CheapShow - Ep 75: Mr Biffo Plays His Carts Right

Episode Date: May 9, 2018

Paul Rose, Mr Biffo himself, returns in Part Two of this epic clusterfuck of an episode! It's packed with delights, shocks, rants, jokes and highly disturbing imagery! Just what you crave. Keith the Mummified Mole returns to cause more stomach churning moments and Eli may be getting a little TOO attached to it. Mr Biffo shares with us his memories of early gaming romances, childhood shoplifting and a truly awful Bruce Forsyth impression. Finally, Gannon tries to craft his own "Platter" involving 90s pop music and Nintendo gaming, but quickly gets side tracked by Dale Winton... and his one attempt at building an exciting new game for the show ends in possibly one of the most disgusting finales CheapShow has ever seen... well... heard! Hold on tight, this one gets messy! And if you like us, why not support us: www.patreon.com/cheapshow Share & Enjoy. Subscribe or Die! www.thecheapshow.co.uk If you want to get involved, email us at [e-mail] And if you have to, follow us on Twitter @thecheapshowpod or @paulgannonshow & @elisnoid and follow Paul Rose at @mrbiffo or https://www.digitiser2000.com/ If you like what you hear, please spread the word! Like, Review, Share, Comment... LOVE US!

Right. This is part two. Part three of part two. Because we're having a nice little chat about video games. But it was all for nothing. It was all for nothing because I forgot to record it. It was gold as well. Just absolute gold.

It was the best moment of my life, Paul. Artistically, emotionally, sexually. I feel robbed. But it's all right. We only got through your bit. And then we can carry on with me and Paul. Well, anyway. Just to clarify. Hello, Welcome to the Chiefs. We're still talking about video games. This is a. But it's alright. We only got through your bit and then we can carry on with me and Paul. Well anyway, just to clarify.

Hello, Welcome to the Chiefs. We're still talking about video games. This is a part two. Improv. You were making it as we go but we thought, why not? Why not?

Eli Silverman's still here. Say hello, Eli. Hello. And Paul Rose is still here. Say hello. Hi. Alright. So I'm still here

so we can still carry on with this more awesome show and we can just move with it and I'll ask you the question again. Fine, because you're a professional you will organically give me an answer as if you'd never been asked it

before in your life and then I'll disparage it in some respect and make you look like a prick and then we'll move on to Paul you never make me look like a prick I do

anyway well the cheap show where are the credits I fucking did it again I meant roll the music cue the music cue the music do it

I hate you and your fucking noodle posse Did it again! I meant roll the music. Cue the music! Cue the music! Do it. I hate you and your fucking noodle posse. People love noodles, alright? It's a fact of cheap show, you're gonna have to fucking reset. Moodle time! Tales from the dance floor. How's the big guy? A piece of shite! is what Gannon's saying

Hello Eli Silver Welcome to Geek Show I'm not going on Nuzzle So there you go That's that Energy people Energy

Energy people It's really hot It's really fucking hot. At least this time it missed out on my strop when I went out because... It missed out on your strop when you went out? Went to get a drink because you were talking about food and I was getting pissed off about your bowels. And the mouth.

To be fair, it's probably best I didn't talk about your bowels. Yes. Last night, when it was really hot, I had to go and... Well, I didn't have to, but I did. I went to an immersive theatre thing where I had to crawl through a minibar. That's right. It was a escape room or something. That was how you got out, through a minibar.

Well, no, it was, we had to, it started out, the whole point was you were in a hotel that supposedly had been shut down because a serial killer had turned it into a murder hotel. Happens more often than you think. And we checked into our rooms and then we gradually realised that

the only way to get out of our room is to communicate with the other rooms by calling them up because we all had like the code for a safe to sounds cool it does sound it was sort of it was a bit shit but we had a it wasn't remotely scary,

which that was the whole point. I mean, part of the reason it wasn't scary was because there was this bloke in a mask who was, as it turned out, about 12. He was supposedly a murder victim and a ghost. And he kept coming in and threatening us. And it was just funny. Because he was like,

Good looking, mister. I'm here to kill you. He basically was. When he took this mask off he was like really we're meant to be scared of you

get him in the headlock give him a nuggie but yeah but there was a lot of crawling through holes

under beds because lots of secret passages oh so you had to escape the hotel and the serial

killer called Timmy was chasing you it was just chaos it was like no one really knew what was going on in one bit

we were in this room full of dirty laundry and the laundry had like vomit and semen stains it said on there it said what was stained on there

what do you mean house of pickles I'm imagining there's no vomit or semen stain semen yeah so anyway you were in the laundry yeah and we had to I can't even remember There's no vomit or semen stain. Semen. Okay.

So anyway, you were in the laundry room. Yeah, yeah. And we had to, I can't even remember what we were doing in there. I was getting a bit distracted by that point. Because of the dirty pants. Well, yeah, it was like hanging up everywhere. It was like a maze of dirty laundry hanging up everywhere. How did I get on to talking about this?

I can't remember. Oh, because it was hot. We're hot. And I said I was hot last night because I was crawling through crannies. Awful name for a cranny. I'll be honest with you. Awful name. Was that a bad name for a hole?

Yeah, a bad name for a hole. Oh, I was at crannies last night. Oh, they're tight. Lots of people are in there. You give holes a bad name. You give holes a bad name. Bond. Hole of E. No. name. Bond. Holvy.

No. Holbo Jolevy. It's really hot today still. I'm just saying that. I'm in my shorts, which means I'm exposing my bare legs. Are you in shorts today? I do not wear shorts, Paul. I thought I've seen you in shorts. I've got my new DMs on, which are really hot. I shouldn't have been wearing those. You should have worn a nice flip-flop.

Yeah, a thong, as they call them in America thong for thong thong thong I've yes but I have changed to my summer footwear which is sneakers oh

oh oh I saw this became Queer Eye for the straight guy it's like oh it's nice what are you wearing there's a new version

that everyone loves isn't it it's just called Queer Eye get a lot more plot in steal a gag from bottom so what is it like loves isn't it it's just called Queer Eye get a lot more plot in steal a gag from bottom so what is it like a a sitcom no it's like

it's five guys the sitcom version of Queer Eye there is literally straight guys who get advice homosexual men turn up and say

we can make you look better or prettier but don't don't they just end up looking gay what does looking gay mean though well don't you know

gay fashion. Homo sapiens. Kind of a... Yeah, feathers. Is that what you... Yeah, feather boas. Yeah. Looking like Daddy LaRue.

You know, like huge lapels. No! Leather harnesses. Yeah. No, not at all. Do you know? Some of the episodes are quite... Leather caps.

No. Mustaches. No? No, they don't do that. And they don't go to the Blue Oyster Club either. They're... They're pink club either love that no

none of that it's a heartwarming kind of life improving show with five guys turn up and say oh it's a bit shabby but are these

our our our our our our our our

our our our our our our our our

our our our our our our our our

our our our our our our our our our our our our our our our our our our our our our our our our our our our our our our our our our our our our our our our our quiz working in the fashion industry why is it assumed that gay blokes

you know what I mean I think it's all very problematic I think nothing is too much about it not all gay men are great at dressing no I've got a mate

who just literally wears hoodies and he's gay does he work it not really it's hoodies and facelift bottoms he wears

oh well I mean I just think it's an idea for a show yeah but you know it's problematic rolls off the tongue

queer eye for the straight guy it's problematic in that you know we're being rude oh rolls off the tongue I don't think

it's problematic it might have been in the early 2000s when the show first came out because the whole idea was all gay people dress nice so you can't dress nice Mr Straight Man but now it's problematic. It might have been in the early 2000s when the show first came out. Because the whole idea was, well, gay people dress nice, so you can't dress nice, Mr. Straight Man. But now it's a bit different. The playing field has changed.

I almost find it insulting that as a straight man, or asexual, last few years. Yeah. Asexual what? Anyway, welcome to Cheap Show. We're talking about video games at some point. Okay. Briefly, I said earlier before I forgot to record everything

because I'm deeply professional. Name me a game that you first fell in love with. What was the first game you fell in love As I said before

Paul it was Game and Watch version of Donkey Kong which I think is the original version of Donkey Kong right? No. The arcade was first

okay. And then everything was a spin off afterwards. Yes which I think is just a perfect toy and it's just a brilliant thing. Yeah, I agree.

I never played it. I had a few handhelds, but I always had the grandstand ones. Oh, yeah. Astro Wars. Does that count? That counts as a game I fell in love with. It's valid.

Yeah, of course it is. It's a game and you play with it and you fell in love with it. Yes. Yeah, it's fine. Okay, good. What about yours? To be honest,

how much play can you get out of Donkey Kong? I've always wondered about this. It's fine. Okay, good. Good. What about yours? To be honest, how much play can you get out of Donkey Kong? I've always wondered about this. It was loads. Loads. That's why you've got the King of Kong in all of this. A game, B game, which is slightly different.

Yeah, and what's his name? Who's the guy? Billy. Billy Mitchell. He has been struck from the records. He's been shamed. Yeah, good. Game shamed.

You should go back to EastEnders. He's been struck from the records that's it he used an emulator to produce some of those scores well I don't know

the science of it all I know is that if you want to spend a lot of time being really good at Donkey Kong very little pity for you

if you lose your record he's an intercell yeah he has hot sauce doesn't he he's famous for his hot sauce Benny Mitchell

yeah he sells hot sauce and I think he uses famous for his hot sauce yeah he sells hot sauce and I think he uses branding on it he shouldn't do because I've seen like Pac-Man on the bottles

I bet that's not allowed Namco won't want that unless he's got a deal with it maybe I don't know should get some hot sauce for the show

we've got hot sauce we haven't done we've got Billy Mitchell's we haven't got Billy Mitchell's we'd love to have some of Billy Mitchell's hot sauce

we could taste it on sauce we could taste it on some we could taste it on some mushroom flavoured crisps oh that'd be nice yeah I'm going to look up

Billy Mitchell hot sauce oh there's even a review but we'll forget that Billy Mitchell's hot sauce review two out of five stars

on Amazon that's not high is it no I'm surprised he didn't get on there and fake those review scores. I bet it's people who hate him because he's a cheating bastard.

He calls himself Ricky on his branding, though. What? He's called Billy Mitchell's, parentheses, Ricky's Hot Sauce Review. And, you know, there he is. There he is with his American tie. He's got a brand, though, hasn't he? Look at him with his dyed beard and... Yeah, he's got that look.

He's the video game Noel Edmonds. That's what I like to think. He's got that going on for him. He should have a Mr Blobby. Although they rate it 3 out of 5 here. Ricky's is a sauce that doesn't run with the bad boys that have you chugging milk with your nose running. It's busy hanging out with the good old srirachas,

Frank's Red Hot or Tabasco. It's a sauce you put on food, not in food. It's a condiment. That said, it doesn't do enough to differentiate itself from others in its class. If you had to compare it, something between Frank's and Chulula? Chulula.

Chulula is a good source. Two very popular sauces that have actually killed it. I love my Frank's. Ricky's is unremarkably decent, but chances are it'd be on no one's mind if they didn't have

a tangential namesake of Billy Mitchell it's bullshit what they're saying I can sum up the review this Billy

Mitchell's Ricky's hot sauce is bullshit and to that that it's much harder to find without forking

over too much money just so you can review it for a video games forum three out of five stars

very bitter at the end of that there you't well maybe we'll try and get billy mitchell's hot sauce and compare it with the hot sauces you got well i've uh brought back some very lovely hot sauces paul from the states including yukata which is a great brand and they have several varieties including one that i have tasted Reserve, which is a black hot sauce. Oh, they're normally bad, aren't they? As in hot. It's hot, but it's smoky as fuck, man. And it's Special Reserve.

And they're not fucking around. It is Special Reserve. Is that like the kind of champagne of hot sauce? It is very, very nice. Oh, I've never had one. And they also,ucata did XXX Picante sexy

so they've got one but it's meant to be there I bought a bottle of their most hot basically so I'm going to see how it stands up to the other ones

that say you know fucking madness or whatever they've got you know huge ass kicking yeah

hot sauce I saw a video of a guy who filled up a bath of hot sauce and then submerged himself in it and then screamed non-stop

did it? yeah because it was it is a stupid thing to do for hits on a YouTube channel and this guy did it and frankly good

good I'm glad it hurt it must have been especially his knob end that hurt yeah the tip and they're circumcised out there

yeah they all are he got a full throb he got a hot meter would that would that be worse though that you're circumcised? Because if you got it trapped under the skin... Yeah. It wouldn't be worse,

because circumcision leads to desensitisation over the lifespan as well. There you go. I think if you've got the skin... When we have the uncut crown... Are you uncut, by the way? Oh, fuck off. You know this.

I don't. You know this. Yes, I am uncut. Oh, I could. Okay, got a problem with that? No, I don't., by the way. Oh, fuck off. You know this. I don't. You know this. Yes, I am uncut. Oh, I could. Okay, got a problem with that? No, I don't. I was just wondering. I thought your knowledge came from experience.

You want to fucking talk about it? All right, let's talk about your uncircumcised penis. It's a beaut. Is it? Yes. What small thing is it like on top of a big thing? It is like, Paul, it is like the nostril hair of a gnat sitting on top of Jules Verne's balloon

as he went around the world in 80 days right okay that's a great one did Jules Verne have a balloon no he must have at some point

he used different methods to get around Jules Verne was a writer oh no Julius Fogg was the guy who went around writing about so get your fucking

analogies it's like a microscopic hair of an insect sitting on top of Julius Fogg's balloon aww it's like a microscopic hair of an insect sitting on top of Phileas Fogg's balloon aww it's like a

seagull's tongue atop Jeremy Clarkson's belly that's good thank you what's your most loved game the first game

you fell in love with because we'll talk about that soon we just will probably Star Wars the arcade game

I think was that the Vectrex yeah the Vector one Vector one yes when you sat down in the cabinet and you had

Obi-Wan Kenobi in your ear going I remember seeing it but it always felt really scary that game to me I was in Star Wars once I was in that

did it move no did any cabinet move yeah but not the Star Wars it was back too early on but you had a nice kind of joystick

that was like like an X-Wing yeah and a nice kind of joystick that was like a sort of... Like an X-Wing cockpit. Yeah. And is it the trench one stuff? There's a bit of that in there and there's also fighting with TIE fighters. Why don't I remember this? It's a classic. It is a great game.

I remember that. One of the greatest video games of all time. The only arcade games I ever remember seeing when I went was... I played Temple of Doom, obviously Street Fighter, Turtles, the fighting Turtles game, and the Simpsons game. They're the ones that stick in my mind more than anything else. I can't remember the huge...

What about Tron? Tron? Yeah, Discs of Tron. I like Tron. I like the arcade Tron. Life Cycles. Was that like a Vectrex-y thing? No.

No, it was what? I had the Tron, I can't remember which one it was, there were two Tron arcade games. Oh, there were two. And it had a really cool cabinet that was all kind of, you know, like black light. Yeah, it was one were two Tron arcade games and it was had a really cool cabinet that was all kind of you know like black light

yeah it was one of the sexiest and you could play the different games that are in the movie yeah if you could have

any arcade cabinet of all time in your house which one would you go for oh god that's hard well ignore that that's the question

oh my god he's been looking at Keith the mummified mole. I fucking haven't. Keith can stay there. Keith can fucking suck my dick. Not with them teeth. Yeah, look,

he's scratched on the nibble jaw. You'd be uncircumcised when he'd finish with that. Anyway. Anyway. This is a traumatic episode. Gnaw it off. Imagine you woke up and that was in your knob

it was in my knob yeah mate it'd be fucking terrifying to have the there's a mummified mole coming out my meters I read this morning that human beings

should be considered only 43% human because the rest of because all the bacteria and animals that live in us make up 57% of what we are. Yes. And the outnumber, the bacterial cells outnumber

the cells. Yeah. Ooh. Yeah. But then if you start saying that, then you say all mammals. Well, yeah. You know what I mean? It doesn't need to be just that. And plus, the hippopotamuses have those birds that live on their backs so

yeah yeah oh I'd love that it all goes back to it all goes back to you should become a pirate well a pirate

but then get yourself a parrot nah it's a parrot they're just for talk but I can ponds I love parrots parrots are vibrant look at the mole

maybe the mole will make you calm down look at Keith's face I don't want to look at Keith's face touch his microphone with the mole maybe the mole will make you calm down look at Keith's face don't want to look he's an anti-emetic touch his microphone with the mole if I

oh meet us what are we talking about I can't parking meet us I can't recall I had a point there my favourite video game

I first fell in love with Link's Awakening Game Boy oh nice it was this adorable game was that golf no Link's

Golf Links Zelda the Legend of Zelda Link's Awakening don't go no no no me it's a particularly

legitimate title and it told me it showed me that games could be more than just platformers it was a whole world of discovery and adventure

great world building it was really good world building and I like the fact that you could steal from the shop by running around the man with the item that you picked up

but if you left and came back in he'd kill you instantly so you could never shop there again wow just like in real life just like in real life I had a corner shop

and I stole from there once and I ran around the shop owner a few times and ran out the stop with a copy of Beano and when I went in there the next time he used dark magics

to destroy me have you ever shoplifted like when you were a child yeah when I was about eight I think I wanted to get my mum a present and I had no money so I stole a little

porcelain whale from a place in Macunthlyth you're like Robin Hood so you did I've been there yeah

it actually has the word cunt within it it's not spell it's sort of spell I can't remember how you spell Macunthlyth

there's not a cunt in it though it's all you turn up there it's all L's you sort of spell I can't remember how you spell McCunthly there's not a cunt in it though it's all you turn up there it's all L's you put the U in cunt you put the cunt

in cunt you're a cunt I've shoplifted we've reached peak cunt I was put off shoplifting at a very young age

I was in a shop with my friend in Devon South Malton that's when you used to have the 1p the cola bottles and everything

all out and my friend went oh I'm going to have one yeah and then I thought oh oh I'm nervous

I'll go for this one that's got half of half of one yeah and as I picked it up a fucking woman saw me and I had to run out of the shop and it wasn't very good

no did you cry yes yeah I cried even though I got away with my robbery And as I picked it up, a fucking woman saw me and had to run out of the shop and it wasn't very good. No. Did you cry? Yes. Yeah. I cried. Even though I got away with my robbery. And it really put me off.

When I did it twice. Look at him. Yeah, I know. I'm a career criminal. But it was always with this, I had this mate at school called Stuart Moore who insisted that everyone

called him Mungy. And he was like, if you called him Stuart, he'd insist that you correct it him Mungy. And he was like, if you called him Stuart, he'd insist that you correct it to Mungy. I bet that didn't last long when he got to teenagers. Yeah, probably not. Actually, I was going to tell a story about him that I heard. But I won't.

He probably upset Michael Connabiers. On his friends growing up. Wow. They can't defend themselves. We stole some refreshers from news agents and then got away with it got away with that

and then the next time we went back I didn't want to because I thought we pushed it far enough just one more jab just one more jab allowed

keep pulling me back in Mongi insisted and we were in there and the shop owner knew that we were up to something so Mongi turned around to him and said

we're not stealing anything you know. Oh, clever though. Clever. Very good. Double bluff. But he did. He's got like a big double go. Curly whirlies.

Followed us around the shops. No, we didn't do it. Trailing foam prawns. Yeah. What did you have your eye on? What was the big job? For some reason, it was always refreshers. I'm not a fan of refreshers. If you're listening to the show and you've committed a crime in the name of refreshers, reason it was always Refreshers. I'm not a fan of Refreshers.

If you're listening to the show and you've committed a crime in the name of Refreshers, please do get in touch with us. And we'll form a Refreshers help centre. Help group. Treeboar. They were the ones, weren't they? They did. They made a treeboar mint sour minty bit stronger.

Stick him up your arse. They did extra mint. Yeah. And they did Mr Soft. Mr Soft Mr Soft how come everyone around you is so soft

then we arrange yes and what is tree ball spelt backwards robot Robert Robert is that actually a thing

I think so I don't know if that's why they called it it was just that was so Robert I like the idea it was probably started

by a time traveller known as Robert who there was a time traveller called tree ball wasn't there probably started by a time traveller known as Robert who there was a time traveller called Trebor wasn't there there was never a time traveller

called Trebor I hate to break this to you but time travel isn't real it's a you're thinking you're thinking John Titor

Titor yeah John Titor John Trebor the founder of Trebor the famous I lost John Title John Title

was a guy who allegedly came back from the future to all this stuff and the UFO stuff was he like yeah he said there was

going to be World War 3 he was on like forums back in the day when forums were such an early thing on the internet

and he was like I've come from the year 2028 or something there's a fascist in power and I don't know and it was the days before people knew that you could lie

on the internet so they just took him at face value is the name yeah John Titor is a name used on several bulletin boards

during 2000 and 2001 of a poster claiming to be an American military time traveller from the year 2036 there's also a great urban legend story

as well of a guy who gets off a plane at the airport and when he goes through passport checking, they look at his passport and it's like what's this? He goes, well this is the country I come from they went, no mate, so they take him into a room and he goes, no I'll show you on the

map where I'm from and he points to this place where his country should be and it's like, no it's the border of Spain and France and he goes, no no no it's, let me have a quick look for this because I want to get the story right he was lying. Yeah, he was having a prank. He was punking them.

The man from Tored, that's the right... Tored? That's the name of the country. T-A-U-R-E-D. So he goes, I come from this country called Tored. And he had a passport and he had papers. Wow. And so he goes, what's going on?

He was getting distraught and upset. And they went to check his details. They all look legit. But when they went back into the room an hour or two going on he was getting distraught and upset and they went to check his details they all looked legit but when they went back into the room an hour or two later he was gone I'll tell you what

would have freaked you out if you looked that up and the country was called Trebor the man from John Titor is the man from Trebor

who went back in time and invented sweets because he thought this is a good idea I know what I ought to do in the year 2034 there is no more sweets so I've gone back in time

to create extra strong nits. Finally all of the the classic chocolate bars were made in the 1930s. You said this fact last time we talked about it

I think on the show. It's interesting though. Fries. About all the brands we know and love today come from these. Aero. Aero. You wouldn't have thought that would you

you would have thought Aero was like a space age fancy modern chocolate from the 70s when lollipops were fashionable and spangles and other nostalgic things

that people like to go on about the goodies white dog poo white dog poo top of the pops I want a white dog poo t-shirt no

is it hot legs hot gossip and legs and coat hot legs though um nostalgia yeah i remember things let's stop talking about this and move on to the next part of the show so on cheap show we do a thing called silverman's platter it's that moment where silverman Silverman looks in his vinyl and goes, It's some stuff I like. And then we listen to it and it's a lot of fun for all. I have some

in the wings, so to speak. So don't worry. My platter will be a splatter on your eardrums again. And in case you don't know,

if you go to our Reddit page, reddit.com forward slash r forward slash cheap show, someone has put up a page now of all the songs that you've played on the platter and created a playlist on

youtube not all of them but ones that are available the ones you could find yeah because a lot of the stuff that we've played you just can't find but surprisingly a lot of

them have yes yeah so that's a fact oh there we go so if you want to listen to all the stuff we've talked about on platter you can go there there's a link on the internet dale winter dale winter right he had a single out now that's we've talked about on Platter? You can go there. There's a link on the internet. Dale Winter.

Dale Winter. Right. He had a single out. Now, that's what I really want to get hold of. Yeah, he had Supermarket Sweep, didn't he? No, no. It was some kind of single. Yes.

Before or pre-fame? It was during the fame. Actually, this rings a bell now. Mid-90s. I remember the video. And that is a real item that I will be looking out for to get on my platters. Was it a sort of, you know, Ib3 type kind of summer anthem?

Yeah. Sort of house music bullshit. Yeah, that's what I recall. Will you dance with me? Yeah, yeah. But that's the song for Supermarket Sweep. Well, there you go. He did a sort of...

Dale Wintons. Next time you're at the checkout and you Dale Winton's next time you're at the checkout and you hear the beat next time you're at the checkout and you hear the beat this is some weird

remix no this is the original next time you're at the checkout and you hear the beat what's going on next time you're at

the checkout supermarket sweep there you go that's all it's got that Saturday night it could have been the next Wigfield

I mean he was he was a one hit wonder with a song that wasn't very good she hated her song Wigfield do you know that no

she hated she was into kind of your rock music how did that song come about then do you think probably a producer who was

won't break you in the UK with this song probably blackmailing her I've got pictures naughty pictures of what you did on Saturday night and I'm going to make you write a song about what you got up to that was intolerable UK with this song. Probably blackmailing her. I've got pictures. Naughty pictures. Of what you did on Saturday night. Yeah.

And I'm going to make you write a song about what you got up to. That was intolerable. Those dance crazes. Intolerable. Macarena. That was the other one

at the time, wasn't it? I like those two guys, though. They were so about. Oh, my God. People are so cultureless and fucking... I still get... Young ladies asking for me

to play the Macarena at the Blues Kitchen Paul is this a tell us of a dance floor no but I have one right do you want to

save it for a proper episode no I want to tell you now here we go sit back ladies and gentlemen Eli's got a tell us of a dance floor tell us of a dance floor here we go

well last night I was DJing Paul boring and a young lady approached oh here we go same old same old and she said

listen everyone's leaving. All my friends have gone. Can you play something a bit more mainstream? I was like, no, it's a no. It's a no from me, I said. It's no. You've been playing some great stuff. It's all been brilliant.

Every single thing you've played has been brilliant. Absolutely brilliant. Lovely music. Can you just play something more mainstream? All my friends have gone. If you want people to dance. She was wittering on Paul and that's the end of

my Tales from the Dance Floor there was a real twist in the title that was the sixth sense of your Tales from the Dance Floor

and then she fucked off yeah who didn't think all your friends have gone stay with me love I'll show you her friends were

the most horrible white shirt tucked in towny premature balding cunts. Classist. Were they all drunk? They were all drunk, all shouting. Do you know what I mean?

When you go out to listen to music, you want to dance, you want to sing. Yeah, you do. Maybe sing along. Why don't everyone turns it into a fucking football chant? Why has everything got to be a football chant? You know what I mean? Cunts. Fucking hell, this world. I don'tunts. Fucking hell, this world.

I don't know. All right, well, that went to 0 to 60 quite quickly. So thank you for giving us an impromptu Tales from the Dance Floor. Fine. It's our pleasure. On Gannon's platter today, it's going to be a few selections from my mouth.

You've got records in your mouth. Is that what we have to take from this sometimes a sentence doesn't form quite as quickly in my head as I'd like it to vinyl in your mouth

yes vinyl in my mouth I have chosen a few tracks for us to listen to today and rate and review accordingly but because it's video games

I've picked three songs based on video games cool so wow we're going to listen to the first minute of this and then you can get... Paul's already had a little bit of a listen

so he knows the prizes. What is it? Well, I'm going to tell you the first one right now. The first one is possibly the most famous of the songs that released in the 90s to cash in on that craze. Because it was. The 90s was the craze for video games.

It was like the age of Games World and Games Master and the magazines and all that kind of stuff. You know. But you would have thought the the craze for video games? It was like the age of Games World and Games Master and the magazines and all that kind of stuff. You know, but you would have thought the biggest craze was when they first came out. But it wasn't, was it? Because they weren't very impressive.

There was a crash as well in 1983 where it all went tits up. Really? Why? What caused that? Because Atari basically shit the bed. Yeah. They made too many games and there were too many consoles

competing for each other. Yeah. And then E.T. had to be buried in the desert. Yes. they made too many games and there were too many consoles competing for each other yeah and then E.T. had to be buried in the desert yes and that was that was the

that was the nay dear was it for the whole industry it was but there have been subsequent crashes but don't ask me when they were they were always

peaks and troughs I think the first one came up well the next one came just after the Mega Drive and Super Nintendo from that whole

Jaguar period where no one was really getting the next generation it Super Nintendo from that whole Jaguar period where no one was really getting the next generation it was just yeah people just kept putting out shit yeah

you know your Mega Drive you love there's a fucking CD player on it you don't like that stick a Jaguar on the top you don't like that it's a massive

toy Jaguar stuck on the top there was like a toy real Jaguar the name of the console was Jaguar it sounds sexy and dangerous

Sega always named their consoles weird things Mega Drive's a good name or was Jaguar. Yeah, it sounds sexy and dangerous. Because Sega always named their consoles weird things. Mega Drive's a good name. Or Genesis. Jaguar wasn't Sega. Jaguar was Atari. I get it right, Paul. What was the Sega?

What was the one you could plug in? The 32 one? There was the 32X. There was Mega CD, 32X, and then there was Saturn, then the Dreamcast. Do you still want me for digitised the show? Because I'm beginning to think

everything's out of my mouth. This is exactly what I want you for. To be the fucking idiot. I'm basically playing Elo's fucking role. Oh, okay. Now, listen. At least I can talk properly.

True. I was thinking about you the other night, Paul. On your back? Oh, hello. Rubbing your belly. After I'm wanked off. I was thinking about you

in a non-sexual way. Shame. And I was thinking, you know what your-sexual way shame and I was thinking you know what your issue is with language and stuff and also getting dates wrong and everything yeah

is that you think I'll I'll do that thing that operation whatever it is think of the word do the math whatever

and then you don't do it you just assume you've already done it you kind of do you know what I'm getting at I kind of think I agree to mix that I skip some of the bits in between you skip things because you know what I'm getting at I kind of think I agree to make that I skip

some of the bits you skip things because you you don't actually ever follow through with the actual thing you have to do like remembering

the right word there are a lot of things I follow through with I'd like to follow through into your face anyway

it sounded like a threat and yet the words just on the words I'm highly aroused right now as well I'm a stalker I just wanted to say that please play the words, just all the words. And yet I'm highly aroused right now as well. I'm a stalker.

I just wanted to say that. Please, play the tune. Well, the first track, anyway, is probably the most popular of that era of video games in the 90s becoming songs. It's called Tetris by Dr. Spin, and it going to dig this. So So that was Dr. Spin in Tetris. Now, do you want to hear the most amazing fact about that song? Yes. That you've just looked up.

Actually, I knew this beforehand, to be fair. I only pulled this up for other... Is he sniffing the mole? I'm sniffing the mole. Don't sniff the mole. Go and lick the tip. It gives me shame. Don't lick the tip.

Can't go and tongue his mouth. Paul. It gives me shame. Don't lick the tip. Can't God tongue his mouth? Paul. It's all right. I'm putting it down, okay? I'm putting it... I've put the mole down. Okay? I've put it down.

I was going to say cunt. So, do you know who Dr. Spin was? Was it Timmy Mallet? No. I'm in the right book. Oh, I'm in the right? Was it Timmy Manet? No. I'm in the right group now, actually. Can I guess? Yes. Was it Simon Cowell?

No. What? He did Zig and Zag and Teletubbies and things like that. And the worst puppets of all, the two guys from London's Burning, which I've just forgotten the fucking name of. Puppets from London's Burning. Yeah. Robson and Genome.

No, Dr. Spin was Andrew Lloyd Webber oh my gosh and record producer Nigel Wright and it was 1992 hit single Lloyd Webber was

and still is more widely known as a composer of tepid musicals that's I've said it that's your embellishment

so Tetris itself I didn't know this actually was an early 1990s Eurodance cover of the most famous Game Boy game blah blah blah

taken from the Russian folk song Korobens yes it's a traditional arrangement I didn't know that I thought it was a

it's a traditional arrangement why it sounds so Russian-y I guess I know you're going to dig this they probably

you know thought what's the most Russian-y sounding thing that we wouldn't have to pay copyright on as well

that's a good point folk is a great place to go. Because there's a great documentary about the history of Tetris and how it's owned by Russia and how the guy who created it never saw a lot of money until much later on.

Yeah. Good documentary. I forgot the title of it. It's probably called Tetris Documentary. Has an interesting history of how it got to the UK and onto the Game Boy.

It's quite boring though. I'm not going to go into it. No, no, but wasn't it basically that they oversold it? They sold it to Nintendo and they sold it to Rupert Murdoch's game, the UK and onto the Game Boy it's quite boring though I'm not going to no no but wasn't it basically they oversold it they thought it was a Nintendo

and they thought it was a Murdoch game Mirasoft or something weird no it wasn't Murdoch it was

what's his face the bloke that fell off the yacht who's that fat guy who fell off the boat Bernard Sumner the other guy

who fell off the boat the mirror bloke I'm going to remember this fuckers name the mirror man it's the last thing I fucking do it was called

Robert Maxwell thank you hey we remembered shit that's like a proper nostalgia show can I tell a joke go on

why are people from Moscow always in a hurry don't know they're always rushing about oh fuck me can we keep that in the show it's a bit too Are people from Moscow always in a hurry? Don't know. They're always rushing about. Oh, oh, oh.

Fuck me. Can we keep that in the show? It's a bit too edgy. What's the leader of Russia's favourite musical song? What? Putin on the Ritz. Shut your face, you cunt. Thing is,

we're telling a joke, Paul. You have to do the set up in a language that people understand. You do a Russian joke. You do a Russian joke right now. All right.

Yeah. All right. What do you call... Yeah. What do you... Paul! Get it right. What do you call

a Russian army of all like robots with their minds connected? Paul. What are you doing, Jack? Who the fuck did a shout-out? Did you understand that, Paul? What's the answer then? I'll just do it again.

Make it more clear. What do you call a Russian army of robots whose minds are all connected? I don't know. The Borscht. That's all right, that, actually. Yeah. I just thought, that actually. Yeah. I just thought of that as well. It needs a knowledge of Star Trek.

Alright. Did you hear about that Russian film from the 80s about little monsters? It's called Kremlins. Yay! Any more? Barry, cry, eat your knob off. No, anyway, that song got to number six

in the UK shingles charts, way back when. In the 90s, that probably would net Mr. Lloyd Webber a good bit of a point. And apparently, you know, you said Timmy Mallet, Nigel Wright, who produced that song with Lloyd Webber, also went on to produce Itsy Bitsy Teeny Weeny It's that cut and paste production style. Yeah, they just drop in those beats

and those samples that oh yeah oh yeah oh yeah fucking hell man put the needle on the record you should put some oh yeah's in this

this episode oh yeah some 90s dance oh yeah's oh yeah you do an oh yeah oh yeah oh yeah

that's the Russian one oh yes alright so You do an oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. That's the Russian one. Oh yes. Right, so, what did you think of it? I hate it. It's cynical. I hate Andrew Lloyd Webber. Fuck you. Fuck everyone.

Fuck that song. Fuck it. Out of ten? One. Shit. Cynical shit. I'm surprised you even gave it one based on that vitriolic it has to have one

I mean there's no there's no zero score no I guess that's fair enough what about you do you like it yeah I hated it as well

and I similarly hate Andrew Lloyd Webber because I was made to go and see Starlight Express once and it didn't live up to what I'd believed it was

it was just a load of fuckers on roller skates it's fine you can see that in fucking I don't know anywhere anywhere and it wasn't

yeah it wasn't exciting no and they're singing and he's horrible his horrible slimy face yeah he looks like

a rat's ass that woman Sarah Brightman yeah she uh yeah she's not with him anymore though

what oh no oh who's the weirdest looking I know we shouldn't body shame Poor girl. She's not with him anymore, though. What? Oh, no. Oh. Who's the weirdest looking? I know we shouldn't body shame composers, but Andrew Lloyd Webber or his brother, Julian Lloyd Webber. Yeah, but Julian Lloyd Webber has had a much more interesting musical output.

Has he? Yeah, he did all the kind of... Yeah, we're not interested in that. I don't know what that is, Paul. You're just sort of singing it. Didn't Julian Lloyd Webber do a load of songs in the 70s that were disco versions of orchestral pieces of music? Doesn't matter.

Just who's the weirdest looking? No, Andrew Lloyd Webber. Andrew. Because he looks like every single slug. Julian Lloyd Webber looks like Damien the Omen kid, grown up. Ooh. He looks like he was evil when he was a child.

He looks like that cheruby kind of evil face. He's got weird eyes. I don't like it. What? Do you fancy him? I don't fancy him. You want a crack? All right, well, then I'm going to give it two, because I remember I did buy the single.

You bought it? I bought it. On CD? Yeah. CD single. Yeah, and it had four different remixes on it. Talk about dead formats. Yeah.

CD single. Wow. Yeah, well, the only thing I didn't like about it was it forego the B-sides, by and large, CD single yeah talk about dead formats yeah CD single wow the only thing I didn't like about it was it forego the B-sides by and large for loads of remixes of the original track I have

Danny John Jewels is tongue-tied from Red Dwarf as a single and you think oh god it's bad but then you hear the four remixes on the CD with it

and it's like oh mate that's going to be those are going to be this is my little tip from the top yeah I reckon CD singles are going to become quite collectible.

You think? Yeah. Okay. Now, they're absolute dog shit. Dog shit. You can't give them away. But I think they will become collectible because it's a dead format

and it's sort of, you know, fair enough. Yeah, I bought it. But it's that whole thing about novelty records. You buy it because it's a novelty, but then you never listen to it again. Of course you don't. You almost buy it and never listen to it at all

well you say that though I bought Neil's Hole in My Shoe remember Neil from the other one I possess two copies that I listen to a lot I have that album

on vinyl as well yeah I've got the album it's a great piece the original tune is a great piece of Pop Psych by Traffic yeah it's a cover isn't it

that's right it's a cover of a song by Traffic yeah the whole album was really good first gig I ever went to was Neil

really yeah so he performed that album live yeah he did like as in a proper rock show it wasn't like a

comedy show I mean he did some funny stuff like getting caught up in the curtains did he have like other characters because I know

that on the album they have like Bechdor and French come in and do bits and bobs I would like to get hold of that LP Neil's heavy concept album.

Heavy concept album. If I can find it in my home I'll give you it. Well thanks Paul. Because you know I'm a nice like that. This is all getting a bit... I'm going to give it to because it's that time. Right. Okay. Next track. Now this is probably the most

well remembered after Tetris in terms of songs based on video games. It's called Ambassadors of Funk and Super Mario Land. Do you remember this? It goes like this. Welcome and enter the center of my Super Mario adventure My girl's trapped on the other side of town So I'm moving in leaps and bounds Folks around my way think it's strange

But there's a villain to blame Even my ma, she thinks I'm crazy But I got to rescue Daisy So that was Super Mario Land by M. Batson the Funk. Wow. What I didn't know is that it came from a whole album called Super Mario Land by Ambassadors of Funk Wow What I didn't know is it came from a whole album called Super Mario's Mobile Disco

or something weird like that It was called Mobile Disco It was all Nintendo licensed or compact disco Well it uses all the characters on the album sleeves and it looks legit

I didn't like the guitar bit I'll tell you what this website says Lost Media Archive It says Song was released in 92 So yeah About the same time as Tetris. In the early 90s, ambassadors of funk teamed up with Nintendo, okay,

to make a hip-hop album based on games in the Super Mario Bros. series. While the album was only released in Japan in 93, on March 21st, 1993, one song, called Super Mario Land, was released worldwide as a single on 7 and 12 inches, and on CD, and out of 2009, it was on iTunes. So there you go. And there was a video made where they went to some kind of Wild West fun park

and filmed it there with a guy in a Super Mario suit. Oh, fuck. But it's that weird thing where it's like the sample is completely disconnected from the beat of the song. Yeah, yeah. It's all just shoehorned in, isn't it?

It's so fucking weak, the lyrics. People say I'm crazy, but I'm just after Daisy. Yeah, yeah. I also want to know if there were actual were ambassadors, it's so fucking weak the lyrics people say I'm crazy but I'm just athedaisy yeah yeah I also want to know if there were actual were ambassadors

whether it was a bunch of ambassadors that got together and decided to make a band listen if they're the ambassadors of the funk

we're entering world war 3 you know what I mean it doesn't say if they were official ambassadors of funk well they weren't

I can tell you that now not in our eyes not in our eyes the closest they got to funk was probably when they didn't I can tell you that now not in our eyes not in our eyes the closest they got to funk was probably when they didn't wash their balls funky balls there's another band name

funky balls with a Z funky batwing oh I like that a sweaty batwing yeah the video was filmed for the song in Chessington World of Adventures

oh rock and roll nothing says funk and MC coolness yeah Chessington World of Adventures oh rock and roll nothing says funk and MC coolness yeah Chessington World of Adventures terrible

now but this is this we live in an era now where computer game music doesn't penetrate in the same way no because it's all

orchestral shite yeah it's just bland yeah it's like you know and they haven't got

kind of Hans Zemeckis or what I know is it Hans Zimmer and all that stuff all those people doing the soundtracks and that's the thing

video games want to be movies these days everything has to be movie like it's epic and orchestral we don't get nice little ditties

what was that platform Mario platform game for the Super NES oh there's loads Mario World Mario World was the main one and then the follow up was Yoshi's Island.

I love the music on those games. Yeah. That was like a real high point. Echoed when you went in the cage. Oh that was so

brilliant. It's those little touches. The drippy droppy in the cage. I love it. Absolutely love those games I have to say.

Yeah but the whole album is just full of samples from that game and other games and it's just with a little bit of sad rapping around it terrible, yeah, I mean hip hop I mean in the loosest, you know, possible

hip plop more like shit shit shit shit bum poo bum willy bum bum scum oh there you go, so what are we going to give that a score I like that less than the Tetris one though, yeah me too, really? score? I like that less than the Tetris one, though. Yeah, me too.

Really? This is the thing, you gave the Tetris one so... Yeah. Although this did have... I've got happier memories of Mario Land. I have much, yeah. And that did bring... I mean, I love Tetris.

It brought back a bit more of a feel, a nostalgic glow, then. Well, because my first major console was a Game Boy, I think the first games I completed fully were Mario Land and DuckTales. They were my two big... Oh, good old DuckTales. That's got some of the best music in a video game. Was that a good video game? DuckTales?

Yeah. Brilliant. It's classic Capcom, so it's built on that whole Mega Man kind of style, but it's simpler for kids. To platformer? Yeah. Okay. But some of the music in it is beautiful.

Obviously, the one I always go on about is the moon theme, which is just beautiful. And every time I hear that arranged on a piano, you know, acoustically or with an orchestra, it is beautiful. Obviously the one I always go on about is the moon theme which is just beautiful and every time I hear that arranged on a piano you know acoustically or with an orchestra sounds great.

I got DuckTales Remastered for the Wii U. Yeah. Beautiful. Beautiful and there's all the scores fantastic for

it as well. Beautiful. Yeah lovely. So I can give it half a point half out of ten? You can give it half a point if you

want. Yeah. Half a point. Half a point. He's the guy who comes in and rates stuff. Half a point.

J.R. for point. J.R. for point. Is he a friend with Mic'd Up? Hello. point half a point he's the guy who comes in and rates stuff half a point J Arthur point J Arthur point is he a president marked up hello

that's what he sounds like I'm J Arthur point J Arthur going back to my point about you trying to

try to speak try to speak properly Paul yeah okay yes so I'd give it half a point half a point Try to speak. Try to speak properly, Paul. Yeah. Okay. Yes. So, I'd give it half a point.

Half a point. Stop it. Point five of a point. Okay, fine. And what would you like to do? Give it half a point? I'm going to give it a point and a half. Oh, a point and a half. I don't know why I'm going to find that amusing.

Stop. Half a point. It's not called point and a half. That was his know why I'm going to find that amusing. Arthur Point, he's not called Point and a Half. That was his sidekick. He's got like one eye. Oh, here comes Arthur Point and his friend, Point and a Half.

Yeah, there you go. We are making shit up here. Yeah, mate, we're all over it. Right, so here's the third and final track on Ganon's platter today. And this is, we're moving away from Nintendo

now, boys and girls. We're going on to Sega. And what would be Sega's biggest character? Street Fighter 2. You're wrong, you fucking idiot. It's Alex Kidd, you twank. I'm being silly. Was it Alex Kidd?

He was Sega's mascot. Wasn't Street Fighter 2 on Sega? That's right. He was basically Monkey, wasn't he? He was like, yeah. He was essentially, yeah, Monkey from Monkey Magic. I do not remember Alex Kidd.

His fist used to get big and he used to punch blocks. Okay. And he had big ears. Get a big fist on. Punch blocks. Get belly candy. Get treasure out of those blocks. Alex Kidd was, I think, mostly a home console and also maths assistant.

Street Fighter 2 was on Sega though well no it started in the arcades Capcom and then it was released for what SNES

and then it did eventually come to the Mega Drive but it wasn't as good did it I don't remember that they did do it on the Mega Drive and the Amiga

which was a famously bad version of it did it look pretty not really so there you go. No, we are going to get a song now from Sonic the Hedgehog.

This song is called Super Sonic by HWA featuring Sonic the Hedgehog and it's done off sounding like this. Thank you.na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na You get the gist. Whoa. They're all the same formula, basically, aren't they? Some shitty dance music.

Just take a dance beat, a classic dance beat or whatever, and just, yeah. I would say this one works better than the Mario one. Because the Mario one seems shoehorned into that. That is slightly better produced. And it's trance-ier, which means you can kind of get away with the kind of trance-y Sonic theme. It's slightly better produced.

And it's called Super Sonic. It's called Super Sonic. They lose points for that from me. What year do you think it was made in? 96 or something. Five or six. Three. I think it's later.

Two. Like all of them. It was a real glut. It was the golden year. Yeah. do you think it was made in? 96 or something 5 or 6 3 I think it's later 2 like everyone I'm saying all of them it was a real glut the golden years yeah the glut do you know what the 90s were terrible

for music terrible no that's not true yes they were what Ben Folds 5 first of all give me a fucking break

that's about your Britpop Britpop? bullshit garage all shit it's not just because you don't like it

Oasis are shit I'm not afraid to say it now. I'm saying it now. It's Blair. It's Suede. It's Jay. It's Shed 70.

Blair? Not Blair. Tony Blair. Anyway. Okay. Let's have some decades, right? For music.

Let's have some decades for music. Late 20th century. Whatever. Fuck Sonic. Yeah, he's done done he's had his moment he's a shitty little HWA the band

that sang this was hedgehogs with attitude I did try to get a mummified hedgehog to bring we've got a mummified mole though

can I just say it's fucking excellent look at this little one I couldn't find a hedgehog. We've identified his face area. Have you seen his teeth? He looks like a mole rat. I have.

I have. I have. This is upsetting to me. Look. Hedgehog with attitude. What, did you like it? No, I did not like it. Right, okay.

It was shit. Right, here's some decades Paul the 50s the 60s the 70s the 80s and the 90s

what's at the bottom of that heap the 90s are at the bottom that's a tough one to be honest

though what are you emotionally tied to quite a lot of songs in the 90s I'm talking

about quality objective musical quality well that's across the board we're not objective people though how are we going to know well

you're objective objectionable person wordplay it's worse when two people fucking cite me at the same time no I was just yawning that's even worse

alright if I'm going to keep Keith with me forever so I'll get you to gag I would put 80s below the 90s always have it in my pocket I mean that would

that would be the only case to make based on personal taste that's a case you could make 70s and 60s yeah that's a case you could make alright happy alright there you go

2000s can fuck a fat chode yeah they've surely got to be at the bottom if you're going to do all the decades we didn't want to go into the 20th century

we're keeping well out of that muck the morass that quagmire quagmire quagmire's just a longer way of saying mire isn't it

yeah unnecessarily longer isn't that exciting do you know what is a quagmire yeah my pants a swamp a fetid swamp

I'll put Keith in there maybe he'll he'll moisturise he'll moisturise all his organs will moisten well on that fucking moment of

of clarity we need a mark we need a mark for the hedgehog one one one right happy bullshit we always say one what we learnt is

video games do not translate into pop hits very well no is that the end of that segment no Is that the end of that segment? That is the end of that segment. Do you want to say something witty?

No. Good. I can't. It's done. Oh, it's Cheap Show's big finale. I'm very proud to say I've been doing something and you can get to play. Do you want to play a game, Eli?

I'd like to play the game of you stop singing. That's only going to make me want to sing more, though. Yeah, but that's... Eli! Don't get your banjo out. First of all, it's not a banjo. It's a fucking banjo. Oh, God, what's going on here? Eli, do you want to play a game?

No. Eli, do you want to play a game? No Eli do you want to play the game? No I've said no Eli come on let's play a game Fuck you

Well you can just fuck off No you can No you can fuck off No you can fuck off What's he doing? We have got a game to play at the end of the show Which is now

It's right now right so let's get it out it's getting to that point where innuendo is rife no we are playing a game

tonight called Paul Gannon's play your carts right right we've got to kind of identify

various different people called cartwright no that would be a good game. Who's Cartwright? Do we ask you questions about famous Cartwright? Barbara Cartwright. Is it called Arthur Point?

No. Is it called Arthur Point? And he's in Strewn Onions. Arthur Point. Play your Cartwright. J. Arthur Point. Mr. Trebor. Trebor the Time Traveller.

Keith the Mole. Oh, my God. Keith the fucking desiccated mole look there he is Paul look at his mouth I'm Keith look at my little mouth I'm trying not to look at it

because it generally is a gag thing for me and the fact that you're exploiting that is a sad indictment of your ability to be a cruel he really smells like

a musty old what does the hole smell of can you get your nose right in the hole I'm smelling Keith's arse oh it's very that is where the bowels would have been yeah isn't it just know Can you get your nose right in a hole? I'm smelling Keith's arse. Oh, it's very... That is where the bowels would have been, isn't it?

Just know. Just know, because it's really important. So, we're going to play a game. So, you know, Bruce Forsyth's Play Your Cards, right? Oh, who does not? Or in America, if you're listening, it was called Card Sharks, the game. Oh, really? Yes.

And basically the idea was... Who presented it in America? Oh, don't know. I could look it up on the internet,... Who presented it in America? Don't know. I could look it up on the internet but apparently that's a thing we don't want to do.

Don't bother. Juice Forsyth. Although Kenny Cantor did the New Zealand version of that. Remember Kenny Cantor? No. Exactly.

Don't go to New Zealand. Exactly. Why do you remember something like that and yet you can't do basic number things? I don't know. It's a very good question.

Why can't I add when all I have in my brain is who presented variants of panel shows around the world? I don't know it's a very good question why can't I add when all I have in my brain is who presented variants of panel shows around the world I don't know what's this game then Paul

we're playing play your card right but instead of playing cards we're playing with cards cards right oh look at that I have Ziploc bags

a bunch of Game Boy games wow you really did that I rescued from storage look at that I've got loads of them and I played all of them recently just a quick sample

to get abreast of the situation and it's just like playing a card you've got to go from left to right and you've got to see if the card that follows

is and here's the twist more enjoyable to me to play or less enjoyable than the game before so we've got to guess your subjective experience

it's a totally arbitrary judgement what I'm saying is if Paul plays nice he's going to win today won the game before. So we've got to guess your subjective experience. It's a totally arbitrary judgment. What I'm saying is if Paul plays nice, he's going to win today. Is there a prize? Ooh. What's the incentive?

A kiss from Keith. No. If I win, Paul has to kiss Keith. No. Yes. Yes. Yes.

Yes. Yes. Kiss the mole. All right, for the sake of stakes, I'll do that. But if I barf, I'm barfing in your face. All right.

All right. So, here's what I'm going to do. I'm going to randomly pull out six cards each, right? Okay. And then I'm going to line them up so you can't see them in advance, just the backs to them. So, I'm going to get them all out now. Oh, jiggly, jiggly, bubbly, jiggly.

And some of these games are classics. Have you got a list of your... Or are you just going to make it up? I'm going to basically make it up, depending on this game. You can talk back like that, Mr. Man. It's all on the spur of the moment, basically. You're not... You're just going to think,

oh, what did I enjoy that more or less? No, no, to be fair, I will be as honest as I can. I've played all of these recently on my Nintendo Game Boy SP. What does that mean, the SP? You've got a pouch what does that mean the SP you've got a pouch does that mean

it will play any kind of game it just means it was clamshell and it had backlight so you could but will it play any kind of game

it'll play Game Boy Advance Game Boy Color and Game Boy Games this is why it's a really nice little console it is nice and you can get it

for about 10, 15, 20 quid in some second hand shops charity shops so if you've got a load of Game Boy games and you can't play because your Game Boy's dead go out've got a load of Game Boy games and you can't play because your Game Boy's dead go out and try and find

a Game Boy SP and you're going to be happy as Larry it'll play all of them and it has this nice satisfactory clamshell it's a nice action

I mean I don't think it's the Game Boy it's like Nintendo's prettiest Game Boy because it's kind of blocky and like it's kind of hard the corners hurt your

thumbs ergonomics. I found that with most of their Game Boys, though. I mean, certainly the original. That wasn't a comfortable thing to hold. I love it, but it was not comfortable. Game Boy Advance was comfortable to hold when it was the fucking side one up.

Okay, maybe, yeah, with the shoulder buttons. And the micro is beautiful, but almost impossible to hold because it's so teeny tiny. It's that little tiny one. It's ridiculous. So I've played them all on this. So I've given myself a mental recount of the quality of the game.

So they have passed some sort of muster. I'm pulling out the games now. I'm facing them down so I don't rig the system. Well, I know what that yellow one is. Is that a yellow cartridge? Yes. Well, it's Pokemon. No. Is it not the Pikachu? Is it Well, it's Pokemon. That's the...

No. Is it not the Pikachu? Is it Banana Man? No. It's Donkey Kong. Yeah. Actually, there's two. We've got Donkey Kong 3 and Donkey Kong Land.

Oh. Now, which would you rather? They haven't taken it out of the competition because, obviously, the colour gives away my feelings. Glad this has been thought through. I love Donkey Kong Land, but there's some problems here. How dare you? How dare you? I like that one this has been thought through. I love Donkey Kong Land but there's some problems here. How dare you? How dare you?

I like that one. Probably if we think things through. What was that Donkey Kong racing one when he had the planes? Diddy Kong Racing. That was good.

Donkey Kong Land 3 based on Diddy's Quest which I think is the Super Nintendo. They're all basically Game Boy versions of Super Nintendo games so they don't quite

translate and they look pretty ugly and the screen's quite small so they don't really do justice to the game but anyway I've pulled out one bag I'm going to line up

two rows of six cartridges alright so here we go face down face down face down so this is row one these are all round

you've got them in like cases and everything yeah that's really farty I love my fucking Gameboys I'm upset

I've got every model of Gameboy that they've ever released apart from all the DS's when they released fucking 50 DS's and different types you'll probably have

a heart attack if you saw how I looked after my games it's alright you know it's one of these things where to each their own really

is the mini Gameboy a thing that's actually going to happen they patented the idea of it whether it happens or not we don't know but based on the success of the Super it happens or not we don't know but based on success

of the Super Nintendo and the NES and the forthcoming 64 because that's confirmed isn't it? No. No. Someone just made that up

and it became news. Yeah. Alright. Okay. Well there you go. Everyone was speculating because the last two have done well

so you know. Alright. Fair enough. And that's the next one in the series. It wouldn't surprise me. They'll put Pilotwings on that. Donkey Kong Banjo.

They didn't put Pilotwings on the SNES one. No they fucking didn't. Oh no. I was gutted on that. Donkey Kong, Banjo. They didn't put Pilot Wings on the... No, they fucking didn't. I know. I was gutted about that. Because that's the most mellow, lovely game you could ever play. It is. Have you ever played Pilot Wings?

I have. You're flying, right? Yeah. All right. So what we're going to do is anyone... You can have either row, but whoever gets this question right first picks the row. Okay. All right.

So here's the first question. I'm going to go to Eli first because it's home advantage, I like to row okay all right so here's the first question I'm gonna go to Eli first because it's home advantage I like to think so Eli here is your first question and just like play your cards right we

asked a hundred people and all you gotta do is say how many of those people thought that I can't fucking explain what a hundred people what a hundred people

did you ask the website that I'm getting all these questions from all right you didn't go out you didn't go out into Cambridge came bro no I fucking didn all these questions from you didn't go out you didn't go out into Cambridge

came bro no I fucking didn't I go do you like this why have you got my voice I don't know to protect my identity right here's your do you want to fucking

win this by the way no not particularly with your little snarky why would I want to win this well yeah I'll get you puking my face if I win is that what happens

he gets to kiss the mole if I kiss the that what happens? He gets to kiss the mole if I Kiss the dirty mummified mole Shut up, kiss My strewn onions Shut up Everyone can shut up You're never coming back for a fucking star

I'm a beardy man with your hairs You look like a doppelganger from a dark future How do you like that? Listen, he'll always be welcome on the show especially if he brings mummified creatures. No way.

Now that I've seen how well the mole's gone down, so to speak. Carrots. No, rabbits next. I'll be bringing all sorts. Right, Eli. Yes.

We asked 100 people do you think people who claim to have seen UFOs are crazy? How many of those people said yes? Yes, I think they're crazy. Yes, I think they're crazy. Out of 100.

45. You're saying 45? Yes. Okay. In that case, Mr. Paul, do you think it was higher or lower the actual answer to that? These are people saying that people who say they've seen UFOs are crazy. We asked 100 people, do you think that people who claim they've seen UFOs are crazy. We asked 100 people,

do you think that people who claim to see UFOs are crazy? You don't have to read it out again. That's what Bruce Forsythe does. He doesn't do anything now. He's in the ground. Bruce is dead. Is that a stroke? It's a lovely stroke.

Is it a brain side? A brain side? You said what? Forty-six. I said forty-five. Forty-five. Is the answer higher or lower than forty-five? And stop making that face.

Unnecessary. Is it higher? Is it higher? higher or lower than 45 and stop making that face. Unnecessary. I'm not impressed by your behaviour. Both of you. Higher. You say higher than 45. The actual answer is 16.

Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. So Eli gets control on the first round. People believe in UFOs. Top or bottom row? I thought that's what I was saying. I know. No, I wasn't. You were saying more of them

thought they were crazy. Yeah. No, apparently in America they think less. Oh, is it in America? Yeah, because it's from card sharks, not play your card right. Oh, well, if I'd have known that.

Well, if you'd known that, Paul. Yeah, that would have changed everything. It's absolute travesty. You're going to win anyway. It's a travesty. Bottom or top? Bottom or top row? I'll have the bottom row, please. You're going to win anyway. Travesty. Bottom or top row? I'll have the bottom row, please. You want the bottom row.

So here's your first cart. It's Super Mario Land. That's a really strong cart. Remember, you've got to lose. We want him to suck on that mole. Obviously, Nintendo released that. Suck on that mole. Forever Mario game.

I prefer, honestly, Six Golden Coins, Super Mario Land 2. I'd even go to Son for it. I prefer the third one. Hang on. What prefer the third one hang on what if the next one is six golden coins well then he's got

two golden coins well I'll say no more have you played Mario Land is that the original one for the that's like I was saying earlier that's one of the few

games I've completed more than once yeah it's a brilliant game it's a fantastic game yes anyway so do you think the part that follows this is I enjoyed It's a brilliant game. It's a fantastic game. Yes. Anyway, so do you think the card that follows this is I enjoyed more or less than... I don't get to see it first.

No. It's just like the game. Less. Less. So you think the next card is I enjoyed less. Yes. Let's have a look. Shanghai.

Yes. Oh, God. And you're right. I enjoyed that considerably fucking less. What is Shanghai? That pinball simulator? I've not even heard of that. Shanghai is the. And you're right. I enjoy that considerably fucking less. What is Shanghai? That pinball simulator? I've not even heard of that. Shanghai is the game where you play with tiles.

You know, you have a pyramid of tiles and you have to match them up. Ah, like Mahjong sort of tiles. Like Mahjong. Yeah. If at any point during this section you want to have a quick look at the game, we can pull it out and go, all right, no. All right. So in that case, you know what?

I'm going to add two more games to this because I want to eat this out great format Paul just make it up just go along I just want to eat it out one two three four

I'll do eight eight's a nice so another two it's constantly evolving yeah because it's a bit of fun innit Darwin's game show right so

is the next car do I enjoy it more or less than Shanghai I think it's going to have to be more because Shanghai looks so dry

Shanghai looks so dry let's have a look and the next card is Disney's Tarzan utter fucking shit

really awful game so I enjoyed that much much less than Shanghai which at least gives you basic simple puzzle

pleasure it gives you puzzle pleasure puzzle pleasure memory puzzle pleasure puzzle pleasure puzzle pleasure

puzzle pleasure puzzle pleasure puzzle pleasure puzzle pleasure puzzle pleasure puzzle pleasure. It gives you a puzzle pleasure. Puzzle pleasure. Memory puzzle pleasure. Puzzle pleasure. Puzzle pleasure. That's only going to encourage us more. I scored three. You scored three. But again, all you've got to do is get to the end first. All right?

Ah, okay. So, next question, we start with you, Mr. Paul Rose. So do I flip that over? Oh, no. Oh, I see. I'll ask another question. We asked

100 married men, would you share your wife with a friend as in Eskimo custom? How many said they would share their wife as in Eskimo custom? It's actually

very racist to call them Eskimos. Yeah, they're Inuits. You stupid Inuit. That's put me in it, Inuit. I bet they love that as well. Go call them Inuits. No more Brucey. No more Brucey.

Fuck you. Right. So, how many out of 100 Said they would happily Share their wife With a friend As per Eskimo Culture

15 15 Oh Eli Higher or lower Higher The actual answer is 10 Ding ding ding ding

Oh Paul gets control Of that round So your first game cast Is Donkey Kong And that's the Game Boy version

very good game of the original arcade edition isn't it yeah it starts off with the original arcade goes through a few levels and then it becomes

like have you seen the sequel to this which is Mario Minis it's a bit it turns into that what's that what do you mean it means you have to

kind of collect keys and open up things and it's a bit more plat face puzzle based gaming but it's all basically set platform-based, puzzle-based gaming. But it's all basically set on the sort of scaffolding?

It changes as you go level up by level. There's a lot of levels on that. There's a lot. You get your money's worth out of that. That's a high-scoring card.

That's a high-scoring card. So do you think the next card is lower? Yeah, I enjoy it lower. Let's have a look. Gameplay. Ooh!

What? Off the sun! That's... But I will say this. lower yeah I enjoy it lower let's have a look gameplay oh what what's the that's but I will say this I enjoy it less than Donkey Kong oh right it's basically a bit like cannon fodder

this game you control two characters at the same time one zaps one traps and you move around Zelda-esque

dungeons to collect ghosts and is it any good it's fine it's very boring very quickly and the bosses take forever to kill

so you kind of end up spamming boring very quickly and the bosses take forever to kill so you kind of end up spamming your spamming your life away on the bosses so yeah you still get that but still it's less enjoyable than Donkey Kong so yeah is the next cart more

enjoyable or less enjoyable than Ghostbusters 2 let's have a little look at this Tetris you can't go wrong with Tetris Tetris is the gold standard of time killing fun it certainly is so thereris Tetris is the gold standard of time killing fun

it certainly is so there you go so is the next car less he's on a roll ladies and gentlemen and remember

I may as well bring this up now if you want to freeze and carry on if you just don't want to make that next step you can freeze

and we can carry on from that point so less than Tetris what do you mean remember you didn't tell us that I'm telling you now

fuck you I didn't have the chance to freeze I did not have the chance to freeze I did not have the chance to freeze Whatever Whatever You would get out from Bruce Whatever

You're better than last week's audience Right So You said lower than Tetris And you're right It's Final Fantasy Legend I'm gonna freeze freeze very good

point to freeze now I will just say at this point Final Fantasy Legend is a it's a fighting RPG JRPG I think oh it's a role playing game

this one's fucking hard as nails like I've seen people who say this game's amazing it's one of the best Final Fantasy games certainly portable

but they always say it's hard as fucking nails and when I had a little go of it I was like I'm out after 10 minutes it was too many specs and stats so I'll leave it at that

right back to you Eli you have 1, 2 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 cards to do and Paul only has 4 so next question for you we asked 100

if he freezes then he wins he gets to go again I don't understand he's asked to answer questions to gain control of your row you still to go again. I don't understand. He's had to answer the questions to gain control of your row. You still have that option. All right?

I don't understand. What's fucking talking about? I don't know the point of that. How does the freeze work? I just thought I'd do it if you were going. If you don't want to risk it and lose control...

Yeah, but he's lost control now. If he... He gets control back. If he answers this question right, he gets control back. Why does he want control back if he's frozen? There is no freeze rule in the game.

So, okay, so who's... No freeze rule in the game. So you're still going. Then he's still going. We are moving swiftly on. Right, okay. Eli Silverman. No, it's not my turn.

Paul hasn't frozen. He has. But you've just said there isn't a freeze rule. No, you've just said there is no freeze rule. Not kissing a mole. You are so close to Frenching a mummified mole. Yeah, come on. I'm going on.

All right. Okay. So. Okay. The next one. Final Fantasy. More than that? More than the hard game that is.

It's Batman for the Game Boy. That's not very good, is it? I'm going to have to. I'm going to have to say I don't know on this one because that's a platform game. Oh, fuck. You're not going to get that with cars and playing cars. At first there's no freeze roll. You know what? Then it's like, I don't know on this one because that's a platform game. Oh, fuck's sake. You're not going to get that with cards and playing cards. At first there's no freeze roll. Then it's like,

I don't know. You can't go from a five of space to a seven of hearts. I'm trying to present a game and there's no fucking rules. It's just me talking about a five of diamonds.

No. Stay there. Stay there. What I will say is these two cards are practically getting two five of diamonds in a row

so I'm going to say that's a draw you're going to go no further on that one because I can't make a decision I'm giving Eli a chance aren't I as well

so this is Tarzan is a piece of shit you told me you have to answer a question though so we asked 100 psycho psychos

we asked 100 psych psychiatrists I don't know why that was so hard to read I've got an idea Maybe you need to see a psychiatrist Okay this is a bit sexist We asked 100 psychiatrists

So is the last one about sharing the wives He's all like Fucking bitch It's America man That's disease society Generally speaking, we asked 100 psychiatrists, does watching a soap opera character

solve their problems, help a woman to make the same decisions in her real life? What the fuck? How many psychiatrists said yes, by watching a TV soap character solve a problem, she can take that information

to her own life and solve her own crisis that way? 70. 70. You say 70 psychiatrists said watching a fucking tv show is a good way of solving a problem i think you know story is a is the metaphor and you know story helps people okay you're saying storytelling therapy i'm saying 70 paul it doesn't matter though does it because there's no rules and i don't even know what's going on higher or lower lower lower is the correct answer the answer is

29 right so he didn't freeze there was no point he was just yeah but you could have got yours alright alright dickhead

so Batman do you want to change that card or keep that card change it you want to change it can I still carry on yeah yeah

you just get to change it on your next go we're changing Batman 4 to Raider for the Game Boy Color which is a kind of Prince of Perjury kind of game I remember it

it was shite yeah it's not very effective but it's a nice clear see through cart I like that I gave you a few of those because I had some

didn't I yeah you had a few I've probably got in this bag somewhere I'm getting the Tetris one back I've got loads of Tetris

anyway Tomb Raider do you think I enjoyed the next cart on this row more or less? More. More, he says. And the answer is... It's DuckTales. You can't get any better than that.

You can't go much wrong with that. So DuckTales. That's definitely a score there. He's got two more carts to go. So do you think the next cart... Less. He's bold. It'd have to be less wouldn't it

it's Mario Golf for the Game Boy which actually isn't a bad game I loved it on the Wii yeah Mario Golf classic

it's alright it's a decent little golf game it's a classic you know it's bare bones but you have one last cart

do you think the next cart I enjoyed more or less than Mario Golf? More. More. And you based upon the face that you pulled when Mario Golf.

To win the game. Exactly. It's all psychology. It's like poker. You don't know what's in your fear. It's a whole circle, jerk, of fucking retro game enthusiasts, and I'm on the outside. Oh, looking in.

Why don't you fucking hang out with Arthur Point and Dickington Willoughby? You are Dickington Willoughby? You are Dickington Willoughby. You can hang out with me anytime, mate. Right, so, to win the game, did I enjoy

this next cart more or less than golf? You're saying more. More. The answer, the cart is... Please be a stinker. It's Mega Man 2.

I like Mega Man 2 less than golf. That's because I can play golf and I'm shit at Mega Man and it makes me angry and rage quit come on

so now what happens so now basically you have to swap that cart out for the next time if you get control of your row so it's still here we go it's on a knife edge

Eli you have now got control right happy now if you win he doesn't have to snog the mole it's me if he wins

I thought it was if I win that you snog the mole because you often win if either of us win which one of us is going to win because he's not playing you're going to snog the mole it's me if he wins I thought it was if I win that you snog the mole because you often win if either of us win which one of us is going to win because he's not playing you're going to

snog a mole you've talked yourself into snogging a 15 year old mole you can only win properly is if you get

this whole row in one go whereas if he wins at all it counts as a win but if you want to win to make it balanced and fair to me you have to get this whole row now in go whereas if he wins at all it counts as a win okay but if you want to win to make it balanced and fair to me

you have to get this whole row now in a go you've lost me completely with any kind of rash you like Tarzan we'll make him snog the mall Tarzan

lower next game lower or more than less enjoyable right because you said it was shit mercenary force exciting stuff

but unfortunately I liked that more than Tarzan no I meant more did you mean more because it sounds like you meant less

when you said fucking words less I did you confused me with your shitness did I with the words more or less listen

yeah take it back take it back you take it back you're going to enjoy the one after Tarzan more than the Tarzan because you said

Tarzan was shit I enjoyed this one less though and that's what you said more. So I liked it less. What is your status with this? I liked it less than Tarzan. Did you? Yeah, because I couldn't play it.

That's what I said. Did you? Yeah. Is that what he said, Paul? Yes. Yeah. Paul is already halfway down the fucking 15. I don't care what happens as long as you have some interaction

with the mole because it makes me laugh when you're rich right good that's nice to know Eli there's the next game that comes after

Mercenary Force tell me a bit about Mercenary Force Mercenary Force is a kind of you know what I need to have a little bit you don't even know

what it is I thought you played you told me you'd played all these games for 15 minutes I did but I can't remember this is a top down one

or a side scroller and that's what I just want to have a little look at oh fucking love that sound Mercury Force 1990 from Live Planning which sounds great

round one alright fucking it's like cannon fodder it is a top down I was right and I do like I did like this more than I

than fucking Tarzan so you're wrong okay so oh dear so we're swapping out

Mega Man from another card we're still on Mario Golf We're still on Mario Golf. We're still on Mario Golf, but the next cart. We're getting rid of Mega Man now. We've got this new one in. Do I enjoy this cart more or less than Mario Golf? More.

More, he says. And the cart is Frogger. Of course I fucking love golf more than Frogger. Frogger's boring shit. No it isn't. It's boring. It's dodging bricks. It's it.

Bricks. Cars. Floating on logs over and over and over again. Surely that wasn't just that over and over. Frogger's one of the most popular games of all time. It's classic. This is not what's the most popular game of all time. It's subjective.

Do I love this more or less? It's absolutely subjective and ever-changing. And I liked Frog ever changing and I liked Frogger let's just look at some more fucking games alright so Paul

Rose you have won I did win your cart's right yeah you've won what's his prize how did I win because you said I enjoyed that less than golf

look at the prize what's the prize I thought I said more oh you did say more no I did win no you said more

you said more you said more. You said more. You said more. Why do you have to swap that cart out? I forgot snakes. Why did I say that? Eli's got control. So, Eli, after Mercenary Force, did I enjoy the next game more or less?

From what you've said about Mercenary Force, I'd say more. More. Let's have a look if I enjoyed this more. It's Super Mario Land 2. I can't enjoy that more than that. It's an amazing fucking beautiful game. That makes your next one easy. Less. Less. Super Mario Land 2. I can't enjoy that more than that. It's an amazing fucking beautiful game. That makes your next one easy.

Less. Less. Less than... Super Mario Land 2. Is Zelda's Link Awakening. Oh, man. It's higher. That is one of my latest games.

That's like drawing a king and the next one is an ace, isn't it, man? So there you go. This is tense stuff. So it's down to the wire. The next card. Paul, did I enjoy this cart More or less Than Mario Golf

On the Gameboy Well so far I think I've been saying More every time Don't do that Now I get to use My poker face I'd like to poke your face

I'd like to poke my penis Into your face Right yeah We all got the reference Alright Did I enjoy this game More or less Oh less

Because I've been saying more and it's not been working the game I chose was Legend of the River King and fuck me do I hate that game so you have won

right mole get the mole face mole face yes look it just has to

touch your tip of your tongue or your lips rub it on his lips I'm like what the fuck are you making me kiss his face I'm not kissing, what the fuck are you making me kiss again? I'm not kissing it on the face. Yes, you have to kiss it on the face.

That's the way you kiss things. It's all right, Paul. Don't think about it. It's fine it's dry it's old I'm going to be sick of my fucking hands

let's just see what my last two would have been I've got Micro Machines that's good is that like top down racing

yeah and that would have been much less than Zelda so Micro Machines was like the that's a great game is that like top down racing yeah and that would have been much less than Zelda so Micro Machines was like the original Grand Theft Auto no I mean it's similar

in terms of look down cars but that's about all it is it's more of a racing game and then Bugs Bunny Lola Bunny yeah

awful game I believe that is a it's just a crappy platformer although I do have a Tiny Toons game in there which is really good because it works in a kind of Zelda-y way

I was going to say are there any Warner Brothers properties that make good games like yeah Animaniacs Looney Tunes they all had decent stuff

it's hard to get Looney Tunes right in a game I had a game called Duck Amok for the DS which is like a virtual pet where you had Daffy Duck and you could poke him

and annoy him you know that kind of I remember when the pencil the animator came out it's a bit like that but it was a video game and it's fun for about half him and annoy him you know that kind of I remember when the pencil the animator came out it's a bit like that but it's a

video game and it's fun for about half an hour and then you completely run out of things to do in that

game so there you go and the final game for Paul should he have swapped out would have been

Tiger Woods PGA Tour 2000 on the Game Boy I don't know but it's not as fun as Mario Golf which is a bit more accessible

and that ladies and gentlemen has been Cheap Show our two part special with Mr Paul Rose aka Sex Hammer which I'm making golf which is a bit more accessible and that ladies and gentlemen has been cheap show special with mr. Paul Rose aka

sex hammer which I'm making a thing hashtag make Paul Rose a sex hammer no master no master bring on the mole bring on the

mole I might be sick kissing Keith on the belly well I think back to it it's bad Keith

what a great thing look at his little desiccated claws I can't I can't I can't do this I can't we need to wrap this up

fucking hell anyway you've been listening to Cheap Show you can follow us on Twitter at the Cheap Show pod I'm at Paul Gannon Show

and I am Eli Snowy that is E-L-I-S-N-O-I-D please follow me Paul where can they find you on Twitter at Mr Biffo excellent what else

we've got a Reddit page you can find Cheap Show on Reddit got some noodle reviews on there yeah we do from Mark Allen on the noodle topic

Paul just to bring it up slightly yes sorry flat broad noodles my new thing and yeah

just watch this space also the League of Snacks information goes up on the Reddit page as well and crisps and crisps we have a YouTube channel just look for Cheap Show

on YouTube and subscribe if you want there we do videos every now and then it's not very common though what else what else what else what else what else thank you very much for supporting us on Patreon Cheap Show on YouTube and subscribe if you want there. We do videos every now and then. It's not very common though. What else? What else? What else? What else?

What else? What else? Thank you very much for supporting us on Patreon. Obviously, if you support us on Patreon, amazing. Thank you very much.

If you want to help us out on this show, you can go to patreon.com forward slash Cheap Show of the Day as little or as lot as you like. And that has made this

recording session possible. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. The nuzzle man is coming. The nuzzle man is coming. And I think that's it it if you want to email us any tales from the shop floor

or anything in general you can email us thecheapshow at gmail.com and our website is thecheapshow.co.uk where images and pictures that associate themselves

with this episode these two part episodes will be online for you to use your eyes at and you can see our new mascot there Keith the mummified mole. That's how crap this fucking show is.

Our mascot is a dead thing. Paul, anything you want to do? Talk about pimp? Go on, pimp it. God, I didn't even think this half far ahead. You've got your Twitter. I've got my Twitter. I've got my website, digitizer2000.com,

which has spun off into a YouTube show that hasn't been made yet which Mr. Gannon will be on I hope Mr. Silverman might join us in some capacity

it would be nice I'd absolutely love to and that will be coming to the YouTubes later this year excellent and I think that's it in a nutshell

unless you listen to this in the future, in which case the series has done everything. And you're with John Trebor, the time traveller. Yeah. I am John Trebor. I bring back my mints. He's got a trope voice.

I am bringing back my mints. He's got one of Paul's fucking tropes. I am from the future and I bring mints. Mints and mints and mints. And that's been Cheap Show. Or Digitizer, Cheap Show, Digitizer Cheap Show Crossover whatever you want to fucking call it

special now why don't you all turn your fucking podcast off bye bye I could have come up with something wittier

say something witty fuck you really hard is this a bigger game no no Brucey no no no no

no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no

no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no

no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no

no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no

no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no I'm kidding. Fuck you.