Chewing the Fat with Jeff Fisher - A Chat With Gino Vannelli, Bad Joke Day And No Smoking 9/6/14

Episode Date: September 6, 2014

Jeff covers the latest on ISIS, Lois Lerner, Andrew Tahmooressi and shares some great bad jokes. Jeff also discusses what a woman did to her roomates, not smoking and catches up with musician Gino Vannelli, All this and more on Jeff Fisher Show!Jeff Fisher is live from 6am to 8am ET, Saturday. Listen for free on TheBlaze Radio Network.Follow Jeff at twitter.com/JeffyMRA Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This is the Blaze Radio on demand. This is the Jeff Fisher Show on the Blaze Radio Network. Hello. How are you? How are you? Yes, I am fantastic. Welcome to the Jeff Fisher Show on the Blaze Radio Network. Uh, hello. How are you? Yes, I am fantastic. Welcome to the Jeff Fisher Show on the Blaze Radio Network. It's fantastic to be here. It was a nice vacation, but it's good to be back with you. I mean that. 888-90-33-33 is the phone number if you want to participate.

And there's plenty of going on on the Blaze Radio Network today. Michael Pelka following this broadcast, along with Canaan Cup, Chris Salsato, Mike Slater, Joe Pagg. You don't need to go anywhere. Stay right here on the Blaze Radio Network. Well, I mean, we have got, you know, you hear it all the time from shows, but we've got so much to get to today and a short time to get there. Just some of the top headlines that, you know, I mean, we have to touch on some of the top ones, don't we?

I mean, we'll get maybe to a little Ebola, maybe to the border. I mean, all that's an issue. I know. You know, the unrest, local unrest throughout different cities in the U.S., I know, it's a big problem. You've got the two beheadings. Is it ISIL? Is it ISIS as it is? Seems to be the question bearing heavy on many people's minds. I don't know that it matters.

The president in Wales for the first time since, you know, who knows? A couple thousand, a couple million years. He's having fun. He's wandering around looking at Stonehenge, thinking it's really cool. Yeah, it is. It is Prez. It's real cool. Stonehenge. Glad you get to see it. Where's the family? Oh, wait.

We didn't bring them. And, of course, yesterday the press conference was agonizing in Wales. He kept going back to, well, this is what you have to do, structured, telling us the plan and what he's doing. But it wasn't too long ago you told us literally right out of a meeting with. the Pentagon, we really don't have a plan. And then he realized after the advisor said, Barack,

that was stupid. I don't know that anybody's ever told him that, but I doubt it. But they may have said, Mr. President, that really wasn't the brightest thing to do because now it looks like we don't have any plan at all. We really kind of have a plan,

but we really shouldn't be telling people our plan. So yesterday was his way of saying that we actually do have a plan, which we don't. His plan is to get a coalition of other countries because he's not going to do it alone. No way. No way does he do it alone. Not a chance. But Jeff, we're the United States of America. I know that. That's why we're not doing it alone. No way he takes credit or takes the heat. No way does he do that alone. He wants to do be able to say, look, it was a coalition, it went wrong, or this was a great thing I thought of

getting all these countries together. So, just unbelievably agonizing. And we also see what's happening in the Middle East since we left, since he pulled out all our troops. I realized that we didn't have our papers to keep our people there because he, he's, you know, he's, you know, He can, once again, he can blame it on, you know, I tried to keep some there. We're not going to keep a lot there. I tried to keep our troops there. But they said no. Uh-huh.

Because you kept going down the numbers. We've been over this. You know that. But what I found fascinating is they found a clip. And I won't, I promise this, I won't play any more John Kerry today. Well, no, I won't play. And I promise that I won't play. I promise.

cross my heart, hope to die, stick a needle in my eye, that I won't play any Barack Obama clips. But I will play just one time, just so you get an idea if you haven't heard George W. Bush from 2007 telling you, telling us the American people, what would happen if we pulled completely out of Iraq? I know some in Washington would like us to start leaving Iraq now. To begin with drawing before our commanders tell us we are ready would be dangerous for Iraq, for the region, and for the United States. It would mean surrendering the future of Iraq to al-Qaeda. It would mean that we'd be risking mass killings on a horrific scale.

It would mean we allow the terrorists to establish a safe haven in Iraq to replace the one they lost in Afghanistan. It may be increasing the probability that American troops would have to return at some later date to confront an enemy that is even more dangerous. Wow. I wonder if we look back exactly what's going. Oh, my gosh, that is exactly what's going on. Seems really prolific right now, doesn't it? Yes, it does. Unbelievable.

We find out yesterday that we have more missing emails. Oh, my gosh, no, we're missing emails from... You know, just those, just Ohio. Those people that we wanted to talk to would find out what they were talking about in Ohio for the IRS. You know, those are missing too. But, you know, if we can find them, if we can find a way to get them to you, we will. You guys, you know, you guys can keep looking around for Lois's emails, and then we'll try to get to these emails from the Ohio workers and find out what's going.

Right now, we got nothing for you. Man, I wish we did. Who, boy, do I wish we could help you out on that, but. Darn the luck. We can't. We just can't. And then we find out yesterday that the president is getting hammered with immigration. Sign it.

Let's go. Let's make it happen. And now we heard last week or two weeks ago that it was done. He's not doing it until after the election. He's going to hold off because he knows. And trust me, he's not the only one that knows. Death. Death.

to the Democrats in the election, which is probably going to happen anyway, but if he makes the immigration deal, uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh. Because the, uh, I'm pretty sure the American people don't want it. He won't tell you that. He'll tell you they do. Out of compassion.

But just like a number of other things that he's worked on in the course of his administration, it doesn't matter to him what the American people want. He knows best. So I'm pretty sure they'll hold off, but we've got to, I mean, it's going to get ugly. The border. We've already, you know, we've already ISIS is in El Paso was the headline we saw earlier this week. Really?

And then we saw, you know, whether it's real or not. And we saw places on the map of the United States where ISIS has been training in the U.S. and we talked about the airliners missing. Oh, my gosh. There's 11 airliners missing. And then, you know what? No, they're not missing. They're just, we didn't count right.

Some have blown up. Some have been moved. We've hit them. We moved them because of the war. They're not missing. I don't worry about it. They're not missing. And that, that Malaysian flight airline.

Don't forget. Just forget about that because that's in the middle of the ocean. We didn't find it. We didn't find it. And we don't know exactly what happened, but we're pretty sure that that's where it is. It's right there. It's in the ocean.

Don't worry about it. And we had talked about the ISIS fighters from all over the world from different countries. And I know it doesn't sound like much. At least it doesn't to me. They made a big deal about, you know, a couple hundred people from this country and 100 people of this country and 100 people from the United States. I mean, 100 people. They're 300 million people.

100 people. You put 100 people in a room. Big deal. Let him go fight. Let him go over there. Goodbye. Don't let them back in. You wanted to fight for ISIS.

Go ahead. You weren't you fighting for ISIS? Yeah, no, you're not coming back in. Nah, that's okay. I'll let you back in. That's not going to happen, but that's what should happen. That's what should happen. No question about that.

I mean, it's been a long week. Anyway, I just, you know, let's relax. We don't need all of this stuff. Do we? I mean, we don't we need to worry about that now. we do all right and don't

oh my gosh and today day 159 tamarisi in the Mexican jail tomorrow marks 160 days

unless he gets out today which I pray he does 160 days for making a wrong turn in Mexico and I know all the stories I read all the stories oh he was running guns it was horrible

please how's Stonehenge Mr. President. Cool. Cool. You to be traveling the world looking at Stonehenge? Yeah.

Well, you can do that because Tamarisi was fighting for you in the service. And yet he's not fighting now, is he? No. Because he made a wrong turn. And you just want to let the Mexican... We've got to let...

We've got to let... We've got to let the Mexican judicial system work its course. We believe in the judicial system. Do you? Do you, really? Okay. Okay.

Whatever you say. Now, also this weekend marks three months of me. I'm going to say attempting to not smoke because I haven't smoked in three months. I haven't smoked a live burning cigarette in three months. I have an electronic that I carry around. I hit that once in a while. It's not even, just because I like to have something in my fingers to play with. You can quote me on that.

Now, I see a study earlier this week that more than eight in ten homes forbid smoking. Eight in ten U.S. homes forbid smoking. Really? I mean, I haven't smoked inside a building in 100,000 years. It would have been a long time. I remember going to a neighbor's house a long time ago, you know, another lifetime ago. my oldest son was real little. He's in his 20s.

I mean, he was real little. And we went next door to a get-together. They invited us over. And they both smoked in their house. And so did we at the time. We skidded ourselves and said we smoked out on the back porch, you know, the veranda. It was Florida, so everybody has their son room. And so we smoked out there.

I was still in the house. And, man, we went next door, and they opened it. up the door, and it was the first time we'd actually gone inside the house. It had been, you know, friends, outside friends. And they opened the door, and it was this wall of smoke just hitting you in the face. And it just was permeated everything. And we got home. I remember distinctly walking at our house and opening up the windows.

And that was the last time we smoked inside the house. And that was, you know, okay, 20 years ago, been a long time. and I didn't smoke inside. I mean, that was about the time that buildings all no smoking, and you can't smoke here and you can't smoke there, and no smoking here, no smoking there. And you can go over. You can go to the leper colony and have a cigarette if you'd like.

That's the only place you can smoke. But you can buy them everywhere. You can buy them everywhere because we love that tax money. You can't smoke them, no, no, not here. Not here. You have to go somewhere else, but not here. So, I mean, I get it. But it's been a long three months, and I'm telling you, I'm at about the time.

I was just talking to someone, and it's been good. I mean, every time I really feel like I want, I'm going to have a cigarette, I'm going to break down. I don't care. I'm just going to buy a pack, smoke cigarette. I need one. I get some kind of sign, and that sign, you know, tells me, shut up that man. You're not going to smoke. Move on.

You know, this, over the vacation, I was all right. I was ready, man. I really, really was ready. And I know those of you that don't smoke don't get it. So, you know, I apologize, but just, I'm just trying to tell you that this is what some of your other friends who have tried to not smoke or are now not smoking. This is the struggle that you go through. And it is a struggle. I was like, I was ready.

I was like, I'm buying it. That's it. I'm going to smoke. And, but before I smoke, I got to finish up this email. Yes, it was very. vacation, but I'm still doing a little bit of work. Don't. Come on.

You can't not work, right? And the story pops up, and it's talking about the TCU football coach. We'll get into a little college football here in a little while. But it's about the story about the TCU football coach, the former TCU football coach, because it's opening weekend of college football last weekend. And TCU is right here in the Dallas-Fort Worth area,

where I live, and he's talking about how he left and how he left TCU, you know, years ago and how the program has gotten better, yada, yada, yada, y, and how he's not going to make the trip to the game, and he really wants to because it's homecoming for him, but he can't because he's recuperating from cancer surgery, from chewing too much tobacco. And how important it is that, you know, listen, there's no, there's never any time, but, you know, easier than now to quit. And, you know, I should have done it a long time ago. And I thought, okay, okay, I get it.

I get it. I won't smoke. This is the Jeff Fisher Show on the Blaze Radio Network. The Jeff Fisher Show is on. 888-903393. Welcome to it on the Blaze Radio Network. You can tweet me at Jeffie, MRA, or Facebook, Jeff Fisher. I think it's Jeff Fisher, Jeffrey Fisher, whatever.

If you're on Facebook, you know what I'm talking about. Now, I printed out something earlier this week that made me laugh. And it was bad jokes. Bad jokes. And I thought, you know, everybody loves bad stupid jokes, don't they? Really? So I think we're going to make today, bad joke day. So coming out of these breaks, I'm going to give you two bad jokes.

And you can take them with you. You can say them at the water cooler. Save them. Put them in your back pocket. Save them for when you need them. And the subject will come up and you go, oh, that was, I can use one of Jeff's bad jokes. So here you go. All right?

The first two bad jokes on Bad Joke Day, Jeff Fisher Show, Blaze Radio Network. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent. Number two, a jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, I'll serve you, but don't start anything. That's the first two. You're welcome, by the way. You are welcome.

All right, the robots are coming. Did you know that? The robots are coming. They're coming to your house. They're coming to your doctor's office. They're coming to your car. They're coming to your favorite coffee shop. Robots are coming.

Are you ready for it? I kind of am. I kind of am. And I know that it's kind of a weird thing. And you're not sure, but they are coming. And we've heard reports that they're going to take our jobs. They're not going to take our jobs. But really, hopefully they'll be able to,

enhance the human life, right? I mean, I read a fascinating article, and I'll tweet it again from Jeffrey MRA, and I think I may have tweeted it over vacation, but I'll tweet it again today from the Brookings Institute. And it's a, you know, a whole thing about, it's a long story, 20 pages. I mean, take some time to read it.

It was really fascinating about how humans respond to robots, and is talking about public policy through good design. And some of the things that they talk about in the story, like my favorite is when you talk about how new technologies will help avoid unnecessary policy friction and help maximize human benefit. That's what they're concerned about, maximizing human benefits. And then it goes on and it goes into deep story about robots and how they interact with people and what happens. And then I'm trying to find exactly what it talks about here, but it talks about how,

robots, when they look more like humans, that's when they're the most scary to us. We want the most non-anthropomorphic designs. Ha! Take that, Michael Pelko. Yeah, anthropomorphic. That's a word of the day from the Jeff Fisher Show. Yeah, anthromorphic. This is the Jeff Fisher Show.

Only on the Blaze Radio Network. Jeff Fisher. 888-9033-33. This is the phone number if you'd like to participate. Pure Opelco, immediately following this broadcast on the Blaze Radio Network. Now, the weekend is action-packed. I know we have day programming and everything. You know, yeah, yeah, yeah, Doc Thompson, Sliquicom, Glenn Beck, Buck Sexton, Jay Severin, Pat and Stu.

I know we have that Monday through Friday. Big deal. Saturday, you got me. You got Michael Pelka, Canaan and Cub, Chris Salcido, Mike Slater, Joe Pags, that's where you need to be. Okay? Don't worry about that whole five-day-a-week workers. You want the one-day-a-week workers.

So I decided that today was going to be, you know, bad slash sad-water cooler joke day. So I gave you two already. You can go back on the podcast at the, you know, Theblaze.com slash radio and get them if you'd like. Like, you can use them. Just put them in your back pocket and use them. So I'll give you two more.

I'll give you a couple out of each break. You ready? A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says, A beer, please. And one for the road. Number two? Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other,

does this taste funny to you? So yesterday, if you watched and or listened to the Glenn Beck radio program, Geno Vanelli stopped by. Geno Vanelli. And I mean, it's Gino Vanelli, right? You got to talk to Gino. So I pulled them in here. And, I mean, you told a story of how you got your first radio or record deal.

And I'm not sure, you know, you could actually pull that off in today's world. But it was fascinating how you got that deal. I mean, you were down and out. Well, you know what? I'll let you tell it. I mean, you were down to your last five bucks, right? I had traveled to New York for a couple of years and got pretty close to getting a career going. And I went back home, started a band and my brother, Joe and I saved up about $2,000, $3,000.

We built a little studio at home, made some demos, and we had a couple of thousand dollars left, made our way to Los Angeles. And we were there for about four months, knocked on every door possible. Every door possible. And so we stayed at this little place at the time. I don't know if it's still there on Sunset Boulevard called the Orange Motel. It was $5 a day. Us and all the other. $5 a day renters.

Cree-crawleys in all the other rooms, you know. But it was the day before New Year's Eve, which was December 23rd. And my brother said, we're down to our last $5. And I said, what about the money we asked Mom to send? And Mom sent the money to Hollywood, Florida, by mistake. Oh. So, Joe said, we have an open ticket, but we need to leave tomorrow or else we're going to panhandle. I said, there's no way I'm going.

I said, this is it. And he says, well, you know, I don't know what you're going to do, which is I'm going home. So that morning, I couldn't sleep very well. It was about six in the morning, and I decided to walk the streets of Sunset Boulevard as the sun was just rising. And to my left was this beautifully carved Episcopalian Church.

And I said, I wonder if the doors are open. And lo and behold, the doors were open. And I went inside, and that beautiful echo that churches have, you know, where any note sounds great. So I just sat down in the pews, the pews cracked a bit and I was so tired I hadn't slept all night I just fell asleep and I woke up at around 10 o'clock and Very clear-minded as to in regards to exactly what I had to do So I went back to the hotel took the sock out of Joe's mouth

And he said let's go we're go you follow me so I took my guitar and I went to the Charlie Chaplin Studios where A&M right was on LaBray and sunset it. And the guard tower, the guy named Johnny, was in the guard tower. He came down and he said, you know, you've got to know that this is personal private property. You cannot go through those gates. Understand, I said, but I said, this is right here is a sidewalk and it's free country, right? He says, yes, but don't let me catch you. So we waited and we waited. He would check with us all the time. I kept on saying free country until finally about three, four hours later. It was a different time. Well, it was, yeah.

I saw Herb cross the parking lot through the gates. And as a little bell went off, said, now's my time. And I dropped my guitar. I said, Joe, take this, and I ran. And the guard kept on saying, Son of a bitch, I knew you'd do that. And he started chasing him. And he unholstered his gun.

And I managed to reach Herb first. And Herb was totally stunned and shocked. He went gray. and I found out later that Lani Hall's wife had nearly been kidnapped the month before. Right. So they were on guard for any unusual happening. Your saving grace with Johnny was that he knew you weren't one of the kidnappers, really. You were just breaking his rules.

I don't know. I mean, what I didn't know. What I didn't know at the time was my own danger. And so Johnny finally caught up with me and started hauling me away. And I just, I guess I looked like, you know, Lahasa, Apso, you know, looking at Herb. And Herb said, just a minute, Johnny. And Herb said, what do you want?

I said, well, can you just listen to a couple of tunes? And Herb just took a few seconds. And he said, okay. He wrote me a little slips that's come back in 30 minutes. And of course, Johnny was saying, your mother. And he said, you know, I had outwitted Johnny in some way. Later, Johnny, I became good friends, obviously. I came back 30 minutes.

Don't lose that slip. but you're not getting in. Right, exactly. I walked, went back to my hotel, and then I went back 30 minutes later. I played him a few tunes, and Herb just said, well, he says,

welcome, you've got a deal here if you want it. Well, since then, you have become the Gino Vanelli. And, you know, I'm talking to you in the Mercury Studios in Dallas, Texas, because you're playing here in Dallas tonight at the Isman, at the Isman Center, and you can still see if tickets are available by going to geneovie.com.

Since then. A lot of changes, you know. As the world changes, you know, and the music business changes, you know, as we grow up, we change. We either apply our core understanding or we don't. We either adapt or we don't.

And when you make the decision to say, I will adapt, I will grow, I will learn. Music mastery is about self-mastery. because if you don't master certain part of yourself at least, you can't go on in this business. Because it's 99.9%. It can't be done or it won't be done or no one will let you do it. Well, I mean, obviously, you've been going since when you,

since you've run into Herb in 1970. Two. Two. I was 20 years old. You know, so you've given up the drugs and the alcohol and the women. And so, I mean, you look great. The drugs are in the alcohol. You know, I decided to pick up more education as I went along, Jeff.

I mean, that was my saving grace. At 30, I went back to college. I finished what I needed to finish. And then I got tremendously interested in theology. So I studied six years of theology. I traveled the world. I didn't tour for 12 years. But I travel the world with seeking out various so-called.

called masters. That's fantastic. And had audiences and learning lessons and things of that sort. And got back to it in early 90s and made a conscious decision that I was going to, again, broaden my field of view. And so I learned orchestration for big bands, for orchestra. I recorded a conto later on, which is a more of orchestral, symphonic approach. I orchestrated all myself. So, I mean, for all that time, I learned so much that it kept me, all these little mountains kept me busy, kept me panting. And so interested in learning that life was going by. So when we see you live, are we going to get, do we get that array of Gino Van Allenle?

Well, you're a big piece on stage, and you get a sense of, I guess, the breadth of my experience. Yeah. Well, of course, I mean, we can't help get that. That's what it's all about. All right, so you've traveled the world. Yes, I have. You're in Dallas, Texas now, big whoop. You know, it's Dallas.

Favorite place in the world. Don't tell me home with the wife. Oh, my God. I got it. Okay, I got it. Favorite place in the world, on the globe. I mean, to play or to just be? No, for real.

I mean, there are so many cool places. That's a question. I mean, when I'm in a certain kind of mood, I mean, Tokyo is just a blast. I mean, you can find any gadget you want to find there. And then on the other hand, I mean, I've been up to Banff, you know, up in Calgary, up north of Calgary. And you want to commune with the stars that definitely used to play. I know you were born in Montreal? Yes, I will.

So you're a Canadian. Now, my dad used to say, you know, I've traveled the world. There's no place like the United States. Don't worry about that. True? Well, there is a certain sense. I think, you know, in many countries, they'll call themselves free. For instance, I was in Argentina a few years ago, and I said, I asked the guy from the record company,

is your sort of political upheaval over? He says, yes, it's over. So now you have free press? Can people say what they want to say? Yes, we have free press, but it's limited free press. You don't have free press, right? It's free as long as you're printing what we want you to do. friend. And you're fine. You can print anything you want as long as we like it.

So there is something about the U.S. that you know there is a sort of an arch, you know, or some sort of glass ceiling of protection that you do. Maybe it's a mistake to feel that way, but you do feel that way as an artist especially. Okay, so best place to play. I'll play your game. Best place to play in the world. It's Dallas, Texas, Jeff, at the Isman Center. Now, I have to say the Baltic countries are the amount of starvation and voraciousness they have for music just lets even the most mediocre musician gives them incredible flattery. Well, you're just over there not long ago, right? I was. I just played Latvia.

I played two years ago, three years ago. Estonia and Lithuania, they're fledgling nations that are just experiencing freedom. And so therefore their appreciation of things that are free, people that love freedom, is astronomical. They have not yet grown cynical. Right. So the music business, in particular, as well as many other businesses, including this one, has changed so much since, well, we got into them. Are you happy with it? Do you like to see it going a more direction?

You're right? Ecstatic about it. First of all, in 1983 to 86, when my brother, Joe, and I were experimenting in the studio, we said, we looked at each other, we said, someday we're going to be able to make music in a box. And someday it's all going to be there right at our fingertips. We're going to be like pilots. It's just operating this thing that's going to give us what we want to get. And we kept on scratching our heads.

But how is that possible? I mean, to actually sit down and orchestrate something or create a rhythm section or create this. Just out of a box. Out of a box. And technologies started happening. It happened fast, too. Yeah, and that's the thing that really pleases me

because when I go to the studio, sometimes I don't have any particular deadline. I'm not touring for a month or two. And I just go to the studio and I just experiment. I look online and see, who's got some new cool software? I downloaded, and I come up with material songs and feel just by this, because of, you know,

fooling with this new software. sound. And for me, all this new technology is totally second nature. I don't have to, you know, recalibate my brain for it or anything like that because as far as I'm concerned, I've been doing it since the mid-80s. And old school is good, too. I love to get together with the band and do arrangements and sit down with everybody and just go for it on the instrument. Right. Both old and you are fantastic. But it's good that you're not afraid of it. It seems to me, just looking around. that a number of bands and performers that I've been around throughout heading into the New Age

have really balked at it. They haven't befriended it. And I'm telling you, it's a fantastic thing. I just finished this new cut, and I orchestrated a full orchestra. And sometimes I'll bring in some live musicians to create a little bit more of an illusion and all that. But it's amazing what you can do. I mean, all the movies you're seeing right now, Jeff.

I mean, most of it is just a done in. boxes. Right. And it doesn't negate the fact that you have to be a real orchestrator and a real composer and a real arranger, you know, to be able to do it. Because I always tell this to my students when I give some master classes. Every time you plug in and you get that, that oboe sound, that flute, or that bass, think of it as a $600 session if you really need that guy. And therefore, you're going to be a lot more judicious and prudent about your arrangements. Right. So there's where the old school thinking applies to new school technology. All right, we're talking to Gino Vanelli.

Yes, that's right, the Gino Vanelli. You're playing in Dallas tonight, Eisman Center, Ginov.com is the website. One thing, I know you've got to get out of here, so I'll get you out of here. It's early, and you haven't even been to bed yet, and you've got to go to, you have the show to do tonight. One thing you'd like to have your fans remember about Gino Van Gogh. Well, should I say, and why not? What would you like at your gravestone?

You know, if anybody gets just a little bit of a zip in their life and finds a little more joy and finds a little more meaning and maybe just an extra smile, that's good enough for me. This is The Jeff Fisher Show on the Blaze Radio Network. This is the Jeff Fisher Show. 8889-033-93 is the phone number. Mr. Gino Manelli for stopping by. It is bad joke day.

You know, sad joke day. You know, the joke you can tell around the water cooler, you put it in your back pocket, you save it for the kids when you need it. So I'm going to give you another one here for you. Two cows are standing next to each other in the field. Daisy says to Dolly, I was artificially inseminated this morning.

I don't believe you, says Dolly. It's true. No bull. Michael Palca, his broadcast of actual of the Blaze Radio Network coming up immediately following this broadcast, but we have one more strong hour to go.

On the Jeff Fisher Show here on the Blaze Radio Network. Thank you so much for being here. You, of course, can always download the podcast at theblaze.com slash radio. This is the Jeff Fisher Show. Only on the Blaze Radio Network. It was a success. Begin life force reboot.

Stable. It's alive. Set it loose. This is the Jeff Fisher Show on the Blaze Radio Network. Hello. How are you? Welcome to it. If you'd like to participate while the show is live,

you can dial 1-88-9-0-33-9-3-9-3-1-8-8-8. 9-00-3393. If you're listening to the podcast, file to blaze.com slash radio. You can dial the number. Somebody might pick up, but you're not going to be able to talk to me. Welcome to it.

Just a reminder. I don't know why it's just something I like to remind you, but tomorrow. Today is 159, but tomorrow marks the milestone of day 160. from Sergeant Tamarisi in a Mexican jail for making a wrong turn. Write your letters, do whatever you can. Agonizing that he is still in jail down there.

Agonizing. And we've had dinners. The Mexican president's been in the U.S. for dinners, saying how great it is. The governor of California says, hey, Brian, come on. Everything's fine. We love them. So, no problem.

We'll let your legal system work it out. Yeah. yes we will yes we will high school college NFL football is back

it does feel good it does feel good to have football back I know some of you don't like it I mean I don't know I got it but it's football and plus you got more on trivia back too on the Glenn Beck program so I mean what more do you want

I believe if we go into a You know what? Let's do. We do Twitter blast. I've got all kinds of stories for you during Twitter blast. We'll start with the first Twitter blast. Thank God. Moron Trivia is back. Yeah. Thank God. Moron Trivia is back. Okay. Twitter Blast.

New England Liberal Arts College only going to allow positive cheering at games. It thinks their fans have no self-control. Isn't that special? Only positive cheering. According to an email, coaches ask that fans refrain from any action that could potentially be construed as negative or confrontational, including booing and holding up signs that could be interpreted as offensive in nature.

Well, really, that's been going on for a while, even in the NFL. I mean, they can kick you out of a game and have. if you are too abusive to the referees specifically and to players, coaches, if you're close to the sideline and you, you know, you're a bump! They do not like that in the NFL

and they can find you, kick you out of the stadium, whatever. Very, very, very sad. David Lee Travis was a sexual opportunist. here on Twitter Blass. Now, they're retrying this guy. And the only reason this story is interesting is because he's a former radio DJ. He's being retried on two counts, one of indecent assault and one of sexual assault,

faces a further charge of indecent assault, those damn DJs. Those guys, those guys are bad. Bad, bad, bad. Twitter Blast on the Jeff Fisher Show. Thank you. You know, let's do a little bit of Michael Sam. The people are very upset. They think it's ridiculous that he got a little courtesy from the NFL,

calling teams to see him on the practice squad. And, of course, the Dallas Cowboys, my hometown, pick him up for the practice squad. Good for Michael. He deserves it. He should have been on a practice squad. I'm surprised that St. Louis didn't put him on the practice squad. I'm sure that they may have been a little tired of the circus

that surrounds Michael Sam. That's not Michael's fault, really. But, you know, I get it. You know, do people get that? You know, no. Has anyone in the past got that? I don't know. I don't know.

Did the NFL, you know, they may have done that for, you know, who knows, who knows if they did it or not. But, of course, the news is out that they did it for Michael. So prove them right, Michael. Prove the NFL right. All right. Just do a good job. You can do it.

Believe me, Dallas needs you. This is from a Twitter blast on the Jeff Fisher show. Your carb count is really low when you don't eat all day. But then, because you haven't eaten, you eat a lot of carbs and you suck. And that's almost like a bad joke. Reuters news. Afghanistan rerouted a plane. Yeah, a U.S. plane.

Rorouted to a land in Iran. and the thing that fascinates me most about this entire story, they don't tell you why it was rerouted to Landon Iran. It's just a bureaucratic issue. Huh. Okay. All right. I got you.

I got you. More from Twitter blast. The IRS, we talked a little bit about it last hour, says, hey, guess what? We lost more emails from five more employees. Oh, only we could find those emails. Man, we would get them to out there so people could see them right away. Only we could get those out there. We could find them.

More from Twitter blast, Romania sells vodka packaged in a juice box. Makes you like Romania a little bit better, doesn't it? Pentagon confirms that Ahmed Abday Gadain, a leader of the al-Shabaababas group, killed. in the U.S. Air Strike? The leader of the... Nah, I was going to do another bad joke. Never mind. El Shababab.

Never mind. I can't do this. Very sad news. Actually, you know, this is kind of agonizing news if it's true. The U.S. Forest Service, and they're trying to blame it on the Obama administration. And I know it's a stretch. It's kind of a stretch to blame it on the Obama administration. But you know what?

I don't care. I'm going to blame it on him anyway. Because he blames every... You know, I get it. But the U.S. Forest Service, I'm this reporting from Fox News, claims wants Americans to make healthier s'mores by replacing the chocolate with fruit. No.

How about that? US Forest Service. No, I'm not going to do that. Not going to do that. Twitter blast Ron Washington from the Texas Rangers just quits. Now, he's had a tough season. No question. If you follow baseball at all, the Rangers are sucking big wind.

You can quote me on that. but the only reason he really kept his job and hadn't been fired yet is because they had a lot of injuries. So Ron, you know, he's taking them had a good ride for the last few years. And I know, it's been six or seven years or something since he tested positive

for cocaine, so let him be. But he just said, you know what? I got personal issues. I'm quitting. You don't see that much. And everybody's kind of on his side. So I hope everything's okay. I hope everything is okay. Hacker be kind, the I cloud nude photo. It took months of planning to pull off this heist.

Months of planning to pull off this he, this was not a one-night operation. So those nude photos of Jennifer Lawrence and Ariana Grande and a few others. It was not a one-night operation. News out of St. Petersburg, Florida. An artist about to open an exhibit in the St. Petersburg area with the Racy photographs based out of Los Angeles is going to display some of those leaked nude images. Yeah.

Yeah, artist Exvala taking some of the leaked nude photos for his show called No Delete. The Cory Allen contemporary art will be displaying the pictures starting at the end of October. The showroom is in the Warehouse Arts District. Okay, I just want to be clear.

I lived in St. Petersburg for 20 years. for a long time. I lived technically in St. Petersburg for probably five, six, seven years, and in the Tampa Bay area for 20 or more. I couldn't tell you where the warehouse arts district is. I will find out, though, it's very strange to me that they now have a warehouse arts district. I mean, I know where the arts district is in Tampa. That's a different art district, but maybe not.

Maybe not, but he's going to put those up for everybody to look at him. They probably draw a crowd. Exvala. But people are a little ticked, so we'll see if that actually happens. If they were originally stolen, they're stolen. Somebody stole photos from my house, and then they made copies. That doesn't make it any less stolen. It just compounds the problem.

Does it? Does it? Okay. Okay. And Twitter blast for two of my favorite little things. One for my wife, my youngest son. She posted a photo. I tweeted at Jeffrey MRA.

You can tweet me at any time. But he is now taller than my wife, so it made him very, very happy. But really, I mean, let's be honest. If you've known my wife, it's really not saying much. And to make her really happy, Lego, Lego takes the toy sales crown from Mattel. for people who do not like Legos, and I don't know who those people are. They must be really weird.

Lego, now on top of the toy sales from Mattel. You're listening to the Jeff Fisher Show, The Blaze Radio Network. The Jeff Fisher Show returns on the Blaze Radio Network. Welcome to it. Pure Opelka coming up immediately following this broadcast. And Will Kane, S.E. Cup. Chris Salcedo, Mike Slater, Joe Pags, that's your Saturday lineup for you on the Blaze Radio Network.

And then Sunday, a little David Barton, Bill Handel. Just stay with the Blaze Radio Network. That's all you need to do. Very simple. That's very simple. It's not a difficult task at all. Now, I decided earlier this week, and it may have been a bad decision, but I'm sticking with it because it's making me laugh. That today is a bad joke day.

And you can take them with you. you put them in your back pocket, you save them, you use them, you know, you got them there. It's always good to pull them out once in a while, right? Of course, of course it is. You can quote me on that, too. So I'm giving you some. You can go back to the podcast at the blaze. com slash radio and download the show and take the jokes with you if you don't remember them.

You can tell them to your kids, you tell them to your family. I'm giving you a nice, clean jokes here. But you know, it's always good to have them around the water cooler. You think, oh, like, do you ever have days, Jamoo, the feeling that you've heard this bull before? Then a man woke up in the hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs. The doctor replied, I know you can.

I've cut off your arm. Speaking of bad jokes, Joan Rivers passed away this week. You know, very sad. I know a lot of people had an issue with Joan, but she was funny. I liked her. She was funny. I didn't want to see her die. And she was kind of on fire this last year.

She had her book. She was had all these TV shows the last few years. She's done the walk. She was actually made fun of herself with the work, we'll call it. At some point, doesn't a plastic surgeon say, Joe. But I guess not. They all want to make money. They all want to make money.

But she joked around about dying, which all the comedians do. But I loved, she said, you know, she has no intention of coughing and wheezing for months on end. She joked that she didn't want to have a boring death. If you're going to die, die interesting. Is there anything worse than a boring death? You know, other than a Charlie Rose Marathon on PBS. That's got it funny. Come on.

That's fun. Bad joke. Bad joke day. The Jeff Fisher Show. One of my favorite stories. I'm not sure what they make of this story, actually. But it's out of Hulbekirky, New Mexico. A woman arrested for trying to poison her roommate and ex-boyfriend

after they caught her having sex with the roommate's dog. You heard me. Arrested for trying to poison her roommate and an ex-boyfriend after they caught her having sex with the roommate's dogs. Now, what I find fascinating about this story is that she still was having dinner with them. They found, here's the story. The roommate told Walter's boyfriend who immediately broke up with the woman, an officer who immediately broke up with the woman,

but he broke up with her, but they didn't leave or break apart because it says here the three were having dinner later that evening. I'm going to break up with you, but you can still live here and live with us. That's okay. Just stay away from my dogs. So the three were later having dinner, and the roommate and the ex-boyfriend noticed an odd taste to their water and meal. She told her boyfriend that she'd been having sex with the dogs for years. And she admitted at the time at the evening dinner that she was lacing their food with drink,

food and drink with toilet bowl cleaner and rubbing alcohol. Okay. Okay. So everything was okay until they caught her having sex with the dog. But then she said she was caught, she said, you know what? I'm going to poison you two. I'm not going to poison the dogs. I'm going to poison you to for sure.

Now, she, of course, is going under psychiatric evaluation. You know, the dog was found to have minor injuries. Everybody's worried about the dog. Sad, I got it. She'll have charges of animal cruelty, assault with intent to commit violent felony, probably, you know, attempted murder, all that kind of good stuff. But it's just, well, some would say the world is out of control. And this is a perfect example of it.

a perfect example of it. I just found it fascinating that there's an issue. You're living, three people are living together, and there's an issue, which is quite a big issue, actually, in this story. And instead of saying, get out, instead of calling the authorities or taking her to the hospital for a psychiatric evaluation, I mean, the littlest of thing would be get out, right? That'd be the littlest thing.

Just get out. Get out. No. You know what? You're not my girlfriend anymore. That's it. You're not my girlfriend anymore. But let's have dinner. Stick around. Hang out. I've got to take a nap. I'm going to lay down. We'll have dinner later, okay? And that's when she decides, those dirty rat. I'm going to poison them, and that's going to be it. I'm not going to have them around anymore. That's it. Huh? Are you kidding me? Unbelievable. of the Jeff Fisher show coming up on the Blaze Radio Network. We've got a lot, a lot to get to. And, you know, I think we're going to talk just a little bit about some of the new parties

that are going on around America. Could be a lot of fun. The Jeff Fisher Show, the Blaze Radio Network. The Jeff Fisher Show on the Blaze Radio Network. I'm coming, I'm coming, I'm coming. How are you? Thanks for being here today on the Blaze Radio Network. Pure Opelka. Let's see where this mic stand.

I know you don't care. But it's just driving me crazy. I'm going to have to figure out a way to... Make this so it doesn't... Listen. Oh, no, I've got to fix that. Must fix that. Welcome to the broadcast.

Mike O'Pelco, Pure O'Pelco, immediately following this broadcast, and I am sure he's really happy about it today. Because it's bad joke day, right? You're going to take him with you? I don't know if he has any as good as mine. to share with you. I doubt it. But, yeah, he can try someday.

So I give you a couple more. I've been giving them to you all day, all through the show. You can go back to the podcast, to blaze.com slash radio. Download the show. Take the bad jokes with you. You can use them at the water cooler, use them with the kids. It's fine. So two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other. It says, damn. No, no, no. Come on. Come on. Come on.

Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly, it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too. I'm sorry. Oh, sorry. Just making me laugh. Just make me laugh. I do it all just for me, just to make me laugh. So I'm sorry.

You know you're laughing. Just stop it. You know you're laughing. So have you heard that really seriously naked parties? Now, A, we see that, you know, people are getting their naked photos hacked from the eye cloud. We all had a big deal about the selfies. Right? I mean, our girl is promoting a selfie book.

I mean, we've all got selfies. It was a big, it's huge. People doing it, right? I mean, you take selfies everywhere. I got to take a selfie. You have to. And sadly, I'm in that selfie, you know, mode with the kids and you're here. And oh, here we are here.

And it's just, you know, it's fun. Now, I will say, on a serious note, very few naked photos have been tweeted. I've been saved to my eye cloud. Very few. I've been saved to my eye cloud. But, you know, it's so funny, this tweet from the Steve 4.4. too. Hackers can find naked pictures of celebrities, but

IRS keeps losing email. Hello, thank you. You tell me that the IRS can't find them? Right. These people, and by these people, I'm talking about this administration, the entire administration.

Criminals. Criminals. I mean, it's just unbelievable. Hey, man, we would love to help you, but we can't find it. Yeah, you try that with the IRS. Unbelievable. So naked is the new black.

Nude events are trending. Would you go to a naked party? Or if you were invited to a party and you went and you got there and you realized, ooh, why is everyone naked? Would you stay? Would you go, all right? I don't know about that. I don't think you would.

But something to look forward to in the local neighborhood near you soon. Naked parties. Can't wait. Really, I can't wait. I know Michael Pelka is going to be talking a little Ebola with the doc next hour on his show. But, you know, drug and vaccine makers are in a race to make the Ebola antivirus. Drug manufacturers are spending more and more money on it. We're saying that,

Is it airborne? Are you going to catch it? Is it just an Africa? Yeah. Yeah, kind of. It's fine. So you can hear more about that on his show next hour, but, you know, I don't know if I should be worried or not. I want to, I kind of don't want to be, but on the other hand, I'm like,

it's kind of like ISIS. Isol is in America on the border coming here. It's like, you know, I kind of want to be scared. I kind of want to be worried. I kind of want to buy some more ammunition. I kind of want to load weapons that I don't own and would never own a weapon. But then I'm like, come on. I really, really?

You're going to try to come in on the ground like that. You know, big, big terrorist act, I see. coming to as they're coming across iraq are they going to try the same thing here this isn't iraq this is not iraq i mean what the i mean this is the united states of america sorry you're just not going to do that with us you're not you're not going to do it with us sorry you can keep you can pretend but you're not going to do it with you and then we hear so i'm on vacation And I'm thinking to myself, we actually were driving around. We drove, we went into Oklahoma, and then we went into Arkansas.

We went into Arkansas and mined for diamonds. There's a diamond mine in Arkansas. Who knew? And we mined for diamonds. I know it's a surprise, but we didn't find any. But as we're driving around this area in Arkansas, we come up on this beautiful place. There's a little lake and a dam. and swimming and parks and beautiful.

And the cell service is like non-existent. And I'm thinking, they've got this beautiful, I mean, they've got this dam here, we're on the middle. Why is there not cell towers everywhere? Everywhere like such as there should be cell towers. And I mean everywhere. School property, public dams, all of it. Everywhere. Top of, every government building in America should have a cell tower on the back of it.

with no questions. We need cell service. We need cell service. Now, then this week we hear about the fake cell towers. And I started thinking, well, maybe I need to rethink my fight for cell towers. But we talked to the man who creates the phone that can't be hacked on the radio program, on the Glenn Beck program. And he told us that they're not really cell towers.

They're more of just computers hacking into the cell service. So it's not these giant cell towers like you think, like you think. Originally the way the story was read, you're thinking that there's these giant cell towers just that don't really do anything but steal stuff. They're not really affiliated with any company at all. They're just a tower put up there, and they're stealing information. Well, that's not really true. But, you know, it is an issue.

And, you know, something that we need to really concern. ourselves with. However, I think it's probably, if you look at the map, and I'll tweet it out again at Jeffrey MRA, if you look at the map, none of the places they found that had the illegal cell Steelers were in Washington, D.C. Oh, there's just a thought. Just a thought. Just a thought. Just the thought. Now, also, I have been flying. In the last couple of years, I've flown quite more than I've flown in quite a while. But if you fly domestically on any airline,

you notice that the seats, some of them, are a little bit smaller than usual. And they've told you that they're going to get smaller because they want more people on those airplanes. And there's a couple places that you can sit that will give you a little bit more leg, room. Okay. You know, the emergency exit, stuff like that. Or, you know, you can fly business or first class in some of those airlines as well.

However, imaginative people have come up with this little thing and you stick it into the chair in front of you so the people can't lean back. It won't lean back. Now, I'm kind of okay with it. Apparently, there's people that aren't okay with it. They've been fighting on airlines over this big time. People have fought. They can't out there.

It's been, I didn't know. Some airlines have made it. You can't even bring it. You're not even supposed to have it. You can't use it. Take it out. I would say, you know, if you're, I would do it and then hope you didn't get caught.

I want to get you off. What are they going to kick you off? I don't think so. I don't think so. Oh, wait. They did already? Never mind. Those damage.

This is the Jeff Fisher Show on the Blaze Radio Network. This is the Jeff Fisher Show. Welcome to it. Bad joke day. Don't forget. Today, 159. Tomorrow, that means tomorrow, plus one. 160.

Sergeant Tamarisi is still in the Mexican jail. Do your thing? Call, right, I don't know what all. We just have to keep hammering it because it is. sickening that this man is still in a Mexican jail as an American soldier who makes a wrong turn. Sickening. Now, on to the broadcast. Bad joke day.

You can take it with you. I've been given to you all broadcast, all show. You can take them with you. Go back, listen to the podcast, blaze.com slash radio, download the Jeff Fisher show, and then you can take the jokes you can save them. You'll know them. I may even tweet them out at Jeff EMRA. Because people are sharing bad jokes now with me.

me on my Twitter account. Like two men walk into a bar. You'd think one of them would have seen it. Stuff like that. Those are good stuff to have in your back pocket. I mean, speaking of two men walking into a bar, you've got, you know, two peanuts walk into a bar. One was assaulted.

And the last one. Yes, the last bad joke of the day. Mahatma Gandhi. As you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail. And with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him a super callous, fragile mystic, hexed by halitosis.

Oh, no. No, I don't want the crickets. That's funny stuff. No, you turn those crickets off. This is the Jeff Fisher program on the Blaze Radio Network. So what? I don't hawk your show enough during this broadcast. You have to call it too.

Michael Pelka joins me on the broadcast. I was calling to say thank you on two levels. Number one, thank you for hawking my show, as you put it. I appreciate it. And while I have enjoyed bad joke day, I will not be poaching it. What are you talking about? Poaching it, you can use it any time. I'll use the jokes, but I won't be poaching the idea.

to see my show with it. I think it would be gilding the lily, as it were. Really? Really? Yes, yes. But I would like to, can I contribute? Oh, my, of course. One of the worst bad jokes I have ever heard came from a very unlikely source, one

RuPaul. And, you know, strap yourself in, folks. Jeffie, what does a gay horse eat? I don't know, Mike, what does a gay horse eat? Hey. You don't play the crickets for him? Seriously, you don't let the crickets fly for him. Oh, thank you.

A super callous, fragile, mystic, ex-by-halicosis. Well done, sir. Well done. See you, Mike. See you. Hey, wait, wait, wait, no, no, no, no. I want to know a little bit of Ebola. Seriously, I want to talk serious.

No, serious business. Dr. Jorge, who was on, he was on Fox last night on today, earlier in the week. He is reporting that the numbers we're hearing about the Ebola virus in Africa are way off. Like too low? Like way off. So you want to hear what he's up to because this guy's wired into the network. So I won't sleep tonight, but I will get him on as often as I can. Okay.

Dr. Jorge in the first half hour of the show, if I can track him down. Great. Thank you very much, Mike. Thank you, sir. You know, that doesn't bode well. That doesn't bode well at all. It's going to make me very, very nervous because I'm telling you, I don't want to be worried about it.

We have enough to worry about. My gosh. It's almost like the world is on fire. Oh, wait, it is. And we're worried about, we've got our Secretary of State out in our EPA head and our president and every other dingleberry in this administration out hawking some global warming crap. And then we got to hear about everything else that's going on. But don't worry about that because it's global warming.

We got open borders, open borders, except for other. countries. Other countries is important for them to have their own borders. That's important, right? Right. Except for ours. And we're worried about, we're going to try to make it so companies can't leave this country because our tax rates are too high. Here's an idea. Lower the tax rates. I know that's, I'm just being stupid. Sorry. All right. Calm down. Have a nice weekend. Have a nice week. Join me here next week or just join me at the blaze.com slash radio. Download the podcast. Take me with you along with the jokes. And I'll tell you what

Has anybody told you that you look great today? Because you do. You look great. Except you're not going to wear that all day, are you? All right, then. Looks good on you. Talk to you again soon. Be safe.

This is the Jeff Fisher Show. Only on the Blaze Radio Network.