Chewing the Fat with Jeff Fisher - Ep 263 | Fat Pile Friday - Elf on The Shelf EDITION

Episode Date: December 6, 2019

It's that time of the year again where Chanda, North Pole Chief Storyteller joins Jeffy to talk about the scout elf's coming back to report to Santa. This year you can also get a scout elf by writing to [e-mail] and telling Jeffy why is your home the best for a scout elf. Don't worry Jeffy also goes through the Fat Pile of the stories he didn't cover during the week.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

And now, a Blaze Media podcast. George Zimmerman, remember him? Trayvon Martin. Back in the news again. Suing the family of Trayvon for more than $100 million. Yes. Zimmerman claims he was the victim of a conspiracy, along with Malacious prosecution or militia.

whatever, malacious, malicious. However you, I'm turning into Chris Cruz. Prosecution and defamation. Good luck, George Zimmerman. The all-new naked Friday on Chewing the Fat. Be sure to subscribe to Chewing the Fat. Go to The Blaze.com slash podcast and click on Chewing the Fat, and then you will see a plethora of platforms that you can subscribe to Chewing the Fat on.

Click on your favorite. And even if you don't see Radio.com, you can go there and click on Chewing the Fat and subscribe as well. Now, all right, undress. Get your clothes off. It's naked Friday. We're not doing this thing without being naked today. That's just all there is to it.

Any of the cameras on or anything like that? Because if they are, no, I don't want that to happen. Okay, here's the deal. You can just pretend you're naked. Good enough. So I received these emails from a, you know, people that want to make your life better and positive attitudes and stuff to get you through and, you know, make you feel good about life. And I read about, well, very little of them. But I was looking at this one today that talks about 12 phrases that will help you resolve any conflict.

and I thought, hmm, I wonder if one of my favorite phrases is in here. So let's see. I sense that you're feeling emotional about this topic. Is that right? Let's take a breather before we think this through. Thank you for your candor. I appreciate your feedback.

I recognize your efforts and hard work. Tell me more. I want to understand. Let's see what we can do to make sure it doesn't happen again. What can we do to change the situation? Yes, you're completely right. I wasn't aware of this. Tell me more.

I am with you on that. How can I support you? Lead from within. No, mine's not in there. Why, it's not in there? Weird. That's weird. Maybe it's on the next page.

Oh, no, this is from the leadership gap, Lolly Daskell. I'm sure these are fine 12 ways to resolve any conflict. But like if you were to come to me and there was a time when you would say, I sense you're feeling emotional about this topic. Is that right? Instead, if you were saying, get that from me, it might be get the fuck over it. Like, let's say Chris came to me and said, you know, I don't know what.

I'm struggling. I'm not sure. And while I may say, hey, let's take a breather before we think this through, I may say as we take a breather to think this through, you should probably get the fuck over it.

Yep, that's the way to resolve the conflict. Did you see the polar bear with graffiti on it? Anyway, welcome to Fat Pile Friday. And I've got, I mean, we have a serious stack of fat, pile of fat right here that we're going to start plowing through.

But did you see the polar bear with graffiti on it? It's got the big teeth. 34 painted on it. And, you know, people are all, oh, my gosh, we can't paint a polar bear. He could die. Well, um, okay. How is he going to die?

He won't be able to hunt as well as he could. He won't be as stealthy. Um, they eat seals and swim. I'm guessing he'll be okay. Or she. My question is, there's a picture of a polar bear with T-34 painted on it. Who painted that? How do you paint a polar bear?

I mean, you don't just say, here's a good little polar bear. Here, have a little seal meat. Let me paint you. No, it doesn't, who's a come here? Who's a cute little polar bear? And then you spray paint him? Ha, good luck.

That takes some guts. I want to see the YouTube channel that's posting a painting polar bears. In fact, that's a new YouTube channel, painting polar bears. All right, where we go? Fat Pile Friday. Uh, women, woman 20 has fallen pregnant by one of her four partners after they went away together. Why is this a story? Just because it's, uh, she went away with four guys.

No, there's pictures of them here and everything. Oh, they all live together. It's so nice. They all have their own bedrooms. But her partners swap in and out of bed each night. she's married to four guys. Now, you may say to yourself, I mean, how about the men having four women,

but they all just want a piece of her? Now they don't know who the father is. What does it matter? It doesn't matter who the father is. They're all the father. They all raise this child, right? Why is this such a big deal? My gosh.

She found out she was pregnant with our unconventional family. Oh, we do. We found out, though. Chris is the biological father. Yes, because the others weren't around. And I got to tell you, she must be something special or the four men that she's living with aren't.

I'll just leave it at that. We'll just leave it at that. You can take it either way. She's special? or they aren't. I'm leaning toward they aren't. FedEx delivery robots

invade New York City streets. Nice. Got the robots delivering packages in New York. Look, they've been big deal. They've been delivering stuff like that in New York. Now you're putting the bike delivery

people out of business. I'd be pissed. The bike delivery reunion needs to hop on it. And the bike delivery people in New York, man. That's like Uber. those guys man they deliver to all the buildings in the back they're all over and they are many of them

i would say are um well let's just let's just put it this way they have difficulty speaking english they know where to go they know the food you've ordered they know how much it is you're not having any more conversation than that with them that's it they go to the back of the building what floor they're at up they get escorted up they give you your food they want here to your receipt, give them the money, they're gone. Have a nice day, and they're back on their bikes again. I love New York City for that.

Millennials want to ban Secret Santa. Because it gives them anxiety. Is there nothing that doesn't give the millennials anxiety? People spend too much money as it is around the holidays, so why are we

adding to it? I just hate it. I hate it so much. Oh, a study found that 78% of millennials felt they contributed more than they should to an office party gift. Well, that's your fault compared to 58% of the rest of the workforce, while 26% of millennials admitted to dipping into savings or over-drafting their accounts to fund an office gift. Again, your fault. Not anyone else's fault. so the anxiety you're feeling is brought on by you. Let's go back to the beginning of the broadcast when I talk about getting the over it.

Notice that was good there. You didn't have to hear the little beep sign. At least I hope you heard the beep sign. If you didn't, get over it. Star Wars script Licked on eBay. Oh no. Star Wars script leaked on eBay. Oh no. Oh no.

What could be the end of time. You have a Star Wars script. Do you not? Chris Cruz? Yeah, I have Glenn's script. What do you mean you have Glenn? You have the script from Star Wars. It's not Glens. You own it, right? Yeah, I bought it from him, yeah.

You buy it at the yard sale of Glenn Beck? Yes. Yes. It's called the Mercury One. It's got the auction Mercury 1 silent auction That's Glenn Beck's yard sale every year How much you put down for that? 2,500

Oh Did you pay a full price? Yes I was a bidding Trying to get more money for Mercury 1 And You lost to yourself I remember that so well

It was such a great night It was such a good night actually. It was a good night. That was a... Yes, it was. Armadillo. Armadilla night too, yeah.

Or I've, you know... That was the night I became a member of the Armadillo Hall of Fame. Yeah. And rules have been... Rules have been rewritten thanks to my Armadilla race for Armadilla races.

But I also... Because that's not the only thing you bid on that night. You were upbidding a couple other... Oh, yeah. I was... doing the big ticket items. Again, help out

get more money for Merker 1. Got no for 1 that did not won at all. Well, thank you. On behalf of Mercury 1, thank you so much for that. How was that, I mean, if you got it up for sale at all, or you just got it hanging at the house? Hanging at the house, the movie

room upstairs. In the closet? No, movie room, it's hanging. People can see it. Does it say, hey, this is Star Wars from... There were a script that I paid way too much money for. good. Do you have an insured? I hope you have an insured. Oh, yeah, it is insured. Yeah, it is insured. You say that that makes me think it's not.

No, it is. Everything in my house is insured. Well, duh. No, but I have like my firearms, my stupid script, and my computers are separately. Wait, is a stupid script? It is a stupid script. Because I thought of something you want to hang on to and maybe, you know, pass it down to the... Oh, I'd definitely be passing it down.

of the kids. He'll be in the will. Another stupid piece of paper. Gee, great. Dad gave me a stupid script. Can we sell it? Yeah, you can get 20 bucks for it. I don't think he paid that month.

Now he paid a lot more money for it. But it was for a good cause. It was for a good cause, Mercury won. Boy, suspected of using a remote control car to smuggle drugs. Great idea. By the way. Boy 16. using a remote control car to transport $106,000 worth of meth across the border.

Nice. Nice. I would think that you're just using the neighborhoods to deliver meth to the kids. The kids of the neighborhood. Here comes the remote control pickup truck. There's my math. Back across the coast border, though. You made multiple trips.

Of course he's going to get caught. You kidding me? I think going back and forth across the border, they'll never see the remote control car. Yeah, they will. Border agencies 154 pounds of balona. A balogna. Isn't that baloney?

Yeah, it's balogna. At Texas. What are you, Chris Cruz? Yes. Today I am. Yeah. It's naked Friday. I'm a little cold in here.

It looks a little bit nippy. It is. It is. My favorite. just thinking of now that my favorite line from Seinfeld it shrinks U.S. Customs and Border Protection says in a news release

that the driver told agents he had rolls of frozen turkey turkey ham in his pickup truck upon further inspection though it was 154 pounds of Mexican baloney can be doing that man you have something you parker

not just haven't to see me Yeah, no, it's my rolls of baloney. Did you see the picture of this was amazing? He just got rolls of baloney, man. But it's made a pork. You can't be bringing that across the border. There's no, no pork. No pork, diseases.

Pork, you got to go through customs to bring the pork across the border. No room shot on that? We've got to go through customs to bring pork across the border. Thank you. A camel, a cow, and a donkey. Walk into a bar. Bartender says, hey. Why the long face?

Get the hell out. No, there's no point. Camilla? We'll do it again. A camel, a cow and a donkey. Walk into a bar. Bartender says, hey, what's with the long face? Okay, okay.

It was just a joke. I'll get you a beer. Calm down. Authorities discovered a camel and a cow and a donkey. roaming together along a Kansas road and they just took a picture, posted

it online and that's what we have. Wow. Apparently there was a nativity Christmas scene that they were part of and they just wandered off. They were decided that, you know what? We're not working here anymore. We're tired of this nativity scene and we're not doing it anymore.

Fat Pile Friday. The dirtiest places at the airport. I feel like we did this one already. though with a study uncovered airport destination with the most germs. Yeah, we did that. And it's not the bathroom. We did do this one, right? Yeah. We did that for it. We talked about the plastic

trays and oh, nastiness. Yeah, how did you survive? Did you make it through unscathed? I hope you did. But apparently now the flu is starting to make a comeback. I saw stories where the flu is starting to make a big comeback around the country. So. Boy, is that for the flu. What? Someone here has it?

Yes. They've been out for a week now. Oh, no. I was just... You didn't know that? That's why there's that many people missing in there. Oh my gosh. That is not good.

That is not good. Because I haven't got my flu shot yet. They were here that came to you. They were upstairs, though. I don't go upstairs. There's a war grings you pass by your house every day. I got to get it. Dude, I think you're too late.

What do you mean? It's already here. The infection is here. I can still get the flu shot. It's not too late. I could stop it. Holy cow, I got to go get a flu shot. I'm going through the pile of fat here.

And I know I know that we did the most annoying house guest behaviors. But as I was going through even more of the study that they did of 2,000 people. and they did a study they went on and on about the survey and house guests but some of it was just agonizing because I'm thinking we talk about the guest no-nows but they talked about ways hosts can make guests feel at home

how about you just come and stay at my house then I'll make you feel at home but no I have to be helpful if you have a question I have to provide more than one towel I have to provide a comfy bed I have to provide toiletries I have to display the Wi-Fi password in the room. I have to not make too much noise in the morning.

I have to make coffee every morning. I have to cook the meals. I have to provide water in the room. I have to provide snacks and food in the room. I am not a hotel. No. If you want these, stay at the hotel. Now, it talks about the tent worst things hosts have done as well.

Or hosts say that their guests have done. slept in the living room naked I mean it's naked Friday it was probably naked Friday they were just celebrating that they broke a couch may have broken anyway they caught them taking money

out of my wife's purse ooh a guest is stealing from you that's a tough one what do you do though somebody a guest comes to your house and you catch them

you wake up and there he or she is digging through the wife's purse I mean you have to right your honor I had to sorry my wife's still mad

there's blood all over the purse ate my leftovers from the fridge yeah I'd be pissed uh got drunk and redid my Christmas decorations that's funny that's funny I mean what would be

if you start moving pictures around and rehanging pictures and stuff for the people's house that's funny stuff there left crushed Oreos all over my brand new mattress look if you're going to have some kind of weird thing happen in the bedroom with you the wife or the girlfriend. You need to clean up after yourself.

Let the pet sleep in the bed with them. Easy. We're back to the crushed Oreos all over the mattress again. All right, so it's that time of year again. And what time of year is it? Yes, after Thanksgiving. It's Christmas time, the most wonderful time of the year. And it's also time for Elf on a Shelf.

And Chanda Bell, the North Pole's chief storyteller. is with us here on Chewing the Fat. Hello, Janda. How are you? Hi, thank you guys for having me. I'm happy to be here. I know that you're the chief storyteller at the North Pole, so tell us a story of Elf on the show.

Oh, wow. That's a very long story that is many, 45 years in the making. We've got time. Go. Glad to hear it. Glad to hear it. Yes. So when I was a little bit of the making.

little girl, Santa used to send an elf to our home. And the elf used to, my mom would tell me about how the elf was watching and listening for Santa and was going to fly back to the North Pole and talk to him each night. And in the morning, when the three of us would wake up, the elf had flown back from the North Pole and had landed in a different spot in the house. So we would race each other out of bed to be the first one to spy the elf, and we would talk to him and we tell him what we wanted for Christmas. And probably a lot of times I ask him not to tell Santa something. I had done. Oh, you, but it wasn't about you.

You were ratting out your other family members. That probably happened to you. Yeah. Okay. Yeah, and so that's kind of how it started for us. It was a tradition for our family in the early 70s and maybe even before that. And then when I grew up and had a family of my own, I looked at my mom one day and I said, mom, you know, why don't we write a book about our else?

Santa sends all the elves. We got the permission to tell his stories, and so that's what we do. So the main story, what people are supposed to do, right? I mean, the elf shows up and it changes places throughout your home, and the children every night. And it goes back to the North Pole every night while you're asleep, and it reports back to Santa. Right.

That is correct. It says Santa told me that. her sister is being mean, and she doesn't deserve anything but Cole, but Chanda gets everything. Right? I mean, that's what happens. Well, I have a feeling that Elf reports a lot of nice things, too. Probably more than the naughty. So, yeah, you know, it really is meant to be a simple tradition where families spend time together. The book that comes with the Elf on the Shelf explains It's a whole tradition to a family.

You know, and then we ended up, no one would publish it for us, so we ended up self-publishing the book. And now we have a whole company dedicated 90 individuals who work for Santa Claus full-time. Pretty amazing. Thank you so much. It's a really fun, really fun job being Santa's chief storyteller. So we're, aside from The Elf on the Shelf,

and we'll tell you how, of course, we're going to have a chewing the fact giveaway, for Elf on the shelf. So, you know, take a deep breath and we'll tell you how we're going to do that and how you can win one for you and your family. But I know you guys have started, you have the musical touring, right? We talked last year how it was just getting up and running. So, I mean, that's out and about now. It is. How much fun is that for you? I'm telling you what. It really is a dream gun true, and the story is so moving and so helpful. you know, just special. When we set out to write it, I worked with a great writer by the name

of Sarah Wordsworth, and, you know, it's really our mission as a company and our purpose, really, to create joyful family moments. And so I wanted to make sure it was something that was really enjoyable for the whole family and really celebrated the spirit of Christmas and didn't seem just like one of those, like, kiddie live shows. So I think we accomplished that. You know, we have something that's really heartfelt and meaningful, but also really fun and funny for kids. And so it's really something in the whole family we'll enjoy. So we're in 32 markets this season in six weeks.

Wow. The team is off the road. They are doing a super job. So that's at Elf on the Shelf Musical.com. We have our own cereal. I don't know if you know that. So that's kind of exciting. That's right. Yeah. Yeah. So that's been huge and we've got a really great partnership with IHOP

this year as well. Yes. Where our elves evidently took over the kitchens at IHOP. Why do we not have pancakes in this? studio right now is my question. By the way, I've tried those pancakes by the elves and they taste delicious. Again, that doesn't answer my question

why we don't have pancakes here. The hot cocoa and is delicious too. Good. But those recipes at the North Pole are delicious. We're just going to talk about it in front of you. Yes, we are. We're really hungry.

So when does the film happen? When's the Netflix special? When's the Amazon Prime special? What's happening? What are you guys working on? Let's go. Yeah, so we started Scout Elf Productions, and it's the animation and entertainment arm of our company. And so we have a really fun little show on YouTube on our official Elf on the Shelf channel called Co-Show this year. And it's where one of our elves answers all these questions that kids have from the North Pole. And he's silly and goofy, and he's trying to be an elf fluencer, the world's best elf influencer.

And so that has been a lot of fun. And then we have two new, we have one animated special, new animated special out this year. Elf Pets, a second edition of that, all about an Arctic Fox and a story of hope. But really trying to spread our message of holiday cheer through our animated entertainment. And it's been really fun to work on this. And Shanda, you still partner with TBS, correct? That's correct. So TBS and Cartoon Network, which is all part of Turner, which is now all part of Warner.

They air an elf story, which was our original animated special, and they also air our elf pet, Santa St. Bernard special. So Turner works with them or their distribution partner in North America on those two specials. And then we have our animated special, our new one, our Fox One, St. Bernard, and an elf story globally are distributed by Universal, with the exception in North America. So it's crazy learning a whole new business. You know, we're really good at storytelling and products. But now as a global IP company, we also have our site set on entertainment and immersive experiences. That's fantastic.

I'm in love with that. Now, I understand it. This is just, I went back and, you know, I've watched the Thanksgiving Day parade a couple of times now. I'm a DVR because that's what we do as a family. When we can't go, I mean, we've been to the parade before, but, you know, we watch it at home. Thanksgiving morning. And I was hoping this year, actually, that it would be so windy that we might lose somebody and watch them fly away with their balloon.

But it didn't happen. But I've told... It actually did a little bit. I saw quite some accidents there, but thankfully it turned out everybody was okay. But yeah, I saw... I didn't want anybody to get hurt. I didn't want anybody to get hurt. I didn't want anybody to get hurt.

I just wanted to see them fly over the Chrysler building and just, oh, my gosh, there she goes. But they say no press is bad press I'm told that you were you were part of the anchor team Yes I am so I've walked with the balloon now seven years I believe Wow And I'm telling you what there is nothing Well first of all let's back up a second and I realize Seven years I've seen you

But a unique blessing it is to even say anything like I have a cereal based on my characters Or I have a balloon in the Macy's parade I mean, I get how truly amazing it is and how I'm living the American dream. So I do want to say that. But I have to say, I mean, we are self-made, right? Right. And with Santa's blessings.

And but getting the chance to walk down the street and listening to other people, literally by the hundreds of thousands and even into the millions, chant your brand name. You know, the elf walk is down the street and it's literally, elf on the show. Oh, fall on the shelf. And seven years ago or eight years ago when we first launched the balloon, no one even knew what Elf on the shelf was. And I remember on a... The hell of a balloon is that? Yes, exactly.

And my sister, Mom and I, actually, Macy's let us sit out front of our balloon with our box set and literally one by one explain it to people. Oh, great, yeah. I'm in that amount of time to see all of New York happy. and people up in their outfits with turkey and it's just, it's a magical time and it's a great kickoff to the holiday season for sure.

I mean, I'm so happy that you brought up, you know, you're living the American Dream because we do a segment here on Chewing the Fat called, you know, an American Dream segment and people realize that, you know, the American dream is your American dream. It's not, there isn't an A American dream. It is your American dream,

and that's what makes America so great. And I'm really happy that, you know, that you're 60, at it because that's what it's supposed to be. No question. Thank you. Yeah, you will not find a bigger fan because of this country and really of opportunity that we have here. You know, we did not come from money. We did not come from opportunity. We didn't know people who had money. So, but what we did have was opportunity and with hard work. And if you're willing to step out in faith and take risk, and hopefully you have a good idea.

you know great things can happen for you but you just have to be willing to do it that is fantastic so elf on the shelf we'll get back to the original the original point of what we're talking about elf on the shelf another year of elf on the shelf it should be if you don't have your elf showing up now uh time's up let's go let's make it make it happen right i mean let's get yeah we just celebrated scattle for turn week which ended on yesterday so most elves I would say are back. There might be a few stuck in a blizzard somewhere. But, yeah, it's time.

They are back and home through usually Christmas Eve. So those of you that are listening to chewing the fat today, and you say to yourself, oh, my gosh, elf on the shelf is not at my house yet. I'm going to give you away when we're done with Chandra, how you can win an elf on the shelf for you and your family to enjoy from chewing the fat and from elf on the shelf. as part of the deal. Chana,

thank you so much. I love you guys, and I appreciate it very much. We love you guys, and we appreciate so much your support and your support of entrepreneurs. It's an exciting time. So thank you guys so much.

Have a wonderful Christmas. I'm sure I'll hear all good things. Absolutely. From the North Pole. Well, as long as they're not talking about me, you'll hear all good things. It's all good. I don't know.

You're dressed like Santa today, so I believe. Thanks, Shandah. We'll talk to you later. And it's songs like this, though, put you in the Christmas spirit now. No, no, no. I could go away.

Ooh, we remember we only have to beep that out. I love Chandebel. Did she just say chubby? Huh? Did she just say chubby? I'm not paying attention to what she's saying anymore because after the whole gay thing, I stopped listening. I love Chandra Bell.

I love her. And I love Alf on the shelf. It's such a cool little thing. I know a lot of you, you know, aren't big fans of Elf on the shelf and if you're not, what's wrong? What are you doing with your life? They're losers, the same people with a free load.

Thank you. Thank you. The same people. That's you. Look in the mirror right now. I know you're driving down the road. Yeah, look at the mirror anyway. I don't care.

Look up at the mirror. See those eyes right there? Those are the eyes of freeloaders. Now back at the front, like back in the front. I don't want you to crash. Put guard rails up. They bounce off. That's what they're for.

So, we're going to have four dozen no no just four else four dozen no just one elf two elf three elf four elves

to give away yes are they're all going to be they're not going to be a miss elf no just four else whatever sent us says because last year we had some of the other stuff yes wow they're cheap screwing us this year what are you doing it back on the phone What is going on?

No, Chandan, no. That's not what we agreed on this year. There's nothing new other than the musical, like she said. Where's the tickets to the musical? That has nothing to do with Santa sending scout elves for people that, you know. Is she on the line? No, she's not. I'm not going to bother her.

So we have four elves to give away. And you're welcome, by the way. You're welcome for the four elves. I like to pay. Did you pay for them? Yes. Okay. I didn't know.

Yes, I did. I didn't know that. This tongue to the bone for those elves, my friend. Time doesn't have a bone, but okay. So email Chewing the Fat at theblaze.com. Ooh, here we go. Chewing the fat at theblaze.com. Your emails may be read live on the air.

Okay. You will tell us why and what will make you have a great home for your elf on the shelf. Do you want pictures? Send us a photo. Not a photo like that. I know, you know, tomorrow's going to be, tomorrow's going to be a weekend.

You're going to be sitting home and going, oh, man, I miss Naked Friday. I don't want the Naked Picks. Jeff, can we just... I want... No. I know. That's what I said.

I don't want them. Why bring it up? Because I don't want them. But if you don't bring it up, they don't know. Okay, well then just disregard. Your honor, because the jury just disregard what he said,

yes, he can't. So send us a reason why and what would make you have the great home for Elf on the shelf. And, you know, send us a pick where he's going to live. That would be awesome. Because I know that they, you know, I got it.

The elf moves around. You know, you don't know exactly where the elf is going to live each day because he comes back from the North Pole and he finds a new place. I get it. Just a basic idea of home. But when you first bring the elf on the shelf into your home, where are you going to set

him? I want to know. And no, I don't want to see. No, not those. No. I don't want to see those people think that's funny. To water boredom. Horrible. Put him in the microwave. Horrible. Make the dog chew on him. Horrible. Put him on the fire pit. Horrible. Don't put them over the gas stove with all the other dolls standing around torturing them. And the Barbie better not touch them. Don't do that. Don't put them in the freezer with the frozen chick. Wait, there's a chicken.

You call the cops. You open the fridge and there's a frozen chick. Please call the cops. I don't want to see those pictures. Don't do it. No, definitely do want to see chicks. If you email Chewet at theblaze.com with those kind of picks, we'll have to call the authorities. We'll have to.

Definitely. So, and then we'll pick. Yes, at our discretion. Jeffrey will pick. Who gets the elf on the shelf? And you know what? Send the number where we can contact you. We'd love to talk to you as well when we...

Yeah, Nick. We want to talk to you. We may even call you if you lose. Just a pitch of... Oh, that'll be cool. That is something that two in the fat will do. Two in the fat here, how you doing? We're calling about the elf on the shelf.

Did I win? Yeah, no. Oh. Yeah. But why do you call me? What do you do? I want to let you know. Thanks for the email, but you lost.

No. See, I prefer like. That's probably another thing to do. No, because it's like, you know, when you get HIV tests in. It's if you don't hear from them, you're clean. If you hear from them, it's going to be a sad thing. Let me get this straight. You're mad at me for telling people not to send naked Friday picks.

You're mad at me. He's yelling at me for that to chew into fat because. But now you're a question. equating the elf on the shelf calls with HIV testing. And I'm the one that's bad. I'm the one that's wrong. I think not. Chewing the fat at the blaze.com.

Tell us why and what will make you have the great home for elf on the shelf. I don't think you could win an elf on the shelf. A week and a half, 10 days? Oh, no. You have by Tuesday the latest. Really? Yes. Oh, you better hop on it then.

Yes. I mean, if you're listening live to this broadcast, the 6th of Friday, the 6th of December. Pre-recording the morning of the morning. I want to have it. I want to have it. We've got to have it by the 10th this Tuesday, the 11th. We'll give them until Wednesday.

Okay. Give them until Wednesday. Wednesday, the 11th of December. All right. 11.59. 59. You have until that time. So on Friday the 13th.

We'll announce. Friday the 13th, we'll announce the winners for Alf on the shelf. I mean, brought to you by chewing the fat. You're welcome. Download and subscribe to more content at the blaze.com slash podcasts. All right, fat pile Friday. I'm trying to get through this fat pile because it just keeps getting fatter and fatter. Every time I turn around, the fat pile is getting fatter.

And I don't know how to make it lose weight. But I do know how to make it lose weight. If that's go through them on Fat Pile Friday. Especially on Fat Piled Naked Friday. I mean, that's what we're here for. So don't forget we had the solar powered yacht that claims to be virtually silent as it cruises on the market. Only $1.54 million. I mean, this is what they should have given to, what's her face?

Right? Greta. They should have at least let her. How dare you? Right. Give it to Greta. Let her try it out. yeah only the one point four over the million and a half no uh never mind don't worry about it

and did you see the story where the uh uh the deckhand who was a female and the skipper of a yacht crashed crashed into so they're taking the they're taking the yacht back and uh the skipper and the deckhand 26 year old girl taking the yacht back, you know, all by themselves. Take it back home. And they get drunk and start having sex. And the skipper is trying to remote control the yacht from his handheld remote control. Doesn't work very well, by the way, when you're having sex.

And it just smashes it. A couple hundred thousand dollars with a damage. Smashed into a couple other boats. And then I think. And you think, well, an idiot. And then you look at the picture

of the deck hand and you think, eh. You'll do it? It's probably worth it. It's probably worth it. You know, what are you going to do? What are you going to do not try to crash?

You're going to just take a shot, right? I get no. You're going to just take a shot, right? Wow. I come up with these. I write these jokes for hours and I get nothing for them. Hey, you seen uh did you see i the irishman yet on netflix not bad i enjoyed it why can you see it

when i know i know my girl you know poline or polique only got seven words oh shut up donna uh donna the robber dinner is like i know yeah that's what she gets that's what she gets that's what you get shut up part of the movie thank you go back to lala with the law i'm to resolve the conflict at the office. I mean, it was pretty good. I enjoyed it. And I know that they're having, that's not,

it's, if you haven't seen it, this could be spoilers in this, what I'm talking about now, so be ready. But it's about, basically about Jimmy Hoffa. Do you know who Jimmy Hoffa is?

Of course not. You're in there like, I was waiting for the, who's Jimmy Hoffa? Because you have no idea. He was union leader for the UAW for years. Is that another singer? Yes.

Yes, it is. Yeah. Yeah, yes, it is. He's from Greenland, and he toured the world, and then he's been missing since the 70s. He just disappeared. And so this movie, and I know it's got Robert Deere when it, and he's one of the big stars,

and you know how difficult it is for me? I mean, I love his work. And it goes back, it has the technology where it makes them younger again and older again, and they brought the character. It was really, it was fascinating. It was a cool story. I enjoyed the heck out of it.

And it's long, too. I mean, holy cow, it's like never ending. It's like three hours long. Have the pause button ready. I'm trying to get through as much fat as possible today for you. Once again, food that can feed and maybe save the planet bugs. Ever so often, every, for sure, every three months. But it's stepping up there, stepping up there.

game now. Every couple of months, they make the rounds again. They're making, they're trying to make bugs acceptable to the U.S. and the U.N. is trying and trying to make the United States bug friendly.

And I don't know that it's going to work, but they keep trying, man. They keep trying to shove bugs down our throat. And speaking of bugs, U.S. superbug deaths are falling. Yay! Yay!

But infections are on the rise. Huh. About 36,000 Americans died from drug-resistant infections in 2017, which was the last report. But the Centers for Disease and Control and Prevention, they're saying that the infections are on the rise. So there's a problem. Sure, the superbugs are killing less people, but more and more people are being infected. So have fun with that. Good luck.

God bless. Just maybe you should, I don't know, be careful. I mean, we had stories all the time about doctors saying, telling people not to put stuff in their vaginas. Parsley, toothpaste, garlic. I mean, okay. And then you're trying to tell me, I'm supposed to be surprised that infections are on the rise.

No, I'm not. When people are doing that, of course infections are on the rise. Although this story's been in the fat pile for a while, I keep passing it over, and it's really kind of an agonizing story. An Iowa man accused of possession of a fake ID while in a bar. All right? So the police arrested a 20-year-old man, Daniel Burleson,

because he had a drink in his hand, and he admitted that the drink had vodka in it and refused to show the officer his ID. He was taken outside the bar, and he showed the officers his real ID. which confirmed he was under 21. He admitted that already. I'm under 21.

Here's my real ID. No problem. I shouldn't have been drinking. Officers, and that's, you know, the bar is in trouble for that too as well. But when they asked him for his fake ID, he said he didn't have one. And then it went through his wallet, which,

he had a fake Hawaii. ID with the name Mick Loven. He said he got it from Amazon. Oh, don't be bad mouth on it. See another case where badmouthed on Amazon, man. Okay, so the card is inspired by the film Superbad, right? Where the character has the fake ID bearing the name, the McLevin. Hello?

It's a fake ID, which is really a fake ID. fun and yet he gets arrested for it so be careful make sure that your fake fake IDs aren't discovered by the police if you have a fake ID you know that's bad that's wrong but really make sure that your fake fake IDs for fun are hidden away Pablo Escobar man the family is just trying to milk whatever they can out of the Escobar name his brother now. Remember his wives are in the TV shows and his daughter's all over.

Now his brother launches a foldable smartphone. Okay, good luck. God bless. But he's got a bunch of models showing off the phone. It looks more like a mini tablet actually. But he might as well try to launch it than get you know the brother's money's done coming in.

Well, that's for sure. And so trying to, you know, still make some money off the Escobar name. Good luck. God bless. U.S. Court Rules Kentucky Man can get I'm God license plate. I mean, I'm a fan of the personalized license plates. If you follow me on Instagram, Jeff Fisher Radio, I post a lot of them.

License plate to the day. I love them. Some of them are pretty cool. Some of them are funny and some of are stupid. I just, I like them. and I usually post them on my Instagram Jeff Fisher Radio Sometimes they go to Facebook

Jeff Fisher Radio or Twitter At Jeffie JFR But most of the time it's just Instagram Because it's just a fun thing to do for Instagram But They were all wound up Because he wanted I'm God

And they were It was denied by the state But he's like Why would that be denied Oh, or you're not God and who's got so it's a license plate do you if if you see a license plate that says i'm god on it and think that it's really god that might be the issue not the person with the i'm god license plate now do i want the i'm god license plate no there are others that have been approved like try god

and no god so why wouldn't i'm god be put through uh and that's what's what's the court said. Uh, yes, it should be put through no problem. North Carolina man, as we dig through fat pile Friday or plow through fat pile Friday or eat our way through fat pile Friday on naked Friday as well. North Carolina man creates dating app that bars all other men. Now that is funny. It's just a dating app for him. I mean, that's all. That's That's the CTF dating app right there. Aaron Smith of Greensboro recruited a software engineer friend to develop the app called Singularity. The phone app features a rotation of different photos of Smith for any prospective daters who may contact him.

If life gives you lemons, you should first make lemonade, he said. Yeah. Then make sure no other companies can produce or distribute their own soft drinks. Yeah, right. It's the only game in town, lemonade. So he's out there promoting. promoting his new app, it's just a dating app for him. Good for him.

And, of course, I'm glad this didn't happen on Fisher Air, although it could have. A Chinese doctor had to think on his feet. When a passenger on his flight suffered a medical emergency. Now, the man suffered this medical emergency is sweating at a swollen belly. the family informed the crew that the traveler was previously diagnosed

with an enlarged prostate and was causing a blockage, the doctor figured, and he was, his life was at risk. So the doctor was going to have to try to get rid of all the urine that was blocking the man's bladder and swelling up. And he tried to do it one way

and couldn't. So he fashioned a makeshift catheter out of a plastic tubing from an oxygen mask. Straws from milk cartons, tape and a syringe from the aircraft's medical kit. And the needle on the device that he fixed up was too small to drain the urine. So he just decided to step in and he sucked it out himself. save the man's life there's video of it too I just want to say that

if you are on Fisher Air and I'm the one that could save you by putting a catheter in and then personally sucking the liquid out of you to quote Richard Pryor it looks like you ain't going to make it

Thank you.