CheapShow - Ep 63: HoP 8 The Gooch

Episode Date: January 5, 2018

It was recorded between Xmas and New Year. It was meant to go out before New Year. It didn't. It's here now though! A brand new "informal" off brand episode of CheapShow where Eli, Paul and Ash get to just talk their heads off. In this random stroll through the minds of the Cheap Chaps... Ash explains what "NerfGate" was all about. We discover the wonders of the Gooch. Eli gives us a noodle update, tells us of a altercation with a bus driver and also offers up a mini Tales from the Dancefloor! Meanwhile, Paul gets slanderous and tries to find fun out of Auto Correct rudeness. Also. Eli loses his mind. Again. And if you like us, why not support us: www.patreon.com/cheapshow Share & Enjoy. Subscribe or Die! www.thecheapshow.co.uk If you want to get involved, email us at [e-mail] And if you have to, follow us on Twitter @thecheapshowpod or @paulgannonshow & @elisnoid If you like what you hear, please spread the word! Like, Review, Share, Comment... LOVE US!

hello welcome to cheap show just a sigh from eli on the introduction yeah sorry paul you go you go you go mate what can i start the episode start the episode this seems like a change from the form book well you know we like to mix it up every now and then also eli gets to the introductions to the proper episodes and i get to the house of Pickles. That's the informal rule. Yeah, I forgot. I'm not allowed on the proper episodes. No. That's fair.

Because you stink of eggs. I don't eat eggs. Then you stink of whatever smelly thing you're accustomed to. He's a fair weather co-host, isn't he? Yeah. That's exactly what he is. A fair weather co-host. Thank you.

It's the nicest thing you've ever said well good bank it because it's never happening again I hate you and your fucking

noodle posse people love noodles alright it's a fact of cheap so you're going gonna have to fucking reset. Noodle time. Tales from the dance floor. How's the big guy?

The price of the site? It's a tour gun and take a hello. Eli Silver. Welcome to Cheap Show. I'm not going on a nuzzle. Right, so hello, welcome to the Cheap Show. This is a mini House of Pickles episode. And with me, as always, is my loving co-host, who's here every week.

It's Eli Silverman. Hello. And also, joining us from the far reaches of Essex, it is Mr Ash Frith. Bonjour Paul, bonjour Eli. Now we've got a bit of a quandary because this episode goes out just before New Year and just after Christmas. We're recording it just before Christmas so with that in mind, Eli, how did your Christmas go? It was good, yeah. Ash, how did your Christmas go? This section is really the gooch of the year, isn't it? That sort of the area between the two important parts.

Yeah. Oh, the boss. It's covered in bits of Klingon and... Klingon? Yeah, yeah. What's the thing that gets stuck in your gooch? You know, little nuggets of twisted, matted up hair. Yeah, I think the word you're looking for are wanganuts.

Wangnuts, yeah, that's it, yeah. I think we've lost Ash quite quickly, mentally. This podcast is very much a wanganut in the year's calendar, isn't it? I thought it was clagnut. Clagnut, wingnut, wangnut. We used to call them wanger nuts. Wanger nuts? Are we talking about bits of poo

that get stuck to your ass? We were calling them something else. Little bits of poo with a bit of structure there added by toilet paper that's dried out. Little pudlets. Yeah. Other than that, great Christmas. Cheers. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Little puddlets. Yeah. You bet other than that.

Yeah, great Christmas. Cheers. So anyway, so no one likes listening to a podcast when it's not Christmas and it's a Christmas episode. So let's just crack on with the first question I actually wanted to put to Ash this week. Because on Twitter, there's been quite the story brewing. I would like you, Ash, to fill us in on what's been going on with what I'm calling Nerfgate. Oh, Nerfgate has blown up. And while you do that, I'll be noisily eating bourbon biscuits in the background.

Christmas bourbon biscuits. Yes. No, I'm fascinated, Ash. What is Nerfgate, please? Well, so on, let's say he really genuinely is just yeah i am eating biscuits what do you want so on one day last week what day do you think it was probably thursday or friday thursday i think it was i came home and uh there was a great big amazon package on the front door you know one of those ones where it's a giant box it's going to be something exciting or something tiny and a load of bubble wrap um and i got in opened

it up and inside obviously at this time of year you're kind of expecting there to be presents and things for people so i surreptitiously opened it and inside was this like three foot nerf tennis ball blaster which is huge and you like load it with real tennis balls and you fire it it fires up to 50 foot and it's called the nerf dog ball blaster and you can just fire fire a ball for your dog like 50 feet away oh so fire dog balls then no no it's not testicular in its ammunition. What a shame. But I'll tell you another story about that in a moment. And so I was baffled by it.

I've not ordered enough dog ball blaster. So I quickly took to Twitter. And here's the weird thing. On the delivery note, it says, enjoy your present from ash frith what so it was to me i know right addressed to me from me as well what is going on yeah so either i'm time traveling and sending myself bizarre things that i might really really need and i'm just i hope i don't screw this up but you know i know, I've now, you know, I've got this dog ball blaster.

But I think we've come to some kind of understanding because without wanting to plug it too much, I also do another podcast with successful comedian Justin Panks. Right, let's get it edited out. Eli, just for the notes. Come on, mate. Come on.

There's a line. It's called Ferguson Firth Podcast. It's on Acast. It's a line it's on a cast it's on it's on itunes you can listen to it i'm sure you probably already do listener um and um last week we were talking about those big sticks that you put a tennis ball in and you use it as a sort of fulcrum for throwing like a trebuchet type thing you throw a tennis ball for a dog with those. Yeah, they're good, those, aren't they? And we talked about them at length. And then all of a sudden I've received this from Nerf. Well, maybe it was a Nerf representative who was, you know...

So I phoned Amazon, which seemed like a dangerous thing to do. I phoned Amazon up and asked where this had come from. And they said that the person who sent it has asked to remain anonymous, but that they can send them an email and ask them if they and give them my details if they want to contact me but they've obviously got my address yeah so what else do they need you know what else to do down yeah so if you send an email to that person ash yeah to say thank you and then you get an email that doesn't really solve the problem because that means you've just sent an email to yourself and it still doesn't get to the point

that's the big issue isn't it yeah that's the big issue is the issue here that you have a drinking problem i've been ordering all sorts of shit i mean outside the house there is a pile of amazon things i'm terrified to open one of them smells like off meat. It doesn't. Yeah, so what do you guys think about that? What do you think? It could be that you've got a drinking problem and you're doing it when you're drunk and you forget. Or it could be someone

from the Nerf marketing board, if there is such a thing. The marketing department has had a very uh devious little idea whilst listening to your podcast but the funny thing is so in our we sort of me and justin sort of spoke about this in the podcast recorded uh on friday and um then when we kind of realized what it might be we then just started saying Nerf with regards to everything we said. We were like, okay, well, if people are sending us stuff,

we're happy to any product, place, anything. We have no morals on anything, really. So like Justin lives in... Yeah, we've established that. For example, Justin lives in Nerf Nerfuk up in East Anglia. And we did that. And then we got an email to the podcast that said, this episode really did feel like an advert for Nerf.

And I was like, yeah, yeah, it is, yeah. Well, with that in mind, any potential sponsors listening to this show, Paul would like a woman's love this year for Christmas. Oh, God. If any women listening would like to give me their love, if any women want to send me some dick pics, I'm totally up for that as well.

What about some Nerf? What am I going to do with Nerf? I can't get love from Nerf. You can fuck it. Load it up. Bang. Bang. Flick yourself off. Nerf yourself off. No, listen. I actually have a point here

could you start put that away those Nerf bullet things they're like a hollow tube correct me if I'm wrong they're a hollow tube with a sort of helmet on one end right so you could just sort of split that tube.

Fire it into your own anus? What? Just split the tube and rub it on your dick. You know. How far would it enter a human body? Five point blank range and anus? It depends how big your anus is. Well, I've got a nurse tennis ball blaster

and I'm prepared to give this a crack. Literally and metaphorically. Yeah, that will open you up like a Christmas present that will make. Your arse will look like torn wrapping paper afterwards. Right. Good, I'm glad we went there. Santa's going back up the chimney.

Yeah, if you get one of those shotgun style Nerf blasters that have a big barrel to it, put your cock in load it up, bof that's what I'm saying I know, I like it it's going to have one hell of a kick and it might turn your foreskin into a bit of an

umbrella, but other than that job done can I quickly go back briefly to the story? Also, also, fleshlight. I want a fleshlight. I want a fleshlight with a woman's voice programmed in that says, I love you, Paul. I'll never leave you.

And then goes, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Now you can go back to your story. Well, this is a slightly different story. I know a comedy promoter that has just ordered a Fleshlight, genuinely. Like a real one, he has ordered it. Yeah, but it's research. It's re-quotes research. He's not a comedian, he's a booker.

Oh, right. But, yes, so speaking of dog nuts, this is just a very, an aside, and feel free to edit this out, because it's just, I think, this is a story I want to tell you guys. Is it legally troubling? No, it's a bit, I'll be a bit vague at the start,

but for a thing, I ended up having to go to a vet's, and it was in the sort of operating, I was in the operating theatre of a vet um and it was in the sort of operator i was in the operating theater of events and um in that operating operating theater there were numerous operations taking place at that point so in front of me there was a cat being neutered if that is the term. Yeah, I believe so. And then on my left there was a dog being spayed and in a little kidney dish there was its womb

in the dish. And the doctor, the surgeon, he was stitching it back up and then the sink was blocked in the other corner of the room and when they took the other corner of the room. And when they took the trap off of the sink, it was filled with teeth.

What? Yeah, where there's a section of the Vets operating theatre which is for filing down teeth and cutting out teeth and all that. And they just get rinsed down the sinkhole. And obviously over the years it finally got blocked and was blocked with animal teeth. And I think it might be the worst thing I've ever seen. That sounds pretty traumatic, I have to say. And then the nurse who was with the doctor

that was stitching the dog up, she said, is everything all right? And I just said, this isn't what I'd envisaged today being. I just hadn't prepared mentally for it. No, for a sink full of teeth, a bowl with a woman and a de-bollocked cat. A de-bollocked cat. But also, the de-bollocked cat had been stitched, but the woman who was swabbing the cat's anal area,

she just didn't have gloves on or anything. She was just getting in there with a wet wipe tucking away well at the end of the day you've seen one dog's arsehole you've seen them all, you know where they've been fair play, good point so that's my story, I thought I'd tell you it just felt like the kind of story you'd want to know

at this pivotal time of the year it's the most pivotal time of the year yeah, no you call it the gooch of the year. Yeah, no. You call it the gooch of the year, but I always find that the bit after Christmas and before New Year is basically one of my favourite times. Oh, really?

Why? It's just because nothing's happening, and it's all sort of like this liminal space between the year starting and the year ending, you know? A fresh start. You're in a sort of... Yeah, an in-between place, you know? I quite like it. I feel like you'd do well,

Eli, if you were sort of put into some sort of hibernation pod. You'd be in your absolute element. What? I wouldn't have to do anything? No, every so often they thaw you out and just say, still nothing's happening, mate. And you'd go, cheers, thumbs up, freeze,

put the fuck into it. Also, just on a point of business, Paul. Oh, yeah. I've been having a little think, you know, about how I represent

myself to the world. And House of Pickles is no longer going to be House of Pickles. It's now the International Palace of Genital Cleanliness.

Okay, so... No, you're having a little scrub up. It doesn't have quite the same ring, does it? It doesn't matter. The Palace of Genital Cleanliness. It doesn't have the same ring. It sounds more like an offset. Unfortunately, it does.

No, it sounds more like an offset of some fucked up religion. What about Ball washed here room? So what? Men will come to your room and wash their balls. No, my balls are washed. I just want to make that clear. Is this a New Year's resolution? What, to wash my nuts?

No, I wash them daily. Do you? I just don't want people... Because the House of Pickles has this sort of reputation of being smelly and sort of... Yeah, but wash them daily. Do you? I just don't want people... Because the House of Pickles has this sort of reputation of being smelly and sort of... Yeah, like you started. I know, but I'm having... He has a reputation.

But think of the fan base, mate. You can't do this. All right, all right. But as long as we know, like, you know, in the biz, we know that it is the international palace of genital cleanliness, yeah? Well, I mean, yeah, the insiders will know that. You know, it'll be a subreddit, but ultimately it'll always be that.

I mean, look, we're not really who we are. We're just characters on a podcast. I'm not really, you know, insecure, overcompensated, panicked, threatened by anyone else's talent and success in the same way that you're not really a dirty, schlubby loser. I'm fucking Trev. I'm fucking Trev. I'm fucking Trev. Trev, Trev, Trev.

And in the same way, Ash isn't a isn't a corporate whore for whatever company wants to send him free stuff. He's a plant for Nerf, is what he is. Oh, Nerf of you, stop it, please. He's a Nerf bot No you know who he is

I'll tell you who Ash is He's the Gooch of this podcast You both know Nerf nothing And you're the dick and I'm the arsehole Yeah that's right We've literally just summed up this podcast I'm sat between you doing sod all Every now and then getting tickled

Have I ever told you my gooch story? Oh no But you're gonna Ladies and gentlemen Another wacky story from the world of Ashfrith The gooch story Take it away I feel like there should be a jingle

You don't have a jingle yet properly do you? A jingle gooch Eli give him a gooch jingle while I have a biscuit Who is this? It's Fairweather co-host Ashfrith So a jingle gooch. Eli, give him a gooch jingle while I have a biscuit. Who is this? It's Fairweather co-host Ash Griff. With his gooch story. So I worked on a building site very, very briefly for about 10 years ago.

And we were using some 110 volt cutting equipment, which had to be sort of the concrete they were cutting has to be sprayed with water to stop it overheating. And it wasn't particularly well maintained equipment. So I was cutting through these concrete slabs and the guy I was with was spraying it with water. And little did I know there was a fray in the electrical cable which had exposed it. And where the blade was spinning, my trousers were soaking wet, I then accidentally pressed the frayed bit of cable into my gooch area

and gave myself a 110 volt electric shock directly to the money maker the zone and I can only describe it. And if I thought that either, like if I was going to pick two people

that I think would go out and try this, it is you two, but do not do it. It was instantly the most painful thing that's ever happened to me. But within a split second, I went, ah, ooh. So does that explain why your dick looks like an exploded cigar?

Now, that is racist, Paul. Why is it racist? Well, I don't want to get into it, but it just is, okay? In what way is me describing Ash's burst penis like an exploded I've exploded cigar. In any way racist. Well, if you don't know, you know, just get yourself woke, mate. I need to be, well, if you don't tell

me, how am I ever going to learn? Well, I don't want to tell you because I've just made it up. Right, okay. Way to yes and in, Paul. Yeah, well, there you go, innit Explain yourself Explain yourself

Paul Yes Is there going to be any actual content on this podcast at all? Sorry, I feel like I've derailed things I'm sorry I've enjoyed the Nerf story And I've enjoyed the Zapped Gooch story And what have you got to offer?

I've got one I've got a story, actually I don't And what have you got to offer? I've got one. The vet story. I've got a story, actually. I don't have a vet story. I'm sorry, I'm eating a biscuit. Oh, for fuck's sake. That's Christmas. He's given us three stories.

What have you given us, Eli? In fact, you know what? I might get him in and get you out of this podcast. Oh, yeah. Because he obviously wants to. He's eager. He's a young up-and-comer. He wants more.

Is he prepared to dress up as a corpse for the Patreon supporters with a huge merkin? Yes. Well. Right, okay. There you go. Fair enough, I'm out. That's it. Now, I've got something I want to talk about, Paul.

All right, go on. It's just a little noodle update for people who are interested in that. Oh, God, I'd love some noodles. Now, if you've been following this show, you'll know that me and Paul had a couple of noodles. Are you talking to me? I'm talking to you and anyone else who's been following the show, Ash. Probably not you, in fact. I am, Pete. I'm a keen listener.

So, you'd know in that case that we have had a couple of noodles on the show recently. But actually, the double spicy spicy one that's a pod that hasn't gone out yet but that's a uh that brand will have gone out now though won't it yeah it will have gone out no we haven't gone not done the double spicy as of recording this we haven't put the episode out but when this episode goes out we will have done the double spicy it's the gooch issue again so so i'll just yes so we have done a couple of noodles we've done the sam young chicken ramen and then the twice spicy which uh in my opinion that wasn't twice spicy paul was it it was fucking eight times spicy it was quite the punishing eat it was inedibly hot mouth hurting number 10 wasn't it

it was terrible it was surprisingly vicious yeah it was it was pretty bad it wasn't like a slow burn it was like immediately my mouth was in severe pain like but would you agree though before you get go off tangent further that it actually tasted nice. It's just the heat made it uncomfortable to eat. Absolutely. Anyway, I picked up today what appears to be a new brand in that range. Sam Yang.

Spicy Chicken Ramen. But this has got numbing pepper. It's a purple pack and it's got numbing pepper. What does that mean? Well, in Sichuan cuisine and other northern

Chinese cuisines, they use numbing peppers, which are basically peppercorns, white peppercorns that are sort of fresh, and they have an effect on the mouth, which is like numbing. It numbs. It's delicious. It's not chili heat. It's a kind of pepper heat, and it actually numbs the mouth. Yeah.

Interesting. So they've done one like that, and we're going to taste it on the show, Paul. You know, we're going to have to. That's something to look forward to in the new year. Yes. So there's that. I just want to mention that.

And also, me and a bus driver had a bit of a barney on the way in today. Was it because he wouldn't come to your house to clean your genitals? No. Basically, I was waiting on Cambridge Circus to get my number 29 home, and a bus called the number 14 came, and it went to Warren Street. I thought, I'm sick of standing around here. I'll get on this bus, take it to Warren Street,

and then I'll get one from there. There might be more buses from there. It doesn't really matter. It doesn't really matter. You can get the 29 from there, can't you? Yeah, but I didn't want to wait for the 29. I waited, you know, I just thought I'm going to improvise and get on this bus, you know?

A little adventure. So... Were you drunk, by the way? No, this was today. This was just now. Oh, okay. So... So the same question then.

Were you on drugs or on drink? No, I was not on drugs, okay? All right. So I got on the bus through the middle doors because I'm used to getting on buses there which have enter-all-door access.

You know the new buses they have? You can get on any of the three doors. Yes. A front, a middle and a back door. Yes. You favour the back door. Is that right?

Yes. And I also like to fuck tramps. Hard. Hard anal, Paul. Hard anal with tramps, but that's not what we're talking about right now. That wasn't what I was fishing for, you naughty boy. You were fishing for anal. Well.

How did that album of yours do? Fishing for anal. It was alright. So I assumed it was one of those buses. Wasn't as good as begging for cock, but, you know... I entered via the middle doors. Then, having entered, I realised it wasn't one of those buses and I would need to validate my Oyster card or contactless payment

at the front of the bus, okay? Yeah. So I stride up to the front of the bus, place my contactless card payment on the oyster reader and it bleeps and the driver looks at me and he goes the back doors you're not meant to get on the back doors and i just went oh fuck off wow all escalated went out the window yeah basically escalated pretty quickly he was like oh you should have got on the shouldn't get on the back mate and i just went oh fuck off Look, I've done my ticket.

I didn't realise, you bastard or something. And then he said, that's it. Get off the bus. And then he was like, sorry, ladies and gentlemen, there's a rude and abusive customer on the bus. And we're not going anywhere until he gets off. And I was just like, I'll do your job. I thought it was a 24. Fuck's sake. I was like, I'll do your job. I thought it was a 24.

For fuck's sake. I was like, I'm getting your number. What's your number? I was really quite irritated. And then we wait around another two minutes with me sort of shouting at him intermittently to fucking drive the bus. I'm on his side.

No, shut up, Ash. And then I went, look, I'm sorry. And then he went and then went all right i'm sorry too and he drove off did you kiss and then i got his number i was thinking that we uh we had a little grope back at the depot but uh apart from that i don't think he's going anywhere well he got his number so yeah but you know it's just when it doesn't click, you know, Ash? Yeah, there's no magic there. There was no magic. After the fiery opening salvo, my load had been shot, so to speak, you know. Well, I look forward to more Tales from the Bus Rooms.

Oh, yeah, I've got Tales from the Dance Floor as well. Oh, let's have a Tales from the Dance Floor then. So, Paul, and Ash is there as well. I, let's have a tell from the dance floor then. So, Paul and Ash is there as well. I was DJing last night. Yeah, did someone come up to you and say, can you play a song by The Strokes and I'll sing along with it? Almost, yeah. Almost exactly that. Just change the band.

Because I heard it on Soho Radio half an hour ago. So I've nicked your story. I was listening as well. If you've been listening carefully, Paul... Kinks. The Kooks. It was the Kooks.

The Gooch? Oh, fuck off. The Goochies. That'd be a good name for a band, actually. I'd listen. Fishing for Anal by the Goochies. All right, let's do that. Let's form a band called The Gooch

And what instrument can you play? I'll be the vocalist I am between the arse and the dick I am between them Like that? Do you like that? Yeah, I do Ash, what can you bring to the band?

I'll be playing the spoons Excellent And I will be on the Rock Ukulele. You can actually play that, can't you? Yeah, I can. But a lot of people tell me not to. Please don't.

Yeah, no, genuinely. You told me a brilliant story about the first time I met you and you, I think you were still doing stand-up for fun at this point and you said that you used to do ukulele bits on stage and then you turned up to one gig and every other act had a ukulele and you went, nah, fuck this.

Yeah, pretty much. There was like five acts and including me, four of them used a ukulele at some point in their act and I was just like, yeah, we've reached peak ukulele on this one, I think. I think they must have almost totally disappeared from the circuit by now because there was just

such a cliche for a moment, weren't they, back then? It burns brightly, but not for very long. It was like, I don't know, magnesium. I'm just wondering if I'm recording still.

Yeah, I am. Oh, you better fucking have been because this half an hour has been gold. Wait, you're recording now? I am, yeah, but it Oh you better fucking have been because this half an hour has been gold. Wait, you're recording now? I am, yeah, but it seems that my waveform... I thought this was just the pre-hour. Oh, shut up.

This is the warm-up chat before the main podcast. That would be an absolute nightmare. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Cheap Show. I'm Paul Gannon and with me as always is co-host Ash Frith. I'm with you as always is co-host Ash Frith. With you as always. Yeah, and part-time co-host and DOSer, Eli Silverman. So he comes up and he goes, if you play the kooks, can I sing along?

So yeah, if I play it, you can, yeah. Well, I struggled, Ash I mean, that would be a good response But I struggled not to tell him to fuck off You are an angry man Was he a bus driver? No, but He, you know

He's just so bad I hate the day your girlfriend offers you a 69 Accidentally think it's a Buster Lewish I'm punching the face I fucking went in the back way and put my card down he was being out of order which is why he apologised when I apologised he apologised

well you were out of order first I think I think he overreacted but you more so overreacted no you're right Paul I was just feeling a bit irritable and I'd had it up to there with bus drivers giving me shit up to where? up to there with bus drivers giving me shit. Up to where? Up to where?

Up to my cock. So three inches from the ground. Three inches from the ground. Yeah, that's right, Paul. Three inches from the ground. Because it hangs all the way down. Two and a half fucking feet. Hold on.

What? Two and a half feet? Well, I don't know. However high my groin is off the ground. It's more than two and a half feet. It's more than two and a half foot. It's more than two and a half feet, yeah. What I'm trying to imply is that I've got a whopper and Paul knows it. That's why he had a

Freudian slip. I'd love for your legs to be two and a half foot long. They're not much longer than that, mate, honestly. They must be. Yeah. Eli doesn't walk. He waddles. I'm very short, so what? He'd be not that mate. They must be. Eli doesn't walk. He waddles. I'm very short, so what? You're not that short.

What are you bringing to the table, Paul? What, me? He's all leg. I'm average, me. Across the board average. Average height, average build, average penis, average humour, average job, average life. I don't think being a radio producer is an average job.

Alright. Not that one. The rest is average. Good. On fire, Paul. Really riffing hard there. Why? I'm looking at the Russ Abbott.

I'm still looking at the Russ Abbott album cover. Does it haunt your dreams? It's just sitting there. It's a permanent fixture now. Oh, that last face staring. I didn't notice before. It has a little thing that says in one of the balloons on the cover,

as seen on TV. What, Russ Abbott? Yeah, he has been seen on TV. He has been seen on TV. Yeah. And this, obviously obviously this is like probably going to be the last podcast of the year are we gonna you know the the great legend checkers died this year is this going to be sort of a big podcast about him and well that was i was sad to

hear about it and the weird thing was that we did mention it on a podcast that we recorded a few days before yeah we have a we have a weird habit Cheap Show and Barsians that when we mention a celebrity, they've got two weeks left before they pop up. So what did you mention? I was trying to remember who Bruno Brooks was, basically. Oh, Keith Chegwin. Yeah, yeah, yeah, perfect. Yeah, because Bruno Brooks is like a lesser Chegwin, wasn't he?

And you said he looked like Keith Chegwin. Can I tell you, here's something I've only ever told one person before and now I'm going to tell all the listeners. Hey! Here's something I've only ever told one person before and now I'm going to tell all the listeners. I had a recurring nightmare where Keith J. Gwynn raped me. What? Are you fucking joking? No, no, no, no joke whatsoever. From about 14 to about 18, 19, it was exactly the same every time. And bearing in mind the celebrities from that era

that did get done for that sort of thing. Yeah. You know, it was very... But I've only ever told one person. Are you saying that Keith Chegwin is Freddy Krueger of child rape? But it was the same thing in the same place every time. I must have had it six or seven times. The same dream.

Identical. That is very strange. Yep. What do you think it was about it that drew you to keith chadwin i wasn't drawn to him he was drawn to seeing me at the park on my walk home oh my god villa park in benfleet essex he was there and he waited he did the same thing every time just waiting for you yep keith chadwin and you know what the worst of it was in the height of that section of my life was when he did that naked game show oh you're joking how nightmarish yeah I think that's what caused the dreams to be honest no no it was before that it was before that because the night

because I don't think I even had a mobile phone when that came out that would have been I don't know what year that would have been but it was 93 or something like that oh so mate oh no definitely i wouldn't have had a mobile phone um and but i remember seeing my i told my one friend that i'd had this nightmare and then that was on channel five wasn't it that show and i remember going to play football with him and him being like oh have you seen what's on tv now and i was like no what he said it's keith chwin, but he's naked. But, you know, he was much less endowed in real life than he was in the dream. Well, that's good, yeah. I don't

know about that. No, I don't know. God, could you imagine having that dream and then waking up the next morning because you used to present Big Breakfast and turning up on your doorstep with the camera crew? You'd freak out. Imagine, though, imagine he was incredibly well endowed. That's scary.

That would be scary, wouldn't it? That'd be scarier. Imagine he had some kind of huge, murking-like sort of bush. Like a wizard's beard. Like a huge one. But you know, so I've met some people from that era now. You know, doing stand-up and stuff.

And I just don't know how I'd have felt if our paths had crossed. Well, you never have to worry about that now, do you? No, and he was a massive joke thief, wasn't he? So, you know, swings and roundabouts. Okay. So out of all the celebrity paedophiles, which one was the most hung, do you think?

The most what, sorry? The most well hung. Paul Daniels. Yeah. Do you think? Yeah. Well, he wasn't a paedo, was he? No, he wasn't a paedo.

Hold on, but he's dead though, isn't he? He's dead. So we can say he was. Oh, okay. Can we? No, no, no, no. We shouldn't. Paul Daniels was and isn't.

No, he's a good guy. He's a really good guy. I gigged with him a couple of times and he told me a racist joke, great guy that's right, yeah not a lot so they do seem to not a lot

that was basically the joke he told me honestly it was horrible I said to him, I can't believe you just said that joke you were whiz bit and then he just turned and walked away it was awful you mustn't speak ill of the dead I think he was more offended that you reminded him of whiz bit and then he just turned and walked away it was awful you mustn't speak kill of the dead but no i think he was more offended that you reminded him of whiz bit

yeah well you know that was an incredible show for me that was a good show i love the way whiz bit used to do the break dancing at the end yeah i wonder who whiz bit was because paul daniels was in the show and may have been whiz bit's voice but he said he wasn't in the costume he certainly wasn't in the costume was he no wasn't in the costume, was he? No. It was some am-dram guy who went through RADA and led the Tchaikovsky mess or whatever it was. No, Stanislavski.

I'm Googling it now. All right. It was someone like that. Tom Hardy. It was Tom Hardy. It wasn't Tom Hardy. See, if you'd said someone like Charles Dance, then maybe I could buy that.

Charles Dance is a name and an instruction. Yeah, same as Jeremy Irons. Yeah, they've all got names like that. Yeah. If you want to be a good British actor, you've got to have a name that sounds like a job. So Jeremy Irons. Charles Dance.

Charles Dance. Freddie Open the Window. Nilo, did you just look at a window? No. No. Adamski. Who? Adamski.

Adamski? That's good, actually, Paul. Thank you. Adamski? Adamski, yeah. Oh, okay, okay, okay. Just been saying it wrong for all these years Paul

just wanted to say though one celebrity who does seem immune from the curse is Edmunds isn't it yeah I know he must have some

dark dark dark magic involved yeah he's got some kind of psychic protection from some very nefarious

warlocks obviously he's the one that you can't sort of lie about or slander because kind of psychic protection from some very nefarious warlocks, obviously. He's the one that you can't sort of lie about or slander because he's still alive, so do be careful. Maybe he is Voldemort and Eli, you are the boy who lived. You are his Harry Potter. See, there's another instruction. Yeah, Harry Potter?

That's a character name and therefore not eligible for that joke. What about that girl, Fakirada? Remember that girl? Fakirada, Paul. She was Colombian, wasn't she? Fakirada, Fakirada. I'm trying.

Fucking hell. Jesus Christ What? I've had a long week Paul I've DJ'd five nights in a row Good That's five opportunities for you to upset patrons By just fucking complaining about your life to them Not only did he come up and ask for the coox

And to sing over it His mate kept getting on He kept getting on stage, his mate, and trying to sing into the microphones that were there for the band. Oh, I hate them. Do you know what I mean? Okay, just to give you a little colour there on what kind of... It is

a difficult time for people who work in the bar industry, the catering industry, and DJs. I'm including myself as a DJ in that Paul, because it is the season of the Christmas dickhead zombie cunt. I mean, I'm a stand-up comedian, and what Christmas offers up are not comedy gigs. No, they are pure just sort of get through it, isn't it?

Just get through these terrible, terrible people who don't know how to hold a drink down, don't know how to socialise, and basically voted for Brexit and they can fuck off. Yeah, that's fair. Get on with it. Well, there you go.

Anthony Hopkins. Oh, that doesn't work either. Sorry. No, it really doesn't work at all. No. Anyway, if you are a Cube Show fan and you want rid of Edmonds, I suggest that this year,

on the stroke of midnight, I want you to look up to the sky and just say the following words, Burn Edmonds. That's it. If everyone says it on the stroke of midnight at the same time, I think enough goodwill will change the fate of this nation and give us a Noel Edmonds

free universe, which is frankly overdue. He's a murderer. He killed that guy in a stunt on TV. Oh, come on. He didn't do the double checks. Apparently he wavered. He's a murderer. He killed that guy in a stunt on TV. Oh, come on. He didn't do the double checks. Apparently he wavered. He just was like, ah, whatever. I don't know if that's on him though, is it? Yeah, it is.

He was producer, I'm sure. Oh my god, Paul. You really got deep on this Edmonds thing, didn't you? I mean... I would think twice about it, is all I'm saying. All I'm saying is, no, come at me. Come at me, Noel, come at me. Come at me, Noel. Come at me.

You, me, beer pit, naked, greased, no weapons. What about you both in Mr. Blobby suits? Just to give it a bit like, you know, of protection. No, no blobby suits. He can ref from the sidelines. Who Mr. Blobby could? Yeah. What would he say? You know,

Yeah, that's it. What would he say? Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob. Yeah, that's it. When you fall over. Yeah, when you go down, he goes, Blob, Blob, Blob, Blob, Blob. You're Blob out of here. I don't know. That would be too many words.

Anyway, me, Edmunds, naked. Blob, you're Blob out of here. Yeah. Wop, you're Blob out. Have you ever seen those people that broke into Mr Blobby World and looked around it? Yeah, they broke into Crinkly Bottom.

They're called like urban explorers and they took footage of all the overgrown... Because like the whole place is overgrown with forest and mould and... Forest? Not now.

And mould. Yeah, well, you know. Because it was made in the middle of a forest, wasn't it? It was carved out, and they built all these horrible blobby-esque village houses, you know, like kind of horrible Disney-esque, horrible pastel-y coloured houses.

And now you go there, it looks like a clown's nightmare. It's just horrible. Nature is claiming back what was once... Blobby world. Yeah. Crinkly bottom. Anyway, yeah, so me and Noel death match.

Let's see what happens. I'm not saying I'll win but I'll say I'm not going down without a fight. Okay, Paul. And if that murderer wants to turn around to me with the higher ground, excuse me. I'm worried about you and not even my association with you. I'm just worried about you and this podcast going forward.

For the record, both Eli and Ash are fully behind me on this point and they believe me. Off podcast, they're all like, yeah, mate, we agree. Yeah, Edmonds is a killer. A stone cold killer. But of course, on the podcast, they're all a bit like, ah, no, mate, you've got to calm it down don't be ridiculous

some of us have got careers allegedly then no weapons is a murderer Paul have you got any sort of content you want to do for this podcast that was it I fear it Ash has done three stories

I had a Tales from the Dance Floor which he ruined but a new report and what else have you got man Ash has done three stories. I had a Tales from the Dance Floor, which he ruined, but I knew the report. And what else have you got, man? Well, I have the That's Life Christmas bumper issue. Oh, my God. Okay. I don't know.

Some of the stories in this week's bumper issue are fascinating. One is called Mistletoe in Swine. He left me and our son on Christmas Day. So that story. That's lovely. Where did he go? He just fucked off with some other woman. On Christmas Day?

You can boil these stories down to one of three or one of four stories. I admire that. I genuinely admire it. How was he going to get the train on Christmas Day? How did he walk over there? Think of the transport link would be awful. I honestly think because it was a small village, he went around the street and the other woman was there and he

botched her on Christmas Day. There is... Okay, so my belly was as big as Santa. Boy, was I in for a surprise. So, okay, one story is about infidelity. One story is about losing weight, there's always a story about murder, and there's always a story

about some aspirational, lovely thing happening, you know? And there's also this, take that Santa, he hated his gifts, sorry, he hated his gifts, so Tot, age three, burnt down our house. Wow. Nice.

Good kid. So I was going to go into this and look into all the stories, but frankly it's really depressing. Yeah, I'm glad you didn't. Although, if you want something a bit lighter there's a nice little story here called Say What? These cringeworthy phone fails will make you think twice

before rushing for that next text. So, um... Katie says, Just covering your flaps in chocolate and then I'll be over. The friend replies, My flaps? Ugh, says Kate.

Flap jacks. I hate autocorrect. Oh, I hate autocorrect. I'm going to come and piss in your fanny. Right? Oh, autocorrect. You can say anything, can't you? you i fucking hate you and i hope you die oh bloody autocorrect i meant i'm coming over for dinner you know what i mean here's here's another

one daughter texting mother she goes mum i'm out and i need a huge favor so mum replies i've only just wanked in the door oh, walked Oh, I hate autocorrect You know what, I reckon we've just discovered a new punchline for a hack comedian Oh, autocorrect You say hack, I've definitely got some of them Stacey says A text saying, thinking about orgasming a party Are you up for it?

The mate goes, orgasm? Orgasming? Alright, what do you think the spell mistake there was? Organising. Organising. Is the correct answer. Organising. Paul, have you got your phone near you now?

Yeah. Oh, can you have a look at it? I am putting my dick in your mum. Sorry. I mean, great podcast. Oh, autocorrect. I did wonder why you were texting me just then, you little tinker.

It was just for that little... That was a good one. I'll do one more. All right. Victoria sent a text saying, Hi, hun. Dick is in the oven. Come over when you're ready.

Oh, duck, not dick Well I think that's more important Obviously me being murder and all These are shit ones because you can immediately see Do you know what I mean? Because no one's dick is in the oven No one's dick's in the oven The good ones, the ones where

The whole thing sort of makes sense Can I tell you a genuine one? That's the thing about this magazine I sent my girlfriend a message saying, I'm going to give your puppy such a kicking. Right. And that's genuinely true. Oh, so there was no autocorrect?

No, it had autocorrected. Kicking's meant to be licking. I'll give you that. So you were going to give your dog a licking? No, not dog. Pussy. Pussy man. Have you ever sent, Eli, out of interest,

have you ever sent a sexy text to someone? No. Because the last time I had sex was in the late 90s. So they hadn't come in yet. That's not true. You had sex a few years ago. Yeah. So you've never sent a dirty text.

I must have. Every text I send is sexy. All right. Eli, I'm chatting you up. I'm a girl texting. Oh, I can't wait for you to come over Saturday night. What do you text back? Too late.

Blow my beans. Rub your tits, love. Something like that. I don't know. Yeah, well, that's bang on. Yeah, that's good. Yeah, I like that. All right.

Let's just say I'm being really suggestive. How do you coax a nude photograph out of me? Let's just say, ooh, Eli sent text. I'm just... I'm naked right now. Send us a picture of your tits. Just the word norks. Yeah.

Norks. Anyway, Paul, why are you always trying to get me to act sexy around you? I think there's some kind of subtextual thing going on here. I want you to find love and I want you to find a woman who can put up with your smell and body so you can get a bit of happiness well that's nice of you to say but as as as i've described nice of him to say he was quite actually quite horrible yeah but i just have to put up with it ash you know i mean like there's

no point you know but as i was uh trying to say yeah uh it is now that my that my genitals are literally blinding me how scrummy, scrummy clean they are right now. Scrummy clean? I've never heard of you describe your balls as scrummy clean. I actually cannot believe people listen to this shit. Is that the text I just sent you, Eli? Yeah, it's... No, it is the House of Pickles. It always will be.

And if you want a little rundown, there is some drying Turkish bread. There is a packet of crisps over there. And there are some pickles. Yes, cornichons. Hooray! There is a half-eaten jar of cornichons over there behind the soy sauce.

So, okay, that's for the fans, yeah? Here's my little bit of parenting I did today. My son was eating his dinner and he had some pasta and he picked up too much on his fork and a bit dropped off, fell down his front, landed on his trousers and then fell on the floor. So I told him off about trying to shove too much pasta into his gob and then he sort of only ate half of his dinner and he was full so I then took the bowl and greedily ate the remaining

pasta the first bit I took out of the bowl I dropped rolled down my front into my lap and onto the floor he wasn't looking so I actually picked it up off the floor put it back in the bowl and then had a chat to him about how he must never miss opportunities like that in life to get back at the person who's just told him off for doing the thing he'd just done. It's like Eli. That's good. Good bit of parenting there.

Nice. Never overlook hypocrisy. Always attack hypocrisy. Absolutely. That's I, a big life lesson. Yes. Oh, they've got some great top Christmas money-saving tips. Oh, I think I did this for a cheap show last year, maybe.

Christmas money-saving tips. Go on. I made snowmen for my friends by skewering marshmallows together. Their arms and legs were made of mini straws, and I used cake decorations for their face and buttons. No, they didn't make snowmen, did you? They're not snowmen, then, are they? They're marshmallow men.

So here's another one. I wanted to give my Christmas wine gifts a festive feel, so I bought some leftover felt and glitter card and made Santa bottle covers. Bottom covers. Bottom covers. Not bottom covers. Bottle covers.

She made little Santa suits for bottles. Oh, fuck off. Exactly. I second Eli's statement. I do not need clothing for my fucking bottles. Just open the bottle, pour it, let's drink, and let's fucking think about Christ or something, you know? All right, and then the last one is,

I made my own Christmas card holders by attaching tinsel and beads to a coat hanger. I stuck white tack on the back of the Christmas cards and then attacked them onto the beads, dangling it down on the back of a door. People are missing the point of Christmas, aren't they? These are not saving tips. This is just like...

Highlighting that you're a dick is what you're doing. You're not saving money. You're highlighting your weakness in the human race and society. Yeah, you know what I mean? You're just making useless, craft-tinkering nitpicks that are fucking no use to no one. Put it in the bin and grow up. Put the fucking tinsel in the bin, grow up, grab your dick.

You've lost Christmas. Your family hate you. I fucking hate you. You know what? Stop what you're doing. Cancel Christmas. Take off your Christmas jumper. Throw it out the window of the bedsit that you're in.

Set fire to your bedroom. Think about what you've done for an hour. Bare lens. Well, what I will do is end this magazine segment by reading out a section that I had bookmarked. Are you very naughty or nice at Christmas? Yes, I am. I'm naughty.

Sometimes I'm pleasant. Other times I poo in wrong places. You know what I mean? I was going to say, Ash, what I do is I fucking creep in where everyone's asleep, get the turkey out, take a shit right in it.

Giblets. Push it back in and then wait for them to go, ooh, this is very good stuffing. What has it got? Nuts in it? Yeah. Oh, the rum won't lie on the Christmas pudding.

That's because it's not rum, it's piss. I've pissed on the pudding, you bitch. One day, this will be a high-class podcast, but until then, it's shit and piss, guys. It will never be anything, Paul, if you don't get some bloody content. We've done the magazines 12 times this year. Twice.

Is there a quiz, Paul? Did I send a quiz? No, basically what they have is they ask their readers to fill out a form of all their kind of behaviours and habits. Please fill out a form while you naughty or nice. So they say one in six readers of this magazine have opened gifts that made them turn redder than Rudolph's nose. One of the six readers? One out of six

readers. Oh, sorry. They don't have six readers. And then they only ask those six. Let me guess. A bum egg. Oh. A fucking butt plug. Oh.

A dildo. A fucking Nerf-themed flashlight. Oh. I missed the question. What was it? Yeah, this is like an angry family fortune that Eli's the only contestant. What was the question? It wasn't a question.

They found out... One in six readers has said that they found something rude in their Christmas presents under the tree, including a vibrator... Oh, dildo, dildo, dildo, dildo, dildo! ...by their mother-in-law. Eli's parrot just went mental.

One woman had a sex toy that she opened in front of her grandkids and had to lie about what it was. Our poor granny explaining what a fucking throbbing cock end thing

looked like to her kids. None of this happened. It's a garlic press, kids. Survive my boss garlic. Actually, you know what? Some of those things

we had on the old Barshan's YouTube channel, they could have been used for some saucy stuff, I think. Those rubber gloves with the orange rubber gloves.

I could have no wank with them. They could give you a good hard rubbing, couldn't it? Yep. Rub down. Merry Christmas, guys. Right. Someone else said they got a boss, their boss gave them a mug and the mug read, I love cock. That's not appropriate for a boss to send. Depends what he does. If he's a

porn director, then perfect. So there's loads of that shit. What else? One in ten readers has told a whopping lie at Christmas. Your festive fibs include... Jesus was born. That is the big one. I told my mother-in-law we were

out on Christmas Day. I went out to the car to find she'd been waiting outside the house for over an hour. Oh, she's a loser. She is a massive psychopath at that. I don't know if they're lying or not, so I'll spend Christmas Day parked outside their house. And what kind of arsehole would do that anyway? What?

He said he was not going to be in, and then his mum came and checked. I don't get it. That is... You do get it. You got it. Oh, that's just nasty. That's just an unhappy family Horrible man

They pretended they weren't in They pretended they weren't in So his mum wouldn't have to come in Yeah, awful He doesn't deserve Christmas with the family No he doesn't He deserves to be accused Accused of kiddly fiddling wrongly

And then sent to jail can I back out of the one in five readers have eaten something gross on Christmas day your festive food fails include arseholes we play a game called lick my baubles after Christmas dinner basically a bauble

is dipped in any amount of yucky stuff and it could be anything and then there's a picture here right next to it of an old lady having a bauble forced in her mouth by her son. And she looks upset. It looks like she's got a festive ball gag in her mouth.

Paul, describe it in more detail. What's she wearing and stuff like that? She's wearing a red cardi and she's got her hands up to the side of her face in an almost Virgin Mary prayer thing. And she's taking a big, she's taking a huge bauble in her gob, is she? Yeah, and it's a bit kind of dribbling down the side of her mouth where

the drool is. Grandma's just licking a bauble. Oops, sorry, autocorrect. Ash, be quiet. I'm trying to make Eli come. I've just had a great I've had a great idea, Paul. Yeah? What about a porn film called Creme Masters? But creme is spelt...

What's it based on? We've lost Eli. We've lost Eli. It's fucking gone. Creme Masters is gone I don't know why he thinks that's so funny because you and I

don't know what he's getting at I feel a bit unwell he's fucking lost it it's been a very emotional Christmas really it has been quite a long week I'm sorry that broke me

right Creme Masters. Well, anyway. No, I mean, that's it. It's a fucking depressing magazine. And it's one of these things where it's not as funny as it thinks it is.

Well, thanks for introducing it to the podcast. Yeah, it's great, Paul. Brilliant. Well, I thought I'd do. I'd get one of these magazines as a Christmas special. I'm joking.

I'm sorry. Oh, spread my gage. So, Paul, we've been doing... Is this a mini-sode? No, it's not. We're stopping now. Anyway, that's been our mini-sode, whatever.

I just accidentally punched my organiser in the office. I don't know if that's going to come up I mean you can edit it out but I punched it quite hard were you angry? no I sort of just moved and punched it right let's end this fucking podcast

then thank you for supporting Cheap Show over the past year no problems I'll do that anytime not you Ash specifically let me do the admin and then you can chip in with your asinine quips.

All right? Until then, until then, step back. No, no, Paul, do the housekeeping. Creme masters. You can...

For fuck's sake. That is such a good title, man, I'm telling you. That is... That's going somewhere, honestly. Yeah? Yeah, come on, Paul. It's your own time you're wasting. Fucking... title man I'm telling you that's going somewhere honestly yeah

yeah come on Paul it's your own time you're wasting can I come back? no not now this is the official last episode of Ash Frith's involvement on Cheap Show that's not very nice is it? Merry Christmas

can I say well done to Cheap Show's very own Ian Lee Ian Lee? well he's never been on Cheap Show, though he has said he'll be on it. Then I withdraw it. What was he on? The old The Unclickables? Yes, but did he... He didn't win.

Oh, no. So, commiserations. Came third. Sorry, I interrupted you. Some idiot. Some Cram Masters. Came first on Cram Masters. All I want to do is end this podcast,

and I can't... Just fucking say it. Shall I say what I'll do? No, I've got to do'll do? No, shut up. You can both shut up. You're both on the naughty step for the next minute or so. So, if you want to support us on Patreon, you can do.

Thank you for supporting us so far this year. It's been a big boon to us. It's just been amazing. We've had such a big burst of involvement. Burst penis like a cigar you racist anyway patreon.com forward slash cheap show if you want to donate as little

or as much as you want there are awards we're refitting them all soon www.http.com patreon.com forward slash cheap show and then I can donate money http.com Patreon.com forward slash Cheap Show and then I can donate money.

And you do get rewards for doing so although we are changing them soon for various boring reasons. Are they going to be better or worse? Shut up.

Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. Right. Next thing. On our website thecheapshow.co.uk you can see pictures videos and all kinds of lovely stuff.

Oh, I'm so editing everything Ash says out of this fucking podcast. Everything. It's going out the window. Getting it all out. Right, what else? We're on Reddit as well. Reddit.com forward slash r forward slash cheap show, which is the dedicated page to talk about topics within the show

and lots of null hatred, which I applaud. So go over there for a strangle wank hashtag. What else? What else? What else? Twitter at thecheapshowpod. I'm at paulgannonshow. What are you, Eli?

I'm Eli Snowy. Shut up. You're going to let me do it? I was very patient while you fucking whittled on interminably. Go on. Eli Snowid. That's E-L-I-S-N-O-I-D. And, yeah.

Okay, Ash, I would ask you, you've lost privileges to promote your own Twitter feed and podcast itself now, so that isn't happening. If you are interested in what Ash Frith gets up to, I don't know, look in the bins. Come to 14 Fernley Gardens. But you must bring Nerf products. Come to 14 Fernley Gardens. But it must

bring Nerf products. Must provide Nerf products. We have the Eli soundboard on Google Play if you want to download Eli saying, what the fuck? Also, one other thing, Paul. Oh, God. So, does it really say

about getting off of a child on Brotherhood of Man, Save All Your Kisses For Me? I don't know. I was listening to the song. It's playing in the background. And it was like, save all your kisses for me. And I was like, oh, what a lovely song. And then the last line is, because you're only three.

And I'm thinking this has to be a song about a father looking forward to seeing his daughter because he hasn't seen her in a while. Because if it's a song about kiddie fiddling it's brazen it's nostalgia gone mad it is it's nostalgia gone mad ash what do you want to pitch go on pimp pimp your stuff ideas for new shows um i'd like to just say that i love you both and that just to be with you has made me feel that you know baby jesus didn't die in vain and that um you know there is hope in the world that you've both got a sparkle in your eyes and when i wake up in the morning i kind of think you know yeah i can push on and get with my day i've got an episode of cheap shot inap Shot in the old barrel ready to blast out the end. And I think 2018's going to be a big one for you guys. Put a little

love in your heart. Thanks Ash. Yeah, thanks for that completely hollow, meaningless, empty vapid Don't listen to him Ash. I love you both. At Ash Frith and the Pranks and Firth podcast on iTunes and Acast.

Doing alright, that podcast? It's doing really well, yeah, we're having a great old time of it. I'm going to thank you both because, you know, got a lovely little boost off Barshan, so thanks to Stuart and Barry as well, but you know, it's a lovely little crossover there. Yeah, why don't you say thank you

by coming over here and fucking tapping this gooch. Creme Masters. Mate, that is, yeah. All right, we'll talk about that some other time, Ash. Can we make a short, Eli? Like, you did Clankerman. Can we do Creme Masters?

Yes. But Eli's already short. I'm just saying yes now. Okay. Right, that's it. Website, Twitter, Facebook. Go on Facebook. we're there as well Reddit, Patreon

we're all there, Instagram I don't think we're, I mean I'm on there but don't bother about it that's it I just want to end this podcast now because it's 20 to 9 so can we go can I just give you both a quick Christmas kiss hold on alright

Merry Christmas bye bye Christmas kiss. Hold on. Yeah. Oh. Oh. Oh. All right. Oh. Merry Christmas. Bye, everyone. Happy New Year. Bye-bye. And thank you for celebrating. Thank you for supporting Cheap Show.

Have a wonderful New Year, and we'll see you in 2018 for more larks. Larks. Larks. Larks. Larks. Larks. Larks. Larks.

Larks. Larks. Larks. Larks. Larks. Larks. Larks. Larks.

Larks. Larks. Larks. Larks. Larks. Larks. Larks. you