Chewing the Fat with Jeff Fisher - Ep 252 | Tinder MILF or Cougar?, Jeffy's Age, & Chuck E. Cheese Gets a Facelift

Episode Date: November 19, 2019

Get your lashes check because you might have some lice or maybe wash your face. Kris Cruz is getting a emotional support animal? Jeffy goes down the list of his disabilities to make sure he needs that emotional support animal. Internet dating has no age limit and today we find that out when a mother is getting more booty than her sons. Cindy's mom (Joy) is a subscriber and she got a S/O from Jeffy, but he gets offended because Cindy mentioned her age.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

And now, a Blaze Media podcast. Your eyes burn. They itch. They water. They're red. Your vision can fluctuate and become blurry. Those sound like dry eye symptoms. But no.

It's actually a living creature lurking in your lashes. I would say, get your eyes checked. because they're about half the size of a grain of salt and you have to be able to find them only in an exam. Now some people have other little things like crabs and all kinds of stuff, but this is lice. So if you're having, if you have fake eyelashes, wash, clean.

Don't just leave them on your eyes. don't just take them off and throw them in your little petri dish on your sink wash them because otherwise yeah little lice crawling around in your eyes are you winking at me baby no no you just got something in your eye oh okay eyelash lice everybody has all little things growing around on

Like if you bring your eyelashes down in front of your eyes, if you just bring them down like, if you're laying in bed someday, you wake up and the sun is just coming through the windows and you just kind of close your eyes, just enough to have the eyelashes hanging in front of your eyes. You can kind of see the little nasty, little thing is crawling around.

You can't do anything about that. That's just human. That's just human nasty. But you got to, I haven't done it in a long time because after you do it a couple times, it's like you don't want to do it anymore because you can see the, you're going to close them just right. It's the middle of day. They're gone now.

I feel like that's just your eyes. What's that? I feel like that's just your eyes. No. Why would it just, that's a human thing? No, because when I wake up and I do that, I don't see a little crowd things from my imagination. You've never done it like that. you've never done it

how I've explained to you. You don't close them tight. You want to bring them down just so the eyelashes just over so they're meeting and you just still have a little vision and you can see the eyelash. Yeah, I've done that

and I have nothing crawling and I came from an island. You haven't done it. You haven't done it. I guarantee you you've got stuff crawling around. Everyone does. Look at you. So anyway, we've talked

We've talked a lot about internet dating apps on this program. We're fans of some, not so much fans of the other. We have a CTF dating app that we're trying to start. It's not really an app, just the phone line. But, you know, the app will be there soon. But just use the phone line. Wait, what? There's going to be an app?

Yeah. Who's working on that? We've got people. Oh, we do? Okay. Because I'm not working on that. Before, I know. Okay.

Just one making sure that this is not something that once you ask me, Hey, Chris, how's the app coming? I just put it on the record that I've not working on the app. Let's put it on the record that if they need help, I'll let you know. Okay, thank you. We'll put that on record. Until then, 214, 7359356, the CTF hotline, okay, powered by Patriot Mobile, aka the CTF dating app, okay?

A.k.a. If you just wanted some advice, we could give you some advice. It is the advice line. Do we have people? We have people. People are standing by. Well, I thought you knew about that new feature. We talked about it.

I know we did. Where are the people that I need to give advice to? So far, no one. We haven't made the announcement. We did. No, we did that. We did not say, hey, call us if you want advice. Yes, we did.

I do not remember this. You've lost the phone again. You've lost the phone again. That's what has happened. How did you know? I freaking knew it. I knew it. That's what I'm going to have to call.

Nobody called. I don't know what you're talking about. How do you know? How do you know? Oh my gosh. How did you know? Seriously, how did you know? Because.

Did I tell you? No, but I just know. Yeah, I did lose it. I just know. There's no way that we haven't had a call. The last time I sent you voicemails, that was the last time I saw the phone. There's no way. I got to look at, we look at my email.

That was a long, long time ago. I want to say like two weeks ago. Holy cow. Because even the guy, remember the guy that went to Chick-fil-A and we told him that he need to send us a picture? Yeah. He sent us a picture and I was going to read his text. But then I don't, I don't remember.

He went with your order by the way. That much I remember. Yeah, it was almost two weeks ago. Yeah, two weeks ago. 12 days. Yeah, two weeks ago, that's six and six. Seven days in a week, but go ahead. Wait, what?

Yeah. There's seven days in a week? Even for your island people. There's still seven days of the week. That's all I'm saying. So, I mean, we can't call it because it's dead. Doesn't matter. If somebody is dead, everybody's calling it, they're just leaving voicemail.

I love iPhones, but there's no way iPhone lasts in two weeks. So if you've been looking for a date for the last week, man, there's a reason. It's not because nobody wants to go on with you. No, the servers are backed up. The servers are backed up. Oh, okay. No, no, no, no. The servers are backed up.

Yeah, that's what. Yeah, servers are backed up. Yeah, that's what you said. Yeah. I'll have the watch check the couch. That's where I found the last time between the cushion. Do you feel like maybe it might be somewhere else? No, I feel like it could be in between the...

Do you have it? Like, wait, do you have the phone? No, I do not. Oh, okay, okay. Man, do I wish I did. I know. I wish I had it in my back pocket just waiting for you to ask for it. That would be good.

You have no idea how I wanted to help. But I knew just the way you were... That's a message. I don't know what you're talking about. Right. I did for my iPad. So you can call the iPad. Same phone number.

Dude, don't you... What is your deal? What? I told you, I got brain issues, dude. And you're supposed to talk about it a long time ago. Oh, my gosh. When I gave you that letter. Seriously.

That letter that is. Are you seriously going to blame that on your brain issues? Yeah, absolutely. I'm going to blame the brain issues. So-called brain issues. Yes. Did you know, oh, I forgot to tell you this. Oh, no.

This is going to be good. Go ahead. Did you know that I'm going to get a therapy dog now? Emotional support animal? Because my emotions are too. You have a freaking dog. Yeah, but this one is supposed to... You know a dog that lays around your house.

That's all he does. That's all he does. There's no way. You got robbed on that dog. Oh, yeah. Well, no, I didn't pay for the dog. You got robbed on that dog. I didn't pay for the dog. I don't care what you paid for it.

You got robbed. I don't know how much you paid for it, but you got robbed. As a veteran in Fort Worth, if you adopt a dog as a veteran, they give it for free. Again, I don't know what you paid for it, but you got robbed. That doesn't do anything. They said this. was a puppy, there's no way that dog's a puppy. That dog is 100 years old.

He just turned three like in August. According to them. According to, yes. I'll give you that. Yes, I'll give you that. Whatever you paid for that dog, I don't know. I paid zero dollars. Whatever it was.

And they said, oh yeah, he's two or one. He was two when we got him, yeah. But really? That was a lie. Right? There's no way. There's no way a dog just lays there all day long. Not a two-year-old.

Right? No. I don't care what dog you have. So he's probably going to die like next year. Yes. Right? Oh my gosh. we had a little one-year-old dog die.

No, he was 100. Okay, don't worry about it. We just had to get rid of him. But yeah, I got an email two days ago that my application for my emotional support animal went through. Do you get to choose what kind of emotional support animal you want? I got to go to a two-week training in New York City. So the dog picks me. I don't pick the dog.

This is going to be a fantastic 2020, Jeffrey. I'm just giving you a... I'm just giving you a look into 2020. you're going to have so much material for 2020. Me in New York City, pick it up. Are we able to film any of this? You'll be able to film this, yes. I already asked them that.

Because I figured, I was not going to tell you into the processing was a little bit more closer. Just in case it fell through. But in 2020, I'll be going to New York to go through this 14 days. We're not paying for that here. You're not getting paid on the job for that and then going and getting a free dog. It's a medical issue. So I'm taking PTOs. So you cannot deny me because I'm a handicapped person.

I can't deny you. I'll tell you that. You told me, Jeff Fisher, two years ago, you told me, Chris, I need you to use everything that is wrong with you. Go ahead and use them. Oh, no, Jeff, I don't like, you know, I don't like to talk about me being disabled. I don't like to use them disabled. I don't like to use them disabled. No, Chris, seriously, you have to use all that.

I don't recall that. You don't recall that? Which I did. Which you did. Really? You wish you did. This is your fault. You told me to go get me a blue placard for the handicapped spot.

It sounds like something I might say. It sounds like I would say you got to milk the system and take them what they're on. So we can talk about it. So we could talk about it. It sounds like something I could say, although I don't recall it. And I've gone through the whole process of going through my doctor so that we have content to talk about. Are these your stupid letters? Probably.

I think they're, yeah. You took pictures. Oh, no, that's my, that's my, that's my, that's my letter from South Africa, that I'm going to be a millionaire. Hold on, we'll move on from that one. Did you? Yeah, oh, man. Okay.

Wow, look at you, millionaire and still working on radio. Well, I'm here for you. Evaluation of bilateral. Yes. Yeah. That's my feet issue. Do we have, say we know my condition. That's my feet.

I got to print these out again. we have assigned a 50% evaluation to your PTSD with MDD based on okay here we go impaired impulse control I have that I'm not going down a list for you to check off this is what's the paper that they sent for you that you asked and you requested unprovoked irritability with periods of violence oh you need a dog bro I know. Disturbances of motivation and mood.

Difficulty in establishing and maintaining effective work and social relationships. See, what? Not really. How many friends do I have? Not really. One died. And you're the other one. And I'm close.

And you're close to die. And you almost died. Don't say, I can't joke about that stuff around my wife. But she gets so mad. Is your wife a run here? No. She may listen from time to time, man. We'll make sure to bleep it out.

I made it just off the side note. I made a joke the other day. It didn't go over well. Can you say the joke? Did not go over well. Can you say the joke? Chronic sleep impairment. No, I forget what it was.

Oh, man. So you might have the thing I have. Did you forget the joke because of that? Yes. Okay. Yes. Anxiety. Suspiciousness.

Come on, Jeffrey. You've seen me. I get really. like depressed mood you know it's a occupational and social impairment due to mild or transient systems which decreased work efficiency no kidding an ability to perform occupational tasks only during periods of significant stress the higher evidentiary records show that the severity of your disability most closely approximates the criteria for a 50%

disability so 50% of you is fine yeah but you have to add the other that you're whining the other 30% that that list talks about that's the higher evaluation of 70% is not warranted you go whining and why I got to be 70 no 50 we'll give you 50 that's all you're getting you had you had some sort of explosion go off in the same country that you were in actually so 50% From like me to behind you, that's where the explosion has. Somewhere in the same. That's like I said, somewhere in the same. You're right in the same country, but it was much closer than you think it is.

Because when you say same country, it's like, I don't know, a bomb went off in New York City. I can't help what people think. And I'm in Texas. But. I can't help what people think. When you say that, this is obvious, it's when I'm sitting right here and the bomb went off right behind you. There's plenty more on this list. But so you're getting an animal.

I am. and you have to... I want a monkey. You have to go... I do. A monkey. You're not getting a monkey. I know.

This is their dogs. Stupid monkey. It's a dog. Didn't you use to deal with dogs anyway? I do. Yeah. So why haven't you trained your stupid dog? Oh yeah.

He's trained. Is he? Yeah, he is. Seriously, come to the house and I show you all his tricks. Because the trick of him laying on the floor. Oh, he mastered that one. That's a good trick. Sometimes I feel like that's not a trick.

Sometimes I feel like he's plain dead. Yeah. I feel like that's plain dead. that's not, I feel like that's like a good dog. Stay. And he does. The effort does contact me say if I want to adopt one of their dogs because they're running down the room.

So I might, I might just do that. Go to San Antonio. Pick a dog so I don't have to go to New York City. Just do that. That's what I want to do. That's honestly what I told them. I was like, I could go to San Antonio and grab one of those dogs. Those dogs know me.

Like, I have to go to, and I don't have to go 14 days. They just go for a week. weekend and come back. So those dogs know you? Oh, they know me. They remember me from they remember you. Yeah, from 2014. Right. They know me. Half of them have PTSD already. Because we're helping each other out. That's what I don't think that's not the way it's supposed to work, right? Yeah, he's 50 disabled. I'm 50 disabled. The part of the same disabled took 100% good. Perfect. Can we get to the mother and the son who were all wound up?

Because I started out talking about Tinder dates and app dates. So I read this story where my mother and father divorced. And now mom is getting Tinder dates at my home. Oh, yeah. My mom discovered Tinder. she's in her early 50s and still attractive apparently happy with my city's dating pool because she goes on dates with men

three nights a week mom is taking care of business taking care of business oh my gosh I mean mom is swiping right to everybody whatever comes in the net I'm getting

right I've been married I was married to your father for all these years and he was a douche. And I'm ready to explore my mother. Yeah, I love you. I love you. I love you. You and your brother, I love.

Yeah. I would change the truth. Absolutely. But your father and I just, we just didn't, we didn't gel. I need to experience more of my body. And he was, you know, working and always out. And then I find out he was screwing around on me. Well, I was home taking care of you.

Whoa. That's a good turn. It was 30 years. and I've just been here and taking care of you and taking care of him and I get nothing. And now I couldn't take it anymore.

So that's why we got divorced, okay? And I went to live with your brother and he was all fed up and he's a tight wad just like your dad which I can't take. So I'm here living with you right now until I get my own place. And if I want to start bringing home Tinder dates

three or four nights a week and down in the basement taking care of business, I will. Okay? Okay, mom. Good luck. Don't talk back to me. I know you're an adult now and you can do what you want and I'm living in the basement of your house, but...

No, I'm just going to tell you that the top drawer, that's where I keep all my condoms. This one should be safe. Well, thank you. Thank you. But I have my own. I have my own. They call me mom. By the way, isn't she a, can I say the word?

Oh, yeah. Is she a milf? She has to be, right? Yeah, if she's swiping and she's getting lucky. you three times a week, she has to be a milk. Oh, yeah. Right? Yeah, and she's got kids. She's already got kids. Now, most people think of Milf says between 30 and 50, I would say.

Yeah, no, that's what I'm saying. But he's saying she was early 50s, so she's just over the barrier. Yeah, she just hit. She's probably taking good care of herself, waiting for her husband to come home and hubby never came home. He just couldn't take it. So could we call her a cougar? Oh.

Is she in Cougar territory? Or could we call her a Tinder? Oh, we can't call her that. No, we can't call her that. That's what I was trying to like keep it in. No, but that's what you said. No, I did not. No, no.

I was trying to see what category she belongs. Melford Cougar. And he just went off left field and threw it out the park. I'm just saying, what would you do? What would you do if Bob turned to do Tinder dating service. I'll be upset. Would you?

Why? Because she's getting more business than I am. Like she's knocking them down. If you bring mom in, according to the story, she was at brother's house, one son's house, and, you know, then she came to this son's house

because I'm sure the first son was, he reminds me of your father. I just can't take it, okay? So just let me live in your basement. I just can't. I just can't. And he keeps asking me, don't I want a relationship with your dad still? And I'm like, no, all right?

Your father was a bastard. And I'm sick of it and stop asking me about it. Those days are behind me now. I'm taking care of myself. I'm going to the gym. I've got Snapchat and Tinder and I want some business. I need to go 50 years without it. Well, that's 30.

30. But, you know, I, I raise. I raised you. I raised you both. I took care of everybody. I've already been down this road. It's my time now, except that I've got to live in your basement for a little while.

Yeah, ignore that. Yeah, don't worry about that. I'll get my own place soon. I'll pay you right. I just don't, because the thing is is that when I get my own place, I'm still going to use your basement for my Tinder dates.

Absolutely. For my Tinder dates because I'm not bringing the Tinder dates back to my apartment. No. You don't want them to know. No. You don't want them to know where you live? No. It's a one-night stand.

That is not happening. Yes. If it reaches, if it turns into a, a Tinder date plus then maybe we'll come back to the apartment but odds are

you just say it's the Tinder date take care of business get out have a nice day and if I drove you here then you got to walk of shame but get out okay we're done

thank you you weren't that good don't let anybody tell you a different As long as we're on love, and, you know, we've, this is what we, this is what we base ourselves here on chewing the fat. I mean, when you subscribe to chewing the fat, and by the way, if you're listening anywhere else and you haven't subscribed to chewing the fat, you're a loser. Well, no, you're not a loser. We're not going to call people losers.

Oh, no, we're not. No, that's not nice. worthy of this one. No, that was a tough one too. Okay. Because they are worthy. They're good enough. They're good enough people.

And why are they not subscribing? That's the question. That's the question. If you're listening to this right now and you are not a subscriber to chewing the fat, ask yourself, what are you doing with your life? And if you're as to subscribe, how about, I don't know, talk to your family members. Be nice. That'd be nice.

We already have people that are taking. us up on that. And we're getting notes from... Getting notes from Cindy. Cindy. She has a 70-plus-year-old mother that started listening to the show. Oh, no.

This is another Tinder story. Because I'm not sure if... Over 70, I'm not sure if it's a mill for a cougar. Or if it's... Walker. He's just pushing a walker there. But anyways...

He didn't say mom was... No, never mind. not everybody. Sydney's mom. Cindy's mom. 70 plus year old mom. She listens. I don't know why we have to be specific about ages.

That ticks me off. I'll just stop for just a second. Can't we just be Cindy say my mom? Yeah, but you have to qualify. No, you don't. No, you don't. Like when I speak about my mom, I'll be like, my mom, you know, she's 40 plus and she listens to the show.

I think that's the thing. It needs to not be a thing. I would like to know this. If your parents are listening to this, We would like to know. Would we? We would like to know this or you want to know this? I have a mom here and then listen to the show.

She's subscribed. She likes the banter. Nice. Give joy. I'm not crazy about the banter, but he's here. Give joy, my mom, a shout out and I help her write every view. Okay, well, let's. Isn't that pretty poor quo?

Isn't that exactly what our president was trying to do? I feel like Cindy's trying to do a pre. Yes. And I feel, I feel. uncomfortable right now. Do you? Yes. When I was reading this,

and you were listening to me reading this? The blood rushed out of my face and I feel uncomfortable with this. Do you know some like collusion going on between me and Cindy? Yes. Did you? Yes, I did. I think that is. I think we need to stop with this thing about the age thing.

That drives me crazy. I freaking hate that. Well, obviously the reason why she said, my mom, plus somebody can't even write a review. She's so old. No, she's not. When you were 70, your first time around 70,

did you have difficulties writing your reviews of podcasts? My first time around 70 there was no such thing as podcasts So there were no podcast When you're writing a letter When you're writing a letter You know And you're reviewing that

TV radio program They were watching Who did you have Help you You know Write that letter And then you know With the little ink

The first time Well that was that was the second time around Oh that was your second time around Okay The first time around We just had the wire set up We were doing Morris Code Oh

Did someone help you do that review? Yes. See? And then the second time when you do the little ink blob and the feather, did someone help you with every, okay, then what is wrong with Cindy helping her 70 plus mother? Nothing is wrong with Cindy helping Joy. And by the way, thank you for listening and subscribing to the podcast. And Joy will give you a shout out.

Shout out to Joy. Thanks for listening. By the way, it's not just Joy. It's going to the podcast. No, see, we know. That's where we're going with this. We need to qualify it. I love listening to the podcast.

I turned my mom onto your show. Thank you. Give her a shout out and then we'll, you know, I'll teach her how to review for it. Okay, thank you. Why we got to, my mom, 70 plus years old. So what? This really hurts you.

Cindy's ticking me off of this. She started to fire her down. Show me this doll. I don't like the whole age thing. Show me this dog. I know you don't like age. I know that much. Age really ticks me up.

Yes, I know that much. That's a problem. Because you don't like when people will ask your age. No, I can ask all they want. But you're not going to respond. No, I'm not. None of your business. And we had a conversation at your house with a weekend that I think I know your age.

Remember? No. Okay. I think I know your age. I was able to bribe to a couple of people. There's no bribery going out of my house. My kids know I will kick their... Oh, it was not your kids.

It was not your kids. I did not bribe your kids. I didn't touch your family. My wife knows better. Again, I did not touch. I believe your wife is part of your company. I believe your wife is part of your family. My wife knows that I will.

It'll be the... Again, I did not talk to your family, including your wife. And I think I know your age. Who did you speak with? I spoke to someone. I spoke to someone. That you claim... Only people were there.

People... No, this is... No, no, no, no. Over the weekend, I was able to bring it up, and everybody looked at me like, whoa! How did you figure it out? Let's have your theory. Huh?

Let's have your theory. Let's have your theory. Let's have your theory. Of your birthday? Yeah. My birthday is January 29th. That's fine. I don't care of it.

I know the year. I said it in your ear. Okay. Well, I wish you were right, but you're not. Good luck. And you said it, but, you know, You can say them all you want. Are you sure?

Yep. Okay. Yeah. Why? Well, no, no. This person was very sure about that. Really? Yeah.

Really, who is this person? That cost me 50 bucks. Who is this person? That cost me 50 bucks. Who is this person? I went to a medium and did a little palm reading. It was either between that number and I figure like the first number was better. than the second number.

Why is that? Because you look older. Then... Yeah, well, my event took some... Oh, really? Took some time off me. But then seeing Skinny Jeffey made me think... But you're right, but you're not.

I mean, I'll... Whatever, I'll tell you if you're right. No, you won't. Yes, I will. No, you will. You will not tell me if I'm right or wrong. I'll say I'll tell you. I don't.

Because that's how you are. That's who you are. Anyway, we won't board the people anymore. Cindy, thank you for listening. I appreciate it. Thanks for sure. Enjoy. Thanks for 70 plus.

I don't know what I want to say. Thanks for turning your mom on to the show. Oh, don't say I like that. Because, you know, we don't know if Cindy's mom is tender mom or not. Hey. She's pushing the crawler, so. It's a walker, I thought. That too.

Both of them. The crawler and the walker. So, do you? Joy, shout. So sad. My point is, okay, so now we have another love story that you cannot, the age, this is, this proves my point, okay? Age is just a stupid number, all right? Absolutely.

Because Gary, at the time that he met El Mada, and you know that anybody named El Mada. She got it going. Is a trophy wife. Over 70. Oh, hello. Well, she's still Gary's trophy wife. She is 53 years older than Gary. How old is Gary?

Well, now, Gary is 21, and Elmada is 74. Oh, yeah, she's definitely pushing the grave. But they met when Gary was 17. Oh, honey. Four years ago. Honey, you're pushing that. They met four years ago. now they're a happy couple.

Was he one of those kids that came to the home and like, happy couple. Volunteered. They actually met. If you say a dating app, that dating app is going to get deleted right now. I wish it was. If you say like Tinder or Match.com, I bet you that company's going to like go bankrupt right now. All right.

So how did they be? I wanted to be so, but it's not. Oh. That's not. Do you read between the lines then? maybe we're in between the lines can give us an app they met on the funeral app

oh they met on the funeral app yeah oh so she was attending the funeral if you swipe up you got a day swipe down nope that's the funeral lab million dollar idea that is a million dollar idea right there on the top you're welcome by the way create the app

do it um she's still working at Walmart She's still working at Walmart. She's a greeter? She doesn't say that she's a greeter. She says she works at Walmart. She doesn't say she's a greeter.

She said she works at Walmart. We're going to stick to 70 plus year old Grammy. I don't know. I don't know. Maybe she's stocking shells. You don't know that. Oh, there's no way she freaking lives to her. Maybe she's working in the deli, cutting cheese.

You don't know that. Can she push the slicer? Yes. Maybe she's working in the floral department. That I believe. That I believe. Maybe she's working in the bakery. Making bread, rolling the bread out.

I don't think she could, you know, need the bread. Obviously, you've not been to a Walmart bakery because they're not needing bread at the Walmart bakery. Okay? Are you sure? It's coming out of the freezer. It's going in the oven. No, they're needing the bread.

Yeah, no. Yeah, they're like elbow greys. But that's okay. You keep telling yourself that. So they met at her son's funeral. And she was, her eldest son, who was 45, had a seizure and passed away. Sadly. That's sad.

And she had already lost her husband of 43 years. Good, I least she didn't divorce him for this one. And she was just sad. Gary came to the funeral because Gary knew her oldest son, Robert. And Gary hadn't realized what Elmada meant to him until the day of the funeral when they met. And they didn't act on it right away. but they didn't stop thinking about each other. And finally, over the next few months,

she couldn't stop thinking about Gary and the excitement she felt and the tingle she had when she met Gary at the funeral. I think that's the heart attack she was about to ask. And soon after, Lisa, family member, asked them both along to a family meal at Chuckie Cheeses. And you know what happens after a Chuckie Cheese date, right?

Oh yeah. He squeezed my hand, grinned, and said age is just an number. The rest is love history. Okay. Okay. So you said you were going to make me a coffee. Give me a coffee, and yet there's no coffee. You say you don't drink coffee.

You say you don't drink coffee, you don't drink alcohol, you don't smoke. I do drink. I'm back to drinking coffee a little bit now. Oh, you are? Because I know you couldn't have any caffeinated products. No, that's not really true. Because you had a heart attack. My heart event.

Almost a year ago. Almost a year, I know. Another lifetime ago. Another lifetime ago. But the real reason I stopped drinking coffee is because it reminded me of smoking. How? Because there's nothing like coffee and cigarettes.

No, no, no, sorry. Oh my gosh. There's nothing. Like if you would say alcohol and cigarette. No. Or cigarette. I'll give you alcohol, you know, having a beer and drinking and smoking. Or, you know, like cigarettes after sex, I'll give you those.

There's no way coffee and cigarettes, man. No way. Oh my gosh, no. Yeah. So I didn't do it because I didn't want to be reminded of smoking with coffee. but I figured now I mean I'm done with smoking I think

no you're done smoking I think you're gonna pick it up 30 years from now and I think I changed that to you know a year for no I don't think the committee voted on that I don't think the committee has voted on that

I didn't bring it up to the committee I need you to bring it up with a committee thank you for bringing me a Coke Zero thank you stupid Coke Zero out of your stupid Coke Zero for your stupid fuck whoa what did you do to

I just asked him to get me a Coke zero. Why was he so mad? I don't know. I mean, thank you. I appreciate it. I would not open it up. We freaking explode in your face. He might have shook it on the way here.

Did you? I'll take that chance. It would be funny. Push the mic. Push the mic away. Oh, because if we got to catch it on the mic, no, push the mic away.

We all know back in the day you spilled. I've spilled a number of things. Yes. So can you push the mic? That's why this needs to be on the air if it happens. Oh, my. my gosh, if you break that mic, Pat Gray is going to be so... Oh, nice.

Nope, he didn't shake it. He should have shaken it. He was thinking that he wanted something funny to happen and should have been shaken, no doubt. Remember that, Christian. Remember that? Tell you, that's how you're funny. That's how you're, legends are made. Anyway.

So I started drinking coffee again, yeah, because I really, I really enjoy, man. So good. So, is it one cup a day? two or three. I'm sorry? In the morning. I'm sorry. I get up, sit there and drink my coffee in the morning.

And I sit now the first few days I'd sit there and I'd drink my coffee going and a cigarette would be really good right now. But I already passed the point of a cigarette to be really good and I'd go get one. Right? I'm just now it's, ooh, a cigarette would be really good right now. This is, and now it's, this is where I'd have a cigarette. That's when I go take a shower. But after the second cup or so, I'm ready to fire one up.

I just go take a shower. I'm done. Do you have a fireplace now? Yes, you do. We always have a fireplace. We have an outside one too. I was going to say maybe when you get that urge of smoking, you just turn on the pit. No?

It's not the same? No, because that'll be, then I'll have to fire one up. Really? Yeah. That smoke smell? Oh, man. Really. Well, and the-

Throw that butt into the fire. The thing also that surprises me is, that your wife still smokes. Yeah, she's really cut down. And, okay, fine. My father-in-law smokes. Your father-in-law smokes. I have my sister-in-law who just, you know, happens to be in town for a little while.

She's been in town for a last time I'm going to check almost a year. This is not, no, it's not been a year. You are in denial. You're in denial. Please quote me on that one because you're in denial. Anyways, so you have three out of four adults in your house. smoking. How is that not difficult?

But hey, they don't smoke in the house. Oh, yeah. Nobody smokes in the house. Nobody I would, I don't, I do not. They don't smoke in the house. No one should be smoking in the house. No smoke in the cars. They don't smoke, you know, it's outside.

That doesn't bother me. The car thing. No, no cars. No cars. Thing out. No cars. No cars. No cars, no house.

No indoors. They're going to smoke, smoke outdoors. And that doesn't bother me. It really doesn't. But you do smell it when they come in. Yeah. Yeah, it does. And that doesn't.

He's a nasty smokers. Now I'm one of those hateful non-smokers. You guys coming in, I'll smell like cigarettes. Nasty. Give me one. Does your son smoke, Elvis? No. No.

I figured, but. No way. Good. I know. He's an athlete. Yeah, he chewed for a little while. Oh, I figured that one. You need to make weight.

Go chew something. That's what they told us in high school. You need to make weight, go chew something. But see, what you don't understand. with that is his weight was to make up. Oh, okay. Yeah, I was talking to the wrestling team. Right. They need to make weight.

When Elvis came in, he had to weigh at least 310. Oh, that's a good weight. When he went to the NFL, it was 320. Oh, baby. It would be 6'5. Do you pack? And so... Pack a couple weights?

When he, in college you did. Yeah, in college you did. They'd sneak... When they had separate weigh-ins like you'd come in for practice and they'd have a secret, okay, we're going to weigh in. And the other lineman would warn each other, and he would go around to the other door. He would come into the locker room through the other door so they wouldn't see him for the way in. And then he would put weights in his underwear so that he'd walk up from behind and go, oh, it's way in?

Are you excited to see me today? Oh, is you're excited to see me today? Mr. Fisher? Why? Why? Because it looks like something's poking out there, my friend. I'm going to talk about Chuck Echise. That's where the lovers met and fell in love, the 53-year-age different lovers. But Chuckie Cheese is changing everything.

And it's, I don't know that I agree with it. I mean, they're trying to make it okay. They're trying to be viable in today's world. They're getting rid of the animatronic band. That's stupid. They're getting rid of the tokens. another stupid idea they're changing

they're updating the restaurants a little dance floor go bankrupt and it's sort of a brand new company I think so that's what they're doing Chucky cheese is known for their token and the band and the rat

So you're still going to get the you're going to get the wrist band or the card so you can rack up points and get in prize so I think they're still going to have their little stuff counter which is kind of cool But the point, the cool thing about the kids of Chuck E. Cheese is getting the tickets.

Yeah. Right? Getting the monster amount of tickets and going up and counting them and seeing how many you have. There are some people that... Put them in the machine to see how many you have. Some people that decided to go by weight instead of counting. Oh, right. Yeah.

And I hated that because how can you weight paper? Well, I mean, I don't know if you know this, but everything has a... No, no. Don't bug me down with facts. So they're getting a modern dance floor that lights up. And now, Chuckie himself is going to show up every hour now. But the band is gone.

They're going to update it. I don't know. I don't know. Maybe. Maybe they got the new logo out front, the new color scheme, sleeker furniture, the re-design refined.

I don't know. I don't know. It's Chuckie cheese. Right? Now maybe in today's world with all the other places you can go that Chuck Echese is starting to feel the heat on that and realize that it's cold school, you know? David Buster.

Yeah, and there's a couple other places too that kids go that are, you know, where you, you know, you're jumping on trampolines and you're climbing walls and you're playing games and you're bowling and you're doing all kinds of stuff and they put the wristband on and off you go. The only thing that makes Chuck E.C.C.C.C. really cool than different

from those other places is the stamp and nobody gets in and out unless they have the matching stamps with the family. I really like that about Chuckie Cheese. That's a strong point. They should really focus on that. Million that idea.

Because they're, yeah, you feel comfortable sitting down and letting your little kid run around at Chuckie Cheese because they're not getting out. And I know you got some, you know, a 16 year old kid at the gate watching, And you feel like, maybe he's not paying that much attention. But he is.

They do pretty good at that. That's one of the things they do really good. And I like that a lot. And I think that should be a strong focus point, though. Even they can stay old school, but bring your kids and let them run around and feel comfortable that they're here. You know, they're going to be safe. Because the other places, okay, sure, there's not been a report of anything happening at those other places. That's not my point.

It could. But it could have Chuck Echise too, Jeff. What the hell is Chuckie Cheese? Download and subscribe to more content at the blaze.com slash podcasts. All right. The impeachment testimony today. Wow. Man, oh man, oh man.

That's going to delve into the impeachment. Violation. We've got to get to the impeachment testimony. I mean, today was riveting. Man, it was riveting. There was two people on the state. and testifying that heard the phone call

and they did not feel comfortable. It made them feel uneasy. Can I quote them on that? Yeah, they were. I mean, because what they felt and

who, man, can we and honestly, if you think I'm going to delve into this impeachment thing, you're sadly mistaken because I can't take it. You fell asleep. I did. You fell asleep watching. I've been doing Pat the last couple days

and I went in my office this morning. Blame Pat. Well, doing the show. It was getting up extra early. You okay in there? No. Nope. Hold on.

You want to take a break? Hold on. I might have another event coming on. I can't joke about that anymore. I'm fine. Did you fall? I'm fine. Don't we just with the mic

a little bit closer to you so you have to get up? I can do it from down here. Okay. So anyway, after Pat, I went in my office. and I thought, I'll watch some of the impeachment. And I turned it on and sound asleep, man. I mean, gone. And if anyone had come down the hallway,

either there'd be in pictures. I probably had drooled running down my line, run it down my band. Man, at one time I don't go visit. Long gone, man. And all of a sudden I woke up because I had a Charlie horse in my life. Why don't I have a Charlie horse?

Ow! It's really not comfortable down here. I probably should get up. You think you should. You sound really far away from the mic. Well, I'm down here on the floor, bro. Ew, don't call me that. Bro?

Yeah, it was gross. What up, bro? Why not? Because you're not dark enough to say it. All right, I get up. Down here on the floor, I am. that's just dirt on your face okay

I'm up feeling dizzy are we done with the show then you got nothing else to talk about today I got all kinds of stuff to talk about I know you do I got all kinds to talk about I don't know what

we could be done I mean we didn't talk about the Epstein prison guards getting arrested for what Merit false no no do we get it did we find them we found them we found them guilty yeah For falsifying records.

Guilty, guilty, guilty, guilty, guilty, guilty. They are guilty of falsifying records in connection with the abstin case. All I'm hearing is murder. That's the deep state right there. That is what you're in front of Congress right now. Those two cops. Look, they said they browsed the internet, lingered in an office common area where they should have been conducting inmate checks.

So they were just... So we found the scapegoats. Yeah. Yeah. And that's why I killed himself. I just want to, any pros security listening to this show, maybe you should put some tracking in their bank account for the next couple of years. Why is that?

Because if they're the scapegoat, they might have gotten some, you know, money coming on their bank account. Yes. And if they don't have a bank account, might as well check if there's any new bank accounts opening in Elias's names. Yep. Because I feel like something got paid off in here and like, hey, Billy, hey, Bob, you guys going to take the fall from?

fall for falsifying records and not checking on him. Don't worry about it. He killed himself. He killed himself. But there would be a couple of million dollars. We'll be a quarter million dollars for you and a quarter million dollar for you. All you have to do is take the fall. You go to prison, but don't worry about it.

We'll send you to the same. They're not going to prison for falsifying. We'll send you to the prison, the same prison that we send that lady facility, Huffman. We'll send it to that prison camp down by California. But they're men. Exactly. That's what I'm saying.

It will send you to the The What you can do As soon as you're found guilty Identify as a woman Absolutely We'll send you there Facility Huffman over there

They live in New York Yeah California Yeah California Yeah California Yeah They need to pay their Duce in California We can't have them here

You know they're gonna get You know killed by another person Yeah we don't want that No we don't want that We don't want that's dangerous out there It is dangerous in New York People commit suicide all over the place Right

Can you trust the New York Prison system I don't. So do you want them to serve in New York or in California? California sounded pretty good. There you go. California sounded pretty good. And we have to talk about, we got to tell you, you know, we love, nobody supports zoos more than we do here on joining the cat.

Absolutely. We've even given them air time. Thank you. Thank you. And we've interviewed orangutans before. Rivening. So the panda, Bay Bay is leaving the National Zoo.

Oh, no. Oh, no. Yeah, Bay Bay Bay is leaving the United States and going back to China. So if you didn't have a chance to see Bay Bay at the Panda exhibit at the Smithsonian's National Zoo, the Cub was born here four years ago and leads for China as part of a research breeding program. So Bebe is going to get a little Chinese business

hitting a little panda tender. Oh yeah. Coming in from the U.S., baby. Here I am. Hello, girls. Bay Bay is a ride. Let's take care of a little panda business. You don't have to call me Babeba.

you could just call me Bay you you're next that's gonna be a Bebe Panda World when I'm Chuck

I don't leave you I don't have to play the out again Dear Lord don't play the out again but I got to complain about something here and I know you normally this show I don't complain a lot you know that

you know me I don't know like to complain a lot. But earlier today, my breaking news sounder for chewing the fat. I heard on a radio show that

broadcasts on this network using my breaking news sounder. Now, I realize that this network is one big happy, go lucky family. But it's kind of

an unwritten broadcast rule that when a show uses something from the network pile, that that becomes associated with the show. So you wouldn't use it if you were another show or I wouldn't use it if it was used on another show. I guess that doesn't hold true anymore. I guess that doesn't hold true anymore. I guess those days are over. We're living in a new breed, a new world, because I heard my breaking news sounder on the Glenn Beck radio program.

And I don't know who he thinks he is. I don't know what he thinks he's doing, but something's got to be done. Something's got to be done. And gosh darned, if nobody else will do it, I will. Okay? because when you hear this, it belongs to this show. Okay?

Breaking news. When news, when chewing the fat records, news happened. I remember the logo. You got to remember the caption. Okay, we can get rid of it. I don't need to hear that anymore. Jeez, it's going to kill me. Breaking news?

Can we, are we going to stop for the breaking news? Do you going to do this to me? Do you going to do? We do. Okay, we have an update on FART Investigation, 2019. Okay, I don't care what investigation they're trying to do. The little fart vestigation. Fartgate, which is Eric Swalwell farting on national television.

Or did he? Right. Well, this is the big controversy. Turn that off. This will not stand. This will not stand. If they want to fight, they got it. Play that again.

I'm in fight food now. I know.