CheapShow - Ep 60: Eli's Country Noodle Kitchen

Episode Date: November 30, 2017

If you have ever wanted to cook noodles in Eli's kitchen (because you obviously must be demented), you finally get your chance as CheapShow finally takes you into a world of pure imaginoodles! Move over Nigella, get lost "Masterchef" and bugger off "Bake Off", this is the cooking show for you! Eli takes you on a journey through his noodle knowledge and he devours some interesting, and surprisingly hot, cheap treats! Elsewhere in the show, Paul finally gives up on sentence structure, we offer bad advice to charity shops and we investigate a long forgotten US TV Game Show called... The Cheap Show! What's all that about then? Find out, in episode 60! And if you like us, why not support us: www.patreon.com/cheapshow Share & Enjoy. Subscribe or Die! www.thecheapshow.co.uk If you want to get involved, email us at [e-mail] And if you have to, follow us on Twitter @thecheapshowpod or @paulgannonshow & @elisnoid If you like what you hear, please spread the word! Like, Review, Share, Comment... LOVE US!

The following program, although edited for television, still may contain some objectionable material. The producers feel that alone should be enough to make you stay tuned to this channel. Right, one-two, one-two. The sight before me, ladies and gentlemen, is that of a man crushed by the regularity of life. He's wrapped in a dirty duvet on a bed in the House of Pickles, looking like Tramp Christ. How are you feeling, Eli? Give us your intro. I won't interrupt you.

It's all yours. Take it away, you pathetic toe rag. No, I'm not going to do this. I'm not going to do this. I'm not going to do this. What? Stop going to do this. I'm not going to do this. What? Stop the recording. No, carry on.

Stop the recording. No, carry on. Why? You're not getting an intro. Why aren't I getting an intro? Because you're not going to do it properly. What do you mean? This is...

The minute... You keep this shit in, because it's... You know what? I'm going to do the intro. I'm going to do the intro. You fucking do it. Fine.

Can't! Can't! Shut up, Paul! I see. Yeah. Fun, isn't it? It's fucking fun, isn't it? I'll go and do it.

I don't fucking care. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to another episode of the Economy Comedy Cheap Show podcast. See? See? I'll do it. No. I will do this. Ladies and gentlemen i'm doing echoes it'll be good it won't be good it won't be good be good be good ladies and gentlemen gentlemen

welcome to cheap show cheap show cheap show the economy comedy podcast podcast The Economy Comedy Podcast. Podcast, podcast, podcast. Starring Paul Gannon. Gannon, Gannon, cunt. Gannon, Gannon. Wanker. And no one else. And Eli Silverman. Hello, Paul. No one else is in this show.

I'm in the room now. Just a farty echo my sound. What? Let's rock. It's 59 like a dwarf blowing tall woman. No. Something like that? No.

Come on. No. It's halfway to a 69. Wow. 10 off a 69. It's not though. It's not half. It's that? No. Come on. No. It's halfway to a 69. Wow. 10 off a 69. It's not though. It's not half. It's not half by that logic. No, but it's 10 inches off a 69. That's not catchy. Come back to my place, love. I'll give you a proper 59.

Which is just where you suck my dick. Not me. No. The lady in your story. There is no lady in my story yet. You said love. I assumed you were being condescending and misogynistic. Oh, well. As you always are. I am not.

What have we got coming up in this fucking show? Now I have to play the theme tune. I hate you and your fucking noodle posse. People love noodles, alright? It's a fact of cheap show, you're gonna have to fucking reset. Tales from the Dance Floor. How's the big guy? The Price of Shite. It's a tour gun and saying hello. Eli Silver.

Welcome to Cheap Show. Welcome to Cheap Show. They're not going on a nuzzle. That was the theme tune. Good, good. Welcome to Cheap Show. I'm Paul Gannon. And I'm Eli Silverman. It's the podcast that looks in the charity shops,

the bargain bins and the power lines of Great Britain and calls it a show. Yes. Sometimes we test food. We do. Sometimes we test gadgets. Sometimes we test toys. Sometimes we find treasures in the trash. Sometimes we play videos. Sometimes we test food. We do. Sometimes we test gadgets. Sometimes we test toys. Sometimes we find treasures in the trash. Sometimes we play videos.

Sometimes we use vinyl. Sometimes we... What? Way to make it sound exciting. We have a laugh. So it's okay for me to find stuff in the trash? I'm going to be nice to you this episode. Okay, good.

Because I think... You haven't been. I know. You're losing your fucking mind, Paul. I'm going to plan to be very nice to you in this episode, all right? I'm going to do my very best, you shit. Oh, no. Oh, no.

I tried so hard, you twat. Oh, I happened again. I'm feeling hungry. Oh, yeah. Good thing we've got a cheap eats section coming up. We do. In this show, we have a cheap eats section. I'm looking forward to it.

And I think... I don't want to give too much away a lot of your fan base is going to enjoy it as well yes they will Paul yes shall we just go

on that for a little bit well what's happening first actually don't bother tell them because it'll be in the description as if you read the description

I'll be tasting a couple of noodles and cheap eats today you'll have to find out the rest later on in the show yes what else have you got coming up in the show. Yes, yes.

What else have we got coming up in the show? I don't know. Well, I'll tell you right now. We've also got... We'll be talking about a show called Cheap Show. What's that from? Well, let's find out later on in the show.

Good, great start to the show, isn't it? It's not, man. You're fucking falling apart, mate. Why am I falling apart? I don't ask me. Maybe it's because your relationship ended. What? Sorry.

Sorry. Right. Don't. No. No. Don't walk out. Okay. Right now, I'm torn between walking out.

And twatting me. I know. And there's a third option. Crying. Oh, I don't cry. Just sit down. And I think I'm going to cry out. And twatting me, I know. And there's a third option. Crying. Oh, I don't cry. Just sit down. And I think I'm going to cry. No, sit down.

Let's do the show. People sometimes wonder how real is this podcast. Well, ladies and gentlemen, it just got real. Okay, I'm sorry. Look at my leg. Your leg's twitching. Look. Look at my leg.

Let's just get up and down. What's the first section? Paul. Paul. Does it mean I'm angry? I don't know. Does it mean I'm angry? I don't know. Does it mean I'm sad? Can I be both things?

Paul. Yeah? Honestly, mate. Let's just get on with the show because it's really, you know. What? It's just weird. Is it? Yeah.

I made it weird. You've made it weird. If you want my body and you think I'm sexy, come on, baby. I'm changing the mood to something more frothy and laughing at tragedy. Is that what we're going to do? Is that what we're doing now? Let's start the show.

Where is it? Do you have a Tales from the Dance Floor or anything? No, I fucking don't. I'm going to put a shout out again actually to people who work in charity shops. If you've got any stories about working in a charity shop or something they found in a charity shop, email us found in a charity shop email us thecheapshow at gmail.com what if they found

like a poo in a bag or something yeah why not get in touch if that's your story yeah no I'd like to hear if you found

poo in a bag in a charity shop if someone came in and went where do you put the donations and went in the back and dumped a big plastic bag full of shit

human excrement human or night soil as it's known. Or night soil, yeah. Then tell us about it. Or perhaps it was... Yeah, maybe you've done the poop. Maybe you just were so sick and tired

of working in a charity shop that you just took a shit in the back room. I wish this podcast was fucking highbrow so much. How could it be highbrow? I wish this podcast could be comparable to Richard Herring's Very Funny Podcast about very funny people talking about very funny things. Or as smart and as educational as the dollop. Or as just, you know, just what about if someone had a story.

And we talk about poo-poos. What about if someone had a story, right? Where they worked in a charity shop. Yeah. And someone dropped off a whole bunch of vintage porn. Fucking good ones. With hair. Yeah.

And then he had a wank in the shop and was caught by an old lady. Okay. If you've got that story, email us at thechipshowatgmail.com. Or any other funny story. Or get help because if you're doing that no come on

don't tell me you wouldn't be tempted no there was no one else in the shop it's a Sunday yeah no one's coming in

right it's like Nebworth or something it's somewhere it's a small little village yeah and you work there a shit load of vintage porn

glistening what do you mean glistening no you know it's glossy okay it's a glossy know, it's glossy. Okay, it's a glossy magazine. Yeah. It's high-quality paper.

And you just have it wank. In the shop. Why not? Under the counter. So they can't see. You just go... You're just banging the top of the counter. And then you come, right? And you look up and you go...

Oh, Mrs. Morton. No, you go, Oh, Mrs. Morton. No, you go, Oh, Mrs. Wendelsbury. There's a CCTV camera in the corner. Oh, no. Has it got a speaker on it? I can see you wanking. Your services will not be required by the Fund for Old Ladies.

Oh, a career thrown away. Well, if that's you, please do write in to us. Please do write in. Please do write in. Please do write in. We need some content. God knows. God knows do we need some content. Oh, yeah.

So, we've got stuff coming up. Let's get on with it. Let's start the show. In a change of programming, we're now talking about Cheap Show. The Cheap Show. Not Cheap Show. What is that, Paul?

What do you mean by that? Well, I thought this was the Cheap Show. This is Cheap Show. Not the. I'm saying right now, it's always just Cheap Show. It's not the Cheap Show. What is that, Paul? What do you mean by that? I thought this was the Cheap Show. This is Cheap Show. Not the. I'm saying right now, it's always just Cheap Show. It's not the Cheap Show. Cheap Show. Cheap Show.

One word. Okay. Cheap Show. Yes, thank you. Cheap Show. So what's the Cheap Show then? Is that some other show? I found out.

Because the reason why I called it Cheap Show was because it sounded a bit like Creep Show. Right? And it was stuff about cheap. So I thought, that's clever. Creep Show. Cheap Show was because it sounded a bit like Creep Show, right? And it was stuff about cheap. So I thought, that's clever. Creep Show, Cheap Show. What do you mean? Why don't you know this? You're in the show.

I didn't know that was the origin of why you called it that. Well, it is. I just thought you thought, you know, the Unclickables, which is what it used to be called, everybody. Yeah, we know. Doesn't really work as a title for anything, does it? And you insisted on it. Often told. I'm a storyteller and my stories must be told.

Did you used to sing that when you suspected your friends were lying in school? Yeah. That was cool, wasn't it? Did you do that in your school as well? How funny that that travelled. That was so excellent. So, my dad works at Nintendo. Oh, I'm a storyteller.

My stories must be told. No, he really does. And then I stroke my chin and go, oh, Jimmy. Chinny record. Chinny record. Jimmy chinny record. And then you put your tongue under your bottom lip and you're like, oh. Yeah, that's not appropriate.

That's not appropriate. That's not appropriate. No, it's not appropriate. No. No. No, don't look at me. What? You're doing the face.

I'm not doing that. How dare you, shit-stirrer. But do you know it used to be called, the spastic was like a... We're not going into that. Right. It's censorship, ladies and gentlemen. No, I just don't think it behooves us to wade into that kind of comedy territory. All right?

I don't think there's much point. I'd like to circumvent having to say the S word. You'd like a circumcision. Well, let me tell you something, Paul. No. What do you mean no? No, you don't want a

circumcision. Have you been circumcised? No. Why? There's no reason for it. Because it's that small. There's no point. Oh, God.

Is that it? You got a little willy we've I can't believe we've descended from someone buying a bag of shit

and bringing a bag of shit into a charity and then we've actually gone down this is not our finest work let's crack on

so I call the show cheap show blah blah blah and then I found what is that show? Just skip to the book a bit You can't actually do that

Why not? Why not? Why not? Why not? Because I'll just go blah blah blah blah It turns out there are quite a few things That are called Cheap Show Or the Cheap Show

List them I thought it was unique When I called it Cheap Show I thought it was being clever You weren't I wasn't No You never are There is a musical band it Cheap Show. I thought I was being clever. You weren't. I wasn't. No, you never are.

There is a musical band called Cheap Show. Are they still around? They are still around. They're an indie band of some description. I can find out. Should I do a little bit of research for you? No, God, don't do Google, please. It's too late. Don't do it. Okay, Google. Cheap Show. Music. These are the top results.

Excellent. And it hasn't given me what I wanted So Oh no They're a contemporary group They're a contemporary group You can find them on YouTube And SoundCloud Do you think they sound like

They could do novelty songs? No not really They just seem like a nice Kind of grungy ass Kind of American band What do you mean oh god They could be lovely Have you heard them?

Have you heard them? No Have you? No How dare you judge How dare you judge Bl How dare you judge? Uh, blah blah blah blah blah blah.

You're an idiot. I'm doing some research. I'm looking to see if I can find Cheap Show music. I'll put Cheap Shoe. Now it's come up with Cheap Shoes. Like yours. From Primark. So? It was two quid. Interestingly, we come up the most on YouTube when you type in Cheap Show.

Oh, are you having a little warm feeling in the bollock area? Yes. So, oh no, what's this? There's another channel called The Cheap Show. It has six subscribers and a video called Helicopter. Is this they? Is this they? What is this they?

I'm playing it. Let's find out. This must be the group. I don playing it. Let's find out. Is this, this must be the group. I don't know. A chair in a field. And a man puts a Coca-Cola tub down and now my video's frozen. I'm skipping the video to a further point to see something happening. What is going on? So I don't know it's a video, but there's

no description on it. Oh no, now there's a Game Boy and it's controlling oh, by accident, someone... It's a shit sketch. Go away! I'll be suing. I'll be suing them. Really? The point is

there's a band called Cheap Show. Yes. There was a free album, an album by a French person that was called The Cheap Show. It's a song. Okay. That was the name of the album. So it's not the most unique name ever. But there was a TV show in America called The Cheap Show.

Ah. And we've just watched it. We just watched it. Thanks for burying the lead on that one I was going to lead into it and then go let's go ahead and watch it

and then pretend we watched it well then I didn't bury the lead did I no I don't know you don't know what to say I don't know

you really are doing very badly right now I just wanted to say that Paul let me let me try this section yeah

yeah alright okay I'm sorry it's alright just let me let me try this section yeah yeah alright okay I'm sorry it's alright just let me just calm down you want to blow your nose no it's alright I snuffed it

you sucked it back down your gullet yeah did it have dry bits it's in my tom tom now alright good so there are several things

called Cheap Show there are a band called Cheap Show and a couple of YouTube channels with no subscribers called Cheap Show. There are a band called Cheap Show and a couple of YouTube channels with no subscribers called Cheap Show. Who I will be suing. And there also was a short-lived American TV game stroke comedy show called The Cheap Show from 1978.

Yes. Presented by Dick Martin. Yes. Who famously was from the comedy sensation Rowan and Martin's Laughing. Was that what it's called? Yeah. Rowan and Martin's Laughing. And that was popular.

Yeah. So it's called The Cheap Show. This is what Wikipedia is saying. Was a syndicated game show parody that aired in 1978 and 1979. Oh, it was a game show parody. So were they all actors? Yes. Okay. So it says it was produced by Chris Beard.

Now, I did a bit of research into Chris Beard, and it said he was a comedy writer, producer, director, known for Rowan and Martin's Laugh-In, also produced TV specials for, get this, Elvis Presley, Bob Hope, Sonny and Cher, Bill Cosby, Steve Martin, Jim Carrey, Andy Williams of Jackson 5, Osmonds, Diana Ross, Lucille Ball. Wow, he did everyone.

Yeah. He also created the format of the original Gong Show. Ah. Ah, there you go. Which is more popular. But this, the Cheap Show, never really... No, this is one of his things that didn't really catch on. Didn't really work.

It was presented by, as we say, Dick Martin, who was one half of Rowan and Martin's Laughing, which gave the world, I believe, you know, like Goldie Hawn as a starlet. Okay. So it used to be one of those shows that comics would come up through, sort of. Yeah.

Similar in some ways to Saturday Night Live or something like that. Kind of like a kind of proto-SNL, I guess. You've changed the noise. It's suitable. It's good, I like it. It's evolving. And he had a sidekick who was a very ditzy lady called Wanda in the show, but that was

her actress's name. That was her actress's name? No, that was her name as a character. Wow, you're really, really struggling. It's late. What time is it? It's like 10 to 10. This is the latest we've ever recorded a cheap show.

I want to go beddy-bald and have cuddles with Nom Nom. So, what was her name? The co-host in the show was a ditzy kind of character. The character's called Wanda and it was played by a woman called Janelle Price.

I'm going to do some research on it now. Page not yet created. But you know what? I actually thought she was one of the better things in the show. She was.

She plays the ditzy thing. Quite well, yeah. Yeah, so we watched it and it's an interesting show because it's kind of like a mix of match game and well it's got a big price of right it's not really the price of right they didn't have to guess any prices no it was just cheap yeah the gags were the gags were at the expense of of the show the whole concept is the, they're not spending a lot of money on. This authentic early American bee smoker worth $9.84.

Or any one of these other exciting, nearly great prizes might be taken home by our contestants. And we have something horrendous in store for their unfortunate loved ones. All this and much, much less, right on The Cheat Show. And here's the host of The Cheat Show, the only man we can find to work with Cheat,

a man who actually believes that his check is in the mail, Mr. Dick Barton. Thank you. Good evening. Good evening. Yes. We're going to hit me one day with that. Good evening and welcome to the cheap show. It looks like we have a perfect audience tonight.

They look as cheap as we are. To give you some idea how cheap they are here, some stars get a limousine. I got a bicycle. I did. All in all, they go to very little expense to bring you this show, and you may see some pretty ugly things

happen here tonight. But remember, it's all in fun, and no one gets hurt. Now, posing as our celebrities tonight are these folks. These folks here who had nothing better to do for a half an hour. The talented, award-winning actress

who had no idea how little she would be paid tonight, Miss Rita Moreno. And the man we told as little as possible about this show, David Doyle. this show, David Doyle. Where's our third celebrity? That's right, Dick. Henry Ford was supposed to be with us tonight, but he said that the change in his pocket added up to

more money than we offered to pay him. Back to you, Dick. Yeah, I was kind of looking forward to see old Hank. Can I have a moment with you, Dick. Yeah, I was kind of looking forward to see old Hank. Huh? Could I have a moment with you, please? Didn't you forget somebody, Dick? I guess you're right.

Ladies and gentlemen, our hostess, the wonderful and beautiful Fillmore. It's Wanda. Wanda. And she's our lovely hostess this evening. Yes. Would you like to meet our first contestant?

I feel somewhere I've lost control. My goodness, I'd like to meet our first contestant. Okay, Dick. It's one of these things where you kind of look at Noel Edmonds cheap, cheap, cheap and you go,

oh, Noel tried to either rip that off or it was in the back of his mind. Very similar. Sort of a mixture of game show with trying to be a comic

at the same time. Comedy as well, yeah. With characters in the show that popped in and did wacky things and fucked off again. And two celebrity contestants as well.

Yeah. Similar to a show like Blankety Blank or something. Yeah, it's the only surviving clip of the show. So the format, it says here, let's go into it. Gameplay, two couples competed to win cheap junk prizes and save their loved ones from slapstick torture. Yeah, so their other half is just standing on the other side of the stage waiting to get either gunked or pied.

In the face. Or, you know, pants pulled down and bum slapped. Well, has that happened as well? No. Imagine if your dad had that on TV. You wouldn't want to get your bum slapped on TV. Mrs. Groggins, you got the point wrong. We're going to pull your pants down and spank your old arse.

Mrs. Groggins. Mrs. Groggins. Right. Kenny Groggins' mum. Fuck off. Don't you judge me. Jesus. I don Mrs. Groggins. Right. Kenny Groggins' mum. Fuck off. Don't you judge me. Jesus. I don't need to, Paul.

Anyway. Wow. Which consisted of the show. I am talking. Which consisted of the show. Taking a cheap shot at them at some point. And the winning couple getting the chance to win real prizes at the end of the show. So the main game. With three rounds, each consisting of one question,

two celebrities composed a panel. A seat was reserved for a third, but the joke was, that person never showed up. And they had on the surviving example that we've watched, it was Henry Ford. Yes. Henry Ford, very nasty man. The actor Henry Ford.

No, the guy who made the Ford Model T. Who was the actor Ford? Oh, Fonda. Harrison. I'm thinking of Henry Fonda. We can move on. Why? Because your brain is dissembling before my very eyes. Henry fucking Ford. The guy who invented cars.

He didn't invent cars. He made them. I invented cars. He made them, didn't he? He made them, yeah. He was a Nazi. Was he? Big old Nazi. Do you have evidence of that? Yes. And?

It's documented. Where? In history. By? People who write that type of stuff. Historians. Yes. Henry Ford historians.

They, it's no doubt. Yeah. That Henry Ford. Yeah. He was a big old fucking Nazi. Okay. Okay. Fine. Moving on. I personally can't vouch for that. No doubt that Henry Ford was a big old fucking Nazi. Okay. Okay.

Fine. Moving on. I personally can't vouch for that. I don't know the information. I advise listeners to do the research themselves and make their own personal opinions felt. My brain is dying, I think. It really is, man. I can't do sentences.

You're not riffing. You're not listening to me, man. You're not giving anything back here. That's never been the concept of this show. I wouldn't worry about that. That's fine. Anyway, the third person was always a no-show. For each round, a question was asked to the panel.

One celebrity gave the correct answer. The other was a bluff. Each couple was divided with a female at the contestant's podium and the male trapped inside the punishment pit. The first answering contestant guessed which celebrity was telling the truth. If she was correct, the couple scored one point, and the cheap prize, such as, I don't know, a broken hair dryer. What was it in the show we watched? It was like a sink? There was a sink, and there was something, some kind of barbecue.

Something like that. That's what they won as well. And the other player's loved one is punished in the punishment pit with a pie in the face, slime, or human excrement. See, you tried to make that joke while we were watching it

and it didn't land with me then and it's really unfunny now. I'm not even tittering at all about that. It's not funny, Paul. And it's not clever. And you shouldn't, Paul. Okay. If she was incorrect,

then her own loved one would receive the punishment. Yeah, we get that. And the other point was won by the couple. First two rounds were worth one point apiece and the third round was worth 20 points because someone had to win. Although whoever would have won the third one would have won the third one. Oh, really? Yeah. The 20 points is completely arbitrary. It doesn't matter.

Yeah, but that was kind of the joke. You could win. Yeah. So, whoever won out of those three rounds went on to the semi-colossal prize sweepstake finale. A wheel was set up in the studio with 12 numbered spaces. Each of those correlated to a numbered envelope on a prize wall. Each space would have a hole. Now, to determine the prize, the couple would win. And this is the coup de grace

of the round. Our large white rat, referred to on the show as Oscar, the wonder rodent, was placed on the wheel while it was being spun. Animal cruelty. And the hole Oscar crawled into determined the prize that you won. Now, here's the twist.

If you chose the hole that he would go down, you would not only win the prize in that hole, but you would win the star prize for guessing correctly. Which was a small car. In this episode it was a small car. Known as a Chevette. A Chevette. Was it a good car? Didn't look like a particularly good car. Do we, you and I,

care? You could ask, do I care for this whole segment, Paul? Why? And my answer would be no. It's just like watching a guy read from his phone not very well. Wow. Right now, you can watch the segment of the show. I can read stuff. Do a segment of the show.

Brand new segment of the show, Eli. I fucking will. Go on. In this segment called Eli's Opinions on Classic Rock Artists, I'll be talking about Rod Stewart. Go on. Who's shit. What a wonderful segment.

All right, there you go. Well, it's a bit snappier at least than you just mispronouncing words. Reviews for the show were mixed. The Filipina, no, the Philadelphia Journal thought the show was so bad he had a reviewer. A viewer do the review. The layout failed to include the standard formatting,

employing instead a double-spaced sheet of standard copy used at that time. What does that mean? What are you on about? That's what the sentence says. Yeah. Need citation. That needs citation. What the fuck's going on with that?

That's weird. The current state of the show is unknown and may have been destroyed due to a common practice known as wiping. The BBC did a lot of wiping. Yes, they did. Because it was expensive to keep the tape that they recorded shows on.

So they often deleted them. And as we all know, many Doctor Who... Doctor Who. Doctor Who. And there are many angry fans. The TARDIS. Doctor Who. Doctor Who. And there are many angry fans. The TARDIS. Doctor Who.

Doctor Who. Oi. The TARDIS. What we need to remember about that is there's allegedly a fan out there who has some of these missing Doctor Who episodes and he's keeping them pettily close to his chest. Yeah, but is there a fan out there who has some of these cheap show episodes? The cheap show episodes. Well, we just don't know.

I think it'd be more... It'd be on YouTube, you'd think, though. I mean, the only surviving one, which is the premiere, funnily enough, currently exists amongst private collectors.

Well, it's a terrible tape. We've seen the YouTube version and it's really bad. The one that's on YouTube is very poor quality. Do you think someone has a better copy, maybe, in a private collection?

Well, I mean, another episode, episode four, with Rita Marino and David Doyle, who are the guests on that show, plus a seat reserved for the no-show Henry Well, I mean, another episode, episode four, with Rita Marino and David Doyle, who were the guests on that show, plus a seat reserved for the no-show

Henry Ford, the racist, is available for YouTubing. On YouTube, for viewing. If you want a seat, go to our website as well, thecheapshow.co.uk.

What, so there's two episodes? Why do you always talk over me when I'm giving salient facts? Thecheapshow.co.uk has a page for this episode. You can go on it. I'll put the videos on there for you to watch.

The others had guests, get this, Truman Capote. Oh, he's on it. Jillshow.co.uk has a page for this episode. You can go on it. I'll put the videos on there for you to watch. The others had guests. Get this. Truman Capote. Who's on it? Jill St. John. Truman Capote. Have you ever heard him speak? Very high voice like a lady.

He has that kind of voice. He's very high. Doesn't he? Yes, he does. Yes, he does. I am Truman Capote. He is like that, yeah. I am a very talented man.

Right. Who else were on the show? Anthony Newley and Bob Newhart. Newley's popping up all over the place. He's popping up all over our show at the moment. And on a forthcoming episode of Eli's Platters, you'll be hearing a very special record, Anthony Newley and Dahlia Derbyshire from the

BBC Radio Phonical Orchestra and we'll be playing that. And apparently these episodes, as well as one more, do exist at the UCLA Television Archives. Another memorable guest on the show was a no-show, was Richard Nixon when Gary Owens and Barbie Benton were the guests that week. So there you go.

That's what we know. Now, I thought it was an interesting show. I don't think it particularly was... It was kind of like... It was shit in that kind of way the gong show was shit yes but it was charmingly shit yes you could see weird like you know what when you say it's the gong show i can see a lot of similarities yeah what the presentation style of the gong show sort of uh self-deprecating sort of uh it knew it was shit and it was a wink and a

nod to the audience kind of undercutting itself the whole time. Yeah, it obviously wasn't. A bit like our show, Paul. I mean, it has that in common with our show, doesn't it? I mean, there's one thing that the Cheap Show has in common with Cheap Show. Yeah. It's that it's a bit shit. But knowingly so. He had a tagline, Dick Martin, the host.

This is Dick Martin. And remember, it's not whether you win or lose, it's how much it costs you. See you next time. Not great. Not the best one. You know. So, I don't know. It's interesting. I have to say, it's an interesting format. I don't know too much about the guests.

It failed. Edmunds should have paid attention. Edmunds should have paid attention. Edmunds was trickly because... Start that again. Noel Edmunds, cheap show, cheap, cheap, cheap, fails because Noel Edmunds is fundamentally an unfunny human being. He's not a comic.

He forces himself awkwardly into being trying to be funny with these characters of actors that he's packed around him. I read, was it Pop Bitch? That semi-reliable internet newsletter that you get with scandals and gossip in the pop circuit kind of thing. Had a story on Cheap Cheap Cheap. Let me see if I can find it. Again, this is from Pop Bitch.

It's all allegedly true. Allegedly true, but it's gossip, you know. So on Pop Bitch, it says, and here's the article title. Again, I can only say allegedly. Cheap Shot, another catastrophe for Noel Edmonds. Shut up. I saw your mouth move and your eyes glaze over with that evil look that you have. Noel Edmonds is no stranger to overseeing car crashes on television.

Ooh. But his latest show, Cheap, Cheap, Cheap, may be his worst yet. The recordings are apparently so long and tedious that one of the characters on set got in trouble after the camera person picked her up on camera crying with boredom at the back of a shot. Really? I told you they seemed like they were under duress, those character actors, didn't they? Yeah. Uncle Noel's got stuff

on you. So if you're in Uncle Noel's show... You think he was blackmailing all the characters? Yeah. He's got those pictures. So unless you come and be in our show, he won't release them. Is that what happened? Yeah, that's Uncle Noel. So...

He's got connections. He knows people. It's strange that... And Uncle Noel. Uncle Noel. Uncle Noel will know if you misbehave. Yeah. So Uncle Noel wants you to be in his new show

called Cheap, Cheap, Cheap. It's one of the characters. Yeah. And if you don't do be in his new show called Cheap Cheap Cheap as one of the characters. Yeah. If you don't do that I'll do it. I like being on TV. That's fine I'll do it. Yeah.

Yeah. Alright. There's no conflict here. No. No. I've come in too strong haven't I mate? Yeah.

I'm sorry mate. What do I have to do? Like be funny. Just gotta be funny in this shit show with Noel Edmonds and earn a bit of money. Can I do it naked?

I mean no it's for afternoons. Can I do it half naked? Yeah. Bottom half? No. Top half. Can I rub?

Go on. Go on. Don't come out of character then. All right, but I kind of... Come on, we're doing a scene here. All right, okay. So yeah, you being it. Yeah.

Oh, no. Naked? Yeah. Bottom half? No. No, you said yes before. You can have one half, your left or your half? No. No, you said yes before. You can have one half, your left or your right side naked.

Right, bollocks. You can't have your bollocks out. I'll rub. Oh, go on. You rub what? Penis creasing. Can we stop? No. It's really, it's just the worst show we've ever done. It's not. It just the worst show we've ever done.

It's not. It's the best show we've ever done. It certainly isn't. And it's only going to get better. Anyway, we watched the cheap show, and it was all right, but it was a bit weird. Very weird.

God, yeah. Check it out online. It's an interesting watch, but I do think, when you compare us to them, I think there's no competition. I'm not going to finish the thought. Is that it?

God, that was the worst segment ever. And now on Radio Lovely, we've got a brand new show for you. It stars our very own Eli Silverman as he investigates noodles from around the world. It's time to sit back, relax and open up a cheap packet of noodles as we investigate Eli's Country Noodle Kitchen. of noodles as we investigate Eli's Country Noodle Kitchen. Ladies and gentlemen, it is time for a very special and long-awaited segment of the show. We're doing it now. Eli's been looking forward to doing

this for a while. We haven't touched on it in a long while. Eli, what are we doing? We're going to taste some noodles, Paul. We're going to fucking taste some noodles And as a result, we've gone on to the handy cam Err What am I meant to say there?

I kind of thought you'd just come up with something If I pointed it at you Yeah Yeah, so some noodles Can I hold it, please? Hold the noodles Yes, Paul It's a special edition of Cheap Eats.

This week, it's noodle time again, and I'll be tasting two noodles. You'll be tasting one of them, because one has got fish in. You're a little worse about the fish, even the artificial in the fish. I'm highly allergic and it might kill me. Oh, it might kill you.

Like what? It certainly wouldn't be pleasant. Like what else might kill you? Falling out of a window. No, but what else are you allergic to? I mean, I've got allergies about hate fever and stuff like that. What other foodstuffs are you allergic to? That's it.

Just fish. Just seafood. Well. What do you mean, well? I think it's a psychosomatic effect of your deep-seated fear of the vagina. Just go. We're making noodles. Yes, ladies and gentlemen,

we're going to go through now into the kitchen and I'm going to prepare two noodles. We're going to start with one that I brought back from America and if you've been listening very carefully, you'll remember that it's the sort of Latin American flavoured one,

chilli and shrimp and lime. and lime and chili and shrimp let's go and cook that now for your oral pleasure let's go we're going it's happening it's a thing it's happening live real time we're coming through out of the house of pickles now and we're heading into the kitchen of pickles. I don't know what to call it. The kitchen. It's a kitchen. It's a kitchen.

Here it is. I want to take pictures of these before we forget, all right? I was going to film this, but I thought, fuck off. I'm not doing that. Right. So, what are the two spicy noodles that we're doing today? Well, first, as I mentioned when we did a Cheap Eats of of stuff I bought back from the States, I mentioned this one. Maru Chan is the brand, which is not a brand I've ever seen in the fair isles of Britain. It's a ramen noodle soup.

As you can see, what we'd call instant noodles are known as ramen noodles in the States. Paul is trying not to fall asleep. And this is lime lime chili shrimp flavor noodle now habanero and it also has a little spicy pepper on it habanero so they're saying they're trying to big it up on the heat level okay but i say it's not going to be that hot now let's look at the serving suggestion here eat alone in your room and cry. Go on. You've got some shrimp, some lime in the habanero there and the noodle. It's got a soup base. I think it's a normal standard kind of soup. And it says on the back, interestingly enough,

ramen noodles are versatile. Ramen noodles can be used easily as a main course or as an enhancing side dish. To do this, simply drain off the broth, then add any variety of vegetables or your favourite meat before warming in a frying pan or oven. Now, if you're a fan of Eli and noodles, we do generally sincerely hope that you're having a noodle fap right now. So that's strange, isn't it? What it's saying, basically, it's trying to say it's a soup broth noodle like standard yeah and it's also a stir-fried style noodle if you want which i've never seen them say that on any of

these other packs or certainly wouldn't get that on a on a super noodle or a pot noodle wouldn't say you could use the pot noodle in some different way. As a garnish on a nice meaty meal. You can't sing side dish by cooking it in an oven. They're fucking mad, these Maruchan people. I did have a friend at university, Jem, if he's listening. I'm sorry for telling the story about how the time you invited me and some friends over to your student digs for a meal that you prepared and it was pot noodle in a pita bread.

That is truly disgusting. To be honest, at the, and it was pot noodle in a pita bread. That is truly disgusting. To be honest, at the time, it was great. You went for it. Well, it was a bit fun, because you're students, and it's... Oh, right. So he did it in a jokey way. He didn't actually think that was acceptable as a meal.

I can't speak for him on that. I'm opening the Maruchan chili lime flavour noodle. Very exciting. Chili shrimp. Now, lime and chili is, as I've seen, and from the shop I got this from, it's a very sort of South American, Latino kind of flavour profile.

Oh, the lime and the chili and the, yeah. Lime chili, because we tasted... Those chips, yeah, or crisps, or no. They were pork rinds lime chili oh that oh they were nice they were really nice uh nicer than this is going to be i'm i'm prepared to wager now you can tell as a you look so smug when you did that yeah i can tell now listen shut up it's my bit you can fucking calm down right you can tell ladies and gentlemen uh the quality of a noodle in a general rule of thumb kind of way paul by how many sachets are in the pack generally

right the cheaper more nasty end of everything one sachet moving up to three sachets and an oil pack which are your top end three packers and those are the kind of noodles I really go for. So this has got one pack. So already you're not looking too good. It's a proper student style, basic instant noodle, isn't it? You've got the noodles in there and you've got the one flavour pack there. The soup base or whatever.

Can I feel your noodle pack? Yes. I thought it'd be gel for some reason, but it's powdery. Of course it's powder. What do you mean gel? I thought it might have been like a kind of sauce. No, you only get those in more posh noodles. Oh. That's what I'm saying. This, what we're moving on to, the

mania noodle, that's got liquid. Okay, good. Alright, so how are we preparing it today? And it also has a little sign on this on this Marichan, America's finest ramen noodle soups. If you're American and you listen to this show and you want to fill us in, tell us on Twitter, at thecheapshowpod.

Again, stop talking over my bits when I'm explaining the bits. Say it again. No. All right. Another interesting detail that you wouldn't find on a British pack, it says you may reduce the sodium level by simply using less of the seasoning packet. You don't say. I thought if you used less, the salt content would go up.

You fucking hell. All right. And do you know what else you reduce? As well as the sodium? Flavour? Yeah, totally. So that's brilliant. Don't eat it and you won't have any salt.

Yeah, brilliant. Do you know this? Yeah. It's stupid. So here we go. What kind of stupid person wouldn't realise that they'd have less salt if they used less of the packet in, you know?

I mean, it's beyond stupid. Yeah. It's like saying, you don't need to get this angry about it. It's noodles, mate. Right, so I'm going to boil the kettle. Now, kettle. Is this basically something you going to boil the kettle. Now, kettle. Is this basically something you can make in a kettle,

or is it not a pan meal? What do you mean? That makes no sense as a question. Make in a kettle? Who would make a noodle in a kettle? No, I'm not saying you make it in a kettle. That's the phrase you use. I'm menting.

I mean, I meant that you get a bowl, you put the noodles in, you pour hot water over it. This is not something you make in a pan that you boil and then add the noodles.

I'm not actually sure, Paul, because I haven't checked yet, but I'll be doing that right now. So either way, I'm going to boil it to save on time because, you know, if I boil it in a pan,

if it's boiled first, it takes less time. Is this a cheap trick? A cheap tip? It is something I do because, a pan, if it's boiled first, it takes less time. Is this a cheap trick? A cheap tip? It is something I do. Because, you know, who likes watching a pan of water boil? Not many people. You prefer watching a kettle boil over a pan of water.

Maybe have a piss. Well, TMI, ladies and gentlemen, TMI. No, of course. So the kettle is now boiling. You can probably hear it in the background. This is exciting times. Let's go over here and I'll tell you what the preparation. Oh, they've got little pictures, which is always a bonus,

especially if it's in a foreign language. This is real-time cheap show right now. It's all happening real-time. No edits. Two cups of water. I think I'll just do that by eye. You've got an eye for this, right? Two cups of water.

Add noodles cooked for three minutes. So, no, it was the second option. You've got an eye for this, right? Two cups of water, add noodles, cook for three minutes. So, no, it was the second option. You have to make it in a pan. Do you think by doing it in the kettle now, you're going to impair the taste, therefore rendering this test? Because you're not doing it as an instructor. You're just banging it, hot water kettle thing. You're not boiling it.

You're not keeping it at a temperature. No, because it says boil two cups of water. So, you don't put it in the cold water and boil it. Only a madman would try and cook noodles like that. Or someone who's got no experience or interest in it. Like you. Like me. Yeah.

So it will not affect the flavour. I'm just pre-boiling the water just to save time here. Okay, Paul? That's fine. I was clarifying because there will be questions. And I want to make sure our listeners know exactly the information that they're getting is correct. No fucker's going to try and boil a noodle from cold. Only a student would do that,

and then put it in a kebab. Students may be listening, students may have already done that mistake themselves, and you are correcting them. Well, look, I'll give you some basic little guidelines. Check if it's a soup noodle, or if it's a stir-fry style noodle because you don't end up diluting the flavor of your stuff why are you not looking at me why can't you look at me

because i might lose my shit this segment's making me giggle inside okay so just make sure you know what kind of noodle you're dealing with is what i'm trying to say know your noodle read the packet yeah yeah so point number one know your noodle read your packet and uh some of them you're right are pour overs especially the mammoth brand from thailand but those work but it can be very difficult to make and getting a good consistent cook on the noodle if you're just pouring boiling water over it. You have to cover it. It's quite tricky. And as you know from pot noodles, they can be very crispy still,

even after the five minutes that you're making. You know? Yes. Especially in a cold room. There's also all sorts of other factors that come in. Like? A cold room. Okay.

So, know your noodle, right? Okay, right okay great now is there another point he's got his special plan ladies and gentlemen let's get it oh he's got it's a lovely pan it's a old-style pan with little lips for pouring with little lips for pouring the contents out of sake of the taste We're not going to add any pimpings To this noodle Paul But just so you know I'd be bare minimum looking at a spring onion

On this bad boy Okay so it might be a bit plainer But we are taking it as is From the pack No pimping We are doing this on the scientific conditions. We're doing it by the book, yeah? It's a noodle tasting.

So here we go. Here we go. He's adding the boiled water now to the pan. The pan has been lit underneath. Just doing it by eye. I mean, I've done a lot of noodles in this pan,

so I know roughly what 400 millilitres is, which I think is about two cups. But if you're new to this, please consult it with a measuring jug or get a parent to help you it's worth doing because you want to follow it you know you might over water your noodle and think that was fucking crap but it might be a good one but you just you know read the packet that's what i'm saying don't just think oh i know how to cook

a noodle they're instant oh i'm so blasé oh it was shit i didn't like his two water eats because you made a mistake and you didn't read the pack so there we go right that's point number two you're boiling straight away if you use the kettle we're straight in there we've saved some time now here's a little here's a little secret okay yeah you don't know especially with a small pan You don't want to, especially with a small pan, you don't want to waste water. You want to get it measured, and you need to break the noodle up. Now, before we go any further, you said there was reviews of these? No, not the usual. A friend of these?

All right, we'll come to that later then. We'll come to that later. All right. This is a noodle, like I say, that I haven't seen. This is dirt cheap American noodle with a Latin flavour. Now, you need to break the noodle up to get it in there and it also cooks more evenly and quickly if it's in pieces your noodle wafer as it were your dry noodle your biscuit your biscuit yeah now what i have is a technique is this the most proud you've

ever been of yourself doing a cheap show segment because you look really proud of yourself and it's nice to see you having fun. Noodles, we're having noodles. It's what people want, right? You just look really happy, like genuinely, it's nice. All right, good, yeah. Right, so I just wanted to say about how I basically do it in quarters.

So my thumbs, do you see the placing of the thumbs? So you can see the thumbs are placed halfway down, into half, and then I placed halfway down into half. And then I break those two into half again. So I've got quartered noodles. You have quartered your noodles. Let's put them in and we wait three minutes and then the magic happens. So they're going into the pan.

Oh, no. Well, one went straight out of the pan. No damage there, though. I think they're safe. The rest of them Have gone in now And the boiling can commence Have you kept an eye on It went in at 14.39

Judging by your clock on there So give it three minutes Okay three minutes So you don't have to Obviously wait three minutes With us now You can come back to us As we

We come back in three minutes For the boil And then we'll see where we are And what happens next in the recipe. Isn't that right? That's right. It's very exciting and lots of fun. I've never seen you so excited. I'm looking forward to this because I really want to know what it tastes like.

Well, actually, before we get further, before we do fade out, do you have any predictions for this? Do you have any feelings of what you think it's going to taste like? The quality of the noodle itself? I think it would be quite salty. A bit sort of a bit weak. Weak'd say okay a bit of a sort of a non-event in the flavor that's all i'm going to say it might be very nice well let's come back in three minutes and see what goes down in noodle town Three minutes are up.

He's taking them off the boil now. Do you drain them? As you can see, I've... Could you turn your fucking Facebook Messenger off and stop fucking flirting while we're trying to broadcast? Off. All right, good. I should fucking hope so.

That's my mum, by the way, who's messaging me. Yeah, it wasn't anyone sexy, so... I don't know. You don't know? It's my mum. Yeah. I know. Right. Me and you are going to have words. The noodles are cooked. I've got my special noodle bowl

here. I've emptied the sauce, the powder pack into that, and I'm pouring it on there's the noodle in giving it a mix so you have it as a soup broth well yeah I mean that's the main sort of the main way they're selling it look you can see on the serving suggestion that there's got a broth it's it's a basic soup noodle. And I'm telling you now, the smell, not very enticing. Can you describe the smell with your mouth?

Very weak. It's very weak. There's just not much going on there. Would you describe it like your love life? I'm getting a citrus. What do you mean? What, when I'm boning your mum? What the fuck? You apologise to my mum again. Sorry. I'm getting a citrus What do you mean? Weak What, when I'm boning your mum? What the fuck? Well You apologised to my mum again

Sorry Sorry Mrs Gannon Right Two episodes of The Raft Made you apologise to my mum now Right You have a smell I will smell

Smells like your mum It does How do you know? Because she smells like that Right So I had a sniff like your mum. And it does. How do you know? Because she smells like that. Right. So I had a sniff. So it's cooked now. I'm going to taste it.

What did you think of the sniff? Not much. It sounded vinegary. It's like... Smell vinegary. Slightly vinegary. It's the lime, isn't it? Yeah.

All right. I'm going to go. I'm going to have some broth. He like. Oh, he like oh he like the broth passes muster it's quite

limey and it's quite I don't know chilly and it has a bit of a kick and now I'm going to eat is there much shrimp in there there's very little

fish flavour at all Paul very little in fact I'd be surprised if it actually had any real seafood in it whatsoever. But anyway, it's nice. Nicer than I thought it would be.

I like those cheap noodles. They bring it back. They bring back to me the whole nostalgia for eating Dole Noodles, my first brand. When I was at boarding school. So cheap but good. Cheap but good. It's got

nice salty broth. I wasn't going to judge. And some actual chilli. It's got some heat. The only thing that's missing is it doesn't have much of a shrimp thing going on at all. Well, let's see if it does have any shrimp in it out of interest. I can read it. Jesus, give me something to do.

All right. Oh, wow. Okay. Soup base was where the shrimp to do. Right. Oh, wow. Okay. Soup base, which is where the shrimp would be. Oh. Man, this is not healthy. Salt. Yeah.

First ingredient. Monosodium glutamate. Second ingredient. Contains less than 1% of habanero and other spices, celery seed, dehydrated vegetables, onion, garlic, carrot, chive, citric acid, hydrolyzed corn, wheat and soy spices, celery seed, dehydrated vegetables, onion, garlic, carrot, chive, citric acid, hydrolyzed corn, wheat and soy protein, yeast extract, dehydrated soy sauce,

sugar, maltodextrin, natural silicon dioxide, anti-caking agent, brilliant, vegetable oil. No, I'm bored of this. Just stop reading. Just stop reading. We don't need to read all of it out. We're going to find out if there's fucking shrimp in it and you're a cunt. Artificial lobster and shrimp flavours.

Artificial, what does that mean? You could taste it, but you won't because you are scared of the fanny. I am scared of being very ill. Let's move on to our star item. Just keep sweating for the bite again. This is Mania hot chicken flavoured noodle. I'm going to re-boil the kettle very quickly. So we're on to our second noodle now.

Rate that out of five. I'll give it a three. It's a solid three. It's quite nice actually. How much would it cost you? Probably about 50 cents or 40p. Very cheap. And fine for or 40p. Very cheap. And fine for what it is.

Very good. Okay. You know, I like those cheap noodles. They've got a certain something that the Korean more sort of advanced noodles don't have. Sometimes I don't like the texture on the more expensive noodles, actually. Overwhelming flavours or... No, it's just the texture of the actual noodle itself that I'm talking about, Paul. They're kind of... I don't know.

They're different. The Korean ones are different. Okay. Yeah. Well, we're moving on. We are reboiling the kettle now, and we're going to obviously, we'll have to redo that as well, won't we? No, because there were no flavors.

Give it a rinse out at least. There's no flavor in that. No, no flavor in that bowl? I put the sauce on. All right. Okay. Oh, yeah, you did indeed. You did indeed.

I apologize. Now, I believe this one is the other type of noodle. It is a stir-fried noodle, which means you boil them and then you drain the water off completely. But any expert noodle maker will know you don't drain it off completely lately. You leave a little bit of moisture in there

just to help the sauce go down. Okay, good to know. That's my tip for stir fried style noodles. Always leave a little bit of sauce. Don't over drain it, that's all I'll say. You need to drain it but don't over drain it. Now let's look at the instructions here. Put noodle into 600ml boiling water and cook for 5 minutes.

See? Interesting. Then it says please remove water from noodles. They're pleading because you will ruin it if you leave the water in and you just expect it to be like every other noodle okay it's not yeah please remove water from noodles and look it's doing what i've said see they know their noodles in korea they know how to do this it actually says here paul please remove water from noodles brackets remain eight spoon of water oh like i said yeah so there's eight spoon is no insignificant, is it?

Not at all. It's quite some dampness. You're going to need to leave the moisture in there. Put liquid soup into noodles. Stir fry 30 seconds. Ah. Ah. Well, this is a bit complicated, isn't it?

It's exciting, though. So why are we choosing this particular one to eat? It's quite a famous noodle brand now, Mania Noodles. It was reviewed by my friend Mark. And do you have that review? I have that review. Let's get it going. No, no, no, let's get it all in the pan

and then we will get the review out and read it and then, because we've got longer. So again, he's quartering it. Now it's a much bigger bag, this one, than the previous one. Look at that noodle, it's very different. You can see it's a wider gauge noodle. It's a thicker noodle. It's a much thicker gauge noodle and there's more of it. It's larger as well. And yeah, you've got to give it five minutes as well. Is that because it's thicker do you think? It just takes that bit more time. And there's more of it and they tend to be, these high-end

sort of Korean ones, they do tend to be five minutes and more water. Now, you can see here, it's a two-packer. You've got a dry pack. And you've got the pack there. That's got the shit in it. The hot shit. Now, a friend of mine has tasted these, Mark, which I'll read you the review in a minute. But also, my other friend, Georgia and Drew, tasted these, and they said there were stains all over

their kitchen it was like whoa it's this is power yeah that because what the chemicals all the flavors in it are just all chili oil it's got shit loads of chili oil basically i'm getting very excited about this one i like hot stuff all right so they're in now in five minutes time we're gonna take them off the boil and add the sauce pack and the powder pack. It's a very squidgy pack. And the heat. I'm looking forward to this one a lot. It is, he hasn't actually said, but it's a hot chicken flavour ramen. Stir-fried noodles, and as he says, hot. There is a thumb up, suggesting good times.

So, do you have another bowl for this to put in? I'm going to throw out that other one. Well, no. How about you just use this big mug? No, no, no. Use the big mug. No, no, no, no, no. Well, don't throw that out.

I'll throw it out. It's fine. No, eat that because I want to eat this. I'm hungry. I'm actually really hungry and I might want to eat all of this. So I'll have it in the big mug. No, it won't fit in there, Paul. It will.

It absolutely won't. It will fit in. Who knows noodles? Who? You there? There's another bowl here. No. That's not going to be big enough either.

That'll be fine for the purposes of this. It will not. It will. But you're just going to throw out perfectly good noodles. Yeah. It costs me 20 cents or something. You're going to have to

give it a rinse. It's for the show. I'll rinse it. You better rinse it. You're such a dick sometimes. You know that. Because I like eating out of clean, unsullied...

As if I wouldn't rinse it. As if I wouldn't rinse it. I don't know how you are. You're filthy. You are, though. Dirty boy. They've been in for just two minutes. Another three minutes to go.

Another three minutes to go. Let's come back in three minutes' time, ladies and gentlemen. Okay, well, we're nearly ready now with the noodles, but before we go to those and take them off the boil, the review now. This is a review by my friend Mark Allen. He reviews noodles. Okay, let's put it that way.

Professionally, or is it a thing just between you two? Just us two now. So it's a sad hobby? It's no sadder than Ghostbusters, okay? And Bullseye, for fuck's sake. You've got nothing, yeah? Right, so, he's resubmitted this. He was very excited that I'm eventually tasting this noodle, which he reviewed a number of months ago,

and he sent me a new version of the review with some embellishments, and this is how it goes. I approached this noodle with a fair amount of trepidation, as alongside the words hot chicken noodle and stir-fried noodle, Good point. Either way, I was keen to find out and my excitement was not misplaced. Inside was some dried noodles and just two packets. One of dried flakes and one of wet stir-fried sauce. The latter was insanely hot and I'm not ashamed to admit that it had me in trouble a couple of times throughout. However, I'm delighted to say that I soldiered on and was rewarded for my efforts. As well as the intense heat, you also get a surprisingly faithful smack of chicken,

as well as the intense heat you also get a surprisingly faithful smack of chicken which was so tasty that i continued to shovel it into my mouth as my taste buds were still cowering from the previous mouthful's chili assault although i have no doubt that it's a star noodle in its own right i opted to pimp mine with cashews and an egg which genuinely made it one of the best noodles i've ever eaten you You would love it, Eli. Get on board. So, glowing review there, despite the threat of discomfort. And mouthburn, yes. Yes. Are we ready? Yes.

We've got the police on standby for this, in case things get crazy. But now you have to drain all but a small amount of water. That's what it says. And then we return it to the heat, and we give it a stir-fry kind of thing. That's what it says. And then we return it to the heat and we give it a stir fry kind of thing. He's draining the noodles now, draining as much as he dare drain out. I think that's a bit too much water still. I think, yeah, maybe that's enough, I think.

Yeah, just enough to give it a little bit of sizzle. That looks right to me. What do you think? A little bit more is coming out. Eli's taking an executive decision there. You just basically, what they're talking about with stir-frying it

is just sort of really get the sauce all smooshed in. Right. So I'm opening it. This is the chili now, is it? Oh, let me have a little sniff. It's got a very dry, heaty smell, doesn't it?

He's adding the very dark-looking sauce. It looks like blood. It looks looking sauce. It looks like blood. It looks very oily. It looks very oily. I can see what they mean about the mess now. Yeah, see what I mean? It's going to stick to your pans.

It's going to stick to the inside of your guts. It's going to make your shit pure fire probably. But yeah. Well, I look forward to passing that tomorrow. A review will also be forthcoming. Right. So give that a mix now with a fork. Yes, you may as well use that fork.

Yes, he's using that fork from before. Giving it a rinse. It's fine. It's been medically cleaned. And he's going to... How many minutes do you have to stir fry it for? I don't know. You're in charge of the cooking.

What does it say? What does it say? Stir fry for 30 seconds. So I think you've got to get both in quite quickly. No, that's it. You put that in after. So I'm just going to... Oh, the flakes.

What's the smell like, Paul? Let's have a little sniff. Oh, it's... What's the word I'm looking for? It's got that kind of chow mein-y kind of smell. Yeah. It's got quite a rich flavour for an instant noodle. Yeah, it's nice.

It's bubbling away there. I'm going to take a picture. I've got to take a picture. I've got to take a picture. Don't do anything before a picture is taken. It's very important this is caught on camera. Okay, here we go. Again, you'll be able to see pictures from this noodle special on the website, thecheapshow.co.uk.

I've self-fried it for 30 seconds. I'm pouring it into the bowl. Yeah, it's poured in in and now we get the sprinkles sprinkles are coming out sprinkles are dry sprinkles unusual because often you have to add those and they get boiled because they're desiccated vegetables but this is obviously gone through oh yes because they're little bits oh that's classy little bits of dry seaweed and sesame seeds is the sprinkles it looks i mean i must take a picture of that, I think, as well. I must. It's a good-looking noodle.

It's a handsome noodle. It's a handsome-looking noodle. All right, I'm doing the belly. Eli's going in first. Very Korean smell, like a seaweed-y smell. And I have to say, the sauce has covered the noodle a treat. It's really worked. It's well-pasted.

Yes. Is it hot? Ooh. You've gone a bit red. I's really worked. It's well pasted. Yes. Is it hot? Ooh. You've gone a bit red. I want to go. That's tasty. That is a savoury taste explosion.

That is very spicy. Right, I'm going to go. Got a nice big portion on the spoon. What are your thoughts? Oh, that is beautiful. Yeah? Oh, I like that.

Well, you can have the rest of this. Oh, happy birthday, Paul. I like that a lot. And it's spicy and it's hot heat, but it's not uncomfortable. It's not unpleasant. I think that's more than tolerable for me. Really? Yeah.

Yeah, and me. But it is hot. I mean, you can feel it building. I think as bite and bite goes on, that builds up and it becomes a little bit maybe overwhelming. Now, there is. I've got them here. As you can see, there is a same noodle, but two times spicy. If that was double spicy, would you start having problems with it? I don't know.

Come for a second bite. Believe me, it's got a deep heat. It's not just front of mouth chilli. It's like... It's got an all-encompassing... That is hot stuff. You like it? My problem is...

I swallowed that way too quickly. And it was too warm. And it's so hot going down the inside of me right now that it feels like I've dropped the match down there. That's very nice. And I tell you what, pimping that with a bit of chopped choy sum. Would you have added an egg? I'd eat an egg with that, yes.

Boil it first and add it or break it into them? Well, you don't want to boil it because I used to do that. But then if you boil it and then cook the noodle in the water you boiled the egg in, you've got all the nasty dirt from the outside of the egg. True. So maybe break the egg straight into the mixture. What Mark does, I know for a fact, I've

seen him prepare noodles, is he will sort of semi-fry an egg and then sort of lay that fried egg on top. Nice. Sensible.

Okay. I mean, I'd put a half like a traditional, God, that's hot. I'm getting a real, it's a nice noodle. It's a very nice

You can see why that's a very popular noodle in the world. Yeah. That is hearty. The Koreans, as I may have said on the it's a nice noodle it's a very nice you can see why that's a very popular noodle in the world yeah that is Korean noodles hearty the Koreans as I may have said

on the show before per head eat the most instant noodles per year in the world as a nation so if you're going

to rate this out of five where would it go I'm going to give it a good solid four it's very tasty and it delivers a chilli punch

which isn't messing around it's a chilli punch which isn't messing around. It's a sensible punch. It doesn't seem like it's going overboard. It's just got just enough for a bite. Two times as spicy, which we'll be doing on a show coming up. That might have... We might have problems. Well, if that's not something to look forward to on Cheap Show,

I don't know what is. This has been... I'll be honest, mate. I take the piss out of you for your noodle stuff, but this is the most fun I've had in ages. I'm glad, Paul. I'm glad. Yeah, I'm glad we did this together. So, just to recap, we had the Maruchan

ramen noodle soup, lime chilli shrimp flavour. A good noodle, nothing special. But passable. I'm on a budget. Very passable. Perfect. It was better than I thought it was going to be. You know? Then we had the chicken, hot chicken flavour ramen, mania noodle. Oh!

And Paul has been going for it. Is it starting to build up, Paul? Yeah. He's starting to get a flush on, and he's enjoying it. If you like hot food... I do. This you'll enjoy. If you like chilli, chilli lovers everywhere are going to go for this.

And it's going to be quite a challenge to finish the two-time spicy one when we get to it. But, like I say, four out of five. Samyang, quality brand. Because that chicken on the front of that two-time spicy one looks angry. And he is breathing black fire and holding a bomb. So they're not messing around. Bite, bite, bite on aggregate. Thank you.

This was a noodle-based Cheap Eats. If you like this, please write in with some abuse report. No, don't do that. This was being nice thing and then you made it all nasty then. Oh, right. Sorry.

So this has been a noodle special Cheap Eats section on Cheap Show and it's been a success. A great success. I look forward to doing more in the future. special Cheap Eats section on Cheap Show and it's been a success a great success I look forward to doing more in the future and I think

what we're going to do in the future is we're going to go into pimping your noodle in a bit more detail Paul and you now have beads of sweat on your nose

I know it's so hot go go knock yourself out Paul oh he's got the car it went down the road wait

the windows are steamed wait the windows are steamed up the windows are steamed up and so is your head signing off signing off thank you

and that's Cheap Show ladies and gentlemen for another... Oh, God. It's hot. That is... My lips are stinging. And my heart is a-jumping.

It's a-tingling in me lips, and me tongue's on fire, and my mouth's all hot. It's a very hot noodle, and it's a real builder. Mate. So. Great noodles. That was episode 59 oh god

stop that with the burping oh you did it it's funny when I do it alright fair play daddy knows best thank you to everyone on Patreon who keeps supporting this show for whatever reason

and can I just say before we go any further got a stain on my shirt you really went for it Paul I'm proud of you you got slurpees on your chin thank you daddy you Daddy. You didn't you didn't

when you were called upon to taste a noodle you didn't flinch. You went straight in there and I'm proud. And I became a man today. You became a man in my eyes. I became a noodle man today. Yes, you did. So, thank you for following us on Cheap Show. Sorry. Thank you for helping

sustain us on the Patreon. We really do appreciate that. Thank you for helping sustain us on the Patreon. We really do appreciate that. Thank you very much. And don't look at me like that. Don't look at me like that. Thank you very much. Right. And follow us on Twitter at the Cheap Show pod or at Paul Gannon Show.

And I am at Eli Snoid. Where's your Twitter at? Eli Snoid. Where's your Twitter at? Eli Snoid, E-L-A, E-L-A. Right, we've just lost it. Those noodles have done something to us. We're obviously quite moved. It's been a long recording session, ladies and gentlemen, and it's quite late.

It is 11 o'clock. It is 11 in the PM. So, let's go to bed, you guys. Thank you for listening to another Cheap Show. We'll see you soon. Thank you so much. We love you very much. Go to our Reddit page as well. Look for us to another Cheap Show. We'll see you soon. Thank you so much. We love you very much. Go to our Reddit page as well.

Look for us on Reddit or our Facebook page. Join us there. We're always on Twitter. Always happy to see you. Thank you for being on our Cheap Show today, Eli Silverman. It's been a pleasure. Thank you, Paul. Bye-bye.

Bye-bye.