CheapShow - Ep 85: Fun City

Episode Date: July 19, 2018

Do you wanna have a bit of fun? Shall we have a bit of fun? OK. Let's do it! In episode 85 Paul & Eli bend over backwards to have a super duper fun time and YOU can join us. How much fun is there? Lots. We have super fun pretending to be hard bitten detectives when a Tales from the Shop Floor inspires the cheap chaps to go overboard on the over acting. There is a even a wicked fun Price of Shite that manages to cram in TWO completely different versions of the game. That's fun, isn't it? Yes. Yes it is. But the fun doesn't stop there. Hell no! We end the show by taking a trip to "Fun City" a retro board game that demands Eli and Paul have as much fun as humanly possible... but don't forget to help the old lady cross the road!! What does that mean? Well why don't you listen to this FUN episode of CheapShow and find out? Fun. Fun! FUN!!! And if you like us, why not support us: www.patreon.com/cheapshow Share & Enjoy. Subscribe or Die! www.thecheapshow.co.uk If you want to get involved, email us at [e-mail] And if you have to, follow us on Twitter @thecheapshowpod or @paulgannonshow & @elisnoid If you like what you hear, please spread the word! Like, Review, Share, Comment... LOVE US!

Hello, faithful Cheap Show listener. Just a little announcement before we get into the episode proper. Basically, we put our ticket up for the live show on October 14th, Sunday of this year. And within a few hours, they sold out, which is pretty amazing. But it meant a lot of you couldn't get your hands on tickets. Now, what we will say is this. I'm currently working really hard to try and do a second show on the same date in London for those who still want to try and see us for our 100th show.

So it might be 100 part one and episode 100 part two. We just don't know, but I'm going to try and do that. However, we can't tell you via the podcast, so you're going to have to keep your eyes on social media or on our website, thecheapshow.co.uk. If you go to our Twitter account, at thecheapshowpod, hopefully as soon as we get news of a second show, that information is going to go right up there too. Again, if you're a Patreon subscriber, you're also going to get that information a little bit earlier as a result

and hopefully a bit of a discount too on that second show still. So that's all we can say. It's amazing that we've started our first show. We're going to try and do a second. And if you want to come, keep your eyes and ears peeled. The website, again, thecheapshow.co.uk or on Twitter, at thecheapshowpod. That's your best way of finding out

if you're going to get your hands on tickets for our 100th show. So, without any further ado, here is the actual episode. I thank you. Eli. Paul. Let's have a lot of fun this episode, yeah? You and me, let's have some proper fun. Okay, I'm ready.

Sure. Let's have fun. Yeah, because sometimes, you know, we're at each proper fun. Okay, I'm ready. Sure. Let's have fun. Yeah. Because sometimes, you know, we're at each other's throats and it's all a bit heavy, but just today, just for this one show.

Just for today? Can we have a little bit of fun? No. No, come on, a little bit of fun. Come on, ladies and gentlemen, we want to have a little bit of fun, don't we?

One, two, three, we want a bit of fun. One, two, three, we want a bit of fun. Come on. I'm not joining in. Everyone joining in at. One, two, three, we want a bit of fun. Come on. I'm not joining in. Everyone joining at home listening after three. One, two, three, we want a bit of fun. You are a pseudopeed.

What does that mean? You know what it means. It's not the best you've got today. It's, well... Pseudo-peed. Here we are. Shall I just do the intro then? You tried to have a little bit of fun. I want to have a little bit of fun today.

Let's have a little bit of fun. You can have a bit of fun over your side of the table. All right. Keep the spit shield up. Yeah? Yeah. Right. Why, do I spit?

You do more than that, my friend. It's fucking hot today, though, isn't it? Yeah. You fizz like a frothy cock rocket. You're not allowed to use the word froth. What do you mean? It's my word. You fucking little prick.

You gawking here. I thought we were having fun, Paul. Immediately, you attacked me. You just stole a brand name from me. You steal lines from bottom every week. That's not the argument here, though. The argument here is that you just used froth with gay abandon. I will gaily spurge my

sproff. There we go. Sproff. Sproff off. Right, well, let's do the intro then. Here you go. It's a little bit of fun. Today's Cheap Show is a little bit of fun. Hello, ladies and gentlemen. Here I am. That's a lot of fun, isn't it?

In the big old cane bro yes it's eli silverman and it's time for another episode of cheap show it is paul gannon let's have a little bit of fun i hate you and your fucking noodle posse People love noodles, alright? It's a fact of cheap soap, you're gonna have to fucking reset. Tales from the Darks. How's the big guy? A price of sight. It's a true gun and say hello. Eli Silver.

Welcome to Geap Show. They're not going on a nuzzle. So what have we got coming up on this extra fun episode of Cheap Show today? Well, we've got a lot of fun with... What? We're going to have a lot of fun today? I refuse to not have fun on this episode of Cheap Show. Okay, fair enough. So we're going to start the show with tales from the shop floor. We've got some nice ones to read out today.

That's nice. Okay, good. Because last time, I still have that image. Of? A sink full of diarrhoea. When you close your eyes. Yeah, and it's like, you know what I mean? Yeah, nice.

That was the first one ever I actually had an involuntary gag reflex. So let's see if we can top that today. Let's see if we can. So we've got that. We've got a Price of Shite coming up with a bonus Price of Shite atop of it. So that's going to be a little bit of fun, isn't it? That will be a lot of fun. Sounds like double-decker fun.

So far, it's a double-decker bus of fun. Sounds like a penis sandwich of fun. Have you had a penis sandwich? I fucking... My pants are a penis sandwich. With your what? Your balls being the bread? The balls are the liquid lunch.

What does that even mean? What does that even mean? Mate, my crotch down... Seriously, it's like Dagobah down there. I tell you what... Keep expecting Luke's... I wanted to ask you this, actually. I wanted to make an extra appear out of my arsehole.

I wanted to ask you this. Yeah. What is officially, like, going commando? Because today I have... I wanted to ask you this. Yeah. What is officially like going commando? Because today I have I've got no panties. I'm not wearing no panties. You're not wearing no panties? I'm not wearing no panties today.

Oh, this is good. But my shorts do have an underlay. Underlay, underlay. Yee-bah, yee-bah. That comprises Yeah. underwear.

Do you see what I'm getting? Built in. Like a long john. Well, no, they've got built in in between your shorts have got a kind of undercarriage

yeah a built in yeah pair of undies yeah so is that am I commando or am I not commando it's an interesting

discussion Eli I'm just saying it's a lot of fun let's think it is fun do you know what isn't fun I think you are commando I think commando

explicitly means you're not wearing no panties yeah means you're not wearing no panties. Yeah. Whereas you are not wearing no panties. You're just wearing your shorts. They happen to have a webbing. You're not resolving this. I am.

I think you've gone commando today. I have got baggy underpants on. Yeah. Because the- Get the breezes. To get the breeze through. Get the whiffle waffle. Yeah, to get a little bit of a will-o'-the-wisp up there.

A little will-o'-the-wisp. Yeah. You know. You like your hairs all drying out. If I walk stridently, I can get a nice breeze through. Bullfresh, bullfresh, bullfresh. Yeah.

So, you know. Right, good. I'm glad we covered that. I'm glad we covered that too. So, just for the record, if you're listening and you're not wearing no panties, you're commando. No, but then you are wearing panties, you know. Right, good. I'm glad we covered that. I'm glad we covered that too. So, just for the record, if you're listening and you're not wearing no panties, you're commando.

No, but then you are wearing panties. Double negative. I'm not not wearing no panties. You're not not wearing no panties. I'm not not wearing no, no, no panties. No panties. No panties. It's like a Hardcastle single from the 80s.

Paul Hardcastle. And then we're playing, to finish the show off, we're playing a lovely game called Fun City. Is it a board game, Paul? It is a board game. Have you got a problem with board games?

I do. I actually do. So that's what you can expect on Cheap Show today. Let's have a lot of fun. Oh, God. But before we start doing any wacky fun hijinks on Cheap Show today, I just wanted to mention something.

So, you know, last time you were here. It came, bro. Or when I was with you. Last time we recorded Cheap Show, you had your little favourite quote, didn't you, from YouTube? Your little quote. Remember that little quote was like, Paul, I want to say,

Eli's a hero, Paul is a king. Eli is king. Yeah. Paul is a nonce. Yeah. Something I presume you'd like tattooed on your arm one day. Well, no. Yeah? Not in case I go to prison. I just want... And it sort of washes off somehow. Someone removes the whole rest of it before the word nonce and then

I get killed in prison because they think I'm a nonce. Could happen, Paul. It couldn't. I mean, I don't want it to happen, Eli. As much as we have our banter, I do, you know. You don't want me to be murdered in prison. And I also want this show to stay away from prison sex death jokes, if that's alright. Oh, is there a boundary now?

Is there a line that Eli's not... Have we corporatised to this extent, Paul? Yes. What am I not allowed to say? Cunt? Am I not allowed to say cunt? You can't say cunt. Good.

Cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt. Good. I'm in the mood now. I'm in the mood now, Paul. It's a hot day and the window is open, so I know... I have no idea what the neighbors think. I'm in the mood to do the show now, Paul. You've warmed me.

You've riled me. Anyway. Anyway. Fucking boundaries to what I can and cannot make jokes about on this pod. What else? I don't know.

We'll see as we go. So, yeah. There was that thing. Sorry I read it out because it's all a bit unsavoury now. Yeah. Well, is that what

you're trying to say? Anyway. Stop the nonce talk. Anyway, I just want to read a YouTube comment from a recent Barshan's episode. Oh, no. It's from the pixel game that I'm in with Barry. You know, Anyway, I just want to read a YouTube comment from a recent Barshan's episode.

It's from the pixel game that I'm in with Barry. You know, the one we had to guess the characters based on the pixel. You know, that one that we did quite well on. Yes, that was a good game. It's a review anyway. There's a comment underneath this and it simply says this. At last, a Barshan's video worth watching. One without Eli sorry but I cannot

stand that bloke he spoils everything that the original Barshan stood for fun and entertainment he's just a miserable sod okay Paul isn't much better but he is tolerable

just well I have nothing to say to that you don't have anything to say to that I have nothing to say to that it's their place to comment they want to comment that's fine

that's true so that's fun I just wanted to read that out that was quite dreary I just wanted to it wasn't like Eli won a total wanker hairy bull sweat

you know I didn't want it to be all you know all positive on the show today I wanted to you've really you've not only brought it down, you've kind of flattened it out, the whole mood. You've deflated it.

So what are we going to do? You're making fart noises when you're out. And shrugging at me. Honestly. And shrugging at me. Honestly, every time we do this, it just gets worse. Stop it, man. I come down here, we're all like business. Yes, and what are we doing on the show? Yeah, and then we start doing the show.

And you've completely lost it. That's not, don't do that noise. Amen. All right, so it's time for the part of the show that our listeners can contribute to with their hilarious little tales and anecdotes of their time working in shops. Yes.

And what's that segment called, Paul? It's called Tales from the... No, not the dance. No, not the dance. Not the dance, but the shop, shop, shop, the shop, the shop. Flow, flow, flow. Thank you very much. And it's going to be a lot of fun today.

It's going to be a lot of fun. You've got a story for us. You're going to read it out. Well, this one, this guy sent a few in, but because they're quite long, I'm going to read two of the four, I think. Two from one person. Yeah, this comes from a guy called Dan Veal. He says, hello, Paul and the Eli's.

Hello. Yeah, because I know you have an issue with people not mentioning you in emails. Well, it's not yours. It's not like, you know, there's two of us here. Last time I checked. When I was a student, I used to volunteer in a charity shop. And here are a few stories that I can share. So I'll skip to the second one, which is called The Strange Donation.

Okay. What do you think? From the top, what do you think it is going to be? I'm thinking shit. Okay. Top guess, you know. Yeah. We'll find out.

I mean, that would have to be anyone's, you know, that's probably the favourite. Yeah. It's 50-50 shit. Isn't it, though's probably the favourite. Yeah. It's 50-50 shit. Isn't it though? I'd say. And at number two, I'd say sex toys with pubes attached, something like that. Something dirty, yeah. Unwashed dildo.

And at number three, bits of a dead body. Oh. Or pet corpse. Pet corpse. I'd like to see a pet corpse on this section. Well, if anyone's listening with a pet corpse story, please get in touch. A pepper corpse. A pepper corpse story. Please get in touch. Anyway, this one's listening with a Peppercorp story, Petcorp story, please get in touch. A Peppercorps? A Peppercorp story, please get in touch.

Anyway, this one's called The Strange Donation. Okay. This bloke walks in, looking a bit shifty, and asks, Do you sell toys? And I'm now thinking, why does this man want toys? If he has kids chained up, he's being a bit witty there. Can we not have the witty? We want to get the story.

I just want the details. I want the facts. We want the scoop. I reply, yes, they're over there pointing to the toys. He looks at the toys and back at me

and says, I'm going to donate some then and leaves. Okay. About an hour or so later, he returns with a bin bag, slams it on the counter Turns

And leaves I take the bag into the back room And begin sorting through it Mainly clothes A couple of kids toys And then wrapped carefully In the bottom Was something hard

I remove it And then unwrap it It was A dildo A dildo Yay I then tip the bag upside down To discover a treasure trove of sex toys. They all went in the bin.

Which is, yeah. Fair enough. You cannot donate sex toys. There's certain objects. Yep. Unless it's some kind of antique. What, like? Oh, an ivory.

Like a wind-up one. An ivory stress reliever. Ooh. You know. A lady's. Dr. Fauntleroy's Hysteria wand Yeah

Exactly The next story I've chosen Just arrange the Cubicles on the Oh I've lost it Place the hysteria wand On your majaja

And then frot it Frot it hard Vigorous frotting Vigorous self-frottage Alright Frot your. Frot it hard. Vigorous frotting. Vigorous self-frotting. You're right, okay. All right. Frot your mama off. Right.

Okay. Don't be proud of that. Why are you so happy with that? I don't know. I don't know why. It's the heat. The next story. When I said creme master, I mean, no one knows.

No one knows. Okay. So there was a reasonable story I liked. All right. This next one. I did guess it though, didn't I? It was dildos. Yeah.

This next one is called Puzzled. Oh, what do you think that's all about? It will be to do with a donation that is a puzzle or an item that is a puzzle. Well, let's dig up the story and delve deeper. Okay. An older lady came in and asked for help. I quizzed her to find out what she wanted.

To which she kept replying the word puzzles as written here. So it's sort of many zeds. So I asked, are you after a jigsaw puzzle? She just repeated the word puzzles. So I ask, are you after a jigsaw puzzle? She just repeated the word puzzles.

So I lead her to the shelves of jigsaw puzzles and I went back to what I was doing. A few minutes later, she returned to me and said, wrong puzzles. Okay. Yeah. I inquired as to what she meant and then said,'s puzzles puzzles for children you know children puzzles so i took her to the children's puzzles a few minutes pass and she just walks out muttering the word puzzles puzzles puzzles i continue my shift a few hours pass and she walks in with an issue of take a break opens it points to a crossword and says,

Puzzles! So I take it to the bookshelves where there are a few Sudokus and puzzle compendiums. Sometime passes and she puts them on the counter with four jigsaw puzzles and then she eloquently says, Thank you, young man, I do like a good puzzle and then walks out like a Monty Python sketch. Weirdo.

Weirdo. She must have had some kind of... Some kind of... kind of dementia or something you know so the clarity comes and goes i've heard with maybe this is you know so she she reclarified is this another tell us from the shop floor what which begins delightful and ends on quite a dark mental health note death mental illness and uh scatological uh protests well that's what we do privileged it's what we do someone who's underprivileged and just sort of persecuted comes in and then shits in something. That's the kind of show I want to be a part of, Paul.

Well, there you go. Here's a story for you to read. You can read this from a man. This is a story from Patrick Devonshire. Yeah. Hey, guys. It's me again. Yeah.

Have we had him before? Yeah. What was his one before? Yeah. What was his one before? You're going to find out. The guy who sent you that really depressing back in the spunky bun Tales from the Chopped Floor back in the spunky bun episode. It's the episode about the guy who comes in for booze and

he's like I'll go out there and he's like Yes you opened I got my tenants. Yes. Yeah that story. Sit on it. Yes it's 10am you've opened I got my tenants. Yes. Yeah, that story. Sit on it. Yes, it's 10am. You've opened. I've got tenants. Whoa.

Yeah, that story. Winning. Anyway, him. First of all, I know you or anyone listening does not give a shit, but it matters to me. My name is Zach. My birth name is Patrick

and it was shit, so I changed it. And also, sorry for depressing you last time with the sad alcoholic story but whatever it's free content for you so fuck off

thanks well what a charming introduction to his story Patrick thank you yes thank you Patrick Patrick thanks very much Patrick

Patrick thank you Patrick anyway this is another co-op story and it has piss and vomit in it good

thanks for the heads up there we go. So I hope it meets your parameters of quality. A cheap show worthy story. Yes. Well, we'll be the judge of that. I'll tell you something, Patrick. I'm looking across and Paul has just ticked the box with vomit on our... Yeah, on our bingo card.

On our bingo card for... We've got all the corners now. And he's ticked piss as well. I have. Anyway, this story takes place during the summertime. We're in the midst of a heat wave, just like we are god tell me about it tell me about it oh listen pressure waves from my ball sweat are rippling at the underside of the table like some kind of cgi yeah my willy is so wet it feels like i've dipped it in glue yeah okay wet glue people yeah people all around the estate were clearing our shelves of cold

drinks and ice cream to the point where we had to put a two-person maximum on bags of ice we weren't getting them in fast enough yes we'd just taken delivery and were in the process of unloading the lorry into the warehouse the kid who was in charge of this had to take a quick toilet break and therefore left the back doors open. Idiot. Oh dear. There were, as you can imagine,

a lot of people on the estate who were always trying to get their shit for free. God, this estate sounds like hell on earth. Maybe he lives in one of those estates you see in those 1980s movies. There's literally a pack of fucking zombies

outside going, nice, nice. Yeah. It's a very good sociological point to make there. Most of these thieves would fill their tracksuits. Bit hateful as well, I'd argue.

Very hateful. This is so fucking classist. There's a lot of bitterness and anger. Most of these thieves would fill their tracksuits with meat from the shop and sell it down the alleyway nearby. I'm ashamed to admit

that once I got quite a good deal on a leg of lamb from one of these entrepreneurs whilst in my co-op uniform, who wouldn't? It seems like a no man's land down there. He's conflicted about how he feels about these people, isn't he, basically? He's one of them. He lives among them. But he sees himself apart.

Yeah, but then he's buying stuff stolen from his store. Because trust me, I grew up near estates like this, so I know how scary they can be. But also I know that that's not representative of all the people who live on those estates, you know? It's the few bad apples that ruin it for the rest of us. Yes. Vote Leave. Anyway.

It's all worked together. They did, Paul, they did. That was like two years ago now. My balls are hot. They're hot, kid, not. You're going to touch them and they'll squeeze out like a sponge. That's going to rot from all the slop that's gone

I'm gonna edit that out you're not though are you you always do you always don't carry on with the story what about this squeeze my coconuts

I had more I had more it just didn't come okay it will come it will come that's what she heard from you last time

you were in bed well come on love give me five more minutes. It'll come. And then she said, you fucking traitor. Oh, dear. For two semen, you traitor. Right, okay.

Right. Sorry. Awkwardly squiggling in my book. So he's just, he's embroiled himself in the corruption of this fucking place. He was in his co-op uniform and got a leg of lamb off one of these guys. Shocking. Anyway, the warehouse door is wide open and a down-on-his-luck gentleman has wandered in. However, he did not take anything.

I don't know why. It was sitting there for him to grab. No, he just pissed on our milk. What? He pissed on our milk. He pissed on all the milk on our milk yes it's you know it's it's theirs when it's the milk but not when it's the lab of legs you're buying yeah patrick uh it was clearly a thought-out protest as he seemed to make the

effort of covering the whole cage with his hot sticky stream he was gone by the time my colleague was back from also relieving himself, but the damage was done. Luckily, he had smelt the offence before touching it. Oh, hello. We couldn't be as annoyed because it was just too funny. And the footage of him jumping

to get his piss on top of the cage was hilarious. We did not press charges. We just put up a sign saying there was no milk and put the pissy cage outside in the sun to make space for the warehouse. But that was not the end. Oh.

I was pulled aside by the manager to come see something out back that was both unfortunate and gross. Oh. We didn't see the act but the evidence

told us a clear story. Picture the crime scene. A cage of hot milk sitting in the sun. A spilled bottle of chunky, stinky milk open on the floor the sun a spilled bottle of chunky stinky milk open on the floor next to a puddle of vomit

two slip marks coming out of it and a trail of pukey footprints leading away it was obvious that someone had tried to nick the milk

taking a swig before realising that it had gone very bad vomited slipped over and said vomit and shamefully walked away

aww that's not good, is it? Thank you, lads. Thank you. Zach. Patrick.

Sorry for the long story. I'll see you at a live show, hopefully. Oh, we're still working on that. Well, I like it. Very forensic.

A forensic breakdown. It's another episode of CSI Cheap Show Crime Scene. Tales from the Shop Floor. No, it's not. It's Tales from the Shop Floor Edition. CSI Cheap Show Crime Scene. Tales from the Shop Floor. No, it's not. It's Tales from the Shop Floor Edition. CSI Cheap Show.

You got it, buddy. Let's have a look at the crime scene. Let's have a look. Detective Silverman, what do you see? I see some vomit, some slip stains, some milk. What do you put together? I can't see the crime here. I'll tell you what I see.

What do you see? I'll tell you what I see, Sergeant Gander. Yeah, tell me what I see. What you see? I'll tell you what I see, Sergeant Gannon. Yeah, tell me what you see, Detective. I see a co-op that's broken in its core. It's like a rotten apple down in its core. It's full of maggots. I'm down here with the maggots in the car. I'm eating the maggots.

I'm going to fuck a prostitute. Have you got a prostitute? You're not allowed any more prostitutes. You know why? You eat them. You don't eat all of them. You leave a little bit left over. It's not good. It's not good for our detective agency. I'll tell you what I see.

You want to know what I see? I'll tell you what I see. I will tell you what I see. What do you see? I see some vomit. The whole place is like vomit. This co-op is a dirty bug in a swarm of dirty, nasty shit fleas. The shit

fleas. Fuck. I hate working with you. I tell you. You're fucking miserable. I tell you who I like working with. I tell you. You want to know what I think? Why? I tell you who I like working with. I like a cockroach in my butthole. I like to put it... My dad's in escape. This is now over. I like a cockroach in my butthole. I like to put it... My dad's in escape. This is now over.

I put the cockroach in my butthole. This scene is over. I tell you who stops the scene. I tell you, Sergeant Gannon, who can shut down me. You're not the boss of me. I want a letter from the commissioner. Oh dear.

I want a letter saying you must stop investigating co-op. And then I'll quit. You know what I'll quit? You want to know when I'll quit doing this, Imbro?

I want your badge and your gun and I want you off the force. You're a danger, you're a liability and you're bringing people to corruption. I want you off the force,

off this town. If I ever see you on my borders again, I'm going to lock you up bringing people to corruption. I want you off the force, off this town. If I ever see you on my borders again, I'm going to lock you up like a goddamn criminal. A criminal? Criminal. Don't make fucking fun

of my speech impediment, you prick. And scene. Thank you. Anyway. Notes, got any notes? No. I've got some.

We are pitching this for four. I've taken some notes, Paul. It says here, Paul, and then I've taken some notes Paul it says here Paul and then I've got the word shit that's funny because I've just got a few notes

a little note here it says Eli question mark that's it it's a hard pencil I just think it's a bit too dark

for a three in the afternoon TV show your interpretation we're looking for a little bit more kind of diagnosis murder we're looking for a little bit more kind of diagnosis murder we look a little bit more you know Quincy we can't really do the

dark and heavy cockroach no you can't a female character yeah oh hello I'm detective Quimmy Lim you are you a criminal I investigate quims in a lesbian way it turns me on what a fucking awful that is the worst thing are you fucking awful that is the worst thing

are you a criminal that is the worst fucking thing you've ever come up with on this show that is it we have found I'll tell you what

he's a real at two minutes past four two minutes past two on Monday the 9th of July as we were recording this Eli did the worst suggestion ever on Cheap Show

ever say sorry and we'll end the segment. I'm sorry about that, everyone. Well, that segment was a lot of fun, ladies and gentlemen. I think you'll agree. A lot, a lot, a lot. Quite a lot of fun. But the fun don't stop there.

When does the fun stop? The fun doesn't stop until the train pulls out of fun's town. You know what? Those gambling people, the whole sort of anti-gambling message is when the fun stops, stop. It's a silly thing to say, isn't it? Well, when do you think the fun stops? When is the fun stopping?

When you've gone outside and kicked a phone box in and you've gone, oh, me wife. Oh, me kids. Yeah, the fun stopped. I blowed the college money i just think it's a bit simplistic it's just like you know the betting oh when the fun stops stop obviously that's a stupid thing to say it's obvious it's like yeah when the pain starts stop yeah it's like saying you know when when it's when it's time to go go what am i actual point paul yeah is for a compulsive gambler the fun stops as soon

as you stop gambling yes that is a very good fun starts again when you start gambling doesn't matter so what what should the new what should it be the anti-gambling crusade if you're a chronic gambler with an addiction problem to gambling sort it out mate that's not catchy is it though it's not catchy something like that maybe just sort it out sort it out no but there's that thing on the London on TFL now I don't know if you've heard no

they've got this slogan sort of anti-terrorism be aware sort of slogan okay which is see it say it sort it right

sorted sort it which is just shit it's just because the cat had to come up with the third S sounding word see it say it

sort it because they were sitting there for ages what could the third S word be? We've got see it. And I've had some... Say it. Shout it.

No, that won't work, Brian. Sort it. That's it. Shit it. Shit it. I shit it. No, but you get these announcers in certain tubes who obviously haven't got the memo

or had time to think about it. And they're like, okay, if you see anything or anything suspicious, see it say it sort it sort it see it

say it see it say it sort it it's like a a jimbo it's like a jimbo sort it

sort it right we're playing Price of Shite am I gonna do it sort it sort it are you losing your fucking mind

I kind of am it's been a long weekend for me Paul I've been drinking booze DJ, haven't I? DJing. Do you want a little Tales from the Shop dance? No. Save it for the vinyl section in the next episode.

That's more topic appropriate. Shall we do the jingle? Yes. Who's going to do the jingle? You do the jingle. I'll do the... And that's right bit. All right.

Here we go. Oh, oh, oh, oh. It's the fucking Pisces Shite. It's the jingle, I'll do the... And that's right bit. Okay. All right, here we go. Oh, oh, oh, oh. It's the fucking price of shite. It's the fucking price of shite. It's the fucking price of shite. Oh, it's the fucking price of shite. And that's right. Thank you.

And we've got a double dose hitting your earwaves down there. What was that going to be? What the fuck? Let's get the stuff out. Let's do the price of shite. Who wants to go first? You or me? Now, this is an opportunity, Paul. Yeah.. Let's do the Price of Shite. Who wants to go first? You or me? Now, this is an opportunity, Paul.

Yeah. For a breakthrough in the Price of Shite. We both have prepared a Price of Shite for each other. Am I right? And we're going to double deck it. And that's right. So we could actually play battle Price of Shite right now. Oh.

And I can produce an item. Then you produce an item. See? Then I produce an item. And then you produce an item. Yeah. Then I produce an item. And then you produce an item. And then we produce an item, and then you produce an item,

and then we're done, and we add up the scores. True, but I don't have scores for this. I have a very particular new round of rules. Oh, you've got an innovation. Mine is called... You've got an innovation. I'm all ears. Mine is called Gift, Bought, Found. Three items.

I'm liking this. Paul, I've given you that little kick up the arse. Yeah, you have. I was inspired. I was inspired. And you've changed the format, and we're making great podcast content now. Okay. So should we have my sort of run-of-the-mill stupid boring one?

Yeah, let's do your shit one. Here we go. Here we go. Here we go, ladies and gentlemen. Here we go. Here we go, ladies. Three items. It's going to be a bit of fun.

Three discreet prices. Yes. Bit of fun, this one. If Paul guesses on the nose, he gets two points. Yes. For a guess within a 25p either way of the actual paid price, he gets one point. One point. And there is no other way to score the points.

Unless there are. Because sometimes we give bonus points. There are no bonus points. Not in this round? No. Let's get it on like Donkey Kong. Say what you see, Paul. Oh, I like it.

He likes it. It is shit, but I like it. So, Paul, there's your first item. You need to be guessing the price of this. I'd be guessing the price right now. It is. Okay, describe it. Well, Stuart Ashen would be fascinating with this.

It's a little plastic, what looks like a PS Vita game console. Is that what it's based on? A PS Vita? Very loosely modelled on it. It looks like one, but it's not one because this is a water pump pump game. With little plastic rings. You've got multi-coloured plastic rings where the screen would be if it was an actual little handheld console.

Yep. Full of water. All you do is just pump it and there seems to be no game element. They've done to be no game element. They've done away with the game element. Oh, no. There's a background of jellyfish and exotic fish. Does it hook them on anything? Yeah, there are two little daggers, and the idea is you've got to just squirt them

and then hopefully get a load on. Like, I just got a load on there. Look at the left-hand side one. Oh, I see. Yes. So for a child to keep happy in the cot, squirty squirty fun fun. Great. Lovely, lovely, lovely.

But wait, does it have sweets on it? It also has sweets. Value. It's called Splash Water Game and Candy Toy. Yes. It's nice, isn't it? I mean, it's a piece of shit, but, you know. This is so awful, Paul.

This is what is making the world die. This is being pumped out in factories in China and it just is completely using up the world's resources and this piece of absolute crap will be sitting around when your children's children's children's children are scrabbling around. I know. It's a terrible state of affairs, isn't it?

This will just be sticking out of the earth with like a dead crow's eye stuck on the hook. Dead crow's eye. It'll be looking at you and it'll go, oh, winky, winky. Because it's just a crow's eye. Winky, winky from the future. The dead bird from the future. But having said that, it's blue, nice blue colour, and the buttons are pink.

Yes. And you have a little bag of, it to be said extremely unappetizing looking sweet i already think i know what they're going to taste like just by those sugar ones aren't they powdery sugar ones and it is made by a company called jelly man so good right it's a choking hazard i'm going to open up this little uh booklet that comes with a little. I'm going to open up this little booklet that comes with it. I'm going to open up the sweets. And it has the nutrition and it is halal. That's good to know in these modern progressive times.

So, there we go. I'm going to open these up. You're eating the sweets, yeah? There will be photos of all the cheap... all of the... I'm having a little one now. Fuck! Ow! Oh no!

Poor! I'm not getting it wrong. You bit your tongue. Oh, I'm really dead. God. Ow. What does it taste like? Ow. Sorry, I'm not laughing. I am laughing. Blood. Does it taste

like the blood of your tongue? They almost taste like nothing. Ow. Christ, that hurt. That's going to bruise up. Take a couple of these green ones to a nightclub. Yeah, go on, darling. Do you want some draggy drag drags?

Ten quid. And she'll go, no, it's sweet. You fucking idiot. Go away. Yeah, they're not nice. Nothing. All right, let me evaluate it then. It's a lovely little bit of shit.

I'm going to say that, though. What's your price for that? Honestly? The water game looks like a handheld console. Am I allowed to ask where you got this from? You're allowed to ask. Where'd you get it from? I'm not going to tell you.

No. It was from one of those shops where... I'll tell you what the shop was called. Moominland. Moominland. The shop was called Moominland. Right. It's one of those shops that claims that everything is a pound, but everything isn't a pound, necessarily.

So I'm going to say this was 75p. 75p? Are you locking that in? I'm locking it in, Mr. Eli. 75p, locking it in Mr. Eli ok 75p locking it in next item

say what you see Paul oh it is a eyelash set yep explain it a bit more don't listen

Rosa Rosa my favourite simple and smart item so I imagine these are budget cheap eyelash sets for ladies you can't

maybe afford the expensive type to maybe just for a night out apply these for a little bit i can actually um because i've got the translator don't i on my phone well read the back then paul i'm gonna do it right now you fucking watch me where are you translate there you go my darling right i'm gonna take japanese to english picture here we, I'm going to take Japanese to English picture. Here we go. I'm going to do that and I'm going to take a picture now. It's scanning it. Here we go.

What does it say on the back, Paul? Once you have a mascara limit... I do, I know I have. ...easy and natural. I want to become an eyelid friendly. Okay. Hairtips are an eyelid friendly. Okay. Hair tips are like thin, real eyelashes. It's more natural and beautiful finish than hair like eyelashes.

Transparent type whose base is inconspicuous. After use, you can also be careful. The glue, and you can use it repeatedly. So they're reusable eyelashes. Perhaps they've already been used. Adhesive not included. Please use commercially available ones. Perhaps they've already been used a few times, Paul.

Maybe. On some manky person's eyes. No, that's all sealed. That's all sealed. It's not been opened. I'm opening it now. No, don't. You don't know what you're doing.

You don't know what you're doing, Gavin. Do we think this is from Japan? Well, obviously, because I just scanned it in Japanese. I'm opening the rosy rosa eyelashes. But you can't stick

them to your face because you haven't got the glue. Why can't I? Because they haven't got an adhesive on them. You've got to get that yourself.

It's set on the back. It's literally just what I read out. You ignorant, fucking, stupid, grumbly old fuck nugget. Now, those are a good item, quality item. All right, quid.

Is that your last guess? Quid. Right. Quid. Locking that in, are you? I'm going to write it down. One pound. Right.

What's next? One last item. Oh, no, two more items. I don't think I've done very well this time. Two more items. Here you go, Paul. Say what you see. My mother's fragrances.

Incense holder. From a company called Greater Goods. No, read it again. It doesn't say my mother. Oh no, the mother's fragrances. The mother's fragrances. What's that mean? That's like, oh, it smells of pussy willow in here. What's that? Margaret, close your legs.

I can smell your mother's fragrances. The mother's fragrances. It's just a little almost rose style. Just eat your pudding and shut the toilet door. You know that your mother's fragrances are very pungent this time of the month. Father, what's that smell? It's your mother's dirty vajraji. Right.

The mother's fragrances. Anyway. What is it? It's a little wooden plate to put an insect stick, incense stick in. And so it would all burn down and it would catch itself in the rose-like petals of its design. It's a useful item and it's new on card. It is. I would say that's not that expensive.

I would have said maybe 40p for that. 40p. 40p for that. Okay, you're going to lock that in? It's a simple little item. I like it. 40p. Now, for your last item. Oh,? It's a simple little item. I like it. 40p. Now, for your last item.

Oh, there's four. Oh, it's a vinyl. It's a vinyl? It's a little vinyl. It's a kiddie tunes fun and joy for girls and boys. A little finny tunes, a little vinyl. It's a very small one, isn't it? I believe it's five inch vinyl, which you do not see.

No, you don't. It's a wee little thing, isn't it? A tiny little, itsy bitsy little record. And what does it play at? What speed? Do you know? 45, I would imagine. So it does play.

It doesn't... I can't see. 68? No, it's 78. Oh, God. Does he have one that plays at 78? I don't know. You know what does?

That little what? The Vestax. Well, in the next episode, we'll play it then. The Vestax has a 78 setting. Does that mean it spins really quickly? Yeah. Okay. Does that mean the quality is quite good on this then?

The numbers that go with them are the numbers of revolutions per minute. So it goes eight rounds 78 times in a minute. As opposed to 45. Yeah. As opposed to 33 and a third. But when they do that, why do they do that? Is it to get more Ron and less space? Different format.

Okay. I wonder if there was a benefit to going to 78. No. But originally you had Shellac before the advent of modern vinyl, the LP, the 45, the 7-inch single. There were 78s were all you could get. And those are those sort of 10-inch records that you see sometimes in old charity shops.

They're very brittle. Usually full of recordings of church choirs. That was it that you had right up until the 1940s. That was the only sort of vinyl available. And they were made not with vinyl, but with this sort of rocks. So you had this scrunchy, scrunchy noise. But these were coming out. There was an overlap.

So what is it? It's a kid's nursery rhyme little thing. It's full of songs. On one side you've got Wonderful Copenhagen from Hans Christian Andersen. I think that's from the movie, isn't it? The musical.

Wonderful, wonderful Copenhagen. So I think it's from the movie or a cover of it. And Early One Morning. And it doesn't have anything. See, I'm intrigued by that. That's probably like a piece of instrumental music that they just commissioned themselves for the record. So that might have a...

I think if people... It might be interesting. Well, people will find out what's on it in the next episode. Now, tell me. Is that not a fun thing? That's a very fun thing. So I'm keeping with the fun. I've got eyelashes.

That's a bit of fun. I've got the little game there. The water game. Can I just say there's one little trend? I don't know if you've noticed this, but there's one thing that links them all. What? What do you think it is? Lady parts. No! Why would you say that? Pink.

Pink cover. Pink that. Pink Rosa. Pink buttons. It's a very pink episode. It's a very. Like I said Paul. Which is a lot of fun. Lady parts. Lady parts are all pink. I've been showing a load of pink flaps. You heard it here first. So, let's go through it.

Press my hot pink button. Right. I said 50p for the record, by the way. You're saying 50p for the record. Okay, you're locking that in? Locked it in, written it down, job done. Okay, now let's go right back to the start and see how he did. Has he done well?

Has he done well? Let's see. So, the first item was the Pivita game. Yeah. Sweets. You get sweets and you get a little game. P.S. Vita. Not Pivita.

Pivita. You make it sound like a shit rapper. Hey, baby, I'm P.S. Vita. I come down and put it on Norris McWhitter. Oh. Norris McWhirter. I'm going to squirt you right up your Norris McWhirter. Yeah.

I'm going to hurt you. I'm going to hurt you. No, your Norwich squirter. That's going to hurt you. I'm going to hurt you. No, no, no, no, no, no. How much was that fucking water toy? I said 75p. It was £1.50, Paul. That's surprising. That's quite costly.

So no points there. You've got to adjust yourself to the normal price of stuff in Lundro. We're not in Canebro now. We're in Lundro. Canebro is ridiculous. You can buy not in Canebro now. We're in Lundro. But even that. Canebro is ridiculous. You can buy stuff in Canebro for fuck all. Nothing, man.

You just go in there and wink at some old granny so she creams her penta-pensies. And then she fucking... That works for you. Yeah. Good, yeah. There was some old lady in the shop today, Paul. Yeah.

In Cambridge. She was going on about how sausages... She had something very important to say about sausages yeah and i want to know if you agree yeah go on she was talking about what she had for lunch she said i don't trust sausages okay then she said i think with sausages you either have a really good one or a really bad one there's no in between what do you think paul do you think that old lady was right no no because i've had i've had hundreds of mediocre so she's not eating the food because there's a 50 50 chance it's either good or bad yeah which is nonsense

laws to live by yeah nonsense old lady you silly old bitch all right all right yeah move it on next was the eyelashes the rosa rosa eyelashes i said one pound for those. And they were two pounds. What the fuck? No, they're a good quality item. I tried to give you that hint when I said

they were a quality item. Not that quality, though. You don't even get glue with them. You don't get glue, no. So that's shit. Listen, they're quality.

No, they're not. Listen, Paul. No, they're not. Well, you're not. How much is that then Zero for two now How much

No I'm zero zero Yeah you're right So how much for The mother's fragrance Oh come on Come over here love Where's mother I'd love to sniff

Your fragrance Where's mother Now I told you son She's Upstairs Having her shit And that explains Oh I thought I could smell

The mother's fragrance Nice It's a special brew That son Right come on Oh I thought I could smell the mother's fragrance. Nice. It's a special brew, that, son. Right, come on. Oh. How much? 50p.

I said 40. You score a point. One point. That's all right. And then, finally, for the Kiddy Tunes vinyl song, plays at 78 RPM. Yeah, I said 50p. And our survey said 45p.

Oh, so another pair. Oh, that's alright, that, innit? Score two, you've done better in recent episodes. I'm getting slightly more savvy, but I'm really shocked

by the price of those two first items, I will be honest. And it's leaking. This water toy is officially leaking. I bet it's full of fucking

pneumonia traces. Yeah, maybe. Whatever that is, which I don't think exists. It's pneumonia. Yeah. Yeah, I just completely made up that traces. Yeah, maybe. Whatever that is, which I don't think exists. Pneumonium. Yeah. Yeah, I just completely made up that word. Pneumonium.

Right. Is it my turn now? It's your turn now. Right. We've got this super double-decker episode of Price is Shite, and here's Paul. He's going to innovate. We're always trying to give you something extra with our little Price is Shite.

It's a lot of fun. I think Price is Shite is our oldest segment on the show, isn't it? Yes. And it goes to the very heart of what it means to be Cheap Show, Paul. It really is. The beating heart of the show. We're always trying to put a little finag on it. A little bit of it.

A little bit. Put a little sparkle. Put a little wing mirror, like an extra wing mirror. Or like a little thing. A little pin. Put some furry dice in that bitch. Right, well, we're going to move swiftly on. All right?

Okay. I've got an air freshener. I'm going to present to you three items. I don't care how much they cost. Oh, you don't care? I don't care. You don't care? What craziness is this?

How is this the price of shalites? Well, let's find out. I'm lost. I'm walking in the wilderness and there's no lights. Where's the lights? I can't see nothing. Yeah? I wouldn't let this play out.

It was getting really good then. I was getting involved. Little boy lost. What's that? What's that? Is that Paul? I can't see him. He seems to be doing something.

I'm a wanking. What are you going to do? He's not here, but there's his voice seems to be. I don't know. Well, this segment is not working very well for you, is it? You told me to continue. That's all I had.

I know, it petered out quite badly. Yeah, here we go. I've got three items, but all I want from you is to put them into three different categories. God, you struggled. My brain went completely blank.

I had the word category in my head three seconds before. And I saw your mouth go. It wasn't working. Then you went. Like you have a problem with your brain. So the three categories are. Number one. Bought.

Like it. Number two. Gift. Gifted. It was gifted to you. Gifted to me. And three is found. So I found it somewhere.

And that is the category including the poo-poo tie. The poo-poo would come under that. The crusty eye patch. But which is which? The station found chewing gum packet. Yes. All disgusting things we've done on this show for a cheap laugh. Oh, yeah., are you ready

for item number one? I am. Found, bought, or gifted? What can you see? This is a very nice item, Paul. Isn't it? This is an orange. They probably have a proper name, but I'd call it a person counter. Yes. It's a counter

with a reset button and it's got a little display with a four digit wide display there and you can count people as they come in and then i believe this black dial on the side buddy yeah it's a bouncer's buddy this black dial on the side you can reset to reset to zero there i'm actually really into this yeah i. I like it a lot. Yeah. So you can count up to 9,999 people. You can indeed. Which you're not going to need that much. You might not ever have to go that high.

You're not going to need that much. Even, you know, you're not going to have one guy counting everyone coming into Wembley Arena. This is for a medium-sized venue. Yeah. And then you can tell when you've reached the council limit. And then you can fiddle with it. Yeah. And overstuff your venue.

And it's got a little thing that I can put it on my utility belt. Do you know what, Paul? What? I fucking love this. Yeah, do you? Yeah. It's a lovely little thing, isn't it? You can count people with it.

I've counted to six just there while I was talking. It's very therapeutic. I've counted to seven now. Yeah. Great. What can I do? Where can I go? Nine.

Ten. Ten things. Put. Great. What can I do? Where can I go? Nine. Ten. Ten things. Put it down. But what's really great is that brilliant orange plastic that it's made in and it's really getting a bit of a nostalgia weekend. Yeah. So that's number one. Right. Now can I just ask something about this? The item that

was bought, do I have the option of scoring up to two extra points by then guessing the price of that? Yes, if you want. I think that's the way to go. Lovely item. Are you ready for the second one? Yes. Here we go. Again. Gift, bought or found.

Do you want me to just... Oh, dear. What's all this? This is a pot noodle mug. Isn't it lovely? This is a pot noodle mug. Isn't it lovely? It's a lovely little thing. A lot of fun. It says pot noodle.

You can make it. But the colour scheme, you know what flavour of pot noodle that is? Chicken and mushroom. Yes, which is... Obviously, the best. The best one. The best noodle they do. Which isn't saying much because they're shit. But, you know.

Yes. Now, it reminds me, we also have to do a testing of their new pot pastas. We do. We should get on that soon. We need to. Next recording session. We did not like the macaroni cheese. I'm writing pot pasta down now.

We didn't like the macaroni cheese edition. And have you noticed something, Paul? What? They've disappeared from shelves. I think it had the cheap show bump, didn't it? It got pushed off the shelves because of cheap show.

It tasted of baby stew. It tasted of the weakest, horrible, nasty, cheesy, runny, wet shit. It was awful. It was literally one of the worst things we've ever tasted. It was utter, utter garbage. Garbage. But having said that, do you know what I also like about this mug?

What? There's a bit of attention to detail here. Yeah. They've ridged the rim. Yeah. Just like the plastic containers are ridged. It's got a nice little bit of texture to it. Yeah.

Lovely, isn't it? So it is a nice item, Paul. I'm loving the items. Yeah. So like the plastic containers are rich. It's got a nice little bit of texture to it. Yeah. Lovely, isn't it? So it is a nice item, Paul. I'm loving the items. Yeah. So there you go. That was the second thing. All I had was a weak pun about vaginas and an incense holder. But anyway.

But there you go. That's your second item. Do you want to know what the third one is? Yes. I'm going to go get it. He's going. He's going. Here it is.

He's got it. What is it? It's a can of drink. It's a can of drink. There's all sorts of overlaps happening with Price is Right today, isn't there? Yeah. I had some vinyl. That shouldn't really be in Price is Right. That should be in Silverman's Platters.

And then we've got this drink, which should be in Cheap Eats. Possibly. Wow, it's a super mash-up on today's really fun show. It's a fun show. Why is it? Why is it? Paul, what is it?

It's a fucking lovely show! Right. Go on. This is a can of Slopes Game Room. Yeah. Weird. And then it says

Wild Weather Ales. It is a beer. It is alcoholic. Now we need to have a little warning. There it is. Don't you drink beer ever

who everyone oh okay don't drink beer everyone Eli said so Eli the guy who likes to drink himself

into oblivion when he works at a DJ so he can hide the pain do I always do that to hide what pain Paul the pain of your life

I saw it I just saw it in your eyes when I said it it's like there's a recognition of understanding now it's called eyes when I said it it's like there's a recognition of understanding now it's called

The Complete History and it's Jasmine Saison which is a I believe a type of hops that they use alcohol 5.5 reasonably high

this looks like a good one it'd probably be quite refreshing should we fucking spark this shit right up let's try it up I'll tell you who Slopes is it's a YouTube channel the guy's called Slopes Daniel

and he reviews video games but he's made his own beer. And it has the, what's that called? The Ascent of Man. The monkey to warping apes and then I guess it's him at the end.

Green Hill Zone background. Oh, is that what it is? From Sonic the Hedgehog, yeah. Okay, so it's quite a deep, you know what I like about Craft Ale and all these sort of hipster Craft Ales

is they have really nice cans, don't they? They look pretty, don't they? They look pretty don't they? They've got Beaver Town's another one. Yeah. Anyway, shall we spark this shit open?

Have a drink. Go on, have a sup. This has got bits of shit in. Do you want me to pour it into a glass? Yeah. Right, so let's have a taste

of this lovely, I think it's going to be lemony, that's what a Saison is, a citrusy kind of hops which works well for this weather doesn't it mostly? I think it's going to be lemony. That's what a Saison is, a citrusy kind of hops, which works well for this weather, doesn't it, mostly? I think it might be quite appropriate for today's scorching weather.

Okay, there you go, Paul. All right, sweet. Okay. Oh, it does smell very lemony sweet. Yeah, it's got kind of, reminds me of a wheat beer. Cheers. What a lot of fun. What a lot of fun we're having on this episode.

Yeah, it's very much like... It's not to my taste. It's a wheat beer. Paul's going to have some more though. Remember what happens when Paul drinks though.

Yeah, it's fine. Yeah? No, it's not fine for you to molest me, but it's fine for you to want to molest me because you drink drunk. I think that's fine, but it's not... You're right, it's not... It's white molest me, but it's fine for you to want to molest me because you drink.

I think that's fine, but you're right. It's white beer, what they call weas beer, and that's not a style that I like, basically. Why? Just because of the flavour profile. It has that lemony, but it also makes me feel like I'm getting a headache immediately. Oh, interesting. All right. Okay. Well, anyway, that's the Slopes ale.

Now. So, all you have to now tell me is which one was found, which one was bought, and which one was a gift. So that is your quest now. I think that the pot noodle. So let me write this down. Mug was the gift. Gift.

Okay. No. But that ale was probably a gift because it was just probably some YouTuber he sort of bumped into and he had his. And one was found. Yeah. Just found. Now, that counter looks like something you might find at work

just in a drawer or something. I say the pot noodle was bought. Pot noodle mug was bought. Pot noodle was bought. Yeah. The... Counter and the drinks left. The drink...

The beer was the gift. Gift, yeah. And it makes the gorgeous orange counter. Found. Right, well, let's find out. The Pot Noodle Cup. It was bought. Blow.

Blow. How much do you think it cost? £1. 99p. That's one another point. We're going to give you a bonus point for that. So that's two points off that. I've already done as well as you did. It's all gravy.

The counter. I said. You said found. That was a gift. That was the gift sent to me, given to me by someone who helped out on the Digitizer show recording. Why did they give it to you? Because he overheard me talking.

So you like clicky things? Yeah. He overheard me talking about how I was chaffing on the bus journey over. And I wanted to know how many bus stops there are. But I lost count. I would have loved to have had a clicker. So I can get a bit OCD. Mate, I really love this.

Would you know what? I want one so badly. I've got more than one he gave me. So you can have one if you want one. Really? Yeah. In orange? There's a few different colours.

I'm literally having a lot one. Really? Yeah. In orange? There's a few different colours. I'm literally having a lot of fun now. Yeah. So he gave me six. I've given one away. I've got another one. Fucking great. You can have one.

What a fucking excellent thing. There's one in silver as well. Yeah. Silver plastic. The orange one's the nicest but anyway, I'm not going to complain. I'll tell you what, mate.

You have the orange one. Oh, yeah. There you go. And then the drink was found but that's a bit of a cheat because Slopes was on the Digitizer yeah there you go and then the drink was found but that's a bit of a cheat because uh slopes was on the digitizer show he was one of the guests and he brought this for everyone but not everyone took one home and it was left over on the side of the stage and i was like found it i love it so that's found okay and that is my gift bought found game

spin on the price of shite I like it a lot did you like it it has legs Paul I'm not you know I know I'm very cynical but you know there's nothing I can say well as I say

at the top of the show we're having a lot of fun on this episode today I'm having a lot of fun Eli's having a lot of fun we're drinking you get gifts

where do we go next well let's go oh god that beer is so nasty it's so nasty sorry slopes fuck me anyway Next, well, let's go... God, that beer is so nasty. It's so nasty. Sorry, Slopes. Fuck me.

Anyway, next stop, we're going to go to Fun City when we go to Ganon's Golden Games section of the show. Yes, that's what it's called. So let's go right now to Ganon's Golden Games and play Fun City. Fun City Well it's a fun show as I think you'll agree Eli we're having a lot of fun today on the show right? What's that?

I feel Well guess what don't feel because it's time to go away Why? Because we're going to take a trip to Fun City

Okay What is this for? I we're going to take a trip to Fun City. Okay. What is this, Paul? I'm so hot, I need a drink. We've had a board game sent to us. Okay. From Alison, my dealer of board games in America. She knows where to get the good stuff. Yeah.

This is good stuff. I have to say, I like the look of this game, Paul. This is a Parker Brothers game from America, which I'd never heard of before, called Fun City. Now, the artwork is done by one of those guys who used to work for

Mad Magazine I'm sure I just can't remember his name but it is definitely one of them yeah if anyone knows please let me the art style is very very

reminiscent of that Mad Magazine it is it's him it's the same artist you definitely think so yes anyway

it's a weird game apparently you play I don't know where you start where does it say you start does it say where does it start I've you play I don't know where you start where does it say you start does it say where does it start I've just realised I don't know where

read the bloody rules Paul it doesn't say where you start where everyone chooses okay you start at the Portland Arms there you go over here

everyone chooses a move and places on its colour matched window at the Portland Arms so you're red and I'm green. That's why they've got different coloured windows. It's basically a board with a kind of grid laid out and every certain

grid is, not unlike Cluedo, like a different place to go in Fun City. Now what city in America do we think this is based loosely on? New York? I'm going to say Washington. Washington DC? Yeah. Because the bank toy that comes with it looks kind of... Or maybe it's Boston.

That looks kind of old, you know, New England-y kind of thing. Sort of does. So basically, it's a board game. And the idea is you go around the board. You've got to collect cards from locations as you go, depending on the time on the clock. And the clock is this plastic toy with a button called the Fun City Bank. And every round begins with it being pressed,

and the clock moves on 10 or 20 minutes at random. Now, what kind of board game would you compare this to? What is it like? I can't think of anything it's kind of like. It's got a little bit of Cluedo to it. It's got a little bit of... I don't know. It's just basically trying to get as many points as possible, isn't it?

Yeah. That's all the game. I've just realised I don't know how you get crazy cards. You've got to have three in your hand. All right, so do we draw crazy cards before't it? Yeah. That's all the game. I've just realised I don't know how you get crazy cards. You've got to have three in your hand. Alright, so do we draw crazy cards before we start? Yeah. So the idea is, at any one time on the board, there has to be four cards on the board.

These four cards are places. These are the Fun City cards. Yeah, so one has... There's a theatre space. What is that? Chez Ralph. Chez Ralph. Fun City Bowl of No... It's a restaurant, Paul. Yeah. Fuddy's Duds, which looks like a... Bar. No, it looks like a...

Well, it does look like a bar, but you think it'd be clothes. No, no, no, it's Duds. Oh, it's clothes. You've got the museum. Burger Billy. Nice. Yes. Newsstand.

Honest Owls Use Cars, who looks very, very dishonest. He's not honest. He doesn't look honest at all. That's the joke, isn't it? Yeah. Fun City Forum, where they have the hockey. Super Duper Market. Oh, they've got hockey. That's what it says there. Maybe it's

Canada. I don't know. Is it ice hockey? Yeah. That's funny that they chose that. It's bowling. Bowling. Bowling gnome. That's not very PC, is it? Oh no, I can see. This lady's bowling gnomes over. It's very on PC. It's not very woke at all. Small people, no, I can see. This lady's bowling gnomes over.

It's very on PC. It's not very woke at all. It's short people, small people. Anyway, City Hall, blah, blah, blah. And you start off with cards, and the cards have times of day on them. And that means when a card is on that space, that space is open on the time of day of the card it is.

So, for instance, the Cow's Cutter's New Deli is open between 9 and 11. The idea is you've got to go around the board, collecting these cards. I can see what they did there. Deli, Cow Cutter, New Deli. So you've got to go around the board collecting these cards. I can see what they did there. Delhi, Calcutta, New York. So you've got to go around the board collecting as many cards as you can

from these locations, collecting points, all as the time on the Fun City. Does this make sense to you? It sort of is, yeah. It sort of is. So as I say, I'm willing and ready and wearing.

So it starts at 9 o'clock. Weary. It starts at 9 o'clock. And wearing. Yeah, but you know what's weird? Who would any start their day at 9 o'clock. Weary. It starts at nine o'clock. And wearing. Yeah, but you know what's weird? Why, who would any start their day at nine o'clock in a pub? Unless it's a hotel. It seems just to be an apartment building.

The Portland Arms. It's called Portly. Get it right. Like fat arms. Is that the joke? No. Portly Arms. It's not spelt like that.

Portly Knob. It'd be called the Fat... Fat Knob. Should we call it the Fat Knob, Paul? Let's start with the Fat Knob. I'm asleep inside a portly knob. It'd be called the fat... Fat knob. Should we call it the fat knob, Paul? Let's start with the fat knob. I'm asleep inside a fat knob. Yeah.

So, we're starting because the cards have been all arranged. Don't we have crazy cards? We need three crazy cards. I'll take three. One. One for me.

Two. Two for me. Three. Three for me. Apparently we can use these cards in a hand. So, the movements are

whoever's in charge, whoever's go it is, hits the bank clock and moves it on in 10 or 20 minutes, then rolls the dice, then knows where they want to move

and hopefully gets to one of these places in time. But then we also, that's when we can play our crazy cards after we roll. In that move as well.

Yeah. Okay. Are you ready? I am ready. Now we've pre-decided I'm going first. So here are your dice and you are the red character. I hit the clock first. That's what I Are you ready? I am ready. Now we've pre-decided I'm going first. So here are your dice and you are the red character.

I hit the clock first. That's what I do before anything else. We do. Now the game's usually over when it hits five o'clock in the day so you have to click

as many cards as you can in hours of the day. Nine to five. There's no way to stop a limit. You've got to open your thighs if you want to feel it in it. Something like that.

God no. But we're not going to play until the end of the game. We're going to set a timer for 20 minutes. And the person with the most points, because by collecting the Fun City cards from their locations,

you get points. And the person with the most points at the end of the 20 minutes, in other words, myself, will be the winner. Okay. I'm raring to go. Shall we start?

The Crazy Cards will be played as we go through the game. I've got a full complement of Crazy Cards, Paul.aring to go. Shall we start? The crazy cards will be played as we go through the game. I've got a full complement of crazy cards, Paul. Here we go. I'm hitting the Fun City bank at nine o'clock. It's time to play Fun City. Here we go. Oh, 9.30 it is now.

That's jumped half an hour. Blimey. Blimey. All right, so what places are open right now? Now I have to... The Super Duper Market's open until 11. I'm rolling. Billy Burger's open until 12. I'm rolling.

Museum's open until 12. Everything's open. Deli's open until 11. We've got a few hours yet. Let's go. Roll the dice. Five. Six.

Yeah, one plus five is six. All right, fuck it up. So you're red. Which way do you want to go? What can I do? Where's the nearest thing? The nearest one's probably Calcutta's New Delhi, which isn't at all racially insensitive of a place.

One, two, three, four, five, six. Yeah. Or maybe you want to go to the museum. You have to follow these yellow. It depends. That's the bus thing. No, if you land on a bus stop, you can then jump. So if you go one, two, three, four, five, you've got to follow the route.

But basically, those bus stop moves move your dice spots. Does that make sense? It's hard to explain. It's easy to show and do. Because it's a podcast. It doesn't quite translate. It's a bit hard to explain. Oh, he's playing a card already.

What's he going to play? He hasn't even moved his fucking things yet. I'm playing that one. Add four to your roll. So I've got a roll of ten. So good move. Put me right all the way up there, please. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten.

Yeah? Yeah. Yeah? Sweet. I draw another crazy card. You do? I always have three in my hand. You've got to always have three.

Although, yeah, no, you're right. Draw it now. So it's my go then. Here we go. I'm moving the clock on. Oh, it's 9.30. You obviously saw

20 and couldn't read. No, it wasn't. It was 10.30. It says 9.30 now. This fucking thing's broken. It's not broken

because I've tested it. It's game shit. 5, 6, 7. Okay. 1, 2, 3. Form at the bus stop. 5, 6, four. I'm at the bus stop. Five, six, seven. I can move three bus stops.

One, two, three. You have to have a bus stop card. I don't. It's never said that. It's never said you have to have a bus stop card. See my ring? Yeah. Nibbles.

I'll eat that out, mate. I'll feast on that. I'll fucking eat it out like I'm trying to I don't know eat a mini roll so how many was that 1, 2, 3, 4 5, 6, 7 oh

yeah it's reasonably near to Billy Burgers which has a card on it I'm going to do that then I'm going to move to Billy Burgers

I'm over there your go Eli hit the bank you didn't want to play one of your cards oh I forgot about that you total idiot it's too late now

it's too late now you're right but I'll read them now 10 okay where do you want to go I'll go get that card please which one

the one in Calcutta 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9 yeah you got it there you go you've got your first card you're at Calcutta Deli well played thank you

right didn't play your cards that round. Okay. Good to know. It's fine. Okay. Five, six, seven. One, two, three.

Oh, I didn't do the clock. It's now 9.40. Don't panic. We've got plenty of time, Paul. We've got till midday. So where do I want to go? I've got five, six, seven again. So I could do one, two, five six seven funny does oh wait there wait

one two three four five six seven i can get that card can you see that move as being legitimate eli let me see i'm here i go one two three four five six seven and i collect the museum card are you satisfied with that i'm gonna that's it i've'm going to, that's it. I've got that. But wait, I'm also going to play a card. I'm going to play my pickpocket card. What does that mean? It says here, flip this card if it lands in the, no, if it lands in the air. It won't do that. It won't do that. If it lands in the air, time has stopped.

Flip this card in the air. If it lands face up, you can have one Fun City card from another player, which means I can take that. I want to see you flip it good. No, I can't. I'm going to do it with the old formant thing. Give it a good flip. Right, here we go.

Oh, are you happy with that? Look at that. I've got two cards. Now I'm going to put that. Where's that card? Put it on the pile. There you go. Mate, oh, look at these.

Oh, well. I've got your two cards. Whatever, mate. Your go. Your go, love. I've got to take another one from the top. Here you go. Your go, love.

Where do you want to go now in Fun City? Isn't this a lot of fun? What was that thing? Where can I go from? I have to go from there. You've got to go there, yeah. So, oh, eight. So, what are you going to do?

Where are you going to go? Oh, you haven't pressed the clock. It's now 9.50. Okay. You prick. I will go. Yeah. One. All the way up towards Okay. You prick. I will go Yeah. One.

All the way up towards Slog because I want to go in there and get that card. Three, four, five, six, seven, eight. Yeah. We have to replace the cards. Remember?

Oh, shit. All right. Okay. Next one. City Hall. There. And then that one is 10th Precinct.

The Kappas. I got you. Okay. I'm going to do the rest of this show in this American accent. You've got to do that before because it affects where I'm going to move. You're right. You can now move. You can now move. Okay.

All right? I still want to do what I thought. Okay. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight. Yeah, happy with that. Happy. And? Oh, he's playing a card.

It's a pickpocket card, Paul. Oh, here we go. He's going to flick it. Come on, face down. Which one do I get? Any one you want. Or maybe I show them face down. You just take.

Yeah, you can do that. Go on, flip your card. Flip it. Yes! Oh, which one do you want, though? He's got it. There he goes. Two points.

Two points. All right, sweet. Well, fair play. I'm taking another crazy one. Fair play. I like this game, Paul. Yeah? I'm having a lot of fun. Oh, you're having a lot of fun. It's all right, sweet. Fair play. I'm taking another crazy one. Fair play. I like this game, Paul. Yeah? I'm having a lot of fun.

Oh, you're having a lot of fun. It's Fun City. Despite myself, I'm having a lot of fun. Right, here we go. I'm pressing the Fun City bank timer. It's 10 o'clock. It's gone 10 o'clock. And slogs come out.

The slog has come out. Old lady slogs come out. This is very exciting. Old little old lady's popped out the top. That means, oh, look. I'm nearly there. So basically, what happens is a little old lady in the supermarket, and if you can get to her in the allotted time.

Which is how long? I don't know, actually. It's a good point. I think this is the first person who gets there or gets to walk across the road with her. Yeah. Cross the road, go to the library, and then can go anywhere else. It's a super duper thing to happen, this log.

But it does mean you've got to go out of your way to cross the road. So I haven't rolled the dice yet. I only moved the clock on, remember? You fucking stupid dick. Roll the dice. Alright, here we go. I'm going to roll it now. Four. Oh dear, not very good at all.

He's with the doldrums, ladies and gentlemen. Got a card you can play? Let me just see if I've got a card I can play. Go four first. Need to move four. One, two, three, four. Now I'm going to play a card I've got a card I can play. Go four first. Oh, yeah. Need to move four. One, two, three, four. Now I'm going to play a card. What card? Oh, maybe I'll play the put yourself in my place card

that changes places with another player. I don't like the sound of that. Who's on the board that I can change with? Shut up. I don't know. I might have to change with... Oh, Eli Silverman. Bosh.

Bosh. That is not fair. Oh, Fun City isn't fair but it's a lot of fun so um what are you going to do next it is uh where did you go

oh is that where you were doesn't matter so you need to go there so you need to go to my place and I'm now in your place and now it's your turn to roll time

let me just see what my crazy cards have got oh I'm having a look as well I've got that I've got that I've got oh I've got that. I've got that. I've got, oh, I've got that as well. Oh, this card. I can use that card, obviously, whenever then. That's interesting. Alright.

Remember to turn the bank. Tell the bank the time. So what happens with this? Oh, he's got a question. It's ten, ten. It's ten, ten. Nine. Nine. Where do you want to go? Down there. One, two, three, four Do you want to get the burger?

Five Or do you want to head to the old lady? What do you want to do? I'll get the burger Right, he's taken the burger Nice call He's got some points on the board Oh, he's doing that

Yeah Will Yeah Play this Put yourself in my place No I put the no way card down Which cancels

What does that mean This cancels the crazy card Just played on you You can't It fucking says it It fucking says it So you can't sort places with me I try at least

I try Is it still a fun city Yes Yeah good Give me I get to draw first Don't fuck with me Yeah so I get that

So I get that Right It's now my turn These aren't shuffled very well They are I shuffled them I'll do it now More watch

Give him a good shuff shuff I'm giving him a shuff shuff Give him a good shuff shuff Look I'm going to give him A good shuff shuff Oh he's doing You watch me I'm doing the

He's doing a proper Riffle shuffle Thank you very much Right and then that's that Are you happy now With the shuffling of the cards Yep Right they are now

Back on the crazy spot. Whose go was it? It was yours because you played a card. So it's now my go. And I turn the clock. Uh-oh, it's 10.30, ladies and gentlemen. It's 10.30. How many cards are on the board still?

One, two, three. You have to replace that card. I'm doing it. I'm doing it now. Fun City Forum. Where's that? There we go. It's right there.

They're all bunching up over there. Right, I'm rolling the dice. I'm doing it now. Fun City Forum. Where's that? There we go. It's right there. They're all bunching up over there. All right, I'm rolling the dice. Five, six, seven. One, two, three. I've got the old lady. I'm crossing the road with her, and now I'm at the library, and I can go anywhere else on my next move. Okay, but I've got to move first.

Yeah. Okay. There you go. Give me the dice. Let's see now. Which is a shame, because I could have collected that super-duper market card as well. Yeah. Okay. There you go. Give me the dice. Let's see now. Which is a shame because I could have collected that Super Duper Market card as well. Yeah, you are going to lose. I'm sorry, my friend.

Shut up. Oh, nine. That's a lot of... No, let's see. Let's see. Right, that... Right, okay, so one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven.

I'll get that. Yeah, one, two, three, four, five, six, seven. He got another card. He is doing all right, though, isn't he? Okay, and I'd. I'll get that. Yeah, one, two, three, four, five, six, seven. He got another card. He is doing all right, though, isn't he? Okay, and I'd also like to play this. Which one? Pickpocket. No.

He's got another no-way card, ladies and gentlemen. So there you go. I can't play the pickpocket. All right, so I'm going to now turn the clock on, and it's now 10.40, so I'm going to now turn the clock on and it's now 10.40 and I roll the dice and I can go anywhere

but I'll roll the dice anyway and see where I can move. Two. Oh dear. Oh dear, oh dear. You can go anywhere. I know. But then what?

And then you get the dice as well. One, two, three. We need to put another card on. Right, Chez Ralph. Where's that? There we go. Chez Ralph is's that? There it is Chez Ralph is the restaurant

That's open 10 till 12 everybody And I think there's Ralph Ralph's got glasses on So I'm going to go I'm going to simply go over the road again To the Super Duper Market And collect that card That's what I'm going to do

I'm just going to collect that card And then we're going to replace this one Put yourself there then And I am Oh yeah, I've moved the old lady So the old lady now goes back in the hole And you can't go back into until she pops

out again. Okay. Slug is going to come back out again. Yeah. So. Yeah you've done your go.

Your go now. Alright. I didn't play a card did I? No it's too late now. Go. 10.50 it is and

I'm going to roll the dice see what I can do. Okay. I'm not very close to anything here but No it's all over that way now isn't it? But remember you do have the bus stops. to anything here, but... No, it's all over that way now, isn't it?

But remember, you do have the bus stops. Five, six... Nine. Six, seven, eight, nine. Or maybe should I? I'm going to give a traffic jam card now. No, I have to move first. No, because it says I have to play it beforehand.

Play on another player's turn. Traffic jam. Subtract seven from the roll. So you're going to move to... See? I'm doing you up a kippa, ain't I? You stupid wank. You can only move to...

Oh. Uh-oh. What's that say? The fun city pigeon strikes again. Go to Fuddy Duddy's Duds to buy a new hat. Put me in Fud Duddy's. No, where is it? There. Oh, there you go. Fair enough. Chickawackwacka-blow. Who gonna win?

Who gonna win? Who gonna win? It's now 11 o'clock. Where can I go? Lick my salty love pump. Okay, so I can get to City Hall, maybe. Oh, dear. It's such a busy day in Fun City.

I don't know where to go next. You need to do some shit, man. I'm all over this shit. Wait. I've got points coming out my yin-yang. So it's 11 o'clock. I need to roll the dice. Here we go.

Let's do that first. Four. Oh, God. It's not very good, is it? I'm going to go this way. One, two, three, four, and head towards Fun City Forum. You're not playing any of your cards? I'm going to have a look.

Should have played this card. Add three to your roll, so I'm going to do that. One, two, three. There we go. Collect that. Move, two, three. There we go. Collect that. Move along. Good times. Here we go.

Pass me the dice. No. You can't. So you haven't done the clock. You keep forgetting about the time. How are we meant to have fun time city if you don't move the clock on your bell end? Well, listen, it's not proper anyway. It's only going for 20 minutes.

How long have we got? 7.30 to go. Seven minutes. Seven minutes and 30 seconds. Come on, you stupid, hairy, sweaty cock. Fuck you. You're sweaty. I am.

We're both very sweaty. Don't just try and put some swearing in. I didn't feel that swearing. I didn't feel like you meant it. No, I didn't. No, you didn't. I'm getting excited, though, because time's running out, and I want to win.

Okay, six. One, two, three, four. Yeah, six. One, two, three, four, five, six. So you can't go in the park, though, yeah? Why? Because you have to actually you can't go in the park, though, yeah? Why? Because you have to actually roll enough to go in the square, so you can only rest outside of it.

All right. It's now my turn. Oh, it's old lady's out again. Slog's out again. Put her on the... There she is. What do I do? I'm going to roll the dice and make a decision then.

You're not playing very well. Five, six, seven. Hang on! What? Subtracts five going to roll the dice and make a decision then. You're not playing very well. Five, six, seven. Hang on. What? Subtracts five from the roll. You get two, monkey. Ooh, little monkey now. I don't like this.

Pull him no play game very well. One, two. All right, okay. You prick. You're really bad at this. Come on. I love it. Roll it. Hit the clock. All right, now let me draw. You're really bad at this. Come on. I love it. Roll it.

Hit the clock. All right, no, let me draw another card first. You time prick. Come on. Well, so far, ladies and gentlemen, Fun City is proving to be a lot of fun. It's quite fun, I have to say. Especially as I'm winning.

Oh, that's 11. Now, can I do anything? Play on another player's turn. Yes, opponent falls asleep on the bus and goes to the end of the line. What does that mean? You're on a bus stop, so you've fallen asleep on the bus. I saved it for that spot. So now you've got to go all the way to there at the end of the line.

How is that the end of the line? Because, look, it starts there and goes that way. Or I can move you that way. But which way puts you further away from any cards? Well, Eli. Ding, ding. Diddle-a-diddle-a-diddle. He's going on the bus. I can move you that way But which way Puts you further away From any cards Well Eli Ding ding Diddle diddle it He's going

On the bus He's falling Fast asleep He shouldn't No way No You can't Fucking do it

I fucking played it You already played Your fucking card No I didn't I know I didn't I'm playing it no way Your stupid card Is annulled

I get to pick it first So I get I get nine Yeah I get this Hello I get the one I'm playing in no way. Your stupid card is annulled. I get to pick it first. I get nine. Yeah. I get this. Hello. I get the one I'm charged with. I'll have that point. Thank you. Fuck. Yeah. I was so happy then as well. No, I scored again. How many cards do you have, Paul? I've only got two.

And I have four. Right. Well, I win. It's time to fucking... Shut up. How long have I got? Five minutes. Not alone. 12 o'clock. It's 12 o'clock. I'm going,

we haven't replaced a card in Fun City. Honest Owls use cars. Well, that's close to you, isn't it? That's quite close to me. Right, I'm rolling the dice. Four. I'm going to go... I'm going to go...

Oh, hang on. No, fuck off. I wasn't on a bus route, though, so I can't. I'm not playing it, then. No, you fucking did. You put it down. You fucking put it in that pile now. It just says play on another player's turn.

Yeah, but I'm not on a bus route. You don't have to... Oh, I didn't know that. I'm not taking it back. Yeah. Go on, then. Right, so I'm going to go there and collect that card. Right.

Bosh. And then I'm going to play this card. Uh-oh. Mother-in-law wants to know why her card came without tyres. Go to Honest Owls for the answer. So I can hop over the road in that move, take that card,

bringing me to four cards, and I'll collect the crazy card to replace it. And now it's time, Eli, for you to take your role. Did well there, I have to say, Paul. Remember, there's a slog option also. Have you taken a crazy card? I have.

I've got three. And things are getting pretty thrilling as we get down to the last few minutes of the game. Ten. I've scored ten. We've got just under four minutes. Do you want to play a card? Did you click the clock on? Yes, I did.

All right. Ten. Let's have a look. Want to play? Want to play with me? It's up to you. You have to make a decision now or else it's not. I'm going to do it.

Put yourself in my place. Change place with the bingley-doo. And you're over there in our land. And I'll get nine moves now. You still can get move nine, yeah, but you're from there. So one, two, three, four. I don't want to go out there. Yeah.

Five, six, seven, eight, nine. Yeah. There we go. You're near the slog. That's important. It's a good move, Eli. I'm going to collect my card. Excellent.

It's fun times at Fun City, but how many spaces are left? We've still got one, two. You have to replace the two. You keep fucking putting me off with your stupid fucking beardy face. There's another one. There's another Fun City bowl up.

It's very exciting. It's already... It doesn't matter. It's out of date. You can't get them after... Oh, we have to remove that one then. No. And that one.

We can't have... No, no, that's still open. That's still open. All right, okay. That's still open as well. Yeah. Give me that card back. It's still open.

Which one? What does it say? 10 till 1. Yeah, you're right. You put me off. I'm panicking. Which one? What does it say? 10 till 1. Yeah, you're right. You put me off. I'm panicking. Just be aware. Aware of this.

Right, here we go. They're closed, aren't they? It's 12.40 now on Fun City's clock. I'm rolling the dice. It's 10. Oh, we've got 10. Where am I going to go? Oh.

What? Wait. I'm playing that card. What? I'm playing that card. What? I'm playing this card. Taxi. What does that do? Roll odd.

Move anywhere. Roll even. Move the number rolled. So I get to roll the dice. No, you can't. I've just told you you have to subtract. Yeah? You have to subtract.

You can't. All right. I've played that. You subtract it. What did you have? 11 minus 8. 10. Minus 8.

So 2. You can go 2. Well, I am now going to play this card instead. For fuck's sake. Forgot to curb your shameless husky. What does that mean? Forgot to curb your shameless husky. Anyway, go to 10th precinct to pay the fine, which I believe is over there.

So I'm just going to go 1, 2 from there. All right. All right. Fucker, mate. Alright, alright. Fucker mate. Fun City, my ass mate. How many cards? One, two, three, four on the board. This is very exciting stuff. How long left? On the clock. Come on. It is one minute thirty.

Oh, ten. I'll be picking up slog, please. Wait, ten. I've mugged you in Fun City. What does it say? I missed a turn. You can't play it then Fucking just done it Didn't I? So you can't have that go

How else am I going to play it? Other than preemptively Or at the same time Makes no fucking difference You don't get to go Do you? So I'm going to have that Take that back

And then I'm going to go One o'clock It's one o'clock It's fully Full exciting I'm going to roll the dice Five One, two, three

Oh I've got the old lady. And I'll take it to the library. Got two more spaces to go. Four, five. Where do I go? Anywhere. You know where I'm going to go, though? I'm going to go to the Fun City Bola Rama.

Because it's in the move, I can go anywhere from the library from helping the old lady cross the road. Do you know nothing about Fun City rules? So I'm going to take that card and put it on here. Excellent work. It's now your only one card yeah you can take that next go yeah yeah here we go your go we're getting down to our lady back in slogs in and we got one 30 seconds 30 seconds quick move for which way do you want to go I'll go to City Hall City Hall is there Or you can collect a card. Yeah.

Right. On that, collect the card, and we'll put that one back in its place, which is the zoo. But I think we're getting down to it. I'm going to try and do quickly, do another time. It's 150. I'm rolling the dice as quickly as I can. It's fourth. Oh!

There you go. I've got to do it. Stop. Stop. The player with the most fun city points wins. Now, did you have fun playing Fun City? That was alright. I thought the dynamic worked quite well. Yeah.

Reasonably exciting. It's a nice card collecting game with a little bit of character to it. It's got a little bit, I don't know. I like the clock. It's like a clicker. Nice for a... Oh, I got excited. I got excited and I knocked your mic over. I do apologise.. It's like a clicker. Nice for a... Oh, I got excited. I got excited and I knocked your mic over.

I do apologise. Look, it's a clicky show. Yeah, everything goes click, click, click today. It's very exciting. Now, Paul. Yeah. What kind of... If you were 10 or 11, you might enjoy that game.

I think so. I like the artwork. Do you like the artwork? I do. It's very, as you said, mad magazine-esque, isn't it? I like the artwork as well. So, how many cards do you like the artwork i do it's very as you said mad magazine as well so how many cards do you have eli i have but they have different values they do one two three four five one two three four five wow oh so let's do this card one at a time okay so all right i have One card at a time. What have you got? A two-pointer. Okay. I've got a Fun City Bowler Gnome, three points.

I've got another two-pointer. What is that? The museum? Yeah. Museum, two points. I've got Honest Owls Use Card, three points. So you've got six and I've got four now. Yeah.

What have you got? And I've got a three-pointer, Billy Burger, Burger Billy. Fun City Forum, three points. I've got nine. You've got nine and I've got seven. Allpointer, Billy Burger. Burger Billy. Fun City Forum. Three points. I've got nine. You've got nine and I've got seven. All right, here we go. You never know what might happen. I've got four points.

Four points for Shea Ralph. So that means what now? Six, seven, eight, nine, ten. Got ten? No, eleven. Eleven. I've got another three points there, which means I've got twelve. Twelve.

And my last one is a four-pointer. Which brings it to what? Fifteen. You've got 12 12 and my last one is a four pointer which brings it to what 15 you've got 12 plus 3 15 we've drawn oh my god

well that means we don't have to have an argument that's good isn't it it's fun city it's been a lot of fun a lot of fun this episode has been

oh fucking hell oh oh fuck giz a cuddle no giz a cuddle I will not that'll be a lot of fun

no don't come over here. No, it's sweaty. Listen, I'm getting my nuts out. Let me touch him. Let me touch him. Get away. That didn't work. It didn't work when I said I'd get my nuts out.

He got visibly excited. We drew. Put up a tent there, mate. I put up a big tent. I thought you were going to lose there. Well, thank you, Alison, for sending Fun City in. We had quite a lot of fun playing that game. You might not have had as much fun listening to it,

but we don't care. So, what would you rate this board game and Ganon's Golden Games out of... How many dice would you give it out of 10 dice? Seven. I would give it a seven as well. I wouldn't play it again. But it's a lot of fun.

It's a lot of fun. It's a lot of fun. It's a medium amount of fun. A lot of fun! It's a lot of fun. I don't want to get into an argument seeing as we shared the glory.

That's nice. I've always wanted to share my glory all over you. I've done well this episode. I have this little orange counter which I honestly love and I will just look at across the room

when I'm hungover and go, oh, at least there's that. At least there's that. Well, we hope you've enjoyed listening to another Cheap Show episode and if you would like to help support this podcast you can. You can go to patreon.com forward slash cheap show. And I just need to let our Patreons know, Paul, that not every single penny

will be spent by Paul on his game board I can't promise that game board game game board it's the heat yes it is the heat

his board game addiction I can't promise that only some of it goes on that and he's not like he's scouring eBay for very rare editions

I need the fix Japanese editions I need the fix of Mr Blobby Japanese editions of Mr. Blobby Challenge. Oh, Blobby! It's a game. So, yes. Thank you for supporting us on Patreon if you do

already. It has helped change this podcast and make it weekly and fun and like a job but in a good way. Don't say fun again. Fun, fun, fun, fun, fun. Fun, fun, fun, fun, fun. Oi. Fun, fun, fun, fun, fun.

Okay, so if this episode's fun can we have a really Fun, fun, fun, fun, fun. Now he's making he's making a face that is disrespectful to people of different abilities.

That's not what I was doing a face off. I wasn't. You were doing the tongue into the lower lip. I wasn't. I was doing I was doing the

I've done a shit look. Like that I could poop me pants. That is such a get out isn't it you go I was doing the I've done a shit look like that I could poop me pants that is such a get out isn't it mate this is an I've done a shit look yeah that is it

I stand corrected that's more of a I've done a shit face so thank you if you support us on Patreon thank you very much beautiful if you want to follow us

on Twitter it's at thecheapshowpod I'm at Paul Gannon's show and Eli is Eli Snoid E-L-I-S-N-O-I-D we have a Reddit page we haveI-D we have a reddit page we have a

Facebook page we have a website the cheap shop the cheap shop the cheap show dot co dot UK where all episodes have a lovely dedicated

page with lots of videos and pictures so if you would like to see the price of shite and a picture of the ball game we played today and

that's about it then you can go to our website and see it is it sort of on the page with this episode? Yep. You can listen and look

at the same time. It's a good system, Paul. It's a lovely system. It's a good system. It's a nice system. Thank you. It's a nice little system. Do you know what, Paul?

I haven't finished with the outro. Oh. Do you want to email us? Are you going to get bad tempered right at the end? No. I'm just saying I want to get the admin out of the way.

I thought we were having fun. I am having fun, but I'd like to get the admin out of the way. It doesn't sound like you're having fun. I'm having fun. I'm having fun. Oh, that was a I thought you were having fun. I am having fun, but I'd like to get the admin out of the way. It doesn't sound like you're having fun. I'm having fun. I'm having fun. Oh, that was a very loaded way of saying that.

I'm having fun. So if you want to email us for anything, whether it's a tale from the shop floor or just to say hi, thecheapshowatgmail.com And I think that's it. If you look on Facebook or Reddit or whatever, you'll just look...

Jesus Christ, that's terrible. You've gone all mumbly. You've gone into a mumbly chuffle hound. Just look for Cheap Show and all the fucking social media shit like Tumblr.

You're a chuffle hound with poo all dried round its bum. Ladies and gentlemen, I've had a real-life spit-take from Paul. He's spewed water out in his nose. It's gone everywhere.

Thanks for listening. It went up me nose. That was Cheap Show. Bye. Bye.