse, they’ve also ordered the Pickle Meal from KFC and after everything else they’ve ingested this week, this final bite may finish them off! See pics/videos for this episode on our website: https://www.thecheapshow.co.uk/ep-480-remember-the-alamo www.patreon.com/cheapshow If you want to get involved, email us at [e-mail] For all other information, please visit: www.thecheapshow.co.uk Like, Review, Share, Comment... LOVE US! MERCH Official CheapShow Magazine Shop: www.cheapmag.shop Send Us Stuff: CheapShow PO BOX 1309 Harrow HA1 9QJ

Welcome back to the UK, Mr. Eli Silverman. How are you feeling? All the sun's in your eyes. I'm going to close the light blinds. I've just realised. It's like literally. I didn't do it. The gods.

I can't see your face. I'll, I'll close the door. I don't know. They didn't tell me anything about it. I promise I'll do anything. I'll suck your dick. I'll suck your... Hey?

He. The couch then. Ooh. Ooh. Here comes Paul down off the couch. the couch and he's sitting in his big chair. In my chair. He's the boss of cheap show.

He's the boss of cheap show. It's fucking Paul Gannon. Pour you pants down, soldier. Have some fun. Anyway, yeah. Back to the UK. Silverman's been out of the country for two and a bit weeks. No, I haven't.

Everyone thinks it's two weeks. It's ten days. For the sake of like, ah, ten days. I'm not going to fight it. Oh, I wish you'd gone into that. I know. I know. I know.

I saw the future and it did not end well for Gannon. You'd have to explain, basically, what you were about to explain was listener time scale. I'll get into mechanics of time. Real time, listener time. Two different timelines. No, 10 days I was away for, Paul. And you're back and you invigorated? I landed yesterday morning at about 7 a.m.

Nice flight. As often happens, I had a seat free next to me. Oh, that's handy. On the way back. But not on the way there and I was in the middle. Was it one of those? Because it's not a longer journey, isn't it? Is it to Florida?

Nine hours on the way there. Oh, well, actually. What's the LA's like 11? I know, it's about nine hours, nine a half, something like that. So similar on the way there, but it's always very quick on the way back because of the tail winds and so forth.

And the rotation of the earth. Rotation of the Earth. This is a fact I've looked up and everything. Yeah. It's worse coming back. Going east is worse for the jet lag. And that is very much the condition I'm suffering from now. Basically, I've got this kind of jet lag

where I sort of vary from being, oh, right. to like extremely tired in that sort of fatigued way where you're close to tears. Like crashing. Yeah, like that crashing, that kind of tiredness, that crashing. That sort of, it's like you're wired, but you're exhausted at the same time. I hate that feeling.

I've got that feeling. Yeah. Well, Eli, let's go easy on you because as of recording, it is a Wednesday. Usually I've edited this fucking podcast by a Wednesday, and I'm smoking a fine cigar, right? My whiskey in my glass, and I'm enjoying the spoils. I am. the spoils of my labour, right?

And so now, as a result, because I've accommodated Eli's time away, because in reader time and a little bit of time, it's all very different. But no, because of this, we're going to do a real-time episode. I don't have to do any fucking editing today. So once the credits end, bang, 60 minutes of pure, fat, chunky, cheap show. Goodness. All sorts of tasty things. All full of marabone jelly.

Anecdotes from my trip, probably. Yeah, I'm looking forward to it. and we're just going to power through for 60 minutes. That's the plan this week, so Gannon can get this done, so you get your episode on a Friday, as is your wont. As is your whim and your weft and your we've ever want. And you're waft. And I waft your, my farty...

Hey, here we go. I waft my farty grunt off into your face. That'll do. I managed to finish that. I'm glad I managed to get that out. Yeah, no, here we go. Very much like a fart. Yes.

Squeez it, squeeze it. No, you don't need to labour it. Ladies and Geraldman, the Cheap Show. I know labour is a different thing. That's when you give birth. That's a big fart. Giving birth is not one big farty. Well, kind of is.

It's not, you speak to any woman who's baby through childbirth, and they will not compare it. It's a bit more lumpy. It's a little bit more lumpy. It's vagina-tearingly painful agony. Listen, I'm a friend of the women, and I, in no way, wanted to denigrate the experience of child.

birth. But to you, it's just one big guffer. I was just making a comparison. Both things are something expelled from the human body. So now you compare in the beauty of childbirth. I know you're going to do this. The fucking flagellets. I know you're going to do this.

It's a fucking excrement to pit shitty chip particles in the air. There's a, I mean, yeah. Right. Can I? Can I go, can I put music in now, Mr. Silverman? Were you going to compare like women having a period to having a bit of a sniffle? What do you want to do?

do. I didn't say any of that. I'm just saying. Can I go to credits now, please? We've got a whole hour of this. Well, let's get going then. Press the fucking credits. Resources and words and phrases. Two things I'm responsible for. Shot me. I hate you.

I got to be a posse. Jeep Show to. Hello, all you people, and welcome to Cheap Show. It's the Comedy, a Comedy podcast, accommodating whole your tat. around the aisles. Treasure, trash, infecto.

This is why you're not allowed to start episodes. Infecto. Infecto. He liked it. Did you hear that, everyone? You heard that there. You heard it. He said infecto.

Doesn't mean I endorse it. Everyone endorses infecto. Maybe I just like the sound of it in my mouth. I know. It's good, isn't it? It speaks into the microphone. It's good. But that's, if I may be so bold.

Bold. Yeah. That's my genius. Oh, no. Don't say that. A nonsense word was formed. This is an edited episode. It was conceived.

Are we on the clock? Yeah, we're on the clock. The clock's I've already started it. I'll sort it out. I'll sort it out. Hello, everybody. 59 minutes left. Hello, everybody.

Hello. The comedy, a comedy podcast for your ears, where we, Paul Gannon and me, and me, Eli Silverman, travel the streets of Great Britain. Me, Lysilverman. Me lie, Eli. Don't.

Oh, we'll bring that up in a minute. But go on, do your intro. We're Him Paul Gannon and Meelai Silverman. I like it. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Right.

Go on. We're Him Paul Gannon and Milai Silverman travel the high streets of Great Britain trying to find... Oh. You can edit that out. No, I can't. It's a real-time episode. So everything stays in the picture? If you're absolutely sexist, like you're in the cold open, I will keep it keeping in.

Where we find the treasure amongst the trash. And we are tat hounds, sniffing out the tat hounds like a dirty snudge on a park bench. Yeah, not pussy hounds, tat hounds. Tatt hound. We know how to sniff out a good bit of tat. I see you shuffling some tat around there, Paul. It was going to fall, so I just dragged it out. Tattelage.

Tadolage. It could have been a tat. Tavalage. Tatvalanche. Tatvatraifee. Catatratrus fee. Catatristri. Catatristri.

It's got to be one of them. Oh. We are sometimes funny, everybody, but not this week. We really are huffing our own grunt matter up, aren't we? A podcast about loving the cheap things in life. That will do. Move on. Move on.

That's Eli. Right. So we've now got... Move on. Just over 57 minutes left. And I want to just get one thing out of the way because... Okay. I wanted to get your instant reaction.

So I was recording when you came into the room of you spotting what was on the mantelpiece. Oh, really? I thought you were because you started doing your, I'm talking for a recording voice. My podcast voice. But, but, but... But then I looked at your hand. I thought you were holding some kind of recorder in your hand,

but then you weren't. And I thought, okay, he's just doing the voice for no reason. Yeah, no, I had these mics on, so I'm going to have to boost it a bit. You caught a bit of verity, a little bit of my actual... Because someone sent us something really... wonderful and upsetting in the post. And here's Eli's reaction to it.

I'm going to drop the clip in now. Oh, my God. I'm freaking out. I'm freaking out. Yeah, that's a surprise I was going to tell you about. I was going to wait until we got the episode going in there. I saw it. Obviously, I'm going to say it.

I know, but I was hoping that you wouldn't notice it. And I was thinking, oh. Oh. I was going to tell you in the episode. Oh, God, that's creepy as fuck. Do I? Yeah. You look like...

Well, tell you what, let's save it for the episode, right? Save it for the episode. Hey. I'm just fucked up the real-time elements. I was just about to say! We're still going to go by real-time, so I'm going to drop it in and then add three... We're still recording one hour.

That recorded sequence has bumped it a bit over the real-time element. But weren't you going by the timer on your recording? You've got the clock clocking down. You've got the timer clocking down. That's what they say. I know I fuck the real time element. They say timer clocking down. Yeah.

Clocking timer down. So what Eli saw was this. Two, what are they? Busts of me and him, 3D printed. Can I have a little look, please? They really are impressive. Oh, and they do have some weight to them. Yeah, heavy as fuck.

Do you want to hear the letter that came with it? Yes, please. It says this. Hi there, bean pole and short stack. That's just an unnecessarily rude. You're not a bean pole either. No, and you're not really a short stack. I'm a severely short man.

Whenever anyone, I may have said this before, Paul, but whenever anyone mentions a real shorty, like in the media, they're always 5'10. Or 5.7. Put it that way. 5.7. Kylie's small, isn't she? Are you bigger than Kylie, figuratively?

No, literally. Well, how tall is Kylie? I don't know. Okay, Google. How tall is Kylie? Manogue. This is what the future's for. In feet and inches, please.

Complex is, you've made it more complex by giving it in metres. One metre 52 does not help us. I have no clue what that means. Okay. Okay, Google. How tall is Carrie Minogue in feet and inches? Like a fucking looment. Oh, you're fucking cat.

Unfucking believable. The fucking rudeness. How does. I'm typing it in. How tall is Kylie? It's asking feet and meters. It says 1.52 meters. I know.

Why? What is 1.52 meters in feet and inches? I don't know. You need to ask it. I shouldn't have to fucking guess. I shouldn't have to estimate. It should do that for you. She's five foot.

Right. I'm taller than her. She's exactly five foot. Yeah, I am slightly taller. I'm 5.1 and a half. Wow. I'm at Kylie level. Anyway, the letter says this.

Please accept these monies. monstrous representations of your faces as a token of my gratitude for the many years of distractions you have provided. The bottoms open up if you need to add more weight. The construction is a P.E.T.G. plastic filled with plaster of Paris with a matte varnish finish. Should be okay outdoors or indoors, but no promises made about the outdoors part. And that's from Davey, Davey DP. Thank you, Davey, DP. Thank you very much, Davy DP, I suppose.

Images on our website, the Cheapshot at UK. but they are fucking heavy. They're very professional. Very, very good. It's fucking kill. You could literally kill someone in the drawing room with this, Professor Plum with the Paul Gannonhead in the bathroom.

Have you got a shirt on in yours? You do. I'm naked. Oh, yeah. There's no collar. Maybe that's because, you know, they usually imagine you with your shirt off. Maybe that's what it is.

Weird. But also, you can unscrew the bottom. Did you see that? Oh, stash. You could put a... I don't know, your money in there, pounds, weed, yeah, house keys. Cool. So here's the thing.

So I've had these for a while. And my plan was to bring them on our walk to, you know, daring woods from last week. Yes. But these were too heavy for me to add to my bag. Because I wanted to put them in the woods and take pictures. Oh, yeah, that would be a nightmare. They must be a kilo each, right? I mean, I don't know.

But, yeah. I think they're about a kilo each. But my point is, is that I wanted to, like, put them in the woods and take pictures, and it would be cool. but then I thought it's too heavy. It's too heavy. I could do it in my garden. So I like these.

I will say I'm not a big fan of my nose. They've given me a kind of Roman nose. Let me see your actual real nose. Can you take a... Yeah, your real nose is... It's more cute. It's straighter. Yeah.

That's a bit more than Roman nosy kind of effect. No, it's straighter. What it is, that one goes out and down at an angle. And your one is much sort of straight up. Yeah. Beautiful. You know what? Your one looks like better.

Mendelssohn. Oh God, you're right. He does, doesn't it? I think the likeness for me... Yeah. I think your likeness is much better. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Almost, you know, like classical.

It's got a classical look to it. Like Beethoven, because he's done my hair. The hair is really nicely done. Like Beethoven. The long, wavy... Yeah. And there's a moustache. I mean, my trademark mustache.

Pit for bum chin. Do I have a bum chin like that? It's hard to say because you got your beard all over it. And I don't think he's done your beard in that. I think it's just the tash. When I'm tidy up. But that's got a bit of a bum cleft. I don't think you've got much of a bum cleft.

I don't think I'm a bum cleft guy. No. And I wish this had a bigger mouth. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, what like that. Oh, like kind of a gag. So you could fuck your own face. Why not?

I've often dreamt of such a thing. Why can't it be made true? It can be made true. I mean, I can take the bottom off. And put your dick in there. Would it fit in there, Paul? Oh, come on. I can get two in there.

No, but like. Should we, that's what we should do? Cover it in latex rubber or something. How I? And make it my own little fuck pump. You wimp. And I got my head there. Get some abrasion on the knob end.

No, we've got to be gentle with it at this age. You've got to look after it. Otherwise, it all goes horrible. Now, this is like that painting that we received. Do you remember? Years back. I think that's still in my room. I haven't managed.

Try to give it away. You forgot. No one wants it. If you can find it, we'll give it away at 500. Because, by the way, 500's coming together. And maybe even as early as next week, there will be news on our episode 500. Maybe confirmation of the location then. No, I think it's still in my room.

And that was a cheap skate. That's what we call our fans. That's what you guys call yourselves. You know, they never change. Ruffle, Ruffle, Ruffle. A cheesy jumper. Oh, he's bored. Move on, he says.

Oh, I'm bored he says. Move on. minutes left, mate. Well, we've got plenty of time. What was I talking about? I don't know. The picture that was sent to us that was half my face, half your face, sort of merging. Yeah, down the middle.

Yeah. Yeah. Sexy. In gold with gold paint background. I can't get over how much. You also look like Sean Pertwee in that. Yeah, a little bit of short Pertwee. I'll give you that.

I'll tell you what I do look like. Haunted. There's no eyeball. No, no, no. But like that whole face. There's no eyes. That's the face of a man who's literally about to have his life over because a truck's come in his way. Yes, and he's sleepwalking.

Yeah, that's the look of a man who's realized this is his last moment on earth. And that's the face I've given. They're lovely little pieces of work. Thank you again. Davey, thank you. Davey. Do you want to take yours home? But we need to, yeah.

Otherwise, I could put these in the garden. No, I want mine. You can have yours if you want it. I'm just saying, are you going to take it home tonight? Yeah. Good. because that's fine. You're going to keep mine.

I might put mine in the garden. I know he said no promises, but I'd like the idea of squirrels running around there. Maybe they hide their nuts and near me neck. You know what I mean? Or a cat uses it to spay and spray itself. You know what? Because I'm jet-lagged,

and I get that close to tears thing. I think my nostalgia antenna is sort of... I'm closer to where my nostalgia lives. And the faint smell of cat piss in this raw. room really brought me back to like being in Glastonbury and doing touring Whale Nation and we had to stay in this witch's house and the witch's house really smelt of piss

and she had to go live in the ambulance outside she had an old ambulance and she's because the house smelt of piss so bad she had to sleep outside because we were staying we were a troop doing Whale Nation at Glastonbury, Glastonbury Town the tour is visible nowhere near the campsway. No, you're near it. Where you do the festival.

No way near it. No way. No way. And so then, I had a nostalgia of that. Just to report there? I would like to apologise for that smell because we think a naughty cat snuck into our flat this morning. And fucking spayed it. And they did spray somewhere. Because Riley doesn't do that. Right doesn't do that.

He's quite a clean cat and he always goes outside. He wouldn't do it here. He lives here. No. And it's a smell that isn't cat piss. It's a smell of cat. It's the spay. Yeah.

So I think some fucking little shit. I think it's puff-faced Johnny. I bet it's fucking puff face Johnny I can't remember if you talk about puff face Johnny on this podcast before but there's a ginger cat that's round here it's a big bruiser and it likes to get into people's houses

and eat their stuff we call it puff face Johnny because it's got a big stupid fucking puff face right and I think he gets in he always tried like last night the cat flat was banging like mad and because it was a windy night

we didn't think much about it and I went wait wait wait that is not the random tipy tapper of a wind that is the forced desperate desperate tip of a taper of a cat trying to get into a flap. So I ran out with my phone and I caught that fucking cunts in the action. That bastard out.

Here's the truth. Look at him. Look at the puff face Johnny. Cunt! Look at him. He's out of the roof. He's fucking caught right down. Oh, look.

He's cute, actually. He's a cutie, but what a fucking cunt. Anyway. There's a lot of cat action around here, isn't there? Yeah. That's a catastrophe. Cat tatt at truss fee. Cat tattress fee.

Right. So we have now what we got left? What we got left? 36 minutes left. It's 45 minutes in real time. Should we look at something? What do you want to do? What should we talk about?

Oh, we have got this box. Oh, let's start. Let's have a snack. Because this was set a few weeks ago. So apologies to... When are you going to... What? Oh.

Oh, shit. You've got to do that now. Oh, fuck. You explain what I'm going to do while I do it. Now, there is a fast food promotion in the UK at the moment and that is from KFC, our friends at KFC. They are one of the worst chains, I'd say, overall.

Like, I can't think of a big name that's worse, actually. I prefer anything to KFC generally. But they are doing a pickle-based promotion. A lot of people got in touch with us online to say, you're going to do pickle, you're going to do pickle. We're doing it now, I'm going to order it. It has to arrive within 45 minutes. That's why I've got to fucking do it now, haven't I?

There's a pickle burger meal. and a pickle burger box meal. What's it in the pickle burger box meal? Have a look what's in the pickle burger box meal. Our original recipe fillets fillet, spiked with pickle seasoning and paired with tangy sliced gherkins, creamy pickle ranch,

and crispy pickle cucumber pieces. All in our glazed sesame bonn. Serve the long side, signature fries on your choice of chicken side and drink. Good luck. I don't eat that then we'll just get the meal. Well, basically there's no, the only thing that's pickle is the burger, right?

Yeah. So do you want pickle loaded fries with this? Oh, yeah. Right, fine, because that's an extra $2.99 on top. of this. And is there a pickle drink? No, there's no pickle drink. Well, I don't care then.

They don't do Red Bull, do they? Extra chicken it wants? We don't want extra chicken. Do we want gravy? No. Do you want Pepsi can? No, we just want to taste the burger. It's part of a deal, in it, so I'm getting a deal.

I get Pepsi, then. Max. Max. Max. Max. Max Cherry. Add for that much. So what's new?

I want to go to what's new. Right. Pickle loaded fries. Frickles, seasoned frickle, pickle slices with a crack black pepper. Ooh. That's a separate thing. I've already got the loaded fries,

so I don't need to get. I'll get the... One order of the fricles, mate. I'm ordering it. They're going to be grimals, I reckon. They're going to be gruntly grimmels. Now, just go to checkout.

Stop upselling me shit. They love it. They're worse than McDonald's for that, aren't they? Right. Are you sure? You don't want 800 more calories? No, thank you. I am fat enough.

Right, I'm ordering it now. It's ordering. in process. Will it arrive in the next 40 something? So what did you get? One burger meal. With loaded fries added. And then the fricles.

Was it 20 quid? Yes. Fucking hell. And then I gave a tip, so a bit over 20 quid. Fucking crazy. Right. So it'll be here 1705 or 25 minutes past five. Which is, in our hour?

Yeah, in half an hour, apparently. Which will still have what? About 10 minutes left on the show for a bit. This is funny, isn't it? Well, we'll go over a little bit if we need to. We need to put some content in, Paul. Anyway, where's the fucking letter I was going to read up? Back to the show, everyone.

Back to the show. I love these episodes. This is the Canadian box that we've... Oh my God. Here's the right one. You need a filing system. Hello, cheap show. I have sent in some interesting snacks.

This is from Matt in Canada. Hello. Thank you, Matt. I've sent in some Canadian snacks a couple of years ago. While Steve's were purchased in Canada, they are not especially Canadian. just strange. I found these as I was rummaging through my local discount stores and thought they would suit the show.

Oh, then they list them all, which we'll go into in a minute. But it says, I want to highlight the discount store that I got most of these items other than the noodles from. There's a big, big load of noodles there that you got from a different shop. They are from what we call bin stores. They usually sell overstock Amazon returns. However, they don't price the items. They just dump everything from the skids into long plywood bins.

skips. Well, it says skids here, so maybe it says skips. Skits stays in the picture. Because I don't want skids. And loads of shit stays. I don't like that's not going to happen. But that's like the place I went to in Florida. Yes.

So you could reasonably call these troughs. Everything is the same price. £20 on the first day. £10 the second. This is exactly the same thing as that why I went to in Florida. There's like a £1 day. Yeah. And then so on until everything is a dollar.

At the end of that day, they throw everything out that is not sold and then restock. Wow. It's just a garbage fucking... And it's all because of Amazon being at what it is. And Ali Express and now, but they came much later in the picture. But they're all part of the just churning out of low quality plastic shit. Yes. Anyway, not sure if they have these types of stores in the UK yet.

They do and they don't. They do and they don't? Well, I saw a guy on Watford High Street with a stall doing this. Yes. Bim bags full of Amazon returned. They were mystery. You'd pay him a tenor and then get what you were given. Yes.

But I don't think I've, I don't know if I've seen a dedicated store space, like a pop-up space. That does that, yes. There may be, I haven't seen them. Anyway, I am starting to see them in Canada. And I've not heard them mention on the show. I think we mentioned it once or twice. But anyway. Well, I've definitely got some stuff that I mentioned.

Yeah, you did in fact, yeah. In Florida. It's exactly the same. Had like different prices on different days. Basically, if it's a box, you can go over some place and they open it for you. And you decide whether you're going to take it then. Yeah. You see what I mean?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So the fact that they save the labour of pricing and move stock quickly makes this decent discount format. As with all the dollar stores, selling things from different prices these days, this is the only place I can walk into a store and have every item be a pound. So what he's saying is, you know,

you go into like pound land and yet things like a fiver and stuff like that. So thank you, Matt, from Canada. So we have a big box of stuff. That famous, there's that famous chain in Canada, like the no label chain? what's that? You know?

Remember that? Yellow. Oh, yes. That's discount. That's like the dollar tree. We've covered that on the podcast, I just thought I mentioned it. No, no, no.

Fair point. I'm just going to see what these are because these are noodles, one of the first, but this is not from a discount store, he said. Go on, what? Another Canadian point.

Yeah. Do you remember on the show we tried something called All Dressed? Yes. A flavor. And that was Canadian, right? Yeah. And they were delicious.

Now, they were in America when I was there by lays. Lay's all dressed. Oh, really? Oh, so they're doing that now. Yeah, of course they're getting it on it. It's a great flavour. So these are called...

And I believe it originated over the border, north of the border. I think the brand is called Liju. And they just says it's snail noodles. These are the snail ones. Are they really snail noodles? Yeah. Like snail-flavored. No, they have snail in them.

I thought we should do this because all the fancy ones. This is like a high-end instant noodle. Is it? A lot of them are snail. BASET, basically. There must be something about snails that you can't get into a cheaper format because they can get prawns.

All those Vietnamese ones get like beef and pork in a sashet and fish, obviously. Prawns, did I say that already? Prawns. Prong? Prong. Sorry. No, but you can see from this photo on this noodle.

Yeah. It's a nice thick noodle. It is. And it's probably similar to that gourmet one we had, the La Mien. Right. Do you remember? Yeah, no, I do.

What I was going to suggest is I thought it meant snail as in like slow cook. You're like slow cook noodles. That's what I thought it might have meant. Like it was a bad translation. Snail-paced cook noodle. Oh, why you fuck off back to Florida? Go on.

Snail pace. That's what I thought it might have meant. A galloping horse. They're very fast. Quick to make. I don't know. No, it's charming. It's charming, Paul.

So let me see the cooking instructions on this. Go on. Put the prepared dry rice noodles directly into water and boil about 10 to 20 minutes. So maybe they are slow then? They are, but it's not back. The snail refers to the creature. No, I am right.

Paul Gannon stands correct. It says, add some seasonal vegetables according to your personal preference. Fucking give me the vegetables. Yeah, just give us it. That's like the tramp, the stone soup. Yes, it is. Totally.

Yeah, if you put loads of stuff that you buy elsewhere into it, it'll taste good. You fuckers. You fuckers You can't Are we going to try this In a future episode then Because mate

We have a noodle plaza on its way soon Don't we God that's a real palava this noodle Take you at least half an hour to do I know It's a proper deal Also there's so many things wrong With the translation of the instructions

10 to 20 minutes That's a huge range Yeah for the noodles Because maybe you need to Because the snail No but it's the range I'm talking The difference between 10 and 20 minutes and they're saying it's within that range.

10 to 20 minutes. So what are you meant to judge it on, how you like it, like more al-Dente or whatever? Yeah, but that's hugely more, less Al-Dente. It's double, do you see what I mean?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Weird ratios off there. The range should just be like... Hello, I'm Al-Dente. Oh, you're an old cunt now, aren't you? Yeah, a bit of me dropping all this, me like, just dropped off. Why?

Because Al-Dente... I don't know. That's a good point. I don't know why. No, no. Try again, Al. No, no. You're having a bit of the old house.

No, no, no, I've given up. All right. I've decided to not do it anymore. You're meant to say, if you get bitten, you're all a bit hard inside or something like that. Yeah, something like that. Let's go with that and then move on. I'm hard,

I'm hard inside. I'm hard inside, Al. Something so hard inside. I know that I can achieve erection. I know that I can achieve erection. Because I've been whacking it so long, so long. Oh, I've got a knobbing off my job. Oh, I've dropped.

Half me knob, job. Good stuff. What a load of shit these snail things are. You thought you liked them a second ago? No, I hate their copy. Is it chummy? Is it too chummy? Add some seasonal vegetables to your preference. Who's going to fucking pay for these seasonal vegetables?

You are? That's the whole fucking... I don't want to have to buy fucking seasonal vegetables. Wait 10 to 20 minutes. You know what I mean? It's pushing... It's perfectly... It's pushing the definition of instant.

to its very much breaking point. To it's very much for your fucking mouth. Oh, they're still preparing our order at KFC. This is what podcasting is about. Are you going to cut the burger in half? You have to use a knife. Yes, I can do. I can do.

So we can each have our own half. I can do. Please. I will do. I can and will do. You can, will do. Right. So here is...

Is there something else? God, there's loads of stuff. Yeah, there's loads of stuff. So let's get in quickly, man. I'll go by what I want to have. first. So we've got this frozen

Wait, isn't that a beer company? A sharisi. I don't know what it's called. A shari. Yeah,

I can't know what it's called. Oh, it's a shah. Asahi. Yes. Some random Japanese candy,

one great flavor and one it's themed on a movie frozen. So there's that one. This is the frozen one I have in my

hand because that seems to be a Disney princess with blonde hair. Was that a character in frozen? In a funny sort of almost anime style.

It's not the... Yeah, it's one of the frozen That's Asahi, but that's the thing in Japan. Some companies that make beer, they do all sorts of weird other stuff as well. Yes, but I didn't. These are sweets. So you wouldn't get Heineken made sweets in the UK, for example.

Yeah, well, you might get Guinness. Because I've seen Guinness chocolates and whatnot. Guinness always pair up with a pre-existing... Yeah, but still... Do you know they've got squashes in the US? What, Guinness Squashes? No, squashes. Like, you know the squashes?

Yes. They have those. They're made by bars, is it? Barretts. bars, yeah. What's that? Apparently these are 10B each these little things. That is cheap. There's a very lovely, I would say

like a sour vanilla. Oh, interesting. Let's have a look. It's that, it's the milky sour vanilla. It says this one grape. Is this the grape one? Sniff that. You'll sniff the milky sour vanilla. Oh, yeah. Do you know what I mean? It smells a bit like baby sick.

It does, yeah. I'm going to pop one in my gob right now. Anyway, they've got squashies right? In America, Paul's not liking that sweet. That's a very strange taste. They've got squashes, but do you know who they're made by? In America, they're exactly the same thing. Yeah.

They're made by Smarties. Smarties is a different company altogether in America. Yes, but they're made by, the squashes are made by Smarties. Weird. And the little logo. These are horrible. I might avoid it then. No.

No. Oh, yeah. Oh, you know what? Yeah, no. If you want to avoid your cats. You always do. It's weird. It won't, Paul, because I love you and everyone else.

It's weird. It's like a very weird. sherbet, but with this kind of milky, like, flavoured shell. And so you get the bit of kind of like a sparkle to it, but then you get this kind of rancid milk aftertaste, like a kind of bad milky bar. I'm just literally haven't bitten into this, and there's no taste. No, bite into it, then you'll have fun.

Oh, oh. Yeah, you see, you wake it up when you do that. I like. You do, yeah? Yeah, it's like vitamin-y. Yeah, it has that kind of multi-vitamin pill flavor. But very sweet. And yeah.

Like artificial milk Yeah Just not for the Western palette There's a great thing I like those Here's a great one And it comes on a big roll Like what are they called fruit loop

No what are the fruit Fruit unravelers What are they called What are they called Ravelled or something Or unraveled Roles Roads Roads

Fruit rolls Yes Or we've done a Vimto Role haven't we before It's a sort of Sweet format Where they press fruit Into a strip

There's no fruit in this, mate. I thought they say it's all proper fruit. It's not proper fruit. God, he's having trouble with this roll. It's like welded to the fucking plastic. Hang on, here we go. He's got it. Oh, oh, don't have the top bit.

It's going to be sticky with cat here now. It literally is. I can see it. So just take a big bit and then. I'm going to unwind the whole thing. Unwind the whole thing. Oh, it's a long one. It's a very long one.

You get your money's worth out of this, mother. At least fucking, oh, we're like nine inches down. Well, that's more than nine inches, that. That's got to be at least 12. I must have underestimated the length of my peeping. Under, under, or over. Under? That means I've got a big one if I say under.

No, I... Because nine inches looks tiny. Yeah. That sort of thing. Yeah, no, I got it, sadly. Oh, man. I managed to unravel the whole of this thing. What does this say?

It says, grape something, rather. Hang on. It's got... These like real-time episodes of fucking slapdash as balls. It does smell like real grape, actually. Yeah, it does. It does. Right, I'm going to translate. Here we go.

Candy, grape candy. And then I think that's a logo. It's super delicious, it says. Made with apple juice. Yeah, you can smell the apple juice. You can actually, you're right there. Great flavour. And it says recandy.

Right, I've got a little bit here. There you go, Paul. The bad, the fuzzy bad end is the bottom there. I see the stray cat hair is hanging on. it. Right. I like that. That's really nice.

I'm just going to eat out. Come on, Paul. It's just too fucking sticky. Paul's made a real mess of it. It's nice, though. You're right. I do like it. I just can't get the fucker off.

It's really good. I just can't get the fucker off. Come on, mate. I can't get it off. I've got no nails. So you're standing. I'm just stabbing at it with my fucking stupid fucking fingers. I can just start off.

I'm just tooth scraping it off. He's impatient with the... Oh, it's really good. Really lovely, like a... Not very grapey, though. It's quite a subtle grape flavour. It's almost whiny, but it's...

Oh, right, that didn't work. Oh, I like that a lot. Yeah, that was all right. It was more apricotty to me. Yes. Yeah, yes, yeah. I like that. It's got that apple.

It's nice. Next. It's a nice thing. We've got, what's this? Chinese candy, it says here. All right. Well, those were Japanese, presumably. Dried, salted plums.

Oh, fuck. I hate these. Made in San Antonio. Go on, you have to get it out of the way. Oh, look at them. They look like little fucking dried-up gonads of an alligator or something. You know what I mean? Pickle Gallagator.

cat nuts. They do these little little cat bollocks. Sour strong. Alamo candy company. Nice packaging, huh? Look at the little, there is a chicken riding a bumper car.

Why is that the logo? Well, if you have to ask, obviously it doesn't make much sense to you. How weird is this packaging? It's like made in San Antonio, so it's not Chinese candy. Not actually from China.

That's what it says in the court cover, right? Are I right or wrong? What? that there is a chicken riding a cartoon car for no reason on this product. That's a very good reason. AI generated logo.

It's not AI generated. It definitely is. It definitely is. There's one riding in. He's got Maracas and it's a bit like Benny the cab from a... Why has he got Moraccas? Because he's Mexican. A Mexican chicken riding a car.

Yeah. Baby chicken. It's an Alamo close to the border. Oh, is that something else? Micheletas. What the fuck is that? This is all part of the Alamo branded candies. I love it.

They're all quite salty and they were 10p each. And they have also another illustration on... Of two beers. Has two beers. So I think they're meant to accompany... Like bar snacky kind of thing. They drink it as bar snack because it's salty. Now I have to mention...

Oh, for your beer and more. For your beer and more. And do you know what that and more... For your beer? Do you know what that and more? It means anything? It means up the bum. No.

Yes, it does. And more always... In every context when people say, and more dot, dot, dot. It means anal play. we're like when you go to a movie anyway so when I go to your Panto

and it says magic comedy song and more it means someone's going to get fucking railed on stage by a dame is that what it is I have to mention very good put the wanky and widow Twanky is that what it is

that what I'm like you Paul I have to mention the font puts the dick in slapstick slaps the dick slapstick All right, that's enough of that now. That's when you do comedy with your knob. Slapstick.

He's just slapping about. Oh, puberty of the penis. That's slapstick comedy, in it? Slapdick. Oh, I fucking clever. Yes. Paul. Do you want to eat these?

Can I mention something now, please? We've got chicken on the way. Chinese candy is written in one of these. What is the name for those fonts? Racist font. Oh, yeah. I know what you mean. Chopsui, I think they call that.

Yeah. Or chopsticks, isn't it? There's a few of them. But it's like old-school. Chinese restaurant. I love that. Can we taste these now? Because this has been forever

talking about the packaging of this. I don't want to ruin the packaging and getting into this. I've only taking pictures. What is the other product? These are the plums. Mechilitas. Extreme sour with chili.

Oh, baby. You know what? I think these are. Those fucking horrible things Biffo made a seat that one time in one of his episodes. God, they have loads. They have cherry bombs. Camoy pulper. What is chamois?

Don't know. Gummy and bloody bears. Gummy worm blood. Crawlers, dried mango with chachanoi. Mean green sour apple. Belts. Oh my God. Oh.

Chomney chimney, piss. Giscori bait. I can't read that. Have this. Is that another one? Is this the sour plum? That's a plum. Put it in your mouth.

All right, love. Fuck it out. Yeah, yeah. God, that's horrible. That is... I think the saltiest thing I've ever eaten. That is super salt. I just salt. I just felt like I bit into salt.

God, I was in the sea. We went on a snorkeling expedition. And it was like, he told us, don't swallow any seawater. Yeah, it's like that. And someone's getting my mouth. And it was worse. That's worse than that. Well, let's try the chili balls.

I don't want to try anything else from these jokers. Oh, mate, we've got a third one on the go. That is a prank. That's not food. Someone obviously likes it. No one likes that. No one eats that. Fuck that.

Oh, God, this smells like fucking a paint shop. This smells like a garage or factory. Sniton. Oh, that's that tamarind. I bet it's got tamarind. I know, but it's got like factory floor sweeping. vibes to it. After that first product from these

cowboys, I'm only having a little nibble of this as well, Paul. I hope you don't mind. I'm not popping that in my mouth. What's in it? What's actually in this? What am I put in my mouth? I bet it's tamarin. That's the smell of stale tamarind. I can't even see. Chili powder, chili peppers, sugar, salt,

citric acid, lemon powder, starch, cornstarch, concentrated juices. I bet it's samarind juices. All right, here we go. with. What is this? That is. It feels like I'm eating paint. Oh God,

it's so fucking horribly alive. I took the tiniest bit. It's so salty again. It's so fake tasting. It's so sour. It's so fucking, and it's got a real painty sort of paint stripper. It does.

What the fuck is. This is not good. Mate, why? Oh, wow. Well done. Matt, no, we haven't finished. We've got another one from Alamo.

Oh my God, I don't want no more. This is the Chamoy pulper. What does Chamoy mean? Chammoy keeps coming up. Can we find out what chamois is? Go for it, because... This says great with everything. Fruit, veg, snacks, drinks.

It is a little package, like the two we've had, but full of a green sticky paste. And it's got salt. Fucking out, everything's just got salted. Mate, I'm fucking drooling. It's fucking gawking. It's green. It's sour acidity.

Chamoi Pulper There's a fruit, isn't it? A chamois is a fruit. I don't know. I thought it was a type of leather you clean brass with. That's chamois.

Chamois, that is. What about Shamone? That's Michael Jackson. Okay, go. Well, you have to. How is it spelled? C-H-A-M-O-Y. Yes.

Food. Shamoy food. And then pulper, P-U-L-P-A, which has just been pulp, I imagine. Do we trust AI on this? Mate, we could just type it in.

I did. Oh, 12 minutes away. 12 minutes away from RKFC. And how much more of the episode have we got? I got 20 minutes left. Oh my God, it's going to be the last thing. We'll take a break and we'll get it ready and come back and finish off with it. How about that?

Really? Yeah. Let's just do this. He's really gone against the whole concept of the show, everybody. Stick it up your ass. I'm editing this. I'm making parameters around. He's a daddy cheap show. He makes the rules. All right. Shammoy is a popular Mexican condiment.

Right. Made from pickled fruit, typically apricot, mangoes or plums, chili peppers, lime, juice and salt. Ooh. So it's a green paste. Look. Flavor profile, a savory. Oh, it smells like, you know, like you let a Mr. Freeze melt,

like a lime mist of freeze. It's a savory, tangy, sweet and spicy blend. No, careful, careful. It's liquid. Okay, got it. Oh, it really is liquid. Yeah, it looks like a colostomy bag. With a hint of hibiscus or apricot.

Nice. Oh, that's toilet cleaner. It is. Wow, that's so chemically. I was going to dip your finger in it. Okay, I'm going to dip mine in. My pinky in. Yeah, dip your pinky in.

It's basically a green goo. Paul, I'm just going to dip my finger in this green glue. Glue glue. Rub it on your gums. I'm going to stick my knob to my teeth. Sorry, I've been on holiday, everyone. Ugh. It's because you put it into the back.

It's good. This is Halloween slime, couldn't you? Yeah. It's real bad. It's real bad. It's real bad. Put it in the bin. Do you want a tissue?

I've got airport tissues. That felt like I drank someone else's sick. I know that's what it's like. It feels like I've just swallowed sick. Really wrongens. This Alamo candy. What fucking cowboy? I understand, right, that there's like a difference of opinion

when it comes to, like, flavors in different countries. Like, Indian, like, spicy stuff. You know what I mean? Like, I know there's different tastes. pallets around the world. This is stunt food. But what is this? This is stunt food for kids.

I don't know. It's 10 minutes away from a fucking pickle chicken burger. Which is probably going to be gross. Let's all admit that, first up. Yeah, I've got some airport tissues. Well, not yet because I've got one last thing to eat. I have a tissue, mate. Have I got a tissue?

No, give me tissue. Here you go. It's a clean eggs. Oh, nice. Very nice. I'm going to wipe my... Oh, God, that was horrible. Wipe the...

However... Chammoy... finger down. We've got one more thing to go. Wipe my chamois finger down. Right. Finger down. Slime liquor.

It is by toxic waste. Do that candy that makes sour candies. No, we're back in the realm of reality. Not these people who are fucking... I bet they need to be in jail. Can you just hold off on that statement until I finish reading it what we're about to eat? Which is a slime liquor, strawberry,

sour-filled milk chocolate bar. I'm going to be sick. You don't have to eat. You really are going to be sick. With strawberry puree. and other natural flavors. Sour, white chocolate strawberry. Hmm.

Is it white chocolate? Yeah, I thought that's why you were saying. No, milk chocolate. Oh, okay. Oh, good. Then you've got no excuse. I'm going to sniff it first and turn it over. It's an unremarkable bar design.

How many sections has it got? Six. Flat chocolate bar. It's honestly the most unremarkable thing I think I've ever fucking seen. You're going to need to take... Have you taken photo of any of these? Yeah, taking photographs already. Oh, that's good.

because that chamois pack is all a mess. Yeah, put it in the bag. Right, here we go. Okay, he's taking one section of this. It's going to be cheap, horrible chocolate with a cheap, horrible sour strawberry filling. Let's do it. Let's do it.

I mean, that's just shit in a very boring, bland way. It's not offensive. The chocolate. It'd be nice if the chocolate was of better quality because it would be more of a contrast with the sour strawberry in us. No. Matt, from Canada, thank you, obviously, very much,

but fuck you. You fucking cunt for that. That, I mean, it's more, it's delicious compared to the other things that preceded it. Oh, that's the great wrapper. I don't think that's that bad. No, compared to everything else, that is a palate cleanser. But unfortunately, not very good. How far away is our KFC?

I'm thinking about this. It's five minutes away. What we could do is take a break. We could take a break. I'm just trying to build. Wait until the thing comes up, prepare it, bring it back and then finish the episode off. Because we've got 15 minutes left, basically.

I think people who, Paul, who would be listening. The gimmick is for me to edit. They're going to be let down. Oh, fuck off. They're going to be let down and they're going to say, this is the day the cheap show went off the cliff. This is the way, the day. No, I think they could listen back to any number of episodes

in the past 10 years. What about new listeners? And then you lie to them right at the top. The new listeners, sometimes Paul has a stressful life to make things better for him. He likes to cut corners when he's considering he edits this week in, week out, 52 weeks a year. And it is last minute now because I've been on my joys. So all I'm trying to do is formulate structurally the conceit that it's live

so I can leave in all the things I would usually edit out. Like that cough, I would have edited that out usually. Please do. But no, I'm not going to now because it's live and unedited. You just said we're going to do an edit, a massive edit. No, I'm going to take a break at the 15 minute mark. But you have to, don't erase that clock. No, I can just pause it

So it's real time for them But not for us No, it's real time for me to edit this knocking off tonight If this was like, I don't know If this was like an episode of 24 Then yeah, you take your time and tell your story Relax, dude Did we get three

Two episodes? We got two episodes out of that fucking walk to that shit hole Just about The shit hole It wasn't a shit hole It was just like It was dangerous If we started off in the right direction

We would have gotten there earlier And got more stuff done Oh, Paul. I just will occur to me. I got a bad tummy now. On that footage, I did do some footage when we were in... No, did you watch the video? Florida.

No, what video? The walkabout video, I'm sure. No. Oh, okay. I haven't seen you the link. Oh, I haven't watched it, sorry, I will. I'll watch it. I think even before you left, I sent it.

I will watch it. Thinking you might have watched it on the plane. I will watch it. It's got a really great bit of porontology in it. I watched weapons on the plane. I don't care about weapons. I don't watch some of... No one cares about what you fucking saw on a plane.

The new naked gun film. Good. Was it good? Right, don't care. Right, we got 40 seconds. I thought you've seen it. Don't care. Your opinion is what I'm getting at.

My opinion is I don't care about yours. So what I'm going to do is in 32 seconds, press pause. We're going on a break. And then we're going to take a break and get the KFC and then come back. And the finale will be that. All I was going to say was something else which was a bit more pertinent. Which was what? Forgottening.

It's about something to do with last week show. It's something to do with last week show. Oh no. It's a video diary of that episode and that episode is currently only for Patreon supporters only. It will be made public but I don't know when yet. However, if you want to see the video

the accompanying video diary to last week's double feature... How did the video diary come out? Not having seen it. I thought, all right, there's a nice bit of weird hauntology on it because... Oh, the bit where your thing gets tugged? No. Sorry, you know what I mean?

Was that captured that moment? No, we didn't capture that. It was weird, but we don't know where that was. You felt like your mic was being tugged out of your pocket. The whole back in my coat was being pulled. I thought it was you being a dickhead. Yeah. Wasn't me?

No, it wasn't. But we didn't catch you that, or audio or video. Well, we recorded on the spy camera stuff. Yes. Right, well, it had sound on it, but when I dropped it into the editor, it wouldn't read the sound.

So I just thought I put spooky music over all that footage, and it turns out to be quite trippy and weird. Cool. So there's a bit of weird kind of liminal horror in there for you as well. Anyway, it is now almost 14 minutes left of the episode, because I did talk for a little longer. We're going to have to just scoff that burger full time.

No, we're going to prepare it. I'm just going to prepare it now. Well, it should be any minute. All right. It's nearby. I've got to go, right, we're going to go do it. I'm going to pause it. Right, here we go.

I just wanted to say, I, um... I can hear the bike. All right, pause it then. And pause on it now. Buzzballs. How many minutes on the clock, Mr. Gannon? 14. 14 minutes left of the episode, guys.

And we are back. And we have... We have half a pickle burger each. We have some KFC loaded fries pickle edition, right? Yes. And we also have their fricles. Which are pickled, what they call pickle? Pickle fricels.

pickle chips. They're a deep south thing, aren't they? Now, can I just say one little speculative thing about this whole thing, right? McDonald's. Yeah. They have a huge success with one particular burger and you both, we both know what I'm referring to here. The Philly cheese stack. The Philly cheese stack. The best thing they've done in 20 years. I don't know this to be a fact, but I would posit that that's in Britain has been their biggest success of recent years in terms of a new product. I agree. And if you think about it, what is it done? It's taken one basic element of the fast food experience, one basic ingredient, the cheese,

and sort of amplified the cheese, made the cheese the star. Do you see what I mean? But to be fair, it is also the onions in that. Oh no, it's a great burger. Yes, but in terms of the marketing and what, do you see what I'm getting at? Seaman.

Sorry, I just said, it has the consistency of semen. But I'm saying that they've... Come on. They focus on the cheese. And that's, I think, KFC had... desperate to have a hit along those lines and they've gone for one element, the girkin.

No, no, no, no. But they're almost right they're Knicking that off McDonald's because McDonald's is known for the gherkins. True. KFC isn't even known for it. You're thinking of the Christmas Grinch meal they did, didn't he? The McDonald's people recently. They did. Which had a gurkin flavored crisp shaker shaker. Yeah, a pickle, crisps,

was the burger a thing? No. So, think about this. Whether or not they care about that, I think this is more about the memes. Because already I've seen people on TikTok and Instagram and YouTube going, like that, over it. I happen to love pickles.

We're a pickle-friendly podcast here. We certainly are, yes. But all I'm saying is that this feels like it's been more done for marketing purposes than an actual sensible suggestion for their menu. For an actual thing, yes. So should we try the burger first then? We've got half the burger here. It's got a quite nice bun, like a trisectioned bun.

Yeah. On the crown. Yeah. And if you can see the cross section of the burger there, just like, it's got like a bit of a stingy fillet to me. Pickle, pickle stuff in it? I'm going on. Here we go.

Sorry, we're eating, and it's real time. But that's all right. It's not bad. It gives it a kind of weird McDonald's burger vibe. Yeah, that's what I mean. That's all it does. That cheap gherkin sort of flavor. That dill pickle.

What's the dill with that? Yeah, but it's quite nice. I think it's nice. But I think I also think to myself immediately, I just prefer Zinger. It's the simplicity of the Zinger burger. You just get the mayo, lettuce, chicken beer, crispy and the bun.

You know what I mean? This has got too much going on. And it can't really, it can't cash the checks that it's signing, basically. No. Here's the thing. It is a gimmick. However, as gimmicks go,

I don't think that's repulsive. In fact, personally speaking, as somebody who's not all that huge on pickles, that's very edible. That's quite tasty, actually. I've had my second bite now. I think the mayo helps take the edge off. Oh yeah.

As well. No, it's really good. It's really good. Loaded fries. Now, this just comes in a box. Again, images on our website. It looks like little tater tots with pickles all over them. So I'm just going to get me fork and stab a few.

There we go. Oh, Christ, they are crunchy. Fucking out. How long we got? 10 minutes. Still got 10 minutes. These look so much like bits of corsette. That's chicken.

They're not fries. No, there's fries as well as popcorn chicken in there. Is that? They were loaded, yeah. Oh, I didn't see the chips. I just saw the little pot nuggets. Oh, yeah, yeah, right. Oh, yeah, right.

I'm going in for that. Oh, I know. Let me add it back, yeah. Very crunchy pickles. I don't think if I had very crunchy pickles before. Like dehydrated pickle crisps. No, there were some of those in the burger as well. Yeah.

As well as wet pickle slices. You know what they're trying to do there? What? Again, I'll go back to the Philly cheese stack. They've been, the people at KFC have been studying the Philly cheese stack. I tell you, because you mentioned the onions. in the Philly cheese stack. We got a man on the inside.

He brought back the following data. If you think about the onions on the Philly Cheese stack, you've got the soft, like griddled onions, and then you have the crispy deep fried ones as well. They give a nice... And that's what they're doing here with the crispy gurkin and the wet gurkin. I like crispy gherkin, actually.

Yeah, it's good, but do you take the point I'm making? Yeah, whatever it is, I'm not listening. Well, they've tried to go, they've trying to emulate the success of the fucking Philly cheese stack. Well, I mean, I don't know about that. All I will say is that, considering it's a bit gimmicky, so far I'm enjoying it.

The burger's nice. The burger's good. Yeah. All right, I'm going to have a frickle. These are like deep battered pickle chips, basically. Oh, I thought that was like the symbol for pie, but it ends it's just the Colonel's necktie. It's almost like the symbol for pie.

I thought like, is it going to turn to an Aronofsky fucking thing? Right, I'm going to have a frickle, a deep-fried pickle. Mmm. I mean, not special. Nice. But my least favorite of the three things. You know what? Yeah, you're right.

It's certainly plainer than I expected. You know what it is? Smell weren't one of these. It's slightly rancid oil they've used. It's not good oil. Oh, yeah, you're right. You can kind of taste the kind of... It's slightly acrid, the oil.

Yeah. Like on the turn. Like Funfair. Chip shop oil kind of thing. Not good. Tut, tut. This is often what they let... I get let down by off KFC.

It's just like badly done. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. That's the problem, though. Is it harder to do fast food chicken than fast food burgers? It must be right. In terms of like,

preparation delivery. I think, oh, no, there's an accurate taste to those. This has been a very weird episode for my tummy.

They're the worst. They're the worst. I didn't tell you this, but I had like, like, just the worst guts the other day. And I'm just

recovering. And so I think I might have, like, just poured more petrol on the fire with this. Well, just don't,

you know, you haven't had that much to eat. No, there's a real letdown off. The burger was really good. Those are really bad.

Those are really bad. The burger I'm a fan of. Those are bad. They're not bad. They're just overwhelming. I don't think you're right. Like you were saying about that, they don't cash the thing

that they're trying to sell. Yeah. You know. But don't hate them. But honestly, if you're thinking about ordering them, you can easily give them a miss. You're not missing out on anything.

I don't think even in the, I don't think they're that bad. I think this KFC is cutting corners and using old oil for that. True, but I would still say, regardless, they're underwhelming. It's like there's not enough pickle

in the profile there. So you end up feeling like you're just eating a bit of like slightly pickled like potato. Yeah, yeah. Oh, mate, we've got six and a half minutes left. The fries don't really work, however, the loaded fries for me. I mean, nothing is as good as a burger.

The burger actually has some amplitude. I actually don't mind the loaded fries. I like the mix of chips and pickles and chicken bits, right? Popcorn chicken, yeah. But not enough chips for me. I want it to be a bed of chicken popcorn, then chips, then pickle. But the chip, the chips seem to be kind of, like, ignored. Loaded fries seem to be a thing now.

When a McDonald's going to do it? When a McDonald's going to do it? Oh, summer. I think they'll do the McDonald's summer loaded fries. I don't think they've ever done that in this country, done a loaded fry product. I don't think so. Maybe they have.

But what does it mean by load? Just mean like they pour stuff on it. Yeah, there's something added. Now, they do shaker packs. I think their excuse is we do shaker packs. That's our fry thing. And also, it's funny enough, McDonald's are known for their fries.

They don't have a problem with their fries. No. KFC, for years, their fries were derided by the whole community, weren't they? And to the extent where they have to go, oh, fries are good now. Honestly, I don't have. Honestly, we're not shit no more, God.

They had an ad saying our fries are good now. Burger King had the same problem, though. Yes. Burger King were always in a war with their fries. Yeah, I know. In the 90s, they got all excited because they brought out a new version of the fry, which is more crispy.

What happened to them? Well, they stopped making it because they were fucking gross. They were like super crispy to silly, yeah. But, yeah. Fine. Burger King have relaunched the Whopper as well in America. Did you know that? It's an all new whopper.

We should try that. Now, don't we. We have to go to America for that. Look at these play... No, no, no, no. Yes. No. Look at these playing cards.

I bought on the boat. Drink recipe playing cards. Fifty four different mixed drink recipes. Yeah. Drink recipe playing cards for great playing. An exciting game of cards with friends or mixing drinks at a cocktail party. You can't really play cards with them, though, can you? Yes, you could.

Not with ease. You could. Look at that. What have you got there? What drinks you got there? I like the backs, which are all different cocktails and stuff. The back's nice. All different cocktails.

Sex on the beach. What do you think is in a sense? sex on the beach. I saw this the other day. I saw this the other day. It's disgusting. What's it? What's it?

It's disgusting. Have it like apricot snaps. It has a schnaps in but not apacot. Peach? Yes. Peach snaps. Yeah. Vodka?

Yeah. Allowance of it. How many more ingredients are there? Orange juice. There are splashes of juice in it. But orange juice. Oh yeah. Orange juice is one of them.

Yeah. You can have pineapple and cranberry with it with the snaps. And then there's one more element that you're forgetting. Galeano? No. Amaretto. No. It's something like that.

It's like a liquor. I bought one a few years ago on a whim because I just saw it cheap in a shop. Like Yeager, something like that. Remember we got it and it came in a little ball. Oh, that? Chamois. Shambal. Sham ball.

Yeah. That sounds okay. But it's definitely got that 80s vibe of like all of these. Sweet and yeah, that's what I mean. 1830s holiday cocktail package thing. What do you think is a banana Barbados? Oh, it's fucking. Who cares?

Get some frozen crap. It is. vodka in it. Mount Gay Eclipse rum. Yes, Mount Gay is a big... No, I know. I know it's a name. Just the word gay in it doesn't mean we make fun. Could I just go, hmm? Myers Jamaican rum.

Crem de banana. Yeah, fucking got a crem de my banana. Crem of my banana comes shooting at the end. Sour mix. We're going to run out of time now. Ice cream on the top. Sour mix, you know, is the... It's a spright.

When we got on the cruise, right, I had the drinks package. Free drinks on the cruise, okay? And first up, we went, oh, what did we want? We'll have a margarita. And we had, like, this cruise margarita, the first drink. Yeah. And then after that, it's like no mixed drinks ever again on this cruise because it was like the sweetest, most disgusting margarita ever had in my life.

Oh, fuck that. Do you know what I mean? And you just drink, you drink three of those fuckers. You're puking off the side of the fucking cruise. It's my logic. If you don't like cocktails and you're in a place like a cruise beat or a puck yolling. No. Order the margarita.

If that's fucking awful, then, you know, to stay away from the rest of it. Yes. I knew after that it's like they're not. not going to, it's got corn syrup and fucking sour mix. That. So sour mix is not acceptable. Real bartenders, it's not an acceptable thing. No.

Do you know what I mean? It's so sweet and horrible salamix. And you need fresh citrus juice. How much time have we got left? Piece of ass. That's a cocktail. Oh, fuck off. How long have we got?

Two minutes. All right. Let's wind this up now. Let's kill this. A piece of ass, by the way, is half an ounce of amaretto, half an ounce of sour mix and half an ounce of southern comfort. That sounds fucking awful. Awful.

But if you did it, yeah, Southern Comfort's shit. What do you think a slow screw is? A slow screw up against a... No, just a slow screw. Isn't it part of it? I don't know. It's a vodka, slow gin, orange juice.

That's... Orange juice is terrible in cocktails. Yeah, it is. They're so 80s these cards. Ten bucks these cost. But the cards cost you ten bucks? Yeah. Because it was on the boat from the boat shop.

Oh, that's why you got fucking rum-dickered. But it's all right, because it's part of your collection. They're quite cool, aren't they? Part of your collection. Right, I'm going to wrap this. Very camp. Hey, look, next week and the week after, it's guests on cheap show time. Next week, we're back with Nick Helm.

Nick Helm. Because Nick Helm was like, if I want to come on, I want to do a Pepsi. Pepsi challenge. We're doing a Pepsi episode next week. We've got all special Pepsi's guys. Pepsi from the top to the bottom. We've run out of time now. No, we've got one minute exactly left.

The real time. It's a real time. But let's do the time down. Time down. One minute starting in, one second. Go. So, yeah. And then the week after that, with a little bit of luck,

we finally get John Rain from the Smurge Pod in here doing Cheap Show stuff. That's what to look forward to the next two weeks. And then you've got your noodles from America and your report of America. Oh, my word. We'll come to that next month now, I guess. Yes.

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