Chewing the Fat with Jeff Fisher - Ep 126 | Fat Pile Friday Comedian Edition | Guest: Vicki Barbolak

Episode Date: June 14, 2019

Here we go is FRIDAY and Jeffy finds Vicki in Texas so she joins as a co-host to go through the fat pile. Then we find out that Vicki is running for President of the United States For tickets go to: www.vickibarbolakcomedy.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome to it. Fat Pile Friday on Chewing the Fat with yours truly, Jeff Fisher. Thank you so much for coming along for the ride today. Don't forget, 888-903 is the phone number. You can call that number Monday through Thursday, 1 p.m. to 3 Central. Somebody will pick up the phone. We might talk to you, but somebody will pick up the phone and talk to you. You can follow me on Twitter at Jeff EJFR, Facebook and Instagram, Jeff Fisher Radio. And of course, you can always email the show at Chewing the Fat at the Blaze.com. A very special. special Fat Pile Friday today. Fat Pile Friday. All right. So today I said, I told you, it's very special Fat Pile Friday, a little bit different version of Fat Pile Friday. I was, I walked out of the studio, and I was going to get a drink,

and I was going to go get the can of new Coke for our Spoons taste test during the break room today. And I look out in the hallway, and there's Vicki Barbelock, wandering around wondering where do I go? What do I do in here? Who let me in here? Where's my trailer?

Can I have a Coke? I'm thirsty. And so I said, well, come on in and sit down with us for Fat Pile Friday. You know, I love that, Jeffie. It's great to see you again. So happy to be here at the Fat Pile. Two fat, fat, fat, fat pile today.

It's a fat squared. Fat squared. Fat squared today. Roly and Polly. It's good to see you. How in the world are you? So that means if you're wandering around here, that means that you're here in town doing you. You don't just show up here at the Blade Studios unless you're, you know, performing somewhere.

I am performing this weekend at a hyenas comedy club in Dallas, Thursday and Friday, and over in Plano or Plano. No, it's Plano. Plano. What is the fanciest part of Texas name Plano? Come to think of it. It's Plano. It's Plano. And you need to continue to call it that.

It'll be Plano. Even when you go there, I want you to say Plano. But that's one of the rich people. Why isn't it called fancio? It's Plano. I just can't do it. I'm going to be in fancio on Saturday and Sunday where the rich people are. You know, there's not really rich people.

There's not the rich area? I heard the better trailer parks are over here in that area. Well, yes, there may be some bigger trailer parks, but there are other neighborhoods that are, you know, a little bit. Although I came here to find an oil man, you know, because Lou's not with me. And the very first thing happened last night at the Dallas airport, a guy rolled up in a Mercedes-Benz convertible. like I never saw before. I think they're only in Dallas. Probably,

so I already found him. Nice. I found him like 10 minutes after I landed. And he's, you're meeting him in Plano? No, he didn't seem interested, but I found him.

I waved at him and I yelled, Hey, oil, man. Come on, baby. How long do you think it'll take to? I'm hoping he's listening now. You know who I'm talking about. I'm the girl who yelled, Hey, oil man.

So you remember her. You know, the girl you drove around. Yeah, the girl. We'll avoid hitting. So you're on the road, you're out touring, how's it going? What's happening? The last time we talked to you, you were just off your high of your TV show, and you were going back to do your special, and then I'm guessing you just took a break at the trailer

park for a while. Yep, just laid by the pool the last few months. Get a little rest. So the pool was open? The pool, our trailer park is open year round. Our pool is 12 months of year heated. Yeah, it's, I don't want to brag, although I could go on forever. So I've been literally nonstop on the road

I think I've been home like four days since October And I was home Christmas And I just having a ball It's been I'm meeting so many fun people And people are asking me like to do stuff And they go would you like to like go on our boat Or go on a tour of the state capital With the senator and I'm like yes yes yes

Would you like to come for dinner? Yes and then I show up and they go really We were just pretending to ask you So don't ask me She's at the door Exactly! That's what's been happening They shut the door really quick. They go, holy crap, she's here.

We have to cook something now. Set another plate. I didn't think she'd come. Set two plates. She looks hungry. Yeah, it's been so fun. All right, so what's your, aside from Plano, Texas, what's your favorite place you've been? Where's the most fun you had so far?

Oh, they're all so great. And the audience are just wonderful. Shut up. I'll tell you. I'll have to tell you, it's got to be, of all places. And I didn't want to go. I felt like I was walking a gangplank to go. to Appleton, Wisconsin.

Oh, wow. Because who wants to go to Appleton, Wisconsin? Not me. In winter. The only reason you go to Wisconsin is to be a cheese tester. There you go. Well, it turns out, I get there

Wednesday night. My feature act, Jesse Knight. Where is Appleton, by the way? It's in the middle of Wisconsin. In the middle of the country. I don't know. I would take geography in California. I don't know where anything is.

So, but there is, they build fire trucks there. The Pierce fire trucks. So I walk into a bar at 10 o'clock on a Wednesday night in Appleton, Wisconsin. It's filled with a fire truck. I think I'm in a gay bar.

And then I look again, I am in a fireman bar at 10 o'clock at night. I mean, that's almost heaven. It was heaven. And then they told me where they were staying. They go, Vicky, even you can get lucky around 1130 tonight at the Red Lion Inn. So that was, and the people were just,

so I have to say Appleton. Appleton, Wisconsin. Ladies, if you want to go on a vacation, go to Appleton, Wisconsin. And go to any bar. And there's a bar drag. and all the firemen are there every night. And then they retire at the Redwood 10.

That's up there ways too. You guys all should send me a check for that. Yeah, that's up there ways too. Of course, anybody, and Wisconsin itself is up there ways. Yeah. So it's good to see you. I'm glad everything's going good.

Where have you, and I know, look, I don't want to, I know you don't like to talk about it or anything, but are you and Simon hooked up yet? Well, you know, there is a problem of his young and beautiful and healthy wife, but he did actually... She's not around all the time.

She's not around all the time and he's a busy man. You know what they always said. But he actually did, he actually just is overseeing my professional development and his company is now. Wow.

And I'm the first comedian that they've ever took on. I know. That's fit. I look at what I mean, even our audience is happy. That's pretty cool. What a fabulous audience.

Sit down everybody. And so I mean, that's great. It was a miracle. I'm like, you guys know I can't sing, right? But yeah, it's been amazing. So he got me these big giant managers that are amazing. And so things are, you know,

starting to go up. I mean, that's wonderful. So, I mean, soon you'll be spitting on Appleton. No, I'll never spit on fireman. When I was on tour with the little people, I liked Appleton. But no, I'm just doing, you know, larger venues. There's a trailer park near the fire department

that I might want to purchase a little second home at. Put like a B&B up for the family. So when we last spoke about your trailer park, now you had purchased, The trailer at the top of the hill. That's right. That's right. Was that a double wide or was it still a single?

No, it's a big double with a... It's a double with a porch. With a porch. And you're able to look down on the... Yes. On those other weasels. Poor people. I try to still be kind as much as possible to them.

Well, yeah, of course. You drive in your way. Because they're doing their best. And then also, lately we've been sitting out on our porch looking out at these million dollar houses across the hills of these real houses. And then we're like, what are they looking at? They're looking at us. So I think we have the better place.

You do? I do. You keep telling yourself that. Well, you know, I know it's hard because you, way back in the day you were a trailer boy for a brief time. Still is. I know. I saw a picture. She'll live in a trailer, maybe.

I do. I do. I do actually. I say that I live in a trailer, but I don't. At one point in my life, I did actually look at several trailers in a trailer park to stay in. It's a good life. I was really close to moving in. I was really close.

And then I remember that I remember that I had to be in trailers camping and fifth wheels and other campers. And I thought, you can't do it. You're a drywall man. I am. I am a drywall man. I saw a picture of your house and I could park a trailer. And you're living in.

No, no, yeah. No, that's just the house. We're just, we're just squatting in that. Yeah, don't worry about it. Nice. Well, congratulations. Viewers, thank you so much. What you guys are doing for Jeffie.

You keep an amount of my. That's not me, but I'll be half of my wife. Thank you. All right, before we get to Fat Pile Friday and the stack of stories, because I've got a stack of fat here of through that we didn't get to this week, and it's just amazing some of the stories that we didn't get to. And I know, I'm sorry, I apologize. Don't look at me like that.

I just didn't get a chance to get to them. But as we were talking briefly while the music was playing, Vicki said that she's running for president. Yeah, I'm right. I'm a little... Thank you. If I am called, I will serve. So, I mean, good for you.

Thank you so much. How's the fundraising coming? You know, it's going good. I'm selling bumper stickers off my website, Vickibarbalatcom. They're flying off. We actually ran out with our first order. We reordered.

We're ready to send him out. You know, that guy, the Ukrainian comedian, he ran for president and won. And a lot of people said, Vicki, why don't you throw your hat in? We need a woman. because, you know, for example, there's a lot of things. Like, for example, the conjugal visits.

You know, you have to know somebody in a prison. That is the first thing on my platform. That will be eliminated. You should just roll up to a prison, have a conjugal visit, and be on your way. You don't have to know anyone. No, you shouldn't have to know anyone. In fact, I'm going to have catalogs with the mugshots you could peruse. You know, second of all.

So that's prison reform right there. Prison reform. Number two, we need to get the calorie contents off the menus nationwide. Thank you. Thank you. That ruins your night out every single time. What do you mean to sell? salad has 2,300 calories.

A burger has 790. I'm going to have to have the burger when I wanted that. So that is the number two things. Are you still, I really, now stop for a second. Do you really feel bad about that? Because I look at that and think, I want the one that has the most calories. That's the one I want. I want it, but then it ruins your fun.

I'd rather not know. You don't get to look like I look by caring about that. Well, I, I'm just saying I want to fit in an airplane seat. That is my limit. That is what I, that's all I care about. Hey, let me ask you a question. Now, do you have the seatbelt? I do not yet.

That is my limit. That is when I will literally go to Weight Watchers. Because I'll tell you how to solve that. I solved that a while ago. I got tired of going in and when you first walk in the airplane and you, you know, they're standing there greeting you and you're just kind of, just a little, yeah, I need a seatbelt extender. Yeah.

And the, oh, okay. And sometimes you get the, I need a seatbelt extender. What the fat is? You hear me. You see the fat asser I need a thing right there. Or you get the, are you? The last time I went on, I don't think we have any. I think we're out.

So what I did is I finally, that particular trip, the next time I got on a plane, I got one, and I never gave it back. Oh, you just kept it. I have my own seatbelt experience. I don't have to ask. Jeffie. I don't have to ask. And I just, it goes through security.

It's in my bag. And I just sit down. I have my own seat building. Yeah, well, that makes me feel better because, yeah, I'm still good. I still have a few inches to go. But I'm literally. Yeah, but it's not comfortable. Even though, like, I don't need it anymore now.

I'm okay. I'm good. I'm still, while I've lost weight this time and I lost weight before, I have gained, you know, six or seven hundred pounds back. So I'm, you know, just under 800 pounds.

He looks amazing. And so I just, you know, I'm there, but I like the seatbelt extender for comfort. Absolutely. And you could have somebody on your lap. Which I'm a fan of the way I'm not opposed to that. So more of your presidential.

So it's called the trailer park party. A trailer park. And our. TPP. Right. And our party, or should be just TPs. Our slogan is the tornadoes because nothing strikes fear in the trailer park people more than tornadoes.

So I think I've got some steam. I'm not sure if I'm going to be making the debates, you know, in any way. But I'm not, I'm in dependence. I couldn't actually be in any of the debates, I suppose. Just on my own debate. I'll just debate myself. Oh, it's always good if you're a debater. I was something baiter.

But I think it'll be great. Anyway, if you guys would want to support me, Vicki Barberlack Comedy.com. I'll send you a bumper sticker and I could use some campaign support and probably places to live in Iowa and New Hampshire as I swing through those states. It's difficult to run for office. I ran for Pope at one time in my life. Yeah, I ran for Pope.

I looked for that. I wanted the smoke to go off. I wanted the smoke to go off for me and it never did. But I did run and I know how difficult it is to run for office. You would have made a great poem. I mean, don't just say it. So I'm all behind you. I'm all behind the TPP.

TPP. Trailer Park Party, baby. I'm sorry? Your Pope name? I don't remember what my Pope name was. I think it was like Pope Fattis. It was Pope Fadamus Obesius. Pope Fadamus Obesius the first.

Those idiot bishops. Right. Thank you. I would have rejoined the church so fast. All right. So let's get to some of the fat plows long as Vicky is hanging out today. She can join us and give us, you know, it should comment as a, as, as, as, a presidential candidate.

Yes. As a professional comedian, touring the country, the pulse of the people. That's right. You know, I mean, you have your, you have your hand on the heart of America. The heartbeat. That's right.

Maybe it's something else, but you feel, you feel the blood pumping in the hand. Grabbing something. So as we go through, as we go through the stack, we just, you know, I'm just picking up stories here.

Like the health department introduces the new Quicky Labs for SDI tests. So New Yorkers are soon going to able to get their STI results in lightning speed. That is fantastic. I think so too, except that it's still going to take three hours. That could ruin a lot of my dates. Really?

That is a real M-Bo-Mu-Mah buzzkill. Let's stop into the Quickey lab first. Not well. Nope. Florida couple uses a pet alligator to reveal 10th child's gender. Did you see this video? Uh-uh. Okay, so you know how people have their gender reveal for their babies now?

You know, you cut a cake and it's pink. Painful. It's agonizing. Well, this couple had an alligator in the yard, and they had a balloon that they were wanting the alligator to pop. And inside the balloon was going to be this powder, whether it was blue or pink. Yeah. Yeah.

They had to, it took what seemed like forever to get that damn gator. I watched the video. All I wanted to do was the gator to have them start charging the couple. Yeah. Tell me someone was eaten. No, just the balloon. The balloon popped, and it was pink, and it was just wonders. just the cutest thing.

It was just so nice with the pink dust in the air. And they just walked away. And then soon the dad started crying. You realize it was a... They were going to have a daughter. Right? But it wasn't sad. It was happiness sad.

Crocodile tears. It was an alligator. Anyway, it's just agonizing. It's the worst. It's just agonized. I couldn't take it. I really couldn't. I hate those parties.

I really, I don't understand. I don't understand a lot of them. No, when you come to the birth? No, I hate it all. I'd like to meet your kid when he's one. Yeah, I mean, I get going to your own kid's birth. No, that's that's all right. But I'm saying, there's too many people inviting you to their birth.

Yeah, what? I don't want to, that's a private story. I'm disappointed now because I have not been invited to it. Oh, no, no. Come to the kid's birth. I don't want to go to a birth, a bris, a reveal. I don't want to go to the conception Well, no, I can't go that far

A Dallas couple A Dallas couple was Sound asleep and they got Woken up to find a nude illegal alien intruder In their house threatening to kill them In the middle of the night Right? Thank you.

I mean, you don't do that in Texas, man. That's amazing that they let him go. When they asked what he was doing, the man responded, if you move, I'll kill you. That's when you... Thank you. Yeah. How about I?

I kill you, okay? He touched my wife's face. I pushed her toward the bed. I noticed he was completely naked. That's when I got triggered, says the husband. The husband didn't shoot him. That's how they, what do you do? I guess he just said his wife after him?

Get him. Honey, honey, he needs something from you. He says the man was docile and he called police and the police came and arrested him. Dossile. That says a lot. Wow. So, I mean, maybe. Any drugs, alcohol involved?

Maybe the meth hadn't kicked in yet or was wearing off. I don't know. I wonder if the gal had hired him earlier in the day for something. You know, if you know what him? Right. There you go. And then, and then, okay. Right.

I'm just saying like, that hasn't happened to us all ladies. We just waited at the clock. We thought he left and he did it. My husband's home waiting in the closet. Right. Saves you $80 every time. That's how I get my weeds pulled. Maybe he called.

Oh, yeah, man. Maybe he didn't write. How dare you. That's right. How dare you. Bigots. Wow. Rainbow, it is Pride Month.

It is Pride Month. So it is, it is him. Yep. Yeah. Well, we know now. Amazon restaurants, food delivery service shutting down. Oh, no. Oh, this is sad news.

I mean. So now early we have Uber Eats and we have, what's the other one that we delivered stuff from 711? 711. No, no, I know the company. Oh, that other one. Grubhub. Grubhub. There's Grubhub, but no, remember the girl that delivers.

What is it? DoorDash. DoorDash. Yeah, that was DoorDash. So you got Uber Eats, Grubhub, DoorDash. Amazon's like, we're done. Why I gave it into it? That's a waste of money for them.

I'm surprised. How is it can you be? Well, Amazon was talking about their whole foods kind of deal with, they deliver their food. Yeah. They're not doing that. Okay. So that's what they're doing.

So you still have, you're just going to have to go to Whole Foods. Yeah, you have to go to Whole Foods. Either go to Whole Foods or once the drone delivery start, they'll just drop it on your house. Yeah. I'm a fan of that. Drop an $80 salmon. I can't wait for that. I'm going to have a drone delivery box put on my roof.

So it just opens up and it just shoots it down. That's brilliant. I love it. Santa could also use it. I like it. Right? And so could the illegal aliens showing up naked. I just drop in.

People pay to have somebody deliver jack in the box. How lazy can you be? You can't drive through? How lazy? Do you want some? somebody to come and chew your food and digest it and just spit it in your mouth. I think there should be Chewub and just spit it down in your mouth like a mama bird. That's just beyond lazy.

Actually, I kind of like the idea of Chew Hub. I do too. I'm willing to pay for that. You want to go in with me? Get me out of my trailer. Yes. Sitting next to you and the fancy out there, Jeff. I don't have a fancy house.

I live in a dump. Okay. All right. One man's dump is another man's pretty decent tract house. All right, let's go to the break room. I need a drink of Coca-Cola Zero Sugar, but since it's Fat Pile Friday, and we have the new Coke.

Yeah, from Stranger Things. Reek of bringing back all things in the 80s. And just so you remember, all things in the 80s weren't cool. But hey, people think that they are now. So Chris got us some new Coke for the show. So instead of my Coca-Cola Zero Sugar, I love. We're going to give you a quick little spoon segment with new Coke.

Vicki, you've got your can. So this Coke that was in the 80s? The 80s? Yeah, the 80s. Back to the old recipe of the 80s. I can't wait. When the Coke changed, yeah, now you can drink it out of the can like, you know, real man, or you can pour it in the glass with ice.

I would like to have it in a fancy glass with ice. That's fine. Do that. You know. Oh. Well, that was good. That was some of fresh. It was a fresh can of new Coke right there.

I'm 35, 40 years younger now. Okay. Do I look good? Yeah. Oh, yeah, no problem. ankles are gone. Everything's tight. All right.

Yeah. So what plastic surgery have you done yet? We'll talk about that. Okay. Don't have to talk about plastic surgery yet. We'll just drink. All right. New Coke.

New Coke from Stranger Things. That's good. Oh, my God. That is good. New Coke. I'll never drink tight. That is not as good as Coca-Cola Zero Sugar, my friends.

Really? I like the. I like it. It's not too thick. Sugar's not too heavy. It even says Stranger Things on the Can, Limited Edition, Netflix's original series. My gosh, Coke is just sold out. This is way cool.

I really do like it. But you're not a fan. Enjoy this limited edition, 1985 can and celebration of Stranger Things. July 3 is season 3, so we're celebrating season three of Stranger Things. Well, that's okay. That's very cool. I like, we have, uh, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's, It's not Coca-Cola, though.

See, it's not Coca-Cola. If you remember right, they came out with New Coke, and then they realized that people went, Hey, idiots, we want the Coca-Cola back. And then they brought it back and took us up the show. Coca-Zo is your favorite. Coca-Cola Zero Sugar is my favorite, yes. That's what my daughter loves.

Your daughter has the same addiction palate. Oh, she's a case a day. She's tried to quit. It's hard to see somebody try to get off Diet Coke. It's rough. It is rough. Yeah. It's difficult.

Yeah. Her teeth have no enamel. Look, is that what's wrong with my... It is a problem. Oh, my gosh. Oh, well, don't worry about it. It's delicious. No, but I should...

Don't even think about it. Erase, erase. Okay. Because, you know, I haven't smoked, like, in over six months. Good for you. I haven't had a cigarette. Yes. Over six months.

That'd be crazy. That's beautiful. No, it's not. Yes, it is. I walk outside of this building, and there's some people leaning against the building smoking a cigarette. I just want to punch them on the first. face.

You'll lick them. Can I lick your face? Lick that nicotine on your face? Hey, how you're doing? Don't freaking talk to me. You don't talk to me. Just give me a cigarette. There's only a few times, you know, as you start, in the day, you think, oh.

I'm so happy for you. You know what I have? Your teeth look great. Your teeth look great. Don't. They do. Don't. I don't need your.

I see it. They're white. No, I don't. All right. So New Coke. Eh. You all right with yours? Eh.

Yeah, Vicky's the only one that liked it. Well, I haven't had a real Coke and I don't know how long. I've just been drinking the diet stuff so long. I wish I wouldn't have tasted this. Oh. Oops.

We're going to kick you back to the real stuff. Even about rum. My wife likes the regular Coke, which you drink soda, it's the regular Coca-Cola. So we always have, you know, a regular Coca-Cola around. And I taste that from time to time. It's better than the new Coke.

There's a reason why new Coke was... Panned? Gone. Very soon. That's amazing. Well, then we had it. Stranger things have happened. Not yet, July 3rd.

I can't wait. Where are you going to be in July 3rd? What are you doing for the July 4th holiday? I'm going to be an Independence California. It's a bucket list thing. Oh my gosh. Independence California on Independence Day? Yeah.

Amazing. Bringing my whole family. Did you do that on purpose? Yeah. Oh, yeah. I know. It's crazy. It's going to be so stupid.

They have mud pies and old-fashioned stuff. The fire department and Bishop has a volunteer fire department. It does fireworks. We're staying at the Bishop Creek Inn. and my bringing my grandkids, and I'll be in room 319. And, yeah, I'm super excited. It's a bucketless thing. We used to go to volleyball tournaments.

My daughter played every year in Reno. We come by there a week before, Fourth of July. We said, someday, we're going to do this. So we're doing it this year. Oh, that's cute. You're bringing the whole family. All going to be there, just celebrate it. Oh, my gosh.

You're warming the cockles of my heart. I'm so excited. Sickening. I know. I'm going to barf. All right, back to Fat Pile Friday, and Vicki Barberlock is sitting in on Fat Pile Friday. Nice to have you along for the ride today. So fun.

Good to have you here. I hope you're enjoying your new Coke because that's your pay. It's a can of New Coke. It's more than I usually get. Thank you so much. So I had this story that I've kind of saved when I saw you out in the hallway. I thought, oh, well, I've got to, we've got to mention this story with you. Now, you talk a lot about your love life.

Yeah. Yeah. It's mostly imaginary, but I do talk about it. family. But now there's stories about how husbands and wives, whether they should live with each other or not. Should husband and wives actually live with each other? Should they have different houses? Should they sleep? Or if they have the same house, should they sleep in separate bedrooms? Yeah. You know, I get the idea of the separate bedrooms. I mean, I don't know that I like the idea of

separate houses, although whenever my wife's out of town, it's damn nice. Of course. You run around like a leopard. I mean, it's so nice. Not that I ever wanted her come. But when you're married, I mean, you should live in the same house, right? I kind of feel like that you should live in the same house, at least for some of the year. Well, you know, everybody looks at like, is it Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell? As they're like, you know, they're very proud out about that for all these years.

Everyone wants to look like them. So we think if we have our houses, I'll turn into Goldie Hawn, I think. But for me, like, I do have a fantasy. It's real strong. The woman next door in my trailer park, she's going. getting up there. I think she's around 93. And, you know, one day she might move into home, not for a long time because she's wonderful. But if she ever...

How many times you reported her? Many times. She's falling again. Anyway, if something happens, we're sticking, and she, you know, moves into a sister-living with her children. And then I would love to buy her next-door trailer because we're on a corner and then there's her. And then I want to put like one of those gerbil hallways between our two trailers.

Now, that to me would be sweet living. Sweet living. That's kind of cool. I had a friend of mine in, uh, um, um, Ocala, Florida. And he had an older trailer that was, you know, kind of sitting on the ground. Yeah. And then he had a newer trailer that was, you know, elevated.

Yep. And in between the two trailers, he had like a screened-in porch built. That's a beautiful thing. Yeah. His two homes. He was living large, man. His estate. That was definitely the estate.

You had the screen-in area for the games in the summertime. See? If you want to go outside and smoke, you were there. But you had the office space and the workplaces. I mean, it's a good living. It's a beautiful life. It's a good living. I mean, there's some things to look forward to.

People laugh, yeah. So I don't. So if you're married, I get sleeping in different bedrooms, though. I do understand that because different schedules, sleeping, you always hear about it. He's snoring. She's snoring. She sleeps funny. He's sleeping different beds.

Here's how mean I am. You see how big I am? I make Lou's sleep in a queen bed with me. Because if we sleep in a king bed. when we're on, you know, on a hotel working or whatever, he runs for me. So I can't find him. So I make him sleep every night with this monstrous body in a queen bed. Everybody comes over to our trailer and they look at our bedroom.

They go, you guys sleep in that? I go, yeah. He runs for me in a bigger bed. That's how much I won't go to a second bedroom. I won't even let him in a king bed. Does he believe that you do that because you love him? I mean, does he believe that? No, it's punishment.

He knows it, man. Every man knows everything we do is for punishment. Are you kidding? Oh, man, that is a fact. that is a fact. Yes, sir. So now that you're making big money, I see that as we're going through a fat pile Friday,

as we're going through the fat pile here, I see where Uber is now going to take to the skies, and you're going to be able to have the flying taxis from Uber. So now that you're making big money, you're going to be, you know, the Uber flights all over. I took one here. I was on a test one. Yeah, so I got here.

Yeah, I chopper. So you're already doing it. You're already doing it. I love it. Yeah, you don't think I'm going to ride in a car now that I'm, Vicki Barberlack on the trailer nasty to her. Jesus. Jeffie.

I would, I apologize. Presidential candidate. Right. Presidential candidate. Thank you. The Secret Service follows me in their chopper. I apologize. That's okay.

I apologize. I don't know that we ever got to this story this week. It's in the pile. Maybe I talked about it on Pat. We did talk about it when I sat in with Pat on Wednesday during my chewing the fat segment, but I don't think it ever made it didn't make it to the big show. Justin Bieber and Tom Cruise are in the next. news because Justin Bieber is challenging Tom Cruise to a fight. Did you know this? I had no idea.

Bieber wants to fight Tom Cruise in the octagon. Oh, I can't wait. Now, it's continuing. Are we dead at the age of 25? Is there a spread on this in Vegas already? There probably is. Yes. There probably is. Now, people, I don't know that. Look, does Tom Cruz need to fight Justin Bieber? I don't think so. I mean, Justin is doing it because I feel like Justin is doing it because he needs some new news coverage. Yeah, besides his stupid marriage or something. Right, but that's the only thing that he's been in the news for, right?

He married what's his face is done, Alec Baldwin's daughter, right? And not the one, not the pig. Not the pet pig. Oh, my God. The other one, right? Oh, Alec. I know. Right.

So now, and UFC star Connor McGregor has responded saying that he's offering to host the fight. he wants it on the on the on the on the on the on the on the on the on the on the on the on the on the on the on the on he said that he will go ahead and fight mark walberg that so he's challenged McGregor has challenged mark wallow I'm sure he's going to show up for that but Justin Bieber wants to fight Tom Cruz now Tom is not responded and you know I mean I know that many people have responded like Tom Cruise is saying Justin who yeah yeah and uh in there everybody's betting on Tom Cruise annihilation of course really yeah I think Justin might put up a good fight with Tom. Tom's getting a little long on the tooth.

I don't know. I think Justin's going to run like a little girl. I don't know. Justin's in pretty good shape, man. Tom has the Scientology power behind him. Yes, he does, though. He's got the planets. He does, and he's got like level five or level six whatever he's on. Exactly. You know, they wouldn't take me. I went and I tried out to be a Scientologist. Elron Hubbard takes anybody. No, they did not take me. They said I was

too irresponsible to be a Scientologist. I'm not getting you. I lived in Tampa Bay. Clearwater is where they're from forever for years. They take anybody. No, they did not take Vicky Barberlach. I went to the Celebrity Center in Hollywood with my friend because you said you got to see this place.

It's hilarious. It's a beautiful. It is. They're a big center here. Yes. So they dress like the Nazis and the Stormtroopers and they have free cookies and Jews. No, they don't dress like Nazis and Stormtroopers. They do in L.A.

No, they don't. Those are special El Ron Hubbard Scientology outfits. They're not Nazis. They look a lot like a bad Star Trek uniform. Okay. And so they take, they have a special. personality test and you take it and one of the questions was zero to five would you spend your last dime on a get rich quick scheme and I'm like yes it's just a dime five and that's how I answered

all my questions afterwards they go I'm sorry you're just too irresponsible yes I was turned down this is not a lie that hurts it took it took me down I can't even be a scientist I mean some people would say that you're lucky well that you're lucky that that didn't happen right what what what if I'm not but What if the planet thing is real? And I go up to heaven and I can't get in because I'm too irresponsible. It's going to be a bummer. I will be a bummer. I mean, have you read Elrod Hubbard's book?

No, but my cousin's real high up and I used to go sneak in his office and look at stuff. I know a little bit about it. Really? Yeah. Do you, so you really wanted to be a part of them, didn't you? I'm not saying, I think it could have been good for the career. A lot of important people are signed apologists, but it's not going to happen. Yeah, but what happens if you get in and then you realize that you don't want to get in?

Well, I'm not getting in. I'm telling you 100% that gate is closed. It really pisses me off. And I used to have, I really, man, I want to fight for you now. Thank you. Because they're big, their spokesperson, the spokes lady, used to call me all the time on a radio show that I did in Tampa. Because we would, whatever, like, they don't like you talking about them.

Yeah. So if you say something, if something's in the news about the Scientology School or or whoever, then she would just call me and go, I want to comment on that. I want to put in our two cents. Right. You know, sometimes you say yes and sometimes you say no. But they are very diligent on getting their point of view across. Well, if somebody calls in and confronts what I have just said, I will go to the cross.

I will stake my presidential run on my truth here. Because I want to call her and I want to get her on the line. I want to fight for you to get into the side and tells you. I mean, this is absolutely. Ron Hubbard is rolling over in his air, I mean, are flying rolling over in his space shuttle. I could be on Tom's plane tonight. Right. I mean, diionetics, baby.

That's what I'm talking about. Yes, that's right. Fat Pile Friday on Chewing the Fat. Thank you so much for coming along for the ride. Remember, subscribe. I need your subscriptions. You know that. Listen, I told you yesterday, I went over across the hall and I said,

look, we've got to do something special for my listeners. We've got to make the subscriptions free, at least through the weekend for the podcast. So they didn't want to do it. They kept saying, no, no, Jeff, we've got to charge, we've got to charge. And I said, look, we've got to make them free. So at least through this weekend, if you subscribe to chewing the fat, it's free. It doesn't cost you a thing. You just, whatever podcast platform you like, it's wherever.

SoundCloud? SoundCloud? iTunes. iTunes. Google Play. Google Play. Google Podcast. Google Podcast.

Google Podcast free. Stitcher. Free. Stitcher. I mean, wherever you get your podcast, right now through this weekend. I can't promise past the weekend free sweet

so I mean I fought for it I fought for it not for it I fought for you I'm looking right at the camera too I fought for you and for those of you that ever see this you never will because it's not recording but I'm looking at you

that I fought for you unless they got the new update on their phones then they can be able to see this the new Android phone yeah if they have that you're good to go right next to the 3D button Yes. You can listen to audio 3D now.

That's one of the news that you miss of the week. You can listen to audio 3D now. Well, on your new phone. Your new Android, yes. And you new phone. So there's also some other stuff with the new Android phone too. I'm sidetracked now. Good.

No, it's fascinating. But I see where that criminal, Mark Zuckerberg, head of Facebook, has decided that he's going to now pay us. If you have an Android phone, he's going to pay you to use their, new app because he's saying, hey, our new app is going to track whatever you do and wherever you go and whatever apps you're using and we'll pay you.

You know, we're letting you know, like $20 a month. I'm paying like $300 bucks a month for my cell phone. No, you can pay me a little bit more, Mark. You've been doing it for free. You've been robbing me for free on your Facebook app for how long now, forever. Now you're coming across

oh, we'll pay a little money. No, Mark. To sell you to everyone else. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to get off on, get off on. No, I just want the, I want the viewers to know that I mean it. They can't see you. That I mean it. Doesn't Vicki look great?

She does. Hey, it looks so much thinner. Turn the camera that way. Well, seriously, I fought, that's another thing I fought for is thinning lenses. Like Oprah. Yeah. That's the best. Right?

They are amazing. Unless you're thin, then you're not there. So anyway, free subscriptions when you subscribe to chewing the fat, at least through this weekend. So Nevada bans employers from refusing to hire those who fail marijuana tests So now you can't It doesn't matter

If you if you Drug tests are out now Right? I mean at least in Nevada So if you say you have to You know you can't You have to pass a drug test so I could finally get a job delivering pizza

You know I seriously I just want to Dude they wouldn't hire me last time so I just been sitting here and I just been sitting here but now, dude, they can't even ask me I can do it I can work at the casino

we're gonna be rich I mean it's bad that's bad yeah but can be asking how happy Dominoes is do you know how many drivers are gonna have now they're gonna have 100% full employment at Dominoes

yeah they will have 100% full employment but then those same drivers are gonna be eating people's pizza yeah the pizza delivery guy was here A third of my pizza is missing. It was such a long drive, man. I could take it, man. It smells so good.

That's why I couldn't be a waiter. Why is there pot ashes on my pizza? I'm sorry, man. I thought it was out the window, but you guys must have blown back in. I didn't mean that. So bad. So in New York, according to this study, and this is something that we've talked about on chewing the fat before.

And of course, you know this, Vick. I mean, you've listened to every episode. I've podcasted it. I've been paying them. New York men are, well, unsubscribe. I'm going to unsubscribe again, so it's free. You think I'm an idiot. Thank you.

So in New York, men are embracing plastic surgery now. Yes. So they're calling a daddy do-overs. But, look, I mean, plastic surgery is huge. Now, everyone, right? But my theory to plastic surgery, my theory, personal theory, is three cuts to clown face. Mm-hmm. I believe that we're at three cuts to clown face.

However, in today's world, you can do filler and some Botox and that's questionable plastic surgery because that's not doing any cutting No You know what I mean the filler

The chuviderm and the lips to make the fill I want if I had some money I'd be so lit up My lips would be so big right now I couldn't even speak It looks so good You know once a month We usually have these plastic surgeons next door

They come in and film their film their show man we have to stop by with them here. That's the only time I ever got it. I got on a show called Pain or Pretty or Something. They wanted a fat person once show. That wasn't a real show, but go ahead. It was a real show.

We call it pain or pretty. Just got in. They had whips and, yeah, and I got Juvener, man, it was so beautiful. But then, like, Lou, it's $1,100 if I could get it again. He's like, you'll never get it again. I mean, there's got to be more shows out there. That's what I'm saying. If you guys are telling me what week there, I'll fly here.

I'd love to get my lips blown up again. What about the little filler, little bowtops? What are you saying? No. Yes, I would take anything. I would love it, except for lady parts stuff. That drives me nuts. If a man wants you to go have surgery on your lady parts

because he's not quite happy with things down there, I say turn off the light, turn off the light. Spend the money on titties and things that show and would make me happy. If there's a man that needs you to do your lady parts, I think that man is a pussy and he should be run over by a car. I'm just sorry. Wow.

That's nuts to ask a woman to go through that people. pain so you can have something to look at. I don't want you to go through the pain, but it's painful. I want you to be better. No, that's ridiculous. I want you to be better. There's no reason to be better down there. Better is good.

God made us that. That just fries me. That fries me that women are doing that. Of course God made you pretty, but I think that this doctor could make you a little better. No, they can't make me a little better down there. You just need to just accept it down there. Accept it.

I have, baby. I'll take the fillers. I'll take the titties. I'll do anything else. But no, that just kills. me that men are asking you to do your lady part. That's not all men. You should just be happy to see a lady part in general.

Any of you. Miss man hater. I'm not a man hater. Any man that wants you to do that is wrong and that's, it should be illegal. And I think that's another part of my platform I just thought of. No more. Guilty, guilty, county, county. Surgery.

Go on with your new platform. We are eliminating lady part surgery for cosmetic purposes. For cosmetic purposes, not medical. No, if you need to have a medical, that's different. but just to look a little what? That's crazy. I heard a guy at a doctor's office

earlier this week and I almost, I wanted to talk to him so bad and I thought, no, Jeff, stop, shut up, just let him finish, don't talk to him. I took my father-in-law

to this wound care doctor that he goes to and we're waiting and I'm waiting for him and he's filling out some stuff and there's three other old guys off talking and the one guy is sitting there and he goes,

yeah, I made a little bit of, decision a long time ago that my butt is out only. So if I get, uh, if I get colon cancer, that's it. I told my family, that's it. Nobody, I'm going to dad. That's a, and I thought, I wanted to talk to him so bad. I wasn't doing seriously. You need to stop with this. Oh, that's hilarious. But I let them keep going. That's just, that's a decision. My family knows. My family does so bad. So that's what goes along with your, with your platform. think so I think it's completely different absolutely different that's cancer that's what I

pointed so I mean you know the old joke though but you're speaking of plastic surgery and old couples and people doing things remember the the husband and the wife been married forever and the wife is uh I may have even told this joke on this show before I was just trying to get a joke Friday with a husband and wife and the wife is standing in front of the mirror naked and she goes oh my breasts are sagging arms a little flabby and my skin. Tell me something. Tell me something good. I need you to say something nice about me. Still got your eyesight. Oh, funny. That is really funny.

I can be here all week. In fact, I'll be in Plano. You want to open for me in Plano where the rich people are? Where are you going to be at? Plano. I'm going to call it Fancyo the rest of the weekend. Okay, so you're going to be in Fancyo. Yeah, Fancio. The other people call it Plano, Texas. Dallas tonight and Plano's. Saturday and Sunday.

So Saturday and Sunday in Plano and then Thursday, you were in Dallas. Yep. And tonight again in Dallas. And tonight in Dallas. Yeah, tonight in Dallas. So last night in Dallas and tonight in Dallas. Yeah, with poor people. They dressed nice for poor people, though, turned out last night.

They fooled me. Yeah, well, you know, that's like plastic surgery. Yeah, there's no poor people in Dallas. We got our money. Anyway, yeah, it's been really fun. I love it here. Everyone is so fun. Truly, the audiences are great.

It's just a blast of it. And where can people get the tickets for Friday, Saturday, Sunday? And hyenas, Comedy Club. They could just call them up, yeah. Or your website, right? There might be a link on my. I'm such an idiot. There is because I checked.

Thank you. Thank you, Chris. Vickibarbelatcom. I'm a big tech, no wonder. Yeah. If you go to her website, just click on tours and then you see it. Yeah, and there's an absolute section. Your people actually took care of that.

Isn't that nice? It's amazing what happens when you have Simon workers. When you're professionals. Somebody that actually knows what the hell they're doing. He'll die if he knows how. I am he'll find out well he knows you don't sing I mean he's already you're already down a couple of not looking for my voice well what if Simon said uh we need if he's if Simon told me once I would be like I'd be doctor I'm gonna all right you don't get your own belief my God that's what's wrong

with government you're a perfect I'm the perfect politician I'm as slim as could be