CheapShow - Ep 98: Underground Chicken Train

Episode Date: October 19, 2018

What happens when you inherit a title in the UK and become gloriously rich? Why, you start building tunnels of course! That way you don't have to deal with people. Simple! This is certainly what William John Cavendish Cavendish-Scott-Bentinck, 5th Duke of Portland did. The idiot. Paul & Eli look at the Duke's strange life and along the way bash a few Fraggles, find a kinky use of a letter slot and take a ride on the chicken train! If all that is too high brow for you, don't worry, the Cheap Chaps also look at the character creation process of the podcast and take a pop shield free trip to Eli's Country... no sorry... Urban Noodle Kitchen. It's gonna get spicy! And if you like us, why not support us: www.patreon.com/cheapshow Share & Enjoy. Subscribe or Die! www.thecheapshow.co.uk If you want to get involved, email us at [e-mail] And if you have to, follow us on Twitter @thecheapshowpod or @paulgannonshow & @elisnoid If you like what you hear, please spread the word! Like, Review, Share, Comment... LOVE US!

Hello, everybody. It's time for Cheap Show. Here I am. I'm Eli Silverman. We are in the House of Pickles for a lovely, lovely episode. And here is Paul Gannon. He's the other guy who does it. Take it away, Paul. Hello. Welcome to Cheap Show. It's the economy comedy podcast for your ears. Welcome to Cheap Show.

It's the economy comedy podcast for your ears. And welcome to Cheap Show. It's the economy comedy Podcast for your ears. And welcome to Cheap Show. It's the Economy Comedy Podcast for your ass. Don't need to say anything. For your ass. Right, well, if that's your mood today. It's for your ass. Okay, this is just... Welcome to Cheap Show.

I hate you and your fucking noodle posse people love noodles all right it's a fact of cheap show you're gonna have to fucking reset noodle time tails from the Darks for a while. How's the bit got next? A fight of the Shite. This is called Gun and Take Hello. Eli Silverman. And this is a show all about the things you find in pound lands, bargain basements, charity shops, thrift stores, car boot sales.

I'd like you to add more to that list. Jumble sales and bazaars. Jumble sales and bazaars. That'd be a nice way to finish that. Alright. Jumble sales and bazaars and we deliver it back to you and say, look, look what we found for nothing and how much fun we're going to have. I've got something to say to you, Paul. Yes, what is it? I'm coming for the news!

Is this going to be your thing for this episode, Dan? Well, you never know. No, I don't know. that's the problem I have with you You never know I love your ears What? Don't shrug Is this all you're going to give to me this episode?

You got your ears What was the inspiration for that? Because I was saying For your ears and then i thought that sounds like for your ass i'm gonna say yes inside the acting process with paul gannon hello and today i'm speaking to actor uh writer and comedian eli silverman hello hello paul welcome on to the show so tell me about process. When you come up with all your characters. I think of words that sound like dirty words.

Then I elongate them. It's worked for me. Can you give us an example? Say something like click. Click. Click. Click. Click.

Clit. Clit. Ooh, I rub your clit. Give me another example. Well, I mean, okay, so... Another normal word, just an everyday word, and then I take it. It's my process. Chimney.

Chimney. Chimney. Chimney. Shitty! Shitty! Shitheep! Shitheep! That was actually really moving. I like it, thank you. Of course, we will go back to some of your most famous roles. Sticking in your rays!

Of course, it's the popular one that we all know you for. When did that character come to be? About half a minute ago. Yeah? Yeah. Yeah? Yes. You're great at interviews. four and when did that character come to be about half a minute ago yeah yeah yeah yes you're great in interviews so what uh tell me when did you first decide you wanted to get into uh performing when i was just a weak child my mother said to me she said oh eli pass me that cup. And I was like, cup, cup, can't. And then from that moment, a star was born. Yes, thank you very much.

So what's coming up in the future in your career? Do you have any exciting projects on the go? I'll be swearing. Yes, you'll be swearing. I'll be swearing down by the Thames. Oh, good. Is that a fringe theatre thing? It's very fringe.

Yes. Yes. Yes. And can we get a maybe... You can't come. No one can come. It's me and my misery. And a bottle of port.

Beautiful imagery. I'll be swearing. At? The river. Right. Well... You smell! If you want to see Eli's latest performance... How dare you! I'll give you a little thing. Right. Well... You smell! If you want to see Eli's latest performance...

How dare you! I'll give you a little thing. Okay. You flowy bastard! You flowy bastard. You flowy wet! You wet flowy bastard. You wet flowy bastard.

Oh, you... Oh! Look at you! All slishy! Look at you, all slishy. Splishy sploshy. How dare you, you muddy, muddy bastard. So, Paul, enough about me.

What have we got coming up on the show? Well, today we've got a lovely little show coming up. We're going to go soon to the Country Noodle Kitchen. Oh, yeah. And we're going to have lots of fun there. Back by popular demand, Eli talks noodles and prepares them while Paul just stands around. Pretty much. That is it in a nutshell.

But we've got three lovely noodles. Any little hints of what's to come? Well, it's one I've been going on about for years, my favourite noodle of the moment, Paul. Wow. And also another couple. It's a historic episode.

Another couple, one, it's Sam Yang, I can give that away, which is a very popular noodle brand. Okay. And just three very diverse noodles

showing the real range in the market at the moment. Wonderful. Well, that's all to come on the show today. Again,

this is, I think this episode goes out after the live show. Well, that's all to come on the show today. Again, this is I think this episode goes out after the live show. 101? No, this would be episode 99. We have done the live shows, but they'll come out after this. This is our last double dish

episode. Yeah, this is our 99. This is our flake. Yes. Isn is our... Isn't that a sexual position, a 99? Like a 69? 99 would be... Is that like Bami? No, it would be Cicero.

Bami. It wouldn't be that. It would be the Roman numeral X, wouldn't it? Yeah. It would be. It's just Bami. Maybe it's just bum-to-bum cuddling. Something sweet.

Bum-to-bum cuddle. Yeah, so anyway, it's our 99, right? And maybe it's a bit of a daisy chain, because 99, they're like spooning each other. You can just keep going. That's what I mean. Yeah, so anyway, it's on 99, right? And maybe it's a bit of a daisy chain because 99, they're like spooning each other. You can just keep going. That's what I mean. Yeah, that's beautiful imagery.

Cheap Show is like being taken from behind. Yes, I was at some party the other night. And you were taken from behind. 99, just let me say this, 99.99999. What does that mean?

We're all fucking each other in a big row. No, you wouldn't have gone to a party where that happens anyway. I'm just making it up. I know, but it's not even realistic for you and your reality. You'd never go to a party where you knew there was sex.

No, sorry. Rewind that. Was that sound effect for rewind? It was the tape rewind sound. Yeah. Not very good. Whatever. No, no.

Yeah, that's better. That's cunt by the way I won that ice cream debate oh god I couldn't give a shit at all I won that basically who fucking cares I care

don't throw an egg at me I just threw an egg at him I'm not doing the show what are we going to do it's fucking you do it. Fine. Hello, welcome to episode 99 of Cheap Show, starring me, Paul Gannon.

And we've got some stuff coming up. We're going to do Country Noodle Kitchen. They know that already. And we're also going to read a story from one of my books that I found in a charity shop. And this one's a lovely little dollop-esque tale of a man who, how should I put this, lived a bit of an underground existence.

So join me, Paul Gannon's Cheap Show, for the rest of the show. And have a fun time with me talking to me. How are you? You know what I'm going to do? You know what I do feel like doing? How are you listening? Paul, I'm going to do a little link.

We've finished the intro link. Done there. I've knocked you a little bit. You've knocked me. I think that's kind of it, yeah. Keep knocking the microphone because it ruins it. I'm going to do it again.

Keep doing it literally twice. I'll do my own links, thanks. No. Use that. That's good. It's not. Stop looking at me with hopeful eyes. It's not happening.

Come on, that's excellent. It's not. I put them in for a reason. You don't need to now. You're going to do that every time we do a segment, then? I'm just going to do this. Do that live, then? Yeah.

Yeah. Good idea. then? Yeah. Yeah. Good idea. Good. Yeah. Yeah. Stop it. Here we are flying over the streets of London. Me, Paul Gannon in my flying machine, flying over North East London.

And here I am swooping down, swooping down. And into one particular window. As I fly in, close the window behind me. I find myself once again in Eli's Country Noodle Kitchen. Hello, Eli. Hi, we're not calling it that anymore. What are we calling it? It's City Kitchen Noodles with Eli Silverman.

Hello. Hello, City Kitchen Noodles. Yeah, because why country is just some shit you came up with, which was shit. Sounds nicer, though. It's not a country. We're not in the country. Noodles aren't a food of the country. It's an image we're selling isn't it it's an image it's an in it's a an image with a lot of internal um inconsistencies paul and i'm putting that right

right now i know you did your little shit little swooping in fine yeah Yeah? But, this section will be called City Kitchen Noodles. City Kitchen Noodles. Here we go. With Eli Silverman, formerly known as Eli's Country Noodle Kitchen. Welcome back to my kitchen, Paul. Yep.

Formerly known as the Country Kitchen. City Kitchen Noodle doesn't sound as good. City Kitchen. City Kitchen. Yeah. Okay.

City Kitchen Noodles with Eli Silverman. I don't know why you have a problem with it. I don't care. Frankly, this is my fucking section Come in, come into the kitchen I'm coming in I'm inviting you

Close the door, I get it Ooh, what a lovely city kitchen this is You can see some houses out there Cars Should have put a pop screen kitchen this is. You can see some houses out there, cars. Should have put a pop screen on this, I didn't. Anyway. Okay. Yeah, there's cars.

I mean, it looks like the exact same kitchen. Yes, it is. Now. Great. Now, what we're going to be covering today, Paul, is very varied. It's going to show, today's episode is going to show the range of these kind of things, yeah? Of noodles. Of instant noodles.

The absolute range. Great. And we really are going to start with a noodle that's been obsessing my mind skull for almost half a year now. I have been bang on these fuckers. These are broad noodle chili oil flavor. Sorry, say again? Broad noodle chili oil flavor. Sorry, say again? Broad noodle chili oil flavor. Brackets, sour and hot.

What does broad mean then? If you can see by the pack, Paul, these are almost an inch wide, these noodles. They're like ribbons. They're also known as ribbon noodles, I think. Nice. I think in the West they're known as ribbon noodles. Sichuan, it says. as ribbon noodles Sichuan it says It's a Sichuan

So it's a sour and hot So it has a vinegary and a hot And this is basically In terms of noodle technology And the modularisation Of the whole process Don't just put words like modularisation Don't

Don't interrupt me This is my city kitchen Don't. You listen. I'm poking you. Don't. Don't interrupt me. This is my city kitchen. Yeah. Don't invent words just to appeal to a very niche fan base of yours. You like when you say they love it.

Average here. Modular. The modularization of the noodle. Authentic. It's really very impressive. And if you ask me, it's delicious.

Oh, here we go. My flatmates come back to the city noodle kitchen. It's no longer the city noodle kitchen. We'll have to come back to this in a second, Paul. We're back in the room, or the kitchen. These broad noodles have been obsessing me. They're delicious, and I think you'll find they're delicious as well, Paul. Well, I'm very much looking forward to that.

Now, that's number one. Now, what's number two on the docket? And I think that's a Chinese-style noodle noodle it says non-fried here interestingly so this is real cutting edge because you know um non-fried which means that they haven't fried the noodles in palm oil which is destructive to the environment and the habitat of great apes um which is something i i'd give a shit about pa Paul. And it says there's no cooking required. This is just to pour it on. You pour the hot water on. There is no cooking required.

Well, that's exciting, isn't it? You wait till you see the goodies, the way that... The goodies are going to turn up. No. Timbrook Taylor. Fuck off. Bill Oddie. The treaty's in there.

Not like a treaty where you agree something, but like a treaty. Yeah, the treaty is in there. Not like a treaty where you agree something, but like a treaty. Yeah, the treaty is in there. Now, going to the other part of the world for the next noodle, Paul. And this is an Amino, which is a Polish noodle company. They've done one of my favorite noodles of all time, the gherkin flavored noodle. That's exciting. Boom. But we've discussed that before and this isn't

I thought was very much indicative of the different flavour profiles that different noodle manufacturers in different parts of the world employ. Because this is fasolawa and bakchim flavour. And do you know what that means Paul? No. Beans and bacon.

This is a beans and bacon flavoured noodle. So I'll be very interested to see what their flavour profile's doing on this here in my city country... City shit. Urban city kitchen noodles. Oh, it's urban city kitchen now, is it? So there's what? Any comment on that?

No, I expect it might be quite soupy. Oh, yeah, that is a soup noodle. You can see from the serving the suggestion. Quite soupy. But it's only one of the three that has the soup element. Oh, yeah, that is a soup noodle. You can see from the serving the suggestion. Quite soupy. But it's only one of the three that has the soup element. This is a dry, stir-fried style noodle. We've seen that before. Yes.

It's only really the noodle itself which is different. I think this is the ultimate, though. This broad chilli oil really is the dog's bollocks. So, on to the third and final choice. Now, this is a brand that you are very familiar with, Paul, because the dragon made us eat one of these. And I don't care what you say, it was a dragon. Do you remember?

No, there is no dragon. Now, we tried one of these. Only Zool. And then we tried the one that was double hot. Remember, this is a Samyang chicken ramen flavoured noodle, yeah? Exciting. And you've liked these in the past, haven't you? I have.

Remember those? Now, this is one of the biggest brands in the world i think at the moment is samyang and this is a numbing pepper flavor though instead of a chili heat flavor numbing pepper it's not something you get in this part of the world but in sichuan cuisine i believe they use a lot and these are peppercorns that numb the mouth has a numbing flavour and people swear by it but doesn't that affect like eating in general like how can you taste

anything if it numbs it it's like a spicy a spice effect I think the closest translation is to call it numbing that's what they describe it as but you will see you'll experience it yourself

and we'll see if numbing is the way to describe what those peppercorns do we'll have to have it last that is very famous though Samyang it's basically chicken ramen flavour again it's a stir-fried style with no soup and look at the thick look the pepper corns there and how much do they cost by the way this one is these are

premium first one one pound 20 the second one which is the the polish is standard it's only a one packer i, I would imagine. Again, doesn't require any cooking, that one. As you can see, just pour the water on, yeah? And that was 59p. Great. And then our third one, much larger, Korean-style, spicy chicken ramen, numbing pepper-flavoured,

Samyang one, was £1.30. Okay, so the most costly of the lot. Yeah. I think, actually, they were the same price. The broad noodle was £1.30. Okay, so the most costly of the lot. Yeah. I think actually they were the same price. The broad noodle was £1.30 as well. Well, shall we get going then? But I just wanted to mention, whilst we're on the subject of Samyang, yes?

Yeah. That we've got the live show coming, Paul. Yeah. And I've got my friend Paul, Mark. Sorry, I always get you too confused. My friend Mark's coming down and he's been... We're the only two friends you have. He's been... Shut up. That two friends you have. He's been... Shut up.

And even he bailed. That's not fucking true. You're a cunt. All your friends live in the fucking sticks. At least I've got them. So you come round here, I've got nothing to do. You come round here

and I'm here to fucking entertain you. Fuck you. We work in a podcast together. Well, fuck off. How about that? And Mark, who does the noodle reviews on our Reddit page,

is bringing one of these. There's a stop pointing at me. There is one of these, which is a Samyang spicy ramen-flavoured noodle cheese flavour in a pink pack. And he's got to have seen it. He's bringing it along. We'll be tasting that, Paul. How?

By eating it. Not then, but then we'll do it. In an episode. I'll brandish it at the live show. I'm going to be brandishing it. Great. Okay. So, shall we start with the preparation here? Let's go. We're going to do the broad one first? Yes. Well, let's do these, cook these two

at once, because this needs a boiling, and this just needs the water on. Yeah? Okay, excellent. Well, here we go. This is where the excitement begins now. The kettle is is getting filled let's have a listen and also careful that you don't get water on oh he's funny, isn't he, boys and girls? Right, the kettle is going on. Right, so... The bacon and cheese...

Bacon and whatever this one was again. The fasso... That can just go in a bowl, kettle over it, job done. Yeah, and same with this. Oh, okay. Except you have to... Yes. You add...

Now, I'll talk you through this with the board because it is a piece of genius. A bit of genius now. Let's get a nice bowl for this. Let's get a nice bowl for this. He's getting a nice bowl for this. I'll open this up and I'll take you through. This is a premium noodle. The broad bean by the way. He's opening the broad bean. And it's got three sachets of absolute loveliness, Paul.

So, say what you see. Look at this noodle cake. Very unusual. Not something you would have been used to. Oh, no, it's very... Compacted little noodle cake. It's vacuum-packed, almost. And you can see these are the broad noodles.

These are an egg noodle? No, I think they're rice. Rice noodle. And they're just big, flat... They're wheat. They're a wheat noodle, I believe, actually. Oh. And I think I heard, I read that very good article about his noodles the other day.

And I read a review of a restaurant that specializes in these. And I think Sichuan is part of China where they grow more wheat than rice, which means they do more noodles. Because when rice growing regions, they tend to have rice dishes. Okay. All right. So you can see three packs, including the essential vinegary watery pack.

A vinegary watery brown pack. I mean, look at that. Just look. Are we taking photos of this? Well, you take them, and then I haven't got my phone with me, have I? You don't fucking... People love this

section, yeah? And just stop trying to fucking not put enough effort into it. I let you do all the talking. You take pictures of all your cunting

ghostbusters shit. There's not been that much. Oh yeah. And I just want to point something out about this article said to me as well,

Paul, yeah? It said they're constantly, the whole instant noodle market worldwide, they're constantly trying to innovate because people get bored of them so they innovate there's this churn where they start come with new ones new ones look at this one i've got up here this mate this is fucking this is artificial vegetable and spare rib flavor noodle and it has kung fu Panda on it. It does. Yeah.

So there's always and only about 5% of the noodles new noodles made every year will actually survive past that year. Yeah. Because people don't like them enough

or whatever. Or they're just a gimmick and they phase out. How many new Ghostbusters films have there been? One. In the last 20 years. It's not

Ghostbusters comes to an end. The knowledge of Ghostbusters comes to an end. It's finite. Noodles go forever. Noodles will be going forever. It's finite. Noodles go forever. Noodles will be going forever. Noodles are great. Noodles are my friend.

I'm just going to go over here because I've got the controller. You've got your phone there. Why don't you take pictures yourself? Come on. There's your phone. Take pictures of all the salient parts. Come on. Do something for this fucking podcast for a change.

Take a little photo of that. Images will be on the website, thecheapshow.co.uk, to see what we've been eating. Here we go. It doesn't matter how much water you use, because you're going to drain the water off, Paul, as you do with these. So I like to get it nice and covered.

He has steeped it well in the hot water from the kettle. It's completely submerged the broad, and he's covering it with a little bowl. A little tip, as we know, if they've got a sort of oil packet in there that might be, because it's cold, might have solidified, you can always stick it on the top of the plate that's covering your bowl with the noodle steeping in, and then some heat will come out of that, and it will make sure that you's get a nice easy slippage out of the packet yeah i know what you're saying mate i like it when i slip it easily out of my package

those there you got three packs you got the vinegar water you got the chili oil which has blackened sesame seeds in and you have a sort of standard soup based pack as well which is powder now let's get the water also onto our bean and bacon one now i will be surprised if there is more than one pack in there because it is a cheap noodle he's all over the place he's all over the place there you go he has a bowl now. Let's open up this bean and... Bean and bacon garlic bowl. Oh, there is a sachet. It's less one big sachet. That's their style.

They're sort of more square noodles. Are you going to break it? We're going to break the pad, the cake up so it just fits better in the... And all they say here is you put the powder on before and you just put it in and that's it there really is minimal cooking on this

well it's also the cheapest have a huff on that it's very bacon-y it's a bacon noodle I don't think I've ever come across a bacon noodle before but you will soon don't start you can't do that

you'll come across it in a minute won't you I'll be discovering it in a minute won't you yes I'll be discovering it in that sense in a sense yeah I don't want to talk to you you just record

things I say yeah I am doing right I'll get the water on that right the kettle is re-boiling for one more time

and it pours itself I'm getting the water on the bacon and bean flavoured noodle. Now, once again... What's that smell? It's kind of got a... It's kind of like

smells like artificial bacon. It smells like frazzles. Yes. It smells very strongly of frazzles. Frazzles now. Not as they used to be or like those bacon wonders or whatever they are.

You know, the... Bacon wonders? What are they called? Crispy choices. Bacon Wonders? What are they called? Crispy Choices. Crispy Choices? That sounds like... Yeah, that just sounds bad. Last night

I made some proper crispy choices. I've made some crispy decisions. Right, I've got to get my noodle pan out for the... Vera, I've got to make a crispy decision soon. Right, I've got my noodle pan noodle pan out for the... Vera, I've got to make a crispy decision soon. Right, I've got my noodle pan out for the... Because those actually need cooking.

So we're on to preparing the third and final Samyang noodle now. He's breaking it up in the bag. And I think you need more of a measure of the water for this, don't you? You drain it. No, you just... That's it. It's weird. It's got a weird cooking because you just more of a measure of the water for this, don't you? You drain it. No, you just... That's it. It's weird. It's got a weird cooking because you just sort of make it... You just cover it and you put enough in. It kind of cooks off the way you might do rice. Do you know what I mean?

It cooks it until most of the moisture is done. Now, this noodle definitely is in date. Right, we're back to noodle number one. The broad noodle, chilli oil, hot and sour flavour. If you're keeping up at home, here's the stasis. We are now looking at the broad noodle. Look at that. It has softened.

Softened like a treat. I just like to tease it apart because they can get stuck together, these noodles. And I'm teasing. Look how broad they are. Very broad. They look a bit like tripe or something don't they don't splash it everywhere

it's let it soak look you're getting it everywhere you messy shit fucking back off yeah

my country it's your country kitchen is it it's my city kitchen urban city kitchen yes on all kitchens urban

in the city. Yeah, but yeah, just to add... Add nothing? Yeah, to add nothing. That's what I like to do, Paul. Anyway, he's draining the water from the broad noodle. Letting that noodle out. Now the kettle is boiled. So that means that water

now will be going on to the third noodle, the Samyang. And as of yet, the second noodle, the bacon and bean, is yet to be taken. The bacon and bean is just ready. It's just sitting there, it's ready. Paul, I want you to be a witness here to the beauty of this noodle. Because you've got a powdery thing. And you're like, oh, it's gone powder. How's that?

Because I've drained it. I've drained all the moisture off, and all the powder's just going to sit on top of the noodles there. Do you know what I mean? It's all just... Yeah. I mean, it's not going to be a very nice thing, but then you've got the wetness of this vinegar thing,

which dissolves the powder all onto it. Does it? Do you see what I mean? They've thought of that. So, look. Sprinkle, sprinkle, sprinkle, and it's all dissolved, the powder, onto it, Do you see what I mean? They've thought of that. So look. Sprinkle, sprinkle, sprinkle. And it's all dissolved, the powder onto it.

And then we go into our third one, which is the chili oil and blackened sesame seed thing. It's that. That's gone all thick and gloopy all over it. Basically, I'm glooping it on. A lot of it can get caught in there. put it on a lot of it can get caught in there so I'm just sort of massaging chunks of black and sesame seed out to the nozzle that I've perforated into this sachet and just I don't waste it and then you have to give it a good mix mix up good mix up and toss it basically toss it lightly and in no way wanky. So Eli's tossing it right now in front of me.

And you want to get a good covering of all the sauce. Yeah. All the sauce on all the ribbons. Yeah. Yeah. So there it goes. I don't know what you're thinking. There, that's ready.

I've got a fork. Right. While you're doing that, Paul, I've just thinking. There, that's ready. I'll get a fork. Right. While you're doing that, Paul, I just forgot. This has a dried vegetable. Oh, look, and it's got little bits of tofu in it. It's got dried mushroom in it. Chicken ramen one. So that needs to go in because it needs to rehydrate now.

That's going in the third noodle, the samyang. He's tried the broad. Oh, that's nice to give us some. Oh, that's nice. Yeah? Yeah. Thank you. That's lovely. What are your impressions there, Paul? It's nice and hot, but not unpleasant because it's got this nice kind of warmth.

It's got this very cosy flavour to it, which means the spiciness matches it well. It's kind of a mouth-coating sort of thing, isn't it, that sauce? You'll see, it's very umami-ish. Yeah. But with a sort of sour vinegar as well, has. Yeah, it's very moorish, but the heat would get to you after a few bites.

Good, innit? Mate, just in terms of, there's no extra thing in that. You know, you could just eat it by itself, do you know what I mean? I think there's enough there to enjoy as a bite to eat. Yeah. But usually, you could just eat it by itself. Do you know what I mean? I think there's enough there to enjoy as a bite to eat. Yeah. But usually, if you've just got a...

Sorry. If you've just got a basic... With loads in his beard. And now you've put snot all over it. Don't put that towel there. It's got snot on now. Put it on the floor. Oh, dirty...

God. Shut up. You love it. You love this. I don't love watching you snotter. So, that's such a delicious noodle. It really is. And, yeah.

That's the broad. I don't know what the manufacturer is called. Because it's in Chinese. What are they called? Sichuan Baiji Food Industrial Company Limited. Interlink, it says. But I think those are just the importers. So who knows?

And they do a lot of other ones. I've got, but none quite as good as that because they do ones that are the same type of noodle, a broad noodle, but in soup. Oh, okay. Which doesn't work as well. It's the way that they get the sauce to cover every, the noodle, do you know what I mean?

And it's quite a sort of complicated flavour. Yeah, it is. As far as an instant food product goes. cover every the noodle do you know what i mean and it's quite a sort of complicated flavor yeah it is as far as an instant food product goes because you've got the salt you've got this the vinegariness astringency of the vinegar and the heat yeah and also a bit of smokiness coming from the blackened um the blackened sesame seeds it's a lovely flavor it's a good noodle isn't it um out of five go on i give it a top five if For me, at the moment, it's my best. It's not my complete favourite. I don't know why, but I'd maybe give it 4.5.

It's very enjoyable and very tasty. And for £1, what, £30? Yeah. That's all right, isn't it? As a basis of a meal, and you can pimp it. It tastes good by itself, but you could get all sorts of pimping. Veggies and all sorts. Meat, veg, whatever you like.

Just slam it in there. Great. Slam your, whatever you like. Just slam it in there. Great. Slam your meat in that one. And I recommend you do. Now, let's move on. So the Samyang is still boiling as we speak. Samyang is still boiling. That's good.

That's good to go. It needs to lose a lot of moisture. But now we're going to go on to the amino bacon and bean flavour. Now, it's a pot noodle, really, when it boils down to it. Yes, but it doesn't have, like, bits that are pretending to be bacon. It has bits of carrot, and it's sort of a clear broth. And I've not tried this one myself, Paul, so... Go on.

I'll let you go first, then. But the noodle's quite attractive with their squiggly... Their kind of kinks. Do you see what I mean? They're different from other noodles. Is that a European design, maybe? Yeah, it's for that brand, Amino. They're all

like that basically right it has it does really have a uh super noodle look to it to be honest i can taste bacon in that broth but i'm not getting any bean paul's going in i think i can taste the bean but i like that yeah it didn't do anything for me no No? No. What's the artificial bacon flavour not floating about? It's not that I don't like it. It's more that I don't find it impressive. It's a basic noodle. A very basic noodle. I appreciate that.

Yeah, but I don't know if I would enjoy that. I'd probably have a lot less. If you put some real bacon in there, would you like it then? If it had some more texture, yeah, definitely. If it had more filling it out. Okay, so we need a mark for that. I'll go two and a half for that one. I'm going to go three.

Three, okay. It's serviceable, but I'm not interested in it. It's really what it comes down to, not interested. No, I know what you mean. It's kind of boring. It kind of just doesn't go anywhere. You need to pimp it, otherwise there's not much to it. And after tasting that noodle, which has just so much going on,

you kick, it's got presence so much going on, you kick. It's got presence. It's like, you know, a young Cilla Black. It's like a young Susie Quatro. Yeah. Presence or Cilla Black. Up against Vanessa Paradis. Okay.

I think I'm just going to have to lose a bit of water here. Right. Okay. We're on to the third and final now. I've prepared this, Samuel, perfectly. But I'm going to have to lose some of of water here. Right, okay. We're on to the third and final now. I've prepared this Samyang perfectly, but I'm going to have to lose some of the moisture here. But you're supposed to just boil it off. Do you see what I mean? But I think I put too much in.

Amateur. Amateur mistake there. It's meant to be sort of sloppy and wet. I've gone over here to have more of that broad noodle. It's nice. It's really nice. And in fact, talking of those broad noodles, Paul, that has been the style in actual Chinese cuisine now. There's a place, Biang Biang Noodles,

which just opened up in Petticoat Lane. Okay. And it has sort of like a normal menu, which is like fried rice and, you know, crispy chili beef and all those sort of anglicized Cantonese dishes. But the main part and the bit that everyone goes for is they've got several of these broad rib and

noodle dishes. Do you know what I mean? Sexy. It represents a sort of more modern take on what people in China actually eat and what people in definitely Taiwan and Hong Kong and places like that eat. So it's more so quote unquote traditional? Well it's more sort of, yeah.

I don't know. Does traditional work in this context? Because it is sort of traditional but it's also more modern. Yeah. At the same time, do you see what I mean? Yeah. Whereas that kind of old-fashioned 70s Chinese food, like, you know, the gloopy sort of pink stuff and orange sort of stuff, that was never real food anyway. It was just sort of created for what they thought that the Brits would want. Yeah.

Do you see what I mean? Let's just put loads of tomato fucking sauce on stuff. Yeah, exactly. Or whatever. Yeah, make it really sweet. Okay, so I'm pouring out. So here we go. The noodles are now being poured out of the bowl. And I just need to put the sauce on.

Always make sure you turn your grill on, on off, and on and off. On and off. Went a bit wrong there. Always make sure you turn off your on, on off, and on and off. I went a bit wrong there. Always make sure you turn off your grill. And all of these San Juan chicken thing products have a very gloopy blood-like. It's very blood-like. And they're very hot.

Even the one time's hot, I find, I struggle with. How hot is this meant to be? This is just normal heat, but again, it has... A kick. What it's selling on is the numbing pepper. This is a numbing pepper one, so it's different. He's mixing it up now. He's mixing the first sauce pack up. There's only one sauce pack, so it's a two-packer.

Is it? Yeah. I'm getting it almost like licorice-y, a nice sort of flavour coming off that. Yes. Do you know what I coming off that. Yes. Do you know what I mean? Yes. Yes.

Yeah. So almost like an aniseed-y sort of. Yeah. Star of anise, maybe, or like five spice, that kind of thing. And I'm just going to go in and... He's diving in. They do get a good texture, these Samyang, I have to say. They're like, you know, the sauce adheres to the whole noodle in a pleasing way. Do you know what I mean?

There's no mixing issues. He's going in. He's blowing it. Blowing it. Blowing it. And he's in. He's biting down and he's slurped it up. What's wrong with you? It tastes very similar. Wow.

That's so much hotter than that. Go in, Paul. Oh, dear. Here we go. Oh. Yeah? It's hotter, isn't it? It's strange. It's like when you're eating it. That's the numbing pepper you're getting,

that strangeness. Yeah. But then, like, it goes away, and then you're left with the heat. And then like it goes away and then you're left with the heat yeah and then the heat goes ah

yeah it's like ow yeah maybe it sort of numbs it so you don't feel the heat and then it hits you as soon as the numbing yeah

it's just like it's just it's just enough numbing to make you not realise you're about to swallow a literal matchstick oh it's quite nice though isn isn't it, really?

Got a lovely flavour to it. Once you get into the bite of it, there's not much of that aniseed flavour in there. It's more the scent. It's very sweet. There's a very sweet flavour. Oh, and a heat. I know what you mean now.

The kick comes in after you. For a little while. Oh, come on, that's delicious. That is delicious. I'm finally getting it. The Samyang. Oh. Oh. That might have been, the Samyang. Oh. Oh.

That might have been too big a bite. Oh. Oh, God. You're struggling more. I mean, I struggle more with the others, but yeah. That's a spicy noodle. It's got all the mucus melting in my head. Yeah. We are teary-eyed in the house

of Pickles Urban City Kitchen today. Right, should we wrap this up? Let's have a little sum up then, Paul. So what would you rate that out of five before we do the sum up? I'll give it a good four. Solid four. I would say four.

It's a nice noodle. It's a very nice. They're good. Sam and I, you can see why they're dominating the world with noodles, though. It's a punishing heat. But people who are actually into

eating instant noodles and hot food, you know, for £1.30, that's like, it's a lot of flavour. Yeah, maybe too much. It's packing a shitload. Yeah. Woo! So, in summer.

I knew we needed to taste that last. That was good because it would have ruined us for these other two, wouldn't it? Yeah, especially that one because it would have masked the heat. Right. It doesn't sound like a pig. Right. right it looks like a pig right let's start paul where we started today with my favorite noodle of the moment which is the broad noodle chili oil flavor sour and hot which is brilliantly designed noodle the way that they have three packets of stuff one which is very watery and helps to melt

the other powder one that's's the point I made. It's very nice. Quite complex flavour. What do you think? I think it is my favourite. Jump ahead a bit. Yeah. Because the flavour is so nice. The broad nature of the noodle makes it more of a meaty, meaty kind of texture. It has a more texture.

You know what it reminded me of just then when I ate it? What? A Greg sausage roll. Right, so you're getting, yeah. With like spicy heat. Yeah, okay. So there is a real lovely mouthfeel. It's got a lovely mouthfeel. It's got a umami thing going on.

That is probably my favourite of the three. Yeah, I easily mind. So then we move on to the so-so amino bean and bacon flavour. It's all right. For the money, it's fine. If you put a bunch of spring onions in there, you know, it would be a sensible repast. Chop up a sausage.

My mouth is now burning so much from the third noodle. Yeah. I can't even, I feel my lips are numbing and I feel like, blah, blah, blah. I can't even talk properly and I've got the tingle-wingle in the tippy-top of my tongue and lippy-lip lips. He's so,

he's right. My mouth is also, it's electrifying. Amino, but I think the gherkin flavour is really nice because it's very gherkin-y and it reminds me

of those scratch and sniff gherkin stickers that I used to get in the kit. Gross. For me, it's the ultimate gherkin flavour. Gross. And finally,

fuck me, right, finally, we have the Samyang market leaders I believe and this is the numbing and look at that the artificial meat

they've got in there oh yeah no it's mushroom they've got nice bits of dehydrated shiitake mushroom in there yeah nice yeah

which is literally like a hunk of mushroom it's dehydrated Paul yeah and what do you think again of that that was beautiful a nice heat but maybe a bit too powerful too much heat like a hunk of mushroom. It's dehydrated, Paul. Yeah. And what do you think, again, of that? That was beautiful.

A nice heat, but maybe... A bit too powerful. Too much heat for an enjoyable meal. Like the broad bean, you can sit down and eat that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you go back to more. This starts to hurt. It does start to hurt, basically, doesn't it? It hurts quick.

And that dragon, when he made us eat the double... There is no dragon. We've never done that. Seriously, it's getting old now. And if you're a Sam Young fan, my friend Mark Allen is coming along to the live show. Don't eat and talk. If you're a Sam Young fan,

my friend Mark Allen, who does noodle reviews on our Reddit page, Paul. I'm sure he's delighted to be associated with this podcast. He'll be coming along and he's bringing a cheese flavour, chicken ramen flavour, one of those. So can you imagine what that might be like? The cheese, one of that. I'm already tenting. I'm fucking, I've got a mental groan on.

Right, well, there we go. Is that wrapping up the Country Noodle Kitchen? It's Eli's City Noodle Kitchen. Good. Any final thoughts? Any tips of the day? Anything you want to put to fellow noodle heads out there? Just look out for the Samyang cheese ones. Yeah.

And I'm glad I covered one of my favourite noodles of all time today. The broad noodle chilli oil flavour. So when people want to ask me, what's your favourite noodle? Now you know. Yep, there it is. Okay. Well, it's time to once again fly away from the... Come back.

I'll come back next time. And we're going to cover some other things. Great. I've got things in the locker. I've got all sorts of shit in the locker. Great. Noodle-wise, yeah? So do come back.

Well, I'm going to fly away now. I'm going to get on my flying machine. And here we go. Oh, the things we've done. The things we've seen as I get upon my flying machine. We've been to the noodle kitchen today. We had fun. Hip, hip, hooray. We tried some noodles. Some were nice.

Some were full of very hot spice. But now I go in my flying machine to fly away for another dream. I'm flying now. I'm flying now I'm flying away Hello, welcome back everybody We've been to the Country Noodle Kitchen We've had some lovely nom noms And it was lovely, absolutely lovely But now it's time for story time, isn't it? The Eli City Noodle Kitchen.

As you made abundantly clear in that segment of the show. Okay, so stop calling it its old name. I'll call it what I want. I still call Prince Prince when he changed it to symbol. Or taff cap. Is that how you want debates? Yeah. Right. Is that how you want debates? Yeah. Ow.

Right. I want to make a piano out of all your sound. Ow, ow, ow. That's not my sound. Just do that. Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow. Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow. Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow. Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow. Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow. you know what

we should mention that Paul we're going to do a new segment are we new old segment which is Eli's platters

but from the past we're going to revisit some that were lost to time or we didn't give due diligence to yes so things from the Unclickables that we may want to highlight again is the platters rebooted yeah We're going to revisit some that were lost to time or we didn't give due diligence to. Yes. So things from the Unclickables that we may want to highlight again.

Is the platters rebooted? Yeah. What are we going to do? Super Dog. Super Dog is going to be one of those ones. No, but that's... You're doing Don't Make Me Wait by New Shoes. Yeah, that's it.

But Super Dog's that other one. One Star Podcast. So, a little while ago, I went to the British Heart Foundation and I found these books. The World's Greatest Cranks and Crackpots and The World's Greatest Com-Men and Bell-Ens or something. Tricksters. Tricksters and Com-Men. So.

Scammers. Because we like doing our little history moments on this podcast every now and then, inspired by a certain podcast that we shall not mention, I found this story book. You want to read it today, don't you? I'd like to read it, Paul. So here we go. I just want to mention these books.

I remember these. You know that we had that? Always in their libraries. Not a lot of people know this book. Not a lot of people know this. The Michael Caine book. Remember that? No.

Oh, that one I got you. Yeah, that was like next to this in the WH Smith in Brent Cross that I always used to go to. It was the light reading. It's still there. Is it? That Brent Cross is still there. That's good, isn't it?

Yeah, I was up there the other day. I think we should go to Brent Cross Shopping Centre in North London. And have a little memory lane. And do a little on location episode up there. I'd be up for that. Let's do it. That sounds lovely. Okay.

Now this is from the world's greatest Cranks and Crackpots. And what? Cranks and Crackpots. Alright good, just checking. You're way with a little there

if you don't mind me saying so. And this is a chapter and I'm just going to read it to you, am I? It's not really like the dollop because they do proper research. Research, yeah. We just read from books. Credit the writer. This is by

Margaret Nicholas. Thank you, Margaret, if you're alive. If you're not, thank you. Thank you still. What are you trying to say? Thank you for your work and research. What are you trying to fucking say, mate? Nothing. I'm just saying I didn't know what... Nothing. What are you fucking trying to say? Nothing. Just start the story. What's it called, Grandad? The Duke

Who Detested Daylight. Who what? Detested. I can try and say. Nothing. Just start the story. What's it called, Grandad? The Duke who detested daylight. Who what? Detested. Detested. Detested. Detested daylight. The Duke who detested daylight. The Duke who detested daylight.

He built 15 miles of tunnel under his estate. What a short story. Like a mole hiding from the light of day, William John Cavendish, Bentick Scott, 5th Duke of Portland, is posh. He's a bit posh. He's very posh. Hello. What's his name? William John Cavendish, Bentick Scott, 5th Duke of Portland.

I'm the Willie Mole. I am the Willie who hides in mole holes. Come at me, Willie pops out. Willie pops out of mole hole. Good, good. We've got that. Excellent. Pops out of mole hole.

Good, good. We've got that. Now. Excellent. He vanished underground when he inherited Welbeck Abbey in the Ducaries County of Nottinghamshire. Oh. Welbeck had always lain too low for most members of the Portland family, but it was not low enough for William John, who, after coming into the title in 1854, spent the rest of his life burrowing.

Burrowing? Burrowing. Burrowing. Yes. So what? of the title in 1854 spent the rest of his life borrowing borrowing borrowing borrowing yes so what he was like here's all your money in the title i'm gonna start digging mum yeah why what's he goes on to explain okay good to know he hated meeting people and never invited anyone to his home yet he set out to construct a vast complex of subterranean rooms, which included the largest ballroom in the country, a 250-foot library... Underground? Yeah. A huge glass-roofed conservatory and billiard room big enough to take... Hang on.

A dozen billiards... Where is... Hang on. So it's underground, but there's a glass dome. What, with sand on top of it? Do I have to explain this to you? Is the skylight through the ground? Obviously. I don't know.

He might have just put it on and then covered it with dirt. The roof, the glass roof is at ground level, so to speak. Right. Yeah, there you go. And then you've got a ballroom. A ballroom. Well, it's the country's largest ballroom. What does it look like?

Fucking fraggle rock. Largest ballroom in the country. Yeah. And a huge glass roof conservatory. So yeah. I'm Willie and I've been burrowing

and I found these little men who helped me these little devils called Fraggles where they are. No, the Fraggles don't help. Shut up. The Fraggles eat the stuff.

I fucking know this. If you let me finish I want to explain the ecosystem of Fraggle Rock to you. Well, you're not doing a very good start. You didn't let me.

How are they helping what? Build his thing? No, they don't help him build his thing, do they? They're open. It's the little men, what they call them. They're singing and dancing and offering moral encouragement. What are the little men called who build all the stuff? Dozers.

They're the ones who are helping. Yeah, and they use radishes to build the construction with, but the fraggles eat them. Eat the constructions. So how could they help Willie if they're eating the stuff that's being constructed? It's the opposite of helping him. The Fraggles would be a pest. This guy would be up with his shotgun. Where's that fucking Fraggle?

Take your cares away. That means farah. Somebody kill Wembley. I'll splatter that Fraggle right up. Right. You got it wrong, Paul. Just to go back to the fraggle thing, right. Explain to me this.

How do they get on? What's the trade-off? If the fraggles eat the radish stuff, what do the dozers get from the fraggles? They don't get anything. They just keep going. So they like to work. They just do it.

So the destruction that the fraggles cause makes them happy because then they can carry on. They keep working, yeah. They just keep rebuilding. It's weird. But there were those big things with the destruction that the Fraggles cause makes them happy because then they can carry on they keep working they just keep rebuilding that's slavery it's weird but there were those big things

the king and the queen the big ones the big monsters were the king and the queen weren't they they were just bigger they weren't huge they were bigger than

the Fraggles no they were they were the trash monsters up on the ceiling I got a Fraggle that one they lived topside what about the big king and queen

they lived topside they were the baddies. They were all topside, yeah. And then there was the trash heap. Yes. So the Fraggles did live underground. Yeah. So they could burrow.

They could help him. And Uncle Fraggle. Yeah, so they probably helped move some stuff around. And they sang. We're going to make it today. We're going to build a wall. We're going to make a ballroom to dance in. Oh, we're going to do it.

So I complete this now. All right. All right. I'll continue, yeah? Yeah. As the Fraggle Diversion ended. I think we're done with Fraggles. Okay.

Down at Fraggle Rug. And a billiard room. We're still in this list of what he built. Christ. Billiard room. Okay. Big enough to take a dozen billiard tables. That's 12 billiard tables. That's a lot of space. He was billiard room, okay. Big enough to take a dozen billiard tables, that's 12 billiard tables.

That's a lot of space. He was mad about tunnels. No shit. There were 15 miles of them running underneath his park, linking the buried rooms with the rest of the abbey and with each other.

One tunnel, a mile and a quarter long, ran from his coach house to Worksop. So this is just so he didn't have to go outside. Worksop is a town nearby. So he basically built an elaborate tube system from his house to the nearest town

so he didn't have to go overground to meet people. That's crazy. It was wide enough to take two carriages and was eerily lit by domed skylights during the day and hundreds of gas jets by night. That's spooky. It's extremely... Is he like a British Batman? It's well...

It's like... This is well steampunk, isn't it, man? It's a bit steampunky, but it's also, to me, it sounds like Batman. You know, like he built a cavern, he built a bat cave, he's got a special... He's a steampunk Batman. I'm William, and by day, I am William... What's his name? Duke William...

Bentick Scott. Bentick Scott. Duke of Portland. Duke of Portland. But by night, I am... Winged Creature Man. The story of this lonely, eccentric duke who was seldom seen by anyone but builders during his lifetime. I bet the builders fucking saw him.

Yeah. Fuck me. He probably was shacked up with one of them. No. I love you.. Yeah. Fuck me. He probably was shacked up with one of them. No. I love you. You build stuff for me. I like the way you dig me out. I like the way you burrow.

Build a tunnel in my arse. One star. One star. Okay. Go on. It's one of the strangest to be found in the history of the British aristocracy.

No kidding. No shit. Born in 1800, he lived whatest to be found in the history of the British aristocracy. No kidding. No shit. Born in 1800, he lived what appeared to be a reasonably normal life as a young man, frequenting London society, holding commissions in fashionable regiments, and even, for a short period, representing King's Lynn in Parliament. But he was awkward in the company of women. Ah. Oh.

And a confirmed bachelor. He's Batman. And gradually, his acute shyness, apparently inherited from his mother, took over his whole personality. It's always the mothers, isn't it? It's always the mothers. Is it?

Yeah, because remember the mother from the maggot story was also a weird hoarder and stuff like that. Do you think people inherit... I think if the mother has a strong enough connection to the son, they can pick up their worst traits. Yeah, definitely. And she was all like, Build a tunnel!

I must build a tunnel! So you don't have to be seen. Perhaps they're vampires. That's what I'm getting. He could have a whole blood farm down there. You think? Yeah. He could have v whole blood farm down there. You think? Yeah. He could have vats of bubbling blood farm. Do you know why he's not, though? Because then he wouldn't have skylights in his building.

You didn't think that through? Well, he's probably got some kind of early UV protection in this. No, not in 1850. Well, look, he managed to build a huge billiard room. Yeah, but if you were a vampire, you'd cover every chance of a window up. From the moment he moved into Welbrook until he died, he went to the most extraordinary lengths to avoid contact with people.

He stripped the great rooms of the Abbey of all their fine tapestries, carpets, furnitures and ancestral portraits and stowed them out of sight in a jumbled heap. Then he retreated to four or five sparsely furnished rooms tucked away in the west wing. And it was here that he worked out his plans for burrowing. It's like

Goonies. It certainly is. I found their treasure map. The door of each room had a double letterbox. One for incoming, one for outgoing notes. Don't come in. I'll post out what you want and you post in what you need. And if I need it jacking, I'll just stick it through. Fucking jack that!

I'll put it in the out slot and if I want it sucked, it comes through the in slot. Fucking hell. So I don't care who's on the other side of the door. I just want it done. Why is he Northern all of a sudden? I don't know. I don't care who does it. I don't want to see who does it. Just make sure it attends me.

It will suck it. I don't want to see who does it. Just make sure it attends me. It will suck it. I don't want to hear your voice. I don't want to make eye contact with you. The dick will be sucked at 12 noon henceforth after porridge. Then I'll give you porridge. I'll spooge hot runny porridge.

I'll spap your face off with my porridge jet. Continue. Spipper, spapper, spipper. Stop saying sounds that you think are words. Spipper, spapper, spop. Spop, spop. Come on.

The Dorvytrum had a double letterbox. One for incoming, one for outgoing notes. His valet seemed to be the only servant allowed near him. When he fell ill and needed medical care, the doctor would be asked to stand outside whilst the valet took the Duke's pulse and reported his condition. Such secrecy.

I love the idea of like, the servant goes out, right, and goes to see the doctor. The doctor goes, can I see him? No, no, he won't let anyone come anywhere. So it's like you could go take his pulse. So he goes in and the doctor says, I've got to take your pulse. Alright. Alright, then you can take your pulse so he goes in and he goes doctor says I've got to take your pulse alright

alright then you can take your pulse okay alright he goes back alright what else goes back to the doctor

so it's 200 over 50 whatever I don't know what the fuck it is and he goes alright okay go on and touch his arse what

yeah just have a root around in there I'm a doctor put your finger up just have a little root and then give yourself a bit of a play with it. And then he has to go back in

and says, doctor says I've got to... Yeah. The doctor could get up to all sorts of shenanigans. Could do. The guy go, doctor says you've got to suck it.

Suck it dry. Right. Can I continue now? Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Such secrecy led to the wildest rumours. Some said that he had a hideous skin disease

and was not fit to be seen. Others felt sure he had gone raving mad. But in fact, a photograph, which he'd allowed to be taken in typical Victorian style with his gloves and his tall hat on a table by his side, showed that he was a very pleasant-looking man with a wide, generous mouth, large nose... Pfft!

It's... Yeah. It's very... Yeah. pleasant-looking man with a wide, generous mouth, large nose... I'm the doctor. Put it into his generous mouth. Feed his generous, wide mouth. I'm the doctor, goddammit. Strange terminology there I think you'll all agree with wide generous mouth large nose

and mutton chop whiskers Mr FJ Turner the resident agent at Welbeck I don't know what a resident agent is maybe like a state agent or something must be it's probably not a theatrical agent

no hey hey Willie you gotta come out of the cave that man. That's who it is. Yeah, they're calling me up. They want you. No, I'm not. I can't. They love your generous wide mouth. I can't. I love it. Your mouth,

I'm gonna plaster your mouth all over Hollywood. You just gotta come out. I can't. You gotta come out of the cave. I can't. Nobody, people are saying they put, you put your dick through the letterbox and get your servant to suck it with your doctor. What's going on with that? No. No, mother says no. Mother says no.

Mother says no. His mother is... Your mother's dead, Willie. Mother says no. Mother's not real. Must dig more. I must dig. I'm going to hang up now, Willie.

I'll be digging. Hey, everybody, let's dig. What are the Muppets doing there, fool? They're fraggle. Oh, right, okay. They're a Muppet. You're a fucking Muppet. Go on.

All right. Okay, so we're talking about his large mouth and great big nose. Mutton chop whiskers. Right. The resident agent at Welbeck, who must have come into contact, he must have come in contact with his employer at some time, so he was an agent for him. Okay.

He told the fifth duke that he was an extremely handsome, kind, and clever. Oh. And please, rim me. No, he didn't say that. It says here, And please, rim me. No, he didn't say that. It says here, and please rim me. It says that in the book. He said he was extremely handsome, kind and clever, and please rim me. Right, okay, right, if it says it

in the book. For years, he was completely absorbed in building his underground rooms and tunnels. There was no comfort anywhere. The whole place looked like a mammoth construction site with mountains of builder's rubble, wheelbarrows and shovels all over the ancestral pile. His passion for bricks and mortar Wow. Herself? Oh!

Oh. Okay. She was a bit of a brickie. I'll build this fucking tower. She built. You! She bought it, yeah. She was a bit of a brickie. I'll build this fucking tower. She built. You'll see if I don't. She built. Get out of the way, urchin.

I'm here to build a tower. I don't like this character. Can we just... I'm not fond of it. Move on. Everything he did was on an enormous scale. Oh. Including poo-poos.

Oh, come on. What do you mean, come on? Just crack on. He did a big shit, Paul. I'm not going to draw this out. He did a big shit and then post that through the letterbox, give it to the doctor. Right. Yeah?

Put that shit in a big can. Put it in the doctor's mouth. Right. Are you happy with that bit of material? Are you happy? I feel like I've regressed. Yeah. It's really poor.

Carry on. Everything he did was I've regressed. Yeah. It's really poor. Carry on. Everything he did was on an enormous scale. Right. Hundreds of workmen were employed at a time. God almighty. The underground ballroom alone measured 174 feet long and 64 foot wide. Whoa. And had a hydraulic lift able to carry 20 guests at a time from the surface.

That's crazy. It comes down like a big platform. Yeah. Comes down like fucking... This is... It's pure... Steampunk. Yeah.

And it's crazy. 2,000 people could have danced with ease under great chandeliers and a ceiling painted to resemble a glowing sunset. Wow. Why did this lonely man build a ballroom? Because he was cuckoo bonkers. Presumably, in his heart

the Duke longed to be a different kind of creature altogether. A man who gave parties and balls and received his guests with lavish hospitality. But he never summoned up the courage. The Duke was said at one time to be one of the best judges of horse flesh in... Excuse me? What the fuck?

I don't know much about him. I tell you what. Yeah. I saw him the other day. Yeah. I said, what's that? He said, it's horse flesh. I said, that's uncanny. You are God among men. But how good is it? It's quite good. And it was! It was quite good. What the fuck does that mean?

Judge of horse flesh. Is he going to explain? Yeah, maybe. I think what it means is horse owner, sort of a good... Like the quality of a horse, if it could run a race well or something. It could, yeah. Okay, all right. It must be that. Let's just say it's that for now. I've never come across that phrase before, though, have you?

No. He was one of the best judges of horse flesh in England, and his stables at Welbeck held nearly 100 horses. So he liked horses, then? He does, none of which he ever rode, because it would mean going outside. He could have rode them on the ground? He could have.

We never know. He had to have done if he had his carriage taken from that to the Soham station. Yeah, but he wouldn't ride the horse then. He'd ride in the carriage. Oh, well, yeah. Maybe because if you're a horse on the tunnel, you're, ow, ow, ow, every time you gallop.

The buildings above ground included a windowless riding school, the second largest in the world, lit by 4, every time you gallop. The buildings above ground included a windowless riding school, the second largest in the world, lit by 4,000 gas jets. Christ. So this is the age of gaslighting. His bill must have been extortionate. Gaslighting. Yeah.

Gaslight. It was an era, wasn't it? It was. Before the election. That's how he must have powered his tunnels and stuff. For some obscure reason, he ordered all the great bare unused rooms in the Abbey to be turned into sex party rooms

to be painted in a most unsuitable unsubtle rather shade of pink vagina pink I like that colour it's unsubtle though Paul

is it? I don't know electric pink is unsubtle yeah perhaps it's more electric than vagina pink I just wanted to say vagina pink

I know you did vagina you want to say any more times? Vagina, vagina. And one more. Vagina. Thank you. All right, system.

Yes. Have you said vagina enough? Vagina. Vagina. Yes. Go on. Most unsubtle shade of pink. And in the corner of each, exposed to full view, was installed a lavatory basin.

Nice. A pink toilet. He made every room a pink toilet. Yeah. Weird. It's got a yawning shitter. Mate, he's had loads of shitters all over the place. So basically, here's your room.

Here's your bed. And there appears to be toilets in here. And there's a toilet just opposite you. Yes. And if you have a little peek in there, you'll see everything I do is on an enormous scale. I've left you an example. Yes. Feel free to flush it.

Look at that. It's a fucking turd mountain. Look at it. Look at the teeth on it. It's got muscle, that one. He wouldn't be talking to anyone, doesn't he? He doesn't talk to anyone. Yeah, well, on his ground,

he may be a bit more comfortable than when he goes out. They don't know why you put a toilet in every room. I think for the embarrassment factor to make people uncomfortable. Really? Yeah, think about it.

You go into a room and there's a toilet in there. There's a toilet right there. Nowhere else. So, again, like I say, if your wife's in bed, you have to get out and you're having a big crap

and your wife's in bed and you're going, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Mate, that's, you know, that's part of being in a relationship. I would never take a shit in front of my girlfriend, any girlfriend. I would never take a shit in front of a woman or any other person. What if you were forced to?

What situation would I be forced to take a shit? I can think of, I don't even have to start. I mean, there'd be all sorts of situations. Give me one. Okay. All those thoughts then. You're stuck in a lift. Right.

There you go. Okay. For 20 hours. All right. Yeah. Just piss in the corner. No, you will need to take a shit. For two days.

At some point, you're going to need to shit, Paul. You've just had a big fucking curry. I had a poo before I got in the lift. No, you didn't. I did. You don't know what happened to me on that day. You're weird about it. I'm not weird.

You can't even admit. I'm weird because I don't want to. You can't even admit that you would in a situation that I've totally made up. But you can't even admit to it. You've got a weird thing about shitting. I'll just say that now. I'm sorry. The idea of shitting in front of strangers.

All people I cared about. I'm not into it either. I'm just saying you're weird. You're particularly weird about it. The way you said, I will never shit in front of anyone. You're weird. You've got hung up. You're hung up.

Carry on with the story. Weird. We've got in some deep territory. It's the pinkness of the room has set you off, didn't it? It's like the womb. It's like, no, nobody watch me poopy. It's basically you're in a child's world. He's closed his eyes, ladies and gentlemen.

He's closed his eyes. he's trying to block me out And I can't Oh I'm poor, I don't want to shit Carry on Why's mummy watching me shit Fuck's sake Why's mummy watching me shit Yeah

Shut up I'll start when I want it As work progressed At Welbeck He was sometimes Forced to come into contact With his workmen But they were given

Firm orders On no account Must they show any sign They had recognised him If a man Touched his cap in deference He was dismissed Oh

His tenants were told To pass him by As if he were a tree Oh there's our boss. It's my first day on the job. Maybe I should give him a little nod of the hat to say thank you, sir. No, no, no, no, no. No, I'll go and do it now.

No, no, no, no, no. He's coming past now. No, no, no. Morning, sir. Right. You're a fucking... Right. No, sorry.

I'm me. I... Excuse me. You were fired. Pardon, sir? You were told to treat me like a tree. Now, if you'd taken your handsome spaniel there and let it take a wee-wee up against the old leggy-leg,

I'd be up for that, and then I'd take an enormous shit. I need this job so much. Come on, Sebastian, take a dump on Daddy. Come on, come on. I'm a tree. Don't look at the tree. Arr, arr, arr, arr, arr, arr, plop. There you go. He plopped on me, sir.

Do I have a job? Or are my wife and 18 kids going to suffer? Just say something admirable about the size of that shit. That shit looks like the arm of a wrestler, sir. Does it look like a swan's neck? No, it's got more muscle than that sir it's got proper segmentations you can see where you can see where you've bitten it down it looks like a string of sausages my lord happy you're not meant to address me in any way i'm talking to

you eli right now i'm not happy of course i'm not happy go on uh the only time you would venture out for a walk was in the dead of nights when a woman servant carrying a lantern was sent 40 yards ahead of him with strict orders not to speak or look behind. Don't look at me! That's creepy though. Don't look at me!

What if she got attacked because she was sent out ahead? No one would care. It was the 1800s. How dare you? How am I going to get back now? He had a most peculiar style of dressing. Sometimes, on sweltering hot summer days, he was glimpsed

wearing a full-length sable coat. On other occasions, he put on three frock coats of different sizes all at once, one on top of the other. His trousers were tied up

with a length of old string. Yeah, he's mad. Just above the ankles. Whatever the weather, he carried with him an old umbrella and a heavy top coat. If someone approached and looked... Is he Doctor Who?

Could be, couldn't he? Yeah, could be. If someone approached and looked likely to address him, he would immediately cover himself with the coat and snap up the umbrella to hide his face. He took to wearing a dark brown wig. He had boxes of them in his bedroom, and top of it he would perch a stovepipe hat nearly two foot high. He was a complete nutcase.

He's a wibbly wobbly man. I've got a hat full of wigs. Yeah, your lord, yeah, of course you do. And it wears a hat. The best hat in London. His daily diet was chicken. Always chicken. Macaque?

Alright, Paul, good. chicken. Macaque. Alright, Paul. Good, yeah. For years, he had one killed every morning and roasted

on the spit in the kitchens above ground. When ready, it would be lowered by lift into a heated truck which ran on rails

through one of the underground tunnels and into the house. What? He had a chicken train. He had a chicken train. Fuck me. Here comes the chicken train.

Ooh. Macaque. Macaque. Macaque. Macaque. Macaque. Mac train. Fuck me. Here comes the chicken train. That's the best thing you've done all day. All right. That is. All right. Okay.

Weird. Really weird. Underground chicken train. In spite of his strange behaviour, he was a good and thoughtful employer. Unless you looked at him, in which case you got fired. His workmen were paid good wages and were given in addition an umbrella to protect them from the rain and a donkey on which to ride to work. Fine.

In the pleasure garden at Welbeck, there was a large skating rink and a man was employed specifically to look after the skates of every size that were kept there. The Duke had decided it would be good for his domestic staff to have regular exercise and housemaids were sent skating daily, whether they liked it or not. Skate, you bitch!

Do it for me, skate! I don't like it, I don't like it! Get on the fucking... But I don't like it! I don't like it, I don't... I don't like it... Oh, I've pissed! Oh, it's melting, because I've pissed on it. Yeah, great, go on. No, you've made my grape. Oh, it's melting because I've pissed on it.

Yeah, grape on. No, you do have to play along. No, I'm not playing along with this setup. Oh, I've pissed myself. Oh, you shouldn't have done that. Okay. You're fired. Sorry.

Right, good. It does sound like a mad whole world out there in this estate, though. There's like a, you know, can you imagine it? All the dock workers coming on donkeys. And then here comes the chicken train. They're all skating around. you know, can you imagine it? Like all the dock workers coming on donkeys. And then here comes the chicken train. They're all skating around. You know,

it's crazy. Ballrooms of hydraulic lifts. Hydraulic lifts. Like platform thing. Yeah. Crazy. Okay. They had to skate

whether they liked it or not. The farms, schools and roads on his estate were kept in excellent condition and his greenhouses were amongst the finest in the country.

What was he growing in there? Your marijuana. Your drugs. Your drugs. He laid down avenues of fruit trees and had a huge vegetable garden. When the Duke decided to go up to London, his departure was contrived with the utmost secrecy.

He would leave Welbeck via the underground tunnel in the black, hearse-like carriage drawn by black horses. It's Batman. Yeah. Except when Batman gets into the tunnel, hearse-like carriage drawn by black horses. It's Batman. Yeah. Except when Batman gets into the tunnel, he just gets on the train.

Green silk blinds completely covered the windows. He would remain seated in the carriage while it was loaded onto a railway truck at Worksop Station. They took the whole carriage

and just loaded it onto a flatbed on the train. Fucking mad. Yeah. That's a way to travel. I'm not getting out. Well, you've got it. Just put me on the back.

It's like, have you... My friend Mark used to live in Brighton and in the square where he lived, there was this tunnel that had been for Prince Albert to ride elephants down. That's right. So he could get to the beach.

He got shit done, didn't he? These rich people of the 18th century. I want to ride my elephant to the beach. Well, it's a bit impossible. I'll fucking build this tunnel. Build a fucking tunnel. This guy's like, he's basically got a modular system where his carriage becomes a train carriage.

And then becomes a carriage at the other end. That is modular. Okay. All right. I'm not just trying to pepper the whole episode with words to try and curry favour with the listenership. But no, that is modular. Okay.

And he would not leave it for the entire journey. When he arrived at Harcourt House, his London residence in Cavendish Square, it was a bit posh, wasn't it? Yeah. All the servants would be ordered out of sight

while he climbed down and hurried through the front hall and into the study. Get out! Don't look at me! Yeah, they're all sitting around having fags and having cake and stuff and it's like,

fucking hell, he's here! Don't look at him! Don't fucking look at him! Get out! Get out, get out of the back! He'll get you to pretend you're the doctor! Precautions were taken

to ensure his, I don't know why they're talking like that in his London's residency. I don't know, it doesn't matter. We only do a few voices, so it doesn't matter.

Oh, blimey, governor, don't look at him, yeah? Don't look at him! Precautions were taken to ensure his absolute privacy

by erecting screens all round the garden. For years, his neighbours had been tortured with curiosity and most were convinced that orgies were taking place. We just don't know. We don't know what's going over there. What do you think it is, though, John? I don't know. I hear every night him going

uh, uh, uh, uh, uh. And what do you think that could be? Uh, uh, uh, uh, uh. And what do you think that could be? I don't know. I've never heard such sounds before. What? No.

Can I hear it again? What does it sound like? He kind of goes And yes, and does it build to some kind of crescendo in the noise? And then he kind of goes

And then how does it sound when he's And then he goes I hear him say The thunder's coming. The thunder's coming. And then what does he say? And then and then

does he slap it all hard I don't know I don't know what happens next all I know is I hear this little voice say thank you very much

you know what that sounds like to me what an orgy I don't I've never had an orgy it's crazy when I make love to my wife

it's in it's out job done no messing about and I go back to the gentleman's it's in, it's out, job done, no messing about, and I go back to the gentleman's club. You don't shake it all about in there at all? No, in, out, that's it. No shaking it all about?

No, I'm not a child. I like to shake it all about. In, squirt, out, gentleman's club. Could you just say that again? In, squirt. I'm jacking it. I'm now jacking it. I'm jacking it so flipping hard.

Go on. Let's cut it. Cut when I laugh at so flipping hard. Go on. Right. Let's cut it. Cut when I laugh at myself, yeah? Can you cut that out? I will highlight it. Don't highlight it. Okay, so they all thought he was banging, but he was not. Yeah. Welbeck Abbey was in a state of utter chaos when he suddenly died

in his 80th year. Fuck. In December 1879. His cousin, arriving with his family in a carriage to take up the inheritance, found the drive overgrown with tangled weeds and grasses and strewn with rubble. Motherfucks always! Planks had to be fetched to ease the carriage over the debris. Wow. When the great front door was thrown open, the sixth duke was staggered to see that the hall had no floor.

Wow. He went on to discover the strange pink rooms with the lavatories and then to find all the treasures of Welbeck stuffed away like worthless bric-a-brac, the tapestries in tin trunks, the ancestral portraits stacked against the wall without their frames. It's like that film The Money Pit. Yeah. Kind of.

With Tom Hanks. Yeah. Shelley Long. Fuck, man. It baffles through the floor and the terrace. It's not a very good film, is it? It's all right. kind of with Tom Hanks yeah Shelley Long fuck man it baffles through the floor and the terrorists not a very good film

is it it's alright I think it's a remake of a 1930s film called Mr Blanding's Builds His Ideal Home I think it's something

like that but the world had not yet finished with the 5th Duke oh he'd been buried buried buried

he'd been buried yeah with the utmost Buried. He'd been buried. Yeah. With the utmost simplicity. He would have loved that. And his grave. Wouldn't he? He would have loved that. He wanted to go underground.

Yeah. Oh, I'm very happy now down here. And his grave tucked away in a shrubbery at Kensal Green Cemetery. He used to live up near that cemetery. No, really? In North London when the whispers started. It's a fantastic cemetery, Kensal Green. Yeah.

One of the biggest. I want to say I've been there, but is it the one past East Finchley near me? No. No. I think that's like St. Pancras Cemetery, I think it's called. Marylebone. Yeah. Yeah.

Anyhow, it's a huge, I think, traditionally Catholic cemetery, the one in Kensal Green. And it has the River Brent goes by the side oh okay the canal goes by the side of it and it's got like big mausoleums and stuff the whispers started after he was buried

okay had the Duke been leading a double life what nothing could have been easier for him I guess his comings and goings

were always secretive secretive secretive secretive don't start that and few people knew what he really looked like were always secretive. Secretive. Secretive. Secretive. Ruff, ruff, ruff. Don't start that. And few people knew what he really looked like. Rumours had been going around

London for years. That's actually a good point though when you think about it. He's Batman. He gets some guy to take a picture. It could be anyone. Is he Jack the Ripper?

No, it's not. No, it was too early for that. He was a few years off by about 20. Well, maybe he didn't really die and then when he was Jack the Ripper after that. Well, this is the thing, isn't it?

It's like, when you think about it, if you spend most of your life being secretive, then no one really knows who you are. Rumours have been going round London for years. It all came to a head in the Druce Affair, which provided English society with enough gossip for a decade. Oh, have you heard the latest scandal? I think I might have heard of this, actually.

A widow named Anna Maria Druce, who lived at 68 Baker Street, London, claimed that the late Duke had been none other than her beloved husband, Thomas Charles Drews, owner of a flourishing shop called the Baker Street Bazaar. Where are you going tonight? I'm just going out. You never let me come with you. Going back to my house. Which house?

Shut up. You're not allowed to come. It doesn't sound that credible from what we know, does it? No. you never let me come with you going back to me house which house shut up you're not allowed to come it doesn't sound that credible from what we know does it Druce was thought to have died in 1864 but his widow

swore that the funeral at Highgate Cemetery had been a mockery the coffin had been filled no it had been a cemetery not a mockery she reckoned that the coffin had been filled

what with chickens with lead it was she claimed no more than a ruse to allow her husband who had grown tired Not a mockery. She reckoned that the coffin had been filled... What? With chickens? With lead. It was, she claimed, no more than a ruse to allow her husband, who had grown tired of his alter ego, to return to his reclusive but aristocratic life at Welbeck. She therefore claimed the title and lands of the Portland family for her son. Oh, there you go.

You see? I was married to him! Yeah. Well, we never saw you with him. Well, he was very secretive, wasn't he? Yeah, but... Well, so how do you know? Yeah, but we never saw you with him. Well, he was very secretive, wasn't he? Yeah, but... Well, so how do you know? Yeah, but we never saw you with him.

Well, he was very secretive. He had underground. When we used to... When we had the conjugal moments, he'd actually burrow right under me and then come up. Come up through the ground. Hello, love.

Right up my skirt with his cock out. Nice. That's impressive. Then he'd go back into the earth. But I don't think we can give you his land, really. We can't prove it. It belongs to my son. Yeah, but you can't prove it and we can't prove it.

Would you like to have a look at my fanny? Right, let's wrap this up. The 6th Duke treated the claim with supreme contempt. Of course. But enough speculators were found to put up £30,000 in an attempt to fight the case, which dragged on for years. Wow. When it eventually came to court, the Drews family and their supporters committed perjury so many times that the case became a national joke. Eventually, in 1907...

The Duke once bought me a golden biscuit. Yeah. He once bought me an owl made of glass. And it was real. Eventually in 1907 it was decided to open the alleged Thomas Drewes' grave in Highgate. Oh, cool. He was found lying there, aged

and bearded. Do you mind? Do you mind? I'm trying to fucking sleep. And perfectly at peace. Oh, good. The case collapsed, the tricksters were sent packing and the Fifth Duke was allowed to sink back into, at last, into the obscurity that he had so passionately desired.

Wow. So what happened to all the tunnels then? They've probably been preserved. Might do some research on that and report back at a later. We could visit it. I'd love to. I'd love to go see that.

I'd love to see it. I bet they filled it all in and shipped it by now. They might have done because you don't know what happened. That's over 100 years ago that they found it. Do you know what, as well? I can't remember all the details right now,

but in Liverpool, there's a very similar story. In Liverpool, there are miles and miles of tunnels under the city. And some are massive, like a cathedral size. And some are narrow and tiny. And I think the story is, this very rich guy just started saying to workers, just dig. Just dig and i'll pay you what we digging it doesn't matter just dig and so people were digging for at liverpool building

these tunnels for no reason and now and then it all faded off and whatever whatever and like half of them were half paired and the other half were just like tiny knocked down tunnels so it's fascinating then there's loads of it i love i love london is london is is one of the most tunneled under places on the planet. Oh, I want to go on a Goonies adventure. Yeah, so do I. You know, with booby traps and tunnels. That's what that made me think of, that story.

Yeah. Very, very rich for the imagination, the whole idea of his old sort of personal world underneath there. Underneath there. Can it have a giant mechanical spider? Yes, it's got to have a giant spider in it. Yeah, he could keep a giant mechanical spider under the house, Can it have a giant mechanical spider? Yes, it's got to have a giant spider in it. Yeah, it could keep a giant mechanical spider under the house, couldn't it?

Yeah. Good, I like that. I enjoyed that, Paul. That was a nice one. You told it well. Thank you. My pleasure. So, that was our story today.

Let's wrap this bitch up. Wrap it up like a little thing. And that's it for Cheap Show 99. 100's on the way. It's exciting times. The way this works, we've already recorded it by the time this goes out, but we haven't done it yet, so it's a weird kind of, whoa, it might never go out because it might be a shit show.

We just don't know. But if you're joining us at the live show, great. There'll be professional sound recording, won't there? I hope so. Otherwise, it's going to be me and my little dictaphone going, speak louder, Stuart! That's not good. Anyway, the worst one was that one you put out when we did the Comic-Con.

Yeah. That was bad. That was bad. I managed to rescue it somewhat. Wow. But it was annoying. But anyway, ladies and gentlemen, it's episode 99. We next cross our threshold to 100 and become a big grown-up podcast.

Ah, and there'll be no more swearing. No more swearing. There'll be no more jokes about masturbation. No more bombing jokes. There'll be no more denigrating our fellow podcaster. No. There'll be no more... It'll be lovely, serious, well-researched comedy content.

Yes. Maybe not even that much comedy. I think we should take it quite straight. Just sort of some plain stuff about, you know, you could do a little bit, Paul, about how, you know, just sort of some plain stuff about you know you could do a little bit paul about how you know the uh technical side of podcast yeah i could do a little bit of that and you could maybe go into a bit more the kind of ingredient side of uh noodle noodles yeah yeah so there's lots to do as we go into a next dry 100 episodes of cheap show mature for the adult listener extra Extra mature. Yeah. Extra grimy. Extra dirty.

Extra frothy. Extra fucking frothy. Noodly, spunky, love-nuff. Do you know what, Paul? What? I sometimes look at cheese and think, if I curdled my own cum with some whey, would it turn out like that?

I would give you £10 to do it. To try and make some dick cheese. I think the problem is... You want me to make some dick cheese I want you to make dick cheese well I need some whey get some I need to put whey in it and then like some kind of microculture

alright well do it then I'm making myself insane I'm never going to spank again www.thecheapshow.co.uk is our website there are pictures on there that accompany this episode and little bits of videos and other things as well

explore it have fun we're on Facebook we're on Tumblr we're on Instagram we're also on Twitter at thecheapshowpod and we've got a Reddit page

I'm at Paul Gannon Show you are Eli Snowdy L-I-A-S-N-O-Y-D and we have a Reddit page reddit.com www. forward slash

www. www. cheap show if you're a Patreon supporter thank you very much your continuing support reddit.com www. www. www. Cheap Show. If you're a Patreon supporter, thank you very much. Your continuing support delights and enthuses us to carry on.

It certainly does. And stop showing you your fucking nipple to me. I don't want to see it. And yeah, we appreciate it. Write and review. Rate us on iTunes.

That tends to help if you want to do that. Spread the word if you can't do that and just tell people to get on board the cheap show. Express. Chicken train. Chicken train.

How does it go, Paul? Let's have that one more time. Woo, woo. Baka, baka, baka, baka, baka, baka, baka, baka, baka. Brilliant. And that's it for Cheap Show. It's a train, it sounds like a chicken. Email us at the Gmail.

No, at... Oh, fuck it. W, W, W, W. Bye, everybody. see you at 100 bye it's exciting bye