CheapShow - Ep 484: Nissin Impossible

Episode Date: April 24, 2026

Here at CheapShow HQ, we do our best to ensure you are kept up to date with all the latest instant noodle news. This week, we bring you the BIG review YOU demanded! Eli has secured 4 very limited edition Nissin Cup Noodles. Three of these have a “chicken wing” theme, covering flavours such as Buffalo Ranch, Garlic Parmesan and Lemon Pepper. The fourth flavour is Dill Pickle, but will it live up to Eli’s high standards? If you care not for noodles, we have a few unusual vinyl record discoveries to confuse and upset. We learn about “Splodge Music” and what “punk pathetique” is via a weird punk EP and then we uncover a track that is so obscure, so unknown that we have no idea what to make of it. It’s troubling in ways we cannot fathom. Can you help? See pics/videos for this episode on our website: https://www.thecheapshow.co.uk/ep-484-nissin-impossible www.patreon.com/cheapshow If you want to get involved, email us at [e-mail] For all other information, please visit: www.thecheapshow.co.uk Like, Review, Share, Comment... LOVE US! MERCH Official CheapShow Magazine Shop: www.cheapmag.shop Send Us Stuff: CheapShow PO BOX 1309 Harrow HA1 9QJ

Has you had your spinach, Eli? Have you had your spinach? He's had his spinach. He's strong to the finish, because he eats his spinach. It's Eli the podcast man. Poop poop. Hello, everybody. It's Eli.

Gluggedy glug. Down goes the air redful. I think we should start again. No, I'm not going to because I know what your little fucking problem is. You don't like the sheath being pulled back to reveal the glistening helmet, do you? The sheath of what? You don't like the eye of cock to come out to tell the truth, do you? Paul, I think you should resettle, you know, it's okay, what's happening.

I think, yeah, you just literally... You're drinking your Red Bull and then... Oh, that's it. That's the Red Bull is my spinach. That's what I was talking to, because you can't see to start an episode without, like, necking half a can of Red Bull. I might just have the rest of it now. The did did did it do. Dong dong dong dong, do.

I'll save me. Yeah, I'll have. Look at him. Necking Red Bull. That's not good and healthy. It's not good, is it? Is it? It's not good, is it?

Hey? It's a terrible cold open that I think you should consider. Well, I could consider it, but I'm not going to, because I stand by every single awful fucking thing that comes out of my stupid fucking mouth. Unfanny thing. Can we add that? Can we add that?

I'm not, no, because I stand by every unfuny, stupid, fucking awful thing that comes out of your mouth. Undividely unfunny stuff, right? At least when I'm funny, I use words as opposed to you just going off on a mouth tangent. I could say something now. This podcast is over. You've said that before.

Five minutes, yeah. Five minutes of this shit. I hate you and I hate this. And I fucking ate everything we do in a weekly, fucking ongoing basis. Jesus. This show has aged me, fucking give me carpal tunnel in my right hand.

I thought I was the unhealthy one. Mate. Carpal tunnel. My problems are all joint and ache-based. I've got those as well. You know what I mean? That's just as you age. This thing is still cold.

I think it's diabetes. You age. As we age, you get, there's natural arthritis. Come on, mate. What I'm doing it? Just apologise to me.

For what? Having a horrible, nasty, unfunny go at me. I didn't say this was going to be funny. At no point did my, comment arouse a mutual from anyone. You thought the whole Popeye spinach thing

was going to be funny. Yeah, because it was funny to me that. It is. It's the, da-da-da-da-da-da. It's not there. It's not funny. And you have got a kind of pop-eye-looking face, if I'm being honest. Like, chin-com.

One big fat are you out here as well. Can we get on? Let's get on. No, I don't want to. Good. Who's started it? Cheap Show. Hello, welcome to Cheap Show, starring the late Eli-Silverman

and the impallative care, Paul Gannon. In pallative care. Yes. In pallative care. Is that right? Impalative. Palliative. Palliative.

Palliative. Palliative care. Hey, do you know we were talking about Sibbling? Yes. Someone said there is it. There is an actual term. I wish I'd remembered it. Oh, no. Explain the podcast people why I look it up. Ah, welcome everyone. I'm Eli Silverman. That's Paul Gannon. We present to you weekly Cheap Show, the Comedy Economy podcast for your ears, where we travel the length and breadth of Great Britain looking for the treasure amongst that trash. Charity shops, bazaars, jumble sales and yard sales. pound land, all that stuff. We trawl through it and bring you that. Have I said it? Treasure amongst the trash again?

Said it yet. I've said it again. Treasure amongst the trash we bring to you. And this week we got two great segments for you. We do. Two lovely segments. Are we starting with the noodles? Got it.

No, carry on, I'll tell you. Are we starting with the noodles? Yes, we're going to get the noodles at the way first. That's our big segment today, ladies and gentlemen. It's a noodle pot, blitz. We got limited edition Nish and Cup noodles from America. Could you say they were limited

admission? Limited admission. Limited admission. Limited adnison. Yes, mission is how it's pronounced though. Limited ad... You're going to have to cut this in. So I'll tell you what to say.

Yeah. And I'll cut it in. And you say it. Just repeat after me. I repeat it. Yeah, go on. Hey. Yeah.

You could say they were limited adnition. Yay. You could say they're limited abnition. Why do we do this? Oh my God. Limited edition, Nishon. Limited edition. Nissen impossible.

Anyway. Nission impossible. That's what I wanted to say, but you went and said it. Anyway, cup noodles. We got four in a noodle pot blitz coming up later on the show. How do you say that? Phaneh. F-A-E-T-H.

Faneath. Anyway, they, Faineth, said, fun fact, the added vowel in sibling, sounding like sibling. Or nuclear standing, nuclear sounding like, Yeah, yeah. Again, he said that last week. Well, I'm just saying that's a very good... It's an example, though, for people... People may not...

Come on the other one. I'm put it. I drink lead, but all I can. I have six cans at a parking day, and I'm going to live for a great big span of 100 years. Right. Farabatic vowel or epithesis. Wicked. There you go. There you go. For the added valables, valable saul. Added vowel.

Valable saul. The added valable sow. Anyway, I know what's in the podcast. And then we're going to end with some records Found in a charity shop That we will grace your ears With later in the show That's right

Oh, oh, hang on I don't want to answer this It's John I don't want to do it Oh fuck sake Well if you still fucked off of me For cutting this segment out You cut all of it out

Yeah But the bright side of that is All those bills for the content house Are now going to the right place I've got them redirected Oh, that's good Because I'm sick of Brandoff sending me messages saying

Go on pay this for me Say I'm not paying your, like, internet bill? I don't want to... I'll answer it. It's boring. I'll just answer it otherwise. Hello, John. Yeah, what do you want?

Hello? Is that Paul? Yes. Hello? It's got... John, John. John. John. John.

Yes, I know, John. Hello. Is that Paul speaking? Yes, John. It's John Ganty here. Hello? You called my phone, so odds are good that you've reached me. What do you want?

Oh, I just wanted to say hello, really. You know, I know... I'm quite busy these days actually. Look, if it's about me cutting your segment, I'm sorry, I've apologised, it's all squared, alright, I'm sorry. If you want to come back on the show, I guess you can every once in a while. No, that won't be necessary, actually, because I've got my whole, my whole sub-channel on the Conteaterhouse platform, actually.

Wait, wait, wait, what? No, you can come back on the show if you want, you know. No, it won't be necessary. It's really going, it's going so, like, as they say, mega viral, the whole of Content House, including my food reviews. I've even started doing ASMR where I eat like a lasagna quite noisily. I mean, it's not a natural thing for me to do because I'm quite quiet eater, actually, usually. But they like the slurpy noises.

And so I get my mouth right in there, and I'll slurp it all up. I mean, I've been mega viral, but not like that. I just, what, so how many numbers are you getting? How big's your audience? Can't be bigger than us. Well, there's like 3 million subscribers to the Conden House platform, and I get like 40,000 daily views visits to my sub-channel, which is Guntys Food Parlor Reviews. Jane!

Oh, Jane. Jane, what are you doing? I'm just talking to Paul. What are you talking to? They don't need them. Jane, I'm talking to Paul. Please. What? Paul?

Yeah. I like. You're getting much more feral. Yeah, can you tell your wife to stop sending me picks? I know they're not even her picks. Just a bunch of different men's penises. I don't get it. Just tell her to stop.

I don't know what you're talking about, Paul, but listen, I know it's only natural. You know, get off your phone. I need love. You feel free. No, Jane, I'm not. I did it twice. The camera's on. I did it twice last week.

The camera's on. It's only natural for you to feel jealous, Paul, about the numbers I'm getting for my food review. Don't make you come on the camera. No, no. I do not know! We do it with dogs! We do not do it with dogs! What's wrong with you?

What's wrong with you, woman? I'm only... All this success does me clam! Oh my God, Paul. Oh, anyway, it's natural for you to want to attack me and I wouldn't go on your little tiny podcast if you even pay me a million pounds. I'm doing three grand a day.

Doing food reviews. All right. And the ASMR that's going to take off. You guys should have got on that train. You should have got on that train. I'm stuffing my face of the pudding. And it's getting fucking mega views. I'm sorry to swear.

I'm going to feed myself off. Do it, Jane. Just close the door in the toilet. What after you do, please? I don't want to smell it. All right. Well, then, bye then, John, I guess. Bye.

Mate, what's all this with a successful bloody content house? It's mentioned all these YouTube channels I follow. They all mention it. I told you I got the app. The drama and all of this stuff. I got the app. But I cannot get this fucking thing to work. A login?

Password, do not recognise. Send to email. Does not recognise email. But it's taking money from my account. Listen, we've got to check it out. We've got to check it out. We'll have to check it out. We might need to sue them or something.

Maybe. There's all sorts of stuff going on over there. Either way. We'll check it out. Sounds like they're bad-mouthing us from what he was... Of course they are. A bit of success goes to their head. They get about where they started, eh?

They do, you know. Hey, are you doing it? It's it. Get our noodle pot blitz. That's right. Is it noodle pot blitz, really? Yes, because it's noodle pot and we're blitzing them. But I thought that was more specifically a, when we did lots of different ones.

But this is all Nishon. Yeah, but it can still be a blitz. It's a special edition, Nishon, limited edition, Nishon, Nudelpot Blitz. And there is a glam style intro that goes like this. No, it doesn't. You always do this. I'm going to stop it now. I'm stopping it.

Mother, I've done my tits. I've done my tits. It's such an incompetent wank shaft on a weekly. God, bossy pool with his bossy back. You meant to go, here's this thing, and then we cut to it, and then we come back, and then we get into it. Where's the schedule? What do you mean you don't know?

We've been doing this for 11 fucking years. Where's the schedule? The schedule? Yeah. It's right here, mate. He's doing me the finger, everyone. I've got two schedules. You're the big buddy.

I've got two schedules. He's showing me his ass. I've got the best seats in the house. Wow. He can move it. Best seats in the house. Right. Can we get on with the Blitz?

And we haven't said what they are. We're going to do when we get back. When we start the fucking segment. And you're the one... Knob scratch! You're the one who presses the button, mate. Oh, yeah, I'll press it now. Jum-Bajab.

Jum-Bajab. Joppa-Jump Bajibab. Bajab. Joppa-Jubba-Jubbiz. Bajab. Bajab. Oh. Oh.

Oh. Oh. Oh. Moodle Poblets. It's a noodle poplits. It's a noodle ploplets. And mom wouldn't like it. Moodwoplits.

It's a noodle ploplets. And your mama wouldn't like it. All right. All right. Mother. Oh, I've done a shit. I've done a shit. down my flared trousers leg.

Hello, it is the noodle pot blitz segment of the Cheap Show podcast where we blitz some potted noodles and what have we got this week on a very special edition of the segment? We do have our favourite brand of and the original brand in the world. Nishon.

The big daddy on the street. They invented pot noodle, what we call in this country, poor pot noodles, but these are cup noodles. And we have done very well over the years in securing their special editions. It's been the want and the whiff and the and the desire.

Weave. The weave and the waft and the weft and the weft. The desire of the American part of the Nishan Corporation to release special editions. Silly versions. Novelty ones. And some have been better than others over the years. We had the all day breakfast. It wasn't all day breakfast.

Just a big breakfast, big American breakfast. It was an American breakfast. And it was unpleasant in that it tasted. Maple syrup. Tasted of pancakes. And what was the other flavor in it? It had little bits of. dehydrated sausage.

It was like someone put noodles into Ready Breck. It wasn't particularly lovely. That wasn't good. The one I did like was the everything bagel. That was all right. That was all right.

That got a bit too thick and sickly after a while as well. We did it on our episode. Was it 400 where we did the TV episode once? I don't remember nothing. I don't remember nothing that. We actually had that on that one and it was filmed.

Yes. And what it was, it wasn't prepared properly by me. So that was my bad. But you said, oh, this is really weak. And then when it got down to the bottom, It was thicker.

See, but if you've been mixed together, you would have had a better experience with it. It was still quite a lot of flavour. Yeah, you didn't like it as much as I did. I did like that one. The smores one, do you remember that one? Smoors. It was horribly sweet, chocolatey, aspartamey, horrible.

You know what that reminded me of? Having like a piss-poor hot chocolate drink that happened to have noodles in. It was really bad. Really bad. Piss poor. Can you think of any others? Well, we had the drinks,

which you can see on our YouTube channel when we had the Nissan sodas based on their favorite flavor. The flavors, most popular flavors brand. Yes, so you had the curry one, the seafood one, seafood party. The original, whatever that is. And the original. And we've also got...

Salty, the salty one, the salt one, right? And someone also made a My Cup Noodle Factory one, a cheap show one just for us. You're not showing the face to the camera, then. Show the faces. There's the faces. We are filming this as well. If you want to watch this, we have uploaded it to our YouTube channel. Yes, we've got four to taste today, and they are from the States.

They may be slightly out of date because it looks like they've been... discounted. There's a yellow sticker on these. Oh, I. So that gives me... Not all, but most. It gives me pause. But yes, they were secured by Emma, not my real sister, a fan of the show in the States. Thank you. Every full moon, I used to turn into a bear.

That gave me pause. Not your joke. I don't know. It's not about the joke. It's about I've just thought of it now. Yeah, but the whole setup is like it leads you down the wrong thing so that it doesn't hit. Because it's like full moon, you're thinking wolf. Just say wolf. But I said a bear. I said every full moon I came into a bear. But say wolf. Wolfe have paws as well.

Oh yeah, they do. I could have just done that. You see what I mean? Hang on. So I've doctored that. May, every four moon I turn into a wolf, that gives me pause. That works much better. Does work much better.

Thank you, Eli. No, thank you, Eli. No, thank you, Eli. Dr. Gagg. Can I do try that other one on you then on you then? Go on, do it and out. Is this one you've done 18 times already on the podcast? It's not.

It's not that one. All right. So I think my mate's a bit of a bigger. He came up to me. He said, I hate those people on the continent. I smell, they're terrible, those people from the continent. And I said, well, that's your opinion. He went, no, they're European.

If you'd like to see that joke again, it's on one of our previous cheap shots and last week's episode of the podcast. Anyway, enjoy it. I kind of fumbled it, sorry. Yeah. Can't all be winners, can they? You do workshopping it.

And workshopping it. It's still a nicely structured gag with a decent payoff, but it's more clever ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha. It's not mine. But clever-futney's good anyway. I'll take clever-funny. I don't like clever-few. Whose joke was it?

It's Adam who writes all my gags I just come out with because I'm trying to workshop them through the podcast. I'm glad you found this the nice arena for you to do so. Because his other one was that I liked better. Yeah. Was. Was.

Yeah. I'm starting, I've got a startup. It's a tech startup I'm doing, Paul. Yeah. And it's like just, it's like TripAdvisor, right? Right. But it's like based in Ibitha.

Yeah. Getting a lot of rave reviews. Yeah, again, you did that week. I think with Nick Helm two weeks ago. Getting a lot of rave reviews. So basically what you're just repeating the first four gags you remember over and over and over again until something lands and sticks in and beds in in a way that you're happy to commit to. Getting a lot of rave reviews then.

I'll call it with a joke right now. No, you weren't. This would be poor, everyone. And you'd expect it to be as well. Hang on. I'll think of this. Hang on. Do it about a dog.

Hang on. Apparently now there's an app that delivers a drag artist to your house. Oh, yeah? It's called Deliver RuPaul's Drag Race app. I've just had a thought. Come on. We'll work. We've got to work with you up with some gags.

Don't mind us. You know that some perverts like to put dog food on their genitals and then get the dogs to eat it out. They've actually come up with dog food especially for that purpose. It's called Pedy Mom. there's a lot there's a lot to combine there's a lot to unwind with that guy so

sexual gratification your balls your mum mum's a dog dog licking your balls dog's like the food oh no there's a lot to edit that out yeah please edit that one out

please uh this is the worst I feel really bad today like we're not funny you're not making me laugh yeah I don't I'm not making me laugh anyway you can order now you can out order flying cars.

Oh yeah? It's called Uber Alice, which means up above in German. It's clever joke that. Oh, mother. Cut that one out, Paul. But it's also what the Nazis said. So do it, Tesla.

Say Tesla are coming up because then they've got the... Tesla are coming out with flying cars. We're called Uber Alice. Thank you very much. Doctor joke. You see this? I'm actually better at doctoring other people's jokes than my own jokes. Let me do another joke.

That's awful and you can doctor. Hang on. Give me a topic. Give me a word. Give me something. Advertising. Advertising. Right.

Okay. Teddy bears Teddy bears Advertising teddy bears All right Hang on I used to date a teddy bear Oh yeah

But after seven years I got the stitch No hang on That's an itch Isn't it Hang on Oh dear Ooh

That's on the edge of competence Hang on no And then after I got bored of us So we had I got the seven years Stitch No it's still bad

Yeah Noodles everyone I've just had a bear idea though Yeah Oh I'm at this advertising agency

Yeah But problem is They're all teddy bears Working at the agency Are they? Yeah You never get to do any work. They're always off for a picnic.

They're always doing. What's a Teddy Bird's favorite thing on a dinner plate? Stuffing. That's taking the wind out of me. The stuffing out of me, you might say. Hey, noodles, come on, please. Okay, fine, fine. What's the first?

Let's go through all four. Now, what have we got? We have three limited edition wings versions. Now, the original... Now, they're not based on the band Paul McCartney put together after the Beatles. No, these aren't commemorative. of like band on the run noodles or anything. You know, like that would be fun.

No, they're not. No, the closest thing to that, what we've had, are the rap icon noodles, remember those? Umami on the run. Which we did on this segment before. Oh yeah, they were awful. They were really out of date. That was the problem.

No, they would have been perfectly fine, just standard. Maybe, but I don't know. The flavour profile was still wonky. Yeah, I just think they were really out of date. Really out of days. So, no, but Paul, these are wings, so they've got three different limited edition wings flavor ones. Now, firstly,

Spicy buffalo with ranch. Ranch is a garlic-based... This one's... Mayanasi... Bull of Kintyat. That one's that one. Mayanasi sauce. Famously, we get Doritos

cool... What they called? Cool ranch. No, they're not called Cool Ranch in this country. They're just called cool blue breeze. They're not called Blue Breeze. No, blue breeze, mate. I'm not the same thing at all.

I knew you're going to go there. Now, what are those fucking Doritos called? Cool. Cool. Cool ranch. Cool. Cool. Cool ranch.

Cool wave? Something. Cool. Um, Mama. You're right. Doritos cool. Doritos cool. Doritos cool. Sorry about this, everybody. I just says cool original.

Cool original, yes. Or cool ranch, but a cool original is how it's called in the UK. The UK doesn't know about ranch. In fact, they had ranch briefly in Subway, right? Here, because it's from America. They stopped that. Then they used to have Caesar in Subway as well. I used to get that instead of the ranch, right?

Because it's kind of similar. Garlic-y, white-garloaky sort of dressing. Now they've got rid of that. You know what it is? now? Like herb. It's like a herb and thing. Oh, was that the word I came up with?

What was it for the chive? Chir. Oh, yes. It's that. It is that. Whatever that word was I came up with. Oh, I wish I remembered shit we did on this fucking podcast. Chower cream, wasn't it?

No. No, it was. But it's not in liver. Chive and cream. Chive. It was great. Yeah. Anyway, it's that basically now.

So here's the thing with that, though, right? Just because we don't have Blue Ranch or Ranch doesn't mean you can't introduce it and tell everyone. People don't pick up on it. There's something about the British spirit of the British... They do not like ranch. You know, there's certain things that are so... Like mayonnaise, that are so ingrained

in the culture, let's say, of the last 20, 30 years. That we don't want to wiggle anything new in, ever. That's stupid. The world that me and you were born into in Britain was culinary barren, Paul. Barren. It was. There was nothing there. Unless you were super posh.

And that was all French. I remember the day my mum got excited. She bought pasta. Is that true? Yes. That's so weird. Our family's first bolognaise meal. Isn't that crazy?

And it was something exotic. That's what I'm trying to get at. And I think Ranch is one of those things that they would love. All these corporations would love to be able to introduce it over here. So that's what that is. But it isn't a thing. No, it's spicy buffalo with ranch. Okay.

Now, spicy buffalo is great. It's a wing flavor. It's a very vinegree hot sauce. That's how I describe a buffalo. You know, it's very tart. These can be done in the microwave as well, apparently. They can because they're American. Yeah.

Oh, yeah, because they'll have kettles. We've had this discussion before. But we are going to do them British ones. are we? Yeah, cattle. Or should we do them in the microwave? Nah, kettle. We'll do it proper because we're British.

If we can't take the word ranch, then we'll do it our way. Okay, so what's the second wing flavour we've got, limited edition? This one is lemon pepper wings. Right, Emma said this is probably the best. Lemon pepper. I can imagine this being the best, maybe. Well, I don't know what the third one is. I can't remember.

Third one, I can just tell you. It is garlic parmesan wings. Oh, that might be nice. Is that really a profile, a popular profile? Yes, it is, yeah. Okay. These are all very much established wing flavors in America. And I remember, you.

You can get that in Wingstop, which is blown up. I tried Wingstop like last year. Yeah. Very poor. Those tiny little wings, you know? Yeah. I want a big meaty wing. Yeah, you don't want a little nugget.

I tell you, a little wing anecdote. Yeah. There is a in Kingsland Road Market. Yeah. In Dulston, Kingsland, like around there. There's a little sort of hole in the wall, Indian place. All right. Yeah.

Indian restaurant, just purely take out. They do cabab rolls and that. They have like Tandori... wings really cheap it's like six for three quid right and they're like you know like proper tandoori chicken the red chicken like and it's slightly um charred black and red and it's really you know it's tasty sticky and i got some of these wings they were fucking unctious man they were delicious as fuck so cheap and it's like i'm gonna take those home and i have those for my dinner and i'm walking around hack me and i could not stop eating these fucking tandoori wings my friend and he got all

orange all the the the equivalent of chito's dust but this would be Andori wing juice all over my mouth and my fingers. And I'm like, you're not listening to me, are you? No, I was just decided that this was not, I didn't need to be here for this segment of the podcast. That's a wing story, but yes, they do have all of... Actually, I was just looking up the word, anxious, because I haven't heard it before and I wanted to just check it. It means delicious in a, in a succulent way, right? No, it means flattering, fawning or smarmy.

Oh. So there you go. You're also wrong. It's even better result for me. Uncious doesn't mean delicious at all. It says there, small me or fauning. Here we go. He double-checked it because you just want to be proven wrong.

I'll check it later. It's fine, I could be proven wrong. And then finally... God, that's deflated me. Good. Fuck you. Cup noodle, dill pickle with other natural flavors. The dill pickle top of the box.

There it is. Now, I love pickle. I love noodles. This, for me, it's like a very Eli-Silverman-type item, Paul. You have to admit. It's almost as if it was scientifically grown in a lab for you, is that? Yes. Now, it might not be very nice, though.

It might be very artificially dilled over. over-dilled. I can almost taste this in my head. You know, in terms of what this is probably going to taste like or smell like, and it's got to have that McDonald's fake pickle. As you would say, Sesame Street Scratch and Sniff card pickle set. Yeah, definitely. But we did have the KFC pickle meal the other day, didn't we?

Which was grim. A load of grim slop. It was horrible, really. The burger was okay. AI slop. A lot of chips. A-I-SLop. KFC slop more like.

And apparently their chicken is really. bad. I think I'm going to avoid KFC. I'm not a KFC person really. Those wings I had from the place in Dalson Kingsland are thousand times better. Yeah, probably. In a small business anyway, whatever. So we are now going to run these through a kettle and bring them back and give you our thoughts and opinions and ratings of them, aren't we? Yes, we are, Paul. Now, I've said that one of my favourite noodles was there is another longstanding pickled flavoured noodle in the world. And it's the Amala, Polish one, which is Gerkin-flavored. It's a... as well, which is great.

Which is subtle. It's herbie, subtle, has that dill flavor, but I think this is going to be much more strident. And I wonder, this is going to have dried bits of pickle in, isn't it? Because one of Nishan's top things that they've maintained over the years is their dehydration game is top notch.

They dehydrate any fucking thing. They had bits of sausage and egg in that breakfast one, didn't they? They'll have bits of fucking... Which one you think's going to be the best out of all four? Out of all four, which one's going to be the best? I'm going to go with lemon pepper. I'm going to stick with that.

That was one that tickles... It would be spicy lemon, tickles my taste. I'm worried about the parmesan because you know there's that compound in parmesan cheese which also is in vomit

and so once you've noticed that you can't get rid of it mentally. It's hard to. Is it the reddit? Yeah, that rennetty smell. Belly rennet. Paul, you've got these

certain weird things that you say over and over again and belly rennet is one of them. Belly rennet's one of my phone. Dick titty is my other one. Oh, fucking stop saying dick titty. That's like episode two or something. Seventy-2 or something.

I think, 70-something. Anyway, cockabonkers, it's time to... Go to the kitchen, get these done. Get them down here. And then we'll be tasting these. And then we'll be tasting them. Taste them. And we're back with noodles fresh from the kitchen. Hot water added. Three minutes left to stand.

One big mix. Forks, time to eat. And we are starting with the lemon pepper wings. And it says underneath that flavour with other natural flavors. Weird, the weird nomenclature they have. Natural flavours means nothing now in this day and age. Natural flavors could mean the worst poison known to man. Yeah.

Arsenics are natural flavor, yeah, yeah, this is the lemon pepper wings, but lemon pepper, yeah, I think is what we call chili salt here or chili pepper. You know,

it's this big thing. Isn't it like lemon grass pepper something chicken? Yeah, lemon pepper, yeah. Right, it's similar to what they call salt and pepper ribs and stuff here.

Oh, okay. Which is garlic, chili and with salt. We're starting with this. There's a lot of dehydrated carrots in here. What's the huff? It's lemony but very light. I'm not getting a huge huff.

You have a huff. Oh yeah, just a little ting of lemon. A tiny tinge of lemon and nothing else going on. Not much. The noodle itself comes through, but I'm not smelling any chicken. In terms of stuff,

there looks to be quite a bit of like dehydrated carrot. Yeah, fine. And I'm going to go through a mouthful of this. You get a lot of carrot. I think that's quite pleasant. I don't find that unpleasant. It is fine. It's a bit too lemony for me

because I'm not getting anything else. No, it's just lemon and slightly, salty. Slightly salty lemon noodle. I wish there was more going on, but it's just lemony noodle. Yeah. There's not much of an after taste either. Once the lemon's gone, there's not much lingering.

It's not really offensive, though, is it? You can imagine pimping it with a little bit of something else, you know. Oh, fine. That's fine. It's not offensive. Out of five, how many noodly do's are you giving it? I'm going to eat to noodly does right now. I'm going to give it 2.2 noodly do.

I'm going to give it a solid 2 noodly do. Two noodle do. I like noodle do's. We can revise these once we've gone through them. More. Yeah. Context is everything in these games. It is.

Right next. So the second limited edition wing flavour we're having is the buffalo. Buffalo. Buffalo Soldier. And ranch. Buffalo and Ranch now. All right. Come on, baby.

It has a real buffalo smell, that vinegary smell. Oh, yeah. It's just nice. Almost hot sauce-sauce vinegar. It's a hot sauce vinegar. So that's what Buffalo is. I'm not getting a lot of ranch though on the nose. Are you?

Like garlic? No. Not enough of that. Herbie garlic. No. There's not a lot of herbie garlic coming off. What in terms of the dehydration? What?

have we got in there? Again, a lot of carrot. That is a weird one. I do not hate it, and yet I still find it quite a strange flavour. It's like, it's almost lemony like the last one.

But vinegar with a chilly aftertaste. That's what Buffalo is, but I'm not getting any ranch. No, I'm not getting any ranch either. I think it needs that creamy note, which it hasn't got. Otherwise, it's a bit too vinegory. Let me just see if I can,

if there's more cream at the bottom. I went right to the bottom for my mouth. Yes, because that kind of, that plays that, and you get that kind of carbonara effect in some of those Samsung. Which is what you need. Sam Young noodles.

And that's missing from this. So again, they're not doing as well as... It's more that they're not tightening up the bow of that particular flavour. It's like they're going, here's the upfront flavour punch, but then all the nuance that they're kind of known for is gone at the back end. Yeah. That would have been fine if it had a little creamy note at the end to offset the vinegery. Yeah.

It's just not there, though, is it? I keep looking for it. There's not enough rice. But again, not horrible. It's not horrible. But it doesn't achieve what I think is it tame. I preferred the lemon. Oh, I don't know.

I preferred the lemon. The lemons, I mean, they're both fine. So far, I think I would still pick the buffalo just because that lemon note's a bit too stringent. Okay, yes, you found it more stringent. Yeah. And what would you give it our noodle noodles? What they called?

This one is a 2.5 noodly doos. Oh, you're going higher for that. Just a little bit. I could imagine eating all of that, but not all of that. I'm going to go lower and go flat two doodoo doodoo do. Oh, noodoo doodoo. Two noodly twos, or a noodly twos if you want to go that way with it. It's a noodle two, two noodley do, which is what you got in your degree.

Next. Anyway, now, I've got high hopes for this one because the smell was really nice. I actually got a noodley 2-1. There you go. Right. This one is what? Garlic pomajon.

Yes, and I'm getting the garlic even from sitting across from you're here. Garlic is one of the most overwhelming smells and flavors. And one of my problems of garlic is because my partner thinks I hate garlic. I don't like overuse. I also have been known to think that you hate garlic. I just don't like overuse of it

and when it overwhelms the flavor. It can be very overwhelming. for sure. I think some people put garlic in lieu of finding the flavour elsewhere in that fish. Yeah, you can overdo it. I just happen to love it so much that almost anything with garlic. It's really powerful. Yeah.

But is there a parmesan? Ah, see, this is better this one, isn't there? I can tell from your reaction already. I would still say it's a bit too garlicky, but the parmesan flavour is definitely there. It has got a nice sprinkling of that parmesan cream, slightly sour cream. You know what I mean? And it's got a real sort of. pizza flavor.

Oregano. There's an oregano. That is lovely. That is the best so far. Yeah, I agree. I just wish the garlic wasn't so prominent in the flavour. I think you're right.

That's it. I think you're right, actually. But I would still give that a nice 3.5 noodly doo's. It's definitely the balance. There's more nuanced and there's more balance. Can I just say I'm really sorry for introducing noodly do's to this?

All right. If you like it, then I'm going to move on. Good. It's good. We needed a point system for noodles. No. No. No.

Noodly do. too. So you were going to say how many noodly do's? Three. Do I say three or three point five? I think I said three on the nose. I'm going to commit to three noodly dos. I mean, yeah, I wouldn't crave this as a flavour.

You know what I mean? And some of those Korean ones, like the Nishun, are not Nishin, the Nong Shim, yeah. Spicy or the Nong Shim kimchi is fucking, you really crave it. You see it in the shop, Paul, and you go, ah, I love that flavour. But they always have much more going on. Yeah. I tend to find when you front load anything with one particular flavour,

it takes the wind away from the sales of the other flavour profiles in that thing. So far, it's been the same. This one's been too vinegory. This one's been too lemony. And this one's been a bit too garlicky. Not to the detriment overall, but just in terms of that's what's been the brightest spark of flavour there.

This one has little dehydrated bits of chicken in, which I'm enjoying. Yeah, no, I noticed that. Did you notice those? Little chewy bits of soy chicken, maybe. This is definitely the best one. Maybe I'll give it 2.5. Yeah, I think you should.

It is definitely head and shoulders above those other two. Yeah. So far. But I still don't think I would buy this again. No, probably not. No. But anyway, it's like a Western take.

These are all sort of like American food things. You know what I mean? These wings. And it sort of doesn't work as a concept overall, you know? I mean, they're limited edition. They're fine. It might work if, again, they weren't so strong with one particular part of that flavor. Because as I say, we're always good with this because there's a nice balance.

But there's no real balance here. That is actually quite tasty, that, the garlic one. If you like garlic a bit more, I mean, I like that strong garlic flavor. You know what? If you do like garlic, then I can imagine this is gorgeous. That's nice. and it has that umami, that mouth feel from the sort of the Parmesan element, which is really nice as well.

So here we go. On to the final, which is Dil Pickle. 3.5 Noodoo's so far for the Parmesan one. Oh yeah, is that one used it? Three on the nose. Oh, same as me. Yeah, did you say, yeah, it's not bad that. It's not bad.

No. It's the most palatable and the one that I've all so far, the one I would go back to. Yeah, yeah, same here. Dill Pickle. Now, on the nose, not as strong as I thought it was going to be. However, I do think this will lack any surprise. It's just going to taste of dill pickles, basically.

So I'm just going to have a little roll of this. But how well does that work in a niche and noodle format is what we're asking? There's green in this as well. That's his least favourite, I think. That tastes like I've just eaten paint. Yeah, there's nothing in terms of... There's no bits. There's no bits, really.

It's just this green powder. Like the stuff from the Grinch meal at McDonald's that you had to put on the fries. It's like that's what it's been drenched in sort of thing, isn't it? Are you okay for? You know when you're like just having about anything else so you don't vomit? I don't get that a lot. I only want to have been drinking. Okay, I swallowed it.

Not going back there. That tasted like enamel paint. I can only describe that as like really metallic and like kind of painty. Like model paints. It's so strange. It's not. That does not work at all. No.

I don't understand why that doesn't work at all. But that's... How do they get that so wrong? It's again, it's... It's very artificial. Vinegar. There's a tartness, yeah. It's easily the worst of all of them.

Yeah. Easily. That's a shame because I would have thought, get that right, and that would have been quite nice and in an unusual way. But honestly, that is similar to eating paint.

I can only describe it as like, if you didn't use enamel paints for model kids. Yeah, it's that, the back of the nose, the back of the palate. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's the exact same sensation I'm getting from that. I know exactly what you mean. With the dill.

Yeah, with the deal. That's a shame. That's the most disappointing as well. That is the most disappointing. Because, you know, we like our pickles on this pod. Again, the Polish brand Amala, who do the, the gurkin flavour.

It's a flat deck of noodles. I'm going to have to give that one. Nothing gets a zero, but that gets a one. I think 1.5 noodle-y noodles for me. Oh, no, do's. I'll go up 1.5. I mean, I went back. It's not, I know I agree with all of your points,

but I didn't find it so disgusting. Yeah, no. And I could pick up, there's some salt there. There's a little bit of dill flavor. It's too artificial. It's too weak and artificial. Okay, so our winner. And it made me gag.

It kept pushing the noodle back up my throat. Our winner is definitely the garlic parmesan. Which I wasn't going to. I wasn't thinking was going to come out on top. I thought the lemon was. No, it was just underpowered and just a bit lemony. I think what's won you over about the garlic parmesan is the oregano, those pizza sort of pizza crisp, almost flavours.

What helps is that even though the garlic is quite strong, at least it's got the parmesan there to leave a more umami, smooth, creamy aftertaste, which really kind of makes you go back for your second forkful. That's the trick, though. I agree. Very good. Well, overall, a lovely bit of fun. But like with most Nissen special editions,

they are just a bit of fun. They're not serious. It's not serious food. No. It's novelty food. Yeah. But the proper Nish and Cup noodles, they're really tasty.

Yeah. I still get them. You can get them in supermarkets and stuff. Again, if you ever listen to Cheap Show, you all know that we're a big Nissen lover. Just there, I know you don't eat fish,

but their seafood one is really nice and it's got the little bits of like, um, ornamental fish cake slices, you know, with the little, yeah, just having a wave of...

Why? That really makes it. made you feel sick that one? Yeah, that's one really just tick me over. I would like to wrap this segment up soon. Fine, I've got nothing else to say. That's all right. Not that I think I'm going to be sick.

I don't think that, but I... I want to stop talking about noodles, I'll be honest with you. I could talk about noodles more, but I mean... I mean, and we have had 11 years of you doing it, so... All right, all right. That's all I can play. It's an observation, all right? Ladies and gentlemen, they were our noodle pot blitz.

Let's end with the theme. Bajum-pachab. Mommy, can I come down and have some noodles? I told you, I don't like noodles. Mother! That's it, noodle poplits. We'll see you next time. How about this?

Eli wants to read a comment out. I had a dream about wrestling and woke up saying, Chotney Send-Off. Where are you reading this comment from? And then from online. And then... But we're online. Someone sent this to me very kindly

in case we had a little lack of content So it's all right, it's working so far You like chutney send-off, didn't you? Chukney send-off's all right, but in what context is that a word? I had a dream about wrestling And woke up saying chutney send-off My partner said that's when you throw someone off the corner post Into a big jar of chutney

Screw the lid on and post them back to their mum's house It's the finishing move of wrestler called the ploughman Stronger, thanks, thanks, Thank you, Leighton, I guess. He literally had that dream. He had that dream. That's true story. Platters, everyone. And we've got two.

Where'd you get these from? Out of interest. Charity shop? Shut up. Give me those. Well, no, I'm asking. Where'd you get them? I'll get to that.

You really want to get this over and done with. I'm tired of your fucking face. Get out my shop. Exactly. Paul, that comes across and people don't enjoy it. Yeah, but I've ever thought that it's actually not a real genuine emotion. It's something I'm playing up as a character of the Paul version of me on this podcast. on this podcast.

I know you say that, but it's not really true. It feels like it is. I really just fucking hear of my house. Exactly. All right? Yeah. Calm.

Yeah. Chutney send off? Chutney send off is a fine opening gambit. All right? What do you reply with? He just got a look in his face now, everyone. Like, I've asked him to do something and he's really pissed off. You just shout the word hullabaloo back, don't you?

Shout it. Go on. Say it. Chutney send off. Hallabaloo. Okay, thank you. Right. I got these.

Yes. I can't remember. actually, I think in separate charity shops I bought them. Right. Different occasions, Paul. I can't remember which. But this one, I mean, which are we doing first? We're going to do splodge.

Sorry, I can't give you any more information there. Okay, so that's a bit... I'm just wondering if you knew. I don't know. But it's funny, after all these years of trying to find interesting, amusing records in the seven-inch, because I'm a seven-inch nut. Yeah. I honestly don't look at different...

Of records... Mate, I'm a seven-inch knot, if you know what I mean. I'm not after... Seven inches. Get to the top of my seven inches. Then I'm nuts. I lie on my bed watching pornography and wank off. I get the seven inch nut.

I watch pornography and then I masturbate Paul. Shut me send off. The reply is, I've got the seven inch nut. I love seven inch singles. To the extent where I go into record shops, I barely look at records of other sizes, Paul. That's how bad it's got.

And the opposite. I have to actually get some into storage. It's like, it's an issue. And the opposite. I've got, uh, I like the albums. I like to look at albums. I just get more bang for your book with an album. You do.

That's it really. But isn't it funny. how they were dominant the 7-inch right until the late 60s, then the Beatles and others start doing albums that are all over one thing. Yeah. And then the bottom fell out of the pop 7 market for a little while. Well, certainly when the CD came in, it boosted it again. I mean, actually, the CD came...

How did the CD boost 7 inches? Well, not 7 inch in itself as a 4. A CD single, you're saying? Yeah, the single itself. Because you were talking about as if the form of the single was dying off. No, I'm talking... No, I'm talking... No.

Yes. I can see your confusion, but what I'm saying is the 7-inch format itself became less popular. And Led Zeppelin famously at the height of this era. Said, fuck that. Said we're not putting out, Sevens, but they still did in the States. But I still... Atlantic, their label, still put them out in the States. I've got a few.

I still remember, I still remember back in the day, if I went to HMV in the mid-90s to get a single that I liked, in this case, it was probably Benfold's five or blur, right? There was always a vinyl single version of it in the rack. You get the CD single, and then I remember that. And you should have got those, because they're worth a print. I've got a few some banging around somewhere. They're worth a pretty penny from that era.

They're still there, but they, A, didn't make up the major majority of sales for that single. It was more like a boutique thing to have as that was dying off. That's a reason that that whole period from the early 90s onwards, the whole of Britpop, all of that stuff. Yeah. Is when vinyl was at its least popular, right? And so that's why all of those blur sevens, all the vinyl, the pulp vinyl, the suede vinyl, all of those Britpop bands. Oasis, they're like really collectible because they weren't that many of them.

They weren't that many made and they didn't sell very many, aren't it? It's funny because you know, like since we've been doing this podcast, I've now got a vinyl play and I've now got a horrible collection of records that I'll never listen to again. That corner there, though, they're my records that I love that I'll play over and over again. They're the ones I make. But most of those are all the albums that I had in the 90s

that only came out on CD and only now can I get them on vinyl. So that's why I've got all the blur, all the bentfolds on vinyl, which you couldn't get back in the day. It's weird. could get them. But they were hard to come by. Ben Folds never released on vinyl until years after they broke up

when they started re-releasing them in that form. No, but this is what I'm saying. I think people like Blurne and Pulp, there were vinyl additions put out at the time, but like we say, there was very few. A small number, yeah. But as I say, it's just interesting. I look over there and I go,

oh, look, there's all the blur, there's jagger little pill, there's different class, there's what's the story. It's weird how vinyl just wins as a... But it was like I was saying to you, a physical format. I went to HMV at a week or so ago, just to look about, you know,

just no real reason. But the number of, and it's where I sound like an old man, young people looking at vinyl was kind of like heartwarming because they were all excited to pick up their latest, you know, Taylor Swift on vinyl. I've got, I've got, I own something.

I've bought this. Well, there's an argument now. I mean, we just had record store day was just this Saturday past. And it's become more and more cynical over the years. It's become this weird scalpery kind of thing. Yeah. Where it's like, here are the 10 albums

that actually make record day worthwhile. Like a rare re-release or some kind of, unique version of an album, but they're the ones that get bought in the first five minutes by scalpers or eBay people. And then the rest of it is like, do I really want an album by the waitresses just because it's out on vinyl now? But it's not just record store day that does a similarly cynical thing. Because you mentioned Taylor Swift.

Yeah. What people like Taylor Swift do with this whole vinyl boom. Vinyl boom, especially where they say it's the Gen Z now that are well into it. Yeah. Because it's something that never existed. It's like a huge novelty for them. You know, it's a magical, there's something about the format that has a certain magic attraction to it.

There can be no denying that. No. And this is an example of it. But people like Taylor Swift, they're doing fucking variations. Like, you know, so that these fucking super fans, they have to buy seven versions of the same album. And they're not fucking cheap either. No vinyl is not cheap, man.

And that's really cynical. And it's like you have to, you know. Vinyl is incredibly expensive still. And I think that's a purposeful inflation. I know it's like still not easy to get. vinyl out there. It's that I know it's a costly process. And because they don't do it the numbers they used to in the 80s and 90s or 70s even, it makes sense that yes, there's a certain markup. But when you see a new album come out and it's like 25 quid, you think, all right, acceptable.

That's cheap these days. But it's interesting that a year later, that album would be 10 pounds more expensive and then re-releases of albums from the past are always vastly more expected. Like if you get any Beatles album that's been remastered or re-released, it's like 50 quid. This is what I mean. And that's another example. It's how many different fucking slightly different versions of the Y album do you actually need to own on vinyl? But it's much more clearly cynical with something like Taylor Swift doing it.

It's more cynical in the respect that what are you actually offering other than a different album cover or one extra track. You are gay gouging your most devoted fans, basically. The people who love you the most, you're ripping them off directly. And it's not just Taylor Swift who does it. Lots of big acts will just do loads, you know.

It's just a strategy. It's not even as restricted to the record industry. These days, if you want to buy a video game, there's like gold edition, platinum edition, collectors edition, and each one's got a different thing and cost $20 pound more or a hundred pound more

because it comes to the shit tote bag or a mask. No, you're right. It's a trend across. And then they purposely make sure the thing that you wanted there isn't in the gold edition. So if you want the statuette and the match,

you can't just get it all together in one bundle, you've got to buy them separate. Yeah. It's like, you're right, it's gouging for the sake of this fake luxury boot. It's actually fake, like, rarity. Yes. Fake scarcity.

they call it. Well, it's the whole thing as well behind, which is record store day going back to that. That's what they do. They produce and they say there's only going to be a certain number of this special edition for record store day. But it's not actually, they could make load of it. But they make it scarce on purpose. So people queue up to get into these shops and that's how you get the scalping, the eBay scalping as well. You know what I learned?

Fuck record shop day. I know it's good for like, record store day. Yeah, I agree. But not in a horrible don't go to record store. It's not like that. It's more like, is there on an album that you really. want. Wait a year because I guarantee it will come out then in a re-release much cheaper. Like remember when two years ago, record store day

released a South Park album, three records about a live show that they did. Which you own now. Which I own now because I saw it in a, what is it called that record shop on Soho, the one with the one with the black logo. Sister Ray. Sister Ray. I went to Sister Ray, went downstairs, they had it there. It was 25 quid.

Yeah. For three records is a really good fucking deal. It must be been a used record. No, because it was brand new. The difference was it was on a colour of vinyl. Yeah. The difference was it didn't have a sticker on saying World Record Shop Day or whatever. It didn't have the coloured vinyl because that was the original release. It's the same thing.

Yeah. And it's like this, it's just fucking terrible because it's like perhaps something you put out on record store day with special edition that you only make a certain amount of. Yeah. Becomes super valuable and perhaps it doesn't. Do you know what I mean? And you always go back into these record shops like Sounds the Universe in Soho where I go a lot. Yeah.

They have these big racks of record store outdoor. And a lot of it doesn't sell. And then it gets reduced. It's almost nothing. Yeah. It gets reduced. So if you would, yeah, don't go in on record store day. Well, they're always out of them.

No one really wants if it being honest. I don't know what the arbitrary choices are. They pick for these tracks. In terms of sevens, I have picked up some tasty little things, sort of fun and soul disco sevens over the years. Tasty things. I guess they're trying to make you find new things. But I just don't, I honestly don't think the stress of the day itself is worthy of what you're getting.

It's gouging. It's cynical. It's bad. I'll tell you what, there's one band that I don't think you could criticise for being a price-gouging

cynical cynical exercise in Popdom. It's the band called Splodge Abroad or whatever it's cool. What the fuck? I nearly could have had a great one. I'm going to edit that in. No, I was close. I thought it was splodgowness.

No, it is splodgness. No, it's splodged your bounds. No, it's not. It's splodgness abound. Look there with your bad one eye. Splodgness. I didn't see the word Nes. I was looking at the word records.

It was down. Splodgness abounds. Thank you. Right. Splodgness abounds. Paul, tell us all about them. Do you want some light in here? No, it's fine.

This is a record that you got. On the front cover, there's a drawing of what looks like, you know, a horse in a desert. I was very much drawn to the cover. It's almost in a sort of pop-art meets da-da. You're looking from an interior of a room. The wallpaper is made up of all sort of black and white stencil faces. And then you look out through the white-framed window and it's the desert. It's the old west, in fact, isn't it?

And there's a horse. a guy with a flag, getting the horse to go, and then there's some rocks to the left. A for. And you can see Rolf Harris. Well, yeah. You can see Rolf Harris popping out. You can have just like sport the big twist.

But like, there's a fort. It's like Western imagery, right? Yes. But then it's, you're in a sort of domestic, the architecture of the room that you're looking out of. It's modern. Isn't Western. But you're looking at like the old Fort West, well, West.

I think it's a good cover. I like it. There's a little collection of rocks. And in the corner peepen out is a little carty of Rolf Harris. And you may think, but why, but why? And that's because... That's because the track is called Two Little Boys Made Famous by Rolf Harris

And guess what? Their version sounds like this. Very much a punk version of Two Little Boys. It is. And when you look at this and go, oh, what a cute little thing, you do wonder why they've decided to re-release Two Little Boys as a single.

What year is it? We need to know. We need the details. I think it was like 78. 1980. Right. So, on Wikipedia, because... I was going to look at the...

What? You continue. I'm just looking at the label. last you to do that, please. So Splodgnes abounds. I thought there's going to be one of these rare, oh my God,

no one's ever heard of this before, how silly and weird is a punk version of two little boys, as made famous by Rolf Harris. Rolf Harris. But Splodius Abounds do have a hit single

under their belt. They've had three UK single chart entries, including a top 10 hit. And that top 10 hit is the, I guess, famous. It was a famous track. It is definitely famous.

Yeah. Two pints of lager and a packet of Chris, please. Now, that was something that wasn't a cover version. No, it's theirs. And it's, what's it about? Going to the pub?

It's about a factory worker who's frustrated with his job and just can't wait to get out of there and have a packet of crisps and some drinks, et cetera. That's nice, isn't it? Yeah. But what I found interesting is, like, as a band, they seem to be too cheeky for punk. It's like they're a punk band through and through. They're novelty punk.

That's where they are. They're like a comedy punk band, aren't they? Because the rest of the single. But it's pretty legit punk if you're into that kind of music. I mean, they're musically proficient as well. Yeah, the guitar's not bad, is it? And it's a rare thing. You're the tracks.

prove this because there are three tracks not including two little boys. It's more of an EP, isn't it? There's four tracks on this altogether. And one is, hang on, this one's two little boys. The next one's called saying goodbye to his horse. Which is pretty cool. Which is what that horse image is.

There's the horse on the thing. Because the horse is dying. And I think it's something to do with Rolf saying goodbye to his horse or one of the two little boys because they grow up. And one of them loses his horse. One of them, that's the story in the song, isn't it? Oh, two little boys? A horse dies and he goes, do you think I'd leave you?

They're in the wall. Oh, I see, yeah. I get on my horse. Stupid song. And also that was sort of like an over-sentimental sort of children's novelty record, the original, Rolf Harris's version. And they're sort of, they're doing the incongruousness of the punk style with that sort of sick. Taking something that's meant to be like a life lesson and touching. And it's saccharine and sort of its horrible song.

You know what it was on? All aboard that children's song compilation album that I used to listen to a lot, which had chalky on. You know that song? Chalky with the, not the, not the, not the, not. the Jim Davidson character. I know, I know. You know the chalky one? Yeah, yeah.

The theme cheap. The chalky. The piano, magic piano. Yeah. It's an alien that came in the room and then played the piano, right? Moving on. And this was on it.

And so was Ernie. Fast as Milton and the rest. You remember something else. Let me tell you about splodgness. Splodgness of bounds, which is a perfect cheap show name. I want to know what they are. I have a top three.

Top 10 singles. Right. So they were formed in Kent. The band is associated with the oi and punk pathetic genres. Punk pathette. What is that? I really.

I really need to know what that means. It's a subgenre of British punk rock that involved humour and working class cultural themes. Oh, it was a whole thing. I didn't know it was actually a thing that had a name. Yeah. It embodies Cockney culture with Descending working class attitudes. So almost Ian Jewelry's almost like that. And Splodgness of Bounds are one of the figureheads of it.

Crazy. Because the main singer of that, a guy called Max Splodge, not his real name, Martin Everest. So they seem to be a silly band. Captain Sensible as well as sort of got a vibe of that. had a lot of that. But were they known as pathetic? I wouldn't have thought so, because they're more kind of gothic romantic punk

in some respects, right? Yeah, but remember we listened to that Captain Sensible thing that was very novelty-ish, very comic almost. A lot of Dam's tracks were satirical or silly. There's like money with Vivian Stanshaw, which is a kind of weird, odd, bolley track they did. It's a great track. Isn't it amazing?

I never knew that there was an actual genre, but we've sort of come... We bounced around it a few times, yeah. Haven't we on this segment? So that's very good, very good. So they formed in Kent. There's a lot of information. how they got together, but in 1980 on the

Durham label, I believe it is. This is Derham. They released two pints of lager to pack of the crisps. This is on Derrim as well, and from 1980. So they obviously tried to follow it up pretty quick that same year. Yeah. The song was released as a triple A vinyl single, along with a track called Simon Templer,

which has took the piss out of the saint. And then a track called Michael Booth's Talking Bum. I want to hear both of those tracks. Two Pines of Logger got a lot of airplay on the John Peel show in Radio 1, which meant it could at number seven in the UK charts. However, they could not capitalize on this success because during the BBC strike of 1980 in June,

there was no top of the pops being made so they couldn't go on the show to perform it and get a bigger audience, which is sometimes how it worked. You could only go on top of the pops if your song reached a certain position in the charts, and they missed out. So the follow-up to two pints of lager

was a cover version of two little boys. That's this, yeah. Same year. Which featured on a soundtrack to a 1981 film called Er, a musical war, which was that infamous punk film. Oe film, so is it? It came with horse, the butterfly song and socks. Sox we will play in a little moments.

Initial copies of the single came with a cardboard boomerang. Guaranteed not to come back it had written on it. I wish I'd fuck. And that's weird, because that was another one on all aboard. My boomerang won't come back. Another Rolf Harris song, I think. No, it's not. It's Charlie Daniels.

Oh, Charlie Drake. My boomerang won't come back. Anyway. Yeah? Yeah. This is weird. It's all linking up. They did perform this on top of the pops,

but it only reached number 26 in September 1980. Their debut album, released in January 81, failed to chart, weirdly. This is the interesting bit, in my opinion. In the early days, they were noted for playing pranks. These include leaving Max Splodge Stranded on the top of a set of speakers for the entire set during live shows.

They supported themselves when the support band failed to show up. So they would go on stage before they came on. That's cool. up everyone else's instruments and play them badly at a deafening volume. You see, this really speaks, and I'm sure if we looked at that genre, punk pathetic more, this really speaks to the kind of influence of those surrealist and even more so Dadares, early 20th century art movements on the punk thing. And the situationist, that sounds like a situationist prank.

They came up in the moment. Yeah, no, there's these weird things that make you look, take you out of the societal norms. Yeah. It's like guide a board. It's like a situationist thing. They're clever punks, as well as comic. They're certainly punks in a way in a very artistic, arty, art boy way. That's exactly what I'm saying.

Art school. Art schooly sort of, yeah. Another prank they pulled were, they told everyone that Max Splodge couldn't make the show because he was in Mainstone Prison, but eventually came on stage handcuffed to a prison officer. That I like. I like all these. These sound like properly fun things.

Police were frequently reported to their concerts due to unsubstantiated reports of public nudity and farting on demand during renditions of Michael Booth's Talking Bob. I must have a lot of farts in. Yeah. Anyway, and then they carried on, but they're still churning out stuff today. They're releasing albums every now and then. They had a number one, though. No, I've said that wrong.

They just had a top-time chart. Didn't it re-chart again when it was used as a theme chain, though? I'm not seeing anything here. No, re-release. Not seeing anything here. They appeared in 2006 on Harry Hills TV burp. Okay. Yeah, honestly.

and now Max Blodge can be found touring with bad manners and as a regular performer at the Rebellion Festival. So what about the other two abounds boys or whoever else was in the group? It was basically his thing. It looks like it was mostly his thing. Certainly the figurehead of it. And you know what?

I kind of want to end with playing socks. In fact, I'm going to cut it in now because I like the beginning of it, which is them attempting madness stroke two-tone stroke scars. Well, no, it's a clear rip-off of the madness single one set beyond, Which comes from Prince Buster, the scar artist. I'll drop it in here. They take it from that.

And that was their first ever single, I think, Madness. Right. Or very early on. Well, we're not doing that. We're dropping in. We're dropping in. Sox. This is a wippy, wippy,

Monster song. One so... You'll leave, but no matter. I don't know. I mean, that's clearly just a complete rip-off. Not a rip. It's a spoof. Yeah.

Spoof, yeah. Go on, mate. Is it a platter or a splatter of this? It's definitely a, platter for me. It's definitely a platter for me, this. Very interesting thing. I love it. I like the fact that, although we haven't played all the tracks now, and I'm sure there's a link online on YouTube, you can watch it all. But I like how every single track is like

musically different. You know, like the first one's like a kind of straightforward punk attack on that song. The second one's kind of like, what, a weird westerny? It's like a skit. It's a skit. But it's kind of got a sort of, a monologue skit. It's kind of got a sort of soundscape vibe as well, like the old West. Then you got socks, which is, you know, the bad manners, the madness thing. And then what's the last one called? Butterfly song is about a kid who kills a butterfly. Yeah, weird. And it's the music theory.

What was the vibe of that again? What was the style of that? I can't remember. A lot to get into. I like the EP format, giving us a little bit of everything. A little bit of everything. The other thing to mention is their little, their little label logo, which she says splodge and has got someone with their pants down very much mooning.

I love that. Mooning the person who looks. And yeah. That's it. Lovely. It's a platter for us. A lovely little bit of punk er pathetic. Yes, pathetic.

Pathetique. Pathetique. Pathetique. Right. So, we're going on to our next one now, and we're just going to play it. What's it called? And who's it by?

And I'll just play it. This is Valerie, and it's by Monique. A white label on hard, hard written in tubular font, a metallic tubular font. Yeah, like a neon piping. That caught my eye, because there's no, there's no picture on the,

it's a, you know. Look, here's the thing, look, let's just get this out of the way right now, We're talking about the logo font because there is almost nothing else in the world about this track. I looked online and all I could find was discogs. Discogs, the release of it. It's listed on discogs.

And like I mentioned to you before, Paul, all of the stuff on discogs is user-generate. So someone probably very much like myself just picked it up somewhere and thought, what the fuck? What the living fuck is that? What on earth possess someone to produce this record, Paul? Because when we had a lot,

Robert Popper on and we had him play that album and that was, you know, a slice of... Jumping horses was the... Yeah, it's very reminiscent of that, this track. It's not as good. It's not as demented. And it's not as structured. It's less structured. This seems like... This has very much, almost

no structure. It's a call and response structure, right? Because you've got the backing singers. Valerie... I don't even think there's that going on. No, there is going on. There are backing singers. I can't deny that. Accident. No, there's accident singers, but there's no... I think it's an accident of how they've just thrown everything together. it feels like they gave a child to musical instruments

and just recorded what that child played. Because when we went online to look for this, discogs proved that existed, but we couldn't find it on YouTube. I couldn't find Muso articles about it. The only real giveaway is a person called, is it Dave the Rave? Well, it says in the writing credit,

it says Dave the Rave. And when we looked at Dave the Rave up, there were a load of Facebook pages and YouTube channels featuring some wacky dude did his 60s or 70s, who at some point might have been into rave culture. But some of these videos had very different looking men to one another, all called Dave the Rave. I just think Dave the Rave is just one of those extremely common nicknames. It's a nickname you give to the Wanker who lives at your fucking...

Who's called Dave. Who's always at the pub. Yeah. Or whatever. Who's a party animal or shits himself or whatever. Oh, fuck hell, Dave the Raves come in. All right, Dave. You could be like Big Dave and he's actually small.

It could be like Dave the Rave as and he's no fun. Yeah. So it's the opposite. Dave's a real bore, but they call him Dave the Rave's. When did this come out? It is 1988. So quite late in terms of like, it's not a punk thing, is it? No, absolutely not.

Well, the other side is more of a clue to what era it was already into. The other name, of course, I have to mention on this, because we want to get as much info out to people because we are making an appeal. Well, if anyone has anything. Has any idea about this. If anyone even knows who we are, please get in touch. The other name it has on it, it says,

engineered by Andy Folecky and recorded at Pyramid Studio Three Glebe Road, London E... E... E something. But that might be a clue as well. When I looked up that producer, he made this and he's credited... E8. E8. And he was credited for this

and one other single. And then that's it. So not a hugely prolific producer under that engineer. Under that label at least. The engineer is just the engineer, though. I mean... Yeah, jobbers. Of course. Some of them are quite famous, aren't they? Because they're on classic album. were with classic artists.

They're the lucky ones, aren't they? Yeah. Not everyone gets to work with the Beatles. There has an index number. Again, Hard records limited. But even that, I looked up online. There's nothing.

And there's no register of that anymore online. That's so weird. So there's no other records on this label, either. I don't think so. I might be wrong on that. But again, when I looked on discogs, hard records begins and ends with this single. Now, I saw this in the charity shop,

and it jumped out to me, and I thought, this is definitely something weird. I don't know what it is about this. But I thought, I've never seen that before, for sure. Something about the lettering, the neon, as you say, lettering. But what really sold it for me was when I flipped it over, or maybe the first side I saw, because the B side of this, different artist, different artists.

But is it? But is it? But it has an extra writing credit. That means fucking nothing. But it is called Pump Up the Valerie. And it sounds a little bit. Oh, yeah, we'll play a little bit. bit of it right now.

A lot of spoofs of pump up the volume by Mars in the late 80s, right? But at least a lot of them kept the form and structure of that track in its spooficity. Yes, I was hoping for something of that, but there's nothing. It's just... It's dancing. That's the only nod to the actual... To pump up the volume. I put in the bit where it's all bleep, bliblo, blub, blub, blub, because that's the only bit worth playing, because it is.

just sampling the A side and putting it over a reasonably boring drum machine. This one, however, is written by R. Davy. Now, is that Dave the Rave? Possibly. R Davey, as in initial R Dave. Dave Felecky. Well, we don't know. A. Folecky, that's Andy Folecky. Yeah, but again, it's because...

If you are Dave the Rave as R. Davy, why would you have Dave the Rave and R. Davey? Unless Rave was two different people. Dave the Rave and R Davey are different people. It's very like that they are two different people. Right. when it comes to crediting, it probably just means that they've given those three names out to the person who brought the drum machine, the person who knew how to use the synthesizer, and then the engineer, and then Davey, because he was the one who they sampled. That's it. The singer. Yes. Who probably didn't touch this. And I use that word extremely. Poorly, incorrectly. Yeah. Weird. So anyone listening, we would like you, if you know anything about this. Or because like, what was the one you were saying, Johnny and the answer phones, we didn't have too much on either. We didn't have very much. And then we got the whole story. I love that episode. Again, I'd love to have something like this from there. Or the, what was it, boogie jungle, atomic boogie jungle.

What was that? Oh, yeah, Cosmic Boogie, I think it is. Cosmic boogie, yeah. Which was that guy who was a activist. And there was a record store on the Kingsport. It was a raft in Houston Road. But they also recorded songs there. That's right.

Because that was the label. That's where they had their label. And there was all sorts of extra material, print-type material in the seven. Actually, in the seven itself. But it was a crazy sort of weird thing. But there's nothing for this. Because here's the thing, right, I keep got to say that, got to stop saying that.

What's interesting is like, when you look at what we did with our album, we only made 350 of those, but they all sold, right? They were limited. So there's not going to be that many of these in the secondhand ecosystem, potentially. Very few. I mean, if you're talking about like collectible records, first presses, people collect private press things.

That's the sort of type of release number that you'd have with those. But so who knows what will happen to the cheap show record in future years, Paul? It might become quite a rare collectible. thing. Maybe. I don't think so. I don't think so. It'll be one of these things.

Like, a totally obscure thing with no trace. There'll be a trace of us online, weren't there? These are costly to make, right? Less so in 88.

Yeah, no, less so in 88. But where would you have bought this originally? If I had just, in 1980, if I'd have gone into, I couldn't have got this

in HMV. Where? I'd have been in an independent record store. Where was it? We do not know. We just. In these section. No, I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. Because you're not getting this on John Peel. We'll never know. No, we couldn't have because when you look at Discogs, it's just that label, like you see there.

But all this is... No, I know what you're saying. You're saying, it's an argument in favour of it not having any artwork originally the fact that the one on Discoges doesn't. Yes, I agree. I would argue we might have seen this elsewhere online

if there'd been more than footprint of it and there's no footprint. Yes. So if you're listening, and maybe you are Dave the Raid, or you're listening to this. Or even Mr. Flecki, Andy Flecky.

Yeah, I keep thinking that's going to be a rude word I could have fun with, but it's not, is it? It's because it's a bit like flicky. A flecky. I've got a little specky of poo-poo on the end of my knob. No, you see, you missed out the bit where you say the word flecky. So here's that thing, though.

I've got a shit on my lap. I'm touching your mic, you cunt. Sorry. Hack, cunt. I'm not a hack. Unprofessional hack, cunt. Right. Whoa.

Anyway, splatter or platter, Mr. Silverman. Just because, not because of the music, obviously. No. Because of the... The mystery. It's an absolute. It's what we live for here. It is, isn't it? It's definitely a platter.

The most obscure? Yeah. The least of them all in that respect. Must be. Because again, we've had stuff that I thought was rare, but then there is a footprint of a trail online. The actual Winky 7 was pretty, there's not much about that, is there? In fact, most of what's been discovered has been through us now.

It is a platter. It is a platter. It is a platter. It is a platter. It's awful, unlistenable. Music. Embarrassing. Embarrassing. Unlistenable.

Unprofessional? Yeah. It's like, why would you put that out into the world? Who is he? Why is it a joke? Well, Johnny and the Antifones was essentially a joke that the guy, it was a piss-take. It was a spiteful thing that the guy that was being spited decided to release anyway. Or whatever.

You know, it was very strange. So maybe it's something like this. Anyway. Maybe there's a feud behind this between Folecky and some other bloke or Dave the Rave. Who is Valerie? Are you Valerie? Oh, the other thing we should mention is. Because that's the other fucking problem with this.

You search for like Val. Valerie is a song and you're going to get the Zootons or Amy Winehouse. That's the other really peculiar thing about this. It's Valerie by Monique, which is so generic and so like a sort of mid-90s R&B artists. Monique, for me, reeks of like 80s new romantic, art pop 80s stuff. It could be, yes, yeah.

You can imagine like an album featuring Falco and altered image and then fucking Monique. Anyway, the artist name is listed as different on the flip. Pump up the Valerie. But that means fucking nothing. And that's X-Core X, which just adds to the mystery. and weirdness of it. It's almost like...

It's almost like a piece of music art, a piece of found art. It's weird. That is the sort of connection between these two. There is an art. There's a punk, art punk vibe to both.

But this is obviously much more of a real deal. Weirdly, I would say they took that more seriously, Splodge. Splodge actually wanted to... Let me just put this in one way. That's music with people

and chords and singing in harmonies and production. And this is just... Dave the Rave and some guy in a studio. A man in a box with musical instruments falling down the stairs. But there are backing singers. There are people in the women's voices

in the background of that record. Everyone who's listened to it on our show knows, Paul. What are they? Who are they? So there must have been more people involved. Yes, but there were some other people. There was backing tracks that aren't that lead singer guy. We'll never know until someone.

We might know. Well, we might tell us, but we'll never know until then. Cheap Show's next big mystery. But I doubt we'll do a three-hour documentary on this, unless the person who wrote that was a serial killer. We'll never know. We wouldn't do that either. No.

Because you don't want to do it. Although we could pivot to true crime if it ends up there's a serial killer who made that song. And the women who were on it were murdered. Oh,

ooh. We've skirted on true crime when it's involved grotty things, ain't we? It's been adjacent, but it's someone else's football pitch to kick about it. What is our football pitch,

poor? Like muddy. It's you having a huge go at me and then me. No, our football pitch is like unkept, overgrown, muddy in places. White dog poo?

White dog poo? White dog poo? A couple of puddle. It's always raining. Jump us for gold posts. You dickhead. Right, a crap is off. Two pints of crisps and a pot.

Two pints are long and a packet of crisp, please. Thecheepshow.com. At UK as you one-stop shop for all things cheap show. Go there and you'll find us everywhere else on the internet, including our fortnightly cheap shots, including dedicated pages to each and every episode, including some photographs to accompany all the things that we've played with today. We also have our Instagram, YouTube, all of that stuff.

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and give what you can, but please only if you can, and if you can't help spread the word. That's all we can ask you to do. Thank you for listening this week. We're back next week. I know it's warm in here, but the heating is not on.

It's on. It'll come on automatically then. I don't know what to say about that. Oh, God. It's like you trying to kill me. Is it worth? working? No, I'm very much still here and I'll drink a healthy amount of

Red Bull. I would say any Red Bull is not a healthy amount of Red Bull, personally speaking. Boo-woo, go on. Go back to your dirty nest where you got your little fucking findings of the day, all scoomed up around you. What do you mean

findings of the day? Whatever you find on your day's walk when you're walking about, whenever you pick up, whatever you buy, or it all goes into your nest on your bed at the end of the day and you sit there, slagged as you smoke. It's like a crow, like a raven. They're very cool birds.

And I'd love, I should be honored to be compared to a Corvid of any type. They're grateful, smart, intelligent, noble animals, unlike Cheap Show co-hosts. Oh yeah, what kind of bird am I? A cunt bird that lies on the ground. Yes, there is. Do you know what it's cool this? What? This is your weakest material.

This is the weakest source. I'm Paul Gannon. Oh, shat. Their shit is so stinky. It's, oh, oh, that's a foul odor. Because they're a bird. Foul odor. Oh, this is my worst stuff.

Yeah, it is. I'm just going to let you keep on digging that hole. A foul odor. Yeah. Are birds fowls? Because I know chickens and stuff are fowl. I think it's... A foul, a fowl, duck?

Wild fowl. Yes, it's just another word for birds, I think. I don't know if it was a special type of thing. No, no. Wild fowl is all that shit out there. So fowls are birds, but not all birds are fowls. No, I think all birds are foul. Oh, yeah, but not all fowls are birds.

Yes. Yeah. That's the same, Paul. You're really annoying me now with this logic shit. If all something is something, then all that second thing is also all of the first thing. It's reversible. You see what I'm saying? Yeah?

If all me is you, all you is me. It's logic. No, no. No, I wasn't saying that. That's what you're saying. That's what you're saying. All birds are birds, but not all birds can be fouls. Yeah, but that's exactly the same formally.

No, it's. All A's a B, therefore all B's are A. That's not what I'm saying. You are because A, foul, B, birds. No, because I'm saying there are more birds than there are foul, whereas all foul are birds. So it's not the fucking same thing, is it? There's a slight difference there. You and your fucking Red Bull, get out my house.

Go on, get out. Go on, go. Do I have to live right now? Get out. Paul, don't be angry. Stop touching the mic. I attach the mic again. Get out.

Get out my house. Go. Get out of my house. Get out. I'll take your fucking... Oh, here we go. Chucking your snow out. No!

Don't touch. Hey! I'm chucking it out. Get out my house. Go on, go. Have he finished talking to it? Get out. Get out.

We'll see you next week on Jeep show.