CheapShow - Ep 73: Granny Love's Dirty Garden

Episode Date: April 25, 2018

Puppets! Those cuddly, friendly creatures that help us learn a valuable lesson or give us a proper chuckle. In this episode of CheapShow, Paul & Eli discover a rage unheard of when one particular puppet angers them whilst watching "Don't Make That Trash"! You can (almost) listen along with them as they provide the commentary for another vexxing video. However, before we can get to all that, why not find out what a podcast sounds like when the hosts have been talking nonstop for 5 hours and have one more episode to record? You will hear random mad noises, find out what delightful gifts Paul & Eli have given each other with a new "Mi Casa, Su Casa" and see how quickly the quaint and polite new "Antiques CheapShow" boils over in to a rant fest! The economy comedy podcast is here to save the world, one bargain at a time! You can watch "Don't Make That Trash" on our website Go Here: https://www.thecheapshow.co.uk/ep-73-grandma-love-s-dirty-kitchen And if you like us, why not support us: www.patreon.com/cheapshow Share & Enjoy. Subscribe or Die! www.thecheapshow.co.uk If you want to get involved, email us at [e-mail] And if you have to, follow us on Twitter @thecheapshowpod or @paulgannonshow & @elisnoid If you like what you hear, please spread the word! Like, Review, Share, Comment... LOVE US!

When you drink it, it looks like you're taking your last breath, by the way. Just so you know. I don't fuck off. You do. When you drink it, look, your face looks like you're drowning. When you do anything, you look like a cunt. All right, do an intro, you prick. Ladies and gentlemen.

I'm in that mood now. You've put me on in a bad mood already. Oh, yeah. It's that time. What's that time? It's that time I get that itch. Oh, yeah. It's that time. What's that time? It's that time I get that itch. Ooh, what I get that itch. I get the itch in the...

Shut up. It's working, man. I'm glad it was. Yeah. I'll start from the... All right, from the top. I want it pure. Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, yeah.

What's that time? It's that time I get that itch. What you itching for, boy? I'm itching for Cheap Show! Hello, I'm Eli Silverman. I'm the main guy on this podcast and the other one just... Oh, that again. Oh, that witty bon mot. And he's Paul Gannon. I'm the king of Cheap Show.

You see what I mean? What do you mean, you see what I mean? Everyone sees what I mean. What is it? What is it that they see? That you're shit. Do they? Do they think I'm shit? Well, if you think I'm shit, why don't you write an email

and I'll stick it right up my arse. Why? I don't want to hear hateful things. I get enough from partners, friends, family, YouTube commenters. It's Cheap Show, everybody. Can you tell we've recorded two pods already today?

We're running out of steam. Hoo-hoo. Boing. Blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah. Blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah. Boing. Boing. Do you know what that's called?

What? That noise you made with your mouth. This one. Yeah. I don't know what. It's called a point. Is it? Yeah.

I had this book about how to make noises with your mouth. Yeah. Non-word noises with your mouth. The noise of things with your mouth. Well, I got the point of that. You're good at a point. I can't even do it. No.

I was taught this by a Norwegian man called Colin. It's a thing, isn't it? Yeah, it's a thing, isn't it? He was a friend at university, Colin Vartun. Yeah, pop there. You can do that as well. Yeah, I can do all of that. I'm fucking wicked with my mouth,

as all the ladies can contest boom racist and sexist what was that that wasn't it was a Caribbean accent of some sort it wasn't

I was trying to do daddy cool young speak now as you know Paul we have to go straight into caveman whenever we get the the urge

to do a racist accent here's the intro anyway to the music of the show. I hate you and your fucking noodle posse. People love noodles, right? It's a fact of cheap show you're going to have to fucking reset.

It's a fact of chiefs though, you're gonna have to fucking reset. Noodle time. Tales from the Darks, for a while. How's the bit going? The price of the site. And that was that theme tune. Hello, Eli. Do you want to make that point now, or have I successfully neutered it? Eli not here, only Thor. Oh, is it caveman speak now?

Eli. Eli weak. Thug eat. Eli. Toe. Well, yes. It is our third episode in a row of recording, and now we're just making sounds,

ladies and gentlemen. But we're going to give you lovely sounds because it is Cheap Show, the economy comedy podcast that looks at the bargain basements, the pound lands of Great Britain and brings you the treasure or the trash we find within them.

Hmm. Fuck it! Excellent. Excellent, mate. Oh, oh, me Eli, me think witty thing. Oh, mm, oh, me make fire with brain power.

Good, that's good. So paul um i feel a bit sweaty and weird so uh this is not letters to the editor i'm just not interested in your bodily stench what is coming up on this episode of cheap show the comedy a comedy podcast from yourself eli silverman and me paul gannon, we've got a packed show today for you. We are going to do three lovely segments. One of them, a brand new one. Oh, I can't believe my eyes. Fucking hell.

Hearing it was bad, ladies and gentlemen. Seeing it was a... Was a different dimension of weird. Anyway, we're doing Mikasa Sukasa. That's when we, as a kind of of weird. Anyway, we're doing Mikasa Tsukasa. That's when we, as a kind of pipe of peace thing, swap and give gifts to each other based on charity finds. I'm confident you're going to fucking love mine.

And I know for a fact that you half-assed it this morning and popped out to the nearest shop and got any old shit you found. Doesn't mean you won't like it. True, but I also bought, on your behalf, something for you to give to me should yours be shit, which I'm looking forward to

That's against the rules, Paul. to give you to give me. It is. But if you've wanked this off... I'm not going to sue Casa you as a me-Casa that you got for yourself. That's not me-Casa or sue Casa

or sue Casa or me-Casa. Well, if you can't Casa at all, what's the point in even doing this section? I Casa'd. I went out and got the casser out of the shop and paid with it with my own

fucking money it's a half casser it's not a half casser you half cassed it oh sick you're su casser wasser this is definitely

definitely the third episode pipe of peace more like I'll give peace to your pipe after I give it a sorting anyway

we're doing that it'll be all a quiver following that we are doing a new It'll be all a quiver. Following that, we are doing a new segment I've called Antiques Cheap Show. I'm looking forward to that, actually. And then finally, finally, we're watching a little video called Don't Throw It Out. And we'll find out more about that later in the show. Okay.

Right. So do you have anything you want to say? Do you have a life hack? Do you have a top three? Do you have a top three? Do you have a tell us from the dance floor? Do you have anything to offer the show other than your usual half-assed, lazy, can't be asked, do it last minute attitude, which frankly brings the show quality down. I just thought I might mention that I have recently returned from visiting my family in Florida. Thrift stores.

That's what they call them out there, isn't it? It is. And I did do a bit of thrift storing. And did you find anything great? I found a ladies golf cagoule, which fits me and is very nice. Liz golf. For rainy days.

Yeah, it's really nice. Okay. Very nice. What makes it ladies though? Is it just the cut of it? It's a ladies brand. Oh, okay. Liz golf.

I don't give a shit. We don't care. In fact, it makes me feel a bit all sexy. Do you wear it and nothing else? I'm a secret cross-dresser. What? Come out. Cross-dress all you like, mate.

I'd happily watch it. But it's an androgynous item. Oh, that way. Would you wear it with nothing else? Is it see-through? Is it see-through? Is it clear? Or is it, like, coloured?

It's black. It's a black one. So you could maybe wear nothing underneath and just have that weird kind of plasticky texture touch you that's what i'm into and then get in the shower wearing it and turn the hot water on i'd be like that up yeah then you move your hands down a bit of a chance from the shop floor as you start to pump your therming cock end what you just start going oh and then you splash it all over your own cagoule because it all wipes off you're sitting there in the bath it's raining down with sp it all over your own cagoule because it all wipes off. You're sitting there in the bath and it's raining down with spunk all over you, a nice lady's cagoule,

and you go, ah, what a successful day. Like any other part of the country or world, the kind of quality of item you get in a thrift store or charity shop, it's dependent on the neighbourhood they're situated in, I'm sure, to a big extent, and how affluent it is.

So if you go up to Hampstead in London... Oh, you're going to get a better quality of charity shop. You've got all Laura Ashley dresses in there. Yes, and how affluent it is. So if you go up to Hampstead in London... Oh, you're going to get a better quality of character shop. You've got all Laura Ashley dresses in there. Yes, and Kath Kidison or something. But, you know, and it is a bugbear of mine, but, you know, you don't find the bargains, especially in the vinyl, in the charity shops that you used to, because people are catching on to some items being more desirable.

But I always have a little rummage for records. I went to this one place, and there was this guy, African-American gentleman, who had like a fold-out chair that he'd brought along. And he was sitting in front of the records. Right. He had a huge pile of them. Yeah.

Outside the shop. No, this is in the shop, in the record section of the shop. And the other thing, because you know how shops are massive. And in Florida, everything's spread out huge. Yeah. There's all these big lots. And so you get these weird because you know how shops are massive and in Florida everything's spread out huge there's all these big lots and so you get these weird you get charity shops and thrift stores there

they're massive yeah and there's tons of junk in there so mate there's tons of junk in here mate

oh my goodness you see what I'm doing yeah he's grabbing his crotch you see what I'm doing third episode in a run I'm just pointing that out yeah um so i go over there and he's sitting there and he's got a huge pile he's on the phone to someone yeah and

he's describing the title and describing the albums to people who are obviously looking them up on discogs yeah yeah and um and i sort of like can i look through these he's like yeah yeah so i'm looking through and he's going hey have you seen any shostakovich in there pull out the shostakovich did you uh i didn't find any Shostakovich in there? Pull out the Shostakovich. Did you? I didn't find any Shostakovich, but he got me to show him what I had pulled out. There you are.

And it was really sweet. He was just like, he was really into it. Cool. All right. Nice, nice positive experience. It's nice, you know, fellow diggers. Like, aha. Yeah.

There's joy. And if anyone's interested, I picked up a Sonny Stitt LP he's a jazz saxophonist on the on the Atlantic label very nice bit of jazz

and Moog Goes Bach Moog Goes Bach I think it's called something like that oh I want to hear that yeah I want to hear that

it's one of those Moog classical Moog records which I've got a real penchant for can we have that on a platter one day of course excellent's one of those Moog, classical Moog records, which I've got a real penchant for. Can we have that on a platter one day? Of course. Excellent.

We can do a whole section on classical Moog. Oh, a Moog special. Yeah. I like that. I like that a lot. I collect Moog records. And the last thing I got was Tomita. There's this guy called Tomita, Japanese guy.

Oh, okay. Who used to do Moog versions, synthesized versions of classical music. So that was one I've been looking for. I look forward to a Moog special then. I'm into Moog. All right. But you call it Moog versions synthesised versions of classical music so that was one I've been looking for I'll look forward to a Moog special then I'm into Moog alright

but you call it Moog but you sound like a dick if you call it Moog yeah is it meant to be Moog the actual pronunciation of the guy's name is Moog

oh but he was didn't he say though I'm fine with people saying Moog and also you just sound like a ponce if you say Moog do you though

if you insist on saying Moog and no one knows what you mean well now but if it became the norm in the first place it wouldn't have been a big deal would it anyway like a ponce if you say Moog. Do you though? If you insist on saying Moog and no one knows what you mean. Well, now, but if it became the norm in the first place it wouldn't have been a big deal,

would it? Anyway, what a lovely story. I don't have any stories apart from, that's not true. When I was out today looking for charity shop things there was a board game

which I thought was too expensive but it was a Christian board game and the story was that the woman who created it, I can't remember her name now, but she was in a hospital and she thought she was never going to speak again

so she devised this game to contact, you know, speak to people via this thing and she turned it into a board game. You don't need a game, you need what's known as written language. Well no, I mean I presume there was, maybe she had it hand-bounded. Alright. I don't know the back story. You should have looked into it. I did.

Did she have her hands hacked off? No, it didn't say. It just said she was poorly in the hospital and she had throat and she couldn't speak. She had hand disease. And she thought she'd never speak again. She had throat and hand disease. Maybe. And she couldn't speak again,

so she devised this game that helped her communicate. But it's kind of like, what would you do if you could change the universe? But it's got a Christian bent to it. Let's play that game. I was thinking, should we? It was Fiverr and it looked... I might get it just because

where am I going to find that kind of stuff? We shouldn't always go for operation and stuff. We should try and find some unusual items. I'll get it next time I'm here if it's in. And it's all kind of... It's not called Moog and Bach. It's a pun on the word back,

but Bach. Bach to the future. Yeah, like that. Moog music. Bach Or Moog music. Bach's Moog music. I'm just going to go grab it. Grab it. It's driving me mad. He's going to go grab it because it's driving him mad, ladies and gentlemen.

And with that in mind, while he's gone, let me just tell you personally that I'll be starting my own podcast soon called Paul Talks Sexy. And in it, I'll be talking sexy to you. I'll give you a little touch of it right now, just a little hint. So, I'm in the room with you, baby. Oh, man, whatever suits your fancy. And I'm stroking your face with my clammy hand, saying, ooh, it's sexy times.

Right. And then, hang on. And then one of us comes, and then I go. Shut up. There we go. I'm doing my new podcast that I'm breaking out. A spin-off podcast called Paul Sexy Talk. Paul Sexy Talk.

Could be a hit. Anyway, what's it called, the album? It is called The Moog Strikes Back. Oh, like the Empire Strikes Back. Yeah. And you can see on the cover, he's got a very... He's talking to these cutouts. Into the mic, please.

He's talking to these cutouts of... Oh, he is. Whispering in their cutouts of... Oh, he is. Whispering in their shell-like. And there he is. Look at that. There's the Tamita. He's also got a similar photo. Yeah.

It's a whole genre of records, which was classical. That's a big old thing, isn't it? Moog, it's all cables and wires. Yeah, modulators. That's the thing with... Oh, here we go, modulated. That's the thing with Moogs, that you had to set them yourself. And that was problematic, and they kind of deform.

Okay. It would stray. And that's why it can be such a unique instrument, because there's so many variables. Yeah. And like, you know. Beautiful. Well, we'll look forward to a Moog special in the future.

Thank you. But why not we just get the show started? Okay, fine, Paul. Why not we just do that? Let's do that now. Are you happy happy I'm never let's go I know

let's go cheap show team oh I have to touch you yay here we go mi casa su casa ho that was our theme remember I do

I think it's insensitive it's a bit insensitive so we should come up with another one then yes mi casa you casa it doesn't have to be a song how about this like a little a little I think it's insensitive. It's a bit insensitive. We should come up with another one then. Yes. Mi casa,

you casa. It doesn't have to be a song. How about this? Like a little, a little, just a little thing. Okay. Go on. Oh, that's it?

Mi casa. Su casa. Ooh. Ooh. Yeah, all right. All right, let's do it again. Okay. Tss.

Mi casa. Su casa. Ooh. Good. I like it again. Mikasa. Tsukasa. Ooh. Good. I like it. It's good. So, who wants to go first? I think you should go first because I think yours is going to be shit.

Because I think you've half-arsed this. So, go on. Don't give me that last puppy dog in the shop look. You're fucking undermining me. Yeah. Yeah, I don't like it. Well, maybe if you put some effort into the show. Maybe if you did.

I'm sorry, Paul. I don't have a why. You don't like anything. You like things about Ghostbusters. I like lots of things. I like Ghostbusters. That's it. I like you.

Well, I'm not going to present myself in a bow. Mikasa. All right, come on. What have you got? What have you got? Today, Mikasa for you, Paul, is this. It is utter fucking wank. But I kind of like it.

Yeah, see, it's not as bad. It's not as thoughtless and bad as you first expected. So it's a sponge on a stick. Let's get that out of the way. But hey, hey. It's good for cleaning your arsehole with. Your back, your feet. Your arsehole.

Your perineum or, you know, the barse. The gooch, I think we've got. The gooch, the taint. So many lovely words. It doesn't get that dirty, does it? Mine does. Mine gets some serious fuzzing. Oh, yeah?

Yeah. Ganja. Kind of like it fogs up. Anyway, so it's not just a sponge. It's a novelty sponge. It is a novelty. It's in the shape of a lolly ice. And this one is a bit like a Zoom, isn't it?

Or a Fab. It's a kind of multi-layered ice lolly. It's a tricolore. You know what? I don't hate this. I know. It's all right, isn't it? I don't think you put too much effort into it.

It's not a bad item. You know what it made me think? I did have some thought. Because, Paul, way back in the midst of time, we had an item on the price of shite, which was a post-it note dispenser in the shape of time, we had an item on the price of shite, which was a post-it note dispenser in the shape of a red apple. And you said you liked that.

So I thought you like things that look like other things, that aren't the thing that they are actually doing. I understand what you mean by that, yes. This is a lolly sponge. And I might actually use this as well. Lolly-shaped sponge. A spong le bain. So is it for the bath? But it's not for maybe dishes? No. No, it's aolli shaped sponge. Espong le bain. So is it for the bath?

Yeah. But it's not for maybe dishes? No. No, it's a different kind of sponge. It's a bath sponge, I think. You could use it for the dishes. I wouldn't be... I wouldn't. I wouldn't.

I'd use that on my balls. That's what I'm saying. It's like giving it a good old lick. Yeah, it's got a handle on it. Let me just have a little practice. No, don't do that. He's rubbing his nuts. He's frottaging himself with my present.

This is what he thinks of the present. He's actually rubbing it on his arse. On my perineum. All right. Don't. I put it in his face. The lolly. Not my perineum.

Just so we're clear. That's all right. It's not too bad, is it? That's all right. Last minute. Admittedly, last minute, Chris grabbed it. Did okay. You know what? I actually like that. So, I don't think,

I wish you'd put more love into it, but the love you gave is better than the love you take. Paul, do you or do you not enjoy things that look like things that aren't the purpose of the thing they do? Yes, I agree. Like Transformers, I think they're cool. You know, because they're robots in disguise. Red Apple post-it note dispenser?

Yeah. Other things. I couldn't think of anything. Is it time for me to sue Cassie? Now, I will say this. That I think you're going to be quite embarrassed by that lolly once you've seen what I've gotten for you.

You ready? Close your eyes. Put your hand out. Say what you see. Can I open them? Yeah. Ooh. Ooh, what is it? It's a Hot Wheels Matchbox car. Yeah.

And it is bubble-matic. Yeah. So what does that mean? Look on the back. It blows bubbles. Mate. As you...

Mate. That's great, man. Isn't it? Yeah, it's fresh on card. It. As you... Mate. That's great, man. Isn't it? Yeah, it's fresh on card. It is. Mint on card. I got that in a B&M for £1.50. Nice.

And there was a range of them, but I saw that and I thought, I don't know why. They've got a whole range of bubble-producing ones. They have a load of cars that do everything, but this is like a kind of... This is a range of Hot Wheels that do... It's called Experiment Car,

so each one has a little gimmick to it that you can use. So that one has a little pop-out bubble blower that you can dip into the solution. I can see, and it's really ingeniously incorporated into the design of the car. Like a bubble car. The bubble hoop goes over the bubble where the driver would sit, doesn't it?

It's half Jetson's vehicle, half drag race car. I was just about to mention that, Paul. It reminded me I've recently come back from the States and in Walgreens in Ocean Drive in South Beach in Miami Ocean Drive

don't know why I feel blue me and my sisters like to go down there sun's gonna shine on everything you do we go down there and we always end up spending a lot of time in the Walgreens cool I'd love that I'd love that I'd love that

is that where you got the Jetsons Hot Wheels from that's where I got the Jetsons Hot Wheels from we'll put pictures of all of this stuff obviously up on the website so it's the same make

Hot Wheels yeah it is I just noticed that as well I bought a Jetsons the flying saucer that the Jetsons use at the beginning of the cartoon yeah

they've done they've done one meet George Jetson and doesn't he smack his wife around in that as well? No, he doesn't smack his wife around in that. He takes a dollar out of his wallet to give her the dollar. She takes the whole wallet. Okay, so she subverts it, but it's still...

Yeah, it's still, you know. But he's the breadwinner, but she's taking all the money. Bit dodgy. No, so I've got a Hot Wheels UFO. Jetsons mobile. Fucking love it. It's good. And I'm into that, Paul.

Thank you very much. See? Yeah. I actually fucking care. Look, the sponge will get some use. Yeah, it will. But look, I mean, look, come on. That's good, isn't it?

Very good. Are you going to take it out or keep it in the box? I'm going to keep it in the box. I kind of feel like you should as well. I know he bought you two just so you could open one up and then bubble play it. I may open it. We'll don't know.

I don't like to. I like to keep it mint on card. Now I've got two novelty Hot Wheels items. With bubble motifs. Yes. They're almost like bedfellows. I hadn't even known you'd bought that when I bought that. I thought it was kind of cool.

It's good. I'm pleased. Very pleased. Nice. So the Sue casser that I wish you'd bought me is in my bag as well. I see that. This is yours. This isn't actually everyone, an official casser of Sue or me.

This is a self casser. Yeah. This is castabation. Castabation. You can tell we've done three podcasts in a row Because I'm starting to laugh At your lame jokes So I probably went to The same charity shop you went to

The one by the Tesco right I didn't get that in a charity Oh you didn't get the lollipop It's a new item Paul Oh I thought you got it In a charity shop I didn't buy you Some other tramp's bum sponge

It's sealed in the box It's fine Yes it's sealed Anyway I got myself For you to get me This TV Cream's toys book.

TV Cream? TV Cream is a website that deals with nostalgia from TV shows of the past. And it's kind of like a heritage site. So it talks about ITV and the BBC and the growth of the entertainment and all the TV shows. This is a book spinoff where they talk about toys from your past. Wow. That could be a good resource for the show, couldn't it? It might be.

But you open up any random page and there's an Airfix kit. Open up another random page. I always wanted one of those. The Cadbury's chocolate machine. Ah. The little plastic thing you use to stack chocolates in and you put a two-petal piece in.

Like a vending machine. Like a little mini vending machine. But honestly, Paul, don't you think we should try and develop a vending machine where someone's... Get a young boy to spank into a bread roll? No, I don't. It's funny that. It's funny how that...

No. I don't think that's funny that. It's funny how that. No, I don't think that would be an ethical thing to do. Keeping a small child in a vending machine to wanking bread. He'd be an adolescent. Don't think it's a good idea. Screwball Scramble.

That's in there as well. We've played that. And look, they rank it and they... It's quite difficult, Screwball Scramble, isn't it? You've got to have a touch to it. It's got a good touch. So I bought myself this book.

I had that. What? Fucking hell, he snatched have a touch to it. It's got a good touch. So I bought myself this book. I had that! What? Fucking hell, he snatched that out of my hand. Mastermind. Fucking Mastermind. Do you remember Mastermind?

Yeah, everyone had Mastermind. It was in every doctor's waiting room in the 80s. How many different fucking versions of Mastermind were there? Loads.

Loads. Crazy. Mastermind. I think we've lost Eli. No, the only other thing, the Mercury Maze. Do you remember that?

Yes, I do remember that. That is one of my all-time classic toys. You know what I love about it? The fluidity of it all. I just love the abstractness. I love abstract things that don't represent anything. Your art represents that same fascination. I love abstraction, visual abstraction.

That's really given me a little... That book was £1.50. Nostalgia knob on. Nobstalgia. It's all good, isn't it? Remember that handheld six-in-one game? The Merlin, yeah. You do.

Monopoly. Same as Major Morgan and those kind of calculators that you just slip things in. Monopoly. Come on. Yeah, but it's got to be in here too. Presents you pestered your parents for. No one pestered anyone for Monopoly ever in the history of... But TV Cream is an amazing website.

Go to it. Oh, that's good, yeah. TV.cream.org. Okay. And you go there and they have... Seriously, I love that website. It's little podcasts that they do where they talk about things from the past and Bruce Forsythe and Light Entertainment and Cannon & Boar.

You know, it feeds my addiction to 80s crass entertainment. You have an addiction to 80s nostalgia. Yeah, I really do. Finger Frights. Remember those little... I do remember those. I used to have those growing up. I had that. Fisher Price I really do. Finger Frights. Remember those little... I do remember those. I used to have those growing up. I had that.

Fisher Price Activity Centre. I love that. Yeah, you probably had that up until the age of eight when you were taught to read for the first time. Oh, yeah. Ha, ha, ha, ha.

Yeah. Hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo. Commodore 64, which, you know, I'll be appearing in the Digitizer, the show on YouTube coming soon. We're going to be tackling

all these kind of things. Amiga, Commodore 64, Amstrad CPC 464 if you want to know more go to digitizer2000.com run by Mr Biffo Paul Rose himself and you're not in it

you talentless cunt okay thank you no you're in it we won't want you to be in it good because I'm a multi-award willing filmmaker

you are you're film Clankyman tell us about that before we get on to the show it's won another award and it has a prize of 1500 euros which I'll have a share, and it has a prize of €1,500,

which I'll have a share in, and it cost €500 to make. So there, we've done it. That's great. That's excellent news. Seriously, all our fucking bullshit aside, well done on that. Thank you. Okay. I'm happy for you.

Okay, good for you. All right, so shake my hand. No, I'm not touching it. I'm not touching you. I'm not fucking touching you. We need a rule. Don't come over here. Oh, bur shake my hand. No, I'm not touching it. I'm not touching you. I'm not fucking touching you. We need a rule. Don't come over here. I'm burping.

Anyway, that was Mikasa Tsukasa. Tsukasa Mikasa. Tsukasa Mikasa. And I think I fucking pwned that. But that's the point, Paul. Can I just make this fucking clear one last time? Gift giving is not barter. It's not exchange, yeah?

Gift giving is like anal sex. It's better to, yeah? Gift-giving is like anal sex. It's better to give than to receive. Well, there. There you go. So you gave. Oh, I gave, mate. I was a power-bottom gift-giver. You know it.

So I enjoyed that. No, seriously, thank you for the book I gave myself that you got for me that I gave to myself. No, see, you can't change the rules. And the ball-licking lollipop sponge. That's my me-casser to you. And I think... And you didn't hate it, did you? No, it, you can't change the rules. And the ball-licking lollipop sponge. That's my me-casser to you. And I think... And you didn't hate it, did you?

No, it's fine. I thought it is. It's fine. But I got you a kick-ass car, didn't I? I'm a better friend than you. See, that's what I'm trying to fucking say. This segment... I'm riding high on the countdown, Wim.

Yeah, you've turned you into an... It's changed you. Because you've become a word cretin. Yeah. You're a maths... become a word cretin. Yeah. You're a maths... You're a cretinous gloating word knob. A maths simpleton. A conundrum biscuit.

I will beat you at something in the future. I'm sure you will. And you'll ride on that for a few episodes as well. You'll be like, I want it tennis. Tennis? Hand tennis. You think you'd beat me at tennis?

I know. I think we both suffer from doing tennis together. I really think tennis tennis whatever hand tennis you think you'd beat me at tennis I know I think we both suffer from doing tennis together I really think the idea of beating you no winner it would be awful no one would win anyway

that was me Kassa Sue Kassa today and now on Cheap Show we're going to calm things down a bit you know what I'm actually going to calm things down a bit. You know what?

I'm actually going to mention this at the top of the show. What Eli's about to do is piss me off. He's done something unprofessional and rude. I'm not going to tell you what it is or what he's doing. But I'm not impressed. It's very unprofessional behaviour. And you make me sick. How dare you bring that into this sanctity of a podcast.

We're not going to bring down the fourth wall too much. But, you know, I'm not impressed. Look at you. Look at you smoking with a little smug grin. I do what I want. It's my room. You're in the house of pickles. You are in the house of pickles, Paul.

And I do as I was told. You must abide by the... I get it. Your house, your rules. It's called the rule of gas. Yeah, well, either way, I'm not impressed. Anyway, rewinding it. And now on Cheap Show, we're going to calm things down a bit. A nice bit of Sunday afternoon action.

And we're going to do a new segment of the show, which I've called Antiques Cheap Show. It's a new segment of the show where we do something a little bit different. Now, we both like to go to the charity shops and buy things for as cheap as we can. But I thought what we might do is spice things up a bit and maybe pay for something in a charity shop or a thrift store or a pound, well not a pound because it would be a pound, but something that's a bit more costly than usual. A bit more, what is our

usual range? Not more than £2, £2 or £3 A couple of quid, board games we've bought for £2 or £3 you know, but I thought what if I buy something and we do it this way, I buy it and I present it to you, you look over it, you review it, you give your honest opinion, then you evaluate it for me how much you would spend for it in the shops and then I it to you. You look over it, you review it, you give your honest opinion, then you evaluate it for me. How much you would spend for it in

the shops. And then I'll tell you how much I spend for it in turn. And see, I just see what comes out of it. Okay. Let's just play this by ear, Paul. We don't know. It's a new segment. It's an exciting, fertile, squidgy ground. Ground to furrow. Furrow my trough.

Yeah, I'm going to troughough your there's also the sauce trough there we're not gonna do what he's staying away from the sauce trough this is a classy segment of cheap show now um see it's all pop pop pops so i went to a very classy i went to a charity shop and i bought something uh which is not exactly what you would call an antique but certainly a bit pricier than we usually and i want to present it to you I've brought it to evaluation and we'll see what the expert Mr Silverman says on the subject thanks very much for queuing you know I know it gets terribly busy and thank you what have you got well I bought this from a little shop not too far away from me and I thought I don't know if it's going to be worth something but i bought it anyway because i'll just stop you stop you for a second and remind

you to remember the accent you're doing because you're going to drop it i am be shit i'm going to do my best not to drop it but i bought this anyway in a little shop and again it might not be uh an antique but i think it's going to be practical and i'll use it so So here it is. What do you think of this? Ah. Mmm. Ah, I've seen some of these before. Mmm. Ah, have you? Ah. Ah, yes. Now, what you have here...

How much is it? No. How much did it worth? Now, calm down. I want another money! We'll get the antique cheap show guards. Oh. Almost said the thing that it's based on.

Ah. Now, this is a tape to go plus. Yes, it is. This is a device. And it's good that you've got the box that's always going to help with the value um that's what collectors want to see yes they want to see mint on card no it's certainly not too far away from being mint it's mint on card it's not too bad and um headphones are included in this pack it's taped to go and it is a portable tape 2 mp3 player. It looks like a little Walkman, doesn't it?

A little cassette Walkman from back in the day. And could you use it as a Walkman? Yes. It will work as a tape Walkman as well. Yes, it will work as a tape Walkman, I believe. That's a good feature.

I've yet to use it yet. That's a feature that I'm looking for. And I can convert cassette tapes to audio files on a laptop. Now, would you believe with the vinyl resurgence, there is a secondary resurgence in cassette tapes there is a market in second-hand cassette tapes now

because i know i know that um i know i nearly dropped it keep the fucking accent i know that um back in the day in the heyday of cassettes there was a period where like dolby s reduction and it was on metal ferric tapes and it was all very, very great sound. It was a huge format across the whole world. And even to this day, I believe in parts of what we now refer to as the developing world, Africa and India, it's the main format. Still? And I've even heard stories of dealers who come over from Africa and buy up huge lots of second-hand tape players and they recondition them and they take them to Africa

and they're sold as new because it's the main format out there still for music. I didn't know that. Yes. Oh, so cassettes are still a viable source of music. Cassettes can sound very good. They can sound very good. I've got a few in here,

but if they weren't good tapes to begin with, they'd sound terrible these days. Well, pre-recorded albums tend to be of a slightly lower quality cassette, I believe. They're just printed on basic metal tape or whatever it was. You'd have to get a nice, high-class ferric. Not a lot of companies would spend the money on making that for mass-produced albums.

So I believe, yes, if you were buying blanks you'd end up with a probably a higher quality cassette recording than you would for buying you know the problem album and the disadvantage it has over uh vinyl the king of vintage formats is that it will degenerate the sound quality even if you leave it in fresh in box mint in box mint on card yes, mint on card. Yes, it will. I hear all these stories. It will. It will, it will, it will. So what do you know about the maker of the company, ION? They are a cheap electronics company.

Are they? And they do vinyl. So I think they specialise in retro formatting and devices where you can update your old retro formats into MP3. Oh, is that it? Up to the minute MP3. So you can take this device, you can put your old tape, whatever it is, perhaps it's a mixtape of an embarrassing radio show you did before, like some kind of twat. Yes, that's exactly what I'm going to use it for.

It is what you're going to use it for. Exactly what I'm going to use it for. And you put it in there and you transfer straight onto the computer. Now, the other problem I have with these systems is they come with their own software that you use. And it can be clunky. It does come with a CD. It's not my audacity, which we use here on the Cheap Show pod. Yes, we do.

It's how we edit. But, you know, I think you'll probably be able to handle that, won't you? I think so. I can fit with my skills. I can probably get the best quality out of it. Headphones are included. Should we open it up? I want you to see what they think they're building. I can probably get the best quality out of it. Headphones are included. Should we open it up? I want you to see what the thing, the build.

I'll be very careful. Don't worry. That's fine. I just want to tell you what the build's like. Let's look at the build quality on this fucker. Yes. You've got the instruction and the CD there with the software, proprietary software to do the copying.

Headphones don't look too bad. I think, honestly, I could probably use Audacity. I don't need with this shit. I mean if it picks it up possibly yes just a cable right yes it is just a cable so it probably just have an input and uh you go straight onto audacity yeah for sure um and it's a it's not a bad design two--tone. You've got two-tone plastic, grey and black. And you have stop, fast-forward, rewind and play. All there. There's no eject. I think it's a manual eject.

And yes, I found there's a catch here. Oh, it's a nice action. I actually think that's quite a nice little thing. It's a nice little thing. And it's got a little window. You can see the spools, tape heads going around in there. Nice little feature. And it runs on batteries.

2AA, I believe. Should be fine. Should be fine. They still make those. I don't know if the headphones are going to be any good in terms of quality. They don't look too bad. They don't look too bad. Now, you're wanting...

I know why you came here. Now, because you don't care about culture or electronics. Okay. Or anything. Okay. You're a dirty little pleb. I'm not me. I'm in the character.

Look at me. Well, your character. I'm lovely, Paul. You're a dirty little pleb scrabbling in the dirt for some kind of value. I am. To spend on McDonald's. I am. You cunt.

Wow, I'm a bit rich. I can get richer than that. Yeah, I know you can. You bejeweled cunt. Oh. Richer. See? Anyone? I tell you, try doing three podcasts. You bejeweled cunt. Richard, see? Anyone?

I tell you, try doing three podcasts in a fucking row in a sweaty room that smells of pickle juice in here. Cheap show, powered by pickle juice. Yeah, nice. Very nice. It comes with everything. It comes with the cable. USB to micro USB. Do you have some tapes you want to convert? especially your early radio work?

I do on Cheap Show, yes, want to do an episode where I play my pirate radio from when I was 15 and you can hear me saying silly things on the radio. So I want to do a cassette special at some point of Cheap Show. Okay. If you have any cassettes you'd like transferred, we can maybe talk about that. Okay. You know, we can make that. Cassettes are a thing. And you know what? I mean, it's a bit of a cliche now, but the great thing about cassettes you'd like transferred, we can maybe talk about that. Okay. You know, we can make that. Cassettes are a thing. And you know what?

I mean, it's a bit of a cliche now, but the great thing about cassettes is that you could do your own little artwork, couldn't you? Well, you're right. The lost art of the mixtape. It was the ultimate DIY little product you could do. Can you do that with a playlist on Spotify? Not the same. Can you? Fuck.

What? You put a picture of your cock up, and that's culture? That's meant to be somehow doing something, is it? You put a picture of your gaping arsehole up? Do you? You put that... This is my bum list. Oh, and it's got ABBA on it.

Right. Okay, no. You're right. Do you? It has this certain amount of charm to it when you make a mixtape because depending on the length of the tape... I used to do very complicated things for an ex. Did you?

Yes, but also in terms of tapes, I used to... Hey, all ladies and gentlemen, gags keep coming. I used to do very complicated things where I'd snip up stickers, because you've got the stickers with those things. Yes, yes, yes. And I'd rearrange them in odd, unconventional ways, subverting the very format of mixtape. stickers with those things. Yes, yes, yes. And I rearrange them in odd, unconventional ways. Oh, okay. Subverting the very format of mixtape.

You're such a progressive, artistic, edgy human being. Tell you what, I'm sweating. You are. I'm sweating way out. And it really feels like all of the booze and fatty foods I've been eating over the last week are coming out and oozing all over my wet armpits. I'm getting a bollock smell coming off my knob head. Wow.

Wow. It is. It is. I'm going to keep saying it. It is the third in a row. And this is what we've got down to. So, yes. Can we now have an evaluation?

Well, of course, you'd never part with it, would you? It's going to stay in? No, of course. It's going to stay in the family. Of course. It's going to stay in the family for years. It's sentimental value. Of course, you'd never even think about that. No, never. That would make you the worst kind of low-life scum, human detritus.

Stuck to the bottom of my fucking boot like a piece of fetid old horse shit in a in a lane that's been abandoned by a raspberry field so i'd say it was a tenner a tenner oh i well you would pay a tenner for that would you i'd say i'd pay 10 pounds for that okay well uh at auction i bought it for no i bought it in the shop for 8.99 8.99 i bought it for so you've given bought it in the shop for £8.99. £8.99 I bought it for, so you've given it a value of about a quid on top of what I bought it for. A quid more, yeah, just a bit. Yeah, there was another one on there,

almost exactly the same thing by the same company, but it was a metal... Oh, they did a different... A metal body to it. Really? And that was £15 or £14.99. I wonder what the advantage would be. Better playback quality?

Maybe. I just think maybe because it was a metal casing, it just costs more to make, so... I think that, but yeah, was 15 or 14.99 i wonder what the advantage would be better better playback quality maybe i just think maybe because it was a metal casing it just costs more to make so i think that but yeah it's got play it's nice there it's got a nice action the buttons the action perfectly good it's got a good action nice click and clack it's got a good click and clack and you could actually just use it as a walkman would you do that yeah i've got loads of cassettes i'm not here in years that i could give it a listen to. Volume, USB in-out, headphones. I mean, there's no bass, there's no

treble, there's no auto-rewind. It's a very basic thing. There's a volume, though? Yes. That's all you need. That's all you need. Yes. And I found with those that the auto-rewind used to fuck it up somewhat. Somewhat. They did say put undue stress on the cassette spool tape.

It would because it's doing it on both sides, isn't it? Yeah. So, you know, if you've got a high-quality one, great. But sometimes the cassette sounds only as good as the player it's on. So I won't know really until I start transferring stuff what the quality is going to be like. Well, I'll look forward to that day with bated breath of pulse. Me too. And I'll tell you what the headphones sound like too at a later date too.

Okay. I could actually find out right now. I could try and put them on and give it a test on my phone. So let's do that. Where's my phone gone? Where's the headphone? Where have you put my everything? I don't know.

I haven't done anything. They're right behind you, mate. Why have you gone northern? I don't know. Where's my phone? Where's my everything gone? Where's everything? Where's my everything gone? Where's everything? Where's my everything gone?

I don't know. Well, we'll have to skip that then, that test, because you've lost me headphones and I've lost my phone. I've not lost your headphones, have I? You lost it. You cretinous halfwit. Well, I don't know, but anyway, um, oh mate,

don't smoke, we're doing a fucking podcast. Pathetic. Pathetic. You ate a sandwich. You ate a sandwich just now. Before we started recording. Not whilst I was trying to do some work. You picked your teeth.

That was the first volley in a battle that will never end. It was disgusting behaviour from a vile human being. Naughty boy. Is that the end of this section that didn't really work? No, it worked fine. Did it? Yeah, next time you bring something in, I'll evaluate it. Okay.

You can pay a little bit more and, you know, I'll give you a test. But, you know, I thought it was a successful segment. We can talk a bit more about things. All right? Okay, all right. Mate! What have you come up with in these ideas? Where's your noodle special, eh? segment. We can talk a bit more about things. Alright? Mate! What have you come up with in News Ideas?

Where's your noodle special, eh? That's been in development for about a year. I'm glad you asked me about that. Yeah, go on. It's in development. Infinite development. It's in development hell. It had Arnie casting it at one point. It was at that bad state of development. It did have Arnie cast it at one point. It was at that bad state of development. It did have Arnie cast at one point, as me.

Get out the copper chopper. I love noodles. I sleep with nurses. Imani. It's the Muppet Show. That's a good one. I do Kermit. So I think it was a successful segment.

Where's your segment? What have you ever brought? I don't want to go into that Paul because you've done nothing oh okay I turn up listen Paul if that's what you want to do yeah

why don't you do that I do you just do it by yourself I will and just give me some money hello welcome to Cheap Show I'm Eli I'm a can

how are you Eli oh good well let's look at something I eat pigs I eat dead pig skin wrapped in feculent chicken carcasses oh lovely

I'll eat that I'll eat that horrible fucking nastiness he's doing a call back ladies and gentlemen when I quite enjoyed some processed sausages that I brought back from the safe disgusting I can't believe you enjoyed that I thought Antiques Cheap Show

was a great segment and worth developing in the future. Good for you. And now we've got some convert cassettes on. So now we can do Ganon's Magic Spools. We can call it that. A cassette thing. Don't fart!

Don't look at me! In the eyes! And with a smile on your face lift your bottom up from your bed and fart when we first started doing this podcast

no we wouldn't have thought of that either of us would we what we used to do it like in a professional studio and stuff

yeah I know in a radio studio this is my fatted bedroom yeah with arse fucking fog

oh drugs and sauce and clothes on the floor there's no drugs in here bedroom. Yeah, with arse fucking fog. Oh. Drugs and sauce and clothes on the floor. There's no drugs in here. Lots of drugs in here. Anyway, that was a successful segment of Cheap Show. Do you agree? Do you agree? Do you agree? Yes.

You don't sell it very well. Yeah, great segment, Paul. Do you think in the future we could do more absolutely I'll buy something good I'll bring it in

and you can see I wasn't that far off that's not too bad no it's not you're quite good that's why I thought you'd be good for this you know you got a nice eye

for quality and money and stuff like that and you were thinking of getting a vinyl player yeah I was because you know Maplins is closing down

Brexit Britain and I thought I might get a vinyl player while they'replins is closing down. Brexit Britain. And I thought I might get a vinyl player while they're about 30-odd quid. I think there's an ION one going for 40, which does USB conversion stuff as well. Yes. But I don't have any vinyl. But I'll buy some. Alright? Yes. So,

I'm not all bad. Alright, well, that's wrapped this up on a reasonably positive note. I want to shake your hand. No. There, your filters are on the floor there, by the way. So that's that mystery sorted. I can see that. Even though you're smoking crash. So we're going to do something a little bit different, something we haven't done in a while, but I was at Stuart Ashen's

a few months ago, and he said, you might like this. It's a little video file. So he sent me the video file. I watched the first few minutes and I thought, we're doing this on Cheap Show. Okay. And it's a video that file so he sent me the video file i watched the first few minutes and i thought we're doing this on cheap show okay and it's a video that i think is one of those kind of almost cable things or one of those made for vhs at the time to sell to schools or kids that teach kids a lesson and it teaches them with puppets and this is about recycling everything and it's about 20 minutes and i thought we'd do a commentary okay watch it and pause and do a chat so we're going to do the intro

here and then we're going to go to our handheld mode while we watch it off the laptop. So just so you know, everyone, the sound quality might change when we start watching the video. Yes, because if it's on the radio studio we could just mix it in our headphones and watch it and it'd be sound professional and lush.

But we don't have that. I don't care. We have a laptop and we have our little handy task cam thing and we have raw gumption okay to uh get through let's do this so are you looking forward to this is a gift from stewart ashen to the show and i think we should just now cut to us giving it a little bit of the cheap show what have you so we are now in the makeshift cheap show cinema space Where we like to meet up and watch entertainment privately In our own special bijou recording area Isn't that right?

That's right and I don't like how close we have to be to do this So we have lined up on the laptop the film we're about to see Which is called Don't make that trash that's what it's called let's go straight in well we should so first of all just to preempt it again it's a puppet show recycling there's a message involved uh stuart ashens uh donated this to the museum of a cheap show cultural arts and is it going to be available for our listeners to view if it's on youtube maybe if not i'll maybe host it myself. But then I don't know how legally that gets.

But I'll strip the audio, put the audio found on there, if nothing else. Okay, all right. Yes. I didn't realise that that might be a problem. But ultimately, ha ha ha ha ha, what are you going to do about it? It's part of the show now, isn't it?

You might sort of unsubscribe, stop supporting us on Patreon. Don't do that. Don't do that. I need to get closer to you. Can we touch? You don't need to, please. Can we touch? Your fur is furring on me. I'm just a cuddly, warm

sex walrus of fuzzy joy. You're not a sex walrus. I am. I'm a sex pigeon. Sex pigeon. I'm a sex wolf. Yeah, you are. You're a sex hound. Wolf. Wolf.

Wolf. Wolf. Can we stop doing the intro? All right. Okay, we're doing the intro. So are you ready? Here we go. We're watching it and we're doing the commentary as we watch, as we watch, as we watch.

Here we go. Here we go. Oh, here. It's starting. It's starting. Nice bit of dark. Still dark. Give it time.

How time? Granny's love puppets. Granny's love... Granny loves puppets. Oh, Granny... No, okay, that's fair enough. And it's an old... Like a sock puppet with a Granny's old face on it.

Incorporated into a heart logo. Oh, it is as well. It's a nice... Oh, here we go. Why can't I hear it? I don't know. Hang on. It had voices before. What's going on? Why is there no it? I don't know. Hang on. It had voices before.

What's going on? Why is there no sound? I don't know, mate. Oh, it's gone on sound. Oh, here we go. All right, I fucked it. I did the sound. Start again.

Start again. Here we go. Nice bit of dark. Oh, some piano music. Nice. Set the mood. Taunty. I don't know music.

Nice. Jaunty. There's a puppet coming along and he's... He looks sporty. He's got a headband. Here he goes. He's going to throw something out. Oh, he's just thrown it.

It didn't go anywhere near the bin. He's littering. Don't make that sound. That's fucking terrifying The bin talking like that It's a talking bin The talking bin He's got googly eyes

Which is the international sign for puppet So starring Granny Love TM They trademark that Well she's a very recognisable granny puppet She's fucking not I've never heard of her Maria she doesn't look happy does she

No she's behind the bin. She looks like she's going They look like raggy dolls. Remember that? Billy, starring Billy. He's a sporty. He's got a football jersey on and he's got a football

in his hand. Sweatband on his head. Sweatband. Amanda. All the females look like they're traumatised. Extreme trauma.

Oh, there's Tyler. He looks wacky. He's like, yeah, boy. What you gonna do? What you gonna do, boy? And Trashy the Trash-a-top. Trash-era-top. As in a dinosaur, yes.

Here they come. Oh, no. Here they come Oh no If you heard that at night You'd be fucking terrified Wouldn't you I wouldn't be This is nice It's like Sesame Street or something

It's like a knock off Sesame Street Yeah But the quality isn't that bad On the puppetry and stuff Is it Why does Tyler Sound like a woman Yeah, but the quality isn't that bad on the puppetry and stuff, is it? Why does Tyler sound like a woman when it's a boy?

Because it's common to have women do boys' voices in animation and puppetry. Why do you think that is? Because they can do the higher register before your balls drop. You know, because women don't have that balls-dropping situation. I see. Exactly. have that balls dropping situation i see exactly look there's a new ride in the park over here granny i'm first watch me granny i just don't think the voice actor on tyler is really selling it it's communicating boy to me well no matter i can see them on my way home they'll still be beautiful coming children so Here is Maria

Why do the plants care where a woman is? Here's Maria She looks like she's gurning off her face on speed Doesn't she? I don't know She's chasing bees She's off her fucking nut chasing the dragon No, it's bees

Bees Bee dragons. Crackhead. What? Pellet dragons is what you'd call them. Yeah, maybe. You're the prettiest daisies in town. You were a lot of work to plant. But, that's okay.

I like taking care of flowers. She's blissed out, though. Yeah, that's okay. I like taking care of flowers. She's blissed out though. Yeah. What kind of flowers? Dank buds. Bye Maria.

The plants are off their tits. I like that boing noise. The juice harp noise. With the soccer ball coming. Oh, right. It's soccer. It's Billy. It's Billy. He's a jock. What accent's that? It's kind of a southern American accent, isn't it? And he's playing with his ball. There it goes. Oh, he's crushed the flowers. Billy, you absolute fucktard.

He's fucking... Oh, look at that. He's destroyed them. Billy is a fucking menace. And they had voices too. They were probably quite special flowers. They were sentient. Fucking hell.

They felt pain in those last minutes. They felt feelings. They felt pain in those last minutes. They felt feelings. Oh, he's fucking knocked the bin over now. He's knocked the bin over. With his fucking ball. Big bad Billy with his balls of fury. Oh, he's got some banana peel on his head.

Here it is. Now I'm going to practice some hip mouse. Oh, he's got a banana peel on his head. Have you ever slipped over on a banana skin? No. I heard a story someone I know did the other day. It happened. It happened a lot in the past when, you know, bananas were sold and just dumped on the street and people slipped.

I guess it must come from somewhere. I think there was an episode of Edumacation that talked about it and the etymology of it all, but it was used in Slapstick and Vaudeville. They are slippy. Yeah. It became a Slapstick Vaudeville prop.

Right. Oh, she's going to be fucking... Her crop's been destroyed. This reminds me of when that cunt ruined the Blue Peter Garden. What? And the nation was outraged.

Remember that one? It was... Did he go to jail? No, they haven't caught them Never caught the blue Peter They never caught the blue Peter Vandal guys Garden Vandals Anyway that's another story for another time

Well this There's not enough sort of unintentional sexual Well it looks like he's humping a tree now Oh no Billy knows he's in the fucking shit Look at him Swine like he's humping a tree now. Oh no, Billy knows he's in the fucking shit. Look at him. The shit. The swine. Angry dear, but we mustn't jump to conclusions.

But granny... Refugees did it, granny! Maria, shall we take a little walk? We can talk about it on the way. See, granny. Oh, she's Mexican or something.

She's Hispanic. Oh, Hispanic. What, when you fucking trashed your pool? You big fucking no-frick. Fucking cunt. Bastard. Rancid sock wank puppet. Should have thought about that before.

You fucked off earlier. Look, he's doing something. He's cleaning it up. He overheard them and he's... I mean, you know. Not that much of a villain, is he really? Only because he got caught and he overheard what had happened. Granny, this is very nice of you.

Now Granny and the girl are in the house. They're in the house. They've put some kind of pie there. It could have been a little puppy that dug up your flowers. Puppy? Could have been. It's a puppy.

Oh, a little puppy gaily damaging the flowers. Oh. He's, yeah, it looks like he's taking a shit on them. Naughty puppy. He's wiping his behind on them. That's what doggies do, though.

They don't wipe their behinds on flowers. Some do. I saw a bulldog stick his arse on a rosebush and he paid the price. Really? Yeah. It's not good. That's not true. It is true. Oh, there's a tiger. That's a bit of a stretch.

This is their imagination. You can see it's their imagination because it's in a sort of circle that suggests dream. That's the international sign for imagination. Yes. Bit laboured with this point right now, though. You know what, Paul? I don't like this video.

It's just dull, isn't it? She has to say something like, look at my furry pie or something. No, she doesn't. Yes, she does. Trash-erotops. Now, hey! Tr Trash Aerotops. Now, Trash Aerotops.

Are we going to get a funny song now, do you think? Yes. Do you know what it actually looks like? It's not a very good puppet. It looks like the thing that falls out of a jar,

you know, like a balming fluid that you see in a dodgy laboratory, and it's like a fetal pig or something. I've never had an experience of which you speak like that. I'm imagining that if... I've never been in a dodgy laboratory and been so drunk on embalming fluid that I knocked over some kind of brain in a jar,

some kind of crypto species. Might be. Cryptid. Cryptids. There's a word. It be. Cryptid. Cryptids. There's a word. It's a cryptid. This song is not good. No.

Also, the Trasheratops seems to have loops of fabric for teeth, which would be hard to chew with. Absolutely pointless. You'd get food stuck inside your tooth, wouldn't you, as well? You couldn't even eat. How would you masticate? I don't know. They're going to go clean it up then.

They've had a nice little chat now. They've cleaned it up. Now if I can only fix these flowers. Billy! Now if I can only fix these flowers. He sounds like, you know, the hooded claw from Wacky Races. He's a southern gentleman. Go get them, bully brothers! Okay, yeah, yeah.

Did you see him? Did you see who did it? Is he going to fess? It doesn't matter. I'm sure whoever was careless will be... She's such a gutless cunt, this granny. No conflict. She's trying to avoid conflict.

That's how she's got to a ripe old age. You know, she's avoided risk. Draft dodger. Where was she in the war? Oh, they're doing a song. That's a bit more urban. You got to think. Draft dodger. Where was she in the war? Oh, they're doing a song. That's a bit more urban. You got to think. You got to think.

You got to think with your head. You got to steal with your heart. Come on, granny. Rap with us. Oh, not granny rap. My, my, my. How do you rap? It's easy.

Try to keep the beat. Keep the beat. You got to think. You got to think. Oh, everyone's rapping. That wasn't even a rap, love. That wasn't a rap. You said two words. Well, I think she said just keep the beat. It's easy, but it's not, is it? You've got to rhyme as well.

You're crap at rapping, so you know. Listen, I don't have a personal attack. You know you're crap at rapping. Eggsy's Trick or Treat episode. Go back to that. Whatever. I've improved since then. No, you fucking haven't.

My lyrical flow will rain like lava on your fucking... Triceratops and ripostetops or whatever it is you fucking said. Awful rapping.

His name's Paul Gannon and he's a spam cannon. Fine. Granny's was better. Anyway, let's hear the rap. Oh, it's over. That's it. You've got to think.

You've got to think about the trash. Yeah. Don't destroy flowers or, you know. Fine. Worthy thing to think. Is it bad that I'm starting to think Maria, I like her? In a sex way? Yes.

The Hispanic puppet? Yes. You would like to what? Actually, I like the Tyler who's got a lady's voice. The complicated psychology of Eli Silverman, ladies and gentlemen. All of them, actually. She's like a valley girl, this one. Billy!

Don't say unkind things to our friends. Sorry. What did he call her? Right, I'm going back. That's going to ruin the commentary. I want to know what that fucking cunt Billy called her. Ify Wiffy. Billy!

Ify Wiffy. Niffy Winky. Smeggy Cockend. Billy. Some wimpy. Iffy wiffy. Something like that. Niffy winky. Yeah, niffy winky. Smeggy cock end. Just keep thinking. Use it up. Wear it out. Fix it up.

Or do without. Ready? Set. I think this will be a song. Oh, he's in the bins. Billy's in the bins. There's the dog there. I thought that dog was only in our imagination. Billy's in the bins. There's the dog there. I thought that dog was only in our imagination.

He's found some undies. Oh, he looks to be... What's she doing? She's noshing Oscar the Grouch off. Look, there's everyone noshing Oscar... Look, we should explain to the listeners. They're looking in bins, but they're going up and down. And the crude puppetry looks like they're fellating someone who's obscured by the bin.

Someone hiding in a bin. Yeah, they're fellating a bin dweller. So they've gone to the bins. Granny's advised them to hunt in bins and not show off puppets. Ah, they're doing the recycling now. Yeah, they're looking. This is quite a message for Cheap Show, isn't it? I think so.

Yes. We need to do our own puppet show. Oh. It's glitched. It's fine. It's fine. Don't panic. So if you are watching along with us,

don't watch along with us. Granny, look. I found a shirt with my favourite team on the back. Well, they used to be my favourite team. Who are they? I threw it away because they didn't win. Oh, he's one of those kind of guys. Never stick with anything.

He used to like Man United, but now it's all Man City. Yeah. Because you're a fair-weather twat. I don't like Billy. He's rubbed me the wrong way. Billy's wrong. Fix it. I get it. Fix it up.

What did you bring, Tyler? Nothing. Nothing? Everything in my trash was used up, worn out or couldn't be fixed. He found spunky condoms. He can't recycle that. Not like me who found drugs.

Yes. I found drugs in a bin Was it inside the bin? No it was behind the bin Instead of recycling those Why can't we drink out of something you can wash And use again What about all those aluminium cans That need to be recycled too

We could drink from bottles Then turn them back in It looks to me like We need to add to that old saying. How about don't make it? Don't make what? Don't make trash, dummy. Billy. He's such a cunt.

Yeah, he's a cunt to everyone. He's such a fucking rude prick. This woman keeps getting consoled by Tyler. He's got a thing for her. I think Tyler's on to a winner, though, there. Because if Billy's a cunt to her, then he's like, oh, it's all right, love. Are you saying these puppets have played or read the book The Game? The Game, yeah.

And they're now like negative reinforcements. Was that one of the techniques in The Game? Yeah. Get your mate to come over and go, you ugly fucking bitch. And then you come over and say, oh, don't listen to my mate, mate. Yeah, probably. I hate, I hate everyone. More rapping. Okay. come over and say, oh, don't listen to my mate, mate. Yeah, probably. I hate, I hate everyone.

More rapping. Okay. Okay. Wear it out, fix it up or do without. Don't make it. Don't make that trash. Is the shirt out of style? Wear it for a while. While you clean your room. This is the worst rapping I've heard in a long while. It is a children's straight-to-video recycling programme. Don't make that trash.

It's that dog again with the flowers? What is it with that dog? He likes the smell of the flowers. Yeah. I got the soft shoe shuffle. It's like a reggae beat that they're doing, isn't it? Yeah. Rim shots.

Now this is the story all about how my life got flipped. Mate, that is the only rap you know. It's not. Do the rap from Amateurville. Amateurville. House on the hill. Itville. House on the hill. It's the house on the hill. Don't make that trap. That bin.

That's the cool bit. That was getting noshed off by all the puppets. He's sitting there going, oh, I love it. Don't make that trap. That's it. Right up your shirt, Carol Lovelace Miller. Do you think it's that Lovelace? No.

There's two Yuris, Anna and Cheryl Yuri, who are puppeteers. Caroline Todd. There's three Millers. It's a very family thing. It must be a family. Granny Love is here. Again, dodgy title. Slob theme and trashy.

Carol Miller, who was one of the puppeteers, also did two Kowalskis, the vocalists. Probably married. Chantelle Larson there. Oh. I like this. Why? It gives me a nostalgic feeling. For?

Just when TV was just terrible and... Simple. And, yeah. Basic. And, like, the colours, you know? It's all, like... It's very cable TV-ish, though, isn't it, this? And the music sounds like someone's got me pissed up nan on the piano

and she's doing honky-tonk time. First Presbyterian Church, Williams Education Building, Bonham, Texas. There we go. Now, I quite like the fact that they didn't get a lot of God into it. 1995. No, there wasn't really God heavy at all. That's good, isn't it? It's all right.

A message without the sanctimonious claptrap. Yes, indeed. But again, if you believe in a religion of your own and you are faithful to it, by all means, that's fine. But we think it's all gobbledygook. That is the personal opinion of Cheap Show. It doesn't mean you have to have our opinion. It doesn't mean we have to have yours.

It's how the world works. Many different opinions, but can't we all just get along? Is that it now? We can't, obviously. That was it. That was it. That was don't make that trash a slightly religious thing. I've got a little take on that, Paul.

Yeah? Don't make this into a segment of the podcast. We learned something. Yeah. We learned throw it out, make it work, don't do it,

and then that, and then that, and then that. I think. It could be dangerous because they're saying, look, if it's out of style, keep wearing it.

Don't waste it. And then they might get bullied and then they might turn into someone who's very nasty who tortures animals later in life. It's a very serious message. So if you're wearing the Liverpool football uniform from 1988,

maybe not wear it. I bet you could wear it now and it'll be retro cool and stuff. Retro cool. So maybe there's a period between... Do you know retro cool didn't even exist until like the late 90s? Yeah, when the 90s went big with bringing back flares and lava lamps and all that kind of shit. But you were saying this to me.

You didn't really wear. That's not true. Is that not true? Because you were telling me about the doo-wop thing of the 70s. Oh, there was, yes. And lots of people dressed up like teddy boys in the thing. Yes, there was a big 50s revival in the 70s when that was yes and lots of people dressed up like teddy boys in the thing yes there was a big 50s uh revival in the 70s because that's when they thought the first people who were brought up on pop culture began to recycle it out into the stuff they were making the first time

yeah because they were 20 years hence it tends to be a 20 year gap so we are now into the 90s aren't i yeah just cleaning up the 80s with ready Player One and shit like that. Yeah. So, you know. The 90s is, what would you say is the most potent sort of retro decade at the moment? The 80s. No, it's the 80s. It's still very potent. Of course, Stranger Things is all about the 80s and all that. That's true, yeah.

It's 80s crazy. It's 80s crazy. And the Digitizer, the show, coming to YouTube soon, is all about retro gaming from that period of the 80s and 90s. Starring myself and such illuminary people as Paul Rose, Mr. Biffo himself. coming to YouTube soon. It's all about retro gaming from that period of the 80s and 90s starring myself and such a luminary people as Paul Rose, Mr. Biffo himself. What's an illuminary person? Someone who's well known

in the field of what they talk about which is the subject. You're looking for the word luminaries. Do you want to make this fucking thing? No, I don't want to make anything. Do you want to make this a fight? No. We have a lovely little sit down.

Is this Thrymark? I don't know. I don't know. Nice shirt. Yeah? Yeah? Say nice things. Say nice things. Yeah? Yeah? Say nice things. Say nice things.

No. Stop crowding me into the corner of pickles. I think the Paul and Eli Silverman cheap show movie time is a great new segment of the show. Okay. In a show packed with new segments. It's been a real rollercoaster ride, Paul. Would you recommend this to kids to watch

and say learn not to throw things out and be more respectful? Honestly, I think the kids of today would not be able to concentrate long enough to watch that because the production standards were too low. Yeah, but I want my kids to watch Bagpuss when they grow up. When I have kids. You're running out of time. Oh, my sperm is still good. No, you're good because you're a guy, obviously.

You can keep going for a few years and just go, oh, you lift the kid, I'm too fucking old. That's a dark and cold thought. And whereas I'm like, I want them to watch Bagpuss. And nice things. Well, you know what? TV by that time might have gone out and they might all be on virtual things

just in a big matrix like tub of goo. Yeah, mind entertainment where you can jack into the system and download. I'll be born with a jack at the side of their fucking face. Yeah. And then whilst they're doing that, you could jack off onto their face. Onto a child's face.

Onto a child's face. a child's face a person's face so when they jack into the system and they've zoned out you're sitting there right in front of them with your cock out going they can't see me i hope they're dreaming of being spat at yeah it's a whole world of possibilities everyone's gonna be so distracted that's why a lot of crime these days are people you are people on their phone. They get their phone snatched because they're in the virtual world. It's already started to happen, Paul.

Well, on that gloomy note, what was meant to be a nice little segment about teaching kids to recycle. I honestly don't see how that's going to work at all. Anyway, the point being is that it's done now and you turned it into quite a dystopian commentary and I'm a bit disappointed. All I learned is that if I see that Billy in the street street i'm gonna fucking have him he's a puppet from 1995

he's around he's around right well that then let's wrap this up and take you back to the house of pickles main studio where paul and eli will wrap this bugger up isn't that right that's right paul and i thank you very much. And I thank you. Let's shake hands. No, no, please, don't slap me. And that is Cheap Show over with for yet another week.

Oh. And it's been a long recording day for us, so if you think the quality of this is slightly more subpar than usual, you're probably right. Well, if they actually

judge quality episode to episode, God knows what they think. God knows. But, you know, whatever. But if you do support us, thank you. Spread the word. Rating review on iTunes if you want

and can go for the fucking rigmarole of that because it's a pain in the arse. Is it? Yeah. You've got to log in, sign in, do a thing, go to the page, rate it, write it. It's not something you can do on your mobile phone very easily. I just never get over how iTunes is one of the worst pieces of software ever written.

But everyone has an iPhone. Well, not everyone has an iPhone. It put me off. When I got my iPod Nano back in the day, I was like, what is this shit? You want to get a cassette, mate? The art of a mixtape, timing it out perfectly. Not your Nano, dump it all on, listen to it whenever you want. No, terrible.

You want to time it out. That song's only 4 minutes 60. I need to time it out because there's only three minutes left on the cassette. Did you do that thing where you'd let the song play and then if it did get cut off, you'd start that song again? No, never. That's bullshit. Anyone who does that is a fucking villain. Yeah, an absolute tosser.

A cretinous, vacuous art vandal. They don't deserve to live. They don't. And so we didn't do that and I didn't do that. Mine were produced very well. I used to pride myself on finding a very short, perhaps an excerpt of comedy or something. Oh, a little clip on the end.

That would fit on. Nice, a little touch at the end. Thank you. Yes. So what are we talking about? I don't know. It doesn't matter. Anyway, thanks for supporting us on Cheap Show.

So you can rate and review on iTunes if you want, or subscribe on any good podcast app, Pocket Casts and Podcast Addict and Stitcher and TuneUp. Yeah, there's loads of them. If you've got an Android phone, any good podcast app you can download for free and listen to as well. Tell me, Paul. Yes.

Do they get uploaded to the various podcast hubs at different rates, at different times? Maybe marginally, depending on their processing and stuff. It's a wild frontier. Once you release your RSS feed, it goes to all the channels you're subscribed to. So that's what I've done. Anyway, if you want to give a little bit of money

to help fund this daft little podcast of ours, you go to patreon.com forward slash cheap show and donate anything you like. A dollar, $10. If you do, you get a little podcast specially for you once a month. All kinds of tiers, all kinds of lovely things. As little or as much as you want. People say to me on Twitter,

I wish you could give more and I'm like, thanks, but don't feel you have to give any more than you can literally afford to. Even if you just enjoy the show and share it with your friends

and tell other people about it and tweet it, that helps us more as well. We still love that. We still love that. So if you can, great, but if you don't,

you're still pure, mate. You're still a cheapskate. Yeah. You know, that's all matters, mate. Yeah so due to that we're on twitter at the cheap show pod i'm at paul gannon show you are eli snowed which is spelt e-l-i-s-n-o-i-d great uh also we have a reddit page reddit.com forward slash r forward slash cheap show we have a chat there we have a facebook page instagram we have a website thecheapshow.co.uk, where we have pictures and videos

that accompany every episode so you can see what we're playing with or watch what we're viewing at the same time. That's great. You can get in touch with us and we're quite chatty. Apart from you,

who has no social media interaction altogether, often the odd retweet and you and your little Soho radio show. No, why? Because I have mental... With your little Soho radio show. I have mental well-being. So?

Yes, if you do like music, everybody, I do have a show on Soho radio every two weeks on Sunday called The House of Pickles Music or something stupid like that. And you do it with a guy called Ewan. It's Ewan Bruce who... Yeah, I've heard it. I'm not impressed with you.

You're such a jealous little bitch. I'm not impressed with your little interactions. Paul is a jealous bitch who doesn't like me talking to other men. Is he better than me? Is he better than me? At collecting Boogie Fusion records, yes. I don't want to be better than him in that. Well, your music tastes as shit.

I don't care. You're obsessed with Andrew Gold. I'm not obsessed. I've been listening to a lot of him recently. I have phases. I had an XTC phase recently. Who did Fly Like the Wind? Ride Like the Wind. I'm not obsessed. I've been listening to a lot of him recently. I have phases. I had an XTC phase recently. Who did Fly Like the Wind? Ride Like the Wind.

Fly Like the Wind. Wasn't that like Malcolm McDowell or someone like, Love lives us up Malcolm McDowell, the famous movie actor. Yeah, him.

Michael McDonald. Oh, yeah. I believe her. Oh, that one. I believe her. Love Lift Us Up was Joe Cocker and Jennifer. Wasn't that Ride Like the Wind though?

No. Ride like the wind. Ride, ride like the wind. Oh, I don't know. We're like two old men approaching senility. So yeah, there's all the ways you can support us on the internet. So please do. Please do.

Come on, say hello. We're chatty. I'm chatty. Eli not so much. A bit selfish. But on his Instagram feed you can look at all his brutalist imagery of artistry and buildings

thanks for trying to understand something and that's it oh that's it that's it we're finishing the show today we've had a great time continue to enjoy us we've got some great

episodes coming up in the future as well we're going to do finally car boot challenge we're doing that again we're doing our video game no not video game we are doing a video game special but i'll tell you more about that at a later date it's exciting i know it's exciting we're recording that next week and also we're going to be doing our tv show board game special that's all coming up on another episode of Cheap Show in the future. Fucking nailed it, mate!