Chewing the Fat with Jeff Fisher - 4/1/17 Jeff Fisher Show Hour 3: Sick Of Serious News

Episode Date: April 1, 2017

Jeffy is tired of serious news, and decides that he's going to have some fun, 6 ways to a longer life for men.Follow Jeffy on Twitter: @JeffyMRALike Jeffy on Facebook: www.facebook.com/JeffFisherRadioFollow Jeffy on Instagram: @jeffymra Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This is the Blaze Radio on demand. 2017 is going to be a volatile economic year. We may see politicians throughout the world attempting to control central bank policies. Several renowned financial analysts have warned that political interference in central bank policies may mean our economic misses of inflation and growth targets. Gold is an international currency that can't be issued or controlled by governments. If you don't have the only hard currency that has outlasted every politician and every failed idea, of governments for centuries, you need to speak to Gold Line right now and learn how easy it is to add gold to your portfolio or IRA. Now is the time to diversify your financial portfolio by

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Stand clear. Life signs stable. It's alive. Set it loose. This is the Jeff Fisher Show on the Blaze Radio Network. I mean, I guess we can be serious. I just don't want to be serious. I don't want, I can't do it.

You know what I want to talk about? I want to talk about my new version of a baby song, and I want to tell you, which is tremendous, by the way. It's kind of a rockabilly jazz thing that I believe we're probably going to lay down some tracks later today in the recording studio and rock a bye baby. And I'll sing it for you a little bit. I'll give you a little sample what's coming. You can download it at your convenience.

And then I want to talk about my new clothing line, Mumoos by Jeffie. I think that if I can get a contract with my 600-pound life, because you watch my 600-pound life, they all come in with their torn giant mummoos and T-shirts and stuff. I say we get Dr. Kozaka Waka Mukumoka from My 600-pound Life. I got to pronounce it.

How do you say his name, seriously? Nozerodon. Dr. Noziridon. Noziridon. Noziridon. Okay, so when I'm watching my 600-pound life and Dr. Noziridon comes out, maybe he says, you know, hey, we're going to hook you up.

We're going to get you in. You have to get your diet right, and he bitches at him like he normally does and tells him they've got to get it right. and we're not going to mess around. We've got to get you down. You've got to lose another 100 pounds. He tries to get him on track before he gives him surgery.

He gets him on track. And then he says, after you lose the first 75 pounds, then not only are you going to get, we'll talk about stomach staple surgery, but we're also going to hook you up with a free package of designer mummoos from Jeffey, signature series from Maya. And you say, well, thank you, Dr. No, Zerodon. And, you know, we get the, get the little, the banner on 600-pound life.

Because I am telling you, I wish I had, I was supposed to take a couple of pictures. My daughter has already designed some, a couple of the mumoos. I had her drawing the other night. And I said, I would need you to draw some mu-moos, and I want some, you know, no side stripes. Side stripes are bad, even on mumoes. Now, that might be part of another, you know, special series, designer series from Maya, where you get the, you know, maybe some angle stripes or something, but the regular, the first round of boo-moos are just, you know, basic designs.

She's drawn a couple for me, and I was going to take a couple pictures and tweet them out because I want this to happen so bad. I can't tell you. I'm going to tell you how I want Mumoos by Jeff. I can't. I can't. I mean, the ads are already already tremendous in my head.

That's where they're probably going to stay too, Jeff. But I already, I mean, come on. Come on now. Tired of feeling uncomfortable in what looks like a shower curtain. Moos by Jeffie. Signature series from my... Huh? Come on now.

That's world class. World class. Now, my daughter, who you'd think would be more respectful. Right? She, I ask her, hey, I want you to draw me. I sit down and talk to her, she's in the bedroom, she's sitting in the chair in the corner,

and she's drawing, and I said, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, listen, what I want you to do, when you're finished drawing, whatever you're drawing, because she gets inspired so I don't want to screw her up with what she's drawing at the time. And when you're done doing that, then let's talk about, I want you to, you know, I want you to design me some mooos,

because she already designs dresses and clothes, and she loves, you know, Project Dingleberry and all the rest of Project Dingleberry's up and down the aisle. I know it's runway. Don't look at me like that. And she says, okay, so she finishes drawing, and she comes and she brings her pat over, and she starts, and I said, well, I want the Moomoo's,

and they're kind of like, you know, the old people 90s, only they're going to be bigger. So I want your, you know, I want your whole thought on that. So she draws me a couple, and they're pretty good. I had to, I wanted, I talked about a couple of changes on what I want on the sleeves and stuff. Yes, I'm taking it like seriously. And she said, and I said, you know, this is the first round. And then I said, maybe she goes, well, do I have to sign them?

You're going to sign them. You just draw them and shut up. That's what you're going to do. And so I convinced her, I said, look, this is what we're going to do. All right. You're going to draw me in the first round. And then we'll have, you know, like, MoMA was by Jeffrey signature series from Maya. Oh, okay.

She was all for that. Then she went over and she sat back down and she went, so how much am I getting paid? What? And I said, so you comfortable sitting in that chair over there in the corner? Yeah, that's okay. You like the roof over your head?

You like the dinner you ate? Yeah, you've been paid. That's not what it's going to cost to get this done, Dad. We'll see how much she feels about that when I kick her out, I'll tell you that. Hit the curb. Okay, dad, I'll draw for free, okay? That's what's going to happen.

I'll tell you that. Putting out for this crap. So the Moobo is by Jeffie, I want desperately. The signature series from Maya will come, you know, come. But we definitely are going to have Moos. I mean, I want, are you wearing, is that a Jeffie? Yes, it is. Oh, it feels so good to get home and get into my slip into my Jeffie.

Come on. Do you know? Serious. I'm so serious, you have no idea. And I know there's serious stuff to talk about. I know. I'm just so sick of it. I'm so sick of hearing about the stupid immigration laws.

I'm sick of hearing about cities fighting the United States government federal laws about we are a sanctuary city. and we're going to dare you to take our money. And we're going to anybody that wants to come into this country can come into this country and stay in this city and we don't care. No care. They aren't lawbreakers. Actually, they are.

Yeah, they didn't break any logs. Actually, they did. Yeah, they did. Funny little thing, that whole immigration thing. But as soon as you're here as an undocumented immigrant, that means you broke the law. Because you can call it whatever the hell you want to call it, it's still illegal immigration. There are legal immigration and illegal immigration.

They're not the same thing. You've done a good job putting them together and making it all one big, happy little family, but I'm tired of it. I'm tired of schools saying, you know, we've got students that are worried about ICE raiding the school. They should be. They're worried about breaking up the family. We're not breaking up your family. Go with them. Nobody, in fact, you know what? I would be willing to bet, and I don't know this to be true,

but I bet it is if you said, hey, you're sending back my son. Don't break up my family. I want to go with them. We'd probably foot the bill for you to go with them. That's the kind of nice country we are. Maybe. I don't know that that to be true, but I'm willing to say it's true. It's agonized.

And we have people, in fact, this city, Dallas, Dallas, Texas, being a sanctuary city, I don't know how many sanctuary cities there are now across the country. It doesn't matter. There should be zero. And they're all getting, they're all, you know, got their backs up against the wall. And they think that it's just going to be easier to fight back. It's going to be a losing battle this time. I think they should smarten up just a tad and say, okay.

And I say that that it's going to be a losing battle this time, and then I think about North Carolina backing down on the bathroom bill after a year of fighting. Now that's the whole thing, right? the people fighting this kind of thing seem like they will never stop. So you've got to be willing to take the hits for a while. And for a while might be a long time. But then we had a sheriff from Massachusetts, right, from Massachusetts?

Yeah. Who testified in front of Congress. And his comments were taken to heart by many people, but they sure got their feathers all up. These officials pledge not to work with, cooperate, or even communicate with federal immigration enforcement. As a result, these safe zones have become magnets for illegal aliens, some of which have violent criminal records.

At best, sanctuary cities are a direct violation of trust between illegal residents and the elected officials who took an oath to protect them at all costs. At the worst, it's careless, illegal, and extremely dangerous. If these sanctuary cities are going to harbor and conceal criminally legal aliens from ICE, which is in direct violation of Title Aide of the U.S. Code, federal arrest warrants should be issued for their elected officials. Boom. Bristol County Sheriff Thomas Hoggson.

I'm telling you. Throw them on jail. That'd shut them up. Sooner or later. And, you know, that's what the... Come and get it. I'm right here. We should.

We should. And Sean Spicer. The Dingleberry, as he is. White House Press Secretary. His comment, You can't be a sanctuary city and at the same time seem to pretend or express concern about law enforcement.

Yeah. I mean, that's... It might be a tough pill to swallow Dallas and the rest of you but I have a feeling that swallow it you will This is the Jeff Fisher Show on the Blaze Radio Network

2017 is going to be a volatile economic year we may see politicians throughout the world attempting to control central bank policies several renowned financial analysts have warned that political interference in central bank policies may mean our economic misses of inflation and growth targets. Gold is an international currency

that can't be issued or controlled by governments. If you don't have the only hard currency that has outlasted every politician and every failed idea of governments for centuries, you need to speak to Gold Line right now and learn how easy it is to add gold to your portfolio or IRA. Now is the time to diversify your financial portfolio by adding gold.

Call 1-800-913 gold. Buying real gold is easy and fast at Goldline. And you're going to be happy that you finally made the call. 1-800-913-4653. Goldline also offers price protection against short-term market fluctuations on qualifying purchases. So buy with confidence. Read Goldline's important risk information and find out of buying gold is right for you. Call Goldline, 1-800-913-4653.

The Jeff Fisher Show returns on the Blaze Radio Network. I'm freaking joking. All right, so you can go back and listen to the first hour of the broadcast. I don't want to say it now again out loud because I think I've already spoiled it, but I did find a way around waiting long time at the DMV. And you could use it maybe some other places as well that do the same kind of system that they do. Where they give you, you know, you pick a little number.

And they call it a number for help. And it works in the bigger places. Like if you're at the meet, you know, when you're at the counter at the grocery store or whatever, and you take your little tag for whoever's getting service on busy days. Kind of tough because it's a smaller venue, so they can kind of see who's there and who isn't. So it's a working plan.

It's a working plan. And I know if I say it again out loud, they'll probably fix it. So I may have spoiled it for you. You may be the person that calls me next week saying, Yeah, I was arrested at the DMV Apparently there's some There's some law about misrepresenting numbers Oh, sorry

Man, where'd you hear something stupid like that? But there can't be a law about I mean, can there? There can't be a law about Just misrepresenting numbers at the DMV, right? It can't be. Right?

Page 852 of the Terrorism Act. No misrepresentation of numbers. It's thought to be a terrorist act on the country. You go to Gitmo. Oh. Man sucks to be you, huh? Congratulations to the museum. This beautiful, beautiful, beautiful work of art.

I'm looking at it I'm coming to tears right now it's it's the rainbow flag and it is it's now at the Museum of Modern Art MoMA

officially added the rainbow flag to its design collection I'm starting to well up a little I'm so so touched so moved listen when we launched Outward,

which is, you know, my colleagues and I quickly realized that art would be a problem, of course. I mean, why wouldn't you think art would be a problem? Art, whenever you see art, you immediately think, oh my God, they hate LGBTQIA people. Many of our posts are on the general themes or issues within the LGBTQ. They don't even have IA in the story, man.

I'm starting to get a little pissed with the IA people. Posed to say specific people, finding illustrations or themes can be hard. Can it? An easy solution, of course, was the rainbow symbol, specifically in its manifestation as a flag. We used it for a time, but soon our article feed was filled with rainbow flags,

and we were forced to make the tough decision to ban them. But the most desperate, particularly germane cases, we're still going to be okay but overall we banned the flag did you so you had oh oh oh you banned something outward oh that's right it's okay

for you to ban that's right anyway congratulations the rainbow flag now part of the museum of modern art in New York actually it's a pretty cool place I've been there a couple times it's kind of cool

and it's got some really cool interactive things and you go there and it kind of, you know, people send their company there because they want people to think out of the box. So go to the museum. Modern art, you can see about thinking out of the box. Because some of what they have really isn't art. It's just someone saying, oh, isn't that art? No, no, no, a light bulb hanging down from a ceiling tile.

It's not art. It is to somebody, Joe. Okay. whatever but now I'm really pissed about the whole other story LGBTQ I mean it's the

LGBTQIA right I mean that's that's the group now I mean it's the lesbian gay bisexual transgender queer intersex sexual I mean you leave out the IA

all you get is lesbian gay bisexual transgender and queer that's it's completely right If I'm intersex or asexual, I am best right now. Okay? I mean, I would not stand for that at all. Okay.

Don't do it. Don't stand for it. All right. Coming up in the last half hour of the Jeff Fisher radio program, thank you so much for coming along for the ride today. You can, of course, you can of course dial in if you'd like to participate by dialing 1-88-903. You don't have to, though. And then you can follow me on Twitter at Jeff EMRA.

Facebook, Jeff Fisher Radio, Instagram, at Jeff EFERA. Those of you that need to be shot with the EpiPen once in a while, oh no, I've been stung by a bee, EpiPen. You may want to listen to this, generic drugmaker, my land, said on Friday that his manufacturing partner for EpiPen devices had expanded the life-saving allergy shot into the use. United States and other markets. Oh, there's a new recall. It's already recalled

81,000 epipens. And now we're coming for a one near you. So be careful and make sure you've got an epipen that works today. Oh, that's helping people live. What the hell am I talking about? Seriously. I don't

care if your epipen work. The Jeff Fisher Show. The Blaze Radio Network. Jeff Fisher Show on the Blaze Radio Network. sometimes life isn't fair. That's just all it is to it. Life isn't fair.

And I do know why I want to keep you alive, by the way, for the EpiPen story. Because, I mean, I was reminded that if you're dead, you can't listen. I mean, so you're right. You're absolutely right. All right. All right. A fascinating story. I don't want to talk about that story.

That's too serious. I don't want to talk about that story either. There's so much stuff I want to talk to you about. You know, as I put. go through the week. You know, we've got the Conbeck Radio program. We've got the Pat and Stu show

and then this show. This is, you know, we're doing dailies and we're preparing for this and I've got you know, I've got some stories that I try to find specifically for Pat and Stu. So in my, you know, in the stupid Jeffey segment and then, you know, we've got stories that we do specifically for Glenn Beck.

And then I've got stories that I do specifically for this show or or I cross, I cross-pollinate shows with the same story. The, you know, then by today, I don't care I don't care

It's been a long week I've been all kinds of conference calls and meetings and other meetings and shows and other meetings

and by now I don't care you want to talk you know whatever you want to talk about Venezuela falling apart sure we can talk about Venezuela falling apart

I don't care you want to talk about the you know giving all kinds of power and the Supreme Court you know taking power from the legislature, so democracy just continues to slip away, which

Venezuelan democracy. Oh, that is funny. Venezuela and democracy. It's funny. Funny, funny, funny. And then, you know, I heard Matt Walsh doing his promo here a little bit ago talking about the girl that got in trouble from her

professor for not wanting her to read anything written by a man. There's a story here this morning about a Northern Arizona university student, had her grade docked because a professor said, hey, you use the word mankind in your paper. Come on now. Really, that's where we're at. I mean, that's just stupid. It's just dumb.

I mean, I'll grant you. I'm not a professor. You didn't need to remind us that, you know, I know that. But stop it. Okay? Enough is enough. We've used that horrible, disgusting language for years. And I think we can live with it for a little bit longer.

Then you've got, you know, the horrible, horrific Mike Pence story. a loser right he will not go out to dinner with another woman unless his wife is there he didn't even attend events that served alcohol

unless his wife was there oh my gosh and no matter why he does it so what uh okay so you say maybe at one time he got drunk and tried to hit on girls or had an affair on girls. And so this is his way to make up to the wife and the wife for her to keep her reins on him. Okay, good for them. They kept their marriage together. Happy couple. Or he loves his wife. Wouldn't want the,

it's all about optics, right? Who wouldn't want the optics? Who wouldn't want the optics? of out to dinner with another woman and having drinks. Because you know what that means, right in today's world, if you get accused of anything. Accused, you're guilty. You know that as well as I do. I am just as guilty as the next person of saying, did you read this?

Did you see this guilty? And for the most part, in my mind, I'm thinking they're not really guilty. they're accused, but out loud, they're guilty. And when it comes back that they're innocent, uh-huh, right. Yeah, right, he wasn't at the table drinking, putting his hand up that girl's skirt

when his wife wasn't there. Sure, that wasn't him. Okay. So what is the big freaking deal? I don't, I seriously don't understand it. you try to tell me that he won't have dinner a business,

just will stick, we'll stick strictly with business. The governor of a state. He wants to promote Mary, spend with him for 100 years. Now, Mary, we can go out to dinner and drink and party and I can grab your ass all night long,

or we can promote you right here in the office, and we don't have to do anything, and we can congratulate each other, and we can get on with our work. How about that? How about that, huh? Or we can go out and party. Wow, we can celebrate.

We can just party, party, party. And then you can claim that I tried to grab your ass all night in the party and I'm guilty. No matter what. I don't get it. And the other side of that is perhaps they really do love each other as husband and wife. And wouldn't want the appearance and don't want to have any kind of experience like that without them being together. there's no so I don't I mean it just doesn't

doesn't make any sense to me what so ever I will say that I rather enjoyed Dana Lash as she gave our man from Star Trek Mr Mr. A

what's a stupid name hold on I've lost the story and I want to make sure I have everything right for you so I don't lose it okay George decay yes thank you oh my god you got a name right today you got

wow thank you thank you you got a name right any point to that I give him a congratulations points to another person in the room that wasn't me no look at me I don't do anything right them

that person them I know I had the super story of Dana giving him a hard time because, of course, George Taked, Mr. Cool, Mr. Gay Guy, Mr. I'm homosexual, and I can, you know, say what I want and beat up people all the line. He tweets, Pence won't have dinner alone with a woman who's not his wife. Literally, he won't, ever. No woman in her right mind would sit through that.

come on George so I will say that Dana slapped him down a little bit nicely which made me very happy if you want Pence to stay out of your relationships try staying out of his amen amen how about that George

how about that and see we get serious I don't care you know do I want to talk about do I want to talk about the story in Texas where they want bestiality to be legal?

Do I want to talk about that? You know, I love these stories because Texas State Senator wants beastiality to be legal in Texas. No, she doesn't. She wants to make a point that it's not, that it's not illegal. So that people can go,

it's not illegal? for a cowboy in the middle of nowhere to do a pig? We should make that illegal. Farmers should not be able to do their own donkeys. That's just the way it is. But that's all those stories are, right? I mean, they're funny. I like them.

You know, like the fines, they have the bills for the fines for masturbation, bestiality bills. Those are all, all just. So people can say, oh my gosh, that's not illegal. You mean that guy I saw outside Kroger in the bushes? He can't be arrested for that? Nope. So just keep walking and shut your face, okay?

So, I mean, we can talk about that. I don't care. We can talk about Italy wants to offer women-paid menstrual leave. We can talk about that. We can talk about that coming to America soon. We can talk about, I don't care. We can talk about what's going to happen. You know what's going to happen.

All this is just a setup so that we're all going to end up having our, we're going to take all the states around. We're going to take away all your benefits, which we'll have to figure out a way to at least save some of them. But they'll take away all those benefits. You don't have to worry about Obamacare or Trump care or Ryan care because it's just going to be government care. and you'll get your monthly stipend from the government

and shut up the doctor's over there you can go see the dock and wait in line get what you need go back to your little apartment play the Xbox and hang out go to the bar, I have a few drinks

not too much though because you don't want to be broke at the end of the month we can talk about all that my wife sent me a link six easy ways men can live longer and I was touched because she cares about me, right? She's sending me stories to, you know, so that I live longer. Now, one of the ways is get married, which, okay, we already are. The other one is have kids.

Okay, well, we already do. Be responsible. That was a tough one. But I guess, you know, helps me live longer. I can be responsible. The other one is get a dad bod. Who doesn't have a dad bod? You know.

Working out in the gym and all every day. But there's two on the list of the six ways that men can live longer that are, well, I'm all for. The others, get married, if kids, be responsible. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I get a dad bod. Yeah, yeah. Have lots of sex. okay. We're not quite sure how what lots equals, but I'm willing to figure it out on my own.

And the number one way of the six ways that men can live longer is stare at boobs. Now I'm taking that that's female, but I'm willing to give it a shot both ways just to live longer is okay. Here we go This is the Jeff Fisher Show on the Blaze Radio Network This is the Jeff Fisher Show Right Sometimes you have a little faithful people

And then they just spoil it for you So I'm saying Welcome to the broadcast Lawrence Jones standing by to do his show Immediately following this broadcast And then Mike Slater We'll step in after Lawrence And then tomorrow you've got a little

David Barton and Bill Handel and Jackie Daly. Then Monday through Friday, of course, Doc Thompson, Glenn Beck. Who's filling in? Oh, yeah, Mike Opelka and Chris Salcedo with a Pat and Stu. And then they run some replay

of some show before we play Buck Sexton. Who do we run the replay? Oh, that's right, Opelka. And so, you know, I mean, he's on the network. Whatever. You get enough of Mike. And I appreciate him pointing out some of the flaws that we have here

at the network this morning. It was good work by his part. Anyway, thanks for listening to the Blaze Radio Network. I can tell your friends. The blaze.com slash radio is the place to be 24 hours a day, seven days a week. And then, of course, you can download all those shows.

It's, of course, always special. You have Jeffie in your pocket. Oh, yeah. You're welcome. So I was sent by one of my Facebook peeps. at Jeff Fisher Radio,

which you should go and like that page, you know, right now is fine. But a Scott Thomas Lesser sent me a link to interesting, hilarious insults. And they were actually, I'm flipping through these insults, and some of them were actually really, really good. His mother should have thrown away and kept the stork. May West.

And of course, you know, Groucho Mark's the one that everybody knows Groucho for. I never forget a face. But in your case, I'll make an exception. So on April Fool's Day today, I'm going to let's send you away with great insults. Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others, whenever they go.

Oscar Wilde. Kurt Vonnegut Jr., if your brains were dynamite, there wouldn't be enough to blow. your hat on. Really? Kurt? Yes. That's the way it is.

That's the way he thinks. Elizabeth Taylor, some of my best leading men have been dogs and horses. Think about that. And I'm told, a fun-known fact in Texas, speaking of dogs and horses,

that bestiality, while legal in the state of Texas, which is good news for Texas. It is illegal to film Beastiality. Weird. So much for that selfie I had going. Anyway, have a good week.

See you later. This is the Jeff Fisher show. Only on the Blaze Radio Network.