CheapShow - Ep 490: One Bad Candle

Episode Date: June 5, 2026

After last week’s mega walkabout, it’s time for Eli and Paul get back to what they do best… arguing over the price of random charity shop tat. Thanks to a PO Box delivery from Ireland, the Cheap Chaps have an episode’s worth of odd crap to price up for those delicious “p’twings”. Luckily, it’s not all bric-a-brac, the PO Box also has a few things to slurp on too. There are three Japanese Fanta flavours to investigate. The only real problem is that these drinks are out of date, so will their studies be impaired by potential soda rot? However, if you think Paul and Eli are in for a rough time with those fizzy drinks, you need to wait until they get to one particular item in the Price of Shite game… I mean, how bad can a candle smell? It’s just a candle. Right? See pics/videos for this episode on our website: https://www.thecheapshow.co.uk/ep-490-one-bad-candle GET TICKETS FOR Ep 500 LIVE Cambridge Junction (J2) August 23rd @ 4pm https://www.junction.co.uk/events/cheapshow-podcast-live/ www.patreon.com/cheapshow If you want to get involved, email us at [e-mail] For all other information, please visit: www.thecheapshow.co.uk Like, Review, Share, Comment... LOVE US! MERCH Official CheapShow Magazine Shop: www.cheapmag.shop Send Us Stuff: CheapShow PO BOX 1309 Harrow HA1 9QJ

Okay, and who are you? And who are you? I am Paul. And what am I doing here? You're Eli. You are co-hosting a podcast with a man called Paul Gannon. I seem to remember something in the distant past doing something like this. Something, but something's coming to me.

You're doing a podcast. It's like a word. A word is coming. Yeah. Paul did you say your name? My name is Paul Gannon. A word is coming. Yeah.

Do you remember the name of the podcast? No. Yes. Was it called Chodney Boroff? Yes. Yes, welcome to Chodney Boroff. It's Choddy Boroff with me. Chodda, Chodd, Choddy, Choddy Choddy Chodd Choddy Chod.

Choddy Nodd. I'm chod, buddy nod, nod, but he nod. And right there, I was right into it until that moment and I'm all out. It's just well, isn't it, just? Pardon, have your mother. He's touching his sunglasses. Have the mother in the alleyway. Hey, up, mother.

Not wearing sunglasses, actually. The break wasn't long enough, Paul. No. We're off our game. It's been two weeks since our Cambridge walk about adventure. Because I had to go camping in Devon. Good story. No, that's not the story.

Is this a short anecdote? Is this like cold, open-worthy, short-story anecdote? Yeah. Or is this meandering, tangential, Ronnie Corpett-esque? God, Ronnie, Ronnie, Ronnie, Johnny, Johnny. I'm just saying, is this something we say for after the credits? Or is this something we can do now? I don't know.

Have you got anything else to do now? I've got nothing. Well, then, you better... I better insert my anecdote. Slaver it up. Don't spit on your anecdote. Don't spit on your anecdote to lose. Come on.

I like it dry. Give me a nice dry, rough anecdote. Oh, it'll be dry. Don't worry about that. Pack your anecdote into my anal brain. So, we went camping. Which didn't inquire you going around, so docky. Yeah.

And we've discussed this. We discussed this before. But isn't that, doesn't the word camp to mean an effemite, it doesn't mean that. When you came up with that a couple of months ago, whenever it was, you were adamant. It was fat-jacked and we're wrong. Fair enough. I don't want to see. This is the Ronnie Corny Coul.

But tangents I kept talking about. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Ronnie. Okay, so we're camping. And the guy owns like these three fields. Yeah. He's called Charles. Now, to say he was... Charles was in charge.

Charles was in charge. That's a good reference for American listeners. Go on. He was slightly eccentric, was how he's described. Yeah. Slightly psychotic would be a better way of saying it. You'd ask him, like, can we have a blanket for this? And he'd had several vehicles, different vehicles,

that he'd ride around. Like a golf car. and a fort and an old Mercedes like an old like yeah an tractor like a range rover The rich Anyway go on

He wasn't rich like They were a bit like Broken down these vehicles Do you see what I mean You get more of a picture Ronnie We'll get on with these These vehicles

And there'd be these two black Labrador's that would follow the vehicles Not in the vehicle With him following them around And this Manky dog right Which had like one of these gummy eyes Which green gelatinous muc Mucco in his eye

And he said sank. It was wet dog. Was this camp's adventure, like on the set of a carry-on film or something? No, and this dog, so they're just running around the fields, when he's in the field. Wild dogs, basically. And the Manky dog would come up to you if you're eating

or doing anything like that and look at you like, or like just wanted love. And it was the saddest thing, but he's like, I don't want anything to... I get that every week when I fucking look at you want to make this podcast. And, like, you remember when we used to go to festivals and whatever. Yeah, it was a whole thing with trying not to

take a shit in one of their toilets basically. It was a horrific experience for all. I was there two nights. Textbook did not enter the toilet. Didn't need to. Psychologically packed yourself up. No, what happened is the first morning after the first night, I got a lift to the nearby Tesco.

Had a shit outside. Texco. Yes. And as I'm in the cubicle, no, in Tesco. Oh, right. In the cubicle in Tesco, you can hear all these other people from the same campsite all doing the same thing. But that was textbook.

Right. Then went back that whole night. the next day lift to Plymouth Coat Station received my load Okay I forgot what the anecdote was you were trying to get to

Mankey dog man Two dogs I just thought I'd describe that dog Yeah we should have this guy also Just for a little bit of A little bit of colour Go off right Yeah

He had a collection of knives This guy You know, get in the picture now I am I can't wait to drop the theme chew in Helen whose birthday pie it was Yeah They had an RV

Like he had an RV that he rented out to people as well and they were staying in the RV and there were apparently two skin-dried pythons, massive snakes inside it, on the roof. Inside, on the ceiling. Hung to the ceiling. That kind of thing.

Mate, did they check that fucking caravan for cameras? Yeah, it's that kind of thing. Did I have one of those like two-way mirror type jobs? There was a whiff of danger and the malevolent about Charles. That guy is wanking off to picture right now of your friends having intimate moments in that caravan.

This is the end of the anecdote, Paul. So I go to Tesco and I don't know what fuck I'm doing with camping, what I should get to eat or you know what I'm like. I know what you're like. I'm terrible. Yeah. Horrible human being. Not horrible.

No, that's not. And you're in there putting the boot in, aren't you? Yes, I am. It's your family. Anyway. Don't you fucking bear. Because you'll know.

I'll agree. So I ended up basically. Yeah. Getting this sort of plate of a tat of Spanish cured meats, you know, the chorizoes and the, like that. Is this just another anecdote where you tell me how you bull. meat. And a can of smoked oysters

and like some cheese and stuff. And I sat there when I got back in my tent with the hot beating because it was hot. It was very hot in the UK. And I basically spooned the oysters into my mouth. And I wonder why I'm singing all. Hey.

That was the work. Can I just say the worst fucking anecdote? Worst ever. I just wanted to share some stuff. People like it. Open up. I thought it was going to be a bigger, you know. Ha ha ha ha. I know. It was a lovely, I had a lovely time. Right, lovely. Well, there's Eli's anecdote was that he went camping, took two shits and came home after eating a bag of voices in a hot tent.

A bag of voices. I don't know. Anyway, welcome to Cheap Show. Press the fucking credit. Sources and words and phrases. Two things I'm responsible for. Shodby Bob. I hate you.

I got a fucking useful posse. Cheap show time. It's cheap show time. It's cheap show time. You won't have fun unless a cheap show time. It's my name's Paul and Eve. Eli oh, guess it's time for cheap show time. Cheap show time. I've got my knob down.

Mate, you went to the knob material way too quick. We're literally got 17 seconds in. And you went straight to the knob. New title for my autobiography. You went to the knob material way too quick. There's too much of a mouthful here, ironically. I've also got a new name for a Prague rock group. Yeah.

Glamping Yurt. Right. No, I don't like it. Why? Hello, welcome to Cheap Show. It's the Economy Comedy Podcasts where every week, Eli, Silverman and Paul Gannon go through Bargabins, charities shops, powerlands, eBay's all got anywhere and bring back the treasure we find

amongst all that trash. And this week, it is all in one box we've been sent to by a lovely listener. I'll be digging into that because there's drinks, a few candies and a price of shite to play. Classic stuff on Cheap Show. Cheap Show time. Cheap show time. Lots of cheap show nuggets. I'll be plucking off

the vine. It's cheap show time. It's cheap show time. We're going to get some fine line on a cocaine time. It's fine line. Oh, let's have a little line of What did you say? I bet there's a fucking cocaine pod out there. I bet there is Coke pod or something, isn't it? Yeah. Where they do a line and they think they're really clever and they know,

and then everyone finds them fascinating. Yeah. Actually, that could be any fucking podcast. Yeah. Especially this one. Ooh. Self-satisfied. Why I ask you.

At least we're not trying to chill some kind of terrible bullshit health advice. Well, you say that, but actually. Oh, you've got new supplements in there. Oh, they're great. I've been doing them. So I've been using Ragdoll. bum hole tightening through supplements because I have a very lax baggy bum-all

and my stool it just comes out like a yawning dog's mouth it's just you know what I mean it's like, it all comes out like that It all just slops out I don't get any purchase I don't feel any satisfaction Yeah

So these supplements you take two a day Rad dolls they call do they have to have it with raw egg I don't know why But you have to guzzle it down with raw egg Two big pills about the side of them Can I have raw beans with that And a raw piece of bread No no no you have to

start your day with the two pills in the raw egg and then you can have a meal afterwards. It's very important that you take the supplements first. Anyway, you take about 76 of those and honestly, my bum-all is tighter than the eye of a needle right now. Honestly, it does remarkable good work for my bum-ole. I don't know if you want to...

My poo comes out like spaghetti. I don't know if you want to cut this bit out, Paul, but I got the supplement version and then it's like it's a self-defeating thing because it started to tighten my arsole and then I couldn't take the medicine. Oh, no, you take suppositories, is that? Oh, no, that, yeah, no. I mean, that doesn't work. That's like a catch-20 poo, in it?

High-fi! All right, let's move on, Lassen. Catch-20 poo? Catch 20 poo, everyone. It's catching all my poos. They won't come out. Yes, it is. Oh, shit.

Yeah, we need to wait. It's been a while. Right, hello. This week, yeah, box. Now, box. Now, I can announce first, the live show. Get seated. If you're standing, sit down.

If you're driving, pull over. We're about to announce the confirmed. the confirmed guests for Cheap Show Live, August 23rd, Cambridge Junction 2 venue Sunday, 4pm. Oh, big 500. Right, here are our guests.

Ash Frith is joining us. Ash Frith is joining us. Ashurst. Stuart Ashen. Stuart Ashen's. Stuart Ashen. Louis King is joining us. Louis, Louis,

Louis is back. Louis Louie. Paul Putner, comedian, actor extraordinaire, is joining us. And finally, joining us is Mr. Nick Helm. Nick Helm. So Nick Elm, Paul Potter, Louis King, Stuart Ashen, Ashrith.

And was that it? If Nick's doing it, Paul, have you got lots of Pepsi for a Pepsi Max Cherry. I think you're going to have to open a Pepsi Max Cherry account. You think I should like lure him in with like a Pepsi Max Cherry on like a stick and a string? My love of that drink's only gone from strength to strength since our episode. Sorry. And they've got nothing. I live a life of simple needs of one.

Yes, that was delicious. So that's great. So if that's not an excuse to join us, we'll also have special cameos of a few other cheap show regulars as well, who can't be there on the day but do want to send their wishes. And also, Paul, I've got a question,

what if you're a huge cheap show fan? What if? You love, you know, it's almost getting to a sort of... Too much. To unhealthy sort of level. But you've got some kind of commitment like you're in jail or something. You can't actually attend in person on the day.

Is there going to be an option for people like that? We're going to try and do it live stream. They do have the ability to stream from the show. I need to work out all the back end. It's another thing to add to my list of to-does that stresses me out on a regular basis. So yeah, so it won't be too close to the summer

if and when we announce it. So bear that in mind. So there may be an alternative. But please, give your tickets. It will be filmed and recorded, so it will go out. You get to see it at some point. You will.

So please come. It'll be lovely. The more you come, the more you come, the bigger the show. The more I come, the more there's wet patches on my duvet. Again, just come up with something else, mate. Can't keep going to the...

The more I come, the more... No. The more I come, the more people see my face. At home, can you smell the desperation? I don't smell desperate. I smell of eternity for men. You don't smell of eternity for men, unless that smell of eternity is the rotting corpse of a pig.

Jesus. Is that all the admin, really? Yeah. I don't know. More admin. It's our 11th birthday in a couple of weeks. Like a week and a bit when this goes out, I think so. We're going to do on YouTube,

a nice informal, lots of fun, 11th birthday live stream. What was it? Like 13th, Saturday 13th June. I'm opening my device. Please check it right now. I can only assure you that it won't get as drunk and as nasty as last year's show because that got out of hand. Well, the show itself was fine.

After it got suponasto. You basically blacked out. Yeah, no, I did. I've never had that problem drunk before. And it was pretty much as soon as the show ended, you were already there. Yeah. And I wasn't in a good state at all. So it will be much more reserved than that,

but we will have a lot of fun. But we might have a drink or two. Oh, yeah, no, we'll have a good two. We can do it in moderation. We can do it. Put it one way, mate. If you buy a bottle of gin, don't get a huge big bottle

and they're absolutely cane it. Because I think that's where we went wrong. Plus cocktails. Those pre-mixed, we were like, yeah. We had a lot going on. And your cocktails we made. Remember the ones we made here? Yeah, and we made them as well.

So I know even now, I'm feeling quite horrible. It's making me nauseous. Okay. I've got a plan. by the way for something to drink. Because remember the green drink I drank? Remember the green drink I drank on the episode years ago? The weed drink drank.

Wine. I've got a sequel. Another weed drink based drink. No. I'll save it for the episode, live stream. But anyway, YouTube. There is the live stream. Let me just double check it because I haven't actually entered it yet.

So how can you check them? July. June. Oh, we're in June. Oh, no. I have. 13th. Saturday's the 13th.

It'll be 8pm, a few hours on YouTube live. Come and join us. Be in the chat room. Have a laugh. But it would just be me and Eli kicking it back and celebrating 11 years of cheap show. Right, that's all the admin done. Cool. For now.

Oh, I'm also getting badges made. Tony, our resident awesome artist, has made the logo for 500. There's going to be a PIM badge of that, which will look like a ticket. Well, if you follow us online, you've already posted it as the sort of flyer for the 500. So at the live show able to buy the new badge. And they've still got loads of last year's PIM badge as well, the Noodleball one. So they're still going to sale as well. So I'll do deals on that.

Right. That's the admin done. arrived. The new badges, yeah, because I went to my special one.

Well, yeah, I've got a special badge. You give me badge. I always give you the first badge,

don't I? Yeah. Yeah. And I put it right up your fucking asshole, don't I. I don't know

how you get so close with the dead pig stink. Well, I just pinch me nose, don't I? Oh, you do. Yeah.

And then I go, uh, and then I go, uh, Him badge up the bung-old And do you know why it has such a clean popping sound? Because of the supplements. Ragdoll. Yeah, get them up there.

Before it's too late. Tighter, whiter fun. That's what it says on the box. Does it bleach the arsehole as well? Is what you're saying? I don't think it's meant to, but it does. Boom, boom. Literally.

Don't say, but, please. That's what Basil Bross was obsessed with anal. Bamb, bum, bum. What was he saying bum-bun? Yeah. And he liked reggae as well. Bomb-bum. I don't know.

So we just start the episode. Wow, please. Oh, no, my anecdote. Well done. This isn't going to be as good as yours, because yours was kind of bad. I don't mind anymore. Oh, it's even worse. A little bit of warning.

Our Patreon supporters know, but we've got a big guest coming up soon on Cheap Show that we're going to do remote from America. There's a box out there ready to go to send to them, right? So a few days ago, I went out to buy a few things for a price of shite to point into the box to send to this special guest so they can open it during the recording and have a bit of fun, right? And I went to Finchley Central and I went to the board game shop in there, just because I was near and I popped in and there's a board game cafe kind of a shop there.

Right. Right. And I popped in. It's been there forever and had a little look around. And, you know, nothing was taking my fancy. But as I was in there, there was a woman on their own behind the counter having a tough old time with two nerds who were like being, I think, purposely awkward and demanding about not having a certain Warhammer-type figure or whatever it was or the pay.

So they're paying to hire a game. No, no. No, no. Because this place, they sell board games, right? but they also sell things like Dungeons and Dragons little figures that you can paint and, you know, all the war-hap. Tabletop stuff. Yeah.

So these two guys are just like giving a unnecessary amount of grief. You know the kind of purse? I don't know. I wasn't listening properly, but it was the kind of like, oh, have you got this? No, not that, that. No, it's more like this. Yeah. No, it's more like this.

Yeah. No, that's too big. It was like that kind of, I could see if she was getting kind of like frustrated. Yeah. And blah, blah. I'd have to mess around for about 10 minutes. They went, oh, I'm not bothered then and walked out. And I felt sorry for her really bad.

They actually spent all this time, right? Trying to help them. And try it. And they were, and then they went. Then I ended up buying a £40 ball game to cheer off. So I went, I was like, oh, I grabbed this one. And I went, I'll have this please. Oh, you're too.

And so I bought a board game to kind of, I don't know, because, I don't know. You're too weirdly empathic in weird situations. Oh, wait there. It was only 30 quid. Oh, wow. Only 30. Fire Tower. Fire Tower, Fight Fire with Fire.

It's by Gwen Ruel and Sam Bryant. Yeah. board game by runaway parade games. Now, to be fair, this is a game I've actually seen and fancied, so it wasn't like I completely grabbed it at random. But basically, it's a board game where there's a fire in a forest. And as you roll the dice and thing, the fire spreads across the board. But you're in like four outposts on the corners.

And basically you've got to be the last one standing before everyone else gets burned. Right. So you have to be four players, is it? No, you can do two, I think. Yeah, two to four. Two to four. Yeah. That does look interesting.

Yeah, you see, you get little plastic flames and you stick them on the board. Yeah, I see it like those. I've noticed modern board games do go for sort of see-through plastic. Well, most board games these days, unless they're card-based, completely like to have their little figures and plastic toys and things. A bit more toyetic, a bit more involved. Yes.

But anyway, I got that, and I'm willing to play it. Maybe I'll do it on LXB. Maybe I'll do it here. I don't know. But, yeah, I bought a board game because I felt bad. Right, that's that then. Paul, can I just ask, is the central heating on at this moment? No.

It's actually been turned off completely while the weather's been hot. So there is no central heating timer on at all today. No, that's just you out of shape. Yes, it's my kidneys. It is. And my liver goes. Your whole system backfiring and slowly poisoning you. Well, here we are.

He's going to test the radiator now to see if Paul's lying. And the answer is, Mr. Silverman. Paul, you weren't lying. And what does that mean? You're out of shape and your system's going to kill you. All right. Right, let's crack on with Cheap Show, a lovely charming show with two loving hosts who care a lot about each other.

You seem to care more about that lady in the shop. Shh. Did you get a number as well? No, I didn't. Oh, I... I just bought a board game out of kind of pity, I guess. It's weird. I don't know.

Is that like a kind of consumerist therapy sort of thing? This might have been a whole setup. This might have been a situation where, like, she goes, oh, this, this rube's coming in. Give me a hard time, sorry, didn't that? And then you'll buy a board game. You can't rely on people being kind. I've been set up, haven't I?

Oh, I've been set up. That's why I end up buying all those orphans. Oh, yeah? I can't get into that. Anyway, long story short, bird's eye. Got what they needed for that. Birds I got what they needed. You've been selling children for food?

I had 70 orphans that didn't know what to do with and birds I needed pies. You know what resembles a very small bird's eye? My arselled after taking those supplements. I swear it's like a hose. We don't know how to end the same, but do we? Let's just put a sound effect in. Oh, I'm so sweaty.

Yeah, again, not central eating related. A letter. A letter is here. Okay. And it came in a box. It was sent to our PO box. And if you'd like to send us things in our PO box, you can. The information is on our website on the main page and it's in the description for this podcast

on the app you're listening to us on right now. Hi Paul and Eli, just want to say I'm a massive fan of the podcast. Thank you very much. I don't know who this is. I can't say thank you to let me. Harry. Thank you, Harry. It's Harry Styles has written to us. So for the purpose of this letter, until I'm proven otherwise, this is Harry Styles. It doesn't say Harry Styles. Does. Harry Styles at AOL.com. Harry styles Harry styles

walks and walks of miles and miles oh he's got loads of styles oh Harry Harry Harry styles Do you know what I've got Which also those supplements are helping with What? Hairy piles Yeah Harry piles

Harry piles I love lovely hairy piles My hairy piles are bloody And they stink of poo on my eye balm And I put them in them He's not as good with them already Oh it doesn't matter I put them in the mouth of a dog

You know I'm just moving on This will go on forever otherwise Right Okay. I first saw you both in Barsians, but I never listened to a podcast before and didn't even really know there was one. So it was a few more years until I gave Cheap Show a try.

Wow. It is where we always have this where people bomb in and say, Hey, Barsians. And I go, yeah, Cheap Show. Yeah. What? Yeah. Cheap Show.

When are you doing Barshons? Anyway, I gave Cheap Show a try and I wish I tried it sooner. I lost count of the many times I've looked insane, trying and failing to hold it in my laughter at work whilst listening to you both. Oh, that's very nice of you to say, Harry Stiles. In the past four years,

I've listened to every episode and reached episode 190 in listening to them a second time. I'm an avid patron, thank you very much, and I've been to two live shows and got my tickets of 500. Get in!

Which I imagine will have happened by the time this box is opened. Ah, wrong. No, Chinny's chinny record. Paul leapt on it. It says it arrived. Cheap show at the cheerful,

yearful podcast festival in 2024 was the first time I've ever not only been in London, but anywhere else in England, as I live in Ireland. I'm so glad to have met you both at the live show. I can tell you you're both

generally lovely people. And I love being part of a niche community like this, where you can take time for the fans. Eli, don't let Paul tell you you aren't a good actor. My mummy really believed you were addicted to Graftston Samples. Yay. There you go.

And Paul, thanks to all the hard work and dedication you put into keeping this podcast afloat. Thank you, Harry. We were both getting our little strokes and Harry. I got a little rub nubs about Harry's strokes. Harry's Stokes. Harry's styles. It's up and down.

He's not. He's not called Harry Stiles. He is. He is. Bellafonte. Harry Belafonte. Actually, I can see from here. It says the surnames and the Hendersons.

Yeah, Harry and the Hendersons. That's the one. Well, do you see that? I set that up with my acting skills there. Yeah, no, I know. But it's good that. They did. They were convinced.

I was convinced you were an actor then for a minute. Shut up. Right, okay. Right, so let's get into the box. The drinks and characha aren't included in the price of shite. That's just the tat. Sorry that the drink. drinks are out of date.

Bear in mind I got this two weeks ago. I think it was slightly out of date when I bought them. I mean, what is out of date? With a soda, a sugary soda. We're going to sample this anyway. So it don't really matter, in it? Right. Hopefully, being soda, they should still be okay.

I believe the flavours are, and by the way, these are Fanta. These are three types of Fanta. They seem to be Japanese or Chinese fanta. Yeah. I think Japanese. I believe the flavors are watermelon, pineapple and peach and lotus.

Ooh, now I'm intrigued. And then one final thing before. we close the letter off. I know you love your Tato crisps, as do I. For your information, Tato in Northern Ireland tastes different than Tato in the Republic of Ireland. The packages are different too. Not sure which ones you add,

but you should try the other ones. Well, then that's going to be hard if you don't know which one we add. As for the candle, the less said the better. I don't know what that means. You sure the word is candle? Yes. Oh, there is a candle in there. I don't know.

I haven't unwrapped any of the items. I bet it's a knob or something. We'll find out, won't we? But first, why don't we have some lovely soda? Fizz! Okay, but... Harry Styles. Harry Styles.

He can walk for miles and miles. He walks so many miles. He got piles. Harry Styles is magical piles. Yes, I'm responsible for the piles bit. Thank you. And if I may, Paul. I've looked it up in my local files.

It's Harry Powell and it's local hiles. Hiles? Piles. I'm beguiled by Harry Styles. He's got very hairy piles. When I smell them, I go smiles. And I will walk miles and miles just to sniff his hairy piles. Harry Styles, Harry Styles, you got love from me

Harry Stars, oh Harry Styles, I'll get down on one knee I bought a ring for a wedding day, you'll be my lovely man Oh Harry Styles, oh Harry Styles, I'll fucking suck your gland Right, can we now move on? He can't help it when he gets started. Harry Pares, Harry Pares, I'm hungry for Harry. Paul, we should get some glasses. What's that over there?

Oh, I didn't forget. Captain McDickdickdicks, eh? Hey. Well done. It's raining again. Yeah, it's a gloomy day. It certainly is. Now, can we go from least interesting to most interesting? Well, that's subjective, though, in it? In my humble opinion, I would say pineapple, least interesting.

Yeah. Because we've had pineapple sodas in the past. True. Although, I can't remember... I cannot remember having an actual pineapple-only pineapple-flavored soda. No. It's always pineapple and grapefruit. It is. They always offset it, as if people...

can't handle the raw pineapple or the thunder. Are we going to die? Everyone dies. Nations die. Civilisations die. Faith. Worlds die.

Trust. Thought ends. Yeah. Eventually it all becomes dust. Dust. Nost. Nothing.

Nust. Nust. It comes nothing dust. Nust. I like it. Musty nust. We've all become dust. Right.

Right. Pineapple. He's interesting. So what else was well? Don't we think? Yeah, I guess. What are the other two? But then you could argue because we never have pineapple on its own.

It therefore makes it interesting to have one on its own. Still no. Oh, that's the point I was going to make. Watermelon is red probably, right? Yes. Yeah, judging by the drawing on it. Yeah, it's got a little illustration of a watermelon slice. What this blue one is is probably the...

That's the interesting one. Peach and Lotus. So that's the last one then, yeah? Oh, what is Lotus taste like? I bet that just tastes like peach. Is it like a taste of a car, lotus? Vr-brum. You do, you get lotus root in, in Jackson.

Japanese food, and it's that weird one that triptophobes would be not into, because it's like a slice with the holes in. Sorry, someone just sent me a message on WhatsApp. Oh, come on. Oh, shit, it's juicy, Jeremy. Hang on, let me play it. Hang on. Here we go. Play. Oh, hello, boys. I hope you're doing well. I'm still out here in the jalopy, but I've made some adjustments. Anyway, I heard that you're doing some sooty pops. just to let you know it will hurt me personally

you know I'm down at my old look oh juicy you don't be doing sodies without me please boys call me please boys oh I forgot better not tell him He's living in his fucking car mate We do need to get him in here though Because we need to find out what's going on with Content House

And he's our only Yeah I don't think he's in the content house No he's not Well I get the he's on the run. Like, you know, the fugitive kind of situation. How did he hear about these sodies?

He's always got his ear to the ground when it comes to sodies, doesn't he? He knows. I think he's got some kind of internal sense of soda. I think he's like a mushroom. You know, like on the top, it's just a bulbous lump. But underneath, it's like miles and miles of roots. Of mycelian.

Yeah, and I'm mine. Oh, my God. Anyway, I'll delete the message. Beep, gone. Yeah, get rid of that shit. What do you want to start with? Watermelon. I would say watermelon.

Okay, fine. A, I don't like watermelon. And B, that makes it less... I'll submit to you on watermelon there, Paul. So, here we go. Watch out the lotus and peach. We'll see that till last anyway, so that can settle. So those peach, those lotus things...

I'll get to it when we get to it, actually. Oh, right. I've eaten a lot of fits on opening. I've eaten lotus roots in Japanese food, but it's much more of a structural, textural element than having much flavor of its own. What's the sniff, snaf? I mean, it smells like watermelon,

but there is no... no fizz to this. When I poured it out, it was quite flat. So this could give us the shit. I mean, that's to do with them being out of date and shit probably. Yeah, well. Why would it give us the shit? I don't know.

No. I'm only going to have a little bit of it. Anyway, here we go. You can have to pull the rest away because we have to use the same glass. I'm going to have to down what I've put now. Just down it, down it. Down it. I'm going to get the shit.

Here we go. You don't like that flavor. I just don't like watermelon. I'm sorry, as a, as a flavor, I'm not a fan. Ugh. Uh. For what it is, you know what I mean? It's like, I have no...

It's personal. It has overlaps with cucumber, is it, that kind of almost savoury aspect that you don't like? Do you see what I mean? It tastes almost cucumber-y? Yes, no, I agree. There is an overlap there. I agree. But at the same time, it's just not a flavour that works for me.

I don't like it in jolly ranches or gummies or anything like that. It's not overpoweringly acrid. No. It's, you know, it does taste... It might have been all right. I thought it was okay, quite refreshing, actually, quite like that. Quite sweet. I mean, but Fanta is.

For me, but yeah. Right, pineapple then, gov. Pineapple, Fanta. Any fizz on this? A little bit more fizz. Do you know what the first, the first... Fucking unwashed dog dick. Do you know what the first orange soda?

The first orange soda was... What? Crush. Oh, yeah. Bobby Crush. Piano player. Oh, my God. Piano player and juice man.

Right, that's funny, isn't it? Come on. Come on, that's good, that. It doesn't taste. It smells just like pineapple. I don't know. This kind of has like a stinky knickers vibe. I don't know why.

Unwashed dick and stinky knickers. Yeah, the ball-gallon story, yeah. The great double act. Famous in the musical back in the 1940s. Yeah, pre-code. Yeah, pre-code. Right. The code was wash your fucking genitals.

Pre-com. Anyway, I just wanted to say that for that. Yeah, you had to, didn't you? With that fucking clever Bond Mott. Oh, there's... Oh. What a strange day. to record.

Anyway, here we go. You don't like pineapple-flavored things. No, I do. I do like pineapple-flavored things. What's like quattro pineapple? It was, but that was sold under a tropical vibe. That's the point I'm trying to make. All of the tropical fruits, mango,

pineapple, even coconut, they get lumped together, don't they, in drinks? More than discreetly separated out. I think it's because maybe on its own pineapple can be an overwhelming and intensely kind of flavor. So it's offset with the other tropical mangoes or the grapefruits or whatever. Pineapple, for me,

flavor-wise is sort of maps onto cucumber. Pineapple for me is almost coconuty. Well, that's because of all those... Is that because the association, you think? Like Malibu. It's that thing in it. Is that the association I've got? I don't know. Right.

That's fine. It tastes again, quite refreshing. I quite like that. I have no real problems with that. It's just a little weak. They're both a bit watery. But they don't, because you don't have the... Because they've lost their carbonation.

That's the main thing. That's going to be a problem because, yeah. And the carbonation sort of delivers a more intense flavour somehow, doesn't it? Do you see what I mean? The wateriness comes from the lack of carbonation as well as the actual... Yeah. Through all that. Viscosity of the actual liquid.

Oh, this smells like mouthwash. I've got the blue one out, which is the lotus. It looks like mouthwash as well. It does. Yeah. Like Listerine. Or like what you get in the dentist. Oh, the dentist.

It smells a bit like that as well. The swirley bowl. Snuff it and find out. Oh yeah. It's almost minty. Almost minty, isn't it? I don't think there's any minty in there, but for some reason. Weird.

I can smell the peach fuzz smell, though. I think that's what's giving you the minty element. I think it's that fuzz-peach flavor with the lotus that's giving you a minty thing. What is lotus? It looks like a flower in it? Lotus is a flower. So maybe it's like an elder flower that sort of realm. We've dealt with Lotus before.

I'm not sure. Like I say, I've had Lotus root, which doesn't have any flavour at all. Wasn't one of those pep teas we had Lotus or something? No, it's pomello and bamboo. Bamboo. And then there was tea with duck. It wasn't Lotus though. Duck tea, Pepsi.

Right. Right. Right, I'm going to have a bit of this then. It's a strange. It's a lotus and peach. Very almost soapy, kind of hand-washy kind of thing. There is. Yeah, absolutely that vibe.

Paul's gone in first. Ugh, there's a lot of coconut in that, I think. I don't think it's intentional. That must be the Lotus. The worst of the three for you there, Paul? That's easy, the worst of the three. I wouldn't even include watermelon because that's just not my cup of tea, so that's fine. There is a coconut taste.

Weird, I don't like it. Is it like a kind of similar to a bamboo profile, with this kind of almost vanillay, not milky kind of element to it. Yeah. Yeah, it's not great that. It's not working 100% for me. Well, there you go. Now, there's a new Fanta out in British shelves, Paul.

Have you seen it? I showed you it. And it's a tie-in for some computer game film or something, isn't it? I don't know. It's got like Warrior, Big Mecco. The picture I showed you, the chocolate banana milkshake walk. Oh, no, not that one. That was one of someone sent us.

It's called Dark Cherry Banana or something. Oh, I don't know. Anyway. But either way, someone sent me a picture of someone, a phanta banana chocolate or something Don't tell juicy Jeremy Or perhaps we can pick them up and say to As a...

Yeah, how about we give them a tip off? He brings them in, thinks it's all his idea, comes to us and then we've got him. And we've got the inside on the... Yeah, then we get the inside. Hopefully you can get me onto the fucking website. You know, as a piece offering... It's taking money out of my account every week

and I still can't log in to watch anything. It's just... I don't know how they're saying all these numbers or these videos are getting. They just, it's all bots, man. No one I know has logged in? No, it's all bots. And I think...

Do the people in the house even know no one's watching? Is he paying them? Juicy Jeremy doesn't seem happy. He's living in his fucking car. I'm not getting involved. He said he was making modifications to his car. I wonder if he's put a fridge in.

No. I bet he's put just a hole in the spack so he can take a shit. No, you're going to fuck it though, were you? And I was just going to say, no, he's turned his back to eat his car into a toilet. No, he's not. I don't think of juicy Jeremy as a sexual person. No, he's not. He's one of the few characters we should just leave alone sexually, I think.

All right. I think we've tried to put our fingers and glans in every single character. of this fucking show over the course of the years. I don't hate that. I like it. I don't hate that. Look, it's not for me, but that one maybe would have benefited from carbonation.

Do you know what this reminds me of? What? The Ashoka one. You remember that weird a shocker? Okay. It's not a shocker. It's not a shocker. It's not a shocker.

You know what? Isn't that what a shocker is? Something like a Shoshy or something? No, it's something like a shocker. It's like, you're doing it and you put fingers up someone with a bumole. Oh, but is it like, no, at the same time. Must be the bumole and the other orifices. No, that's called the 10-pin bowling maneuver.

10-pin. It's like a three... Yeah, no, I get it. Three-pin plug. I think we should stop. A three-pin plug. Let me rate these. So best is pineapple.

I'll go with watermelon and then the lotus. That's my... That's what I would do. I'd go pineapple best, yeah. I have to say, if I'd actually wanted something to drink, quench my thirst. Yeah. And those three were cold and fizzy and ready to go. They might be more tolerable, yeah, I agree.

But then I'd still go for the pineapple first. If I had to choose one of the three. Yeah, I'd go the same. I'd go the same. you go. Well, that's that sort of then, Harry. There's just slightly medicinal and unpleasant about the motors.

Well, that's that segment. Now it's time to go on to a segment we call the price of shite. Price is shite or the price of shite. It's the price of shite. You know what's weird? So in work last week, we were doing a thing about it was National Game Show Day.

We're going to do a throwout on game shows. But every time I wrote... That's a bit... Like a question. It's like, just ask the audience to throw out. What do you think of this? It's a throwout. That's a piece of jargon.

I never come across. That's radio jargon. I guess. I never really thought about it. thought about it. But anyway, so we were going to do some throughout and what's your favourite game show? Have you been on one? And you've won it, blah, blah, blah, la. But every time I wrote, the price is right, my brain went, the price of shite.

I just typed out the price. And when I look back over the queue, which is what my presenter's going to read out, I'd written the price of shite, like four times. It was madness. I'd check that and deleted it. Anyway, it's now time to play that. Oh, by the way, the Saratchin will test on a video because I don't want them now and without it before. So thank you, Harry. There's a blue one and a red one.

We'll save it for a cheap shot. That seems more like cheap shot fodder, isn't it? Price of shite, you burpee gobshite, isn't it? Price of shite. You don't always have to say anything, you know. Then, dun, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, it's the fucking price of shite. It's the fucking price of shite.

It's the fucking price of shab. It's the price of shab. Okay. All I've got is a letter saying there is one, and then the points. There's a can. He apologised about the candle, remember? I don't know there is one yet. So let's wait.

This is the same box. Don't open those. Look, he's already trying to always look at it. I'm not. He's looking at it. He's trying to put it against the light to see. He's cheating. He's cheating.

I'm giving it to Mulchie. Look. He's giving it to Molchie. Okay, there they are. Yeah, they are. Fiddlable. Fiddlable points. Do you know what's unfiddlible now?

Nothing's on fiddlerable. Yeah, nothing's unfilible. You can't get the finger in. You can't get your finger in. You can't get your finger in. finger in, you can't get it out, knuckle go up, but no doubt, can't get it locked in, can't get the glue,

bit of loops, spunk, and it comes out. Swank, twang, spank, spank, spank. Yeah, thank you, spunk. So, the Price of Shite, I don't even know there's that, like, supplemental rules. You know, like quids, gambit and all this stuff? Probably not. We could, if they aren't mentioned in the letter,

the only thing he's mentioned about the Price of Shite game is sorry about the candle, right? Yeah, that's it. So I'm going to, uh, here we go. Ready? I'm going to write a thing down. This is the noise of him writing a thing down. It's a scorecard. An impromptu scorecard, everyone.

I think there's five items. Okay. I'll put six just in case. Put an extra row. Done. Okay, we're done. We're done. We're ready to go. Ready to go.

Right, so there are five items. Now, in this game, the rules are thus. To get betwiings and that petwings are the things that we desire, there are points. How do you get one? You like, I've been dressed. Oh, God. It's a price guessing game. So we will both take turns in guessing the price of the item.

Yes. If we are correct in the price of the item. Bang on. You get two pet wings for that. I say two pound. It's two pound. You get a bettwing for that. Two betwiings.

Two pet wings for that, yes. But say you're not exactly right. No. If you're in a dome-shaped 50p belt sitting a. sitting astride the actual price. The parabolic arc of that pricing sculpture. 25P either side in an umbrella shape over the number line. As it blooms.

You get one between for that. However, we also have a rule, and I think we should add it, because that's good, where sometimes a price of an item is often one pound. It's very common. More often than not. So we thought to combat just saying everything's a pound and chanting your arm, you only can lock in a pound price on one item out of all the items we are offered here today. So once you've locked that in, you can't say a pound on anything else.

You have played your quid's gambit. Dongda-da-da-dong-dong, dong-dong. Right. And then how many you get for that? You get the two for getting it on the nose and then you get a double two. Two additional points. Yeah. So there's lots to play for. We potentially believe. But none of these are, we don't know for a fact that any of these items are a quid. No. So we're just playing our version. Yeah. But we don't, You don't, there's no punishment for saying it to quid's gambit and not getting it. You know what I mean? So there's nothing like that to worry about.

All right. With fear. Stundering. Lightning. The way you love me is frightening. Yes. You better knock. Bubu-bubu-bub-bub-bub-bub.

Classic song. On wood. Da, baby. Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d- I don't want to look. I love that song. It's fucking wicked. It's an excellent song. Let's just sing that song instead of doing this show.

Arthur Conley is the singer, I believe. I don't know. I think it's all of him. No, it's Eddie. Shut up. Who did it originally? It's a woman, isn't it? No.

They thought it was... It's Eddie... I mean, like the original, original you mean? Not the disco version. That's what I was referring to. Knock on wood is Amy Stewart the disco version, I believe. That's what I was referring to, yeah. Either way, if it's not right, I will edit in the answer here.

Can't I fucking forget that guy's fucking name? Barry Manlo. It was a Stacks. It was a Stax record. Okay, I'm not going to know, am I? And you don't need to be correct right now, so you're only a man. You're only a man, you know? I know people look up to you as a god, some people, but you're just a man.

Okay. Just an ugly man. Right. That smells of dead pig. Yes, I know. I keep telling you, you smell of various farmyard corpses. Right, we're going to crack on. It's time to play the price of shine.

Item number one. Again, I have not, I've only seen one because it's unwrapped, so let's just get that one out the way. Reach over there into the... That big old box of yours, Paul. What's that, Mr. Silverman? Snoopy, everybody. It's a Snoopy.

In his Joe Cool persona. Oh, is it? Yes. He's Joe Cool when he's got the sunglasses. Oh, he's got the shades on. Yeah. And he's got like a Hawaiian style star pattern shirt. Yeah.

No, no. It's like, are they stars? No, it's a crown of flowers. Did he wear that? A hippie. It's like, it's hippie. It's like, it's hippie.

I didn't. It was Joe Cool, a hippie. I thought he was more the kind of beetnik. I don't know. What's a difference between a hippie and a beatnik? The beatniks came before the hippies. Really? Way before.

They were around in the early 50s. Oh. The beatniks. They were like influenced by French, New Wave, French avant-garde artwork. Jazz. The berets, bat jazz. Poetry. Wine, poetry.

Yeah. They're the type of people that then became hippies. When they discovered LSD and weed. And it all got a bit, yeah, in sense. And then they built a life for themselves. I mean, they do merge into each other, the two movements very much in their sort of mid-war 60s. Well, everything's connected.

You know what I mean? Everything's connected one way or another, isn't it? They're known as the beat generation. Yeah. Gives you beat each other off. And the beat poets. Yeah. And these days,

and it also is, you know, you can't avoid seeing it as white people taking on what they considered an otherness. But that's what used to happen with culture. I know. That's what I'm saying. It's all connected. It's why people need to fucking calm down about heritage and legacy and history. I've discovered something else.

He's like that. So he's bending over. Why is he bending over? It looks like he was stuck on something originally. Hang on, what's this saying? What on earth is that? Made in China. It's a McDonald's toy.

Yeah. Happy Meal. 80, 99. It's a 1999, Snoopy McDonald's toy. It's a 27-year-old item. I guess we could look it up, but actually whatever. Yeah. Okay.

You want to guess the price first up, Paul? Oh, you see now. Did he say anything about a window? No, no ceiling, no ceiling, no. Don't even know where he's from. Don't believe? No, oh, he's an island, I guess. So it's Irish.

So they deal in funny money over there, don't they? Euros. No, yeah, but don't they have the leprechaun doublet or something? No. The old leprosons, de bloon. The old lepriccon de bloon, we tour it out for a potato piece. Now you're trying to irk the Irish now, are you? Yeah.

They've had an easy them, lot. Why do you bait? There's certain nations I've noticed that you love to bait. It's ironic. The French and the Irish. You go for them. And Dutch. I don't hate anyone, but I do hate me. So, okay, I don't know.

No, I'm going to go ahead and say 50p. The point is, okay, so it's 50p, but are we going to just say one pence is one cent cent. Oh, okay, yes, you mean. Yeah, uh, yeah. All right, fine. Should we just go? Oh, should we say we're guessing in euros?

Yes. So I'm going to, what's, so it's 50 cent. Because we don't know what the prices are given in, but they would be given in euros if that's what. If it is indeed from Ireland, just says he's from Ireland, doesn't he? He doesn't say Northern Ireland. As I do take it. Or maybe he doesn't come from Ireland at all.

he's just being factual. He said ironed. Iron. Iron. Did he say iron? He didn't say iron. No, either way. Harry, you really need to give us more of your personal details, mate.

Well, he's met us. Anyway, I don't know. Okay. Well, let's just say we get, equivalent. If he does say euros, then we just, yeah, it's equivalent. You said 50p. That'll be cents then, wouldn't it? 50 cents, cents.

Yes. I'm going to put C next to it. Euro penny. Yeah. 50pso, 50pso. 50pso. Hmm. I'm going to say quid.

Quid. Quid. We can go back afterwards. Is this a quid gambit quid? Yeah. I mean with this, no, we can only guess quid once, right? Yeah, yeah. I've put it in now.

Right, next item. Let's have the item. Now, hang on. He's reaching across into the box and he's... It's just a bit of brown piece of paper. Oh, I like a bit of brown piece of paper. You do like a bit of brown piece of paper, don't you? But again, I don't know what's in it.

I'm all a scrunch. Scringchle scrunchle. I'm all unwrapper in a map. Or wrap all the dumple. Oh, it's a phallic object. In the group. Right. It's a long, hard object.

All right. All right, Stanley Unwin. Get on with it. Oh, dear. Oh, a scribble with a scruvel with the other. Oh, dear. Oh, and I'll put it in my... Right.

Me bumo. It's a... It's a... It's a cockerel... It's a cockerel door wedge. It's a door wedge with a cockerel's head at one end. That can come in useful around my way. It is wood.

Yeah? Let's have a look. I don't know. if it is wood, is it? Unless it's balsam wood. It's very light. I'd say that's wood. And it's got... Oh, it's got Granny's Door Stopper written on the bottom of it in, like, Biro. Yeah, it certainly has.

So that means it's been up here chuff. Why would you write Granny's Doorstuff? Because that's what it's like, don't touch it. That's Granny's Doorstop. It smells of Granny because she used to, like, sit on it and watch fucking Lovejoy. You know what I mean? Leave Granny alone. She's having a personal time with Lovejoy. What's that bit on the top of a chicken's head called? The giblet.

No, you're thinking of the wattle. A wattle. That's on the throat. I'm talking about the weird fleshy crown. The giblet. No, it's not the giblet. Where's me everything? Let's see what it's called.

Don't say, okay, Google. Parts of a cock. Oh, no. Oh, I've done the wrong. What? It's said it's crown. Hang on. Oh, the comb.

It's called the comb. Oh, that's it. I knew it was something like that. And the throat's called the hackle. Shoulder, wing, wing, toes, spur, claw, shank. Hock joint, fluff, saddle, back, mane feathers, sickle feathers, comb. Come, yes.

So, when Granny, in a big old floppy fanny, goes all the way down to the comb, this wooden comb tickles the clit. Don't interrupt Granny. She's up to the cockerel's heckle. Do you know what I mean? She's having a bit of fun. Okay, and it's...

Your turn to guess first now. I don't, I think much of this. Cock stop up. 50 p? 50 p? He's putting that down. 50 p? I'm going to say 75. for that.

It's a handmade item. No, it's not. Is it? Yeah, hand-painted. I'll tell you what I think this is. It's got paint on it, not because it's hand-painted, but because it's probably been used as a door stop when someone's redecorated a room like painted a door.

Yeah. And that's the kind of... There are splashes of white paint on it, yeah. That's what I think. It's not a nice thing. No, it's cheap and a bit ugly, and it's got this weird foamy stuff on the bottom. It is hand-painted in that way

that sort of tourist items are in a crap shop. Right, okay, well, that's two down three to go. Let's get on with it. Bubble wrap. Or do you want a brown paper? Let's go bubble wrap, break up the paper. Here we go. Bubble wrap free. Again, I've not seen any of these items, but I think I already know what this is.

Paul, yes. Have you seen, sometimes when you get things delivered these are days? Yeah. You get bubble wrap, but it's like the bubble is like a huge, great... As thick as me antie's throat. Big, and there's only one per row, sort of. Yeah. Is that still bubble wrap?

Big bubble, I guess. I just occurred to me. I mean, define bubble. Yeah, exactly. Define bubble. Yeah. Because you can get different size bubble wraps. Yeah.

And that's it just going big. You can get some with a Canadian singers on the front as well. That's a booblet rap. Mickey Bubbles. Jesus. What, that's a good joke? Bubla rap. It's a good joke.

Bublay rap, yes. Bublay. You know, there's all sorts of tie-ins between Canadian artists and packaging companies. Yeah. Here we go. Here it comes. Selim Klingfilm? No.

Come, my. Come on. Give me that. This is a DVD, everyone. Celine Cling film. That's not even good because their surname is Dion. Cling film. It's not the same.

You do for French accent. It's not. You get there. Kling film Dion would be better. Yeah, I should have gone that. Yeah, thank you. Kling film, Dion. He's dying.

Right, what is it? This is, play at home with the official DVD game. Deal or no deal? DVD game, poor. God, that's. It's interminable. And there is a quite a youthful looking Noel Edmunds. Well, I'll say youthful, but like what, 20 years ago, I guess.

15. It was younger then, wasn't it? I mean, I guess that's true. That's what it is. It's an interactive deal or no deal DVD game. That might be good. No, you know why it's not? Because what it is, is like 10 minutes tops of pre-recorded Noel Edmund stuff to

camera saying, hey, why don't we play? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then the rest of it is just numbered boxes and then options? Yeah. Yes, no number click. Do you think? Or the banker. Once you've played it once, that's that.

You know what all the numbers are anyway. Do you see what I mean? Not necessarily. I imagine it would be random, but... How could it randomise it? They can't build that into a DVD, can they? No, think about it. They can because it works in the same way

you could have multiple tracks on a vinyl. Remember there's that horse race vinyl where, depending on where you put the vinyl down, it's a different race. Multiple grooves start at different parts of the outside of it. But it's a DVD, and you're accessing data on the disc, which can hold lots more than a vinyl player. So you can put hundreds of...

number five boxes with a different price in. Okay. So, well, then that's better than if it's only one play and then you're done. It has a one player, two player and player versus banker version. I never want to play this, but maybe it's a cheap shots thing or a Patreon thing we do. Who knows? But I also don't know the value of this shit is. The market for DVDs in charity shops and CDs has gone through the floor, hasn't it?

I mean, it really has. I mean, they're like, take five CDs for a quid, please. Please take them, yeah. Same for like DVDs are 10. pen now but there's only so many copies of pixels anyone wants to buy so it's like that uh i don't know i would say like 50p for this again well i'm going to go with 50p no i am guessing first this time you do the next one so i'm going to say 50p again i'm going to say 30 p i wouldn't blame you i'm going to say 30 p and be astute about it that's 30 p for donned all good all right now i'm

i'm looking forward to the candle because god they've been a little bit flat so far harry piles no no that's not your name mate i know that's not your name mate i know that's not your mate I just I don't know what this is This is the candle No it's not what it's Well falican boxy What is it

It's in more brown wrapping Let me have a little scryffle and a scruffle I have a scruffle in it Would you darling A peek a week or Behind the brown curtain Do as long as it as you want Because I'm going to cut this out anyway

Oh Go on, I have fun Hey Mate do you want me to sit here tonight When I'm editing And just hear this from you For like seven minutes At Grifford is Scraffle

And they grimble on my fingertips And a whittly on the hoe hay Just grow up I've scruffled. I've scruffled. I've scruffled. What is it? It's a box, a cardboard box, card, I should say box. Oh, and the price, there's a price sticker on it. Oh.

Which I'm not looking at. Okay. Oh, Harry. Oh, dear. I've not looked at these, so I didn't know there was any stickers on them. Right, it's a box that says what on? Big Softie Wellard. Or Big Well Softie Hard. No, that's my nickname.

No, I think it's Big Softie Wellard. I don't know. There's no much more information on it. It's a little yellow box of the white. Oh, it's got egg cups in. It's got egg cups in. Oh, that explains the eggs. Little, well, soft or dead hard or whatever. Big soft, he says on one of them.

Yeah. Well, Ard on the other. Oh, egg cups, that's fun, isn't it? There's a little card of the bottom. I'm not going to get this out. All right. This seems unused mint on card, as it were, poor. Yeah.

And donated. Whose go is it's my go to guess first? Yes, it is this time, yeah? £2.40. Why, are you saying £240? Just the... Honest, you want me to write $240 down? Yes.

All right. If you're not going to take this seriously. I'm taking it seriously. I'm going to... Oh, God. Oh, God. These are ceramic egg cups, so I don't think I'm that... Oh, yeah, I keep forgetting it's got egg cups.

I keep thinking it's just a box. These lookies are quality. Yeah, no, you're right. Okay, I'm going to say 150. Okay, yeah, yeah. There's a little car that comes with these egg cups, Paul. What's it say? It says, true happiness is but a boiled egg away.

If egg is served by a very good-looking person in bed, alongside an elaborate breakfast, including champagne, in an all-expenses paid luxury spa hotel, offering complimentary toweling robes. What? What's this? What? If egg is served, true happiness is but a boiled egg away.

Asterisk. It's a joke. Asterisk. Right. So you can get true happiness from a boiled egg. I stick it up with bum old. If the egg is served when you're on holiday in some plane. It's a terrible piece of semi-humorous gumpf.

It's chummy. It's a bit chummy. It's a little bit chummy. The whole object is a little bit chummy, is it? It's a little bit chummy, this copy you've done. Very good. I think we should sing that always. Just sell me your product without this fucking gumpf. I know it's only egg cups, but it's the best I can do.

I wrote you this marketing copy and this one's for you. Now, you guessed, do we have one more item? Yeah, let's go for it. We got two. Oh. Right, number five of six. This has to be the candle. This must be.

It's a big candle. This is bubble wrapped. Let's see what this is there. A people and a popple. I fucking put this. I'm getting you on it. You like it. I found your little weak spot.

You like. I don't. Wimical sounding nonsense. You tell me what I don't do like. Oh, don't talk to me. But I do wank over pictures of Stanley on Win. So. What's this?

There's a. smell coming off this. What is it? Smell it. Smell that paper, the bubble rat. Oh, what is it? I think it might have gone. I think it might have turned.

Paper, oh, I feel quite north. What is? What is it? What did you say? It's like cheese or something. Handmade in Northern Ireland. That's the second time you've not been able to say the word island today. Did he say northern?

I guess. I don't know. He doesn't say anything. Well, we're guessing in pounds anyway. Natural soy wax candle. vegan friendly and cruelty-free. Yeah. This is a scented candle.

Do you know what the scent is from what you smell there? I'm guessing it's cheese or something. Yeah, well done. Tato cheese and onion. Oh, that's nasty. Why would you want that to smell your rooms? This is like, you know, like... I couldn't even say that properly.

I'd all my fucking brain out. It's... You're trying to get the top off? Oh, that's quite potent. That who wants... Oh, my God. That is so strong. Oh.

Oh. That is incredibly awful. That's good. It has to go straight in the bin. I've got to take pictures. I can't think about being sick. That is really intense. I can't think about being sick.

That tastes like that, it smells like that B and M, the Seabrooks. It's like shitty ass on it. It's fucking, smell like. That's Seabrooks cheese and onion-flavored mayo. some of that to it, but much stronger cheddery sort of notes. There's a strong cheese note there.

That's not good, though. There's a very pungent cheese. Like, yeah. Like a belly rennet cheese kind of smell. And then there's backed up, just at the end, with a little nasty onion. Sweet onion note. Yeah, a rotten onion note.

It makes it worse, doesn't it? It's like granddad's unwashed on these. Oh my God. That is a grim candle. It's horrible. Well done, Harry. Harry, well done. You made me nearly sick in my mouth.

You really did. I've been around this, Harry, a lot. That's lovely, yeah. It's all out. It's on my hands, man. I could have been new beforehand, to be fair. Oh, shut up. Why?

My dick smells of cheese. Your nickname is Rich Pickings, because all the fucking things you pull out of your airy ass on. Get that fucking besmirched. I just leave it. Oh, right. How much is it, then?

Oh, no, I guess first. It's you first now. say three quid. They do go for quite a... Because it's quite a big candle in a glass jar. It's not like a shitty little thumb thing. I'm going to say 275. Oh, 275. Playing the eight. At angles there. I'm playing the angles. Right on to the last. Oh God. I feel really bad.

I feel really bad. That was really fucking unpleasant. Oh God, what's this? It's heavy. It looks through the... Oh, what is it? The opacity... The semi-opacity of the bubble rat, Paul. I can spy the... A jug or something. It looks like a jug or mug.

Yeah. With a... It's a Dr. Evil. Talking to the mic, would you? That would be good. It's a Dr. Evil mug with Dr. Evil and Mini Me and the cat in relief.

This is really... This is something. That's fucking awful. It looks kind of like naive artists as modelled. It's a one-of-a-kind item. There he is. Did he have a sparkly jumpsuit in the film?

A little bit, yeah. Well, they've gotten... There's glitter. in the jumps. And there's the cat on it, the bald cat. And he's doing his trademarked Pinky to the mouth, core of the mouth. How about no? That all fucking thing, in it. And he's

doing that. And there's mini-me there. And there's an inscription. What to say on the back? We must quickly conquer the world before the end of the world, which must be a line from the film. And this is very homemade. Because look, you can see it's been made by one of those cheap IKEA glasses. Yeah, it's like the ridges. And someone

put clay, modelling clay, yeah, all on the outside of that. I'll hand it to you to have a closer look. Yeah, no, it looks like someone has taken, whatever this is, like paint or modelling. It's like fimo modeling, isn't it? Yeah, the whole thing. You can see it's like paint that chips. But it is just wrapped around the very cheap kind of a milkshake, kind of malt beer, kind of root beer glass.

It's just those very, very standard drinking glasses. Do you think that's meant to be a cock and balls on the bottom, the little stamp? It looks more like a paw print, but, yeah, it could be cock and balls. I think that's cock and balls. This is like a tourist thing, but like some work has gone into malt. Making it. What the person's done is made the mould and then stuck it. The problem is, that doesn't look like...

That doesn't look like Mr. Evil, though. It looks like fucking Annie Lennox after a stroke. It's much more effeminate looking. Not effeminate, feminine looking, the face. But like in a weird kind of almost like demented drag artist way. Or like a glam rock star. Or Brian Eno out of Roxy Music. That's what it looks like.

They're heavily made up eyes. Yeah. And then even Mini Me looks like a fucking scary little mini Brian Eno. Well, it's got looks like a scary fucking Ventriloquist doll. It looks like, isn't one of the characters in those demonic dolls, like a bald-headed thing? Yeah. Yeah, it looks a bit like that. It's a little baby, in it?

It's a little baby-shitty person. It has that vibe to it. Uncanny. Any mention, any comments about the cat? It's a bald cat. What is it called? Tiddles or something in here. I don't know.

Mr. Whiskers. I don't give a fuck. Okay, Paul. I don't give a fat, mate. You don't give a shit about anything. It's called Mr. Comedy Cat. Oh, my God. It's called Mike Myers knocks a film out because he's lost all fucking interest.

Didn't you like that film? I like the first one a lot, and the second one's got a lot of good to it, but the third one is just like, that just stop. But I still stand that the first one is a proper comedy classic. What has he been doing since I saw that Netflix show about the...

Making money doing Shrek and living off that forever. How much, though, for the Dr. Evil mug, your turn to guess. Come on. Dip, top. Times are wasted. Three pounds. Three. I'm just going to go with two.

We could be double donutting our way to a double donut festival. Oh, I haven't put a quid's gambit on any of these, by the way. You don't know there is a quid's gambit. That is also true. Do you want it? No. I couldn't give a fuck. You know what?

I tell you what, I was in a really good mood until that candle. And now I just want to get some fresh air. It's basically what it comes down to. All right, we can have a break, Paul. No, we're nearly fucking done. Let's just get on with it. Cursed is the word. For the candle.

Yeah, God, honestly. It is literally like, put it in the bin. Put it in the bin. It's a bad smell. Why would you like that? Why would you sell it? There's a whole world of novelty smells. Like there's Marmite candle what you get, you know?

It's a waste of Bates of resources. There must be like a food stuff you'd like the smell of. Like a baked bread. No. Fresh baked bread. No, like Lovehart's candy or, you know,

sweet things. Not cheese and onion. Imagine, oh, darling, let's have a romantic evening. Oh, I've run out of candles. Oh, I like this candle. Oh, sweet hoar. It's nice to finally be on your house, but it smells like you've got a ton of smegma

under your unwashed cock in here. Right. And you've rubbed your dirty, unwashed feet on your unwashed cock. It's very that kind of note of things. It's just grim and I'm angry. Harry, you fuck me off. You've done too much.

It's time to grab multi-fibbish off his perch upon the points. Before we do that, I'm going to do the check, because I don't want you accusing me of changing it or seeing it first. So let's check the prices. Okay.

So Snoopy, you said quid's gambit, I said 50p, you're locking that in. The happy meal, Troy. I don't know if you're locking it in or changing it? No, I am locking it in. Are you going to lock all of these in, or are you going to change it any of them?

I'm going to lock them all in. Well, then let's just give this bit. Yeah, that was boring. Jesus. Now let's get chunky fessions out. Give me those. You've got the score. This is...

Give it to me. There's prices. I just want to look at them. Right, look at them and then write down on my list what I think is right. No, what I'm talking about? Just hand it to me. Right. You cheat.

Right. Here we go. You've got the scores we've given. You do it by the order of the prices on there. So you just call out what it is at the top. Right. Here we go. Snoopy.

Snoopy. Snoopy is the first one. Yeah, I said 50p, you said quids gambit. You know, I said 50p. You know, you didn't, because I had to guess first. You get two betwixt. Oh, then I'm very happy with this. Fuck's sake.

And take it, that means you didn't get close at all then. No, because I put quid, didn't it? It's 50p. It's such a shame. Right, next item then. What is it? What do you say? Granny's door stop. Granny's door stop the cock. You said 50p, I said 75. It's 50p.

Oh, that's good, ding, ding for you. But you also get a between them. I also get a between, but ding, ding for Eli. So don't stress it. You have one between a head. I am. Oh, it's thrilling. Going into the Ed Cups.

This is what it's about, in it. This is what we do this for. The thrill of the chase, isn't it? He loves you when he's ahead. Look, look. He's forgotten his sickness and the candle. It's a great show in this we make, everyone. I think if I score one more between, you have to smell the candle again.

All right. No, you won't do that. Next item, then. What is it on that list? The egg cups. Egg cup. Right. Okay.

You said £2.40. I said £1.50. Egg cups are... Two pounds. Oh, we both out. We both missed. But do you know why? I said that arbitrary price. Because you're cheated. Yes.

And that's what it says... It doesn't even say. Oh, dear. Well, there you go. I thought it said 240. But look what this... It doesn't say anything. It says two pounds. Which is what it is, right?

Well, yeah. That was a genuine mistake from Harry there. I'm trying to dock you your one point... No, no, no. No, I didn't admit to cheating. You don't... No, I didn't admit to cheating. I...

I've literally... You can't do. No one's going to go with this, Paul. I've got it on audio. No one's going with this. No one's going with this. You admitted to fraud in this game, and you don't expect to be any notifications. I don't care.

I am docking you. You cheat in the other day. You're not docking shit. The thing is, you only can't be cheating after the episode of been recording and gone out. No, that's not true. That was not true. I call you right at the end, remember when you... That's why I like to edit this podcast then, isn't it?

Whatever, mate. Don't be docking shit. I'm docking you a point. Do not be docking... After the end of all the points are racked up. I take one off. Oh, fuck off. Outward, disgusting, cheating. Booty mask. What does Harry mean?

Oh, we missed that. I didn't see that. Oh. Sorry. Well, I know how much it costs. How much was it? Can I see it? Yeah. It's a peach face mask.

It smells of peaches. Oh, is it a bit wet as well? Yeah, it's one of those wet ones. It's one of those wet masks. You point of your face. It makes you look like a 1970s fucking character that kills kids in their dreams. It's that kind of nosy bonk vibe. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

How much was it then? That mask, sorry, we missed that one completely. 50p. Oh, I would have got that. I'm going to give myself a point there. Oh, fuck off. No way. Right, okay, next item then. Dr. Evil Mug.

All right, okay. I said two, you said three pound. It was £3.50. Oh, what a shame. I should have gone up there. Denied. Oh, that was the first four I had, $3.50. Yeah, but unfortunately, the one I'm missing,

I lock it on it, I get where fuck. Well, there you go. That's your hubris once again on show. And lastly, but not leastly. Oh, the candleized. Oh, what about the deal? There's no candle on this. The candle isn't on this list.

Oh. It's not one of the items. So we just sniffed it for nothing? So what's the deal or no deal then? Is that it? The last one. That's the last one here. Right.

I said 50. You said 30p. It's 50p. Oh. I get a bettwing for that. You do as well. So all in, you get three betwings. Gannon gets five.

Yeah, well done. So that's a win for Gannon if you're taking notes at home. The candle should have been a price of shite item if I had to fucking sniff it. Oh, there are some nice items there, Harry. No, Harry, you'd play the blinder there. That candle, though, should really have been included, unless maybe he bought it at the Tato factory, and maybe that's why he didn't include it.

That's about the Tato thing. He said, sorry about the candle. We weren't following along through the letter very well, were we? No, you weren't. Were you? Right, that's it. I'd do everything great. I won as well, so it's a great day for Paul.

He did win there, well done. But once again, proving that Cheap Show is an amazing podcast. Right, let's wrap this show up. Let's keep this simple. You want to find that more about Cheap Show. Go to our website, the Cheapshow.com. It's you one-stop shop for all things cheap show elsewhere on the internet, including social media and pages for each episode with pictures and sometimes videos to accompany what we talk about on this show. We couldn't do this podcast without the loving support of our Patreon backers who have been with us for God knows how long and allow us to do this weekly.

So thank you to each and every one of you. And if you'd like to join their number, go to patreon.com forward slash cheap show. Give what you can, but only if you can and if you can't help spread the word review, rate, love us, share us, etc. But Paul. But Paul? Yeah. Do you get anything extra if you do decide to support us on Patreon? Yeah, of course, you get a crap book podcast.

You get a mini version of that podcast called a chunk. Top tier people get an exclusive video episode of Cheap Show. Also exclusive access to walk about videos early. Exclusive access to all the Cheap Shots videos early. Is there some kind of spin-off podcast we do? Nightbussing includes that as well. It's another quarterly-ish podcast we do on Night Buses. There's loads of stuff and also early access to ticket to the live show and all these kind of things.

So there are benefits to being a Patreon supporter. Plus, you never know when the Scritchy Man might oil his beard up in the middle of the night and lube around your door handles. Ooh, squippy, scribby, around the door handles. Put it in your bum hole and rub it around. Not even you felt committed to that towards the end. That's pathetic. So, yeah, live show August 23rd.

Come on. Come join us. Tickets are selling fast, though. So if you're going to come, come. We've got great guests. Like hotcakes are going. It's going to be an amazing show. They're flying out of the magazines and pins

and I do Q&A afterwards. Oh, oh, so much fun to celebrate 500 bloody episodes of this show. So please, Bladdy, Bladdy. If you can come and join us. And that's it. We'll see you next week where I believe Mr. Ash Thrift is joining us again. Oh, that'll be a relief.

And because we're desperate for attention, we're theming the episode around fucking football and the World Cup. So, oh, God. When's it kicking off next week? Next Friday is when Ash is back. So yeah, join us for then. Until next time, though, oh, aren't you lovely?

Take care of your mother. Daddy's all right. Oh, cool. Love your granny as well, and love your mother and be good to dad. All right, he works hard. Stop fiddling with your glasses when you're trying to be funny. I'm not trying to be funny. I'm trying to be old school entertainment, all right?

And be like, be good to your mother and kiss granny on both cheeks and don't talk to strangers, boys and girls. All right, that's good. And AI is evil. A-O-A-O-A-I. Thank you. I should be the poster. Bobby Bollock should be the poster for anti-AI.

AI. A-I. Not how many of you fucking that. Can you press the button now, please? This one that says stop recording. I'm going to do that right now.