Chewing the Fat with Jeff Fisher - Ep. 18 | Condoms To Go?, Kangaroo Meat, & Tetris Championship

Episode Date: October 22, 2018

Condoms To Go?, Kangaroo Meat, & Tetris Championship Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

The Blaze Radio Network On Demand. Welcome to Chewing the Fat. Thank you so much for coming along for the ride today. Appreciate it very much. I wanted to say hello to any of the new listeners and new downloaders, new fans, new subscribers that are on board. Thank you so much for joining, especially those of you in Djibouti. I call it Djibouti.

but then actually I was told by our our man Jason Butchrell that it's Djibouti but I prefer Djibouti Now what did I call? It doesn't matter. Thanks for you know it's Djibouti I just found out something fascinating from the new National Geographic Almanac that's out that talks about you guys have the lowest lake level in Africa

minus 500 some feet so I know a fact about Djibouti So thank you so much for listening. Those of you that are new know that on Saturday I always give you a bonus podcast. This podcast that you're listening to now is Monday through Friday. Try to hit the free download wherever they're sold at 4 p.m. Central, 5 p.m. Eastern. And then Saturday I gave you a little bonus podcast that is usually some kind of story, some kind of walk down idea lane, something.

I mean, last week I talked about being prepared. And if you can go and listen, you'll know what I'm talking about. But, you know, there's always the slight chance you might not know where keys are, lock keys and automobile, stuff like that. And it just leads to fun. And then, of course, Monday, you've already seen that we do a Talking Walking Dead podcast with Jason Butchral and my youngest son, Maximus. That's, you know, look, you're going to see it on the, it's under the Jeff Fisher show. You don't have to listen. You don't like Talking Dead.

You don't like Walking Dead. Delete it. That's fine. If you like it, listen. I just, we do it for fun because, you know, I like the show. And it's all good. But now for this show, chewing the fat, this is what you need to do. If you're a new subscriber, thank you.

But you need to, you've already subscribed. And if you haven't already subscribed. if you're just a new listener and you're just hopping on the bandwagon right now, subscribe, and then rate, review, and share. It's very simple. Now, the rating thing, look, you can do what you want. I'm not going to tell you what to do, but I'll just make it easy for you. Just do five stars.

All right. Now, I'll tell you to do 20 stars, but I just found out they only have five. What the hell? So when you review it, review it with Best Podcast Ever 20 stars. and then share it. Send it to your friends. Share it to people you don't like. Tell them, listen. Lighten up a little. Whatever you need to do. Thank you so much. So normally I start out with a couple of stories that have me fascinated throughout the day. And of course, this particular story that I have is really kind of, well, scientists have designed self-lubricating condoms.

and it's good for the world. It's good for our safety. When tested, for comparison, regular condoms coated with a shop-bought water-based liquid lubricant. Eh, slippery. It came less so after around 600 thrust. The self-lubricating is good to up to a thousand, up to a thousand thrust. Now, I'm sure many of you are thinking. Only a thousand?

But yes. A thousand thrust. Almost half of under 25s never use a condom with a new partner. Think of that. Emerging sex disease could become the next super bug. They're already concerned about that, for real. Which way is most effective contraception? Yes.

So it's a good thing to use condoms. And thanks to the special durable coating that should last throughout. intercourse, without enough lubrication, sex could be painful and condoms may split or slip. Man, I hate that when that happens. When used correctly, however, they are highly effective, contraceptive, but not everyone likes them. Now, I ought to say I never liked them. Let's just leave it at that. I just leave it at that.

I never liked them. Big surprise, I have children. I don't know where they come from. Anyway, they help prevent sexually transmitted infections on planned pregnancies. You know that. So, I mean, it's a genius idea. The self-lubricating condoms, congratulations. And you can pretty much make anything you want when you're backed by the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation.

Bill and Melinda's, oh, what do you need? We can't quite get it, Bill. Man, I wish I could get these self-lubricating condom idea off the ground, Bill. But I need another, I don't know, 10 or 15 million. you 25 will do That's fine Thanks Bill Melinda take care

I mean When you have that money Behind you're pretty good And I also Have today a story That's really Horrifying news to me No I'm not talking about

Amy Schumer Saying she's going to boycott the NFL By not doing any commercials During the Super Bowl Because is that really sad news No I don't think so I don't think so. What I'm talking about is news from, well, it's new findies published in the Journal of the JAMA Network.

Researchers at the Cleveland Clinic have studied 122,000 and seven patients. And they've done so since 1991 through 2014. the study is still ongoing, but exercising. Exercising. You know how much I love exercising. By not exercising, it's worse for me than smoking. By not exercising, it's worse for my health. Please put out another study that refutes this.

I don't want to have to exercise. I don't want to have to exercise, please. Look, they always say, active lifestyle, lead to a healthy life. But now they're saying that a sedentary lifestyle is the equivalent of having a major disease and the simplest cure is exercise.

Man, am I sick? I guess I have the equivalent to a major disease because, but walking back and forth like to the car and to the house and you know parking and go coming into work here that's exercise right all right let's go to the mini fat pile for a little bit uh one of my favorite things that's coming up uh Stephen Hawking uh and according to this story from London was a cosmic visionary a figure of inspiration and a global celebrity. Well, he was a couple of those anyway.

Wasn't he a cosmic visionary? I mean, I got the whole black hole thing, so I guess so. So his unique status is reflected in an upcoming auction of the late physicist possessions. So we're auctioning off his stuff. He's dead. We're moving on. The wife is like, get this stuff out. I want this crap gone.

I'm sick of it all. Here's his papers. I want the scientific papers. I want all of it. The script from the Simpsons. There's whole papers on spectrum of wormholes. The fundamental breakdown of physics and gravitational collapse. Who hasn't read that?

Already. Do you want the originals? I mean, I guess. But, you know, I'd rather read it. You know, I don't like it where it's crossed out and stuff and things. Oh, you didn't do that? I guess not. However, the coolest thing they're auctioning off is his wheelchair.

I want his wheelchair. I mean, somebody didn't get this to Glenn back. I want this wheelchair and this building. Oh, bad. Okay, the auction includes five Ezekton copies of Hawkins' 65 Cambridge University PhD thesis, properties of expanding universes, which, oh my gosh, that is so good. I've read that like 10 times. Properties of expanding universes.

You can't tell me that that's not good. They want 100,000 pounds to 150,000 pounds for the properties of expanding universes. That's worth more than that, you cheapies. The disease of animals, paralyzing computer through a voice-generated computer, moved in a series of high-tech wheelchairs, one is included in the sale An estimated price $13,000 to $19,500.

Proceeds from his sales go to two charities Do you have the charities of his wife? They go to the Stephen Hawking Foundation. Oh, that would probably be the wife. And Motor Neuron Disease Association. He said the wheelchair became a symbol, not just of disability, but of Hawking's puckish sense of humor.

He once ran over Prince Charles Toes and reportedly joked that he'd wish he'd done the same to the Prime Minister Margaret That. sure. That's actually funny. I wish I'd run a wheelchair over the Prince Charles toes. Oh, sorry, Prince. Let me back up.

Oh, no, your toes are there too. Oh, sorry. Oh, there's another. You know, you want to. No, never mind. Got sidetracked. They're thinking of his latest wife that he was all in love with, Camilla that he was in love with forever and didn't even want to marry Princess Diana

because he was all in love with Camilla. So, once Diana died, he got to hook up with Camilla again because he was in love with her forever. But Camilla is one of those people that, well, I have never said this. And don't put this on me. But some people out there have stated that she should be on the website for horse face people. I would. That's just wrong is what it is.

So you could get Stevens wheelchair for probably 20 grand. That would be so cool to have. Better clean that thing up, though. Stephen Hawking debris all over that thing. For 20 grand, I want that thing shining. Actually, for 20 grand, you probably don't want a shining, right? I mean, you want the dirt, you want the grime, you want the wear out. You want the, oh, that's the way he leaned all the time.

So he was bent in the chair. That kind of thing. I wonder if it's going to come with the machinery, though. You know, like for the voice activated stuff, so you could actually sit in it and pretend. I guarantee I couldn't fit in it, but someone could fit in it. Yeah.

Is this David? I mean, that'd be tremendous. To be able to go out of that thing? Now, you're not buying that for $20,000. Take it out. But it would be really nice to take it out. but it would be really nice to take the kids out. Oh, is it worth the 20 grand?

And then take the family to Disney World, put one of the kids in that? I mean, you're a front row. Sorry. It's just a joke. Just a joke, okay? But you know, you'd be... They're taking you right up.

They're moving you right along. How long are you waiting in line and to see me pull up with one of my kids in the Stephen Hawking? wheelchair and get in front of you after you've been in line for two or three hours. How pissed you're going to be? I know, right?

More people. Now, I find this, and how fascinating. I really fascinating isn't the word. Just interesting, I guess, is that, you know, they had the big town hall on CNN pushing Beto O'Rourke, Robert Francis, pushing him. And it was supposed to be him and Ted Cruz as a debate, which would have been worthwhile, really. although they just had one here in Texas and it was eh

so they had just Beto on and Ted wasn't able to make it and then they had something to do with he couldn't make it and he couldn't make it so finally they just left it to Beto and called it a town hall and more people watched

HGTV's flip or flop and a reality TV show about the Iranian Americans than Beto CNN Town Hall. Come on now. That's good stuff. I would be fascinated to see what the numbers were in Texas

because this is national because if I'm living in Minnesota, what the hell do I care about Beto O'Rourke? See, that's the people in New York and California thinking that they're dumping all this money into Beto because they want him to be a senator from Texas. Start the wave. They can get one

in Texas. We're good. But the guy in Minnesota is thinking, I don't really care about some guy that's pretending to be Mexican or Spanish or of Latin descent. And his name is O'Rourke. I don't care. I'm going to watch Flip or Flop. You know, I actually, I've been forced to watch that show a few times in my life. And the reason that I don't like watching those shows is because it makes me want to move into a new house.

And so then I'm usually trying to, well, you know, if we just, we could probably just call real estate agents. I trust.com and see what they've got. You know, tell them, tell them to look around. And then, you know, maybe we sell this place. We just sell this place. We just put a for sale sign up and then you sell this place. Yeah, no, it doesn't work anymore Putting up the fourth sale sign

I used to know a guy that had a forced sale sign Up in front of his house Every day of his life Since he moved into the house And I asked him, well, dude, Why do you have this for sale sign In front of your house? Because anything's for sale

If somebody comes up and offers me The right amount of money, I'm taking it Has anyone come up and offered you any money for the house? No. No, they haven't. Really? That's a real surprise. That's why you'd go to real estate agents I trust.com.

We've got the best agents in over 1,000 towns, all over America. Let them earn your business. They're all highly rated agents, and they'll get the job done. They have marketing plans, plans that create demand for your home so they can sell your home on time

and for the most money. Real estate agents, I trust.com, real estate agents I trust.com. Let's go to the break room. Get a drink from the watercolate. Come on, you come into the break room? Just look over the cubicle. There's nobody over there.

We're just going to go over there and talk for a little bit, have something to drink because I need a fresh Coke zero. I'll tell you that. Oh, my gosh. So good. So a school superintendent is apologizing. After a school chef added what they're calling an exotic meat to the chili. then he was serving the kids up for lunch.

Now, the superintendent definitely, definitely is not happy with this chef. We will not, we will no way be serving food of this nature again, period. The head cook added kangaroo because it was very lean meat. William says he doesn't think the kangaroo meat was unhealthy or dangerous. You don't think so? because nobody ever ate it before. People haven't eaten kangaroo meat forever. They just dropped over dead by eating it.

Oh, wait, no. So he doesn't think that the kangaroo meat was unhealthy or dangerous, but it was, without a doubt, not a normal staple of our diet. Maybe it should be. Maybe it should be. School officials do not believe kangaroo meat. kangaroo meat is unhealthy or dangerous because it meets USDA standards. So what do you say, school officials?

Maybe you think that it isn't? Now, either way, it says your parents weren't happy. Really? Really? Really. I think not. I think Mike Williams, the superintendent of the Potter Dicks Public Schools, got his panties in a wad because somebody threw some kangaroo meat in the chili that wasn't supposed to.

Kangaroo meat isn't cheap. I'd like to know where the chef picked up some, enough to feed a school. Did he put it in with beef? Did he put it in with ground beef? Did he throw it in or was it just kangaroo meat chili to feed the kitties? And you're at school, eating a school lunch. Don't like it. Bring your own.

However, it won't happen again in Potter, Nebraska. Because school superintendent, Mike Will. Williams is pissed. And he wrote the letter to the parents, and he doesn't want anything to do with putting kangaroo meat in chili for the kiddos. That will not happen again in Nebraska. I'll tell you that with Mike Williams at the helm.

Now, did you go see Halloween this weekend? I did not. I actually, my grandfather took me to see the original when I was a real little baby he thought it was okay for me to go see it but the new Halloween remake smashed expectations raked in 77.5 million dollars

in the U.S. and Canada cost 10 million to make. You think Jamie Lee would have charged more, right? I mean, she's Hollywood royalty. I mean, she does the silly yogurt commercials. She's looking pretty good for, she's looking pretty good.

And, you know, Daddy was a superstar. I mean, Daddy was a superstar, right? She's a star. But she's Hollywood royalty. And I just would have thought that she would have charged more for that. Maybe she gets on the back end. Right? Maybe we'll do the movie.

It'll be a big hit. You go out and promote it. We'll make it on the cheap. 10 million is cheap. We'll make it on the cheap. We'll get the everybody original. We'll do it. It'll make a fortune.

We'll all take a cut in the back end. That's probably what she did. She's smart enough for that. So this has been a pretty good year for movies as well, really. Box office receipts have totaled $9.54 billion so far this year, up 11%. And projections show the U.S. box office will bring in a record-breaking $12 billion by the end of the year. Because there's some big movies coming out. So look, the economy is doing good, right?

The economy, people got jobs. They're willing to spend a little money going to the movie theaters. And, you know, some of you were lucky enough to have a movie pass. And I use that to see movies. I say that only because Chris Cruz is so mad at movie pass. I mean, he's really mad at him Because I thought it would sound great I really did think it was a good deal

And I thought that the plan Was workable And then I thought that all of the movie theaters Weren't in on it But apparently they were And then What killed them was the The person that

Talked about them getting a loan They were fine And they needed a loan Just like any other business To keep a lot but when the news broke about movie pass getting alone, it was almost as if like, oh, they're already in trouble, they're broke,

we've got to get away. Done. Done. They don't have enough money over. It's almost like, you know, is it? We should talk to an attorney. I was a serious attorney, not, you know, I have an Eddie. But Evanetti probably be the one to pull it off.

Hollywood and first-man. should sue Ryan Gosling for harming movie sales for that movie. Because it's his fault that that movie did not do well at the theater. He got all the coverage of the no putting the flag in the moon and that it was a UN, it was a world thing. It wasn't all just America. And he got all the coverage on that. and got all the people all wound up when it really wasn't true. It was his look at the movie.

But it wasn't sold that way. And the movie was not made that way at all. And that really was his fault. And it just proved, it's too bad too, because I liked Ryan Gosling. And now he just, you know, showed his colors again. Mr. I came to America, made my money, made a fortune, became a big star. But I really hate it. we don't like it

and America sucks and it's a we're all we're all living for the one world and the moon project was really a world thing it wasn't really the United States really really that you think

Ryan now an engaged western Michigan couple planned to tie the knot and that happens all the time he's figured Jeff so what a wedding held in Michigan You know, so what? It happens all the time.

Yeah, this couple was going to be running a marathon in downtown Detroit. And then halfway through the event, they were going to stop and get married so they could both, they could finish the event married. Why? Why would you do that? Why did you go and ruin a perfectly good wedding with a marathon? Right. And don't give me that. You just read exercise as better for you than anything else.

If you don't exercise, you know, it's a bad thing. I got it. I got it. And for those of you wondering, hey, I wonder if this city is the drunkest city that I live in. Unless you live in San Diego, Seattle, San Francisco, Boston, Anchorage, Denver, Minneapolis, St. Paul, Baltimore, St. Louis, and Washington, D.C., you are not the drunkest city. All right. San Diego, have topped the list of the booziest cities in America.

San Diego, over $1,000 a house for booze. Seattle, $9.86. And by the $9.86, I mean $9.86. San Francisco, $875. If you live in San Francisco, even if you live in Seattle, San Francisco, you need booze to get through the day. You're living in those cities. Anchorage, Alaska, yeah, $788. You know, I just watched a show on Netflix or Hulu,

one of the streaming services that was based in Alaska, and the lady talked about someone being in Anchorage, and she said, that's not Alaska. Because she was living out in the Boney's, where she lived was Alaska. Anchorage, the city, that's not Alaska. And Washington, D.C., I mean, you can't expect our lawmakers in Washington, to not go through the day without being drunk. I mean, they need to pick up the pace, actually.

Number 10? Come on. You guys can do better than that. All right, let's go to the fat pile. Not the little fat pile, but the big fat pile. I mean, there's a couple of things that I find fascinating. Richard Parsons, the interim chairman of CBS, stepping down already due to illness. I mean, okay, whatever you say.

Apple CEO Tim Cook called for Bloomberg to Bloomberg. What is wrong with me? Bloomberg. Apple CEO Tim Cook called for Bloomberg to retract its story about Chinese spies hacking its supply chain. Cook said there is no truth to the piece. then he lay down the floor, kicking and screaming, saying, Take it down, take it down. It's not true.

Stop saying bad things about Apple. Stop saying bad things about Apple. That wasn't in the story, but I'm pretty sure that's what happened. Could be wrong. Congratulations to a 16-year-old gamer, Joseph Saley, defeated the seven-time world champion. and is now the current champion of Tetris. The classic Tetris World Championship wrapped up in Portland Reto Gaming Expo

inside the Oregon Convention Center yesterday, Sunday, October 21, 2018. The game on the table, the same version of Nintendo Tetris used since the 1990 Nintendo World Championship competition. Do you remember my grandfather used to sit me down on his lap and play Tetris? My first wife loved that game. So, when we had the actual separate, you know, the Tetris game, the handheld Tetris game, before you know, before you'd play the games on your phone, you know, you had different apps for different games. I mean, it was the standalone handheld game.

We played that stupid Tetris for so long. I mean, it was forever. So, congratulations to Joseph Saly. He made it happen. And I don't know if you happen to see any of the championship. But those guys play it a little bit faster than what we used to play. Just a tad. You know how when you have a ping pong table and you play ping pong and you're in the basement?

And I'm a pretty good ping pong player. I fancy myself as a pretty good big punk player. Jing to ding, ching, to jing. And then you watch the professionals of the Olympics 25 feet back hitting that thing at 80 miles an hour. That was the Tetris championship. When you fancy yourself, I'm really good at this game.

And I'm at 100 levels of Tetris. You can't defeat me. And then you watch these guys and you think, I just need to put the game down. Congratulations, Joseph. Take it, bro. It's all yours. Now, does it say it here what he actually, what he won?

Because I didn't even hear them say that on the championship either. But it not a fun fact. New World Champion would be incredibly accomplished double age. If you're Keen and Tetris Wizery, full final starting around 10 in a mile. Crowlin Wild over the young man defeating the longtime legend. Yeah, yeah. he has now won a brand new pair of sandals. And he's taking those home with him.

A brand new pair of Nike sandals. And congratulations, Joseph. That's what you've won for winning the Tetris World Championship. What did he win? He had to win like at least 10 grand, right? 10 grand and maybe a giant, some kind of giant plaque or trophy. A thousand bucks? Oh my gosh, that's embarrassing Nintendo.

That is embarrassing. Nintendo shut your business down. Stop selling goods right now. I don't even want to see your commercials anymore on television. Stop that. You have a Nintendo champion, a world championship. That's what it's called. And you've got it at a convention center and the winner gets a thousand bucks.

It costs a thousand bucks to get to the stupid place. You can't walk to Oregon. from any place but Oregon for under $100,000. That is agonizing. I'm really pissed for Joseph now. So the old man, the seven-time

champion. Seven times. He's won the Tetris championship. Gets beat out by this young kid. Yeah, here's 500 bucks. Thanks. Get out of here. No, thank you. He's lucky to get a coat soda can trophy.

That is agonizing. That's Nintendo's shut down. Seriously, do something. They get no other prizes or anything. I mean, like a thousand bucks plus you get a trip to point of Iarta, something. And thanks for playing. And you get a copy of the home game. They get a new brand new Nintendo Tetris machine or something.

That's embarrassing. A thousand bucks. Joseph Congratulations, bro, but just stop playing the game right now. You should say it right now. Come out. Thanks for congratulating me, but I'm not playing this crappy game anymore. Because they all want to be the champion.

You people are sad. Sad, sad, sad, sad. I mean, that, I've got other stories to do, but I'm so embarrassed on behalf of Nintendo right now. they should do is come out with a press conference and say Nintendo has been very embarrassed because we just found out that this Nintendo World Championship only won $1,000 to the champion. And this seven-time world champion walked away with $500. Okay, well, Tetris, Nintendo was the Tetris machine, though, right?

In the beginning, you're telling me it's not Nintendo, but it was a Nintendo Tetris thing. That was their first championship. It says, we're sorry, don't tell me in my ear about that. said so right in the stupid story. Tetris Nintendo Tetris used since the 1990 Nintendo World Championship Competition, the same version of.

I don't care if it's Tetris and they don't want to be associated. I wouldn't want to be associated with Nintendo anymore either, Tetris. So maybe I'm on your side. Okay, shut them down. A thousand bucks for a championship. ESPN is putting drone races on making more money than that.

You got these people playing a Tetris game, which everyone watches, by the way. And if you could sell it to ESPN, they'd air it and probably did on ESPN 80, only online. It was on Twitch, there you go, who has been huge. Everybody's going to Twitch now. Thank you, YouTube, for dick and everybody. Yeah, you heard me.

Don't look at me like that. And now Nintendo is doing the same thing with Tetris players. And now Tet-No wonder Tetris is moving away from Nintendo. They're embarrassed like me. They had, Twitch had 400,000 people watching. And Twitch, you got to, I mean, how about what do they charge? Right? Twitch doesn't charge anything, but so you're just getting sponsors for the thing.

So you have Tetris and you have Nintendo. Still, though. That's still, that's embarrassing $1,000. Come on. We need to fight for Tetris players all over the world. Really? We need to fight for Tetris players all over. That's embarrassing.

World Championship. Oh, here's a grand. Get out of here. Oh, by the way, here's a trophy. Yeah, we made it out of plywood. Thanks. Get out of here. I can't even do any more stories.

I got Elon Musk stories. I've got, oh, and I got the joke, by the way. Ha, ha, ha. Those of you on Twitter, oh, the largest, oldest living thing is dying. didn't know Jeffie was dying. Ha, ha, ha. Yeah, I got it.

All right. It's a tree of forest in Utah. All right. It's not me. I got Elon Musk building his, talking about his subway test tunnel. I didn't know he was making sandwich tunnels. Ah. I see Subway, that's all you can think of is food.

I mean, am I alone in that? And I do have, I'll leave you with this. I'll leave you with this because I have to leave you with this because it'll make me smile and get me off of being pissed at Nintendo and Tetris for giving dirt to these kids and these humans, adult beings in this contest. A thousand bucks. A thousand bucks? They got people playing championships of Madden football winning more than that.

Nintendo and Tetris. A thousand bucks for the world championship? He should accept it and then spit it back in their face. Thank you so much, Nintendo and Tetris, for giving this to me. I just want you to know that it cost me $3,000 to come here to Oregon to play in this championship. So thanks for nothing to your $1,000. You can go ahead and keep it. Throw it down.

All right. So I read a story posted on the Federalist Papers website. And do you remember Dear Abby and Ann Landers, her sister? And they used to advice columns and newspapers all over America. Remember when we had newspapers? And they had newspaper advice columns, and people would write into Abby or Ann Landers and ask, you know,

hey, my life is all screwed up. What can I do? Can you help me? And they would answer. Printed in the newspaper. That would be their article. And so federal newspapers printed a Dear Abby. Now, it's not real.

I want it to be real. But it's funny. And it makes you realize exactly how, duh, we've been about a situation. Dear Abby. I've been married to my husband since college, but he's a liar and a cheat. He's cheated on me from the beginning, and when I confront him, he denies everything. What's worse?

Everyone knows that he cheats on me. It is so humiliating. Also, since he lost his job 14 years ago, he hasn't even looked for a new one. All he does all day is smoke cigars and cruise around and shoot the bull with his buddies, while I have to work and pay the bills. And since our daughter went away to college, he doesn't even pretend to like me. And even hints that I may be a lesbian.

What should I do? Signed, Clueless. Dear Clueless, for crying out loud, grow up and dump him. Good grief, woman, think about it. You're running for President of the United States. You don't need him anymore. Hashtag Chewing the Fat.

At Jeff B.MRA. At Jeff Fisher Radio. You know,