Chewing the Fat with Jeff Fisher - Ep 157 | Get Your Alien Abduction Policy, Federal Executions Are Back, & West Nile in Maine? | Guest: Mike St Lawrence

Episode Date: July 25, 2019

Jeffy doesn't let you down today. The best news show you'll find is right HERE. Listen as Jeffy talks federal executions, outbreaks, and alien abduction policy UFO2001.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I feel like we've talked about this before, but there's a list that came out to the end of last month, so it's about a month old now. I feel like I've talked about it before because it's just an embarrassing list. It's an embarrassing list that talks about the top 10 most dangerous countries for women. And number one, India. Number two, Afghanistan. Number three, Syria. Number four, Somalia.

number five, Saudi Arabia. Number six, Pakistan. Number seven, the DRC. That's a Democratic Republic of Congo, for those of you that aren't in the, you know, aren't in the hip lingo. Yemen, number eight. Nigeria, number nine.

And coming in at number 10. With a bullet. Oh, wait, no, not with a bullet. You'd be on the list with a bullet. The United States of America. Stop it. Stop it. There's no way.

That's embarrassing. And I get the Me Too and Times Up moving. Put us on the... No, shut up. No, it did not. And by the way, did North Korea evaporate from the planet? China? They don't exist anymore.

Iraq? gone? Iran? Gone? Weird. Weird. I don't understand. I'm pretty sure.

sure they're still on the planet and considered countries. Pretty sure. I could be wrong. But it's just sad. It's an embarrassing list and it's it doesn't even, it's like it's not even real when you have the United States in the top ten. Stop it.

Sometimes you just want to go with the headline and move on. Study says eating ice cream for breakfast may help improve mental performance. Move on. I don't want to read into it anymore. It's going to be like that cancer one that we're ready to it and come to find out, it's not true. That's true. So we just let's leave it.

Ice cream for breakfast improves mental performance. And we haven't done it in a while. We've done, we dug too much into our stories. I think we should do like a whole headlines only. Good news coming from the federal government. Attorney General Barr decided that, you know what, we're going to let the feds start killing people again. you're on death row

done have a nice day it's been 20 years it's coming back it's been 20 years it's a done yeah now now

that's one thing we said hey all right all right we won't shoot you okay but we got a new drug

I know that we usually have the three drug cocktail and that's what happens yeah we're not going to do that now it's one drug and dead that's what happens

that's the execution so I was reading um what there's five people that are going to be executed the first five people that are going to be executed they've already they've been waiting they've already executed

they've gone through all their appeals so a chopper's in there no Cosby no Epstein yeah no who are they killing I know Weinstein oh yeah Weinstein and Kevin Spacey Spacey, God. Amazingly, no. It's funny how that happens. No. The people that are going to get it,

uh-huh. Oh my gosh. Are they bad people? Worst people are the worst? Absolutely worst of the worst. And you got done a rap sheet? If you'd like. So it starts with Daniel Lewis Lee. Lee is a member of the white supremacist group who killed the family of three. One of them was an eight-year-old girl. His execution is scheduled for December 9. Lesmond Mitchell. Stabbing a 63-year-old grandmother. Okay, this is for adults only.

If you're watching, if you're watching Chewing the Fat today, or you're listening to Chewing the Fat Live. You can't listen to it. This is for adults and just keep it to adults. I know so I'm going to try to keep it funny for the family and stuff. Today is just, this segment is just for adults. This is when you put your headphones on.

Yeah, this is just for adults, okay? But thanks for watching. Lesmond Mitchell found guilty for stabbing a 63-year-old grandmother to death, then forcing the nine-year-old granddaughter to sit next for a 30-mile drive and then killed the girl. His execution is slated for December 11th.

That's not nice. December 9th, take a couple, clean it up. December 11th, move in the next one. Wesley Ira Perky. Violently raping and killing the young girl. And then dismembering and burning the young girl. Good guy. Good guy.

His, we clean up, we clean up the last one. send him in December 13th December's going to be every two days I love this How come this guy's taking so? Do we get to take the Christmas break after December 13th Alfred Berja

Nobody works during that break Why are you kidding me? This guy who gets to go through the holidays? No. Make it December 15th that you can take your break. Get bar on the phone. Seriously, get Attorney General bar on the phone.

We have to talk to him. So this guy multiple offenses murder doesn't go into well oh he oh little girl was the big one no i'm not going to tell you what he did tell me i'm not going to tell me no son if you might can tell me no just know that it was a little two-year-old girl no i'm not going to tell you but how can this guy makes it through the holidays no to january 13th no december 15th did is borrow the phone no um they're they put me on hold they put me on hold

And then we have Dustin Lee Honkin. Honkin. He, five people, including a single mother and a couple of kids. And he's got January 15th. Okay, well, right now, the Christmas break is December 17th.

All right? We're not letting these guys make it through the holidays. We're not taking the break after December 13th. We're doing three and then we're taking the holiday break. No. you add four more days to your holiday before you're taking it off i'm sorry but no December 17th is the holiday break because we got we got dingleberry alfred to do on the 15th and then we got dinkleberry daniel to do on the 17th and then you're out you can take your

holiday we'll make it up on the other side into january you take a couple extra days off watch the national championship and come back okay championship or what olympics is in 2020 so what are you talking about the national championship of college football. I don't ask. No, I know, I understand. I understand your frustration. And now you understand by it.

All right, Chris is right. Maybe we should just do some headlines. All right, because, you know, we just, some days you don't want to read into the stories. You just want the headlines and you're just going to live with the headlines. Okay. Wasp spray used as alternative. where we're going to do start all over again since the story just disappeared.

That's one away. And the headline, all I want to do is read the headline was gone. I started saying, well, I spray you've gone. And so was the URL. Gone. That's just gone. Amazing. All right.

Maybe we should just start doing some headlines. Sometimes it's better not to dig into the stories. Just to go with the headline. Just go with the headline. and you're either scared or happy or sad, but you just go with the headline because you start digging into them and you lose all,

you lose everything. Wasp spray, WASP, WASP, WASP spray. Good thing is not a sponsor. Used as alternative meth contributed to three overdoses. Wow. I do not want to dig another story because I get it.

I understand what happened. What happened? Wasp spray. Use a alternative from us. He's got the Legioneer's disease. Legioneers disease bacteria found in Legioneers disease bacteria

found in Maine water district samples. Okay. What main? Okay. The state of Maine. Oh, okay. Got it.

I thought it was like the main line. Can we sound the siren again? Okay, okay. Jesus, I was already dead. Like that. came to my house, I'd be dead. But this is the disease alarm. Oh, yeah.

West Nile virus. West Nile virus. Okay, kill the damn one. Found in four mosquito pools around Omaha area. Omaha, Nebraska. You seen that where Keith is from? Yeah, he ought to go back and investigate. Oh, she sent him, reporter right there.

Absolutely. It's a good idea. He knows where everything is. Yeah. These would work like a tire factory somewhere there? Yeah. Send him back there. No, he did not work at a tire factory.

There's a difference. He worked at a tire store that put tires on cars. Yeah, a Tor factory. That's not a tire factory. That's not a tire factory. No, it's not. That's a place where people go, hey, I want to buy this tire, put it on my car, boy. That's where he worked, okay?

It was a tire factory. Don't even get me started on that. But he should go investigate to West Nile of Nebraska. Yes, he should. More on headlines. North Carolina zoo worker dies after fall during aerial rescue drill. Oh. And we love the zoo.

I know. So sad. Be safe out there, zookeepers. What the hell. So sad. Right? Everything, they're getting hurt doing drills. The drills are supposed to be where you don't get hurt.

Yeah. Maybe they need to release the lion again. Thank you. But that was China. Criminals are using deep fakes to impersonate CEOs. I think someone named Glenn Beck, what's talking about that? Wealthy New Yorkers are ditching cities high taxes for Miami. Ain't nobody got time for that?

Thank you. And in other news, duh. I mean, it's time to get out of New York. The wonder Bill is not there. Yeah, oh, geez, that guy. He knows he's done. I mean, never mind. That would be political and I don't want to get too political.

Did you see all those videos about the cops? Yes, I did and it's disgusting. It's disgusting. And I want to take my hat off. If I was wearing a hat right now, I'd take it off for those of you watching on TV. Oh, since they're not watching you, so I'm going to take my hat off because this is audio only.

Pre-recorded audio. I know, but they're watching, they'll see that I'm not wearing a hat. That's my point. It's not possible. I'd like to take my hat off to the police department. So you just did. I like to take my hat off to the police department for,

not for being so professional. And just taking it. Unbelievable. I wouldn't be able to take it. If I was a police officer in New York, and I'd be a jail. I'd be next to Jeffrey Epstein. But you'd be happy.

Who, by the way, as long as we're in our headline portion of the news, who by the way, where you heard it first here on Chewing the Fat, there's no way he makes it out alive. and they found him this morning on the floor of his cell. That's not, yeah. Attempted suicides.

Well, they're saying they're not sure how it happened. Ouch. But yeah, he had a big time, out. So, A, now he either escaped from the hospital, right? The $100 million people who were putting up his bail. You know who's upset right now? El Chapo. He's like, damn it, what's than I think of it?

I know. Why did I not think of it? I know. So he's either going to be, we're going to hear it tomorrow. Jeffrey Epstein is not missing. from the hospital that he was went to. Guards looked the other way for a moment, and then he's disappeared.

In other news, guards bought new houses for each of their family members. I like the theories. They first started to blame the cellmate. The cell man was like, bro, I'm an ex-cop. I kill some people. It is not me.

We know, we're good, we talk. Here's my lawyer. He can tell you we're friends. I'm up sitting right here, bro. Not me. I don't know. I found him in the feeder position on the floor with some bruising mark on his neck. I don't know what happened.

It was not me. Trying to blame the other guy. Just leave the other guy alone. Leave him alone. You got nothing to do with it. You know who it was. It was Clinton. Thank you.

Back to the headlines. Killer released from prison. Dubbed too old to be dangerous. Kills again. Now, that's a sad story. That's a very sad. Why is that a sad story? He was in prison.

He killed his wife. He stabbed his wife. He was in prison for 25 years. And he let him go, we're digging into the story. This is the headline section, by the way, but we're just digging into the story. And then the judge said, hey, he's too old. He's 77. Yeah, get out of here.

Go back home. And he goes back and he kills. So he spent the 25 years in prison going, I can not wait to get out of here to stab somebody else. I cannot wait to get out of here to stab somebody else. Which, by the way, many prisoners do? Yep. That's why, I don't know. You don't let them out.

Well, if you see the picture, I could see. why the Jeff was like, there's no way that guy's going to kill again. I disagree. Really? I disagree. Did you look at the picture? Because I think he's seen 100, like, three times. You didn't look at the picture because the papers down.

And the audience can see, the audience can see that the papers down. I hold the picture up for the audience, all right? There. He's holding his eye. I don't even think has an eye. I only think he only has one eye. I say not guilty. Show me how that old man was able to stab.

11 times. How did a human being pick up a knife and stab someone? Not just a human being, a 77-year-old human being that's missing an eye. Yeah, big deal. He's not missing an eye. Do you see the other eye? No. Okay.

All right, let's go to the break room. I need a little Coca-Cola zero-sugar. That's so good. And the reason that you're hearing that music is for some reason Chris thinks we need little jingles of music in his head now for these podcasts. But there is a man in Florida, Mike St. Lawrence, who I would like to say quite possibly could be today's genius of the day. Mike, everybody is looking to find ways to enhance their income, make their wallet fatter, and help people. And you, sir, have come up with a way to do both.

And he's joining us on chewing the fat. How you doing? I'm doing great. I appreciate your calling. So what is it that you're doing for us, Mike? I'll let you explain the greatness that you're doing. Well, I don't know if it's greatness, but I actually started the, actually it was called the UFO Abduction Insurance Company back in 1987.

Wow. When I'd seen an interview on Larry King, talk show on CNN. With Whitley Streber. Yeah. I am. He wrote the book Communion. I am very familiar with that. I used to do his radio show all the time.

Yeah. And after hearing him talk about I really hadn't paid that much attention to the UFO abduction phenomenon. I don't think I even use that word burbage. You know? Right. Seeing close encounters and stuff, I just didn't match that up. But it became a popular thing.

And I think that book kind of introduced people in the United States to the phenomena of people being abducted. There were other people talking about it in the media too. But that's how I first heard about it. So after it was over, I went over to check my homeowners insurance policy to see if I was covered for a risk like that. I wasn't. Really? So, yeah. So your regular

Homeowners Insurance Policy in 1987 did cover UFO abductions? Did not. Bastards. So I saw there was economic opportunity then. Thank you. And so I sat down

and I wrote the policy in about 20 minutes. And I really didn't know that much about the phenomena, but I've only changed maybe one or two lines. and the policy since then. Okay, so it's been available.

It's been available now since 1987, 88. But it's now, it's not called UFO abduction insurance policy, right? Yeah, I reluctantly changed it to alien abduction insurance because that's how the general population referred to a phenomenon. Well, I mean, it's your policy. Why are you changing it? What, I mean, what's going on, like? Who wears the pants in your face?

family what the heck i think i've been it to the public way you know what they wanted to do but i have to tell you i resisted because the canadians and mexicans could have put me out of business in two weeks oh right right that's a good point yeah and and i think about 2005 or six i made the switch over to ailing abduction insurance but i think that I think on the 50th anniversary of we're going to have a go back for UFO abduction insurance. Okay. So let me ask you a question now. I believe that you've actually paid out a couple of policies, correct?

Correct. So what do I have to do according to your UFO or alien abduction insurance policy? What do I have to do to prove that I was probed by an alien? Well, I'm sorry, abducted by an alien. You know, we, that comes up every once in a while, believe it or not. I once have a guy on my website asked the anonymous alien any question and he would answer it. And one guy wrote in, is there any chance that you might have left a probe in my boss's and I said yes and I said you tell him we want it back

very funny so again what do I have to do to prove it can I first go over a few of the terms and conditions absolutely it's a $10 million policy with $20 million double indemnity and most people do not buy it for themselves they buy it for a friend or a relative

but they do name themselves the beneficiary most of the time. Right. So if I know that Aunt Edith is going to get abducted, I want the insurance and I want to be the one to get paid off. I got you. Okay, go ahead. Okay, have you seen the policy itself? No, I have not.

They've, at our website, and this sounds like a plug, but at UFO-2001.com, if you can look that out. Okay. You can see what the policy looks. looks like. You got it. UFO201.com. Correct.

There's actually three pages. It comes in a big black window envelope. Okay. It's suitable for framing. You might, if you see it, see who the policyholder is and who the beneficiary is. Okay. All right.

Anyway, the first coverage you have is medical coverage, and that includes all outpatient, psychiatric care. Wow. Because there's a readjustment period if you go through something like this. Of course. Part B is sarcasm coverage, and this is limited to your immediate family members only. And we did research on that and found out that most of the sarcasm originated there anyway.

So then we have double indemnity coverage of the sum of $20 million in the event A, the aliens insist on conjugal visits. That could be upsetting. You don't know where these aliens have been. I mean, correct. So, part B, double indemnity is if it can counter results with any offspring ever referred to as the next missing link. And part C of that is if the aliens refer to the abductee as a nutritional food source or the other white meat. Oh, yeah, no, we don't like that.

Okay. So we have, along with it, it comes a claim form. And on that, we asked for information about the abductee, a little bit of information about what happened. You know, when he or she was abducted, I'm trying to find a copy here. Part A is the abductee. Part B is the aliens and its information type of life form where they originated. If you can get a tag number, that's really helpful. On the UFO.

Yeah. I mean, are you aware that the, that the, that the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, you know, the, the, that the, you can't get them new on this planet, so you got to get them second hand. So, anyway, that's a believe it or not. Yeah, I got it. Yeah. And then, uh, the most important thing. on the claim form is, and this is what you originally asked me, proof of abduction in return. And it requires the signature of an authorized on-board alien. It can't be somebody just making scrambled eggs in the galley or anything like that.

So the policies that you've paid out have actually had this? Well, be honest, we had to waive that signature in these two cases. And I'll tell you why, because the first gentleman was, both of them are from New York State, but he had been abducted several times. And he, you know, told his buddies about this and they had to see an article in the paper up there about what we were doing years ago in the 90s. And they said, you ought to contact that guy and get one of these policies. And he did. did and he truly believed he had the experience and he had an implant that came that was in his body that was taken out of his body and we had our the head of

our claims department mr. McLean researched that I should tell you he didn't have any credentials whatsoever but he had made him mistake yet anyway he he he researched it and spoke with a professor from MIT, and this is all real. Oh, of course. Yeah, that professor said that the implant was not made of any earthly substance. Wow. So, I mean, that's kind of, you know, a verification.

That's tangible proof, I would say. It's compelling proof. So we waived a signature in his case. The one thing he did tell Mr. McClein, aka Mike St. Lawrence that was that he couldn't he couldn't verify that it had been in his body. He saw it after it was out of his body. Right. So he started collecting on the policy.

I should tell you, we have a frequent flyer endorsement also. That's the third page. It limits the benefits to one occurrence per policyholder. Because it's a bookkeeping nightmare if you get abducted every other week. Right. And then we have the terms of payments. We're much like the Publisher's Clearing House or the lottery and that we pay an equal installments of a dollar a year for 10 or 20 million years.

So you've got to have a sense of humor to get this. Gotcha. Recently, we just added Area 51 coverage. Yeah, I mean, we're getting ready to storm. There could be some damage coming. Right. It gets activated if you go in and you don't come out. And you still need to get a signature while you're in there.

But you haven't come out. How does you get it to you? Anyway. That's another ace in the hole for our underwriting department work. Right. So, I mean, really, you have, you've come up with a perfect way to have people pay you monthly and never have to pay out. No, they only pay us a single,

lifetime premium of a 1995 for a digital instant insurance copy we send out to them or they can get a paper copy mail to them for 2495 you never pay any weekly or I mean anything

other than me. So it's a one time payment for the insurance and then you if you can if it does actually happen to you or to whom ever is insured right and then you have actual verification then you get paid out with a long-term payout plan.

That's true. That's security there. You're being proactive. Absolutely it is. So in your experience over the years, where are the most insurance policies sold? Where are purchased from? Most.

When I first started, was out in California. Recently with this, and I've got to tell you, the real buzz that's making, UFO is a hot topic is that Pentagon UFO. That's the thing that's got

that's moved the ball down to you know, it's changed things because everything about this phenomenon, nothing different than happened in the last 20 years. But when people saw that video, it's kind of

hard to reckon with yourself as to what's going on when you look at that. and it opened up possibilities. A lot of people, I had a lot of publicity in the state of Florida. Well, actually, in the last three days, it's been crazy. But I've been doing interviews for the last six weeks. I mean, that's fantastic.

That's good for business. And, you know, we're glad. And so within the last six weeks, the difference is the storming of Area 51, really, right? Well, that was the catalyst. list that really got me hooked onto it now. And

I have to, whoever the guy is that started it, I have to say, thank you very much. That's fantastic. So if you go to UFO2001.com, you can see an actual copy of what your insurance

would look like when you get it, especially, you know, the gold boarded policy and the claim form, and it's a one-time payment. And, and, for your insurance. And look, it's only prudent to be insured. You and I both know that, Mike.

I just want to say this. You can't get it unless you get it. Is that a fair quote that we can quote you on? Yeah, it's almost like a slogan. It's either, don't leave earth without it, be me up covered, or you can't get it if you don't get it. And there's a Texas IQ test on a,

website you can see that just to make sure that you understand what you're buying well this this podcast originates uh from texas uh so i'd like to i'd like to take the test a do you have a sense of humor b do you take this coverage seriously c were your parents related before they were married if you answer yes more than once you do not qualify correct wow that's a little frightening Well, the best answers are a yes, maybe yes. Exactly. So, listen, I appreciate your time, Mike St. Lawrence. And thank you for letting our audience know that they can be safe and secure with alien abduction insurance, preferably UFO abduction insurance.

And it's just go to UFO2001.com. And in the words of Mike St. Lawrence, you can't get it unless you get it. Thanks, Mark. That's correct. Thank you very much. I appreciate it. There you have it. Better to be, better to have insurance than not. That's just the way it is. Don't forget to subscribe and download Chewing the Fat with yours truly, Jeff Fisher. Do that every day. We give you a new podcast every day. Well, except for Sunday. We take Sunday. days off. And in fact, some days during the week, we give you two podcasts. We work our tongues

to the bone for you. And all you have to do is download. You know what? I don't even make you listen, although you should. Well, you should just download it and subscribe to chewing the fat. That's all I ask of you. Download and subscribe. That's it. You don't even have to listen. But if you know if you want and you want to have some entertainment in your life and some knowledge and some helpful hints to get through life, you should listen. So apparently when you get an email that says, hey, I've got a way for you to make $44,762,9606, and you don't answer it, they get pissed. and they send you another email. So I just got another email from Riem E. Hashami. Is it the UAE guy?

The Emirates Minister of State and Managing Director of the United Arab Emirates World Expo 2020 Committee. Yeah, he emailed me too. Well, A, then it's a different person because this is a she, okay? Perhaps you should read the email. I'm writing you to manage my funds I received as financial gratification from various foreign companies I assisted to participate in the incoming Dubai World Expo 2020. The amount is $44,762,906, United States dollars.

The culminative debaise were given as an expression of appreciation from the various foreign companies whose applications received approval to participate in the coming Dubai Expo 2020. I could not receive the various gratifications to my personal account to my country because of my office and social status as a married Muslim lady, with limitations and restriction to certain investment opportunities. For this reason, an agreement was reached with the consulting firm to channel the various financial gifts into an open beneficiary account with a financial institution,

where it will be possible to instruct transfer of right of ownership on the fund to a third party for investment purposes, which is the reason I'm contacting you to receive and manage the fund as my investment partner. Now, this is where you think to yourself, man, this what do I have to do? What do I have to do to make this happen? Well, the detail will be discussed on your indication of interest

with capacity to manage the fund in good investment. Duh. Wishing you the best in the year with regards, Ream. I'm highly upset. She emailed me too. I thought it was the only one that she emailed.

Well, I asked because I didn't answer. Oh, so she went to you. She emailed me like, 10 days ago and I had an answer. Yeah, she emailed me July 17. And I didn't answer. So she had to get back to me. And look, I replied because I want the detail to be discussed with my indication of interest

and capacity to manage the fund and good investment. How did you reply? Listen, when you don't hear this podcast tomorrow, know that 44,7,000,000. 162,906 United States dollars has been put in my fund which is a good investment.

Good day. By the way, Riem E. Hashimi. I got you some alien insurance too, baby. Music