Chewing the Fat with Jeff Fisher - Ep 164 | Fat Pile Friday - Sext & Fool Edition

Episode Date: August 2, 2019

The numbers are in and we find out how many people are sexting and fooling around. Then we see why millennials aren't going on dates. Jeffy ends with a Chewing The Fat event announcement coming to Jacksonville, FL. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

A helpful hint. To live to be at least 100 years old on Fat Pile Friday, here on chewing the fat. Louise Jean Signore from the Bronx, born in Harlem, turned 107 years old this week. She says it's not eating well or regularly exercising that has kept her alive this long. It's being free of any. man's or woman's baggage. I never got married. That's the secret.

My sister says, I wish I never got married. Think about it. There is something happening in Harlem. I made a point of saying that she was born in Harlem because she's living in the Bronx now, but the oldest person in the U.S. right now is in Harlem. at 114 years of age. I mean, you're doing some distance now, my friends.

You're doing some distance. Now she said Italian food is very good for you. I was brought up with very good food. No soda, no cake. That's not living. Wait. I have to not have soda and not have cake. Those are the two things you have like every day.

I mean, you can't prove that I have cake every day. Oh, I can. You can't prove it. about the soda though it's a little I can't say that I I've talked a lot about that so people people watching you right now can see you eat cake every day no soda you just jump into the break room and just coming out just jump into the break room no soda that'd be tough if I have to give that up I'm gonna have to at some point I know I know I am oh look at me like that cigarettes or the coca-coco

a zero. Which one do you think it's going to be the hardest? Well, it's been eight months, eight months on the cigarettes. And, you know, but you're doing the nicotine gum, though. I am. So did you really give it up? Yeah, I gave it the smoking up. Did you just freak me off?

They didn't care. Yes, as a matter of fact, I did. Not unintentionally, but I did. And I'm happy to do it intentionally, as a matter of fact. And turn the cameras on, too, okay? you get both of them. Is that a double? In fact, if I could take my shoes off, I'd give you the middle toe as well.

Wait, you can do that with your toes? You can't? No. Whatever. Some of us have talent, Chris. Some of us have talent. You know, this past week or so, I've still got this issue with a tooth in my mouth. Yeah, I know.

It's really kind of been hurting. And I have not supposed to. You're going to go to the doctor? I have to go to the dentist soon. I have a, I wasn't supposed to see the dentist. Like I called the dentist. Remember I told you? Yeah.

The dentist said, oh, yeah, come on in, no problem after my heart event. Heart attack. I told him, I called him. I said, hey, I had this heart event. I got this issue. And so, you know, we're supposed to, we're in the process of doing this. Treatment. Yeah.

Oh, yeah, no problem. Come on in, Jeff. It's fine. And then a couple hours later, my phone is vibrating. Oh, it's a dentist. Hello? Yeah, Jeff. I talked to the doctor.

We can't see it for six months. Is that because you're in the blood thing? Some kind of heart event. Their new plan is, you know, after you have the heart event. Yeah, but they're not doing anything to your heart. They're doing to your teeth. They all, it's all connected. Do not.

It's all connected, my friend. Jeff Fisher, do not tell me that your teeth are connected to your heart. Yeah, they absolutely are. How are they connected to their heart? They absolutely, the entire body is connected. In fact, there are a lot of surgeries now that doctors won't do until you get your teeth fixed if you have teeth issues. It's just a fact.

Look, I just play a doctor on TV. I admit, I readily admit, I'm not a medical doctor. I just play one. But that's a fact. And you could look it up all you want. It's just a fact. Because now the dentists are stuck with, they want to know all your medications and they, you know.

Are you honest about that? I'm telling you. Yeah? Of course. I mean, I don't want the medical. I don't, look, the medical people are covered by the hippo laws. The hippo laws. So you can tell them what you want because they got to take care of you.

They got to know what you're taking. I don't tell them. I might stretch the truth a little bit on the street. What street? On the street drugs? Oh, the street drugs. Okay. I don't count those.

Well, who does? Were they given by a doctor? Yeah, no. Then no. They don't know. So, you know, but, you know, you know, know they want to know all that. And so on top of the dentist,

on top of being criminals, now they want to pretend that they're doctors. Well, they're not real doctors. They're not real doctors. I'm sorry. I forget, Dennis, man. I know for the fact that the dentists are the ones that fail medical school

and they just give them a dentist degree. I'm okay with believing that. No, it's a proven fact. It's a Chris Cruz proven fact that dentists are failed doctors that could not make it. And they gave them a certificate. Here you go, become a dentist,

know how to steal people's. Yeah, no kidding. And charge $20,000 for just moving one tooth. Yes. And then also what you can do is a good way to take people's money is when they're still high on the drugs you put them on for taking care of one medical issue with their teeth. Give them a list of everything else that needs to be done and then charge them for that like they actually had it done. Don't even. I can't. Okay, I'll stop beating up on dentists now.

No, they need beating because they beat me up all the time. That's what my experience with the dentist? Don't ever get a crown on your front teeth. Because it's not really a crown in your front teeth. What do you mean? You got your two front teeth, right? The biggest, you know, two front teeth, right? They're going to do a crown because it was chipping.

I'm like, oh, cool. Yeah, they sand your teeth down to like this little tiny little. That it's not a crown. That is a fake tooth. Now I have a fake tooth. And then they cover it? And they cover it with a cap. Yes, you're capping my teeth.

Yeah. Oh, so they got me down. I wake up, you know, because they're taking a break, move my tongue, and I feel nothing. Oh, what was that for? I cursed them out for like 30 minutes. You see this Indian girl looking at it with an eye so big. I'm like, what the, what are you? It's already a done deal, Mr. Cruz.

Oh, yes. It's already done deal, Mr. Cruz. We're sorry. I told him this story. You're already okay. No, but that I can, I mean. Exactly what she said. So we're a done deal, Chris, you know.

Sorry that you misunderstood, but you signed. This is what happens? That's 100%. I signed what? 100%. You took my tooth? And then I got a fake tooth for the rest of my life? Oh, so pissed.

I was piss. That's the way it goes, my friend. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry that the dental criminologist bastards. But anyway, speaking of dentists, when you think you're having a bad day, when you think you're having a bad day,

and you think, oh, your mouth hurts. I can't, uh, tooth that hurts. Oh, oh. Seven year old boy in India. Been complaining for four years since he was three.

Hey, mom, dad. I got my mouth is sore. It hurts that swelling up. You can see what's going on. Go get some whiskey. Right.

They're like, they're like shut up. Go outside and play. You know, wait for me. Shut up. The kid's always whining. Go answer their phone.

For four years. Yeah, right. Tech support. be tech support. Shut up. Go make shoes for Nike. Go. So apparently, finally is

whining one over and they take them. Oh, four years. Damn. They take them to a dental college. They didn't even take, I mean, we just go to the free place.

Just check you out here at the school. By the way, those places are cool. I've been to those places. I like this place. We're just take here. They're free. Yeah, we're just going to,

we'll have the beginners take a look at you and so you quit your whining and you're fine. So they're going to take a look at them and they're like, whoa, yo. What do you guys been doing?

The kid has 526 teeth embedded into his jawbone. The pictures are amazing. And they don't know what caused it. But he's got all these teeth that have been growing into his jawbone. So for four years, this kid's been whining the parents. We need to talk to their parents. Seriously. What are you doing?

You don't believe your kid when he's telling you he's not bad. So the doctors, of course, we need to operate. And the parents are like, hey, whatever. Go ahead. You know, we're here at the college. It's free. Go ahead. Before you do that, can you call the World Guinness Record?

We need to put this on the books. So they talked to the kid and the kid's like, no, I'm fine. We're going to leave it in here. Was I whining about this? No, I'm fine. No, no problem. And so after a few hours, they finally talked them into it. What, the kid was saying no?

Yeah. After a few hours, they finally talked to it. How many teeth are you supposed to have? Two. So he was way above that. and five hours of surgery, five hours of surgery. They extract calcified mass from his right jaw. Oh, that sounds gross.

I know. I know. And they said, look, the kid was happy because the pain is gone. No kidding. No kidding. Thank you, Mom and Dad for not believe me for four freaking years. It's good news, though, at the dental college, they don't know what caused it. And we don't know.

What was this? Anything? India. Okay. It could be anything. We don't know. We don't know. The teeth are all different sizes.

I know. I do like the picture how to put it like in a spiral. That's pretty cool. Yeah. It's good news is look. What we did is instead of breaking open the bone from the sides and leaving a large hole, which, you know, that would have been hot. A seven-year-old kid to come out and go, we got rid of all your teeth, but you got this

giant other hole in your face. How's that pain for that? Don't worry about it. But they drew. They drilled from the top. The top of what? The top of his jaw. Oh.

So they didn't have to reconstruct the jaw. And they preserved all of his, well, they say 21. See, that's why they're a dumb college, because they only have two teeth. They're only supposed to save two. He's supposed to have 32. They preserved all of his 21 of his normal teeth. Oh, poor kid.

He needs a little bit more. They should have kept a little more from the 500. They preserved all 21 of his normal teeth. 32. No, not this kid, though. The human body has 32. Not this kid. Well, this kid's 1021.

He had 526. What do you want? Maybe you split the difference? Which they did. We're leaving you 21. Wow. Shut up. We left you 21.

We didn't put another hole in your face. Get out. All right, Fat Pile Friday on Chewing the Fat. Thank you so much for coming along for the ride today. Is it be or is this week just flew by? Yeah. Well, no, I wasn't going to use those words. It's already Friday. It's already Friday. So we're ready to rock and roll.

Tomorrow I'll be a 600 airport drive, Jacksonville, Florida with Tim. Big event, chewing the fat event, the Taco Bell. Look for the, look for the giant banner. Change my mind. Look for the giant banner chewing the fat. And a coming party, that's Taco Bell. Tacos. Tacos on Jeffes. First taco on me. Ooh, nice. The first taco. First taco. Oh, yeah. No, no, no. I'm not calling you out on that. That's really nice. Yeah, first talk on you. And I'll bring you the receipts.

You do that. Yeah, you did say that yesterday. You said to bring you the receipt. And I'm saying it again. Okay. You need to do that. Just because people bring you a receipt doesn't mean you have to pay. It's just a friendly tip.

I'm sorry? No, I was just talking about it. Oh, okay. So a study, new study talks about millennials who can't afford to date. I don't know that it's worth the sounder. 30% of millennials say they can't afford to date. 100% of millennials can swipe right, though, and date for free. 100% can do that.

But they can't date. You kidding me? So according to the new survey by the dating site, Match. Ooh, match.com, nice. Feel their financial situation, 30% of millennials, feel their financial situation, is holding them back from pursuing a relationship. Not because you have 1,900 genders? It's partly because many of them are fighting an uphill battle financially.

Is that because you still live in mom's basement? They're dealing with student debt, rising living costs. That's because they're still living in the basement. Additionally, some experts told USA Today that the courting rituals have changed. What rituals? Cording rituals. What are those? Holy cow.

I forgot that you're not American. That's when you're dating someone that you want to, spend more time with. You know, you have a girlfriend or a boyfriend. You're courting them. You're courting them to marriage. You're preparing them for marriage. Yeah.

Oh, okay. And that's become different? You know, apparently so has changed, yeah. First dates have become more elaborate and potentially expensive. How? I don't know, because every time I was swiped right, she shows up. Wait, did I say that out loud? I don't know.

I don't, I mean, you go up for a day. What was your first day with your wife? Well, okay. Your second date. So you know the first day. Your second date. You do know the first day? I think I do know.

What was that? Is that the one she came to you? First of all, Chris, every wife I've had came to me first. Okay, what's about your latest wife? That, my friend, is a fact. Your latest wife. She came to you, right?

And you guys went to like a shirt club? I don't think I need to say anymore. Right? Is that what it was? I don't think I need to say anymore. My first day was Thor, Ratton the Rock, movie theaters, 30 bucks, done. that's not expensive.

It's according to ritual this change. Next survey, 40% of Generation Z sexting. What's the age cap on that one? 18 to 22. When it comes to sending intimate photos, Gen Z is leading the charge. 40%.

18 to 22. Leading the charge. Leading the charge. What other Spartans? 18 to 22 sending off a naked pick of themselves. Oh, it makes sense. You know, look. Well, we, I believe we talked about this.

I think it was off the air. I was listening to a dating podcast. And in their Gen Z world, sex in sending nudes, is... Part of the deal. Back in your day, how a guy will give a bouquet of roses to their girlfriend. Back in my day? Back in your day. When I was courting.

When you were courting or whatever you were doing to Ms. Jeffie. I didn't court. You didn't court? No, they came to me, my friend. Even when they come to you, they don't see a court? Researchers quiz more than 5,000 single men and women around the country about their sexting habits and found that Americans of all ages are partial to sending a pervy pick every now and again. And I take umbrance with the word purvey.

Just because you're sending a naked pick doesn't make it pervy. Yes, it does. No, it does not. Give me one example that does not. Hey, baby. I miss seeing you. I need to see you. Send me a pick of yourself.

And she does. Why are you naked? Why are you naked? Because I wanted her naked. I miss her. I want to see her. If you miss her, I want to see her. No, it is not.

Just be like, hey, let me take a cell. Give me a selfie and then you're done. Give me a selfie naked. Why is she naked? I want to see her naked. Why do you want to, if you miss her, you use her face. You'd be enough. Should it?

Yes. You're my first wife again, all over again. Is what she told you? Wait, did they have pictures? your text back in today? Yeah, amazing. Amazing. We actually had, well, you had to put your head over the camera, you know, over the camera and take a picture, but it happened.

So 37% of adults 23 to 38 saying they've sent someone a dirty picture of themselves. As Gen X in their 40s and early 50s, only about a quarter reported sexting. 11% of baby boomers say they've been practicing free love digitally. They practice what? I'm sorry? 3% they've been sending new picks. They practice free love. You old people do not know how to talk.

No, this is just the story. Oh, okay. I thought that was you. No. Even 3% of the greatest generation, older than 74, report that they're familiar enough with the technology to have tried their hand at sending a text. Oh, a text. A sext.

Oh, sex. Okay. So when it comes to receiving nude photos, the number spike. 52% of Gen Z singles and 51% of millennials report getting sexy picks. 42% of Gen Xers and 20% of boomers. There's a lot of percentages going on here in this study. That's well writing down. Have gotten into the action.

12% of singles in the greatest generation have gotten new. So that's over 74. Wow, that's a lot. I mean, they've got, down in Florida at, what's the place that you mentioned? I suppose I should live at. Oh, yeah.

The villages. Yeah. There's a big spike. There is hepatitis. Yeah. All kinds of sexually transmitted diseases going on because the old people are. Cepilis are just going for it.

So you don't get, hold on. You know, hold on. No, no. You don't get that from sexting. Thank you. Okay, good. Thank you. All right.

That's how you practice sex right there. Don't borrow phones at the villages. Well, that is true. More female respondents than males said they were asked to send nudes by their partner. Oh, duh. Yeah. 33% of male respondents actually sent out a pick of their junk. That's a lot of percentage.

That's because, you know, guys all think, oh, you want to see this. Check it out. I mean, I'm just speaking for me. Jet Ziers. Aseer said Snapchat was their app of choice. Oh, well, yeah, it goes away. 50, right, that's why it, right. And with Snapchat, right, if it doesn't, you can screenshot it, but it alerts you, right?

It lets you know that that other person, and that's when you stop sending them pictures. Right. Oh, so I've heard. Sorry, so I've heard. Older generations, meanwhile, are partial to more standard. Has 68% of raunchy materials sent by older signals being transmitted via text. Wow. So they're texting.

You know, they're sexting. Yeah, yeah. They're not using text. No, they're not using the Snapchat or the Instagram. 40% of men claim to have been asked to send out crotch shots. 54% of Gen Zers reported having been asked to do their best Weiner impression. What do you mean?

I need more than that. I need more, explain that. 20% of Boehner expressions? Yeah. Okay. 20% of boomers saying they've been solicited. Yeah, okay. Of course.

Everybody's been solicited. Who hasn't been asked to send a shot? You've been asked? Just something to think about. No, seriously, you've been asked? Who asked you? I'm concerned yourself. I am concerned.

I am concerned. Because I want to make sure that those numbers are right. Have you been asked? Well, I didn't ever say what number, what field I'm in, whether I'm in the greatest generation 74. That's fine. That's fine. I mean, if 74 or older is at the greatest generation, that's where I'm at.

I know, that's what I'm saying. That's where I'm at. So, have you been asked? I'm a texting fool. You're going to let it go, aren't you? Text and fool. Text and fool. That's the title to the show.

I mean, like I said, everybody thinks, oh, yeah. You want to see this, don't you? You want to see this. Oh, yeah. Send. So what's going on with your people? First of all, thanks for listening to Fat Pile Friday. What's going out with your people?

They don't shower. If we know that. They're not American. Thank you. Man, I'm glad you admit that. They need to stay in Puerto Rico. They don't know how to elect a government. What's going on with the governor thing?

He's done today. Yeah, he's done on Friday. Right today, right? But they got nobody to replace him. Because the chick doesn't want it. And the one guy, the one guy got kicked out because of corruption, right? The other guy. So now they think they found somebody that's going to replace him?

AOC is going to replace him. I'm a fan of that. Well, she should. I am a fan of that. And I think that that should be supported 100%. That should be a petition. AOC Puerto Rico governor. Yes.

Jeff Fisher. Yes. And how could she say no to that if asked by the president of the United States? Oh my gosh. You know what it is that Trump calls her and says, I want you. I want to meet, come to the Ovo. I want you to be governor of Puerto Rico. It's important. It's more important than representing your constituents here in New York. Oh my gosh. You're welcome AOC. Yes. And then that gets her the hell out of this country. Oh, yeah. away that's almost too political stop.

Okay, fat pile Friday. Fat pile, I mean, the pile this week is, every, every week, the fat pile just grows and grows and grows. I mean, it's amazing how these days go and the fat piles just keep getting bigger and bigger. And I find myself, okay, well, we'll just, it's going to have to wait until Friday. It's going to have to wait until Friday. I know, you said that a lot. And still we don't even get to everything. No, we don't, no.

You see the boyfriend speakers that hug you. I love these things. The boyfriend hug speakers. It's the latest product from the Japanese video game company, Level 5. Of course. It's from Japan. They make the good stuff over there. Right.

And look, there is the picture. Okay, so it's like a top of a body. So you got two arms that hug you and it's got the speakers in the arms. So it's Bluetooth speakers. So you listen to music, right? And it's like got the head, got the body, top of the body with the head in the face is this. anime character. I mean, I know, I know.

I know that my daughter would love this stupid thing. I don't care if you think it's creepy. It's the arms. It's not creepy. Wrapping you around with the speakers. It's not creepy. I know that my daughter would love this stupid thing. I think any girl who loves anime,

or you could change out the faces to whoever, whatever, whoever you wanted. Jeffie face. Right. Right. Let's say you were a fan of steak at me. And you put out, The chewing the fat.

Yep. Hugger. A million dollar idea. Thank you. Thank you. The chewing the fat hugger. The chewing the fat hugger. I'm adding that to the title too.

We need to make that happen. Okay, so the people in Japan are going to think that they own the rights to the arms and huggers. So we're going to need to come up with, you know, maybe we, the chewing the fat hugger is cow legs or something. Ooh, cow legs because it's a steak. Yes. Yeah. And then we put the speakers in the cow legs. Yeah. And can cow, are cows able to hug you?

Mine will. Okay. So be out of the look over that. Now, apparently you can't buy them yet. All right. You have to enter the contest through, through an Instagram account, right? Is this Instagram or YouTube account? It's one of those. I didn't pay much to think because I just fell in love with the product.

One of the kind of following. Yeah, you follow the, on Twitter. Yeah, they're trying to grow their, yeah, they're trying to grow their. Follow the official company's official website. and the hashtag that you follow. I'm going to hold it up to the screen because it's in Japanese. Oh, can you read it?

I understand, I understand hashtag. The Tic Tac 2, Sybil. Can you read it? But the rest is this right here. Let me highlight it. Let me highlight it for the camera. And they won't not be able to see that so you have to highlight it yet.

Boy, is that long? Yeah. I'm sorry, that's not a hashtag. It's a freaking paragraph. I think in Japanese it says, Otomai Ushu and hashtag hug speakers present. I'm pretty sure that's what it says in Japan. I'll hold up the camera.

There you can take a look. Zoom in. Not with that camera, with the other one. Silly. Okay. Can you say that again? Can you read it?

Atomi Yusha and hug speakers present. Okay. Got it. All right. You find Atamiuio on Twitter. So good luck out of us. And look for the chewing the fast. hugger colleagues,

Bluetooth speakers coming to a online store near you very soon. Yeah, I don't think that's... You can still get to chewing the fat Jeff Fisher coffee bug and T-shirts at shop.com. So go there and do that, but be on the lookout

because you never know. You never know at shop.com. All of a sudden, one day you're looking, you say, oh, you know, I can probably use a mug. You should go in, you log into shop. the blaze.com or you or you text the same number that Joe Biden told you to text coming out of the debate.

If you agree with me, go to Joe 30330. And that'll get you the two of the fat Kyle Legg's Bluetooth speaker huggers just for you. Just for you. I kind of want that to happen. Let's go to the break room.

I need a Coca-Cola zero sugar desperately. Everybody had one at beginning into the show. I know, but I'm talking my tongue to the bone here. All right, so we've talked a lot about on this network, you know, people wearing makeup and plastic surgery. And you know my, you know my theory of three cuts to clown face. But it's a different world now.

Does this kind of include injections? See, that's what I mean. It's a different world now. That's where I'm going. Because with the injections, it's kind of questionable on the getting to the clown face. Right? Because you get the injections, either your lips. or your butt or your face.

You know, so it doesn't necessarily count as 100% cutting. Plastic surgery. It's still plastic surgery. It's still, no, no, no, I'm sorry. I'm going to stop it. It's still plastic surgery. It's not, though. Yes, you're putting, like, what is it that you put in there?

Silicon. Well, no. No, it is. For you, yes, that's what needs to happen. That's exactly what needs to. It's to happen for you. So apparently more and more people are getting these injections in their faces so they can get their, you know, Instagram and Snapchat filters in real life.

And you and your wife love those filters. My wife does. You and your wife. My wife does. You and your wife love those filters. And I can see you and your wife doing one of those injections. My wife wouldn't do it, but I would do it. Oh, she wouldn't do it?

No. Okay. See, I don't know if you know this or not, but the Snap. jet filters aren't real. Wait, what? I know. No, no, no. I'm sorry.

What was that? They're not real. Does your wife know that? I don't know. I don't know. I'll remind her tonight, though. Okay. So this doc in New York is talking about, I mean,

her office is doing like at least 20 people a week. Oh, how much? How much a person? She's got to be making a fortune. That's what I'm saying. How much a person? Let's see if it says in the story. I think it did at the end how much she's charging.

It starts at $1,200 bucks. And how many people? How many people are she going? She's doing at least $20 a week, starting at $20 or $1,200 a pop. So, I mean, you're looking, that's amazing. And that's a week. And that's only, that's just the beginning.

I mean, that's, oh, you know, honey, that's the starting packet, but you really need, we need to upsell you. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. We're selling these girls, easy, right? So she's making $100,000 minimum. a month. And her picture a wedding tent with its tent

pulls on the ground and when it's raised and the entire tent lifts, that's what we're doing with the filler. Are you? Plumps and balances the areas that need it. It's a good sales point. Now it's working for her. No doubt. So the needles

are filled with hyleronic acid. Acid? H-Y-A-L-U-R- O-N-I-C acid. That's an FDA-approved dermal filler. What's your problem? But it says acid at the end.

Damn, worry about it. That's going to be, you know how we always hear the methylocyeloma commercials? We're going to hear those pretty soon. Now, it combines with water and swells into a gel, which then causes the smoothing and filling effect. So you're injecting water? Well, you're, no, you're injecting, you're injecting the hyaloronic acid. You have to know how to pronounce that.

Get the computer to announce that, please. Don't roll your eyes at me. I want the computer. I want to say it correctly. Now, it's it's, it's hyleronic, hyloronic acid, right? I think, I think that's right. Or hyaluronic acid. Hyaluronic.

So close. Hello. No, you weren't. Yes, you can. So you have, you have. Hyleronic acid, which is the FDA approved dermal filler, and it combines with water. swells into a gel

and that's what causes a smoothing and filling effect. And you can get that for $1,200. And I don't know how many shots does it take. I mean, they show, I don't know if you've ever seen it. I watched one the other night. Research? Yes, research.

I watched one the other night. And I mean, it's a bunch of shots. Yeah, it's multiple shots all over your face. Holy cow. You come out swelling. That's why they wrap your face. Yes. And she says,

Most people can get away with it at work. It looks like you look like you had a dental surgery. Do you? So you can lie to all the people that know you. No, I'm not trying to look better for Instagram. I had dental surgery. And then tomorrow you come out all filled up. Okay.

So let's see. She has an injection specialist who has their own technique. Oh, well, you know, that person is getting paid a lot. Takes around 20 minutes and consistent multiple injections along the lower jaw from ear to chin. So you're, it doesn't say how many. Hold on before you. I want you to point me to your ear and your chin. Yeah?

You went way a little too far to your chin. What are you talking about? Roll the tape back on the camera. People that were watching. What you go like this? Like this, right? Yeah, you went all the way to your cheek. To the other side of the cheek.

That's not your chin. That's not your chin. I'm sorry, even for you, that's not your chin. You're pissing me off now because it comes all the way around. That's not your chin. That's what you do. She's a chin. chin and then chin to ear.

It's the same thing both sides. You're not getting one side of your face done. You don't know that. Oh, I got 600 bucks. Let's do the right half. Good news from Japan. Good news. Oh, wait, another one.

Here we go. Japan Day. Japan Friday. Japanese Friday. Fat pile. Japanese Friday. I don't like that. I don't either.

I don't know. We'll try again. No, I can't. that one when I use off the air. No, you can't use that one now. Nope, I can't use that one. Can you stop? Because we can't use none of those.

Now, can't use that one. You can't use that one. We just won't use it. We just don't use it. We just do another Japanese story. So far we got a story from Japan. Text him full Friday. That's what we got so far.

Oh, and then chewing the fat hugger. Cow legs. That's a long time. It'll let the chew of the fat. So it's only got so many characters. You only get so many characters. Jackie Daly would be upset at me if I put more than 120 characters. So human animal hybrids are going to be developed in embryo form in Japan now.

The government has said, yeah, go ahead. We didn't want you to do it. So we didn't want you to do it for a while. Of course, the Japanese. Go ahead. Yeah, no, go ahead. Look, we need more humans. Well, do they?

Oh, yes, they do. Yeah, Japan's dying. Oh, it's Japan. Sorry, India is the one that has a bunch of humans. Yeah, Japan's dying. Yeah, you're right. Japan's like, ooh, if we can make some babies from rats and pigs and every other animal we can, let's do it. Yeah.

So, look, they're going to use human cells that are going to be grown in rat and mouse embryos. So we've got mouse people. And now they say that they're, you know, not supposed to go beyond a 14-day growth period. Say it with me. Right. But they say that's supposed to go through a 14-day period. So they're just going to, you know, see how it goes. So they're going to do it and in 14 days, capture as much data as it can and then kill it?

Yes. Okay. That's how it happened. They don't want to bring the hybrid embryos to term for some years. Well, if you ever can do it. That'll be like 30 days. If you can do it, might as well just go full bore. Right, because the mouse embryos,

14.5 days, the animal's organs are mostly formed, and the rat embryos, 15.5 days. The embryos are fully formed. So if they stop at four, if they cut off the point five, it's just before they're fully formed. Oh, okay. And they could grab as much data as they can. Yes.

So where are the granted specimens? I'm sorry? Who is the donors? Baltimore. That's just a thought from me. I don't know that to be true. I don't know that to be true. What?

You Trump now? Are we serious with Lucy Lawless? Who is she? Lucy Laws. Zena, warrior princess? Yeah, I don't know who that is. I mean, the story is

Lucy Lawless says she's into reviving Zena, Warrior Princess. Well, yeah. Well, good for her. She's low at 100 now. Is she? I think she's a lot. her 50s. She still looks good. I looked at some pictures.

She looks great. Not that I did, you know, I wanted to see, I hadn't seen her in a while. She's a lesbian, right? Well, I don't know. Yeah, I think she's a lesbian, yeah. Oh, because in the story, I think she is. Yeah. Because in the story it says, her executive producer contacted me on the day that I happened to be in Sydney for gay pride. So she must be. Yeah, she's a lesbian, yeah. And that means she's a big activist too. She's not just. No, no, no, no. Holy Horse is there. She's not a gay in your face.

She's traveling the globe? He has nothing to do. She just freaking milked the world for Zina, the war of princess. So now she's traveling the world. By the way, if you want to do something cool, put Lucy Lawless. She's 51 and J-Lo. They're both the same age. Yeah.

J-Lo is much hotter than Lucy. Oh, yeah. And J-Lo looks. Less 50 than Lucy looks 50. Amazing. There's not a lot of us that can pull that off. I'm sorry? There's not a lot of us that can pull that.

Did you see the J-Lo stories, though? What? Like there's a couple big J-Lo stories in the news this past week. She brought a birthday cake to A-Rod. He was doing Sunday night baseball. And A-Rod hates cake. J-Lo and his two daughters brought him a cake, so they had a big deal at Sunday night baseball.

You know, happy birthday. brought him a cake. It was some, you know, Kroger square cake. Was it? Yes. Just said happy birthday on it. It didn't even say, Love You A or Love You Rod.

He knows that. He knows that. And the daughter even made the joke of, and you love cake knowing that that he hates cake. That's so good. So the sports writers all took a picture of it because once the game was over, not a slice had been taken from the cake.

Arod just set it off to the side. So the sports writers cut into it and ate it. Nice. Yeah. That's me too. Well, she's in, Jerusalem right now. When you want to look like J-Lo and myself,

you don't eat cake. Even the 107-year-old said that. She did say that. She said no cake. And then there was a story about A-Rod buying J-Lo the car. And the story that J-Lo is like, drive? I don't even, right.

J-Lo's like, A, I've lived in New York all my life. I don't drive. Absolutely, yes. No. If I have to go somewhere, there's a car. in front of my building. Somehow a black sedan pulls up. I get in.

It takes me where I need to go. They know. I don't even know where I'm going. They know for me. I just know that. When I walked out of the building. Ms. J-Lo, you car's here. Oh, where am I going? Down the elevator. They come out the doors and they're into the car. She's in Tel Aviv right now. Celebrating her 50 tour, you know. You know what's funny is that she looks great.

Why is that funny? because it's like, you know, compared to normal, yes, but compared to normal 50 year olds, like, come on. It's a lot of work. I don't have to tell you that, Chris. But how is it? You know from working with me every day. That's a lot of work. Yes, I know.

But how is it that three clown, three cuts to clown face, that three does not work with her? I don't know that she's had a lot of plastic surgery. Jeff Fisher. There's no way you look 23 when you're 50. But see now some of them, you do like J-Lo's not going to Bob the facelifter. Okay. Well, yes, she did not go to the yellow pages.

Right. And look for the first person. No, I know that. But your theory seems to not work for her. Well, there's always exceptions to every rule. That's science. Oh, that's science? That's science.

Okay. I mean, I'm just talking science. That's what I do here. All right, well, you're out and about on this big weekend, first of August weekend. Listening to chewing the fat and you think to yourself, man, I've got to be on the lookout for the pink lady bank robber. She's dubbed the pink lady bandit up in the northeast. She's responsible for about three bank robberies. and the one picture they have of her

she's got the hat and the glasses and she's got the top on that she looks like Oh yeah Right She came into the bank You're like go ahead

Go ahead Take some money baby So she's about She's white or Hispanic 5 feet 2 to 4 inches 5 feet 2 5 foot 4 Oh yeah she's Hispanic About 130 pounds

In two robberies The FBI Flyers shows the suspect wore yoga pants tank tops and navy baseball hat and carried a pink bag I know that's what's going back and forth here I know it's tough to say but she's uh be on the lookout for her be on the lookout for one of the comments her accessories are going to give her away lose the earrings fake nails and cover yourself strap down your boobs and stop trying to look cute this ain't a fashion show it's the little details that get you every time somebody's trying to help her out

So, Robin Banks are tough, that's tough business in today's world, man. Tough business. So she doesn't have much longer. She'll be arrested soon. Another thing, we talked about Brinks trucks losing money on the highway and picking up the money and how to, you know, how to get the money and still save yourself from being in trouble. I've given you that. Now, I can't tell you how many times I see the Brinks trucks and I slow down and just, I want to follow them. Obviously, I don't follow them, but I follow them as long as I can on whatever, you know, direction we're going.

And it happened. Chris Cruz, my man, yesterday sees a Briggs truck turned over. Yep. Nothing came out. How about, no, but I mean, the bags of money. Nothing came out. The truck turned completely over. It's on its side.

It's on his head. I mean, it's cracked up as there. Money's got to be. Nothing came out. Nothing came out, Jeff Fisher. And that has got. Nothing came out. Was it a fresh?

It wasn't have anything in it. No, it had stuff in it. But that thing was not like how the movie makes it look or just, you know, flies open. Yeah. No. That thing was locked shut. Oh, man. I was so upset.

I'm for sure. Happened right here. What were you? I know. What were you? I know. And the sad part was that cops and not cops, I'm sorry. The ambulance got there real quick.

So there was no chance of like, oh, are you okay? Are you? You got to help him. You have to give some of the turn. You have to help him. Jeffrey, get over here. We have to help him. Sir, open, open.

I have to make sure that I can't open. Open. Did you call that 911? Yes. Yeah, yeah, sure. So I need to open the door. I got to make sure you have a concussion. Concussion can kill you.

You got to get you out of here. It's going to fire. There's a fire. Yeah, nothing. That thing was shut. Oh, man. So upsetting. That's disappointing.

It is very disappointing. Disappoint. But I have come up with three different plans of execution, I want to call it, on how get one of those bags to just pop open. Okay. I don't think I could say. I think I can get in trouble because it actually does happen. I'm in trouble.

Yeah. So, no, don't say it. Plus, I mean, I already told you how to, we've already told you that what happens is, you know, if you, you know, if there's money flying around on the highway, you grab it. And they tell you, turn it in, we've got your license. You did. Yeah, you turn it in.

You turn some in. 20 bucks. Yeah, this is all I could get. Sorry. That's all I got. The rest of it, closet, shoe box. And don't use it for a while. Don't use it.

If you use it. Cash only. Yeah. Don't deposit it. Don't go out and buy a new car. You can't do that. Don't go out and buy a new lawnmower. Don't go out of anything.

No, you can buy a lot more. You could buy a lot more. No, anything big. It's 20 bucks. Anything big progress. Well, kind of a lot. Where are you buying your lawn mowers from 20 bucks for a lawnmower? Yes.

Where are you buying you a lawn more? Oh my gosh. What are the lawnmower you buying? Where are you buying a $20 lawnmower from that works? At the outlet. I'm talking to a lot. Not the kind that you, I forgot. Never mind.

I forgot about your stupid video of you mowing the lawn with that god-offal thing that you're called a lawnmower. Yeah. Electric. I'm saving the planet. You are saving the planet. I am. Seriously.

How much did you spend on that? 20 bucks. And then 20 for the. for the trimmer, you know, the, whatever, the, and how much for the 80 foot extension cord? That was expensive. That was, that was 40 bucks. Yeah, the 100 foot long, yeah, uh, orange.

Yeah, that was 40 bucks. Yeah. Cost more than the two damn things. At least the weed eater came with a battery and a charger. So, you know, that's good. But yeah, the 200 bucks, man. Wrigan outlet right there, Fort Worth, uh, Tangler outlet right there. A $20.

$20 electric. It was on. You get an edger? You got to get an edger. No, the weed eater, you can flip it 180 degrees. Yeah, but you still got to get the sidewalk right down. Sidewalk a driveway right. I'm just saying, you got to get the edges.

You got to get an edgeer. See, the weed eater is two and one. You just flip it 180 degrees, this little button and turns into a edger. Uh-huh. And then you flip it again and it turns into a weed eater. But you use up a lot of the weed eater. You do. You do.

Yeah, but it's, you know. Whatever they call it. eight bucks for a spoiled thing for like 12 spoles. Spools. Yeah. Yeah. So I'm not. You get recycle.

Yes. Oh my gosh. The blue ones. That's Jesus. Saving the planet, baby. Come on. I don't want my carbon footprint to be bigger than it is. So I'm driving that.

That's why I'm driving a electric car. Have you seen my little electric car next to yours? That is yours. Yes. Oh my gosh. I was part between you and Stu it looks so cool so you got this big monster

car and you're right next to my Volkswagen sure if you call that a Volkswagen and then my car in the middle my little blue smart car that's so sad

you are embarrassing you are embarrassing