CheapShow - Ep 56: Go For Broke

Episode Date: October 20, 2017

What a lovely episode 56 turned out to be! Not a single raised voice, not one moment of anger... nothing. At no point does Eli completely lose his mind and start talking utter random crap. There is never a moment when Paul nearly explodes with anger after Eli purposefully fixes a game. Even when the chaps play MB Games retro classic "Go For Broke" is there ever a time when Eli rubs a small victory in Paul's face or Paul gloats as a poor winner. No. This was a lovely show. One you can play to your parents or youngest, most impressionable children... Or just hedge your bets that "maybe" this is another tsunami of anger, bad language, laughs and petty duels to the death... It is CheapShow after all, the Bric-a-Brac podcast just for you! And if you like us, why not support us: www.patreon.com/cheapshow Share & Enjoy. Subscribe or Die! www.thecheapshow.co.uk If you want to get involved, email us at [e-mail] And if you have to, follow us on Twitter @thecheapshowpod or @paulgannonshow & @elisnoid If you like what you hear, please spread the word! Like, Review, Share, Comment... LOVE US!

Okay, when you're ready, sir, you can introduce episode 56 in your own time. You're not going to leave that bit in where you just said that? What bit? The bit you just said that you always leave in. So it's never like a clean intro. It's always us being you. Just you being a dick. I thought we got to the intros quite quickly this episode, haven't we?

The show's not even started yet and you've called me a dick. Do you know how that makes me feel? Hard. Rock hard. Anyway, do your fucking intro. Fucking go. You heard me inhaling. You remember now that it doesn't,

you don't talk over the intro. It leads into the intro music now. So you can get a bit of a different dynamic into your intro. You're introducing the theme song by a guy called David Milner. I think I've gotten his name right. I can't, I forgot to pull up his name,

but he's the guy who did the remix for the new episode theme tune from episode 50 onwards and how many episodes are we going to be using I like it I really fucking love it

so I'm going to keep it I like it we've got Brian's out for the outro why are people having a fucking some kind of discussion outside my house

we're in the house of pickles we'll get to that in a minute can you do the fucking intro so we can start the episode, please? Ladies and gentlemen! Is that too loud? A little bit, but just remember,

mic technique. We've only been doing 56 episodes. You'd think you'd learn mic technique by now. But no. But no. Hello there, ladies and gentlemen. It's Cheap Show time yet again. And what episode are we on now?

We're on episode 56. I'm Eli Silverman and who else is here? Who is this other seer? It's Paul Gannon! Everybody! One day, I'm just going to

rip your dick off and we'll end this show. You're going to rip my dick off? Yeah. Oh, brilliant. And then I'm going to put a poo in your head. I don't even know what that means. You're going to rip my dick off yeah oh brilliant and then i i'm gonna put a poo in your head

you're gonna rip my dick off what like some kind of fucking psychopath and then what you're gonna do you're gonna call the ambulance or what just leave me to bleed out and murder me you're gonna murder me welcome to cheap joke i hate you and your fucking noodle posse. People love noodles, alright? It's a fact of cheap, so you're going to have to fucking reset. Noodle time. Tales from the Dark Shore How's the big guy? The Price of Shite

This is for Gun and Take Hello Eli Silver. Welcome to Cheap Show. We're not going on a nuzzle. So welcome to Cheap Show. Yeah, welcome. We've done that. We've just decided right now that this episode is going to be our loveliest episode.

So we have to be absolutely lovely to one another. You always say that. You always bring it up, Eli. Bring the mood up. Cheer up. Be lovely. We're going to pretend to be absolutely lovely to one another. All right? You always say that. You always like, bring it up, Eli. Bring the mood up. Cheer up. Be lovely. We're going to pretend to be nice. I'm sick of it. Yeah?

Hello, Paul. Welcome to Cheap Show, everyone. You can't do it. You can't be nice. I can be nice. Be nice, then. Well, you just said you... To be fair...

Yeah? Paul, you just said you... To be fair... Yeah? Paul, you just said you were going to rip my dick off. Ruined my... Put me off doing the intro. Pre-show. Now we're in show. I'm being nice to you. You lovely man.

Thank you. You lovely man. I'm a lovely man. You are a lovely man. You're so courteous and kind and generous. Nice of you to say that, Paul. Now, what have we got coming up on this? Wonderful, lovely, pleasant, respectful of you to say that, Paul. Now, what have we got coming up on this? Wonderful, lovely,

pleasant, respectful of other people's attitudes, epitode of... Epitode? Epitode. Epitode. Think of that would be like a toad of the future that had been developed to deliver medicine.

Epitode. Epileptic fits. No, don't people have an epi... People who... Epileptic fits? No. Don't people have an epi pen if they're diabetic? Oh, something like that. Epitode. So you carry it around...

That's what I was trying to say. I was trying to introduce that. How does it work? You carry a toad around with you on the outside? You fucking squeeze the toad, give it a lick. It likes it.

It ejects sex fluid over its body and you lick it and it's got medicine because it's been genetically engineered. And you give it a little bit of lettuce or something to keep it alive. What a shit idea. What a shit idea.

How is it better than the already existing EpiPens? Because EpiPens run out. If you keep this toad going, you have a little pet and it keeps producing high quality medicine. Insulin or whatever. Coming up on the show today, we'll be playing Off-Brand Brand Off. Oh, yeah.

And so will Eli be once again able to tell the difference between a brand or an off-brand product? And which, incidentally, is his favourite? Yes. Both those things I'll tell you. Yes. Which is the favourite and which I believe is the brand. Is the brand. Is the brand brand.

It's become one of our favourite. Yes. It's become one of our favourite segments on the show. I've been good, but I've failed. You didn't really fail. You just failed with the aero. Yeah, but the interesting thing there is he didn't fail. He just preferred the off-brand and that's fine. And assumed because it was obviously better quality than it was the brand. So that's the way round it usually is, Paul, isn't it?

Isn't it? Yes. Right. And then after that, we're going to be playing The Price of Shite. New edition. better quality than it was the brand because that's the way round it usually is Paul isn't it isn't it yes right and then after that we're going to be playing the price of shite new edition new edition

new version yeah we like it don't we the cliffhanger we do like the cliffhanger yeah I have some issues with every item

having to be less than a pound which we discussed you didn't plan you didn't plan and now you're you're just moaning because you didn't plan in advance

I'm just saying it's very limiting in this world this hyperinflated world of the 21,000 hundreds why am I turning

into you and not being able to speak I don't know it's nice though in this modern world very few items are less than a pound

that would be of any interest to us I managed very well to get three items because you made shit up I didn't I did not

I'm telling our listeners now I did not how I'm telling our listeners now. I did not. How fucking dare you? I mean, you lovely man. You're like, ah, don't worry if they listen to Quint or whatever.

Just fucking make something up so the game works. Yeah, you're like fucking one of these Svengalis. Did not say that. Don't worry. She's a bloke, really, but I'll just stick her out there.

What are you talking about? I'm Paul, a Sveng, really, but I'll just stick her out there. What are you talking about? I'm Paulus Vengali. Yeah, I'll fucking take a Kit Kat bung. You are talking bollocks. You're actually, actually talking utter shit right now. Anyway, I'm just saying, I like the cliffhanger, but I think there is a way we could go under a fiver or something. Yes, there is.

No, because the margin of error is... We need a more calib a fiver or something. Yes, there is. No, because the module... We need a more calibrated scale. No. A finer calibrated scale. Why are you complaining now? You were really keen for it last time, and you had no problems then, and you've got problems now

because I asked you to get the items in advance. You didn't. I've got the items. But I've got the items now. And you were all miserable. They're complaining when you had weeks to plan this. So don't come to me with your sob story about don't like the rules, we need to change it

just to fit your laziness, right? Yeah, I'm sorry, ladies and gentlemen, but you're seeing the raw truth. So that's coming up. What else we got coming up? And then we're going to end the show by playing Go For Bro. So what, there's two sections?

Three. Oh, brand off brand. Brand off brand. Look forward to that, people. Coming up very shortly. Shut up. And then what's after that, Paul? Price of Shy. Oh, Price of Shy. Brand off brand. Look forward to that, people. Coming up very shortly. Shut up. And then what's after that, Paul? Price of Shite.

Oh, Price of Shite. Some problems with the format, but hopefully you'll still enjoy it. Hate you. And then Go For Broke. Finishing on Go For Broke. The board game I got on a charity shop. I'll make just a little prediction about that. Yeah?

I'm going to win. Yeah? I will win. Why doesn't it surprise you that a game where you have to lose as much money as quickly as possible, you're really good at? How did poker go last night, by the way? lot lose a lot that's 90p excellent and now is that problem gambling paul is that uh gambling you fucking yeah you let's begin the show ladies and gentlemen this is our most warmest episode to date it's going to be so cuddly you could

off brand brand off, let's do that. Continuing our lovely, lovely, lovely cheap show that's nice and not mean at all to one another because we love each other so... What are you sniffing at? You've got rotten feet. No, I do not. We're in the House of Pickles. What you're smelling that's making you feel ill

is the House of Pickles. No, it's not. It is. I'm very sensitive. We are very... The house of pickles is a toxic area. We're recording in there again today because we've had to record at the house of pickles.

We weren't able to secure the pod from last time, so apologies if the sound quality is not as good, but feel the smell, as I like to say. Feel the smell, people. The thing is, if you hear, you can feel it. It's a smothering sensation. It's prickly on the cheeks. Mate.

Prickly? It makes me sad that you live here. Oh. Oh, please. Oh, dear. So, what have you got for me to taste on Off-Brand Brand Off? Well, today we're playing... I'd like to do the intro, if that's all right.

Sure. Don't be hard about it. I'm like to do the intro, if that's alright. Sure. I'm not going to interrupt you like you do. I'm not going to do that, Paul. No, I will stop now. I'm not going to do that. No, I won't do that. Yeah, anyone can do it. As soon as you

start fucking talking, I just talk. That's all. I know. Look at you. Your little face all scrunched up because you know you're going to do it. I'm not going That's all. I know. Look at you. Your little face all scrunched up because you know you're going to do it. I'm not going to do it. You little bugger. I'm not going to do it. You little bugger.

Just do the intro to Branda Branda Boff Brabanda Brand. You lovely man. Off Brand Brandoff. Oh, you lovely man. Oh, Off Brand Brandoff. Off Brand Brandoff. Diddle diddle diddle diddle. Off Brandoff.dle-iddle, off brand off, off brand off. I don't know what I'm doing.

I don't know what it is. I mean, that was all right. You should have just cut it short. Yeah, maybe we should have cut it short. So it should go like this. Yeah. You do the diddle-iddle-iddle. All right.

Sorry. I don't know why it's so funny. Diddle-iddle-iddle-iddle-iddle. Oh, off brand, brand, off brand, off brand, brand. I don't know why it's so funny. Diddle-iddle-iddle-iddle-iddle-iddle. Oh, off brand, brand, off brand, off on brand, brand. It just needs a bit of work, Paul. Anyway, right. I think that's in the bag, yeah? The intro's in the bag.

The intro's in the bag, right? Yeah. Okay. Now, what's more important? I think what people might find a little bit more interesting is the actual content of your Off Brand Brand Off bag. What have you got? Well, I have a lovely selection of stuff today. We're going back to a kind of froth shop Off Brand Brand Off.

Okay. This episode's edition of Off Brand Brand Off is brought to you by Gannon's Froth Shop. It is. It's basically a subsidiary today. Okay, so the gist of it is I was inspired to do this video by two incidents. One, I saw Stuart Ashton's video. What video? Literally about to mock you, Tony.

Literally about to, and you interrupt me before I can even get... A video. Okay, I thought you said this video as if this was a video, which would be wrong because it's not. Give me a break. Give me a break. Okay, no, continue. Sorry. Sorry. Yeah, I'm you said this video as if this was a video, which would be wrong. Give me a break. Give me a break. Okay, no, continue. Sorry.

Yeah, I'm being facetious. So, I saw a video by Stuart Ashen and he reviewed this candy, right? Right. And then it looked like a good knockoff. Worth a try on our show, on the Off-Brand Brand-Off, right? And then I read an article about this very same item because it made all the papers for a bit of controversy about what it was called. So,

we all love, you know, M&M's, right? Peanut M&M's. Yeah. I mean, I wouldn't say love. I'm a bit neutral towards them. I'll eat them. I'll have a handful. If it was proffered to me in a bowl. Proffered? What?

Oh, nothing. I would eat a handful, but I wouldn't, you know, I wouldn't select them in the corner shop. But if there were snacks at a wedding reception, you'd put a little bowl of them together, wouldn't you? Yeah, definitely. They're nice enough, aren't they? So, yeah. So, I have a bag of peanut M&M's, right? There we go

Hashtag Spons Barry Virgin Kitchen Spons But there's a knock off And the knock off is called Nutters Nutters and who Makes these ones Well let's have a little look

They're made by a company called Undisclosed. I can't see it. But are they sold in one of the supermarket chains? Yeah. No, only in Poundland. Poundland, okay. So these are a bag for a pound. Those were a pound, weirdly enough, as well.

They have sort of the M&M, whereas on the real M&Ms, they're kind of cool guys, aren't they, the M&Ms? On these, they've got bits bitten out of them. Yeah. And they're all like,

like they're on lithium. Yeah. Like nutters, I guess. But that was the problem with the title. People were complaining it was bad about,

it was mocking mental health pastries or people with mental health issues. I think it's a step too far. I think that's... Because there's also, I didn't get them for the show, but there's also regular M&Ms. The knockoff brands similar to this are called Chokers.

So it's Chokers and Nutters. I think that's just going too far. If they'd called their snack Mental Health Losers, or something, or Care in the Community, oh God, or something like that. That's not exactly... Or Get Over It, You Depressive, or something like that. That not exactly or like yeah or get over it

you depressive or something like that that would be insulting I can't believe it's not butter and then there's get over it you depressive peanut chocolate snacks

chocolate snacks yeah but nutters I think that's and so were they forced to discontinue these well

they were still on sale as of today when I bought these I don't think they've got a case really well you know a nutter you could be a nutter isn't necessarily someone suffering from a mental health problem no

it might be a piss head at the street at two in the morning waving a knife around shouting at lampposts he probably does have mental health issues so what i'm saying is like someone playing football very enthusiastically oh what a nutter nutter! You know, it has other contexts. Do you know what I mean? Oh, he decided, he's the life of the party, he put a lampshade on his head. Oh, what a nutter. What a nutter, wouldn't you?

And you wouldn't necessarily be mocking someone with an actual mental health problem. You might. Do you remember the... The nutter on the bus, obviously, is that. I mean, that is the nutter on the bus. Every comedian used to have their own little nutter on the bus story, didn't they?

Did you? No. I mean, I had lots of experience. You had, you were on a bus and someone took a shit. Yeah,

I was going into work. That's hardcore. At eight in the morning and a guy who obviously lived on the streets got on the bus and there was only me on the top deck

and then he did a squat on the chair, did a poo and then moved and sat away from it well you would you don't want to shit where you're sleeping well own it right what do you mean own it own it girlfriend you should have said that to him yeah own it anyway it stunk and everyone who came up to get a seat on the bus, Archway, looked around, smelled it, went, there's like 100 people downstairs as a result, and just me on the top deck,

go, eh. So, that guy, anyway, he's living by his own rules. Not necessarily mentally. No,

he's six of us. Let's just get on to the taste test. I think maybe, you know what they may be objected to more than just the title? It's the title plus the illustration, because the illustration, they know,

has these googly eyed, and they look like they're drugged up and they've had a bite taken out of their head so they have there's something reminiscent of like a um lobotomy sort of victim about them isn't it the m&m men those two guys all the um special nuts go sent to a different factory where they're cooped up And treated like animals And they've escaped Paul, all this talking about them Has made me want to try them And see if I can guess which is brand on

And which is brand off And also to tell you a little bit about what I think As well So shall I put on the thing Put on the blindfold Shall I describe it or shall I... Describe it. It is a stinky...

It's not stinky, it's clean. It's stinky. It's freshly laundered. Stinky. It's a freshly laundered vest, Paul. Your feet smell. What could it be? They're overpowering the House of Pickles.

We should do a little spin-off comic. Paul's rotten feet versus the House of Pickles. All right. So I'm going to take a picture of it so you'll be able to look at this picture of Eli looking like a proper Wally on

thecheapshow.co.uk. So yes, he's put it on. I don't understand how you've managed to look so stupid. You look like Fat Zorro. All right. Yeah, that'll do. I've got a picture of you. Yeah, all good. Fat Zorro. All right.

Yeah, that'll do. I've got a picture of you. Yeah, all good. Fat Zorro. Just assure the listener that I really won't be able to see out of this. Yes, you won't. Okay. Right, so I'm going to open both, okay?

And then I'm going to hand you one. I won't tell you which one it is. You'll taste, test, give your feedback, and we'll see if you can figure it out, okay? taste test give you a me give you feedback and we'll see if you can figure it out okay i'm ready for my first peanut covered chocolate chocolate covered peanut crispy snack here we go okay so which one am i going to choose am i going to feel it first can i feel it will that give it away i'll let you feel it put your hand out are you ready? I'm going to put it in your hand. It might be a little cold. Okay. Here we go. Slightly tacky. Like a stickiness

going on. Which I'd say a real M&M has a more lacquered, shiny and will melt less easily. This feels cheaper already. That's just my first thought about this. I'm going to bite this. I'm going to dissect it. I'm going to dissect it.

All right, get to the fucking point. Just eat it. Now, how about mouthfeel? How is it for you? It's nice. Yeah. It's got a nut. The nut has been roasted,

so it's got that kind of smoky nut. And chocolate, very sweet. Oh, very sweet. Also... Too sweet or just sweet enough?, very sweet. Also... Too sweet or just sweet enough? There's a sort of... I think it goes along with what I was saying about the tackiness. The actual crisp element.

The sugar-coated crispy shell. Yeah. As such. Don't you nick my thing. It feels a bit crumbly rather than sort of crispy. Crispy. So I... Yeah.

First impressions. I don't know for sure, but I think that could be our nutter, Paul. Okay. That could be our nutter. Okay. It didn't have... Its amplitude was low. So a bunch of different flavours.

Okay. Yeah. Are you ready for your next one? I need a... Would you like to sip some of your lem. Okay. Yeah. Are you ready for your next one? I need a... Would you like to sip some of your lemony drink? Yeah, could you give me that, please? Yes. Ladies and gentlemen, to clean his palate,

Eli is drinking an iced tea, green tea, mint lime drink. Oh, God, I don't know if you heard that, but it looked as revolted as it sounded. I just sucked the romance. So are you ready for your next chocolate in the Off Brand Brand Off competition? Yes.

Put your hand out. Here we go. In your hand it goes straight away. To the hand does it feel different? To the hand. It feels... Yes, it feels less tacky. Can you bring the microphone close to your mouth?

Thank you, Gaurd. It feels less tacky. Can you bring the microphone close to your mouth? Thank you, Gaurav. It feels less tacky and more shiny and smooth. Okay. So, I don't know if this is just playing into my already decided story that this is the real M&M, but it does actually, yeah. Okay. So, I'm going to, again, go for the same technique, Paul, and I'm going to dissect this with my teethy-tooth.

Nice. Straight into halfy-halves. You are talking shit today. All right. Oh. Interesting. Quite a sudden reaction, but no words of yet. The peanut doesn't taste as good.

In what way? It tastes less sort of roasted. Put your microphone close to your mouth, love. It tastes less sort of roasted. Put your microphone close to your mouth, love. It tastes less roasted. Yeah. And they're crisp. They're really not very crisp, the thing. This shell is even worse.

Yeah. Softer. Yeah. And thinner. Okay. And the peanut taste is just a bit dirtier, more muddy. Okay. Hasn't got the smokiness.

I'm going to change my mind on this, I think. Interesting. Okay. I preferred the first muddy. Okay. Hasn't got the smokiness. I'm going to change my mind on this, I think. Interesting. Okay. I preferred the first one. Yeah. It's a tough decision because you were wrong last time, you know, so to speak. But that's not really the competition.

The more competition here for me is, is the off-brand better than the make? That's what's important to you, Paul. But I have some pride and I would like to be able to distinguish. I mean,'s what's important to you, Paul. But I have some pride and I would like to be able to distinguish. I mean, I just preferred the first one, but I'm not sure if that was... Well... I'm going to go out on a limb here.

I'm going to say the first one was, as I said originally, off-brand. Yeah. It was the Nutter. The second one was the real M&M and I preferred the off-brand. Well, Eli. Yes. M&M and I prefer the off-brand. Well, Eli, I can tell you that the first chocolate peanut snack was an M&M

and the second was a Nutter. So interesting. I preferred the real brand. Yeah, you preferred the real brand but you thought that was the... I just sort of got... You know what? I flashed back to the last time

I was wrong about the Aero and just thought it's such a huge brand M&M's perhaps they just get get I'm going to taste a nutter perhaps they get by

on just being crap and everyone just assumes that they do you see what I mean and that the nutters would have to make more the nutters just not as good is it

it's just the nuts aren't as nice the nuts aren't as roasted that's true the nuts aren't as roasty roasty are they what are your impressions paul the nutter tastes very close to the m&m but it's got that slightly more artificial sugary taste to it yeah that all knockoff brands tend to have where they're kind of overcompensated with the sugar. Yeah. Or whatever it is.

Just not as, just, and the crispness doesn't quite deliver in the same way. It's crispy enough. Yeah, but. Let me try the M&M now,

the normal M&M. Oh. Oh. Oh, see, this one's a lot crunchier for me. Yeah. It's crunchier and it has more,

do you know what I mean? More of a roasted peanut yeah a richer peanut the peanut comes through yeah which is what you want you want that lovely

sort of almost slightly smoky roasted peanut flavour don't you I don't know why I just decided to second my guess myself there I should have gone with my gut

which I knew well the first one was better you may redeem yourself on this next challenge okay is it time for part two it's time for part two

right can I take the vest off my face? Momentarily, you can, yes. Good. The next one we're going to do now is based on a very famous chocolate brand in the UK called Minstrels. Minstrels. You can't go wrong with Minstrels. They're a solid choc snack. And

they are made with a type of chocolate known as Galaxy. Oh yeah, the Galaxy chocolate, which is a Mars brand, isn't it? They are Mars. They are Mars' version of a Smartie, essentially, aren't they? They're a big boy Smartie. Galaxy minstrels.

They're a Smartie for grown-ups. They're Smartie's electric blue. Well, they're bigger than Smarties considerably. They're Smartie's... Shut up! Fucking hell. They're a sex Smartie. They're a Smartie Plus. They're a Smart smarty They're a smarty plus

They're a smarty you rubber Really we're going to carry on doing this Are you not happy with any one of those No none of those landed for me Nor me mate What a lovely man you are Shut up Friendliest episode of Cheap Show ever

You lovely man They're the anal of smarties. Anyway. Oh, yeah. Don't be proud of yourself, you wretched little lovely man. Anal smartie, come on. Anyway, for those who don't know, they're basically a little chocolate coin. Little chocolate.

They're like a kind of big M&M. Sounds like a bad disease. Chocolate shell. Shut up galaxy chocolate. Chocolate show. Shut up. Sorry. Shut up. What is wrong with you? I just want to finish that bit I was saying, Paul.

Go on. You've got one more. Anal smarty is like some kind of health affliction that porn actors get. How poor. That was appalling. How poor. We waited for that. So you were describing minstrels to our listeners.

Yeah, a chocolate shell that surrounds a galaxy chocolate senzo. It's a little chocolate coin. You know, like a big smarty. Also. You're going to add nothing, but go on. I'm adding fact. I'm not in a good mood with you right now. No, you're really not.

You've really got it right on my dick end. Just leave it. Cool it down. Take it down a notch. All right, Paul? Yeah? I've got fact. Go on. I've got fact coming out. About Minstrel? Mouth come out with fact.

17 Minutes' section's been going on. Minstrels used to be included, and perhaps they still are, by another Mars product, which had a variety. Revels, yeah. So, yes, you got Minstrels in Revels, didn't you? Yeah. I think Revels acted as a kind of advertisement

for all the other different things they did, because they had Maltesers in there, didn't they? They did. And minstrels. When there used to be treats, remember treats? What were treats? Basically chocolate peanut... Covered peanuts. Basically, yeah, chocolate covered peanuts. They had the raisin ones as well, didn't they? Yeah, that's...

Treats of raisins and peanuts no treats is just peanuts oh really so they're an M&M essentially a Mars version but Mars make M&Ms don't they

yeah anyway it doesn't matter they don't make treats anymore but that used to be in Revels and the coffee centre and the orange centre I used to not like

the coffee one I like coffee and I hate orange I'm the reverse maybe that's a metaphor for our relationship. Okay.

Yeah. So, the Minstrel. Minstrel is our brand today. It's a classic sweet. It's a classic chocolate coin. Now, I found the knockoff brand once again in Poundland, and it's called Chocolate Miracles. Milk chocolate in a crisp coloured shell.

And they've gone for a complete facsimile almost of the packaging. Yes. These are called chocolates, where the word galaxy would be. In a similar font. Minstrels in a similar font. And then on the minstrels it has a tagline, pleasure worth sharing. And what does it say on our miracles? Enjoy sharing. pleasure worth sharing and what does it say on our miracles enjoy sharing

it's like it's gone like into a Chinese translation and then back again and then come back out again yeah so that's the next thing

we're going to do now we'll see what I think the big trick here is recognising the galaxy chocolate flavour once you've got that down then it becomes a personal choice about what you prefer so can you

I'm looking forward to this Paul this is tough so well we'll see. Good luck. I should have gone with my gut with that last one. If there's one thing you should never do... Go with my gut.

Why? I wouldn't want to leave my gut behind. I'd die, Paul. Put your fucking mask on. Wow. Wow. We've got another whole show to record. Oh, I know. Put fucking mask on. Wow. Wow. We've got another whole show to record. Oh, I know.

Put your mask on. Why are you taking so long to put your mask on? I'm just trying to take my time. Put your microphone down. Put your mask on. It's a vest. There's a very good chance I won't make it through this lovely episode of Cheap Show without being cross with you. Well, you already haven't.

I know, but I'm biting my tongue. What? Just put it on your head properly. I don't know why you're doing this protracted fold over thing. Because I'm trying to not cheat. I don't think you'd cheat anyway. I wouldn't, but

look. Right. Give me a fucking knock-off piece of shit. Well, you don't know which one I'm going to give you, do I? I haven't decided which one you're going to get first. This is going to be hard. It's going to take all my powers. Well, I hope it goes well for you. I'm opening the bags.

Bag number one is now open. I'm going to dry my palms so I get a real feel of the actual texture of these when they come into my hand. Interesting. Okay, so put your hand out. Here's the first one I have chosen for you. Are you ready? Yes. In it goes.

That is chocolate disc number one. It is shaped exactly like a minstrel. It is. Smell, chocolatey smell. I'd imagine it would be, yeah. In he goes, he's biting it. Very crisp. Very crisp.

It's past the crisp test, ladies and gentlemen. This is good things. This is lots of good things. How about the flavour? Chocolate is very cheap. Very cheap. Very sweet. I'm not getting any...

very cheap. Very cheap. Very sweet. I'm not getting any... Really does remind me of the chocolate you'd get in chocolate coins. That really nasty, cheap Christmas chocolate. Yes. Interesting. I'm nodding. It's very much like a Galaxy

minstrel. It could be. I'm really going to have to do the comparison on this one to see if I can tell. Well, let's do that now. Nothing... I didn't really like... I didn't think that was very nice. Here is point number two. Again, the shape is indeterminate.

No, it is a determinate shape. It's a determinate shape. It's indeterminable whether it's... Just by feel alone. The shape feels the same, is what I was trying to say. Yeah. So, here we go. Give it a sniff.

Oh, God. Just the sounds in my headphones as you do that is so unpleasant. There's less smell coming off this. Right. I've noticed that straight away. Good. I'm just trying to clear the taste of the previous one out of my mouth. Understandable.

All right, I'm going to bisect it, as is my want. Go on. He's bitten down. He's given it a chew. Now, that is the real one yeah why are you so sure it's a sort of

signature taste to the chocolate which is in a way it's less chocolatey and more sweet but it doesn't have

that sort of cheap Christmas money Christmas money it's got more amplitude Paul it has the galaxy amplitude you think

Is that what you think It's smoother Interesting So what are you going to go with It's less chocolatey I'm going to need to pin you down Can I pin you down You can pin me down

I'm pinning you down I preferred the second item And I believe the second item was our brand Galaxy So I think the inferior item was our first chocolate coin, the Miracle, or whatever it's called. Chocolate Mummy Face. Chocolate Mummy Face?

No, just Chocolate Miracle. I think the first one was the Miracle off-brand and the second one was Galaxy and I preferred the second one. All right, then I can tell you, Eli Silverman, that unfortunately, you're right. You're spot on. See what I did there I did a kind of

oh yeah liked it yeah very good thank you you felt I thought you mate I'm overjoyed

well you've got your mojo back I got my mojo back yeah that's one out of three correct so far but you know I think my record over time has shown

I think it will show that take your mask off because have a little look so just by the eye that's the miracle paler chocolate looking look at So just by the eye, that's the miracle. Paler chocolate looking. Look at the richness of the darkness. Yeah, it's just a better finish.

Just a better finish. It's a better finish on the... Let me try the miracle. Oh, I haven't tried the miracle before. Oh, yeah. Do you see what I mean? It's that cheapy chocolate taste. It's nowhere near as good as a...

Is it? As a proper one, yeah. It's kind of... Bitter. It's just nasty, muddy chocolate taste almost, isn't it? It's proper one, yeah. It's kind of... Bitter. It's just nasty, muddy chocolate taste almost, isn't it? It's that cheapy chocolate taste. Would you say? It's not great.

I mean, the crisp shell works. I mean, you can't really tell much difference. But it's just that when the chocolate flavour is released, it's disappointing and thin. Thin is the right word. I'm going to try the regular brand now, the brand brand. Now, you'll be surprised the difference. Oh.

Yeah. It does. It kind of embraces, doesn't it? They've done their work. And that's how they sell, don't they? They all sell like, oh, you're not going to get a dicking tonight. Then eat some of this and fucking frot yourself. What are you fucking talking about?

That's how they try and sell. It's very much sold to ladies, isn't it? As a sexual indulgence kind of chocolate. As sort of, yeah. Not like... Lie back and fucking... Shut up! Shut up!

I think they should start selling chocolate to men like that. Fancy wanking off. Stuff this chocolate in your gob. All right, yeah, good. Yorkie. Yeah, Yorkie should be... Come on, Yorkie's tits. Wow.

Wow. They should sell... Anyway, look. You know what I mean about those nasty... Those kind of fucking ads they try and sell minstrels to women with. Come on, you're hairy belly. Eat a Yorkie.

It's indulgence, isn't it? It's a moment of indulgence. But like flakes, they advertise those very sexually. Similar, similar. But I think more actually, actually for women. It's like soft focus. Flakes was a bit soft porn, wasn't it? It was like a lady in a see-through-ish kind of white gown.

She's having a moment. Walking through a hallway in a kind of Italian Riviera. And then it's like, flake. Possibly the crumbliest, most delicate chocolate in the world. And she's all like, she's lipping it all flakes. All licking with her flakes. I should do an ad. I could be licking it out of my beard.

I'm going to be sick. The idea of you doing a sexy chocolate ad. Fl could be picking it out of my beard. I'm going to be sick. The idea of you doing a sexy chocolate ad. Flake. Nuzzle Man edition. Eeyore. Here's a... You do a sexy ad

for it right now. For Minstrel. Here we go. Christ. Christ. God, sorry. All right. Christ, I'm bored. Shall I have a wank? No, I'll have some chocolate.

Oh, yeah. It's lovely, that. All right, how was that? Oh, God. Oh, my God. Joking aside for a second, Paul. Oh, yeah. That's how they sell Galaxy.

Like this sort of, ooh, you know, you go into a little. But it does sort of have that effect in the mouth it's very nice it's a pleasure yeah it's a real sort of confectionery effect

it has so out of all four things what's your favourite rank them be the minstrel okay great the proper minstrel

those four but if you were on a budget and you had to buy the knockoffs even though I bought all of this for Poundland so you can get the regulars as well as the knockoffs is it worth getting the knockoffsoffs, even though I bought all of this for Poundland, so you can get the regulars as well as the knock-offs.

Is it worth getting the knock-offs? They're both 90p. And how much more are minstrels than the knock-off? We get them from Poundland, so they're all pound. Oh, the minstrels are the same price? Yeah, I got these all from Poundland, so what's the point? What is the point? If it was like these are £2 and they were a quid,

would it be worth getting those for a quid? No, even then, probably not. But the fact that they cost the same for the same amount, there must be different amounts. Maybe. How much is in there? 200 grams.

This is 100 grams. So yeah, it is twice as expensive. But half as nice. Yeah. Well, there you go. Off brand. Diddle diddle diddle diddle. Brand off, brand off, brand off, brand off.

Off brand, off brand, brand off, brand off, brand off, brand off, brand off, brand off, brand off, brand off, brand off, brand off, brand off, brand off, brand off, brand off, brand off, brand off, brand off, brand off, brand off, brand off, brand off, brand off, brand off, brand off, brand off, brand off, brand off, brand off, brand off, brand off, brand off, brand off, brand off, brand off, brand off, brand off, brand off, brand off, brand off, brand off, brand off, brand off, brand off, brand off, brand off, brand off, brand off, brand off, brand off, brand off, brand off, brand off, brand off, brand off, brand off, brand off, brand off, brand off, brand off, brand off, brand off, brand off, brand off, brand off, brand off, brand off, brand off, brand off, brand off, brand off, brand off, brand off, brand off, brand off, brand off, brand off, brand off, brand off, brand off, brand off, brand off, brand off, brand off, brand off, brand off, brand off, brand off, brand off, brand off, brand off, brand off, brand off, brand off, brand off, brand off, brand off, brand off, brand off, brand off, brand off, brand off, brand off, brand off, brand off, brand off, brand off, brand off, brand off, brand off, brand off, brand off, brand off, brand off, brand off, brand off, brand off, brand off, brand off, brand off, brand off, brand off, brand off, brand off, brand off, brand off, brand off, brand off, brand off, brand off, brand off, brand off, brand off, brand off, brand off, brand off, brand off, brand off, brand off, brand off, brand off, brand off, brand off, brand off, brand off, brand off, brand off, brand off, Fucking Price of Shite. Oh, it's the fucking Price of Shite. And that's right. Hello. Okay, good. Right. Price of Shite time, Paul. Redux. Redux.

Part two. Yes. 2.1. Point two. 2.0. Yeah, right. This is Price of Shite 2.0. Yes.

If you remember from the last time we played this, ladies and gentlemen, there is a staircase of death employed, which has the numbers 1 to 25 running diagonally up left to right hand corner across the page. I will have three items. Like a cliff face. A cliff face. That's what it's called, isn't it? Cliffhanger. It's called the cliffhanger.

That I stole from the price of right. The price is right. It is. That I stole from the price of right. The price is right. It is. Of right. Not the price of right. As we've discussed before, the price of right would be a show about justice and how much it costs. You'd let it go, but you can't. Can you?

You can't give me a break. I think we should call it the staircase of death. Fine. The staircase of death, ladies and gentlemen. The staircase of shite. Here it is. One and... I have three and gentlemen. The staircase of shite. Here it is. One and... I have three items.

Paul will try and guess them. They're all under a quid. Yes. A quid or under. Yes. You'll show them in the order of cheapest to more expensive. Okay. Yeah?

Yes. You've fucked the game up, haven't you? I haven't fucked it up. I'm looking in your eyes now and there's a moment of doubt in your eyes where you thought... No. This doesn't quite fit the rules. I haven't thought this through. It does fit the rules.

Because you've fucked it, haven't you? I have not fucked it. You're just trying to say this because you're going to lose. Because I'm playing. I'm playing the player, not the game, yeah? I'm fucking gaming the game to play the player, yeah? Okay? Just bear that in mind if you want a chance.

Because you're going to fucking lose. Wow. So, every item is a pound or less. Yes. A pound or less. And you can only be out by 25 point P. Overall. Over or under.

You're describing this amazingly poorly. You could fuck it on the first go. You have three chances to guess the three items and your margin of error for across all three items is 25p. Yeah, but what if you get 25p out on the first one then? It's not worth playing the other two.

No, because you have to get 26 to fall off the cliff, don't you? So it's 25, then you go over. So theoretically, you could win by just getting to the 25th step and not going over. And then guessing correctly for the other two items. Yeah. Okay. Are you ready for your first item? Yes. Here it is, Paul. I think you're going to like this one. Yeah. Okay. Are you ready for your first item? Yes. Here it is, Paul. I think you're going to like this one.

This is an iPad dressing. What does that mean? It is when you've hurt your eye. Oh, fuck off. What do you mean? Fuck off. What do you mean fuck off? For the iPad.

I thought it was like something for the iPad. No, it's not for the iPad. Like it was like something to fix your iPad screen. It's a bit grotty. Maybe you wouldn't want to hold this in your hand. But anyway, Astroplast. And it's got a little pharmaceutical green cross, white cross on the green background.

Yeah. And it's got someone who looks like he's just started to dress up for a pirate character. Or a future space pirate. A future space, but he does look like a future space pirate.. Or a future space pirate. A future space pirate. He does look like a future space pirate. It's more future space pirate. He's got an eye, but it is actually a medical item.

Yeah. An iPad dressing. So it's got a band and you put it on your eye when you've hurt your eye. Or someone spat in it or something. Yeah, that happens. So that is the first item. That is the cheapest item, Paul. Okay.

Interesting. It is very mucky. It is filth laden. Yes. Did you find it on the floor? I'm not going to say anything. Did you find this on the floor that I've just touched with my hand? Then what would your guess be for the price?

If you fucking called this nothing, I'm going to punch you. Well, it's up to you to make the decision. You fucked this game. I'm going to punch you. Well, it's up to you to make the decision. You fucked this game. I have not! People are interested in this. It's an eye dressing. It's an unusual item. The fact that it's so filthy

means it looks like you found it somewhere. Okay. Is that your final answer? You're saying nothing, yeah? No, because then I'm massively out if I get it wrong. To hedge my bets, I'm going to say 5p. Is that your final answer? Yes.

Do I reveal it to you now? You reveal it to me now and you tell me how many steps it goes up so you can do it one at a time and go buh, buh, buh, buh, buh. So this Astroplast iPad dressing was found on the floor. I fucking hate you! It was outside a tube station. So it was zero. You dirty little bastard!

No, it adds flavour to the game. The guy who had that in Lost here obviously had an eye problem. I'm not going to fucking find him, am I? He's miles gone. Well, he can't find you. He can't tell how far away I am exactly, but, you know, the other eye's working, probably.

Five points. So, we're going up the stair. One, two, three, four, five. Nicely hedged there. Why have you drawn a little eight? It's just you. It's you with your stupid mouth and your hair. What the fuck?

And your ears. There you go. Yeah. There you are. You're there, Paul. Awful drawing. Well, you're at five. Yes. Well played.

No, not really, because I kind of feel that was a bit of a trick question. It was, but you hedged your bets, didn't you? By going low. I mean, you knew in your heart I found that on the floor, didn't you? Yes. You just didn't want to. You said 5p, you're only 5. You've got 20 points to play with these other two items, yes?

Yes. Now, we're going for the middle item. Yeah? Yeah. The middle item, Paul. I don't think you know just how angry I am right now. Why are you angry? Just angry. I feel betrayed by that first one. I would never do anything that was nothing.

You, come on. It's a tradition in the Price of Shite. And I'm just taking that tradition of putting free items that we might have found on tube stations and were edible. Yeah, like that time we had to eat food you found on the Florida train station. That's what life is about, Paul. It's not. These things.

Living dangerously. Rocking out with our cockings out. Yeah. It's not. These things. Living dangerously. Rocking out with our cockings out. Yeah? Now, get ready. Part two. Get ready for your next item. Here it is. Oh, now this.

Describe this, Paul, to everyone. This is awesome shite. Thank you. This is a little golden treasure chest, like the kind of thing a pirate might have. See? Pirate theme. There's a pirate theme, isn't there? Yeah, there is. I will say that. And it goes to the third

item, weirdly enough, as well. Okay. Well, that's strange. Anyway, it's not just a gold treasure chest. You can see through it. It's filled with water. And inside there's a little, for some reason, New York City scene. With the Statue of Liberty, the Empire State Building and the Twin Towers.

And it's like a snow globe. And it's like a snow globe. And it's like a snow globe. It's full of water with snow in. So explain to me the concept of some guy coming in and goes, I want to make a snow dome. Wonderful. This is Snow Domes R Us. What do you design?

First of all, it's a golden treasure chest. Lovely. Great idea. What's going to be in there? Pirates, treasure, skull and bone, little ship? No. The New York City skyline. Rightline right why because it's a golden chest isn't it like las vegas oh yeah it doesn't really uh doesn't really work and then i want it

to snow yeah okay you don't want in terms of it's a kind of mixed mixed symbol isn't it and it has the original retail price i thought i'd leave that on there paul because that as you know it's not the price 95 3.95 i thought it might have, Paul, because that, as you know, is not the price. $3.95. $3.95, is it? I thought it might have been dollars, yeah, because it looks like this is... It was bought in New York. It's a New York piece of tourist hat, isn't it? You know what it reminds me of? An aquarium. Yes. It's missing fish.

It could be. If you emptied out all the toxic snow particles and got some of those sea monkey scores, it'd be a great little home for a sea monkey, wouldn't it? It'd be like New York, the attack of those sea monkey scores. It'd be a great little home for a sea monkey, wouldn't it? It'd be like New York and the Attack of the Sea Monkeys. Fucking great. Great movie.

We'd have to get rid of the Twin Towers to be honest, to be a bit tasteful. We couldn't keep them in. But it is an unusual... Or maybe we should for nostalgia and remembrance. Yes, I think you need to keep the monkeys in there. It is an unusual design for a snow globe. Yes.

Because they're usually always in the name because it's a globe. This is Chesartrest shaped. Can I ask where you got it? I got it from that charity shop, Raise My Voice Foundation. Thank you. It's a question. That's all. Then you can see it.

There's no trick to that. It was an honest question, Eli. It wasn't exactly cheap when it actually retailed. That's fucked me up. It looks like it might have dry blood on the eye patch. Yeah, mate. It's real. That's fucked me up, that is.

Okay, well, listen. Anyway, this was... I don't know. More than 5p. We know that, don't we? Because it can't be cheaper. You know that now. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's more than 5p. I made the rules up. I know how it goes. All right, fucking hell. I'm just trying't be cheaper. You know that now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's more than 5p. I made the rules up. I know how it goes. Alright, fucking hell. I'm just trying to fucking explain. I'm gonna say for the treasure shaped snow globe of New York City,

what do you say the price of this shite is today? I'm gonna say 45 pence. 45p. The price in reality was 50p. Very good. Wow. Five more.

Up the stair he goes. Up to number 10. And there he is. Going to do a little drawing again. Paul is at number 10. Now he looks like a slug. With the slimy bits. Okay.

So, you are doing very well. Not too bad. 10. You've got another 15 point margin of error to play with. Interesting. And one more. Yes, one more item on the docket. One more item on the docket.

Well, let's see where this goes. I'm very excited. I'll just grab it out of my bag. Okay. You just fill the airspace for a second there. Thank you to all our Patreon donors, Patreons who have been donating. We are going to make a quick amend, actually, to

the rewards. I'll explain it in a note on Patreon before this episode's released, so by then it might have been released. So anyway. Mate, when I said fill the air, I didn't mean just do some dry, dry admin. I thought I'd do something productive at least. You fucking totally...

Oh, fuck off! You totally punctured the whole fucking flow. Fuck off! I'm trying to do this professionally, like a real game show that people actually invest in and be interested in. You're like, oh yeah, Patreon.

I was trying to... I'm so boring! Right, you ready for your third item? Thank you, Patreon people. There's an update and news coming soon Are you ready for your third item? There's an update and news coming soon. Are you ready for your third item? Yes. Go to patreon.com forward slash cheap show. Next.

Here's your third item, Paul. Thank you again to all the people who have donated. We really appreciate it. And generally, thank you so much. No matter how small your donation has been, we love it. Are you trying to say I'm not grateful now? You are not grateful. I'm trying to get on with the show.

Go on. Mr. Ungrateful. He's Mr. We love it. Are you trying to say I'm not grateful now? You are not grateful. Because I'm trying to get on with the show. Go on. Mr Ungrateful. He's Mr Ungrateful. He's a cock. He's a knob. He doesn't do his job. He's Mr

Ungrateful. Go on. Here's your third item. It's a doggy wog. Oh, it's a your third item. It's a doggy wog. Oh, it's a sad doggy. It's a McDonald's Happy Meal dog. It's a Happy Meal toy, and it's a dog. We've established that, and it's a plush. It's got wheels on.

It's a little mini plush. It's a little doggy with wheels for back legs. This dog doesn't have back legs. It has wheels. Because I think maybe it's for some kind of charity for disabled animals. Animals? Could be. I was thinking maybe it's from some kind of charity for disabled animals. Could be. I was thinking maybe it's from a film franchise.

It wasn't a film franchise which had a dog with no back legs and wheels instead? Was it Pets or that movie? There was a film called Pets, wasn't there? Perhaps that was it, yeah. It looks kind of like a CGI cartoon. It totally does. I think it is a character from a movie. Adopt me, Eli.

I think it's reasonable, isn't it? And, you know, people diss McDonald's. Why are you so ungrateful, Eli? Why are you so ungrateful? Who am I ungrateful to, little dog? Who? Who am I ungrateful to? Keep the improvisation going, Paul.

Why do you have those thoughts at night? What thoughts? You know, the dark thoughts. The thoughts about what? Having a wank. That's not dark. That's just a normal, natural process, little doggy. You haven't got any genitals. Don't you fucking mess with me, son.

Oh, fuck's sake. Paul. I love you, Eli. eli i love you too little doggy well it could be any price between 10p 10p 50p 11p it has to be more than 11p it has to be more than 10 a pound more than 10p yes i know which includes 11 so not more than 11 fucking hell how about this try and get it right just try and get it right when you talk about numbers or concepts that have concrete logical edges paul just try and get it to slot in i'm never fucking does does it i'm saying this toy has to be more than 50p why because that was 50p and this can't be less than that you're absolutely right sorry that's what I was getting at. Okay.

What? Oh, I'm going to fucking kill you. As a marker, Paul, this toy... I'm going to put my anus on your mouth and blow a hot fart in your gob. This toy has to be more than 50p. Is it? So it's between 50p and a pound. Is it, though?

And you can only get this wrong in a margin of 15p wrong either way or else you're going over the cliff. Can I ask where you got this? That was bought from the North London Hospice charity shop. Right. I'm going to say this was 75p. Paul?

Yes. The price of the disabled dog thing Yeah Was a quid, I'm sorry You've gone up the stairs Arr, arr, arr, arr Uppity, uppity, uppity stairs Uppity stairs he goes

Fifteen Sixteen Seventeen Eighteen Ninety Twenty Twenty-one Twenty's in the air, 23, 24, 25. Woohoo! He's running up.

There's nothing below him. He hasn't realised yet. Now he looks down. Fucking straight down off the fucking cliff onto the jagged, nasty stones below. To be eaten by gulls. You lost. I'm so angry. Why? Right now. I feel you fucked me.

I told you it was a hard one. You think about... You little fuck. It was within the rules of the game. You fucking little bellend. It was within the rules of the game. Think about it. Look what you've done. You had three items, right? All of them had to be less than a pound. I'm going to kill you.

Were they all less than a pound? I'm going to kill you. Listen. So the first item you chose was nothing. It wasn't nothing. It was an iPad. The second was 50p. The third was a pound.

You put no effort into this. You did nothing, 50p and a pound. I know. And you couldn't get it, could you? I was playing exactly within the rules of the game. And you, my son, you, my sonny-son-son, have come a cropper. And you've lost a lot worse than I have. Did I lose?

I lost, didn't I? No, you did all right in the first game. Yes. Because that was fair. Right. Well, you'll have to think of ways of fucking me up then, won't you? I don't want to. I want it to be a nice game.

What do you mean a nice game? I want it to be a nice game. What's a nice a nice game? I want it to be a nice game. What's a nice game? A game is about competition, Paul. It's about me grinding your face into the muck forever and ever and ever. Like I did today. And you've probably caught some kind of disease off the dried blood on the iPad. Well, you've got it as well.

I've already got it, Paul. I've already got everything. Listen, look where I fucking live. All right, that was... Price is Shite. I thought that worked very well. Right. It's board time game again.

It's board game time again, you fucking stupid twat. Did I say board time game again? It's like your Ganon this week. I really, I'm feeling a bit, just frowsy, Paul. Are you ill again for yet another episode? No, I'm not ill. Are you? I'm just a bit, feel a bit fuzzy.

Aww, I don't care. Alright. So, it is board game time again, ladies and gentlemen. Well, every now and then we like to go to charity shops and find a board game from the past or some rarity that we can play on the show. And when I saw this board game, I nearly came buckets. You like this. Now you're developing into quite a little vintage board game collector kind of guy, aren't you, Paul? Some would say I am.

Yes. Don't do that. Don't do the noise. You can do it, can you? But I can't. I do it ironically. I did it ironically. That's that thing that Paul does that we hate.

But Eli's doing it. ha ha ha right so this board game i had when i was a kid and lost it in the midst of time and i can you remember whiling away hours with family yeah it's playing this at christmas yeah right you sent my board games over to my mate dave and at christmas uh we play board games like cludoo and this and, you know, Pictionary. Good times. Good times. Before the dark times happened. Before the dark times started.

So, this is a board game I loved. It was the opposite of the board game I hated. Monopoly. Fucking hate Monopoly. I mean, Monopoly is a shit game. Horrible game.

So this is called Go For Broke. Go For Broke. Go For Broke. It is a board game by the company. Where did you put the lid? Broke. It is a board game by the company. Where did you put the lid? I need you to be...

It's by MB Games. MB Milton Bradley. Big company. Do they also do... I think they did a lot of the classic board games. A lot of the classic board games. They connect four. Connect four, is that it?

You know, frustration. Yes. Operation? Yeah, I think so. I mean, I think since then it's all been changed and bought by other companies like Mattel or I don't know. Anyway, in this hilarious game, the race is on to try and spend the million pounds

as quickly as you can. Not as easy as it sounds. You can't take it with you, so spend wildly and hope you don't back a winner. Will you be the first to lose a fortune and win the game? It's Brewster's Millions, the game version. It is. It is indeed. So the idea is you move around the board,

you buy things, you lose money on things, you gain money from things, you play slot machines, horses, play the stocks and a roulette as you go around the board and the aim is to lose as much money as you can. Now when you spend money, it goes on the lottery plate, right? So all the

money that's spent in the game accumulates there but if you go or get sent to the lottery page, square even, if, it goes on the lottery plate, right? So all the money that's spent in the game accumulates there. But if you go or get sent to the lottery page, square even, if you get sent to the lottery square, all that money on that tray goes to you. And then you're in shock. It doesn't say that. It says buy 5,000 lottery tickets as you pass. Okay, so yeah, you buy. But if you get sent to the lottery square, you win it all.

Okay. Yeah? So we've already picked ahead of time our colours. You are blue. I'm the blue champagne bottle. Yes. And I also have a champagne... They're all champagne bottles. You get a little hotel so you can buy a hotel at one point. Only the one property. And this isn't the same as a

Monopoly hotel because it's got a little... Foyer. A little sort of, yeah, extension on the side of it. Maybe it's a greenhouse. Maybe it's a garden restaurant. We'll never know. I like to think it's an alfresco dining place. Nice. I think mine's more of a rest area where you can just relax with parties. Yours is an old people's home, is it?

Yes. They need love too. You're going to be one soon. Don't you wish someone in your life would care for you in your old days? Fucking hell. I'm thinking about them. Mr. Ungrateful. Oh, that's me. I'm Mr. Ungrateful. Yeah and we uh beginning of the game we were all given uh well we were both given we were both given uh one million uh game monies

i've got game dollars international dollars uh it is seven one hundred thousands wasn't it uh five fifty thousands uh five tens and ten fives was that right no i don't give a fuck mate wasn't it? 5 50,000s, 5 10s, and 10 5s. Was that right? No. I don't give a fuck, mate. It's a million. Why did you start? As soon as you started that bit,

I was like, this could be dry. This is going to list the money. It was dry. What's it say? 10 5,000s, 5 10,000s, 4 50,000s,

7 100,000s. Ew. Ew. Are we going to start? We are. Now, so it doesn't go on forever, the simple game here is to lose as much money

in the time we've allotted ourselves. And we've allotted ourselves 20 minutes. 20 minutes. So this might be a real-time episode unless you say a racist thing and I have to cut it out again. I don't do that.

I never do that, Paul. I have so many bloopers of you being foul and racist. No, that's not true. And really mean to all sorts of ethnic groups. That is not true. And genders. Paul, I don't...

It's appalling. You need to fucking have a talk to someone about the sick things. If you think I'm really like that, why do you even make the podcast with me? Charity. Charity towards me, a racist? Yeah. I'm trying to change you. So you admit you are then? I don't.

You just did. He said, towards me, a racist. I have proved it, ladies and gentlemen. Eli is a nasty man. Why don't you do that in your stupid Irish accent that everyone finds offensive? Because it's so much fun with me potatoes. Right. Are we ready to go? We're going to be quick on this. We're not going to dilly-dally. We're going to rock it. So I'm rolling, yeah? I'm going first. Oh, you decide you're going to be quick on this We're not going to dilly dally We're going to rock it So I'm rolling yeah?

I'm going first Oh you decide you're going to go first Let's roll the dice each Whoever gets the highest number goes first That's fair 3, 2, 1 I go first I rolled a 4

Ladies and gentlemen It's time To start the clocks And go For broke You're meant to join in with me When I say go for broke It's time to start the clock

And Go For broke Put more fucking love in it and go for broke. You're meant to join in with me when I say go for broke. Okay. It's time to start the clock and go for broke. Put more fucking love in it. It's time to start the clock and go for broke. Keeping the scene alive. Go for broke. We begin now. Roll the dice dice Here we go

It is 4 1, 2, 3, 4 Do I want to pay for a hotel right now? 150 grand I could do Let's do that right now So I'm going to pay 100 And then where's my 50?

There's my 50 150 for a hotel I'm doing it I've already bought one it's now time for Eli to roll the dice right so where does your hotel live

it's right there it is hotel Costa Plenty it lives there and I spent 150 on that right I've do I get anything for a roll

did you dial I've rolled no you didn't get anything for a roll you got 8 double 2 double 4s which way do I go

where the arrow is you little monkey alright 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 it's alright fours. Which way do I go? Where the arrow is, you little monkey. Alright. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight. It's alright. You just... You don't... It's fine. If you get sent

there, you collect it. All you've got to do is pay 5,000 in. Say, pay 5,000 as you pass. Oh. It's a good thing. It's a good thing. I landed on the lottery. Pay 5,000. It's the red ones at the bottom. Come on, man. Alright. There you go. We're on the clock. 19 minutes left. There you go. You're go. Here we go. Roll the bottom. Come on, man. All right. We're on the clock. 19 minutes left. There you go.

You're good. Here we go. Rolling the dice. And it is eight again. That's strange, isn't it? God. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight. Money to burn.

Go to the races. So we both go to the races. We both go. Yeah, we both go. Now, this is where we play the horsey race. How do I remember where I was? You don't. You've got to start from there now. I start from there now. Yeah, we both go. Now, this is where we play the horsey race. How do I remember where I was? You don't. You've got to start from there now.

I start from there now. Yeah. So, read the box rules for the horsey race thing. It says... For the horsey race thing... Yes. The races. Yeah.

If you go to the races, all players must take part. First, you should place one single bet with the bank of between 5,000 and 50,000 on horse 1, 2, 3 or 4. Once you've announced your choice, each remaining player in turn must place a bet, each on a different horse. Spin the spinner once and determine which horse wins. So, you, having landed there,

you decide first. How much do you want to bet? I'm going to go big. I'm going to say 50 grand on horse 4, which is green, the smallest of the dial. Because this is how we race the horses. There's a dial with four horses on. Each horse has a bigger section than the other.

So therefore, number one, with the biggest section to cover, has more of a chance of it being a win. Yes, I see. So there's a clear favourite. Clear favourite to lose is number four. Yeah. Not favourite to lose. Yeah, I don't want to win on horse four coming in.

You don't want to win. So I'm going to put 50 grand down. So that means if I win, though, I get five Not favourite to lose. Yeah, I don't want to win on horse four coming in. You don't want to win. So I'm going to put 50 grand down. So that means if I win, though, I get five times my initial bet. So that means I will get 250. So how much can I bet? Between five and... How much was it to say? Between five and...

Five and 50. Five and 50. So I went the whole hog. I put in. I'm going to go. But you can't bet on green because I've done green four. Oh, come in. I'm going to go. But you can't bet on green because I've done green four. Oh, come on. I'm going to go.

Come on. Shut up. I'm trying to think. I'm going to go 30 grand. This is not the board game version of driving Miss Daisy where everything's at a leisurely pace. How much?

I'm going to go 30 grand. 30 grand. On yellow. Stick it here for the bank for now. Right. So, I'm going to spin 30 grand on yellow. Stick it here for the bank for now. Right. So, I'm going to spin. Are you ready? Red.

We both lose money. Where's it go? It goes on the tray. Excellent. So, we both lost money there. Well done. It's your turn to roll. Okay.

Now, I roll the dice. Yes. Rolling them now. Oh, I've got another double. Double three for six. Exactly. And I start here, do I? Yes, you're blue. One, I've got another double. Double three for six. Exactly. And I start here, don't I? Yes, you're blue.

One, two... Is that the right way? Yeah. One, two, three, four, five, six. No, no, you've got to go that way. Because the arrow shows you've got to go that way. Oh, does it really? Mr Make-Up-The-Rules.

It's an arrow on the board telling you which way. Don't you fuck with me. You haven't played this in years. I played it like two weeks ago with flatmates. And you cheated them as well, did you? No, I didn't win.

Did you do it for fucking... I'm going to kick you unless you roll six. Teabag duty. Six. One, two, three, four, five, six. What does it say? It says,

your cash box is too full. Go to the casino. Oh, we've got to go both. Both go? We both go. Go to the casino. Right, casino rules.

Yeah. If you go to the casino, you must play both games. A, fruit machine. Pay 20,000 at the bank and spin each roll of wands. You are paid in the following combinations. Oh, actually, I don't think I do need to go to the casino. Just you then. Okay, that's fine.

Because I think you just play this. Alright so first I play you got to play these ones. This is the rolling dials with a fruit machine kind of thing on it. So 20 grand I have to bet 20? Yeah you have to bet 20 and then you roll them. Give them a proper spin. Alright. Alright and do it slowly one at a time so I can count it. Just here for now. So you're gonna bet, you have to bet 20 grand and now you've got to roll each of these individually. And if they, if they and do it slowly one at a time so I can count it. Just here for now. So you have to bet 20 grand and now you've got to roll each of these individually.

And they'll win if they match, right? Yeah, we'll see afterwards what the wins are. Gold. Dollar sign. Champagne. I don't believe you got anything. Let us double check.

Any two of a kind, any three of a kind or three times the dollar symbol. No, good. You're fine. I lost that 20. Any two of a kind, any three of a kind or three times the dollar symbol. No. Good. You're fine. I lost that money. Good.

Excellent work. Liking that. Yes. Catching up on you. I can imagine you being quite good at this. What? Just losing money. Yeah.

Now casino. Roulette. I'm going to play roulette. Choose one of the three bets shown below, pay the bank, spin the spinner once and win as follows.

55,000 choose a single number. Yeah. 20,000 choose a group of numbers. Right. Or 50,000 choose red or black. What are you going to do? So you see, choose a single number. Yeah. $20,000, choose a group of numbers. Right. Or $50,000, choose red or black. What are you going to do? So, you see, the more you spend... $50,000, red or black.

Come on, baby! Oh, he's throwing it in. Come on, you biatch! So, you're putting $50,000 in, yeah? Fucking... Now, I will say, be careful when you roll this, because it will vibrate if you do it... You know, so...

Try... Just try and get a nice... I'm putting it on. You're going to put it on red or black. Which one are you going to go for? Are you going to go Wesley Snipes or are you going to go not Wesley Snipes? Braces.

No, he says that in the movie Passing You 57. Oh, does he? He goes, always bet on black and then kicks the bad guy in the face. I'll bet on black. I'm going to go with Wesley. You'm going to go with the old Wesley. Here we go. Oh, yeah. It's hit red.

Fucking eat that poo-poo filled sandwich, my friend. Oh. Blam. My go. Zigger, zigger, zigger, blam. What are we doing for time?

13 minutes left. He's running out on you. Running, running out on you. Five, six, seven. Ticking top down. Shut up. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven. 13 minutes left. He's running out on you. Running, running out on you. Five, six, seven. Shut up. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven. Buy a share. Really big steel corporation.

100 grand. So, I spend 100 grand and I buy a share in really big steel. Here are the stocks. Oh, didn't see those. Well, I thought I'd reveal them if we got to use them. Well, there's some stocks there.

Yeah, there's some stocks. There's a steel one. What does that mean? Does that count as money? Yeah, because we play the stock exchange possibly at some point. And then you can win or lose money depending on what stocks you've got. Okay, so my roll. Yes.

Very uneventful. Ten. Right. Ten. That's me. That's me. You're over here, dipshit. The blue.

Remember in the casino? Well, aren't you clever? Go on, you're go. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten. Oh, that says, buy the Eiffel Tower. Pay 100,000 for a removal van. So, put 100,000 on the tray. This is very interesting.

Right, my turn to go. Roll the dice. Where's my Eiffel Tower? Eleven. It's not... It's conceptual in a board game way. You don't get a little Eiffel Tower 11 it's not it's conceptual in a board game way you don't get a little

Eiffel Tower I think that would be better nor do you get a removal van the cash isn't real I feel like they should have all of this stuff like coming out of the inside bit

maybe there'll be a deluxe version where you can but we don't have that so can I please play the fucking game yeah go on move your stupid bottle 11

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 hold there the fucking game. Yeah, go on. Move your stupid bottle. 11. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9. Hold there. I've got to pay 5,000 to pay the lottery. 10, 11. What does that say?

Take one other player to casino. Both play the fruit machine. Oh. So we're both in the casino so you're back there with me now as well. So we both put 20 grand on.

20 grand. Okay. I will go first. Oh, look at you. You thump through our money. What do I look at you? The way you thump through your money, it's creepy.

You've got it all on your table. Like, that's real life, isn't it? It's a board game. It's not real life. Well, why don't you act like a grown-up? All right, then. Walk out. You walk out. Walk out of here.

Look that's five, that's twenty. Was that done well? Was that done well for you Paul? The way I touched it. Do you want me to hit you? No. Do you want me to hit you? No.

Because I'm going to hit you. Don't hit me. Why does this happen every week? How can we keep doing this? I don't know. Anyway, it's time to roll the fruit machine boys and girls. I'll't know. Anyway, it's time to roll the fruit machine, boys and girls. I will go first.

Gold bar, fucking move your foot away from me, please. Nothing wrong with my feet, shut up! Mate, I'm just saying. What's that? That is a Rolls Royce. And last one. Gold bar! Two of a kind. What do I get? What do I get? 50 grand.

Take it and stuff it in your mug-a-trude. No, you haven't rolled. It's your go. You roll now. You have to roll as well. Finger ring. Diamond well. Finger ring. Diamond ring. Diamond ring. Gold.

Diamond ring. Oh, you get 50 grand too. Suck, Mokey. Right, your go now. There's nothing wrong with my feet. Yeah. No, it's musty. Look, it's not foul. What's wrong with my feet? Yeah. Yeah. No, it's musty.

Look, it's not foul. It's just a little musty. It's not that bad. It's just a bit, I don't know. The thing is, your fucking room stinks. It doesn't really. Spicy misery. Oh, God.

That's my new cologne. Spicy misery by Eli. Seven. Seven. Right, you are here. I'll move you seven. If you move me, please. One, two, three,

four, five, six, seven. Buy a big share in the Big Flash Electric Company. Okay, how much? A hundred grand goes on the tray and I will fetch you the big light stocks. Goes in the lottery, a hundred grand. Yeah, well, it goes on the tray. There you go. Thank you. Happy

now? Right. Okay, next is you, Roll. Now, why? Because it's your turn. Oh no, it's my turn. Three. One, two, three. Buy a share in the Gulch Oil. I will. Gulch Oil. Gulch. So, hang on. I'll do it. I'll roll. I while you're doing that, I'll roll. And I didn't take the light bulb one. Where did I put it?

Mine is the light bulb one. Oh, yeah, that's right. Fuck me. Hold it together, Paul. I can't. You're so bad. The stakes are too high. I've rolled seven.

Right, okay, that's you. No, go the right way. One, two, three, four, 5, 6, 7. Right, it says donate £180,000 to the EEC Common Agriculture Policy. Don't mind if I do, Paul. I bet at the time that was quite satirical.

I just don't know what that means right now at all. I think it was the thing before the EU or I don't know. How much? £180,000. £180,000. Cool, cool bucks. £180,000. Slipping through my fingers. How much? 180. 180. 180 cool, cool bucks. 180. Slipping through my fingers. Yeah.

That's 150. And that is... Oh, come on. 160. Nine minutes left. 170. Mate. I can't do it.

170. Put. I can't do it. One, seven, one. Put two 100s down and I'll give you 20 from the bank. All right? There you go. So put two of those down and I'll give you 20 back. Right? Happy? Okay.

Fucking hell. Just get on with it, mate. Right, my go. I've won, by the way. It looks like I've won. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11. Go to stock exchange.

Diddly diddly diddly diddly diddly. Right, so we've got stocks now. What happens? Well, I roll it and then we'll see what happens. You have stocks in lights and I have oil and steel. I spin the spinner and it tells me if it's in the black or in the red. And then we'll look up the numbers.

Ready? What do we do first? It happens at one go. So I roll at one. So whatever it lands on pays or gets money back or whatever. Ready? It's spinning. The stocks go up or down.

Red. Steel. What does that mean? If it lands on down red steel what does that mean if it lands on red steel what does it mean look at the box angry if the spinner shows a share going down

in the red all players owning those shares pay 10,000 to the bank for each certificate that share held I pay 10 for that one you wanker

you don't have you don't have steel I have steel. And then, what? Is that it? That's it. Oh, it's your turn to run.

Yeah, bloody hell. And it's a seven. So, go seven spaces from there. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven. Snake Eyes. Going to play Snake Eyes. Right. So, you roll the dice.

Yeah. Read it. All Yeah. Read it. All right. Read it. Both throw dice as often as you like and add up the total show on both dice each time you throw them, providing neither of the dice turns up a one. When you decide to end your turn, you pay your total score times 5,000 to the bank. Does that make sense?

So you roll it and you roll a seven, right? So that means you pay seven times five. And then if you roll it again and you get four, then you add seven and four, and whatever that is, 11, is 11 times five. But if you roll a one, you just win 100 grand or something, I think it is. So you roll the dice as many times as you think

you can get away with before you hit a one. Yeah. Right? So, roll your first dice. You utter wanker! Pick it up. 2. No, that went on the floor.

It's got to stay on the board. Christ, what a stickler. If it doesn't stay... Roll both. 7! I did roll both. If it doesn't roll... Give me the dice.

Just give me the dice. The rule is... This game sucks. Can I just say that? There's no fruit. There's no flavour. There's no HP source. The rule is, if the dice ends Can I just say that? There's no fruit. There's no flavour. There's no HP source. The rule is,

if the dice ends on the floor, you get no score. Right? That's the rule. If it stays on the board, it won't be ignored. Okay? That's good.

So, you're in the black and in the red. Nothing in this game for two in a bed. All right. There you go. Nine. Nine.

So, so far, it's nine times 5,000 you donate. Right? Whatever that ends on. I'll stick on that. You just don't want to roll it again? You might get more. Nine. So, so far, it's nine times 5,000 you donate, right? Whatever that ends up being. I'll stick on that. You just don't want to roll it again? You might get more.

No. You little baby. What's nine times 5,000? What's five nine fives? 45. Five, ten, fifty. 45,000. So, maybe put 50 down and you get a five from the bank.

Do that. There you go. Congratulations. My go. And I get a nine one two three

no you have to play snake eyes I don't play snake eyes only you do you go to play snake eyes which is there

you didn't go naughty right go on six seven eight nine one

two three four five six seven eight nine

go to stock exchange again right okay do I go no I roll it again and we just see if the stocks go up or down here we go 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9. Go to stock exchange. Again. Right, okay. Do I go? No, I roll it again. And we just see if the stocks go up or down. Here we go.

They go down. Red in gold. Oh, I've got to pay 100 grand in oil. Do you have oil? No. Do you have it? No, don't touch me. Ah, ha, ha, ha.

Right, you all go. Come on, I can do this. I can beat you. I can beat you. I'm going to beat you. Nine. Nine. There you go.

You're there. Come on. I'm not. You're there. You're there. Pay attention to actually what's going on, Paul. Here's you. Is that me?

Double check it. Three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine. What does that say? You and one other opponent each throw one dice. High roller gets 50 grand from the other. So you take a dice. I take a dice. We both roll. We want to go low.

The highest pays 50 grand to the other. No. Yeah. So if I get the highest... Could you just please pay attention? Say it. What does it say?

It says the High Roller gets 50,000. From the opponent. Yes. So if I roll five and you roll four, you pay me 50 grand. No! That's what it says! It's the opposite of that!

You and one opponent throw one dice. High Roller gets... So whoever rolls the highest gets 50 grand from opponents. Yeah, that's the opposite of what you just said. It's not the opposite! It's literally the right way to describe it. Right, are we on page? Roll the dice.

Here we go. Go for the low one, yeah? You want to be the lowest number, yes. Yes. But the highest gets it from the other person. You can fucking die. The loser gives 50 grand to you. Are you ready? Yes. Yes. But the highest gets it from the other person. You can fucking die. The loser gives 50 grand to the loser. Are you ready? Yes.

On the count of three. One, and a two, and a three. I got one. You got three. You have to pay me 50 grand. No. I give you 50 grand. I'm sorry.

You are spazzing right out. You can't say that. How dare you 50 grand. No, I'm sorry. You are spazzing right out. You can't say that. How dare you say that? You are acting like you can't process language or meaning. There's two and a half minutes left. There's your 50 grand. The dicking hole. I've got a new game.

Your go. The dicking boy starring Paul Gannon as Dick McDicky Dick Dick Dick Dick. That's a long name. Dick Dickington. Roll the dice a long name. Dick Dickington. Roll the dice. Come on, you've got two minutes. You know how much money... Two minutes.

Stop complaining or I will lamp you. Ten. Oh, you'll lamp me. You're the thug of cheap show. One, two... Wait, hang on. It's my go.

Well, don't tell me to roll... Roll the fucking dice then. Roll the dice You absolute shithawk 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11 Buy a share in Gulchie Gulch I will Oh, I've got more

Roll your dice Come on, time's running out, Eli Time's running out 4 Which way am I going? That way 1, 2 Now you can go to the horses Or you can go the other way around It's up to you Which way am I going? That way One, two Now you can go to the horses or you can go the other way around

It's up to you Do you want to go to the horses? Come on Don't look at each square and go I'll take it Whatever, I'll pick the best one Hurry up and do it I've gone to this one What does it say?

Spend a week on a health farm In Siberia. Pay 20 grand. Put 20 grand on that plate right now. You are a wanker. You're just a slow, slow, slow idiot. Right, 6, 7, 8, 9. Okay. I'm going to go

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9. Stock exchange. No, I'm going to go with a casino. I'm going to go casino. Don't you bounce back out of there? No, I don't. I can go straight in. How do you know?

So I have to put 20 grand straight away on the things. Ready? Yes. I'm going to roll the fruit machine now. One. Car. Two. Boat.

Three. Gold. Excellent. Get rid of that. Next one is casino is the roulette what are my bets again for that remind me you can put five five thousand five on a single number 20 and choose a group or 50 000 red or black oh and you know what i'm just gonna i'm not i'm gonna put 15 on a single number no i'm gonna put 20 on a group of numbers. Which group do you want?

1 to 12, 13 to 24, or 25 to 36? I want 13 to 24. Okay, spin it. Let me just put the right money down. 20. Okay. So if it's 13 to 24, I win, right? Any of those numbers in that block.

13 to 24 inclusive. Here we go. 36. 36. Oh, and the game is over. The game is over. And I lost 20 grand. No, you didn't. I did. So now it's time to count up our money

and see who got the least. So let me just have a look now. I have... Oh, we're counting. Right. I have... Oh, we're counting. Right. I have in tally $300,025. That is my final tally. What do you have? $500,030.

So now let me just do a quick recount on that. I have $300,025. Yeah, because you cheated. And you have again. What was it? What was it? You had again. $530,000.

I think that means. You won by cheating. Let me announce it my way. Ladies and gentlemen, it gives me great pleasure to turn around to you and say, congratulations, listener. You've heard Paul Gannon win. Go for broke. It wasn't very funny, was it, though, any of it?

Was it not? There's nothing to do with it. Is it because you've lost? It's a shit game, Paul. Is it because you've lost? These unamusing cartoons. Oh, you've lost and you're upset. Whereas if you'd won, you wouldn't have this.

You'd be going, I love you. I wouldn't do that. No, I wouldn't do that. I wouldn't be like that.'d be going, I love you. I wouldn't do that. No, I wouldn't do that. I wouldn't be like that. Do you want to know? I'll tell you what. Money all in, bet everything on red or black on the roulette. All the rest of my money? Yeah. And if I lose this bet,

then I win, yeah? Yeah. You're desperate. That's not a proper offer. I literally offered you that to see how desperate you'd change your mind to get a cheap win and you went with it

what you little loser alright is that the end of cheap show you're getting kicked out of my house you little loser you can't come in the house of pickles disrespecting me

you little loser cheating in your stupid 70s retro board game I've lost I hate this game oh I'm poor I've won I'm so shit I can't even deal've lost. I hate this game. Oh, I'm poor. Oh, I've won. I'm so shit. I can't even deal with basic maths.

Well, I hate this game. I'll misread all of the things to my advantage and pretend I'm just stupid. I'll give it the chance to win again. Stop rubbing your nose. You do it like that. Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for listening to another episode of Cheap Show, possibly our best. I'm not one to say, that's the audience to decide.

You're destroying the eco-culture of the House of Pickles by introducing an invasive species of shoe rot. Shut your little mouth. Thank you for listening to us. Niffy feetsies. You can see pictures and videos and such as and all kinds of lovely things on our website that accompany this episode go to thecheapshow.co.uk

follow us on twitter at thecheapshowpod we're quite chatty you're chatty you're not chatty why should I talk to people because you might make a friend and then what

and improve your life and then what happens make social engagements with people and then how does that fucking help shut up shut up see that's just below the surface And then what happens? Make social engagements with people. How does that fucking help? Shut up.

Shut up. See, that's just below the surface. Just below the surface of you. It's the mean. At Eli Snoid. S-N-O-I-D is how you spell the end of it. You can follow me separately as well, at Paul Gannon Show.

He wouldn't want to, though. He doesn't even want you. He'd prefer you to follow Cheap Show, just so he can be the voice of Cheap Show and say things like Eli's a lazy fat trampy cunt that's my tweet today

brilliant right and if you want to donate to the show on Patreon we'd love that it doesn't matter how small or how big

thank you so much for that so go to patreon.com forward slash Cheap Show there are little rewards that we're amending

and there's going to be an update soon. And we're going to release two special Patreon podcasts. We're missing out last week, last month even. And that's it. Thank you. Have you enjoyed today's show? I can't say I have because your feet have been gagging me. I couldn't.

It probably put me off getting that one brand off, brand off, brand off. Say goodbye. Goodbye, everybody. I've had a lovely show. I won things and I'm happy. Goodbye, everybody. I've had a lovely show I won things and I'm happy goodbye everybody I've had a lovely show Paul won things

by cheating and smelling I fucking didn't goodbye no you don't get to say goodbye I get to say goodbye thanks for Patreon thanks everyone

goodbye you