Chewing the Fat with Jeff Fisher - Ep 14 | Can You Run For President While in Exile?

Episode Date: January 25, 2019

Jeffy does a little politics, but don't worry is fun! Yes John McAee is running for POTUS while in EXILE Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Ah, yes, it is Fat Pile Friday on chewing the fat. And I already know, I've got my weekend planned. It's supposed to be nice outside. Nice-ish. Not as cold as it has been here in the Metroplex, but I didn't realize until last night. And since I had to get up early to come in and sit in with Pat Gray this morning on Pat Unleashed, another award-winning broadcast, by the way,

if you have an opportunity to listen to that show today because I was on it. It was tremendous. But yesterday, we missed a celebration. It was the 30-year anniversary of Ted Bundy's execution yesterday. And Netflix dropped their documentary conversations with a killer, the Ted Bundy tapes yesterday. I did not because, and it was too late. I had to get up too early.

It's a four-part thing. I couldn't do it last night. If I hadn't had to be in here for Pat this morning, I would have been up all night watching it. However, today, whenever I get home and tell everyone to leave me alone, conversations with a killer, the Ted Bundy tapes will be viewed by me.

It looks really, really good. And remember the Ted Bundy movie, that was with what's his face? from Mark Harmon. Mark Harmon played Ted Bundy 100 years ago. It was a great Ted Bundy movie. If you ever have an opportunity to see it, it's probably too old school now, you know, from 100 years ago, but it was worth watching at the time. And I like Mark Harmon, so I mean, he played a great

Ted Bundy. But I am looking forward to the Ted Bundy tapes. Most definitely. Now, Netflix, you know, makes the joke of Don't watch it alone. It's a good ad campaign. Okay, I promise that I won't watch it without other people in the house. But I will, I won't have the kids come in, and we won't gather around and let the family watch conversations with a killer. But I'm looking forward to it. That is for sure.

All right, let's get to Fat Pile Friday. This story's been sitting in the Fat Pile, you know, just moldering on the top. That's the word, that's the word, my word of the day, moldering. Great story. And it's not really a great story, but it turns out good because you can't believe that something like this would happen in today's world. And maybe it's just my white privilege. And we do have the white privilege test to take that's still in the fat pile as well. But a man arrested by Illinois police for stealing what turned out to be his own car.

Cops were really bad on this. A woman called police when she saw him trying to fix a loose part on his car and thought he was a thief. Okay, so that's kind of explainable. you know obviously the racist people will say that if it was a white person doing that to his car she wouldn't have called the police but I don't know I question that you know I say all right I mean you know maybe maybe maybe maybe it was her prejudice that made her think that it was a black guy so he was robbing a car but um he has now settled with the police department the city of Evanston. The story is amazing. So he is fixing his car. He got out of his car and he's trying to fix

a loose part of molding on his car. And the lady calls police and says he was trying to steal it. Now she then follows him after he gets back in the car and drives it as he drove from his apartment to the university and called the police. The student got out of the car. Arms raised when asked, all right, then was tackled when he did not immediately lie

on the ground as ordered. Are you kidding me? Come on. He was reportedly, reportedly, now by the way, struck at least 10 times and the dash camera

filmed the arrest. Right, stop resisting. Right, stop resisting. Like, what am I being pulled over for? What are you doing? What's going on? Right. I just want to know.

Get down on your knees. I just want to know What you're asking me to do. Right. And that's what happened. Right. See, the force was justified, according to the police spokesman,

as they thought it was a case of car theft. I mean... Stop persisting. Thank you. Thank you. He was later acquitted on all charges. Stop persisting. Brought the lawsuit for damages.

We'll see who's resisting now. Okay? They have now settled. he is he's 25 when the incident happened the Evanston City Council will vote on the final settlement but he's going to get at least 1.25 million oh I will stop persistent for that I hope he gets 80 million that is agonizing good for him I mean that that is agonizing I mean when just because he's a black guy and I really do kind of believe this now as I'm breaking down the story. And you can shake your head like, no,

it wasn't, you know, he was, he was, what was he doing? Stop persisting. Thank you. But he tries to fix a little mold. He drives to the university. The lady, nosy white lady, follows him to the university, has the police says him, that's him. He gets

out of the car with his hands up. Hey, what are you pulling me over for? Stop persistent. I just want to know what I'm being pulled over for, tackled, punched. You're trying to steal the car. No, it's my car. Officer, it's my car.

Stop resisting. It's my car. Stop resisting. Yeah, okay. You're acquitted and it was. Oh, gosh. Oh, my gosh, it was your car. Oh, geez, sorry.

And man, we didn't mean to arrest you. I guess, man, would we make a mistake? We're really sorry. Ah, are you? Are you? So at least a little over a million goes to this guy. Good for him. Good for him.

Ooh, this might actually be worth it. I'm not a big candle guy. I know a lot of people in this building love candles, including Mr. Beck, Mr. Headshot, big shot guy in the building, loves candles. But KFC is now launching their very own gravy-scented candles. So first the fire log and now candles?

Fire logs and now candles. The limited edition, KFC sent in candles. We're going to capture the essence of the famous gravy. First come, first serve. There's only 230? Oh, they're already gone. They're already gone. Go to their website right now.

Go to kfc.com or whatever their website is and see if we can get one of these candles. The spokesman said you're not dreaming. You can now fill your home with the incredible aroma of KFC gravy. Oh, are they still available? No way are they still available. It's only 230 of them. Because remember the fire logs, they only had like two.

They were already gone because we tried to get those. So are we able to get them? I'm just talking to the microphone. When I request an answer, you can just talk right in the microphone. So basically what they're saying is it's a limited edition and you have to put your information and you could win one. You can't buy them. What?

All right, KFC. Stop it. Just sell the candles. And by the way, this is not here in the United States. This is the UK and Ireland. Amazing. The internet is worldwide. That's what W-W-W stands for.

So it's like World Wide Web. We can pretend we're there. The IP address might not be in Ireland. But, hey, we can be there. So we can't even, not even a shot is what you're saying. Why am I doing the story then? Now I'm just made myself hungry for KFC. You saw their new bowl, though.

The new bowl with the potatoes and the corn and the chicken and the gravy. That looks good. Of course, I can't eat that stuff anymore because it's, you know, it's not heart-conduasive, apparently. But that bowl, and by the way, I will say that that bowl will need extra gravy. So that bowl that they serve, whatever it is, their chicken, potatoes, and corn, which, by the way, you make yourself at home when you have KFC, you break off the chicken, the extra crispy skin and you put it on a plate, you put the potatoes on,

then you douse it in gravy. I mean, that's what you eat. I mean, that's what you have. So they're just doing what people have been doing forever. Now they introduce a spicy bowl. Yeah. Yeah. And that looked really good.

But you're going to have to order it. Make sure when you order it, you order a side of gravy. Order that and a side of gravy. Because when it comes, I promise you, you'll go, oh, this looks really good, more gravy. So why wait to have a side of?

but just have it there, have it at the ready. You're welcome. You're welcome. Now, apparently, there's been a study from a business insider that tried the French fries from the five major fast food chains to see who does it best. Now, I would say that I don't know who would be the best out of the five, but they went through the five to see who would be the best.

And by French fries, you mean the skinny fries, right? waffle fries. Oh, they tried them all. The five major fast food chains. They tried them all. And, you know, they voted for the best. Hold on just a second. What?

What do you mean what? What? You're in my place. Does he not know that we're recording? This is my room. Chewing the Fat recording session. You're in my way. Do you take this stupid cord down here, or is it the one that stays here?

No, it stays. Yeah, that's the one I left you for you. You're welcome. Whatever. Are you done with your stuff? silly the news and who cares? I mean the news and why it matters. Yes. I'm done with my silly news. I'm sure it was a riveting episode today. It was, oh my God. It might be the best television ever done. If not, if not the best,

it's definitely top two. Top two. Top two. Yeah. So are you, I mean, now you're, you're apparently done. You can back up your crap and get out. And in fact, you know, I'm not getting paid to speak right now. so I'm even done talking to you. All right? Please hold while we wait for Pat Gray to leave the room. Thank you. Pat Gray has left the building. That was very rude of Pat Gray.

Thank you. He just comes walking in, ronting in here, like, leave my stuff here. I can do anything I want. We were talking some serious topic. Okay, Jeff, you said, who has the best French fries? All right.

First, we tried McDonald's. Salty, thin, crispy, classic fries, consistent over the years. Actually, they haven't been consistent over the years. Because they changed the oil. And that meant a lot to me personally on the McDonald's fries. I can't eat them anymore. Because of the oil?

I can't. Let's be clear. I don't eat any of these anymore. They're not heart-conduasive. So I'm just going by what this story says. I don't have any vote. This is not spoons. However, in the past, prior to not being heart-conduasive.

pre yeah pre uh pre uh pre attack uh i may have eaten a few of these so then they went to a wendies which wendies doesn't have bad fries i kind of like the potato skin on the side fries wendies i like them if they're cooked long enough sometimes they pull them out fast and when you pull out fast anyway so then they went to a taco bell for the for the nacho fries right and those were okay we all the nacher fries i remember when they first first started these, we did have an actual spoon segment with these. And they were okay. They were okay. Yes.

Yeah, whoever went to get them for our spoon segment took too long. Whoever it was, whatever, whatever chick we had running around doing stuff for us, didn't do it right. If it was Marissa, then so be it. But one of the chicks over there, one of little chicks over there that run around and get stuff for it. They didn't do it fast enough. But they weren't bad. They weren't bad. I mean, you know, okay, you got the little dipping sauce, whatever.

Now, Burger King fries. According to this, that he's thicker, sturdier than the competition, thicker than the Taco Bells, or almost texture of steak fries. I haven't had Burger King fries in a long time, so I'm not, I can't, I don't know what to tell you on this. Because I, at one point I was kind of a Burger King fan, and then it went away quick. The only thing I like about Burger King was the Cheetos. Remember that? I do, and I'm a fan of their breakfast stuff.

Yes, the Frenchel sticks. the McDonald's actually. One of the McDonald's, I like the Burger King breakfast stuff better. The croissants, the egg and cheese. No, this, oh my gosh, no, I don't eat it anymore. This is not, I am not telling you, you should not eat these stuff. This is just, if you want to be heart conducive. I'm sorry?

If you want to be heart conducive, you do not want to eat this. And then we went to chick filet. According to this story, they're underwhelming. I would agree with that. I don't, the waffle fries are, you know, they look. look good, but sometimes, again, again, they pull them out too fast. I don't know why they do that. I don't know.

I know they're in a hurry. They've got a big audience, a big crowd. They're trying to get people in and out. I understand it's fast food. I got it. Same with steak and shake. I like steak and shake fries. They're thin and they're long, but they pull them out too fast and they just, when they

get just too, nothing happens. You pull them out too fast. It's just limp, soggy. It's just not good. It's not conducive. It's not conducive to life. It's not conducive to anything. Now, while I'm complaining about them, I've been eating them in the past.

These just weren't cooked right. Damn it. And then more ketchup. And by more ketchup, you mean what? More Heinz ketchup. But he just gave you one scoop of ketchup. And by the way, Heinz is coming out with a new thing, too. Where is that story? Hold on.

We got, please hold. Well, Jeff Fisher finds the. Heinz ketchup story, because I know I had it in the new fat pile. So there's the old fat pile. There's the old fat pile of the stack that's been there all week. But then I went through last night and I've just got a ton more stories. So that's not fat pile. That's his current news.

Well, it's part of the fat pile. It doesn't become a fat until we just don't do it that day and we get another day. Don't bog me down with facts. This is still fat pile. Heinz just created a fancy ketchup with a totally new look. It's Heinz ketchup caviar. I like the caviar part. They just brought the term fancy ketchup to a whole new level.

I thought they were fancy. I know. I know. A limited batch, 150 jars. I'll see, this is going to be a thing where you have to register to to get it. What are they doing? You know, it's Heinz. Heinz.

Heinz The company is calling its promotion the Valen Heinz to remember so it's a Valentine's thing Uh Ew Flayfou caviar ketchup Um

tastes like Heinz tomato ketchup goes literally just ketchup No fish eggs here Oh they're just ketchup balls I don't know That might actually be good That actually might be good Just the ketchup balls like that

If it'd be uh It'd be surprising what would happen if you were to dip the limp fries into the ketchup balls, what would happen? Just asking. I don't know exactly what would happen. Anyway, but the story on the fries,

I don't know that they pick a winner now. They took me out. Burger King comes close in a second. Wait, amazingly Taco Bell, after much debate, delisily seem a flavor to pass even against us. So they give Taco Bell number one. Taco Bell, Burger King. McDonald's, Chick-fil-A and Wendy's.

I disagree with that. I disagree with that lineup. Wendy's needs to be closer to the top, for sure. When they are done right, the Wendy's French fries are the best. On top of which, you can dip the Wendy's fries into the Frosty, if needed. You happen to run on a ketchup?

You know who does that a lot? Who got me hooked on that is Glenn Beck. He's dipping the fries into the Frosty. We were somewhere, and he was, I remember this was a long, so long ago. We were somewhere, and I know it's a surprise that Glenn and I went through the drive-thru at Wendy's, but it happened. And we started dipping the fries in the frosts.

It was so good. They were so good. And I'm a ketchup man. I mean, I hate to waste the fries with the frosty when I can have it separate because either way, but they were darn good together. And at that time, those particular fries, extra crispy and hard. on that Heinz ketchup

Did you see how you could get it? No, that's what you were for. Okay, cool. So on the 24 Heinz company tweeted out and in order for you to participate, you have to tweet out from the 24 to the 28th. That's yesterday.

If you're listening to this podcast on the day we recorded, it was Friday the 25th of January, 2019. And then they will pick. All you have to do is reply to the call to action by the Twitter. Hello? Who's the person who's always wanted to be a Heinz ketchup policeman?

Me. Forever. I want to be a Heinz ketchup police officers since the time began. I want the Heinz ketchup badge. I want to go into restaurants and bust them for pretending. You know, a lot of restaurants. We've been over this before. Heinz.

Call me. All right. We've got to take the white privilege test. Eighth grade privilege test. Were you ready to take a privilege test? in eighth grade. Think about it. Think about where you were in eighth grade,

what you were doing in your life, what was going on. See if you were ready to take the white privilege. Well, it doesn't say it's a white privilege test. It was just the privileged test. And the test, we've printed out as much as we can. It looks like almost the whole test, but we may have missed a couple of questions

on the test that you take. So things to check off to see if you're actually, you know, privileged. So have never been mocked for my accent. I mean, Chris can't check that. What the hell? No, you can't. You have been.

I mean, hell, I've done. I mean, I apologize. I don't do it now. Are you sure? No. No. And by the way, we'll just pause for just one second. All right, just one second.

As I'm talking to you, I look to my right. Packer did not pick up all his mess. He just left his debris here. Like I'm his trash guy. Half a bottle, water, cap off, news stories. I mean... Remote control. What's going on?

Is that his tissue for his nose? If it is. Wait, that has more water in the bottle. Who's this story? I don't care about this story either. I don't care if he cared about it, he should have kept it. Back to the privilege test. Really?

That guy. Seriously. Six me off. Have never been told that I'm attractive for my race. Oh, you're good looking for a white cat. You know, you're not bad for Puerto Rico. I've never experienced negativity because of my race. I mean, I've checked, I've checked these.

I've never been called a racial slur. That's not true. I have. No, no question. A racial, I've been called, you know, big fat whitey. That is not a racial slur. Oh my gosh, big fat whitey? That is not a racial slur.

That's a personal attack and a racial slur. It's the truth. Yeah, okay. All right, thanks, Mr. Racist. Go ahead. Tell the joke. I see everybody laughing on the other side of the glass. Tell the joke.

What's your problem? Big Fat Cracker. That's racist. Okay. Right. Tell me Big Fat Whitey is not Big Fat Cracker. It's the same thing. Yes, it is.

Oh, my gosh. Yes, it is. You don't know what you're talking about, Rican. That's racist. Oh, oh, you said it is? I was just, I thought I was being factual. I've never been told that I sound white. I don't know that I can, I don't know if I can check that.

Stranger has never been asked to touch my hair or if it's real. I've asked you that. I think I've been asked that to. Trump is being asked that too. I am heterosexual. What does that got to do with privilege? I've never doubled, I've never doubted my parents, acceptance of my sexuality.

What that? I've never been called a derogatory term for a homosexual. They can't even write the term. What term are they talking about? Homo? A gayster? I don't think, no. Keep going on.

No? Fag? There it is. Yeah. Probably that. You can't say that anymore. We'll have to edit that. I've never been called a derogatory term for homosexuals.

Oh, I already just read that. We already went down that list. I don't want to repeat it again. We have to edit it again, which we're not going to do, by the way. I've never tried to hide my sexuality. Isn't that the same one as before? Well, the other one before was heterosexual,

and I've never doubted my parents' acceptance of my sexuality. So you've never doubted whatever it is. I've never tried to hide my sexuality. I'm always comfortable demonstrating PDA with people I like. I hate PDA. And I'm straight. I mean, if it's cooked right, I like PDA, but usually it's limp and they don't cook it long enough.

I've never been ostracized or excluded because of my religious beliefs. So? I am a man. Okay. No, you're an eighth grader. I feel comfortable in the gender I was born in. I've never felt unsafe because of my gender. I've never been denied an opportunity because of my gender.

Are these guys, this is eighth grade? I don't think. Are you kidding me? I've never been sexually harassed or assaulted. Ooh, Jim, can't check that one. My family and, oh, man, I've been, you know, I've been sexually harassed or assaulted. Where? I don't like to talk about it.

Oh, I'm sorry. There's some things, Chris. It's just too far. That's one of them. When I was sexually harassed or assaulted. It's just too far. My family and I have never lived below the poverty line. I can say that in eighth grade, I don't know that I,

by eighth grade, I guess I kind of knew that we were white trash in a trailer. No, that's racist. But I'm talking about myself. Oh, okay. I'm about myself. But before then, I don't know that I ever realized. I mean, we were just another dirt bag in a blocks of dirt bags in Saginawag. Michigan. You know what I mean? Some

houses were bigger. Ours was the white trash trailer that they still allowed in the neighborhood. You still allowed in the neighborhood. But, you know, then when you start getting a little bit older, you start realizing like, they have new clothes every day. They look like they

wash their clothes every day. They have clean clothes. They have Nike's and I have Nike. Yeah. What is Nike? And they wear blue tip tennis shoes that are, the blue tip is in the tip. My blue tip is like torn half off from the outside. So I've got like blue tip.

Blue tip. I feel comfortable in the gender I was born in. Stop it. I've never felt unsafe because of my gender. I've never been denied an opportunity because of my gender. Why you keep reading the same one? I have been sexually

harassed or so my family, because I keep going down this list, it just drives me insane. I'll move to the next. It's too many of them. They've because of eighth grade. I've never been cat called. I've never been denied an opportunity because, I'm just teasing now. Let's go to the next.

My parents are still married. Mine are. I mean, when I was in eighth grade, um, oh, when I was in eighth grade, that's what my dad died. Oh,

yeah. But see, before then, my parents were back together again, and then they were separated before they got back together. That's how you get back together again. You separate? But they never got divorced.

So, but at the time, for a while there, you know, my mom and myself and my brother just lived in the trailer alone. You know, dad was kicked out. He was off getting drug somewhere. Yeah. And then he got his eye, I know it gets hard. It's all coming back to me now. Trip down memory lane right now. Are you okay?

I do not have any learning disabilities. That's not true. Oh, you have many. I do not have any physical disabilities. Oh, you have many. I do not have any social disabilities. That's not true. I've never had an eating disorder.

Not true. I've never been depressed. Not true. I've never considered suicide. I've never attempted suicide. But have you considered it? I've never taken medication for my mental health. Oh, I have.

Well, of course, you're milk in the system. Don't get me started on that. Don't get me, don't. Don't get me started on that. You and your, there was an explosion on the same continent. I was on, so I'm injured. Don't. I've never felt underweight or overweight.

I feel both. I can promise you that one of those is correct. I've never been shamed for my body type. I mean, if you listen to this network? This network and the audience. From eighth grade on, oh, man. When would you were called Fatty MacFaddy Face? Like, when did that start?

Like forever? Really? Chris. I shot my head by my clothes. in the Husky section. Oh, yes. I remember this story. Oh, yeah, it's funny now, right?

Yeah, we all remember it now. Ah, we remember now how fat Jeff was. My family can afford medical treatment, medication when I need it. You know, even though we were white trash, living in a trailer. I don't remember ever a time in my life. Ever, ever.

Ever. Ever that when we were sick, we didn't go see a doctor. I don't know if we were paid for it. I don't know if the doctor came knocking around trying to collect money later. You know what I mean? Seriously, no joke. I don't know.

I don't know. You know, he'd drive by and my mom would make him chicken or she would just say, go out and play. The doc would stay for a while. I don't know. I don't know what's going on. I do know the mailman would stop by ever so often and sing with my mom. Oh, really? And her friend.

Whoa. My mom and her friend would be playing the piano and the postman would deliver mail. Then he would come inside and sing with them. Huh, that's cool. that's what I thought when he was inside I was going through the mailbag I've never felt I consider myself to be physically attractive

I do now okay I do now my family can afford a therapist who could afford a therapist nobody afforded no nobody pays for a therapist I've never been shamed for my religious belief see they keep repeating the same kind of stuff I've never been shamed

I've never been attacked for my religious religious beliefs. No, there is a place of worship for my religion in town. What town doesn't have your place of religion? Every town in America has everything available. Unless you live in a town that has two people. Well, unless you're a Jew, you're not allowed to have whatever you go to pray with because we've seen that here in Dallas, Texas to try to get them out.

What do you mean? We've covered this in this network where they tried to do like kind of their church in their apartment and they're like, no, you can't do that here. Oh, in the neighborhood, in the houses and stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, that's a questionable thing. All right. There's a difference between, there's a difference between celebrating your religion and your beliefs in your home and bringing over a hundred people every day or more.

Okay? Now you're, you know, you're starting to push the limits a little bit. I'm saying it's okay for you. First Amendment, baby. First Amendment. Don't give me that. The First Amendment doesn't say that I can bring 18 million people to my home every day. Well, maybe it does.

The neighborhood, but you know what? My homeowners. Association? They don't let me. That's the problem. You should have moved somewhere else. That was the deal, though, right? I mean, there were people were, you know, people were too many people showing up at the house every day.

Yeah, too many people, and then according to the suit, it was like cars were parking. Right. Everywhere. Blah, blah, blah. You know, obviously, you want to be able to be okay with it. You really, I mean, because you're like, right, who cares? You know, they're stopping by and they're, I don't care what they're doing. And I don't think it had more to do with the, with the struggle of the parking and the struggle of the neighborhood and the people in the neighborhood, not what they were there for.

Okay, so that's a, that's a fine line, I know. There is a place, oh, in time, never lied about my ethnic. or as self-defense? What are you Mormon? No. I mean, if whatever religion you are, so what. I don't think people care. So fun.

I've never been called a terrorist. I have. Well, I mean, let's be honest. Nobody has tried to save me from my religious beliefs. Ooh, that's not true. We've got kids riding on bikes calling them. themselves Mormon trying to save me for my religion every day in my neighborhood. Really?

Oh, yeah. There's those damn kids in their bike with their white shirts riding around. Oh, those are Mormons? I thought those Jehovah Witnesses. No, Jehovah's walk, bro. What are you talking about? What? Yeah, no, they don't.

So, Joe walks and Mormons ride? Romans ride to bikes. No, Joe. Seriously, mind-blown right now. This ain't cool in the gang here, man. I mean, Jehovah's, they walk up to it, yeah. You didn't know that? I mean, maybe when the, maybe when the, uh, the, uh, the Mormons go on their, uh, missionary work,

they, uh, you know, when they're down and say, I just off the top of my head, Puerto Rico, uh, when they're on an island like that, maybe that's when they walk around. Possible. But I would guess, you know, if I show up in Puerto Rico, I'm looking for a bike. I'm looking for a bike. I'm not riding around that damn island walking around all. on island like the people like the people that live there you got to ride on a bike right you got to show them hey we're Mormon come to our side that's just a thought I mean it might not be true

all this from the privilege test oh oh this from the privilege test yeah I know now this is the privilege test taken in eighth grade people were a little upset uh parents were a little upset as I know I know one parent told the station the privilege test wasn't age appropriate I kind of go with that. A lot of those questions, you're an eighth grade. Yeah, sex, gender. You've been struggling, you know, there's not very many that are going to, I am a man. You know, stop. You're a kid. Right. You don't even, I mean, you know. What is a man? And that's a great question. What is a man? Because right now. And by the way, at their age, they don't know. No. Because I can, I can guarantee you at 14 years old when my father passed away and everybody said,

hey, you're the man of the house now? I didn't have any idea what they were talking about. To be honest, I still don't. Before we get to John McAfee running for president of the United States of America, I wanted to, well, I wanted to take a moment to apologize to my producer, Chris Cruz. I didn't realize in a previous podcast,

I joked around and we were, you know, you know me. Just make a little fun. I make a fun of everything. There's nothing, you know, sacred. And, well, you know, we were talking about sometimes people call their spouses by the wrong name. And, you know, look, we've all done it. We've all done it. And I wanted to apologize, though, because I didn't realize that, you know, by doing so when he did it,

called his spouse, you know, the name of his previous spouse. She's your previous spouse, right? Yeah, no. That she left. And I'm so sorry. I didn't realize that she was that angry about it. So, I mean, is she planning on coming back? Are you guys working it out?

I think she's coming back. Okay. Good. Poo, man. Because it's just, you know, it's an honest mistake. Happens everybody. That is true. No, seriously.

It happens. Because you get so used to calling, but, you know, certain things, certain habits. their habits. So when you're doing, and you don't think, the reason they're habits is because you do it without thinking about it, right?

So like, you said you were in the process of doing something, and in that process, you mistakenly called your wife, who you love and adore, by your first wife's name,

who you hate and despise. But because you were doing that habitual thing, you just immediately had her name on your brain. We've all done that. I mean, do you need me to call her and work it out for you? If you want to call her, you go right ahead. She does appreciate you, and she usually says that you're right about some things. Some?

Yes, some things. There's a problem right there, first of all. You want me to read the text that she texted me about you? I'm just saying that I'm happy to, I'm happy to step in. and help out a little bit if I need me. No, I don't need any. I don't need your love text from you and the wife. No, it's about you.

Oh, I definitely don't want you to read those love texts. Okay. No. No, thank you. That's between her and me. Why is she sharing? Anyway, thanks for listening to Chewing the Fat with yours truly, Jeff Fisher.

You know, one of the things that we like to ask is you, the listener that we put this podcast together for, do a little work for us. And I know it's, I hate to ask you, but I want you to just, you know, just do a little work for us. And I've laid it out a pretty easy, simple plan. I appreciate if you subscribe to the podcast. If you haven't and you're just listening and you're wondering if you should subscribe, the answer is yes.

And then you should, what helps others find out about the podcast is if you rate and review it. and so I know a lot of you're busy and don't know what to say and you want to try to be funny but you don't want to be funny you want to be serious look just do I've laid it out for you rate it 20 stars review it best podcast ever and you're done and then you don't have to even think about it it's over and then the next time you listen what you can do is you can share it when you're you know you've already subscribed you've rated

you've reviewed it and then you just share it and you just hit the share button and you share it to you your email address, the first email it pops up, you send it to them and you share it, whether you like that person or not. So you're good to go. And I appreciate it very much. For example, you could be like H-TX, Texas that says, best podcast ever. I will give it 20 stars if I could. Great to listen to on the drive home. Perfect mix of news, humor, weird news out of Florida, sprinkle with inappropriateness from Jeffie. See, now, that person actually went farther than he needed to.

I mean, it was nice of H to do that. But really, I don't need to waste your time with that. Just 20 stars and best podcast ever. You're done. Yeah, like Gear Luce says 20 stars, best podcast ever. See? And then who is it? Gear Lose.

Gear Lose. gear loose and who doesn't have one of those it did what as I asked and thank you so much or like Dr. Ben he goes 20 stars best podcast ever see

I mean and that's why I've made it so simple for you just to do we made it simple so you can do it and I appreciate it anyway so subscribe rate and review and I appreciate it very much because you know I don't like to People don't like to admit that they need help, but I need your help. I admit it for now.

So John McAfee, you remember John. He ran for president the last time around in the beginning. Did we figure out if Glenn had him? Because we were talking about this offer yesterday. I feel like I met him, but I think we just talked to him on the phone. I don't think we ever, I don't think he was ever here. I think. I can't remember for the life of me.

I could go back to some old emails, but that's a lot of work, and I don't really feel like to do it. I go back to some show prep sheets and stuff, and that's when I was a lot on the show. And I could remember, but I just can't remember. I'm not allowed on the show anymore, and so. Wait, what?

Yeah, no. That's why you don't hear me on the show. There's some kind of fat band. I don't know what it is. Why do you move your hands? People can't see you. Some kind of fat band in there. Stop moving your hand.

No, but I was just explaining. Yeah, but you don't need to move your hands. Like your gesture. something. Yeah, it's some kind of mix, some kind of fat band in there. I'm not really sure what it is. And people couldn't feel the hand move. This is radio.

What are you talking about? Hashtag me too. Of course they know. I mean, when I'm talking and explaining things, and at this time, if I want to move the hand this way or back this way or this way, I mean, do they feel it? So John McAfee is running for president. And he's out of the lamb, actually.

He's outrunning the United States government wants to arrest him. Apparently he hasn't paid any taxes in a number of years, which is a little bit of an issue. The IRS frowns upon that. And so now at 73 years of age, and he looks, I want to say he looks pretty good for 73, but he looks okay for 73, I guess, in today's world. Because 73 is, you know, yesterday's...

37? 50. 75 is maybe yesterday's 45. You know, maybe. I'm not going on any draw lower than 45. And so John maybe looks 60. It's better than 73, but he's had a rough life. He's still smoking, still drinking.

He really, that's an issue. And I'm not becoming an anti-smoker kind of guy, although I can really smell smoke extra now. I mean, bad. I can tell when people are smoking. Now, some people would say, doesn't it smell nasty? No.

No, it just tells me that there's a cigarette close by. Now, don't worry, I'm not smoking. Don't look at me like that. If I hear one more person. It's so much better, don't you feel? Oh, yeah. Oh, man. So much better.

So much better. So much better. So John is on the lamb, and he's on his boat, and he's posting videos on his Twitter account left and right, telling us what kind of country we're in. The new world is coming. Cryptocurrencies is the way to go. He's not paying his taxes.

He's going to run for president from his boat. On exile. He's got people that they're already worked up about that are going to be going to different places around the United States, wearing a mask of him with their little cell phone taped to their head so that he'll be able to see the people that they're looking at. So he can talk to you and shake your hands. and be a part of your life and run for president.

So he's going to win in his mind. The president's in the United States so that he can run the president. I guess after he becomes president, then does he come back to the states? He never has said. No, he has said that. Does he come back to the mainland or does he still rule the country from the boat? Do we need a president? I mean, what do we do at the White House?

We rent it out, we Airbnb? What? I don't know. Oh, Airbnb at the White House. Come on, man. But I would like to go down his Freedom Boats Manifest. Do you have that? Yeah.

I know you're all fascinated with this guy. I don't know why you're so fascinated with him. Because it's John McCaffee. I know, but he's, first of all, I don't want to break your heart, but he's not going to win. You don't know that. He's not going to win. You don't know that?

I do. You don't? I do. Are you a political expert? Are you a campaign expert? What are your qualifications? Yes, I am. Yes, I am, as a matter of fact.

I kind of angry that you even questioned my expertise in this topic. That's why I don't even try to cover it on this podcast. I'm covering it. it because of you. Mr. You got to watch this guy do his videos where he's doing,

making drinks and he's got his mixologist on the boat and they're making the McAfee tango wango drink and whatever the hell other drinks they're making. And he's looking like he's doing, still doing a bunch of rails on the boat with his strippers. And he's got his wife.

If you want to go down the manifest, let's go down the manifest. By the way, that's the Riccoretta on the run. Like I said, the Rickerita on the run, whatever I said the or the 2020 Maccalfee. The 2020 McCaffee or the McAfee shake up,

shake your behind. He does shake a lot. He, I think he's sick. Well, look, after years of smoking, after years of drinking, and after years of doing a number of things that many people would say you shouldn't do. Okay. If he has, if he's not doing it anymore, if he's just drinking and smoking now and he's giving up the,

other stuff because I know a lot of times he says he's he looks like he's doing cocaine or he looks like he's doing that as part of the act for the for the videos but if he has if he's giving that up then the body is still you know he's still got that Parkinson's kind of thing going on and he's moving and shaky and even even after I mean after years of that even if you drink even if you know you get you drink the uh what is it again Rickerita on the run a run drink uh you still can't stop those little tremors. The tics. Yeah,

it's still there. And I noticed that, uh, I noticed that he's like, uh, he's like, the food channel, the food network,

the chef network, uh, when he's doing his, uh, rick orita on the roll. Oh, yeah, he,

there's no need for measure cups. There's not any bar mixing cups or anything. It's just a matter. Oh, this looks, yeah, it feels, it feels good.

Yeah. That's about right. Yeah. You just only need a little bit of this. Just this. Yep. You just need a little bit this. And,

And you're done. And you shake it up. Just a little bit of that and then shake it up, which he obviously shakes very well. And it shakes up really good. I don't know that we can accomplish the shake. I know. Yeah. Yeah.

But we sure we'll try. And he's got his people wandering around filming him, making his videos, and he's got all his yes men and women around him. So, you know, God bless him. He's made a bunch of money and he's doing what he wants to do with it. Bless his heart. And he's saying he's not going to pay taxes. He's not paying. And it's all a sham.

And things are going to change with cryptocurrency. governments are going to have to downsize and the world will be a better place for it. So while you're on the boat with John, with John Shakespeare, uh, you got, he's, this is manifest that he, that he printed out because they got the Bohemian,

no, the Bahamian. No, Bohemian. Bohemian. The Bohemian. Both. Whatever. The people in the islands, the cops in the islands, pulled him over on his boat. Boop, and, uh,

gave a big search. and of course he had to video it. And they're going through any of them. He's got a number of weapons. It does. On the boat. And it's a little bit bigger than just a boat. You know,

I mean, he's not rowing through the Bahamas in his nine foot flat bottom. You know, he has a nice little boat. That's a yacht. But his manifest claims that they have one old man.

Which I think that's him. It would be him. Yeah, I think so. He's got seven brave soldiers. Which we met on the video. We did. Your thoughts? they're just waiting for more drugs to be laid out on the table really is what they're there for

and that's just my thought i could be wrong he's got one italian captain which we met we did the captain is just you know he's just the guy getting paid to drive around to the boat so we're gonna go this way is he getting paid oh yeah oh yeah you know captain of those things are you know those yeah the captain's making somebody the captain stops making money right he just hops on the on the booie and he's gone. Right, a little dingy and he's gone. Bowie digging, same thing. One, he's got one documentarian.

Which we met. This is the guy following him around with the video camera. He gets upset when the camera's right on his face too. But he's always there. Always, of course he's always there because he's the documentarian. He's got 431 pounds of dog. I'm sure he didn't include his wife in that. So I'm guessing that that's just the animals.

Yeah, I think he has five dogs, I believe. The one terrifying black woman. Oh, see, that's his wife. That's the white. So she isn't included in the 431 pounds of dog. I apologize. He's got enough weapons and ammo. Enough.

We saw. When the Bohemian, Bahamian people pulled them over, they were going through all the weapons. And he's got quite a, he's got quite a ray. You feel pretty confident he could take care of the safety of the people. Yeah, I think so, too. he's got food for six months Oh hold on

I have a problem with that Why is that? Because he says he's going to be there until 2020 I know but this They gotta pull it They'll pull in Oh they get

They're restock Okay I mean that's why they got pulled over Right They pulled over right They pulled into the Bohemian Grove The Bohemian dock

There at the Bahamas He's got to restock a little bit Or my picture supply I mean right What a tremendous idea Preparewickglan.com He's got 1,834

quarts of booze. Is that a lot? It's a little bit. He has more booze than food. Oh yeah. And trust me, when they restock the food, they'll be restocking the quarts of booze as well.

You can guarantee that. I promised you that. By putting in a course, he thinks he's like a pirate. Like he has a barrels of rum. Stop it. And then he says he claims no drugs.

That's what he claims. If you say so, John, if you say so. Now, you know, when he got pulled over by the Bohemian Bahamian... A boofo, yeah. Boop. You know, I don't think they found any drugs. They didn't arrest him, right? So he's got a good stash for it. Maybe he's got... I would say that if I was him, I would say that maybe half of the 1,834 quarts of booze were, you know, bottles that were inside-out bottles. So you keep the drugs inside the bottle and the booze wraps around the outside so it

looks like it's booze full of booze, but really on the inside is drugs. But I'm not, you know, who am I, El Chapo? Well, no. So I don't know how to smuggle stuff around. By the way, before we continue, remember yesterday when the video says we can no longer see him because he's in disguise. Oh yeah, he's going into a disguise. Two hours ago, he posted a picture of himself. with the locals. Completely different. Okay. Completely different.

He's just trying to throw people off the set a little bit. That's all. He's just trying to make through people up. He wasn't really going to go through a change like that, but he was just trying to throw people up. Plus, he can't change too much because he's got the masks. People got to know what they're looking at, right? They've got to see the mask and say,

hey, there's John McAfee and then look up at the forehead where the phone is that's got the real John McAfee. And they've got to be looking at it, you know, same thing. So it can't change. too much. That is true. He did response and gave a statement as a candidate on the Roger Stone being arrested this morning. Oh, great. Roger Stone should have come with us. I suspect his breakfast will be more welcome than whatever he is having. To be clear, he's obviously a victim of the grand jury system. Thank you. He does not like the grand jury system. There's only two countries left

with the grand jury system, by the way. Liberia. And the United States of America. And he finalizes with, they are only convented when prosecutors know the quarry is innocent. Some people would say they're convened

when people are innocent, but you know, convented, same thing. Privilege, right there. That's that white privilege test you took earlier. You're not supposed to make fun of my accent. I didn't make fun of you. You did?

No, I did not. I said some people. What people? White people? Some people. White people. It doesn't matter whether white, yellow, red, or blue. Just some people say convicted.

Other people say convened. Oh, my. So much more to get to on Fat Pile Friday. Thank you so much for coming along for the ride today. Look, I'm sorry about the politics of John McAfee run. And I went against my better judgment talking about politics, but I will leave you with one political story that happened today, January 25th, 2019. Moments ago, as we were recording the podcast today for you, President Trump, and you'll see it

everywhere and hear it everywhere all weekend long, signing a deal where he's going to reopen the government for three weeks, and then they're going to convene some special to-do party, and they're going to get their money for the wall or whatever you want to call it. And if you want to know exactly the greatness of Donald Trump, watch the entire speech from the Rose Garden today and say to yourself, Jeffrey was right. That's what makes him Donald Trump because it was just that good. just watch it just watch it

have a nice weekend we'll see you tomorrow special special Saturday podcast tomorrow I've got we're going to find out what happens in the future because

we have a time traveler that's going to tell us I'm excited