CheapShow - Ep 493: The Boys Of Summer 2: Amber Ambling (Stereo)

Episode Date: June 26, 2026

(Stereo Version) Whenever the UK gets a sniff of hot weather, Paul wants to make sure CheapShow is getting the best out of it by grabbing the handheld recorder and convincing Eli to head out into the heat. This year, Gannon may have pushed his luck a bit too far. A few years ago, they headed out into the sun for a boozy bunk off episode, and Paul wanted to recreate that this week, but Eli (rightly) thinks it’s a bad idea. It’s made worse by Paul’s insistence to do a bit of geocaching when all Eli wants to do is find shade and eat fatty food and drink. To say that nothing goes smoothly, or to plan, is a massive understatement as the Cheap Chaps trapse around Ruislip Lido and the nearby woods looking for SOMETHING to go right. It’s another Summer Bumper Walkabout Episode and you are welcome to it! See pics/videos for this episode on our website: https://www.thecheapshow.co.uk/ep-493-the-boys-of-summer-2 GET TICKETS FOR Ep 500 LIVE Cambridge Junction (J2) August 23rd @ 4pm https://www.junction.co.uk/events/cheapshow-podcast-live/ www.patreon.com/cheapshow If you want to get involved, email us at [e-mail] For all other information, please visit: www.thecheapshow.co.uk Like, Review, Share, Comment... LOVE US! MERCH Official CheapShow Magazine Shop: www.cheapmag.shop Send Us Stuff: CheapShow PO BOX 1309 Harrow HA1 9QJ

Hello everyone. Once again, it is Cheap Show Time. That time with a week where you get your fun and your locks from your two favourite Cheap Show lads. And I'm starting this week, fucked off. Because we agreed me and Eli to meet at our destination Ryslip station on the Met line for our walkabout today. 12 o'clock, midday, which we can get lots done. Guess what? He's an hour late. So if he's just coming on, here he is. Here he is with a stupid pair of fucking sunglasses on and stupid fucking hat. He's looking, he wants to say something but he can't now

because he sees me. And he knows I'm recording, so he knows Cheap Show Gannon's on now, not friend Gannon. So from the off, he's going to be on guard. So let's just see what's the first thing that comes out of his mouth. I'm not going to say nothing. It's going to point the microphone at him, See what the man says.

He's going to be coming through the gates now, I'm sure. Yep, here he is with his stupid fucking out and stupid fucking... Anyway, he won't listen to this until he hears the episode, if he even does that these days. Hello. What? You've been going on and on and on about how much you hate me and shit, right?

I think if you listen back, you'll be bitterly disappointed. I was actually like, hello, everyone. What a fun day we've got planned for cheap show. Oh, I can't wait. and is my best friend Eli to join me for another rom. I don't think if I listen back, it would be like that, Paul. Come on. Well, that's all right, because you never listen back, do you?

I do listen back, especially the beginnings of episodes. I usually listen and then I think, oh, I wish Paul would shut up. I fancy Eli, I wish Paul would shut up. I'm going to chop that bit off and put it right at the end of the episode where you've long since tuned out. So, you're going to apologise, first of all? It was not my fault. Would you still like to apologise, though?

I'm sorry I'm late, but it's not my fault. Yeah, well, you did say you left later, because you were busy preparing. Listen, feel the weight of this? Feel the weight of this? Can we compare weight? I'll put, oh, let me just get a hang of your bag. Put it on the floor so I can get a good grab of it.

Here we go. Yeah, that is heavy to be fair. So drinks and stuff. Yeah, all right, well, this isn't, and as heavy, but I will let you. It's still pretty heavy, because I've got like cameras and shit, and I've got food and drinking here as well.

When you said there's a cafe in the, you meant, You met a shop. Okay, a little shop. We can go there because we were going to go the high street, but because Eli's an hour left, I've struck that off the list, so we just get on a bus and go straight to the Ryslip Lido,

which is where we're starting our walk. A little bit, and then get the bus a little bit down once I've bought some bread. I want bread. Can you get it for me here? I've got the pick, no, they can't get bread here. Right, well then, hello everybody. Welcome to Cheap Show, another sunny walkabout day.

It's not just sunny. I want to say, let's just check the temp now. Right. Yes. And in the shade here. To be fair, I thought it was going to be much worse than this, and there's still a little bit of... It seems to have been revised downward somewhat, since last night, where there was storms. Because you were all pissy pants and the squeeze a lot. Oh, look, it's going to be too hot.

It is too hot. It's 31. It's 31. That's nothing. That's not nothing. Climate denial. For a man who's got an LA's frame of mind. Who likes the sun.

It's not that you're a climate change denying. You actually just puts you in a different complete character when it's up here. And you feel like you're in L.A. or whatever. It's L.A. Paul. You're going to stop smoking as well? No. No. Not that much L.A. Paul. So it's hot.

What's the mission today, mate? Well, okay. So I've got the... Basically. Yeah. I do have some picnic stuff. Yeah. I've got some picnic stuff because we were sent a package a long while ago now by one of our listeners, Laiton.

So we're going to dig into that. But effectively, I've got a hat for me too. You should wear your hat. I'm going to put my hat on. when we get to the Lido. What's the UV index? I'm going to check the UV index. It's hard.

I know our stock's up. It's the NASDAQ down. No, the UV, no. The UV is the light. What about the Hasdac and the squirty? Has that gone up, is that gone up three points? Has Kemp. What are you talking about?

Kemp sex. It's going to get hotter. What did you say Kemp sex? In the next few hours, it's going to get hotter. Yeah, it is if we've got to do some Kemp sex. Mate. You do some KemsX? You die in the first two hours of a Kemsex party.

Yeah, but what a great episode of a podcast that would be. Paul Gannon howling at something you can't, no one else can see. Oh, mate, have you even, look at France. Have you even seen that before? No. It's passed red into the white. Jesus. White hot.

The pollen's high. Have you noticed people coughing and spluttering? No, I haven't actually. And just as I was getting off here at Rice Lipp, Paul, I thought, oh, I wonder if Paul's had any more fart on him or anything when the way over, right? And then I thought, maybe not. And then, just as I walk up the stairs, someone vomits, like, splack a track. Like, splatter.

Yeah. This guy has a suit, a young Asian man in a suit. And it's that kind of, I thought, day drinking, what's happened there? Yeah. I hope he's all right. But it was just like, you walked on, didn't you? So you don't care that much. It's a black a check. I'll tell you what happened to me on the training.

So I was sitting on my own and across the way from me was two very pretty ladies. Okay, very pretty ladies. However, I wasn't staring at them, whatever. But the person who was staring at them was this huge, big, huge, big obese guy who was staring at them. Right? And then as I was like, it's all a bit uncomfortable

and you could see that they'd noticed on the tube and you could see if they'd noticed, yeah, that he was looking at them a bit too intently. And so anyway, he gets up off for the stop he wants to get off at whatever it was, Ryslip Manor.

But before he does, as the trade doors we're about to open, he nudges me and goes, ugh, eh? And then points at them. And then they both look at me and him and then give me a dirty look as if I was like,

I hate that. I was like, no. And he just went, eh, and then just walked off. It was just grim. Yeah, they like to include other people in their degradation. Do you know what I mean? Like, can we get on now then? What are we doing today? Well, you keep interrupting me with your stupid little sad facts about how hot it is for your precious baby skin. Right? Today, we are going to start off at the rice lip lido to just, we're going to have a picnic, basically. Effectively, there's no agenda. We don't have to be anywhere. We don't have to finish a map. Well, will you shut up and let me explain?

And I thought along the route we've picked, we would go geocaching along the way. So no agenda, no race, no time to beat, no map to complete. It's just we're going to wander and get a few of them as we go. I've got my little sticker printer thing again, so we can print out pictures and put them in. I've got two rubber duckies and a razor crocodile. Great. So we can already put some stuff in the geocash boxes. And then also, someone, Hannah, who is a Twitch streamer, and they both listen to the podcast.

They recommended a... and herself, both of them. No, I can't remember her boyfriend's name. So sorry when you're listening. But they sent me a link to something, which I've added on my phone. Do they Twitch stream together? I don't know. Why are you asking stupid questions?

They're unimportant questions? It was just like someone sent me something, and it's got an app called Go Jauntily. And Go jauntly goes, here's where you are, here's some nice little walks you can do in the area. So it helps you find the little roof. So we can marry this with the Geocast because I've got that app as well.

Very nice. And that's what we're doing today. Okay, calm down. Well, we're an hour late. Now, do you think there'll be a shop where I can buy bread quickly on the way just now? There's a little Tesco Extra or whatever it is. Sorry to be a pain. Can we go there? Well, you continue to be an ongoing tumour to my aspirations.

Oh, oh. And on that thrilling, upbeat, fucking note, let's begin this year's summer. A tumor on my aspirations. I love it. Let's begin this year's Cheap Show picnic. Here we go. Yes, it was, raining when we were here last. Look, hello, everyone. We are here.

Hello. Hello, everybody. Oh, that used to be, that wasn't ice cream and ice cream shop with ice creams in. But it's closed. It's now just a brick outhouse. Anyway, we're outside one of the entrances to the Ryslip, according to the bus, Lido. Yeah. I don't know.

I thought it was Lido. No, I think it's Lido. Is it just because I'm northern? Lido. Lido. You died Lido? I don't know. Maybe we should look that up later because I'd like to know.

I don't know how to say it, basically. Do you sit them in? Lido, Lido. Paul and Eli finally got to the place. Rise-lip Lido. What song's that? Oh, Gino. By a...

Well, that's all right. Anyway... Do you want to tell him about the person? Well, as you know, we are loath to... punch down on this podcast. So that gentleman that we're about to talk to you might have a mental health issue. But we came onto the bus to travel to the Lido and then there was a guy sitting on the chair. A sunburnt guy. A white sunburnt chap on the chair with a bag. It was playing music out of speaker. Very loud kind of European 90s rave pop type.

It was just horrible, horrible music and he gave me a smile that pierced that gave me chills. It was one of those smiles that was full and big, but like empty. There was nothing behind it. And I think that's what really upset me about it. A sociopathic smile, if I've ever seen one in my life. Almost begging, a smile that's begging for some kind of interaction, but knowing that it's actually the monster underneath. You know what I mean?

Again, you're demonising mental health again there, I think. I think you're just taking things a bit out of hand. All I will say is, when you got off the bus, he put on a England-coloured cowboy hat. A St George's flag cowboy hat. Which actually made me warm to him more, I have to say. But now he's just over there with his music blaring out of his bag in the park. Listen, I didn't mean to demonise people.

Well, you are. You are. I demonise you. Exactly. So you shouldn't demonise me. That's mostly because you're incompetent and you have suffered from arrested development. So that's why I demonise you. Oh my God, Paul.

Anyway, we're at the Lido. And look how beautiful it is today. Look at all the water in that. beach over there with the climbing frame pirate. It's called, like, what? You're saying I'm a child? I'm like a child. Is that what you're saying?

I mean, to use a horrible modern parlance, you don't do adulting very good. Like what? What haven't I got? Kids? Like, no responsible. You're not a responsible adult. I can't ask you.

For example, I'm just pulling this out of the air, to bring a blanket to a fucking show. That was, I was literally a look like 10, 15 years younger or something. Yeah. And you're still not any good. That was still before the, beginning of the

no it's just on the cusp of the podcast I think that because didn't we talk about it during the early wet hot summer episode whatever it was like episode 10 years of fucking go but anyway anyway we're at the Lido and so just to

bring you up to date again we had to waste an hour of our time waiting for Eli to buy bread I didn't in the end you didn't even buy bread no what did you get Ritz's crackers oh that's right I have a brea spread Yeah.

But I'm seeing the doctor bowed it on. She's... I'm just going to walk away. It's going to walk away. No, last time we're at the... No. Come on. No.

And also, Paul, I have a chicken parfait in my bag. Right. But the doctor says that... No. But they're both things that you put on a cracker. Are you going to taste either of those today? I don't know. We've got a lot of stuff to nibble on.

I don't really want your... You like a chicken parfe. Chicken liver parfe. Chicken liver parfe. No. No. don't know what a parfait is. It's like a patte.

Yeah, I'm not a big fan. You're not a big fan. Not a big fan of patis. What about a, you like cheese though. I like some spreadable Presideante brie. Yeah. You'll have some of that? Yeah.

I've also bought gherkins. Right. I've got cheese slices. Great. I have olives. Great. I have, um, hmm. Mmm.

Hmm. Hmm. Is that what he said? Why did he say stink like bud? Because he saw a man with a microphone and thought, I've got to say something because I'm an immature match. I'm going to fucking have him. No, he actually looks quite muscular.

I'm just going to move on. All three of them are quite muscular. I bet they'd be all warm. Now, we didn't come round. We did another podcast. Can you remember what that was called? It was screaming Mary Woods or whatever. It was the episode we did before Christmas last year, into the woods,

where we started over an ikkin. We went through here on the left-hand side and then took a shop left through Mad Cow Woods or whatever. and that's when we heard the spooky woman moaning. It is lovely here, has to be said. It's calm, in it? And we're going around the other way, and we're going to have a lot of shade

because there's a big forest there, basically. That's why I'm not too concerned about being out in this weather today, because I'd say there's a lot of shade along that route. We're going to slather up. We're going to get around there and then stop somewhere and have a picnic, yeah? Well, we can start. First thing first, let's have a picnic. Yeah, and we've got a drinky or two.

Boy's got a drink or two. I've got you a special desperado. Yeah. Passion Fruit, Flavor. a desperado. Oh. I didn't know that such a thing existed. Yeah. See, I'm always on the lookout. That's, that's adult. I do something that's adult, isn't it? I'm always on the lookout for new... You use your eyes to look out things. No, for new things that I know will give us content, Paul, in this endeavour, this shared endeavour of a podcast that we do together, you know?

That's like an adult. But I can't ask you to... Bring a sheet. 15 years ago. Build a website page. Learn how to do that. I can't ask you to do the social media accounts. You don't ask me. You never have asked me. That is ridiculous. To build the website? No.

To give you any kind of fucking... No, I'm not accepting. There we go. Here's the thing. It's like, oh, you do it all the time anyway, so why would I bother, excuse? No, but that's not... You never even offered.

You've never offered. No, I don't make websites. Neither did I until this fucking podcast, Nimrod. Yeah, which you... Yeah. Well, fine. Well, guess what I had to learn. I never knew how to edit a...

podcast until I started doing this. You want me to start editing the podcast? It's a bit too length for that now, is it? See? It's just this weird. Just say this is what I'm saying, I can't trust you to do an adult thing for this pod. That's not true at all. It is true. Could you write PR for the Episode 500 live show?

Of course. Go on then, do it. I need it next Wednesday and that's not even me to joke. A press release. Alright then. Write it up about the show who's in it or the information about the venue, blah, blah, blah. I need three versions of it. And that's That's not me taking the piss either.

Why, three versions? What are the versions? Like a 500 or 200 and a social media one where it's like 50 words and loads of hashtags. We'll find out. Fucking learn. I don't know what all this could have been. I mean, this Lido's changed over the years anyway, so this might have been a feature at one point of something. Why don't you just get chat GPT to do it?

Because I like the human experience. I don't need chat GPT to fill in the fucking gaps. Why don't you get chat GPT to do it? That's what I was thinking I might do when you ask me to do it. But you'd still have to rewrite it. You can't just churn out whatever it gives you. That's why everyone else does. No, it's not.

Again, people who can be an adult wouldn't do that. I'm going to take a picture of you for that. I just don't. Don't move. Here we go. There we go. And now I'm going to take a lovely picture of the Lido and its water and all its beautiful grandeur on this day.

Because I am an adult. I mean, every week we do this. Every week we play this dance. Play what dance? Play this dance, play this game, take this chance on a dance where I always come up tops at the top because I'm better than Eli Silverman. See, there's this whole wood ear, by the way.

That's nice. You can feel the coolness as soon as we come in. Step into the shade. Well, let's have a picnic. I want to drink and smoke and be merry. You said there was no fucking agenda. The agenda seems to be belittle and degrade endlessly, like a dysfunctional lady.

Because I'm an adult who comes up with content for a podcast, and that's what I'm doing. What have you brought? Here's where we are, by the way. I've brought a better attitude. Have you? Yes, than you. Christ.

Where are we right now? We're about here, aren't we? Let's just go in the woods and get drunk. Fuck this. Come on. Wait. So what we're going to do, mate, just so you know, is we're going to go round here,

all the way up here through the crochet, and then we come out there and we keep on going, and then that's where we can do geocation. That's a good mile up that way anyway. Yeah, but it's mostly... Okay, fine. Shall we? pop into the woods here.

But let's, shall we, should we walk up there before we sit down, like get up there? Well, we can do whatever you want. Oh,

there's a rail track? Yeah. Oh, the rail track goes all the way around because I remember seeing it last time we were down here, remember? Yeah,

at the end. Yeah, and it ends there and then goes all the way back on itself. It goes around the Lido. Oh, there's a Mr. Whippy van there. Yeah. 10 pound for a tin of Coke.

Why not? It's about that. It is. I reckon it's £1.50 for a kind of coat. Still too much. Right, what's this called again? A kissing gate or something? What's it called? God, ow.

This is Rizelit Woods. National Nature Reserve. History of the Woods. Remnants of a broad-layered woodland which has covered much of Middlesex in prehistoric times. Cleared for crops in the middle age. It's funny. We're here.

Parkwood. Cops Wood. See, we went to there. Mad Bestwood is where we went through last. time but we're going up this time not on the other side of the Lido we can expect to see trees birds fungi insects and wildflowers that's all good i'll try and tell you if you see any of those things i mean trees obviously i can see one or two i can see one or two trees but birds i don't know fungi wildflowers and insects if we see any of those point them out to each other i do i

do i love a bit of wildlife yeah me too especially one of those um those toll stools um do you know what what they're called? Flyer Garrick. Flyer Garrick. I thought that was an Irish airplane company. Hey, call Flyer Garick. Hey, what I'm, don't go on that Ryan here, no. No, dear.

Come on and fly a Garrick. Ryan knows nothing. If you like the drink. If you like the drink. Have you seen that video yet where the guy's like, hey, I'm here to talk about the drink? Is it a problem or not? I'm going in this pub.

And then there's a woman who's looking in the... the pub. It's like from the 60s. It's like a 60s piece of BBC footage. Okay, yeah. And so the... Asian white kind of thing. That type of thing, but the reporters outside going, the drink, is it a bit of a problem or not? I'm going in this pub to talk to my maid

Declan about whether it's a problem. And then there's this woman behind him who's looking in the pub. And she goes, eh, yeah. And she runs off. And then you can hear the cameraman go, God, don't run off, love. Basically. And then the clip just continues. Do you know what I mean? Nowhere's mentions it. Can I just say, I would love to have heard the

production meeting for that where the producer sat the presenter down I went so I'd like you to talk about the rise of drinking in in London at the moment or whatever it is it's filmed why do you want me to do it sir well you know you're Irish are you exactly but what are you referring by that though sir well you know he like the drink don't you and also afterwards we're going to send you on a story about spousal abuse because you think you'd be good for that as well mr Irishman anyway that's my satirical take on the BBC's anti-Irish racism yeah but Are we still allowed to mock the Irish by doing their accent? Or is that...

If accents are a tricky business when it comes to mockery. French, Welsh, Scottish, Irish, funny, Italian, Nigerian. Oh, I can't touch it. You can't touch it? Chinese, just don't. Germans are a funny one. Indian or Pakistani? Yeah, you can't do them, really.

But you know, the Irish have had it hard. And they're ginger. I've had it hard. No, you haven't. No, I've had it up me, hard. No, you haven't. You're one of the most cock-fearful people, I know. Cockfear-feet.

You've got cock-shock. Oh, there's all music at the beach. Bum-bab-b-dum. Because you know what I love when I go to the beach with my family? Having to hear the fucking awful music taste of some fucking knuckle-dragging prick. And I'm saying this out loud because of the fucking massive fence between me and him. You don't know he's irresponsible for the music. I just hate it.

I just hate that audible intrusion. You know, I hate the idea that they go, I don't care. I'll blame. Oh, God, I'm so old and complaining. I know. I've got to stop. I think in certain contexts, like a beach like that where there's space or a park, I'm okay with it. On public transport, I don't think it's good.

And I think I do kind of have less ire for someone who plays Dub Reiki on a speaker at the back of a bus than someone who just literally has got their phone on full volume is looking through tick, You know that, that complete, because at least the person who's playing the music is actually trying to, is doing something. It's annoying and they shouldn't do it, but it's not just the complete negligence of any kind of thought for another person.

Do you see what I mean? Yeah. Right, we need to pick, we're just walking and there's, I don't know what we're doing. We're going around. Where are we going? I told you. Where do you want to have a...

Shall I grow up? One of us has to grow up here, Paul, and take the realms, the helms. Take helm, take aim. Take aim. Someone's thinking about Nick Helms, Cork, and it's Eli. He's thinking about... Do you think?

I get the impression it looks like a wizard staff. Bedouled. Nobly. Knobly and bedeweled. It makes wishes come true. Where? I've heard it say. We are going skirting, like you say, with a fence between us,

past the artificial beach, because the whole Lido is man-made, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. We looked into that before, so they've done a nice artificial beach. It's a large beach. It's great. What a lovely part of the world to live in. And it's really not... I mean, it's mid-week and school's still in, I guess. So it's not very busy, is it?

Not that busy, no. Someone else playing music. I mean, there's an old pirate ship playground thing. Pirateship playground thing. I just want to... I need to put me harness on at some point so we can film bits of this walk. We're heading north, aren't we? So do you want to go all the way north and then...

I think as soon as we find quite a nice place, let's go... Because I need to unload. I want to put some suntank cream on. I've got adult stuff like that taking care of my skin you know in this. Yeah and then

we can look at nearby geocaches maybe and check the route out and all this kind of gubbins but ultimately we're having a loosey goosey wonder today on one of the hottest days of the year and we're having lots of fun.

How long has this been? Fifteen fucking minutes. It is a long time because we haven't done anything of notes have we? We've just been an old man complaining. Yes but that's the contradiction and paradox of knowing me isn't it? That's the joy.

Yeah, joy. And the fucking Rubik's Cube. The word joy there, doing a lot of heavy lifting pool. A lot of Laura, Laura, Laura, Laura, Laura, Laura, Laura. Laura. Laura? Laura. Lifting.

Lola. Lifting her skirt. Showing there, Glunge guns. Clunge guns. Can that, go on, love. Show us your clunge guns. Oh. The glue gun.

Oh. Anyway, right, so, okay, we're going to find a place to sit down. We're going to sort of a little picnic in earnest. And if he's not around, we'll find someone else. To start it in. Thank you, yeah. So we're going to carry on walking along this little backwards route for the park around the outside of the Lido. Nice shade.

Nice shade. Oh, here's another sign. Yeah, right. Perhaps there's a bigger, that was Ryslip wood. Is this a bigger sign for a larger wood? Maybe it's connected to a bigger wood. Let's have a look at the sign. All right.

and then we'll have look at the sign off. It's just been 15 minutes. It's just a waste of time, isn't it? Everything's a waste of time. There's a little water pool where you can dance in the spray. I don't go on the beach, I'm going to see. I know. I mean, there are little other places you can go to.

Yeah, same sign. Yeah. Keep going around. Was largely grubbed up in the 1608. Groped. Get what it says here. It was 10,006, it became a park for hunting wild boring evidence of a massive massive earthquake boundaries can still be seen.

Earthbank boundaries. Stop, stop. It didn't say grubbing up either. It did. What's that word say? That says grabbed up. Thank you. But that says Earthbank. Yeah, no, it does say that now, but I read it as earthquake. Evidence of the massive Earthbank boundaries.

So that's like old man-made stuff. Yeah. Beyond lay the huge common wood, which was grubbed up in 608, Leithing Copswood enclosed, and Poorfields and Haste Hill, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. blah blah blah blah blah there was a reservoir built in 1811 to feed the canal of the great junction grand junction canal oh look in the middle ages bayhurst wood was part of the manor of moorhall and belonged to the knights hospitalers of st john they were like in the in the hotel and bar trade the knights hospitalers yeah that's what they did they had a special cocktail they did it was called um a crusaders fizz and it was like served in a, like a helmet that they coated with like a pig's

bladder to make sure it didn't leak and then they put lots of... I've got a joke for you, I've got a joke for you. I've got a joke. I've got a joke for you, Eli. It's a comment of furze joke, you're going to love it. Oh, so there's a bit... No, there's been a new news corporation set up to look into Trump's

manhandling of the reflection pool. The reflecting pool, yes. The news company's called Algea Zera. Al Jazeera. Al Jazeera. Thank you. And that's my joke. Can we sit down on this plank?

Wood. We haven't gone very far at all. Look at that log from here. It looks like a cock and balls. Can you see what I'm talking about? It does look like a big cock and balls. Do you see what I mean? Like a dog's cock and balls.

I recognise that. Yeah. Like a big cock. Thank you for seeing me on that. Big dangly balls. He's going to take a picture. Right. We're going to start now and come back to you once we've settled.

Right. Just so you know, just an update. Rather than a short, walk near the top where we could find an imaginary police piece of grass for Eli to put his mat down on. We've now walked around the whole fucking circumference of this fucking Lido. We're passing Haste Hill, which is on the mini railway route around the thing. To stop for the railway route, Paul. Look, there's all nose. Look at that though with the boat in the swampy swamp. That's very prosaic, isn't it? But the problem is everywhere you want to stop by to put

your mat down is swarming with mozzies. Literally, every time we stop, about three or four land on my arm and stop biting me. We've got a We've got to address this situation. We need to get out of here. We need to get out of here and then get onto that path where there's more greenery so we can put a mat down.

Ah, oh, it's in my ear. Let's get out of here, mate. We're in, like, mozzie alley right now. And there's gnomes. There's... And there's gnomes. And there's gnomes. And it goes right into your ear

and it gets really loud all of a sudden. Yeah, yeah. It's really interesting. Take a shot of that boat then. But, oh, I'm getting bitten. Fuck me. I put some... some roll-on stuff.

And I don't think it's even worked, but I didn't put... Yeah, but I put some on already. I didn't bring it with me. The problem is, that just doesn't seem to be very fucking effective. Thank you. Because...

You need to do that soon. It's just that... We haven't really done anything on this walkabout yet, and it's been two hours, and you just waited an hour of that by being a shit man. A shit man.

Sorry, I just needed to eat and stuff. Look, we're in a bog, getting attacked by Beasties. Yeah, he's going everywhere. They must look. at us these mozzies as we go by and they're licking their lips they can smell all my sweat they're licking their probiscuces they're absolutely delicious to them yeah you probably look like a sweated ham or something to them that's not a thing but i mean i bet there's some

i bet you can sweat ham and eat it how would you sweat i'm going to look this up in a sauna or something kind of a steam bath type thing you know just like you know get it hot where its chakra is. Look, mate, there's a little trolley of a coal and a little kind of a stock thing. You know what I mean? Where you can imagine them putting rocks and things.

Frank? Yeah. Mine carts, they are. That's it, mine carts. I bet they use that to put a gravel back on the rails. Fucking hell, man. This is your fault. Look, ah, and I'm sweating like a bastard. I have to do it now.

Well, that's where we crossed before. Oh, Mother Mozzie, let's get out here. It's more open away from the everythings. Yeah, I mean I was going to go that way, but there's, we can go this way. Yeah, all right, go on, go. Yeah, right, we've made a little detour off the path. No, I know. This is where we walked last time when we were heading towards the Mad Best Wood or whatever it was.

So let's go. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, fuck. We're in the sunlight. Yeah, but we need to, we're not going to find shade in this stretch. There's a tree just there. What about there? That looks good, doesn't it? Yeah, no, there's net was all over the place. They're not nettles, they're ferns.

Well, then we'll ask her if we can move them out the way. Ho, ho, ho, ho. I'll put the sheet down. This is good. Yeah, all right. All right, then. Base number one. I want my booze.

How, what, my boozy back, boozy back, boozy back. Oh, my boozy back. And then I could put my harness on, so we put the 360 cam on. We're going body cam footage today. So if you want to see the video version of this, which is like a kind of filling in the gaps between these bits kind of video. then that'll be on a YouTube site eventually, but exclusive to patrons initially for a little while.

So I'm going to put my harness on and why I'm a 360 to my chest. That's exciting. And then Eli's going to spray me down. Oh, it's a roll on like mine. Oh, that's probably better. No, mine's a white bottle. This is better.

I know, the one I've got was prescribed by a doctor. Apparently it's that good. But it's also like you might catch fire if you have a cigarette near it kind of. Yeah. Yeah, is it highly flammable? Do you want to get some on? Yeah, put it on my arm.

Just, yeah, on my forearm. And around where they bite around. You don't need to coat it. You just need to, like, splash it on. There we go. What a roll, yeah. And then do you mind doing the front and back of my leg? No.

mate honestly this is probably as good as we're going to get it for our first okay okay okay and then last leg last leg please love yeah right right up yeah get it right oh darling why you down there suck my chaud longle right okay that will have to do it all it it needs is to they need to smell it and be aware of it and go away from it so you don't need to coat it in yourself you want to put it on your back of your neck all right fine okay we found a place to stop we're gonna chill and then come back to you and then I'll tell you what Layton gave us for our picnic and what Eli got us and we'll have a little nibble all right see in a bit I said see in a

bit trying not to do that this time out right let's unpack it that was Mandrake Paddle Steamer with I don't know what the song's called Pandemonium what's it called hand-a-normonium did I get the name right Mandrake paddle steamer or something yes is it I know it sounds like something I've just made up now but no it they're called Mandrake Paddle I mean there's another fucking... I don't talk until the microphone is in your mouth or towards it. Like now, here we go.

There's another fucking three minutes of this. Alright. Now it's time to be a podcast. Would you like to do a podcast with me? We're in the sun having a picnic. We certainly are. It's a very hot day. Do we think it's 40 degrees now?

You check it. Well, I wreck it. I've had a margarita and a couple of jazz binds. Yeah. What's the temperature? temperature at Mr. Silverman. Some Thelonious Rochester's. Yes.

Yeah. Well, what about a Count Basie Marlborough's? Ah, ha, ha, ha, ah, Bop. Yeah. I've got an Oscar Wild Harmonica on the go. No, we're here, Paul. We found, we managed to avoid the most, actually, I'd say, one of the most ferocious and apparent attacks by mosquitoes

I've endured in quite ever. ever because usually you're in a swampy boggy area or something and you think oh there's I'm getting bugs on me but then a lot of them aren't mozzies but this instance they were all mozzies weren't they you could tell them you could feel the proboscuuses entering your flesh we and so we managed to get I brought a roll on and it says it's extreme or whatever it's from the 90s so it's extreme repellent but that seems to have done the job to a certain extent right and funnily enough Eli find you extremely repellent as well

Ha ha ha ha ha ha no it is a lovely lovely day it's only 33 degrees I mean it's not as bad as it could be the sun is out here we are so hang on let me read you this letter then yeah we've had a little pre picnic uh sojourn but now let me read the letter because I'll read out everything that he brought us and then we can pick at it throughout the show all right I don't care about your parfait do you know what it's not really the right weather weather Parfay, big fatty, chicken fatty parfei.

Globby Parthew. Hello. Hello. No, no, you're not Globby Parfe. I've told you. You're a doppelganger. You're Blobby Barbe. Well, then, if I'm a doppelgagger, I am then doppelblah.

No, no, but you've got a different name. That's similar, Bobby Blah Blah Blah. Hello, everyone. My name is Blobby Blabley. And I'm here to support my good friend. Bobby Parthay. Hello, everybody. Lobby Parfay. Sorry I thought I was Bobby the other just now. Bobby's the

that that sounded like a wolf. It did. Sound like a miracle. Did you hear that? Oh black butterfly bamb a lamb. Oh black butterfly blamble lamb. We might have had a drink or two. I've had me margarita, got a cracketan. I am sober as a judge so let's, shall we, can we start this section by sharing the the desperado I got you? Yeah, let's have that now. Can I do you the letter while you prepare it? Because I want to get this out the way, just because if I don't, I'll forget. Right, hello, Paul and Eli, please and fly is enclosed. God, boy.

Blie, glad he's not. Blebe blithe lo. In the Quintley bowl, a hobbleedito. We've gone all Elven. Yeah, we've gone all, Stanley Goodwin. Godwin. A biddly hay-ho and a daddy-haegro. Just hand breath and fucking read it in English.

Dear Paul and Eli, please find enclosed in this box of boozy picnics, snack pack containing miscellaneous ship from Tesco, Naples and British Airways. I've been meaning to send you for some time. This could be all out of date. I've had this box for years now. Well, we'll just have to play it by mouth. I like to play it by mouth. That's what she fucking gave around.

Yeah, good stuff. She was around here. She said, I'll play it by mouth. It's all over me. Do you taste it? It went, nah. Nah. Right, so in my bag, and as I say, we'll get out when we want to.

where we've got a limited edition Golden Shirachi Doritos. We've had those before, but they're quite nice. Yeah, they're quite nice. They'll be alright if they're past their sell by. Yeah, that's fine. I'm worried more about the black garlic dip that's coming up. Sorry, spoiler alert. That is the next one, limited edition, Stranger Things.

Doritos black garlic dip. This is incredible, but the extra shelf space ended before the stock was all sold, so reduced from 250 to 150 to 150. I can't get enough of this shit. Best Doritos dip ever, says Leighton. Well, I actually have a jar of this, Lake. at home, which I've been trying to hoist. I've tried to get it onto the pod at some point,

but for whatever reason, because you know what, to be honest with you, it's hard to get things past Paul. He's very erratic. But what he will, what he'll, I know, I know you see he's there, but what he does, it's a whim with him. So we didn't get the black garlic on for some reason. I doesn't like things that associated with Stranger Things. So maybe that's it.

But we'll be tasting it to, I want to assure you, no matter if it's out of date or not. If it doesn't smell like it's rotten, I'll be tasting some of that today. It's a half the mouth test. Yeah. Right. Next is complimentary arachidi.

Arachidi, three corn nibbles from our recent trip to Naples. We got a free snack at every bar. We drank at a lot of bars. I told Sam, who I believe is his partner, to put these in the bag before, and before I could say why she said,

is it for Paul and Eli? Well, it is. Next, we got Tesco Lemon Zero times two. Probably shit, but Tesco Slough reduced thousands of these from 60p to 27p. Hope it's worth it. So we've got some lemony drink in there. Well, that's going to come in handy

because I didn't actually bring... I've got an iced tea and that's the end of my... You've got some water left, right? Yeah. And I've got... Well, there's also... Hang on. Come on, mate. I don't know why I said like that. Like I was apologised.

There's also barbecue steak strips found in the reduction section from 250 to 138. We got Belizeu snack mix, complimentary stacks from British Airways. We converted six years of nectar points into BA Avivos and flew to Naples and Club Class for 33 quid each. Totally worth it. At the lounge at 4 a.m., got to gobble a fry-up and coffee

before moving on to champagne, quadruple gins and tonics, and a large ngroni, all for free. All right, mate. Excellent. That sounds like a lot of fun. Then we sat on the seat A1, the Cilla Black Seat. I don't know. I've never heard that before.

What's the Cilla Black seat? Had to look it up? Maybe she has a favourite seat on a plane and it's A1. Or maybe she liked the band A1. And neck champagne all the way there. We landed at 10 a.m. I was shit-faced. On the return flight, there was Limoncello and Prosecco.

And we pocketed these nuts for you. Great. Then we got two Jack Daniels and Coke zeros, two tins of that. Sorry, Paul, I know you don't like zero. I'll make do. And then a complimentary eucalyptus sweets and then from the Naples Hotel. What are we going to have now?

What do you want? you want you can have whatever you want mate I fancy a lemon drink and the steak strips please let me have a little look for that right now you talk well you'll have to let me hold it you don't need to have it too yeah that's about so I have brought my cooler we were both complimenting each other earlier on how prepared we were I've bought here's the lemon drink oh it's actually quite cold why is it cold because I've got it in the fridge all last night and then I wrapped the bag around it so it's reasonably...

That has retained some chill. I'm actually quite surprised myself. I'm going to get that onto my ice. Is that sugar-free as well? Yeah, zero. Yeah. It's not going to be anything great, but it might be when it's gold. And I'm going to dig in now to the picnic bag I got.

Beef strips. I don't want... No, but... No. I want the beef strips. I'm looking at these beef strips. Oh yeah. They're going to be rancid.

They're all in bubbles. wrap there's beef strips classic bbq steak strips are you like i'm not taking pictures i've just realized should i yes um i want you to check there's a square a rectangle containing the best before and is it so used by your best before 150327 oh that's next year you're all right that's great there you go so i bought a cooler bag from uh long dan oriental supermarket I did the new long done. Oh, he's not long down anymore. He had the reduction surgery.

Oh, bless him. He's been after that for a while. But they've, they, it's a nice cute. I think you'll agree, Paul. It's a cute little cooler bag here. Yeah. And it's called E.B. That's the logo on it.

Then it says, feel the fresh beats. But beats spell as in musical beats rather than beat roots. So my first, first thought was maybe this is a specialist beetroot bag. It's possible, isn't it? But no, because it's beats as in the Beatles. and let's dive in here and see what we've got in here we've got gourmet olives oh no way that

Paul won't be having any of those little bag of peanuts bull I'm taking a picture of your gourmet olives where they go over there I got it we've got some I'm not taking a picture of nuts classic KP dry roasted dry roasted crem debris creme debris stuff is banging Have that on a ritz cracker.

I'm in the move for cheese on a hot day. I'll be honest. I don't have much of an appetite, honestly. What's in there? Gherkins. Oh, that's a stinky bag, in it? That was like my old tabitha.

What else we got? I'm going to slam these opener later. Smoked muscles in sunflower. You are fucking gross. You brought everything that could fucking give you the shit. Parfay time. No, I don't. want parfe that's just fat in a tub look at that it's great it's not for me that is this is nothing

i would consider eating on a hot day i'll be having some later but let's try this lemon drink and we're going to have a beef strip and then we're going to have some of this desperadoes no share it with me oh you want to share it yes oh no i'm fine i'm happy to share because you're you're hogging all the booze i need to get high you sunk that moth your little your private little moth i'm not going to do anything about it won't do anything. You're fucking coward. Keep drinking.

I want you to get to sex pest. You fucking, I'm all, I'll get there. I'll get there right now. Right. Boing, I'm there. Shall we get the rest of the ice out here, Paul? If you want. To have this desperado, yeah?

Here's my little... We're having a picnic, we're having a bowl. We're having a picnic. We're up in the wall. Eli brought some ice in a thermos. Very clever of him. Very wise. Two big cubes coming out now, especially moulded for the day.

Oh, it's too big for the hole. But how did it get in then, you ask? It was at a different angle. A different angle. It's like a fucking... Oh no. It's like a puzzle box. Hey, plop.

Plop. Plop, plop and you just don't stop. Right, I'll open this up because I'm in charge of booze. What is it? This is tropical daiqueree Desperado beer flavoured with... Quari and teens, passion fruit and lime. And it says rum flavoured. Rum flavoured, mate.

You know what else are rum flavoured? Like tiramouseloo and that's it in it. Is it Timmer Saloo? Tiramisu. Tiramisu. Timuramisu. No. What's the one with the rum biscuits and the cream on the top?

I thought that was tiramisu. Maybe it is. Maybe it is. I don't think it's rum. There's rum flavoured desserts. Yeah, but I think that's specific. specifically rum, isn't it? Paul, let them know about the last time we drank a bunch of desperadoes out in the wild.

That was many years ago and we did our fistful of desperado's episode or whatever it was. And it ended with a thrilling gun battle in a fort, a medieval fort. How great is that? Listen to that episode. Paul, I don't believe we had one of these at the time. So I'm a completest in tasting all of this crap. I'm not holding out my sticky fingers. My slippery fingers can't do it. That's what I'm having problems.

Oh, watch this. A little bit more. A little bit more margarita, Pracatan. If I only knew what I had to do to make you make you love me, make you make you love me. Who sang that? Don't know. Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-ha-ha.

Who do you think sings it? Come on. And he sings real mad. It is Tom Jones. Yeah, well done. You know what year? What song are we talking? I don't know.

I haven't made it up. It's a real Tom Jones song. I think it's called Make You Love Me. I make you love me. Make you, oh yeah. Desperado time. Cheers. Give it a sniff, sniff.

It smells very... It smells like sick and passion fruit. I'm getting passion fruit. I think passion fruit has some of that stuff that's also in Parmesan cheese and pew. Can I just say my favorite phrase? It's a little bit belly rennet, in it? A little bit belly rennet.

I mean, desperadoes generally have a belly rennet aura. There's a belly rennet aura all in the air But here we go, let's taste it It's beer after all There we go I was using the bottle as a microphone Then I nearly tried to drink the mic Oh, I got it. It's not pleasing

Oh God, what is that? It's passing through it and lime, mate It's a favourite beer It's very difficult to drink It's horrible It's horrible It's really kind of like gassy and

Like, diluted. It's like diluted, but also kind of like lemon-y, lime. Very disappointing. It's not good. It's the bitterness at the end. It's the bitter. Yeah. The bitter finish.

Yeah. You know, I know, it's watery and then you get a nasty bitter taste. Bitter finish. Not enough citrus brightness. It's like bitter. And the passion fruit, like, is a lingering aftertaste rather than an upfront kind of fruity flavour. Very poor.

Very poor. Bad, Desperado. Hang your heads in shame. Every product you make, apart from the original, is bad. No, original is nice. You like the original. I was finishing your sentence. It's everyone but the original. Dot, dot, dot, dot is bad. That was my contribution to your grammar. You're your syntax friends. So what we're going to do now is finish off our little drinks here. Then I'm going to lock on with my body count 360 footage. And we're going to start. got geocassion and we'll see how far we go along the route. I've got a, oh, green bug on me.

Green bugs are fine, you can give it a little tap and it will fly away. No, but I'm saying what? We saw fungus, fungi, fungi, insects. I'm trying to spot every type of wildlife that was on the board, the sign, the rice lip forest sign. You haven't seen any birds yet. No, they're all fucking in the shade going, fuck this.

Fuck this. Oh, bug on, aphid on my hat. Aphid on my hat, I know, I know. It's an aphid Oh no I'll have a serious I wake up in the morning There's an aphid on my hat

I tried to shake it off And then he says I love none of that He flies into my face And then he gets up in my nose He flies down in my pants And then in my underclothes I try to grab the little bug As he goes in my cock

And then he bites it on the tip And makes it all this rock A flea on cock Flee on cock Now that's awful Classic sides. Oh yeah, get that done. Ah, that's a lovely smell.

Ah, I just don't like barbecue. Just give me meaty strips. Tender. Tender. Is it chewy, sweet, or is it kind of nice and textured? Nice and textured, nice. I would try one, but I just really, I do not like barbecue-flavored things. It's too sweet.

I don't like it. Don't you dare do it again, Leighton, is what I'm saying. Eli's happy, though, and that's all that really matters, isn't it? High-protein snacking. Yeah. Right, anything else you want to add before we finish this bit of picnic off and then we get on the road again?

At some point I'm going to eat those muscles. Yeah, well, you can only eat the ones we find at least two Gio caches. Really? Yeah, and then that's your reward muscles. I didn't know Eli was a muscle man. Anyway, that's just me trying to wrap this segment up and I can't think of a good out

and I've got my drink and I've had all my margarita which is 15% by the way. So this little dingling is going to get a wingling and get fingering your bum all. No, I hate that. I hate that. I take that out. Now, leave it in.

Teach me a lesson. I feel it's all right. Take it out. Leave it in. Well, seeing as you've got one whole 15% are ahead of me, I'm going to, lucky one of these buzz bombs is one that you won't like. We'll do that later then. Bent banana.

Oh, that's going to be. That's going to be really, I'm going to be really ill. I'm going to be really ill. I will. I will. I'll taste it. That's my one. Yeah, I'll taste it.

Let me taste it. Why will you let me taste your banana? You'll hate it? I will let you taste it, because I will. Can you not put it up to my mouth when I'm trying to eat this? Right. Bye everyone. We'll see you when we next decide to record.

Right, we walked for about 10 minutes and then Eli saw a bench and had to have a sit down. so have you felt suitably sat? Well. Hey? Hey? You look so knackard, man. I don't. I don't look knackard.

You really do, mate. It's just hot and sweaty, and I've got a sweat on. But in my head... Your eyes are sort of like melt. Like, they're like, uh, boat at the side. I'm sorry, you just look really hot and bothered. I'm ready to go, mate. Yeah, because I am rare.

to go. I've just had some dry roasted pie. Now, I can't remember what we've spoken to on the camera and what we've spoken to on the old

poddy wadi dude our day. Are we going to get to the end of this one for? Do you want to fuck? Do you want to get nasty? Not now, no. Let's get nasty. Eli, I'm at that stage

that you were looking forward to. I wasn't looking forward to. Randy Gannon's unwanted nudges. How about that? No. Not I know about that. No about that. Anyway, I've turned on the Geocash app

and we found a one to our, It's called the Battle of Britain House. It's called the Batten of Britain House. The Battle of Britain House. You didn't do the research. Do you want me to do it now? About what?

Why the Battle of Britain is associated with this part of the world? I can look at the app and it will tell us. Do you mean to do that? Do you want to get walking as we do it? Yeah. Oh, we'll have some content, she fucking says. You're right, the northern working man's club comedian comes out of here. Shut up.

mate where my glasses oh in my pocket god i shat myself then there's the one thing i do not want to happen yeah i don't want to lose my glasses they're expensive are they well i don't want to pay for another pair but they're prescription because of your weird eye they got weird eye weird we're weird we're here we go you can't the battle of a bit vath i'm not drunk the battle of britain house once stood here demolished in 93 after being mostly destroyed in a fire in 84 it was once used by the United States military to train agents for undercover missions in Occupy France joined WAAWII. Wikipedia goes on to say, after the war, the house was dedicated to the Memorial of

Royal Air Force squadrons involved in the Battle of Britain and became a residential cottage and headquarters to the Ryslip and District Natural History Society. The house was destroyed and fired 84 and demolished 93. Wow. So it's a ruin. This is our first cache. Someone says this because they put it up there. A small-sized black plastic clip lock container containing a long.

containing a logbook, pencil and some goodies from my children. But I don't know when that was. I've got like a rubber ducky. We got a rubber ducky. Yeah, from my Royal Caribbean cruise. Oh, yeah. And I've got, like I said, a little four piece. There's a hint as well here.

It says behind a concrete slab. All right. So we'll find out. Well, we must be about 10 minutes off right now. We've got to get going. So what are you going to say? First right. First right, always right.

Second left. Oh yeah, hang on First right, yes it is Yeah, now we're on the path This is beautiful Now we have funnily enough Because we were just saying on the video I've got body cam on

About a porcity of oaks But now there's a lot of old oaks We just were on the bench mill Look at these two here Yeah, look at these Beautiful They are, I think one of my favourite British trees

British trees You know the one, the toad tree In the heath, that's an oak Yeah, of course Oak, Kay, you like them mate you're going to need to pull up your game a bit I'm not and I'm saying that as a friend I'll I'll fuck your eyes out I'll fuck him out now it's sexual violence so we've gone from violence to sex to sexual violence yeah that is the natural progression that is a to B with me yes

a to B it's what we d if you want to come home with me get used to the ABC I'll let them know because you're really really flagged now this is a lovely little stretch of half gravel, half sand pathway we're going through these ancient woodlands up in the rice slip, neck of the woods. I'll have you up your rice lip. How about that? Up your rice lip.

Yeah? Yeah. Good. Up your rice slip. That's a beach. I reckon that's some kind of birch. A birch. Oh, you birch.

Mate, if you're just going to be factual, I'm going to be actual. I'm going to be actually funny. That means the same thing. Yeah. No. Factual and an actual mean the same thing. It doesn't necessarily actually.

Actually, facts can be, you know, skewed. Not true facts, are they? Yeah, but what a fact, what perspectives. What does actual fact mean? It's an actual fact, isn't it? It's true, true, doesn't it? It's like the earth is round. That's an actual fact. But you'll have people fight to the ends of the earth to say it's flat.

They're cunts. Sorry to anyone who's listening. Oh, you call my people's cunts. Are you flat earth? I'm a flat earther. Are you pivoted? Yeah, I've decided I'm going to be fun and be a flat earther. You're washed up.

a comedian. Flat Earther, lovely Earther, sometimes I think you're a dream. You can't be a globe, it's impossible. You're earning your flat disc hovering in space. Why don't you come and with me? Yeah. Thank you. Paul Gannon is here all week. We need to be looking for paths. So we had a path going off to the left yet. We haven't. No, not yet. Have we taken the right? Not yet. Oh my God. It's going to be the right. We done that. We done that? I need to look at the map again, mate. But let's just go on a. Sometimes I think you're a dream. Recenter. Hang on.

Oh, we missed it. Yeah, yeah. We walked right past it, didn't even know. Let's go back then. Well, uh, hmm, uh, hmm. We could actually take this right here. Let me have a look at this. Because we're going that way.

We've gone past that right left, right. Now we've got to go up left, right. So we go all the way up then. And then round. Yeah, but we have to retrace our steps. Not really. We just go to this junction, up the junction. We're still looking for a right, but a right.

right that goes off up and back and round and then we can follow it all the way around that's my logic all right fine daddy oh a little bit a little bit funny this feeling of fat inside it's because uh i like to sing fine be your singer i'd like to teach eli to sing cover him in come i'd like to bend him over my couch and reveal his dirty bum i'd get some tissues out the box a wiper's dirty bot and then I'd sell it fourpence two everybody in my local shop it's Eli's Rea how'd you think about the deer what was the what there was a department store or something and used that song oh look about dick no it's coke won't it yeah oh woodeny bench oh yeah so I like to teach the world to sing it and drink coke in perfect harmony wouldn'ty

bench barra let's have a picture of you next to the woodeny bench My camera lens is foggy because of heat. Look, I've got my pipe in my hand. Don't do that. I'll edit it out in software. It's really musty, clear. Look how foggy my camera is. Well, wipe it.

No, it's on the inside, isn't it? Because of, um, such and things. That's a design fault. No, you're a design fault. I'm not. You're an idiot. You're an idiot. I've got all the zingers, mate.

I'm on fire today. You're on fire. You're at level of, no, I'm not that you are. I am, you are. Yeah, basically. So I am you is. Yeah. Is you is or is you ate my baby, Eli.

I ain't. Is you is or is you ate my baby. A ruddley do-do, rudely do-do, do. Compliments girl on your case. Paul Gannon sings this whole podcast. He's going to put earworm after earworm inside your mind. How about this one? Open the door, get on the floor.

Everybody walk the dinosaur. Oh my God, that cheeses me out. It was a night like this 40 million years ago. Paul, Paul. A little cigarette picked up the monkey skull to go. Paul, we've come back round to another train station on the little miniature railway around here. Willow something it's called. Yeah, Willow Week. Willow, Willow, Willow, Willow, Willow Creek.

So I think we go up this public footpath here now and then go back on ourselves. Yes, that is right. Because if we go out there, we'll hit the main road and we do not want that. So we're going to go back up this way. Now look, we're in the sun. While I'm waiting for Eli to catch up, here's another little ditty for you. Don't push too hard, you know, it's like china in my hands. I don't know what that one goes like.

What else have I got for you? Eli, what other songs could I sing? It's a kind of magic. It's a kind of magic. It's a kind of magic. the bell that rings inside of me I took you all insanity

this is a kind of magic meanwhile Eli's puffing on some dirty herb pipes that's how professional he is oh Paul you're pissed up and you're talking shit look at him foggy little slut aren't you aren't you a foggy slut I'm fine Paul having a nice day

trying to be quiet haven't you you sing a song all right cheer us all up sing it now got got got she said and then they all went to bed got got they said now they have come up to bed bed bed bed bed she said they have come all the way down the stairs bed bed bed bed they said they said bed bed bed bed they said I shat it. In my underwear. That was a lovely song. Sample that, noise land. Had a resonance unlike all of your attempts.

Right. It's better. I'm just saying different, huh? At least it was different, huh? Paul, at least it was different, huh? We're on a lovely little bit of pastry. I think on Italian. Paul, it's a different, eh?

You're doing a weird Italian thing? It's a little way around it. Oh, go to this way. Basically, look at archers. It arches. What about it this away? No, not that way. That will take us back where we came, you numpty.

I think I'd go both for the same away. Except this will go a longer? No, this can't be longer because we're going to... I think this will go a longer. It doesn't do that. This is the path we need to stay on as it arches around to our destination for our first geocash. Why you say that?

Oh, I'll fucking lamp you. Why you say that? Because you're a cretin. Oh, there's a fence coming up. Do you think it's private land? That's it. Then we got the, I was right. Don't, you know what? Stop doing the accent.

Stop doing. Wacky Italian man. A, that's my thing. B, you do it badly. It is not in my fault. It is in your fault. You're gonna have another puff on your hash pipe, are you? Don't tell her. Don't take a picture of him.

It's embarrassing. And here we are, recording. He ain't allowed puffing on it. Can't get through the day without nulling it with the evil drugs. You be careful. You don't start a fire. Coffin, are you? Yeah, you'll be in one.

Yeah? Yeah, fuck you. Ladies and gentlemen, the troops come out today. Don't keep this bit in for it. I'm keeping it all in, mate, because I get to decide what happens in Cheap Show's reality. Jesus Christ, you're such a little tyrant with your little stick. And then you fucking...

Then you fucking lay it on me. I won't bring the pin on my... No, because then I get some freedom. But no, I have to be... be yoked about by the stick man and his fucking psychosis. Want to get anything else off your chest? No, later yes, but not now. You're all right.

You've purged yourself for now. Well, I think we're all right with this fence. There's a kissing game. I think we go that way now along this fence line. I'll show you now. Here we go. We're at a kissing gate. We're at a kissing gate.

Entering a deeper part of the forest. wouldn't you say based on this we go yes actually well hang on actually that tells us to go through the woodlands

and shrublands and I don't know if we can We're not that's you haven't got the right orientation Well no it just says recenter

we're looking at it That's exactly the way It says us to go now That way exactly You go on there Right we're going to go Through the kissing gate If we're through

The kissing gate Kiss and tell Hey you're Wedding for me Eli's coming through the kissing gate hiss and wait and kissing gate is the favourite place

wishing well by Terran Stratte Darby I think that's his best one do do do do do do do do do Is that the one that goes like that? Do do do do do yes Do do do do do do no I love that song Hiss and that and kissing down

A Geising Derry strange that pop style was fucking absolutely huge in Britain for like a moment wasn't it? Yeah and then do you remember that yeah no Terrence Stred Derby was the whole thing yeah right so we just go along this fence line then basically or close as

because i think we should stop talking now and just crack on okay cool and we'll come back when we get close to it yeah when we get close all right see in a bit oh fucking hell seriously i'm this is why you need to listen to me more well you don't say anything that closes things off say something and we'll be back with you once we found the geocash guys thanks for listening be right back okay saying This is our first geocash as a broadcast of the year, isn't it, Paul? Yeah, of this year. Yes.

Now, it's saying it's this way somewhere. The year. I don't know. Do we go in here somewhere in these woods? Well, like it looks, come here. I think we should keep edging. No, look. This is somewhere that way.

In the bushes. We're in the bushes somewhere. Into the bush? Yeah. That's what I'm saying. It's behind a slab of concrete. That's what it said, yeah. I think I can see something back there.

Let's go and have a look. Yeah. Right, we're going in, we're also filming this at the 360 camera. Hold bear with us. Right. Oh, I'm actually a bit concerned about this. This seems to be... Yeah, but it said a slab of concrete in the hint, didn't it?

It looks like a slab of concrete. Does it? No, it's a tree. I can see the slab. Can you? Yeah, you can see there. Let's go round, out again and round. How do we do that, though?

Yeah, around there. Oh, yeah. All right, hang on. Here we go. you're going to go yeah because i've got cameron shit on so so he's gone the other route he's going to push on through to the other side all right and i'm going to go round hang on hang on hang on i am literally sweating all of my tits off right now oh my god oh where are you Well, I've got

This is not the right way for me, is it? There's a pole. Do not climb, it says. Pole. It was on the ground. It said, do not climb. Ow. I've gone the rock. I'm not there, am I? Right, where are we?

Why is this one so fucking... It's one of the best fucking geocashies I've ever done in my life. This is great. It's like fucking Indiana Jones or something. Yeah, but I'm wrapped up. Oh, you know what? The thing I thought was a slab. I can see it.

I can see the slab. There. See it there? No. Hang on. Recentre. It says it's... Yeah.

Just there. All right, I go then. You're going to have to go because I've got too many caps. Ow. Everything's in my mouth. What's that? That's not a metal slab. That's a...

Yeah, not that. This is not a good way. Round your way, round your way. What my way is. Ow! Up there. And to the right. Right.

You need a machete. Well, we don't have a machete, do we? This is really... This is the best ever. What you doing? I've got pricklies on my neck. Can you get them out? I can't see them.

Oh, we're on your bag. Can you wipe those away, please? Oh, hang on. Ah. Ah. I think that's it. Oh, that's all. Get down there. God, that's awful.

Right. Oh god, I thought this is going to be right by a road like a tree like all the other fucking ones we do. What? It's there, right? I don't know. That was some like metal gate, uh, plating or something, not concrete. It's saying we're going in the right direction still, but, oh, it's crossed my tummy with spikes. Oh!

Hate doing that. And you know what? I should never have suggested this. Oh, hang on. What's this? Yeah. You got it? Well, no, there's look.

There's like clay. bricks and there's a thing here. Oh, it says I'm right on it. Yeah, you're on it, mate. Well done. Wait, there's also a slab here. He found it. Behind a concrete slab, it says.

Behind a concrete slab. Oh, what's this? There's a hole in the ground, Eli. Be fucking careful of that. Look at that big hole. I nearly put my foot in that. Fucking hell. That goes right down.

It says we found it. but is it looking or? I thought it was here because there's all this shit but there's no real big metal big

concrete slab said it was all that way as well I'm gonna go over here again move away from that hole we should have come the other way this is an easier way oh mate I'm gonna

fucking sweat my tits off oh I'm gone what's this A concrete slab Quick, come here Look what I'm standing on Down there Yeah

So have a look under that slab See if you can find it Oh I'm actually having a real bad time Oh Hint Hint is behind a concrete slab Log

No but I can't see nothing What about this one Paul Try this one Got me a handful haven't I I've got my app and the recorder and the fucking camera. That's not really concrete though, is it? Is it? I guess it is. It's not here. We can't. We have to give up.

Yeah, we're going to give up. But we've come. What about that? That wedge of concrete into that slab. Does it come out? No. No. Well, you know what? We got here. And I think that's the major thing. We got here.

This is like a dream. We've gone nightmare. We're in the woods. I don't know where we are now. Is it time for most food and merriment? Well, we've got to get out of here. I find a patch to sit down. There's sunlight that way. I don't want to be in the sunlight.

I'm sweating me too. I am literally sweating like a candle. Yeah. I feel like loomier. You get no sympathy for me because I, yeah? Refer to what I said yesterday about there being a health alert. No, it's since I've put this fucking heat sun cream on because all of a sudden now my skin's like slathered. There's a, I was thinking maybe it was this concrete slab, but no.

No. You know what? Close enough. Who gives a fucking tits? Right, okay. I found it. I'm just going to say I found it. Hooray. Where do you want to go now? Post. Continue. Okay. It doesn't matter. Doesn't matter. It does. None of this matters. It does matter. We failed. It's okay. Sometimes you fail.

We'll find another one now. Yeah, we don't lie about finding it. There's another one over here. We still haven't achieved. Look at this one here. You haven't achieved Geochash 1? No. Right?

But I would say this is a Pyrrhic victory. No. Why? Yeah, because we got here. We found the spot. I've got a bunch of spiky things all over my back, of my neck. And I'm sweating and my tits off. I'm literally like my chest.

You need to take some fluids on. Look at this one here. What's this one? Please take some fluids. It's called. We need to have fluid, a fluid break. Navigate. The geosite is not fully downloaded.

Some of the waypoints may be missing. Either way, it's, uh. We need to have a sit down. somewhere wait it's this way we need to have a sit down somewhere okay fine okay we're gonna stop this now and find a place to sit down we need we need to now bye bye thank you for listening so far to the Cheap Show podcast I hope it's everything your heart decides to get a oh just go on doesn't matter never matters everything I do doesn't matter

Here, maybe. Right, we'll see, right, we're going to, this is always a failure. Bye. Idyllic is the word that comes to mind, Paul. And I had the added susson of pleasure from you hurting yourself in the woods. And saying, I want to give up. I want to give up. I want to cry, cry, cry.

I loved it. That is sucker to my very soul. Our very first geocash was an utter fucking washout. And my legs are scratched up to. fuck right look at that it was like a nightmare it was like a world war two theme nightmare stumbling through an old ruin in my head i could hear trying to get out of here yeah we there was a lot of there were a lot of different stone slabs because it was essentially a run of what they called the battle of britain house which was just a house that they built to

commemorate yeah we've said all this though we've said this already all right sorry done it anyhow buzz buzz let's get some footage of that i told you the wildlife what is it a crazy Is it a craven or a, is it a hawk? It's a hawk? Or is it a quest? I'd say a questra. A kestrel?

Fucking, it will do it. What if it came down and picked you up? Because it thought you were a tiny little mouse. No, it won't. Not that distance. Look at that fucking big dragonfly. Over there. If they bite you, mate, you're in fucking trouble.

They're not aggressive. They are. Yeah. The fucking, look at that. What is it? You tell me now what bird that is. It's a big bird. Not big bird from Sesame Street.

He's big bird from Sesame Street. Look at he's circling. He has like a white stripe. He does not the band white stripes. He's not listening to 700 day army or whatever it's called. A constral or something, isn't it? Or hawk, he's coming right over us. Yeah, he's going to pick you up, mate.

He's fucking eyed you up. Do you think he's seen something down there? Yeah, you. No, he hasn't. If that bird attacked me, that would be no fun for either of us. It wouldn't because it would come for you. Because you'd help me. you would

I'm just too busy film where's he gone oh that was one of the best bird sightings we've had on the podcast ever don't make noise I was gonna grab you no shut up

with your stupid fucking air we're doing buzzballs baby now I don't know what it is but Lion King which is a well established off licence

old school convenience store off license very near where I live I can see that dragonfly now this is like a little bird Yeah. The Lion King, they, for whatever reason, they've had a refurb and they've got all fancy lights and stuff. Hang on, the Lion King is a corner shop near him, by the way.

I know, but sometimes you don't make things very clear. You didn't need to reiterate there. And also, my arm was getting tired, so I had to bend it in. So I spoke to myself to take some of the pressure off. I can hold it myself. No, it's fine. It's right, here we go. This is what I mean about this shit.

I hate you. The Lion King. seems to have a very good selection of what I would call niche and exotic buzz balls and that's what we've got today to taste Paul today's the day's the taste I mean these are these are eight quid so a bit offing out eight quid each but I will be going through all of the exotic ones because I'm just like that I want to taste I want to taste every buzz ball it's curious isn't it now what's the state of our ice I'm not Bad, look. Cool.

Now, you've got, we're going to have this over ice because... Yeah, I've got a cup. I'm not fucking stupid, fucking idiots. I have been drinking water, by the way, for anyone concerned about my well-being. Don't you worry. I've been drinking plenty of water when we've been walking. So please don't email in to ask about how I'm doing. I'm fine. Just fucking stop. Get off my back. Right. Sorry, I got really ugly.

Now, we're going to share one. I've got an ice in here. So what's the first one? We've got to do both? You're going to drink because I'm going to, I haven't, I'm not as drunk as you because you had that fancy moth cocktail, you slurped down. Well, you have to throw half a way away.

You're not going to like the banana one, are you, Paul? No. Spoiler alert. Yeah, but odds are not going to like this one either for very different reasons. I could already, in my head, I already know that this is going to taste like bad, uh, bad, Baileys. Has my muscles broken open in the bag or something?

Why does it smell fishy? It smells a bit smoky. I need a wipe cloth. We haven't got any wipecloths, do we? Just used a bag. Fabric. Oh, I don't want to drink any of this. I just wanted this to be a nice one.

Already I've had an awful desperado, which has honestly turned me. This is great. I had a nice lovely margarita precatan. And hello. Now, this is buzzer. balls chillers. Well, they're not very chilled, are they?

Different from their cocktails. There's no fucking... This is a chiller. Look, it's got a picture of a biscuit on. Yeah, because it's called Nooky Cookie. Women founded, they're very pushing the feminist act. It doesn't mean it's not an awful product. Government warning, if you're preggers.

Yeah, don't drink it. Oh, look, it's got bourbons on. Pictures of Burbens. No, they're nice biscuits. Yeah. Nice, as in nice, the biscuits. You take photos of this buzzball. Oh, let's, you hold it.

All right. I'm not, just as I'm... Pleased to it. Come on. Right, tilt it a little bit. Yeah, three, two, one, click it. Good. All right. Yeah. So what are you imagining this cookie?

I just said. I said, I better taste like bad bailey's. That's my vibe off it. Big bad. Big bad, baby bailey's, yeah. Big, big, big, big, big, big, big, bad bailey. Big, bad baileys, babies, babies, babies, baby, baby, baby. Big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, bomb bay.

I can't get why I'm having the nail is you? Oh, there you go, you got it now. He's cracking it open. Pop goes the... Pop goes the weasel. Ladies and gentlemen. Oh, he hasn't made an ugly face with it. Right. Oh, it's quite thick. It's a chiller, not a... Not a killer. It's a thriller, not a chiller. That's enough. No, that's enough. Oh, I put it on my hat. No, it's very licquishy almost.

Oh, it tastes like the kind of cocktail you get at a theme park. And it's weird because it looks just like pond water, brown, pond water. Do you know what it's got in it? The first thing... I'm gone, I'm gone. Other than standard orange wine. What does that mean other than standard? That could, because there's an orange wine that they use in all shit cocktails to put the alcohol content in. Did you know this? Did you know this? Yeah, yeah. It's like a base for everything. Oh, I didn't know that. I thought orange wine was like one of these trendy new types of wine that everyone's drinking in Hackney or whatnot. Well, no, it is a little bit like that, but ultimately

it's like when people say sweet and sour as a mixer. It's like a generic thing they put in to give the flavor or the alcohol content. So has that lifted your expectations? No, I don't think this is going to be nice. I'm going to have a go. Fucking hell, that is absolutely fucking horrible. That's okay.

No, it's not. It's very sweet. Very sweet. It has cinnamon taste. Has a sort of baking cookie taste. I don't like that. I think that's not too bad, man. It's almost Christmasy.

Yeah. Oh, that's nice. Gingerbready. Yeah. Gingerbready. I like gingerbread. I just don't like this. Try it again.

You wanted to hate it. Try it. Try it again. I don't want to hate anything in life, Eli, but sometimes I just do. You just set yourself up for hate. I don't. Drink it. That is a fucking loud bike.

What's the need? What's the need for any living, fucking road-worthy vehicle? It'll be that fucking loud. I'm sorry, am I wrong to think that that's an unnecessary noise? We're turning into one foot in the grave, man. But I'm not going to be a wheeler, daedle-a-de-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da. Because I'm a wheeler, a dealer, a stuck in my ways. Cheers.

Cheers, Bob. Buzz bomb down there. Dip it up and diddley. Hey, one foot in the grave. Thank you. I'm doing all the songs this week. Get it down you. It goes nice.

No, I can't. That is so fucking horrible to me. That tastes of every. think Christmas fake. It's the ghost of Christmas fake. It's like pumpkin spice as well. Don't like, I can't drink that. Okay, I'll have it. Pour it in me. Pour it in you.

And you can have the ice. Fuck that and all. You're going to have to taste a banana one as well. Yes. Oh God, that's... Maybe you like the banana one more. Wouldn't that be a twist of fate? I still think this is going to taste like medicine. You know what I mean? Medicine, banana, medicine flavour.

Fake banana, medicine banana, fake. fake banana fake fake fake banana shake your father bake bake bake your mama shake your father banana father mother father take bake you bake hey please what can you stop i'm musical today are we going to chill out here for a minute yeah it's not even five at night no it's just chill out some shoes oh it's five it is five it is that late is that early not for us not for us not for us rock and roll boys the sun's still up and actually it's going to get a bit more pleasant now because it's going to cool a little bit isn't it there's a little breeze coming up You feel a little bit of breeze and that's nice. There's a breeze coming up the hillock.

Hillick. And a word that was overused by Jasper Carrot. Pillick. Hey! Come on. Pillick. Pillock. Oh, I'm Jasper Carrot.

Oh, oh, I'm Jasper Carrot. He did not sound like that at all. He does. He sounds like that. Hello, I'm Jasper Carrot. Like that. Something like that, isn't it? Oh no, he's Brummy.

Yeah. Hello, dear. I'm Jasper Carrot. Hello there. I'm Jasper Carrot. I'm Jasper Carrot Shut up What's wrong?

I'm Jasper Carrot Where's my phone? Where is my phone? I don't know It's right behind you No, that's a tin of booze It's somewhere nearby Because I saw you use it a minute ago

So it can't be too far I wouldn't stress it Or did I kick it in the lake? There's no lake There was Where is my fucking Ricky Lake? Do you want to call it?

Hey? No, I got it. It's in between my leg. Hey oh! It should have called it. You could have had a little bit of a ding-dong distal from your old man Gannon, eh? Can we get the banana out so I can stop this segment? Because I'm literally tuning out of my own podcast. I'm losing interest in the thing I create live.

What have we got? I've got loads. Do you? Can I have a sip? No. Because you've got your iced tea and all that shit. That's all I've got left. Well, that's about as much I've got about water, to be fair.

So we're both in the same boat, except I'm in a better boat because I've got water and you've got sticky sweet stuff. Got to go to the shop. Well, where is the nearest shop, hey? Where is it? By telling you find one, we'll probably be an almost home. Why wouldn't I drink Buzzball with me? I just did.

I heard you drink Buzzball with me. I just did. You didn't drink very much, Buzzball. You're a child. I thought you're going to get the banana out. Sorry. That sounded desperate, then. I've got your banana out.

Come on. Please. Please keep an aura out. I need it. All right, I'll get it out, mate. I've got olives. You're not an olive eater, are you? Oh, I'm not an olive eater or an olivetor, an olivet a son.

I won't have eaten olives till the olive-eathing's done. Isn't there another one of those... Lemon things, lemon drink? There's another lemon drink. Do you want it? I'm just thinking... No, no, you can have it if you want it. I'm just saying, do you want it?

Just in case, because it's 33 degrees, Paul. Yes. I think of a hip-all? Shut up. You're just, you're maladjusted. You're maladjusted. No, I am mal-adjusted. Thank you.

What do you like to know something about me? I sometimes like to punch dogs. He's doing, he's doing, um... He's mal. He thinks he's fallible, and he's all he's malleable. What?

What? What? Oh, your cream, your cheesy egg, your cheesy creme brie split. Oh, Eli split his cheese Eli's got a cheesy Eli's got a cheesy bag because you'd probably put it up the bottom didn't you?

You put your soft cheese on the bottom and then it burst. Oh, it really did. So now it's going to be all over your muscles. You're going to have cheesy muscles. I've got cheesy pickles. Oh, he's got cheese on his pickle. You monster.

You don't even have white, do you? Tell you what, the taste. I've got tissue paper. Do you want some tissue? Please, please. Please. Oh please I'll eat it. I just need to find it.

A taste of that breed, don't half clash with the taste of that cookie-flavored buzzball. Mate, it's not good. It's not good. It's not. It's what we're doing. Emergency. Hang on. I'm going to have to eat some of this.

Yeah. Should we stop, should we do the banana thing then? Oh, your muscles, are they leaked? Your muscles leaked as well. Oh, mate, you fucking monster. No. That's the cheese. I think it's the cheese.

It's the cheese. Give me the tissues. There you go. So there's the cheese all over your muscles. I don't know what. It's going on in there. But to be fair, the tin looks secure, so I don't think it's the tin. The tin looks secure.

I think it's probably the fats of the cheese. Oh, what about your comparfei for? What's it called? Parfay. The guy from state. That looks like it hasn't leaked as well, right? No, that looks fine. He was the guy from status quo, wasn't he?

Rick Parfay. Yeah. He had a chicken moose business. He was slathered and fat and all. And that was cocaine. Right. So what we're doing? Because how long has this segment been on?

Let's start. We're going to chill, bro. I think 14 minutes. Nothing but chill. Oh, you need to taste the banana. Let's just taste it. Then we can end. Right.

Just pour a little bit in here. Who are just a little bit? Who are a little bit more? Who are just a little bit? You know what I'm fighting for? This is a cocktail rather than a chill. This is called bent banana. Nooky cookie and Bent Banana.

Sounds like one of those British pawns. Just pour it in and I'll sniff it then. That's it. It's a bad banana. It tastes like that fake medicine banana make fake smell. But mentally I'm prepared for it. So... Down the hatch and pass the gums.

Look out to me. Here it comes. I mean, apart from the nasty banana bit. That's better than the cookie one. Is it? Yeah. Really? Because it's kind of juicy as well.

It's kind of banana. but also a little bit fruit juicy. Okay, so it's okay. You just don't like that banana taste? Yeah, but it's not the worst I've ever had, honestly. In fact, you know, it's considerably better than the cookie thing. The cookie was repulsive, I think. Oh, you know, like?

I don't like it. Really? The taste of just that fake banana and then just a horrible ethanol taste. Yeah, I mean, that's it, but I'd rather have that than the cookie thing. The fake cookie chocolate milky. I like it. It's something's dirty good about it. They've gone to the extreme with the cookie shit, man.

Well, that's just a difference between him and him. He likes vodka and I like gin. He likes banana and a cookie too. But you switch it around and a what did you do. Where Eli and Paul, Eli and Paul always have an argument out and about. Eli and Paul, Eli and Paul. Everybody loves them, but they scream and they shout. Well, it's Eli and Paul.

There, Eli and Paul do a walkabout for cheap show pod. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. Everybody loves them, everybody hugs them. Puehling Eli are sad. Last one. Is that the last version of the song as well?

Yeah, it is as well. Now, mix that, and that's the new podcast we're doing. Eli and Paul, Eli and Paul, sexy little buggers in the cutest fuck. Eli and Paul, Eli and Paul, everybody loves them and a rubbery duck. Oh, Eli and Paul, they're going to have such fun. Come and let's just jump. Come and let's have some fun with Eli and Paul. Oh, and fun with Eli and Paul.

You stop. Fun with a fun, fun, fun with Eli and Paul. Doodoo do do do do. Bado. Bado. Barum. Barum. Bado.

Bado. Badum. Very much. Thank you. Very much. Did you. Eli and Paul was filmed before a live studio audience. No.

No. Hello, Paul. How are you? I'm Eli Silverman. Hello. I'm going mad. Going mad. What's underneath?

Oh. I was feeling my cosmetics bag and I thought it was the blanket. I thought there was objects beneath us. Perhaps the fucking geocash, which we totally failed to find. Right, everybody. See you later.

I'm going to console myself with some smoked muscles. You do that then. I'm going to turn this off. Join us wherever we end up doing next. Sorry, we're back again. I thought this is quite illuminating conversation. Eli has just finished off the buzz balls. He did a little mix of...

He did a mix though, right? Yes, it's unholy. Banana cookie. Yeah. Bent banana nooky cookie. It bent banana nooky cookie mix and it's not good. But it's not... Is it still an Amber Warning today?

Yeah. So I can call this episode Amber Ambling. Amber Ambling. Ambler warning, and... Yeah, because I was going to call it they're not quite geocash picnic again. We've already done one and it was shit. We haven't even done a second one yet.

You lied to them. You lied to them. I didn't say nothing to them. You did. You promised. I didn't say nothing to them. What was I saying? Yeah, buzz balls. Yeah, I think we should stop making them. I think they're evil.

But go on. You're not making them. What should they stop making first? Missiles or buzz balls? Buzz balls. Buzz balls. I'm just about to... Mears are fun, aren't they?

Not fun for the dead children that they destroy in hospitals in the middle of us. I tell you a small percentage of the deaths that they cause. I think you're being very unfair to the overall. to the overall destruction that such a missile. It's time for me to finish this off. He's going to finish me off. That's good, isn't it? I'm going to finish this.

This is the drunkest I've been in a while, and it's all been horrible. From what? Yeah, he's done nothing. It's because I had that margarita. It kicked me off, and there's still Jack Daniels. I know. We're sharing that equally.

There's two ten. We can have one each. Yeah. Or you want to share one and just go easy. I think so. Pussy. I don't know. Pussy boy.

You haven't done two buzzballs, basically. Your heroes listen and O go Oh, he like puts it away Why doesn't he put it away this week? He's lost his edge in his old age He's like he's not the young man He used to be in the early Coup show days It was better back then

When he gave less of a fucking shit Go on Drink it Drink the whole thing Do it He throws over there He throw that way It's here

Do you want to hear the slurping Yeah He's down in the rest of it Down it goes Oh Bad Bad times in Eli Tom? Bad times in the mouth.

Bad times in the mouth, boys and girls, ladies and gentlemen of all ages. Well, if nothing else this walk about has been leisurely. Oh, black butterfly in the eye. Bambalam. Oh, black butterfly, bambalam. Yeah, and there's a big, I've said this, dragonfly, but I've only seen the one.

I've seen three. I want to know where that hawk, stroke, Kestrel, stroke, eagle, stroke bird of prey. You don't get eagles in Britain, I don't think. Eaglets. Maybe you do. Actually, I think you get a Highland eagle. Maybe. Up in Scotland.

But you do get Kestrels and Hawks, don't you? Isn't it funny how so many beers in the 80s were named after birds of prey? Like Kestrel and Hawk were both named drink, weren't they? Were they? I think Hawk was one. Kestrel definitely was. Was there Eagle beer? I bet there has been.

I bet there has been. Owl lager. You know what I mean? They're birds of prey, aren't they? Owls. What are the birds of prey are there? Owls and eagles. Kestrels.

Kestrel. Falcons. Falcon. Hawks. Why is it called the Millennium Falcon? If there's no falcons. Osspray?

You just spat in my face. So yeah, you did. P. Got spit right in my mouth. It wasn't spit. It was flex of old buzzball and my mustache. Second degree, second-hand drinking.

Actually, it was a bit of... I think I've got a song coming out. Paul, I got a song coming out. Come in up No, that's You shut up now You shut up now You shut up now

Oh the flex of banana Did flaky off the tash Or flaky in the mouth Of the pole Oh the flanks of the buzzbow A sodden on the top lip And it's hairy Coming out all over at pole

Oh, oh, oh. That might be the most beautiful thing I've heard in a very long time. You turn that shit off now. Why? Because it's time for my smoke break. Oh, Eli get to smoke break. Look at that. There's a plane, there's two planes at different altitudes.

And they keep coming up. I'm coming up. I want the world to see. I've got a flexible. It's a banger. You'll bang it. I'll bang it. We got any bangra?

Ding tinka chinka chinka chinka tinka tinka tinka tinka tink his bang was great though in it didn't it thinka tinka tinka tinka tinka tinka tinka tinka tink it's all great stuff in it the world so many lovely things i like this time of day when the heat's coming down and the sky is graying and uh you stop interrupting my beautiful thoughts Eli is grouching and Paul won't be belching Because he's a gentleman, not him Look at him sitting there looking at his phone Wondering how he can get home

Well he's not going home tonight I'm going to bury his corpse in the middle of the night Oh, ho, he'll be dead by a thousand balls Thousand balls I don't know what that even means Death by a thousand balls Eli What do you think that could unfair Yeah.

Ping-pong balls. Yeah. Billiard balls. Elephant balls. What kind of balls do you prefer to die by? I don't care. Buzz balls? Oh, Bazboats.

Death by Bazball. Right. Okay. You're going to play Donna Summer then, whoever it was. Carol Kane. What's her name? Donner Diamond. I'm coming up.

Donner Summer. No, Donna. Dina Donner. Dina Donner. I'm coming up. I'm not playing that anyway. I want the world to know. What's a name?

Carol Thomas. Diana Ross. Diana Ross. Thank you. It's all right. And now we can end. Thank you. We need to get going soon and walk somewhere.

No, we don't. I'm having a smoke and listening to music. No, but at some point we should walk somewhere. While we still have ice in the fuck, in the fucking jug, we need to have all our first time do you want that Jack Daniels then let's have it come on get it

maybe it's get out of our system now so we can have a sweat on and get it out of our system right don't do drugs boys and girls and don't drink and drive so don't do that make sure you turn your electricity off before you leave the house

don't just look after yourself be kind to your mum you know what I mean that stuff Tarby was right back in the day He had it sorted. You can shut up.

You had it sorted. You know, be kind to your mum. Look after mum and dad. Look after your mum and dad. Good night. Shut up. Oh, shut up. Eli's packing up.

We're going to get on the road again. On the road again. We're going to get on down the road again. Hey, scary folk horridry. How are you telling about that? Down the road again. I took a picture of it. It's on our website.

You can look at it on our webpage for this episode. It's a dead tree, but it looks gnarled and wizened and supernatural almost, as if frozen in time after a horrific event. Yes. Like when you drop your guts. When you poo, a tree dies, Eli. Did you know that? I just say, we are.

When you poo, the Pope wakes up in bed and goes, Oh, ha, ha, ha. How much you had that power? Oh, the Pope's fuck me off. I'm going to go for a big shit. That'll teach him. No, you see, you've taken that idea and you've taken all the mystery and love out of it

with that idea. I'm sorry. I know you're trying. Are you okay, though? Are you okay, though? Yeah, I've just, I think, I've now reached peak drink, and I don't want any more drink now.

I'm having fun, and I think any more drink would end up just being unpleasant. And I think we've had all the drink. There's one tin of drink, left and I'm not in the move for it now. Well don't say listening and be over there. Come here. It's important to me. It's important to a podcast. Turn your trance shit music off as well. He said it was motivational. It's not motivating me. It's motivating me to punch you in the mouth. Leave me alone.

He likes it. He made me now, yeah. This was music that was made for Nokia. Nokia. It's a really rare. ambient house album. Knock in music. Like, yeah, like sort of these things that they had. Middy tracks.

Yeah, for their phone that were built into one of their phone models, early phone models. Well, that was created by Thomas Dolby. Some of it. You know, it all stems from him.

He created the... Yeah, but this is, you know, you used to have... Oh, yeah. Sailing away. Sailing away. Sailing away. Oh.

It's good, though, isn't it? I was getting all like trancy. Well, You have to help me fold up. I don't have to do anything. I do not have to do anything. Do you know what I mean?

All right. You brought the mat. Can you please help me fold it up in the mat and put it away, please? Why? It's a one-man job. It's not a one-man job. You did it before on your own. You did, that was a one-man job.

You're just complaining that you've over-packed your bag, and you just don't want to do it on your own? No, I need. You need to hold the bag open for me. Why? Because that will actually help me. packed it this morning by yourself, didn't you? All easy.

What makes it different now? Is it drink? Shut your mouth. How about that? How about you? It's drink, in it? Take your fucking mouth. You filth dog, bitch, dog.

Take your bitch dog mouth and... Do you? Yeah? Glue it. Glue your fucking dirty glue mouth, shut. That's what you think podcasting should be. Sitting here using gutter language at me, your love.

You didn't manage to pick a good geog. cash, did you, that we could fucking actually find? No. Well, we're going to try and get another one now, aren't we? We're going to get at least one. It would be nice to get at least one. For a walkabout episode, we spent most of our time sat on our ass. I don't think we can actually get to it now, man.

If we don't, it's just over there. It's not that far away. If we don't find that one, I think we're going to have to call it a day. Yeah, we'll call it a day. Tuesday. It is Tuesday, isn't it, though? I'll call it today, Tuesday. You help me with the flat, please.

Right, hang on. I've got to put the mic down then. Is that all right? Is that allowed? Hang on. Just pull that bit forward for me. Back in. That's fine.

That's fine. Get in. That's fine. Stop doing that. You wanted help. This is Elf. That's fine. You got an elastic band.

There you go. You've missed that. I like that band. Right, here we go. We're back. I'm picking it up. So, yes, we're going to find one more. What was it called?

called again Pegasus was the geocash was called Pegasus and it's near the main road so we should be able to find it reasonably early easily while it's still light this is this is this when we did the last Geo Cash we got like four five six it was a lot and we have none it was a lot cooler then it's difficult to move in this kind of weather it just it just is this lacks the magic of that first what geocash I'm just going to go ahead and said it this is this is a this is just I was going to say this is lacks the magic. Yeah, because you said it wasn't about GeoCaches this time. You said it was just about having a nice time.

How you having a nice time? Yeah. I'm not. Yeah, exactly. I'm having a great time. Oh, I helped you. I twonked you. What did you say it was called?

Twonking. Squonking. Squonking. Oh, mate. Hang on. I've had a message. Hang on. I've got a message.

My phone's going off. Unknown number. I don't understand. Texts on no number. Can you even do that anymore? Of course you can. Can you? Can you just say text?

There's a voice message. I'm going to play it. Hang on. Listen to you, you pair of plum puddings. You need to be careful if you're still thinking about doing episode 500 in Cambridge

because you've pissed off a lot of the wrong people. You better be watching your own backs. I'll tell you that. Don't watch your own backs. That's ridiculous. Watch each other's backs. Rotate round in single fire

look at each other's backs. to make sure that those people are onto you and they're not going to do something really, really terrible to you. And while you're out and watch your fronts as well, because some of those people are so going to come face onto you so you can see the ones they're eyes and your side. Watch your sides and your fronts. What I'm saying is you stay at Cambridge and go you dare think about doing that 500 live show in Cambridge. Can't reply to that. Who's fucking sent that? That sounds like a load of old shit.

I don't know. Don't recognise the voice. Just some cunt. Who's that? some cunt who's got my number somehow. It's put me on a downer. I'll just delete it and call it spam. It's just some fucking dickhead. I don't know how you can be, you can leave a way. Well, I can't, we can't.

I didn't think you could. No, can't reply to it. I'll just block it. Yeah, I blocked it. It's just some dickhead. I'm sorry, I've put too much into 500 now. There's no, we've got a lot going on. We've got massive musical numbers.

We've got huge celebrity guests, surprises. You know what I mean? We got like a magic show. and all sorts, it's going to happen. I'm not dropping out just because some dickhead. Idly threats me. Threatens. Idily threatens me.

Yeah. So fuck that. Moving on. Moving on. Yeah, I said, don't do 500. Fuck them. Fuck them in their stupid fucking face. It sounded like someone trying to do a bit.

Yeah. Like, clever. Like jigsaw from the film saw. But not good. Right, are you packed yet? No, this is. Mate, this episode is. There's no.

dog there's no dog I don't hear no dog well then what you're talking about how can't you get your zip to work it's really not going in now it's because you were so terrible helping me put the thing in oh it's always me isn't it not think of oh you overpacked it maybe should have bought a bigger bag it was all right coming in well i don't know yeah you packed it at home all right didn't you took you long enough because it kept you from beginning on the right time so what you're going to say about that which way we need to go. Shut your mama.

I'm going to take your mama out all night. I'm going to tell her what it's all about. Go to do them. Oh, sweet champagne and tell you what it's all about. What was that song? Yes, sister-sisters. Oh, yeah. I'm going to take your mother out all night

and show her how to fish and chips. Right, where are we? Where are you? Right, recentering. Right, we're here. What's that? Oh, we've been to back. the Battle of Britain House.

What's the next one? Couldn't do that one. The old workhouse, it's on the main road. Hang on. Oh, here it is. Pegasus. It's 339.1 meters away. It's just over there.

Should we go to the bottom of this field then? See, we need to go this way. Yeah, wait. That way. way. You need to go with the head. Give me a minute. You got room for my Yeti in your bag. No. Just that one eye. No. Mate, stop. Why? I don't understand why you can't, why you have to fucking palm your

shit off. I've got no. No. Deal with it. Right. You've made this ugly. You've made a very ugly scene happen. I know what was up until right now. A lovely upbeat podcast. I don't understand why you can't get it in. Trater. How did you, I don't understand how you've managed to make, like, it's like a magic. Because I brought a fucking picnic or whatever. Just try and make things nice. Why don't you put it in the other bag? Like you had a big bag, you could just carry two bags.

No. It's just taking you like 47 minutes. It's not. It feels like it. Well, you can shut your mouth. How about that? I will. How about that?

Right. I'm going to get my pack up. I've got loads of space in my bag. Please. No. Because I've got electric stuff in here. I don't want leaky drippage because it will.

They're not waterproof them. It's going to have to carry it like a man. No, give me the rubbish and I'm going to put it in there. Right, okay, do that then. Blanker. Just don't forget to, don't accidentally throw it away. Dickhead. You are?

Dickhead, that's all I've got to say. I hope for the sake of our relationship we find this fucking cash. And get the fuck out of Wright'sley. Fuck you. Well, I'm having a lovely time. Come on, 300. 000.

I just want to make sure I've got all my gubbage, haven't I? Got my phone, that's important. Got my wallet, yes. Cameras in the bag. I've taken it off my chest mount now. So we've got to go this. We've got to go round.

Or we could go through here, I guess. We're so curious about your chest mount. Because there's going to be cool footage on the internet. Foot with it, isn't it? We've got to go this way. All right. Sally Forth.

I am poor Gannon, the very best of a man. I like to march the best way that I can. Round the nettles under ferns and through the thrushy brush. Oh, I love poor Gannon so much. Come on, everyone, you know the words. I love Paul Gannon. He is the very best. I like his socks and shoes and pants and lovely under vest.

Come on, poor Gannon. We love you true in nice. He shits himself all day and night. Stinks of shit. He's got a big old asshole and it shits out all the time. It shits out poo. It shits out fucking slime and fucking wine. And it shits all over everything and up the fucking walls.

And it all stinks of shit. All right. There's no need to be mean. Right. So just... Look, that's like a conchery there. Yeah. I'm enjoying the fauna.

Right. We've got to go in this. direction this direction we'll come to a path eventually if we can just make it through all this right off we go see in a bit we'll get we'll come back to you when we get to the geocash oh hi it's all stuff in my mouth though yeah right yeah just going to head up this way oh i have a horrible feeling we're not going to find this one either no i just think this is not the We need to find a pathway. That's just to...

I think we're in my throat. I think we need to go to the pathway, which is this way, then we'll get on. Right, bye, everyone. I've had a big cough now. Now there's water coming out of my eyes. It's all greasy. Oh, there's all nettles this way.

Oh, no. I'm not going to know. nettles way oh look at this this is bad news right we're gonna go the long way around because I'm not going with my shorts through all that all right blan beat oh dear something threw me cob he lie something that flew in my gob update we I we went in the wrong direction we couldn't get back out of the way we were and we went down and then we came back and now we're in a shade of a

wood but there's a main road you can see it so we're not too far yeah we just got to get out and then we're good so we just got to go this way keep on going this way yeah we're going to go round the tree i've just i you know what eli shouldn't have bothered with geocash it's just put a spoh in my head i always hurt myself nature nature hates me and i give it so much love So we're just crawling through old woodland now. I think we're still in Wrightlet Woods. Yeah, we hope we've been the old time. Here's road.

That's good. And then I think we're just going to find this and then just go home. I'd say that is a little bit ambitious. What? What is? No, I think it's going to be... I've got hawthorns in my neck.

Oh. I got cobwebs in my knickers. Frilly knickers. ladies right okay right now we just got to reach the main road safely is the gate just there we're all right just up there why are you going that way the gate's here is there is there is there is there is there is there is no there's a public one over there yeah we'd have to climb that i reckon yeah road gate I'm sweating so much so much

anyway there's a gate just there we're going to cross the road find the thing and then head back to the Lido go home that's our plan now because it's all gotten ugly we're both a bit too much drunk and drink and I'm having little kind of folk horror vibes at the moment

oh look mate there's some interesting old dead architecture yeah well gate I have to hold gate what you do why are you standing there I just want to know

why you're standing in the shrubbery the dickhead why what have I done I don't think we can get out that gate

we can get out of that gate more than that gate I mean you just walk onto the road there can we

the fence ends just there oh yeah do you want to go home I want to go home I want to go home I'd like to go home now, Paul.

No. It's been one of the hottest days a year. Yeah, it's been fun on it. I mean, in places. Let's just go home. I think we're both. Fuck this geogash, yeah? No, I want the geogash.

I want a belief to say we found one. It's time for you to look at your device. Look at that wall. Over there. It looks like an old castle wall. Look at that. Yeah. That's cool.

I'm going to take a picture of that. I think that's cool. wonder if it was part of the old ground or something i don't know right oh brick ow brick ow i've got sweat structures before here yeah oh mate what it's like a little embankment there like it would have been a park or something at one point maybe it is a park no but you're like a more cultured maybe more landscapes i don't know maybe let's just go around the fence they've got a fence You can just walk around it. We're going to do it now.

We're going to get it out now. It's just up there. We'll cross over. See, it's just there. Take a picture of that, please. Hang on. Come on. What am I taking a picture of?

Oh, that. Yeah, do it. It just goes nowhere. It's not even a door. It's just... Oh no, it's not. It's up there. Right, hang on. We're going to come back to you.

We're just going to sort it out. We've got to cross the road first. So be carefully, like, there's no traffic that way, but there is this way. way right we'll be right back right we've walked up the road somewhat and travel to Pegasus is four 50 14 meters away up here so you see hint two hands up or maybe three details this cachet is situated at the Pegasus crossing which I presume is where we are right now there's a crossing here

I don't think... Pegasus crossing, yeah. Oh yeah, for horses. That's right. Well, let me take a picture of that, so I know. This is a picture, a silhouette of a man on a horse? Yeah. Which can be...

Is that Pegasus? Yeah, no, half man, half horse in it? No, that's a centaur. Flying horse. Yes. Yeah. Is it a flying horse? Anyway, it's basically a Pelican crossing

redesigned to accommodate horses in their riders. It is two press buttons instead of the usual one. The first is set of the normal one. height for pedestrians and the second one's higher. Yeah, what I said, isn't it? And there's the normal one over there. Yeah, over there. So you can ride your horse and press the button.

But where's the fucking cache? Well, and gone. The red and green illuminated icons, yeah, we get it. According to the wiki, these crossings are primarily used in Britain and Peru, of all places. The road is a busy one, so please take care and be aware of traffic. Right, so it's somewhere right here near the crossing. Do you think it's actually in the...

In the two hands up or maybe three. I think it hands it means the size of the horse, doesn't it? Because you measure it in hands. Oh, is that right? Yeah. Two hands up or maybe three. Well, where would you put it? Is it behind?

No, it's on this side. See? Well, it's just here somewhere. I see a fish can in there. Oh, what? A can or something. Is that it? I don't know.

Reach in there. That looks like it. Tesco Maker. Tesco mousse. I think it's just dirt. It doesn't say I can't find it. You're not going to find it? Oh wait, you're taking it to a YouTube video? Oh, it's just a generic video about geocaching.

What a load of shit. Of course it is. Back. Hint. Two hands up or maybe three. You see, I would suggest it would be up here somewhere. Oh, mate. If you just fuck this off?

What to say you? You're sweating. Yeah. So are you right. We're both drenched. Oh, there's a breeze. There's the breeze. Oh, there's the breeze.

Oh, it's the car's going past. We'll just get the breeze. Go on. Yeah. Anyway, we got close. We came here. It doesn't matter if we find it, does it? We are the world's worst year, Caches.

I just think today's... Where is it? I don't know. Two hands up or maybe three. Oh. would have put it by the Pelican crossing sign but I think that might be a bit dangerous and illegal and there's a box up there but that looks official and it says it's right here but I don't know it doesn't say if it's in a fence or whatever I check the notes maybe someone's

found it and gone it wasn't there it was there logs disregard the hint it's more oh hang on they've taken a picture of it so it is that light I was right but They're all showing pictures of other stuff. See, it's that. It's a little black box. On top of... Yeah. No, on top of...

What's that yellow structure? Poke around in the leaves, around the host turned up the container, but minus the magnet on the back. I put it back where it belongs. Oh, it's gone. And that was a few weeks ago. That's gone.

It's gone. Someone's at it. Oh, it's obviously a magnet then somewhere. Right, well, we're going home. But that's another problem now. because I don't know how we get back from here easy. You get a cab. Look, where's where we are?

We get a cab to ride a slip or whatever. You get an Uber right now. No, I'm not fucking doing that. Lazy prick. How do we get... Hang on, let's go. I'm going to go home. I'm going to see how it says go home.

So we can get the 3-1 bus if we walk a little bit. I'm not getting going back to yours. I know, but I am. That's where I live. But you're going to have to go to Northwood Station anyway. Maybe. I bet you it takes you. It's best there's 3.31. Who knows? Uxbridge. We've got to do a nine minute walk.

Who knows? Paul. You're a wanker. Ruining this. It's just lovely day. Actually, I'm just sweaty now and tired and I want to go home. I feel quite ill as well, just for the record. I feel quite ill, Eli. I feel quite nauseous. I don't think I'm going to be sick, but like all those different flavours and stuff.

What bus did it say, Eli? Did it say a nine minute walk? to the 3-3-1? Are you happy with that solution? Bus to Norfolk, Metline. Why are you going your own way? Because you've been... Come on, mate. Let's not end this walkabout picnic on a low. All right, we've had some horrible drinks. All right, we've been bitten to fuck. All right, we haven't really gone anywhere new. We'll receive anything. And we, all right, so we haven't found any geocaches or made a real effort anyway. and all right

it's been too hot to do an episode but what an adventure there's more fungi yeah that's a big boy I bet it's dangerous I'm not eating it right let's let's walk for a bit

and then we can sign off I don't see a puffball I don't see those much as much as I see it have you seen them before right yeah big puffballs they came around my actually the day alright Paul

I was like all right puff ball come on Fotties on England's playing they are playing tonight man are they Well, best of luck, England. This will come out after, obviously, so I don't care what the outcome is. Do you have any parting thoughts before we head to the bus stop?

I really don't. I just need to... Are you done? I'm getting stung by these nettles pushing out from it. Look at my legs. They've been slashed up proper. They only have. Well done.

And my face is literally pouring with sweat. At least we pushed ourselves a little bit today. A little bit. But we did mostly sit down. I mean, it is that kind of weather that you don't want to be... Do you know what I mean? Yeah. You'd pass out.

This is exactly the same area where we did the walk in the woods and the rain. It's just we're now here in the summer. Yeah, but we've seen more different bits of the woods. Oh, that's maggots, that smell. I didn't need this. I didn't hear that smell. That was something dead. Yeah, it's a dead thing.

My dad used to fish. I know what the smell of maggots is. That's the smell of maggots. Squibble bog. A bit of the box. I've felt it on the way up as well. Yeah, right. We'll go in the bus, bye.

Right, we're at the bus stop, reservoir road towards Northwood Station, 3-3-1. So we're literally going back the way we came on this bloody bus. So Eli's wiping his mug and thrown all your shit out, are you? Good lad. I'll keep an eye out foot bus. And look, there's where the Lido starts

just up that road. until we've come full circle. So at least we've got something to show for it. Some kind of narrative complexity. My Yeti stinks of Bree, man. Cheesy Bree, Yeti. It's got all over my Yeti, man. Well, don't bring cheese next time, I think is the tip there, in it.

Especially in a flimsy cardboard carton. Where's me wallet? Here we go. Good. So we're going to get on this bus now and head to Northwood Station where we're going to go our separate ways. We'll do a wrap-up. of the things we've learned today.

What's I say, Arons, at the Six Bells? Arns, how do you pronounce that? A-R-E-N-S. A-R-E-N-S? It's a pub, anyway. I know, it's a pub. I just want to know what the word A-R-N-S-M-E-R-N-E-N-B-A. I'm going to RISLIP station. Yeah, it's on the same route?

Yeah, well, I'll be getting off a different point from you then. Why are you getting off at RISLIP? Because I'm going home, and Ryslips is quicker for me to go home. Does this bus go to RISLips Station? Yes. Well then I just get off there as well. I don't believe it does but we'll find out. Ride 10 stops to Rye Slip Station.

Right. Okay. And we were both going to Rye Slip Station, yes? Mm-hmm. And the bus should be here any... He's coming here now. I've literally ready to go. I can see it.

I saw it coming around the corner. You watch this, he's going the wrong direction. He's the right bus, wrong direction. Here we go, watch. Here we go. Come on. Thank you. Bus all to ourselves.

Good time. he thinks this bus is going to Weislep. It's not. Eventually, Eli found out that this was not the bus he wanted, but it's the one I wanted. So I win. We're getting off here, mate.

Here we go. Getting off now. Hello. Look at that. Do you see that? Oh, Eli. Oh, Express. I love this.

Here we go. Do you see that name of the place? My Wellbeing, M-E-I. Like someone's name. my way well-being. I love this stop because it's got all like the laundrette

and the little taxi rank and everything you know the dentist right opposite the station is this closer to Arrow on the hill than Riceley

two stops I think oh really yeah okay we find two things Paul yeah well can you put some money

on my oyster card oh yeah all right and can we go get a soda or water all right just up here thank you Is there a shop? Did you see a shop, did you?

There must be. It must be. All right, should we do that? Or do you want to sign off now and end the episode? Because we also need to sign off for the video thing as well. But is this it? Are you done here? Are you done here? Are we done here? Yeah, are you done here? Are you done here?

I've got fucking bug in your hat. You got a dead bug in your hat. Do I? Yeah. Right below your puma cat, whatever it is. I think it's a bug, is it? Mozy, yeah. Oh, yeah. Fuck him.

And that. Anyway, they're dead. Look, see? Express dry cleaners, mate. Northwood dental practice. Shoe repair. Massage, reflexology and tie therapy. Not a lot of them look like they're...

What? One to let as well. Yeah. That one, the shoe repair stuff looks over. It looks like it does its business. So, what have we learned today? Eli, have we learned? Not much.

It was too hot, really, to do in everything. episode like this. Do you have any fun? I maintain that. I had some fun, but honestly, now I'm sort of really... Is this all the worst walkabout, do you think? Yes.

Do you think? Yeah, easily. We didn't even... Why, what, context? We didn't find anything. Or do anything or go anywhere. Yeah. We just sort of...

Yes, this is ambling. We've got dehydrated in a circle in Rice Lipwood. It's his amblin. We did amble. Why are you walking off? We're not thinking... Fuck's sake. I want to wrap this up

and you keep walking off. Fine. We've learnt nothing. We've achieved nothing. We are nothing. You're the best at Steph. Oh, thank you. All right, that will do.

We are outside Northwood Station. He's going to get a drink. I'm going to go home with him. It's all time to go home. I've got a cat to look after because he's probably been in the sweatbox flat. So I need to go home and look after him. And then I have a lovely shower

and clean all this filth off me. Because I feel like I'm covered in bits of insects and brambles and spicks and spots. So, Thank you. Cheapshow.com. You're on stop shop. You see pictures and videos from this episode there. Patrons will see a video diary version of this. It's hot pipe. It's fucking hot. It's like kettle hot almost. Put me off now.

And lovely people who support this podcast do so via Patreon. If you'd like to join them, go to patreon.com forward slash Cheap Show. Give what you can, but please only if you can and if you can just help spread the word. That's simple. Leave reviews and shit. Thank you. Live tickets still on sale. Get them whilst you can. going to be our big 500 at the end of August 23rd and that's it really me and Eli now just going to get a soft drink and get a hard train home final thoughts there's nowhere to get a soft drink there's got to be oh no yeah you're fucked unless there's a corner shop around that

corner do you want to check it out say well we'll find that if there's anything around the corner if there's not we'll end it okay walking past a little calf northwood uh Lee garden classic Chinese little calf that I'm sure Eli's happy with that it's not open though I know know but you know you can admire it for what it is textbook that's a textbook one there's a pizza hut you could go in and get something from pizza hut maybe maybe maybe they might send you a sell you a bottle of pop oh what you expect I expect the fucking shops to be open of a fucking evening seven o'clock who cares small village it's not a big it is right up to a small little village still a small little village still a small little

little one. Anyway. We're not in Rysolid. We're in northwood. No, I know. That's why we should have gone to Rizelit. There'll have been loads of places open. Such a can. I said we should go to Riteley. I didn't. I was just go, my thing said go to Northup because it was like a closer station to the Harrow one. Well, I was thinking about me, wasn't I? That's the main thing. Why, do you want to go into Pizza Hut? I don't need to. You do it. Just go in and ask for a drink. Yeah, there's nothing around the corner. Go get a drinking Pizza Hut. I bet they'll sell your bottle of pop. Go on. All right.

Say goodbye. Bye everyone. Bye everyone. We're going to do an indoor episode next week. That's what we should have done this week. Thank you. See you next week.