Chewing the Fat with Jeff Fisher - Ep 222 | The Royal Slap, Top 10 Emojis, & Funeral Prank

Episode Date: October 14, 2019

It's Monday and the show is a little too long, but don't worry Jeffy is bringing you some of the best news like... The Royal Slap that Sir Elton Hercules John witness between The Queen of England and her nephew. Do you use EMOJIS? Well did your top one make the list. Million dollar idea for funeral homes and YOU! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

And now, a Blaze Media podcast. Does that mean it's time to go? Hi, happy Monday. It's off for a couple days, so, yeah, one thing leaves you another. You forget what's going on. You forget how things work. What you're supposed to do is not put a piece of gum in your mouth before you start,

just so you know. So I'm going to take it out now because otherwise I'm going to be a fan of chewing it. Plus, this is, it's not fat, though. I'm still, I am chewing, but it is not fat. It's, it's nicotine. It's not chew. I'm not chew chewing. It's just chewing piece of nicotine gum.

I know, but I haven't had a cigarette. Don't look at me like that. You realize today, if you're listening live, is the 14th of October, 2019. I haven't had a cigarette for over 10 months. 10 months and 15, 16 days, 17 days, something like that. So, get off me. All right, seriously, where do we start? Do we start with, we know?

Yes. But what about, no. We now know the 10 most popular emoji for the first time ever. Is it really the first time ever? The Unicode Consortium. has released the most popularly used emoji for the first time ever. Okay. For this list, Unicode said its rankings were based on median frequency across multiple sources.

What are those multiple sources? Are they just Apple? Or is Android involved as well? I'd like to know that, but they don't sell me that. They do with a picture. Characters that come with varying skin tones and genders were counted together. And newer emoji didn't rank highly since they take time to roll out to every platform. All right, let's take a look at the top emojis.

Number coming on, do you start at the bottom or number one? Start number five. The other five don't matter. Okay. One, two, three, four, five. Number five. coming in at number five the praying hands

the praying hands Apple said it was the high five of course they did those are not praying hands of course they did just because they say it doesn't make it so those are praying hands

you can't tell me any different that's like telling me Pluto's not a planet it is okay coming in at number four number four the smiley face and not just the this is I they might say that this is

the original smiley face but it's just a smiley face with the upside down eyes it's not the straight eyes so I guess that's the regular smiley face for all the platforms now that's number four number three is the

smiley face that's is it laughing or mean smiley face with the hands holding the mouth wide open with the teeth and the eyes are no cross what is that for what does that stand for i'm asking show me again show me turn the paper around turn the paper around there's no hands on that there is too those are tears that's the l-l-l-l face oh yeah okay if you say so if you say so whatever i believe you Number two

Why is that so funny? Where do you see hands? That's what they, I guess that looks like hands hold his mouth. Tell me it doesn't. It doesn't. Yes, it does. It does. Yeah, you can't.

Yes, it does. This is what happens when Android users don't know what iOS emojis are. Even my wife is going on an idiot. Number two. She does that every day anyway. It doesn't matter. Number two. I don't know, a circle face with hearts for eyes.

I use that a lot. Do you? No. It keeps a wife happy. You don't use the pair of hands holding the mouth open like Joker? No. No. What is that supposed to mean again?

L-O-L. Oh, yeah. Number one. The number one emoji used according to the Unicode Consortium. the heart. Yeah, everybody uses the heart. Yeah,

everybody uses the heart. They like it. They love you, they like it, it's easy. It's all over social media. When you like on Twitter, you're doing a heart.

When you like on Facebook, you're doing a heart. So. The rest of them, you're right, it doesn't matter. Everybody, those are just,

I mean, you might as well just, you're digging into the, the top 10, the number 10 is the flag. So it's the top left to you. Oh, yeah. Yeah, it is.

It doesn't have any percentages on it, but I guess it's zero because it's tied at the bottom. People are using it. Well, if it's zero, then they're all the rest of the, every damn emoji is tied with that. Can they be in negatives? They have never been used. I guess that would be considered. That is a negative. Yeah.

They've never been used. I can tell you a couple of them never been used. Which ones? All the flags. No, the country's, somebody in that country's used it. Do you never have an iPhone? Now, maybe nobody's ever used it. This could be Android, too.

You told me. You let me lead me to believe that this was Android as well. That's not Android. That's not a lot of believe this is Android as well. I did not let you believe at anything. Yes, you did. Look at the emojis. The emojis are iOS emojis.

Well, these are, it's ridiculous then. Nobody cares. Android is the number one used. Unicode is a standard. Android is the number one phone used around the world. You know, if you read that story, Unicor says they are the standard. So if they release a list of the standard, most use emojis. And obviously it's dumb because the iOS is a standard.

Nobody uses the smiley face clown face where he's got the hands holding his mouth open. I feel like you're just still in Joker World and making those connections. Number one movie again, second week in a row. I know. It's doing so good. I'm going to go see it again this weekend. I want to see it again. I want to see it again.

I do want to see it again. I'm not going to have time either because we're moving now. Like we talked, you miss something the first time. On the second time, you know what's coming so you focus on another thing. in the movie. Well, I'll be clear. I know I didn't miss anything. Oh, you missed something. You miss something. No, I didn't. Watch it again and come back. I know that I didn't. I watched the movie. And you miss something. Something in the background you missed. No, I did. I watched the movie, so I didn't miss anything. If I want to go again, I'm going again to, you know, watch it again,

everything again. Do that scene again that you laughed and nobody else laughed? Yes. That is a tremendous scene. I'd like to just watch that scene again. On replay? Oh my gosh. I can't wait until I own a copy of this movie for that. Oh, me too.

Yeah. Absolutely. I can't wait. I want to warn you about something now, and it's very important. And this is for our female listeners. Okay. Now, this is also, there's a warning inside this story for our male listeners as well. but it's headlines specifically for women.

Okay, so I just want to tell you that this is a warning for you. I'm going to break it to eat. This is chewing the fat, PSA. Okay. This is from medical professionals, of which I like to portray on the air, but I've not. Because of this story, this is from medical professionals. They're warning women not to use toothpaste to tighten. their vaginas.

Don't look at me. That's what doctors are warning. Now that says to me that women are using it, thinking it's going to tighten their hoo-haz. It's like the jaded egg all over again. So. Was this published in Goop?

We are dumb. Because we all know Goop also did the little thing about their jaded eggs. Yeah. Now apparently this got started because men, women, trying to glob onto what men are doing. Okay.

Man, and some YouTube video, of course, said that they could use toothpaste to last longer. The good old YouTube. To last longer. So. Well, if you want to last longer,

all you have to go to Romans.com, they have some stuff for you to last longer. And it's not toothpaste. It's not creased. No, it's not toothpaste. Weird. You sure? I'm sure.

You sure? I'm sure. What about the whitening? No, the strips, winding strips? No, no. Not even super glue. So do not try to put super glue. That's just dumb.

But we're talking about toothpaste now. No, no toothpaste. No jaded eggs. I mean, there are plenty of exercises that women can do. The kegles, yeah. Kegles, but yes. I don't know. I don't know if kegles will work.

Kegles will work. Keggles will work. There's also, I saw. I better not. talk about that. Never mind. You saw what? I saw some.

I saw some equipment that females could use to strengthen those muscles. Now, the doctor in this story just says, you know, do it yourself. And it's, you know, the equipment I saw had little weights on it. Just don't use toothpaste, okay? If at any time of your life that you think toothpaste is going to help. you either your man part or your woman part other than

your teeth. I was going to say if it's good enough to clean my teeth it should do something else, Jeffie. Yes, it will. I feel like... It will create some sort of some sort of irritation on your skin. So it does something.

It does do something. But not what people were thinking that it could do. Correct. But where would you get something? Like I could I could get glue. It's not glue. Stop talking about glue. I know, I know.

But I could get the logic of I'm going to use glue to do that. You can? What? Why? Because it's glue. You putting things back together and you're, you know, it makes sense to me. It makes sense. I got to say, I believe that it makes sense to you, but it does not make sense.

That is completely stupid. So what would you, why would you think, did you watch out like a piece of something? and then you put some toothpaste on it. Oh, look like it, tightening it up. It will work down there too. Really? See, I would think that it would work better if you just put it on the man part

and then with man part could help the female part with the toothpaste. What about Bengay? Does it say anything about Bengay? You do not want to do that. Or I see hot. You do not want to do that, my friend.

No, seriously, you do not. I've seen that happen before. you do not want to do that wow I could tell you no I'm not going to tell you that story but just you do not want to put

Bent Gay or Icy Hot on any carna person part other than a joint legs chest bicep tricep neck wrist someplace that's far away

from the midsection of your body far away from the midsection and far away from your face you do not want to put Bengay or icy hot on those face entire midsection of your body no do not do that and don't use toothpaste to tighten your thing it's just dumb completely dumb

and for sure don't use glue if you're from some kind of island and think that makes sense. I bet you if you ask a couple of Puerto Ricans are like, oh yeah, I can see that. You know what? I believe that's true. So when my first wife

was telling me about her day's working night shift in the hospital as a registered nurse, she talked a lot about going in and when she would first get there, she would go in and she would see all her patients and she would make sure that they all had their nighttime meds

and you get them cleaned up and you get them taken care of right when you first get there for the night shift so that then you're good. Everybody's medicated up, everybody's cleaned up, got their stuff ready to go, so you can deal with any kind of mid-level or high-level emergencies, but for the little stuff, people are already taken care of and they're good to go.

Well, a nurse in New Jersey has now filed a lawsuit against the Monmouth Medical Center after she says she was punished for reporting that other nurses at the facility were giving patients Benadryl to help them sleep. Now, she said she reported the practice to her boss, and that's what she became the victim of a retaliation campaign, against her. As the boss told her, why don't you just shut your face and go back to your little desk. But that didn't happen.

She said that staff members were administering the drugs to patients to help lighten the workload for the night shift nurses. Now, if you know anything about hospitals, especially these days, the workload is a lot more than it used to be because they've cut way back on nurses.

And in fact, that's why you have so many LPNs working and only a few RNs, because the RN oversee what those nurses are doing anyway, inside hospital. But so there are, you know, more patients to see per nurse. Now, so they come in and they would get the Benadryl and they would give them to the patients so the patients would sleep. Now, she said that she saw that the drugs were missing, and it's Benadryl. Now, she saw that Benadryl was missing from the machine that dispenses,

and tracks all the medications and couldn't find a report to explain where the drugs went. The nurse says, she alleges, the nurses failed to list the drugs on the patient's charts, which could have had fatal consequences. I'd be interested to see what kind of fatal consequences it could have had. If the patient could take Benadryl.

And I'm sure that the boss was like, it's a good way to keep the patient sleeping, just leave it alone. Don't worry, we'll look the other way. except this nurse was having none of it. Now, she said as soon as she reported it, she became a subject of an immediate retaliatory campaign in an effort to force her to quit or justify her firing. Okay.

She was provided a bogus evaluation. She was subjected to increased scrutiny. You mean like what you did to the other nurses? and the hospital's like we're in the middle of a lawsuit we can't comment on that but of course we're fully committed to providing a safe environment for our patients, visitors, and staff

all right, thank you whenever you're a mouthpiece for the hospital just remember to have this on speed dial and on your phone so you just have to put it up to your ear and then you just regurgitate it back we are fully committed to providing a safe environment for our patients, visitors, and staff

at all times that's all you have to do I mean so just watch out when you go to the hospital man when you have people that you know in the hospital you never know never know what could be going on

behind the scenes those nasty nurses could be giving your relative Benadryl to sleep how dare her and I know now I'm going to hear

and Benadry could cause it the reactions to other medicines they're taking. I got it. I got it. I know. But you may need a lot of Benadryl because I don't know if you know this or not. Many of you probably already do because you

probably haven't slept in a couple of days because Fortnite is all gone. Oh no. It's completely gone. Now it finished up on Sunday with an end event.

Explosives. Oh my gosh. Don't. This is what's happening at Fortnite right now. Now there's 61,000 of you witnessing. Nothing. Space. Wow.

Just amazing. Just amazing. So it completely blew up. It caused destruction of the island and the game. itself. Just gone.

You can watch the video of the ending of, you know, it's pretty much everywhere. But people are really wound up. And do you realize that think of this now,

there were 4.2 million people tuning in. That's it. It's 4.4.2 million. Oh wait. No, there was more because that wasn't

just Twitch. There were people watching on YouTube. there were people watching on mixer. So the global audience, over 7 million, over 7 million. So amazing.

And as it went away, just went away into a black hole, sucked everything in to the end event. But now, those of you watching, you know, you could play Space Invader, or not Space Invaders,

what's a stupid yeah the Gallagher game what the heck is the name of the stupid game that you can play it's not Space Invaders right the Galaga it doesn't seem like it was Space Invaders but you know maybe it was maybe that's what we used to call it so you know the game

you're trying to kill those spaceships coming at you coming down zipping around at you so to get there you know if you're playing on a mouse and a keyboard you're watching the Fortnite black hole

now all you have to do if you're watching this you're on a keyboard you have to on your PC all you have to do is enter the up arrow up arrow down arrow

down arrow what left arrow right arrow left arrow right arrow and then start enter have you ever played a game And then you can play. Because right now, every gamer out there right now is cursing you.

I'm just telling you what the direction to stay in the story. It's up down, up down, up down, left, right, left, right, left, right. Start enter. Yes. You don't say left arrow. I'm just saying what this. People don't know when you say left, it's up, up, down, left, right. What if you're playing on PlayStation 4?

Up arrow, up arrow, up, down arrow, down arrow. Left right. Left arrow, right arrow. Left arrow, right arrow. OX. And then press the options button. Which is the pause button. I'm just saying, they're explaining it right here in the story.

Yeah, but you're not doing it right. You say up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right. All right, so on switch, what is it the same thing on switch to? Yeah, it's the same thing. It's like... Up arrow, up arrow. No, no, up up. Down arrow, down arrow.

Left arrow, right arrow. Left arrow, right arrow. Left arrow, right arrow. A, B, then hit the plus button. Which is the start. On switch. Start. Then it's the plus button.

The start button. Yeah. But what if you go on Xbox, it's something different though. By the way, I've been trying all this on this computer. It's not working. Really? Yeah. Oh, maybe you need to up, up, down, down, left right, left right, B.A.

I've been doing all that. Oh, okay. Maybe you just tried it to do the up, arrow, up arrow, down, arrow down there. It's probably because I'm in Periscope. but I'm not in the console. Oh, yeah. So it doesn't work in Periscope. Come on, Fortnite.

What are you doing? You know me. I am fashion. I mean, clearly, I am fashion. And, more importantly, I really, I appreciate shoes. I like shoes. A fan of shoes.

Woman's shoe. No. No. That's not true. I appreciate shoes. I do I'm a shoe lover if I could have a million shoes

to choose from to where I would a lot of them but you only have two feet I know what we do with a million I know and do you have a lifespan left to wear a million shoes that's not the point

the point is having them to choose from that is really weird that's a weird dream to have there's more part to you but I guess I have the lifespan And do you?

Yes. Okay. Wow. Thanks for the uplifting talk, though. You're welcome. Wow. So now we have the Jesus shoes. The Jesus shoes.

Now they're made with actual holy water. Uh-oh. So that means they were blessed. by someone and they have Jesus on the cross hanging from the shoelaces the center of the shoes wow so how much how we're talking about here does like 300 bucks it's kind of cool other night keys because I kind of like it I think there are nikes that's correct they are yeah so like what 400 bucks they have a little scripture insignia on the side as well I mean they Look, what's description?

It looked cool. It's a Matthew what? It says a MT. MT. The numbers after that. Okay. One four. Every Christian at those.

Column 25. I know there. So not only you've been able to upset the gamer community, the Christian community that listen to you are saying Matthew 1425. I know. I'm sorry. It's just thinking it. Okay. I got it.

Was it 1425? Yes. And who doesn't know Matthew 1425? I mean, I could get into the entire scripture if you'd like. Shortly before dawn, Jesus went out with them walking on the lake.

But the disciples saw him walking on the lake. They were terrified. It's a ghost, they said, and cried out in fear. But Jesus immediately said to them, take courage. It is I. Don't be afraid.

Wait, how long is that? Lord, if it's you, Peter replied, tell me to come to you on the water. Come, he said. The she only says 1425. It doesn't say 1425. I'm giving you the whole math. Yeah, but here's the thing. The whole what?

The whole Matthew thing. No, no, no, no. I, no, no, I, no, please. It was enough with a 14. I'm preaching. Whoa. No. I'm preaching.

No. So I'm giving you the whole Matthew thing. It's okay. If you go from Matthew 25, all the way to the entire context. Wow, you can't. I mean, if you just go with 25,

you lose context, even on a tennis shoe. The tennis shoes. Even on a Nike, not if you explain the tennis shoes and just leave it, you know, surely before Don Jesus went out to them walking on the lake.

You don't get the full contact. You do. You do. Just keep on describing the shoe and you will get full context by just that one verse, which is why, He said, okay, fine.

Go ahead and put Matthew 1425 on the shoe. When they climbed out of the boat, the wind died down. Then those who were in the boat worshipped him, saying, truly, you are the son of God. So you got the Jesus shoes from Nike. The Jesus shoes from Nike. Okay, so what are you going to pay for the Jesus shoes? I say 500. You got the holy water in the soul.

There's a place where they have the holy water. So you're walking on holy water. You're walking on water. And the believer was blessed by a priest in Israel from the Jordan River. It does seem a little sacrilegious. It does seem to. But we're not talking about sacrilegious right now. We're talking about how much.

Plus, it's just from a priest? Yeah, I remember saying it was a priest. Yeah. It was a, the guy who invented his shoes has a friend in Israel. And that friend took it to a priest and sent them. Got a blessed? Got the water blessed? Yes, got the water blessed.

they inject the water on the sole of the shoe. And the water is a little bit, it has a little bit of coloring on it. Yeah, yeah, so you can see the difference, yeah. And I hope it was blessed with the coloring of it. Wait, the coloring takes out of the blessing? Yes. Oh, I didn't know that.

You're doctorate what was blessed. So you have to get a re-blessed. Yes. I feel like it would be much easier just to get one priest. You do all the shoes, get one priest. Holy cow, I've got to see if it says it. Go ahead, go ahead. Get one priest and then just bless over all the shoes.

Yeah. Right? I think that would be much simpler. Because if my blessing is gone because they put some food coloring. I would say my argument would be the blessing has gone if they doctored the holy water with coloring. After he blessed it. Yeah. Because he didn't bless it with the coloring.

Then the price needs to go down from whatever you're going to say. Yeah. Because like I said, I'm paying, if it's blessed is Jordan River water from Israel. I have a friend in Israel and was blessed by a priest. Was your friend blessed by the priest or was the water blessed by a priest? The holy water. MSCHF injected into Air Max 97 bubble souls came from the Jordan River. I have a friend in Israel, Greenberg says, and was blessed by a priest.

So. See, the more I say now, because I brought you this story, I'm highly upset because I was all in to bind those shit. but the more we talk about it, I'm not bonded shoes. We were wondering what would a collab with Jesus Christ look like? Okay. I don't know. Why don't you ask the head of China? He'll tell you.

Yeah, no kidding. Wait, are the shoes made in China? They're Nikes. So they're made in China? They're Nikes. Well, ain't that something right now. So you still want a pair? I do.

Just to see. say I have a pair of Jesus shoes. Yeah. Because the website looks awesome. I think it's like Jesus. Jesus. Are they sold out? Oh, 24 hours sold out.

Amazing. Of course. Of course they are. Of course they are. Now look, you can look for them probably on eBay. Yeah, just like the,

get Jesus shoes on eBay. Betsy Ross shoes. Yeah. Right. Now, if you think you're going to go to eBay and a thousand bucks. Pick a pair up for a grand. A thousand bucks.

because, you know, eBay, they jack up the prizes. Well, everyone's going to make a profit. Yeah. It's America. It's capitalism. Yeah. I bought them for 500. I bought them for, okay, 500.

I had double my money. Yeah. And you got a pair of Jesus shoes. Yes. We're good to go, right? So there are a thousand bucks? I mean, they're 500. If you were to buy a pair.

From the website. From the website. Uh-huh. Is it Jesushoes.com or? Jesus. Is it really? It couldn't even get Jesus shoes. They had to put the dot in.

That's a lot. That's because I don't know, maybe Jesus owns Jesus shoes. And as soon as you go into the site, right, you go to Jesus, that shoes, walk on water. Wow. And it's only $3,000. Yes, you two can own a pair. You two can walk on water just less Jesus did from the Jordan River, blessed by a priest, Holy Water and the cross with Jesus hanging from it,

his death scene on the top of your shoes for only $3,000. Congratulations. Made for five cents from the Chinese people and shipped direct to you. By the way, this scripture on the website is what you read 1422 to 33. So. Huh. Ha! I'm sorry.

Huh Huh I just want to apologize I'm sorry Huh Huh Okay this story broke Over the last few days

And it's one of those stories Where you go Man it's about time KFC Made a life-changing announcement They now will have wings Yes Yes

Thank you I know I know You think to yourself, what? Did they have wink? No. No, they did not. And, you know, they're trying to,

they're trying to get, the chicken wars, man, the chicken sandwich wars. So KFC laid down the law. They've got the new $5 bucket plans. I don't know if you've seen the colonel giving you those ads. And they've got the new, the chicken nugget things or the chicken bites with the macaroni and cheese.

That actually looks really good. And then you can get the extra large, Potatoes and gravy. Oh, man, that gravy is so good. I mean, I believe I could swim in KFC gravy. And eat it at the same time, so you swim and eat, swimming. Oh, my gosh. I am such a fan.

But do you have the gravy be like the chocolate fan, like, you know, Willy Wonka's chocolate, like it's hot and it's like a river? All right, fine. So where's the mashed potatoes? Because you've got to have the mashed potatoes somewhere. I don't care. So it's at the floor. Whatever, it's fine.

Just you have to go. all the way down and then I like this. I know. I know. Now, I would be, now they've taken a lot of the heartburn medicine off the shelves these days because of some human carcinogen issue, big deal. But be sure to have heartburn medicine ready to go

if you're swimming in a vat of gravy, man. Oh, man, I could, let's just pause for a moment and think about swimming, vat of gravy, man. some gravy, shall we? Relax. Take it easy. Here's some more potatoes. Go easy.

The gravy on the right side is really hot. Gravy on the left side is just warm. All the potatoes are steven up. Just like you. Man, Dr. Noe for my 600-pound life, we'd put an end to that quick. I am so jealous of, and it's tough to be jealous of a dead person, but I think I am. I think I am.

All right. The funeral for Irish Defense Force veteran, Shea Bradley. He died on October 8th. Very sad. You know, he's a good man. Everybody loved him. Huge family. And wife, three kids.

and, you know, a lot of friends, a lot of, a lot of co-workers, you know, veterans that were with him, served with him. And so, you know, it was a sad day at his funeral. However, he did something that I now think is a billion-dollar idea. And if it's not, there's a problem. And obviously didn't happen here in the U.S., but we should, since we're the evil capitalist pigs, we should absolutely capitalize on it. So they're bury and Shay. They've already said their words

and they're at the cemetery site and they've lowered the coffin into the grave site. Okay? And then this happens. Hello? Hello? Okay.

Pause this for a second. The voice you hear is Shay. Bradley. Wait, what? He's not dead? And Shay Bradley. They've got, he's got some kind of a recording of him with the speaker down in the, in the coffin,

hollering up at the people looking down into the gravesite. Tremendous. Now, I will say, I'm a little disappointed that nobody jumped in. Nobody jumped in thinking that it could possibly be true. But, okay, go ahead. We'll finish it off. Heavy out. Hello.

Hello. Fantastic. I'm happy up the fucking easy shit. I know. I thought that please I can hear. That's funny. You should have known they were going to be here all over.

Hello. Hello. Hello. I guess if you're I guess if you're. Right. Oh, yeah. I guess if you're making this joke, you're not worried about words you can and can't say.

You're just like, uh, hey, dude. You're dead. Who gets a crap? And the priest's face is fascinating. Apparently the priest doesn't appreciate the humor. He's not a happy camp. No, I want to be a kid. You're going to hear that.

Hello. Hello. Call to say Goodbye So, I know And say Hello

Dad and Hello So apparently He was a big prankster All his life And this was something That you know The family

Would appreciate And really Remember Their friend Their co-worker Their, you know Their dad Their husband

This is how they You know They would Remember him And so he Wanted to To pull this off at the funeral

I think it's a great idea. Now, is everyone going to appreciate it? No. But we need to start doing this. We need to start equipping coffins with speakers and a recording device. Messages. Messages for your loved ones. Yes.

And in fact, you could actually do that on the gravestone, right? Push, pull up. Hey, yep, still dead. Appreciate you coming, though. if you could dust off the headstone a little bit it's going a little dusty that'd be great thank you appreciate it how's your mom doing I heard some noise rumbling next to me so she must

already died oh that wouldn't go over good that's a bad joke never mind um you could do a whole bit that's a million dollar idea have we heard from back from I thought we were trying to get a hold of the people that were taking grafting the tattoos off of loved ones to save them so you would remember them with their tattoos. And so we're, I'm going to talk to them,

but this is an idea they could use. So we need to talk to them and get them on the line and, you know, try to make them a little bit more money. That's what we do here. We try to make people more money. Can we make more money? That's just silly now. Wait, what?

That's just silly. I can not be silly. I want to make money. You want to make more money. You got to give things back. We, just say it. Why are you looking at me like that? I believe that I don't know what, yes, this show gives a lot back.

I agree. And how much more do we need to give? I don't know. I give and I give and I give. And right now, am I getting things back? They should be subscribing. That's how they give us back. Yes.

You know what? That's a good idea. In fact, I may have something I want you to try. We'll talk to you. We'll talk to you tomorrow about that. But I want to set this up. First of all, subscribe. Absolutely please.

Subscribe to Chewing the Fat with, you know, with yours truly, Jeff Fisher. We have to search all that? It's available. Any platform that you get your podcast from. So when I'm on the platform that I like, I go chewing the fat with George Truly, Jeff Fisher. No, you don't have to use yours, truly. Just chewing the fat. If you type in Chewing the Fat, odds are the picture of me on a steak is coming up.

No, it is. It's number one. And next is a cooking show. Yeah. So we are number one, yes. Okay. So, but the whole thing is chewing the fat with Jeff Fisher. Not yours truly.

No, there is no yours truly. I'm not O.J. Simpson. Wait, OJ Simpson plays you though. He does. That's your thing. But he. That OJ. Simpson thing. It's a Jeffie Simpson thing.

I know it is. I know it is. I know it is. I know. But he cracks me up the way he uses it. So it's okay. I, you know what? I'm allowing O.

to get away with it. Because he's OJ, man. He's the Jews. Because he never says his name. Never. Hey, Twitter world. Yours truly. Fantastic.

Anyway, subscribe to chewing the fat. Wherever you get podcast, sold, free of charge, wherever you get your podcasts. And for those of you that went to the new shop. That the blaze.com,

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There's going to be some more promising stuff coming to the site from chewing the fat. But you had all weekend. if you were following on social media at Jeffrey JFR at Jeff Fisher Radio on Instagram and Facebook you knew that you had up until Sunday last night

1159-59 to get your extra 10% off so now you're going to have to pay full price look it's not my fault you didn't take advantage of it if you did thank you I appreciate it it was smart of you real smart of you

because I hate to break it to you but the holidays are right around the corner oh my gosh that's right oh my gosh why did I say that out loud why did I say that out loud now I'm in the middle of moving into a new house oh

and I'll tell you the struggles of that soon as well and it's not over download and subscribe to more content at the blaze.com Our little dessert section here on chewing the fat today. We didn't get to, we haven't talked about the Fort Worth police officer who shot the woman inside her home over the weekend.

Just a horrifying story. And we're going to get a big press conference from the Fort Worth police today. So we'll see what that says. and we'll get into it a little bit more. But for those of you around the country, if you haven't heard, there's, we just, it's going to be another, it's a white police officer who killed,

who shot a black lady insider home. A neighbor called for a welfare check because it was 2.30 in the morning and the door to the house was open. And so the police come to make sure for this welfare check and they search around the house and then they see,

this lady inside the house and the police officer shoots her. It's absolutely horrifying. I mean, I really, it is, it is absolutely horrifying and I don't understand what the police officer was thinking. So we'll get into that tomorrow for sure. Just amazingly sad. And I hope that the, I hope some good can come out

of this. I don't know what it is yet. We also have we've got to go to the Queen. We've got to go to the United Kingdom. I mean, you know we're fans here on the show. So I see the headline that the liberal Brits want to oust the Queen Bull.

Boo! Off with their heads. That's exactly what's going to happen. Now the reason this has got to be, look, if you didn't see the queen. Today. Going over to the House of Commons, it is absolutely amazing. It's amazing in about two or three different ways. And first, it's amazing because she pulls out everything.

All the Royal stops. The only thing missing to me. I mean, she leaves Windsor in the gold carriage with the horses and the streets are closed and she's got the military up in front of her and she's behind is the court she's got she's got charlie with her in the carriage and horse face again we've spared no expense on sound effects for this show tell you that so let's just take two so she's got charlie with her and horse face in the carriage and why you put a horse inside the carriage when she's supposed to be pulling the carriage i don't know

But, so they end up, they're going to the House of Commons. And I mean, she is. She looks great. Queened out. She looks great. Queened out. Crown. Crown, that's not a crown.

The cave. I mean, she's good. That's not a cape either. She, I've never seen the queen so. Royaled. Royaled. Royaled out, man. The crown is inside the House of Parliament.

The staff is inside. And I mean, the stick. Not her staff. But her staff is there too. It's amazing. And then her little, oh, I've never seen it. And everything's gold-plated. So, oh, yeah.

I mean, please. So, I mean, there's. And everybody's with wigs, by the way. We don't want, we don't want the queen to, you know, drive. Oh, take the five-minute drive. Oh, no, no, no. And, you know, walk in and show up. And, you know, say a few words and leave.

That's not going to happen. She makes a point. It was an hour? She makes a huge. From start to finish, Jeffrey. So from the time she leaves Windsor, to the time she comes back to Windsor, an hour and 10 minutes.

Now, you can see as the pomp and circumstance inside the House of Commons is taking place. Now, I don't remember this ever being done before. Now, obviously it has because there's protocols for it. This happens every year, though? Yeah, because this means that this is the Queen's Speech and State Opening of the Parliament. Okay.

she shows up with Charlie and horse face every year I don't know if horse face you know is there every year and I didn't know they allowed horse face at the parliament thank you well you know the queen could do what she wants that is true it is her house queen wants a horse give the what the queen wants the queen gets so uh and you know she brings Charlie along

because he's the next king he has to learn hmm right Charlie you have to learn Hmm. Can I, can I, can I, can I bring the wife?

Hmm. Okay. Okay. She says to the left. You keep her over there and keep her quiet. I don't want to hear any. I hear that. We're putting her down.

That's, so she shows up and for the, over an hour, over an hour is the Papa Sturgis man. She shows up. She's got her gold-plated carriage. She's got Charlie. You got Charlie and horse face.

No. You have to start calling her Camilla Parker Bowles here for a second. You're going to forget one of these days and Camilla's going to be right in front of you and you're going to call a horse face. Sorry. I'm sorry. You know, you've looked at yourself. Seriously.

Do you keep mirrors out of your house? I think not. You know. The best part of all this. Charlie, you've heard the room. You know. The best part of all this is I thought. the queen goes to the parliament.

No, the parliament comes to her inside the house. So while she sits and enters, she sends a runner to go get the speakers. Yeah, they come in. So she shows up and she gives them

this is her speech this year. Black, Road! This is your do, people. I love it, though. Because you can see everybody say, This hasn't been done for a while now.

There was one guy standing off to the side. He's got kind of a smile on his face like you. He has a smile. Yeah, like get out of my house. Mr. Speaker, the queen commands this honorable house. Commands. Yeah, whatever. To attend her majesty immediately. Now.

All right, so we're going to get to the speech or what? On the 31st of October. My queen, to secure... My government's priority has always been to secure the United Kingdom's departure from the European Union

on the 31st of October. My government intends to work towards a new partnership with the European Union based on free trade and friendly cooperation. My ministers will work to implement new regimes

for fisheries, agriculture and trade seizing the opportunity. that arise from leaving the European Union. Yeah. You go, man. An immigration bill, ending free movement, will lay the foundation for a fair, modern and global immigration system.

Would they kick me out? My government remains committed to ensuring that resident European citizens who have built their lives in and contributed so much to the United Kingdom have the right to remain. The bill will include measures that reinforce measures that reinforce this commitment.

Thank you. My lords and members of the House of Commons, other measures will be laid before you. I pray that the blessing of Almighty God may rest upon your counsels. Otherwise, my sword will rest upon your neck. I'm out. Thank you, Queenie! Go, hey, Charlie, help her down a little bit, will you?

Help her down my chair, I'll go. Which, by the way, she looks fast and she has a beautiful necklace. Yeah, but that cape, she's wearing my necklace. That cape held by four little boys. It weighs about 800 pounds, man. You know how many foxes is it? How many foxes, Jeffie? 18th.

Yeah. Yeah. Okay, so she goes over and said, I mean, they come to her. And she says, we're doing the Brexit thing. Okay, that's what the people want it. October 31st. If I'm not in charge, if I've lost my powers, if I can't do, and I'm still just this figurehead, then we do what the people say.

Let the people decide. Now the only thing missing from this carriage ride from Windsor to the commons is people throwing bread or coin, gold coins, out to the people along the side of the road. I mean, they are road up. The streets are closed. She's trampled down. Not just, she should be, loads of bread should be thrown out to the people, man, which would have been tremendous. It would have been so good. She's going home.

Yeah, we're out. Have a nice day. I'm done. I like to look. I showed up. I gave you my minutes, I told you what we're doing. May God be on your shoulders

or my knife will, my sword will, and I'm out. I have a nice day. Charlie, let's go. Right, I bring a horse to. You sit next to me. God Lord, she's got a sister. By the way, in the carriage is queen

and next to it is Camille. And then the sun is right across from her. Look. If you're the queen, do you want to look at her across from you or do you just want her sitting next to you so you can look at Charlie and just kind of look at Charlie

and shake your head like, my God, I have failed. I have failed. There's more rolling news out there. Do you have the other one? Because that's the one I care about more. What are you talking about? In this show, we talk a lot about two people.

No, I know. I'm getting to it. Okay, okay. My God, man. I just that story made me it's like that story is Jeff Fisher and Chris Cruz married together I know I love it I love the story we're gonna

we're gonna do this because I will first but first a word for sponsors the queen will be traveling down Kings row today giving out loaves of bread and every fourth loaf will be a gold coin if you're lucky enough to get a gold coin bless your souls I love the fact

that I'm telling man. Megan has just come in and been a whirlwind to this family man. She is torn it apart. Because now the story is that Kate Middleton,

the Duchess of Cambridge, abruptly fired one of her most loyal aid. She's pregnant. She's pregnant. I think so too. Last week we talked about rumors of her being pregnant. That is, forget about a a birth stick, you know, like a pregnancy test.

That right there shows me that she's pregnant and she's cleaning house. Agreed. Because we all know that. Oh. Why do we know, Jeffrey? When Kate is pregnant, what happens to the future king? Billy's out taking care of business. Oh, so he's talking.

So he's talking to people. He's talking to people, all right. You know, the commoners are okay and, you know. He's talking to people all right. Now, Sophie is kind of a homely Kate, actually. So, and she's been around for a while, the one that they fired, but she got married. Oh. She got married and they, you know, hey, congratulations.

You know, good luck, God bless, but. You're fired. Get out. Now, I'm sure, read between the lines. She got married. She goes off on honeymoon and Billy's like, man, you know, what's Sophie? What happened to Sophie? I miss Sophie.

You're pregnant? Where's Sophie? Where's Sophie? and Kate could not take it. If I hear Sophie one more freaking time, I'm throwing this crown at you. She's fired. The reading between the lines means that...

That's not reading between the lines. Okay, it means that... I've come up with an entire story. The future king was having an affair with this lady. Yes. And then now that Katie's pregnant, she knows that the future king likes to have some extra murder. Right.

You know, fun, fun. I mean, the ones that are closest keep them away, right? So... He goes next door. Yeah, he goes to the neighbors, the farmer's starter. Hello. Oh, yeah, this is William. Oh, hey, handsome.

Yeah. I thought I'd stop. I haven't seen you since last year. I thought I'd stop by. Is Kate pregnant? Yes, she is, so shut up. Let me in. But they're claiming that this was part of the split-up between Megan and Harry and William and Kate with the foundation.

Right. And this lady, Sophie, was a big part of that. And so since they split it up, that makes sense. That makes sense. That makes sense. It does make sense. Gives him a good excuse to fire the aid because the future kid was having an affair with her. Yeah, it does make sense.

Yeah, it makes sense. She's also become the second prominent female aide to have left. Oh, wait a minute. Because Middleton's former private secretary. She was supposed to let go? A couple years ago. I mean, I'm sorry, let go. She was to let go after she got married.

So maybe. I'm seeing a pattern here, Jeff Fisher. So maybe William is like, if you get married, get out. Or you get married. She wants to be faithful to her husband, but he still wants to do some business. Yeah, so get out. Get out. If you want a job, you're still hanging out with me.

I can't. I'm married now. Without the job, you have a nice day. And I want you to move that out of the castle grounds to. Completely. You don't work here anymore. You're not going to work here. You no longer have a house in the ground.

So go with the commoners, go with the tourists. I mean, Harry and Megan started this. I mean, they're blaming it out. You know, they're the ones that want to split up the foundation. That's a good call from Kate. Made some look evil. I know. That's a good call from Kate.

It does. And she's trying to hide the affair, too. Correct. Correct. And we heard that Kate and Harry, I mean, Megan and Harry want to move to Canada now. Oh, that's a smart move. because Africa's hot. Because it's not coming,

it's not coming to America, right? It's not staying in the United States. Coming to the United States looks bad. It looks horrible for the crown. Yes. It looks horrible. Canada still part, you know, still. The Queen owns that, right?

Still bends in need of the Queen. You know, still has that. And Justin Trudeauzee so he can kiss their butts. Right. And they love a whole. I mean, Harry will run the country before Justin. They'll kiss their butts with whole transgender and gender flu and the climate change. They can zip to high.

Hollywood, they could zip to New York, they could zip to Hollywood, they can zip to New York, they can zip all over, they can hang out. They're in Canada though. They would, I don't know, take the carriage into New York City. Or maybe, I don't know, fly into the private jet. He'll already say he's not flying anymore because all the climate people came after him after flying with the Elton John's jet. That was the private.

Yeah, that was the private. He's not allowed to do that anymore. So, you know, he'll drive. Yeah, he'll get the horse in the carriage. He'll have the car that has, you know, the 100 horsepower. Well, he has 100. Yes. Yes.

He's got cars with 100 horsepowers. Man, think of that. 100 camillas. I'll take a long time for me to press the button 100 horsepower. Yeah, don't do that. I don't even want to hear that. So then we also have a story about the Queen with Elton John. That's Sir Elton John to you.

Yeah, I apologize. We know Elton's got his new. book out. Zero out. One of these days I'll have the full song in there. So we can only hope. And he's got his new book out. Me.

Of course that's the name of the book, me. Such a diva. He's old, thank you. Such an old queen. Anyway. He has a no queen. He and the queen get along because they're both old queens. and so in the book he talks about being at a party

all right with the queen and he's at this party they're just hanging out come on thinking about your life is made you're hanging out with the queen of England now we don't know the exact time of this party now he was crowned in 1998

as sir, I'm sorry, knighted, knighted. He's the old queen, so he was actually crowned. But he was knighted. I don't know why they didn't queen him. Queen did it, disnighted him, yeah. So they knighted him in 98, all right?

So, but he had some other stupid award. The commander, he was, I mean, the queen has loved him for years, right? He's a, sir, he's Elton John. And so he's, and, which has not been announced yet, but he is the godparent. Absolutely. To Archie.

I believe that. If he saw this event happen in front of the queen, he's definitely. I believe that he's the god-parent of Archie. Because seeing this event right in front of you and the queen did. You're on the inside. You are literally, and the queen is relaxed enough to do that. Right. Right. Gotcha.

I know. He's definitely. Agreed. Yes, he is. And when you ask yourself, what do you mean? What happened? Well, they're at this party and Queen Elizabeth asks her nephew, Viscount Lindley. Who names their good Viscount?

A royal dust. I mean, I can see discount, but not Viscount. Definitely. And now, Lord, discount. No, discount. I didn't name myself. And so the queen, they're at this party. you know, the gathering.

And the queen asks Viscount to go watch over his sister, Lady Sarah Armstrong Jones. Now, she's only a year younger than Viscount. Okay, so I guess it doesn't really matter because she's, however old she is, she's not feeling well. All right. And the queen is concerned about her. Absolutely.

That's a good aunt. So, and the aunt is the queen. She makes that. they're at this gathering and Viscount sister Lady Sarah doesn't feel well and has to go lay down and has to get away from the party

so Queen Elizabeth says Yo Vissy And I quote you on that? Yes Okay Yes El doesn't say this in the book

I'm just reading between the lines He says the queen said Yo Vissy You just standing around doing nothing like usual why don't you go take a make sure your sister's okay and stay with her she had to leave she's sick and uh vissy is like she's fine no i'm hanging out here doing nothing why do i got to go do nothing with her i'm uh no i'm a lord send one of the dew people around or something why do i have

to go check out clap and bring someone out here right thank you where's the where's the footman go send some do person the lady Right. Yeah. I'm here at the part. I'm her brother. I'm her older brother. What I got to go?

She serves me. I don't serve her. Right. Yeah. I mean, I'm Vissy. Yeah. What do I got to go? How does that go with the queen?

The queen was not happy. Okay. So now, all this time, Elton's hanging out. Not far away. Sipping champagne, smoking a cigarette. Cigar. Cigar. Hey.

The queen. The queen of the queen does not smoke cigars. He has a quick cigarette. He doesn't smoke. Oh, the lady cigarettes. Yes. Yes. You're right.

Yeah. With the holders. Yes. Yes. And he's back on the corner of sipping champagne and, and smoke. I got another one because this is real quick. It just disappeared.

They know I'm a night, right? And so he's just hanging out there by the champagne fountain. Nobody else around. And the queen's like Vissy. Go take care of your sister. isn't feeling well. Go make sure she's okay. Stay with her. And Vissy's like, uh, how about, uh, no? Dun, dun, dun. So the queen is not having any of it. The queen is like, no. And she says, okay, so don't forget, Elton's off on the corner. The queen isn't like, Vissy, I'm the queen.

No, the queen is old school Queen is grandma right there I demand that you go take it You go see my niece nephew Go make sure she's okay The queen Looks at Vissy And says don't

Slaps them across the face Argue With me I am The Queen Think about it Adios Come on. Who thinks that Queen Elizabeth is slapping people in the face like that?

I do. She's definitely. She's old school. She's 90-something years old. I mean, this story should make Megan a little nervous. Absolutely. Go ahead. Tell me something that you don't like, Maggie. Because I am the queen. Got it? Okay.

I wasn't going to get the last one in, but I figured I would, okay, after. that got it. Now the whole time, don't forget Ellen's there. Now this is how cool Elton is with the family and the queen, because this is taking place with him there. And this is, the queen feels so comfortable with Elton being in the room that she literally was being, it's another day behind the scenes. Yes. It's just Elton John

is just like he's my brother. So she takes a deep breath as she watches Visi run off to take care of his sister. I guarantee you that. Oh, definitely. And, She looks around and there's Elton, you know, smoking a cigarette drinking champagne, looking at the queen like, I would have gone and checked on her if you wanted. I don't know what you're, you know, I'm fine. And she just wigs at Elton and walks away.

Now, this is on his book. It's on his book, me. Yeah. Do you believe this story? Don't bring me down. Don't bring me. You're darn, there's no, there's no way it's not possible that Elton John would lie in a book about a story like this. I won't hear of it. I won't. I won't hear of it.