CheapShow - Ep 493: The Boys Of Summer 2: Amber Ambling (Mono)

Episode Date: June 26, 2026

(Mono Version) Whenever the UK gets a sniff of hot weather, Paul wants to make sure CheapShow is getting the best out of it by grabbing the handheld recorder and convincing Eli to head out into the heat. This year, Gannon may have pushed his luck a bit too far. A few years ago, they headed out into the sun for a boozy bunk off episode, and Paul wanted to recreate that this week, but Eli (rightly) thinks it’s a bad idea. It’s made worse by Paul’s insistence to do a bit of geocaching when all Eli wants to do is find shade and eat fatty food and drink. To say that nothing goes smoothly, or to plan, is a massive understatement as the Cheap Chaps trapse around Ruislip Lido and the nearby woods looking for SOMETHING to go right. It’s another Summer Bumper Walkabout Episode and you are welcome to it! See pics/videos for this episode on our website: https://www.thecheapshow.co.uk/ep-493-the-boys-of-summer-2 GET TICKETS FOR Ep 500 LIVE Cambridge Junction (J2) August 23rd @ 4pm https://www.junction.co.uk/events/cheapshow-podcast-live/ www.patreon.com/cheapshow If you want to get involved, email us at [e-mail] For all other information, please visit: www.thecheapshow.co.uk Like, Review, Share, Comment... LOVE US! MERCH Official CheapShow Magazine Shop: www.cheapmag.shop Send Us Stuff: CheapShow PO BOX 1309 Harrow HA1 9QJ

Hello everyone. Once again, it is Cheap Show Time. That time with a week where you get your fun and your locks from your two favourite Cheap Show lads. And I'm starting this week, fucked off. Because we agreed me and Eli to meet at our destination Ryslip station on the Met line for our walkabout today. 12 o'clock, midday, which we can get lots done. Guess what? He's an hour late. So if he's just coming on, here he is. Here he is with a stupid pair of fucking sunglasses on and stupid fucking hat. He's looking, he wants to say something, but he can't now because he sees me.

And he knows I'm recording, so he knows Cheap Show Gannon's on now, not friend Gannon. So from the off, he's going to be on guard. So let's just see what's the first thing that comes out of his mouth. I'm not going to say nothing. It's going to point the microphone at him, see what the man says. He's going to be coming through the gates now, I'm sure.

Yep, here he is with his stupid fucking out and stupid fucking... Anyway, he won't listen to this until he hears the episode, if he even does that these days. Hello. What? You've been going on and on and on about how much you hate me and shit, right? I think if you listen back, you'll be bitterly disappointed.

I was actually like, hello, everyone. What a fun day we've got planned for cheap show. Oh, I can't wait, and it's my best friend Eli. I don't think he doesn't like that. I don't think if I listened back, it would be like that, Paul. Come on. Well, that's all right, because you never listen back, do you? I do listen back, especially the beginnings of episodes.

Well, I usually listen and then I think, oh, I wish Paul would shut up. I fancy Eli, I wish Paul would shut up. I'm going to chop that bit off and put it right at the end of the episode, where you've long since tuned out. So, you're going to apologise, first of all? It was not my fault. Would you still like to apologize? I'm sorry I'm late, but it's not my fault.

You did say you left later because you were busy preparing. Listen, feel the weight of this? Feel the weight of this? Can we compare weight? I'll put it on the floor so I can get a good grab of it. Here we go. Yeah, that is heavy to be fair. Jinks and stuff.

Yeah, all right, well this isn't and as heavy, but I will let you. It's still pretty heavy because I've got like cameras and shit and I've got food and drinking here as well. When you said there's a cafe in the, you meant a shop. A better shop. Okay, a little shop. We can go there because we were going to go the high street, but because Eli's an hour left, I've struck that off the list,

so we just get on a bus and go straight to the Rieslip Lido, which is where we're starting our walk. A little bit, and then get the bus a little bit down once I've bought some bread. I want bread. Can you get it for me here? I've got the pick. No, they can't get bread here. Right, well then, hello, everybody.

Welcome to Cheap Show, another sunny walkabout day. It's not just sunny. I want to say, let's just check the temp now. All right. Yes. We're in the shade here. To be fair, I thought it was going to be much worse than this, and there's still a little bit of... It seems to have been revised downward somewhat, since last night, where there was storms.

Because you were all pissy pants and the squeeze a lot. Oh, look, it's going to be too hot. It is too hot. It's 31. It's 31. That's nothing. That's not nothing. Climate denial.

For a man who's got an LA's frame of mind. Here you go. I forgot. It's not that you're a climate change denying. You actually just puts you in a different complete character when it's up here. Yeah. And you feel like you're in L.A. or whatever. It's L.A. Paul. Yeah.

You're going to stop smoking as well? No. No. Not that much L.A. Paul. So it's hot. What's the mission today, mate? Well, okay, so. I've got the, basically.

Yeah. I do have some picnic stuff. Yeah. I've got some picnic stuff because we were sent a package a long while ago now by one of our listeners, Leighton. So we're going to dig into that. But effectively, I've got a hat for you. I've got a hat for me too.

You should wear your hat. I'm going to put my hat on. when we get to the Lido. What's the UV index? I'm going to check the UV index. It's hard. I know. Our stock's up.

It's the NASDAQ down. No, the UV, no. The UV is the light. What about the Hasdac? And the squirty. Has that gone up, is that gone up three points? Has KEM. What are you talking about?

Kemp sex. It's going to get hotter. What did you say Kemp sex? In the next few hours, it's going to get hotter. Yeah, it is if we've got to do some Kemsexex. Mate. You die in the first two hours of a Kemsex party. Yeah, but what a great episode of a podcast that would be.

Paul Gannon howling at something he can't, no one else can see. Oh, mate, have you even, look at France. Have you even seen that before? No. It's past red into the white. Jesus. White hot. The pollen's high.

Have you noticed people coughing and spluttering? No, I haven't actually. And just as I was getting off here at Rice Lipp, Paul, I thought, oh, I wonder if Paul's had any more fart on him or anything when the way over, right? And then I thought, maybe not. And then, just as I walk up the stairs, someone vomits, like, splack a track. Like, splatter. Yeah. This guy in a suit, a young Asian man in a suit.

And it's that kind of, I thought, day drinking, what's happened there? Yeah. I hope he's all right. But it was just like, well, you walked on, didn't you? So you don't care that much. It's a black a check. I'll tell you what happened to me on the training. So I was sitting on my own and across the way from me was two very pretty ladies.

Okay, very pretty ladies. However, I wasn't staring at them, whatever. But the person who was staring at them was this huge, big, huge, big obese guy who was staring at them. Right? And then as I was like, it's all a bit uncomfortable and you could see that they'd noticed

on the tube and you could see if they'd noticed, yeah, that he was looking at them a bit too intently. And so anyway, he gets up off for the stop he wants to get off at whatever it was, Ryslip Manor. But before he does, as the trade doors

we're about to open, he nudges me and goes, ugh, eh? And then points at them. And then they both look at me and him and then give me a dirty look Because if I was like, I agree with them, and I was like, no. And he just went, and then just walked off.

It was just grim. Yeah, they like to include other people in their degradation. Do you know what I mean? Like, can we get on now, then? What are we doing today? Well, you keep interrupting me with your stupid little sad facts about how hot it is for your precious baby skin. Right?

Today we are going to start off at the Rice Liddo to just, we're going to have a picnic, basically. Effectively, there's no agenda. We don't have to be anywhere. We don't have to finish a map. Well, will you shut up and let me. explain. And I thought along the route we've picked, we would go geocaching along the way. So no agenda, no race, no time to beat, no map to complete. It's just, we're going to wander and get a few of them

as we go. I've got my little sticker printer thing again, so we can print out pictures and put them in. I've got two rubber duckies and a razor crocodile. Great. So we can already put some stuff in the geocash boxes. And then also, someone, Hannah, who is a Twitch streamer, and they both listen to the podcast, they recommended a... Anna and herself, both of them. No, I can't remember her boyfriend's name, so sorry when you're listening. But they sent me a link to something, which I've added on my phone. Do they Twitch stream together?

I don't know. Why are you asking stupid questions? Unimportant questions? It was just like someone sent me something, and it's got an app called Go Jauntily. And Go Jauntly goes, here's where you are, here's some nice little walks you can do in the area, so it helps you find the little roof. So we can marry this with the Geocast, because I've got that

app as well. Very nice. And that's what we're doing today. Okay. Calm down. Well, we're an hour late. Now, do you think there'll be a shop where I can buy bread quickly on the way just now? There's a little Tesco extra or whatever it is. Sorry to be a pain. Can we go there? Well, you continue to be an ongoing tumour to my aspirations. Oh, oh. And on that thrilling, upbeat fucking note, let's begin this year's summer. A tumor on my aspirations. I love it.

Let's begin this year's Cheap Show Picnic. Here we go. Yes it was, raining when we were here last. Look, hello, everyone. We are here. Hello. Hello, everybody. Oh, that used to be, that was an ice cream in ice cream shop with ice creams in. But it's closed.

It's now just a brick outhouse. Anyway, we're outside one of the entrances to the Ryslip, according to the bus, Lido. Yeah. I don't know. I thought it was Lido. No, I think it's Lido. Is it just because I'm northern? Lido.

I fucking don't lie do. Do you die Lido? I tell the truth of me. Maybe you should look that up later. because I'd like to know... Oh... I've... I don't know how to say it, basically.

Do you see them in? Nothing... Lido, Lido? You say... Paul and Eli finally got to the place. Rise-lip Lido. What song's that? Oh, Gino. By...

Oh, that's someone else mental, mate. Well, that's all right. Anyway... Do you want to tell him by the person? Well, as you know, we are loathed. to punch down on this podcast. So that gentleman that we're about to talk to might have a mental health issue.

But we came onto the bus to travel to the Lido and then there was a guy sitting on the chair. A sunburnt guy. Sunburnt chap. A white sunburnt chap on the chair with a bag. He was playing music out of speaker. Very loud kind of European 90s rave pop type. It was just horrible, horrible music.

And he gave me a smile that pierced, that gave me chills. It was one of those smiles that like, was full and big, but like empty, there was nothing behind it. And I think that's what really upset me about it ultimately. A sociopathic smile, if I've ever seen one in my life. Almost begging, a smile that's begging for some kind of interaction, but knowing that it's actually the monster underneath. You know what I mean?

Again, you're demonising mental health again there, I think. I think you're just taking things a bit out of hand. All I will say is, when you got off the bus, he put on a England-coloured cowboy hat. A St George's flag cowboy hat. Which actually made me warm to him more, I have to say. But now he's just over there with his music blaring out of his bag in the park. Listen, I didn't mean to demonise people. Well, you are.

You are. Mental health. Yeah, I demonise you. Exactly. So you shouldn't demonise me. That's mostly because you're incompetent and you have suffered from arrested development. So that's why I demonise you. Oh my God, Paul.

Anyway, we're at the Lido. And look how beautiful it is today. Look at all the water in that beach over there with the climbing frame pirate. called like a what? You're saying I'm a child? I'm like a child. Is that what you're saying? To use a horrible in modern parlance, you don't do adulting very good. Like what? What haven't I got? Kids? Like no responsible. You're not a responsible adult. I can't ask you. For example, I'm just pulling this out of the air, to bring a blanket to a fucking show. That was, I was literally a look like 10, 15 years younger or something. Yeah. And you're still not any good.

That's still before the beginning of the podcast. No, it's just on the cusp of the podcast. I think that because didn't we talk about it during the early wet hot summer episode whatever it was like episode 10 years of fucking go but anyway anyway we're at the Lido and so just to bring you up to date again we had to waste an hour of our time waiting for Eli to buy bread I didn't in the end you didn't even buy bread no what do you get Ritz's crackers oh that's right because I have a breeze spread yeah but I'm seeing the doctor bowed it on she's going to walk away it's going to walk away now last time we're at the come on no and also paul yeah i have a chicken parfait in my bag right but the doctor says that

no but they're both things that you put on a cracker are you going to taste either of those today no we've got a lot of stuff to nibble on i don't really want you like a chicken parfei chicken liver parfe? Chicken liver parfait. No, I don't know what a parfait is. It's like a patte. You're not a big fan. You're not a big fan.

I'm not a big fan of patays. What about a cheese? You like cheese though. You like some spreadable Presidente brey. You'll have some of that? I've also bought gherkins. Right. I've got cheese slices.

Great. I have olives. Great. I have, um, hmm. Hmm. They would stink like bud. Is that what he said? Why did he say stink like bud?

Because he saw a man with a microphone and thought, I've got to say something because I'm an immature man. I'm going to fucking have him. No, he actually looks quite muscular. I'm just going to move on. All three of them are quite muscular. I bet they'd be all warm. Now, we didn't come round.

We did another podcast. Can you remember what that was called? It was screaming Mary Woods or whatever. It was the episode we did before Christmas last year into the woods, where we started over an eckoning. We went through here on the left-hand side, and then took a shop left through mad cow woods or whatever and that's when we heard the spooky woman moaning.

It is lovely here, has to be said. It's calm, isn't it? And we're going to have a lot of shade because there's a big forest there, basically. That's why I'm not too concerned about being out in this weather today because I'd say there's a lot of shade along that roof. We're not going to slather up. We're going to get around there and then stop somewhere

and have a picnic, yeah? First thing first, let's have a picnic. Yeah, and we've got a drinky or two. boys got a drink or two. I've got you a special desperado. Yeah. Passion fruit flavoured desperado. Oh.

I didn't know that such a thing existed. Yeah. See, I'm always on the lookout. That's adult, I do, something that's adult, isn't it? I'm always on the lookout for new... You use your eyes to look out things. No, for new things that I know will give us content, Paul, in this endeavour, this shared endeavour of a podcast that we do together, you know? That's like an adult.

But I can't ask you to... Bring a sheet. Fifteen years ago. Build a website page. Learn how to do that. I can't ask you to do the social media accounts. You don't ask me. You never have asked me.

That is ridiculous. To build the website? No. To give you any kind of fucking... No, I'm not accepting. There we go. Here's the thing. It's like, oh, you do it all the time anyway,

so why would I bother, excuse? You never even offered. You've never offered. No, I don't make websites. Neither did I until this fucking podcast, rod. Yeah, which you, yeah. Well, guess what I had to learn? I never knew how to edit a podcast until I started doing this.

You want me to start editing the podcast? It's a bit too late for that now, is it? See, it's just this weird. Just say, this is what I'm saying, I can't trust you to do an adult thing for this pod. That's not true at all. It is true. Could you write PR for the episode 500 live show? Of course.

Go on then, do it. I need it next Wednesday, and that's not even a joke. A press release. All right, then. Write it up about, write it up about the, show who's in it, all the information about the venue, blah, blah, blah. I need three versions of it, and that's not me taking the piss either. Why, three versions? What are the versions? Like a 500 or 200 and a social media one where it's like 50 words and loads of hashtags.

We'll find out. Fucking learn. I don't know what all this could have been. I mean, this Lido's changed over the years anyway, so this might have been a feature at one point of something. Why don't you just get chat GPT to do it? Because I like the human experience. I don't need chat GPT to fill in the fucking gaps. Why don't you get chat GPT to do it? That's what I was thinking I might do when you ask me to do it.

But you'd still have to rewrite it. You can't just churn out whatever it gives you. That's what everyone else does. No, it's not. Again, people who can be an adult wouldn't do that. I'm going to take a picture of you for that. I just don't move. There we go.

There we go. And now I'm going to take a lovely picture of the Lido and its water and all its beautiful grandeur on this day. because I am an adult. I mean, every week we do this, every week we play this dance. Play what dance? Play this dance. Play this game. Take this chance on a dance.

Where I always come up tops at the top because I'm better than Eli Silverman. See, there's this whole wood ear, by the way. That's nice. You can feel the coolness as soon as we come in. Step into the shade. Well, let's have a picnic. I want to drink and smoke and be merry.

You said there was no fucking agenda. The agenda seems to be. belittle and degrade endlessly, like a dysfunctional lady. Because I'm an adult who comes up with content for a podcast, and that's what I'm doing. What have you brought? Here's where we are, by the way.

I've brought a better attitude. Yes, than you. Christ. Where are we right now? We're about here, aren't we? Let's just go in the woods and get drunk. Fuck this. Come on. Wait.

So what we're going to do, mate, just so you know, is we're going to go round here, all the way up here, through the crochet, and then we come out there and we keep on go. and then that's where we can do geocathing. That's a good mile up that way anyway. Yeah, but it's mostly... Okay, fine.

Shall we... Pop into the woods here. But let's... Shall we... Shall we walk up there before we sit down, like, get up there? Well, we can do whatever you want. Oh, there's a rail track? Yeah.

Oh, the rail track goes all the way around because I remember seeing it last time we were down here, remember? Yeah. At the end... Yeah, and it ends there and then goes all the way back on itself. It goes around the Lido. Oh, there's a Mr. Whippy from there.

Yeah. 10 pound for a tin of Coke Why not? It's about that It is I reckon it's £1.50 for a can of Coke Still too much Right what's this called again

A kissing gate or something What's it called? Oh God ow This is Rislett Woods National Nature Reserve History of the Woods Remnants of a broad-layered woodland

Which has covered much of Middlesex in prehistonic times Cleared for a crop in the middle age. It's funny we're here. Parkwood, Cops would. See we went to they are. They Mad best wood is where we went through last time but we're going up this time not that way. On the other side of the Lido. We can expect to see trees, birds, fungi, insects and wildflowers. That's all good. I'll try and tell you if you see any of those things I mean trees obviously I can see one or two. I can see one or two trees but

birds I don't know. Fungy wildflowers and insects if we see any of those Point them out to each other. I do. I will leave you best. I love a bit of wildlife. Yeah, me too. Especially one of those toadstalls. Do you know what they're called? Flyer Garrick.

Flyer Garrick. I thought that was an Irish airplane company. Hey, what a flyergare. Hey, what I'm, up, dip, not dip, then, oh. I don't go on that Ryan here, no. No, dear. Come on and fly a garrik. Ryan knows nothing.

If you like the drink. If you like the drink. Have you seen that video yet where the guys like, hey I'm here to talk about the drink is it a problem or not I'm going in this pub and then there's a woman who's looking in the pub it's like from the 60s it's like a 60s piece of BBC footage

and so the Asian white kind of thing but the reporters outside going the drink is it a bit of a problem or not I'm going in this pub to talk to my maid Declan about whether it's a problem and then there's this woman behind him who's looking in the pub and she goes and she runs off and then you can hear the cameraman go God don't run off love

basically. And then the clip just continues. Do you know what I mean? Nowhere's mentions it. Can I just say, I would love to have heard the production meeting for that, where the producer sat the presenter down there. So I'd like you to talk about the rise of drinking in London at the moment or whatever it is. It's filmed. Why do you want me to do it, sir? Well, you know, you're Irish, are you? Exactly. But what are you inferring by that, though, sir? Well, you know, you like the drink, don't you? And also afterwards, we're going to send you on a story about spousal abuse.

Because you think you'd be good for that as well, Mr Irishman. Anyway, that's my satirical take on the BBC's. Anti-Irish racism, yeah. But are we still allowed to mock the Irish by doing their accent? Or is that... Accents are a tricky business when it comes to mockery. French, Welsh, Scottish, Irish, funny, Italian, Nigerian. Oh, I can't touch it.

Chinese, just don't. Germans are a funny one. Indian or Pakistani. Yeah, you can't do them, really. But you know, the Irish have actually. I've had it hard. And they're ginger. I've had it hard. No, you haven't.

No, I've had it up me, hard. No, you haven't. You're one of the most cockfeaithful people, I know. Cockfearful. You've got cock shock. Oh, there's all music at the beach. Bumba-bub. Because you know what I love when I go to the beach with my family,

having to hear the fucking awful music taste of some fucking knuckle-dragging prick? And I'm saying this out loud, because of the fucking, massive fence between me and him. You don't know he's irresponsible for the music. I just hate it. I just hate that audible intrusion. You know, I hate the idea that they go, I don't care. I'll blame.

Oh God, I'm so old and complaining. I know. I've got to stop. I think in certain contexts, like a beach like that, where there's space or a park, I'm okay with it. On public transport, I don't think it's good. And I think

I do kind of have less ire for someone who plays dub reggae on a speaker at the back of a bus than someone who just literally has got their phone on full volume is looking through TikTok you know that yeah yeah that complete because at least the person who's playing the music is actually trying to is doing something it's annoying and they shouldn't do it but it's not just the complete negligence of any kind of thought for another person do you see what I mean

yeah right we need to pick we're just walking and there's I don't know what we're doing we're going where we're going I told you where do you want to have a Should I grow up? One of us has to grow up here, Paul, and take the realms, the helms, take helm, take aim. Someone's thinking about Nick Helms, Cork, and it's Eli. He's thinking about, do you think? I get the impression it looks like a wizard staff. Bejeweled.

Knobbly. Knobly and bedeweled. It makes wishes come true. Where? I've heard it say. We are going, skirting, like you say, with a fence between us, past the artificial beach, because the whole Lido is man-made, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

We looked into that before, so they've done a nice art-vision. It's a large beach, it's great. What a lovely part of the world to live in. And it's really not, I mean, it's mid-week and school's still in, I guess, so it's not very busy, is it? Not that busy, no. Someone else playing music, I mean, there's an old pirate ship playground thing. Pirateship playground thing.

I just want to, I need to put me wholeness on at some point. So we can film bits of this walk. We're heading north, aren't we? So do you want to go all the way north and then? I think as soon as we find quite a nice place, let's go, because I need to unload, I want to put some sun tank cream on. All right. I've got adult stuff like that taking care of my skin, you know, in this. Yeah, and then we can look at nearby geocaches maybe and check the route out and all this kind of gubbins.

But ultimately, we'll have a bit of a picnic first. Yeah, we're having a loosey-goosey wander today on one of the hottest days of the year. We're having lots of fun. How long has this been? 15 fucking minutes. It's a long time. Because we haven't done anything of notes, have we? Yeah, but you've just been an old man complain.

Yes, but that's the contradiction and paradox of knowing me, isn't it? Yes, that's the joy. Yeah, joy. And the fucking Rubik's Cube. The word joy there doing a lot of heavy lifting pool. A lot of Laura, Laura, Laura, Laura, Laura, Laura. Laura!

Laura! Laura? Laura. Laura lifting. Laura heavy lifting. Lifting her skirt? Showing there, Glunge Gunge. Clunge Gunge.

Can you go on, love. Show us your clunge gunge. Oh. The glue gun. Anyway, right, so, okay, we're going to find a place to sit down. We're going to sort of our little picnic in earnest. And if he's not around, we'll find someone else. To start it in.

Thank you, yeah. So we're going to carry on walking along this little backwards route for the park around the outside of the Lido. Nice shade. Nice shade. Oh, here's another sign. Yeah, right. Perhaps there's a bigger, that was rice lip wood. Is this a bigger sign for a larger wood?

Maybe it's connected to a bigger wood. Let's have a look at the sign. All right, we're going to have a look at the sign. Then we'll sign off. It's been 15 minutes. It's just a waste of time, isn't it? Everything's a waste of time. There's a little like water pool where you can dance in the spray.

I don't know. I mean, there are little other places you can go to. Yeah. Yeah. Keep going around. largely grubbed up in the 1608. Grupted. Get what it says here.

It was 1006, it became a park for hunting wild boaring deer. Evidence of a massive earthquake boundaries can still be seen. Earthbank boundaries. Stop. Stop. It didn't say grubbing up either. It did. What's that word say? That says grabbed up. Thank you. But that says earthbank.

Yeah, no, it does say that now, but I read it as earthquake. Evidence of the massive earthbank boundaries. So that's like, like, like, old man. handmade stuff. Yeah. Beyond lay the huge common wood, which was grubbed up in 608, even Copswood enclosed,

and Porfield and Haste Hill, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. There was a reservoir built in 1811 to feed the canal of the Great Junction, Grand Junction Canal. Oh, look. In the Middle Ages, Bayhurst Wood was part of the Manor of Moorhall

and belonged to the Knights Hospitallers of St John. They were like in the hotel and bar trade, the Knights Hospitallers. Yeah. That's what they did. and they had a special cocktail they did. It was called a Crusader's Fizz. It was like served in a, like, a helmet

that they coated with like a pig's bladder to make sure it didn't leak, and then they'd put lots of... I've got a joke for you, I've got a joke for you. I've got a joke out there when I thought of a joke. I've got a joke for you, Eli. It's a comment of furze joke, you're going to love it. Oh, so there's a bit...

No, there's been a new corporation set up to look into... Trump's manhandling of the reflection pool. The reflecting pool, yes. The news company is called Algea Zera. Algea Zara. Thank you. And that's my joke.

Can we sit down on this plank? You want to cut? We haven't gone very far at all. All right. Look at that log from here. It looks like a cock and balls. Can you see what I'm talking about? It does look like a big cock and balls.

Do you see what I mean? Like a dog's cock and balls. Yeah, like a big cock. Thank you for seeing me on that. Big dangly balls. He's going to take a picture. Right. we're going to stop now and come back to you once we've settled.

Right, just so you know, just an update, rather than a short walk near the top where we could find an imaginary police piece of grass for Eli to put his mat down on, we've now walked around the whole fucking circumference of this fucking Lido. We're passing Haste Hill, which is on the mini railway route around the thing. It's not from the railway route, Paul.

Look, there's all nose. Look at that, though, with the boat in the swampy swamp. That's very prosaic, isn't it? But the problem is, where you want to stop bite to put your mat down is swarming with mozzies. Literally every time we stop stop, we stop biting me. We've got to address this situation.

We need to get out of here. We need to get out of here and then get onto that path where there's more greenery so we can put a mat down. Ah, it was in my ear. Let's get out of here, mate. We're in like mozzy alley right now and there's gnomes. There's... And there's gnomes.

It goes right into your ear and it gets really loud all of a sudden. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Oh look, I don't know. Take a shot of that boat then, but... Oh, I'm getting bitten. Fuck me. I put some roll on stuff. And I don't think it's even worked, though I didn't... Yeah, but I put some on already. I didn't bring it with me.

The problem is that just doesn't seem to be very fucking effective. Thank you. Because... We need to do that soon. It's just that we haven't really done anything on this walkabout yet, and it's been two hours, and you've waited an hour of that by being a shit man. A shit man. I don't know. Sorry, I just needed to eat and stuff.

Look, we're in a bog getting attacked by beasties. Yeah, they're going everywhere. They must look at us, these mozzies as we go by, and they're licking their lips. They can smell all my sweat. They're licking their probiscuses. They're absolutely delicious to them. Yeah, you'll probably look like a sweated ham or something to them. I mean, that's not a thing, but I mean...

Yeah, I bet you can sweat ham and eat it. How would you sweat? I'm going to look this up. In a sauna or something, kind of a steam bath type thing. in a sauna? No, just like, you know, get it hot. See where its chakra is. Look, I, mate, all there's a little trolley of a coal and a little kind of a stock thing, you know what I mean? Where you can imagine them putting rocks and things. Yeah, mine carts, they're right. That's it, mine cars. I bet they use that to put a gravel back on the rails.

Fucking hell, man. This is your fault. Look, ah, and I'm sweating like a bastard. I have to do it now. Well, that's where we crossed before. Oh, mother, moz. Let's get out here. It's more open away from the everythings. Yeah, I mean, I was going to go that way, but we can go this way. Yeah, all right, go on, go. Yeah, right, we've made a little detour off the path. No, I know. This is where we walked last time when we were heading towards the Mad Best Wood or whatever it was.

So let's go. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, fuck. We're in the sunlight. Yeah. But we need to, we're not going to find shade in this stretch. tree just there. What about there? That looks good, doesn't it? Yeah. No, there's nettles all over the place.

They're not nettles, they're ferns. Well, then we'll ask her if we can move them out the way. Oh, ho, ho. I'll put the sheet down. This is good. Yeah, all right. All right, then. Base number one. I want my booze. How, my boozy back, boozy back, boozy back.

Oh, up, my boozy back. And then I could put my harness on, so we can put the 360 cam on. We're going body cam footage today. So if you want to see the video version of this, which is like a kind of filling in the gaps between these bits kind of video, then that would be on a YouTube site eventually, but exclusive to patrons initially for a little while.

So I'm going to put my harness on and why I'm a 360 to my chest. That's exciting. And then Eli's going to spray me down. Oh, it's a roll on like mine. Oh, that's probably better. No, mine's a white bottle. This is better.

I know the one I've got was prescribed. by a doctor apparently it's that good. But it's also like you might catch fire if you have a cigarette near it kind of. This is maximum, yeah. Yeah, is it highly flammable. Do you want to get some on? Yeah, put it on me arm. Just, yeah, on my forearm. And around where they bite around.

You don't need to coat it, you just need to, you just need to, like, splash it on. There we go, what a roll, yeah. And then do you mind doing the front and back of my leg? No. Shinn and cough. Literally, I literally looked down and there's about four. Yeah, I had like five on my legs, having a little fucking mother's Crazy.

Oh, thank you. Yeah, get it on. Maybe you should go into somewhere else? Like where? I don't know, I just needed to get this on. Mate, honestly, this is probably as good as we're going to get it for our first quarter of call. And then last leg, last leg, please love. Yeah, right up.

Yeah, get it right. Oh yeah. Oh, darling, why are you down there? Fuck my chodd longle. Right, okay, that'll have to do. All it needs is to smell it and be aware of it and go away from it, so you don't need to coat it in yourself. No, see. Do you want to put it?

your back of your neck all right fine okay we found a place to stop we're gonna chill then come back to you and then i'll tell you what late and gave us for our picnic and what eli got us and we'll have a little nibble all right see in a bit i said see in a bit try not to do that this time out right let's unpack it that was mandrake paddle steamer with i don't know what the song's called hand ammonium what's it called hand ammonium that's name of the track did i get the name right Mandrake paddle steamer or something. Yes.

Is it? I know it sounds like something I've just made up now, but no, they're called Mandrake paddle steamer. I mean, there's another fucking... I don't talk until the microphone is in your mouth or towards it. Like now, here we go. There's another fucking three minutes of this.

All right. Now it's time to be a podcast. Would you like to do a podcast with me? We're in the sun having a picnic. We certainly are. It's a very hot day. Do we think it's 40 degrees now? You check it while I read.

I've had a margarita and a couple of jazz binds. Binds, yeah, and what's the temperature? Mr. Silverman. Some Thelonious Rochester's. Yes. Yeah. What about a Count Basie Marlborough's? B-Bop.

Yeah. I've got an Oscar Wild Harmonica on the go. No, we're here, Paul. We found, we managed to avoid. Actually, I'd say, one of the most, most ferocious and apparent attacks by mosquitoes I've endured in quite ever. Ever, because usually you're in a swampy, boggy area or something, and you think, oh, there's, I'm getting bugs on me.

But then a lot of them aren't mozzies. But this instance, they were all mozzies, weren't they? You could tell them. You could feel the proboscisies, entering your flesh. And so we managed to get, I brought a roll on, and it says it's extreme or whatever. It's from the 90s, so it's extreme repellent. That seems to have done the job to a certain extent, right? And funnily enough, Eli, I find you extremely repellent as well.

Ha ha ha ha ha. No, it is a lovely, lovely day. It's only 33 degrees. I mean, it's not as bad as it could be. The sun is out. Here we are. So, hang on, let me read you this letter then. Let's go for the picnic breakdown.

Yeah, we've had a little pre-pick picnic sojourn, but now let me read the letter, because I'll read out everything that he brought us, and then we can pick at it throughout the show, all right? I've got Parfe to get through. care about your parfei. I mean, do you know what? It's not really the right weather

parfei. Big fatty, chicken fatty parfei. Globby. Hello. No, no, you're not globy parfei. I've told you. You're a doppelganger. You're Blobby Barbe.

Well, then, if I'm a doppergagger, I am then doppelblah. No, no, but you've got a... You've got a different name. That's similar. Bobby Blah Blah Blahey. Hello, everyone. My name was Blobby Blahblah blah.

and I'm here to support my good friend. Bobby Parfay. Hello everybody. Blobby Parfay. Sorry, I thought I was Bobby the other just now. Bobby's the... That sounded like a wolf. It did. It sounded like a miracle world. Did you hear that? Ooh. Oh, black butterfly. Black butterfly bam a lamb. Oh, black butterfly, blamble lamb.

We might have had a drink or two. I've had me margarita, got a cracketan. All right, and sober as a judge. So let's... Can we start this section by sharing the... the desperado I got you, yeah? Let's have that now. Can I do you the letter while you prepare it? Because I want to get this out the way,

just because if I don't, I'll forget. Right, hello, Paul and Ely. Pleasing fly is the globed. God do it. Lovely, glad you at all. Blebe blithe lo. In Quintley bowl, a hobily deido. We've gone all Elven.

Yeah, we've gone all. Stanley Goodwin. Godwin. A biddley hay-ho and a daddy-haegov. Just have breath and fucking read it in his. English. Dear Paul and Eli, please find enclosed in this box a boozy picnic snack pack containing miscellaneous ship from Tesco, Naples and British Airways. I've been meaning to send you for some time. This could be all out of date. I've had this box for years now. Well, we'll just

have to play it by mouth. I like to play it by mouth. That's what she fucking gave in. Yeah, good stuff. She was around here. She said, I'll play it by mouth. It all over me. Yeah. Do you taste that it went nah. No, right. So in my in my bag and as I say we'll get out when we want to where we've got a limited edition golden characcha Doritos. We've had those. Right. But they're quite nice. Yeah, they're quite nice. They'll be all right if they're past their sell by. I'm worried more about the black garlic dip that's coming up. Sorry, spoiler alert. That is the next one. Limited edition, Stranger Things. Doritos's black garlic dip. This is incredible, but the extra shelf space ended before the stock was all sold. So reduced from 250 to 150 to 150. I can't

enough of this shit best Doritos dip ever says Leighton. Well I've been I actually have a jar of this later at home which I've been trying to hoist I've tried to get it onto the pod at some point but for whatever reason because you know what to be honest with you it's hard to get things past Paul he's very erratic but what he will what he'll I know I know you see he's there but what he uh what he does it's a win with him so we didn't get the black garlic on for some reason I doesn't like things that associated with Stranger Things. So maybe that's it.

But we'll be tasting it to... I want to assure you, no matter if it's out of day or not, if it doesn't smell like it's rotten, I'll be tasting some of that today. It just passed a mouth test. Yeah. Right.

Next is complimentary arachidi. Free corn nibbles from our recent trip to Naples. We got a free snack at every bar. We drank at a lot of bars. I told Sam, who I believe is his partner, to put these in the bag before and before I could say why she said is it for Paul and Eli well it is next we got Tesco lemon zero times two probably shit but Tesco Slough reduced thousands of these from 60p to 27p hope it's worth it so we got some lemony drink in there well that's going to

come in handy because I didn't actually bring up I've got an iced tea and that's the end of my you've got some water left right yeah and I've got well there's also hang on come on mate I don't know why I said like that like I was apologised there's also So barbecue steak strips found in the reduction section from 250 to 138. We got Belizeu snack mix, complementary stacks from British Airways. We converted six years of nectar points into BA Avivos and flew to Naples and club class for 33 quid each. Totally worth it. At the lounge at 4 a.m. got to gobble a fry-up and coffee before moving on to champagne, quadruple gins and tonics and a large nagroney all for free.

All right, mate. Excellent. That sounds like a lot of fun. Then we sat on the seat A1, the Cilla Blackseat. Is that the Cilla Black? I don't know. I've never heard that before. What's the Cilla Blackseat?

It had to look it up. Maybe she has a favourite seat on a plane and it's A1. Well, maybe she liked the band A1. And next Champagne all the way there. We landed at 10 a.m. I was shit-faced. On the return flight, there was Limoncello and Prosecco. And we pocketed these nuts for you.

Great. Then we got two Jack Daniels and Coke Zeros. Two tins of that. Sorry, Paul. I know you don't like zero. I'll make. do and then a complimentary eucalyptus sweets and then from the Naples hotel what are you going to have now what you want you can have whatever you want mate i fancy a lemon drink and a and the steak

strips please right let me have a little look for that right now you talk well you have to let me hold it you don't need to have it too yeah that's about so i have brought my cooler we were both complimenting each other earlier on how prepared we were i've bought Here's the lemon drink. Oh it's actually quite cold. Why is it cold? Because I've had it in the fridge all last night and then I wrapped the bag around it twice so it's That has retained some chill. I'm actually quite surprised myself. I'm gonna get that onto my ice. Is that sugar-free as well? Yeah, zero. It's not gonna be anything great, but it might be when it's gold. And I'm gonna dig in now to the picnic bag I got beef strips. I don't want no, but no I want the beef strips. I want the beef strips. I'm looking. I'm looking. I'm looking.

are these beef strips? Oh yeah. They're going to be rancid. They're all in bubble wrap. There's beef strips. Classic BBQ steak strips, Eli. I'm not taking pictures, I've just realized. Should I?

Yes. I want you to check there's a square, a rectangle containing the best before, and is it so used by or best before? 15-0327. Oh, that's next year. I'll stick a picture of this, then. That's great.

There you go. So I bought a cooler bag from Long Dan Oriental supermarket. I did the new Long Dan. Oh, he's not Long Dan anymore. He had the reduction surgery. Oh, bless him. He's been after that for a while. But they've, it's a nice cute.

I think you'll agree, Paul. It's a cute little cooler bag here. Yeah. And it's called E.B. That's the logo on it. Then it says, feel the fresh beats. But beats spelled as in musical beats rather than beat roots. So my first thought was maybe this is a special.

beetroot bag. It's possible in it. But no, because it's beets as in the Beatles. And let's dive in here and see what we've got in here. Okay, go on. We've got gourmet olives. Oh, I'm nowhere. Paul won't be having any of those.

A little bag of peanuts, Paul. I'm taking a picture of your gourmet olives. Where they go? Over there. I got it. We've got some... I'm not taking a picture of nuts. Classic.

K.P. Dry roasted. Dry roasted. Cremdebree. Cremme debris. This stuff is banging. Have that on a ritzcracker. I'm in the move for cheese on a hot day.

I'll be honest. I don't have much of an appetite, honestly. What's in there? Gherkins. Oh, that's a stinky bag, in it? That was like my old tabberth. What else we got?

I'm going to slam these opener later. Smoked muscles in Sunfly. You are fucking gross. brought everything that could fucking make give you the shit. Parfei time. No, I don't want parfei. That's just fat in a tub. Look at that.

I know. It's not for me. This is nothing I would consider eating on a hot day. I'll be having some later. But let's try this lemon drink and we're going to have a beef strip and then we're going to have some of this desperadoes. No, share it with me. Oh, you want to share it? Yes.

Oh, no, I make that fine. I'm happy to share. Because you're hogging all the booze. I need to get high. You sunk that moth Your private little moth I'm not going to do anything about it You fucking won't do anything

You're fucking coward Keep drinking I want you to get to sex pest I'm all I'll get there I'll get there right now Boing and there Shall we get the rest of the ice out here Paul if you want

To have this desperado, yeah Here's my little We're having a picnic We're having a bowl We're having a picnic We're up in the wall. Eli brought some ice in a thermos. Very clever of him, very wise.

Two big cubes coming out now, especially moulded for the day. Oh, it's too big for the hole. But how did it get in, then, you ask? It was at a different angle. A different angle. It's like a fucking... Oh, no.

It's like a puzzle box. Hey, plop. Plop, plop. Plop, you just don't stop. Right, I'll open this up because I'm in child. of booze. What is it? This is tropical daquare desperado beer

flavoured with Arquari in Teens, passion fruit and lime. And it says rum flavoured. Rum flavoured, mate. You know what else are rum flavoured? Like Tiramissolu and that's it in it. Is it Timmer Saloo?

Tiramisu. Tiramisu? Turamisu. No. What's the one with the rum biscuits and the cream on the top? I thought that was tiramisu. Maybe it is.

Maybe it is. I don't think it's rum. There's rum flavoured desserts. Yeah, but I think that's specifically rum, in it? Let them know about the last time we drank a bunch of desperadoes out in the wild. That was many years ago, and we did our fistful of desperado's episode or wherever it was. And it ended with a thrilling gun battle in a fort, in a fort, a medieval fort. How great is that?

Listen to that episode. Paul, I don't believe we had one of these at the time. So I'm a completest in tasting all of this crap. Oh, not holding out my My sticky fingers can't do it That's what I'm having problems Oh, watch this, a little bit more A little bit more margarita, Pracketan

If I only knew What I had to do To make you, make you love me Make you make you love me Who sang that? Don't know D-Dun-Dun-da-Badim Who do you think sings it?

Come on D-Dun-Din-Dun-Badum and he sings real mad. It is Tom Jones, yeah, well done. You know what year? What song are we talking? I don't know. I haven't made it up.

It's a real Tom Jones song. I think it's called Make You Love Me. I make you love me. Make you, oh yeah. Desperado time. Cheers. Give it a sniff, sniff. It smells very...

It smells like sick and passion fruit. I'm getting passion fruit. I think passion fruit has some of that stuff that's also in Parmesan cheese and pew. Well, can I just say? say my favorite phrase. It's a little bit belly rennet, in it? A little bit belly rennet.

I mean, Desperados generally have a belly rennet aura. There's a belly rennet aura all in the air, but here we go. Let's taste it. It's beer after all. Here we go. I was using the bottle as a microphone. Then I nearly tried to drink the mic. It's not pleasing.

Oh, God, what is that? It's passing through it in lime, mate. It's a favorite beer. It's very difficult to drink. It's horrible. It's horrible. It's really kind of like gassy and diluted. It's like diluted, but also kind of like lemon-y, lime.

Very disappointing. It's not good. It's the bitterness at the end. It's the bitter. Yeah. The bitter finish. Yeah. You know, I know, it's watery and then you get a nasty bitter taste.

Bitter finish. Not enough citrus brightness. It's like bitter. And the passion fruit, like, you know, is a lingering aftertaste rather than an upfront kind of fruity flavour. Very poor.

Very bad, Desperado. Hang your heads in shame. Every product you make, apart from the original is... It's bad. No, original is nice. You like the original, do you? I was finishing your sentence.

Everyone but the original. It's bad, dot, dot, dot is bad. That was my contribution to your grammar. Your syntax, friends. Right. So what we're going to do now is finishing. off our little drinks here. It's fucking unbearable.

Then I'm going to lock on with my body count 360 footage and we're going to start geocassion and we'll see how far we go along the route. Green bugs on me. Green bugs are fine. You can give it a little tap and it will fly away. I know, but I'm saying.

What? We saw fungus. Yeah. Fungi. Insects. I'm trying to spot every type of wildlife that was on the board. The sign, the rice lip forest sign.

You haven't seen any birds yet. No. They're all fucking in the shade going fuck this. Fuck this. Oh, but I got aphid on my hat. Aphid on my hat. I know. I know. It's an aphid.

On my hat. Oh, no. I'll have a serious. I wake up in the morning, there's an aphit on my hat. I tried to shake it off, and then he says, I'll have none of that. He flies into my face, and then he gets up in my nose. He flies down in my pants, and then in my underclothes. I try to grab the little bug as he goes in my cock, and then he bites it on the tip.

and makes it odd as rock at flea on cock. Flea on cock. Now, that's awful. Classic sides. Oh, yeah, get that's a lovely smell. Ah, I just don't like barbecue. Just give me meaty strips. Tender.

Tender. Is it chewy, sweet, or is it kind of nice and textured? Nice and textured. Nice and tested. Nice. I would try one, but I just, I just really, I do not like barbecue-flavored things. It's too sweet. I don't like it.

Don't you dare do it again, Leighton, is what I'm saying. Eli's happy though and that's all that really matters in it. High protein snacking. Yeah. Right, anything else you want to add before we finish this bit of picnic off and then we get on the road again? At some point I'm going to eat those muscles. Yeah, well, you can only eat the ones we find at least two geo caches. Really?

Yeah, and then that's your reward muscles. I didn't know Eli was a muscle man. Anyway, that's just me trying to wrap this segment up and I can't think of a good out. And I've got me drink and I've had a very drink and I've had a very drink and I've I've had all my margarita, which is 15% by the way. So this little dingling is going to get a wingling and get finger in your bumble. No, I hate that. I hate that.

Take that out. Now, leave it in. Teach me a lesson. I feel it's all right. Take it out. Leave it in. Well, seeing as you've got one whole 15% are ahead of me, I'm going to, lucky one of these buzz bombs is one that you won't like.

We'll do that later then. Bent banana. Oh, that's going to be really, I'm going to be really ill. I'm going to be really ill. I will. I will. I'll taste it. That's my one.

Yeah, I'll taste it. Let me taste it. Why will you let me taste your banana? You'll hate it? I will let you taste it, because of it. Can you not put it up to my mouth when I'm trying to eat this? Right. Bye everyone.

We'll see you when we next decide to record. Right, we walk for about 10 minutes and then. Eli saw a bench and had to have a sit down. So have you felt suitably sat? Well... Hey? Hey? Hey?

You look so knackard, man. I don't. I don't look knackard. You really do, mate. It's just hot and sweaty, and I've got a sweat on. But in my head... Your eyes are sort of like... Like, they're like, ugh, boat at the side.

I'm sorry. You just look really hot and bothered. I'm ready to go, mate. Yeah, because I am rearing to go. I've just had some dry-rised peanuts. Now, I can't remember what we've spoken to on the camera and what we've spoken to on the old poddy wadi-dood our day. Are we going to get to the end of this one, Paul?

Do you want to fuck? Do you want to get nasty? Not now, no. Let's get nasty. Eli, I'm at that stage that you were looking forward to. I wasn't looking forward to. Randy Gannon's unwanted nudges. How about that?

No. Not a no about that. No about that. Anyway, I've turned on the Geochash app and we found a one to our... It's called the Battle of Britain House. It's called the Batten of Britain House. The Battle of Britain House.

You didn't do the research. Do you want me to do it now? About what? Why the Battle of Britain is associated with this part of the world? I can look at the app and it will tell us. Do you mean to do that? Yes. Do you want to get walking as we do it?

Yeah. Oh, we'll have some content. She fucking says. You're right, the northern working man's Club comedian comes out here. Shut up. Mate, where my glasses? Oh, in my pocket.

God, I shat myself then. There's the one thing I do not want to happen. Really? Yeah, I don't want to lose my glasses. They're expensive, are there? Well, I don't want to pay for another pair. But they're prescription because of your weird eye. Yeah, I've got weird eye.

Weird. Weird. We haven't been here for God, Joe. Right. Details. Right, here we go. You can't. The Battle of Biss.

The Battle of Britain. I'm not drunk. The Battle of Britain House once stood here, demolished in 93. after being mostly destroyed in a fire in 84. It was once used by the United States military to train agents for undercover missions and Occupy France joined WAAWII. Wikipedia goes on to say,

after the war, the house was dedicated to the memorial of the Royal Air Force squadrons involved in the Battle of Britain and became a residential cottage and headquarters to the Ryslip and District Natural History Society. The house was destroyed and fired 84 and demolished 93. Wow, so it's a ruin. This is our first cache. Someone says this because they put it up there,

a small size black plastic clip lock container containing a logbook pencil and some goodies from my children. But I don't know when that was. I've got like a rubber ducky. We got a rubber ducky. Yeah, from my Royal Caribbean cruise. Oh yeah. And I've got like I said a little four piece. There's a hint as well here.

It says behind a concrete slab. All right. Well, we must be about 10 minutes off right now. We've got to get going. What is I say? First right. First right, always right. Second left.

Oh yeah, hang on. It is. First right, yes it is. Now we're on the path. This is beautiful. Now we have funnily enough because we were just saying on the video about...

I've got body cam on. About a porcity of oaks but now there's a lot of old oaks. We just were on the bench mill and look at these two here. Yeah, look at these. Beautiful. They are, I think, one of my favourite British trees. British trees.

You know the one, the toad tree in the heath, That's an oak, yeah. Of course. Oak. Okay, you like them. Mate, you're going to need to pull up your game a bit. I'm not, and I'm saying that as a friend. I'll fuck your eyes out.

I'll fuck them out. Now it's sexual violence. So we've gone from violence to sex to sexual violence. Yeah, that is the natural progression. That is A to B with me, yes. A to B, it's what we do. If you want to come home with me, get used to the ABC. I'll let them know, because you're really, really flagging.

This is a lovely little stretch of half gravel, half sand pathway. We're going through these ancient woodlands up in the rice lip, neck of the woods. I'll have you up your rice lip. How about that? Up your rice lip. Yeah? Yeah. Good.

Up your rice slip. I reckon that's some kind of birch. A birch. Oh, you birch. Mate, if you're just going to be factual, I'm going to be actual. I'm going to be actually funny. That means the same thing. Yeah.

No. Factual and an actual mean the same thing? It doesn't necessarily actually. Facts can be, you know, skewed. Not true facts, are they? Yeah, but what a fact, but perspectives. What does actual fact mean? It's an actual fact, isn't it?

It's true, true. It's like the earth is round. That's an actual fact. But you'll have people fight to the ends of the earth to say it's flat. They're cunts. Sorry to anyone who's listening. I used to call my people's cunts. Are you flat earth?

I'm a flat earther. Are you pivoted? Yeah, I've decided. going to be fun and be a flat earther you're washed up as a comedian flat earther lovely earther sometimes i think you're a dream you can't be a globe it's impossible you're owning your flat disc hovering in space why don't you come and with me yeah thank you Paul Gannon is here all week we need to be looking for paths so we had a path going off to the left yet we haven't no not yet have we taken the right not yet oh my god it's going to be

It's right. We done that. We done that? I need to look at the map again, mate. But let's just go on a... Bertha, lovely bertha. Sometimes I think you're a dream. Resenter. Hang on. Oh, we missed it. Did we? Yeah, yeah. We walked right past it. Didn't even know. Let's go back then. We could actually take this right here. Let me have a look at this.

Because we're going that way. We've gone past that right, left, right. Now we've got to go up left, right. So should we go all the way up then? And then round. Yeah, but we have to retrace our steps. Not really. We just go to this junction, up the junction. We're still looking for a right, but a right that goes off. Up and back and round.

And then we can follow it all the way round. That's my logic. All right, fine. Daddy-o. A little bit funny. This feeling of fast inside. It's because I like to sing. Fine.

Be your singer. I'd like to teach Eli to sing. Cover him in come. I'd like to bend him over my couch And reveal his dirty bum I'd get some tissues out the box And wipe his dirty bot And then I'd sell it fourpence two

Everybody in my local shop It's Eli's rear How'd you think about that deer What was the... There was a department store or something And used that song Oh look about... No, it was Coke, won't it?

Yeah Oh, wouldn't he bench? Oh yeah, so I like to teach the world to sing and drink Coke in perfect harmony. Woodenny bench. Let's have a picture of you next to the woodeny bench. My camera lens is foggy because of heat. Look, I've got my pipe in my hand.

Don't do that. I'll edit it out in software. It's really musty, clear. Look how foggy my camera is. Well, wipe it. No, it's on the inside, isn't it? Because of, um, such and things. That's a design fault?

No, your design fault. I don't know. You're an idiot. You're an idiot. I've got all the singers, mate. I'm on fire today. You're not. You're on fire. You're the level of, no, I'm not, that you are.

I am, you are. So I am, you is. Yeah. Is you is or is you ate my baby, Eli. I ain't. Is you is or is you ate my baby. Ruddly do do, do. Compliments girl on your kiss.

Paul Gannon sings this whole podcast. He's going to put earworm after earworm inside your mind. How about this one? Open the door to get on the floor Everybody walked the dinosaur Oh my God that cheeses me out It was a night like this 40 million years ago

A little cigarette Picked up the monkey skull to go Paul, yeah We've come back round to another train station On the little Minutual Railway around here Willow something it's called Yeah Willow Week Willow Willow Willow Creek

So I think we go up this public footpath here now And then go back on ourselves yeah that's right yes that is right because if we go out there we'll hit the main road and we do not want that so we're going to go back up this way now look we're in the sun and while i'm waiting for elize to catch up here's another little ditty for you don't push too hard you know it's like china in my hands uh don't know what that one goes like um uh what else have i got for you What other songs could I sing? It's a kind of magic.

It's a kind of magic. It's a kind of magic. The bell that rings inside of me. I took you all. Insanity. This is a kind of magic. Meanwhile, Eli's puffing on some dirty herb pipes. That's how professional he is.

Oh, Paul, you're pissed up and you're talking shit. Here, look at him. Foggy little slut, aren't you? Aren't you a foggy slant? I'm fine, Paul, having a nice day, trying to. Been quiet, haven't you? Can you sing a song? All right. Cheer us all up.

Sing it now. Grot, grot, grot, she said, and then they all went to bed. Grot, grot, grot, they said, now they have come up to bed. Bed, bed, bed, bed, bed. Bed, bed. She said they have come all the way down the stairs

Bed bed bed they said I shat it In my underwear That was a lovely song Sample that in Norseland Unlike all of your attempts Right it better I'm just saying different huh At least it was different huh

Paul at least it was different huh We're on a lovely little bit of pastry I'm going Italian Paul it's a different ah We are really not. You're doing a weird Italian thing? Is it a this away around the, or going this way? Basically, look at archers, it arches and it goes round.

But what about this away? No, not that way. That will take us back where we came, you numpty. I think I'd go to the same away. It said this will go longer? No, this can't be longer because we're going to... I think this will go the same away. I think this will go longer.

It doesn't do that. This is the path we need to stay on as it arches around to our destination for our first geocash. What you say that? Oh, I'll fucking lamp you. Why you say that? Because you were a cretin. Oh, there's a fence coming up. Do you think it's private land?

That's it. Then we got the... I was right. Don't... You know what? Stop doing the accent. Stop doing. Wacky Italian, man.

A, that's my thing. B, you do it badly. It's a not in my fault. It is in your fault. You're going to have another puff on your hash pipe, are you? Don't tell her. Don't take a picture of him. It's embarrassing.

And here we are, recording. He ain't allowed puffing on it. Can't get through the day without nulling it with the evil drugs. You be careful. You don't start a fire. Coughing, are you? Yeah, you'll be in one. Yeah? Yeah, fuck you.

Ladies and gentlemen, the troops come out today. Don't keep this bit in, fool. I'm keeping it all in, mate, because I get to decide what happens in Cheap Show's reality. Jesus Christ, you're such a little tyrant with your little stick. and then you fucking lay it on me last night I won't bring the

the pin on my no because then I get some freedom but no I have to be yoked about by the stick man and his fucking psychosis

want to get anything else off your chest no later yes but not now you're all right you've purged yourself for now

well I think we're all right with this fence there's a kissing game I think we go that way now along this fence line let's have another look I don't I'll show you now.

Here we go. We're a kissing gate. We're at a kissing gate. Entering a deeper part of the forest. Wouldn't you say, based on this, we go... Yes, actually. But hang on, actually, that tells us to go through the woodlands and shrublands, and I don't know if we can.

You haven't got the right orientation. Well, no, it just says, re-center. We're looking at it, that's exactly the way it tells us to go now. That way, exactly. You go on there. Right, we're going to go through the kissing gate. If we're through the kissing gate Kiss and tell

Hey you're the weather for me Eli's coming through the kissing gate Hiss and wait And kissing gate is the favourite place Wishing well by Terran Stratrombie I think that's his best one Do do do do do do do do do Is that the one that goes like that?

Do do do do yeah That's really good It's really funky Do you think? Yeah no I love that song It isn't very strange Pop style was fucking absolutely huge in Britain for like a moment

wasn't it? Yeah, and then... Do you remember that now? Terran's Tread Derby was a whole thing. Yeah. Right, so we just go along this fence line then basically, or close as. Because I think we should stop talking now

and just crack on. Okay, cool. And we'll come back when we get close to it. Yeah, when we get close. All right, see you a bit. Oh, fucking hell! Seriously, I fucking ate it. Well, this is why you need to listen to me more.

Well, you don't say anything that closes. things off. Say something. And we'll be back with you once we found the Geocash guys. Thanks for listening. Be right back. Okay. It's saying... This is our first Geocash as a broadcast of the year, isn't it, Paul? Yeah, of this year. Now it's saying it's this way somewhere. I don't know. Do we go in here somewhere in these woods? Well, like it looks, come here. We should keep edging. No, look. This is somewhere that way. In the bushes. We're in the bushes. We're in the somewhere.

Yeah. That's what I'm saying. It's behind a slab of concrete. That's what it said, yeah. I think I can see something back there. Let's go and have a look. Yeah. Right, we're going in.

We're also filming this at the 360 camera. Oh, bear with us. Right. Oh, I'm actually a bit concerned about this. This seems to be... Yeah, but it said a slab of concrete in the hint, didn't it? It looks like a slab of concrete. Does it?

No, it's a tree. Oh, no, can see the slab. Can you? Yeah. Can you there? Let's go round, out again and round. How do we do that though? There, around there.

Oh yeah. All right, hang on. Here we go. You're going to go. Yeah, because I've got camera and shit on, so. So he's gone the other route. He's going to push on through to the other side. All right.

And I'm going to go round. Hang on. Hang on. I am literally sweating all of my tits off right now. Oh my god. Where are you? Well I've gone this is not the right way for me is it? There's a pole. Do not climb it says.

Pole. It was on the ground. It says do not climb. Owl. I've gone the wrong. I'm not there am I? Right where are we? Why is this one so fucking... It's one of the best fucking geocaches I've ever done in my life.

This is great. It's like fucking Indiana Jones or something. Yeah, but I'm wrapped up. I'm sweating. Oh, you know what? The thing I thought was a slab. I can see it. I can see the slab. There. See it there? No. Hang on. Re-centre. It says it's... Yeah. Just there. All right, I go then. You're going to have to go because I've got too many cows. Ow! Everything's in my mouth.

That's not a metal slab. That's a... Yeah, not that. This is not a good way. Round your way. What my way is. Ow! Up there. And to the right.

Right. You need a machete? Well, we don't have a machete, do we? This is really... This is the best ever. What are you doing? I've got pricklies on my neck. Can you get them out?

I can't see them. Oh, we're on your bag. Can you wipe those away, please? Oh, I'm gone. Ah. Ah. I think that's it. That's all.

Oh, God, that's all. Right. Oh, God. I thought this is going to be right by a road, like a tree, like all the other fucking ones we do. What? It's there, right? I don't know. That was some, like, metal gate, uh, plating or something, not concrete.

It's saying we're going in the right direction still, but, oh, it's crossed my tummy with spikes. Oh! I hate doing, and you know what? I should never have suggested this. Hang on, what's this? Yeah, you got it? Well, no, there's like clay and bricks. And there's a thing here.

Oh, it says I'm right on it. Yeah, you're on it, mate. Well done. Where. Wait, there's also a slab here. He found it. Behind a concrete slab, it says. Behind a concrete slab.

Oh, what's this? There's a hole in the ground, Eli. Be fucking careful of that. Look at that big hole. I nearly put my foot in that. Fucking hell. That goes right down. It says we found it.

But... Is it looking? I thought it was here because there's all this shit. But there's no real big metal, big concrete slab. He said it was all that way as well. I'm going to go over here again.

Move away from that hole. We should have come the other way. This is an easier way. Oh, mate, I'm going to fucking... Sweat me tits off. Oh, I'm gone. What's this? A concrete slab.

Quick, come here. Look what I'm standing on. Down there. Yeah. So have a look into that slab. See if you can find it. Oh. I'm actually having a real bad time.

Oh. Hint. Hint is behind a concrete slab. Log. No, but I can't see nothing. What about this one, Paul? Try this one. Got my hands full, haven't I?

Got my app and the recorder and the fucking camera. That's not really concrete though, is it? Is it? I guess it is. Yeah, we're going to give up. Yeah, we're going to give up. What about that? That wedge of concrete into that slab.

Does it come out? No. Well, you know what? We got here. And I think that's the major thing. We got here. This is like a dream. We've gone nightmare.

We're in the woods. I don't know where we are now. Is it time for more? food and merriment. We've got to get out of here and find a patch to sit down. There's sunlight that way. I don't want to be in the sunlight. I'm sweating. I am literally sweating like a candle.

Yeah. I feel like loomy air. You get no sympathy for me because I yeah, refer to what I said yesterday about there being a health alert. No, it's since I've put this fucking heat sun cream on because all of a sudden now my skin's like slathered. I was thinking maybe it was this concrete slab, but no

No You know what, close enough, who gives a fucking tits, right, okay I found it, I'm just going to say I found it Hooray Where do you want to go now? Post Continue Okay

Doesn't matter, doesn't matter It doesn't matter It does None of this matters It does matter, we failed It's okay, sometimes you fail We'll find another one now Yeah, we don't lie about finding it.

There's another one over here. We still haven't achieved. Look at this one here. We haven't achieved Geocash 1. No. Right? But I would say this is a Pyrrhic victory. No, why?

Yeah, because we got here. We found the spot. I've got a bunch of spiky things all over my back and my neck. And I'm sweating and my tits off. I'm literally like the chest. You need to take some fluids on. Look at this one here. What's this one?

Please take some fluids. It's called. We need to have fluid. A fluid break. Navigate. The geosite is not fully downloaded. Some of the waypoints may be missing. Either way, it's...

We need to have a sit down somewhere. Wait, it's this way. We need to have a sit down somewhere. Oh, fuck, right. Okay, fine. Okay. We're going to stop this now and find a place to sit down. We need to now.

Bye-bye. Thank you for listening so far to the Cheap Show podcast. I hope it's everything... Your heart decides... Oh! Just go on. It doesn't matter. Never matters.

Everything I do. doesn't matter. It looks like there's a field there. Here, maybe. Right, we'll see, right, we're going to, this is always a failure. Bye.

Idyllic is the word that comes to mind, Paul. And I had the added suisson of pleasure from you hurting yourself in the woods and saying, I want to give up,

I want to give up, I want to cry, cry, cry. I loved it. That is sucker to my very soul. But our very first, Geocash was an utter fucking washout and my legs are scratched up to fuck right. Look at that. It was like a nightmare.

It was like a World War II theme nightmare stumbling through an old ruin. In my head, I could hear trying to get out of here. Yeah, there was a lot of different stone slabs because it was essentially a ruin of what they called the Battle of Britain house, which was just a house that they

built to commemorate. Yeah, we've said all this, though. We've said this already. All right, sorry. Done it. Anyhow, Buzz. Did that bird of prey up there? What is that? An eagle Oh, let's get some footage of that. I told you the wildlife.

What is it, a craven or is it a hawk? It's a hawk. Or is it a quest? I'd say a questra. A kestrel? Fucking. What could pick you up? What if it came down and picked you up

because it thought you were a tiny little mouse? No, it won't. Not that distance. Look at that fucking big dragonfly. Over there. If they bite you, mate, you're in fucking trouble. They're not aggressive. They are.

They are. The fucking look at that. What is it? You tell me now what bird that is. It's a big bird. Not big bird from Sesame Street. Sesame Street. He's big bird from Sesame Street. Oh, there he is. Look at him. He's circling. He has like a white stripe. He does not the band white stripes. He's not listening to 700 Day Army or whatever it's called.

A constral or something, isn't it? Or Hawk, he's coming right over us. Yeah, he's going to pick you up, mate. He's fucking eyed you up. Do you think he's seen something down there? Yeah, you? No, he hasn't. If that bird attacked me, that would be no fun for either of us. It wouldn't. It wouldn't.

because it would come for you, because you'd help me. You would. Shut up. Too busy filming me. Where's he gone? I don't know. Oh, that was one of the best bird sightings we've had on the podcast ever. Don't make noise.

I was going to grab you. No, shut up. With your stupid fucking air. No. We're doing buzz balls, baby. Now, I don't know what it is, but Lion King, which is a well-established off-license. Old school convenience store off-license, very near where I live.

I can see that dragonfly now. This is like a little bird. Yeah. Lion King, they, for whatever reason, they've had a refurb and they've got all fancy lights and stuff. Hang on. The Lion King is a corner shop near him, by the way.

I know, but sometimes you don't make things very clear. You didn't need to reiterate there. And also, my arm's getting tired, so I had to bend it in. So I spoke to myself to take some of the pressure off. No, it's fine. No, it's fine. This is what I mean about this shit.

I hate you. The Lion King seems to have a very good selection of what I would call niche and exotic buzz balls. And that's what we've got today to today's, Paul. Today's the date. Today's the taste of door. I mean, these are... These are eight quid. So a bit off.

Eight quid each. But I will be going through all of the exotic ones because I'm just like that. I want to taste every buzz ball. It's curious. now what's the state of our ice I'm not bad cool now you've got we're gonna have this over ice because I've got a cup

I'm not fucking stupid fucking idiots I have been drinking water by the way for anyone concerned about my well-being don't you worry I've been drinking plenty of water when we've been walking so please don't email in to ask about how I'm doing I'm fine just fucking stop

get off my back right sorry I got really ugly. Now we're going to share one. I've got an ice in here. So what's the first one? We're going to do both? You're going to drink because I'm going to, I haven't I'm not as drunk as you because you had that fancy moth cocktail, you slurped

down. Well, you have to throw half a wet away. You're not going to like the banana one, are you, Paul? Spoiler alert. Yeah, but odds are not going to like this one either for very different reasons. In my head, I already know that this is going to taste like bad baillies.

Has my muscles broken? open in the bag or something. Why does it smell fishy? It smells a bit smoky. I need a wipe cloth. We haven't got any wipecloths, do we? Just used a bag fabric. Oh, I don't want to drink any of this.

I just wanted this to be a nice one. Already I've had an awful desperado, which has honestly turned me. This is great. I had a nice lovely margarita precatan and hello. Now, this is Buzzballs Chilers. Well, they're very chilled, are they?

Different from their cocktails. You know, there's no fucking... This is a chiller. Look, it's got a picture of a biscuit on. Yeah, because it's called Nooky Cookie. Women founded, they're very pushing the feminist act. It doesn't mean it's not an awful product. Government warning, if you're preggers.

Yeah, don't drink it. Oh, look, it's got bourbons on. Pictures are nice biscuits. Yeah. Nice, as in nice, the biscuits. You take photos of this Buzzball. Oh, let's, you hold it. All right.

I'm not, just as I'm... Pleased to do it. Come on. Right, tilt it a little bit. Three, two, one, click it. Good. All right. Yeah. So what are you imagining this cookie?

I just said. I said, I better taste like bad baillies. That's my vibe off it. Big bad. Big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, bad baby. Big bad, babies, bellies, bellies, babies, baby, baby, baby. Big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, bomb baby. I can't get why I'm having the nail is you?

Oh, there you go, you got it now. He's cracking it open. Pop goes the... Pop goes the weasel. Ladies and gentlemen. Oh, he hasn't made an ugly face with it. Right. Oh, it's quite thick.

It's a chiller, not a... It's a thriller. Not a killer. It's a thriller, not a chiller. That's enough. No, that's enough. Oh, I put it on my hat. No, it's very licquishy almost. Oh, it tastes like the kind of cocktail you get at a theme park.

And it's weird because it looks just like pond water. Brown pond. water. Do you know what it's got in it? The first thing... I'm gone, I'm gone. Other than standard orange wine. What does that mean other than standard? That could, because there's an orange wine that they use in all shit cocktails to put the alcohol content in. Did you know this? Did you know this? Yeah, yeah. It's like a base for everything. Oh, I didn't know that. I thought orange wine was like one of these trendy new types of wine that everyone's drinking in Hackney or wasn't. Well, no, it is a little bit like that, but ultimately

it's like when people say sweet and sour as a mixer. It's like a generic thing they put in to give the flavour or the alcohol content. So has that lifted your expectations? No, I don't think this is going to be nice. I'm going to have a go. Fucking hell, that is absolutely fucking horrible. That's okay. No, it's not.

It's very sweet. Very sweet. It has cinnamon taste. Has a sort of baking cookie taste. Yeah, I don't like that. I think that's not too bad, man. It's almost Christmasy. Yeah.

Oh, that's nice. Gingerbready. Yeah. Gingerbready. I like gingerbread. I just don't like this. Try it again. You wanted to hate it.

Try it again. I don't want to hate anything in life, Eli, but sometimes I just do. You just set yourself up for hate. I don't. Drink it. That is a fucking loud bike. What's the need? What's the need for any living, fucking roadworthy vehicle?

Be that fucking loud. I like this. I'm sorry, am I wrong to think that that's an unnecessary noise? We turn into one foot in the grave, man. Yeah. You're going to one time. Which I'm not going to make a jeaner than a-a-da-da. Because I'm a wheeler, a dealer, I stuck in my ways.

Cheers, Paul. Nice bomb down there. Dip it up and diddley. Hey, one foot in the grave. Thank you. I'm doing all the songs this week. Get it down you. It goes nice.

No, I can't. That is so fucking horrible to me. That tastes of everything, Christmas fake. It's the ghost of Christmas fake. It's like pumpkin spice as well. Don't like, I can't drink that. Okay, I'll have it. Pour it in me.

Pour it in you. And you can have the ice. Fuck that and all comes. You're going to have to taste a banana one as well. Yes. Oh God. Maybe you like the banana one more. Wouldn't that be a twist of face?

I still think this is going to taste like medicine. You know what I mean? Medicine banana, medicine flavour. Fake banana, medicine banana, fake banana, fake. Fake banana, fake, fake banana. Shake your father. your mama shake your father banana father mother father take bake you bake hey please what can you stop i'm musical today are we going to chill out here for a minute yeah it's not even

five at night no it's uh let's just chill out some shoes oh it's five it is five is that late is that early not for us not for us rock and roll boys the sun's still up and actually it's going to get a bit more pleasant now because it's going to cool a little bit in it there's a little breeze coming up the breeze and that's nice it's a breeze coming up the hillock Pillick. And a word that was overused by Jasper Carrot. Pillick. Hey!

Come on. Pillick. Pillick. Oh, I'm Jasper Carrot. Oh, I'm Jasper Carrot. He did not sound like that at all. He does. He sounds like that, Jasper Carrot.

He doesn't sound like that. Hello, I'm Jasper Carrot. Like that. Something like that, isn't it? Oh no, he's Brummy. Yeah. Hello, dear. I'm Jasper Carrot.

Hello there. I'm Jasper Carrot. I'm Jasper Carrot. Shut up! What's wrong? I'm Jasper Carrot. Where's my phone? Where is my phone? I don't know. It's right behind you.

No, that's a tin of booze. It's somewhere nearby, because I saw you use it a minute ago, so it can't be too far. I wouldn't stress it. Or did I kick it in the lake? There's no lake. There was. Where is my fucking...

Ricky Lake. Do you want to call it? Hey? No, I got it. It's in between my leg. Hey, oh! It should have called it. You could have had a little bit of a ding-dong distal from your old man guy. Hey? Can we get the banana out so I can stop this segment?

Because I'm literally tuning out of my own podcast. I'm losing interest in the thing I create live. What are we got? I've got loads. Do you? Can I have a sip? No. Because you've got your iced tea and all that shit.

That's all I've got left. Well, that's about how much I've got about water to be fair. So we're both in the same boat. Except I'm in a better boat because I've got water and you've got sticky sweet stuff. Got to go to the shop. Well, where is the nearest shop? Hey. Where is it? By telling you find one, we'll probably be an almost home. Why wouldn't I drink Buzzball with me? I just did.

I heard you drink Buzzball with me. I just did. You didn't drink very much, Buzzball. I didn't drink very much. Buzzball. You child. I thought you're going to get the banana out. Sorry. That sounded desperate then. I've got your banana out. Come on. No, the way you are. Please. Please get your banana out. I need it. All right, I'll get it out, mate. I've got olives. You're not an olive eater, are you?

Oh, I'm not an olive eater or an olive eater, son. I won't have eaten olives till the olive eating's done. Isn't there another one of those... Lemon things, lemon drinks? There's another lemon drink. Do you want it? I'm just thinking... No, no, you can have it if you want it.

I'm just saying, do you want it? Just in case, because it's 33 degrees, Paul. Yes. 32 degrees, Paul? Shut up. You're just... You're maladjusted. You're maladjusted. No, I am maladjusted.

Thank you. What do you like to know something about me? I sometimes like to punch dogs. He's doing... He's maladjusted. He's mal. He thinks he's fallible. And he's all he's malleable.

What? What? What? Oh, your cream, your cheesy egg. Your cheesy creme brie split. Oh, he likes split his cheese. Eli's got a cheesy bag because you'd probably put it up the bottom, didn't you? You put your soft cheese on the bottom

and then it burst. Oh, it really did. So now it's going to be all over your muscles. You're going to have cheesy muscles. Right, this is... I've got cheesy pickles. Oh, he's got cheese on his pickle. You monster.

You don't even have white, do you? Tell you what? I've got tissue paper. Do you want some tissue? Please. Please. Oh, please. I need it. I just need to find it.

That taste of that breed, don't half. Flash with the taste of that, the cookie-flavored buzzball. Mate, it's not good news. It's not good. It's what we're doing. I'm going to have to eat some of this. Yeah. Should we stop, should we do the banana thing then?

Oh, your muscles. Have they leaked? Your muscles leaked as well. Oh, mate, you fucking monster. No. It's the cheese. I think it's the cheese. It's the cheese.

Give me the tissues. So there's their cheese all over your muscles? I don't know what. It's gone on in there. But to be fair, the tin looks secure. So I don't think it's the tin. The tin looks secure. I think it's probably the fats of the cheese.

Oh, what about your comparfefe? What is it called? Parfé. That looks like it hasn't leaked as well, right? No, that looks fine. He was the guy from status quo, wasn't he? Rick Parfay. Yeah.

He had a chicken moose business. He was always slathered in fat and all. And that was cocaine. Right, so what we're doing? Because how long has this segment been on? Let's stop. We're going to chill, bro. I think 14 minutes.

Nothing but chill. Oh, you need to taste the banana. Let's just taste it, then we can end. Right. Just pour a little bit in here. Who are just a little bit? Who are a little bit more? Who are just a little bit?

You know what I'm fighting for? This is a cocktail rather than a chill. This is called bent banana. Nuckie cookie and bent banana. Sounds like one of those British pawns. Just pour it in and I'll sniff it then. That's it. It's a bad banana. It tastes like that fake meatherson banana

fake smell, but mentally I'm prepared for it. Down the hatch and past the gums. Look out to me. Here it comes. I mean, apart from the nasty banana bit, that's better than the cookie one. Is it? Yeah. Really? Because it's kind of juicy as well. It's kind of banana, but also a little bit fruit juicy. Okay, so it's okay. You just don't like that banana test? Yeah. And the black,

But it's not the worst I've ever had, honestly. In fact, you know, it's considerably better than the cookie thing. The cookie was repulsive, I think. Oh, you know, like? I don't like it. Really? The taste of just that fake banana and then just a horrible ethanol taste. Yeah, I mean, that's it.

But I'd rather have that than the cookie thing. The fake cookie chocolate milky. I like it. It's something's dirty good about. They've gone to the extreme with the cookie shit, man. Well, that's just a difference. But between him and him, he likes vodka, and I like gin. He likes banana and a cookie too

But you switch it around I know what did you do Where Eli and Paul Eli and Paul Always have an argument out and about Eli and Paul Everybody loves them But they scream and they shout

Well it's Eli and Paul There Eli and Paul do a walkabout for cheap show pod Shut up Shut up Everybody loves them Everybody hugs them Poole and Eli are sad Last one

Is that the last version of the song as well? Yeah, it is as well. Now, mix that, and that's the new podcast we're doing. Eli and Paul, Eli and Paul, sexy little buggers in the cutest fuck. Eli and Paul, Eli and Paul, everybody loves them and a rubbery duck. Oh, Eli and Paul, they're going to have such fun. Come and let's join them, come and let's have some fun with Eli and Paul. and fun with Eli and Paul

Oh ho. A fun with a fun Fun with Eli and Paul Doodoo do do do do Badoom Badoom Badoom Bado

Bado Badu Dada Dadaab Dudaab Dada Doudab Dau Dada Dau Dada Dada Dau

Pichah Eli and Paul Was filmed before a live studio audience No net No Hello Paul How are you I'm Eli Silverman

Hello I'm going mad What's underneath Oh. I was feeling my cosmetics bag and I thought it was the blanket. I thought there was objects beneath us. Perhaps the fucking geocash, which we totally failed to find.

Right, everybody. See you later. I'm going to console myself with some smoked muscles. You do that then. I'm going to turn this off. Join us wherever we end up doing next. Sorry, we're back again.

I thought this is quite illuminating conversation. Eli has just finished off the buzz balls. He did a little mix of... I did a mix of... He did a mix though, right? Yes, it's unholy. Banana cookie. Yeah.

Bent banana nooky cookie mix. And it's not good. But it's not... Is it still an Amber Warning today? Yeah. So I can call this episode Amber Ambling. Amber Ambling. Ambler warning, Amber.

Yeah, because I was going to call it the not quite Geo Cash picnic again. We've already done one and it was shit. We haven't even done a second one yet. You lied to them. You lied to them. I didn't say nothing to them. You did.

You promised. say nothing to them. What was I saying? Yeah, buzz balls. Yeah, I think we should stop making them. I think they're evil, but go on. You're not making them. What should they stop making first? Missiles or buzz balls? Buzz balls. Buzz balls. I'm just about to, I'm just about... Mears are fun, aren't they? Not fun for the dead children that they destroy in hospitals in the middle of the deaths that they cause. I think you're being very unfair.

to the overall destruction that such a missile. It's time for me to finish this off. He's going to finish me off. That's good, isn't it? I'm going to finish this. This is the drunkest I've been in a while, and it's all been horrible. From what?

Sex. It's because I had that margarita. It kicked me off, and there's still Jack Daniels. I know. We're sharing that equally. There's two ten. We can have one each. Yeah.

Or you want to share one and just go easy. I think so. Pussy. I don't know. Pussy boy. You haven't done two buzzballs, basically. Your heroes listen and O go, oh, he like puts it away. Why doesn't he put it away this week?

He's lost his edge in his old age. He's like, he's not the young man. He used to be in the early Coup show days. It was better back then when he gave less of a fucking shit. Go on. Drink it. Drink the whole thing. I will. Do it. He throws over there.

He throw that way. He throw this way. It's here. Do you want to hear the slurping? Yeah. He's down in the rest of it. Down it goes. Oh.

Bad stuff. Bad times in Eli Tom? Bad times in the mouth. Bad times in the mouth, boys and girls, ladies and gentlemen of all ages. Well, if nothing else this walk about has been leisurely. Oh, black butterfly in the eye.

Bambalam. Oh, black butterfly, Bambalam. Yeah, and there's a big, I've said this, dragonfly, but I've only seen the one. I've seen three. I want to know where that hawk, stroke, Kestrel, stroke, eagle, stroke bird of prey. You don't get eagles in Britain, I don't think.

Eaglets. Maybe you do. Actually, I think you get a Highland eagle. Maybe. Up in Scotland. But you do get Kestrels and Hawks, don't you? Isn't it funny how so many beers in the 80s were named after birds of prey, like Kestrel and Hawk were both named drink, weren't they? Were they?

I think Hawk was one. Kestrel definitely was. Was there Eagle beer? I bet there has been. I bet there has been. Owl lager. You know what I mean? They're birds of prey, aren't they?

Owls. What are the birds of prey are there? Owls and eagles. Kestrels. Kestrel. Falcons. Falcon. Hawks.

Why is it called the Millennium Falcon? If there's no falcons. Osspray? You just spat in my face. So yeah, you did. P. Got spit right in my mouth.

It wasn't spit. It was flex of old buzzball and my mustache. Second degree, second-hand drinking. Actually, it was a bit of... I think I've got a song coming out. Paul, I got a song coming out. coming up

No, that's You shut up now You shut up now You shut up now Oh, the flecks of banana Did flaky off the tash Or flaky in the mouth Of the pole

Oh the flanks of the buzzbow A sodden on the top lip And it's hairy Coming out all over at pole Oh, oh, oh. That might be the most beautiful thing I've heard in a very long time. You turn that shit off now. Why?

Because it's time for my, my smoke break. Oh, Eli, get to smoke break. Look at that. There's a plane, there's two planes at different altitudes. They keep coming up. And they keep coming up. I'm coming up. I want the world to see.

I've got a flexible. It's a banger. You're a bang it. I'll bang it. We've got any bangra? Ding tinka chinka chinka chinka tinka tinka tinka tinka tink his bang was great though in it didn't it thinka tinka tinka tinka tinka tinka tinka tinka tinka tink it's all great it's all great stuff in it the world so many lovely things i like this time of day when the heat's

coming down and the sky is gray and uh you stop interrupting my beautiful thoughts Eli is grouching and Paul won't be belching Because he's a gentleman, not him Look at him sitting there looking at his phone Wondering how he can get home Well he's not going home tonight I'm going to bury his corpse in the middle of the night Oh, ho ho

He'll be dead by a thousand balls Thousand balls I don't know what that even means Death by a thousand balls Eli What do you think that could infer? Ping-pong balls. Yeah. Billiard balls.

Elephant balls. What kind of balls do you prefer to die by? I don't care. Buzz balls? Oh, Bazboats. Yeah. Death by Basball. Right.

Okay. You're going to play Donna Summer then, whoever it was. Carol Kane. What's her name? Donner Diamond. I'm coming up. Dona Summer. No.

Deina Dona. Dina Dina Donnie I'm coming up I want the world to know What's a name? Carol Thomas Diana Ross Diana Ross Thank you

It's all right And now we can end Thank you We need to get going soon And walk somewhere No we don't I'm having a smoke And listening to music

No but at some point we should walk Somewhere While we still have ice in the fuck In the fucking jug We need to have all our The first time, I was going to go. Do you want that Jack Daniels then? Let's have it. Come on.

Yeah. May we'll get it out of our system now. Just having you. So we can have a sweat on and get it out of our system. Right, don't do drugs, boys and girls, and don't drink and drive. So, uh, don't do that. Make sure you turn your electricity off before you leave the house. Uh, don't.

Uh, uh, just look after yourself. Be kind to your mum. You know what I mean? That stuff. Tarby was right back in the day. He had it sorted. You can shut that. Yeah, it's sort of. You know, be kind to your mum. Look after mum and dad. Look after your mum and dad. Good night.

Shut up. Oh, shut up. Eli's packing up. We're going to get on the road again. On the road again. We're going to get on down the road again. Hey, scary folk horridory. Have you told them about that? I took a picture of it. It's on our website. You can look at it on our webpage for this episode.

It's a dead tree, but it looks gnarled and wizened and supernatural almost, as if frozen in time after a horrific event. Yes. Like when you drop your guts. When you poo, a tree dies, Eli. Did you know that? You know that? When you poo, the Pope wakes up in bed and goes,

imagine you had that power? Oh, the Pope's fuck me off. I'm going to go through. a big shit that'll teach him now you see you've taken that idea and you've did you've taken all the the mystery and love out of it with that idea I'm sorry I know you try are you okay though are you okay though yeah I've just I think I've now reached peak drink and I don't want any more drink now I'm having fun and I think any more drink would end up just being unpleasant and I

think we've had all the drink there's one tin of drink left and I'm not in the move for it now Well, don't say listen and be over there. Come here. It's important to me. It's important to a podcast. Turn your trans shit music off as well. He said it was motivational.

It's not motivating me. It's not motivating me. It's motivating me to punch you in the mouth. Leave me alone. He likes it. It made me now, yeah. This was music that was made for... Nokia.

It's a really rare ambient house album. And knocking music, like three tones of stuff. Yeah, like sort of these things that they had. Middy tracks. Yeah, for their phone that were built into one of their phone models, early phone models. Well, that was created by Thomas Dolby. Some of it. You know, it all stems from him.

He created the... Yeah, but this is, you know, you used to have... Oh, yeah. Sailing away. Sailing away. Sailing away. Sailing away. Oh. It's good, though, isn't it?

I was getting all, like, trancy. Well, you have to help me fold up... I don't have to do anything. I do not have to do anything. Do you know what I mean? All right. You brought the mat. Can you please help me?

Fold it up in the mat and put it away, please. Why? It's a one-man job. It's not a one-man job. You did it before on your own. You did, that was a one-man job. You're just complaining that you've over-packed your bag, and you just don't want to do it on your own?

No, I need. You need to hold the bag open for them. Why? Because that will actually help me. You packed it this morning by yourself. didn't you? Or easy. What makes it different now?

Is it drink? Shut your mouth. How about that? How about you? It's drink, in it? Take your fucking mouth. You filth dog, bitch, dog. Take your bitch dog mouth and...

Do you? Yeah? Glue it. Glue your fucking dirty glue mouth shut. Just what you think podcasting should be. Sitting here using gutter language at me, your love. If you didn't have managed to pick a good geocash, did you?

That we could. fucking actually find. No. Well, we're going to try and get another one now, aren't we? We're going to get at least one. It would be nice to get at least one. For a walkabout episode, we spent most of our time sat on our ass.

I don't think we can actually get to it now, man. Do you mean, it's just over there? It's not that far away. If we don't find that one, I think we're going to have to call it a day. Yeah, we'll call it a day. Tuesday. It would be a big... It is Tuesday, isn't it, though?

Yes. So we'll call it today, Tuesday. You help me with the flat, please. Right, hang on. I've got to put the mic down then. Is that all right? Is that allowed? Hang on.

Just pull that bit forward for me. Vacuum. Yeah. That's fine. That's fine. Get in. That's fine. Get in. Stop doing that. You wanted help.

This is elf. That's fine. You've got a elastic band. There you go. You've missed that. I like that, man. All right, here we go. We're back.

I'm picking it up. So, yes, we're going to find one more. What was it called again? Then Pegasus was the geocash, was called Pegasus. It's near the main road, so we should be able to find it reasonably early, easily, while it's still light. This is, this is, this, when we did the last geocash, we got like four, five, six. And we have none.

It was a lot cooler then. It's difficult to move in this kind of weather. It just, it just is a fact. This lacks the magic of that first, what, geocash. I'm just going to go ahead and say it. This is, this lacks the magic. I'm just going to say this is like. The magic.

Yeah, because you did, you said it wasn't about GeoCaches this time. You said it was just about having a nice time. How you having a nice time? Yeah. I'm not. Yeah, exactly. I'm having a great time. Oh, I helped you.

I twonked you. What did you say it was called? Twonking. Squonking. Oh, mate. Hang on. I've had a message. Hang on.

I've got a message. My phone's going off. Unknown number. I don't understand. text unknown number. Can you even do that anymore? Of course you can. Can you? You just say text is don't leave my number? There's a voice

message. I'm going to play it, hang on. Listen to you, you pair of plum puddings. You need to be careful if you're still thinking about doing episode 500 in Cambridge, because you've pissed off a lot of the wrong people. You better be watching your own backs. I'll tell you that. Don't watch your own backs. That's ridiculous. Watch each other's backs.

Rotate round in single fire and look at each other's backs to make sure that those people are. onto you and they're not going to do something really, really terrible to you. And while you're out and watch your fronts as well, because some of those people are so they're going to come face onto you so you can see the ones that their eyes and your side. Watch your sides and your fronts. What I'm saying is stay at Cambridge and go, you dare think about doing that 500 live show in Cambridge.

Can't reply to that. Who's fucking sent that? That sounds like a load of old shit. I don't know. Don't recognise the voice. Just some cunt who's got my number somehow. I'll just delete it and call it spam. It's just some fucking dickhead. I don't know how you can be, you can leave a name. Well, I can't, we can't. I didn't think you could.

No, can't reply to it. I'll just block it. Yeah, I blocked it. It's just some dickhead. I'm sorry, I've put too much into 500 now. There's no, we've got a lot going on. We've got massive musical numbers. We've got huge celebrity guests, surprises.

You know what I mean? We've got like a magic show in all sorts. It's going to happen. I'm not dropping out just because some dickhead. Idly threats me. Threatens. Idily threatens me. Yeah.

So fuck that. Moving on. Moving on. Yeah, I said, don't do 500. Fuck them. Fuck them in their stupid fucking face. It sounded like someone trying to do a bit. Yeah.

Clever. Like jigsaw from the film saw. But not good. Right. Are you packed yet? No, this is... Mate, this episode is... There's no dog.

There's no dog. There's no dog. I know. Well, what are you talking about? Why can't you get your zip to work? It's really not going in now. It's because you were so terrible helping me put the thing in. Oh, it's always me, isn't it?

Not think of you overpacked it, maybe. You should have bought a bigger bag. It was all right coming in, right? Well, I don't know. Yeah, you packed it at home all right, didn't you? Took you long enough because it kept you from beginning on the right time. So what are you going to say about that? Ridiculous.

Shut up which way we need to go. Shut your mama I'm gonna take your mama out all night I'm gonna tell her what it's all about Go to de I'm over sweet champagne And tell you what it's all about

What's that song? Yes, sister sisters Oh yeah I'm gonna take your mother out all night And show her how to fish and chips Right where are we Where are you? Right, recentering

Right we're here What's that? Oh we've been to Battle of Britain House What's the next one? Couldn't do that one. The old workhouse, it's on the main road. Hang on. There we here is.

Pegasus. It's 339.1 meters away. Yeah. It's just over there. So we go to the bottom of this field then? See, we need to go this way. Yeah. Wait.

That way. That way. You need to go ahead. Give me a minute. You've got room for my Yeti in your bag. No. Just that one eye. No.

Mate, stop. Why? I don't understand why you can't. Why you have to fucking palm your shit off. I've got no. No. Deal with it. Right.

You've made this ugly. You've made a very ugly scene happen. I know what was up until right now. A lovely upbeat podcast. I don't understand why you can't get it in. Trater. I don't shut up. How did you?

understand how you've managed to make... It's like a magic... Because I brought a fucking picnic or whatever. Just try and make things nice. Why don't you put it in the other bag? Like you had a big bag, you could just carry two bags. No. It's just taking you like 47 minutes.

It's not. It feels like it. Well, you can shut your mouth. How about that? I will. How about that? Right. I'm going to get my pack up.

I've got loads of space in my bag. Please. No. because I've got electric stuff in here and I don't want leaky drippage because it will they're not waterproof them it's gonna have to carry it like a man

no give me the rubbish and I'm gonna put it in there right okay do that then just don't forget to don't accidentally throw it away dickhead you are dickhead that's all I gotta say I hope for the sake of our relationship

we find this fucking cash and get the fuck out of rice slip fuck you well I'm having a lovely time come on 30030s I just want to make sure I've got all me gubbage haven't I got me phone that's important got my wallet yes

cameras in the bag I've taken it off my chest mount now so we've got to go this we've got to go round or we could go through here I guess we're so curious about your chest mount because there's going to be cool footage on the internet

foot with it in it we've got to go this way all right sally fourth I am Paul Gannon The very best of a man I like to march the best way that I can Round the nettles under ferns

And through the thrushy brush Oh I love Paul Gannon so much Come on everyone, you know the words I love Paul Gannon He is the very best I like his socks and shoes and pants And lovely under vest Come on poor Gannon

and we love you true and nice. He shits himself all day and night. Stinks of shit. He's got a big old asshole, and it shits out all the time. It shits out poo. It shits out fucking slime and fucking wine. And it shits all over everything

and up the fucking walls. And it all stinks of shit. All right, there's no need to be mean. Right, so just... Look, that's like a conchery there. Yeah. I'm enjoying the... Right, we've got to go in this direction.

This direction. We'll come to a path eventually if we can just make it through all this. Right, off we go, see it a bit. We'll come back to you when we get to the geocash. Can you see these comments? Oh, hi. It's all stuff in my mouth, though. Yeah.

Right, yeah, just going to head up this way. Oh, I have a horrible feeling. We're not going to find this one either. No, I just think this is not the... We need to find a path. that's just to... I think we're in my throat. I think we need to go to the pathway, which is this way, then we'll get on.

Right, bye everyone. I've had a big cough now. Now there's water coming out of my eyes. It's all greasy. Oh, there's all nettles this way. Oh no, I'm not going the nettles way. ozway oh look at this this is bad news right we're going to go the long way around because i'm not going with my shorts through all that right blanby oh dear something threw in my gob uh heli something that flew in my gob update we i we went in the wrong direction we couldn't

get back out of the way we were and we went down and then we came back and now we're in a shade of a wood but there's a main road you can see it so we're not too far yeah we just got to get out and then we're good so we just got to go this way keep on going this way yeah gonna go around the tree i've just i you know what eli shouldn't have bother with geocash it's just put a spoh oh my head i've been doing it because you keep hurt myself i always hurt myself nature hates me and i give it so much love So we're just crawling through old woodland now. I think we're still in Ritelett Woods. Yeah, we hope we've been the old time.

Here's road. That's good. And then I think we're just going to find this and then just go home. I'd say that is a little bit ambitious at this stage. What? What is? No, I think it's going to be... I've got hawthorns in my neck.

Oh. I got cobwebs in my knickers. Frilly knickers. ladies right okay right now we just got to reach

the main road safely is the gate just there we're all right just up there you why are you

why you going that way the gate's here is there is there is there no gate oh there is a gate

no there's a public one over there yeah we'd have to climb that I reckon yeah road gate I'm sweating

so much so much. Anyway there's a gate just there we're gonna cross the road find the thing and then head back to the Lido go home that's our plan now because it's all gotten ugly we're both a bit too much drunk and drink and I'm having little kind of a faux horror vibes at the moment. Oh look mate there's some interesting old dead architecture. Yeah well gate that's a whole gate What you do? Why are you standing there? I just want to know why you standing in the shrubbery?

Dickhead. Why? What have I done? I don't think we can get out that gate. We can get out of that gate more than that gate. I mean... You just walk onto the road there. Can we? The fence ends just there, yeah?

Oh yeah. What do you want to do? Go home. I want to go home. I'd like to go home now, Paul. No. It's been one of the hottest days of year. Yeah. It's been fun on it. I mean, in places.

Let's just go home. I think we're both. Fuck this geogash, yeah? No, I want the geogash. I want to be least to say we found one. It's time for you to look at your device. Look at that wall. Over there.

It looks like an old castle wall. Look at that. That's cool. I'm going to take a picture of that. I think that's cool. I wonder if it was part of the old ground or something. I don't know. Right.

Brick, ow, brick, ow! I've got sweat. Structures before here. Yeah. Oh mate. What? It's like a little embankment there. Like it would have been a park or something at one point maybe.

It is a park. No, but you're like a more cultured. Maybe. More landscapes, I don't know. Let's just go around the fence. They've got a fence, but you can just walk around it. We're going to do it now. We're going to get it out now.

going to get it out now it's just up there we'll cross over see it's just there take a picture of that please hang on come on what am i taking a picture of oh that does it just goes nowhere it's not even a door it's just oh no it's not it's up there right hang on we're going to come back to you we're just going to sort it out we've got to cross the road first so be carefully like there's no traffic that way but there is this way right we'll be right back right we've walked we've walked up the road somewhat and travel to Pegasus is 14 meters away up here. So you see, hint, two hands up or maybe three details. This cache is situated at the Pegasus Crossing, which I presume is where we are right now. There's a crossing here. I don't think that...

Pegas is crossing, yeah. Oh yeah, for horses. That's right. Well, that's we take a picture of that so I know. This is a picture, a silhouette of a man on a horse. Yeah. Which can be, is that Pegasus? Yeah, no, half man half horse, isn't it? No, that's a centaur. Flying horse.

Yes. Yeah. Is it a flying horse? Anyway, it's basically a Pelican crossing redesigned to accommodate horses in their riders. It is two press buttons instead of the usual one. The first is set at the normal height for pedestrians and the second one's higher. Yeah. What's said, isn't it?

There's the normal one over there. Yeah, over there. So you can ride your horse and press the button. But where's the fucking cache? Well, hang on. The red and green illuminated icons, yeah, we get it. According to the Wiki, these crossings are primarily used in Britain and Peru, of all places. The road is a busy one, so please take care and be aware of traffic.

Right, so it's somewhere right here near the crossing. Do you think it's actually in the two hands up or maybe three? I think it hands it means the side. of the horse doesn't it because you measure it in hands yeah two hands up or maybe three well where would you put it is it behind no it's on this side see but it's just here somewhere I see a fish can in there a what a can or something is that it I don't know reach in there that looks like it Tesco maker Tesco mousse I think it's just dirt It doesn't say

I can't find it. You're not going to find it? Oh wait, it's taking it to a YouTube video. Oh, it's just a generic video about geocaching. What a load of shit. Of course it is. Back. Hint.

Two hands up or maybe three. You see, I would suggest it would be up here somewhere. Oh, mate. If you just fuck this off? What to say you? You're sweating, like. Yeah. So are you. We're both drenched.

Oh, there's a breeze. There's the breeze. Oh, there's the breeze. Oh, it's the car's going past. We'll just get the breeze. Go on. Yeah. Um, anyway, we got close. We came here. It doesn't matter if we find it, does it?

We are the world's worst for your cashes. Where is it? Where is it? I don't know. Two hands up or maybe three. I would have put it by the Pelican crossing sign, but I think the crossing sign but I think that might be a bit dangerous and illegal and there's a box up there but that looks official and it says it's right here but I don't know doesn't say if it's in a fence

or whatever I check the notes maybe someone's found it and gone it wasn't there it was there logs disregard the hint it's more oh hang on they've taken a picture of it so it is that light I was right but they're all showing pictures of other stuff See, it's that. It's a little black box. On top of... Yeah. No. On top of... what's that yellow structure? Poke around in the leaves, around the host turned up the container, but minus the magnet on the back. I put it back where it belongs.

Oh, it's gone. And that was a few weeks ago. That's gone. It's gone. Someone's at it. Oh, it's obviously a magnet then somewhere. Right, well, we're going home, but that's another problem now. Because I don't know how we get back from here, easy. You get a cab.

Look, where's where we are? We get a cab to ride slip or whatever. You get an Uber right now. No, I'm not fucking doing that. Lazy prick. How do we get... Hang on, let's go. I'm going to go home.

I'm going to see how it says go home. So we can get the 3-1 bus if we walk a little bit. I'm not getting going back to yours. I know, but I am. That's where I live. But you're going to have to go to Northwood Station anyway. Maybe. I bet you it takes you.

It's best there's 3-3-1. Who knows? Uxbridge. We've got to do a nine-minute walk. Who knows, Paul? You're a wanker. Ruining this. It's just lovely day.

Actually, I'm just sweaty now and tired, and I want to go home. I feel quite ill as well, just for the record. I feel quite ill, Eli. I feel quite nauseous. I don't think I'm going to be sick, but like all those different flavours and stuff. Back down that hill we go.

What bus did it say, Eli? Did it say a nine-minute? Can it walk to the 3-3-1? Are you happy with that solution? Bust to Northolt, Metline. Why are you going your own way? Because you've been... Come on, mate.

Let's not end this walkabout picnic on a low. All right, we've had some horrible drinks. All right, we've been bitten to fuck. All right, we haven't really gone anywhere. We'll receive anything. And, all right, so we haven't found any geocaches or made a real effort anyway. and all right

it's been too hot to do an episode but what an adventure there's more fungi yeah that's a big boy I bet it's dangerous I'm not eating it right let's walk for a bit

and then we can sign off I don't see a puffball I don't see those much in the way have you don't see them have you seen them before right yeah they came around my actually

the day all right Paul I was like all right puffball come on Fotties on England's playing they are playing tonight are they

Well, best of luck, England. This will come out after, obviously, so I don't care what the outcome is. Do you have any parting thoughts before we head to the bus stop? I really don't. I just need to... Are you done? I'm getting stung by these nettles pushing out from it. Look at my legs.

They've been slashed up proper. I only have. Well done. And my face is literally pouring with sweat. At least we pushed ourselves a little bit today. A little bit. We did mostly sit down. I mean, it is that kind of weather that you don't want to be...

Do you know what I mean? Yeah. You'd pass out. This is exactly the same here where we did the walk in the woods and the rain. It's just we're now here in the summer. Yeah, but we've seen more different bits of the woods. Oh, that's maggots, that smell. I didn't need this.

I didn't eat that smell. That was something dead. Yeah, yeah. That's a dead thing. My dad used to fish. I know what the smell of maggots is. That's the smell of maggots. Squibble bog.

There must be something like I've spent it. Because I've smelt it on the way up as well. Yeah, right. We'll go in the bus, bye. Right, we're at the bus stop, reservoir road towards Northwood Station 3-3-1. So we're literally going back the way we came on this bloody bus.

So Eli's wiping his mug and thrown all your shit out, are you? Good lad. I'll keep an eye out foot bus. And look, there's where the Lido starts just up that road. until we've come full circle. So at least we've got something to show for it. Some kind of narrative complexity.

My Yeti stinks of Bree, man. Cheesy Bree, Yeti. We've got all over my Yeti, man. Well, don't bring cheese next time, I think is the tip there, in it. Especially in a flimsy cardboard carton. Where's me wallet? Here we go. Good.

So we're going to get on this bus now and head to Northwood Station where we're going to go our separate ways and we'll do a wrap-up. of the things we've learned today. Arno, what's I say, Arons, at the Six Bells? Arons, how do you pronounce that? A-R-E-N-S. A-R-E-N-S? It's a pub.

I know, it's a pub. I just want to know what the word A-R-N-S-M-E-N-M-E-N-G-A. I'm going to Ryslip station. Yeah, it's on the same route. Yeah, well, I'll be getting off a different point from you then. Why are you getting off at Ryslip? Because I'm going home, and Ryslip's quicker for me to go home. Does this bus go to go to?

to Rye Slip Station? Yes. Well then I'll just get off there as well. I don't believe it does, but we'll find out. Ride 10 stops to Rye Slip Station. Right. Okay, and we were both going to Rye Slip Station, yes? Mm-hmm.

And the bus should be here any... He's coming here now. I've literally ready to go. I can see it. I saw it coming around the corner. You watch this, he's going the wrong direction. He's the right bus, wrong direction. Here we go, watch.

Here we go. Thank you. Bus all to ourselves. good times he thinks this bus is going to Weislep. It's not. Eventually, Eli found out that this was not the bus he wanted, but it's the one I wanted. So I win. We're getting off here, mate. Here we go. Getting off now. Hello. Look at that. You see that? Oh, Eli.

Oh, Express. I love this. Here we go. Do you see that name of the place? My Well-Being, M-E-I. someone's name, my way, well-being. I love this stop because it's got all like the laundrette and the little taxi rank and everything, you know? The dentist right opposite the station. Is this closer to Arrow on the hill? Yeah. Than Riceley?

Two stops, I think. Oh, really? Yeah. Okay. Can we find two things, Paul? Yeah. Well. Can you put some money on my oyster card?

Oh, yeah. All right. And can we go get a soda? Or water. All right. Just up here. Thank you. Is there a shop?

Did you see a shop, did you? There must be. Alright, should we do that or do you want to sign off now and end the episode? Because we also need to sign off for the video thing as well. But is this it? Are you done here? Are you done here? Are you done here?

Are you done here? Are you done here? I've got fucking bug in your hat. You got a dead bug in your hat. Do I? Yeah. Right below your puma cat, whatever it is. I think it's a bug.

Is it? Oh yeah. Fuck him. And that. Anyway, they're dead. Look, see? Express dry cleaners, mate. Northwood dental practice. Shoe repair. Massage, reflexology and tie therapy. Not a lot of them look like they're...

What? There's one to let as well. Yeah. That one, the shoe repair stuff looks over. It looks like it does its business. So, what have we learned today? Eli, have we learned? Not much.

It was too hot, really, to do an episode like this. I maintain that I had some fun but honestly now I'm sort of Is this all the worst walkabout do you think? Yes Do you think?

Yeah easily We didn't even apply to What context We didn't find anything Or do anything Or go anywhere Yeah We just sort of

Guess this is ambling We've got dehydrated In a circle I mean Rice Lipwood It's amblin We did ambal Why are you walking off

We're not thinking Fuck sake I want to wrap this up And you keep walking off Why? We've learned nothing, we've achieved nothing, we are nothing. You're the best at Steph. Oh, thank you.

All right, that will do. We are outside Northwood Station. He's going to get a drink. I'm going to go home with him. It's all time to go home. I've got a cat to look after because he's probably been in the sweatbox flat. So I need to go home and look after him. And then I have a lovely shower and clean all this filth off me.

Because I feel like I'm covered in bits of insects and brambles and spicks and spocks. So, thank you. Cheapshow.com. You see pictures and videos from this episode there. Patrons will see a video diary version of this. It's hot pipe. It's fucking hot. It's like kettle hot almost.

Put me off now. And lovely people who support this podcast do so via Patreon. If you'd like to join them, go to patreon.com forward slash Cheap Show. Give what you can, but please only if you can. And if you can't, just help spread the word. That's simple. Leave reviews and shit. Thank you.

Live tickets still on sale. Get them whilst you can. It's going to be our big. 500 at the end of August 23rd and that's it really me and Eli now just going to get a soft drink and get a hard train home final thoughts there's nowhere to get a soft drink there's got to be oh no yeah you're fucked unless there's a corner shop around that corner do you want to check it out say well we'll find that if there's anything around the corner if there's not we'll end it you're walking past a little calf northwood uh lee garden classic chinese

Little calf that, I'm sure Eli's happy with that. It's not open though. I know, but you know, you can admire it for what it is. Textbook. That's a textbook one. There's a Pizza Hut. You could go in and get something from Pizza Hut, maybe. Maybe they might send you a sell you a bottle of pop.

What do you expect? I expect the fucking shops to be open of a fucking evening. It's 7 o'clock. Who cares? In a small village. It's not a big. It is. Rice up to a small little village.

Still a small little one. Anyway. We're not in Ryslet. We're in northwood. No. I know. That's why we should have gone to Rizelit. There'll have been loads of plates open.

Such a can. I said we should go to Rysel. I didn't. I was just go, my thing said, go to North up because it was like a closer station to the Harrow one. Well, I was thinking about me,

wasn't I? That's the main thing. Why, do you want to go into Pizza Hut? I don't need to. You do it. Just go in and ask for a drink. Yeah, there's nothing around the corner. Go get a drink in Pizza Hut.

I bet they'll sell your bottle of pop. Go on. All right. say goodbye bye everyone bye everyone we're going to do an indoor episode next week

that's what we should have done this week thank you see you next week