Chewing the Fat with Jeff Fisher - 04/08/17 Jeff Fisher Show Hour 2: Fantasy Pills for Powerful Thrills

Episode Date: April 8, 2017

- Taking Pills for Super Powers- Whole Body Vibrations- Weird News with ChuckFollow Jeffy on Twitter: @JeffyMRALike Jeffy on Facebook: www.facebook.com/JeffFisherRadioFollow Jeffy on Instagram: @jeffymra Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This is the Blaze Radio on demand. 2017 is going to be a volatile economic year. We may see politicians throughout the world attempting to control central bank policies. Several renowned financial analysts have warned that political interference in central bank policies may mean our economic misses of inflation and growth targets. Gold is an international currency that can't be issued or controlled by governments. If you don't have the only hard currency that has outlasted every politician and every failed idea, of governments for centuries. You need to speak to Goldline right now and learn how easy it is to add gold to your portfolio or IRA. Now is the time to diversify your financial portfolio by adding gold.

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Stand clear. Life signs stable. It's alive. Set it loose. This is the Jeff Fisher Show on the Blaze Radio Network. Hello. How in the world are. Thank you for coming along for the ride today.

We appreciate it on the Blaze Radio Network. This is the Jeff Fisher Show coming up immediately following this broadcast, Lawrence Jones, and then Mike Slater. And then you might be fortunate enough to hear Joe Peggs this weekend. You may. Maybe. But for sure, you're going to hear the special broadcast of Talking Walking Dead from Night from Night to Midnight right here on the Blaze Radio Network.

And it'll be a lot of fun. And we, I don't know about you, but we are going to have, you know, food and drink and camaraderie between coworkers. We'll all bring it to you on the radio and on Facebook Live. So you want to talk about party. All right. So I was sent a tweet. Yes, a tweet from a Jeff Jenkins, who's Twitter handle, is at Jeffie like pizza.

Huh. Creative, Jeff. However, in that tweet, he has pictures of pills that you could take to become something other than you are now. But it always comes with the catch.

So what if you could take a pill and you could fly. But you could only eat bird food. Would you do it? Time travel. Can visit each time once only. Would you do it? Invisibility.

As long as you can hold your breath. You better to practice in holding your breath, man. Would you do it? Do you take the pill? Healing. All right? Each time you heal, The disease that you heal from goes to someone, someone else.

Randomly just goes to someone else. Would you take that pill? So you're okay. But whatever was wrong with you goes to someone else. Would you do it? Freeze time. Age faster when time stops. Would you do it?

Eat that pill? I don't think I would eat that one. Immortality. You take the pill? Has to eat a dead man's heart. I might do that without even the pill. Yeah, it doesn't say. It doesn't say it has to be raw.

Just as you have to eat a dead man's heart. I mean, fry that bad boy up. Mushrooms, a little butter. For immortality? I am cooking a dead man's heart. Would you do it? I mean, the trade-off is always the problem, right? obviously you want to be able to be great to heal right you never get sick but at what point

do you feel bad if at all that you made someone else sick I mean kind of tough and you know I mean obviously you're you're already stepped into the twilight zone the person you're making sick is going to be the person closest to you because it's at random, right? You're healed to be in love but the person that you're in love with has got your disease now. I mean, it writes itself.

Now you can fly, but only eat bird food? I don't know, that might be a good trade-off. A, you're going to lose a little weight, right? It's rare you see a fat bird that just eats bird food and flies around. You do see it. But mostly those are the ones that are, you know, caged up and, you know, the obese birds. That's the new, that's the new show. Obese birds. You know, speaking of obese birds. So I've been kind of hooked. I've been forced on watching the 600-pound man,

or my 600-pound life, is the name of the show. But I'm focused on this one family now, this Assange family. And I cannot get this guy out of my head. He is such a bastard. And I haven't seen the final episode yet. The Assange Brothers part two were there was part one and then there was part one B.

And now I got to wait for, I don't know where number two is. I think it's on the DVR. I don't know. I haven't seen the finish of it. I don't know what happens. I don't know if the doc wins. I don't know if he. He gives up.

I don't know if he dies. I don't know if he becomes a good guy and loses 800 pounds. I don't know. When I left him, he had called 911 on his own so they could go to the emergency room and get more painkillers. I mean, anyway, I digress a little bit to the... So if you've seen my 600-pound life and the Assange Brothers Part 2, I want to know.

Call me. I don't want to watch it. I want you to just tell me. I don't have to watch it. 888-903-33. But, you know, maybe you haven't. I will catch it sooner or later. I have to find out what happened to the Dingleberry Assange brothers.

And what kills me about these shows, specifically this one, is everyone has their enabler, the person that feeds them. The Assange brothers, it's their dad. And the dad, the Stephen, right, Stephen is the bastard, yeah. He just berates him and screams and hollers and whines and cries, and he's been doing it for so long. I mean, he's been doing it for 700 pounds. And finally, I mean, the dad, I mean, finally,

after a while the dad just gives in, and now the dad has been so beaten down. He just, he doesn't, I mean, one, one twinge of wine and the dad here, just take the card. I mean, at one point, Steve is living in Houston. The dad's moved back to Rhode Island with the brother, and he's calling his dad to order him pizza in Rhode Island to be delivered in Houston, which, you know, God bless America,

first of all, that you can live anywhere and order pizza for anyone anywhere. but he can't even tell him no there. It's like he just keeps calling me. Turn your phone off. I mean, he can't even say no then. It's unbelievable. It's unbelievable.

I mean, most of the time, you'd think, well, you know, you're 650 pounds. If Billy doesn't get you your 12 tacos, two liters of Coca-Cola, and five bean and cheese burritos for lunch, you're pretty much screwed. Because you can barely waddle out of that bed. Most of them, at 600, most of them are still kind of mobile.

I mean, it's a feat, two feet. Thank you, be here all week. But they're still kind of mobile. By the time you get to 750 800 pounds you're pushing to be not mobile at all You're pretty much just laying in bed wishing somebody to hose you off and feed you I just want to be hosed off and fed chickens

Okay I bring me fun I hate you Just close the door. Let him scream. Anyway, all that from the bird pill. Eat the pill, you could fly. But you have to only eat bird food.

That would do something. I might have to do that. I may have to do that. Time travel, that'd be kind of cool, but you'd visit someplace really cool, then you'd want to go back and you couldn't. Right? Of course, you could go like maybe next door, right?

So if you went someplace cool, like you went to, well, it might not exist at that time, right? So if you, now, if I go to Dallas in today's world, and then that's my one time, I could go to, you know, Fort Worth tomorrow and just walk over to Dallas. But in time travel, it may not be a Fort Worth. We don't know where that is. We're not going anywhere, staying right here. Super Strength. Ooh, I missed Super Strength. Would you take the pill for super strength?

However, if you take the pill for super strength, you cry while you're fighting. You're over-emotional. Would you do it? I don't know. That's a tough one. I'm going to kick these people's butt. but I would have cried during the whole time.

Pretty funny. Invisible. Invisibility, man. That is a big one. Everybody wants to be able to be invisible. But you can only do it for as long as you hold your breath. I'm thinking that puts you in a tough spot. Especially if you used it for what some people would use it for, not me.

But so what some people would use it for? Man, if you all of a sudden... had to breathe and then you're visible that's a problem immortality but I just it doesn't say all you can eat it just says immortality

has to eat dead man's heart so if that's just take the pill and then I can live forever and all I have to do is just eat one I bet it's like that's all you can eat is dead people's hearts right

you can live forever but you can't eat anything else I mean that's a good weight loss program by the time you're a couple thousand years old you're fit as a fiddle I'm sure dead people's hearts are so good for you oh my gosh

that I that's worth thinking about too that is persuasion I'm not sure I understand persuasion can only take the persuasion pill you can persuade one person per day, last five minutes and five minutes to recharge. I mean, that's just stupid. I mean, if you're going to take the persuasion pill,

I should be able to persuade people, maybe even only just one a day, but I can persuade them for as long as I want. Once you're persuaded, you persuade it. That's it. And the healing one is pretty fascinating too, because that'd be, you'd really have to care about other people

not to take that, right? Whatever's wrong with you, you get healed. No problem. but little Susie down the street is the one that gets your sickness. Gotta be able to put up with that one, man. That's a tough one. Or, you know, I know Ray Kurzweil, I was just reading some stuff from Ray Kurzweil about immortality

and how they're trying to reverse aging by repairing damaged DNA. And the scientists are reversing age already in mice by repairing their DNA. So they're close to human trials. I mean, if we're not going to be inside

a computer, we might as well live forever, right? Right? Right? This is the Jeff Fisher Show on the Blaze Radio Network. 2017 is going to be a volatile economic year. We may see politicians throughout the world

attempting to control central bank policies, Several renowned financial analysts have warned that political interference in central bank policies may mean our economic misses of inflation and growth targets. Gold is an international currency that can't be issued or controlled by governments. If you don't have the only hard currency that has outlasted every politician and every failed idea of governments for centuries, you need to speak to Gold Line right now and learn how easy it is to add gold to your portfolio or IRA. Now is the time to diversify your financial portfolio by adding gold. Call 1-800-913 gold. Buying real gold is easy and fast at Goldline.

And you're going to be happy that you finally made the call. 1-800-913-4653. Goldline also offers price protection against short-term market fluctuations on qualifying purchases. So buy with confidence. Read Goldline's important risk information and find out of buying gold is right for you. Call Goldline, 1-800-913-4653. The Jeff Fisher Show is on. Okay.

So apparently, sad news. Sad news. It looks as though the reality show is just, you know, not real. I'm really bummed. I want that to be real.

Why can't it be real? So what? You sign a waiver. You say if I get killed, it's okay. You're going to arrest somebody for killing me because it's a TV show? Come on.

Come on. There's got to be some country somewhere that'll let that slide. I don't know that you want to do it in Syria, though. I mean, I'm sure you say, Bashir, we'll give you a little bit of cash. He's got enough cash. He doesn't need to reality show. Don't bomb there. There's a reality show going on.

Hey, ISIS. Hey, Christians. Don't go over there. They're filming a reality show. So this is something that I saw that is not fake news. And I am so ready to purchase one. I cannot tell you. And if they want to give me one to promote,

I will promote this until the end of time. The Tranquility Pod. It uses pleasant sound, gentle vibration, soothing light to transport the body, mind and spirit to a tranquil state of relaxation and maybe you even lose some weight. Huh? Whole body vibration may be as effective as regular exercise.

Come on! I want the tranquility pod now. If you're overweight and find a turner. challenging to exercise regularly? Good news. The less strenuous form of exercise known as whole body vibration, WBV, can mimic the muscle and bone health benefits

of regular exercise, at least in mice. According to the new study published in the Endocrine Society's journal, Endocrinaut, you know, that journal that you get. You know that journal that you get mailed to your house. Lack of exercise contributing to obesity and diabetes epidemic. These disorders can also increase the risk of bone fracture.

See? Bad for you not to do exercise and stuff. Physical activity can help to decrease this risk and reduce the negative metabolic effects of these conditions. I know. I mean, we all know that. But WBV, you know, whole body vibration, can be experienced while sitting, standing,

or even lying down on a machine with a vibrating platform. When the machine vibrates, it transmits energy to your body and your muscles. Then your muscles contract and relax multiple times during each second. Our study is the first to show that whole body vibration may be just as effective as exercise. And in combating some of the negative consequences of obesity and diabetes, Now, of course, we need a little bit more study. Always. I mean, come on.

Can we just say that this is for real? Now, apparently, it did not fully address the defects in bone mass or of the obese mice in the study. It did increase, you know, bone formation, suggesting longer-term treatments could hold promise for bone laws. but okay that's enough study for me I believe that is 100% true whole body vibration

I want the Tranquility Pot and look It's only 30 grand So I mean I'm willing to advertise for you I'm willing to advertise for you remind people that $30,000 ain't what it used to be Okay so get it today

The Jeff Fisher Show The Blaze Radio Network Fisher. All right. Those of you that are looking for work I know there's a lot of people still looking for work out there. Volunteers. Willing to lie in bed for two months

for about $16,000. Will you to lie on their backs and do absolutely nothing for two months? Huh? spend 60 days flat on their back. The study is going to affect microgravity, state of virtual weightlessness. Nice. You're going to undergo a battery of tests, of course,

for two weeks before spending the next two months in bed. The idea of the study is to reproduce the weightlessness of the International Space Station. During the first two weeks, scientists will do a whole series of tests and measurements on the volunteers, 60-day period in which they must remain in bed. head slightly inclined downwards at less than six degrees. In certain conditions, the cardiovascular system is affected and is not capable of making

the same effort as before the experiment. We've even seen a greater tendency of drops in blood pressure and vertigo. So, but to lay two months? 16 grand? Worth it? Well, I would say, yes, it is. However, uh-uh. wanted young, fit, and healthy men.

Now, come on. Young, fit, healthy men don't want to lay down for two months. That's just not fair. Right? They want to, they've got to be healthy. 24 successful candidates, fit and sporty males, age 20 to 45, who do not smoke, have no allergies and boast maximum body mass index.

of between 22 and 27. Okay. A, anyone who wants to lay down for two months and is fit and sporty, 20 to 45, who doesn't smoke, have no allergies, and boasts a maximum body mass index of between 22 and 27 doesn't want to lay down for two months. Head inclined or not.

So let's rethink that study. Okay? I got it. You know, I probably won't be the one going to the space station, but you can still use me for the study, right? Of course you can. So it's nice living in Texas, and I've got a tremendous amount of goofy stories,

some real, actually, that happened here in Texas. But I spent many years in Florida, and I found that Florida is actually probably the leading state of stupidity, of weirdness, of just overall weird people and events. And so I've asked my friend Chuck in Florida.com to remind us each week of that just weird stupidity of Florida. Chuckinflora.com. Hello.

Greetings, Jeffie, from Florida, where I'm feeling fit and sporting. That's wonderful. Are you prepared to undergo some thorough testing and then lay down for two months? I don't know that I could do a full two months, to be honest with you. I can't sleep six hours in a row anymore without feeling a fidgety. So, you know, it's something to do with age. You require less sleep. Thanks for calling, Grandpa.

We appreciate it. Yeah, I'll be feeling fine tomorrow. Let you just get up and sit in the chair. I can't get out of my chair without that lift gate. I need one of those bad. Anyway, that's a genius advice. So true.

So true. I saw that recliner that pushes you up out of the chair in the standing position. It's like, yeah, that's where I'm headed. That's what I want right there. I know. I do want the Tranquility Pod, though.

That does sound amazing. Oh, my God. I know. I can lay on the Tranquility Pod. I'm reminded that the Tranquility Pod is just kind of like a $30,000 vibrator, bed. So they used to put a quarter in those That's right.

No, I don't remember that. No, Chuck, I don't remember that. I don't know what you're talking about. Come on, you're older than Methuselah. What other stories do you have for us this week? Right.

All right. So, woman is arrested for making her 14-year-old, I'm sorry, not her son, but her boyfriend's son, drive her to the Waffle House. That's tremendous. What's right with that?

I mean, what's wrong with this picture? There's nothing wrong with the lady asking a 14-year-old to give her a ride because, you know, she's had a little bit too much. Is she supposed to drive herself? That was pretty responsible of her, right? I think so, actually. According to the police, Tara Virgin said she had five drinks and was too drunk to drive when she and the 14-year-old boy will pulled over near the intersection of Kennedy Boulevard in Tampa Sunday night at 1115. I mean, what was her name? What was her name?

Tara Virgin. This could not be arrested. I knew you're going to catch that. It could not be a real story. Moving on. I can't take these fake stories. In the car. This whole damn fake news world.

You know. It's a fake news world. Every damn story. You can't, I can't even have a Russian hunger game story without it being fake. That hell is going on. Well, now you,

you're giving me fake stories. I can prove my stories, man. You're giving me fake stories from Florida. Come on. Right. I got it. I feel sorry for her. She's drunk.

She doesn't want, she needs food. She's got the only person that's, that's sober is the 14-year-old, drive me to Waffle House. I got it. Right. But it's not real. But apparently Tampa Police didn't look too kindly on the open beer in the car either. Not real. Yeah.

Not a real story. I'll give you one that is real because this is documented all over Twitter. All right. Here's another one. It's got to be real. The Twitter story must be real because fake Miami. Dolphins player scams women into sleeping with him for three years and gets caught. Because he's basically a dumb idiot.

The guy, the guy tried out for the combine one year, I guess about two or three years ago. He's in the open combine and he had a bad hamstring and he just didn't cut the mustard. So they said, yeah, thanks, but no thanks. Miami Dolphins said that that's the only connection they ever had with this guy. But apparently he was really good at taking a bunch of photos while he was there. And he used them for three years to post stories faking that he had made the team.

Had him signing a contract. Of course, it really wasn't his photo. Had him wearing a uniform. Of course, it was kind of blurry, so it really didn't look like him. But he managed to get people to sell him cars that he couldn't afford, go down and get free meals from people. And best of all, he scammed women in nightclubs every. week to sleep with him. I love this guy.

But I'm best, you know what? It's not real. You don't think? Not real. There's not a story real. Social media accounts, but I mean, he did leave one open that they found and had all of his photos and the doctor'd retouch

ID that he had and all that fun stuff. So I don't know. I want a real story, Chuck. That's not real. All right, here it is. Florida man steals public sausage and jumps off the bridge to avoid arrest. I don't even know if this story's real.

David Randall Bertram, 41, detained in Fort Walton Beach after police say that he stole $10.38 worth of the summer sausage from Publix and then ran out the door. Okay. Police gave chase. He ran through the neighborhood. He crossed Portland's highway traffic. Police don't chase people for stealing sausages. Fake story.

$10. This is the first thing across my mind. It's like, really, you're going to chase the guy through a highway full of traffic. They won't. I mean, even Fort Walton Beach. I mean, they've got better things to do than chase a guy that steals a sausage from Publix. I worked for a number of years

at a grocery store and trust me, I know. They don't do it. They're not going to chase you for sausage. First of all, he looked homeless. Fake story. I want a real story. Let him have it. He jumps off the bridge.

The colleagues catch him at the bottom. They taste him twice. Oh, now they brought you. He brought in a fake story. I'm wondering if he was any relationship. to Abe Froman, the sausage king of Chicago. Just crossed my mind, that's all. Moving on, Florida man taunts the police

with a good luck message on social media. Again, kids, stay in school. This is why people become criminals. They're stupid. The man posts his photo on social media after not only did he jump bail and he didn't appear to court, he goes online and he says,

yeah, I'm not going back to prison this time, I dare you to try and catch me. Is that the guy in the car? He was a passenger in the car when they pulled him over. It wasn't even like his car. I guess it was just

dumb luck that they found this guy. No, there was a story where a guy had been taunting police by tagging their Facebook pages and stuff where he was saying, you're never going to catch me. But I don't know that it's this one. I don't think that was a Florida story.

I do remember something about that, and it was one of the qualifiers is that it has to be in Florida for me, obviously, you know. Yes, I understand, but since you're bringing me fake stories that aren't even real, I figured what the hell. As least there's a real story in another state you could bring me. I'm sorry, I'll do it next time. I'll make my own fake stories.

How's that? Does that work better for you? Yes. Now we're talking about something. Yes. All right. Anything else? The police bathroom ceiling to escape.

His imprisonment. I may actually believe that one. They have photos of this one. It looks pretty real. And if you've ever been to Coles, Cole's department store, you know that they have like that, it looks like a gauntlet for the register system.

You can't get near their doors unless you go through their gauntlet. And this guy walks out with like a cartload of stuff. He's got a vacuum cleaner. You know, he's got accessories. He's got a big speaker. and oops, I forgot to pay for it. So they just kind of, you know, pick him up in the parking lot as he's loading his car and say, yeah, I'm sorry, we're taking it to jail.

And he says, I've really got to go potty. They take them into the bathroom. And for whatever reason, this is where the story goes south. The department's policy requires an officer to go into the bathroom with a prisoner, but it's unclear why no one did it in this case. so the guy had enough time to break through the drywall in the ceiling, climb into the ductwork over the ceiling and walk out the front door. I thought it was fake, but they got this guy down to the rights here. They picked him up later because they had a 911 call.

He was breaking into somebody's garage. Chuckinflora.com. Thank you. I appreciate you bringing me every fake story that you had today was fake. Every story. Absolutely my pleasure, sir. I mean, I appreciate it. I really would like some real Florida weird news stories from Chuckin'Florna.com

instead of all this damn fake news. Tired of all these fake news stories. This is The Jeff Fisher Show on the Blaze Radio Network. This is the Jeff Fisher Show. I get the bang on the table like this because we're under construction. Pardon our dust, but we're moving. It's under construction. So we've got the whole thing going on.

Although we're going to end this show. I mean, we cannot end this hour with a real story. It's been a fake news hour. So we're going to continue with our fake news hour and end it with a South Dakota man. Gets a $190 fine for a snake without a leash, a man who is fine. For allowing his pet snake to slither freely in a South Dakota park,

said an animal control officer suggested he used a leash to restrain the reptile. Jerry Kimball. said he was initially surprised and thought the recommendation was a joke because it was April Fool's Day when he was fine and setting up for you. It's a fake story.

It's already telling you it was on April Fool's Day and ticketed me for animals running at large. The line that I think could quite possibly be my favorite out of this fake news story is he was literally asking, me to put a rope around to my snake. There's no way this is real. It's not. It's not real.

He was approached by the officer after a woman complained that his fire bee ball python was roaming freely at Falls Park in Sioux Falls. Stop it. Animal control supervisor, Julie De Jong, said a city ordinance requires all pets to be leashed or restrained in public. She said pet snakes can be held or can. kept in a container to comply. If it's in public and it's not on a leash, it's at large.

The ordinance doesn't really distinguish between animals, she said. The jog out of the snake lovers should be more sensitive to the aversion many people feel toward the animal. While non-venomous snakes are legal to own, not all park visitors will welcome a python in the park. Kimball said he considers it's his mission to rid the public's fear of snakes. That's my purpose in life To let people know that snakes aren't killers

What better way to give back than to help people understand These misunderstood creatures He plans on fighting the ticket in court Do you? I would say Look If you really believe that your purpose in life is to let people know that snakes aren't killers.

Wouldn't you be the one that would put a leash on your snake so that you could walk around and have your little snakey poo slither in there on the ground next to you and so people would realize, oh my gosh, what is that a python? Why, yes, yes it is. It's my fire bee ball python. It's not harmful. Here, pet.

Other than being upset over your animal at large and realizing that you got the $190 ticket. This is another fake story. Just another fake story in America. The world is full of them right now. However, the line, he was literally asking me to put a rope around by snake. I mean, fake or not, that's a good one. This is the Jeff Fisher Show. Only on the Blaze Radio Network.