CheapShow - Ep 89: The Strange, Lonely World of the Miser

Episode Date: August 16, 2018

Apparently, Eli thinks there is not enough love for celery! That's where episode 89 begins and only gets more bizarre! We returns to the world of dead animals in Tales from the Shop Floor and the return of CSI: CheapShow Charity Shop Crime Scene: Dead Pet Edition... which will definitely be a spin off one day. Sadly. There are more cheap eats to "enjoy" that takes us from lemon biscuits to cock-like chilli gummies via clumpy pork cracklings. Finally, it's a trip through history as we hear about some of the past's worst misers and imagine making a very expensive phone call. It's all the fun of the fair in what ONE iTunes 1 Star review says "is just swearing!" Is it? Well, yes... And if you like us, why not support us: www.patreon.com/cheapshow Share & Enjoy. Subscribe or Die! www.thecheapshow.co.uk If you want to get involved, email us at [e-mail] And if you have to, follow us on Twitter @thecheapshowpod or @paulgannonshow & @elisnoid If you like what you hear, please spread the word! Like, Review, Share, Comment... LOVE US!

I've been told to start recording Everybody by Eli, so I am. Good. Can I just start by saying, you mentioned just a minute ago that Cheap Show's not for everyone. Yes. I think I found someone who is that part of the everyone, or the no one. The no one, oh God, you're hurting my brain already. Yeah, good. Part of the everyone.

Shut up. Who it's not for. Part of the everyone who it's not for. Someone took the effort to go onto iTunes. And they're part of the everyone that it's not for Part of the everyone Who it's not for Someone took the effort To go onto iTunes And they're part of the everyone That it's not for Yeah

Right And voiced their opinion And I think As for all the balance in the world We must report Fair and balanced news Hit me with it I can hack it

I'm a grown up One star That's where we start with One star We've been there before Paul Haven't we Read the other reviews And oh

Dull and unfunny And just rotten Play this at a party We've been there before, Paul, haven't we? Read the other reviews. And oh. Dull and unfunny and just rotten. Play this at a party when you want people to leave. It will work. Oh, and saying swear words over again don't make comedy. Does it not? Does it not? Does it fucking can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, not. Fucking not. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. Can't, can't, can't, not. Fuck off. Piss. Does it not?

No. They told us, Paul. Well, I just thought for balance it was worth, you know, commenting on. That's quite a depressing way to start the show, isn't it? Yeah. Do the intro. Okay, here we are, ladies and gentlemen. It's Eli Silverman and Paul Gannon.

It's another episode of Cheap Show from the House of Pickles. Here we go! I hate you and your fucking noodle posse. People love noodles, right? It's a fact of Cheap Show you're going to have to fucking reset. Noodle time!

Tales from the Darks, for a while. Alright, how's the big guy? The price of the site? This is for guaranteed. Hello. Eli Silver. Welcome to Cheap Show. They're not going on nuzzle.

And we're back in the room, everybody. Acceptable. Acceptable. Oh, acceptable. Right. Life may change us, but you'll never change us. We ain't never going to be acceptable. Acceptable.

Respectable was the tune, Mel and Kim. Yeah, great tune. Fucking love Mel and Kim. Was it an urban legend that Mel was a glamour model? I don't know. Never heard it. This is the first I'm hearing that one of a glamour model. I don't know. Never heard it. This is the first I'm hearing that one of them got their tits out. It was one of those things I heard various people tell me over the years,

whenever that song is mentioned. Like who? They had other hit records, but... Yeah, they did. Can you remember any? Showing out. That is... Oh, yeah, that's Sharon.

Only takes a moment to feel all right. That's good. I like that. Yeah, see? They were part of the stock Egan and Walkman thing, weren't they? That is... Oh, yeah, that's Sharon. Only takes a moment to feel all right. That's good. I like that. Yeah, see? They were part of the stock Egan and Walkman thing, weren't they? One of the most successful acts, I'd say, on their roster. Yeah, before they lost Kylie to artistic expression. She was like, I ain't going to sing no more of your candy floss bullshit pop.

I'm going to go out there and sing Abide With Me. No, Abide By Me. Abide... What's that one where she's... It's all slow. Wild Roses no I like that one though as well

that was her real sort of I'm cool was it moment yeah I guess it worked she was very smart she must have been

a very good manager if she didn't think of it herself do you like Kylie not really I don't think she no well that's the latest Kylie talk

done and dusted on Cheap Show she was in the studio the other day wasn't she what House of Pickles yeah Cardi was in it I don't care for you much stop grinding your arse love you're grinding it into me She was in the studio the other day, wasn't she? What, House of Pickles? Yeah, Cardi was in it. I don't care for you much. Stop grinding your arse, love.

You're grinding it into me plate of pickles. She's got no respect. No respect. She's nudging chutney all over the shop. That's the latest album, I believe. Nudging chutney. Oh, dear. Oh, what larks we have on Cheap Show. So what? I mean, it's looking a bit bare, the actual line-up of this Cheap Show, dear. Oh, what larks we have on Cheap Show.

So what? I mean, it's looking a bit bare, the actual lineup of this Cheap Show, Paul. No, we're doing things a bit... This is al fresco. It's not. It is. We're doing an intro. That's what we're doing now. Okay.

And then next, you've got a Tales from the Shop floor. We've had quite a few in, so we're just going to randomly grab an email. Okay. If we don't read yours out, it's not because we don't like it. It's probably just because I've not read it yet or I've lost it. He hasn't read any of them. Let's be honest, Paul. I scan some.

You're going to edit as we do it. It's the way we work here. We'll read it. If it's got legs, we'll keep going. And if it hasn't got legs. We'll stop. Well, there you go. There.

Then we've got cheap eats. I've got a selection of snacks today. What's wrong? What do you mean, what's wrong? I don't know. Your face looks like literally petrified With fear I just waited for you

To stop speaking So that's when I start speaking It's like I concentrate But why do you look so frightened? I don't know Seriously Genuine terror in your face

I don't know Anyway We're doing that And then We're going to end On a list of History's most famous misers So I thought we'd go a little run down of

people from the past who were tight fisted and of the penny pinching variety so that's going to be Cheap Show today should be a lovely one how are you? oh thank you for selling out two shows by the way we've sold out both of the shows on the 14th of August

that is very nice it's going to be two good shows or one really good show and one slightly less good yes with lower energy I don't know we might just lose our shit

I might have a Red Bull in the half time I'll buy you some of that ready to go black rat energy drink or whatever it is you drink what black rat isn't there like one you get

with a rat on the front have I imagined that totally imagined it yes it was a dream you had oh what was on the back nothing picture of your mum putting a cucumber into another what Have I imagined that? Totally imagined it, yes. It was a dream you had. Oh. What was on the back?

Nothing. The picture of your mum putting a cucumber into an oven. What? What does that even fucking mean? Well, it's dream logic. It doesn't mean anything. It's dream logic. That's the point. Why would I dream of my mum putting a cucumber into an oven?

No, you dreamt that I was drinking a can of made-up energy drink, totally from your imagination, called Black Rat. Although I like that. That's good. It's very metal. Yeah. I was drinking a can of made-up energy drink, totally from your imagination, called Black Rat. Although I like that. That's good. It's very metal. Black Rat energy drink. Yeah.

And then I said, humorously, is there a picture of your mum on the back of the can in the dream of her putting a cucumber into another? No. Just, you know, ingredients. I would like to see a middle-aged lady, that wouldn't have to be your mum, putting a cucumber into an oven. No, just, you know, ingredients. I would like to see a middle-aged lady, that wouldn't have to be your mum, putting a cucumber into an oven. This could be a new kink for you.

Yeah. Well, good. Fully clothed. Yeah. No smut. No smutty business. No dirty business. Just a very particular type of photograph.

Who cooks cucumbers? No one. No one. Have you ever had a cucumber in a cooked dish? It's like a fucking... I don't know. It's a fucking travesty. And while I'm on...

Here we go. While I'm on... Yeah. While you're on. Good. On the subject of vegetable controversies... Yes.

You know, I've defended iceberg lettuce in the past because everyone's poo-pooed it. Yeah. I've stood up for it. You thought it was the underdog. Yeah. Because it's a fucking fantastic thing. Yeah. I've stood up for it. You thought it was the underdog. Yeah. Because it's a fucking fantastic thing.

Yeah. I've got a new champion. Oh, here we go. A new vegetable I'm championing. Very exciting times on Cheap Show. Celery. What are your thoughts on celery? Yeah, see?

Look, I can tell you you want to say you hate it, don't you? I don't hate it. You want to say you hate it because you want to conform to what everyone else, you know,

drums into you from an early age. I've not said anything. You've programmed, programmed with celery because you want to conform to what everyone else, you know, drums into you from an early age. I've not said anything. You've programmed, programmed with celery and animosity. And I'm sick of it, Paul. And it's not just you. And I'm focusing my eye on you. Yeah, I'm trying not to look at you.

It's not just you. Celery needs to come back up in everyone's estimation because it's not only is it delicious. It's not. It is a flavor in its own yeah it has a whole whole domain of flavor that is only celery that's what i'm going to say for now good well if you've got any hard and fast opinions on celery why don't you go to our reddit page and start a celery page well is that your response yeah that's your token i'm gonna throw

out to the audience make a celery page is everything i bring up you just go go make a fucking reddit page yeah no i want change i want you to be the change i want to see joking make celery great again everybody make celery great parentheses and iceberg lettuce yes yes those are the two but there may be other i've never seen you this passionate about anything like this before. I'm sick of people saying celery shit. That's all it is. I forgot to press record again. Right, come on.

I'm sorry. Let's do that story. Shall I do it? You don't have the professionalism to do this. I'm very sorry. We were recording Tales from the Shop for... No one wants to know, Paul. No one wants to know about this. And I fucked it. You fucked up. I'm very sorry we were recording Tales from the Shop no one wants to know Paul no one wants to know

about this you fucked up I'm sweating give me the story I'll read it I'm really sorry from where the whole thing about

when I got Keith out of the mug yeah you got Keith out and I nearly vomited again no don't do it again I'm going to do it again don't do it again

well let's imagine imagine if you will the problem was imagining it is what set me off. So I'm trying not to think of you. Opening Keith's jaw and then going, because it smells funky. Okay.

The upshot of all of this, Paul, is we have our first dead pet story. No, we've had our third. This is our third. Remember the first one was the mystery bag and they just put it straight in the bin. And then the second story was the girl who found a dead dragonfly or something and kept it in a glasses box. Oh, yeah. It wasn't a pet, really, but it was like, no one keeps a pet dragonfly. No, she sprayed it with disinfectant every day to keep it moist,

but then she had to throw it out when the wings and the eyes fell off. Why did she keep it moist? Why can't I remember things in my own life? Yes, but it was like two weeks ago. All right. So anyway, we have another, and I'd like you to read it this time. Sponsored by Keith. Sponsored by, yeah, Keith.

Another Pet Corp story sponsored by Keith. Thank you. So I'll let you read this one out. Because we could just read out new ones, but we like this story. This is a good one. So here we go. Get comfy, everyone. This is from Shana.

I'm going to pretend to react surprised at certain points throughout the story, okay? Hello, Paul and Eli. Hello. So the other day Eli mentioned wanting a Pet Corp story. I have one. Here it is. Now this is a story I was told on my first ever day volunteering at a local charity shop. Are you listening to a hip-hop beat in your head

as you read that out? Because I had a certain rhythm. I was listening to a body that was told. It sounded like the beginning of the fucking... Now this is the story all about how my life got flipped and upside down. Yeah, because it actually is that lyric. Now this is a story is how that starts. Now this is the story all about how my life got flipped and upside down Yeah and I can take a minute to sit right there

Now this is a story is how that starts Now this is a story all about how Now this Paul is a story all about how my life got flipped

and upside down What about Shana? So her first day ever at a local charity shop so picture the scene I am A shy 16 year old girl Brackets me

You Me Shana You. Shana. You're Shana? You wrote this? For the purpose of this, I'm taking the role of the narrator. The narrator. Shana. Then lighten your voice a little bit. Me. Yeah, good. Shana. I'm getting a bit...

No, you're not. You mustn't. I'll hit you with a spoon. Really hard. Oh, God. I'll bruise your bellend. What else will you do? Don't do the I'm wanking thing. I'll hit it with a spoon. Really hard. Oh, God. I'll bruise your bellend. Yeah? What else will you do? Paul, don't do the I'm wanking thing. Please.

One star. One star. One star. One star review. It's not just all swearing. So she's starting her first day volunteering. She just wants to get the awkward getting to know you, getting to know co-workers out of the way.

Yeah, okay. We've all been there, Paul. You know, you start, you're not comfortable with people. You don't know whether you can fart. Yeah. Oh, Christ, that stinks. When can you do the dad gags? Oh.

Or like, you know, just take it out. Whip it out. Whap it on your sandwich. Yeah. Which I do. Yeah. But you've got to get to know them quite well. Just go, whap.

There you go, love. What do you like? You like that? Whap. I see if go, whap! There you go, love. What do you like of that? You like that? Whap! I see if I could whap that thing onto anything. Christ. Right. Where's she doing?

Saddest moment of Cheap Show was right there. Right. Oh, such honesty. Such honesty. Right, shut up. she just wants to get all the awkward bits out of the way so

everything's going great fab small talk with the store supervisor oh then I made a mistake oh I ask her what the worst donation she'd ever

come across was her face drops oh god and she tells me about the time she worked at the depot so this is a flashback within a flashback now

it's not it's got a lot of it's inception-y's got a lot of... It's inception-y. It has a lot of narrative nesting structures, is what the term is. It's a narrative nested within a greater narrative. I like it. So, you know, those charity bags.

You know those charity bags, Paul? Yeah. You get through the letterbox. You know those charity bags you get through the letterbox? They post them through and they say, can you fill out this with all your clothes and leave it outside? I certainly remember those. And I'm doing Pussy now. All right.

Good game. Good territory. I love it. Barry Chuckle's dead. She worked at the depot that sorted those out. Okay, so there's a depot, all the bags come in.

They all come back in. And they say, socks over there, toys over there, jumpers over there, electronics in that box. And incinerator for the poo-poo pants. Yeah, for the poo-poo pants.

Oh, talking of poo, I saw genuine white dog shit today. Oi, oi! It's a moment in history. It's right there on the street. I'm like, what the fuck is going on? Brexit's taking us further to 70s. That's what it is.

It's the 70s room again. It's the Mandela effect. Mandela effect. Mandela effect. Yeah, you what it is it's the 70s Mandela effect Mandela effect Mandela effect yeah you get you never get that right you sometimes say Mandela effect

I think Mandela effect is a better word for it yeah but it's not it's Mandela and it's not a good phrase to use because it's not correct

it's a shit thing the whole idea is ridiculous the whole idea is like I can't remember something so the whole universe

split I think you'll remember we covered the very same topic yes we did cover it in an early episode alright so so shana says if the story within the story there we go is this depot where this lady she was work knew was talking to was working yeah okay good she told me how one summer they were sorting out the bags from the latest drop-off and she picks up this super heavy bag it smells a little bit but she's used to smelly bags where people would

put food cartons in the bag and stuff thinking it's funny. I'll put some whiskers in. Some cunt's gonna have to deal with this putrescence. Oh, hilarious. I don't understand those pranks where you're pranking someone, but you will never actually see them. Yeah, but you know. You'll never see

someone disgustingly discover it. Maybe that's part of the charm of it. They kind of feel like the minute they send it, they're satisfied because it's like yeah fucking good i just don't understand that there's no very nice people they're not just like some cunts gonna have to deal with this yeah ha ha they've ruined us some other person's day they'll never meet weird don't do that don't do that you know don't do that don't do that don't do that don't do that do not do that. Don't do that. Don't do that. Don't do that. Do not do that. That do not do. Right.

So anyway, she opens this bag, and on top is a manky duvet cover. All right, put that over there. She throws it into the rags box. Right. And she digs around the bag and touches something furry. Oh. She freaks out, and then a colleague helps her tip the bag upside down. And guess what's wedged between two piles of clothes and a teddy?

Hit me with it. A dead dog. A dead dog, ladies and gentlemen. She literally just touched a dead dog. A dead dog. That was covered in maggots. Great. Imagine if you poked it too hard and it popped

and you think it went through into the dog. Yeah, it would be gaseous cavity. And then this air comes out. And you go and then like there's just this putrefaction squeezing through the wound not good not good

maggots go very good very good it's like that scene in Alan Bastard you know where he comes back from the dead and like you see his corpse

like there's a nightmare sequence and you see him rising from the grave and he spits out all these maggots I remember seeing that on TV when I was a kid and it disturbed the fuck out of me. I never saw that episode, I don't think.

Yeah, I think they kill him off at the end of one series and they brought him back from the dead for the next series. There's like three series of that, wasn't there? There's quite a few, actually, because towards the end of the run he goes into the Labour Party and tries to play it from the inside. Yeah, it was quite a popular show, long-running, wasn't it?

I liked it. It's kind of like His Blackadder in many respects, but nastier. Much nastier. Yeah, maggots So they never knew where the dog came from, Paul No Or how it died

No Hopefully it hadn't This is what I was going to say Yeah You could do a bit of forensic there Yeah And you could maybe look at sort of the wounds on the dog Yeah

And find out if it So this is CSI Cheap Show Pet Corps Division. Charity Pet Corps. Charity Pet Corps CSI Cheap Show Edition. Charity Pet Shop Discovery in a Depot. We got a crime here. We got a dead dog. Show me the bag.

Show me the bag, sister. Here's the bag, Lieutenant. No, you say yo. You say, oh, we're not going to like it, Sergeant. Say that. You're not going to... It's all coming again. All right, okay. Show me the bag, sister. You're not going to like it, Sergeant. Say that. You're not gonna like it. It's all coming again. All right, okay.

Show me the bag, sister. You're not gonna like it, Lieutenant. Listen, sister. I've seen so many dead dogs in bags. Give it a charity as a laugh. You wouldn't know. There's nothing that can shock me. Show me it.

Here you go, but I'll tell you on my 40 years on the force. I ain't seen nothing like this before. So just you hold your breakfast in there, Lieutenant. I don't want to be cleaning up two crime scenes today. I told you. Good.

That's good. Scene and scene. Spin-off. There's a spin-off there, I think. All right. Do we have another Tales from the Shop floor?

I think we can squeeze a little one in. That was quite sophisticated in terms of its narrative structure. There. It's nice, isn't it, though, isn't it? Yeah.

And she was doing that weird thing where, imagine a girl, she's done this, what's that, like, third person... It's one of those weird tenses that she was doing there as well. So there was quite a lot

of sophistication in the writing. So there you go. Congratulations. Five out of five. Right, this one is from Patrick and he says, paul but not eli parentheses i'm joking i know eli's felt left out on previous shop floor shenanigans okay thank you close parentheses i've had numerous jobs that involve fecal matter in all its forms okay he got

straight in there he's putting his sign out he's putting up his stall has he worked in a sewer i used to work as a cleaner yeah to make extra money when i was a student and once such incident in there. Straight in there. He's putting his sign out. He's putting up his stall. Has he worked in a sewer? I used to work as a cleaner to make extra money when I was a student. And one such incident happened when the U-bend was not correctly connected to a device

that would mince up shit prior to flushing it. Oh my word. I've never heard of one of these devices. A device that minces up shit? No, I think the U-bend is kind of

helps break it up. It has sort of a filter thing in there. No, it just gives it, mashes it. No, that's U-bend to kind, helps break it open. It has sort of a filter thing in there. No, it just... It mashes it. No, that U-bend is there to keep the water... Mashes the bangers

and the bangers and mash. I don't think that's what he means, Paul. I think there's an actual... He's a fucking professional, mate. Don't you think he'd know what he's talking about? Well, I don't think you know

what he's talking about. You call him Patrick a fucking liar? No, I don't know... Self-standby, Patrick. Read this fucking... Listen. Read the fucking sentence again.

One such incident happened when the U-bend was not correctly connected to a device that would mince up shit. Thank you. I apologise. Continue with the story. I'm sorry. Point made. Just continue with the story.

These devices were often used in old buildings where the pipes were ancient and not up to the task of full, flushy, nuggety offerings. Wow. Flushy, nuggety offerings. Wow. After using the toilet and flushing it, I had to clean up the deluge of my own feculence that incidentally looked like someone had split a rather foul cottage pie on the floor. And the mint shit resembled the meat and gravy

and the toilet paper of the mashed potatoes. Well, one star podcast. Prior to that job, I worked as a gardener. A petrol strimmer's cutting service rotated several thousand revs per minute. I presume this is going to be important. A strimmer? Is that the word he's using. A petrol strimmer's cutting service rotates at several thousand revs per minute. I presume this is going to be important. A strimmer, is that the word he's using? A petrol strimmer, he says.

Yeah. Has a cutting interface. A petrol-driven strimmer. It's one of those strimmers, but it's like a bad boy strimmer with a proper engine. I think you may see where this is going. It's got a little exhaust. You don't see those that much these days. No.

It's got like a proper petrol strimmer. That would strim your face right off. Yeah, it would. Burn it right off. Take it right off your face. A strimmer's just like strim your face right off. Yeah, it would. Burn it right off. Take it right off your face. A strimmer's just like a piece of string. Yeah. But hard string.

It's like a nylon wire, isn't it? Nylon wire. Yeah. Have you seen a strimmer death in a movie? Yeah, I probably must have. I don't think you have. I want to say brain death. No, that was a lawnmower with a brain.

It wasn't a strimmer. Getting technical. Please, if you do know a horror film where someone has had their face or any body implement taken off by a strimmer, we'd like to know. Thank you. And you can continue with the story. Anyway, he's talking about his revving, a couple of thousand revs. I think you see where this is going.

Long grass conceals a lot of things. Oh, no, I can see where it's going. And it was common occurrence to slice through a particular ripe dog egg health and safety concerns dictated that we had to wear full face visors inexplicably the poosh articles often found their way around this at this time i had a beard mustache and shoulder length hair wow i could spend upwards of eight hours covered in shit with it clinging to my facial hair with a clear plastic visor on my head that now acted like a greenhouse. Oh my God. It's cooking his beard with it.

He's having a shitty beard. He's got old fucking dingleberries in his fucking beard cooking in the sun. Little dangles. And jingling. Little moustache danglies. Yes. It's odd to be able to prefer being sprayed with one type of shit over another, but cat shit always smelt worse than anything dropped from a winking dog's eye.

He's very colourful with his language. Well, Paul, it's making me think we might, you know, after the League of Snacks and Crisps is over, League of... League of Turds. No, we're not doing League of... What is the most feculent? We are not doing League of Turds.

I know. We're not. I'm just going to say that now. It's fine. If you want to have ideas, yeah. In about five years' time, we're going to be

smelling each other's shit. That's awful. One star. Oh, dear. It's going to happen. So he preferred... Doggy eggs over catty eggs. Yeah.

I mean, come on. I finished... Cats have a real... Cats eggs. Yeah. I mean, come on. I finished... Cats have a real... Cats is a dense. It's like the dark matter of the poo world, isn't it? It's like... You only need a very small amount to go a long way. Very bitter.

It's like a neutron star of shit. Yeah. After I finished university and achieved a good grade in engineering, I thought my days of having jobs right to shit were over. I was wrong. It took me two years to find any kind of employment, and I started work in a home for people with severe mental and physical disabilities. Oh, you had to end with this one, didn't you?

We were doing so well. My first job was to empty a large yellow clinical waste bin that the people who usually emptied them refused to take out because it also contained litter. It was the middle of summer. Eight years later afterwards, I graduated and now work in a shop. Thank you for all your work. Clankerman was brilliant, by the way, and I think

it would really stretch to a full movie. It won't. You guys make bars. It's not for you to decide that, Paul. I decide that. And my collaborators. Not you. You don't decide it. I enjoy Clankerman for what it was. Brief.

Good. Well, that's the end of the Tales from the Shop floor. And a stonking Tales from the Shop floor it was too. Certainly. Would like any pets, dead pets in charity shop stories? Yeah, you've heard one. You've heard them all really at this point. Bag.

I'd like to see a variation. Smelly bag. Maggots. Dead animal. What about if someone got a variation. Smelly bag. Maggots. Dead animal. What about if someone got a chimera? What, like a kind of mermaid or something? Like something that was obviously a beagle with a horn stuck in its head or something. Oh, yeah. Or half a monkey. Like the old freak show things.

Yeah. Well, if you do find a freak show item, I'd like to hear about that. Thank you. Thank you. Anything else? No. Erotica? Tales from the Knocking Shop? Would you like that?

No, I wouldn't. How low should this podcast go? How low? Not that low. How low can it go? Well, look, I think sex shops are covered by Tales from the Shop floor. Oh, that's an interesting caveat. Just to say, ladies and gentlemen, look forward to the League of Feculence. It's not happening. Okay. It's not happening. Okay, it's not happening.

It's time for... Cheep, cheep, cheep, cheep, cheep, cheep, cheep, cheep, cheep, cheep, cheep, cheep, cheep, cheep, cheep, cheep, cheep, cheep, cheep, cheep. A-hee-hee. Oh, the cheap eats. Excellent. Excellent. Excellent. We've only taken 100 episodes before we get any sort of kind of, you know.

Well, it's cohesing. Cohesing. It's cohesing. It's cohesing all over my face, neck, and chest. Now, it's cheap eats time. I've got a few items. Have you? They're hiding, so don't look too closely.

They're over there in the sauce truffle. Well, I look forward to seeing them. They're riding a wave of ketchup sachets. But let's not go into any more dilly-dally anymore. So? What have you got in your nice new Ghostbusters-themed bag there? I've got this from Mr. Stuart Ashen's. It was a Loot Crate exclusive.

It's a wash bag with a pro on pack. Is it a wash bag? It's like a swimming bag. It's kind of a swimming bag. A backpacky thing it's nice I can put knick knacks and nip knobs in it

and what does it have portrayed on it in case you didn't speak the proton pack the proton pack from Ghostbusters was it the same one in all three films

no it's slightly different no the third film has a completely different design for the proton pack thank you but the first two have similar designs they're not quite the same

there are minor differences between the two what do you think of the 2016 version I similar designs. They're not quite the same. There are minor differences between the two. What do you think of the 2016 version of the Proton? I want one. I generally do. They're good.

A nice little circle of light in the middle. I love it. I love it. Okay. Let's talk Ghostbusters. No, let's not. I'm sorry.

In 1984, there was a film by that adored called Ghostbusters, Ghostbusters, Ghostbusters. It stars Peter Venkman and it stars...

He's a rapist Don't ruin it He sort of is Don't ruin it Ruin it Spoiler alert He does carry Date rate drunks

In a bag In his boot And he refuses To leave a girl's apartment When she asks him to leave Isn't it in the boot Of his car then No

It's just implied It's in his bag Maybe he had his bag With him But he came in a taxi So I don't know Maybe he got the taxi driver To bring it over

Not good It's not good So bring out The cheap eats From the Ghostbusters theme bag. Well, they're all from B&M and they were all reduced. So they're not going to be expensive. What is this B&M? Is this an outside London sort of thing?

I don't know. Mine's in Cambridge, but I'm pretty sure there's one in London. I don't know. But it's kind of like a home bargain store. It's like you can get detergent and food and bits for your house and home and kitchenware. It's a bit of everything. And it's usually a little bit cheaper than anywhere else. It wasn't Wilkinson's likeware. It's a bit of everything and it's usually a little bit cheaper than anywhere else.

It wasn't Wilkinson's like that. It's a bit like a Wilco's actually. A little bit like a Wilco's. Okay. Anyway, I bought three things from there. I'm going to start with something that we did

in a previous episode. So you brought in the, was it Toffee Apple Jammy Dodgers? The limited edition Toffee Apple Jammy Dodgers. We thought, meh, not really doing it.

Not at all, I have to say. So no, we didn't like them I did not like the Toffee Apple however a few people

on Twitter and on Reddit pointed me in the direction of these so I grabbed them say what you see Mr Silverman these are Jammie Dodgers but they're

another limited edition a different one different Lemon Twist Lemon Twist now that's exciting you don't look excited but okay

it's I think they're going to be nicer than the Toffee Apple ones they're going to be nicer than the toffee apple ones. They're going to have a lemony, curdy kind of flavour, do you think? The toffee apple ones, it was the jam that was the problem. It didn't have enough identity. It was weak, wasn't it?

It was weak. It was more caramelly. And because it was so weak, it showed up the deficiency of the very nasty, stodgy biscuit. Which isn't good on these. No, so far. That's why they cost about 3p a pack. Yeah, because these were, I think, 30, 35p. That's crazy.

Yeah. Think of how much sugar you could get for 35p. There you go. Think how fat you could get. Well, Paulie ain't getting no slimmer, yo. No, Paulie certainly ain't, yo. So I'm opening these. What's the whiff?

It's very hard to say. Not much coming. But the little window where you can spy upon the jam is yellow. So that's a good sign. That's a positive sign. There's one for you, Paul. Thank you, sir. You've seen one, Jammy Dodge.

You've seen them all. This one just has a yellow jam centre. That's it. It has that splat design. I quite like the splat design. I like the splat design. Oh, he's going straight in. He's made a bit of a mess,

but I'm going to now go eat it as well. Well, Paul, quite nice. Nicer than the apple one. Yeah. No, they're definitely nicer than the apple one. I just can't taste it. It's not very lemony.

No. Again, it's not very strong. There is, I can taste it. It's a hint, though. Yeah. I mean, it could be any flavour and I would still think it was jam. Yeah, it's kind of the generic jammy flavour. I kind of feel like if you put these and jam in a bowl,

and I was just mindlessly eating out of them without looking, and I grabbed the yellow one after two reds, I'd be like, not really thinking much about it. No. I can tell it's lemon now. There is lemon. I shouldn't have eaten that last bit, because now my mouth's full of jammy dodger.

It is, it's all right. What are we saying? Out of five for this, are we? That's three and a half. I'd give it a three. It's pleasant enough. I'll meet you at three, then. I like it as a...

With a cup of tea. It'd be great. It'd be fine, wouldn't it? If there was no Jammy Dodgers left, and I saw those, and I was like, oh, I'll get them then. Yeah, I would.

Not the toffee ones. I wouldn't get the toffee ones. Don't like their caramelly. It needs some kind of fruit, doesn't it? It needs a fruity... Something with a tang. And like you say, the toffee apple just had a sort of toffee. Yeah.

The toffee. Weak caramelly kind of thing. No. Apple is such a neutral flavour in the fruit world, which is why you often see... Like sour apple. No, you often see like... It will say... It will have some kind of exotic juice.

Yeah. Juice drink. It will say, oh will have some kind of exotic juice. Yeah. Juice drink. It will say, oh, passion fruit juice drink or something. And you'll see in the first ingredient, like a strawberry drink. Yeah. The first ingredient will be apple juice or concentrated apple juice. Because they just use it as a sort of. A base.

A background. It's sweet. Like a stock. Yes. Interesting. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, I do know what you mean. They do do that.

You see, it's in lots of things. And so I think it's very hard for Apple to have any sort of an identity of its own in these kind of products. Now, do you want to stay on sweet or move to savoury? I'll go savoury now. Yeah? Yeah. Knowing that you're going to end on sweet.

Yeah, I can go both. You can go both ways. I can do it both ways, mate. I sometimes have like a pickled onion and an ice lolly at the same time. You fucking monster. That's disgusting. It's really nice. It's not. Like an orange ice lolly and the same time. Fucking monster! That's disgusting! It's really nice. It's not!

Like an orange ice lolly and a big pickled onion. Right, so these are from the snack department. From the snack department? Yeah, with all the crisps and peanuts. That was snacks. The section, the savoury snacks section. And these were reduced from, I think,

maybe like 80p down to 30, 35. Again, I think these were about 30, 35p. Very good value. Here we go. What do you see? Oh, yeah. These are made by a company called The Real Pork Crackling Co.

Like, the Ghostbusters was The Real Ghostbusters. These are The Real Pork Crackling Co. So you know that it's different from the movie version. These are golden pork crunch. Nice. A light and crispy texture. And they were established in 1974. Wow.

Quite a funky year. So they're like puffed. Yes. Now, there's a difference. See, these are very popular the world over. But especially, I think they eat them in Latin America. Oh, okay. And Central and Latin America.

Yeah, yeah. They have chicken, they call something. Oh, I do not mean. They heat them all over the place. Yes. But I think the tradition in this country has been the pork scratching, which is a different thing. Which is more brittle, hard, crisp.

Well, it has more of the actual rind going deeper into the pig's body on. So it has this sort of big glob. Grizzly. It's more grizzly. This is just the very top, which is puffs up all light and airy. Got a little bit Ainsley Harriet when you did that and I saw one of those

programs that tells you how they make industrial food this is very strange they make this into pellets of pig skin and then they go

all for like hot air thing and it goes woo man the height just scares you and these what's the sniff

you know what you did taste those chilli and lime pork rinds those strips those were good I think these are similar to that

have a sniff oh right just a bit oh it's got that you smell it tell me that's not disgusting you wouldn't want to sniff that before

oh no it's a little bit off it's got like a abattoir a bit of death to it it smells like someone's hosing down an abattoir. A bit of death to it. It smells like someone's hosing down an abattoir. You can taste the death

in every bite. I'm going to taste them. Oh, they're very puff. They're like big, thick quavers. Yeah. You've had these before, haven't you? Not this brand.

I've had something similar, but not recently. They're fine. Yeah, they're fine. They're salty, but not recently. They're fine. Yeah, they're fine. They're salty, but not like... Bacon's not too strong. It's nice. Is it meant to be bacon flavour?

It's just golden. They're just meant to be neutral flavour. Okay. The problem I have with these... Okay. ...is you chew them all up... Okay. ...and it goes into this sort of fine...

Dust. ...sort of... Yeah. And then goes into this sort of fine... Dust. Sort of, yeah. And then that, I have problems swallowing that. That all kind of sort of gets stuck. And it's a bit disturbing. It's just sort of... It's got a bit of a weird aftertaste. I don't like the way it goes down to this sort of fine paste

that sort of then drips down the back of my throat. Slides down. And it sort of feels like I'm choking sort of almost. Imagine choking on pork scratchings. It wouldn't be good, mate. Eat it. It feels like I'm choking sort of almost. Imagine choking on pork scratchings. It wouldn't be good, mate. Eat it. It's like I can't swallow it properly. Do you know what I mean?

It drags on its way down. Yeah, it drags on its way down. That's really unpleasant. So if I have some of these, I'll go, I've got a brain! Help me! Eli Silverman found dead in his room with a mouth full of pork scratchings

and his knob out. I think I would prefer actual scratchings. I think I prefer scratchings to crunch. I agree. If you go to a nice pub that sell good, I don't want to say organic, but you know when they can buy it in jars and stuff like that?

That's the good shit. Sort of, yeah. But it's costly. And remember, that's cheap. That's cheap. Yeah, what are you going to do? You're going to do it. I prefer scratching with a big glob of fat

hanging off it. And a hair hanging off it. Dirty pig hair. Tickle your nose with a dirty pig hair. I'm going to say two and a half. Yes. Yeah. Yeah.

Finally, something very sweet to go back to. These again, B&M. These were, again, 40p, I think. Again, not too much. I got all of these from the real quid. What do you see, Mr. Silverman? Six chocolate-filled crepes. Crepes.

Now, I'm immediately quite dubious. Why? To me, a crepe or pancake is a sort of a fresh item. Yeah, you get it. Nice and fresh off the kitchen, off your table. You don't cook crepes on the... Excuse me. Dear dirty boy.

You do not cook crepes on a kitchen table, Paul. No, I meant the... They have a hot plate. Hot plate. Yeah. I got confused between an oven and a table. Yeah, I know. That's why I'm not allowed to cook.

Yeah, typical you. Typical you. I've still got... Yeah, I've still got lumps of it. The golden crunch. I'm fighting down. Tell me I'm not alone on this. Well, you're alone. What you need is a fucking soda to wash that shit down whilst you're eating.

A lovely fizzy beer. An ice ale. I think that's what they're designed for. Yeah, maybe. These chocolate-filled crepes are made by a company called Saint-Auber. Oh, Saint-Auber? Yeah. Biscuit de la Ba made by a company called Saint-Auber. Oh, Saint-Auber. Yeah. Biscuit de la Baie de Mont-Michel.

So that's St. Michael's Mount. St. Michael's Mount. Which is that city which has a road, but when the tide comes in, the road is covered with the sea. You know, remember? Oh, no. It's been in ads and stuff.

I don't know it. Is it a Renault ad? Oh, no. It's off the same. It's off. Let's have a look. I want to look at the logo. It's off the coast of Cornwall. Oh, I don't know that. There's a magical island off the coast

of Cornwall that you can only drive to in the site. What have we started? Did you hear that? That is Thunder Ball. I'm not going to get wet going out tonight. Yeah.

Don't fucking cry. Anyway, cunt. Right, and so what we have here, French crepes with a chocolate and hazelnut flavour. Yes, you fucking said. Chocolate and hazelnut. No, I didn't say that. Nutella knockoff.

So we're not only tasting the... Made in France. Yeah. Oh, no, there is one of those in Cornwall, but I think they're referring to one in France. Right. There's more than is one of those in Cornwall but I think they're referring to one in France. Right. There's more than

one of these towns. These magical villages. I'm handing you one, Paul. It's a multi-pack. Oh yeah, they come in little pre-

I mean, the fucking wastage on the packaging on these. I've never seen anything like this. No. Well done for

picking this up. Ideal for lunchboxes. It's a little pre-made. Yeah. That's what it says. Stick it in your kid's lunchbox. Apple sandwich. Little chocolate crepe. Have it.

I'm opening it. And it is exactly what it says it is, Paul. It's a little pancake. Little crepe. Little crepe with a little bit of chocolate in. I'm unwrapping it for the science. It's a square shaped prep

thing. There's a sliver of chocolate in the middle. It's a square shape prep thing. There's a sliver of chocolate in the middle. It's totally industrial. Why are you showing it up to the microphone? It can't fucking see it. I'm showing it to the microphone. He's draping it on the mic. I'm going to take a bite. Take a bite. Paul, is that enough?

I do not like that. What do you not like about it? First of all, the crepe's lost all that kind of fluffiness and freshness, so it's gone really hard and kind of chewy. It tastes stale, yeah. The chocolate centre tastes so overly sugary with that fake chocolate spread taste. Yeah.

It's just... It tastes fake. Everything about it tastes fake. Yeah. And it's not great. What do you expect for fucking 30p from 20 of them or whatever? Yeah, but you at least, you know,

expect more. Because this is getting on reduction. You don't want to eat a fucking pancake. If you own a pancake, you've got to get someone to make it for you there or you make it yourself. You can't have some pancake wrapped in plastic. No.

Go to a nice good creperie. What do they call them? Creperies? Creperie. Yeah. And have another lovely Creperies? Creperie. Yeah. And have another lovely one. Go to gapery and visit a creperie. And have one for tea. Right. Just you and me. I'd say one. In our lovely

creperie. Oh, what a lovely poem. Yeah, well, half. It wasn't that bad. If I was desperate for food. To be honest, I wasn't surprised with how it was. It's a drab item what was the best thing then so far in terms of initial

flavour the pork crunch but then you've got the gag the horrible sort of slimy gag thing all the clagginess

yeah like being waterboarded by a pig thalma thalma shut up what have you got for us anyway

now reach over there Paul there you go and there's one like that as well I have To finish this segment Of cheap eats Cheap eats I've got three items

They're all from Pakistan And don't worry None of these are guava squirt bombs Good because that was You said apparently They were meant to taste like that They were meant to taste like that That's fucking horrible

It's like eating farts It was literally like you break into the centre and the sulphur cloud. The eggy clagginess of it was just powerful. It was so sulphuric. Why would anyone want that

as a flavour? Because you grew up in a different culture where it's acceptable to you. I guess, but fucking hell. You know, it's like some people eat strange stuff.

It's like the Swedes with their star strumming. Yes. Which is the fermented fish. Yeah. I read a bit about that. They had to ban it from airlines. Yeah, because the press would explode. Can you imagine bringing that shit on an airplane?

Yeah, because people are dickheads. That's silly, isn't it? Yeah, silly billies. And kimchi is notoriously stinky as well. Who's she? Who's kimchi? Is she stinky? Ho, ho, ho, ho.

That's not funny. Come on, laugh. That was just clearly not funny. Laugh. Laugh for me. Okay, so let's start with a chocolate thing, I believe. These are made by a company called Biscone. Biscone.

Or Biscone. Biscone, I don't know. We'll never know. Kokomo. Way down in Kokomo. Chocolate. Bermuda, Bahama. And it's got a little picture of a little boy and a girl.

Tiago, Montego, baby, that's where we go. I want to make it till the sun goes down. We'll take it fast and then we'll take it slow. That's where we're going to go. Way down of Kokomo I've got an album coming out this Christmas. You do not. Paul Gannon sings The Christmas Blues.

You're gonna be in it. You're gonna be on Malforgan. It's ten grand for a day's work. I'm going to be in it. Yeah. I don't like no Christmas. Insanity is fake. i didn't get domino rally and that ain't cool what are you trying to tell someone something here no that you want domino

rally no it's a story about when i was a kid i didn't get domino rally ghost train domino rally and it broke my christmas what the fuck is ghost train domino rally it was domino rally but what's domino rally domino rally was that set weally, but... What's Domino Rally? Domino Rally was that set where you could buy dominoes and you could knock them and make them go round a track. How fucking cool is that?

Yeah, I know. I never even fucking knew that existed. I wanted a Dada car. What's a Dada car? Was it like some surrealist kind of car? You put it together

and it does loop-de-loops with the pull-e-back-y cars. They're a really smart gag then. Say it again. He said, it's a Dada car and I was like, what does it move around

so really? What? That was not good. It was, it's a Dada car, and I was like, what, does it move around so really? What? That was not good. It was, it was clever. You were shoehorning. It was clever. You were shoehorning. Yeah. I'll fucking shoehorn you. It's shoehorning your week. I'll fucking bend you over and shoehorn you. How do you like that? If you knew anything about

the art movements of the early 20th century, Paul, you'd know that they were totally separate movements with totally separate... I know dollarism isn't exactly surrealism, I know. It isn't exactly. It's not anything like it. It's completely different. Fuck you! It's absurdism! Absurdism again! Totally different

movement! We're all the same fucking shit, aren't we? Oh, I've drawn a lobster with fucking deely boppers on, and it's driving a car to Sweden. That sounds more like a pop-up piece. I don't know. It's a melting fucking clock hanging over the back of a crow's beak. Right, so you've just quoted two of Dali's famous works.

The Lobster Telephone and the Melting Clocks, The Persistence of Memory. The Lobster Telephone, what's that? It's a phone, but the top is a lobster. Oh. Yeah, you're a cunt. You are. I think, look,

I'm going to think of a joke that's more accurate than yours right now. Go on. I used to own a Dada car, and it used to move around like it jumped through a urinal. Right. That was fucking awful.

Right, let's eat these Kokomos. Yes, can I finish? No. And it has a little picture of a little boy and a girl and they've got Kokomos ringing them and the Kokomo in front of the little boy has in the diagram, Paul, it has the

top of the Kokomo cut off and there's a chocolate soupy thing. Splishy splashy out. What do you think they're going to be? Are they going to be like little cereal things with chocolate in? Thank you, yes. It's an

audio little cereal nugget with chocolate in. I hope they are not as eggy as the guava ball. No, they're going to be fine. It's got a face on. Did you nick these off a desk? Yes, but I was allowed to.

What's a Kokomo like then? I quite like that. It's all right, but it's not great. It's that flavour of sort of that cheap biscuit. Yeah. It's fine. It reminds me of my childhood. What?

It reminds me of animal crackers. It's very vanilla-y to us. Remember animal crackers? They're not as good as animal crackers. I know they're not as good, but it has something that sort of reminds me of it. I of animal crackers. It's very vanilla-y. Remember animal crackers? They're not as good as animal crackers. I know they're not as good, but it has something that sort of reminds me of it. I like animal crackers and those animal biscuits. That taste of that biscuit does remind me of that. So that's why I like those.

All right. Two and a half? Three? Okay. So that's our first Pakistani candy. Candy. Kokomo by Biscone. Now these, I like these. I've had some of these before

and I was excited to see that someone had brought some more in because I've had some I was saving but they've gone a bit dry because they've been open so these are Big Bites Fun Pack made by Candyland, Chilli Millie Chilli Millie? and these are Chilli Gummies

what? is that simple Paul? is that simple? these are chilli flavoured sweets chilli gummies. I want. Is that simple, Paul? It's that simple. It's that simple. These are chilli flavoured sweets which we've covered a lot on. Are they gummies? Because we covered the Skittles which you sent in to us.

These are gummies. I like those Skittles. Oh, they are gummies. And what do they portray? The gummy, what's the mould portray? It looks like a throbbing cock

if I'm being honest with you. It looks like a two-headed dildo. It does. I'm not just saying that because it's the show with you. It looks like a two-headed dildo. I'm not just saying that because it's the show. It really does look like a two-headed dildo. And that bit's all the throbbing cock end. Well, they're both the throbbing cock end, except one is green. And one is red at the other end. Nice, tough gummy.

I like that consistency. I think you've got those two characters, the green and the red one, which are both chillies there on the cover. And they've fused at the stomach. They look like hippie chillies all dancing around. I'm going to try it. One of them's got a trident. No, they're parachuting.

Oh, yeah, they are. Oh, I like it. I like them. They've got a fruit flavour. They're fruity. And then the heat comes a little bit at the end just before you swallow it. When you saliva. Oh, they've got a nice fruity, nice...

Yeah. There's a nice fruitiness to the actual flavour of the fruitiness. I like them. Yeah. Oh, no, I like them a lot. Yeah, they're good. Full stop. Yeah, I'll go for...

I don't know if I could eat a whole bag of them in one go, but... Look, I definitely have a couple. Yeah. I am. Those are one of the best chilli sweets. You can really feel it works. Yeah. The heat and the sweet.

But it doesn't ruin the flavour. No. And the flavour doesn't ruin the chilli. With the Skittles, it felt just a bit added on. It's like an afterthought. They're actually quite spicy. They build up. Right.

Last item on today's tube is... It's another candy. Monsichus. Apple. He's run out of energy already. I've just got to eat this chilli mille, sorry. Chilli mille. Get chilli mille sorry chilli mille get chilli mille out your mouth

come on I'll fucking say that go on it is a chew bar if you wanted to cast your mind back in the UK imagine the length of the wham bar

it is but it looks a bit slimmer than a wham bar in my recollection I had a wham bar recently it didn't take us anything like I remembered it I think they've completely

changed the recipe I did as well they've fucking ruined it. Ruined it. It's health and safety gone mad. It's Brexit Britain in full effect. Do you know what I mean? No. I mean, it would be... It must be some kind of regulation where they're

not allowed to have... Or they got bold of the flavour, so for no reason changed it. No, it's not the flavour that they changed so much as the texture. Yeah, it's a soft chew now, not the brittle snap. It's much softer, yeah. It doesn't have that kind of stretch. I remember on a good day, if it was going on, you could literally snap one of those in half. Yeah, but then when you bit it,

you had a fucking fight with it. Gnawing on it. Like a fucking... Like you're killing your food in the wild. Like you're going to get... Antelope's leg. You've got an antelope. And the antelope's going,

it's still alive and it's biting you. It's flecking with deer spit in your eye. Is that your new audition speech? Shut up. It's going to form a little scene I've written for myself, by myself. It's called Ode to Antelope's Leg. I'm going to eat the leg.

I'm eating the leg now. That's good, actually. Very good. You can come into our prestigious drama school. I've never been so happy in all my life. When do I start? Tomorrow at 10 o'clock? Paul, you're really making a meal of opening that Monty Chew bar.

Don't destroy it. Got it. I was too busy with an impression of you. Have a bite. It doesn't want me in. It's a Monster Chew apple flavour. It's not Monster. It doesn't want me in. It's a monster chew, apple flavoured, It's not monster.

It says moncy. Moncy chew? Yeah, moncy chew. Oh, right. Here we go. I'm opening it up

down the length of its back. You did it. It's a very bright green, ladies and gentlemen. Get the top off in your mouth hole. All right.

He's handing it to me. And in it goes, ladies and gentlemen. Oh, it's very apple-y. Horrifically sour, choose. Now, I had something yesterday which was sour, Paul. On the Barsons channel? And I could not. I couldn't keep it in my mouth, it was so sour. So I doubt this is going to be as horrific as that.

It's not sour at all, mate. Really? Not at all. Tastes nice. It's all right. That kind mate. Really? Not at all. Tastes nice. It's all right. That kind of mild sour apple. Yeah.

Not sour at all, though. As far as these things go, not very sour at all. No. Fine. God, it's got a weird sort of mayonnaise-y aftertaste.

Mine didn't. I'm getting a sort of salad cream thing. Really? Yeah. I didn't get that at all. It's a bit creamy in terms of it's a kind of creamy apple flavour.

Also, it's got this kind of cardboardy front. You know, it's got like Frutella. Remember Frutellas? Yeah. It's that kind of consistency, that kind of flavour. Yeah, but I'm getting a distinctly mayonnaise-y note. Throb. Right, well, then, there we go.

I will give that two. No, three. I've got to rate it higher than that. I didn't like that, too. What was your favourite item will give that two. No, three. I've got to rate it higher than that. I didn't like that too. What was your favourite item today of all of the items, Paul? Maybe the chilli things. I have another one. You've had a few and I want another one.

Keep your hair on. Right, good. Yeah, I like those the most. The least favourite thing? Yeah, definitely the crepe. Not a good decision to make. They're like a fucking abomination. That's not a word.

If you're a stepdad who's having trouble connecting with your new kids, why not try and win them over with this shit in their packed lunchbox because you have no idea how to work with children because you've suddenly inherited one from someone you don't know, really. It was a bit of a kind of fleeting romance. You met on holiday. You thought she was fit. She told you about the family,

but you kind of waved out your mind because you thought you'd get laid then things went a bit too far bit of a scare for a moment you got kept in touch and you got back to the uk uh all of a sudden she's confessing her love you've been lonely for a while you meet up all of a sudden you meet their kids next thing you know you're married and all of a sudden you're waking up at six in the morning to put their packed lunch together and you think i can't be fucked with this. What's all that? Just because I had an erection in fucking Barbados and now I've got to fucking give them chocolate crepes

from Saint-Hubert. Where's my life gone? Paul, wake up. Wake up. Where am I? Anyway, that was it. You were doing something really shit.

Bye, bye. End of section. We haven't been recording. I didn't press record properly. Oh, for fuck's sake. Start the section again. That's it. That's a very weak...

I've done it twice now. You are a prick. What else do you got? Because honestly, I deserve it now. Come on. You were doing a lovely little acting moment and I ruined it. Which frankly, to be honest,

it might as well have been lost. It wasn't really clever. We can't just do a whole episode, Paul, where every segment is you going, Right, sorry, we didn't record that. We didn't record that. We just did a bit, and now we're doing another bit. You're a cunt and a prick. He missed nothing, basically.

His acting was poor. I just thought... You thought what? I just thought we'd do a little bit of something that we haven't done in a while. I read a little story to you, a list of things, and we can talk about them in some detail. And I've got a list of famous misers from history. Because you remember when we did

that John Meggitt? I think we should start this section again. No. We're in now. I'm going. I'm flowing. My beats are dropping. And there ain't no stopping this train as it pulls into the station. Come on, babe. Come close to me, and there'll be no hesitation. Come as it pulls into the station. Come on, babe. Come close to me.

And there'll be no hesitation. Come on, sit on my lap. Come dance with me. And I'm going to do some masturbation. A wanky. A wanky. You've ruined that. I was going to get sexy.

Oh, come the train comes in the station. I'm doing masturbation. I'm going to dip my lotion all over you. God almighty. Fucking hell. I've got it. I've got it. Go on. I'm coming in the station.

I'm doing masturbation. I'm going to put my lotion all over locomotion. There. Blah. All right. Okay, good. Wow. Skaboof.

Skaboof. Fucking hell. I'm happy, Paul. I'm in a happy mood. I'm going to talk like that. Yeah. Good. You don't know what real emotions are.

I know. You don't know what real emotions are. Outside of negative ones. I'll demonstrate a positive emotion now. All right. Be glad. Ah. No, that's not glad.

Ah. Oh, Eli. Here's a lovely warm egg for you Alright B What positive emotion can you be B coy You don't know real emotions at all

Fuck off Fucking read it Anyway I have gone to ranker.com And they have a list there Famous misers and how they lived Because I thought it would be nice To do one of those kind of things again Where we talk about people from history Who were tight fisted Anyway, I have gone to ranker.com and they have a list there of famous misers and how they lived. Because I thought it would be nice to do one of those kind of things again where we talk about people from history who were tight-fisted.

Famous misers and how they lived. Yeah. So this goes to Kellen Perry. She put this list together. Or he. Can't see the picture. It's a he. Kellen.

Stupid fucking name. Anyway, here is a list that he has compiled on ranker.com of famous misers and how they lived. Here's the first one. Thomas Cook. Of Thomas Cook fame? We're about to find out. I don't know. Starved his wife to death to save money. Nice.

Nice. What a gentleman. Thomas Cook, born 1726, died 1811. So he lived a fair whack. Well, he's probably made jerky out of his wife or something. Was known as the most contemptible miser who ever lived. Seriously, this guy basically made being a miser into a career. In his 1814 biography, it said his life was checkered with as few good actions as ever.

Basically what he's saying, he's never done anything nice. What? I thought there was a rat. In this fucking room? No, no, there wasn't. There is no rat. Anyway, Cook was a world-class bastard. He tricked his wife, a wealthy brewer's widow, into marrying him.

Brewer's widow? That sounds like a euphemism. Well, I cooked the other day with a brewer's widow. Oh, terrible brewer's widow. She was a brewer's widow, his wife. So she already had one marriage. And her husband had died. He was a brewer. widow, his wife. So she already had one marriage. And her husband had died. He was a brewer.

I wonder how that happened. Anyway, she... Do you think he was, like, stirring some hops? And, like, fell in? No. Stir, stir, stir the hops. Save me! Fucking hell.

Save me! No, it didn't happen because it's not a rule doll story for a start. Right. So, he tricked her into marrying him and then ended up inadvertently starving her to death because he was so stingy. I don't understand tricked. What, like sign this, this is for this parcel. Right, we're married. Maybe.

Maybe he goes, I just need you to sign this birthday card for Barry around the corner. I just need you to put your finger in this hole. Put it in. Go on. It's the law. Right, we're married. How do you do that? It might be that. Right, you've got a priest, you've got a finger in this hole. Put it in. Go on. It's the law. Right, we're married. How do you do that? It might be that.

Right, you've got a priest. You've got a wall with a hole in it and a priest standing on the other side. You step over there. Come over here. Stick your finger in the hole. I do. Pull it away.

Right. You fucking big stitched up love. Turn you into jerky and eat your strips. No, he didn't. As a widower, Cook ate for free by visiting his friends at dinner time and reminding him that his will was a work in progress. So he'd go, give me some food, I might put you in the will.

What a cunt. When Cook was sick or injured, he would dress himself in rags in hopes that the doctor would take pity on him. He basically didn't work a day in his life but was still worth £700,000 when he died. Wow, he inherited that? I don't know. Who got it? I don't know.

It doesn't really say how Barry started his wife. It doesn't say then he started a travel agency. No. Also, it doesn't really say he starved his wife.

You know what I mean? It's like, what? It's not a very good first part. Well, Paul, this is what, when you look up something on the internet

and just get some list out of nowhere written by no one and, you know, it's't ask me i can't fucking i know i'm good i can't fucking dress all of this up let's go back let's imagine he killed his she killed the brewer's widow let's just let's just say yeah it was a comic yeah his. And it was like a superhero. Yeah. And she uses yeast and hops to defeat her enemies. Well. And she's visited by the ghost of her husband, who's sort of like her guide. Well, thank you for visiting 20th Century Fox.

We don't like the movie pitch. Brewer's Widow. No, we do not like it. We've got enough superhero movies, and Brewer's Widow is not a good one. Brewer's Widow 2, the droopening. No. Next story. Daniel Dancer

knocked his dog's teeth out to avoid being sued. Wow. Bit of much, innit? Well, that's good. It's drawn me in. His sole occupation, apparently,

was hoarding his wealth. Yeah, but you've got to get the wealth in the first place. He inherited it, I guess. Yeah. He inherited his father's estate in 1736 at the age of 20 and then basically became a professional miser.

I'd have to work ever again. You can't have my money. You can't have it. The kid was good at it too. Dancer made his sister a housekeeper, forcing her to cook partially decomposed, but totally three, animals he found in the wild. That's what that guy Meggett did as well, isn't it?

Yeah. They love it. Can you imagine that? I watched for as well, isn't it? Yeah. They love it. She later... Go out and find... Can you imagine that? I watched for dinner. Oh, I found this dog. His head's gone a bit soft. Cut that off.

Cut that off. We'll have the rest of it. Don't let it go to waste. Oh, I found this totally fly-ridden deer torso. Oh, I love that. Scrape it.

Scrape it. Spice it. Give it a wash under the tap. Put it into cakes. It'll be fine. Put it into cakes. It'll be fine. Put it into little meat strippy cakes. But anyway, the sister eventually died because he wouldn't pay the doctor. What a fucking cunt.

Yeah, I mean, you... I'm dying! I don't know, the doctor's a 50 quid, isn't he? Just cough it up, love. You'll sweat it out. Don't worry, doctor's 50 quid. I've died. That's 50 quid saved.

Yeah, that is... I mean, it's, you know, there's miserly and then there's... Or even worse, like a doctor comes round and the doctor goes, oh, it's very simple, we can treat this, the moisture's only going to cost you, I don't know, 50 quid. Oh no. Yeah. Oh no. I thought it was going to be free. That's really bad.

I mean, it's kind of tantamount to murder, or neglect at least, isn't it? Exactly. Anyway, he never bathed or washed his clothes. He was an especially paranoid and cruel miser. To avoid the possibility of getting sued by his neighbours, he knocked his beloved pet dog's teeth out so it wouldn't eat their livestock. It's a horrible fucking thing to do.

He's a horrible guy. Can you please prevent your dog? Yeah, I'll prevent it. Come here. Roo, roo, roo. Smash! Smash! Roo, roo, roo.

Roo, roo, roo. Yeah, you won't be eating any more of their chickens now, you cunt. No, I just meant... And you're good for giving me a blowy. Oh, God almighty. Come over here. I've rubbed chum on me under carriage get the chum

feel my bum that's a little poem remember it eat the chum finger my bum yeah come on you toothless dog drip your lovely

saliva on my glands and that's one star review remember that Daniel K Ludwig fired an employee for wasting a paper clip oh he was born on my glands. And that's one star review. Remember that? Daniel K. Ludwig fired an employee for wasting a paperclip. Oh, he was born 1897,

died in 1992 and was a reclusive American billionaire shipping magnet. Sorry, born when? 1897. To 92? Yeah.

Long lived. Well, that's what the rich do, isn't it? When you can live forever being rich. I'm feeling like this guy might have had sort of bad experiences in a war. Maybe he was interned, prisoner of war, or even maybe a concentration camp because that is a syndrome that happens to people

who are in those kind of really desperate situations for a number of years, you know, where they can't eat and they've got nothing. They can't ever drop the miserliness. Do you know what I mean? They can't ever be a big sp spender again even in later life anyway yeah that's point right ludwig was so recluded that he was known as the invisible billionaire but quite a few stories about his miserly ways emerged towards the end of his life most notoriously he fired a tanker captain because he wasted a paper clip on a two-page letter as As an octogenarian, Ludwig walked to work instead of hiring a driver, wore the same plastic raincoat year after year,

drove an aged car, and flew in coach. You could argue. He was down with the common man, isn't he? No. Gets a coat to last, travels in coach with the rest of them.

It's just ridiculous. Once you've got a certain amount of money, there's a luxury you can give yourself. And also, you're giving money to others, then, give yourself. And also, you're giving money to others then. Well, you're supporting the economy.

He never spends any of his billions so it just sits there doing nothing. Where does it go when he dies? It doesn't lubricate the economy in every way.

Yeah, and when he dies it just, yeah, then it's gone. He can't take it with him. It's a strange, lonely world of the miser. It's a so lonely world of the miser. It's like, I can imagine it like a prog rock song. miser. It's a so lonely world of the miser.

I can imagine it like a prog rock song. Yes. It's a concept album. Cheap show present, the strange, lonely world of the miser. Oh, I love it. Track one, waking up in the park. Track two, it's a yoghurt pulses. What's that?

You get chives, you get yoghurt, maybe some clay, and you flap it up your bum like... Shouldn't have asked. No. Okay, next. Jay Paul Getty had a payphone in his mansion for guests to use. That's so cheeky. Born 1892, died in 1978.

Now, he is famous. An American billionaire oilman. Getty Images. Yes, and a famous collector Of art and antiquities I did visit his He's like a cunt Indiana Jones

His old home in California Is a museum now Yeah And I've been there It's just off PCH isn't it It's on the coast That one time I visited California I went there

All the time I lived there I could never go see it Because it was always On the renovations It was doing this big Multi-million renovation So I never got to go When I was on it

It was beautiful Beautiful estate It's a beautiful estate It really is But it's a bit dry You know because it was always on the renovations. It was doing this big multi-million renovation. So I never got to go when I was on it. It was beautiful. Beautiful estate. It's a beautiful estate. It really is. But it's a bit dry. You know, it's kind of all sort of... You're going to have to want to go there to go there. It's not really a touristy thing.

I'd like it. But it's all just sort of old vases and stuff, really. A load of old shit in it. A load of old fucking vases. And statues and things. Like a boring Indiana Jones. Yeah. These don't belong in a museum.

They belong on my shelf next to my mommy's picture. Yeah. But he was also, he did have these sort of foundations set up. Famously, this story as he goes into now, he famously refused to pay a ransom to his grandson's kidnappers. Oh, yeah. I heard about that. Even after they cut off the kid's ear and mailed it to the newspaper office.

They made a film of it didn't they recently with Kevin Spacey sorry not Kevin Spacey they replaced him with Christopher Plummer oh that was the film that was the film

Ridley Scott Spacey will never work again Kevin Spacey yeah yeah because every film now is going to star Christopher Plummer

instead in the usual suspects starring Christopher Plummer do you think they're going to put Plummer in retrospectively into these films they're going to all like

new edition Star Wars it they go back and like put Jabber in as well just why not yeah put a little creature that pops up and goes and runs off

for no reason did you know that Spielberg took all the guns and cigarettes out of E.T. for one edition on DVD and replaced it with walkie talkies

and that was it he has since gone on record as saying he regretted doing that because it's stupid. So that version isn't going to be... You can probably still

get it on DVD. Silly, isn't it? Why was he like, oh, I'm sick of people smoking with guns? No, because it was that revisionist part of the early 2000s

where all of a sudden technology could improve your special effects, which is why Lucas did what he did to Star Wars and they could go back and treat them.

He flirted with it as well. Yeah he was nearly going to do Jaws as well. He nearly went in to change Jaws and update it. And take the cigarettes out. Well no just like make the shark look better

and that kind of thing. But that's part of the charm. It's not worth doing that. It's not worth. Leave it alone. Leave it alone. Anyway he forced to pay the ransom.

He eventually gave in and loaned his son the money to pay the ransom but forced him to pay it back. I cannot believe that. He's had his ear cut off. Yeah.

Did he suspect his son was... I mean, I don't think so but I don't know all the details of the case. Getty later defended himself saying that giving in to the initial demand would have placed his

14 other grandchildren at risk. Yeah, okay. I know they sent the ear in the post but I was thinking of the other 14 kids I don't speak to. I know they sent the ear in the post, but I was thinking of the other 14 kids I don't speak to. Yeah. You know, who I don't talk to and won't give any money to.

That is so stingy. They need to know that. No matter who they kidnap in my family, they're not getting any money. Ever. All right? Yeah. Not even little lame Jane.

Has a little bit of a limp. She's not getting any money. I know she has a simple operation that can fix it. Fuck her. I don't know. What's happening? He's a cunt. Anyway, a far more hilarious case of miserly behaviour

was when he put a payphone in his London mansion. So guess what? It racked up his phone bill. I think my kids are trapped in a house fire. Do you have a phone? There's a payphone down the corner, love. I don't have any change on me. You'll have to pop down the corner shop there.

I've only got a tenner. Do I have to put money in the payphone? Yes Well, I've only got a tenner. I just need, I just, does it, do I have to put money in the pay phone? Yes. How much does it take? $200.

Oh, God, I'm going to have to go to the bank account. Hang on. I don't think the machine. I can loan you it. You just sign here.

Yeah. All right. I'm Getty. Do you like my accent? Yeah, it's good. It's very good. This is a nice little

scene. I'm enjoying this. It's a nice little playlist. So sign there, love. All right. And done. All right.

And now you have to pay the unlocking fee. How much? Oh, God. Another 300. Seriously, I think my family are on fire. I need to just call home.

Yeah, all right. Hold it. Yeah, okay. Yeah, all right. Hold your order. Hold on. Okay. All right.

Just an unlocking fee. How much? I don't make these rules. No, you do. I do make these rules, yes. Yeah. I don't speak to myself. All right. How much? I don't make these rules. No, you do. I do make these rules, yes. Yeah. I don't speak to myself. All right.

How much? I'm totally disconnected from my own mind. How much? £300. Pounds? $300. Dollars? I'm American, as you can tell by my accent.

Oh, God. Well, hand it over. Okay, I've got to go to the bank first. Well, I've got this cash machine here. Oh, okay. It's one of these newfangled ATMs. Don't look at my pin. Beep, beep, beep, beep.

Beep, beep. Accept the charge. $3,000. Oh, yes. It's a good robot voice it's got, isn't it? Yeah, it's very good, isn't it? Right. Here's the money.

Here's the money, Mr. Getty. I know. What am I going to do with this? You have to go down to the cool shop, get a change out yeah alright see you in a bit

right I'm going to have a wink wow well that's the only way you can think of ending that it did end it

though didn't it it did with you just having John Paul Getty have a wank well billionaire Hetty Green scammed the free clinic. Oh, this is a lady miser.

Now, if you've listened to The Dollop, they do a full episode about her. Oh, really? It's called The Witch of Wall Street. Oh, yeah. That's amazing. This is her. So, obviously, they go into a lot greater detail. But it says here, a lot of tall tales have been told about Green's miserly ways.

Most famously, that her son's leg had to be amputated because she didn't want to pay the medical bill. Seemingly common miserly trait. That's the worst type of thing to do. Her son lost a leg, but the biographer says she did seek treatment for his condition and she did pay the bill. So, bit of an urban legend-y thing building up there. But there are quite a few true stories

of her extreme frugality. Despite being insanely wealthy, she did try to use free clinics under a false name. God, she also lived in cheap apartments and rooming houses to save money and was notorious for haggling with waiters. Oh, God. And she's probably stunk of piss.

Yeah, really badly. Yeah, not loved. That's another thing with misers. They build up an odour. I'm a fucking billionaire. You will sniff my grotty nooks. Yeah, nasty. Sniff my pants of a thousand years worth of piss.

I've pebble-dashed a pack of my keks so many times, I can feel the lay of the land out there. Listen, this brought a story to my mind, Paul. Here we go. My friend, his mum has no sense of smell. None. None. It's an unfortunate condition that some people suffer from.

Obviously, because she can't taste all the stuff I'd imagine, too. Yeah, so the taste isn't great. Yeah, poor girl. She's a lady. Poor woman. Yeah. Poor person. Let's just say poor person.

Poor person. They went to the cinema, and there was someone who stank of piss really bad. Yeah. Sat in front of themank of piss really bad. Yeah. Sat in front of them like really bad. She can't smell. She's loving the movie. Her eyes are watering. Oh, right.

So she just. Literally, it's like, what's going on? My eyes are watering. That was how bad the ammonic piss smell was. The person in the front. He smells of piss. Yes. Oh.

Multimillionaire Wellington R. Burt denied two generations their inheritance. Who is he? Well, he was born in 1831, died in 1919, was an American lumber baron, and that was also one of the wealthiest men in the country in the early 1900s. Burt wasn't particularly miserly in his day-to-day life, but he did famously include a spite clause in his will that kept all of his children and grandchildren from inheriting his $100 million fortune. Oh, mate.

You've got to call it a spike clause. You couldn't just call it, you know, Article 4. It's a spike clause. That's what they're known as. The clause stipulated that no money would be doled out until 21 years after his last grandchild died. What? His last kid did, however, get small annuities

and later got a $5 million chunk thanks to a legal loophole. So one of them got some. But ultimately this meant that only 12 of his many, many descendants ever received the bulk of his money as he intended. And they didn't get it until 2011,

92 years after he died. Yeah, I think I heard about that. Yeah. That is ridiculous. It's crazy. But apparently, there was family feuds and he was just like,

ah, fuck him. He didn't like him. When he looked at his family, he thought, what a bunch of fucking wretches. You want this money do you want your kids to have the money

do you want your kids kids to have the money no I'm going to give it to your kids kids kids kids and see how that works out for you yeah terrible

and then what do they do well I'm not having kids I don't know how that works you've really puzzled me with that last thing you said Paul I'm not going to have kids and then you seem to be

holding your breath yeah that's how I to have kids. And then you seem to be holding your breath. Yeah, that's how I not have kids. You sort of hold your breath. I was told that if you don't... No, that's what you do. Don't you know that? If you hold your breath when you orgasm, you don't cum. Have you never heard that?

That's not true. That is true. That sounds like... I'll fuck you, show you. I'm going to whack in your face. No, Paul. I'm going to whack in your face. No, Paul. I'm going to whack in your face. No.

And I will come. Because I'm on my breath. You won't get splatted. All right? That's not true. You're thinking of Kundalini Yoga, where you sit quietly. I've never met her. Sometimes.

Don't you fucking judge me. Is that the end of this section? Is it? No. Rich landlord John Camden Neal refused to repair his tenants' houses. 1780 to 1852. Sounds like someone we know. He was a landlord and notorious miser famous for leaving all of his property to Queen Victoria,

who accepted it. Do you want some houses, Queen? I'll have them. If he doesn't want them, I'll have them. Neild inherited his family fortune and basically spent the last 30 years of his life being a cranky miser

he kept his massive house in Chelsea sparsely furnished including going without a bed for a stretch just to save on expenses he wouldn't spring

for an overcoat and the clothes he did have were in constant disrepair he had tenants on the vast estates in Buckinghamshire but he refused

to repair their homes when needed he even neglected church on one of his properties, choosing to stuff the cracks with cotton rather than having them repaired. And it was a mess when it rained in the church. Imagine it. Oh, well, then, with this one, because this one seems quite nice.

Ingvar Kamprad is worth billions, but he only buys his clothes at flea markets. What's wrong with that? He's a hipster. He's a trendy hipster that when you look at him, he doesn't he's an old cunt. He's an old guy. He's an old... He looks very thin. Old cunt who doesn't know what fucking day it is. He was born in 1926

and is the Swedish billionaire and founder of... IKEA. IKEA. I've got a house, I've got a building, I've got things to put in. This is a bed called a flip. This is a cupboard called a huddle And what is this table called? This table is called a

I call it such And I will build it And I will put screws It's a multi-python rip-off Is it? Is that what the No Yeah, you did the night's so near

No, I just said I couldn't think of anything That doesn't mean I was ripping off that You couldn't think of anything That's for sure I mean, that's always the case Start the scene again Hello Welcome to I just said I couldn't think of anything. That doesn't mean I was riffing off that. You couldn't think of anything. That's for sure. I mean, that's always the case. The table's still... Start the scene again.

Hello. Welcome to this TV program where I'm interviewing you, Mr. Arkenvard. Ingvard. Ingvard Duncanvard. Don't get my name right when I'm on the show. Okay, what's the fucking name then? Don't you already have the attitude with me? Well, what's your accent?

I am. It's Italian. Yes, I do TV now. So I'm on the Italian chat show. Yes. And you are Italian. This is okay. And you can understand my Swedish mouth. So, what is this table called?

This table is called a he. Oh, not great, but better than before. And this bed is called the floople toot. And what are these curtains called I call these curtains the curtains French now

and what is this thing that I put my toothbrush in called it's called a poopy poops right stop

let's stop this scene please fucking love it Christ the fact that the world's most popular cheap furniture store is about as cheap as Billy Bookcase Right, stop. Let's stop this scene. Fucking love it. Christ. The fact that the world's most popular cheap furniture store is about as cheap as Billy Buckcase.

It's fucking Billy Buckcase. What's that? What? That came out of nowhere. He only wears clothes he finds at flea markets, recycles tea bags, pockets salt and pepper packets.

Fucking you do that. Buys Christmas wrapping paper and presents post-holiday sales and only tries to get his hair cut at an extreme discount when visiting developing countries. He likes to go to Vietnam for his hair cut. Wow. I like it in Vietnam.

They put the hoop in my flute. And what is the scissors called? They're called the snoop snoop. And what is the shoe called? It's called hoop. And what is this little ring that I hook my curtain on called? Minge. Right.

Is that the end of the show then, Paul? Yeah. Well. That was a nice show. Wasn't it a lovely show? I had a lovely show with you. We should do more like this. You know what I just remembered?

I bought today. What? A skull. Chupa Chup. A skull shaped. In the shape of a skull? Yeah. I'll show you.

No, I'm not bothered. What do you mean you're not bothered? You go look for it while I do the wrap up. I'm not doing a look. Here it is. I'm going to have to look for it. I'm meant to be doing a wrap up. Oh, let's have a look.

Shall we have that on an upcoming show? Yeah, we'll save it for another one, won't we? Save it. Skull and its brains are out. Yeah, its brains are out, but they're white. I ought to make the skull white and the brains pink. But it's done the other way. Well, it's meant to be green, you can see from the illustration.

I'm not impressed, mate. It's a Halloween Chupa Chups. Thank you for supporting Cheap Show on Patreon. That's designed by Salvador Dali. He was a surrealist. Is that a fact? He designed the Chupa Chups logo, yeah. Oh, well John Patreon. That's designed by Salvador Dali. He was a surrealist. Is that a fact? He designed the Chupa Chups logo, yeah.

Oh, well, I didn't know that. You learnt it now. That's not the best fact. Fuck off with that. Put your hand out. I'm not letting you discipline me. I put your fucking

hand out for that. I'll fucking... I'll clip my nails. Imagine you've got a bit of your scrotum caught in there oh no mate no not in the

toenail clippers that would be bad mate oh don't mate don't I'll puck it up it's fucking bad

I saw this article once mate we're mentally wrapping up people used to fucking inflate their scrotum for kicks great

so thank you for supporting Cheap Show on Patreon patreon.com forward slash Cheap Show give a little give a lot whatever you do used to fucking inflate their scrotum for kicks great so thank you for supporting cheap show on patreon patreon.com forward slash cheap show give a little give a lot whatever you do we really

appreciate it it's literally made the show go weekly and kept us making it so thank you thank you so much what I started to do is print out the names

of all of them yeah fucking hell so you can find the cheap show at the website the cheap show website the cheap show.co.uk where's that Paul and you can find The Cheap Show at the website, The Cheap Show website, thecheapshow.co.uk. Where's that, Paul? And you can find a dedicated page.

www.thecheapshow.co.uk. www. And you can find a dedicated page for this episode with pictures and videos. www. Or on Twitter, at thecheapshowpod. I'm at PaulGallantShow.

Eli is? Eli Snoyd. E-L-I-S-N-O-I-D and if you look for Cheap Show on Reddit or Tumblr or on Facebook you can find a page

and join it and get in on the chat thank you very much and if you want to email us anything it's thecheapshow at gmail.com and that's it

that's it for today party time in my mouth fucking hell you're right let's get a groove on we're not going to get a groove on come on we're going to have a little breather yeah a little breather a little a groove on We're not going to get a groove on Come on

We're going to have a little breather Yeah a little breather A little come down session Then we're going to record Another episode We're going to get jacked up With more Cheap Show We're going to come down

And then we're going to go Mainline Cheap Show Yeah Cheap Show Good Yeah I don't know Bye everyone Bye

Bye Bye, everyone. Bye. Bye.