CheapShow - Episode 298: End Of The Line

Episode Date: September 9, 2022

As Episode 300 nears, Paul and Eli decide to squeeze in one more walk before summer ends. In this edition of the economy comedy podcast, the cheap chaps decide to take on the 3-mile London Parkway Walk, which is London’s Longest Linear Park, don’t you know?! It’s certainly a long walk for two out of shape idiots who have nothing but Japanese “worthless” snacks as a form of sustenance. There is also no guarantee they will make the trip from Finsbury Park to Alexander Palace in their state! As they follow the abandoned railway line, they’ll attempt some arty augmented reality, wander through a few “kissing tunnels”, explore a bat cave and wander forgotten platforms, cursing and arguing every step of the way! They also attempt a few weak stunts. It goes badly. Obviously. Share & Enjoy. Photos/Videos for this episode can be seen at: https://www.thecheapshow.co.uk/ep-298-end-of-the-line And if you like us, why not support us: www.patreon.com/cheapshow If you want to get involved, email us at [e-mail] And you can follow us on Twitter @thecheapshowpod or @paulgannonshow & @elisnoid Like, Review, Share, Comment... LOVE US! MERCH www.cheapmag.shop www.tinyurl.com/rbcheapshow https://www.redbubble.com/people/cheapshow-tony/shop

Two ladies jogging in the park. A squirrel a hippity-hoppiting between trees. Two ladies walking their children. Yes, hello Cheap Show listeners. It is I, Paul Gannon, at the Manor House corner of Finsbury Park with my jolly good best friend in the whole wide world, Mr Eli Silverman. Hi Paul, it's nice to be here with you again on another walk episode. Today we're going to be going up around...

No, no, no. Today we're going to be going along... You can edit that bit. I edit nothing. Especially your cock-ups. Why are you... You always used to complain about me just sort of saying, girl walking along with tote bag,

woman exercising against a bench tractor thing because when i do it i do a little bit of panache a plum and a panache i'll get my palm out and panache you in the face with it would you splash me with panache i'll splash you with my panache oh they looked the mums looked at me all right right. Anyway. Paul. Yes. Can I just say Baba Ganoush here? This Baba Ganoush... I'm sorry, are you turning this into the Howard Stern fucking show? Why? Because he used to go Baba Booey, Baba Booey, Baba Booey, didn't he?

That was the whole thing. Did he say Baba Ganoush there? But it's similar. I don't want to do this. Right, well, you've ruined this intro. Oh, you've ruined it. No, you've ruined it. Ladies and gentlemen, we just thought with the close of summer and the beginning of autumn

and episode 300 on the way, we'd cram in, just slip it in, part the fabric, part the fabric, get it wet, slide in, another walkabout episode. And this is a walk we wanted to do for a little while. Nothing fancy, but I think you'll enjoy where we're going today well we're starting off in finnery park which is a bit of a clue bit of a clue for everyone paul because today we will be walking along the parkland walk walk and what's so special about that the parkland walk is london's longest linear park now i've got a little thing for linear parks when i hear the word linear park, I get a little tingle in the meters. It goes like this. As if it's been feeding it, fed a grub, but there's no grub there.

There's no grub for the meters to eat, but it's expecting. It's expecting meals. It's like when you sprinkle fish food on top of the water, all the fish go up and go. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's your meters and it's enjoyment of this walk that is what my meters does when it hears the expression linear park so it's london's longest linear park there's a bit of disagreement about how long it actually is there's a gap where what it was was a rail way it was a railway in finsbury park though did it it was a railway that yes did it yeah all right go on finsbury park is very much

a very major hub um you know the whole of the piccadilly extension the northern piccadilly extension which includes turnpike lane yeah arnest grove all those really lovely stations which were built in the 30s they all came off finsbury park so finsbury park was basically the most northerly station and was a real hub but it needed a lot of um it needed some kind of relief because it's really it's really busy still i need some fucking relief in the park right now it looked like that guy was relieving himself earlier on his naked ass you saw me all right i'm sorry for this intro to go on for too long because fuck me, it's meant to be a

hey, welcome to the show, credits, but this is already fucking just whatever. First thing I see when I walk into the park is a big, fat, hairy arse staring at me.

Just as stark as the day. I know. There was a man lying on the ground and he was drinking and smoking with his mate and they both got up and when he got up

his pants dragged down towards his thighs. He gets up to pull him down and rather than like you know like crouching embarrassingly put them up he didn't care he just full-on bends over to the entrance of the park for anyone walking in such as this man here and sees the most dirty hairy wide round arse was it dirty he's a little bit dirty i don't know i think. I think you're imagining the dirt. I was imagining the dirt and shit and scars.

Oh. Anyway, big arse. And I was just like, oh, mate, that's my first memory of the day. Why do you have this sort of predilection or even like a magical ability to not only be farted on, but also see people shitting or being naked.

Or you have a real... If you were like a superhero, you'd be see unsightly man. No, I'd be scat man. I'd be the scat man. The scat man. You don't want to go there. Right, anyway, welcome to Cheap Show. We're on a walk.

Join us. us what was that i think the rain has started i just thought i'd stop here because we're in mackenzie gardens there's a mackenzie gardens that we just came out we came out in mackenzie gardens so this is just a playground but there's a no we're not in the playground either we're on a path we're on a path paul and we're by a tree which has some kind of ornamental vagina plaque for want of a better descriptive term stapled on not stapled it's strung up there it's a vagina plaque stapled it's more like a rune it's more like a rune design yes but paul it's a rune that represents the female anatomy is it between the legs yes or do you want to play dr psychokiatrist that was in tolkien it was called the vagina stone was it yes well i think you're tolkien out of your ass

he's a pun machine. This is what I was going to point out though. Based on a tree story, on the little toilet next to this playground outside of Mackenzie Gardens is a thing which is an audio-visual AR encounter with the tree sprites of Finsbury Park. You can see a picture of it there. It looks quite cool actually. So it's by Hair Visions x Bones Tan Jones, which is a sentence I just said. Hair Visions x Bones Tan Jones, which is a sentence I just said.

Hair Visions x Bones Tan Jones, yeah. This free digital artwork was chosen by the people of Finsbury Park. So there are certain locations in this park, Sprite Homes. I'm going to scan the QR. Oh, he's going to scan it. Edible landscape, Eli. What's an edible landscape? Scan now.

An edible landscape is like a description of when you do, when you eat some cannabis and the terrain that you, the mental terrain that you go through like first start with euphoria and then deep paranoia and then a sort of vibrational hum moving through your body. Yeah I'm tired of that. Tired of that shit. So I think maybe these are signifiers on the walk these things strapped to the tree but I find it interesting that something that doesn't look anything like a vagina

makes Eli think of a vagina which I think is uncalled for right are you doing it Eli's in charge of images today so if the images for this episode are shit

they're all Eli's because my phone's taking the video so I'm doing the video segments of this he's trying to do the QR code yeah oh it's raining only a little bit calm down I'm looking at a starfish thing not a chocolate starfish eel I know it's a nice green alien sprite it's it not it's not a licorice starfish, Eli. No, it's a nice green alien sprite. Is it a licorice starfish? It's not a licorice starfish.

Is it a strawberry licorice starfish? It's not a strawberry licorice. Is it an Angel Delight? Caramel flavoured Angel Delight whipped up starfish? No, it's not a toffee starfish. Are you at Finsbury Park? Yes. I've opened the portal. It appears your device supports web.

Oh, please give access. Yeah, so you're just saying yeah continue right scan the amulet let's go to the vagina amulet this episode's already gone off off the rails i was meant to keep it simple and now we're on a mythical sprite hunt so do you have to hold your camera up and scan that i mean i could be filming this but fucking the layers of effort it needs aim it at the tree sprite or something what do I do now

I don't know tap on something there's the tree flashing tap that flashing tree there we go right he's tapped the flashing tree

and it's loading something allow yes camera it's probably going to ask you to point it at the tree room

and then it'll do we'll have some augmented reality creature that toilet block here in finsbury park is now no longer in use paul but my flatmate said he used to come up here and go to the loo there and it was quite predatory predatory uh cottages in there not pred predatory, but just a bit uncomfortable. Right, I've heard enough. Here, I'm scanning it. Oh, he's scanning it. Here we go.

What's happening? What do I have to do? I don't know. Do you move it around now? Or do you hold it in that little area? Mate, I don't know. Zoom out. Take a... Do something. God, your phone's awful. No, it's not. What happened there? What's wrong? There's nothing wrong with my phone. What happened there? People's path mate. It's not doing anything. Right you know what? It's

stopped raining though. Yeah based on a true story it's over. We're in Finsbury Park now by the old toilet block. We're going to go up past this which is a playground. Up past the calf there. Nice. Do nice sausage sandwiches in the move. Oh, nice. You get quite a nice view down into central London as we go across.

And there's that huge new building which really does look fucking ginormous from up here. You'll notice it when I point it out to you. Oh, a man in a car. Oh, it's a golf buggy. Nice.

Four. Christ, that was awful. awful so what we doing now we're going just we're literally minutes away from the very start of Parkland walk which is down we have to cross the rail line that's coming up out of Finsbury Park and then it starts right there so this would be the point originally when the when the the line that has been replaced by the walk was there. It would have branched off this line here. Do you see what I mean? Yeah, so we're going to follow the old spooky ghost railway line and we're going to take it all the way along its original route to Alley Pally.

That's the plan, isn't it? That's where we're ending today. That's right, but there is a little gap where we go through highgate wood yeah when we get to highgate because uh we should stop here with the noisy car the noisy uh chopper van whatever it's called we stop when we get to highgate because that's where the old highgate station and the old sidings are still there yeah so the park doesn't go through that because it'd be too dangerous and And also there's old tunnels that you'll see at the end of the walk, Paul, where they have bats. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

They have bats up there. I'm looking forward to seeing the demon thing hiding under one of the bridges. I hope that's still there. It should be. I've seen it on all the websites. Yeah, it's very much a sort of landmark or skid mark. Mate, this van, he's just going back and forth. He's not doing anything. It's got a big roller, big brushy roller. van, he's just going back and forth. He's not doing anything.

Big roller, big brushy roller. He's just spraying his muck about. He's just spraying his muck. Two men I've seen spray their muck today. You didn't see him spray his muck. You just saw his hairy arse. I was thinking about him spreading his hairy, dirty muck. What you think about in the privacy of your own head is one thing.

Guess what I'm thinking about now? Me spreading my mug. That's the one. Bingo. Oh, dear. Oh, dear. Where's she going? Where's she going?

She's going around the corner, around the building. I don't know. What does she know? She knows where to go, around there. She's probably got a workshop or something in this building. Oh, yeah. Now, Paul, we've just started on the Parkland Walk. This is Parkland Walk South.

We've left Finsbury Park, crossed the rails on the bridge by the Oxford Road gate, and we are right at the foot of this three-mile walk. There's two sections divided by highgate station and this is the southern most section parkland walk south if you will um this jogger tried to show you his bum bum didn't he no no that's no he did i saw it it's your superpower what today my superpower is the ability to make people want them to wiggle their arses in front of my face. And do poos.

No, no one's done a poo yet. Worst luck. We're coming to the first bridge, Paul. Yep. Now, what I like about this walk is it's kind of like a secret hidden route through London, isn't it? It's like a Goonies tunnel, isn't it? It is. It's got a certain magic to it because it is built on a rail embankment yeah um during the lockdown we came

up here and it was packed you wouldn't believe yeah just people trying to get out the house and using this as a walk because it does like slither and wither its way through the middle of London, doesn't it? Well, the north-ish, north-west-ish part. It's more north, north-east. No, it's pretty much straight up north. North, yeah, north-north. North-north. Everyone's jogging. Stop jogging. That's the thing, during lockdown, you get joggers up here, aggressive joggers.

And I was up here with a friend, and and the most privileged annoying jogger came by and went excuse me like we're just on the yeah on the side on the path exactly the same space that we're all sharing we all have an equal right to yeah and the the privilege dripping off the voice like i'm i'm virtuous i'm exercising therefore i have the right you you know what I mean, to boss you around. Do you know what I mean? I hate that attitude. I hate that attitude. It makes my piss boil, Eli.

Oh, I'm angry now. Oh, you've ruined now. You've ruined this for me now. I've ruined this for now for you. That story and those joggers, except for this one, because she looks lovely. If she says excuse me. Well, we'll have to stand in her way then, shall we, on purpose? We'll have to stand in her way on purpose. That's not what I do. Her reaction is good. joggers except for this one because she looks lovely if she says excuse me well we're standing

her way then shall we on purpose that's not what i do it's good oh we can see the road what road's this it's the first bridge take a picture of me on the bridge looking uh cool i'll stand here looking cool now this is nice because it kind of like the parkland stops for a bit and all of a sudden you're on a street high above a road. I think it says Florence Road. Hang on, he's taking a picture. Yeah? Focused as well? Was it in focus? Because you never know with you. I get pictures from you when we do our walks

and I have to dump half of them because it looks like they've been taken through like a jar of Vaseline. Sometimes I do try and use a jar of Vaseline for rubbing my arse down. I think it gets on the lens, doesn't it? Well, it just gets in front of the camera. Have you got any lube today?

I've lubed up to the max, man. I'm dripping with lube. I'm oily. I've got oily drippings coming off my knob end. I've got pile cream on. I've got fucking swarfiga clammed up my chuffner. See, my mate, when I was in university, right, he used to laugh at the term swarfiga.

Because, and I don't know how true this is and whether he was lying or whatever, but he was saying that he came from Norway, right, and swarfiga, as close as it is in his language, the same kind of word. Like, I think it was like swarfiga or something like that. Whatever it was. He says that translates as, like, dirty nun or something.

OK. So it's like you clean your hands in a dirty nun and he would go ha ha ha ha we should explain to everyone who doesn't know swarfiga was a they'll make it yes it's like a gel is a hand cleaning gel but it must have been quite budget quite cheap because you got it in where i always used to encounter swarfiga was in art class at school right right my dad used to have loads of it because he used to work with diesel and things we used to come in covered in muck and that cleared off the pet diesel whatever it was it cuts through the grease doesn't it but it's funny because you know

what wouldn't you just use hand soap i mean is it is it more of a bulk sort of yeah but they didn't really have hand soap in the 80s for a start did they they had soap they didn't have hand soap in the 80s what are you saying have it now well you soap. They didn't have hand soap in the 80s. Not in the same way as we have it now. Well, you can have it by your sink as you're doing the dishes. That was never really a thing. I used to wash my hands in the kitchen with fairy liquid. Well, everyone does that. I still do that. And then you put a little bit on the end of your knob

and then... You blow bubbles out the odometer. Everyone does that. Come on. Alright, come on. Let's begin this walk. We've begun it. You've got fuck all all i've been giving them hot toddy facts hot tods that's for sure right well we've run out of stuff to say so unless you've got anything to add right now i'm just going to end this segment fine right good so we're off we're carrying on with the walk we're off on our parkland walk walkway and we hope you

enjoy our walk today should we do another bit when we get to the next bridge yeah let's do that yeah and then i can tell you some of the stuff i've brought for us to sample on the rest of the journey that'd be nice uh paul uh spoiler alert i've got slush puppy flavored bonbons that's a big spoiler because you just told everyone what's coming up you could have just said i've got these coming up and not mentioned the spoiler just said here's what's coming up have you ever heard or seen a Slush Puppy tie-in product before? Yes. You have?

Two bars and like a one bar. Is it a thing? Yeah. The same way Vimto is. It's not the same way. I hate this conversation. Why? I'm not a big fan of it.

What's wrong with it? It's just gone off us. I want this to be, because we've got 300 coming up. I thought this could be whimsical. We could romanticise about our seven years and 290-odd episodes and just look over London and have, like, an emotional moment.

And what? And then what? Have a nice episode where we're lovely to each other and nice and we say pleasant things and I say, I like you, mate, and you're my best friend. Even though both of those statements are false shut up then oh you know what i'm flagging i think i need that red bull yeah all right let's take a little break to i'm gonna i'm gonna juice myself up all right so see you in a bit everyone bye

oh yeah there's bt tower promised you bt tower and i've delivered bt tower um and can you see the italian at uh tower to the left of bt tower there that's that park yeah is that the one yeah wait the one we were in that time yeah and you used to have a marketplace there with all the balls or whatever it was a cattle market and that's all that remains is that lovely Italianate tower as it's known. Did it have a big bell in it? Yes. No catch. That's a genuine question.

Did it have a big old bell in it? I think it did have a bell, but that was the centre of the market, the cattle market. I'm actually surprised you can see it from here. Oh, do you see that building to the right of the BT Tower? Do you know what that is? No. The Capital Radio Tower. Oh, do you see that building to the right of the BT Tower? Do you know what that is? Er, no. The Capital Radio Tower, er, radio building.

Oh, it used to be the original building. Yeah, Pat Sharptop used to work in there. Next to, erm, Euston Square Tube. Yeah. It looks strangely farther away than it is in real life here. Really? It's like, when you're, you are, yeah, maybe. I don't know fucking geography, do I?

I don't know nothing, Eli. Look how clearly... I'm just a simple soul. Clearly. Simple soul. You are a simple soul sometimes. Good old God's green earth soul. I remember the war. I remember rationing. We lived through the war. We can live through this time. This character's lame. I remember the days, I tell you. Do you remember, George?

Do you remember back in the day, George? We used to sit round the piano and eat peanuts one by one, didn't we, George? Oh, I used to feed peanuts to my dog. My dog, it was called Tracy Emin. That dog got more love than I ever did. It got actual physical love for me. I used to shag the dog. Right, well, again, you know what?

Just the weird tangency went. I used to feed peanuts up dog. Right, well, again, you know what? Just the weird tangency. I used to feed peanuts at my dog's arse and then fuck it. Let me just say that sentence, blankly and rashly. You own a dog called Tracy Emming, you fucking feed peanuts. Up its arse. Up its arse. Eli,

are you proud of that? I love that laundrette. Please take a picture of that laundrette from this bridge. We're at Lancasterrette. Please take a picture of that Laundrette from this bridge. We're at Lancaster Road. And look, there's the other train car that came from Finsbury. It's coming under, look. Yeah. The rail's coming under.

Chuffity-chuff. This was a station, I believe. This is one of the old stations where we are now. This makes sense because it's quite highly elevated. It's a junction, isn't it? Yeah. You think it was right about there, the station or something? I do believe so, yeah.

Yeah. It's nice. I like this. In the Wirral, where I grew up, the station, or something? I do believe so, yeah. Yeah, it's nice. I like this. In the Wirral, where I grew up, there's a similar walk you can do. A linear walk? That went along where an old railway line used to run. It's a lovely walk. If you ever go up North, Eli, we should do that walk.

You see, that's another... We should do that walk. Absolutely, I'd love to. You know what, Paul? Some of my favourite places in the whole world are linear parks. Yeah. And you know what I'd love to do as well is the High Line in New York, which is an old subway, elevated subway line

they've made into a linear park. Oh, that's interesting. And there are plans to do one in London, starting in Camden, because there's a... Oh, that railway line there, yeah. That would be amazing. I think that's still on the table. We definitely have to cover that.

But this is, like I said before, this is London's longest linear park. London's longest linear park. It certainly is. And look, you can walk it by day. You can walk in the dark. London's longest linear park. Oh, what a time we have. What a lark.

London's longest linear park. All right. Try that again. I'll try that. Yeah, try that again and not be shit. Say it in the dark. London's longest linear park. You can go in the day. You can go in the dark. It's London's longest linear park. You can go on the day, you can go in the dark.

It's London's longest linear park. A-hark, a-hark. My Christ. Now, forks. You're so imaginatively barren. Now, a little clue to what used to be here is the name, that restaurant is still called Goods Office. Right.

So obviously that was a goods office where they stored or did the mail or whatever, yeah. That building is now a mind uh charity a mind uh mental health charity which is nice i think that must have been one of the station buildings has that look about it does it does doesn't it and that was obviously the goods on that little blue laundrette little blue laundrette i've got a photo of that don't worry yeah good train going down underneath us that's going right layers down isn't it tree layers yeah it is we're up, then there's the road

and it goes below the road. And there's another one going across, another train this way. Probably coming from King's Cross or Euston. There's so many lines going through this part

of London, aren't there? It's like we're in a vortex. It's cool. I like it. This is one of my favourite bits of the... The number W3 passes underneath us

now on the road. That goes to, what's it say? Walthamstow Park, Northumberland. Northumberland Park, Northumberland Park. You can go in the day, you can go in the dark. Northumberland Park, Northumberland Park. It's London's longest linear park.

London's longest linear park. You can go in the day, you can go in the dark. London's longest linear park. We shouldn't be suggesting people go in the dark. No, it's probably not good ultimately for your safety, but there's no gateway saying you literally can't do this. You can go in the dark? No, it's probably not good ultimately for your safety, but there's no gateway saying you literally can't do this. You can go in the dark. That's what I say in the song.

You can go in the day, you can go in the dark. It sounds like you're encouraging people to go in the dark. Have you got some kind of biz? What, to lure people to the parkway? No, of course I don't. Of course I don't. Why are you such a dark-minded little monkey?

Hello! No, that's not an invitation to create a character now you see all along you can see where yeah remnants of the infrastructure where they pulled the rails off this is a bit of tangled screws big i'm going to take a photo that's going to take a picture of that the remnants of this ghost train walk we're taking today well I'm gonna stop recording at this point because I haven't had a drink yet and you haven't had your Red Bull so we need to do that so let's do that now and then come back when we're a little bit more refreshed all right Paul yeah all right good boy sit oh i like this it's like a it's like a secret route on mario kart it's a little side path yes definitely um just up up the sort of side because we're in a a trench now

some of it is on an embankment and some of it obviously like here is in a valley so quiet it's lovely up here isn't it it's very peaceful makes me think Eli about the seven years we've worked together now and the even longer time

we've worked together in comedy you smell some. Don't start this. And an even longer time we've worked together in comedy. Can you smell some musk? Is that you? It's Elon Musk. Hello, I am Elon Musk. Sorry. Yeah. I like this little path.

It's great, isn't it? This little pathlet. There's all sorts of... In these sections of the Parkland Walk, Paul, where you do have... It's in a valley. You have all of these different little sub-paths going in these sections of the Parkland Walk, Paul, where you do have, it's in a valley, you have all of these different little sub-paths going along the sides of the valley.

I like sub-paths. Never discount a sub-path. Oh, it's like... There's a little meadow up here. A little meadow area. Yeah. Eli just did the most disturbing public yawn I've ever seen. It wasn't a yawn.

It made him look like Gollum being born, and yet the lady joggers looked at you in a slightly concerned manner, as if to say, is he about to pounce? I wasn't about to pounce. I thought I was. Yeah, but you sit there going,

eee, eee, eee, like that, for whatever the fuck that was. It was just a little stretch stretch I was just sort of stretching you know I kind of felt like you forgot you were in public for a moment yeah I did actually I forgot about everything yeah you did

in that moment, that perfect moment oh this is a nice little exposed area oh dear so was this the area where Oh, this is a nice little exposed area. Oh, dear. So, was this the area where those two men accosted you? No. Eli said he got accosted by two men on this path once with his flatmate, Rogan. Mike, bat expert, Rogan.

I wasn't accosted. They were standing... It was right at the beginning of the lockdown. Right. And they were just standing there insulting people and basically you'll see it's easier to point out

when we get there because I'll show you the spot now should we decamp from this path does it go here because look at the split what do you want to do

we need to give up oh right Elo wants to go down I wanted to stay on the upside down the steps we go because we have to go under there oh we have to go

under that bridge oh fair play I guess that path wouldn't go round it? No it wouldn't because there's a road. Oh there's a road. You've got to get the fence up there. Yeah. So here's the old rail infrastructure. Take a picture of that. That's sexy isn't it? It's really nice isn't it? Yeah take a picture of that and there's like some nice artwork as well. There's lots of artwork. Lots. It's in one of these arches as well there's lots of artwork and it's in lots it's in one of these arches that the demon sculpture is but i think it's oh i'm looking forward to that there's quite a few arches here as well funnily enough that have artwork in

there's a lady i think it's a lady with a uh crayon in her mouth. SMO. Lots of things like that. Oh, there's Brian from Family Guy. That's a nice one. So I guess they're doing some restoration work to this bridge because there's a lot of scaffolding underneath it and around it, supporting it. I don't know what they're doing.

Maybe it was unsafe and they're reinforcing the old rail arch we're passing under. So we're entering the tunnel of love, Eli. I hope nothing happens. Come close. It's not the tunnel, it's so far. This is the tunnel of love. Oh, it's spooky.

You'd get a lot of gravel in your snatch if you tried it down here. He's not really kissing me. No, see Eli,'ve got a nice tongue. Shut up! Oh, we're coming out the tunnel. Oh, Eli, get your hands off me. Oh, hey!

Well, thank you, Eli, for making the Tunnel of Love a beautiful experience for me. It wasn't the Tunnel of Love. It was an old rail tunnel on Parkland Walk. Which is the Tunnel of Love. Oh, there's another tunnel coming up. Oh, you've done this on purpose, you dirty tinker. Listen, this is Parkland Walk, London's longest linear park. London's longest linear park.

You can kiss in the dark. Oh, here we go. It's London's longest linear park it's not a river so you won't find a shark you won't find a shark in a river yes you're right or a river what do you mean you won't find a river on this route will you yeah that's obviously what the reference is i think think. Oh, here we go. Into the tunnel of love, Eli. Oh, here he goes again. There's a man putting his thumb through his winky pants. It's funny you should say that.

That bit of graffiti there does say lover, doesn't it? You can see. And there's a heart. Lover. And the heart is the O. L-O-V-E. See it? Rib.

Rib for her pleasure. Look what he's doing. This character's sticking his thumb through his flies. I can't believe it. As if to impersonate a willy. Yeah. We've all done it. Oh, I haven't done it.

You do it twice daily. To you, when we record. Yeah. And he's got a reefer, I think, in his mouth. He's like a naughty drug. And he's wearing a polo. Is he supposed to be a specific person? Perhaps it's the artist.

Perhaps it's a self-portrait. And look at his tattoo. His tattoo is a cock. He's got a knob tattoo. You're supposed to be a specific person? Perhaps it's the artist. Perhaps it's a self-portrait. And look at his tattoo. He's got a knob tattoo. You're taking a picture of that, aren't you? You've got to take a picture of knob tattoo cock, man. There's another bridge as well. Oh, there's all sorts going on here. What a walk.

What a walk. I'm looking for the demon, though. There's a demon on one of these arches, I know. Like a piece of, I don't know, art, art i guess it obviously it's not a real demon welcome to the fabulous las vegas nirvana oh this is a fear and loathing someone's done a hunter s thompson on this end eli someone's done the hunter s thompson there yeah caricature sort of style yeah you know what i mean i can hear the traffic going over london's linear london's longest linear park graffiti on the walls in surrounding the park mate that was perhaps the worst thing you've ever done no the worst thing i ever did was go

yes eli i will make a podcast with you now Shut up. Now, this is a school, I think, on the left up here. Good, well played. But we're hoping to see the demon, the famous demon of Parkland Walk, London's longest linear park. A demon who lives in an ark in London's longest linear park. Parkland Walk, they say.

I hear, oh, hark. Oh Walk what's that I hear oh hark oh hark hark hark kark park shark fark lark

lark we haven't done yet right so we're going to sign off until we find something more interesting to talk about next oh there's a little

playground that must be a fun playground to have as a kid there's tubes and netting it's nice it's an adventure playground isn't it

yeah you don't see proper adventure playgrounds these days you've got to love an adventure playground that's quite a good one and netting it's nice adventure playground isn't it yeah oh see proper adventure playgrounds these days you gotta love an adventure playground that's quite a good one isn't it it's good i just i get the impression if we attempted to even go on it we'd get shouted at by a man saying get out of that park well but i want to hide in that tube oh i wouldn't like to go out that tube what it's just full of it probably had poo poo in it i mean poo poo wee wees we're coming up for the i'm knackered i'm christ it's weird day like the weather is like not hot but i've got a sweat on it's clammy horribly clammy it's been like this for months in london yeah horribly clammy almost rain foresty

in its closeness so it's a great day and there's been spots of rain but i also feel warm and closeness so it's a great day and there's been spots of rain but i also feel warm and damp and soft and moist i feel soft and spongy high gate in right okay one we've we've reached a sign highgate is one mile oh wait there we passed crouch hill station no you can this is we can get off oh and go to crouch hill yeah. We don't need to do that. Yeah, it's back there. Yeah. But we're going to go past the old Crouch Hill station where the abandoned platforms are just a bit further up.

Oh, we'll do that then. And remember, Anti-Social Behaviour Crime and Policing Act is dog control. Please clean up after your dog when they do droppings. Yeah, please do. And I've brought a bag for Eli, so I'll be picking up his droppings as he leaves them up on the path by a tree or up against a gate stick.

Is that what I usually do? I usually shit out here? Yeah, you do. Is that what I usually do? Yeah, it is. It's what you do. You sit on the floor, you squat, you drop your trousers and you squat

and then you kind of like give a pain look in your face like a dog yeah and you drop them i can hear the soft the soft padding of droplets upon grass or floor or road or gate or you know grass car grass oh there's bikes coming out come out the way i hear the soft pitter patter of plop Upon the path And then I scoop it up In my little bag and I'm responsible I look after you, I clean up after you don't I

I just object to this in every way Of course I don't shit in the woods Does a bear shit in the woods? Yes, does Eli shit in the woods? Not unless he's in a proper emergency Have you ever shat in the woods out of interest? Yeah So does Eli shititting the woods. Not unless he's in a proper emergency. Have you ever shat the woods out of interest? Yeah. Well, there you go.

So does Eli's shit in the woods? Once as a child. The answer's yes. And there was that incident where we both took a shit and my friend stood in it and flicked a piece into his own mouth. I've mentioned before. You have. It's worth repeating, isn't it?

It's worth repeating. It's worth repeating. So where are we going to now, then? Which way? The old abandoned station is up here. The platforms will be just on our right and left. We walk the middle of them all right i might have a little cigarette break there that is that all right of course that's as nice as a little gantry there to look at the area i presume little so that's an actual park that's like a playground park up there oh yeah oh i see

the platforms yeah they're all rickety again the, the Wirral Walk is very similar to this. Lots of stations, lots of abandoned, even abandoned bridges. Abandoned bridges. Yeah, yeah. I love it. As for a park format, it's got to be my top park format. London's longest linear park. Here's the demon, I believe.

Is it? The demon of Highland Walk. I mean, Parkland Walk. Yeah. The demon's poking out from one of these... Is he? Arches. All right, here we go then.

I'm going to peek-a-peek-a. Where is he? He's not there on that one. I'm frightened, Eli. Where's the demon upon this walk? Where is he? I'm frightened. He's not here, is he?

Yeah, he's not here. You lied to me. Oh! Genuinely gave me a fright that, sorry. What's he doing? He's like the green man or something isn't he? Yeah like a woodland sprite or deity. I don't like him.

I don't like him. Oh! That actually startled me in a way that I did not expect. I know but who does it? It's a nice piece of sculpture isn't it? Oh, that actually startled me in a way that I did not expect. It's a nice piece of sculpture, isn't it? Because it does look like he's emerging. Well, if you were pissed off your head and you were stumbling through in the late night

and the light cast itself upon it briefly. It's London's longest linear park, but don't fucking come down in the dark because the demon will get you. Little demon, man. Well, I like that. I like that affectation to this walk. It makes it seem like there's things

to look for it's actually quite a nice piece you can see that there's sort of a vine twisting around his arm there just to suggest the leaves on the head suggesting the sort of link with nature yeah that's what i'm saying like a green man myth the kind of folklore thing but done subtly and just it's got a nice mold, you know. Oh, mate, I actually... That little fright might have moved a little bit of solid somewhere. Oh, God. There's a coldness in my pants now where there wasn't before. Have you pooed yourself? Is that what you're trying to suggest?

I don't know if it was poo or... After seven years, that's what it's come down to? You pretending to have shat yourself? I think the fart that I gave out was a lot wetter than the fart I expected. Mate, can I just say, if there's a sort of level of how wet someone's farts are, you must be at the top end of the scale. You're an outlier. I'm a bubbling hot, hot, hot. I'm bubbling.

No, I think I just had a... Was it a shot? I need to have a check. All right, well, we're going to sit down. Here's the old... No, I think it is just a very wet fart. I just left a bit of spittle. It's fine.

I think it's because my bum cheeks are a bit moist. Mate, this is the dream. This is the dream. I love this. You're saying it was not moisture from out of your bum hole. It was just moisture around the area that was pushed by the gas. Imagine blowing a raspberry with very wet lips. Yeah.

Oh, okay. Either way, there's an unpleasantness.ness i love this i have to take a picture of this as well right can we take a picture with you in because i'm in all these so far i'll take a picture all right we'll take a picture we're going to chill and we'll come back to you once we've a little bit of a rest on this platform tatty bye tatty don't make me say you nearly did though right we've just found a sign that says history of the parkland walk and it's everything you need to know where are we right now does it say what's the capital ring that's a different

thing the capital ring is a a walk that goes the whole way around london yeah and but part of the it's in many many parts isn't it yes and part of the that ring around london is comprised by part of the parkland walk and that's this bit that we're on here so we started there finsbury park and that's where we came out up lancaster road so crouch hill and crouch ends hill station so we must be about here yeah so maybe area i've actually we're here by avenue road stanhope road yeah yeah because there's a nice cream place here and it says, look, free dog biscuits. Woof, woof. Outdoor seating.

Oh, free dog biscuits. Yeah. Do you think they'll give me one? No. If I go... We could pull it off. I could go in and say, feed this beast. And you go sausages.

You have to say sausages. Okay. Woof. Woof. The walk follows part of the course of Edgeworth, Highgate and London Railway. The line from Finsbury Park to Highgate and onto Edgeware opened in 1867. A branch from Finchley to High Barnet opened in 1872 and from Highgate to Alexandra Palace in 1873.

In the 30s it was planned to transfer all lines to become part of the Underground Northern line. See, Northern line. And then, although it was partly completed, it was abandoned because of the second world war trains infrequently continued on to alexandra palace but that ceased in 54. some freight trains as you just said to me on the walk up here kept going to the 64 what's a 64 here yeah and the last tube was used to transfer tube trains until 1970. okay so the very last train is 1970 but then we've taken a picture so you can see the maps and things and such. It wasn't turned into a linear park, London's longest linear park, until 84, the year of Ghostbusters. So here's a picture of what it was like. It must have been really wild up here.

That's what fascinates me, is the time before it was an official park, but after they'd tilled up all the rail would be a proper sort of liminal in between sort of place you know i wonder if that what this is crouching station then this here yeah because it could be look at it it looks similar no is it i don't know it's hard to say because obviously these have been redone at some time in the 60s you can tell because it's reasonably modern looking platform what the the concrete blocks yeah so yeah and then it says visible reminders of its railway path include platforms at crouch end hill the station house stapleton hall road for stroud hill station the viaduct in muzzle hill and the brick building by crouch hill

which was used to house electricity transformer of the underground scheme but was never used oh you're gonna love the viaduct on a muswell hill paul you get a love you've got a lovely maybe if that's maybe it's this cranley garden stations because that looks similar to the platform we're on right now it's less bendy i don't know i don't know either way it's either one or the other but it's probably crouching because that's where we are we just passed it yeah it's good here isn't it i like this walk it's raining now raining in my heart come on right let's carry on oh there's another bridge you did this on purpose again come on another tunnel of love

with me and eli come and have a kiss no come on this is our kiss walk longest london's kissing walk here we go now readers you don't know this but oh it Oh, it's a red pill. No, it's a berry. Oh, it's another red pill. You've both been red pills. Stop kissing me, Elon. Oh, you're in love. Oh, there's a sign here as well. Capital Ring.

So we're a mile and a half away from Highgate Wood. Which is where we're heading. Oh, Harrow-on-the-Hill. You can walk all the way to Harrow-on-the-Hill. It's 13... I mean, I guess you could on the Capital Ring. Yeah, you could. How long would it take to do 13 miles all day?

Yeah. We should try that one time. What, along the route all the way on the capital ring? I would like to do that. Maybe it's a future one to do. Maybe from yours to mine we can find... It's fucking Richmond. How about we walk from your place to my place?

Yeah. On the capital ring. Let's do that. All right, so Finsbury Park. So we're basically halfway. We've gone halfway. We've fucking done a lot of audio for no time, but no distance at all.

Well, it's not that long. The whole thing is only three miles, of about five kilometers. We should quiet down the recordings then. Oh, look, there's a carton that's been turned into a bird feeder. Nice touch. And that's it.

All right, little thing here, Paul, where this tree has grown into part of the old wall. You see that? That's a nice little feature, isn't it? I'll get a photo of that. Very fairytale land-like, isn't it? I like it. Right, OK, cool. Well, we're just going to carry on walking for a bit. We'll probably come back to you before we get to Highgate Wood, right? Sounds like that's the plan. I mean, there's nothing else going on.

It's a nice... I mean, this is lovely, visually. It's like a nice... All the trees on either side of the abandoned railway, so it's nothing else going on. It's a nice... I mean, this is lovely, visually. It's like a nice... All the trees on either side of the abandoned railways, it's just a pathway now, and an arch of natural trees and bushes creating, like, a green tunnel leading us to our next location. So join us there, which will probably be somewhere near Highgate Wood,

probably, right at this point. Well, we'll go... We'll get to the Bat Caves, which are these disused Northern Line tunnels. Then we walk... We have to the the route there yeah leave the southern part of the parkland walk london's longest linear park yeah and then go to the north part which is uh through the woods but we pass the boogaloo yeah the boogaloo at one of the famous pubs of north london uh simon pegg used to go there before he was corrupted by Tom Cruise's mental evil and started agreeing with his scientific, Scientology bullshit.

Is that real? It's weird. There was a weird interview with Simon Pegg recently and he's gone all funny. Has he? He starts talking like a Scientologist now. It's weird. Really?

Yeah. What like? Oh, it's just, I think he's just gone a little bit up his own arse. Right. Yeah. You know? It happens.

It happens. But anyway, what was I talking about? Oh, yeah, the Boogaloo. That's one of the locations that inspired Shaun of the Dead, which is another walk we need to do. The Paul Gannon's tour of the Shaun of the Dead locations of North London. I'd love to do that. So the Boogaloo would take that in?

Yeah. That walk in, yeah. Yeah. North Finchley, we'd have to go. Barnet, some area yeah muswell hill uh highgate because the where the flats are just behind the highgate station you know where he lives and stuff um so yeah all right cool was actually uh i think founded by members of the pogues oh and crouch end we'd have to go crouching because that's where sean's flat is

well you know that walkie just to the corner shopping back who's Sean in Sean of the Dead which one's Sean Pegg Simon Pegg he does that walk to the corner shopping back oh yeah

yeah so there that's at Crouch End we've walked past that and then he has to kill his mum because she's a zombie at the end

spoilers for a 20 year old film fuck that ages me god that ages me like fuck well it happens you stay alive you get older

oh mate no avoiding it oh no stop I should have ended this segment before I got sad you've made me sad just end it then

I mean oh right oh right oh god that's just great I meant the segment just a quick update we are now at Stanhope Road the man says you are here.

We are there, Stanhope Road. So we're nearly at Highgate. We've done a big chunk. It was Crouch End Hill was the station, the abandoned station. Let's just confirm that. Okay. Yeah. Mount Pleasant Villas.

Nice, nice. Upper Tarlington. I think this was a station as well, here. Well, Stanhope Road, yeah. And also, we just mentioned this, leave the trees alone. There's a campaign because apparently they've been cutting trees down. And this particular one has been,

they've put a ribbon around it or something. Yeah. They, especially on the viaduct, Marswell Hill Viaduct, which we were getting to on the other side in the north part of the walk. There was all these trees growing on top of the actual viaduct,

which is strange. And they cut a load down. I think some of it was to do with, like, safety. you think about the yeah it will collapse a bridge it's a big stone bridge at the end of the day you know stop the stop the tree chop harringate help save this hairy oak yeah and up to seven other trees here so if you are interested in helping preserve them you can there's a qr code which i guess has some information and a link to it. It's called a bridge design. Oh, so they're going to redo the bridge, which means pulling all this down.

Oh, okay. They're going to replace this bridge here. Why, I wonder? What's wrong with this bridge? Probably because they have to pull it all out to get that bridge to work. No, this is the alternative design. This is the original. This is what we got, I think. Oh, no, this is what they want to do, make it all concrete around here.

Yeah. Just make it all concrete around here yeah just make it more kind of just again this is an alternative design done by these activists saying that

with this design you could keep the hairy oak and other trees like it well stop the tree chop funny thing

parklandwalks at gmail.com if you want to know more funny thing is it my girlfriend used to refer to

no here we go refer to you as a hairy oak no refer to my cock as a hairy oak yeah god she'd say

bring the mighty hairy oak and I'd say not tonight love I've got fucking curtain fungus on my hairy oak ok good I'm glad

I'm glad you someone's calling their dog yeah I'm glad you felt compelled to's calling their dog. Yeah. I'm glad you felt compelled to share that with our Cheap Show audience. Look at this funny house here. It's like a Barrett home that they've turned into a castle or something. It's got a turret on it and it's therefore classy. Just means you've got a slightly round room. Right we're crossing the bridge. We'll come back to you later. That's all we really wanted to say. We wanted to highlight

the social issues going on upon this walk. I wish i had a funnier ending than that we'll fucking do won't it yeah eli's just pointed out a load of uh dirty pants were a dirty pants on the side of the road calvin clines they may be dirty and abandoned but at least they're a decent brand they are but they could be caked in all kinds of rotter rotter muck and rotter muck and rotter so we're just going to take a quick sojourn to the back caves which is we're right at the end of the south part of the walk where you have to leave but this is where the line would have come in yeah the northern line i believe these are this would have connected with the Northern Line. Oh, I did not know that. On the other side is Highgate Station.

On the Northern Line. These are a nature reserve for bats, I believe. That's why they're locked up and bricked up. Look, it says it in a sign here. Highgate Tunnels Bat Project Protected Wildlife Site. Oh, it's spooky. I don't like this. Access to these tunnels is prohibited for your safety and protect bats and their habitat from disturbance. They all live in there.

Wow. They roost during the day, hibernate and gathering for social activities such as courtship and mating. All bats and their roosts are protected by law. Wow. Don't take a piss by the bat cave. Because there's people...

That woman was following us. Great, now I've recorded you pissing. This is not a podcast. For pish, pish, pish. For piss and fart fetishes. There's a second tunnel. There's obviously two tunnels here. This one is just the same.

It's got graffiti on this one, though, so some people must have slipped in. Oh, but it's terribly spooky. Mate, I have an idea. Mate. Mate. Eli, what are you doing? What are you doing?

Any more than two shakes is a wank mate. Just so you know. Are you having problems squirting the last bit out? Is that it old man? Is that what you're doing old man? He put forcing out the last droplet. Drip. Drip. I've had an idea anyway. Do it. Yeah've had an idea anyway. I'm going to take a photo of these caves. Do it, yeah that's great, but mate, I've had an idea. You know that laser pointer we've got? Oh, we can point it in and disturb some bats.

No, not disturb the bats, but just see if you can see the end of it with the laser pointer. So I'm going to try, I'm going to do that now. Hang on. Here we go. There's this tunnel here you see, which looks like it's just a clear shot so i'm gonna i'm gonna do this here now bear with me all right i bought this laser pointer for the show i bought a laser pointer for the live show and end up coming late so i couldn't use it so i'm just gonna oh no there's a grate on it i think. Woah the laser went right down. Oh do you hear footsteps?

They're from behind us. Oh. But that went right down, the laser just didn't, kept on going. Oh mate this is scary and the gates open, maybe the bats are coming. I've done another wet fart Eli. Oh shut up. Can I have a go on the laser pointer please? No because I don't want us to get into into trouble i just want to point it down there where all right quickly what do you do what do you just press that little so oh no you've got to move the clasp off it because that's like a protective thing so you don't serious piece of kit yeah i

shouldn't have probably bought it look at that goes all the way down don't disturb about 100 meters isn't it yeah oh it's spooky I don't like this no more let's get out of here before the bats come. Giz it. Right we're going to sign off and we're going to join this on the other part of the route.

Where are we heading to now? We're going to go past the Boogaloo we're going to exit and basically walk through Highgate Wood which is another little piece of ancient woodland similar to Coldfall Wood which we did

and also um what's that place north of coldfall wood yeah that place i know what you're talking about when we did the boys of summer walk where the old uh sewage work was yeah and it's done cover dirty dirty bits right we're leaving the spooky tunnel right and we're going back to the walk so we'll see you later no it's too spooky though i don't like it it is now right we've taken a break uh inwood, which is a small woodlet between Highgate Wood... It's not a woodlet. Stop that. You know what you've got? A brainlet. You know what comes out your mouthlet? Shitlet.

You know what you've got? What? A penislet. Yes. A nubbinlet. You know what you've got? Talk towards the mic, at least. Not at it, just talk towards it, like I'm doing.

You've got an intellectlet. Yeah? You've got a... towards the mic at least. Not at it, just talk towards it. Like I'm doing. You've got an intellectlet. Yeah? Well, you've got a... Nothing you can say. Girlfriendlet. I wish. A tiny girlfriend that can fit in the pot in your hand. Listen, I thought we'd take a little break for some snacks.

Oh, I need something. Oh, he's got lots of Japanese... We're not going to do all of them because there's way too many. Let's do them all. No, we won't. Oh, do you know what I've got as well? Shall we taste the... What?

Slush puppy bonbons. Bonbons, yeah. Right, so... What is the slush puppy flavour? Blue raspberry? It depends, I guess. Because they also do raspberry, don't they? And strawberry and cola.

So it might be a load. I'll read this out. Dear Paul and Eli, I recently went to Japan on a business trip after two-year wait owing to COVID. Sadly, I did not have time to go hunting for exciting instant noodles, hot sauces or weird Japanese oddities, but I did manage to get some Japanese cheap eats. I've sent you a range of Japanese snacks called dakashi, literally low-grade or worthless snacks, which originated as a cheap alternative to jugashi, literally premium sweets sweets most of the snacks here originated from world war ii and are highly nostalgic products in japan they are the japanese equivalent of pennies

chews or pocket money sweets and tuck shop treats oh i bought almost everything at convenience store at 100 yen shops with prices ranging from 10 yen which is 6p to 40 yen 25p they are quite cheap basic snacks. Not all the flavours are super exciting, but hopefully you'll enjoy the experience. And also, he's put in, and maybe I brought them with us, but we'll talk about them on another episode. He's done some little toys he's given us.

Gachapon toys? A little rock'em, sock'em robot-type plastic toy with little men with hammers hitting each other. How do you win? I don't know. There's no winning. You just hit each other with How do you win? I don't know. You probably just... There's no winning. You just hit each other with a hammer. Oh, the head pops off.

Oh. So you know you've won. And then two... Isn't that the same with Rock'em Sock'em Robots? Yeah, the head springs off, doesn't it? Yeah, yeah. And then you've got these two things here. Two little gachapons, which, because they're small...

Oh, can we open those? No, we'll save that for another episode because we don't lose anything in the woods. Okay. So you can just reach in, Eli, to the bag and then pull out what you want. Just have a little rummage in the bag. Have a little rummage.

Whatever you pull out, I'll find out because there's only this scripture in here. Somebody's given us a printout, which is nice. All cheap sweets. All right, what have we got here? All little chipstick things here. All right, just do one at a time. I bet loads of these have got fish in.

Let me have a look. What's this? look at the front. It says, arji curry. Alright, I'm looking. And there's a little sort of traditionally dressed Japanese fellow with a moustache, great character. Oh, arji curry. So it's an iconic Japanese curry flavour snack, first released in the 70s, made with the curry

power blended in house. No fish. So that's what that is. I'm going to open this. Mate, I've got a proper sweat on. It's raining. It's hot though as well. It's horrible here. It's grotty.

It's a bit of a damp day. Hopefully these will... Let's have a sniff. Oh, I'm going to have one right now. There's a curry nip coming off these. Oh, great texture going to have one right now. There's a curry nip coming off these. Oh, great texture. Very crunchy, like a French fries. Yeah.

Like a French fries. That's the closest texture to these, isn't it? Yeah. And there's a nuttiness almost. Do you know what I'm getting at? Yeah. Oh, those are... Nice.

Curry. It's warm. Nutty, warm. Subtle curry. Almost katsu. Well, it is a katsu curry, isn't it? It's warm. Nuts, warm. Nuts, warm. Almost katsu. Well, it is a katsu curry, isn't it? Yeah, true. It's a Japanese style curry, but yes, subtle and it's at the end.

Nice. Nice. Right, have another hunt. You can have three out this bag. Have a little Russell. He's having a Russell. And we'll do the others on another episode on a later date. Ooh!

Let's have a look. I like it. Oh, I got it. This is don don yaki, fried senbei crackers, rice crackers, marinated in tonkotsu sauce. Ooh! They're flying everywhere. Ooh. They smell a bit like salt and vinegar.

What? Salt and vinegar what? Chipsticks. They look like little bread nuggety things. All right. That's catchy. They're more salty. Yeah, very salty. All right.

Oh, I like those more. Nice. Do you want to do one more? Can we trace my slush puppy bonbons? Yeah, we'll do that after this next one. And then afterwards, can we taste those sweet little... Yes, roll. It's going to be this witty. Talk towards the mic at least. Taste my slush puppy bonbons. Yeah, we'll do that after this next one. And then afterwards, can we taste those sweet dogs? Yes, roll on.

It's going to be this witty. Talk towards the mic at least. Taste my slush puppy bonbons. Right, one last rustle in the bag, Eli. So I pull one out this time. You pull one out. Oh, it's a... Oh, I've put out rubbers. That's not candy.

It's transportation-based rubbers. You've got a cruise ship, an aeroplane and a little truck. Little truck. That's a good one isn't it? You can have that. Alright, I've got this. Oh, I don't know what this is. Hang on. Oh, I love these. What did he say they were called? Don Don Yaki. Fried Sembei crackers. This whole category of cheap snacks. Oh, like worthless snacks, like cheap snacks.

Brilliant. Alright, these are Mr Onion Head onion head taro onion flavored maize snack oh yeah manji san taro like an onion monster much yeah i guess like an onion what's it they're like a what's it ball they have a monster munch quality very oniony naturally not that one you're. They're just salty. I'm getting no onion. No, not too much. They're quite close for me. If you close your eyes and you didn't know. Yeah. Take another one.

And as you break, beef-flavoured Monster Mug. Yeah, there's a little bit of that. There's that warm beef roast beef thing that comes through. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But there is an onion there. There is a sweet onion there. Oh, those are so good. They're quite subtle.

I could eat this shit all day long, man. I've got all three in my hand. I'm going back and forth. He's going back and forth. He's juggling the three of them in his hands. Actually, at the end of the day, those curry ones are my least favourite of all three of these, I think. What do you think, Paul?

I think they're all right. Depends on your mood, I think. The curry ones are nice, though. Got a nice snap to them. I think those ones, the first ones we tried, are the best. They're the curry ones? Yeah, they're ones The first ones we tried are the best They're the curry ones I like the texture I like the flavour

We'll do the rest of these on another episode soon One more Eli Have a reach in the bag Is there any sweet ones I wonder I don't know Oh yeah Big Katsu Premium Is this a cheap one Oh, what's that? Oh, yeah. Big Katsu. Hang on. Let's have a look.

Oh, premium. Oh, is this a cheap one? I'm trying to find it. Hang on. This is like some kind of dried meat Katsu bar. This is Hamu Katsu Fumi Big Katsu. Ham Katsu Cutlet Flavoured Big Katsu. A breaded fish paste based snack that emulates Katsu. Right, you're not having any.

I can't have any of this. Well, you're lucky then, aren't you? Oh, am I lucky lucky but we'll do the rest of these in another sausage wait i haven't even read out who sent this chris chris thank you very much chris thanks chris these are great and we'll do the rest of these we'll do the rest of these on a future episode yeah yeah absolutely paul look at that oh it looks like a giant frazzle it looks like a katsu uh like a katsu tongue he's having a bite. It's got a very soft texture. Oh, he's not happy with this, though.

What's wrong with that? Oh, he spat it out. What's wrong with that? It's just fucking nasty in every way. I don't even know how to describe it. Is it fish? It's like an artificial smoked ham, sort of. Can you smell that?

Oh, it smells like nail polish. Yeah, of course. Why does it have that nail polish smell? That's weird. The texture's unpleasant and the flavour's unpleasant, Paul. Well, don't worry. So that's a miss for me.

That's a bit of a sad ending, isn't it, really? I'm going to keep that, though, so you can take a photo of it and everyone can see it. Yeah. Ugh. But, like, you see,

he gave us pictures and everything so I knew which was which. That's great, man. These are brilliant. Thank you very much. I love this stuff. Chris, we will do the rest of these in a future episode after 300. Really? You don't want to do any more today? Maybe when we get to our destination we'll do one more.

Look at this little frog man with his little puffs mate. Alright, well we'll wait then. We'll maybe do a few more later then, alright? For now, let's just sit here and enjoy these little snacks and then we'll carry on with the walk. Okay. You don't want to do the Slush Puppy Bonbon? Oh yeah, quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, Yeah, but did you get the ferry there? Yes. You have to get the ferry again. Yeah. It's really fun getting the ferry. It's all right. Because I was living in Southampton at the time, so it was easy to go. Oh, it was close by to Southampton. We'd do it as part of the radio show stuff

I was doing at the time. Fact. Now, this slush puppy, I wasn't aware slush puppy did branded confectionery products. I thought they were simply an ice slushy brand. I just think they lent out the branding for some candy company to go,

we'll do flavours based on your generic... But they've got very basic generic flavours. Very basic. Blue raspberry and strawberry and cola. That's it. Do they have a cola one? I think they must have a cola one. Paul, where do you think the name come from for slush puppies?

Because there's hush puppies, which are shoes. Yeah. Is it a pun on that? It might be. It might be a pun on that. It's weird to associate dogs with your frozen confectionery yeah it's like what did a dog piss in this is a yellow slush puppy maybe it's the cold shit of a ice dog and i'm gonna have a snuffle maybe maybe that's what it is it used to have a ice dog in the machines that shats out ice and it's a

special breed of uh dog yeah that could shit out icy was it ice was he did he live in the machines. That shat out ice? It's a special breed of dog? Yeah, that could shit out icy cola drinks. Did he live in the North Pole, that species? Ice dog. I've got nothing more than the words ice dog. I need you to have a huff and a snuffle on this. Huffle and a snuffle. Oh, that's so reminiscent of that artificial flavour. Now, this looks like it's a combination of blue raspberry and cherry.

Oh yeah, cherry's a flavour they do. I used to love cherry slush puppies. Really? I never had slush puppies. That's bringing back memories of like

Butland's holiday cast. Oh, that's horrible. I was never allowed a slush puppy. I used to look longingly at them. They used to have

the machines in like corner shops and stuff, didn't they? Much more of an American thing in corner shops though, weren't they? But they don't have the Slush Puppy brand in America. They call it Mr Slushy or whatever they call it out there. What's that like? I don't like the texture of a bonbon. I didn't know this was the texture of a bonbon. I thought it was a bit more brittle than this. This is quite soft.

You mean powdery? No. I think there was more of a crunch to it. A bonbon in my day always had a sort of hard chewy centre with a sort of powdered sugar outer outer layer maybe

you know what I'm getting at what are these like they taste fake and shit they really are awful aren't they like just in a kind of yeah exactly the kind of

artificial flavours you're thinking of when you think of cherry and blueberry yeah terrible oh well can't all be katsu chipsticks, can it? That katsu ham tongue was fucking grim though, man.

I gave my wife that katsu ham tongue last night. Oh yeah? That was pretty fucking grim. I've got nothing. Have you got ice dog? There you go. We'll come back in a bit. See you in everyone. Alright. Right, so we've now left. We've done a big uphill walk through Queenswood. Now we've walked along Muswell Hill Road or whatever.

London's longest linear path. London's longest linear path. Eli and I discovered that we're not in the best of shape. And this walk has been a bit more challenging. Oh, it's another kissing tunnel! No, it's not a kissing tunnel. Get your tongue out of my thing. That's not my mouth. That's my arsehole.

Top notch! Straight up now tell me, do you really want to tickle on me arsehole? Nom, nom nom nom. How about that? Right, there's your look. We're just entering the Northen, Northen? Northen. The North section of the Parkland Walk.

And this runs all the way from here, just in Muswell Hill, all the way up to Alley Pally. This is where it would have split from Highgate on the underground underneath the ground and come up again right right I'm guessing yeah probably something like that now this bit this section right here runs at the back of

a road called Crownley Gardens notoriously yeah we'll be going back round the back of where notorious serial killer

Dennis Nilsen lived lived but it was his second place where he only did the last of his murders not like the most of them were done earlier in a different flat yeah but it was his second place where he only did the last of his murders not like the most of them were done earlier in a different flat yeah but this was the place where

he was found trying to stuff them down the sewer and going oh i've lost my chicken mcnuggets down here or something said it was kfc yeah yeah but that's where he was stuffing all the bodies and it got that's where the smell began he was this awful serial killer oh yeah no he was quite good at it but i know what you mean. He was an awful person. So, yeah, here we are. Where are we? There's a guide here telling you how to get between the two sections, but we've already done that ourselves.

We did the long way when you think about it. We did a very long way up through Queenswood, which is very... Queenswood is an ancient remnant of vestigial woodland. Built 400 years ago. Well, the... Designed. The mound. I mean, it's ancient. It's thousands of years ago. Well, the... Designed. The mound. I mean, it's ancient.

It's thousands of years old. But... So there was... Oh, I say, it says here, the original train line went up around Highgate Wood and then came out and then joined here later.

Funny. Which I didn't... I haven't noticed that before when I've been in Highgate Wood. Yeah, there is a sort of ditch where everyone stands. Could have gone to the cafe. That would have been nice.

Anyway, Paul's hungry, everyone. That's why he's a bit grumpy. I got a grumbly tummy and now I feel sicky pooh-poohs in me dum-dum. Well, you should have had more of the... I should have had a breakfast. ...the worthless Japanese snacks. I should have had a proper breakfast, mate.

Oh, look, there's a little doggy holding a bag of poo-poo. Please clean up after your pet. Well, look, this pet doesn't need you cleaning up because it cleans up his own fucking... Don't show us. This is a conflicting image. Showing a little pug with his own bag don't show us this is a conflicting image showing

a little pug with his own bag of shit this pug looks like he's trying to deal you some weed or something doesn't he what half a pound of grass some of this is good shit yeah literally literally good shit what a wonderful gag so we're going to continue on this walk now this walk kind of what it'll go past it in a bit I'm sure the people who live there want to hear you shout that well they shouldn't have bought it

without looking into what they were doing they probably did that's why they got it cheap he's taking a picture of the doggy now and the bag of poopies he has to be demolished

I'm not sure because it's one of these ones no it's still available it's still up for grabs I think it was only on the top floor he was on yeah top floor flat of one of these.

But these are new. These first ones are new, aren't they? There's the rest of the walk. There's a map there. We've seen that. That's the history of Parkland Walk. So this kind of weaves its way below Muswell Hill and then comes out where Alexander Palace is, basically. And what's interesting is that along this walk,

there's some amazing views of London in general. Well, it's the Muswell Hill Viaduct, which we'll get to when we cross the road up and there. And there's some lovely views all across Muswell Hill there, and that's where they cut the trees down. Which we do not stand for on this walk. We are pro-trees. We are generally, but I mean, if it's going to destroy the viaduct,

then you have to do what you have to do, you know? Well, I'm pro tree, and obviously Eli is pro viaduct. I think this is going to... You know what? I couldn't even fake my way into fucking finding that interesting. Eli Silverman is a stupid fucking bellend, and I'm tired of him. That's what I really

want to say. Every time I open my mouth, I have to fight a bellend coming out. Well, just call me a bellend then. Bellend. This never stops you have to fight a bellend coming out well just call me a bellend then bellend this never stops you before you big bellend shut up you know what i love you seven years almost 200 episodes mate we've been on a journey the adventures we've had tell him we passed uh also where jeremy beadle used to live oh yeah jeremy beadle used to live around here as well what to american or international listeners, he was a TV prankster. That's all you really need to know.

That's what he was. But we discussed whether he was as good as Noel Edmonds or not. What do we think? Well, he accused Noel Edmonds of being a murderer, didn't he? Oh, did he? Well, I've told this story before on the podcast, and I don't know off the top of my head the exact facts, but the story goes that when he died,

Beadle was a big collector of books, right? I've sure told this on the podcast before, so I'm sorry for repeating myself. He had something to him, didn't he? Oh. Yeah. So he was a big collector of books about entertainment and history and circus and things like that, right?

And when his books went to charity, people found that he was scrawling in the margins with little notes he'd made himself. A little shorthand, if you know what I mean. Anyway. He got it in there. Anyway. Anyway.

It's quite good, that. A little shorthand. Anyway. Anyway, apparently there's a thing about Noel Edmonds in one of these books about the whole accident that happened on the Late Late Breakfast show. Of course. And he'd underlined that paragraph

and put murderer or something like that on, or culpable, or basically a word that inferred that Noel got off lightly for his involvement in that. Well, we all know he did, don't we? I mean, really. So, I mean, look, Noel gave the world so much, but he took a life and he's got to weigh it up.

Paul, coming back to the mash at hand, what was that? It sounded like a fucking werewolf or something. Do you mean a werewolf? There's not going to be a werewolf in London. Someone's clanking. It's a clanking man. It's the clanker man.

Look at that little thing there, that little bridge thing. It swings up here. No, that's what the sound is. That's the clanking sound, mate. It's the swings. This is a non-swing adventure, but proving our theory that whatever walk we go on, swings.

But there's little children on these swings. Well, they're boys who could rough us up. Do you want to try and threaten them to get them off the swing? Why don't you say your mum's in the woods and I just fucked her? How about that, Bon Mott? I don't know if you think that's a Bon Mott. Is it a Bon Mott when you make a mistake? I guess that would be correct then. No, Bon Mott is when you say something witty. Oh, okay, well then.

A faux pas is when you make a mistake. Oh yeah, that's what I'm getting confused on. So my Bon Mott was a faux pas? Hooray! Alright, wasn't that fucking good at all? That's coming from me. Hooray! Alright, don't think you need to really do that. Hooray! Fuck me.

Am I embarrassing you? Yes, no, you are actually. That's what it is because they could turn on us like a pack. We just don't know, do we? Oh, look, this swings. This is not a swing-based adventure this week. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it's not a swing-based adventure this week.

We've done swings and we've pointed out that swings are on most of our walks. It's all we need to fucking remember. We don't need to swing on everyone. I would like to. Well, we're not going to. Not this week. No swings, they could beat us up. Oh, we're coming to the viaduct.

Oh, good. It's opening up here to the viaduct. All right, nice. What do you think is your favourite section, the south section or the north section of Parkland Walk, London's longest linear park? So far, I like the first half, but the second does have a nice view the view that's the thing it's the views that i like from this part of the walk this is great wow club what's that

wow club doggy daycare wag club doggy oh wag monsters and co grooming oh so you can hey that's not a bad bit of outside i think people walk their dogs up and down here all the time. Well, that's it. It's a captive dog audience. So if we didn't get you biscuits, should we take you down to Monsters and Co. and get you shaved? Take my shih tzu in. Shut up.

I wouldn't be a shih tzu. I'd be a big wolf hound. No, you'd be the same dog as that poster. That's what it'd be. Ruff, ruff, ruff. Little shouty bitey one. It's cruel. You shouldn't keep pugs.

You know that. Oh, yeah. Because they have trouble breathing. Yeah, because of their breed. Yeah. They've been inbred. little shouty bitey one it's cruel you shouldn't have keep pugs you know that oh yeah because they have trouble breathing yeah because of their breed yeah they've been inbred look at that building up there we're walking over right now we're on the viaduct now and we're going to have a great view to the right you see look at these get the camera there's all this um vegetation and trees on top of the viaduct their roots must go down, you know what I'm saying? Weave around it, yeah. Oh, look at this. Right now we can see our destination's end.

The Ali Pali, whatever it is, antenna? Radio tower. Radio tower, which Doctor Who did fall off, but it was only David Tennant in season two episode. David Tennant also played Nilsson in a recent documentary drama, didn't he? Oh, yeah. It's all come... What a great view this particular spot is.

I tell you what. You can see all the way across London there, can't you? Oh, look at this. The new London Performing Arts Centre. Didn't know that was there or what that is or even if it's still a thing. I don't think it's still a thing. It's a very 60s building, isn't it?

Yeah. A lot you can see. I love this spot. I guess we're looking a bit to the southeast. Yeah. At the moment. We're looking east. I think.

So all the landmarks are over to the left. Yeah, over to the right. Well, let's move over. Let's move over. But we're going to carry on our wonderful walk, and we'll see you in a bit. We'll have a little break and a sit down a bit, and I'll have another one of me boozes, Eli.

And then we can go to another kissing tunnel. Kissing tunnel, Eli. That is Canary Wharf. Yeah. So we're quite too far out to the east. And there's the Olympic Village because you can see the red twirly thing. The middle, the ride thing. Yeah. Do you know Boris insisted on that and not to get too

political, that still costs about £10,000 a month to keep. Yeah. Right. And it's like fucking... And it's a giant slide. You know what I mean? That people are largely uninterested inested in instead and he promised to build a bunch of sustainable housing there none of that appeared hardly any of that appeared nothing he's ever promised has happened other than his promise to leave that's the only promise he's kept i'll get some nice shots of this uh yeah you get some nice shots i'm gonna do a little video insert for the video version of this all right joggers coming past the scourge of the pathways they're all right oh those are all right as long as they don't shout at you

yeah well they might I would I do what a beautiful spot let's get some more close-up Right, I'm recording this. In slow motion, Eli's filming, and I tried to film him jumping some parkour, and I'm going to do it now. So I'm going to... What? I'm going. One, go. Oh,our and I'm gonna do it now so I'm gonna what I'm going one go oh I don't want to do it I've hurt me fucking knees and you're trying to criticize me it was strangely high when I got to the top of it even though it's

not really it hurts yeah oh no well that was a fun ow my fucking knees I know I had two pops no I can move them we're alright that might have been my nuts I want to watch this back I want to watch that back hang on

so there's me right here we go play right I'm going I'm running that's when the pop pop happened quite a nice little move though you did in mid air

yeah a little flick look at the pain I'm in well nice beautiful a moment caught in audio and in visual how fun

I love this little bit no we're going to stop now because I want to get this on film oh do we do it on camera no this is a kissing tunnel it's audio time we've got another kissing tunnel this is the longest of the tunnels and this goes under a road a working road a quite

a major road the the muswell hill basically isn't it yeah there's buses going i used to get this yeah i used to get these buses they go into crouch end from here and they go all down and round about two i think one goes to turnpike from here doesn't it does yeah yeah all the way down the hill that way basically yeah yeah ah god my knees now this is um now we're going to the tunnel kissing tunnel it's not that kissing tunnel i love this bit of the park though um so we've basically done the whole of the northern bit it's much shorter than north's section isn't it yeah take a picture take a picture of me in the tunnel here. It is shorter, but there's also, it's got the views and it's a little bit more fun. You know what I mean?

I agree. It's a little bit more fun. A little bit. I mean, the south bit's quite nice. Right, I'm posing for this new picture, so bear with me while I pose. I want all the action. This is the action Ganon shot. excellent right I've hurt me ribs as well ah god I'm old life is short Eli what's going on what is going on Eli what are you doing oh he took a photo of you all right well then let's stop this now we're reaching the last segment of the show we're reaching the last segment of the show we're reaching the last segment of the walk paul which is the the part of the walk which is in actually the park of alexandra palace yes so that's where we are now look this is the gates the gate the grove it says the grove but this is

actually alley pally park that we're actually getting into over a little pedi bridge footbridge a bridgelet see Alexander Park and Palace we're in there now I was at Alexander Palace a few was it a month or so ago to see Bob Odenkirk

oh yeah how was that talk about it was really good he seems like a very nice guy if extremely over humble right but er yeah no

it was right before the new season of Better Call Saul started so he was all like I can't't say anything, so don't ask. It was great, I thought. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, look, this is another little bridge look.

Oh, God, I'm so out of shape and my knees hurt and I think I've popped a rib. And I feel sick. And I've had a beer and two smokes. And I haven't had a breakfast. And I feel empty and hollow and sick. This journey is curdling. We can get a pizza up at the pub.

Can we? At Alexandra Palace, yeah. Do you want a pizza? I'll get you a pizza. Oh, all right. That's great. Oh, I'm going to get a pizza. Oh, look.

An evening with Lenny Henry, Ali Pali, Franz Ferdinand. Knitting and stitching show. That's good Tyco Well there's lots on isn't there

Yeah it's got a lot going on Franz Ferdinand Remember them Yeah Some 41 and Special Guests That sounds a bit sad Whenever I see those sort of new metally

you know late 90s early 2000 bands I just think of fucking Woodstock 99 Oh God Stop going on about that It was so grim. Stop

going on about it. Just because you found that harrowing means nothing. What do you mean means nothing? It means nothing. Whatever you find emotionally means nothing to me. Nothing means nothing to you. Yeah. Oh Vienna. It means nothing to me. Alright, which way do we go now? I don't know. We want to keep

following the... I want to go down this path. Alright. Right, we're going to go on this path for a bit and then we're going to start find a place to have more japanese worthless snacks that's the plan hey this episode's already gone on for too long and i'm sweating come on dripping with sweat on a day that isn't really particularly hot i'm just wearing five layers because i thought i was going to piss down today. There's a bunch of benches up here. A bunch of benches. A bunch of benches. On London's longest liminal park way.

Linear. London's longest lineal park way. He went this way, he went that way. He bent over, got it, splat away. London's longest linear park way. We're creatively bankrupt. Anne Hathaway, she's all right. What is that all about? What's that all about? That rhymes.

London's longest linear parkway. I went there with Anne Hathaway. She married Tom Cruise and then went this away, this away. A bit embarrassing for you, that, wasn't it? I'm not going quite right for you. A bit embarrassing, that. That was a bit embarrassing. After seven that, wasn't it? I'm not getting quite right for you. A bit embarrassing, that. That was a bit embarrassing, after seven years of this absolute car crash.

That'll do, pig. Oh, getting into more open spaces. All right, cool, we'll find a spot. We'll find a spot. So here we are. The railway line ends here in front of this magnificent building, Alexandra Palace, or colloquially known as Ali Pali. Paul, what if famous lawyer comedy show Ali McBeal had been called Ali McPali?

How would it change? That's my question to you. How would it be a different show? It wouldn't. It'd just have a different name. Oh, sometimes you disappoint me. I don't know what to do with Ali McPally as a joke construct. Ali McPally! There's a knitting and stitch... I mean, if anyone's interested, there's a mind, body, soul experience.

One Step Beyond with Suggs and Friends and special guest Paul Weller. You'd like that, wouldn't you? No. Paolo Nutini! He's here. All the... H. Why's H got... Like a big...

It's a puffer jacket, but it's like a puffer jacket bodysuit, is how I'd describe it. That is quite ridiculous. It's quite the artist's shot. Who am I to say? Who are you to say? Do you want to go to the Om Yoga show? Om no. So, we're just walking up now to the front of this magnificent building in the safety of interest. Don't

skateboard. That's what it says basically in a nutshell. It really is magnificent once you get up here isn't it? It's beautiful. Alexandra Palace is a survivor of two major fires during its long life. The palace burnt down only 16 days after opening. Wow. I wonder why. Someone didn't put a ciggy out or something. Could be something like that. Then it was rebuilt and stuff in 1990 they put an ice rink in. There's an ice rink

in there now if you want to. I'm not doing that. I think today has shown that we are not fit for the ice. I can skate. I like to skate. Did you do that one time? Can you skate? I haven't. No. I can skate. I like to skate. I know, I know. You should do that one time. Can you skate?

I haven't, no. I don't think I have. Oh, that would be a laugh. Come on. All right, well, all right. We'll do that one day. A Patreon special where I can break my fucking ankles

on the ice and you can laugh. Now, basically, the Parkland Walk, which is London's longest linear park, Paul, it kind of ended once we hit Alexandra Palace Park. Yeah.

But it does actually, the line, you can see there is an old viaduct. Did you remember I pointed out to you? You did, you did. It does actually continue here. But... Oh, a bit of rain. But look, here's Alley Pally now with its big antenna. The BBC broadcast from here or something, didn't they?

They used this antenna for their broadcast. That's right, yeah. Something like that. But look at this fucking view. Just look at it. It's one of the, for pound for pound, maybe best views in all of London town. It could well be, yeah.

Look, you can see all the way west to all the way east. And look, there's binoculars. What are these? A little eye. You have to put money in. I'm not doing that. One pound 50p. No, one times 50p.

One pound 50p. It's not one pound 50p1.50p. No, one times 50p. £1.50p. It's not £1.50p. I love this. Do not look at the sun. Don't. No. Euroscope. £1.50p.

One times 50p. It's only going to let you put a 50 pence piece in, though. Well, I'm going to climb up it, though. Oh, and look at that. There's the W3 going by. Cabaret Saurier nipples in that poster. You don't often see nipples on a poster, do you? You can see the aurorae aurelae.

Look at the vista. I know, it's good, isn't it? Buena vista. And I think we should find a little spot on the grass below us here before the building. You can see all the way south. Look at those. Those are the radio towers at Crystal Palace. Do you see where I'm in?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And do you see right in front of that? That's the... Shaver. The shaver. And that sort of weird elbow-shaped building in front of the shaver there. That Vauxhall. No, that's South Bank.

Oh. That's the South Bank of the Thames. Oh. Down around there. And then you've got the Shard, and then there's Canary Wharf, and then there's whatever that bunch of buildings is over there to the west. I mean, it's like I was saying earlier, Paul, Alley Pally sits majestic atop the whole of North London, essentially,

and just looms over it. But it's got a weird emptiness, a weird sort of... Ghost town-y feel. Ghost town-y feel, like it's not in use. It's a weird sort of big folly. It's in use. Inside there's a theatre space, a lecture hall, the ice r rink there's all kinds of activities going on throughout the year there but on the outside it looks like a kind of you know what you expect to see in blackpool these days it's

magnificent the architecture is magnificent it's really david tennant fell off that because he was battling the evil uh maureen lipman monster maureen lipman monster yeah she's the monster in it she's like this kind of, but she's really an evil alien, but she uses TV signals to lure people to their death. So it's a camel toad of our people. Yeah, that's what... He falls off the tower into her camel toad. Ooh, I'd like to see that. Yeah, Dr Splat.

In private. Yeah. Dr Splat. Dr Splat's not the best I could have done. He fell in a massive fanny. So what you're saying is, as he's portraying Dennis Nilsen, he's running from the police and then he falls in Lipman's Clunge. Lipman's Clunge, a new detective show starting next year on ITV2.

Right, are we going to taste some more... I'm in the mood for some more Japanese worthless snacks, mate. Well, let's do a quick one of those and then wrap this baby up because it's been a long walk and it's surprisingly pushed us to the limit. Well, we have walked about three miles yes um but we did we probably walked further because we took that detour through queenswood which is very witchy witchy spooky scary scary the lampposts in it as well old lampposts but i think we that tied us out because we had to go up a hill in queenswood and i had a big blunt and he had a big blunt. And you had a big blunt. And I've had a beer.

And you've had a pizza. And we're going to have another one. I've had a pizza, too. The pizza was fucking top class. I mean, look, it's not cheap show today with that pizza, but I needed it, I wanted it, I deserved it. Was it expensive? Yeah, about 15 quid.

That's towards the more expensive side. But it was good quality ingredients. Very good. It was a delicious pizza. Look, everything else has been dirt cheap today. Give me my pizza, please. It was piping hot. Delicious. Lovely. lovely proper meat in it proper pepperoni meat the tomato sauce had a real sort of richness and like kind of peppery bite to it as well yeah

oh yeah let's go sit down there's a little steps down there and we'll wrap this bugger up with a little uhie taste-taste time, all right? Okay. All right. Plane going over. Plane going over. Right, this is the finale now eli finale and you want to have a few snacks but because 300 is around the corner mate i just wanted to say episode 300 episode 300 which is a monumental achievement for us considering we didn't think we'd get past 50 right we'd never discussed it no we didn't think about it it past 50, right? We'd never discussed it. No, we didn't think about it. It's not monumental then, is it? It is, considering not many people get to 300 and are supported by a community

and are loved and come to a live show. So 300's on its way, right? Talk towards the mic as well, if you would. 300's on its way, episode. So to celebrate, I just thought I'd get a little... Oh, have you got something? I got a little Prosecco. Co-op Prosecco. Oh my word. Co-op Prosecco. Oh you shouldn't have. To celebrate. No you really shouldn't have. I know. I'm not having any. Do you mean you're not gonna have any? I need to give the old liver some me time. Oh right. Yeah. Meet us time. No.

Well anyway this is. Oh look at that top. It's a screw lid. Oh, I thought I was going to pop it and go happy 300. Don't you do it. It's for me to celebrate, if you're not going to have any. Well, I'll pop it. Oh, pop. That's horrible. Look at that. Go on, down it.

Well, I'm going to have some celebratory co-op Prosecco to celebrate our seven years and 300 episodes. Cheers, here's to us. I just wanted to use this celebratory co-op Prosecco to celebrate our seven years and 300 episodes. Cheers, here's to us. I just wanted to use this space to say congratulations, Eli. Congratulations, Paul, here's to us. And congratulations to everyone who stuck with us for seven years and listened to every episode, sometimes numerous times. Spaghetti.

I just wanted to announce something. Oh, brute. Is it brutal? No, it's brute, but it also tastes like the aftershave brute so in other words brutal brutal we've got Ali Pali behind us

a bit of it anyway yeah there it is a few arches underneath the arches there's been a lot of arches today as well there's a lot of arches up here

Geoffrey Archer the arches people who fire arrows I need to make an announcement now we're talking we're saying cheers for 300. Uh-huh.

I'm going to change my name by Deedpult. Chopper. Bloody great helicopter. Fuck off, Annika Rice. That saucy wench has been after me for years. Has she? Annika Rice, she's all over me mate. Is she? It's embarrassing how much she's all over me. Would you rather have sex with her or Sarah

Green? Oh mate, what a question. Can't I have them both? No, not at the same time. If I had to pick one, I might go with Annika Rice yeah because I think she's a bit of a cheeky one Sarah Green I think's got a bit of spice but I think Annika deep down dirty girl all right now anyway but I could that's what that's the like that's Kramer versus Kramer for me that is strainer versus strainer that's what I mean it's Strainer versus strainer. That's what I mean. It's strainer versus strainer. My knob gubbins

still can't decide. Dick drainer versus dick drainer. Go on, so you've got to change your name to what by depot because the helicopter chopped it up.

Yes, I'm going to change my name by depot. I mean, I need to tell everyone this now. It's 11% this. Oh dear. What's wrong% this. Oh, dear.

What's wrong with it? There's nothing wrong with it. It smells bad. It smells like nasty cheap plonk to me. Controllata. It's Boskeko, man. You can't get it wrong. De nomi si attoni di origine

con Controllata. I'm going to change my name by deed poll to Maglev Chahartry. Maglev Chahartry. Maglev Chahartree. Well, welcome on to the show, Maglev. Please use the full name. It's one name. It's a one-word name, Maglev Chahartree.

It all runs together. Can I give it a shorter one? No. Because I'm not going to say that ever. Then you're not on the podcast anymore. All right. Well, then Maglev Chahartree won't take this. Maglev Chahartree.

It's going to be so complicated to say all the time. Hello, ladies and gentlemen. Welcome to Cheap Show with me, Paul Gannon, and my co-host, Maglev Chahartry. Hello. I don't like it. See, I'll respond to it. Yeah, but I don't like it. Maybe I won't then.

Just change it back to Eli. Okay. At least throw in, like, Eli Sexy Man. I'm... Do you want to wrestle in the back? Oh, you can have two more stacks. No, I'm going to do more... Two? Only two?

Yeah, because it's gone forever, this fucking episode. See, he's always wants to get out of it. Why do you want to go for 300 if you hate doing it so much? There's a brevity of spirit that we are often lacking. Oh, what's that? Can we do three? Come on, this one's so small. That's a tiny one. It's a beef jerky snack made from chicken. Two included, so there's two of those in there. And that's the kind of thing that we can have in the Gachapon pod, one of those things.

We got all three of those already. You've then got those for us. Yeah. I've got those in my room. Well, I think those ones might be different. I think this is just what's on the front of the machine. Here I found, oh, it's a little cheese stick. What's that?

It's a cheese stick. It's a camembert. Oh, that's cool, oh, it's a little cheese stick. What's that? Hang on. It's a cheese stick. It's a camembert. Oh, that's cool, isn't it? So you've got a little mini cheese snack and a little mini beef thing. These look like very miniature versions of what you get in American, near the checkout in Walmart or whatever. Yeah. It's like those Slim Jim things.

Slim Jims. Yeah. And beef and cheese. Remember those? Oh, yeah. I've had that with my the pants today beef and cheese in my case is there two of these cheese ones as well or no just go on pick another one pick a different thing out all together no i'm bored of this here's one cheese thing for you i'll have one now then because you may as well taste it otherwise what's the point of this thing? Oh, look at that. They peel so satisfyingly.

Oh, dear. It's cheesy smelling. It's got the consistency of a fucking tuat. Oh, no. What's wrong with that? It's weird. I like it. It's rubbery and crumbly.

Rubbery and crumbly. Crumbly. Crumbly. Crumbly. Crumbly. Crumbly. Crumbly. Now have a meat stick.

I'm going to find a meat stick for you. I hate it. I don't want a meat stick. I'm not going to move for this. You're such a fucking wuss. I hate it when you do this. It's a central part of the fucking pod. It's a sensual part of the pod. It's an essential. Essential. It's a do this. It's a central part of the fucking pod. It's a sensual part

of the pod. It's an essential. It's sensual. It's a sensual and essential part of the pod. I know. Tasting food.

And you just, you never, you always avoid it. You've had a whole bloody expensive pizza. Now, eat some fucking... I bought that for me

because I hadn't had any breakfast. I needed food. Eat some fucking meat stick. You've ruined the lovely pizza mouth I had on. Here you go. It fucking meat stick. You've ruined the lovely pizza mouth I had on. Here you go.

It's meat stick. You have to eat this. I am going to eat it. I enjoyed that cheese. There's nothing inherently awful about it, but it had a weird texture. It was soft. Look at that.

It really does just look like a miniature Slim Jim. It's made with chicken. Oh, no. Oh, God, no. What's wrong with it? Oh, God, no. What's wrong with it? Oh, God, no. What's wrong with it? Are we going to have a spit out?

Oh, yeah. Spit it out then over there. What's wrong with it? I don't know about that. Have you got a meat stick? It tasted of... Oh, God. Oh, that.

Oh, it's a bit weird. It's got a very weird everything about it. Sort of artificial smoked chewy. Again it's rubbery again. It's really rubbery. These are cheap. Worthless snack. Oh! Sauce mayo! Show it to the camera.

What are these? The sauce mayo? Hang on a little. Let's have a look. Oh! Oh! Sauce mayo. Show it to the camera. What are these? The sauce mayo? Hang on a little bit. Let's have a look.

No, that's not it. That's it. Sauce mayo flavoured May snacks. Japanese sauce is based on Worcestershire sauce, but it's thicker. The combination of sauce and mayo is a very common topping on fried foods. Yes, it certainly is.

Like okonomiyaki. Yeah. Oh! Let's have a snuff. Oh, blimey governor. Got a tang don't they? They're like a Worcestershire sauce. They're like those very cheap crisps you can get in this country. Bobbies. No cheaper than Bobbies. Oh you can taste the mayo. That's alright. It's almost got a butteriness to it. That's the mayo isn't it? Yeah. Oh that's a little bit smoky. Very nice. They're alright. One more? One more, go on, reach into the happy bag. We'll save the left for another episode right? Come on. Oh the sun's setting on this side. Oh what's that? Oh he doesn't want that no more. This is great. Oh you'll pick one, it's meant to be a blind grab innit, we'll save the rest for another episode.

What's that? This is brilliant. All right we'll just pick one. Quickly. Suki suki suki tombu. That's seaweed squares. Yeah. Alright, well we're not doing that. Next. You've got three seconds. Three, two, one. Shut up!

Here you go. Oh, what's that? It's choccy teddy bears or something. Let's have a look. Look at this teddy bear here. It looks like he's smoking out chocolate. It does look like he's smoking out chocolate. I'll give you that.

Where is it? There it is. It's a choccy teddy bear. It's a choccy teddy bear. It's a choccy teddy bear. It's a choccy teddy bear. It's a choccy teddy bear. It's a choccy teddy bear. It's a choccy teddy bear. It's a choccy teddy bear. It does look like he's smoking out chocolate, I'll give you that. Where is it? There it is.

Tabeko Suzyokukan. Sea animal shaped chocolate biscuits. Sea animal? So he's not a bear? And they have extra sour versions of sour lemon gums in there as well. Oh, I want to eat all of these now. Well, we can't have all of them now. Shall we have these biscuits then? Yeah, have the yeah after biscuits then we save them for another episode then you can toss

them all off into your mouth oh oh oh there's a deeply chocolatey biscuity aroma you know what i mean oh i've got a little fishy fish i've got a seal. Oh, they're nice. Mmm, they're very nice. Chocolaty, crunchy, crispy. Like a rich, full chocolate flavour. Yeah. Not like flavoured, like a chocolate biscuit.

It feels like there's chocolate in it, sort of. Yeah. Mad. Like an unusual sort of textural thing going on. I'll wash it down with me plonk, me cheap co-op plonk. I love all these. See why people attack... Oh, there's another rubber. Toilet.

With poo-poos in. With poo's, they love them. Well, they don't have the same hang up about poo as we do in this country in the west what do you mean hang up like I don't want

to be around poo is that a hang up it's like it's poo man no David I can't remember where I heard this is that my hang up

I don't like smearing poo all over myself don't have such a hang up dude you know come on eat the poo come on dude

lie in poo like the Japanese do they don't have a hang up about it fuck off Paul don't tell me to eat the poo. Come on, dude. Lying poo. Like the Japanese do. They don't have a hang-up about it. Fuck off, Paul. Don't tell me to eat my own shit. I'm not even telling you to eat your own shit. Oh, the sun's come out. Look how beautiful we look in this light with the white light

bleaching out my face. Mate, the older I get, the more vain I become, even though there's less to cling on to vanity-wise. What's that all about? Well, narcissists famously struggle with ageing because... I think I'm a narcissist. Yeah.

Or na-arsenist. I got nothing. I have nothing! An arsonist. An arse-sinist. An arsesist. An nan's arse-sinist. Where you like fucking nan's arses. You fuck nan's arses. I'm a nan's arse where you like nan's arses you nan's arses i'm a nan's arse sinist i it i arses nan's arses nan's arses nan's arses why is one of these poos green and one yellow because yellow sometimes yeah just a bit of fun green actually after i had those

um those takis those takis yeah that's a. That's a taki dropping. That's a blue heat taki dropping. I just want to show the poo-poos a little bit more closely to camera. Right, shall we taste more of these? No, we're done. You've ruined this now. We'll save it for another indoor episode. You've still got those snacks to enjoy, and there's loads more. Loads more, thanks to Chris.

So thank you, Chris. Now, we're just going to relax and celebrate almost 300 episodes. But we're just going to do a quick wrap up let's just do a fucking quick wrap up and then enjoy the day I'm done I need to go to bed

I've got windy pops and I might shit my pants Eli how about that how about we roll the dice on that no let's not roll the dice don't twist on 19 here

I'll twist on your 19 I don't even know what that means does it mean shit the bed? When you twist on 19 means you're going to get bust, which means you're going to shit yourself. Oh, then, yeah, I might twist on 19. That was Love Comes Down by Evelyn Champagne King. And that is our wrap-up song for this week's Cheap Show podcast.

We're signing off. You get a bloody coffee light strike, Paul. Nah. You get a bloody coffee light strike. We only play about ten seconds of it. Are you feeling a bit merry? You've had a Prosecco and a Spice Drum. I've had a Prosecco and a Spice Drum.

Dirty Fingers Man. Was it called Dirty Fingers Man? Dead Man's Fingers. Dead Man's Fingers. Well, Dirty Man's Fingers. Well, you've got dirty fingers, haven't you? No. You have grubby little fingers, don't you?

Like a panda. A cleft-handed wallaby. Yeah. A cleft-handed wallaby. She's doing a charades. It's first word, second word. The whole thing is bend down, pick up, bend down, pick up, bend down, pick up, fold. Bend down, pick up.

I don't know what. There's a whole down, up, down, up, down. There's a group of kids over there playing charades. They're adults. Well, young adults. They are fucking alright. But we're going to sign off now. Because it's been a long day.

I want to say something inappropriate about them. Go on. I wish they'd come and give us a blowy. That's what I'm charming. I wish they'd come and give us a blowy. All right, that's more charming. I wish they'd come and give me a blowy. Put that on a fucking T-shirt. No, stop saying that. So as we sit beneath Alley Pally, we've tested some food.

We've done a very long walk today. I have hit the wall, Jack, and don't you come back no more, no more, no more, no more. I've hit the wall, Jack. Is that man coming back with his dog? Oh, don't worry, he'll nick your no more, no more, no more. I've hit the wall, Jack. Is that man coming back with his dog? Oh, don't worry, he'll nick your stuff. Put him on a leash then. I don't know why they say that. Put him on a leash then.

They come and they go, oh, he will bite you. He will bite your nuts off. Dirty fucker. I have dirty fingers, but I ain't no dead man. Right, so, why are you not even drinking? Why are you acting like a drunk fool? Just to reach your level of absolute, inane, fucking, inept stupidity. You're drunk on Japanese snacks.

That's what it is. Whereas I'm drunk on life. I'm high and drunk on life. As I finish my dead man's fingers. You're drunk on dead man's fingers. We're going to head off now to get the bus to Finsbury Park. It'll almost complete a loop when you think about it. Well, it is a loop-shaped walk, isn't it?

The bus will take us from Alley Pally, the W3, all the way to Finsbury Park, where I'll go home and we'll go our separate ways. We will go our separate ways. Al, have you enjoyed today's walk? I have, Paul. I was very tired, though, and I just want to apologise to everyone.

Perhaps I wasn't at the top of my game verbally today on the walk okay but you know luckily for me i was on the top of my game every single step of the way and i won't let you down ladies and gentlemen i couldn't possibly do that i wouldn't do that suck up to them i won't let you down oh no oh i won't't let you down. Oh, I've let a poo come out. Right, and that was by Paul Prosecco Gannon. Oh, I've let a poo come out. Right, fuck me. So we're going to sign off.

We hope you've enjoyed walking with us today along the London Parkway Walk, taking all the sights in, all the old train stations. We've had a lovely little walk. I wanted to ask you some questions about the Parkway, Paul. See how much you've picked up. Go on. What year was the Parkway opened officially?

1984. And, well done. And? 1964. I don't know. I didn't know. 1970 was the last time a tube train was used on it.

I wanted to ask you a subjective question about how you felt. Overall, is it South Parkway or North Parkway that does it for you? South Parkway is all the way up to Highgate from Finsbury Park. It's got some nice wide boulevard bits. Yeah. Nice views.

Not really. The views are in the north bit. That's what I meant. Right, so you like the north bit better. I don't know if I like it better because they both have their charms but i like the view more from north and it's got a good finish you come out to alley pally and you get all this view the whole of london nice open field people with their dogs people sitting on a bench having a chat uh teenagers playing charades wrong these people are in their 20s and 30s. People kissing and cuddling,

loving, walking, sharing, living, breathing, happy. And I'm for it. Ooh, you make some poo. Calm out. Calm out. Ooh, I've done a poo right now. Ooh, I've let some poo. Calm out.

This is just pathetic content. It's come all the way out. It's good. It's good. Oh, it's gone back in. I've sucked a poo back in. Right. Shall we just say goodbye then?

I've done a poo come out. All right. Just two more weeks till Cheap Show 300. We've got a great, big, wonderful live show. He's not letting me on the mic, everybody. Because you keep saying, poo, come out. Let me on the mic. Poo, come out.

Poo, come out. I hope this is okay as a podcast. I don't know, mate. It's seven years. Who knows? At this point, we just hope you enjoyed the walk today. You take care till next week. 300's on its way. We've got lots of joy. Why don't you do the thing about the website care till next week 300 on its way we've got

lots of joy about the website no look everything's on the website patreon merch web pages to individual episodes links photos links to social media it's all there thecheapshow.co.uk or it's in the metadata for this episode in the podcast app you're listening to it on use that or links there you could always use just use the metadata paul episode in the podcast app you're listening to it on. Use that. The link's there. You can always just use the metadata, Paul. That's all we need. I'm Paul Gannon at Paul Gannon Show at the Cheap Show Pod. And Eli is?

Eli Snoyd. And you spell it E-L-I-S-N-O-I-D. Don't poo come out. Shut up. I say that. E-L-I poo come out. I say that. E-L-I-S poo come out.

Yes, but I say that. Go on. Poo come out. E-L-I Snoyd. E-L-I-S poo poo come out. Yes, but I say that. Go on. Poo come out. E-L-I, snide, E-L-I-S, poo come out. And that's it. Take care, everyone. See you next week. Thanks for coming along on the walk with us.

And remember, next time we're out and about, there is no doubt. Oh. We need to have a sign off. Oh. Hark, hark, we've walked London's longest... Park. Linear park. And now it's almost after dark.

London's longest linear park. We've been here from night to dark. Here. London's longest linear park. When you started, you saw someone stark naked arse. Stark. Yeah, I know. That will do for now.

Night, night. What? It may be London's longest linear park, but I don't give a fuck. Fuck. I don't fuck off. No, I don't care. You fuck off.

Fuck off, you. You fuck off. No, you fuck off. You fuck off. No, say it properly. You fuck off. Thank fuck. Say it like that.

Down a pool. Fuck off. You have the hands, Eli, of an odd bark. Odd bark? Odd bark. London's longest linear park. Eli has the hands, Eli, of an aardvark. Aardvark? Aardvark. London's longest linear park. Eli has the hands of an old aardvark. I came to the zoo to see the aardvark.

Right, OK. This has gone on for far too... Stop tapping me. I don't like it. I ended up in London's longest linear park and I didn't give a fuck because I wanted to see an aardvark. I went to London's longest linear park,

I strangled a parrot and made it go squawk. How about that? How about that? You can do that in the zoo just as easily though.

Night night everyone. Bye bye. Bye bye.