Chewing the Fat with Jeff Fisher - Ep. 20 | Suspicious Packages Sent, Island Disappeares, & Fart Bag

Episode Date: October 24, 2018

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The Blaze Radio Network On Demand. Welcome to Chewing the Fat with yours truly, Jeff Fisher. I just want to be clear as we begin this podcast today that this broadcast condemns the attempted violent attacks recently made against President Obama, President Clinton, Secretary Clinton, the governor of New York Andrew Cuomo

former Attorney General Eric Holder George Soros the leader of the Democratic Party Debbie Wasserman Schultz who wasn't really attacked but her name was on the package as returned to send her so apparently

she sent them I don't know that John Brennan former CIA operative Democratic Party CNN Democratic operative I mean let's be clear

they're named after the Clintons you know that as well as I do Clinton News Network it's very clear it's been that way from the beginning those of you in the Democratic Party that are disappointed that no bomb was sent to you

you still have an opportunity to tell people that you received a package with a possible explosive device in it because it's the mail. It's coming through the postal service. We don't know. Maybe the postal guy left it in the back of the truck for the day. This is when we need a strong and powerful postmaster general.

That's why I would like to be your postmaster general. General. I'm running for office. I don't want to run over this tragic event, but really I do, because I'm here for you. I don't want to be called, you know, oh, he's just running for office because of the tragedy. No, I've always wanted to be your postmaster general. It does seem, look, clearly, and I make fun of the condemning the attempted violent attacks because everybody has come out before they before we say a word we have to say that we condemn it before we even talk about it so i'll you know i'll play along of course i don't want people blown up of course i don't want people blown up i you got it that should go without saying i love the also we will

uh the people responsible oh this from uh this from uh the wife House Press Secretary Sarah Sanders. Territorizing acts are despicable. Anyone responsible will be held accountable to the fullest extent of the law. Do we... Sarah, I have a question. I'm not Jim Acosta, so you can call on me. Do we usually not put people to the fullest extent of the law?

Just a question. Do we just a little bit of law? A little bit. A little bit of law. Don't you do that again? again, it's usually the fullest extent, right? I mean, it's just the basic statement. It's driving me crazy.

At the time of this recording, obviously, you know, you're listening today, this afternoon. More suspicious packages may have been sent. You'll see footage throughout the night on YouTube and in your social media post of the bomb truck, hauling away the bombs. It was similar to the OJ case. I mean, they're just showing. we're showing live shots of them hauling the bomb away. If you live in New York, if you are not only live,

but if you are in the city today, it is a nightmare. I was thinking that if I was still working in New York City when this happened, all right? At the time I worked in New York City, we were all doing the Glenbeck radio program and then we'd do the Pat and Stu show for GBTV. Right?

So that show would still be on, right? now. All right. So we would be doing that show. That show would be over in less, it'd be over at 2 p.m. Eastern. We did two hours. Oh no, at that time it was only an hour. So we'd be done at one. All right. We were, yeah, the fourth hour, right? So when it was the fourth hour, we'd be done in 20 minutes or, you know, we'd be done at 1 p.m. I would catch the like the 112 train out of Penn station back to my home in Pennsylvania. I would race to Penn Station. You want to be anywhere but inside Manhattan today.

That is a nightmare. When you've got the governor, the mayor, the police commissioner, all the other, the bomb squads, the, you've got feds, Homeland Security, you've got New York police, and they've shut it down. Man, they have got that place locked down. Get out. I mean, right now, if we were to go to a live shot of Penn Station, it would be two and three to a mule in that place, man.

I mean, it packed up. It would look like they're herding cattle onto those trains. You want to get out of the sea. Because those people that have evacuated the buildings, they're not going back. No way. They are hopping on the, they're hopping on the afternoon express, back to Jersey.

They're gone, man. Back to Pennsylvania. We'll catch the 601 Express in the morning back into the city. But right now we are gone. Have a nice day. Wow, you do not want to be in the city now. And if you don't get out, if you decide now, like if you're in the city and it's the afternoon

and all this is a nightmare, the best decision is either go try to get out, hop on the train, you know, go down there and face the crowds at Penn Station. And hop on a train and get out. just be on that crowded train or you make the decision my building's safe I'm staying here I'm not leaving the city today

so you don't even fight it you just stay I mean fascinating anyway so we're going to have for all today and tomorrow this could go on forever

not forever this could go on for a few days packages being sent you've had packages now at the congressional building, we're going to be intercepting packages all over. And I made a little joke, but I'm almost kind of serious

that if you're a Democratic leader and by tomorrow afternoon, you haven't had a package sent to you, you're going to say that you have a package sent to you. So be ready for all of them to say they got packages, whether they did or not. Because whoever sent them was pretty smart. Well, most mad men are.

Or mad women, don't be specific. Don't just leave it to man. I know. But they sent it to leaders, but the return address was another leader. The return address was Debbie Wasserman Schultz. So when it got turned down or the package wasn't delivered, it goes back to another leader.

That was pretty smart. That was pretty smart. You know, assuming that Debbie Washington Schultz didn't send them herself. Because she sent him and she put her return address right on those, baby. That's how smart she is. Of course not. It's just dumb.

But it was, we're going to, it's going to be widespread and it's going to be, it's going to take all the news and all the coverage. And I'm sorry that I'm even talking about it, to be honest with you. I apologize. Thanks for coming along for the ride today. But it's everywhere and it's all you're going to hear about. And you might as well hear it from me and then you don't have to watch it. You don't have to listen to it because that's what's happening.

All right. Suspicious packages are being found. It looks like they're live. We've heard, you've already, you should have already, if you haven't heard the jokes of, it looks like a clock, you're going to hear that. Do you remember clock boy? You remember, oh, that's not a funny joke. And you're going to hear all the jokes, I know. And I'm serious when I tell you that people are going to be, how come I didn't get one in private?

Guaranteed. And when you look at that, the next time, if you're going to be. If you happen to see on your Twitter feed, on your Facebook feed, on your Instagram feed, or your home and, you know, your father-in-law has the news channels on, not saying that ever happens in my life. Your father-in-law just scrolling through the news channels 24-7. And you see, they show the picture of where they found the explosive devices. It's the Democratic leadership. 100%. And amazing that all this news happens.

and it started with CNN. Now, didn't we just do a story where CNN had the Beto O'Rourke Town Hall when nobody watched? I mean, a house show. Flip or flop beat them. But yeah, HGTV beat CNN. I'm not opposed to HGTV.

I watch them all the time, but CNN. Then we get the story. that Nickelodeon, Nickelodeon, all right? More Americans tuned into programming meant for children and young adults than CNN last week. Wow. Wow. Now, I'm not saying that CNN would do anything to create news.

it is just interesting to me that that's going on and now all we're talking about is something that's sent to CNN and then we threw in some Democratic operatives and it certainly takes us away from the caravan, the invasion of America. It takes us away from that. It takes us away from

how much we hate Trump. We can still throw in Trump and hate him, but we want people watching CNN, and we want all the names of the Democratic operatives splashed all over the freaking screen 24 hours a day, seven days a week. Look at that screen. Clinton, Obama, Holder, Cuomo, Soros.

Who else is on the screen? Is there anybody other names on that screen? Oh, wait. Oh, CNN. Just look, I'm just pointing out what's going on. Okay? I'm just pointing out what's going on. I know.

It's a serious, serious thing. And I've already stated that we condemn the attempted violent attacks recently made against all parties and all public figures. These terrorizing acts are despicable and anyone responsible will be held accountable. And you know we're going to hold them accountable to the fullest extent of the law, not the shortest extent, but the fullest. And by the way, just as another side note, I know I've yapped out and long about this, and I'm sorry, but as another side note, it talked about how Eric Holder, the package sent to

Eric Holder was intercepted by the Secret Service. When do ex-attorney generals have Secret Service? Just a question. So, just asking a question. We've got a lot more, we've got a lot more to get to. I know I'm yapped about this stupid bomb thing. I can't get enough of it because it really is just overwhelming. But look, there's plenty more news.

There's plenty more things for you and I to talk about. There's plenty more things that I look at and go, ooh, that is not really good. And look, and we got good news. Congratulations to the one winner of the mega millions, $1.6 billion. One winner that wasn't, me. Congratulations to the one person or family or business in South Carolina. And I hope,

I really do, I don't mean this, I hope, whoever wins it will obviously say they needed it. But I hope that it was someone who had a lot taken away from them with the last couple of storms. And really, this will really help rebuild their lives and their family. and help a lot of other people. And really, congratulations. I hope that, you know, I hope you do a lot of good with it. On a side note,

I mean, it wasn't me. So, more of the show coming up. It's all Trump's fault. It's all President Donald J. Trump's fault. Remember that. Okay? You thought I was going to continue to talk about the packages, didn't you? No, but you can mark my words.

It'll be his fault. just like Bruce Michael Alexander of Tampa, Florida, went in front of a federal court in Albuquerque, New Mexico. They charged Alexander. He was on a flight traveling on Southwest Airlines from Houston, Texas to Albuquerque, when he decided that he was going to grope the females sitting in front of him. You know, the reach around. And according to him, President Trump said it was okay. President Trump said it was okay to grab women by their private parts.

All Trump's fault. 25% of students, researchers at Arizona State University. A quarter of the students found the 2016 election of Donald Trump so traumatic, so traumatic. They now report symptoms of PTSD. It's horrific. Donald Trump's inauguration had some stress scores on par with that of school shooting witnesses seven-month follow-ups. Those people who answered yes to any of the above questions to give them PTSD for an inauguration

of a president should be sent home immediately. The university should refund their money. And maybe not. Maybe they just take the money and say, go home. We can't teach you anything. It's a sad and pathetic individual that your parents raised. Go back to them. But remember, it's all Trump's fault.

Lead researcher, Melissa Hagan, an assistant professor of psychology at San Francisco State University, believes the divisive tone about race, identity, and what makes a valuable American really heightened stress of a lot of people. did it. And who started that? Oh, I know. It was Donald Trump. He started all that.

Because no matter what he says, it's racist. It's divisive. That's it. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter what he says. You turn it in. It gets turned into, not you.

I apologize to you. I don't mean you. Silly. It gets. turned around into being a racist statement. And you look at it and you go, no, that's not what he said. And mark my words. I'm sorry.

I just mark my words on this. And I won't go any deeper. I want to. And I won't because I don't want to make this podcast about that. It's already been enough of the packages. And I could go on the packages the rest of the show. And I won't, though. But mark my words.

That it is going to get, and you can quote me on this, really ugly over this caravan business. It's going to get really ugly. Because there's only one way to stop it if they make it to our border. You saw what they did at Mexico attempting to try to stop them at the bridge. They overwhelmed it. And now they're sending in different caravans. That's a nice way to say another wave of people. Those caravans can do whatever they want to do, but if we stop this caravan, that will stop them.

If this caravan turns around or stops or we put an end to it somehow, the other waves will stop. And that's what has to happen. And it's going to get ugly. Be ready for it. It's going to get ugly. Because something bad is going to happen. something bad is going to happen and it's not the United States fault

despite what many of our leaders say it's not our fault we get to protect our borders we get to protect our country and I just looked I look up at the screen and we're showing the Clintons place up in New York beautiful big game Aided fence,

Fence, big white fence all the way around the property. Huh. Huh. So I guess a wall works. Right? They just don't want anybody. Heck, they don't want anybody just walking up to their house,

letting them in. And I know that argument's been made a thousand times, and it doesn't matter. But just be prepared for it. Okay? And I'll, I'll change course here. All right.

We'll go to the water cooler. We'll get a drink. change course a little bit and I'll get off of this so that you can relax and drive home. You don't have to turn down Spotify. You can relax. We'll get

the show back. I promise. Let's go to the water. All right. Man, I was thirsty. Tell you that. Oh, man. And there seriously is nothing better than a cold cold zero. I don't care. You can tell me that there is, but there is. Maybe a cold bottle of water from time

to time, but I don't know that that compares with cold Coke zero. So we're hanging out in the break room. And just remember, this is something I read yesterday that I found fascinating from a Twitter account at what the F facts that you can follow if you want. I don't care. I mean, I follow them just because sometimes they point out things like this. Pulp Fiction, Forrest Gump, the Lion King, Shawshank Redemption, and Jurassic Park were all in theaters at the same time in October 1994.

Now, I don't know that to be true. I'm guessing that what the F-Fax has done their homework and made that so. But think of that. Every one of those movies are huge, right? Pulp Fiction, Forrest Gump, The Lion King, Shawshank Redemption, and Jurassic Park, all in theaters same time in October of 1994. Impressive. I know that Chris Cruz is now busy looking at his computer going,

I'm going to find that if that's true, I'm going to show the fat man wrong. He doesn't know what he's talking about. What the effects need to work for me. I'm waiting for it. You'll hear it in my ear. When you hear, when you hear, that's Chris Cruz in my ear telling me that was wrong. Okay? So while he's doing that, I will tell you that this could be my last broadcast today

because the Powerball is tonight. You're not sure I didn't win the mega. because that was meant for somebody in South Carolina and they were supposed to get the billion. And I got it. It's okay. I'm willing to let them have the $1.6 billion. Look, the powerball is $620 million. That's still enough to change your life.

And you get the cash payout of $354.3 million. That's not bad. And I heard Glenn and Stu on the radio show today talking a little bit about taking the annuities. And I read another article. Maybe we talked about this too, about how the investments, it's because of the interest rates and how money is more expensive.

That's why the cash payouts are less. So like the same, the winner of the January 2016 Powerball that was almost the $1.6 billion or one and a half billion, the cash payout to him was like 9.84 or something like that. and the cash payout to this guy in South Carolina is like 903. And that's the difference in what the money is worth. The money is worth less. So the argument that they're making is that you take the annulments, the 20 years or the 30 years or how many of you're supposed to,

whether or so to break it out, and you end up with more money by doing it that way. Because the other argument is take the cash payout and you're able to make more money than you would have had had you taken the yearly pay. I don't know. I think you just do what feels right. to me, I take the cash pay out.

I don't trust that 20 years from now. I just feel like in 10 years, I'll be waiting on that $30 million check that's supposed to come in the mail. And you get the... Hello? You know, it says lottery department. Oh, yeah, come on in.

You got my check? Oh, you know, we're here to just let you know that I know you're expecting your payment of $32.9 million. The lottery is broke, and we're not going to be paying anyone, and you can stick whatever you got up your rear end. Okay, thank you.

Good day. And you're going to be up to Creek. So you take the money when you can, and you set up all the trust funds, get all your ducks in a row. Why does it have to be ducks? Why do you love animals so much? You get all your ducks in a row and take care of it.

And that would be just me. So 620 million, good luck. And speaking of animals, I saw this story about an island in Hawaii being called a real environmental tragedy. Scientists discovered an island no longer exists after a hurricane wiped it out. An island in the Pacific Ocean appears to have all but disappeared after being ravaged by Hurricane Wallaca. Hurricane Wallaca. I didn't name it. I thought those were typhoons over there anyway, but I guess whatever, you know, whatever.

So what I love about this story, not that the island is gone. No one wants an island gone. I mean, it's just a little piece of dirt. All islands are dirt, Jeff. I know. But this was just a little piece of dirt. It was like 11 miles. What was it?

11 miles or something. 11 acre. It wasn't even miles, 11 acres. 11 acres and about 6 feet. feet high. They're concerned because it had some animals living on it. Now, I'm guessing I could be wrong. I'm not an environmentalist. I mean, I like to say, I'm a meteorologist. I don't have an actual American meteorological degree, but I'm still a meteorologist. And I'm just saying that I'm not an environmentalist.

So I could be off by an animal or two. But if you're on a piece of dirt and a hurricane comes and makes it go away, do you go all hell? I guess we're dead. Or do you swim to another piece of dirt? Animals swim to another piece of dirt. That's what they do. So it's okay.

It's okay. And there'll be another island pop up. And maybe. Just maybe that mythical island of trash will show up. And the baby seals could just live on the island of trash. Maybe. Let's go to the fat pile. You know, something is wrong in America.

There's got, there's, something is terribly wrong in America. I don't know what it is. I haven't quite put my finger on it. But when 2.5 million pounds of tequitos get recalled, because of salmonella and listeria contamination, something is wrong with America. We are going to hell. We're messing with the tequito process of America.

Be careful if you're one of the tequito eaters of the world. I was just, I won't go into my tequito purchase. I was just looking at the giant boxes of tequitos. Because for a while we were hooked on those. and then it goes back and forth my kids either get hooked on the tequitos or they get hooked on the hot pockets so they're all right there in that same general vicinity

so it was the hot pockets this last time because it's easy, quick pop up with that bad boy in a microwave good man hot pockets ham and cheese pepperoni and cheese whatever the heck they are and the tequitos are usually sometimes

you know what happens is you go to a place like like Sam's Club, for example. Let's say you walk through Sam's, and they're giving away free samples of tequitos. That's when you realize, oh, you know, we haven't had tequitos in a while. Let's buy the box that has 8,000 tequitos in it. And then what happens is that they get recalled.

The recall affects the brand go-go tequitos. Sold at 7-Eleven stores. It stems from the diced onions used in the tequitos. Oh, no. Ruiz food was notified that these onions, onions were being recalled by their supplier due to Listeria and salmonella concerns, the food safety and inspection service F-S-I-S-S. So be careful.

If you've got, if you were part of the 7-Eleven tequito eating process, you could be ill. You could be ill. I mean, if you've had diarrhea, abdominal cramps, fever within 12 to 72 hours. You're either pregnant or you ate tukitos. One or the other. So good luck.

Speaking of being pregnant. So I get handed this story today. This is a great story. A pregnant wife performs CPR on her husband suffering cardiac arrest and then gives birth. How great is that? It's so cool. The wife saved the husband. And then she gave birth.

What a strong woman and amazing. And I'm thinking, the guy, the guy tried to get out of that marriage, did not want the kid, did not want to be the wife. He gave himself a heart attack to end it. And she brought him back. She brought him back. How is that wrong with me to think that way? Because that's all I could think of was, he can't get out now. He's there forever.

And of course, I mean, he's going to say thank you and what a beautiful thing. And my kid is so beautiful. I'm going to spend all my life with it. But really, he knows. He knows. Couldn't get out. She brought him back. She brought him back from death.

He couldn't get out of that marriage. That's tough living right there. Louisiana. Calling Louisiana. Calling Louisiana. The Shreve Memorial Library has. waived a fee to the man who returned a book more than 80 years later. Now, the reason I call Louisiana is because there's a problem.

They waived a fee of $3 late fee. It's been eight years, I mean over 80 years. There's no way if they're charging late fees of only $3 for 80 years, there's a problem. that can't be right. That cannot be right. It had to be, the fee had to be three grand or something. This story has to be a mint print. A misprint.

It has to be. There's no way. There's no way. This guy says when she was, or this lady, okay, 1934, the man's mother checked out Spoon River Anthology. And who doesn't love Spoon River Anthology? And no wonder I could never find it at the Shreve Memorial Library because this lady had it for 80 freaking years.

It was poems from Edgar Lee Masters. The book is a collection of poems. written first-person narratives by the dead residents of the fictional town of Spoon River, reflecting on their lives and deaths. It's just darn right good. I know it's a little creepy, but it's just darn right good. The man was cleaning his parents' home when he found the book and decided, you know, I should probably return this to the library.

And that's what my mother would have wanted. Was it? She's the one that kept it for 80 freaking years. So she, he takes it back. The bindings a little loose, and it's a first edition. So the library said it's been decommissioned. I mean, you should have just kept it. And 80 years.

So the account wouldn't even exist anymore. We purged our accounts in 1934. So, but it's still a late fee, right? For three bucks, according to the story, was the late fee? I don't buy it. I don't believe it. The book is worth more than that. They had to have charged him a lot of them.

I don't mind them waving the fee. Of course they're going to waive the fee. Anybody that brings something back from that long ago, it makes it a better news story if you waive the fee and you show the book and you say, sorry, I didn't mean to keep it, or I forgot I had it. Or, you know, my mom wanted to put it in her coffin. Then she had to be dug up.

So we found the book in the coffin. We wanted to return it. Whatever, something like that. But only three bucks for a late fee. Louisiana, you are slipping. It's slipping big time. Now, this particular story is good news for all people. They're trying to make it like it's a big deal for men,

but this is a good deal for all people, all right? Genes designed, and you know me, I am fashion. So I hope that they also, the genes that I'm seeing in the pictures are pictures that are the actual genes. because if they're not, then we need to rethink this a little bit. But these are the flageal genes. Genes are made so that when you flashulate, when you flage late,

you know, when air comes out of your butt and it smells, you flagealate. That's a word, right? My word. Is it really a word? I'm smarter than I think. So you're doing, Flatislade? So they have built a line in the back of these genes that's activated with charcoal.

And that's, you know, great absorbing odors and gases like they put in filters and purifiers. So that when you, when gas inevitably comes out of your rear end, It doesn't smell. What's that? Why are you so angry I won't say fart? Oh, I didn't want to. Why are you so angry? I mean, I look across and Chris is just screaming at me.

Fart, fart, fart, fart, I know. The whole point, everybody, everybody's, the people on Spotify right now are going, yeah, we know, we didn't want him to say it. But, of course, he made me say it. So, so much for that now. Thank you. Nice day. so when you're all right here you know so when you fart

you know hopefully only a few people have the rose smelling farts and those that do won't want to wear these jeans but the others will the flagellence jeans you know the fart jeans you know my good friend Ted Webb developed he was the personal developer of the fart bag I have a fart bag in my office it's it's here in the building my fart bag, I'll be right back. Yes, Jeffrey left to get that stupid bag.

We've added the space between I'll be right back and now. I can't be expected. I shouldn't have walked so fast. All right, so Dead Webb developed this thing called the fart bag. We used to go out, and he would be in elevators and walk around stairs, and he'd be, and he'd be, I got, called the fart bag. And he sold it for, I don't know how much money he got, less than he should have. And then they started making them.

And you put it in your palm of your hand with your fingers. And you got to lick up and lick the palm of your hand and get the degree just right. It's called the fart bag. And we'd be in elevators and Ted would be in the elevator. I haven't done this in a long time. It's been sitting in my office. You've got to get this thing working just right. And Ted would, I mean, get the really good.

And people would start looking around and Ted's looking around too. You know, like, what's going? Everybody's looking around and who's farting. And, you know, obviously we were all wearing flage jeans, so it wasn't smelling. Gosh darn it. Well, we're not leaving until I get a good one. We're not going to leave it. We're not leaving today until I get a good fart bag.

Gosh, darn it. So anyway, making me mad now. I want a good one. Oh, that's not bad. Oh, don't tell me this isn't a fart. It's two. Yeah, this is it. We're not leaving until I get a good, good fart bag, fart bag, fart. See, but now, it's just back here. If I hold the mic way down, I'm going to have my hand down instead of up. If you're standing in a crowd of people, you've got to keep your hands down to your side. Keep your hands down to your side And you're just kind of looking around It's kind of

What was that? You gotta get it. I don't even know if they make these things anymore. You can probably get them in Toys R Us. Oh. Oh, that was it. Excuse me. Come on.

One more. I brought this to work So my kids would stop playing with it. My wife was getting mad Because we were all playing with the fart bag. Yes, that's what the fishers do. We watch educational programming, read a book,

Bill of Rights. Nope, we're playing with a fart bag. Oh, excuse me. All right, one more. Let's just get warmed up now. I'm getting my palm warmed up now. All right. All right.

Have a good day. Have a good day. I'm sorry. And good luck. You can buy the Shreddy's products are lined with the activated charcoal to, you know, help you with the flatulence issues that you may have with your jeans. And they last about three years.

Oh. Ted's was made with duct tape. His was handmade. This is one of those ones that you have to purchase from the store. He never made me a handheld one. I guess he wasn't that good of a friend. I thought Ted and I were friends. Now this makes me think about our relationship

because he gave me one of these. I mean, I purchased one of these. And he had the original with the duct tape. Never mind. Have a good night. Fart back.