Chewing the Fat with Jeff Fisher - 8/5/17 Hour 3

Episode Date: August 5, 2017

Wanna go to space without being an astronaut or paying Elon Musk?  For $12,500, you can send a gram of your cremated remains blasting onto the moon or have them shot out into deep space.  Jeffy has a million dollar idea.  What kind of cart returner are you?  There are 2 different people in this world; cart returners and cart deserters. Whichever side of the line you stand on says a lot about you. Follow Jeffy on Twitter: @JeffyMRALike Jeffy on Facebook: www.facebook.com/JeffFisherRadioFollow Jeffy on Instagram: @jeffymra Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

The Blaze Radio Network On Demand. The experiment was a success. Begin Life Force reboot program. Now. Stand clear. Life signs, stable. It's alive. Set it loose.

This is the Jeff Fisher Show on the Blaze Radio Network. Oh yeah. Psychology researchers from Michigan State University and the University of Michigan conducted a study to determine if self-talk could reduce anxiety. You should talk to yourself. It'll make you feel better.

Did you know that? Have you ever known anyone that actually talks to themselves? Like, I mean, obviously, I, if you count talking to yourself like, I've got to do this story, and I'm going to lay this story out, and I want to talk about that. Oh, yeah, and I can't.

I can't forget to talk to you about that. And I'm trying to, you know, get myself straight in my head what, what, you know, what I want to share with you. But I actually have been in familiar territory with humans who talk to themselves. And I mean, arms flailing. I can't take it. Tell me this. This. I don't know.

I'll go to this. Right. And talk to themselves. I mean, it's kind of a strange little thing. However, however, according to this study, subjects were shown disturbing images such as a man holding a gun to their heads. Then they were asked to respond to the pictures in first person, third person as their brain activity was being involved. For the second one, they were asked to recall traumatic experience in their first person and then in third person, and the brain activity was reviewed.

In both cases, they found that participants displayed less brain activity in the region most associated with storing emotional experiences when speaking in the third person. So speak in the third person, talk to yourself, make it all better. Make it all better, okay? That helps people gain a tiny bit of psychological distance from their experiences, which can often be useful for regulating emotions. Isn't that special? Welcome to the Jeff Fisher Show on the Blaze Radio Network 888-903.33 is the phone number. You follow me on Twitter at Jeff EMRA, Facebook, Jeff Fisher Radio,

Instagram, Jeffrey MRA, go to the blaze.com, click on the channels button. Look for Jeffrey Fisher, click on that, follow me there. You'll be alerted with new stories goes up, new stories from this show. And I do a few other little tidbits once in a while and throw it up on the Blaze channel, just for your entertainment. And then I come back. I left the room for a little bit because the building is quite possibly turning into the surface of the sun, since all the air conditioners are turned off.

And so I'm trying to get a couple of, try to get, go to the blow is, trying to get some AC turned on. And while it seems to be stuck on the off position and won't go to the on position, but I had left the studio for a few moments. And I come back and I've got the 800 number to Bill Murray in front of me.

Nice, thank you. Don't try to suck up now. Don't try to suck up now. Like Mr. Oh, he's really pissed to me about. about the Don Ho thing. I'll get him the Bill Murray number. Don't.

Don't try to suck up to me with that. Okay? I mean, it worked. It did work, but don't. Don't. Because I'm going to be calling Bill here today and saying hello and seeing if, you know, maybe the next time he's in Dallas we can hook up. I'd love to hang out with Bill Murray.

Love it. So we talked earlier about robots taking jobs. And you know that robots are going to be taking jobs. jobs from you as far as planetary protection officer. But as of right now, they still want humans. NASA is willing to pay you up to $187,000 a year to defend Earth from aliens. Come on. That's a good gig.

I would love to have the special badge, man. The planetary protection officer, PPO. I'm calling the planetary protection officers. They defend Earth and the cosmos from alien contamination. This following the Outer Space Treaty of 1967. No. I mean, nice. Planetary Protection Officer.

Now, the salary ranges from $124,000 to $187,000. So the creation of the position stems from, the Outer Space Treaty, which demands nations and parties exploring space, adopt appropriate coverage to handle adverse changes in the environment of the Earth resulting from the introduction of extraterrestrial matter. The agreement requires space missions to have less than one in 10,000 chance of contaminating another planet. Yeah, good luck with that. But I was wondering if, you know, if you have to wear a special suit, I might be out.

Because they probably don't have the fat guy suit. I'm a little disappointed about that. NASA's always got the, if you see the guys in the space shuttle, and when they're flying up and they're going into space, going to the space house that we just fly up and take trash from and come back and leave people up there. And now we're letting SpaceX do it, so thank you. I'm all about that.

We should have not been paying for trash pickup at the space station. That's all we were doing. There's more food. Give us your trash and then we'll go back to Earth. That's it all, they'll be private. Even if we have to deal with, I mean, you know who runs the trash departments. Yeah, even in space. That's why you need to have the planetary protection officer.

But anyway, you see those astronauts taking off in the shuttle. And I mean, they are, that's a tight squeeze there. There's no, there's no room for a guy like me. There's no room for a guy like me. me at all. They'll be like, nope. It's like getting on a roller coaster.

You know, where they have the roller coaster has the fat guy seat up front, but it really isn't really, it's like a designer fat guy seat. And if you've ever sat in that seat and want to feel good about yourself, you're not going to make that happen because if you,

what happens is they set you down and they go, oh, this is the big guy seat and they pull the thing up over your shoulders and your head like that and it won't fit just right. So the kid, you know, the 15-year-old kid that's working the ride, leans back, puts his foot up on it, it just jams it, locks it, and shit. Work up. You locked in?

Yes, I locked in. I'm good. I'm ready to have fun on the ride. We're good here. That's a tight screen. Bro. The last one I was out of it, I almost said just, just, go ahead. I don't know.

I don't know that I want to go on the full ride. And then it started. that bad boy gets tight now and I'm not sure if it's the seat or me that made it tight I figure that one out but that's what it'd be like at the space show in the space show you'd see the other two astronauts

all squeezed into one little corner oh we're fine don't worry about that one big fat guy in the corner there's three of us in here that's a anything for A planetary protection officer, though. I'm all ready for that.

Hello, space alien. I'm the planetary protection officer of Earth. Stop. You cannot enter our atmosphere. Yeah, that'll work. That will work. Now, you want to talk about a scam? And I shouldn't call it a scam,

because I don't know that it's a scam. But you know how you can buy stars? Genius. genius okay we'll sell you a star in your name they're going to say they send you a piece of paper that says that star that is so good why did I think of that that's a million dollar idea sell people we'll name a star after you that star at point dot 22222222 is bill at the star at point two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, I mean, that's genius.

Genius. Well, now, for $12,000, $1,500, only $12,500. So, I mean, we're, I'm making a deal with you here, okay? You can, uh, you can send your ashes to the moon, or you can hold a spot for, you know, a cemetery plot. Have we sold lots of land to the moon? Do we actually do that? Come on.

I mean, that's a good gig right there. We're going to just start sending. We'll send Grandpa's body burn dust up to the moon. Now, he won't be buried. We're just going to go up to the moon and throw the dust out. It'll be just part of the moon. And it's only going to cost you $12,000. That's good stuff.

Now you can send the gram to your cremated remains Oh, you can blast it onto the moon Or have them shot out into deep space Costs about $5,000 for a burial in low Earth orbit Just climb to a mountain and have somebody throw you up in the air Throw your dust up in the air is about the same as that I'll do that for you for five grand I'll tell you what, for $5,000

I'll fly a helicopter anywhere on Earth and just throw your, throw your, throw your, out the helicopter. That's a low Earth orbit. This is a good scam. Argos funeral services provide more personalized space burials.

Argos became the first funeral provider to score permission from the California Department of Public Health to send cremated remains to space on the first privately funded lunar mission led by Moon Express. I mean, you cut a deal with SpaceX, right? Moon Express cuts a deal with SpaceX. They buy a four-by-four section of SpaceX.

Right? You buy a four-foot section on SpaceX for your box. They fly you up to the space station. You know, they're dropping out of some food, picking up some trash. And then for, you know, a million bucks, they've got a box full of, a box full of human remains that they got to kick out. And they just throw it out into space

so that you have your low orbit. What's it called? Hold on. I got to make sure. Your low Earth orbit burial. I mean, come on. That's a good gig. I don't know that you can cover it, though,

because SpaceX, I mean, I'm sure that Elon is going to charge you a pretty penny for, you know, a spot on SpaceX. So you're going to have to get quite a few. Come on. Quite a few of them. But if you've got people talked into it, man, wow. So a small portion of the customer's ashes will join dozens of others on a rocket ship that blasts off from New Zealand late this year or early next year destined for the moon.

A robotic lunar lander built by Moon Express will carry the ashes and DNA and DNA to the surface, along with science projects designed to test Albert Einstein's general relativity of theory and to create a better map of the moon. You realize that the moon is just the moon, right? We've been there. It's dirt. I don't know if it's the moon.

It's another planet. Oh, okay. Argos and Celestis are selling space burials to anyone who ever longed to travel in space or stepped outside on a starry night and felt it home. it's not all that different from scattering ashes at sea everybody dies so it's a huge market

yeah that's the fact right there nothing true was said from that guy everybody dies so it's a huge market look I can say in this casket for eight grand but you know for another four I can shoot your ass on the moon oh okay you know your dad always

told me, he might not have written it down in his will, but your dad always told me he wanted to, you know, go to the moon. So this is a way for you to give him his dream. By paying me $13,000. Now you know what's going to happen, too? Feel it, Ka. I don't want it to happen. Maybe we should talk to these people.

Oh, we should talk to these Nickelberries and see exactly what they're doing. I mean, they've got Seattle Space Flight Industries, they've got California. They're blasting off from New Zealand. We're going to find out more about this. I've got to talk to these people. I want to see what kind of thing they've got to cook.

Because you know what's going to happen. I mean, I can feel it. I can feel it. The headline next year. Low orbit, what's it called? Low orbit space burials found to just be dumping dust in the middle of the desert here on Earth, lying to the...

the people. They'll be convicted of fraud. They tell people, oh, no, we sent him to the, we sent Uncle Bill to the moon. Uh-huh. That truck that drove through the desert that dust was flying out of. What was that? Nothing. The rocket never left Earth. I know, but he still went to the moon. We made it go to the moon. Really? We did. Oh, we've got to talk to these people. This is, I have to invest in this company.

Are you kidding me? Ash's, okay. Signing was a legendary geologist, Eugene Shoemaker's Ashes were shot onto the moon's surface in the summer of 1999. So we've already got human dust up there on the moon. The discovery is one of the things part of that, moon cemeteries. We've got to invest in this. I am telling you, here at the Jeff Fisher radio show, we have got to invest in moon cemetery plots.

I mean, that's a million-dollar idea. These people are way ahead of us. I am disappointed. This is the Jeff Fisher show on the Blaze Radio Network. This is the Jeff Fisher Show. All right, first I want to apologize. It was brought to my attention that I was incorrect about the moon. And I, you know, when I said it, I thought,

and I don't think that's right when I said everything about the moon. Because I inadvertently said that the moon was just dirt, moon dirt. And I apologize because everyone knows the moon is made out of cheese. I apologize So if you wish to have your bone dust spread on the moon Over the cheese It only costs you 13,000

We are going to find out more about that scam I'm telling you Also another million dollar idea that I had Moire had years ago I see an article About this company Granny Pods Now allow your aging parents to live in your backyard

Granny Pods Are you kidding me I talked about having those pods that you could get you drop them off in your driveway hook up a hose to them for your bathrooms and you've got an extra room for people to stay in for the holidays like a hotel room pods I'm the visitor pods hotel pods

call them whatever you want that was my idea now being used a million dollar idea you're welcome you're welcome for letting you don't have to give me any credit for it's fine don't worry about it I'm okay with it. You're welcome.

All right. Now, they want a lot of money for these granny pods. I mean, a lot of money. I believe that you could, if you wanted to just make one yourself and start running it out, you could do it for a lot cheaper. Would you drop off a pod in the driveway for a week? A, it will be comfortable enough so that it looks like you're providing a space for relatives to stay in. be it will be uncomfortable enough for them to say,

we can only stay the few days and then we have to go. So everybody wins. They get a place to stay and they want to leave. Nice enough to have a roof, bad enough not to want to stay there forever. You're welcome. That's all I'm saying. You're welcome.

All right. So we've got a lot. I got another couple of great stories for you that are happy with, but one of the things that is coming to America soon that's happening now in the UK is they have egg vending machines. You think to yourself, what do you want to get from a vending machine?

What's the first thing that pops into your mind? Eggs, of course. The Cabbock House Farm is relying on the goodwill of customers to pay the correct amount for the eggs because they had too many people stealing eggs. So they wanted to put the eggs in a vending machine and they're charging it for it.

That's good stuff. man, what they need to start doing is having the raw eggs for you to purchase in the vending machine and then have some, you know, the daily hard-boiled egg, you know, that sells for your lunch. That's your lunch, right, the hard-boiled egg. I know. I know. Look, look, these ideas just come to me, okay? I can't stop it.

I wish I could, but it's just there. All of these million-dollar ideas just come to me like this. I mean, you see a story on egg vending machines installed at a farm to tackle thieves. I see an egg vending machine and think to myself, hey, let's hardboil some and have some food. I know. I know. It's just, you know, the way things are. I can't help it.

Look, there's no off switch on Genius. The Jeff Fisher Show, the Blaze Radio Network. The Jeff Fisher Show. 3033.93 is the phone number. Welcome to it. Lawrence Jones standing by in the sweat box. That is Mercury Studios today. Of course, there is the surface of the sun in Texas.

But there's not an issue in this room. If there was an issue in this room, you would have heard about it. This room is comfortable. Now, I could open the sliding glass door a little bit and let some of the air out, maybe, you know, cool down a little bit of the area next door. I could do that. Plus, it will never reach that other room, so it's just wasted. I can't waste it.

It should be used in this room. I mean, it's almost like, you know, when you go shopping, let's use, just go grocery shopping, because that's the main store where you use a shopping cart. And you unload your groceries, and then you do what with the shopping cart? What do you do? Do you leave it?

Do you push it in the next? in the next parking area and just walk away? Do you push it up on a curb half and half and walk away? Or do you take it back to the cart receptacle? Some cart receptacles are wide for two or three rows. Some are short for single rows. What do you do with it? So I read an article.

What returning your shopping cart says about you? Now, I believe this guy's trying to be a little funny, but he's right. I realized, according to him, he realized there are two different people in this world. Cart returners and cart deserters. Both say a lot about you. I would add a third to that. There's the cart returners, there's the cart deserters, and then I'm not sure what we call the cart.

erratics or I'm not sure what we call it, but there's the cart person who feels like they want to return it, but they don't want to walk all the way over to the receptacle, so they just push it as hard as they can toward the receptacle and wherever it lands it lands. Yes, yes, those are the card half-assers. Yes, that's exactly, I'll go with that. I like that. Because we've seen them. Now, there are several times that I know that I could make it. Now, that's a little game in my head where I say, ooh, the receptacle right there and no problem.

Boom! And go as hard as you can, but I do follow through. So if it were not to go into the receptacle, which never happens. If it were not to go into the receptacle, I would go after it and put it in. But again, that's not going to happen under my watch.

I return them. I do return it. It drives me, the reason I return them is because, look, how much do I hate not being able to pull into it to a parking spot because of a shopping cart left. Have them blowing around a parking lot when it's, you know, windy and they're blowing around they're loose.

I just, how much, I see them half and half up on the curb of a parking area, you know, somebody, or they just leave it next to it. It just drives me crazy. So it's, I feel bad about being angry. angry at those people if I don't follow through on my end. So I take them back. Now I, at one time, for a time of my life, worked for a grocery chain. And part of my job when I first started, of course, is carts.

So no matter what you're doing in the store when you hear the manager, carts, you know that you've got a hopsing, you're boozy, but, outside and go get the carts. Now, in today's world, some of the bigger stores, the bigger box stores, they've got the cart machines. I would have killed humans for that machine. I mean, our part of our deal was to see how many we could actually push in from the parking lot and get them into the door and into their slots inside the store.

Because that takes them doing. Because there's only, you might be able to. to push a straight line of however many cards. I really don't remember how many, what the record was. I can tell you that I was the record holder, but I don't remember exactly what it was. But the trick, the record of being able to push a row of carts up to the door is one thing. the record of being able to push the the carts up and in the door

is something else because you got to get that you got to get the turn right you got to keep the you got to keep the momentum going forward you got to get the turn right and then you've got to reach a certain point where you swing the line back because you don't want to hit the other side of the doorway and then you've got to keep the momentum still going forward

I mean it could be a sport I was to say it could be possible but then they ruined it with robotics those bastards They brought in a robot card pusher. Those bastards. Still takes a human though with the remote control. Wait till that job ends.

Those robots will be pushing 8,000 carts in. But they won't need to because every time a cart gets left out there, a robot will be standing by to push it in. Huh? Come on. That's a good gig. So he claims that there are hundreds of excuses for someone to leave their cart propped up on a grassy medium or less.

between parking spaces. Maybe they're in a hurry. It's raining. They're trying to escape dirty looks for getting there because their oversized truck is parked across two spaces. Whatever the reason, there's one thing all these excuses have in common.

It's all about them. We see that all the time. Especially, I don't want to say Texas is any worse than any other place, but Texas is worse than any other place. Many people believe that the world is about them, and that's what they live on. And again, I don't want to say that Texas is any worse than any other place, but Texas is worse than another place.

So why not take a step for it? If you're disabled person with a cart, offer to return it for them. It's all about helping your neighbor. Successful people put others first instead of being wrapped up in things that benefit them. They look for ways to help and serve those around them. You will get all you want in life if you help enough other people get what they want. So, I mean, I'm living large. If I help enough people get their shopping car, if I help enough people get their shopping,

If I help enough people get their shopping cart, I mean, that's, I'm living large. Count on that. I mean, when it comes to money, the more giving you are, the more likely you are to make. And, you know, a lot of people poo-poo that, but this man gives you a good example. A hand that's closed tightly around money ensures that none leaves, but it also ensures no one can come in. an open hand allows money to come and leave freely. So think about that. Now, he claims that we've all been tempted to turn into the dark side.

Your child is screaming. The nearest cart receptacle is 10 parking spaces away. Can't I leave the cart here just this once? Again, this is where I have a problem because I want to just leave it there. I mean, I've already paid an extra amount of money. money for my groceries because they want to pay Bob Jr. to come out and get shopping carts. So let Bob Jr. get it.

That's his job. Because Bob knows when he hears carts, he has to hopsing his butt out there and get carts. Even if it's with the remote control machine that they can bring in 18 million cards. And they got it easy now because most of those places have like garage doors that the machines and robots can just wheel in hundreds of cards in a row. It's not like the old days.

and we had to do it by hand, I'll tell you that. When men were men. And grocery baggers were cart boys. Car boys were boys. Something like that. So you just need to do the right thing. Know who you are. What kind of person are you?

Are you a cart returner, a cart deserterter, or a, what was it? Oh, are you a cart, are you a cart returner, A cart deserter or a cart half-asser. Which are you? You decide.

That drives me crazy to those carts, man. This is one thing. I seriously, I don't know why it bothers me so much. I really don't. And it's been a long time since I've actually left a cart. Not in a cart receptacle. It just drives me crazy. I mean, it only takes a little bit of time.

to wheel that cart back to where the receptacle that they have for them. Just a little bit of time. And if you work smarter not harder, perhaps when you're looking for a place to park, you try to park close to a receptacle. So the walk isn't that far. Right? But we just leave it. You pull it.

I mean, how many times it's been busy? The store parking lot's busy. It's pretty full. And you see an open parking space and you pull in and there sits a shopping cart. Because someone only cared about themselves and didn't care about other people. That's worse than a cart half-assar. The cart deserters are worse than the cart half-assers. All right.

I'll tell you that. Oh, man. I'm too bad. I'm too bad to go on. This is the Jeff Fisher Show on the Blaze Radio Network. It's the Jeff Fisher Show. Welcome to the broadcast. This is the Jeff Fisher Radio Show on the Blaze Radio Network.

Thank you so much for coming along for the ride today. I appreciate it. Each and every Saturday here on the Blaze Radio Network. And then, of course, once in a while I speak up on the Glenbeck Radio program and speak up once in a while on the Pat and Stu Show on the Blaze Radio Network and the Blaze Television Network. So thank you again for coming along for the ride and joining us on whatever broadcast. You grab the horns on and join.

We love you for it. Thank you. A couple of things I wanted to get to. We talked about robots a lot during this broadcast. We talked to the author, Nigel Cameron, about his book, Will Robots Take Your Job? And I'm going to be, I'd like to talk to Nigel again and get into a little bit more, dig in a little bit more, peel a couple more layers off that onion because we kind of broad-stroked it a little bit today. But there's so much to talk about and be concerned about that.

I just don't think it's being addressed as we get closer and closer to more robotics doing more and more work. And it's all around us already, and it's only going to get worse or better, depending on how you look at it. And one of the things that they're doing now, I just read a story where scientists are precisely edit DNA in human embryos. And they're trying to fix a particular disease gene. So if we're at a point where we are editing DNA in human embryos, we're going to be able to live a lot longer. We've got they've got robotics that are going in and doing lung cancer surgery, that they can catch it faster and be more precise.

So you're going to be, if you have some sort of disease, you're going to be able to get it fixed better from robotics. And then for those of you that want to have the perfect, human being, you're going to be able to create the perfect human beings or as close as we can get by editing the DNA. So something, I mean, if you're going to have robots running everything, something's going to have to be done because we're going to have, you know, 800-year-old people sitting around waiting for the government to pay them so that they can go to the grocery store and leave their damn

shopping cart out. A lot. Yeah, you heard of me. Yeah, that's right. Now, be ready. Also, a story about Fox getting ready to debut six second TV ads. It should be fascinating. YouTube started this not long ago.

And, I mean, how Clear Channel did it 10 years ago with their adlets and their five-second ads trying to get it in. The problem that Clear Channel did is that they were using these adlets and it was adlets. So it was in addition to. They figured, hey, you know, we can put 25, 26 minutes of ads. into this 30-minute program, and if we can just add another five seconds, we'll get more money. I mean, that's the way they were thinking.

So if it's just going to be the ad itself, just the six-second ad and not, hey, here's 60 seconds, and then we're going to throw in an extra six-second ad. It might work out all right. And I hope it does. There's plenty of room for new ways to advertise. And in fact, there may be some things

who look forward to here on the Blaze Radio Network in the future. And that's what to say. You said, I don't spoil anything. Don't quote me on anything, okay? And for those of you that want to send me more information at any time you can email me anytime, Jeffie, J-E-F-F-F-Y at Glenbeck.com.

And I'll give me an example of some of the email that I already received. So, I mean, if there's more of this, feel free to send it to me because I want to be alerted when things like this happen. Okay? this is an email that came to me earlier this week Space warning

Death Star heading towards Earth will end life with hail of space rocks You've been warned So just if you want to email me information And warn us, warn myself and warn others Feel free to do so Because we all want to be alerted Don't forget about the AI language

robots. Can't get enough of these. There was actually, it was just a male and female fighting. I can. I, I, I, I, everything else. Balls have a ball to me, to me, to me, to me, to me, to two. The man robot.

I. I. This is the Jeff Fisher show. Only on the Blaze Radio Network.