CheapShow - Ep 50: The Big Fat Power Bottom Epic Special Deluxe

Episode Date: August 11, 2017

This is it! This is the big one! Our BIGGEST one yet! To celebrate somehow reaching episode 50, we have gone big AND we've gone home. Back to the House of Pickles to record this mammoth pointless milestone of an episode! We are joined on this special occasion by two very special guests. Ash Frith comes out from behind a phone line to join us face to face and he is accompanied by Richard Sandling, who was there at the very beginning when CheapShow was stupidly called The Uncliqueables. So how are we stuffing this episode? Well... Paul & Eli tackle your questions in a bumper #AskCheapShow segment that quickly goes off the rails and causes some mathematical confusion in the process. This also gives everyone the chance to look back over the past 49 podcasts. There is a mind blowing "Tales From The Dancefloor" that questions reality in more ways than one. We revisit Paul's "FrothShop" for more cheap eats from Gannon's fictional candy emporium. We revisit "Bobby's" branded snacks and take on their range of budget maize crisps. The results are quite surprising... especially Paul's new "FrothShop" voice.  We play another bargain board game based on a TV show format with Noel Edmonds' "Telly Addicts" which annoys Eli, upsets Ash and throw Richard for a loop. There is also time for "Silverman's Platter" where he delivers two odd musical curios, one which puts us back in Eurovisionland and one that makes us want to die inside. And as an aside, Richard brings along a very rare VHS. Finally, CheapShow delivers the most ultimate "Price of Shite" ever. It's full of shocks, surprises, twists and also features possibly THE most awesome/awful piece of charity shop shite ever seen on the show. It's one that the charity shop itself thought it would never sell! The outcome will SHOCK you. We also get a few hellos from past CheapShow guests... some who were less keen to come back then others, albeit very briefly! So download, relax and enjoy the biggest Power Bottom of a podcast CheapShow has done to date... Warning: Contains added Noel Edmonds. Who is now our enemy. But why...? (With HUGE thanks to David Milner for his brilliant new CheapShow introduction theme!) And if you like us, why not support us: www.patreon.com/cheapshow Share & Enjoy. Subscribe or Die! You can see pictures and accompanying videos for this episode on our website www.thecheapshow.co.uk If you want to get involved, email us at [e-mail] And if you have to, follow us on Twitter @thecheapshowpod or @paulgannonshow & @elisnoid as well as our guests @squat_betty @Ashfrith @patsharp @damienstjohn @bwecht @ashens @EggsyGLC If you like what you hear, please spread the word! Like, Review, Share, Comment... all that jazz!

Hello, so just before we start the 50th episode of Cheap Show, we have to bring up some important business. You may have heard of a Channel 4 show starring Noel Edmonds called Cheap Cheap Cheap, which is a comedy game show about people choosing the cheapest items and and it's basically all right it basically sounds like channel four's version of the price of shikes now no idea is original blah blah blah i'm not i'm not saying channel four have stolen from cheap show they wouldn't know of us i get it it's fine it's just um i need to have a chat with noel edmonds because i spoke to him about this a few years ago and uh him about Cheap Joe. So basically, I managed to get a phone number off a contact of mine for Noel Edmonds.

I'm just calling him now. So let me just dial his number. Okay, I know it's a bit early, but I'll see if he picks up. Noel? Hello, morning, Noel. Before you say anything, mate, I just want you to listen. I just want to have a talk, mate, all right? Your new show on Channel 4, Cheap Cheap Cheap, it's really similar, isn't it, to what we do on Cheap Show?

And Eli and I are just a little bit pissed off about that because when we told you about the format of Cheap Show a few years ago, when we were at your Knowles House orgy, remember you invited us to that? Yeah? Well. Um, you said at the time the idea was shit, and you said don't bother pitching it around because no one's gonna take it. And now you're doing it on Channel 4? So, you know, I mean, look, whatever, but I just wanted to tell you that I think what you've done is bang out of order, mate, alright? I've got a message for you! Oh, oh. You're gonna tell me Che cheap, cheap, cheap is a completely original idea?

Actually, I created this show. Sorry, what? I do not get paid a penny to do this show. I decided, no fee, I wanted to put my heart and soul into it because I want to fight people like you. Like me? Why? Because I think you're at the heart of what is wrong with this country.

No, you're wrong mate. I know I'm right. Right? Why are you being a dickhead about this? Because you're sneering at what we're doing here. Sneering? No, I'm not sneering. No, I'm just fucked off about the fact that you said Cheap Show was shit and now you're doing a show called Cheap Cheap Cheap. You're the one that's getting angry and excited about this. I can't remember feeling this angry and I've never been this angry.

Angry? How do you think I feel? I want to end this on an up note. I know this country really is in a shocking state. Noel? Noel? Oh the bastard's hung up. Right well there you have it. I'm sorry you had to hear that but I just wanted to try and get some kind of explanation from Noel Edmonds. Apparently he doesn't want to do that, so, um... Fine. Without any more ado then, let's kick off episode 50! Come on, Paul. I'm taking pictures.

You confuse pictures with the piss yes right so I'll just do a normal intro and then I'll introduce you and you introduce our guests yeah so okay

yeah right is that rolling still yes behave yourself oh fucking my fuck oh my god right oh fucking my fuck oh my god

right make him laugh my mother said make him laugh right with that in mind with what in mind I don't know

ladies and gentlemen introducing our 50th episode tonight is it's not our 50th episode tonight it... It's not our 50th episode tonight. It is. Feels like it.

Feels like it. I'll make it longer. You're not doing the intro. I'm going to be doing the intro. Okay. You two get closer. I do the intro. I'm introducing you.

Don't try and introduce my fucking intro. I'm introducing you. Going cold. That's why it's called the intro. I do it, okay? Right. Can I see an extra? This will be the whole

Give me a countdown from five Right yes Just give me a countdown from five With your fingers Can I give five four And then I'll go Five four three Yeah

Why not just now Why not just straight away No because I need to You need to Find the moment There is a process There is a process. There is a process. Oh, shit.

Ready? Silence. Fucking hell. Okay. Yeah. Yeah, get it all out. Is he recording us? recorded now I don't know alright

oh god almighty that's the best episode yet yeah it is right five four three I hate you and your fucking noodle posse Four, three...

I hate you and your fucking noodle posse. People love noodles, alright? It's a fact of cheap show, you're going to have to fucking reset. Noodle time. Moodle time Tales from the dance floor How's the dick going? A fight of shite This is called going to say hello. Eli Silver.

Welcome to Cheap Show. And then I go and I nuzzle. Hello everybody! Yes, welcome back to Cheap Show. It's a very, very special episode today. It's number 5-0, the big five oh 50 yes it's cheap shot i mean like someone here is the co-host after all these years he's still here it's paul cannon everybody yeah in the house cheap show 50 50. cheap show five zero Cheap Show 5-0. I'm doing the whole thing now. Don't do the whole thing.

No, don't do the quiet bit There you go Does anyone know what you're going to jive buddy? Yeah Come on everybody Come on everybody Book him Book him Gano

Book him Gano Shut up Or you won't get a nice intro Literally So hello yes That was Paul And hello Book him ganners. Just 50. Shut up. Or you won't get a nice intro. Literally. So hello, yes, that was Paul. And hello. Hello, everybody.

This is episode 50. Dialed down all of a sudden. Episode 50. Paul, we've got special guests here today. Yes, we are recording in the living room to the ante room of the House of Pickles. So that's why it's a little bit echoey because it's not acoustically treated I want to get that straight out of the way

so no one complains about the sound quality of this a show called Cheap Show how dare you how dare you accuse me

no one's complaining we're all friends has anyone complained about the sound quality of the Cheap Show apart from the live ones no not really

well shut up stop being self-flagellating then. You're like, oh, just before we start, if you'd like to... I know, I know. And then go, I'm not listening to this shit at all. I'd just like to say, I've got my balls in this huge vice-like thing

which I bought abroad and I'm tightening it as we speak. So if, just, yeah. I mean, I don't think sound quality is going to be the issue we have no quality well if you keep leaning back no one's going to hear your witty bon mots are they so whatever I don't care uh anyway joining us for this 50th episode spectacular is occasional co-host in the flesh this is the first time you've been in the flesh for one of these episodes, isn't it?

I've done live shows with it. Okay, they count. I say studio, but... I've done a studio recording. Let me say that in a way that's more exciting and better. Occasional co-host appearing for the first time in a studio episode. It's Ash Frith, everybody! Hello. Hello.

Not down the line from the South End seaside. No, not at all. Actually from in the room. He's here Griff everybody hello not down the line from the south end seaside no not at all actually from in the room he's here he's in the room so lick your lips about that

everybody now we've also got another special guest first time in the studio but he was there

in the inception of this very pod it's Richard Sadling Richard Sadling yay so are you both regretting coming all this way

for another ropey episode of Cheap Show no I got a lovely cup of tea from Eli yeah like genuinely top draw cup of tea

and he didn't just it wasn't just he knocked up a cup of tea yeah he made a cup of tea yeah yeah mate I don't fuck around

some people do tea Eli is tea yeah oh yeah you proud of that I don't fuck around. Some people do tea, Eli is tea. Yeah. Oh. Yeah? You proud of that? I don't fuck around. No, you don't.

But I hate going to someone's house and they go, you want a tea? And they give you some fucking abomination and you can't say anything. It's like, I'd rather fucking die. When people go, oh, I don't know if it's going to be good, I don't make tea. Like, well, learn, it's fucking tea. How hard is it to... How? Are you British?

It's not a life skill that's difficult to master. Also, Eli asked if we wanted tea before we were even inside the property. That, big tick for me, straight away, we walk into the building, you said you wanted a cup of tea. Yeah, it was very polite of you. You've been on form. There's no catch coming, there's no jab in the back, it's a compliment. Also, not a tramp am I no

not a tramp wasn't wanking when they arrived was I no no no you were when you were late coming down to let us in

so goodness knows what you were finishing up no I did he was finishing off me that's how we get every show started I need to detense and Eli has a special way

of working my shaft is it that power thing you were talking about before it's the power bottom yeah it's a power bottom, yeah. It's a power bottom. Power move.

Was that an Arnold Schwarzenegger impression you've been hiding for 49 episodes? Doesn't he say power moves in one of his films? Dunno. Anyway, so I just want to use this opening moment to say thank you to a few people, right, who helped us on our way making this show. So, first of all, I do want to actually thank the comedy a few people, right? Okay. Who helped us on our way in making this show. So, first of all, I do want to actually thank the Comedy Club in Camden.

You know, upstairs above the Camden Head, the one in actual Camden, because they took us on, we were doing the Uncleekables at the very start, which is where Sandling... It used to be Liberty's Bar. It used to be Liberty's Bar,

and then... Years ago. It was originally called Camden Head, and then changed to Liberty's Bar, and then changed back. Why did they do that? Think of the amount of gigs people have missed

because of that one thing. Yeah, remember that audience that went to the one in Angel to come and see our show yeah they booked 20 tickets and then

went to Angel thousands of them weren't there yes and they were all rich yes and they were all

in the industry sort of you know they were they were looking for something to spunk money on yeah we could have been

spunked on every time you hear about riots in London it's nothing to do with race or class it's people not knowing which candidate to go

Paul and Eli review tat yeah right so I wanted to thank them because they took us on they would have asked they would have

had us we were going to record this episode there in a kind of our nostalgia thing but I couldn't be fucked also I mean this was a

ball I just put this together and look at this you know there's behind the curtain and then there's behind the fucking curtain yeah

outside the house yeah through the window parked outside binoculars right so I also want to thank Brian Wecht

because he created our official cheap show theme from episode 20 on onwards he was in a Game Grumps and he's in Ninja Sex Party

a very funny band. And another one about video games. Star Bomb. Star Bomb. Yeah, so thank you to Brian for delivering

that music. Who else? He also was in episode one or two, I think. I was with him in one episode we did. Yeah, the Crackers game.

That's where I nicked it for Barshans. Always on the rob, I'm a scouser. And finally, I wanted to thank Paige Branson, who redesigned our logo when it was just this coffee saying and the print. She was the one who added the anime for us. And I don't think we ever properly thanked them properly.

Well, that's great. So you say thank you to Paige and Brian right now. Thank you, Paige. Thank you, Brian. No, don't do it like Johnny Depp did it with the dogs. I'm not doing it like that. I'm not doing it. Do it with emotion. Actually, your relationship is very do it like Johnny Depp did it with the dogs I'm not doing it I'm not doing it do it with emotion what emotion

do you want me to show can you show I'm not sure which one is Johnny Depp though no edit that out I'm Depp I'm Depp

he's fucking you're the wife abuser I'm happy with that well you're the abused wife I'm happy with that doesn't work

doesn't work that Doesn't work. Doesn't work. That doesn't work. I take it back. Anyway, so what emotion shall I portray when I'm pregnant? Jubilant. What's she called again? Paige?

Paige Branson. Oh, yeah. He really does care, Paige. What's her name again? Sorry, Paige. Paige Branson, thank you. And you, Brian. Wet.

Thank you so much. Don't say wecht like you're moving fleds from your throat I'm saying his name correctly well yeah

but you said it with aggression so it came out kind of a bit harsh you sound like a scouser wecht wecht

edit that out right so thank you to Brian thank you to Paige and thank you to Cameron I'm looking forward

to finding out how many times we'll edit that out. He's kept in the show. All of them. He never edits anything. I do. How fucking dare you?

55 hours of podcast I've edited. How much editing have you done on this fucking show, ever? Well, you could ask, how much creative input have you put into the show? It's the same answer to, how long have you edited for? Nothing. How much sheer genius? Hello, it's internet pornographer Stuart Ashen here, recording a little message for the anniversary episode of Peep Show, a cheap show.

In many ways, Peep Show is a tragic podcast, and I don't just mean for those listening to it. Its very fabric is woven from the ability to turn human failure into laughter. But the real tragedy is that of co-host Paul Gannon. He's the taller one. Cursed simultaneously by two separate rabid gypsy ladies, Paul is now forever haunted by a grotesque spectre of despondency. Or Eli Silverman, as it's commonly known. Constantly shadowed by this noodle-obsessed wraith,

Paul's only hope of escape lies in engineering a multi-dimensional containment unit to trap Eli. This is why Ghostbusters is less a movie and more of a way of life for him. So on this auspicious day, spare a thought for the only tragedy greater than the price of

shite theme. Right, well that's all the only tragedy greater than the price of shite theme. hashtag thing. Okay. For the 50th, let's get all lots of fans all excited and ask questions. I'm ready. There's not many noodle ones, so already that's a boon. Well, there will be plenty of noodles coming up in the show, everyone. Don't you worry. Is there going to be noodle place content?

There's plenty of noodle content, despite Paul's. Full frontal noodle tea. Oh, that's nice. That is your Edinburgh show title Eli Silverman full frontal noodle tea yeah that's

he just repeated what he said I know it's raining ramen there you go that's good as well I'm liking it that'd be the under that'd be a secondary heading

yeah yeah like the feed line great work you've just got to write the show now what about noodles yeah yeah alright shall we just do

this whole show about noodles no right so first question is from Jordan McKellian or at

napalm jam on twitter says has big papa hamster ever been caught no it was a

misguided funny comical idea that I put together that had no comic value was in bad taste

and misguided no one ever liked so what you've just totally just said the question answered it that had no comic value, was in bad taste, and misguided. No one ever liked. I see. So what? So what? You've just totally just said the question, answered it,

and we're moving on, are we? Yeah, because Big Papa Hamster was a comedic mistake on my part. Can I talk about Big Papa Hamster? Well, Mr. Napalm Jam obviously doesn't think so. Go on. He thinks Big Papa Hamster's got a fucking career.

Why are you keeping that dream alive? Because I like Big Papa Hamster's work a rapist child fondling mouse hamster is that anything to do with wee papa girl rappers

no with a brand new push on on a dancehall style we rule major David Dompley he did try to approach

his people approached the wee papa girl rappers but I think he was under the impression that it was wee wee papa girl rappers and I think he was under the impression that it was wee wee

papa girl rappers and it was some kind of urine golden showers style video idea that he had so I'll tell you what Jordan we'll play along Big Papa Hams

has been caught and he was executed and he's never coming back I think that's fair I think I'm going to bring him back no yeah I think I will Rhiannon him back No Yeah I think I will

Rhiannon You know the Scottish Rhiannon Yes Oh hello She works on the Isle of Skye And she's going to Canada Right anyway Rhiannon asks

Did you guys ever think That Cheap Show would get As popular as it has P.S. Congratulations on 50 Sorry From your I let it go

I let it go Was probably a reverted commerce Yeah Well Rhiannon no No we didn't Rhiannon Sorry. From your... I let it go. What? From your reverted comments? Yeah. Well, Rhiannon, no. No, we didn't, Rhiannon. Nngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngng Now you're Bruce Forsythe. We've all just seen

Elo's cum face. You wish. Rhiannon. Look what you could have won. Rhiannon. Cuddle me toy. One for the top, two for the bottom. It's come as a surprise to us all, especially Paul.

Marvellous. It's marvellous to have so many fans and people asking questions. And it's a good way of promoting noodles. Right, okay. Thank you, Rhianna, for that question. Jared, a.k.a. Richie. Pick one. I don't, yeah. It's like a massive... You have so that question. Jared, a.k.a. Richie, pick one. I don't, yeah.

You have so few names. Paul, a.k.a. John. That's what old people do, though, isn't it? It's like, this is Doris, likes to be called Mabel. Oh, well, I know. Why? Why? She's the auntie. Is she blood-related?

No. No, not at all. Some people, like, have abusive parents, so they hate the name they were given. Wow. Yeah, but if you were going to change it... Yeah, but if you were like, you know what, I'm sick of having a name like Mabel, I'm were given yeah but if you're like you know what I'm sick of

having a name like Mabel I'm going to call myself Doris do you know what I mean that's completely meaningless if you're like they called me

moon unit so I'm going to call myself Steve that makes some sort of sense I know but you don't know what Mabel might have

been the safe word for when they let her out of the dungeon or something it's dark isn't it it's dark Mabel this is why we're so popular Rhiannon because I have a dark edgy edge the safe word for when they let her out of the dungeon or something. It's dark, isn't it? It's dark. Maybe. This is why we're so popular, Rhiannon,

because I have a dark, edgy edge. Edgy edge. My favourite of the edges. Eli's dark rib. Anyway. Good Edinburgh show again, yeah. Dark rib, yeah. Jared asks,

what is the single best item you've found at a charity shop and a car boot sale, respectively? Also, Eli Brown noodles possible? Thanks for that question, Jared. Richie. Stroke Richie. Don't stroke Richie. Leave them alone.

The best item I've ever found in a charity shop. Yeah. I think I have to go back to this old store world. Oh. I have to go back to this old stall world it is my cassette version of the BBC out of this world sound effects

record with all the strange right now you're staring at me and you think I'm going to end your sentence and it's not going to happen radiophonic workshop you've really got that? Yeah.

And is it like copyright free because they released it on tape or is it... Well, I think none of that was copyright free. You had to sort of license it. There was a whole system,

wasn't there? What purpose have they sold it for? So you can reuse it or is it... Yeah. For your home videos and stuff, I guess. That's incredible.

Yeah, it's a lovely item. So there's that and a recent favourite. Yes. Featured on Barshan's. Darling. It's incredible yeah it's a lovely item so there's that and a recent favourite yes featured on Barshens darling is my who's that guy

who does the racing commentating oh Nigel Mantle he's Murray Walker Murray Walker see I've got a flexi disc

that was free with a magazine engine problems with Murray Walker oh yeah the sound of the that is a knocking distributor that's a knocking

head and it all sounds slightly dirty slap piston that's like a greased pinston hole that's like a

your knockers are all furred up what the these are problems these are genuine problems that you can have in an engine

you've got furred up knockers it's like a flexi the fall of Madonna with the big boobies got shit in your car

right now flexis oh you like flexis don't you flexis for those people who don't know

yeah vinyl records used to come in a form called a flexi disc which was very much cheaper printed on a flexi hence the name

flexible piece of plastic but it would still play like a normal record usually the quality you can see through them you can do all sorts of plastic. But it would still play like a normal record. Usually the quality. You can see through them. You can do all sorts of design things with it. Yeah.

They usually just gave them away cheap on the cover of a magazine. The engine problem flexi is another item, Jared. Do you reckon that came on a magazine? Oh, for sure. It was like... Have you ever come on a magazine? Oh, my gosh. I know, right?

By the way, while I'm here, frothy cock. Oh, God. Right, so that's out of the way, the way I while I'm here, frothy cock. Oh, God. Right, so that's out of the way, the way I see it. No, there was another part of that question. Imagine, imagine being the guy, imagine your ambition in life

saying, you know what I want to do when I get older? I want to be the guy who sells hamburgers and hot dogs at car boot sales. That is my dream. I want to sell things that should be sold

for £3.50 for £2 because no one's got any money. And because it's poison. It's essentially poison. Because I wash my hands at home before I leave and I'm in a field for seven hours. Did you wash your hands before you prepared this food? Yes.

Yesterday? Yes. I've got hand sanitiser. I have washed my hands. If by washing your hands you mean holding my nuts, then yes yeah right so

good that's that out of the way no that's not that out of the way we need to get through these there's quite a lot I'd like to be reasonably poor

yeah there was a question wasn't there at the end Eli Brand Noodles yes you're talking about your Barry Norman pickled eggs

pickled onions yes pickled Barry Norman now I'm posting oh it was much more popular than Claudia Winkleman's pickled eggs pickled onions yes pickled Barry Norman now unfortunately oh it was much more popular than

Claudia Winkleman's mango chutney oh I'd love Claudia oh dear I've never seen Ash look wistful before

Winkleman's chutney and his eyes went into the near distance Winkle's chutney right so your noodle would be it would be called

the noodle man the Eli noodle man what flavour range I would have umami just one starburst

that would be one umami starburst then I'd have fermented prawn tonkotsu firestorm yeah good good Paul

yeah I'm glad you're joining in with this thank you then I'd have, I'm glad you're joining in with this. Thank you. Then I'd have... Impro. I throw to you, you throw back to me. Professional comedy. Explosion.

Yeah. Just one called Explosion. Okay, cool. Shut up now. Next one is Florian Bar... Barino. Florian Barino. Florian Bar Barino.

Simply says, you've made it to 50 episodes. What are your future plans? Do you see yourselves doing 100? We didn't see ourselves doing 50. We really didn't. But now I think we're going to get to 100 a lot quicker. Because we have made... We're going to make 50 small episodes out of this.

We've made a pledge to our donators on Patreon. Oh, and Patreon. Patreon. Patreon. Mmm. Mmm. I got it wrong didn't I Paul yes

mmm word salad what was your pledge to make three episodes a month yeah and we've managed to just about achieve that

so we can in fact yeah give you the actual month and year when the 50th 100th episode will be out

and that is let me do the maths very quickly in my head go on it is so what's what's 50 divided by 3 it's 50 divided by 3

it's 15 16 this doesn't help me do the maths boom go on This doesn't help me do the match. Boom. Go on. In about a year and a half time. I'm sorry, Mr. Silverman.

You failed the audition for Countdown. We're going to have to get someone else in. I could be in the corner. You would be the naughty corner. Eli, what is the date for the 100th? Just make anything up. Just make anything off. Just make anything off. It'll be in February of 2019.

Right, great. That's too far. You know what? Make it Valentine's Day. Yeah. What's 12 times 3? No, it will be. In fact, I intuitively fucking got it right. If you're mocking and you're distractions, the brain's still working. It's working, even on a subconscious level

I'm doing maths. I genuinely don't know if 12 times 3 is a rhetorical question or if he genuinely wants us to answer The thing is it's still not the answer is it? No That's 36 It gives you 36

What's the answer? You can't just say 36 So 36 will be this month next year which is what month in August. What are you saying? What does that mean? You're going all

gunning on us. You've just said 36 will be this month next year. That isn't a sentence. Your reverse engineering 11 plus question. Ted and Margaret

have got a blue dog but Fred has a red dog. If Harry turns up what colour is his cap have you seen how many questions we've got to get 36

let's just end that one with 36 will be this month next year Flory the answer's 36 right doesn't matter 36

so you do 100 doesn't matter doesn't matter Flory all I can say 86 doesn't matter Florian all I can say just to clear up any I can't answer

your main question but let me say August next year episode 86 will be about this time next year and that is a fact that is a fact

are you planning to make more for it can we move on can we move on can we move on yes come on Paul right

ask another bloody question Michael Saunders says Paul what's your favourite noodle Eli who's your favourite Ghostbuster I like pork you just made that up

you don't even care I do like pork noodles. Pork noodles. That's not a usual flavour of noodle. Tonkotsu is basically a pork broth. That's true. Then I should say tonkotsu, right? Tonkotsu is my favourite noodle.

Who's your favourite Ghostbuster? Egon. Good. Next question. Oh, God, there's so many. I'll just... I'm sorry. Don't be despondent. Don't be despondent don't be despondent

these are people who are listening they like you they're paying your wage don't be upset that they give a shit Paul yeah I know

power bottom through this power bottom through this people in trousers let's rip this up right so Ryan Junior Shaw says do you see

Cheap Show ever coming to Birmingham Manchester or Liverpool yes absolutely yes right Stevie no that's it that's it it's a simple answer So Ryan Junior Shaw says, do you see Cheap Show ever coming to Birmingham, Manchester or Liverpool? Yes. Absolutely, yes. Right, Stevie. No.

That's it. That's it. It's a simple answer. We'd like to, but we don't know how to make that happen. So please find people who would want us to come and we'll do it. It's the answer you give, Paul. Not yes,

because that's not an answer. Thank you. That's a word. Thank you. That's why you're here. 36. Right, it's 36. It's 36.

Right, okay. Watch Stevie at Stevie Kitty Cat says, a word but thank you that's why you're here 36 right it's 36 it's 36 right okay watch stevie at stevie kitty cat says what's the priciest bit of tat you've ever bought and is there anything you've bought

cheap that was worth a lot I can say I think the viewmaster 3D how much did you spend

on that that was 3 quid he wanted 4 and I lied said but I've already got 3 that was the priciest thing that's a nice item I've paid got three and that was the priciest thing

that's a nice item I've paid Crossrail it was a Crossrail commemorative viewfinder to celebrate the opening of the London train

and it was in black with Crossrail logo on it and everything I've sometimes from second hand charity shops got VHS tapes for free because they're like

25p and I didn't have anything smaller than a five and they're like I can't afford the changes to have it not realising that it's probably worth

like 20 quid really some stuff you know like not now because no one wants VHS but there's things which were like there's a Salvation

Army near me Salvation Army near me that has almost a complete wall of VHS they had a film on there that didn't know existed starring Dustin Hoffman

basically it's called Agatha about the story of when she goes missing Michael Apted right yeah they had that about the story of when she goes missing. It's Michael Apted, right? Yeah, they had that on VHS. Yeah, because she went missing for 11 days.

It's a good story. Doctor Who found that was to do with bees. Right, so... What? We don't want to talk about Doctor Who. It's one of the weaker episodes we've got. Yeah, right. So, have you bought anything that was cheap but cost a lot, Eli?

Yeah, that... Paolo Icomuni. That sounds like a prostitute. I can't remember. Paolo, this record. Right. By an Italian, Paolo. Have you played it on the show?

No. We'll play it on a show. Yes. Anyway, it was 50p. Yeah. Worth at least 26 quid. But then I lost the picture sleeve whilst DJing and it's my

eternal chagrin and also probably the most expensive piece of tat was that space age emerald rhythm

Japanese alarm clock oh god yeah that was a tenner that was a lovely bit of objet d'art it's very nice very nice

I like space age stuff in answer to your question and wrap it up is that Florian or David no that was a lovely bit of objet d'art it's very nice very nice I like space age stuff in answer to your question and wrap it up is that Florian or David no that was Stevie Stevie

Kitty Cat Eli you're a smoker from Alex Walsh I have heard that just sounds like a judgement not a question as I have heard

you mentioned something about tobacco in a podcast but I'm not sure not really a question. Am I a smoker, is he asking? Yeah. Yes.

I wish I wasn't. Shame. Alex, you had all the questions in the world and you went with that one. Jordan Baldry. They want to know about the new show of my life because they love me, Paul. That's why. All right, cool. So Jordan Baldry says, what's the worst tale on the dance floor?

And I'll fold this into our Tales from the Dance Floor segment of the show. So we have to record it separately later. So it's time for Tales from the Dance Floor. After this. Just do a quick Tales from the Dance Floor segment of the show so we don't have to record it separately later. So, it's time for Tales from the Dance Floor. Don't we have more questions after this? Just do a quick Tales from the Dance Floor though now. I'm not ready. I've got a whole Tales from the Dance Floor bit. In that case, Jordan, we'll just do that one instead.

Yeah, wait for it later in the episode, Jordan. Thank you. Jacqueline Banks, what are your all-time favourite supermarket knock-offs? What's my all-time favourite supermarket knock-off? Yeah. I'll tell you what it is. What? I used to work down by what was known as Ken's Bollock,

the town hall in London. Ken's Bollock, yeah. The gherkin. When he was mayor. It was known as Ken's Bollock, yeah. I know what you mean. You know what I mean. Down there, they have an M&S.

Right, okay. I used to work there, and I'd go, and they'd have super reductions there mate I once bought like three steaks like sirloins they were

and large sirloins and it was they were 50p they were reduced you know these are like eight pound items they were reduced

and I went I went bananas and I bought all sorts of stuff and that bananas I had a great score that day but then over the months

you'd go at that time people started to clock it you know what I mean there used to be huddles and people with several baskets full of shit can I ask have I just encountered

your happiest memory ever it seemed like it someone's lit up I've never seen his eyes that alive before it's good to buy cheap steak isn't it mate he's murder though

do you remember that yeah he talked to a vegetarian with me it was the oldie version of the Nestle Crunch Bar it's good to buy cheap steak isn't it meat is murder though do you remember that yeah you talked to a vegetarian with meat it was the Aldi version of the Nestle Crunch Bar they had their own version

of chocolate with rice crisps on the bottom oh my fucking god it's so nice Aldi is strong on chocolate 36p Audis and Lidl's used to do

they had these like sort of like four tiny bars in a sort of four or five tiny bars in a thing that was like 125 or 90p

or something they used to have one which was praline but they don't seem to do that anymore neither do they have like you have white chocolate

milk chocolate dark chocolate white chocolate and like one with biscuits in it but the praline one seems to have gone I don't know where it's gone

and I want it to come back if you're listening to me I want it to come back more praline more praline praline is a lovely thing isn't it more praline

you get all these these salted caramel yeah stop your Americana give us praline more praline praline is a lovely thing isn't it more praline you get all these these salted caramel yeah stop your americana give us praline praline you hitch the bastards yes okay next question

marvellous mirth you know marvellous mirth he's the guy who did our app which has been updated as of this recording so you can download it now to only android phones but you can get it

worst fan experience he asks it was him it was you it was you mate it was you mate it was you mate coming to our buddy show pissed off your head

completely pissed completely pissed and then dropping a a beetle on the floor that someone had paid money to and just swearing

doing that kind of heckle you know just swearing like yeah but he then did do you an act yeah so you know swings and roundabouts swings and roundabouts yeah swearing. Yeah. Like. Yeah. Yeah. But he then did do you an app. Yeah.

So you know. Yeah. Swings and roundabouts. Yeah. Was that the worst heckle we've had? Yeah it was I think. Really? Yeah.

I don't know. That was the worst heckle we've had. Haven't done that many live shows and it's hard to know we're for heckling when you do shows at Comic Con

because it's like a huge air shelter with a big booming and it's just all a bit weird. The worst heckle we had from the last Comic Con was the show in the next room

just we could just hear that yeah yeah Martin Harder asks is that an instruction or is that

well can I ask the question before you immaturely immaturely jump in yeah Martin Harder he's a power bottom yeah

he asks grow yeah he asks grow up he asks what's the strangest place either of you have put your penises oh I see Mr Harder

Harder aren't you funny on Facebook the strangest place I've ever put my penis in a lady that's not strange it's rare

there's a subtle difference no it's a big difference scarcity scarcity and strangeness. I've seen you guys grow over it, because you didn't say it in a tramp's face. And I feel like you've both grown up over 50 episodes. Disappointing. Disappointing.

We've mellowed. The edge is gone. What have I done with my joke? Oh, perfect. I have put it in a raw chicken. Oh, what's wrong with you? It was not a wreck a wreck and I was acting at the time

so there's the little caveat to that acting I did acting up I mean I've read

I've read a lot of plays I did an experimental video for the BBC about a year and a half ago and it involved you fucking a chicken they were testing out this interactive

technology and it was sort of a cooking show. And one of the options ended up with me fucking the chicken. I had to get naked. Yeah, I know. I literally had to. I saw it. You saw it.

So, it's true. Yeah. So, beat that, anyone here. I don't want to. I don't. Meat is murder. Meat rape is murder rape, mate. All right. I will answer that. That's the name of the video. I don't. Meat is murder. Meat rape is murder rape, mate.

All right. I will answer that. That's the name of the video. I will answer that. Dog's mouth. And we'll move on. Okay. No one needs to know anything about that.

Vin Fort, who you're on his podcast. I mean, I wish I could join in this conversation. I'm afraid it's incredibly pedestrian. So Vin tweeted in

to say, in 50 episodes, what's the grimiest filthiest cheap eats and he looks forward to more noodles and Ghostbusters talk what's the worst cheap eats

we've had I think honestly I mean I can only guess but judging by your reaction the squid flavoured jelly bean yeah that was any of the jelly beans

they are disgusting anything fish based is a real touch and go isn't it not that I've done the podcast but whenever I've done the podcast but whenever I've had you go to like a

Korean or Japanese restaurant or shop you go oh that looks incredible I'll have the prawn snack because I like skips and then you realise that there's a certain

sadism to the flavouring that is not about enjoyment my friends were saying they had some authentic Thai food the other day and it was like they have a kind of fermented shrimp paste that they use. And they said it was a bit too much of it.

It was a bit, yeah, like death mouth. Death mouth. Yeah, sea death mouth. Basically eating garlic to try and get rid of the horror of the taste. I think the worst thing was the fish sausage. Yeah, which you didn't know was a fish sausage and could have killed me if I'd eaten it.

Oh God, I'm allergic to fish. Oh, I'm sorry, fucking concerning about my life. I'm allergic to fish, read Vaginophobic.

What the fuck? It's a massive leap. I can tell you now, I am a massive fan of vaginas. Okay.

And when I meet one, we get on famously. All right. Yeah. All you need to fucking worry about me is that me and a fanny, we're like best of

friends, driving Miss Daisy. I don't doubt it. I don't know why I dropped that film reference in. It felt appropriate. I don't doubt it. Fish sausage, you answered your question. I've got more questions. That's it.

Oh, that's it? There's a few more, but I skipped them because I want to save them for a proper episode. A saucisson. A saucisson. Is this not a proper episode? No. This is all a dream. Paul, are you going to... I'm not recording any of this. Get in a huff. Get in a h episode. A saucy song. A saucy song. Is this not a proper episode? No. This is all a dream. Paul, are you going to...

I'm not recording any of this. Get in a huff. Get in a huff. No! Put this in the bin. No! All right, good. Right, we're going to move swiftly on.

Hello. This is Brian from Ninja Sex Party and Game Grumps. I'm just here to congratulate my all-time favourite podcast, Chap Show, on 50 episodes. I love tuning in every week to hear the chaps, Al and Dave,

talk about Chap stuff and Chap topics. So congratulations on 50 episodes, Chap Show, and thanks for having me be a part of it. And now, ladies and gentlemen, for this 50th episode special, it wouldn't be Cheap Show without... Tales from the Dancefloor Tales from the Dancefloor Paul so

tell us a tale from the dancefloor yeah tell us it that was such a great for the 50th such a lovely introduction thank you subtle

boring dry emotional hollow I liked it just because it adds a bit of professionalism you seem to dislike I thought you'd love the introduction Thank you Subtle Boring Try Emotionalist Hollow I liked it Just because it adds a bit of professionalism You seem to dislike it We should always have them here

Fuck off Always Okay So In a perfect world Neither of you would be here Either of you Neither

Or both All three Three Thrice of you We're not here for This is all just in your head Thriver That doesn't surprise me

You know what There should be a word This is basically split The podcast version that. This is all just in your head. The Thriver. That doesn't surprise me. You know what? There should be a word. This is basically Split, the podcast version of Split. This is Fight Club. There should be a word for neither, but with three. Thriver, I'm saying. Thriver. Three, though.

That's my first... Three, though. Neither. Neither. Neither. Neither. Good. Neither of you will get three.

Neither of you. Yeah, all right. Very good. We've got it Hashtag Neither Hashtag copyright Yeah

So for Today Right Was that Indian impression necessary? We'll start with something positive We'll start with something positive Oh well bugger me A positive tells from the dance floor

I've shit me kecks guv So the other night I was DJing I won't mention the name of the spot But Why are you looking smug telling this story? I'm just getting into it Alright okay Shit me cats, Gov. So, the other night I was DJing. I won't mention the name of the spot, but... Why are you looking smug telling this story? I'm just getting into it. All right, okay. It's a very exciting night.

I DJ in between the bands. In between the bands. So the first band came on. And I'm outside. Having a fag. Having a fag. And the manager comes up to me and goes, Eli, they're a bit slow.

What I need you to do... A band? Yeah. Like remedial no come on they don't know how to play underpowered oh

I think he meant the overall yes the overall low key tempo of the songs okay right and it was Saturday night and he was afraid

that everyone would leave after the band which happens when you get a low energy band in that place so yes

he said to me Eli I need you to really smack them with it as soon as the band, which happens when you get a low energy band in that place. He said to me, Eli, I need you to really smack them with it as soon as the band finishes. He said, play three Bobby Dazzlers in a row. Okay? And then he also said, put the pressure on a bit more, he said,

I'll look at the audience ten minutes after they finish. If they're all still there, then you're doing your job. Alright. But that's impossible because almost they would have made their minds up well before you would even start playing your set. But the idea being

that a DJ the calibre of Eli will, through a musical choice, be able to keep people... That's the whole point of having a DJ like Eli on

is that you keep the vibe... It's like having an MC after a terrible act. The MC goes back on and raises the level of the room it is my job however I was slightly

the MC I was slightly irked because it's like yeah that's what I do anyway that's what I try and you know play tunes that everyone likes that's my job mate

it's my job mate you almost shouldn't notice that I'm doing this because it's seamless you know what I mean but he's obviously scared you know he wants the night to go well of your masculinity he wants the night to go well You almost shouldn't notice that I'm doing this because it's seamless. You know what I mean? But he's obviously scared. You know, he wants the night to go well. Of your masculinity.

He wants the night to go well. Play three Bobby Dazzlers. I also didn't like his use of Bobby Dazzler to refer to a tune. Because it sounds too much like Bobby Davro to me. Play three Bobby Davros. Imagine I had misheard him and I quickly downloaded the Bobby Davro discography. I bet he has got an album as well. So,

I was slightly irked by that. For a price. But today, but today, I got a little text from the promoter who said that the manager had said

I did really well. Oh. That's nice. So nice. I was hoping it was going to be you did too well. What were the three Bobby Dazzlers?

I played the, what's that song called? Do you know what I mean? When you DJ for a while, the thing that happens is you just look at the record. You're not even cognizant

of the name of the record or the artist. It's that one. You know what I mean? You just look at the label. It's that one. So this is... Sounds like a lie.

What's that one? Yeah, that really good one, isn't it? Yeah, what's that one with the music that sounds like what's it go like oh god I can't even remember how it goes

this segment's falling apart mate you've ruined this anyway the second tune I played was Land of a Thousand Dances by Wilson Pickett

and then I played Shout no Shout you say for later because that's a proper Dazzler that's a proper Bobby Dazzler that's a proper Bobby Dazzler

Lulu's shout yeah you want to play Lulu's shout when they've already started to put their arms in the air and wave them about

it's not a dance floor filler it's a dance floor killer yes thank you it's not something to bring them on they want to be on already

warmed up the juice is flowing the dance floor juice is flowing already and then you fuck them then you fucking you fuck them with shout. Yeah.

You power bottom them with shout. So, I play... Is it called the Ring Ring Song? The Bell Song? Ring Ring Bell Song? The Ring Ring Bell Song. The wheels on the bus go round and round and round. Come on, if you played that right between two Bobby Dazzlers.

The Ring Ring Bells. And the third song I think is Do You Like Good Music by Arthur Connors. Oh, nice music. Which is, works, okay? So, there they are. Anyway, that was a little positive thing. And a girl came to me at the end of that night. She said, can you play Repetite by Jackie Wilson?

Yes, I do. Yes, I can. Wow. I'm happy to help you there. And I'm in no way going to smirk at you or be in any way negative about this. I played it. It went down. Brilliant.

And then she came and she asked for another one. Band of Gold by Frida Payne. Did you then tell her to fuck off? No, I played that. What? This is unheard of. Two requests. Genuinely unheard of.

Eli's got a twinkle in his eye. I know. Two requests. And then... He does. He looks younger. He does. Genuinely unheard of. Eli's got a twinkle in his eye. I know. Two requests and then... He does. He looks younger. He does look younger. Eli has... Everything that's been building up has been ageing him.

I think you might be Bobby Dazzler. Yeah. And then... Hello ladies and gentlemen, I'm Bobby Dazzler. At the end I played a song and she came up and said, what's that? What was... What's that? That came on by accident.

I'm sorry. So she said, what was that song? Which is the ultimate... Come on, Mike. Yeah. Well, I wish it wasn't. Oh. It's a compliment, though, to a DJ.

Go, oh, I haven't heard that before. What is that song? And what was it? I need this in my life. It's the theme to Cheers. That was I'm a Good Woman by... I Could Be So Good For You by Dennis Waterman. That was it.

I Could Be So Good For You by Dennis Waterman. That was it. It ain't what you do, it's the way that you do it. I could be so good for you. Banana rubber. But on the negative side. Oh no. Now let's go to... You should have started

with the negative and ended on the positive. The dark side of... I'm so up. I don't want to be down. No, don't worry. This will really bum you out. So...

Oh no. That'll bum me out. The dark side of Tales from the... Right. There's a song out so oh no the power bummed me out from the dark side of tales from the dance floor right there's a song out by Justin Bieber now

do you know what this song is called no yes it's called Despacito and I had in two nights

I had about five requests for Despacito even though I'm in an old school soul and funk and R&B even Justin Bieber

doesn't play Despacito because he doesn't actually know the words that's true and Desposito because he doesn't actually know the words. That's true. And this was asked unironically. Yeah they're just

like can you play Desposito and they had a real hunger for Desposito in their eyes. Is it Abberish? It sounds like an Abber song.

Do you know what it is? La la la la Desposito. It's a shameless cynical as all fuck attempt not even attempt

successful attempt to break into the Latin American market it's the Ricky Martin thing yeah because it worked out well for Ricky Martin they were Spanish a lot of the girls

asking for it yeah oh played hello played can you play oh please please can you play

yeah so his next song is completely in Chinese Despacito Despacito oh please please can you play Eli yeah so or 12 off Spanish his next song is completely in Chinese yeah so it's

it's obviously so I kept I was like no I'm not going to play Despacito I already knew about it because one of my DJ friends pre-warned me

that he has to fucking play it at least I'm in the kind of venue where I you know I'd lose my job if I played it I couldn't play it can I

to end this no we're not ending it now because I'm still talking I've got an I'd lose my job if I played it. I couldn't play it. Can I end this? No, we're not ending it now because I'm still talking. I've got an aside before we get too far. I've just found

Bobby Davro sings your song so I just want to play a little bit of that. Oh my God, he's singing it in the silence. It's weird, there is a thing, because when he does impressions he signifies it by putting a different hat on. That doesn't come across when he's singing.

Here's the best bit. Oh, he sounds like he's heavily sedated on morphine. I think he might's heavily sedated on morphine. I think he might be heavily sedated. I think he's getting Elton John confused with Joe Longthorne. 80s reference there that a lot of the audience... Anyway, your negative story. So, that was pretty negative.

We needed the Davro break. I had to say no and they gave me that look that people do when they ask for something and you sort of go, fucking no way. We needed the Davro break. I had to say no, and they gave me that look that people do when they ask for something, and you sort of go, fucking no way. Yeah. My mouth was saying no, sorry, but my face was saying, I have to tell me yes! Who the fuck are you?

Yeah? Who the fuck are you? That's what my voice was saying. Fuck off out of here. So you didn't play Justin Bieber. Desposito. But it prompted me to actually go and check out Desposito and it was several degrees worse than I thought it was going to be.

It's a fucking unbearably shit, cynical, horrible record. He genuinely can't play it live because he doesn't know the words. Really? I don't think it can be any worse than the Rihanna song Work which I heard recently

and there's not even a tune or music or words she just has like a four year old mumbling Richard has officially just become mid-aged it's true it's not even

it's not even noise it's not even it's not even it's not even anything to it it's just noise isn't it not even it's not even interesting enough

to be noise ladies and gentlemen welcome to a new segment of Cheap Show old men complain about modern music so desposito honestly paul though

desposito you'd lipo you'd lipo so now you're referencing racist goon songs yeah actually i was

trying to reference abba and chicken tikka you'd lipo that's what i that's what i thought the song was for the longest time

that's what i thought the song was for the longest time paul you know you're not asleep now you're awake what's the difference like if I stab you

nothing will happen to me in the real world in real life I will so if I right now stab you I will hurt there'll be no effect

because this is a dream I bleed I hurt so to everyone so don't ask for despisee oh everyone if you're in the

wrong venue okay and in fact don't ask for itosito, everyone, if you're in the wrong venue, okay? And in fact, don't ask for it anywhere. It makes you look uncool. It makes you look uncool. And Eli don't like that. He don't like uncool. Make sure you ask for Rumours by Fleetwood Mac instead. Always.

That's a close second. Anyway, but I told you, I mean, I must have done it on one other The Dance Floor, but someone asked for Fleet sleep with Mac and then said, my friend died four years ago, and we're all here to celebrate or whatever, to mourn, and you won't play

that song, and gave me a look like I'd fucking killed her. Is it my fault for not owning a copy? Yeah. Fuck you. Right. You can go your own way mate oh no no don't do that

wasn't worth that so what's coming up next Paul well hello this is me John from the unexplainers sometimes known as Eggsy from GLC 50 episodes

of the cheap show 50 one more than 49 and one less than 51 great stuff can I go can I go? Can I go now?

It's now time to go back to Paul Gannon's throth shop. Ooh. Ding-a-ling-a-ling, entering the throth shop. Oh, I like that. I like that. That's our new jingle. Ooh, hello, Mr. Paul, Mr. Gannon. Hello. No, you're not going to be creepy.

Hello. Welcome to my... He is going to be creepy. Welcome to my froth shop. You can't not be creepy. What have we got in the froth shop on this special 50th episode of Cheap Show? Speak like a child. Speak like a child to me. I like the froth.

I've had it for... Oh, you do here. It's got a polished wooden counter. Mr. Gannon wooden counter Mr Gannon Mr Gannon Tell me what is in your froth shop Can you play

Disposito please In my froth shop In behind you in the froth shop is it jars Jars Do you have

little whiskers Do you have whiskers No A little fanny tickler I'm completely bald Whistles when you talk look it's just

from the shops it's somebody it's somebody does that someone sound like a bird oh please Mr Paul Mr Conan please

this is officially the creepiest moment from 1995 no shopkeepers will ever look like this. Oh, mate, I want this to be a dream so bad. Poor, what have we got in the first shop? Today?

Stop it. I can see your penis. No. Let me dib-dab your sherbet. Fuck off. Oh, come on. Come on. You behave.

You behave. You behave. Do I have to leave the shop? Am I going to get spanking again yes alright don't wait to put the microphone down oh sorry

alright come on get it out I have the microphone in the froth shop oh Mr Gannon I have heard good things about the froth shop yes well the froth shop

is now open oh this is good and it's going to be super good Alice Clar has to on Google Schreiber hold on you've done German German's I have It's going to be super good. Alles klar? Hast du ein Kugelschreiber? Hold on. You've done German. Germans don't have sweets.

I'm going to do... Japanese. I'm going to be a Chinese guy. Yeah, go on, do that. Hello. I've studied for quite a long time in England, but I am... Oh. Oh, very, very good.

I spent a lot of time in international schools. I'm actually Malaysian. Get it out, Paul. Right, it is time for Froth Shop. Now, last time we were at the Froth Shop, we bought a load of Bobby's sweets, didn't we? A large selection of sweet candies for a cheap price. Fizzy orange and lemon and lime sherbet little sweets.

This is my voice now, I think, I believe, for this sweet shop. Also, I believe in our sweet shop, we tackled some creamy chocolate bars. A bit too creamy. Strawberry milkshake. Didn't agree with me. how did it agree with you? I didn't like it very much. No, strawberry laces tip top though, what what? And

finally we also had some horrible Double Dare's jelly beans which were quite repulsive. They weren't Bobbies though were they? They turned out they were, they are Bobbies but it's like the other brand that makes that kind of stuff. Really? Yes. Knobbies. Knobbies. So we went back to Bob's and we've decided

to review their cut price budget potato crisps. I'm guessing there'll be some maze based snacks as well. Well, spoilers alert. Yes. Here we go. First one out is, we're going to start with a classic. It's Bobby's Big Snack Onion Rings 39p. Oh, I love a shit onion ring. So do I. Genuinely do. Shit onion ring, shit frazzles. So, let's pick one each and go round. You take one out. For now. For now.

For now. Alright. They're all ending there. They'll all be vegetarian, won't they? That's excellent news. Let's describe this. Now, it's... Oh, are they? That's acceptable for vegetarian. That's excellent news. Vegetable... Let's describe this.

Now, it's a classic sort of maize-based onion ring, but they're quite orangey. Good smell. Mmm. Very orangey aroma. And they've got quite... Not an orangey aroma, is it, Paul? It's oniony. Oniony.

Sorry. And we're waiting to eat, and... All right, here we go. Oh, good crunch. Quite a very good crunch. The texture's very good. Good texture, good smell. I like... Good first impression. Yeah.

Can I say something outrageous? I like a slightly stale texture. So it's a little bit kind of... Al gonte. Chewy. Yeah, yeah. Al gonte. These cheap ones are very good for that. Going a bit soft is what you like it with a bit soft. You like it a bit soft in the mouth. That is a good onion ring. It's very nice nice it's a very good onion ring yeah 39p from bobby's or any

good sweet shop uh especially uh paul gannon's thrift shop where i stack all the things that we eat on this show you know this reminds me if my girlfriend goes away and my eyes are bigger than my belly because i'm not there's not a lot of like horrible food like bad junk food in the house she goes away I buy ice cream I buy them I buy bags of sweets and like an hour after she's left I can't eat it anymore

and I'm full of regret and then when she comes back I'm hungry for all that stuff again aww what a wonderful tableau yeah so summing up what did you think of that onion ring?

er absolutely tipped off very nice very nice for 40p that'd be like you can't you know also you can't argue but it's So summing up, what did you think of that onion ring? Absolutely tipped off. Very nice. For 4TP that would be like, you can't argue. I think if that was, because I've had good quality onion ring crisps, that to me is just as good, genuinely. So I'm going to rate it out of 5.

There's texture, there's substance to it. It's got a crunch, it's got a very potent oniony flavour. It's not all air like a lot of things are. They'll just be sort of essentially hollow. Follow them on Twitter, at Bobby's Foods. Basically it's as good as the American Funyun. Oooh! That's very interesting. As featured in Breaking Bad. Yes. They are extremely Moorish Funyuns.

Okay. And you get the Red Hot Funyuns, which I believe we've tasted on one of our shows. We've tasted Hot Funyuns, yes. Have you ever had those, Richard? I haven't. I haven't, no, but I'm saying they Funyuns, yes. Have you ever had those, Richard? I haven't. I haven't, no, but I'm saying they sound incredible. They are. They are hot.

Spicy, spicy onion rings. That is a genuinely good crisp. Yeah. Bobbies don't fuck around, mate. They don't. They don't mess around. Let's go quickly round the room. I'm going to give it four out of five.

I'll give it four. Richard, out of five. I was saying four, but I don't really know how it could be any better. Don't be afraid. So I'm going to say five, because I can't not... It may be that the other Chris will be tastier than this, but I can't fault this onion ring at all.

I would say a Monster Munch beef is a five. That's good. Good calibration. That's a nice benchmark. Well played. And I'm saying that... I mean, I'd eat a bag of Monster Munch beef over that, so that's a four. It's a very strong four. It's a four. It's a four benchmark well played and I'm saying that I mean I'd eat a bag of Monster Munch beef over that

so that's a four it's a very strong four it's a four it's a four it's an extremely high score I mean I don't know how we're going to get I'm thinking more

in terms of like instead of comparison you can't criticise it on it's own merits is why I'm giving it a five but I think Frith's logic is impeccable I'll tell you what

for balance I'll give it five everyone goes home with a little less guilt. All right, fine, Paul. Five. A little less crisp. But do Smiths,

do like the big boys, have a version? Tesco do a good one, but it's a bit too oily. I like oily food. Yeah, see, that hasn't got a sort of grease finish.

It's got a very light, crunchy, This is going to be such a fucking pain in the arse to edit. You don't need to. Anyway, so I dropped Cag in there for a bit, sorry. The next one on the list.

Why do you have to talk like that? It's a carrot now for my thrift shop. You're just going to have to roll with it, all right? All right. So in Bobby's thrift shop next, we have Bobby's cheesy curlers. I think we can all agree we're going to have to compare them to the Wotsit. So already we do have a benchmark in terms of flavour consistency. It's essentially a knock-off

Watsit. You see, but with the onion rings, there's no really famous onion rings. There is no quintessential onion ring. But they do have it in the States, as we discussed, Funyuns. And do you know what? They I'm not saying that was nicer than a market leader. I don't want to say that those onion rings are nicer than

actual onion rings, but considering how shit real onion rings are in restaurants and greasy and they're just like one bit of a tater and it all slides out that's actually better than restaurant onion rings like most restaurant onion rings unless you actually get a really good one Phenomenal Bobby, Phenomenal Cheesy curls, Wotsits They look like Wotsits or Cheetos

They do look like Wotsits, little poofs Are you eating them with a pin? Yes, but I am delicate. So, we're already eating them, so let's... I haven't checked, they're vegetarian, hold on. Are vegetarian. What's your first impression there, Paul? They taste exactly like Wotsits.

No, they don't. They are saltier and less cheesy than Wotsits. Okay, yes, I would agree with you on that. I don't really eat Wotsits all that much, so I don't really know how to... I don't have a sort of I don't have a muscle memory sense memory of Watsits so we're going in clean

with Richard's view what's your view they're nice but if I was ever if I was ever having anything cheesy it would usually be cheesy Cheetos

or like the more sort of harsher you know crispier or like knick knacks basically that's what the original

Cheetos were weren't they they were cheese knick knacks and you don't get those anymore, do you? You see Cheetos, yes. You see Cheetos, and they've got all like pizza twirls and like spirals, all this shit. And they don't have a proper knick-knack, cheesy knick-knack. But, you know what I found, Paul, which will be coming to the froth shop?

Ooh. Fonzies. Fonzies what? They are what Cheetos used to be they're knickknacks essentially corn based knickknacks um i'm just going to stop proceedings here to let you know ash has found what could be the largest what's it i've ever seen there's a mutant what's it incident it's a fucking snake of a whatatsit. Don't destroy that. Have you got a good photo of it?

Yeah. All right. I've caught that. I have got a 10-year-old son. Yeah. So 90% of the food I eat is Watsits. Oh, yes. We need your...

Well, in that case, you can be the market leader. This is a cheap alternative. It is. It definitely is. It's saltier and less cheesy and sort of less soft. The texture is slightly different. It's not that crunch it's got the

onion ring crunch it might be more overall palatable than a Wattie trying to be more objective because I would never ordinarily go for

a cheesy snack I prefer savour by savoury actually like if I'm going to have cheese I'd rather have cheese and everything else

I'd rather have flavours mate Fonzie's you'd like I'm sure honestly nice it was nice lovely if they were in a bowl on a table at a gathering cheese and everything else are rather our flavours. Mate Fonzie's you'd like. I'm sure. Honestly. Nice. It was nice. Lovely. If they were in a

bowl on a table at a gathering I wouldn't be at the gathering but the people would enjoy those crisps. They'd be demolished. Look out for Fonzie's

on this show people. Alright. We're going to get Fonzie's. Okay. Eli's Fonzie scheme. Nice. There we go.

He's got a lot of titles. It's like it's more puns when Richard's here yeah it's very Tony show nothing else no substance

so out of five I'm going to give that three and a half I'll go for a three yeah three from me not unpleasant a good three

a positive three but not really C plus it's Edinburgh so I'm going to give it a three star that reads like a four star okay

next since we've got some kind of context we'll go with these next these are Bobby's Bacon Streep I'm going to give it a three star that reads like a four star. Okay. Next. Since we've got some kind of context, we'll go with these next. These are Bobby's Bacon Streaks. Oh, now you're talking. Yes. This is where the big boys come out, ladies and gentlemen. So these little things are the lifeblood that keep me going. Like the thought of maybe this is what bacon actually tastes like.

Unfortunately for you, these are loaded with pig. Are they actually? No, it's suitable for vegetarians. You are all right. So, in the UK, we have a frazzle, which is a maize bacon-flavoured snack. Frazzle has gone downhill.

As we have, I mean, we're getting a lot of support. As the E-numbers are eradicated, things like the pot noodle, which originally was a much more enjoyable snack, then no artificial ingredients well that's why i don't want to eat it now it's just bland my feeling is that these would be more like an original frazzle we could only hope so for me again ideally served between

two pieces of very buttery bread oh yeah i mean they look like a frazzle they look like fake bacon in a maze style here um i'm getting bored of doing this voice. Oh my God. Can't you just stick with one thing? No. My relationship history proves otherwise. There's a slightly odd and bacon-y smell. Slightly. Not horrible, but it's almost like five spice.

I've got a word for these. They're underpowered. There isn't enough flavouring on this at all. What about if I put the bag on the tray? Oh yeah. I don't think flavouring on this at all. What about if I give the bag a little shake? Oh yeah. I don't think that's going to improve it. Awful. I'm getting too much corn coming through.

Bit too salty. But again, not unpleasant. I mean they are even further away from the original frazzle than a contemporary frazzle. I've given them a shake, let me give them a try. I'm not going to stop eating them. I mean they're not unpleasant, are they? No. The shake has helped.

The shake, you should try them after a shake. All right, I'm going to give them after a shake. Can I just say, just so you know, this is not only a statement of the show, but it's also your rider for tonight. So... Right, I've given them a shake now. For example, you can get...

In Aldi's do a big bag of sort of faux frazzles. And they're, like, amazing. But they're not... The shake made a big difference. Did it? they're like amazing but they're not the shape made a big difference did it they're still not they're still large

it's sort of salt like you get from bacon but not a bacon taste like you get from bacon it's like bacon rind if you want to

look for like what a frazzle used to be like you have to go to the triumphant of smith's bar snacks scampi fries

cheese moments and the crispy are they not veggie life is pain I am in front of Smith's bar snacks. Scampi fries. Oh. Cheese moments. I can't. And the crispy are they not veggie? Oh. Life is pain. Those original yeah those

are they called originals? I think so but those those crunchy lumps. Those are bacon as fuck.

Okay fucking I'm giving that a three out of five. I'll go two. I didn't think it was that impressive. Yeah no I'm going they were better after a shake no I'm going they were better

after a shake but I'm going one what one I would buy the Tesco equivalent for a quid and have a big oily bag

and that was better they'd be better than that so that was a negative experience what would make a Tesco better than the Bobby's

there much more flavour and slightly more I like oily food the greasy a bit greasier. That felt stickier, but not greasy. Yeah, it was. Like the coating's come off on my hands.

Okay, so... Worst performer so far. Two more snacks. Unfortunately, the one I was most looking forward to, because who doesn't love a bacon snack? Well, we have something to maybe replace that. I don't know what flavour that is. I know you're about to say, but from the

packet, I want it to be like burger flavour or something like that. If it is that, I'm so excited for it. Pizza flavour. It's Bobby's BBQ sauce potato snacks. What would you call that? It's a trellis.

A lattice. Trellis? A pork callis of, er... What's a trellis? For growing... It's like a sort of... It's a manhole. A trellis is a subset of lattices. I would say manhole cover along with it.

A manhole cover of potato crisps. So they're synonyms. So can I make an announcement at this point? I've never really had a barbecue. So I don't know whether these will... Have you never had barbecue sauce

at a McDonald's? No. Have you had a barbecue... I know you don't eat meat but did you before you didn't? Corn on the cob? When I was like 10.

But I'm never off a barbecue. Corn on the cob on a barbecue? Never off a barbecue. No, fair enough. Don't hassle him. Bloody hell. Oh, come on, Froppy.

So there we go. They do not look like the picture on the package. They look like little baskets. They don't look very lattice-y. They look more trellisy. Smell them. Smell them. Do they smell like prawn cocktail to you, like skips?

Yeah, I'm very excited to see them. Smell them. Do they smell like prawn cocktail to you? Oh, absolutely. Absolutely. I'm getting an extremely overpowering... ...kind of prawn cocktail skips. Skips, they smell exactly like skips.

They do, yeah. But almost like... At the end of the smell, the barbecue comes in. Half skips for Space Raiders. That is strong skipping. Alright, let's try this. There's sort of no taste, but there is... There's a sweetness at first,

and then there's quite a subtle barbecue-y finish. They're very puffy, aren't they? It's like you're putting a testine. I feel like the texture is pleasing. The puffy texture is pleasing. And it tastes more like a... It's a slow build. The more you eat, the more there's a rolling sensation of flavour in your mouth. I like those. I like those. Yeah, surprising. Although they still taste like skips to me, but that's...

They're a bit like those Pombears as well. They've got a very similar texture to the Pombears. You can let it fizz on your tongue. Oh yeah, I haven't done that. They've got a bit of a fizz. But skips have the ultimate fizz. That one has a real adhesion with a skips. You could get this sort of vacuum going on your tongue.

Quavers. I've heard of them as that being a big property of them. No, Quavers. Yeah, that's why they're called fizzy quavers. Yeah, but skips had the whole thing about letting them fizz in and out you know a quaver

would fizz but a skip would act like like a sucker like a toilet sucker would go on your tongue like a toilet sucker like a toilet plunger

would stick onto your tongue like a leech like some kind of limpet thank you you're that far away from doing like Fifty Shades of Eli

right there. Just with that whole... Oh, in your mouth. No, I'm not turned on now. Those ones can come again. Yes. Those are very good. I'm giving them...

Four? Oh, four. And what were they called? Barbecue Burger Bites. Barbecue Sauce Potato Snacks. Bobby's BBQ Sauce Potato Snacks. And just so you know, same design, and they do a beef flavour. Oh. Four for me. I'd say four. So you put them up with the... Bobby's BBQ sauce potato snacks. And just so you know, same design and they do a beef flavour.

Four for me. I'd say four. So you put them up with the... Four. The onion rings. Four, yeah. Remember I said five for balance. I like those. I'm going three.

I'm going a strong three. I would buy that. If I saw them, I'd buy them. You're the Paul Hollywood of this panel, aren't you? You're a little bit more strict and a little bit more stern. And I am going to the other show when it starts. Right. Final one.

This may please you. Oh, no. I know. This has been the best segment ever. This is Bobby's Burger Bites. Oh, yes. Look at that. They look like little puffed

little burgers. Yes. The way they've been puffed makes them look like a big burger. I think the word you're looking for is bivalve. And will Bobby's be sponsoring the podcast?

I fucking hope so. They have heard the episode that we did. Bobbies did listen to the one we did with them. Here they come. Bobbies cops. The Bobbies. Yeah. Yeah.

High five. Bobbies on the beat. Cheap show on the eat. Hey. Now we're cooking. Now, I will say this. Disappointed by the aroma out of the bag slightly chlorinated

you know what I might do I might give it the ash shuffle because your shuffle improved the flavour of the bacon salad let them express themselves

it's like letting a glass of wine you know breathe you've got to decant the burger bites I'm genuinely excited about this

I'm feeling actual excitement there's adrenaline in my heart Ash is looking at me and he's got a twinkle in his eyes he's got a bit frenzied

he hasn't been this animated all day Ash has got that look on his face which is come on Eli pass the fucking bag do you know what

that smells like what burnt sugar it's got a burnt sugar smell so I'm going to take some out and pass them on

great you know that was you pulled it out like it was in an advert you know that when they tic tac or they tip pulled it It's got a burnt sugar smell. So I'm going to take some out and pass them on. Great. You know, you pulled it out like it was in an advert. You know how they tick-tock? So they pulled out a little tick-tock. It's almost like candy floss. Yes. It's sort of burnt sugar. Oh, yeah, you're right.

Remnants of candy floss. So I hope everyone has stuck their nose and gob in the bag. I'm Lars. In the wine, you stick your nose in the glass. It does smell the actual thing. Oh, God, it is that. It's candy floss. I don't like actual thing. Oh god it is that! It's Covey Floss. I don't like the flavour. Tomatoey. It's almost like a tomato.

I like the crunch though. The crunch is good. Crunch is nice crunch. This is like Worcester sauce. It's a bit too much the flavour for me. Well, I thought that was going to be the highlight of the show. Can I just be honest? I thought that was going to be the highlight of the show. And it's turned out I think it's been the most disappointing

You know what the big surprise The standout for me Go on Was the Barbecue flavoured potato Snacks Grill thing Yeah

Let's rate this very quickly It's been a bit of a let down Anti-climactic But I'm going to give that two Because the crunch Gave it an extra point for me I don't like the flavour Slightly sickly two for me

Yeah I'm going to give it two as well I'm going one I'm so disappointed I two as well. I'm going one. I'm so disappointed. I've never had such a... But I think the clear winner... Actually, it's tough. The onion rings or the barbecue snacks are both... Both extremely strong.

Very, very strong. But the barbecue snacks has no peer. So the onion rings, you know, are always going to fail comparison to, say, you know... Yeah. Monster Munch. See, if you think about Beef Monster Munch, like those beef you know

what I mean like you compare anything to a beef monster munch you're shitting aren't you yeah beef monster munch

is not only one of the finest crisps ever but one of the finest achievements of mankind in this era of humanity

well I think we'll give the win to both the onion rings she put it on the space shuttle she put monster munch never mind

showtime any of that shit just put some monster munch on there they fucking should that would get the aliens down to fucking

da vinci's david who gives a shit I honestly think that bobbies should be the market leader of onion rings you know you should

say can you get me a bag of bobbies and that should automatically mean I totally agree there's a hole in the market leader of onion rings you know you should say can you get me a bag of bobbies and that should automatically mean I totally agree there's a hole in the market and they've they've put a fucking

good product up there well bobbies if you are listening we are looking for sponsorship and we do actually like your product we genuinely think your onion rings

are the best onion rings good they're very good nice sweets nice retro vibe I like bobbies we'll probably come out we'll probably come out

that their their boss the boss of Bobby's is some kind of big racist arsehole. He's not, he's not. He might sponsor the show. Yeah, I was distraught

when I heard about one of the guys who owns Greg's likes watching kid porn. Does he? I'm never going to enjoy a pasty ever again. It's like that punk brewery.

Yeah. They are fucking douche alloys, my friends. Anyway. Well, on that fucking douche-aloids, my friends. Anyway. Well, on that kiddie-fiddling note, round of applause to Bobby's. Bobby!

You're not going to end it with on that kiddie-fiddling note. Yeah. This is cheap show, Ash. I've never listened to this show. They will not sponsor you if that's how you wrap up the section about their product.

Even if it's that they don't do it, you can't say, oh, and by the way, the people at Bobby's don't do it you can't say oh and by the way the people at Bobby's don't kiddy fiddle well in this

day and age you have to know no because it just raises it raises the thought of it as a consumer and a parent

you should be proud to know that Bobby's staff don't fuck kids it's like meeting a girl in a nightclub

and going oh hi by the way I don't beat women she's not going to go oh oh, great, that's perfect. I used to do that. That's cutting close to the bone, really. Because I used to say I'm not weird when I'm trying to chat women up.

You know, whenever I'm not fucking a corpse, I eat bobbies. Hello, Cheap Show lover. I'm Damien St John. I appeared on one episode of Cheap Show and my life has changed so much since. You would not believe how much my life has changed. I've had two haircuts. I've bought a house. I own a hybrid bike and I'm getting married. All funded, not by my appearance on Cheap Show. getting married. All funded, not by my appearance on Cheap Show. I mean, that was the rock bottom moment. Really, it couldn't get any lower than that. And I've used my appearance to really springboard my life into doing what I want to do. Oh, I also got BAFTA listed as a writer, but let's not bring that up. I've been on the streets, actually. I went to Manchester,

because I know Cheap Show is popular amongst the poor. And I asked the people of Greater Manchester about the startling statistic that reveals that people in the north of England who listen to Cheap Show are a fifth more likely to die under the age of 75 than Cheap Show listeners in the south. This couple think there is a north-south divide. I've never really thought of it before, but I think you could be right,

probably down to diet, exercise, lack of. There definitely is. But where the line's drawn, exercise, lack of. It definitely is. But where the line's drawn, I don't know, in the country. Down south, there's a much more affluent way of living than up north. I'll be honest, I know I'm much healthier down south. So thank you, Paul. Thank you, Eli, for having me on Cheap Show. It really helped turn my life around.

If you are a struggling talent, I suggest you two appear on the show and then it can't get any worse than that here's to another 50 episodes looking forward to appearing on at most one of them oh it's time for another part of the show i love where we delve back into the charity shops and find a board game based on a TV property and we play the game, kind of. What's the property this week on our very special 50th episode? Well it was donated at

our live show at the Bill Murray pub and I wanted to play it for a while and we're going to play tonight Noel Edmonds, Cuddly Ed Noel Edmonds the BBC's very own otter of entertainment He was, he used to be He's not Not anymore. No, because he was shit.

He is shit. He used to get like 30 million views. Yeah, he was big man. He used to strut around the BBC all like this. He was big man on the BBC. And then what, he got into the secret where it's like, I visualise 10 million pounds and then I get it. And he already had 10 million pounds.

He said he invented a machine that cured cancer as well, didn't he? Yeah, and he had a helpline that he would speak to your pets. He would call up your dog and say, Cheer up! Eli's blue light is facing me. Is that going to be an issue?

Turn it round, you wanker stain. Okay. He's also responsible for the worst TV game show, which is Deal or No Deal. Yeah. Which is... One of the things I can't abide is something which is passed off as skill,

where it's blind luck and guessing. There is no logic or reasoning. No, but that's it. I've got a good feeling about three. No, just fucking come on. It's that mumbo jumbo. That's why he loves it, because it's pure luck. Wasn't it almost once going to be banned because there's no skill involved?

So it's technically gambling. It's not actually entertainment it is strategy in terms of whether you take the deal from the banker or not that is a strategic

consideration but there's a YouTube thing where someone's edited an episode where they just choose and it's like 45 seconds

long and it's like one of those things where it's a 45 second game show they drag out for a fucking

hour by just chatting so tell us about your weight loss or you got over cancer the worst thing that ever happened to fucking telly for a fucking hour by just chatting so tell us about your weight loss or your yeah or you got over cancer or something the worst thing

that ever happened to fucking telly it was deal or no deal no was when it was who wants to be a millionaire yeah

and to create tension it was all like what do you think the answer is why why are you going to go for A and not B well I'm going to go for A because

and now everyone's going to spend 45 minutes... It's like, if you are the Bishop of Durham, will you live in Durham, York or London? Well, it's not going to be London. So I'm thinking, oh, it's probably not... You know, Bishop of Durham, Durham or York, Durham or York, Durham or York, Durham or York. Probably not going to be York. Are you sure?

Yes. Do you know this? No, it's just a guess. But answer the fucking question. Answer the fucking question. Jesus Christ, people. My friend won 60 grand on Deal or No Deal. He loves it.

Scratch cards? No, on the show, yeah. Oh, really? He was on it? He won it, yeahatch cards? No, on the show, yeah. Oh, really? He was on it? He won it, yeah. Wow. But I was talking about this yesterday. I think if I went on Deal or No Deal

and they went like, the first offer is six grand, I'd say, deal. Because you've won six grand. There is no loss, is there? I know, but I wish you'd dream higher, Ash. I think it doesn't matter, does it? Because I was on a game show last year.

Oh, which one was it again? Decimate. As a celebrity? I don't remember Decimate't matter, does it? Because I was on a game show last year. Oh, which one was it again? Decimate. As a celebrity? I don't remember Decimate. Shane Ritchie hosts Decimate. So you were, as a celebrity, you were... Come on, Eli. I'm not, listen, I'm not being facetious,

but you were on as a member of the public. I was a member of the public. But you weren't really, because you're friends with him. Hey. Hey, calm down. I owe him a significant amount of money. It had nothing to do with my relationship

no no yeah so I got maybe I maybe I was asked to be on the show maybe I was allowed to audition for the show okay

but he got through on his own wits yeah he had to earn it but then I earn money on it yeah

but that is a game show that nobody ever wins I'd watched it before no one wins it anything so I thought

I'd go on it and it'd be funny if I lost tremendously I thought it'd be a funny house Edinburgh show

waiting to happen this is what I was thinking I was thinking this is going to be the lovely end of an Edinburgh show because I've got

a bit of a story with Shane Ritchie and so I go on the game show and no one ever wins and so there's a lady that was on the game show because I've got a bit of a story with Shane Ritchie and so I go on the game show and no one ever wins and so there's a lady that was on the game

show and she'd got a lot of her questions wrong in her round she were in a team of three and then it come to the final where we'd gone with like I

know 10 grand or something to the final and they said right who should go to the quickfire round first and if you get a question wrong it goes to the next

person and I think I'm thinking at this point no one ever wins so it's going to be hilarious if we absolutely bomb

she goes on and just nails it every question bang bang bang bang and we win you're ruining my Edmure show

you stupid cow I had to then run across London to meet my girlfriend who was at a theatre and I went in and went I'm

really sorry we won so what did you get 10 well it's split between three of us. So you got two, three. Yeah. 36.

We knew there'd be an answer somewhere. Right. Three twelves. Three twelves. And that game shows where it's impossible to win. The ultimate example being Takeshi's Castle. Oh, yeah. I saw the episode where the guy won once

and nothing happened. They didn't even know what to fucking do that's not meant to happen honestly Decimate no one wins because the

questions are so one question is so it would be one of the questions was which North London football

team play in red so I think even if you're not a football fan you would go well it's

Arsenal because you know they're from North London the next one was what bird sits on the right hand

of Odin's throne nobody knows both those answers finch sparrow pigeon eagle cat

I think it was a raven raven said raven said first but that's the thing it's the they make it so that they seem

like it's there'll be people who know both answers separately but but no one knows both. Well, on that note, it is time to play today's board game challenge. It is Noel Edmonds, that was like a Ronnie Corbett segue to get round back to Noel Edmonds again, but it's Noel Edmonds' Teleaddicts! Is this going to be about Telly from the 80s? There is going to be a large number of

outdated questions especially the topic labelled current affairs It's going to be tough to play from the 80s? There is going to be a large number of outdated questions, especially the topic labelled current affairs. It's going to be tough to play that one. But what I thought we'd do is we'd play it trivial pursuits-wise. So I'll give you half a block of the questions each, and we'll ask each other questions. If you get that card right, you keep it, like it's Wedge.

What about the board game aspect? Fuck the board game! All right. I didn't read the rules, and there are jigsaws involved. Oh, this looks terrible. There's jigsaws involved. This looks terrible. Jigsaw to question what are you really angry at? Quite a lot actually. Are you going to show them it or anything?

Yeah, I'll take a picture. We're just going to take some questions from the 80s and read them to each other. Yes. Why don't you test us, Paul? You be the tester master. Alright, so you're all against each other. And the first person to get all six of their cards wins. You be Noel Paul? You be the tester, master. All right, so you're all against each other. Yeah. And the first person to get all six of their cards wins.

You be Noel. Or why don't you just do it? We'll just read them out and see what goes on. I don't know that we love a proper cunt. My best impression. Oh, my helicopter don't work. Oh, Mike Smith. There are six categories, okay?

Yes. That you'll have to answer. There is drama, children's television, music and the arts, new sport and current affairs, light entertainment, and movies on television. So we're going to get one of each type of question in. Yeah, and you have to collect all six of each card. The first person to get all six categories wins. Like Trivial Pursuit.

The first person? Yeah. Can't we just get six and whoever wins with a tiebreaker? No, because... No. No. Stop doing the rule. If it's the first person to six, Paul, I just have to say this very quickly.

If it's the first person to six, we could be playing for fucking ever. We could be playing... Someone might not get to six till midnight. Till tomorrow morning. Then let's start playing now. Yeah, if we don't start we never will till February next year

what category do you want to start with what category do you want to start with I'll start at the beginning Paul so drama drama

okay here we go these questions are quite easy I think okay everyone says that here's your first card to make it fair as well no matter what card

I pick up I'm going to read the top card question so I'm not picking and choosing right this just reminds me of Rekjavik comma Iceland

full stop filthy Richard Kaplan oh no I mean it's just too easy it's just really easy it's really easy okay drama

he did a Rick Mayall impression for those who are listening which is everyone thanks Paul yeah wasting your energy fucking stupid you're wasting your energy explaining something pointless to people right now He did a Rick Mayall impression. A Rick Mayall. For those who are listening, which is everyone. Thanks, Paul. Yeah, wasting your energy. Fucking stupid.

You're wasting your energy explaining something pointless to people right now. No, at least they can hear it. Shut up. What they can't hear is the question being asked. Yeah, shut up.

Here's the question. Drama. Lou Ferrigno was Bill Bixby's alter ego in what? The Hulk. It's correct. You win your first card. Hold on, what, what, what?

The Incredible Hulk, surely. Yes, you don't get a point now. I've just decided that that's correct. The Incredible Hulk. That is the pedantry.'t get a point now. I've just decided that that's correct. It's the pedantry. No. Oh, he's got to have that. It's not pedantry.

We haven't got time for you not to get that answer. Alright, yeah, you're right. I'll give you that fucking question. I don't understand the question, though.

Richard, next. Do you want to do drama? I'll go for drama. Alright, drama. Let's get drama out of the way. Let's keep necking it with Eli.

Which actor appeared in Blot on the Landscape and Poirot? David Suchet. Is the correct answer. You get your first card. Look at that. I'll go for drama. Ash.

I'll be drama, please. Drama. Okay. Which actor brought Mike Hammer to life? Oh, that's a really tough one. Is that not Sledgehammer? No, Mike Hammer. Mike Hammer that Not Sledgehammer No Mike Hammer Mike Hammer

Mike Hammer Oh Mike Hammer The bullseye sound effect Running out of time It was So it was a drama You're not going to get this

No you aren't going to get it Go on Was it If you get this I will give you a blowjob Right now His name's Mike Hammer Right

Can I know the name of the show Give him the name of the show Mike Hammer Is that what it was called I think so Okay well then I know it Go of the show give him the name of the show Mike Hammer is that what it was called I think so okay well then I know it go on was it the guy

who played when you say is it the guy who played then you don't know it was Chris Chris Chris Stempson

at least he invented a name yeah no the answer is anyone have a guess Richard I don't know well I was going to say

Powers Booth but that's Marlowe, isn't it? No. Stacey Keech. Stacey Keech! Which is basically Powers Booth. Same person, essentially. You know what?

You don't get to pick. I'm just going to go through them. Next one is children's television, Eli. Okay. What did the Lone Ranger say when he rode into the sunset each week? I'm racist! I'm racist!

Is that your real answer? Tonto give me a squall to fuck No You don't know really No he said Geronimo You don't fucking know You're right I'm not going to take it You've lost that

What did he say? Hi ho silver away For fuck's sake What a shit show Right Richard Name the school based series

with characters such as Gripper Tucker and Zamo softballing yeah I'm reading the

top cards Grange Hill is correct there you go Richard's gonna do this you'll know yeah you have to

start a drama still okay here we go okay which pair drove the General Lee Albuquerque is correct started drama still okay here we go okay which pair drove the General Lee Albuquerque's has

is correct there you go there's your card round of applause for Ash he's off the board what I like is how Ash is playing this

like it's a real board game he's so livid about how it's not going his way I still think I'm in it Rich actually you are in it

you've got the same as me right we're neck and neck. Okay, back to children. Here we go. Children still. In which series would you find Mr. Tickle?

The Mr. Men series. Is correct. There's your card. Actually, no, it's not. It's Mr. Men. Stop. There you go. So you've got, you're on to the third thing.

You're on to music and art, Richard. Oh, shit. Here we go. How do we better know Sherilyn Sarkeesian? Oh, come on. Easy. Cheryl Baker. Is that a guess? Yes. Because it was wrong. The answer was Cher.

Cher. So you're on to children's now, Ash. Yes, I'm on to children's. I thought the name was Sunny End. That was a Christian name. Ash, who were Pew, Pew, Bonnie McGrew, Coughbutt, Dibble and Grub? They were policemen. Firemen. First answer. We have to go with the first answer.

Oh, no! They were policemen and then they went to the firemen. Because of cuts in Trumpton. Because of cuts in Trumpton. Because of cuts in Trumpton. They had to have both jobs going. Are you cheating me? Take the card. I'm not taking charity.

He can't take his card. Don't give him charity. I'm not taking it. I will not take it. I will be winning this, Paul. All right, okay. Your next card. I want to make it clear, Paul.

I appreciate what you did, but I cannot accept it. All right, fine. Loser. We all understand this. All right, okay. Music and art. Yes, I'll get this. Who was the chairman of the good old days? I appreciate what you did but I cannot accept it alright fine loser we all understand alright okay music and art yes I'll get this who was the chairman

of the good old days I have no idea the good old days is that a TV show yeah yeah it's like a

vaudeville musical celebration thing like a Will Tappers and Shunters club thing I've got nothing should I just is it

Michael you look frightened a man named Michael Phil Patrick no Leonard Sachs Leonard Sachs old Lenny

you know the only instrument he couldn't play Sachs right is it the same for you as well you've got to get right music and arts which programme

features the annual ballroom dancing championships oh come on I imagine it's I'm trying to make out what it would be called in the 80s

I suppose it would be is it Strictly Come Dancing Strictly Dance Strictly Ballroom I don't know what it's fucking called Strictly Come Dancing Come Dancing

yeah no can Richard have some difficult questions yeah ah ooh you're playing it like it's a real board game it is a real board game Can Richard have some difficult questions? Yeah. Boo. He's playing like it's a real board game. It is a real board game,

but Paul hasn't had the wherewithal to actually set it up. Right, here we go. Do you want to win this? Yes. Then, shush. Right, so... What kind of shop did Mr. Ben visit? A fancy dress shop.

I'm going to give you it. It's a costume shop come on in your face right thank you Eli it's over to you if you just keep

asking other questions until we get one then who wins because it varies so it's not just you for 10 minutes I don't fucking know do I

can alright okay question music and arts who had a chart hit with the theme from Strangers On the Shore I'm so fucking good with music

I know this Sue Barker So we're going to move on Now we're moving on to current affairs and news Of 1986 Richard Where is the World Professional Snooker Championship Transmitted from in 1988 What is going on Well I would imagine it's the Richard where is the World Professional Snooker Championship transmitted from

in 1988 what is going on well I would imagine it's the Embassy Sheffield no come on I'm not going to steal

you it do you want to steal it well it's the Crucible yes correct but I'm not going to give it or give it away

so Ash next one for you what have you got you've got Arts and Music yourself here we go why did I say that? Because the embassy was the sponsors, weren't they?

Yeah, they were. Fuck. What a tit. Okay. All right, don't be too hard on yourself. I mean, no one's going to win this, Richard, because he's fucked the rules. He has fucked the rules. I haven't.

He doesn't know what he's doing. Shut your mouth! I'm going to go. Go ahead. Right. There's steam coming out of Paul's ears. Here we go. Which TV comic had a chart hit with,

Don't jump off the roof, Dad. Don't jump off the roof, Dad. Yeah. I don't know what your impression was. TV comic. Was that an impression? Yeah, it was a bad impression. Don't jump off the roof, Dad.

Don't jump off the roof, Dad. He's doing... Yeah, there you go. Right, Eli, what are you on to? Oh, you're falling behind. I'm falling behind because you are cheating. don't jump off the roof dad he's doing yeah there you go right Eli what are you on to oh you're falling behind I'm falling behind because you are cheating

Tommy Cooper zombies right which member of dad's army recorded the song Grandad Grandad we love you and you're wrong

and you're wrong and I love you being wrong it's Clive Dunn dump all of this Paul let's do the next section shut up We love you and you're wrong and you're wrong and I love you being wrong. It's Clive Dunn. Don't border this, Paul. Let's do the next section. Shut up. We're getting this to the end.

Right. Richard, supports question. What does Peter O'Sullivan do? Peter O'Sullivan? Yeah. I tell you what, I'll help you out. He's a commentator, but for what sport? I'm going to say, I'm going to go out on a limb and say snooker and he's a commentator but for what sport I'm going to say

I'm going to go out and say snooker and he's running on cellophane horse racing Ash where are we going you're on yellow

yourself who again this is past tense now who presented both Crime Watch UK and Daytime Live Elton Willsby is the wrong answer Daytime Live? Elton Willsby. Is the wrong answer.

Sue Cook. Who's Elton Willsby? He used to be a sports reporter. All right, who organised... What kind of question is it? Music and arts. Who organised Live Aid? Bob Keldorf.

Is correct. Shut up. And... Majeure. Yeah, but he's not on the card, so whatever. It's ridiculous. Much better musician and person. Yeah, but he's not on the card, so whatever. It's ridiculous. Much better musician and person. Okay, Richard.

What sport do we most associate Jimmy Hill? Oh, thank God. Football. There you go. So, four cards to Richard. Three to Ash. Ash has still got to go in this round. Yeah, so...

Okay, okay. Ash, who tried to tell us about the day the universe changed? David Attenborough. No, the answer's James Burke moving swiftly on. Right, you're on yellow now, Mr Cleverbasts. Right, here we go. Oh, okay. Hit me.

Which newsreader would stand in on Wogan? Zina Badawi. I want to say... Go on, who? For some reason I've got Sue Lawley. Oh, different Sue. Oh, no, you're right who? For some reason I got Sue Lawley Different Sue Oh no you're right it is Sue Lawley

Sue Lawley For some reason I had it in my head it was Sue Cook Just read a word can't remember it Who replaced Emmeline Hughes

on Question of Sport? Ian Botham Is correct There you go So four cards You missed me out because I said Sue Lawley so I needed my question

Sorry you should have one I rectify that right now light entertainment great game sharing here Paul brilliant here we go here's your question now

because it is your round and then we'll just go strip strip strip strip skip skip to E like a bit I don't know what's going on there who was that stupid boy

in Dad's Army the actor or the character the character Pike you got the I'll take it the answer is Private Pike Was that stupid boy in Dad's Army? The actor or the character? The character. Pike. You've got the... I'll take it. The answer is Private Pike, but I'll take Pike. There you go.

Right, now on to Eli. You're not doing very well, are you? Let's give you a nice yellow card. No, you're shit. I'm not answering the questions. I'm a workman, but I'm the host. Yeah. Okay, here we go.

Here's your next question. On which channel is American football usually shown? Back in the 80s it was Channel 4. It's correct. You got your first yellow card. Thank you. Now we're going to go back instantly to Richard. You are now on to the final card.

You could be winning it right now with this last question. That's a fucking card. No, it's not a... Although, don't get too excited here's the question this is movies on television is the category

listen to the question first and then see if I as if he's not gonna know there's no question about movies he's ever not known we're gonna find out here's the question

name the bread actor who appeared in The Knack and How To Get It easy yeah he's gonna know it He's mulling

But that doesn't mean anything The guy's name's Joseph Come on I'm trying to think Well there's a knack I've had to get it Yeah It's a 60s movie isn't it

Yeah Which bread star It's great But I'm trying to think Who's it like Probably one of the elderly ones I don't know why I'm helping you work this out

Where's me dinner Where's me dinner That one What me dinner You don't know The answer is helping you work this out. Where's me dinner? Where's me dinner? That one. Want me dinner? You don't know. The answer is Rita Tushingham. Rita Tushingham.

Don't say that as if you knew it. You would have got that. She's one of the sort of angry young men movie actresses. She's quite famous. I'm going to say that is the kind of question you would have got.

On the drive home, if you hadn't said the answer, you'd have thought that. Ash, next question for you. Is this to win? No, this is just like Entertainment Is this to join

Nick and Nick with me? In which American city Do the Golden Girls live? Which American city In which American city Do the Golden Girls live? That's what I said Now it's time for you to answer

It's a very simple process Well Golden Girls Thank you for being a friend Travel down the road And break a game I'm not so florid about that That's not a city simple process. Well, Golden Girls. Thank you for being a bro. I mean, they've got a lot of people. Travel down the road and make a game. I'm going to say Florida, but I don't know.

That's not a city. That's a city. Yeah. Okay, can I have a... Yeah, I'll give you it. I'll give you it,

but you've got to answer me in the next five seconds. Five. A city in America. Two. Decimate ash. Beverly Hills. Is it LA?

No. Is it Miami? It's Miami. So there It's Miami So you were right Eli Where were you? Florida It's your turn For a light entertainment question

Okay Here we go Which character owned the shop In open all hours? Name the character I'll take the surname Because apparently That's all they fucking put on it

Brown There you forbid Friend Is he called Mr Brown? No Arkwright Name the character. I'll take the surname because apparently that's all they fucking put on it. Brown. Yeah, you for beard and friend. Is he called Mr. Brown? No, Arkwright. Arkwright. I didn't used to watch that. I'm sorry. Well, that's why you didn't get it.

Here we go. Movies on television. You have to soak up viral osmosis. Yeah, I think you should have Arkwright. Okay. We all agree. Will Richard know the answer to this? This is it.

This is the winning card, potentially. This is the win. They shoot horses, don't they? Was the story of what? No. You're going to kick yourself, actually. Can I give it a steal? No, you can't steal it, but you can answer it.

It was a dance marathon competition. Yes, it was. It was a six-day dance marathon. How I'm stealing this game, I have no idea. Ash, this could be your winning card now. dance marathon competition yes it was it was a five six day dance marathon so we're still how I'm still in this game I have no idea Ash this could be your winning card now

Ash no it's not you've got to win light entertainment yeah sorry you haven't got the orange one have you no here we go

in that case who played Reggie's wife in the rise and fall of Reginald Perrin oh my god I mean I've watched it a hundred times twice

I've watched it all twice his wife was played by I know I mean I'm only going to say Patsy Kensley I know it's not no it's not is it Frances Stiller tour

no it is not that was Miss Jones who he yeah that was Rising Down yeah the answer is Pauline Yates

Pauline Yates so from EastEnders right light entertainment question for Eli here we go you can do it

okay is this to win no draw level and then Richard's got one last match point as it were here we go

terrible which antiques quiz was charred by Max Robertson in the 80s charred well he burnt it no he charred charred he's on fire which antiques quiz was charred by Max Robertson in the 80s? Charred? Well, he burnt it. No.

He charred. Charred. He's on fire. Which antiques show? What's the name of the antiques show hosted by Max Robertson? Oh, I think I know this. Is it the Antiques Roadshow? No.

Was it Going for a Song? It is indeed. But we're back to Richard for maybe again. Shit. Let's try and let's have a look at Ghostbusters so we can get this fucking show on the road. All right. Which 1984 supernatural comedy film?

No, it's not. It's not. Here we go. Gremlins. Close. Here we go. Who did Hayley Mills think a murderer was

in Whistle Down the Wind? Ah, she thought he was Jesus. Is the correct answer, and though with that Richard Sandling is a telly addict. And I still contend that that was a successful segment of the show.

Art relief. So, was it as exciting as being on Decimated, doing that just then, Ash? Ah, yes it was. Whole. Hello, Cheap Show Podcast. This is Pat Sharp. I don't sound very fun today

because I'm not in my fun house. I'm on the Cheap Show Podcast number 50. Not much of a milestone, is it really, 50? I mean, I'm 55, so what the hell's 50 all about? And talk about lowering your standards

for me to appear on here. I mean, I've been on it before. You might have heard me. You might have missed me. You might not have cared either way. But you can't get any lower standards and you can't get any freer than me doing this for absolutely nothing at all. In fact, the state of my career, I'm actually paying them. That says it all. Cheap, cheap, cheap. That's what I mean. And chirpy, chirpy, cheap, cheap while you're there as well. If you don't know that song, feel free to Google it. Unhappy Birthday Cheap Show Podcast.

50 up and at least one to go. Maybe less. Eli, what's coming up now? It's time for Silverman's Platters. This is where I choose records from my extensive collection of vinyl 7-inch singles, Paul. Something unusual about these. Perhaps they're shit. Yes, they're shit.

Fine, alright, cool. We've got two doozies of terribleness. Yes. And first up is Dishingus Khan by So that's the title.

Dishingus Khan. That's the title. That's the name of the band. And the title. Oh, so that's the title the Shingis Khan that's the title that's the name of the band and the title oh so it's both and on the flip side is a tune called Sahara

well let's listen to Shingis Khan now Huh, ha, huh, ha, huh, ha, huh, ha, huh, ha, huh, ha, huh, ha, huh, ha, huh, ha, huh, ha, huh, ha, huh, ha, huh, ha, huh, ha, huh, ha, huh, ha, huh, ha, huh, ha, huh, ha, huh, ha, huh, ha, huh, ha, huh, ha, huh, ha, huh, ha, huh, ha, huh, ha, huh, ha, huh, ha, huh, ha, huh, ha, huh, ha, huh, ha, huh, ha, huh, ha, huh, ha, huh, ha, huh, ha, huh, ha, huh, ha, huh, ha, huh, ha, huh, ha, huh, ha, huh, ha, huh, ha, huh, ha, huh, ha, huh, ha, huh, ha, huh, ha, huh, ha, huh, ha, huh, ha, huh, ha, huh, ha, huh, ha, huh, ha, huh, ha, huh, ha, huh, ha, huh, ha, huh, ha, huh, ha, huh, ha, huh, ha, huh, ha, huh, ha, huh, ha, huh, ha, huh, ha, huh, ha, huh, ha, huh, ha, huh, ha, huh, ha, huh, ha, huh, ha, huh, ha, huh, ha, huh, ha, huh, ha, huh, ha, huh, ha, huh, ha, huh, ha, huh, ha, huh, ha, huh, ha, huh, ha, huh, ha, huh, ha, huh, ha, huh, ha, huh, ha, huh, ha, huh, ha, huh, ha, huh, ha, huh, ha, huh, ha, huh, ha, huh, ha, huh, ha, huh, ha, huh, ha, huh, ha, huh, ha, huh, ha, huh,an, dem Volk, den alle blind. Chinggis Khan! Ha! Uh! Ha! Die Hufe ihrer Pferde, die feilschen den Sand. Sie trugen uns zu Schrecken in jedes Land. Und weder Blitz noch Donner hielt sie auf. Uh! Ha! Ching! Ching! Chinggis Khan!

Hey, Reiter! Oh, Reiter! Hey, Re, Ching is gone Hey, Leute, ho Leute Hey, Leute, immer weiter Ching, Ching, Ching is gone Auf, Brüder, es auf, Brüder Auf, Brüder, immer wieder Lass doch Wodka holen Wohohoho Right, well, we all heard that before.

What do we make of it? It's shit. Ooh, terrible. It's like a good... it's like a bad boney M. Because what I was exactly going to say is what this song is missing is... Oh baby, sexy baby! A break. It's missing a break. Any good disco tune needs to have a breakdown, yeah. It doesn't have a breakdown.

That's what makes the genre the genre. And they issue the break in this and they don't do it. It just repeats the chorus. Where you put the fucking disco break, they've gone, nah, it's Eurovision, fuck it. It's not proper disco. It's fucking stupid here. It's like in German and it's stupid. It's a little bit like a sort of Bavarian black lace. Yeah, I like that.

It is Euro pop disco. Is it having a gang bang? Yeah, it's good. But how much effort would it have taken for them to go, let's just break down, let's just hear the drums here. Literally four bars of... I think it's important that you realise that the people on the front cover of that disc... Had nothing to do with the record. Had absolutely nothing to do. They did not write it, they certainly didn't play any instruments.

They were just following orders. They may have sung some of the words. The front cover has the band, Dishingis Khan, and portrayed here is Dishingis, in English, Genghis. I see. And he's at the back, and he looks like Ming the Merciless or something there, and they're all standing around him as his henchmen and a couple of ladies, one who is dressed in a fluffy white dress and one who seems to have that fluffy thing you put at the end of a microphone on her tit. So... And now say the witty thing that you've remarked upon about the cover.

Say the witty thing you said before. At the bottom, there is a brown mist. And what is that brown mist akin to? It looks like a fart. It looks like a fart ladies It looks like a fart, ladies and gentlemen. Bravo! Bravo! All fart.

Okay, so someone's let off a really bad one. Who's done it? You look at the guilt on their faces, and there can be no doubt it is the gentleman on the far left who is trying to suppress a smirk. Let's have a look. Yes. Blatantly. He smelled it and he dealt it.irk. Let's have a look. Yes. Blatantly.

He smelled it and he dealt it. Yes. Well, there we go. Well, it was jolly enough, but it wasn't. He dealt and he's thinking, that's a good one. That's a good one. I want some like,

I'm not getting any money or fucking fame out of this record, so I hope someone says... At least I can fart in a room full of my friends. Ash, you did the research. It was a Eurovision entry, but did it get into the competition or yes it got

it was number four it got to fourth really out of 19 out of 19 the competition was low that year break the words

down into English or translate the words as some people say they are absolute nonsense just basically describing Genghis Khan's life I'd imagine

he's a tremendous lover no woman ever entered his tent and left disappointed he had a penis apart from the last piece of information of which we know Eli's penis looks like the saddest wizard the saddest wizard

it doesn't anything like the saddest wizard it looks like a ping pong ball with a crow's beak perched on top as we've discussed before yes I do apologise that is a more accurate description

it's like a grain of rice on a hacky sack yeah yes an inside out squid yes ooh

ooh and has a beak yeah and one eye listen and can open jam jars Paul don't be hating on the nubbin yeah that's what the nubbin is the heart Yeah. And one eye. Listen. And can open jam jars. Paul, don't be hating on the nubbin, yeah?

That's what... The nubbin is the heart of the show. Have you ever satisfied... Is the only thing you've satisfied with your nubbin that chicken? You've lost that nubbin feeling. Oh, that nubbin feeling. You've lost that nubbin feeling. Stuck in in a chicken

that was wrong, wrong, wrong. Ooh. Right, so we're reviewing this record, are we? Yeah. Are we? What do you give it out of five platters? Very disappointing. I was looking for a break.

There was no break. There's nothing really to commend this song. I've listened to the B-side. Let me tell you, people. Yeah. Filler. Pure filler. Aw awful no it's called Sahara was he even

in the Sahara gangest have they done their research who knows we just don't know the best thing about this record is the fart missed on the cover

and the guy who obviously did it and you believe that to be true yes all right Ash and Richard I don't think anyone's having enough fun on the record

so it's like it's shit that's true but it's not shit it's not sort of fun it's disco because there's lots of fun to be had in people

just missing the point of disco and having a whale of a time this is it's not even cynical it's just it's like written by accountants yeah as like for a talent show

it's not a disco song it's a joyless It's a joyless. It's a joyless disco song. It's about getting his card for fuck's sake. And it has no joy. The only person who's enjoying himself is that guy who fucking dealt the fart. The front cover,

they are all in fancy dress. But that is not done, like Richard says, out of a place of fun. That is deadly serious. Yes. There is no amusement. They mean that 100%. They mean it. Yeah, there is. There is no irony or anything. But it's not so serious. Yes. There is no amusement on them. They mean that 100%.

They mean it. Yeah, there is. There is no irony or anything. But it's not so serious it's also funny. No, no. That's the problem.

It's straight down. It's very difficult to do what they've done. It's basically the Costa coffee of disco. There's nothing to commend it but you can't totally hate it.

Well, in that case... Because it is at least essentially coffee. No one can argue with that. I'll give it one platter one platter I have no interest in giving it any platters what is second

on your list of platters don't we get a score from these two they just give opinion one it's not even worth scoring one thank you

there you go is that what your opinion is Paul one trying to fucking you know subvert the fucking format five podcast

five best song ever. LOLs. Hashtag. You don't mean that. No. Right, the second song. Next one. Shut up.

Is. A really odious record. By. Mary Wilson. Called. Telephone Man. And. We'll hear it right now.

Good. I rented my apartment on a Monday at one Singing do lolly lolly, shakey bum, shakey bum Started moving in it on a Tuesday at two Singing do lolly lolly, shakey do, shakey do Wednesday at three, I called the phone company Singing, hey baby, put a phone in for me Thursday at four, he came a-knockin' at my door, singing, hey baby, I'm your telephone man, you just show me where you want it and I'll put it where I can. Now this was a huge hit.

It was. It's one of these records that is a pop song, but is verging on novelty. Why don't you like this? I don't understand that you are so anti this song. I think this song is tremendous. Basically it's a bit of a sort of tongue in cheek, ooh she called the telephone man to fix her telephone. But he's boning her. He's boning her. He's boning the whole block.

He's like D'Shingis Khan of telephone men. It's a bit like a Pam Ayres poem. Is she gonna say fuck? No she's not. It's like that. You know you rolled for me. By someone who thinks like from the East Village and thinks it's funny to write sort of like twee porn. I think it is funny. It strikes me as a sort of song like Kung Fu Fighting where it's probably hastily recorded for the B-side and they realise that the A-side which they really give a shit about is actually everyone liked the B-side more. Do you know you get that feeling it was like that was like two hours because they had two hours left of the day

I spent all day doing the A side and that was the hit and it's like oh fuck because you can't dance to that at all

it is the A side but this could have been a later issue but you know what I mean it's like it has that sense that it's not the song they meant

but obviously that is the A side but it just I enjoyed it her sort of cod American accent or perhaps she's American but the way she does

her voice is annoying it's like that she's doing it like that Jimmy Sav what's Jimmy Sav I was going to say who's the other Jimmy

Jimmy Hill Jimmy Hill Cranky Cranky Scargill there was a person called Jimmy Buffett I think in American politics

Jimmy Riddle Jimmy Cliff Jimmy Cliff right okay so Jimmy Sav I'll have to pause as everyone went over

if they should do a Jamaican accent or not, and then swiftly moved on without doing a Jamaican accent. I just think, you know, it's not quite... It's a deeply irritating,

irritating record. And you actually, there are, there were a lot of sort of copycat records of this, but sort of like done by a Northern guy.

So who's that Northern comic who did Telephone, oh, I'm your telephone Mike Reed yeah it was not Mike Reed but there

were like different versions of this that came out because this was such a huge hit and I've seen her do it I've seen um Hot Gossip do a version of this on

Top of the Pops and they're like they're just fans it rings and then like Mike Smith answers it and goes or Kid Jensen answers it and goes

oh hello are you a telephone man and then they go into it it's a really terrible bit of telly I think you've been far too harsh on this I really do and I know you know your music but I think this is going under

under the radar see now you've become the Simon Cowell of the panel from Paul Hollywood to Simon Cowell is that a thing they say? you're in I want to invest £10,000 for a 50% stake accept it I mean

the first time I heard this telephone song it was a time of great upheaval in Ireland and if you understand the situation of the working class people

at the time you have to understand how invocative it was oh god that accent. I fucking hate that, man. But it wasn't funny to me. That was Scottish.

Right, okay. Telephone Man, Mary Wilson. I didn't. I mean, it's fine, but you couldn't dance to it. Did you see how it's a huge hit? It would be like trying to dance to lift music. 77. That's all you need to know.

Star Wars, Telephone Man. Oh, yeah. I don't like it, but I don't think you need to know. Star Wars, Telephone Man. Oh yeah. I don't like it, but I don't think you can hate it. It's just like, you hear it. Yeah, I can. Look at it.

It's very annoying. Yeah, but you hear it, and you're like, literally it's like. No, if you'd heard it several times, in one week, believe me,

why would you do that? It's why. It's why. Stick the phone up my phone. Okay. Put it on vibrate, and then stick it on my nipples. Stick the phone up my fanny put it on vibrate and then stick it on my nipples stick the phone up your fanny put it in the fish tank and now it's wet

and then I'll suck it put the phone up my fanny how many fucking silver platters is that getting I don't like it at all one out of five is it I'm going to give it three out of five

I'm giving it three horrendous country and western sub-novelty record that's a stone cold dance floor classic fuck you and I would play it

at a funeral good Paul good segue what angers Eli is that he had to phone up the phone company that's what the music

was on hold on hold for two hours while he was trying for a certain time but at the same time Greensleeves was also underneath it

but when they because they wouldn't have realised the sort of sexual sexual implications in that song they would have been people there would have been mums and kids

listening to it because the mum just thought it was a lovely funny little tune yeah no the mums were all listening to it because the mum just thought it was a lovely, funny little tune. Yeah. No, the mums were all frotting themselves. What?

Frotting? Dry frotting in the supermarket. Isn't that a shit? The telephone man. Always the telephone man would come round and fix my fucking pole. Have you ever had a telephone man come to your house? No, see, that's it again. Certainly not to fuck me. I've tried.

He'd be called Mary Wilson. Be a slag. Sorry. I've tried. He'd be called Mary Wilson. Be a slag. Sorry. What? Sorry. Sorry, Mary. I'm sorry. Dirty, naughty boy.

Are you going to Google something? I was, and then I forgot because your whole thing about Mary and she was a slag, it threw me off. Sorry. You should be. Say it again.

I'm sorry, Mary. You've ruined this 50th episode. I have not ruined it. You You have with your saucy language and your racist accents and your inability to guess simple TV trivia. Guess? No, I think it's the word

you're looking for. Is she Mary Wilson? The one who said... It's not that. Mary Wilson. Not Mary Wilson. What one who said... Mary, M-E-R-I. It's not that. Mary Wilson. Not Mary Wilson. What, is she off... Great British Bake Off?

What? Is Mary Wilson off Great British Bake Off? No, Mary Wilson. Beach Boys. Yeah. Mary Wilson from The Supremes. Yeah, that's right. Mary Wilson...

Oh, yes, of course. Is... Still American, though. Yeah. She's American, yeah. She was best American though. Yeah, she's American. She was best known for singing double entendre novelty songs. And that must be her biggest double entendre novelty song.

Must be her biggest one. She was actually born in Japan. So the second single, Julius, Fruit and Veg Gentlemen. She died in 2002. Aged 53. And she was buried to that song. So she would have

been very young when she released that I'm sorry I called her a slag she called her words like probably when she was a teenager 28 she was 28

now that she's dead I'm sorry 36 right and to end this segment we're going to hand over did she have a record called

Plumber Needs My Pipes Into you twat end the segment can I just say in 1999 she released a single

called Internet Man yeah you see she did that's what I mean oh and then the hard drive

got inserted in my floppy disk and then I stuck it in my farting pot at that point there came a drive time airplay song

and she got a new record deal with Time Warner Records. Jesus. And she died three years later. Oh, that's real shit. Well, that will teach her. She lost control of her car on a Georgia State Route 377.

Okay, I take that back. During an ice storm. So, we're going to hand over to Richard Sandling now because I would do my bottom shelf. I was going to do my bottom shelf where I find something at a charity shop on VHS or DVD that I like. But I thought I'd hand it over to Richard and offer Richard's choice. So, but I thought I'd hand it over to Richard and offer you

offer Richard's choice. So what is it? What is it? Hello, everyone out there. Richard's just turned up. Hello. Hello. What have I missed? Nothing. Is it my girl, Roddy? Honestly, not much. I have got I don't know why I'm holding you up because this is a podcast

but there'll be photos right in there. I have got the Muppet movie on Precision Video VHS and the reason this is interesting to me is this was the first original release on home video

of the Muppet movie from 1980 and as you can see if you like there will be pictures hopefully to copy this yeah there will be on the website

the video case is a big cassette tape it's like a big C90 cassette tape it really is they didn't know how to market it tape it's like a big C90 cassette tape but they didn't know how to market it so it's literally like buying a cassette but a video shaped cassette

yes I actually wish that videos kept doing that I think that's much more pleasing beautiful and it's just

it's plastic and it's lovely it's hard plastic it's hard plastic yeah it's actually like solid and it's obviously it's the Muffet movie

which is a great movie it's an absolute classic but you know it's just it's just like solid and it's obviously it's the Muppet movie which is a great movie it's an absolute classic but you know it's just it's just a beautiful ITC and it's yellow and there was only a few

I'm trying to find out about this but this is because this is kind of one of the first pre-certificated releases of VHS only certain

videos Kermit says fuck Kermit says fuck and hey everybody get fucked you know the torture

of Miss Piggy is real that's real animal cruelty Muppet Holocaust Muppet Holocaust yeah oh that's a cover

they should have done the bit with the turtle you'll never forget the bit with the turtle it would have been Pepe the Prawn in the Muppets version yeah

with Fozzie on a spike coming out of his mouth Gonzo's nose just fucking ripped off it's just horrific horrific rated PG so why

I've got a question why do you think they decided to not go with the large brittle cassette crystal do they call it crystal

yeah I don't know I'm trying to sort of find out more about these cases I think only a couple like 80 titles were released like this this is the previous

this is before they did what we have I suppose it's because that's what they had for the cassettes that's what they had for cassettes they're making a

different medium they're always trying to make it different I suppose if you're talking about how they have it at home and obviously this is before

they'll probably rent them so this would be like in a library so you probably need to be more succinct and if you're having like a video shot it's just a nicer finish

a VHS box is one piece of pressed plastic and that's two separate pieces yeah this is two separate things I imagine one piece

of pressed plastic is cheap yeah it's cost a VHS was largely sort of you know a cheap well they were expensive to buy

at the time but the idea was you'd just knock them out you know like everyone could just have a record it's like having a record everyone's got it's like having a record everyone's got

it's like having a podcast everyone's got a podcast you know you just stick out you stick out the seven VHS titles your own as quickly as possible some people won't have a podcast for long

why are you being catty you've still got 36 more you're stabbing you say not for long I reckon there's about another three hours left in this one that's a beautiful

beautiful thing it's a lovely thing I really like it is it costly do you reckon it'll go for a bit of money I had a look online but I can't find any

on eBay I can't find it and it's quite difficult to like to Google the parameters of the box

to find out because you can type in but it's also it's like I've got some videos which go because I've got a lot of the Disney films

which are only on video and things like Song of the South which is banned but's also it's like I've got some videos which go because I've got a lot of the Disney films which are only on video and things like Song of the South which is banned but you know it's good to it's an uphill

wank Song of the South believe me a lot of effort involved it's quite tricky but you know so I've got a few

things like that but it's like they're only really worth anything if you're actually going to sell it or if people will actually buy it

so I'd rather just have this awesome thing and go look at my brilliant video alright well that's beautiful and have applause for that People will actually buy it. Yeah, true. So I'd rather just have this awesome thing and go look at my brilliant video. All right. Well, that's beautiful.

We'll have applause for that. See, you can have a bit of joy occasionally, you two grumpy bastards. No, it's a joyous show. It's just we hate each other. That's true. Ladies and gentlemen, it is the 50th edition of

The Price of Shite. So let us do... Is it actually? No. It's the 50th edition of The Price of Shite. So let us do... Is it actually? No, it's the 50th edition episode. It's Price of Rite special. It's The Price of Shite. Try it again. Ladies and gentlemen,

to celebrate our 50th... Oh, Margaret across the road has terrible petunias. She lets them grow like wildfire. To celebrate the 50th anniversary episode podcast here is

this edition of the Price is Shite that's right it's time to do it Mr Silverman it's the fucking

Price is Shite it's the fucking Price is Shite it's the fucking Price is Shite oh it's the fucking Price of Shite and that's right

not our best version let's be honest with you But today we're doing it differently Because not me and you doing it Not me you We're competing Paul We're competing because I will vanquish you Ash is going to now be in charge of the items

So how's the scoring going to work Mr. Faith? Well what I thought we'd do is I want you to guess a price. Yes. We all guessed, it's like, like we've... So far, so good. We've... I'll just, sorry to step in here, Ash.

Paul? He's pulling rank. It's very simple. Yes. We've done it before numerous times. Yes. Maybe almost 50. Right.

As is now written in stone, the rules are as follows. Yeah. Ash will produce a piece of shite. Yes. You will guess your price for the piece of shite. I will guess my price for the piece of shite. And then our guest, Richard, will guess his price of shite guess. And then it scores as follows.

If you get it on the nose, two points. If you're within 25p either way price one point can i just before we start to give you a chance yeah these were very oddly priced okay that might swing it a point either way so so that is the scoring if you're within 25p either way you get one point if you're on the nose you get two otherwise nil point nil point what if I decide that Paul or Elo's guess

is the guess I would guess and I have the same guess and then just go with the same guess yeah and you get the points I agree with the pounds of course

yeah of course we're not monsters so Mr Frith what is your first shite the first thing I and I just want to say it's the 50th episode,

so I thought I would spend £50. Ooh. I then thought... That's stupid, yeah. So you spent 50p. No, I didn't. All right, good. But the woman...

I know you have gone through shite in your time. Yeah. You have never had a woman as pleased to sell the things. First item, and do I describe it? Yeah. Do I take it and describe? So the things. First item. Do I describe it? Yeah. So the first item is this. Oh, it's horrible. It is a green, fluffy

it's called a baby fergal. It looks suspiciously like a character from Monsters Inc. It looks like a mixture between Mike and Sully There's something sort of hideously tarantula like about it

He's furry He's green He's got blue coming through He's got sort of stuck on eyes It holds, it's basically I should tell you what it is, it's a CD case CD slash DVD

slash Blu-ray slash PlayStation 4, 3, 2, 1. You open it up. You open it up. He unzips around his legs. He's got little arms that come up here as well. Nice. Nice touch. And he's got little leg nubbins as well.

He's got leg nubbins. And in there, you are fitting 12. That's. Can I have a look? You can. Of course you can have a look. It's, it's, it's, oh, and mint condition. It's still got its original.

It's got the original, it's got on card, as they say. Yes, on card. It's got the card. The value's still going to be there. Fergles, baby fergles. So you think you get full-sized fergles. If you want 24 DVDs, you have to get a real fergle. A 12-inch vinyl.

I mean, if this is a baby baby Fergal it could look very different to the adult form the adult form could be very like a gremlin could be very different do you think they have other designs than they have a Fergal Sharky

crime buster of the sea yes well you know a good case is hard to find that pun is about the most cheap show thing we've had all day

Fergal Sharky Fergal Sharky and George yeah Fergals yeah Fergals okay Fergals crime busters of the sea I'm saying

the quality the finish it doesn't look that cheap it looks like it's actually despite the outward appearance it's actually quite a high quality

bit of like kit well constructed definitely it says it holds 12 CDs or DVDs and it says underneath yummy yummy

discs in my tummy. Well, you are putting them in his tummy. You are indeed. Forcing discs into his guts, which causes quite a bit of discomfort, I'd imagine. Given the insertion, do they have female furgals? Because that would make the whole insertion process slightly more sinister. They're just for pencils and rulers. I'd put my dick in that.

You'd put a dick in that? Yeah, and flap it all the way out is that why is that why you have that huge collection of trolls to go on your pencil yeah that's exactly why it is

yeah right so it's time to guess the price so I'm going to guess you're going to go first Paul so what charity shop was it was it a charity shop this was a cancer research

okay I'm going to say a map local yes in but was it a secondhand item? Because some of them now have new options. No, no, no.

All secondhand. This was made in 1995. Everything is secondhand. That's actually quite cool, isn't it? I'm going to say £1.50 for that. I believe they might have overpriced it somewhat. What do you say, Mr. Silverman? I'm going to say £2.

He's going to fuck it. £2.25. £2.25. So what did you say? £ he's going to fuck it £2.25 £2.25 so what did you say £1.50 I said £1.50 so what I know how

the local charity shops are somehow slightly mental about prices and things so I reckon they may have had the gall to ask for something

like £3.99 for that ok well that's complicated well we've got three very different scores so keep those in mind £1.50 £3.99 for that. Okay. Oh, well, that's complicated. Well, we've got three very different scores, so keep those in mind. £1.50, £2.25, £3.99. Wow.

Okay. And do we... At the end, you have to remember. Second item. Yes, second item. I'll remember, don't worry. I'll remember. I didn't bring a pen.

Item number two. I could write it down. I could write it down. So Richard said £3.99. £2.25. Paul, £1.50. Lovely. Right, the next item for the Price of Shire.

Yes, darling. This was in a whole section. I could have bought an entire Price of Shire range on this particular subject they had a whole section in the shop is it 50 grades? again, mint condition desktop crazy golfer so this is

a small, maybe 3-4 inch character it goes on your desktop he is standing in a prone position. There's something in there that looks like maybe an insect within the box. He comes with maybe ten minuscule golf balls and a little golf tee. You set that up on the other side of the desk.

You flick it with the wrist. You flick him. You pull him back. You release. He will hit the ball. Oh, you release. He's got some kind of action. I think so will hit the ball oh you release he's got something action I think so

it's in the box because it's mint so you I don't know but that's what I'm thinking it says pull back the golf club to put the balls

into the hole it's outrageously addictive desktop fun this mint condition still sealed in the box

with the card there are 2, 4, 6, 8, 10 golf balls maybe 2mm 3mm in diameter just so I can have a look at the price sticker sealed in the box. With the card. There are two, four, six, eight, ten golf balls, maybe two millimetres, three millimetres in diameter. Just so I can have a look at the price sticker

if it's still been left on, but no, it hasn't. Oh, Paul, you're such an angle shooting, low down, life,

you crumb bum. Crumb bum. I'm sorry, was that one of those PG swear words that we were talking about? You're a, you,

you toilet. You slight, we try and have good sportsmanship a... You, you toilet. You slight... We try and have good sportsmanship on this show and you go, well, perhaps he's kept the price on. He won't have to work. He won't have to use my brain.

He won't have to create anything. Good. I'm going to hit you. I'll give you 50 punches. I'll give you 50 punches in the mouth. Don't hit me with the price of shite because its value will go down

and then your guess will be fucked. Four quid. Three quid. Two quid. Right. Let's have a guess desktop crazy golf tech on swing that's what it says

right in that case I'm gonna say that's two pounds two pounds I'm saying what do you say Mr. Silverman I'm gonna go I'll go up for three

I'm gonna go three I'm gonna go low I'm gonna go 149 149 okay this is very exciting I'm going to go for £3 on this one. Ooh, three. I'm going to go low. I'm going to go £1.49. £1.49. Okay, this is very exciting. Did this come with other characters you could play golf with? No, but there was a whole golf range.

So you could have bought a golf ball, not engraving kit, but embossing kit. There was lots of golf items oh but this was the only one in this actual selection of teas in a box it's a nice item that alright okay

so final final item on the price of shite 50th and this I feel needs um I mean

I don't I can't do it justice by just showing it to you I don't think you gotta stick it in us or something it's this. Oh, now that.

Let me have a look at that. The correct response. Let's have a look at this. That is a prize piece of shite. That might be the most brilliant. That might be the most singular piece of shite ever to grace the price of shite. Describe it for us. I'm going to give you all the details.

It is six inches. Oh. Cross. It is made of porcelain, China. It has got a lovely, it's a plate, I should say.

It is decorative. It has got some sort of. Nice royal purple. It's not just any plate though, is it? No. It's not any plate. It is a commemorative plate. some sort of... Nice royal purple. It's not just any plate, though, is it? No. It's not any plate. It is a commemorative plate. But what's it commemorating?

It commemorates... To commemorate the wedding of HRH, the Prince of Wales, and Camilla Parker Bowles. Oh! 9th of April, 2005. Stand up, Eli. This is royalty. I'm not standing for you or any fucking king or queen.

It is a drawing maybe done by an eight year old. But it is genuine. This is actually... Life's drawing class. If you want to know who's the kind of people that are going to be buying this, I can reveal. It's from the Sunday and Day of the Bread. Oh, well, I need to get a picture of that as well

because that ties it all together. You know when you see those pictures online and it's like there was jesus was in a slice of bread and someone draws like what the jesus actually looks like and it just looks mental because it's like some woman who can't draw art was drawn yeah the mary you are talking about the monkey christ that's what you're referring to the monkey christ no that was that fresco yeah yeah that's not a bad it's actually not a bad Camilla

but Charles just looks like but it's not a good Camilla no but I mean but she like it's just a bad picture yeah whereas Charles looks like

they've drawn him like he's 20 this to me and he's got grey he looks like they both look a bit zombified this to me

this what's happened here is these are Charles and Diana plates left over from the 80s this is the only section here that was replaced even her hair What's happened here is these are Charles and Diana plates left over from the 80s. This is the only section here that was replaced. Even her hair is a bit Diana.

Yeah. It's almost like an eraser to the actual design. You can almost see on the neck that that has been added on. It does look like they've photoshopped or paint shopped or plate design shopped. People can put pictures on cakes better than that plate is designed. It is not a handsome piece. Could I have a look? It's yours, mate.

I don't want it. It might be cursed. Oh my, oh my. You look closely and it's atrocious. It looks like Charles and Camilla have used the makeup with the chemicals in it from Batman. They do not look healthy. Charles looks like he just doesn't want to. He looks like he's going, please save me.

It's Oxford Collectibles. Just think about the fact that that was purchased by someone. Yeah, you. And then those people didn't want it anymore. And instead of putting it in the bin, they they said someone will want this in the charity shop. The woman when I bought that said I never thought that would go. That's the kind of shite we love on this show. Primo shite.

That's one of those things that when you give stuff to the charity shop you just find, that's one of the things when you give a box to the charity shop you put that in the bottom so they can't go yeah we don't take this because they've already got it but it's like no take backs. It does have a good weight to it.

They close the shop up and move. It came with a stand the woman said do you want the stand I said no. It's not going on display. It didn't change the price?

No but it just was basically Did she give you a reduction because you didn't take the stand? There was no reduction. However

she was pleased because she can now use the stand for something else. An actual plate that someone would like. Maybe with a character from A Bug's Life on. They're just not very attractive people. They captured that very well. Yeah, very well. Very well. So we're looking for a price now for the we are terrible commemorative

Charles and Camilla plate Paul I mean you couldn't have got a more perfect item for the 50th episode you know what it's brilliant

I'm going to surprise everyone and have a wank that would not surprise anyone no I know and make a joke about wanks no even less surprising I feel the pressure of the audience

to get a wank joke in so I threw it in that wasn't a wank joke no it wasn't. 75p. 75p. I'm going to go £1.50. Oh.

I'm going to go for £2.99. £2.99. Because the thing is, that's the sort of thing that they want to make it 99p to get rid of it, but at the same time they know that whoever wants to buy that will be happy to pay £3 for it. Because the sort of maniac that gives a shit about the royalty doesn't

care about money respect for the royalty they don't want to be paid they'll think that's going to go to decorating Buckingham Palace if they buy

that so they'll be happy to pay like god knows what commemorate the wedding of HRH the Prince of Wales and that cow Camilla Parker Bowers

is the froth shop guy back in now yes he's come back in he's a bit more like this the froth shop guy back in now? Yes. Has he come back in? He's a bit more like this, the froth shop guy. I'm much more, this is antique. I'm not getting a real difference. Me, big fire.

Now he's a native. He's a native American. Oh, right. Good. Right. So how do you want me to do the reveal here? Correctly. Individual items?

One by one. Yes. Remind us of our prices and then reveal the closest. For the CD case, Paul went with £1.50 one by one. Yes. Remind us of our prices and then reveal the closest. For the CD case, Paul went with £1.50. I did. Eli went with £2.25. I sure did.

Richard went with £3.99. Yeah. Now, I want to make it absolutely clear, £3.99 was, I'm offended you think I would spend that much. Well, that's what I thought as well.

Yeah, way out. Come on. It was £1.75. Oh! Who's closer? Paul is closest. He is 25 pence off there. That's a point for me.

And I'm 50p off, yeah. You are 50 pence off. So we're both nothing. Nothing for you and me. Point for Gannon. Oh, my goodness. One point for Gannon. I'm getting a bit frothy.

Getting a bit frothy. I like Paul. Next up was the golfer. Oh, yeah. Paul went... Miniature golf executive toy, tabletop toy. Yes. Yes.

Paul said £2. I did. Eli went £3. He's now regretting it. I'm regretting it heavily. Richard Stanley went with £1.49. Okay. The actual price of this shite

Yeah £1.85 Oh Another point for Paul You said £3 I said £3 but I fucking didn't Right no that's it No sit down and take it

So Paul is 25p away Richard is half a world away 36 pence away bad luck Richard could have got a point there Paul has won

but we will push on no I could be spot on with the last one you could but I'm not but let's see how this plays out so finally the piste de resistance

the plate the Camilla the. The Camilla. The commemorative Camilla. This is the best show ever. Paul. Yeah. You said 75. I said 75p.

I mean, again. What? It feels like you're disrespecting the royals there. You know what I mean? I think because it was a free plate. Listen. It's not a free plate, mate. It got given away with the...

It got given away? They had to pay a certain... All you had to do was buy the Express. You had to buy the Express five days. They said, like, £17 postage and packaging. Yeah. Then I regret 75p, obviously. Well, you should.

Eli. Show some respect for our royals. Eli, you said £1.50. I think that was fair. Richard, you went with £2.99. He had a stand with it yeah so in total

let me just give you the totals of what like Paul I think this is going to highlight that Paul maybe had his head screwed on a bit more

Paul went for a total of £4.25 for all three items Eli went £6.70 that's yeah Richard went

£8.47 no one's ever spent that much on the show in the past 49 years. Well maybe they should, you're worth it. I spent £10 on that clock. The commemorative plate was £1 exactly. Oh! It's a clean sweep for Gannon.

You won Paul, you don't have to touch me. On the 50th say Paul won the show. Paul won the show. Paul won the whole show. Say Paulie Wally. Alright, if you just back off I'll say it. I promise. have to touch me on the 50th say paul won the show paul won the show the whole show say paulie wally all right if you just back off i'll say it i'll say i promise i promise i want to say can't see this the uh the twinkle has definitely gone out of eli's eye i actually spent was four pound 50 paul guessed four pound 25 oh nice see that's the kind of

meticulousness we need from our hosts Paul. He's added it up, he's got, that's probably one of the best price of shites in terms of how the game was run and the administration we've ever had. Having said that, well done Paul, you won. Thank you. Thank you. Say it, say it Paul. No, like, like jubilant.

Oh Paul, you won! I love it when you win! I win! Yay! Yay! I win the most important version of price of shite ever. So win. I win. Yay. Yay, I win the most important version of Price of Shite ever. So far. I win.

That's it. We're never doing this game again. Are we dropping the Price of Shite? Forever. Forever. Forever. Forever. Now.

Together in electric dreams. Oh, my God. Right, so. We'll always be together. I will be wrapping this show up By myself it seems Because you've all gone blarney Yes

It's the end of the show We've been recording For three hours Well done Well done Now Who have we got to thank first Paul? Everyone who's given us money

On Patreon I want to thank everyone We're going to record that separately Put it on the end of this episode So me and you Are going to be like All the Patreon people We'll be reading out the names

All 50 of them. Because I just say, Nazl, Nazl, Nazl. Nazl, Nazl. Nazl, greasy Nazl. I'm greasing my beard now and I'm putting the balaclava on and I'm going out. If you enjoy this show and you'd like to give us a little bit of something to keep us going, you can go to patreon.com forward slash cheap show and donate whatever you want. There are tiers to different, you know, donations, patrons.

Don't say there are tiers. We've been under this. Right, let's just go. Reward. Rewards. Rewards. tears to different you know donations patrons don't say there are tears we've been over this right let's just go reward rewards for different levels of engagement yes there are not tears

there are tears when you cry and wank that's when tears come T-I-E-R-S you little dirty fucking grotty

beardy nasty hobbity fuck now let's thank our guest let's thank our guest Ash Frith for being here in the flesh yo nasty hobbity fuck. Now let's thank our guest. Let's thank our guest.

Ash Frith for being here in the flesh. Yo. Thank you for having me. Thank you for being part of the show. I've enjoyed it. Yeah. You don't look like it. I enjoyed the crisps.

The highlight was the crisp. It was the highlight. It might be the highlight of the whole show. But thank you. Now it's been a pleasure to be a part of this magical journey over the years.

I've seen you both grow and then shrink back down yeah well thank you Ash we will be having you back eh and also 36 episodes to go

yeah Richard Sandling who was there when this show was unpronounceably called The Unclickables thank you so much for coming back

and joining us all this merry way it's a pleasure thank you Richard thank you any final for coming back and joining us all this merry way it's a pleasure thank you Richard thank you any final words from you both how great me and Eli are

nothing thanks for the opportunity I wouldn't be exposure do you want to pimp anything you've got a shit podcast don't you Ash you want to talk about

your little podcast it's not as big as our podcast is it alright Paul don't get nasty. You've lost your mind. I've won a competition and I'm excited.

It's cuter. It's cuter. It's not any bigger, but it is cuter. You asked me on. Yeah, I know. Yeah. He only asked you on

so he could diss your podcast. That's it. Yeah, of course. I won a competition. I do do a podcast. It's very successful. It's called The Pranks and Firth Podcast.

Me and Justin Panks. It's a concept you might not have heard of. There are two men middle aged comedians are you white having a chat both white

just having a chat very interesting format very edgy it's gonna break the interweb can you follow you on twitter anywhere

follow me on twitter at ash frith that is key do do that because I'm currently going for the world record number of twitter

followers good luck I'm at about 1025 world record number of Twitter followers good luck about 1025 keep the dream alive I think Bieber's got about 40 million

I'm pushing he's stalled it's all about momentum perhaps you should call some hair Ricky Martin

rip off I will I'll do that alright good good friffo and Richard you've got a gig

coming up on the 18th is that right the 18th of August in London various dates from then on depending on when

I book it again but it's called Richard Sandling's Perfect Movie which is a stand up comedy show about films with videos

and games and I think Ash is actually going to be on. Yeah, it's a very good show. The 18th of August? Yeah. He's booked. And what's the venue?

The East Finchley Cinema The Phoenix. Oh, The Phoenix. Oh, lovely venue. And with special headliner Steve Oram from Sightseers. And... The actor Steve Oram. Yeah. Brilliant.

And do you have a Twitter? I have a Twitter, squat underscore Betty, because you put underscores in when you're so young when internet things are new and you don't realise how problematic it will be 20 years later when these things are still used. Well, on that note,

you know my friend was getting his first email account when the prequels, Star Wars prequels, and his name is Hampton, and he, to this day, has and his name is Hampton and he to this day has an email the Hampton menace at Hotmail yeah beautiful stuff

at AOL yeah free serve he hates it but it is but you're stuck with it yeah so just don't just but he hadn't actually

seen the film at that point Eli still excited Clankerman still on funny or die well it's yet recently been put So just don't just if you hadn't actually seen the film at that point Eli is going to be still excited. Clankerman still on Funny or Die? Well it's recently been put on

to Funny or Die. Yeah. Thank you Ash. If you haven't watched it do watch it. It's a short film. It's excellent. Yeah.

So that is my short film Clankerman. It's being shown in a festival in South Norwood next week. Nice. I'm going to go down

and say a few words beforehand. Yeah. And yes Funny or Die please go on to Funny or Die watch it if you haven't it's being shown in a festival in South Norwood next week nice we'll go down and say a few words beforehand yeah and yes Funny or Die please go on to Funny or Die watch it

if you haven't I'll post it and I'll give it you just press funny don't you or not die funny yes

yes and what's your Twitter handle Eli Snoid E-L-I-S-N-O I-D nice and I am

Paul Gannon Show as well on Twitter and that's it that's our 50th thank you everyone who's taken part in listening to this show you've all been very brave

um Eli how else shall we wrap this up give us give us a good old your best sign off ever well thank you everybody

no pressure stop interrupting me then just just get on with it thanks everybody right I want you to think carefully about signing this big episode off so

shut up I'll do my best you can fuck off can I do you want to leave the room while I do it no no you want to interrupt

me don't you I want to put my balls on your chin and have you speak of my balls on your chin just there give you a Bruce Campbell is that a Bruce Campbell

that's what I'm calling it that's not what it's called yeah anyway go on go I'd like to thank my flatmate Rogan McDonald

for letting us have this slightly clanky room but it's fine it gives it a rough feel and all of you who've listened and stuck with us

through the hard times through the low langurs the episode wide langurs the terrible the previous 49 episodes terrible previous 49 episodes. The previous 49 episodes, but I think we've

broken through. We've broken through the hymen of the show. You've broken that? Okay, no, this is good. Hymen breakage is positive. And the sheets are well and truly drenched in virgin's blood. And this is not the best sign-off I've ever done. It's not. You come on, Eli.

Eli. Eli. Eli. Eli. Thanks for listening to Cheap Show, everyone. I love you. the best sign off I've ever done it's not you come on Eli Eli Eli Eli thanks for listening to Cheap Show everyone I love you noodles will be back in evidence

on the next show and forever thank you goodbye not good enough not good enough say something noodles

noodles noodles I love them stop poking me Paul you're a fucking dick. Alright, that's it. That was perfect. And cut. Yeah.

So thank you for listening to our epic, epic two and a half hour edition of cheap show you've gotten this far and if you're listening you are about to maybe hear your name if you gave us sweet sweet coin on patreon isn't that right silverman that's right i'm ready to read yeah so um thank you again for giving money to our show we really appreciate it it all goes to help

run the podcast and the website and everything like that and as I say if you give as little as a dollar and as much as let's just be sensible here

$20,000 would be a nice a nice round number and we'd never have to work again, would we? Well, no one has to work, Paul. Well, they do. Otherwise, how do you pay bill? How do you pay food?

How do you pay travel? Kindness of others and also welfare. Well, there you go. It's actually, I'm developing this whole life hack. Yeah? Yeah. Don't get out of bed is my new life hack. What is it?

No, don't get out of bed. People pity you, and then they'll just bring food to your bed. Fair enough. I like that. So, life hack. I'll throw it in. Life hack. Beg.

Yeah? You know, if you want something, beg for it. I want some chips. Also, if you put a whiny tone in your voice, that helps. Can I have some? Like that. Oh, I haven't eaten in weeks. Can I please have some food?

Oh, God. Are we going to read these names then? Yeah, we probably should, actually, because basically what we're doing is we're taking the piss out of people on the street who have nothing. Basically, yeah. That just occurred to me, yeah. Also, it's only been two and a half hours,

and we're just, we're like, bloody hell. Oh, at this point, at this point, mate, this is all bonus feature stuff. You've paid for the DVD. You've listened to the commentary. Now you're going for the deleted scenes, right? So this is all bonus feature stuff. You've paid for the DVD. You've listened to the commentary. Now you're going for the deleted scenes, right? So this is what you get. So you're referring to our supporters as deleted scenes?

No, we are deleted scenes. They're the extra footage. Let's just go. Let's go. Let's just go. All right. So I'll start and then you go in. And we're going to apologise in advance

if we pronounce your name wrong because there are one or two tricky ones. All right. So as of the end of July, these are all our Patreons. Okay? So if you've sent a Patreon in since and we don't read your name out,

we're very, very sorry. All right? It will be read out in subsequent episodes. In subsequent House of Pickle episodes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Just read the... Pickle episodes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Just read the...

Here we go. Let's go. I'll stop. Okay, thank you very much to Jordan Richards. And Stephen. Oh, hang on. Oh, God almighty. See you, mate.

Bye, Rogan. Sorry? Okay, cool. Have a good one. Sorry. No, no, no. It's alright. It's alright. You have life to deal with. Ready to go?

Yes. We'll start from the top, alright? Make it nice and clean. Even though I'm definitely keeping that bit in. Thank you very much to Jordan Richards. And Stephen Feary. And Rhiannon McDonald. And Esme Young. And Aidan Wolfe.

Thank you, Will Roach. And even though I didn't find the name, I'm just going to say Goggs. And I'm sure they know who they are. Thanks, Goggs. And thank you so much Tuomas Tuskeela. Tuomas

Tuskelea? Tuskeela? I said it. I said it fine. I was confident. Just move on. Alright, move on. Alex Smith. Daniel. No, sorry. You got the really hard one right but you couldn't say Daniel.

Daniel West. Thank you very much. Thank you to James Peter Mitchell Bradford. And to Andrew Tomlinson. Ollie Houston, thank you very much. Jack Moore. Omar Salazar, the most mysterious name on the list. And also, thank you to John Segway. Thank you, Lars Herman. name on the list. And also, thank you to John Segway. Thank you, Lars Herman.

And Shannon Neal. Rich Fletcher. And Mark Honeyborn. Josh Underdown. And thank you very much, Hannah. Which sounds like a wank. By the way, I had a Josh Underdown the other day. Well, I can.

Sorry, anyway, you were saying? John Segway sounds like a character just inserted into a scene to make a smooth transition. Alright, go. Say Hannah Cook again. Hannah Cookie. Sorry, Hannah. Oh yeah, it is Hannah Cookie.

That's awesome. Anyway, Lawrence Fort. And thank you, Kyle Lamb. Christopher Lovejoy. Thank you very much Stephen Boucher Yeah I didn't know how to pronounce that But it's probably close enough right Thank you Stephen

Thank you to Sam Anderson And Elora Lamb Michael Salvia Thank you Thank you Debra Hines I have a potentially awkward name to read out now Teresa Seska Saska

Siska Thank you anyway And thank you to Graham Woods Thank you very much Tiffany Guarneri Guarneri Guarneri I'd say Guarneri Guarneri Guarneri I'd say Guarneri

Thank you Tiffany And thank you to Angel Rose Stripper name Benjamin Webster Stripper name And to JJ Lambie Hollywood actor name Thank you to

I'm just starting to imagine stuff now Hey hey hey Next on the dance floor it's JJ Lambie And up after that Thank you very much Emilio Flores Um Oh Alison Gwynn Thank you very much

And thank you very much to the Hadron Gospel Hour Are they supporting us on Patreon as well? They are. Oh, thank you. And they're a lovely podcast. Listen to them. If you like hitchhiker-guidery kind of space sci-fi comedy, give them a listen. It's the place to go.

Yeah. Thank you very much, James Harris. And to Kimberly Olsen. Thank you. Thank you. Ollie Gregory gets a thank you now. Aidan Closer. Yeah. Thank you. I don't know, I would have said close but whatever Closer

I don't know, anyway thank you Michael Price, a thank you all Oliver Wilde Alex Hoogerbrugge Ian Tandy, thank you and Ricard Olsen, thank you very much and lastly

Michael Saunders thank you Michael and as of the end of July you are all patrons you are all wonderful and we thank you very much thank you for supporting our Daft Stupid Podcast right that's it

now Eli before we go I need you to say thank you very much for spending 25 hours editing this fucking episode because it nearly killed me thanks Paul thanks you really did have to put up with a lot of shit with this one just a quick fact I wept last night what were you watching Doctor Who again

no no because I was editing this fucking podcast and it began to get out of sync for some reason and I don't know why because we were using like four tracks at one point I was syncing them all up I started doing a death by a thousand cuts so I was taking a little get out of sync for some reason, and I don't know why. Because we were using like four tracks at one point, I was syncing them all up. I started doing a death by a thousand cuts, so I was taking a little bit out of one track, a little bit out of the other, and eventually they all became massively out of sync.

So it sounded like we were in this massive echo chamber. And after editing that section for three hours, I had to stop doing the whole thing and delete it all. And I had a cry, and I kicked the the table and then I went for a cigarette. This really is like the Sergeant Peppers of podcasts, isn't it? Yeah, yeah. And this whole end part is the final note of a day in the life. Wow, yes. Right, so that's it then.

All right, we can take a breather. We've got House of Pickles coming up. We've also got our live show, which I'm still trying to organise our travel to. Anyway, this is all behind the scenes. Anyway, this is it. We can say goodbye. And everyone else can finally stop listening to this fucking podcast.

Goodbye. Goodbye.