CheapShow - Ep 76: Hit The Moog

Episode Date: May 17, 2018

You want Moog? Oh boy, do we have Moog for you! Silverman's Platter goes all electronically wibbly wobbly this week with some joyous and also frankly demented music. Fairweather co-host Ash Frith joins Paul and Eli for a show that covers all he usual bases. Want to know what Eli thinks about sloppy noodles, wasps and what he once found in his poop? Well, you can find out in an "old skool" #AskSilverman and instantly regret asking. There is also a "classic" Price of Shite with Paul in control of the cheap tat... Will he finally get the upper hand on Eli? Find out! And if you like us, why not support us: www.patreon.com/cheapshow Share & Enjoy. Subscribe or Die! www.thecheapshow.co.uk If you want to get involved, email us at [e-mail] And if you have to, follow us on Twitter @thecheapshowpod or @paulgannonshow & @elisnoid If you like what you hear, please spread the word! Like, Review, Share, Comment... LOVE US!

one two testing hello welcome to cheap show my name is paul gannon with me as always is me eli silvman hello all right oh here we go no what do you mean here i go i have to fix the mic so yeah how is this how is this fine yes is that good distance for me yeah how's his volume level is that too much fine obviously if you get any louder. Ah! Yeah. Did I peak there? Probably. I can't see from here. Ah! Anyway. Ah! Ash. Ash. Hello.

Alright. It doesn't matter. Is that your level? It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. No, this matters. This part matters. Get in with that. Yeah, I'm going to do that constantly. I think this is my level. This time you asked me a question. This is my level. Is that suitable for you? I think I'm going to do that constantly. I think this is fabulous. This is my level. Is that suitable for you? I think it's going to have to be.

Which means I can do something different if you want me to. Just get a little bit closer. Oh, well, I will get closer. It doesn't have to be good enough. I can make it good enough. Don't touch the mic. Oh, I was moving it closer. Well, all right.

I'm sitting on the edge of the chair. The problem is I have to lean. Can we do a fatty bomb fatty move over? Can you move it like this? It's like on axis I'm moving it on axis how's that for you actually that's fine

really that's easier for me because I'm less sort of like I've had to cough since we started sound checking it's just that we have to get reasonably close

so we are recording in the antechamber to the house of pickles today is this too loud for you I've got an erection sounds like that woman or the ASMR one

we should do that on the cheap show no it sounds like the woman we should do an ASMR are you being grapefruited what's that what's that

the sex episode the sex episode oh that's the video yeah this woman was giving sex tips on um how to please a man

using a grapefruit over the cock when it's erect that you can blowjob and have a nice succulent snack how I know

basically you make a ring out of the cut grapefruit and just wank them off with it that's horrible

wouldn't it be stingy that's what she said if you've got open wounds you blindfold your man yeah you've got to blindfold. You blindfold your man. Yeah, you've got to blindfold that man. She's going to be like, that's going to

sting my shit, bitch. I mean, I listened to the episode. I don't remember that. I listened to the sex episode when I was queuing to go into the Sistine Chapel.

That's true. Like two, literally, the two opposite ends of culture. I think I might keep this as the intro because it's funnier than anything we've... Yes, we are.

I'm enjoying this. Hello. Give us your intro then right now. Go on, start it off. Hello, everyone. It's... Go on. Yo, everybody.

Hello. Nice. Yo is nice. Very informal. Yo, everybody. Hello. It's Eli Silverman here. Main guy in Cheap Show.

Can you not... No. Can you not... I'm trying to introduce the floor. I'm trying to introduce the floor. It's Eli Silverman here. Main guy in Cheap Show. Can you not... No. Can you not... I'm trying to introduce the floor. I'm trying to introduce the floor. Are you doing your intro? You can't have that when you're doing your intro. Don't put it on the table.

Put it on the floor. Okay. Sorry. I'm sorry. I'm protecting you. I need to sort out my coffee before we start the show. That's why I'm not doing it now. Well, this is what the intro's for now.

And then I cut to the music. Then we come back and start. Right? Got it? I've just got to do this quick warm-up with the show. That's why I'm not doing it now. Well, this is what the intro's for now. And then I cut to the music. Then we come back and start. Right? Got it? I've just got to do this quick warm-up with the trumpet. Don't. Just, you shut up and now you do the intro. Yo, everyone.

Hi. Eli Silverman here. Main guy in Cheap Show. Here's some other dicks. He keeps eye contact with you the entire time. I know. We've got issues. He looked at you

the whole time. He didn't even blink. It's Cheap Showed episode 70 fuckwits and I'm Eli Noncyboy. What? Eli Noncyboy. It's Dickie Dick

Dick Dick Willington. He's fucking no more intros for you. No more intros for you. Dick Willington and Eli Dickboy. Yeah. Noncy McDickboy.

Which is highly offensive on multiple, multiple levels. I'm not a Noncy McDickboy. You know?ce McDickboy. Which is highly offensive on multiple, multiple levels. I'm not a Nonce McDickboy. You know? Ponce McDickboy. It doesn't matter. I don't know what happened. The intro was going well. I was thinking, oh, I'll have this.

And then you just went off on a mental breakdown. Are we ten minutes in? Yeah. Paul, this is going to be your worst editing experience of all time I can see it now it really is finish the intro

and then you can cut to the music and you can have a coffee do I hear the music or is it no in your head you can imagine it you can imagine any music you like can I just don't give them an option I like to imagine Just fucking do the intro. Any music.

I like to imagine Jaws. Do your intro. Just do the intro. Okay. Just keep it short. All right. And then we'll do... You shut up.

Fine. Ready? Go. Come on. Yo, everybody. Eli Silverman here. It's cheap show time yet again. I'm going to be hosting it. And here's your co-host, normal co-host. It's Paul Gannon, everybody. Eli Silverman here. It's cheap show time yet again. I'm going to be hosting it.

And here's your co-host, normal co-host. It's Paul Gannon, everybody. Here he is. Hello. Here is the theme tune. Hello, Ash. And here's... Did that wrong.

Fair weather. Guest hosts. Ash Friff, everybody. It's Ash Friff. Everybody's here as well. Oh, thanks, everyone. Thanks. Now the music.

I hate you and your fucking noodle posse people love noodles alright it's a fact of cheap so you're gonna have to fucking reset noodle time How's the big guy?

A piece of shite! A little gun and saying hello. Welcome to Cheap Show. I'm not going on Nuzzle. Hello, welcome to Cheap Show. I've already said that. I've already done the intro. Turn your phone off, please. Is your phone on?

Do you fucking turn it on? I have to because this section required me to be on the internet because it's off the internet. If I was listening to this, I would not be listening to this. Because of that. Get close to the mic, you fucking... Oh, fucking... It's like fucking Hitler's Germany.

Wow. Wow. Anyway... Close to the mic! I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Your mic as the mic I'm sorry I'm sorry Your mic as well I'm sorry

I'm not facing mic That was the worst thing That Haley did Can I just say He's mic Can I just say He's a real bully With mics

Alright I'm here I'm here now We're not making any fun jokes At the expense of Do you know what These pop guards Smell really nice

We're just going to Move on with the show of the Second World War atrocities. These pop guards smell really nice. We're just going to move on with the show. The pop guards smell nice. Can I just say that? Oh, God, they do, don't they? They're lovely, aren't they? What do they smell like? It's like slightly sandalwood-y, but sort of like a... It's got an interior, a new car interior sort of smell.

It's new. It smells of new. Yeah. Lovely. I've gone into a shop. Fucking hate doing this show. You know... Fucking hate it

it's like upholstery like have you ever gone into a car that's got new yeah it's like that isn't it I don't like this show talking about the smell

of car interiors from three minutes I don't know anything about cars alright what's coming up on Cheap Show can I quickly just say just quickly talk about cars go on

no I don't want to talk about cars I knocked on the front door Eli leant out the window and said have you already parked and I was standing at the front door I don't know

you could be a remote control one he said I don't know anything about cars I was like well they're not invisible no you really don't

know anything about cars you don't know whether you're in or out of a car I can't actually recognise the concept of a car

you're constantly checking you're not speeding in a built-up area. Basically, yeah. We have got lots of fun things on Cheap Show for you to listen to today. For instance, we're going to start with a segment we haven't done in a while, and I thought we'd bring it back. Hashtag Ask Silverman.

That's a bit of fun. Lovely. We've also got some classic Price of Shite today, and we'll get into that pretty soon. And that's right. Then we've got Silverman's Platter Moog Edition it's exciting

we're going to listen to some Moog music aren't we if you feel the need the need for tweed then listen to my Moog special what does Moog mean I think he was trying

to go for a gag where he rhymed mood with Moog and then he got halfway through the rhyme and realised he said tweed no

listen people in the know will know what I'm talking about yeah if you feel the need for tweed? Tweed The need for tweed I don't know what that means

Don't know what that means I know I'm so excited to find out though So I'm excited about this show So shall we get right on with it Boys and girls Can you stop bouncing?

Stop bouncing You're picking up on the mics I'm not actually Because I'm wearing the headphones To the monitor And I know what I can hear And what I can hear Is substandard comedy coming from your fucking face all right i should let everyone know paul that you are doing private mic technique

tutorials and how to build a podcast from the ground up i personally have helped over 2 000 companies become youtube millionaires and i can do the same for you all you got to do is click on the link below and it's time for Sexy Talk with Paul Gannon. Oh, problematic. It's my spin-off podcast, Paul Talks Sexy. It's for the fans who want a bit more of me. And I'll give you more. I shouldn't do that voice.

That would be bullshit. You know, I'm going to have a fucking spin-off podcast. What's it going to be called? What? Pickles with Silverman. Pickles with Silverman. And they'll fucking run shit. How many episodes can you get out of that?

One, at least. One eight-hour episode. Yeah. I just... Do you have a spin-off idea, Ash? I know you've got one. Yeah, it's called Pranks and Firth. Yeah.

You can get it on iTunes. All right, enough of that. Enough of that now. ACARS. Enough of that. It's really good. And I want to thank you for giving me the platform to talk about it here today. It's our privilege.

I want to get you involved in some mic techniques. Well, look, we're doing our best because we are recording in this big, big, big, empty reverb-y room. So we're getting as close to the mics as possible to keep the sound intimate and clear. There's more pants of Eli's. They're not my pants. They're not your pants. I hate to say that.

Yeah. I hate to say that. But those are not. Anyway, moving on to the first segment of the show staring Ash down they are looking

deep into my soul I can see through the fly hole of one of them oh my god don't look into the eye ask Silverman Silverman is here

right so there's a load of these so we'll just I'll tell you what I'll give you quick answers Paul no no I'll give you quick what I was going to say is

what are you going to tell me are you going to tell me something Are you going to tell me something? You can judge whether you want to... Don't fucking give me that attitude. Don't give me that attitude. All right, I'm sorry. You trumped up little fucking Herbert. I'm getting doghead.

What does that mean? When you've had too much coffee, you go... Do you not like that all the time? I know, but I'm especially like that. Because I've had too much coffee. Yeah, all right. So there's a load of these. So you'll be the judge.

He's drinking more coffee, listen. Yeah, you know, he's just compounding the issue. There's a load of them. You get to pick which ones you want to answer. If you don't want to, just say next. All right? All right, fine. All right?

But then I'll eventually have to answer them. No, you're just going to skip them. There's a load. So it's up to you. You are Lord Executioner of the answers. I understand the rules. Good. First question.

The first question is from Alistair. He says, Hello, Eli. Are you able to tell me why some bars and clubs only play short clips of tracks, maybe one and a half to two minutes long, usually alongside a music video of said tracks on big screens around the venue?

Thanks. Next. I'm joking. I'm joking. I'm joking with you. It doesn't matter. Who was that that was Alistair

underscore Charles Alistair very interesting question no um very he's pushing it go on

and it's basically down to down to yeah the changing media scape that we find ourselves in

very dry sorry do you want to move on basically I want to hear this I want to hear it people's attention span especially for music seems to be truncating over the years it's getting much much shorter so even with it with like vine there was people doing music on vine which was six second things people were into

that wow just like and there is this sort of pop that's coming out now which is literally hook hook hook someone was saying the other day that there'll be no long he likes to spill his coffee over his crotch he got very excited there's no introductions anymore

there's like you will not get like a 30 second intro to a song ever again because by the time if they haven't started singing after 10 seconds people switch off

because you can skip so easily this is exactly this is part of why so they just want to get hit you as quick as possible with the hook. And then that's how bored people are.

So as a DJ who plays music from like up to 30 years ago. Yeah, well songs are only short there as well. No, but they're too long. A two and a half minute song is too long by today's standards. And literally, because you've got the imagery with it. It's just literally like, shake your tits. I was on the bus the other day this doesn't end

with you asking someone to shake their tits does it no I was on the bus the other day and there was a kid behind me

listening to music on his phone out loud annoying yeah fucking terrible but that's not what we're here to talk about

the actual music just some kind of hip hop and it was literally suck my dick dick suck a dick dick a dick

dick suck a dick ooh be suck a dick suck my dick dick dick suck a dick dicky dick dick suck a dick who be sucking dick suck my dick dick dick suck a dick dick dick dick dick and then it was like a new tune it's like dick's gotta be sucked i was like is this fucking some kind of joke i mean i thought it was like joke music i don't think it was i think there's some hip-hop out there now it's just like dick in the socket do you think though that we're just old because like

I remember my mum talking about the because she was a child you know she was a teenager I guess in the 60s at one point she must have been she was a child yeah you can't have one without the other

she was a test tube adult oh but she said you know her dad and they thought all the music was shit. But looking back, you'd go that was the greatest music ever, potentially. Yes, but that's true, what you said. But the fact is...

The Fab Four, suck a dick. The fact is that songs are getting... The real sort of youth music seems to be this completely ADHD style, just 20 seconds going down to nothing. Yeah. And it's, you know, can I just add,

just so you know, Ash, that anecdote he taught about being on the bus and hearing that song. I was sat next to him when that story happened. How did the tune go, Paul? I'm just saying that he didn't involve me in the story. I was not in his memory of that moment.

Well, the dick. You were just sitting there mincing with your face. Give me mincing with my face. What does that even mean? You know what it means. How many questions in are we? One. One. So it's the changing face of modern media. And do you have to have

a video with it as well? No, next. No follow-up. Because they do do that. They shove a video up as well. No follow-up. There are no... I don't go to modern clubs much. Shut up. Next one. This is from Stewpot194. What is your opinion, Eli, on Doctor and the TARDIS by KLF, aliases the Time Lords? Was that KLF?

Under the alias of Time Lords, apparently. I did not know that. I didn't really know that. Good, that's answered that. So next question is by AtBeanieTuesday. In all the years of Eli DJing at various bars and venues, what are the best and worst songs that have been requested? Also, any prized vinyls in this collection?

Keep it short. Are there any songs that you like? Do you like songs? That's too vague. In terms of the worst requests, Mambo No. 5. Yeah. At Desposito.

The Macarena. Desposito they seem to have calmed down on. Good. Because it's a fucking piece of shit. Desposito. Tra-la-la-la-la Desposito. You remember that one? Desposito.

I think I've shown that I know it. So all types of shit. All types of shit. Yeah. Good. Next question types of shit. All types of shit. Yeah. Good. Next question. Fucking hell. Paul's full of the joy of spring.

I'm just getting on with these. Next question's by at Ash Frith. When is Ash going to be back on the show? He is great. I love him. What a stupid prick. Did it work?

No. So can I answer the question? Yeah. Ash, you're now, you're on this show now. Now? Yes. Wow.

So that's when. Excellent. Or then if you're listening to the future. Please keep tuning Yep. Ash, you're now, you're on this show now. Now? Yes. Wow. So that's when. Excellent. Or then if you're listening to the future. Please keep tuning in. Thanks, I will. I love the show. Big fan. It worked.

It got me on. It was about a minute after that you messaged me and said, do you want to be on the show? Next one. Oswald Cobblepot. That's the penguin from Batman. Yep. Yep. At Osco113 says ask

Silverman after the success of the clankerman do you have any other ideas for other movies

don't laugh at that it is because it's like has he ever had any ideas

I had the idea of the clankerman yeah eight like years ago didn't you and it took

you about eight years to make some one thing it's a beautiful film

I'm not denying the quality of it it's like the 8 years to make some one thing it's a beautiful film I'm not denying the quality of it despite the slightly amateurish acting on his behalf it points without no I will not say that

it was not amateurish it was a little bit a bit stilted at points it was a bit stilted at points you're such a knob

no I am what I am yeah which is not a fucking critic of acting you can see Paul acting I'm a bad actor I know we did a which is not a fucking critic of acting. You can see Paul acting. I'm a bad actor. I know.

We did a thing together. That's where we met. Acting. No, with Richard Sandlin's perfect movie. We did a zombie. Is this Ask Silverman or is this two cunts

wittering about some shit they did? I didn't like Clankerman. I didn't feel like it. I thought it was balls. Pretend just wank. I don't know if he's seen my other work with Ben Steiner, The Office Party Rescue.

Yeah. I've not seen it. It's actually all right. Check that out, Office Party Rescue. He fucks a printer. He just called me a cunt. I don't know if I want to. No, I was only joking.

He's the cunt. So... Anyway, moving swiftly on. Check out Office Party Rescue, because we are looking at expanding that to something I'm just going to call shame taker. Oh. All right, whatever.

Okay. A Geeky Girl asks, do you rate those noodles which have slimy texture or are you a purist? I don't know. I don't. She's just confused. Slimy noodles?

What does she... Oh, she means. Okay, I know what she means. Maybe like a pot noodle. Well, you have two broad categories of instant noodles. I shouldn't do this section. I like this section. I like it.

So two basic... You have what are called... Now we've both called you it. You have what are called stir-fry style instant noodles. And I think that's what she's referring to. So what you do with those is you cook the noodles. Yeah. How do you cook them though? just by steeping usually by steeping them steeping them

rather than boiling on an incline then you drain them no you're going to need to do better than that Ash come on come on mate

come on and then you'll put some sauce on it and it all kind of bit slimy bit slimy but then you have your soup based noodles

which are in brothy yeah so are they slimy do you see what I mean wet and slimy. Bit slimy. But then you have your soup-based noodles, which are in water. Brothy. Yeah. So are they slimy? Do you see what I mean? Wet and slimy. What is the difference?

But also a purist would be... 50 quid. A purist would have the soup ones. I think that's what she's saying. Okay. So yes, generally I would prefer a soup one. There's a fucking load of these. But how do you eat them?

With a fork or a spoon? I would use a fork and then slurp it from the side of the bowl for the broth. Right, next one. So generally, I would prefer a beer purist, but there are some stir-fried style ones which are very good. And I just had one today, a Kung Fu artificial soybean flavour, which you have. It's come round the whole problem of whether you go for a soup one. Artificial soybean flavour. which you have, it's come round the whole problem of whether you go for a soup one.

Artificial soybean flavour. Yeah. It's got round the problem of whether you go for, like, a stir-fried style one or a broth style one. Don't want to talk about this now. Because it's combined them both with the broth separately in a bowl. And do you pour that over? So you just have a clear broth.

You use the water, you steep your noodles, then you pour that into the broth. This shouldn't be cheap, Sean. Separate broth bowl. And then you've got a pack to put on your noodles. So you've got the noodles, nice stir-fry flavour. Hate this.

Sip the broth on the side. You make the meal in your mouth. Kind of, yeah. Yeah. It's fucking lovely. Thank you. Next question. Geeky girl number two or whatever.

Sam Dawkins asks, any chance you would like to adopt a 25-year-old? He's talking about himself. Would you like to adopt him? No. Okay, moving on. Annette Curtin asks... Maybe it was a girl.

Sam could be a girl. I apologise on behalf. Sam could be a girl. I mean, maybe, but his profile picture looks... Sexy. His beard, unless it's a shadow. That could be a downstairs beard. Unless she's doing a handjob. No, it's a man. I mean, it's all good, but don't know. That could be a downstairs bit. Unless she's doing a handshake. No, it's a man.

Okay. It is man. I mean, it's all good, but... If I adopt him, does he have to do stuff for me? Or do I have to be his father? What kind of stuff? I don't know if that's how adoption works.

Sam, what are you offering? I'm not sure the foster agency could be around offering people up to you with that kind of... So, yeah, I will adopt these children, but do they have to do stuff for me? A big man in a basket that they just leave on your doorstep.

Yeah. Him in a nappy in a bib. Where's the pub? I don't... You see, this... Anyway, the answer's no, Sam. Don't characterise me

as an alcoholic, mate. You're worse. I've never seen him drink. Exactly. Ash has never seen me drink. Doesn't mean anything. Well, he's seen me a lot Yeah Yeah he's never seen you shit

But he knows you do that Don't That's not a bad analogy That's a bad analogy It's not That's a terrible analogy It's not Go watch him shit now

Okay Go watch him Go watch you watch him I think he might be addicted to shit Eye to eye That's the one thing I'm concerned about That you're addicted to shitting Yeah I'm doing it

I saw your tweet the other day. There's nothing more confusing than waking up 1am. This keeps happening to me. What's going on?

I'm like, wake up. And you know, like the way you need a piss, you need a shit. Yeah. And you go and explode.

Why are we talking about this? The worst thing is, I woke up, needed a poo, 1am. I went to the bathroom with my phone.

Yeah, of course. And then tweeted about it. Oh my God. 1am. I went to the bathroom with my phone. Yeah, of course. And then tweeted about it. Oh my God. All right. Right, next one. Shitter, that's what

they should do. Annette Curtin asks, Eli, what do you think is going on here? What, let's see. There's a link to a gay priest who's 79 to rekindle romance with 25-year-old Romanian

male model husband from the Daily Mirror. Right, so what do I think? I think we're not going to touch that with a fucking barge pole. Okay, next. So we're going to move on. Ooh, Oswald Copperpot asks another one. Well, they're in order.

I'll ask it and you can see if you want to take it or not. Okay, sure. Ask Sylvan. Shag, marry, kill. Out of Barry, Ash And Stuart Ashen's Come on I think I'd have to shag you Ash Thank you

That's the nicest thing you've ever said Marry Barry Yeah definitely marry Barry And I'd have to kill Stuart I wouldn't like to I mean it's the way it's got to be You shouldn't have to I don't have to

Can't I just have a gangbang all four way And then never talk to anyone again. I'm not up for it. No, let's not move. Anyway, undecided is the answer there, I think. Dimash asks, ask Silverman, what would you rather be? What would you rather be? A bee or a wasp?

Hmm. Really? Really? Depends what kind of wasp. A wasp. Good answer. Like a giant hornet that's pretty cool aren't they no would you like to lay your eggs in the head of another creature yes yeah i would like to necrotitomize if that's the word necrotize yeah yeah a huge larvae and live in its old brain

carcass and like like fucking press little nerve endings to like send messages to my kids that are all eating its intestines out from the inside it's fair wasp the answer is wasp good right next one is uh from at delores von vixen she asks i like her i like her name would you would you ever consider doing drag? Oh, I have. Have you? Yes. I used to do both drag and self-harming in boarding school.

So there you go. Terrible, sad tale. It sounds like an awful Edinburgh show. I used to get a little, yeah, I got quite into it in my teen years. Boarding school sounds great, doesn't it? All the kids come out of it just great. Damaged. So yeah, I'm happy to do drag. I just don't think it's very amusing these days, is it?

Because it's like... What? Commercialised? Well, it's, you know, it's problematic, isn't it? I think as a straight man, it's kind of problematic for me to do it. It's almost offensive. Yeah. It's very difficult because it's... Drag is huge right now because of RuPaul's Drag Race.

Yeah, but they're all homosexuals. Oh, so you're saying as a straight man doing drag, you'd feel it'd be a bit... It's really interesting. it's a... Drag is huge right now because of RuPaul's Drag Race. Yeah, but they're all homosexuals. Oh, so you're saying as a straight man doing drag, you'd feel it'd be a bit... It's really interesting. Never thought about that. That is genuinely... It should be seen as being offensive. Yes.

That's never crossed my mind before. But traditionally, there were people who were straight men who actually got a kick out of it anyway. Sort of like... What about... Oh, no, that's too cool. Not traditionally. You mean like that guy in MASH?

Yeah. Because you can't black up. Wasn't he doing that to prove he was insane? He was doing it to prove he was insane. You can't black up. So why can you drag on? I mean, you can. It's just that you have to suffer the consequences of doing it. Yeah. You can if you wanted to do it right now. But then we would judge you and never have you back on the show again. I might black up for the next episode. Yeah, do it.

Next time I'm here. Do it. Just give us that excuse. Give us it. But yeah, so what's the difference? It'd be good news as well, wouldn't it? Exactly. What's the difference? Yeah.

It's problematic. What is the difference? I would do it. I would do it, especially if there was some kind of role to play or some kind of showbiz reason to do it. Then I'd do it. I'm happy to do it.

I'm happy to play dress up Would you ever do a sex scene? Yep Would you do a gay sex scene? Yep I think If it was in a tastefully constructed script

with a full crew Not just you grabbing a man from behind and going Not me answering an ad in a newspaper going up to Middlesbrough or something

like I think because that's where all the sex scenes happen if you were going to do a straight sex scene as an actor right let's just set

the fucking camera let's go over there spread it I'll just get the KY out yeah exactly oh god I think if you're going to do a straight sex scene I'm a bit hard Yeah, exactly. Oh, God. I think if you're going to do a straight sex scene... I'm a bit hard.

As an actor, you have to do a gay sex scene. Otherwise, what is... If it's real, it'd be real otherwise. If you're like, oh, I'm not doing a gay sex scene, then... Then you're sort of admitting that the heterosex scene, that you're getting something out of it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Which is not many.

Yes, exact. Very good point. Very good point. And I obviously agree with that. And that's why I said yes, Paul. I said yes to both. Yes, I'll do anything in the name of the arts. Right.

One last question. We're going to end on a tasteful one. Eli, this comes from SamTheKing25, and he asks, Eli, what's the worst place you've had to do a poo poo it's like probably a ditch somewhere probably a ditch

how the hell did it come about outdoors I can't remember oh no we're at ditches I remember going on holiday to France as a child

and there were some pretty bad ones you know because they've still got the stupas you know the hole in the floor yeah and do you know

in Holland yeah they've got those toilets with the shitupas, you know, the hole in the floor is. And do you know, in Holland, they've got those toilets with the shit shelf on. Yeah. You know about this? Yeah, you shit onto the shelf and then it washes off of that.

I once had worms, right? And I shat into the shit shelf and I saw something moving in my... Wow. Really? Yeah. Where had you taken it?

I was a child. I shouldn't have asked this question. Shouldn't have asked this question shouldn't have asked this question you saw this is my mistake there was a big fucking worm you shit it out though they're not microscopic

this is my mistake they're worms they move and they're wriggling around inside your tummy in your tummy tum tum wow so we have

we we have come to an actual chief show everybody we've come to an actual conclusion it's an ask the gentleman if you like this No I like it

Please keep I did Did you? I like the bit about worms having a bottom Alright yeah Paul doesn't want anyone to send in

any more questions because it intimidates him I didn't say that Did you hear me say that? No he's got a whole backlog I'm just saying we'll bank him You've got enough for now

Bank him for another time I wish I hadn't ended on that one where I'd said about worms Let's crack on Enough for now, don't you? Bank them for another time. I wish I hadn't ended on that one word. I'd say the bad words. Let's crack on. It's time for a section of the show that we do every once in a while. It's a quite popular section.

But we've kind of developed it and grown it recently. And we thought, let's go back to the classic. You know, the classic. The classic, Price of Shite. It's The classic Price of Shite. It's the fucking Price of Shite.

It's the fucking Price of Shite. It's the fucking Price of Shite. Oh, it's the fucking Price of Shite. And that's right. Excellent.

Textbook. It's like being on Steve Wright. Yeah. You are our crazy posse gang. Yeah, woo, woo, woo. Oh, I hate that so much. Woo. Woo. I like that you gang. Yeah. Woo, woo, woo. Oh, I hate that so much.

Woo. Woo. Woo. You have that opinion. Woo. Woo. You're very funny. You're very funny, Steve.

Steve. You're very funny, aren't you, Steve? Imagine getting paid 20 grand a year to tell someone they're always funny. I think most producers who work on radio stations by and large do that job. Yeah, yeah, that's true. Just ask your mate, Christian O'Connell. I'll ask his producer. He's fucking off to Australia.

I know. I can't ask him anything. And he's doing a breakfast show out there, isn't he? He is, yeah. What's that? Oh, he's doing a show out there. Yeah, yeah. He's going.

Congratulations. He doesn't have a wife and kids. Yeah, they're all going. Yeah, they're all going. They're happy with that. He's not thought about his big kid, me, and the tour support that I'm now not doing. Oh, edit point. So,

we are doing The Price of Shite. Very happy for him. Eli, do you remember the rules of Price of Shite? I absolutely do, Paul. Why don't you explain it, because every time I do, I make a garbled fuck mess of it all. Good, thank you. So,

to play the classic version... Paul? In the room, are we? Yeah. To play the classic version of The Price of Shite... What's all that about? I just like some respect

and some fucking... You're never getting that. I just like a bit of fucking... You're never going to get it. No, you're never going to get it. I just want a modicum of respect whilst i do my voice work never ever gonna get it oh bob now you're talking like okay who sang that song that's on vogue can we can we leave it with them singing it yeah yeah yeah because you shit never gonna get it never gonna get it never gonna get it never gonna get it never gonna get it Never gonna get it, never gonna get it. What were their other hits? Never gonna get it, never gonna get it. Never gonna get it, never

gonna get it. No, no, no, no, no! There you go. What was their other hit? Smart Being a Lady. Do you wanna be a lady? Cause I'm a lady. I'll tell you what it's like being a lady.

Suck on a dick, gotta suck on a dick. No, no, no no to play the classic version of the price of shite one person will produce three cheap items

oh yeah we're doing that they go for unusual items often from a charity shop don't have to be no but something you know

that calls a little bit of chat yeah in the cheap show studio booths yep okay you select these

items and you present them to whoever's playing the Price of Shite. Which is you and Ash today. This is good today because we can have a competitive version. Yes. Excellent. So you present them one at a time. Yeah.

And we, the contestants, guess how much you paid for each item. It's that simple, Paul. But how close do you get to be for points? Now, if you exactly... How close do you get to be for points? Hey Paul. But how close do you get to be for points? How close do you get to be for points? Hey guys, how close do you get to be for points? I'll tell you how close you actually get to be for points, Paul. That's a bad one. Eli, come on, get yourself together.

Tell me how close you have to get to be for points. Okay, I'm going to say right now how close you have to be to get to points. How close do you have to get to be for points? Okay, I'm just going to say right now how close you have to be to get to points. If you guess the price exactly, you get two points. And if you're within 25p, is that right, Paul? Yeah.

Depending on how expensive, I think 25p. Is that right, Paul? Yeah. Depending on how expensive. One point. I think 25p is fair. Yeah, so bang on two points. 25p either over way. One point. One way. 25 either over way.

Paul, don't try it. 25. Guys, 25 either over way. Shut up. Sometimes there's a trick question and one of the items was found on the street, for example, 25 either over way. Shut up. Sometimes there's a trick question and one of the items was found on the street, for example. Oh, I've seen that done before. I didn't like that.

I find that fucking disgusting behaviour. I did not like it. There's one thing I don't like about this feature. It's safe to say I was upset. But anyway, moving on. So it's safe to say from your little pissy pant reaction to all of this, proper gamemanship. Gamesmanship. gamemanship. Gamesmanship.

Gamemanship. What the fuck is going on? What the fuck is going on? Your pissy pants reaction to my gamesmanship means that we can assume, Ash, none of these items are going to be trick ones

that he's found. He wouldn't do that because I heard the reaction to what you did. Okay. He'd be the ultimate hypocrite if he tried that shit with us. Yeah.

So, shall we start? Let's have the first item, Paul. I'll start with you, Eli. What is this? Okay. Now, in my hand, I have a... Small dick.

Paul. I'm sorry. Reign it in. I've got a box. That's what she said. And it's a Doctor Who, it says on the outside, a Doctor Who Sonic Spork. Oh.

Now, this is a BBC branded item. Yeah. And it has a sort of foreskin style envelope. Mathly done. Which I'm going to item. Yeah. And it has a sort of foreskin style envelope. Mathfully done. Which I'm going to remove. Yeah. And then we want it to be as mint as possible. So we'll keep that.

Remove the foreskin. Remove that. What's the foreskin count in the room? Have we ever covered that? No. Three. I thought we'd covered it, man. Come on.

It's covered down there. Yeah. Believe me. And I'm getting out the Sonic. It's got a nice and a bit of padding in there and I'm getting out this novelty

Doctor Who fanboy item I think you can call it I think you've got three varied items today as well it is a spork and it's not too bad

it's got a kind of sci-fi handle which I'm guessing that's the Sonic screwdriver it's modelled after the Sonic screwdriver specifically speaking

it's the 11th it's Matt Smith's Sonic screwdriver so it's modelled after the sonic screwdriver there you go specifically speaking it's the 11th it's Matt Smith's sonic screwdriver so it's a sonic spork there you go it's a lovely little thing it's a lovely little thing it's a lovely bit of

I'm going to hand it over to Ash do you think sporks are as useful as they decree sporks are a pretty useful thing yeah do you think this is when we were talking earlier about noodles

this would be good for noodles good for noodles yeah I don't think I think you know don't you expect the gaps in the prongs at the top This is when we were talking earlier about noodles. This would be good for noodles. Good for noodles, yeah. I don't think, I think, you know. Don't you expect the gaps in the prongs at the top to be a bit deeper? It doesn't look like a very effective spork. And to be honest, Paul, you wouldn't want to ruin your Sonic spork.

No, it's a collector's piece. I feel like this is like a publicity item because it's so cheap. So cheaply made. Like the handle, the metal part, you can see where it narrows to go into the plastic.

You can see that outside of the plastic. There's very, very little... The build on the spork's terrible and it's got a horrible chromey finish. So I reckon this is for the new series.

They were like, just get some sporks out there. I think you'd be disappointed if you bought that and you're a fan. And you bought it because you're a, you know, I'm a Doctor Who completist. I think you'd get that. And you'd think the quality of it is shit. It's a piece of shit.

I know I was just saying it was a lovely little thing. But now I'm saying, what's the use of it? It's completely useless. It's got a little scratch on the bottom as well. It's a novelty, isn't it, though? If you tried to eat with it. It's a novelty, though. It's ins useless. It's got a little scratch on the bottom as well. It's a novelty, isn't it, though? If you tried to eat with it. It's a novelty, though. It's inscribed.

It's like that thing you got. There's an inscription on it. It's like... What thing I got? That sign that says boys' bedroom. It's a bit pointless. It's made for the sake of it being made. Have you read this inscription?

No. It's probably nothing, but it says, To dearest Matt, good luck with the upcoming series. Is that what it says? Put it in the bin. It's probably worthless. That doesn't say that. No, it doesn't.

I'm fucking not as interested in it then. So, you had a look at it. Now it's time to tuck in it. Can we... No. Can we have a clue, Paul? Where was this purchased? That was purchased in...

Okay, so it's complicated I bought it from a friend who was given it and didn't want it and I said I'd buy it ah so you made him an offer yeah

ah see what I've done that's tough that is tough who's going first is he well did you

did he say what did he how did this conversation go did he go it was basically I've had that in my drawer for years. I don't want it because I'm cleaning my desk out. Do you want it?

And I was like, all right, yeah, but it looks quite nice. So I'll use it for the cheap show. And so I'll give you a couple of quid for it and I've paid or whatever. You know what I mean? So he goes, oh, I'm going to- Two quid. Wait, two quid. Wait.

I'm guessing two quid. Wait. That's what I was thinking, two quid. So- He said, I couldn't accept that much. He said, no, don't be stupid. I said, well, I'll take it. I'll give you it for amount, what was in my pocket. Oh,, I couldn't accept that much. He said, no, don't be stupid. I said, well, I'll take it. I'll give you it for amount, what was in my pocket.

Oh, so it isn't two. Right. And he goes, fine. There you go. Cheers. And then he said, add 25p onto that. Yeah. So, you know.

Quid. What do you think? Quid? £1.30. £1.30. Yes. All right. Well, remember your scores.

We'll come back to it at a later date. I'm putting the foreskin envelope back on. Yeah, have it in its box. I want it, you know. Mint in box. It's not mint. Mint on card. It's disappointing that it's been sitting in a drawer and yet it's still dog-eared.

Yeah, well, it's probably had like a stapler on it and stuff like that in its history. You can't have it anymore. Touch, touch. Anything else you want to point out on it? No, let's have the second item. You want the second item? Wash before first use. That always works.

Yeah, that's good, isn't it? Why? Because we coat it with cyanide. Yeah. Right, ready? Item number two starts with ash.

What is it? Say what you see. This is a lovely little piece. Yeah. It is in the shape, it's like a small pack of cards it looks like,

but it's made to look like a pack of Kellogg's Raisin Splits. Do you remember them? I don't remember them at all. No, they didn't. They were the bomb. Were they? I don't remember.

They are lovely. Was it like Corn Flakes and Raisins, basically? They were from the 80s. No, I think they were almost like a shreddy with raisins in. Inside. But I think they come in the multi-pack. I think in the, you know, when you get the variety pack. I'm having an oof moment.

All right. So they're purple. They've got a red stripe around them. They're called Splits with a Z, like beans with a Z. That's the 80s for you. Yeah. But these are branded. These are sponsored.

And they are tele-addicts. Noel's tele-addicts. Although he doesn't get a name. Woo! Woo! There's the Noels. Noel's tele-addicts. Although he doesn't get it. There's the Noel alert. Noel alert. And they are questions on a tele-addict theme. Yeah, they are. They came free in Kellogg's Splits.

They were a selection of tele-addicts questions. And if you got different serials, you got different genres of questions. I think the thing is, on the back here, the back of the package is a television, like an 80s television. And it's got people on there who I imagine were celebrities of the time

drawn on there. Let's see if we can recognise any of them. I can see Clint Eastwood here. Talking to the mic. I can see Clint Eastwood there, but absolutely no clue who any of the others... The middle one is obvious. Come on.

Is that Angela Lansbury? Yeah. But when she was 20. No, she was a bit in the 60s then. Murder, She Wrote. Yeah. All the genre questions on there are. Oh, there's Kojak.

Classic show. Where's Kojak? I didn't see Kojak. Kojak's up there, mate. The bald one. He was number one in the day, on the week I was born. Good. Do you know who was number one when the day, in the week I was born. Good. Do you know who was number one when you were born? Yeah. Who?

You can ring my bell. I need to ward. 77? 79. Ring my bell. Who was number one when you were born? It was what's that song called? Reggae by XTC?

No, who is it? Come on. I don't like cricket. 10cc. 10cc. Dreadlock Holiday. Dreadlock Holiday. What year was that?

When were you born? I was 78. You're older than me. Yeah. He's older than me. I'm older than both of you. You're older than both of us. Yeah.

And then we've got a Native American chief. Maybe Lone Ranger and Tonto. Is it Tonto? Above him, is that Andrew Agassi? Yeah. Is it? I don't know. I mean, look at the genre.

It might be Columbo. You've got Lansbury there, and then you've got someone who looks like Lansbury as well. I didn't think the cover of this was going to be the most interesting part. But there's questions inside. Well, shall I ask some questions? Ask some questions. Have a little go. See how we do.

How exciting. It's all of a sudden an impromptu quiz. Are you ready? Yeah. Remember, shall I ask some questions? Ask some questions. Have a little go. See how we do. How exciting. It's all of a sudden an impromptu quiz. Are you ready? Yeah. Remember, just so you know. Telly, Alex, drama, detectives, vintage TV, etc. Yeah. They're the genres.

Are you ready for your first question? Yes, Mr. Silverman. Yes. Buzz in. I am a bit high. Hey, y'all. The jokes. Go on. Go on.

Go on. In which programme would you have seen Corporal Rocco Barbella? Chips. Is that your final answer? Well, that's all I've got. I would have guessed... Rocco Barbella. Was it Life on the Streets?

That LA one. Life on LA Streets. I don't know. It's not right. You're both wrong. It's Bilko. Oh, there you go. In which town was All Creatures Great and Small set?

Little Piddleton on the Plop. You are so lame. Is that a real town? Yeah, I don't think it was a real town. Was it made up? It's a made up town, and if you don't think it was a real town. Was it made up? It's a made up town and if you don't know then you do not know.

Fotheringhamshire. Good guess. It's Darabee. I wouldn't be a fan of that. Who was the star featured as the university dropout in Shelley? Shelley.

Something Shelley. Isn't it strange that the premise of that sitcom thing was that he was a university dropout? I don't... I've never even heard or seen anything about this ever before in my life.

I remember watching it with my dad and my dad telling me that the man in it was an alcoholic. It's one of those depressing sitcoms the 80s used to do, like Ever Decreasing Circles and Butterfly. Anything Carla Lane did. Let's talk about Carla fucking Lane, shall we? Gotta get up, gotta get out. Scrabble about the I'm pulling sharp.

Cleo Lane. No, Cleo Lane was... And who was Carla Lane? I got a right bread. Oh, a righting bread. Who's Penny Lane? It's a place in Liverpool. The guy's name was Highwell Bennett.

Oh, he's a waste chap. Now, in which series... Highwell is difficult, isn't it? Because Highwell Bennett oh he's a waste chap now in which series Highwell is difficult isn't it because a well is depth really not very good material Ash

get gotta get better mate come on this is the last one because this is to be honest boring yeah

in which series is there an American cop called Mike Stone Mike Stone Mike now Paul think back to the answer you couldn't think of before. Oh, life on the streets.

Because I never met the metaphor. Streets of LA. Streets of Los Angeles. Two syllables. One more, one more. Streets, Mike Skinner streets. On the streets of Los Angeles. No, one more city.

On the streets of California. On the streets of San Francisco. There you go. Well done. I got that all by myself Michael Douglas yeah and I've got a lovely coconut a lovely seven inch single which

has two different versions of the theme tunes oh nice classic anyway price it price it price it price it I think I'm gonna go 35p I got this from the Arthur Rank charity in Cambridge. 35p.

35p. 50 pence. 50 pence. I'm going quite round numbers. Okay, so. It's a nice little item, I have to say. Okay. Raisin Splits has brought back a yummy, yum, nostalgic feeling in my tumso.

Oh, there you go. Bring it over here. And now for the final, the final item on the price of shite tonight Eli can have this okay now this appears to be a tie

yep it's a blue and white striped tie yep it is is it a blue tie with white stripes or a white tie

with blue stripes it's a blue tie with white stripes yep diagonal stripes yep and it's got a kind of that's very 80s to me yep It's a blue tie with white stripes. Yeah. Diagonal stripes. Yeah. And it's got a kind of... That's very 80s to me.

Yeah. It's got a kind of almost tea towel-like finish. I was thinking tea towel. When you just pulled that out, I thought tea towel. It's got a tea towel-like finish, and it has the little loop stitched on the back there. It's classy. It's a skinny tie, I think you could the little loop stitched on the back there for classy it's a skinny tie I think you'd say

get close to the microphone it's a skinny tie yes it is stop telling me well then alright sorry wow here

yeah what do you think it's nice you look like a Dexys Midnight Runner oh come on in this moment It's nice. You look like a Dexys Midnight Runner. Oh, come on, Arlene. In this moment.

I hate that song so much. I hate it more now. 75p. Yeah, 75p for you. How much do you think? 150. 150. Right.

Excellent. Here we go. I think you're going to be pleasantly surprised. So for the Doctor Who thing the spork what did you say? how much did you say? I said £1

you said £1 and I said £130 the actual price of this was 75p Ash gets a point yes he's in with 25p is he within 25p?

he fucking is isn't he? so I'm going to let him have that so point there you can let me have it because that's the rules of the game. Yeah, exactly. I'm a fair man. So next one, the Kellogg's Splits free questions for teleaddicts that I got from Arthur Rank Charity.

That is... What did you say? Cheryl, inside her sad split. What did you say this was? 35p. I said 50. And you'd be getting two points for saying 50p

because that's how much it costs this is so fixed that's great how's it fixed he just had a little conversation with you no conversation

he just showed me the receipt he just texted yeah he texted the receipts to him no I didn't before the fucking show

he just got bit off on the first one just to throw us just get one point on one of them so let's get on with the 75p tie this is a fucking sham

the tie let's just get on with the 75p tie the tie the tie you said what 18,000 doesn't matter

because I was wrong wasn't I you might get two points for this I said £1.50 £1.50 and you said 75p

well you're both wrong it was found next to a bin on some dog dirt it was on some dried dog dirt and I think the man took it off

and it fell on the poo I've got it around my neck and it was free so I picked it up it was on dried dog poo it was

I think it was dry it was the man had done a poo he'd taken his tie off to do a poo. What are you talking about, man? Why did you sniff it? I've got to check now. It smells okay.

It smells freshly laundered. Well, it was found on some dog dirt. I reckon it was human dirt. I'd take a time. If I was doing a poo, I'd take my time. Where? Next to some bins? It was outside a place in Liverpool Street

and outside an office block. The war is heated up here. I got you to put it around your neck. You didn't even notice when I passed it to him. I used my thumb and my forefinger

away from where the muck was. Oh, ha, ha. I didn't enjoy that. Right, next time we're going to have a blindfold edition, yeah? Yeah. And it's going to be

taste of shite. Your dick in my mouth. I'm going to fucking K-Y my dick and put it in your ear when you're asleep. And then you press guess the fucking price of that.

Fucking what? This is not the intro to the show. This is the intro to the show. It's not the show. It's halfway through the fucking almost at the end of the show. Do you want me to do a bit of intro to this bit? Yeah, go on.

Welcome back, everybody. Now, it's a section I've been looking forward to, Paul. Why? Because it's a special Moog edition of Eli's Platters. Silverman's Platters. Yes, please. Yeah. Well, I've been looking forward to this myself as

well here comes Jory McFatter with the platter splatter and he's a hatter your preconceived

notions I will shatter you and your everything you stand for do not matter oh okay

oh go on it was going to be set platter but I don't suppose Either of you know who he is I know who he is He's a football man Yeah

Sort of Yeah I'm incorruptible Unlike Sepp Blatter Allegedly Okay So Doesn't quite scan

But yeah Yes it's a Moog version So explain to me And our listeners Who may not know But not me But not Ash Please tell Ash You've got to explain to Paul and the listeners But me Okay Not me For those of listeners who may not know. But not me. But not Ash. Please tell Ash anything.

You've got to explain to Paul and the listeners, but me. Okay, not me. For those of you who don't know, the Moog was basically the first commercially available synthesizer. Right. Way back. What is a synthesizer? Synthesizer is, I don't know. Synthesizer is sound.

Synthesizer is, yes, it's something that makes a sound using an electronic signal, basically. So they weren't able to do that before. They had Mellotrons. The very early sort of electronic keyboard things that they made had tape loops. So each key would depress a different tape loop. Wow. And some of that is on the Radiophonic workshop. They use those.

That's very primitive. Then Mr. Moog, which is how you actually say his name. Yes. Mr. Moog came along and he developed the first commercially available synths. And now you know. And there was also... Not very funny, but it's factually accurate. The original Moog synthesizer was a big unwieldy thing.

I've actually been in a room with one and used it. And it had these things where you... Modules, basically, on it, where you had to connect it and you had to set the modulation on each one. And they would sort of... Wow. Great. They would change by themselves.

You know, they'd sort of slip. And so it was all very difficult to keep a sound. But I think that does add to the sound. That kind of sums up what the sound is. Yeah, it can sum it up. So they would slip and they'd be very difficult. But then he came out with the Mini Moog. Now, if you hear the Moog on a record. Yeah.

Chances are. Chances are it's a Mini Moog. The Mini Moog was a big seller because it was much more, you know, portable and handy to use. And then you had the other things like the Korg and the ARP. And we're going to be listening to some of the ARP today. And what's the difference between Korg, ARP and Moog? They're all early.

It's just sounds now, isn't it? They're all types of early synthesizer, Paul. Korg. You know, basically they eventually got over the kind of problems that the original Moog had think right uh you know basically they got they eventually got over the kind of problems that the original moog had with it you know being hard to sort of keep a sound and uh you know a lot of fiddly stuff that you had to do so it's all kind of variations on the same moog also had one of those things which does the tone like a tone a bendy thing yeah don't you think it is incredible that they what used to take up the size of a room can now be done on your phone?

Yeah, it's a bit sad. You can get a cool thing on your phone, can't you? Okay. This is a very dry section of the show. It's not dry. It's dry because you are. I've not said anything. Yeah, exactly.

You've not said anything, have you? You are making it. He's the Moog. No, you don't get to introduce the music on this show. Paul, you are... Come and throw your weight around, mate. Fuck you. You are...

Vaginal dryness and hives. How... You go around the country... Because that's the thing, like... I tried to do it. Divers... Drive-ins and dives. Vaginal dryness and hives.

Yes. It wasn't witty the first time. I tried to get them to play the Moog. It's increasingly less funny now. Vaginal dryness, use chives. If you say it and carryives. Yes, it wasn't witty the first time. I tried to get them to play the movie. It's increasingly less funny now. Vaginal dryness, use chives. If you say it and carry on saying it,

it doesn't make it Use a chive poultice. Again. What is that? It's a poultice. It's like a little bag which you put some chopped chives in

and then put it on your dry fanny. Why do you want to come back on this podcast? Why do you? Are you ready for my splatters? Love is the love.

Is it? Yeah, not from you guys. No. The listeners are great. They're all lovely. Some of them. Shall we listen to a bit of the Moog? Play the Moog! You don't get to introduce the song.

Paul, you're such a petulant little no-mark. Oh, I don't know what that means. What does that mean? Exactly. I don't care. This is Paul does that mean exactly oh I don't care I don't care this is Paul's attitude to gaining new knowledge don't worry

don't care don't care all of my thoughts were set in 85 and I was watching Bullseye and wanking for the first time no you don't get

introduced to the songs I spunked watching Bullseye for the first time that's the name of your autobiography is it I spunked watching Bullseye for the first time. That's the name of your autobiography. Is it? I spunked watching Bullseye.

How Jim Bowen improved my stroke. So, hit the Moog. No, you don't. So, what's the first track? The first one, we're going to go for classic. Now, when Moog came out,

it was a novelty sound that people hadn't heard before. One of the very first Moog that was on a pop song was, what's it called? Sign of My Father? Oh, do-do-do-do-do-do.

Really? That was the first to use Moog? That is a Moog. That is Sign of My Father by Chickery Tip. Why do I know that? That was a very popular song. Do you know who I know that? That was a very popular song. I thought you'd dig in for that information as well. It was a very popular song. And do you know who's behind that?

One of the masters, lords, lords of the synth, you might say. Yeah. Giorgio Moroder. Together in electric dreams. He did that and famously did the synth on... Blade on it? No, that's Vangelis. Oh.

He famously did the synth on Donna Summer's Give Me Love. Show Me Love, what's it? Wouldn't that have been the first one to use it then? No, Chicory Tip, several years before. Hit the Moog! That wasn't even a Moog on the Donna Summer. Get away.

On the Donna Summer, it wasn't even a Moog. That would have been a more advanced... That's just electronic music. It was probably something like an ARP or something. Yes, that pulsing isn't it because that's when you see on the earlier Moogs

you couldn't you couldn't actually program a sequence of notes that's guys I feel love I feel love I never thought you had a falsetto there

I have a falsetto mate I don't want to explain that to the listener he grabbed his stuff and said I have a full load of something full set i have a full set oh right i've got a big hairy ball sack it's more on the nose with eli the ball sack's more yeah it is more than his nose so when the moog i just wanted to do one point yeah the moog originally couldn't do those sequences that you hear on Show Me Love or whatever it's called.

You know, that's like a sequence of Bruce Forsythe bit. Very musical show today. Okay. More than anything in my life, I want to hear someone do a cover of

I Feel Love using Brucey sound effects. Yeah, that would be good. It's just perfect. Anyway, go on. What's the song we're listening to? No, God, I want to hear that so badly. So, the

first one is off an LP I picked up in Oxfam for £1.50, so it's a proper staying on message there, Paul. This isn't an expensive record. And it is. Phase Stereo 4 is the sort of series and it has

Le Muleur Stereo Demande now these are the records that were basically put out to help people sell hi-fi equipment

oh so like here's how good it can sound put this on it demonstrates stereo basically and you can see this is the only one

in the series so the songs are purposely put together so they get the left and right channel and show how clear and it does it is some quite

impressive stereo on this I love that so and this is electronic experience number one and it's by Claude Donjon

and synthesizer and this is proper old school Moog this is what was done with the Moog when it first came out

they go like let's make a record where we cover popular songs on the Moog just This is what was done with the Moog when it first came out. They go like let's make a record where we cover popular songs on the Moog just so you can get a taste of it. And but this is a real treat. And what is it?

What the song track is called. We're going to go for hey, no, no. Hey, hey, goodbye. And it goes which the original was by Steam and it goes something

like you fucking ruined it. Not only did you get there early, but you know you ruined it when it was your time i came too soon hit the moog do it go on hit please hit the moog i hope i get it this fucking song just put it on Thank you. I really like that. Yes. Oh, it felt good. That is tip-top class. You hit the Moog and you hit it right into a good part of the Moog.

There's some classy Moog on that, man. That is like, it's a Moog wet dream for me, this whole album. Now, other notable tunes on it, it's a Moog wet dream for me this whole album other notable tunes on it it's a version of Proud Mary yeah Lady Lay Lady Lady Lay

yeah House of the Rising Sun that song as you said before has been often accredited to Lennon and McCartney Lennon and McCartney but it's not

it's a song it was a huge hit by a group called Steam and I don't believe they had many other singles and they were something of a one hit wonder

yes and they were a studio sort of concoction they were sort of some session players just came together that had a song like a White House family

White House family yeah no but a lot better than the White House family the White House family are the worst the worst

beige they're horribly beige ocean drive don't know why I feel blue songs gonna shine on everything

you do don't know why I feel so blue there's a man who's worked in local radio for most of his life way too long

gonna shine on everything you do anyway I like that song you go deep Way too long. I'm going to shine on everything, dude. Anyway, I like that song. You go deep there. Your eyes closed, your hands come up. He's getting it from deep, deep within. It was deep.

That came, that borrowed out. Okay. So, that is known as Hey Hey Goodbye. A lovely version. And I like the breakdown. And there's a bit where the breakdown comes in. I don't know if you're going to be able to play that. Oh, I'm going to put that motherfucker in right now. When the bass comes in.

I'm going to put it in right about now. so oh sexy boy it's really good it's got that french sort of french pop vibe you know what i mean got me all fizzy and it is that kind of French 60s pop has a name yeah yeah yeah yeah which is spelt Y-E-Y-E yeah yeah music

what does that mean it's just it refers to that kind of pop no no no I don't know probably just this nonsense sort of like go go yeah yeah

sort of it's just a and I'm well into that especially there's a singer called France Gal she's a brilliant singer anyway well

how many platters does it get I'm going to give that five I love it top platters I really it actually affected me

internally yeah I saw the electricity emanating from you I could listen to that yeah I like it

it's great nice evening of that so I'm going to give it four okay four for me great nice evening of that so I would I'm going to give it four four for me what do you I'm going full five I'm going

I'm plaited out okay well then that's great I think we can say that's a successful first plaiter Silverman so what is plaiter number two

don't say play I will not say the moog hit the moog because you'd also be wrong this time this isn't moog. Hit the Moog! Because you'd also be wrong this time. This is not Moog.

This is the ARP. So, next up. Slam in my ARP! No. That's worse. Is it? That's considerably worse. Sorry.

On many levels. Now, the next up is a seven inch. Stop sniffing the pop shield as well. Guys. Go on. I need some focus here, yeah? Fuck us. Now, next up on this Moog special edition of Silverman's Platters.

The first but not the last, we hope. No, I've got plenty of Moog in the trunk. Couldn't have said it better myself. I've got plenty of Moog in the trunk. But this, again, interests me because there's no artist. Again, it seems to be a record just sort of designed to sort of demonstrate the sound of these wonderful new instruments that were coming out. And this, in fact, the artist is called

The Amazing Music of the Electronic Arp Synthesizer. Catchy. And it's arranged by Gordon Langford. Now, on the first side, you've got a tune by Gordon Langford. Exciting. Carries Carousousel which is okay yeah but on the

on the go ahead sorry I will say this after I've listened to it but it is carousel music isn't it yes

now but the the B side which is what we're listening to is more interesting for me Cocktails for Two oh and it's written by two other people

not Langford and I think it Oh. And it's written by two other people, not Langford. And I think it shows. Good information. It's better. And it really is, who let the biomorphic gnomes from the other side in to make their squibble squibble noises all over my record? Do you know what I mean?

Well then, by all means. That's the... See, that was your moment to say something. Oh, because Eli went and said something. Yeah, I know. You ruined it, actually. You're trying to be... You're fucking shit.

Hit the arp. No. Arp me off. No, start the arp. Start the arp off. No, don't add anything to it. I've given you a great line there. Open up the door.

Climb in. I've given you a great line there. Start the arp. And it's up to you now to decide whether you take it on or just be an unprofessional idiot. Stick it arp me. All right.

I like that one now. Yeah. Put it arp me. All right an unprofessional idiot. Stick it up me! Alright, I like that one now. Put it up me! Alright, you peaked. Right, you peaked. What's this track called again? This is Cocktails for Two. Let's play it now. 다음 영상에서 만나요! I'm not sure if I can get the last one, but I'm sure I can get the last one. I'm not sure if I can get the last one, but I'm sure I can get the last one. I'm not sure if I can get the

last one, but I'm sure I can get the last one. I'm not sure if I can get the last one. I'm not sure if I can get the last one. I'm not sure if I can get the last one.

I'm not sure if I can get the last one. I'm not sure if I can get the last one. I'm not sure if I can get the last one. I'm not sure if I can get the last one.

I'm not sure if I can get the last one. I'm not sure if I can get the last one. I'm not sure if I can get the last one. That is... Does it have a wibble-wibble quotient of fucking 500%? Yes. That's a massive wibble quotient.

It has a squibble-wibble squelchy-wibby-woo. That adds a platter, doesn't it? Definitely. That's a classic platter. Now, that is the kind of silly Moog record, or, well, squelchy, wibby, woo. That adds a platter, doesn't it? That is. That's a classic platter. The squibble, wibble. Now, that is the kind of silly Moog record,

or, well, it's an art record, that silly synth and the size of music that I really love. I don't know why I love it. I just do. It's like demented. It's silly music. It's madhouse music. It's in an asylum, a man plays with coloured blocks

whilst he plays in their head. You can't listen to that and not smile. Impossible. Would you use this for playtime for kids? Yes. Would you use it if you were stalking someone in a killer's mask and knife? Do you know what I'd do, Paul? Yeah.

I'd put this on a high-powered pair of headphones. Yeah. I'd gel my knob right up, and I would put each can, as it were, each headphone on either side of my dick. Then I'd get off as I vibrate my penis to climax. Is that what you want? No.

Is that where you're going with this? I don't think it was. Would I do this whilst rolling around in my own shit? No. Would I listen to this while raping a pig? Would I do this whilst eating a human flesh mask? Was that what you wanted? No. Would I do this whilst trying to vomit outside

of my nostrils on purpose? Trying to puke out my nostrils on purpose? No. I was really just going to ask if that was a song you'd wank to. No. I would. No. I would. You've ruined it now. You've ruined it. Did I say anything about

vomiting out of my nose? I love as well when it starts coming in with the real when it does that, I'm sold. Okay, good. So, how many platters? That's a three platter from me. Three platter from Ash. I'm going to go with a three as well. I'll say three and a half.

Okay, so that's what, six and a half altogether. No, it's nine and a half altogether. Okay. So the first one's winning. Now, we're going to have an appearance for our last platter on this Moog special, Paul and Ash. I have to say that contractually. Yeah, contractually you are

obliged to mention. Contractually. I've got to be mentioned every 38 seconds, otherwise there are issues. Right. Now, we have for the third, this is, now we're going to actually

someone who is famous in the world of synthesized music and electronic music. Jean-Michel Jarre. Which is Walter Carlos, who had his big break, I think, on the world stage by being the composer

of the music by Blade Runner no Paul no for a oh I know another different film

the Clockwork Orange I said that first but that Walter that rings a bell but I can't think why she is now

Wendy Carlos oh that's why oh she went for a sex change and she's now Wendy Carlos and now I have's why. She went for a sex change and she's now Wendy Carlos. Now I have they've got a list of albums

by Walter Carlos. I've got one of them at least. Switched on Bach number one I've got. And there's one called The Well-Tempered Synthesizer. You're right, mate. You just seem a bit lost in it. Or dreamy. And then there's one

called you're such a cunt honestly Paul you fucking you sit there you know what I mean you just I'm trying to fucking

talk about something I like yeah something I'm into yeah you just sit there like a cunt in your fucking flannel shirt

all like fucking boy on his day off wow good note good put down one of your best you look like someone who's All that, ooh, fucking boy on his day off. Wow. No, good put down. One of your best. You look like someone who's driving his kids to a Top Gear live show.

All right, I'll take that. All right, so now... No, good recovery. Let's, all right, let's... This is Bert Bacharach's song What's New Percycat Percycat I don't know that cartoon character do you? You know Percycat? Oh okay, what's new?

He's friends with Tom Jones What's new Percycat? Meow, the internet Right Paul, what's new Percycat? Meow, VCR recorders Right Yeah Okay

So Crystal meth This could become Another fucking section What's new Percycat He just goes Meow Wifi

Yeah exactly Different year This is What's new Pussycat Made famous by Tom Jones This is particularly demented. Yes, it is. As I think you'll find, yes. So have a little listen to it right now. Thank you. yeah unsettling nutty it incredible, isn't it?

And this is someone who made a lot of money out of that. Now, to go off on a little sidebar, you pointed me out to a thing on Adult Swim called Battle of the Synths. Lords of the Synths. And it's a spoof retro 80s comedy documentary about three quote-unquote famous synth players. And they just basically used the three

most famous sort of electronic music pioneers. Wendy Carlos, Giorgio Moroder, who we've mentioned, and Vangelis, who did the soundtrack for Blade Runner. But also had a big synth hit with Jean-Paul Jarre. Jean-Paul Jarre. for Blade Runner but also had a big synth hit yeah with

no that was Jean-Paul Jarre Jean-Paul Jarre Jean-Michael Jarre Jean-Michel Jarre Jean-Michel Jarre Jean-Michael Jarre

he was the guy from Airwolf that was him yeah yeah who did the Airwolf thing so the guy who did that song was the guy from Airwolf no

not I know anyway Lords of the Synth and they have a a synth off fictional synth off it's very funny I've not seen it yet but we'll put a link to that video No. Not I know. Anyway, Lords of the Synth, and they have a... Synth-off. Fictional synth-off. It's very funny.

I've not seen it yet, but we'll put a link to that video on our webpage for this episode. So if you go to our website, you go to www.thecheapshow.co.uk, and then go to this episode, whatever this number is, I've forgotten. We'll put a little video in. And indeed all pictures and videos that accompany the things we talk about in this show. Continue, Mr. Silverman. That's it. That's the end of the section, isn't it? Oh. We didn't we talk about in this show. Continue, Mr. Silverman. That's it? That's the end of the section, isn't it?

Oh, we didn't really talk about the song. Stop the moog. Oh, this. This song. It's not working for you, Ash. Now, this record comes from a record Walter Carlos by request. Now, really though? Did someone say, you should make an album?

And it has, well, typically what Walter Carlos would do is Bach covers and stuff but this interesting to me has pop songs so that's why we've got What's New Pussycat

also a version of Eleanor Rigby which is are they all quite fair ground gone wrong kind of thing it's broken down

organ grinder yeah and they there are also two you know what? I thought they called me in bed, the broken down organ grinder.

Interestingly, the other good thing about this LP is that it has two original compositions by Walter Carlos. Get close to the mic. Episodes for piano and electric sound, which is really weird. You think this was... They have proper avant-garde noise,

you know, music concrets, sort of noise poems, and one called Geodesic Dance as well, Electronic Etude, which is, maybe we'll put those on another edition. Maybe another day. But they are really crazy. We're only hinting at how crazy

and bleep bleepy this music can get. Both very cray cray, and very bleep bleep. What, you going to rate that last one then? I will give that four.

I'm going to give it four for it's just sheer audacity. I think I'm going five for the sheer audacity and the fact that it just feels like it is the

genre. Like that to me feels like it kind of epitomises everything that you've told me about. About Moog cover albums.

And it seems to be done, I don't know whether you can tell a quality like there is a quality to it that is high production values i think it's that i think that probably sums it up there we go what a successful moog special of cheap show that was eli i'm gonna shake your brother hand i'm not touching you in real life what if you can you were you, were you shaking Ash? Yes. He's okay. He's not weird. He has,

not all Paul Gannon's are very triggered. And he has less, less clammy hands. They're not clammy. They are. They is clammy. Oh, stop.

Oh. Okay. Well, let's end, yeah, let us stand. Yeah, let us down. And that's all we've got time for on Cheap Show this week.

Thank you to Ash Frith for joining us again. I'm so pleased to have been here. I hope you'll have me back soon. Well, let's see what next week says. Oh. Eli. Yeah? S what next week says. Oh. Eli. Yeah. Suck a fucking cock.

I'm just talking with you. Oh, fuck you. Talking with your attitude. I've got something to finish with. Oh, yeah? One thing we haven't brought up. Keith. It's Keith, right? So you know about Keith, don't you?

Keith? I'm going to get in. I'm going to go get in. Keith is the third chief. Paul, I'm going to go get Keith. No, don't. No, seriously. Ash has to see Keith.

I don't. Ash has to see Keith. I'd like to see Keith please Keith is the third member of Cheap Show you're now the fourth I've been degraded

you have downgraded the reaction to Keith and degraded the reaction to Keith was much stronger and warmer for him than you

well that's I've been to comic cons with you I've seen the warmth yeah it fizzes it really does. Yeah, it sparkles.

Oh, my God. I heard about this guy. I don't want to touch it. No, don't put it anywhere fucking near you. Why is it out of its packaging? Well, it's dry. It's completely dry. Yeah, I know, but why isn't it in a jar of something?

They gave you a jar for it. Why is it in a jar? It's not in a jar. It's just a rotting core. It's not rotting. It's desiccated. Yeah, that's better. Like desiccated coconut. That's a dead animal. Why doesn't it live in a package? Why isn't it

anywhere else but in this fucking room? Listen, Keith does what Keith needs to do. I'm going to ask you a serious question here. Imagine the possibility of you bringing a lady back home, right? And she finds a desiccated corpse in your...

Yeah, and I go, you want to see my mole? You've seen my dead mole, how about my live mole? Yeah. This is horrible. This is fucking horrible. Mr Biffo bought this, didn't he? I'll just take my headphones off my cock.

And then this is an awful end of an episode. No, I've not told the story yet, Paul. Go on. It's horrible. Go on. Just get it over with. Well, don't interrupt me then. Yeah.

Who did that? Doesn't matter. Move on. Get on with it. I reckon it was... Get on with it, you fuck. Whoa. Just to answer your question before I'm bullied by Paul.

One of his legs is off. No, his legs is... Look, it's right there. I can't look at it because I'll gag. What's the hole towards the... Yeah, that's what I can feel. That's part of my story. Talking about it.

I can feel my gag reflex. Oh, God. Stop being big wimps, okay? It's just a fucking dead mole from 20 years... You brought a corpse into the podcast. The sentence, it's just a fucking dead mole, is enough to kind of show that you're the one with the problem hit the mole

whack a mole I was asleep the other day someone did killed it right I was asleep the other day and Eli fucks the mole

in this story no I don't did it tumble off the shelf I was sort of half asleep and I heard a sort of dry and I thought what's that

what is that and then I thought oh no never mind I'll go keep going to sleep yeah I what is that and then I I thought oh no never mind I'll go keep going to sleep and then in the morning

Keith had moved from the shelf right and he was lying down and he was exposing his other face Paul

the other face the other face the dark face if everyone we need to take a photo of this so people can see Keith is a

he's a two-faced mandarin and why fruit why did and he was showing me his other face

his witch's hole why right it's his witch's hole why is he bought this why is this a thing that's able to be bought

so now and it was an omen and a message to me Paul it might be an omen like as in the omen the keep show

does not have a ghost mole on it it does and when he shows the bad side when he shows the witch hole side

it's not like a good quality mole it's not like a taxidermy or formaldehyde mole it looks like a white dog turd. Yes, it does.

Why have you kept it? Why are you touching it? Keith's got going for it. The yawping death mask butthole side has been exposed of Keith and he is... Paul, are you okay? I want to end the show

and I don't want to talk about a dead animal's second arse face. Yeah. It's really that simple. Oh, you got it in one. Well done, you were brief. There's a new song by Strewn Onions coming out. It's the witch hole of the Keith mole. The witch hole is the side that we don't like

he's the witch mole with his Keith hole he's the, are you saying, I'm singing now I'm the Keith monster witch hole double sided playing card he's the jack of death with his claws, the jack of

death, it's Keith shut up shut up alright I'm putting him back With his claws, the jack of death. It's keep... Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. You wretched... All right, I'm putting you back. I'm putting you back. Okay, Ash. I'd prefer it.

And while you're gone, I'm going to end the show. So say goodbye. Goodbye. Ash, thank you for being on the show. Until the end, it was a pleasure. Until the end. Yeah, and then it all got a bit fucking Texas Chainsaw Massacre. So, thank you for supporting us on Patreon.com forward slash cheap shit. If you want to donate as little or as much as you'd like, that would be great. I've got a bit fucking Texas Chainsaw Massacre so thank you for supporting us on

patreon.com forward slash cheap shit if you want to donate as little or as much as you'd like I've got a new kick kick listen

no I've got a thing no I've got a thing no if you would like me to oil Keith up no

and come round your house no and just stick him through this through this stop it stop

just poke him through that box yeah poke him through that box what kind that's a great tier of reward for our patrons. How much would that be? That's $5 and more.

No, it's not. You're going to go to every house in the UK. What about if they said that go to Edinburgh? $500. One off. I'm coming around with Keith naked. Are you naked or is Keith naked? Yeah, we both are.

Just so you know. I'm sellotaping Keith to my penis. That for $500 on Patreon. He will go naked. Anywhere in the world. Anywhere in the world. I'll have a bathing gown on. I'm only going to get naked once I arrive at their house.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Which I'll do, Paul. I'll do it for you and this podcast and the love that Keith has engendered in our listenership. Patreon.com forward slash cheap show. Thank you for supporting us. Thank you. Thank you for deciding to support us.

I've been Paul Gannonannon at paul gannon show the podcast twitter is at the cheap show pod you can find eli at eli snoid which is e-l-i-s-n-o-i-d and ash can be found at ash frith on twitter and do listen to the pranks and furth podcast pr Enough of this. Pranks and Firth podcast. It's on all good iPod devices. Right, I'm good. And follow me on Twitter because I really need that in my life. And there's a Reddit page and a Facebook page and there's loads of things

you can get involved in. Barshan's every Friday as well. And I think if you want to go to the website and look at the page that associates with this episode with the videos and songs. Can I just make

this promise www.thecheapshow.co.uk go on you will have a photo of the the witch arse end of yes that will be

and watch my episodes of Barshans because they were so long ago and they just won't take me back on the show and I don't know why

why not I don't want him back better than you better than you you fucking bastard. Comment on those videos and say how good they were. I need that. All right.

I've gone off you all. You can all sign off then. Bye, everyone. Thanks. Go on you. I love you both. Oh, God, I love you. And I'm just going to say goodbye.

Thank you for listening to Cheap Show. My heart is fractured. All right. Kiss, kiss. Just press the fucking button.