Chewing the Fat with Jeff Fisher - Ep. 14 | RIP Dennis Hof aka. "The Pimp", The Connors Are Back, & Ashes in Cookies

Episode Date: October 17, 2018

RIP Dennis Hof aka. "The Pimp", The Connors Are Back, & Ashes in Cookies. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

The Blaze Radio Network On Demand Yes, I'm still here. Yes, yes, I'm still here. I didn't win the Mega Millions jackpot. Fortunately, no one did. No one did. Now, immediately after no one won, it went to $868 million.

But it's already up over nine hundred. hundred million dollars for the mega millions that drawing will be on friday um i could live with 900 million dollars cash pay out of 400 yeah that'd be nice now we still have a chance at the power ball which draws tonight october 17th 2018 That is estimated at $345 million. That's an awful lot of money. Now, congratulations to one person in Macon, Georgia, who won $1 million from the mega last night.

Good for them. But the big money is just sitting there collecting dust. And please let me dust it off. Anyway, good luck. You still have an opportunity to win a lot of money with the mega millions Friday Powerball tonight

I think of nobody wins the power ball Then that automatically That's going to jump to 800 million You're going to have almost $2 billion Worth the lottery money sitting out there Until Friday And if nobody, think if nobody hits Somebody's bound to hit on Friday

Me Because you know I'm I still have hope Now I'll still, you know Look I'll do my podcast I'll still be with you. It'll just change a little.

Like it'll be, hey, I'm out here on the lake on my pontoon. And I'm just hanging out on the old pontoon looking back at the trailer park thinking, yeah, that's a brand new double wide. And you know how you see sometimes in the trailer parks that are fascinate me? You have the new trailer.

All right. But then beside it or behind it, either way, depending on where you're looking at it, the old trailer is still there. So what you do is you have the old trailer and then you put in the new trailer and then you put the screen doors and the screen up between the two trailers. So you have the outside screened in section between the two trailers. That's living, my friend. That is living.

So on top of the sad news, That, you know, I didn't win the lotto. And heck, neither did you for that matter. So, you know, I'm bummed for you too. We did get sad news of a death yesterday of a friend from Perrump, Nevada. I know. I know. The main pimp of America passed away, Dennis Hoff.

America's number one pimp passed away now he was 72 and still live in large running for office he was a Republican candidate for the state legislature he had a big

party weekend last weekend for his birthday and it was like a three-day bash you know I remember when I turned 72 and I realized and I realized you know, you probably can only do maybe a day. You got to give up the weekend bashes.

Dennis hadn't realized that yet. So he was still partying and they had all kinds of, he had a big bash all weekend. He was raising money for his campaign and stuff. And he was found by his friend, Ron Jeremy. The Hedgehog, Ron Jeremy, was his pal. They were friends. And he went in to wake him up because they were supposed to.

to go to a big meeting that day about his campaign. He had a big meeting for his campaign. So he was going in to wake him up. And, you, Dennis. Dennis. Hey. Hey. Wow, he feels cold.

Dennis. Dude. What are you a stiff? Dude. Yeah, no, he was dead. It's really not that funny. I'm sorry, Dennis. Not really.

So the picture is Ron Jeremy, who's his friend, and also Heidi Fleece. You remember Heidi Fleece. She was the big madam from Hollywood. For years, she had the big black book of all the Hollywood people that were, you know, dealing with hookers. And that was the big deal with, what's his face from two men and a, two and a half men. Mr. Partier, Mr. I've got HIV. Come on, you know his stupid name.

Mr. Crazy. Yeah, Tiger Blood. Yeah, yeah. Charlie Sheen, thank you. Okay, so you remember Charlie was, you know, the big black book with Heidi and so are a bunch of other people, right? And so Heidi was the big man. But remember not too long ago we had the story of Heidi,

was out there living with Dennis in the desert, out there in Perrump. By the way, as a side note, I can never talk about Perrump, Nevada, without thinking about Art Bell, coast-to-coast-a-m. From the high desert, Perump, Nevada. Okay, so she was out there living with Dennis,

and she said in the article, she was thinking about Dennis had an extra business license that he was going to give her, and she was going to open up this trans, she called it a tranny Tranny house I mean that's a TV show It's self right there

I mean there's no reason Why HBO isn't running that right now Yeah I mean Tranny or not Pull up left or right Tranny or not That's the start of the show The road sign

You know built out of wood Tranny or not One looks like a thing The other looks like the other thing And it points that way Left or right Tranny or not I've already produced the damn thing for him.

All right. You're welcome. So apparently, because she went out there because she was all bummed. And I guess, you know, I guess she was drinking or doing drugs or whatever and depressed. And so she went out there. And the lady that helped her out died. And when the lady died, the lady had all these birds, exotic birds. So now Heidi was taking care of all these birds and living out there in the desert.

Yeah, I know. I know. Everybody's thinking, birds. Right. Yeah. lady had exotic birds to take care of. But I'm just, you know, whatever you want to call it, I don't care. But you know now that Ron Jeremy and Heidi Fleiss are, you know, they're in business big time.

That's all. Dennis, yeah, Dennis had to have left that to him. He didn't leave that to hooker number three from HBO series two. Sorry, it's not going to happen. And remember he died. Everybody made a big deal about him, the room he died in because he died in. And I love, my wife tells me, oh, Dennis Hoff died. And he died in the same room as that NBA.

Star a year ago. No. Honey, I love you. But we need to get the facts. That's when I got told to shut up. But he died in the same room as Odom did. Almost two years to the day.

You're stretching for identity there. But I loved it. He died in the same room as Odom. Almost two years to the day. Anyway, sad news. If you, you know, if you feel like Dennis.

I mean, he was, you know, look, he was the, he fashioned himself as the Trump-style Republican out there in the desert. He had all kinds of people love him. You know, the Love Ranch Brothel. Nye County. Remember? And that brings me, oh, no, that brings me back to Art Bell, sad. Like it brings a tear to my eye. From the kingdom of Nye.

this is coast to coast a.m. With Art and Bill. I miss art. I have more stories, but I have to tear up a little bit with art. So just play some music or something. Oh, see, that is not even funny. Don't do that to me. That hurts.

That hurts. Wow. Chris Cruz, that's like putting a knife in my heart. It's time to move on. It's time to move on. Speaking of deaths, you know what, we're on death talk. Let's just go on with it, all right? Did you catch the Connors?

Please stop, no, don't. I was... To talk to Art Bell. Come on. That hurts. I could go into Art Bell talk. Just like that. I was headed to the Connors.

I'd already bypassed Art. You brought me back to him. East of the Rockies. Nile 1. International line. Talk to your internet. International operator. Get the access code.

Then dial. All the number. It was so good. So good. East of the Rockies, West of the Rockies, international line. Hot storyline. So good.

There's the other line, too. It wasn't the hot storyline. It was East of the Rockies, west of the Rockies, international line, and you'll remember what it is. If you're Arabel fans, I know somebody's going to,

somebody's going to say, it was the Dingleberry line. It was the Dingleberry line. Yeah, that's what it was. dinkleberry line. So you can email me chewing the fat at the blaze.com. Chewing the fat at the blaze.com. Or you just tweet me and hashtag it with hashtag chewing the fat.

Okay. Why can I think there's a wild card? Wild card line. Never mind. Ha! I knew it would come to me. Yeah, don't. Don't even don't email me now.

Don't do it. Don't. So let's move on from art. Seriously, I'll just talk about art all night. He was so great. I've talked about it when he passed away Not long ago I remember when he first retired

I about drove into a concrete embutment On Gandy Bridge in Tampa, Florida I know exactly where I was man When he, the first time he retired I'm going to give a all man But hey, what a great job What's his face is doing for coast to coast All right?

That's his name the guy that does coast to coast He's done it for a bunch of years now The guy that does coast to coast now He's done it for a long time. That's why I'm asking who. I can't remember. You can go back to emailing me now. Chewing the fat at the blaze.com.

Why can I think of a stupid name? Gosh darned. I know. And I apologize to you, sir, because you've done a great job on coast to coast. And I'm not going to look it up on my computer right now because I probably should. I probably should look it up. Are you looking it up, Chris? Okay, good.

It's Coast to Coast I am with George Norrie Yes George I'm so sorry Oh I'm so sorry Ivan Don't don't

We'll get to that Don't do that yet Seriously don't do that yet Because I'll drive I gotta talk about the Connors first So good So good This is ghost to ghost a M

With our bell So good Are we done? now, have we done playing dancing queen and Abba making me think about Art Bell? Okay, are we done? I mean, it was just, I can't think about Perump, Nevada, without thinking

of Art Bell. And then I remember it, it was Nye County, it was in the story, which brings me to Kingdom of Nye, then, you know, I was tearing up, I was actually tearing up. I was ready to get past it. And then, oh, just play Abba, Dancing Queen, bring you right back to the knife in your heart. Oh, okay.

So take a breath. We're not going over to the water cooler yet, but we are taking a drink. The Connors debuted last night. Roseanne without Roseanne. Did you like it? I did. I enjoyed it. I thought it was funny.

I thought it showed a little bit of diversity from the characters. It was really good. And John Goodman. I mean, hello. and and what's your face, Lori, the sister, what's her, whatever her real name is, whatever, it doesn't matter.

She did a great job. I thought they all did a great job. I really did. I thought they were tremendous. However, just let me say this. There is a couple of points that stick in my craw. One, the first thing that sticks in my craw, I'm going to work from the end of the show to the beginning because the grandson,

son, the grandson, who is Mr. Fashion, dress likes to wear dresses, likes to wear, you know, tidy whitey, tiny whitey pants and, you know, shoes, Mr. Fashion, Long John's under the skirt, T-shirts. He's Mr. Fashion. I got it. And he was, he was always, you know, weird enough that, you know, Grandpa Dan and Roseanne was trying to help him and they thought he was, you know, was cool, all right? but he was still a guy.

Then this episode, they turned him into being gay. I disagree with that. The only reason they did that is because we don't have a gay character on the show. Well, so? So? I mean, that kid did not need to be gay. He was a cool enough, strange enough character as it was. and we should not have even known.

To be honest, if you wanted to do it that way, just don't bring it up. Yes, the audience could guess whether he was gay, whether he was straight, if he liked girls, if he liked guys, we could create episodes around the fact that he was spending time with girls and guys. And just, I don't want to write your show for ABC,

but I think that was not needed for that kid to be gay. Now let's move on to the big stick in my craw. I thought for sure, obviously that Roseanne was going to be dead. My call was that she was going to have died in surgery for the knee surgery. She was going in for knee surgery. Remember, there was the big storm, the flood. They were going to get extra money from the government issuing state of emergency.

And they were going to get FEMA money. And Dan said he could fix it for half and pay. for the surgery, which is what they did, right? And they could have made it so that she died on the operating table. They could have made it, and I don't want to write your storyline for you, ABC, but it could have made it so that she died on the operating table, and you were looking forward to getting a bunch of money for suing the hospital for killing your wife,

but because she didn't tell the truth about how many pain killers she was taking, that would affect the lawsuit. so that caused the complication. So you can work out some kind of deal. I mean, that's half a season. That's a subplot for half a season. But no. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

That would make too much sense. And when this scene aired, I about blew a gas. I was triggered. I about blew a gasque. I was addicted to outrage. I mean, I was watching it with my wife and the two kids. And all I get is, Okay, dad, and we paused it because we watched it.

We had recorded it. We didn't watch it live. So I'm late numbers. And I'll get to the numbers for the show here in a little bit. But I'm in the post three-day viewers simply because, and I don't know if that's why. Probably because I DVR and watched it the same night, only not live. So is that still count as, that still counts as the post-three-day, right? Yeah, yeah, okay, because I didn't watch it live.

and so, you know, we watched it, DVR so we'd all, you know, watch it together. We watch it on our time. That's a wonderful thing about today's world. You don't have to watch it live. And I get, okay, okay, my wife is reaching for the remote deposit so I can shut the hell up. That's just agonite. And I knew it.

I'm smart enough to know this is the direction they should have gone or that they were going to go. just drives me insane. And why? Why? I just got a call from a friend in the coroner's office. The autopsy found that it wasn't a heart attack. Roseanne OD'd on opioids. Oh my God, I do that.

That's right there. That's what I said. That was I was triggered. I was straight right there. That's what my wife was like, just let it go. No. Why?

It's not possible. We knew she had a problem. She was only on pain pills for two days after surgery. Then it was just ibuprofen. Okay, stop for a second. No one that does any kind of painkillers for any kind of work. Knees, shoulders, backs. Not that I've been through it.

But I've had a knee replacement. I've had multiple knee surgeries, multiple. I've got bad knees. Maybe it's because they're carrying around 800 pounds. No, it's bad knees. And you don't just do painkillers for two days. You just don't. I don't care who you are.

You just don't. You just don't. You can't. I mean, obviously, yes, you can. You can live on your own. Just take an aspirin. You'll be fine. How about you stick a knife in your knee and walk around without it with just an aspirin?

Okay. How about you do that? How about you let somebody cut your bones and your knee out and then cement a new one in and just walk around with no, With an aspirin. How about you do that? Tell me how it feels. Tell me how you do it. I digress.

It's got to be wrong. Well, I wish it was, but they think that she must have taken the pills right before bed. And with her health issues, it was enough to stop her breathing. Oh, God, stop. Okay. I want to be clear about something. Morphine. The heroin and fentanyl.

All right. are the biggest culprits of making people forget to breathe. You get so relaxed. That's why they watched your dosage of morphine and why most drug dealers watch your dosage of heroin and fentany. So that you don't. You don't because you're laying there and you're so relaxed and you're so out of pain.

You forget to breathe is what happens. It doesn't make you not breathe. You just forget to breathe. You're like, oh, man, I feel so good, dead. And what? I mean, that's what you're just laying there in the hospital bed, right? You've clicked the morphine a thousand times. And you're like, oh, I feel so good.

Dead. That's what happens. You feel, I mean, people do it. That's why they die for morphine at home. They take the morphine and they're just sitting in the, sitting in the lazy boy, watching TV. Ooh, watching Alec Baldwin. Oh, I feel so good. which his words rarely, rarely spoken,

watching Alec Baldwin. Oh, I feel so good. Dad, just you forget to breathe. Rarely, someone taking hydrocodone is taking it and forgetting to breathe. But I digger.

Wait, what? Mom overdosed? It doesn't make any sense. I got her knees fixed. I know, this was really good. I flushed all her pills. And he believes. He believes that, I mean, he was really fighting.

I found these pills in mom's closet. Oh my gosh. These aren't even prescribed to her. She got them from Marcy Bellinger. Oh, man. See, and there's a couple of lessons to be learned from that scene. One, the first lesson. If someone were to give you painkillers,

don't leave it in the prescription bottle they gave it to you. Two. two if you were happened across painkillers from some horrific family member who passed away you just deep pocket up you don't tell people that you found them well look what I found a bottle of fresh you just I think that's a law pretty much that's a law

and never mind that you know the doctors and the nurses and all the people from uh that have been taken care of come in and take those medicines right away right after you die, they wrap it all up. That's why you've got to get there fast. So you've got to get there before they did. Third, all right, come on.

Are we serious? We got to bring that. It was bad enough when Rosanna's addicted. Okay, I got it. She's addicted. And then they end up finding more pills in the ice. But we remember she showed us that she had some hidden in her ice bag. And they found some in a bag.

in a drawer. Nobody's keeping baggies in a drawer. Those would have been in the closet with the other ones. You have your space. You have your places, okay? In a baggie in a drawer is not a place. I like the ice pack, though. The ice pack was a good.

The ice pack was a good move. The old ice pack that you screw around with the ice and keep the bags in there, that's a good move because nobody looks in there. Especially if it's your ice bag in a house that's, oh, that's grandma's ice bag. Yeah. messes with that. Grandma puts her own ice in, whatever. You don't mess with it.

That's a good hiding place. But then, of course, you know, then what I did like about it is the, what's your face? The neighbor that gave her the pills that she got them from was Mary Steinberg, right? The big actress. And she came over and said, hey, we all, I feel bad enough as it is. I never would have given it to her had I known she had this big of a problem. and she came to me and she talked about the neighbors

all taking care of each other because of hard times because nobody had any insurance and remember early on in the episode Dan was getting medicine Roseanne was getting medicine so that Dan could take blood pressure and Dan was getting medicine

so Roseanne could take those medicines that's what they were all doing they were all living off each other because of the wonderful thing called what was it called what was it called Oh, oh. Oh, yeah, that's right. ObamaCare. Yeah, the Affordable Care Act worked great, did it?

So I will give them a little bit of credit for that. Because that was an underlying theme of the show throughout even when it was Rosanne with Roseanne before it became Rosanne without Rosanne. No, that was the underlying theme for the show when it was Roseanne with Roseanne. So they kept it even though it's Rosanne without Roseanne. Tell me you can't follow that. So it debuted with 10.5 million viewers, 2.3 rating among adults 18 to 49, down 55% from the premiere of Roseanne last spring.

Now, that having been said, that first episode was iconic. Or I mean, the second go-around of the first episode. The second first episode was iconic. So you're not going to top that. I'm sorry. Even the Walking Dead. And I think also it has to do with the way people are watching TV.

Because the Walking Dead latest season premiere a couple weeks ago was down of season nine down about that much, about 50% from the last few years. They're still number one. Roseanne's still going to be number one. You're not going to beat that. And in fact, Walking Dead I think had like six or seven million. you know, live viewers in that demo. And so at that time, last they were number one on cable, number two on television overall.

So Roseanne's going to be number one overall, even with that 10.5. So I think we're counting on numbers that don't exist anymore. It's very possible that people, that's just how the way, how we're viewing. So it's time that network television starts to think, you know, downsizing those, their, their, There are heights of ambition toward viewers. Okay. So, no, it was not five million. It was more than five million.

Don't tell me, don't look at me like, Jeff, you said, yes, six or seven. It was more than five million viewers for the season nine premiere. And don't me look at my, look up my notes. Hold on. You ticking me off now. The premiere episode was seen by 6.1 million viewers, down 47. percent. Let's go to the Connors. Down 55%. Like I said, it's about the same thing. You. I'm done. We're going to go to the water cooler. You may be mad now.

All right. Let's take a walk over to the water cooler. And on the way, let me tell you about Mercury Real Estate Services. You know, if you're selling your home, I know that everybody thinks it's, uh, It's a simple thing. You put a for sale sign up and people buy it. It's just like that. Boom. Done. It really doesn't happen that way. Plus, you know, for sale signs are kind of a thing in the past.

Really. I saw one not long ago in my neighborhood, but it's one of the newer kind. I mean, that they put in Hurricane Safe, you know, they drilled down about 80 feet and block it up. So you're not taking that bad boy. because I remember once when I was a kid I had a party at my house it was a friend's house I was a friend's house and I happened to be staying there

overnight and we had a big party that my friend's parents were out of town and I woke up the next morning at his house and I looked out I looked out my friend lived out the corner

a corner lot and it was a main corner. We lived on a, you know, the side, the road, the side road was not really busy, but the main road that we lived on the one corner was kind of busy. I mean, that they lived on. And there was about 54 sales signs in that yard. Someone during the night, partying, went around and stolen all these four sale signs from people's homes and just put them in my yard, I mean, his yard, my friend's yard. And it was the funniest looking thing ever. It's a good bit. but you can't do that today because there's not for sale signs.

You could maybe do it with the Beto signs. Maybe just take them all and put them in one guy's yard. You know, just one yard of Beto signs. But I'm no, I am most definitely not telling you to do that. That would be horrific. But I will say that that's a good Halloween decoration for the yard. It's just a yard full of Beto signs. Tell me that's not frightening.

Tell me. I know. And if you want to sell your house, especially in today's world, they're probably going to tell you, you probably don't want to put 50 Beto signs in your front yard. Look, I'm not a real estate agent from Mercury Real Estate Services. You can ask them if you go to real estate agentsitrust.com. And you can ask them. You can say, hey, I want you to help me sell my house. Should I put 50 Beto signs in the front yard?

I'm guessing they're going to tell you no. Real estate agents, I trust.com. Look, they're some of the best agents, thousand towns all over America. Now, they're ready to earn your business. They're highly rated. One of the things they love our network, too. So they have the same idea about life.

So real estate agents, I trust.com. You can sell your home, top money, you can buy a home, low money. That's how it's supposed to be done. Sell high, buy low. Real estate agents, I trust.com. Real estate agents, I trust.com. All right. I need a drink.

Oh, okay. So we're in the break room just hanging out. Some of the things you probably are going to be chatting about is, boy, wasn't it weird last night that YouTube shut down? Worldwide YouTube shut down. And you think to yourself, well, I'm not a YouTube person. I don't care. You know, some of the tweets are really funny, you know, saying, you know, I've got cat videos to watch. And, you know, things like that.

And then I thought to myself at the time, oh, you know, who cares? I mean, my kids watch YouTube all the time. They have favorite YouTubers, you know, so I get to see some of their episodes. And some of them are okay. Some of them are like, how do these people have 18 million followers? I have a lot of questions about a lot of YouTubers about that. That is usually, you want to watch this, dad? Yeah, I'll watch it.

How many followers they have? Oh, this one only has 17.2 billion followers. What? I mean, they're not that good. But they are. They've got them and they're good. Good for them. But it was down last night.

And I mean, A, on top of people having a fit. And, of course, the obvious, don't have a fit. It's just the internet. YouTube. Don't you have something else to do? And I'm thinking to myself, well, you know, I really don't. I'm not a YouTuber. But I am.

That's amazing. So I go to, I have to go pick up my daughter at a friend's house last night. And, you know, they call, say, you know, come and get your kid. Get her the hell out of it. my house. And so I put my shoes on. I'm going to pick her up. As I'm walking by the TV, my wife is watching some show. And on the show is, duh, the song, she works hard for the money by Donna Summer is being played. So, of course, I've got that stupid song in my head. I get in the car. And I'm trying to think, she works hard for the money, so you better treat her right.

Well, all right. And I'm thinking, I got to get this song out of my head. I think, oh, maybe I'll play another Donna Summer song to get that Donna Summer song out of my head. That plan didn't really work, by the way, but it was a thought at the time. And I thought, I'm on the radio. I love that song by Donna Summer, classic Donna Summer. And so I hit the search engine just to type, I'm at a red light on the radio, pops up, there's Nona Summer. Hit, you know, click the link. Error.

And I'm like, what? An error. So I think there's something wrong with the video or something wrong. So I get out of that and I go to the YouTube specific app, punch it up on the radio. Error. And I'm like, okay. Now I have to drive the whole way just singing to myself. Someone laughed the ladder on the radio.

Oh, man. You probably couldn't tell the difference between me. not a summer right there. Anyway, it's back up on YouTube. I don't think we've announced yet as of the airing recording of this podcast. What caused it? And I've got to believe that whatever caused it is either in jail or dead now. Because that can't happen.

I mean, the second largest site in the world globally, Yeah, we're just down. Have a nice day. I mean, they've got to do something. Here locally, AT&T went down for hours because their building got hit by lightning and started on fire. Are you telling me? You're telling me that AT&T doesn't have a backup plan. They were like, well, we're trying to figure it out.

We're trying to... What? What? For 24 hours? all Jeff it was only six for some, eight for others, and 14 or 16 for others. That's way too long in today's world. It's AT&T. You can't tell me that one hub goes down.

It happens with the power companies all the time. Maybe we should take some notes. One power company looked like it's getting used an awful lot. So they borrow from other companies that, other areas that don't have it that are used last. We'll take a little bit from here. We'll take a little bit from here. So when one shuts down, maybe AT&T says, oh, hub number two is down. Maybe we'll move some to hub number three and hub number one. Ten minutes later, you've got internet back again.

But I don't work for AT&T. So, you know, whatever. It's okay. And you and I are sitting here, you know, drinking our drinks here in the break room, wondering, you know, just what time is, you know, it's going to be raining out when we leave the building. there's a new app now that's a million dollar idea and why you and I didn't think of it? I don't know. Snap crap.

Come on. Snap crap. It lets you take pictures of poop on the sidewalks and report it to the city. Snap crap. I mean, come on. Now, right now it's San Francisco, but there's other cities, a lot of, of them on the West Coast and East Coast that, you know, have human waste on the streets. So snap crap is going to be huge.

On top of which, I think I want it just because I don't know if it could, you know, if you just take a picture of a guy sitting there. So somebody needs to clean this crap up. Corner of eighth and tenth. Wait, is there a corner of eighth and tenth? Yeah, eight, eighth street, 10th Avenue. It could happen. Don't look at me like eighth and tenth run parallel.

Million dollar idea. Snap crap. Come on. So, you know, you and I are worrying about is it going to rain out. This guy's a million dollar idea

with snap crap. Good for him. Good for him. Really? I mean that good for him. No. Seriously, I'm happy for him.

It means a lot to me. Someone is successful and I'm not. It means a lot to me. So the joke about police and donuts. has been a continuing joke for years and years and years, right? I mean, that's always been a joke. And for some, it may be more of real life than a joke. In Clearwater, Florida, they found police officers who had recovered a stolen van

filled with crispy cream donuts. Now, they don't say this in the story, but you want to talk. talk about cop heaven. A van full of crispy cream donuts? I mean, that darn near would be heaven for me, let alone if you're a cop. I mean,

a van full of crispy cream donuts. Now, according to the story, they saved some donuts to eat and handed out the rest to the area's homeless. What? No? And they're still looking for the van thief. Are they?

Are they? we just did the story not long ago about how many crimes don't get solved in America. Don't count on them finding the thief of this van. Don't do it. Because are they looking? The only reason they're looking is because they want them to steal more vans and bring it to Clearwater. Because the van is from Lake City, which is a good piece from Clearwater. I mean, it's a couple hundred miles.

A couple hundred miles north of Clearwater. but it's also straight down U.S. 19. And I just know that because I lived in Florida forever, but you could take U.S. 19 from Clearwater to Lake City. And so it's just a straight shot. The guy stole the van full of donuts and drove it right into Clearwater. I mean, they're looking for more vans.

Right? I mean, I'm on the look for that. Is that a van full of donuts? There's probably every van in Clearwater, Florida is being pulled over right now. But you got in the back? just my work tools get out of here what you got in the back I don't know open it up

don't move because if it's donuts man you're going down you are going down thank you Chris just told me now I'm not bad mouth on Clearwater I like Clearwater spent a lot of time in the great

city of Clearwater spent some time on the beaches spent some time on the bridges spent some time out there on Clearwater Beach and spend some time about the Palm Restaurant on the Clearwater Beach one of my favorite restaurants in America.

I love them. I love them. But the Clearwater Police have an F rating. Now, I know I'm old school, like old, old school, but usually, even in today's world,

F rating, isn't that good. Isn't that good? Now, when the story says that they are 36% higher, than the national average. Does that mean lower?

36% higher for non-crime solving? Or 30 overall? Wow. Clearwater, man. What are you doing? What are you doing? I'll tell you what they're doing. Same as St. Petersburg.

Same as, who's the other city? Penelts Park. They have their own separate police departments, but they all want to become deputy sheriffs for Pinellas County. And so they all just putts around and tell the sheriff's department takes them. Because the original sheriff that was his name, I lived in Florida for too long, he started soaking up little municipalities.

Like all the beaches had their own police departments and stuff. And this one sheriff came in and he started saying, we can do it. You don't need your police department. We'll do it. We'll take it over. And they let him. He showed him how they could save money, so they just turned it over to the Pinellas County Sheriff's.

And he built a monster. He's just, I mean, a huge sheriff department. And that's what happens. So the cities, that's still the bigger cities in the area who still had police departments, those police officers are just waiting around to get hired by the Sheriff's Department. You know you are. Don't look at me like that Clearwater Police and St. Pete Police and Pinellas Park. police, don't do it.

Because you know darn well, that's what you're doing. I really like working in Clearwater solving 36% less crimes than the national average in America. Do you? All right, I know I've been babbling on and on, but we've still got some

stuff in the fat pile we've got to get to that's just too good not to get to today. The student who gives classmates sugar cookies, and that's always nice, right? I didn't think you could do that anymore, actually. I thought schools were kind of downplaying the fact that kids bringing in snacks and stuff. And like when you have a birthday party

or whatever, you're supposed to bring, you're supposed to bring cakes and cupcakes from an establishment, not from home. So that there's some credibility. And, you know, of course, and things, well, peanut butter or peanuts. And there was a peanut within 10 miles of the school, some kid might freak out. Ridiculous. But this is one of the reasons perhaps that they have this rule, because this student baked sugar cookies, but added into the ingredients or some of her grandfather's ashes, she wanted to share. Share.

So she baked the cookies, allegedly, allegedly now, using her grandfather's ashes in the recipe. Apparently, you know, she brought them to school, passed them out, people were eating them. I guess they weren't bad. She could be facing criminal charges. What? For baking and distributing the cookies using human remains? What? It was powder dust, ashes.

That doesn't count human remains, does it? Two female students were involved in bringing the cookies to the school, although only one of them was related to the man whose ashes were allegedly used for the cookies. Nine other students received a cookies. some ate them not knowing they were made of human ashes. They were good, two words. Shockingly, in this story, shockingly, some students knew beforehand and still consumed the cookies. You know, I put my grandpa in the, how could she be charged with that? If she told them, if she said, hey, I baked my grandpa into the, I made these sugar cookies,

and I put my grandpa's ashes in them and the kid still eats them, that's not her fault. she told me I didn't believe her until she pulled out the urn it didn't taste unusual but if you ever ate sand as a kid you know you can kind of feel a crunching between your teeth oh man oh okay throw her throw her away get her put throw in prison lock her away right for putting grandpa's ashes and the cookie she must not I don't know what the there's no report yet on why So much love for Grandpa, because that's not showing very much love for Grandpa at all, at all.

And, wow. We've got a bunch of animal stories, too. I know, look, I realize that I've blabbered on today, and I blabbered on today. What is today? Wednesday. You know, it's the middle of the week. I feel good. It wasn't raining when I came in here in the Metroplex. Life is good.

I still got a stack of stuff to get to. We could go on and on if you'd like. All right. If you want me to continue for another hour, because I've got at least another hours worth of stuff, raise your hand. Anyone? Anyone? Anyone want any more stories? Nobody wants any more stories.

Nobody wants any more stories. Okay. We'll get to them tomorrow. I'm not going to leave without doing this story, though. I'm sorry because this is a safety story. All right? I know, look, we don't do a lot of news or, you know, a lot of political stuff here because I want you to just enjoy the ride home or enjoy the story. or enjoy the stories with the family around and have a little bit of fun and relax and maybe smile a little bit.

But, you know, we're here for, you know, concerning issues as well. And the CDC has now said it's concerned about polio-like mystery illness that's paralyzing kids. This is a serious business, man. Acute, flaccid myelitis. An illness, it says it knows very little about but can cause arm or leg weakness and paralysis, particularly in children. There have been 62 confirmed cases across 22 states in this year. This year alone. What is going on?

We're told we got to watch out for zombie raccoons. We got horses and deer we're not supposed to look at because they might look at us and give us some kind of disease. We can't eat this meat. We can't do this. What is going on? That is my question. what is going on Anybody?

Thanks for listening. Have a great day. Remember, listen, subscribe, rate, review, share. Appreciate it. And if you want to get a hold of us, you can always

at JeffyMRA, Jeff Fisher Radio, hashtag Chewing the Fat. And I suppose I should probably do this just because, know, just cause, I forget about, you know, at real Chris Cruz. Have a nice day. See you tomorrow.

Thanks.