Chewing the Fat with Jeff Fisher - Ep 154 | Weekend Stories, Couch Potato Index, & Visiting Water Parks

Episode Date: July 22, 2019

It's Monday and Jeffy is taking it easy with the news. Sit back, relax and enjoy the ride.  PS, Don't get too offended. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

The way I see it, Walmart owes me $53 million. So I stop in to get some gas. Saturday night. 9 o'clockish, 9, 10ish, something like that. And I say, ah, you know, I got some gas. Oh, you know what? I look up at the window and it says Powerball, 53 million. Mega is 150 million or something, whatever it was.

And I said, you know what, I'm going to get a ticket. I got to get a ticket. I got a ticket. It feels right. Feels right. I'm going to go get a ticket. So I go in. And there's a young girl behind the counter.

And I was like, I'll take a, I need a quick pick powerball. Yes, with the power play. And I'm not authorized to sell lottery tickets. I'm the person. And I was like, okay, well, how about you put me in touch with the person that can. Zinz in the back smoking, outback, sweet, up some trash. What are we doing?

They're taking the trash up to the big building. And I don't know when they'll be back, but I'm here just running the register until they come back. So we put someone in charge of the store that can't do all the duties that they're supposed to be able to do in the store. Yeah, well, I won't be able to come back. I don't know when they're going to come back, but I cancel it to you. I'm not authorized.

Okay. And as I walk out, another guy is coming in. I tell, look at the guy's like, you're not getting a power ball. And he goes, what? And I see him turn around and walk back out. So the way I see it. As long as that guy doesn't say anything, Walmart owes me $53 million. If that guy says something too, all right, I'll split it with them.

We can both take $25 million. and keep three, we'll call it even. Okay? But somebody's paying me some million dollars somewhere. I'll tell you that right now. All right, I got another story that happened over the weekend. So my son is off to the world scouting jamboree in West Virginia and back to the summit. It's good for him.

It looks like it's going to be fun. There's going to be, you know, 6,000 people there from around the world. He's, you know, it was a special thing for him. Good. So we take him to the airport. We go to DFW International Airport Metroplex

They're one of the busiest airports in the country And they have this huge Way to get into the airport That you either have to pay Or it has You know, if you toll tags only Toll tag only

So if you have a toll tag You just drive up and it goes Boop And up goes the bar And into the airport you go it ain't hard. If you don't have a toll tag, you go into the other lanes. Let's say all the lanes are toll tag accessible,

but not all the lanes are cash accessible or charge card accessible. Okay? That's the way it works. It's the way it's always been. We go to pull into the airport. Toll tag only line. Car sitting there. And of course, you know, there's cars, it's busy.

So you pull, if there's, there's only one car in a lane. You're like, all right, good. And so, you know, you sit there, poop to, off you go. Sit there, sit there, sit there, sit there. The lady, see the lady's head looking around, looking like she's digging for something, trying to find something in her purse. She's trying to find her credit card.

And she doesn't have a toll tag. Holy cow. It was agonizing. So finally, it opens. I don't know. I guess if you sit there long enough, without paying anything it opens, they finally just say,

whatever, go ahead, which I'm going to try someday, actually. And so it opens, she still sits there. I don't know if she was having a seizure. I don't know if she was having a stroke. I don't know. I don't want to blow my horn too many times

because then people start getting all upset and freaked out. But I'm like, let's freaking go. I came close to getting out of my car. I came close to getting out of the Volkswagen bug and storming up to her going, don't you see, all you have to do is drive forward now. The bar's up. Go. Go.

So she finally goes. Okay, so we're in the airport. Drop my son off. Leave. As you leave, they have the same lanes on the exit roads. Toll tag only lines. And toll tag and cash lines, just like the entrance. okay one car

pulling him behind him I see him reaching toward the back seat digging around trying to find no toll tag what again seriously what are the odds

I mean it's something something's wrong and he was digging around looking for it and finding his car and trying to try to just wave his out I mean are we serious it is not that difficult in life to follow the instructions.

This is what keeps traffic flowing. This is what keeps traffic flowing. Follow the rules of the road. That's all. It's all I ask. It's follow the rules of the road. It's all I ask. So when you're pulling into whatever,

whatever you're going on, whatever road you're going on, and there's lanes that you have to pay for. And it says toll tags only for the people who actually have toll tags. Don't go in those lanes. if you don't have a toll tag. It's not that hard.

It really isn't. You know, when I first moved to in the Northeast, and we used to take the train into New York City every day, I'd park in Trenton, because we lived in Pennsylvania. So when you go into Jersey, and the one road that you go into Trenton on

is a toll road, and guess what they have? They have toll tag. So you can go into a toll tag-only lane, or you can go through and pay for all. So what I first moved, there I didn't have a toll tag. And so I'd go through the pay lane.

Huh. And it made life so much easier when I got a toll tag. But I didn't go through the toll tag lane when I didn't have a toll tag. It's not that hard. It just isn't that hard. Okay. I've got that off my chest. Can we talk about states with the worst eating and exercise habits in America now?

We talk about that. So the most and least obese states. States in America. All right, so the thinnest state in America. Colorado. Colorado. So close. Really?

No, no, you're not. California, yes. Just because it starts the letter C, doesn't mean it's the- Close. Yeah, no, it's not. And it's C-A-C-O, close enough. Yeah, no. No, it's not.

They're in the same west coast. No, no, not really. Yeah, so it goes California, Colorado, Oregon, Washington. Yeah, no. No, not really, but go ahead. You are the last person that needs to talk to me about geography. Okay, fine. Mexico, California, or this country.

Colorado, Oregon, Washington, and then Canada and in Alaska. California is the fourth thinnest state in the country. They don't got liposuction machines anymore there? I guess not. Unless they're going downhill. District of Columbia, Hawaii. Colorado, District of Columbia, Hawaii, California, Utah. thinest,

thin of states. Okay, fat of the Mormons. Fat of states. Texas. Florida. Alabama, Mississippi, Tennessee.

Where is Florida on this list? Hold on. So Texas is 14th. Oh, not bad. I mean, it's still. We're not in the top of ten, so we're good. We are not in the top ten. Florida's way down.

Florida's in the middle. 35th. Well, yeah, I got the old people. The old people don't get fat. Yeah. No, in fact, if you're a little bit more overweight when you get into your old people life, you'll live longer because you lose a lot of that weight

because as you get older. Oh. It keeps you healthier. That's my health plan for you. Okay. So gain the weight. That's a professional advice right there. So right now you're gaining the weight so that you can burn it off.

Right. And when you get into the old years. Yeah, the golden years. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. The gold years.

Yeah. All right. So number 10, fat estate in the country. South Carolina Really? Number nine Alaska Wow

Well they don't have nothing to do And it's freaking daytime It's cold They're eating like whale blubber Yes Yes Okay Kentucky

Oh That bourbon Is the whiskey Arkansas Wow What is Arkansas known for Louisiana Arkansas

It's not for Bill Clinton What are you talking about? Okay Louisiana Yeah you got the Crawfish and all that crap down there. Number five, Alabama. Alabama, yo.

New Alabama's going to be in there. Number four, Iowa. Wow. Stop potatoes? Iowa, you got to stop making potatoes. You know, you can't even fat. Oh, no, it's not potatoes. That's where the presidents go.

So they have all those fast food places and their presidents do like their pictures for like, look, I'm eating an Iowa potato. Yeah. That's it. I didn't want to say because everybody in the audience knows that it's Idaho. Everyone listening to this show knows that you're an idiot. Everyone knows.

They're just laughing at themselves going, Jeff, you just letting them get to say it? You're going to let them get away with it? No, I'm not. No, I'm not. Number three, Oklahoma. Number two, fattest, I'm sorry. How, really, you fat-shaming states now? I'm sorry, the obese states in America.

the most obese state. Thank you. Number two, Mississippi. And the number one, most obese state in America. West Virginia. West by God, Virginia. Wow.

That's kind of strange. I would not have called that. I would not have called that. So some of the states that I would have called, I mean, are down in the top 20. Michigan, Kansas, Missouri, Nebraska. You know, the Cornhusker State.

Anyway, Indiana, Ohio, those are all middle. So people are trying to, they're still fat, but they're trying to take care of themselves. At the top 10, those people are just giving up. I've just done. Now we're not doing it anymore. All right, so couch potato index, where adults get zero exercise.

Couch potato index? Couch potato index. Adults get zero exercise. All right? The top five, zero exercise. States. Number five. Alaska. The great state of Texas. That's true. Number four, Oklahoma. Wow. So a little north. Yeah, it's only the next state up. Yeah, exactly. A little north. Yeah. Number three, Arkansas. A little to the east side of Oklahoma. I'm sorry? East side of Oklahoma,

Arkansas. Yeah. And then north of Texas. Yeah. Number two, Mississippi. That's over there. Mississippi's in trouble, man. So they're fat and are not, and lazy, they're catch potatoes. And Kentucky number one. Kentucky number one? Kentucky's eight fat,

want no exercise. So they're trying. Well, they're drunk. They're trying to art. They're drunk. How can you exercise when you're drunk? All right. So the thing about Texas is like this time of year,

this is our winter. This time of year is our winter. You don't go outside during this time of year. It's winter. In winter, what do you do? You don't go outside. So when do you go outside? During the winter, because it's nice outside.

It's not surface of the sun. This time of year here in Texas, it's surface of the sun. That's our winter. I went to the water park over the weekend. Yeah, you don't go out. It's as it's proof. I'm telling you, it's proof. You don't go out during the summer.

Some people that are a little bit more weight than I am, did not get your memo? Because that's all I saw the water park. At the water park? Yeah, that's what I saw. And that's the... All you saw what? Obes?

People that were not in shape to be wearing two pieces of bikini or speedos. A lot of man boobs going on? Man boobs. And it reminded me of that story. You always told me about Ocala. In Ocala, Florida. I mean, and that was a while ago now. I mean, that was probably at least 13 years ago, maybe 14.

I was like... I've never seen more man boobs in my life than the Ocala Water Park. It was bad. Yeah. And I was like, okay. have we heard of a t-shirt? I still have my t-shirt on. For males and the females were still in great shape, looking good.

It was the males that were down to not taking care of the size. This one was females were in two pieces. I just want to go on record that one piece are still sexy. At one piece, you know, bathing suit, still sexy. But if you've passed a point of... There's a point of no return. If you've passed the point of no return of sexiness, But we can't say that anymore.

We can't say that anymore. Because you're fast shaming. It's unbelievable. It's like I just want something pretty to look at. And that for me is not pretty. Maybe if you wrap it in a one piece bikini, I'll be like, okay, yeah, that's pretty. You got it. But this is not pretty.

I was not out with a, you know, free t-shirt. I was like, shirt on, daddy, take off your shirt. Ooh, no. But aren't you hot? Oh, I'm hot as well right now. At some point, at some point, you're at the point where I don't look too bad. I didn't look better than the people there. That's what I'm saying.

At that point, you're like, I'll take my shirt off, whatever. Because there was this big guy. And Jeffrey, you would have looked like a baby next to this guy. And I'm looking at him. And I'm like, you know, that thing says 600 pounds is the max limit. I'm looking at it. What thing? The slide.

Oh, yeah. And I'm looking. He's going up. He made it to the top. Well, there you go. He's still moving. He's still mobile. He's so mobile.

Put him on the waist scale because they have weight scales. They do? They do. And if the light does not turn green, guess what happens? You're not going down? You're not going down. Holy cow, that would be embarrassing. So he goes up.

So you got to be sure. You got to be sure that you're not 600, right? Come on. Jeffie. You should know that you're 600. You've got to be sure. You're not climbing the stairs. You come down the slide.

And I give him credit. he climbed the stairs. I know that, but. So I was like, okay, so he knows. So he's probably like at 550. 550, 5.50, 5.70, 5.80, whatever he does. This is not my first rodeo. Right.

I could go down this day. No. Really? Red light came on. Wow. The guy goes, can you check again? And I was like, oh, baby. I was like, you know what?

Yeah. Let's check again. No doubt. Let's weigh again. Let's have someone else, you know. So I went green light. Then again, I'm not freaking. hundred pounds, I'm 250.

So. Oh. 250? Really? Two 50. Anyway. He goes, red light. Oh. There's nothing they could do for him. So guess what?

Walk a shame. Yes, so walk back down this. Wow. They wouldn't even let him go. No. No, go ahead. You're just a little over six. Go down.

Well, that's the thing, too, is the scale was not a number scale. It was red light, green light. Right. So. You don't know if it was 601. I said that. There has to be a window. I'm with you on that.

Yes, there's got to be a window. There's no way that you put 601 pound and that slide goes, right, but the whole thing. No, there's no way. 6.01 destroys the whole thing. Shuts it down. Actually, 600.1 pound. There has to be a wiggle weight in here that.

I'm sure there is. But at 600 pounds, I mean, you're talking about your safety, let alone this, not necessarily the slide safety, but they're concerned about your safety. Do you fit through the hole? Yeah. You know, because this slide would keep going, you know, go side to side. So it's 600 pounds plus a tube.

So. Water starts back at up. We have a problem on lane two. Slide two, slide two. Slide two. Abort slide two. Abort slide two. More water pressure.

More water pressure. Oh, man. No, because then it's going to come. All right. Send the shoot couch. Ready? Push it down. High speed.

Send the soup. Just soap it up. Just loom it up. Just some soap in there. Bring up the industrial soap. No, we need the dish soap. Just soap on slide two. Just soap on slide two.

Warm water. Warm water. That would really, that would. So you talk about being embarrassed. Yeah. So I feel bad for the guy. But again, you're the one of the part. But he didn't fight it.

He didn't fight it. He didn't say, come on. I know I'm 550. That's wrong. It makes me think that he knew. And he's just trying to get by. He was just trying to get by. Like he was over with me,

because if I'm 600 pounds, I will be like, there's no way. Take it again. Take it again. I climbed all the way up here. I climbed three, Michael stairs. for you guys to say no to me there's nowhere

so he walked down and it's not hard to miss the guy watching him just go to the wave pool and he just wave pool the whole afternoon oh see he couldn't do any of the slides he got bum yeah he got bum

and that was the only slide that will fit him because although the slides were maxed 300 pounds right so that was the only slide that he could do I've never been to a water park where they weighed you though me neither I was in shock and I was scared too I'm like oh crap did I can I go I was so scared this one 600 right okay I'm good I'm good there's no

if that light turns red you just shoot me and throw me into the water this is the scale is wrong man if that thing goes turns right if the scale is wrong there's no way I'm out of 600 is a big number that is a big number that is a big number That is. I'm sorry, but that guy carried his weight. He did not look 600 to me, which I think this skill was wrong. I looked at him, I was like maybe 4, 450, Tiberian at the 500. Right.

But there's nobody that guy was 600, but there's nobody like three. Jeffrey, you know fat people. I do. 600 pounds. Three flights of stairs. It's tough. It's tough. Can I 600 people do that?

Well, there's, I will say very few. Very few that could do that. Because at 600 pounds, you're starting to get to the, you can still be mobile, but you're starting to lose your mobility. And I'm sorry, I saw a guy, I saw a guy this weekend at Walmart that I don't think he was six, but I bet you he was at least five. And he was mobile to the point of I got to go and sit down in the chair at Walmart for a little while. For a little, catch my breath. And I'm sorry, I kind of overplayed. He was not out of breath.

Right, he's in shape. Yeah. I mean, for a good guy. Yes, he was not, you know, she wobbled, you know, like all people wobble, but he was not out of breath. He remained calm. He was the actual, like, definition of a fat guy. Happy, life was good for him. He just want to have some fun.

He couldn't have some fun. He just went down and just walked it off. That was the dictionary perfect of a fat guy. At the end of the day, he came back and shot everyone that told him he couldn't slide down the slide. He was so pissed. And when asked, people said he seemed like such a nice guy. I mean, you got to let him go. I say let him go.

I say let him go too. But I'm scared of the... I mean, if that happens... I mean, that's your out, right? As the kid that's working at the slide, you're out. It was like a 16-year-old kid. There's no, he said, look, that's my job. If it's red, you can't go, bro.

And it's Hawaiian Falls is a summer job. The only open them doing the summer. So it's half summer. He's not going to, but the thing is is that the kid's not going to fight either. No, no, no, no, no. The 600-pound guy goes, I'm going. Are you stopping him, Jeffrey? Right, no, you're not.

The kid next to him was like this pencil. Yeah. Right. I'm going. Okay. Okay. shoot number two we might have a possibility of a problem I mean that's that's that's what's happening right

because you're not you can't force those kids to stop guys like that you just can't women no no no red or green redder green no no it's like me as an almost 30 year old man if he tells me I'm going down okay okay okay go ahead tell you what let me go first because I don't want to be behind You got five or six people Send another one Send another one Send another one

Almost almost Two more, two more Push We can't All right All right let's go to the break room I need a Coca-Cola zero sugar As it is anyway

Oh my gosh So good And just like every other Monday we've got so many stories to get to where it'll take us all week. I mean, the fat pile just gets bigger and bigger every week. If you're listening live to the podcast on Monday, 722, 2019. Every day, every day. We're just going to go through this whole.

You're not live. You pre-recorded. That's all you're doing. If you're watching or listening live. You can listen. Not live. And by the way, you interrupt me. Do you know there's a pizza challenge?

A what? A pizza challenge is two people, two hours, two 30-ounce drinks, and one 28-inch pizza. Is that in St. Louis? There's a big pizza challenge at St. Louis at this pizza place as well. Oh, really? Same kind of thing. It doesn't say where it is. You have two hours to eat the whole pizza across and all with the 32-ounce drink.

That's it. Complete challenge. Yeah, the drink fills you up. You got to get past the drink, man. Complete the challenge in the time allowed it and no sick trips to the restroom and we'll pay you $500. Oh wow, that's good.

You pay 50 to enter and they pay you $500. These are the days I wish my son and his football boys would show up and they win these hands down. My oldest son Elvis wins these battles hands down. So what do you do first? Do you do the pizza first, then the drink, or do you just like half it?

And you just got to. And it's two people. You feel right. So. There's a lot of pizza. Who's drinking? That's a big ass. It is.

I'm looking at it. It's freaking huge. You got to do it. The last thing I always did was in San Francisco. I think he ate some big donut or some five pound monster cinnamon bun donut with water. And he had to do it in like five minutes or something. And the girl times you there, you know. And he's doing it up.

He's got the T-shirt. He's on the wall. No problem. That's my boy right there. Do you have any records like that? I'm proud of them. Not that I want to talk about. Congratulations to Avengers.

Yes. Beating out Avatar, finally. And now they removed themselves from the movie theaters. Because I think this is the longest movie that's been in movie theaters. Well, they actually re-released it again, right? Yeah, an extra four minutes. An extra four minutes. But Avatar didn't.

I don't think Avatar added new footage. Avatar may have re-released it to the theaters to get, go on top. Yeah. But I don't think that they added new footage. And I watched it four minutes, not worth it. and put them over the top though so congratulations now the other achievements from the movie though

biggest global opening of all time 1.22 billion 357.1 million domestically 866.6.5 million overseas I mean that's huge man did you see the big news about the Avengers 2? It's going to be a reason to subscribe to Disney Plus

no what's that? They're releasing seven new projects in 2021. Coming to the Marvel universe? Yes. Phase four. So phase four starts with the movie Black Widow. And then it goes through Black Widow.

It goes to Dr. Strange. Two. It goes through the Eternals. Yes. You know who those are. Then it goes with a little bit of Hawkeye. Loki, gets his own thing.

And so does Blade. Blade? Did you see who plays Blade? Yes, I did. That's well done. Yes. Even though I want the older guy to do it because he is Blade, come on. Wesley Snipes, that's Blade.

I know. That's his role. He did all for me. The older guy. He is the older guy. He is the older guy. He is, yeah. Is he still in trouble with the taxes?

Probably. Yeah. Okay. Let him go. Let him go. I did. But Captain, well, sorry, not Captain. The Winter Soldier and the other guy gets us something.

But one thing I noticed is, some of them are going to Disney Plus. It has a little Disney Plus at the bottom. People did not realize that. I noticed, I'm like, so some of them. They're also, they're doing a separate Star Wars thing for Disney Plus as well. Yep. So they're building up for app fatigue.

Here comes. And I tell you this, I'll be purchasing Disney Plus. Because all the good stuff will be there now. Yeah. Netflix and Hulu, their contracts are. running out. And Hulu is Disney Plus, right? Didn't we talk about this? We're like, they purchased something? I don't know. We talked about it on the air. Okay. We've talked a lot about Netflix and the struggle that Netflix's habit. The Netflix thing was stupid. The last Netflix thing about how they were losing

money and losing subscriptions, they really didn't lose. They just didn't go as high as they said they were going to go. Yeah, they projected a billion and they missed the mark. Damn. But, Jeffrey, they did not go to a billion. I know, but oh, hell. So they're losing money. Yeah, we still only made $500, what, $500 million or $500 for the quarter.

Life's hell, I know. If they close a deal with Eddie Murphy, they're about to pay him, like... Yeah, that's a good deal, though. That'll make him. How much was Ellen? Was she $50? Whatever they paid Ellen was too much. No, I think they paid Ellen 20.

Okay. Ellen was 20, but that's only one show. That's one show. One show, Ellen was one, one show for 20 million. Did you see it? It was way too much. Did you see it? Yes. I didn't see it.

It was agonizing. And I love Ellen. And I watched it and some of it, some, some people out there was funny. Most of it, it's, you could see all the jokes where they were coming from and where they landed. There were a couple of jokes that I wanted, that I wanted them to go. I was like, go here. and she wasn't going there, and then I realized she's not going to go there.

So she should hire you? No. She's not going to go there because she has her Ellen franchise to think of. She's not going to do anything to jeopardize the Ellen franchise. I mean, that Ellen franchise is a fortune. She's got Ellen,

she's got a little game show thing going on. She got the 20 mil from Netflix, which I'm sure she probably had to pay for production and everything. They said, do a show for us. Here's 20 million. Go make it and bring it back to us. So, you know, she had to,

that all production costs and everything comes out of that 20 million i mean i get it but she's not going to do she's going to be very uh middle of the road hey i'm ellen you remember me i used to be a comedian and i'll tell some jokes come over here and watch me on the ellen show i'm not going to do anything to make you hate me here so you don't come back over to the ellen show that's all that was that's why i think 20 million was too much but what the hell netflix said you know so 70 for eddie Murphy? I mean, that's huge, right? The guy hasn't done anything in a long time. He's out. He's in hiatus. He's got, they've got a new coming to America deal that they cut, right? That's coming out, which will, you know, probably be funny, but it's going to be tough to top that. Well, can you do

the same jokes? I don't know. In 2019. I mean, Eddie will say yes. Eddie will say, I'll do anything I want. Really? Really. But that's, hopefully he will. Hopefully he will say, you know, I get to do whatever I want. But there's a lot of those jokes that you don't know. away, right? In today's world, unless you're Eddie Murphy or Ricky Jerez. You're not making those jokes, my friend. Good luck. Good luck. And I'm all for it. I want them to. I want them to. Yes. That's what it's supposed to be. Your comedian. Make me laugh. Make it weird. Yes. But, you know, so good luck. Is it going to be worth it? I don't know. You know, it might fall through. It might be. He really needs $70 million.

Like, come on, bro. You can't cut that in half. I don't know. Eddie hasn't done a lot. I know. That's what I'm saying. That's a lot for something that's not doing anything. I know.

He's made a lot of money, but some of that, you know, a lifestyle gets pretty expensive. Eddie's not living in a trailer park in Alabama. You know, he's raising like a thousand kids from, he's got like a thousand kids and they're all living in, you know, they're all living in Beverly Hills and they're all going here and doing this and they're used to living a lifestyle that, you know, that Netflix deal sounds pretty good. That's 70 million. It looks pretty good. I'd like to be able to continue to live here. I guess

I'll go try to be funny again. Yep, I'll do that movie over there too. I know. No, I know. I retired too early. I know. Don't worry about it. I mean, that's where we're at, right? Does he need it? Probably not really. In real life, probably not. But that's a good deal for him.

Congratulations. A couple stories before we go. I know it yapped on and on today, but It's one of my favorite stories of the weekend was where a woman plans to marry the 91-year-old chandelier. Come on, man. Lumier. She used to call the woman that married the pirate to make sure that, you know. Amanda Liberty, 35.

She was actually... 35? She changed her last name from Whitaker to Liberty during a prior... She changed her name during a prior long-distance relationship with the Statue of Liberty. Not the Liberty Bell. The Statue Liberty. Amanda Liberty, all right, changed her name. She had a long-distance relationship with the Statue of Liberty.

So she's a lesbian. Okay. She's ready to finally settle down a little bit with Lumier, the chandelier. Then anyone year old chandelier. Well, at least it's a step younger. Look, she saw the, she saw the, she saw the, she saw them here on eBay and couldn't get her out of her mind. and she just had to had to be together

okay sure it costs her 500 bucks but so money isn't everything when love is involved she said people can't often understand that this is just a natural orientation for me that I can find beauty and objects and can sense their energy

oh yeah the me Now, she had a prior relationship with the Statue of Liberty, long-distance relationship, which means that she never was actually at the Statue of Liberty. It was just a long-distance relationship. But before meeting and wanting to marry, Lumier. Oh, yeah. She had multiple relationships with light fixtures.

Slot? Yeah And there's multiple It's been an open relationship With life pictures So it's what I'm not judging I'm just saying what she said But once she saw

Once she was on eBay And saw Look here Oh yeah Oh yeah Oh yeah She's gonna get rings Matching rings for her

And the Where did they recall On the chandelier On the chandelier Don't, don't. Don't do it. Don't try to make fun. Don't try to make fun.

Does each light holder get a ring? We're talking about true love here. Or does one light feature gets the ring? So is she going to put on all six of them or just one? See, now you're pissing me off. You keep asking these questions like this because you're making fun of her. And I'm trying to just telling you the fact. Here you are.

And who's going to write the vowels? Is she going to read the valve for both of them? And who's going to marry them? Who's going to marry them? I don't know. It's not the traditional wedding. Exactly. So who's going to do the wedding?

They'll be together with someone. Maybe the head of the power company. I don't know. Is she going to have him installed or is she just going to lay on the bed? I'm sure that she's probably going to have it installed, yes. I'm always positive that it will be installed. I'm not sure that it's exactly what you're thinking of right now. I know what I'm thinking of.

Is it going to be in the bedroom room? It'll be installed. It'll be installed. Just think of it. It will be installed. Okay. Is you going to, so when it's sleeping, there's a light off or on? See, now you're pissing me off.

And those are the light bulbs? Like, what are those? Is that the brain? Is that the fingers? She just knows that she gets energy from them, okay? She just knows that. She knows that. She knows that she can't.

she can't marry Lumier in a traditional sense but but insist so she insists that the love is valid so she can do a civil marriage now I don't know

does this is this mean she's she has she's still having more relationships because she says she restores the chandeliers in her spare time she's going to be cheating tomorrow right I knew chandelier comes younger because we know

so she was with a Century Liberty first. Sancho Liberty is like old. Old. Now there's 91 year old. Whippersnapper, chandelier, Shandilers shows up.

Shows up, snags it. So what if, you know, a 80-year-old chandelier from Britain comes up on eBay? Oh.

She's going to buy it? Or she's going to start bidding all the different chandeliers? Yeah. And what's going to happen with hubby? She's going to just put him in the closet. By the way, hubby is a she.

Uh, what she's just to do with hubby yeah hubby yeah you still call him hubby right you know don't don't try to make fun i'm not i just want to know i want to you know we we cover stories here about that we have like the ghost the shake them out of the ghost you get a divorce because she was it was being too rough so like we want to make sure that she knows that she doesn't get burn or something all i know is that is she this quote as soon as i seen her, I couldn't stop thinking about her and how beautiful she was. She has such a beautiful shape and I could feel amazing energy coming from her, unquote.

You can make fun all you want. You can laugh and joke around all you want, but when someone finds love, bless their heart. All right, a couple of animal stories before I let you go today. Congratulations to the Audubon Zoo. they announced the birth of a critically endangered Cimantran orangutan. Yes, congratulations.

Inhabitant Fuliz and Jambay brought from Germany last fall. Immigrants. Immigrant orangutans brought into this country. Send them back. The species have been drastically reduced by hunting and destruction of the forest. Okay.

No, wait. Don't play this yet. Don't play that cut yet. Wait, because I want to hear the news report first. We're saying that fewer than 14,000 of the great apes with long red hair believe to exist in the wild and overall numbers continue to decline dramatically, which is true. According to the International Union of Conservation of Nature. Now, we stopped off.

We kind of jumped the gun a little bit, but we stopped off at the Waco Zoo, where they also have orangutans. and we wanted to get their thoughts on the new birth of the orangutangang in New Orleans at the Audubon Zoo. I think you well understand how they feel. One last thought. Exactly. Rivening. Also.

Also. Enjoy. This story kind of pisses me off, actually. What story don't piss you off? talk about those? Because every time you start a story, this sort of pisses me off. Can we have like stories that make you're happy

and motivate you to do something? That's two different things. Okay. Making you happy. Motivating me to do something is something. There's nothing on motive. The whole motivation thing. The motivation thing is not happening.

Why is that finger? Why do you count like that? Who counts like that? What do you mean? That's one, two. Yes. Two things, like I said. You go two things.

One, two. Yes, but why are using that finger? Because I got rid of one and there's one left. No one knows that. When they're counting down, they go like five, four, three, two, one. I'm not counting down. I'm telling you there's two stories and one goes away. So it goes two, one.

No, this is one. This is the first story. This is the two story. No. The middle finger is the two story. No, it's not. One, two. There's two stories.

One story two. What hand gets through? You can see it on the camera. They're not because the cameras are not there. Like when you do the two finger and you let one. You all know the piece sign. You all know the piece sign. I'm telling you there's two things.

You ask me two things. One. Stories that make me happy. Okay. So what's what? Okay. And the story number two. And the motivation story.

No. See, but why is it that when you give me the story number two, as you kind of your fingers, you drop down number one because that's the first story. That's the first story. Which is the, who does that is opposite. When you count him down, you go number two, two, piece sign and then when you're done with that story oh in there you drop the middle finger i'll tell you what i could do it this way and turn it completely around and then when i dropped the first story it would be a

completely number two story is that what you want still the middle finger a man it is the middle finger directly at you now that the camera will see yeah yeah and that's for you too on the camera whoa yeah in fact you know what you need to do today you're driving around you see somebody you know you you're driving around. I used to tell people this all the time. And I'll tell you, and I'll tell you again, because I love doing this, and it's an important way to get through life. When you're driving around, you see somebody you don't know,

give them the finger from me. There, you happy with that? No, I'm not going to tease about that. I'm not going to tease about the story that pissed me up. The whole thing. No, no, no. You're not talking about Kathy? Is that the story that pissed you off? No. No? Oh, that's, then what's sort of that story actually pissed me off, yes, but that's what I was going to do.

Because all stories piss me off according to you. Yeah, they do. But on a scale from Kathy to this story, which one will piss you off more? Oh, that's a good one. I don't know. So anyway, Kathy, go ahead and tease the story. I'm not teasing it. I'm not teasing it.

I'm not teasing it. Oh, you're not teasing. Oh, you go ahead. And the chick, you know, the chick from Detroit? You know, she got... Miss Michigan. Miss Michigan, they dethrone her. They took her sash away.

They took her crown. She wouldn't wear a hijab. She's a Trump supporter. And they did a... texts and tweets that are insensitive towards somebody. So she's going to join you. But the problem is that she's at school right now in college. So she only joined us after 5 p.m. Eastern.

So we got to say a little bit longer today and record, you know, talk to her. And by us, I mean, you talk to her. I'm still trying to figure out my fingers. Yeah, your fingers are not. I dropped the first story. This is number two. That's the way it works. No, can you tease the other story that you're going to say?

And the story that I started, I'll tell you about, is that beachgoers descended on more than a dozen pilot whales that had beached themselves. Now, this was in Georgia St. Simon Island. Okay, so these whales beached themselves. Horrible thing, right? But we as humans, we as humans decide that there must be a mistake. These whales didn't want to kill themselves and beeched themselves.

So we're going to push them back out into the ocean. and then there were a few whales that had died anyway. All right. So. He's pushing a dead body back to the water. Those are just sitting there. And according to the story, some people had said, oh, well, we'll take those in our yard. We can let those decompose in our yard.

No? No. How about no? We're seawirling all these. You know how much that's, you know what the smell is of a decomposing whale? But remember, where was it the blob or the, the, it's a disparate? or the, there's something that costs a lot of money

you could sell for a lot of money. I don't think that, I don't think that is the, I don't think that's the pilot whales. That's the killer whales, right? Or the sperm whales. But if you have a problem, listen, if you have a problem,

you can always call 1-877 whale help. Oh, so there's a number. There is a number to call. And that's for beach whales? It could be anything. The number is 877 Whale Help So we can see

877 Let's call Let's see what happens See if we can report There's a problem 1-877 Whale Help W-H-A-L-E

I got to spell it for Chris H-E-L-P 1877 Whale Help Your call cannot be completed as dialed Please check the number Do you know how to dial it all? Do you understand?

And that the numbers collate with the letters of the... Sheesh. Whale, W-H-A-L-E-H-E-H-E-L-P. Very exciting. If I know what... Oh, no, come on. Where's my phone? Is my phone in here?

This cannot be... This cannot be... Ooh, it's not a good thing to drop your phone like that, just letting you know. Not a good thing. All right, now you've ticked me off with this. That's 20 numbers. 1-877. It doesn't matter, dear.

That's the whole point of the 877s with the whale help. You just, you can keep going, but it just locks in with the amount of numbers. Do you not? W-H-A-L-E-H-E-E-H-E-L-L-S. Region Marine Mammal and Sea Turtle Hotline. Please do not attempt to return stranded animals to the water. to report an entangled whale, press one. To report all other injured or dead marine mammals, press two.

To report a right whale sighting, press three. To report an injured or dead sea turtle, press four. That's all you get. Thanks for telling the southeast region marine mammal and sea turtle hotline. Please do not attempt to return stranded animals to the water. See? Thank you. These people are messing with the wrong pile. and leave them alone.

I pushed them back into the ocean. See? I knew I had reason to be upset at this. I knew it. I knew it. While standing in no natural occurrence, the only thing we can do is continue pushing them out to sea. No, George.

That's not what you do. Who's George? I don't know. Some douche from Georgia trying to push the whale back in. I'm sorry, it's Clay George. His real name is Clay George. He's a whale biologist. Oh, so you're a good guy.

That the two dead whales were euthanized after becoming incapacitated. Yeah, that's why they came. That's why they swam onto the beach. That ticks me off. You're right. There's not much that doesn't. All right, I'm out of here. I can't take it now.

Ticked me off. You really are seriously out of my nerves today, Chris Cruz. What I do this thing?