Chewing the Fat with Jeff Fisher - Ep 36 | #DMVStories on Chewing The Fat

Episode Date: February 23, 2019

JEFFY Takes your calls about the DMV. The good, the bad and the rooster... Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

All right, so welcome to the DMV story podcast on Chewing the Fat with yours truly Jeff Fisher. And my, I hate to give my time. Yeah, okay. You're a producer. You can give you my official time the company's media producer. So I produce many shows. So you could just say media producer. You don't have to say my producer.

Because you're not. That's what I'm saying. You said media producer at Blaze Media. Is that your new email address? Media producer at Blaze Media. At Blaze Media. I mean, that's good. That's nice.

Media producer at blazmedia.com. So this all started because you, media producer at blazmedia.com, had issues at the DMV a couple weeks ago. And you were left there for hours and didn't accomplish what you went there to accomplish. And then as we talked about it, I told you to go to another particular DMV that I found through Keith Malenac's wife that is the bomb. So Keith. So Keith. No.

No? No. No. No. No. No. Don't even. Keith gets zero out of this.

In fact, Keith gets zero out of me. but so and I went there these people were top of the line and world class and I'm in and out take care of business and you did that right so you went to the DMV and they told you they couldn't take care of you you had all this problems that we discussed

so you end up going to the place I told you to go to and what happened I missed it because it's so tiny first of all I was like so I'm driving I almost called you that morning and went Dude, if you go by it, you could go back around. So I completely missed it. And the app said, you're here. Look to the left.

It's a car locked. Loose to the right, abandoned building. I'm like, this guy really trick me. It is 7 in the morning. No, 7.45 in the morning. He's got me running around looking at a little bit. You didn't think there was one out there, did you? Exactly.

So I was like, okay, I'll turn around. And it's this little tiny building. Well, I mean, it's not that tiny, but. from where I was in Carrollton. It's not a DMV super center. No, no, no. So I go in and I see there was about 10 people ahead of me. I'm like, oh, this is good.

So 7.45, I'm parked. I didn't go inside until they opened the door because there's only 10 people there. I'm not, it's fine. I go inside. Ladies, like, grab a ticket, paperwork. I'm like, no, I would have my paperwork. All I needed is, it's just like, okay, have a seat. Then I parked kind of illegally because there was no problem.

parking spot because there's only like 10 parking spots. So I waited for a couple people to go. That's not really. This is Chris Cruz's thought about the parking lot. There's more. There's plenty of places to park. He just didn't feel like going there when he pulled in. But go ahead.

Anyways. So I went outside to park my car legally. And then the lady that woke me, she's like, what are you doing here? I'm like, ma'am, you already say hello. I have a seat. Yeah, she don't mess around. Oh, she does. We're here for business.

Let's go. But I love, we're here for business. Yes. So what are you here for? I was number 66. They started number 51. I'm like, I'm in. Good.

Two hours later, I'm out. I am out. Taking care of. Taking care of. To the point where the lady tells me that I do not need a birth certificate and they lie to me. And then she goes, who did you talk to? I'm like, someone at the mega center. Give me a name.

I'm like, no. Honestly, I'm not protecting this person. Trust me, if I knew the name, I would have told you. She goes, where did you go? I'm like, go to Carleton. Hold on one second. Jimmy's a phone call calls them

you do know you don't need a birth certificate to 2020 right tell you're people I'm like ooh I love this lady three old ladies

rocked it amazing yeah they're great amazing and then you know I was like the lady was very nice and she scanned on my paperwork and she gave me my veteran discount

I didn't pay anything and then you just let us throw that in there just for me I did why did you have to move your car parked to leave Why didn't you just put your little veteran handicap sticker on? You park anywhere with that.

That lets you park anywhere with that. I got my veteran handicap. I can work anywhere I won't. Anyways, so she tells me that, you know, she's like, I'm sorry, but I have to confiscate your driver's licensing from Florida. No, that's fine. That's fine. And then she goes, do you own a car?

I'm like, no, but she stops me. Do you own a car under your name? No, but. I don't need to know anything else. I don't know. Don't tell me what I don't want to know. Don't. Because if you tell me, I got to do something about it.

And I was like, no, ma'am, I do not own a vehicle under my name. Okay. We're good. Have a good day. I'm like, that's it. The only thing that kind of bothered me was not having a driver's sizes. I walk out with a piece of paper. Yeah, that comes in the mail.

It doesn't take very long. That's stupid. That's the way they do it. I know. It's a cop-out to say that's the way they do it, but that's the way they do it. Yeah. Yeah. And that's the only thing that was like, okay.

I'm not really sure why they do it that way They've probably got to deal with some prison That prints up the driver's licenses So they get a cheaper deal Okay I don't know If they're doing that then that's fine If they're doing that I'm happy They're probably saving the state

You know 100,000 a year or something Because they've got Ward 5 And Prison 5 printing up license plates I don't know It's kind of upsetting that a prisoner has my shirt address now Oh he doesn't really They don't really look at it My gosh do you didn't think prisoners

Would you? they just there to print them up. But thanks to you in and out in two hours. Yeah. And two hours at the DMV is like a godsend. Oh, it's 20 minutes. Now, I told you a way to defeat the two hours. I've been to the one, the last place I went to for tags, new tags.

I went in there one afternoon and it was full. The fullest I've ever seen this place. This is different than the DMV. It's a DMV, but it's not a DMV because you can't get licenses there or anything. It's just for insurance purposes and land taxes and just another building that you can go to to pay your money to the state. But so I go in and it's full of whatever I've ever seen it. And I'm sitting there and I watch, I watch them. They've got the little, you got your ticket, right?

They still, yes, they are the ticket. Yep. And you go up and you, you know, 24. Is it a person or a computer? 24. No, well, the person says, so you got, well, how? How many people are working? Hold on a second.

I just got my foot caught it. What the heck is going on here? Okay. Is it the knee again? It is. Yeah, no, I need a new knee desperately. You told me you need a new help. Yeah, let's not talk about that.

What's going on? Yeah, I know. I just joints are going to hell. Sad. I know. Thank you, though, for caring. And so I'm sitting there, and I watch it. So you take your ticket and you sit down,

I understand how many other people are there. And then the people working, you've got like maybe one, two, three, four, five, or six ladies. Sometimes guys, I got it, but mostly ladies. Most this ladies, stop it. Because most guys, most guys are like, I can't work here. So, and they call your number. So let's say your number, I picked 100, right?

And I'm 100. So, and they've got the number clock behind them, right? So they turn, each workstation has a little button pusher. And they turn and they go, oh, 26 was last. 27, and they hit the button. Right? And the button goes to 27. And then they wait.

They wait for 27 to stand up and come up. And they wait for a little bit. And if 27 doesn't stand up and come up, they go 27. And they look again. If you haven't come up after the second time, they go, all right, no, 27. And they turn like this, 28. Okay?

And they look at 28 comes up or it doesn't. But that's when I realized I'm like, I should have just gone up. Why didn't I just go up when she said 27? I mean, nobody's here to do that. So that's when I decided the next time that nobody comes up, I'm breaking the line. I'm not waiting here forever. And so, you know, the time we got to 30, 30, nobody stands up. And I'm like, I'm giving it a shot.

You got nothing to lose. And you say, so I've got my ticket in my hand. With the number 100. 30, second time, right? So you got to get it right at the last moment before they switch to 31, right? So you got that second time of 30 And she's looking back To hit the 31

You go, I got 30 Oh 30 You're good She turns around You walk right up as good I'm fat It worked Every time

What's the worst can happen All right So here's the worst that can happen They don't look at the ticket You throw it, oh yeah 30 I'm sorry I was daydreaming You throw it away All right

John you're up You throw the basket there Or you even crumple it up And just give it to them They don't look at it Yeah I hope that you don't Oh yeah 30 Oh hey

Okay, so let's say they do that. Let's say you're, you're balzy enough to go. Yep, 30. Oh, it's daydreaming. There you go. And you give it to them to throw away. You can throw this away for me? And they look at it.

Hey, this is a 30. This is 100. Okay, so what happens now, right? They either go, you either go, really? Well, I'm here. Just help me. Or they get pissed. And they say, you're not 30.

Take your hundred back. Don't be trying to break the line. Go sit down. Right? So they're mad at you. Okay. You had to sit anyway. true right yeah you're going to sit anyway now they might take the hundred and say go pick a new ticket

then you're going to have to wait a little bit longer right because they're pissed at you now you're not going to break the line and you have to go back and get like 1 30 or 140 that'd be that you know that's the worst could happen that's the worst it could happen that it costs you another extra 30 or 40 minutes to an hour if if they throw you back and make you draw another ticket all right it's 50 50 right there or they and they either say say, oh, just sit down. What are you doing? I'm sorry.

All right, oh, that's not 30? No, it's 100. I'm from Puerto Rico. I thought that was 30. It's three numbers, right? 30. Or they end up going, give me this.

And they help you. And they help you because you're already there. Right? And they realize that nobody was coming up for 30. So they might as well just wait on you. You came up. Let's worry. So there's all kinds of chances to happen, right?

And the best case scenario, they don't look at all. and you just wait on you and you walk out. And you walk out and when you turn around, the people that came in about the same time you did. Give you that love. I'm looking at you like, you son of you. JD in Florida, welcome to hashtag DMV Stories Day on Chewing the Fat. How are you?

I'm doing great. How are you? I am so freaking good. I've never seen times better. So I appreciate you participating in DMV Story Day. So you're calling from Florida Is your DMV story from Florida? Yeah, the only DMVs I've ever been to

I've been in Florida. Oh, that might be lucky or not lucky? Well, I'd say I've never really had an issue. I've been to one in Miami. I live in a small town north of Tampa. So I've never really had an issue at our DMV. The only thing I would say that's of note at our DMV, You have two choices in our county, and it comes to when you're doing your driver's test,

you want to pick the DMV that has the roads that don't have curbs on them. So whenever you're doing your three-point turn, you don't run into that. But that's the only thing I've ever heard. So what county is that? Pasco, Hernandez. Citrus County. Oh, citrus. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Manitie Capital of the world. Right. I love citrus county. but yeah so I've never I've never had any so you've had no issues I mean they've all been good to you you've gone in your end your you're zip in you zip in you zip out it's all good I've never had to take a number nothing I hear the horror stories and I know no idea with that wow citrus county Florida congratulations you're it baby they do have it going I love that all right JD thank you man I appreciate it ain't a problem thank you take care thanks for

listening to Chewing the Fat, too. I appreciate it. James in Arizona, welcome to hashtag DMV stories on hashtag Chewing the Fat Day. Welcome, James. How are you? I'm doing great. Thanks for taking my call, Jeff. Absolutely. I'm glad you're participating in the DMV Stories Day. Now, you're calling from Arizona, so is your DMV story from Arizona? It's actually from Colorado. Okay. All right. So are you going to say what a great place, Colorado is? It is a great place to live. But I was once a DMV employee.

Oh, nice. What happened? Anyway, are you retired? I'm retired now. Okay. Did you retire from the different? No, don't, we're not, do slow down on your story here for just a second. We're going to back up a little bit.

I want to know a little bit about your DMV life. Did you work for 30 years for the DMV world or in retire? or did you work there and say, I can't take it anymore and went someplace else? Well, I worked there for about nine years and said, I can't take it anymore. Was it dealing with all the everyday walks of life coming in to deal with, or was it the fellow employees? No, I love the people I worked with. It was fun, actually kind of fun to work there, but dealing with the public.

every day. Yeah. It was the all walks of life. It was really my deal. Yeah. That could get a little bit irritating. I can see that. All right.

So Colorado DMV. Okay. So we're sitting there and this lady pulls up. I'm in my station in the office. This lady pulls up with two young girls in the car. She runs into the office to get a number, you know. Everybody wants to get in line at the MB. Right.

Leaves her two girls. in the car I think I'm just theorizing here I think she left the thing running and it and in drive and it jumped the curb oh my God so here comes this the Chevrolet suburban I think it is or large SUV and comes crashing through the windows and the wall and there's glass breaking and people screaming and all kinds of glass You know, just metal crunching. And this vehicle drives literally, just idles in, completely into the office. And the lady who happened to go in and grab the ticket reaches in the window and shuts it off.

And this thing, the bumper is like three feet from the counter. I mean, it is entirely in the office. Is she just waiting her turn now? Yeah. So did any, I mean, obviously, obviously. People were run over and it was a horrific melee. Did anyone get hurt at all? No, that's the big thing about it is no one even got a scratch.

Wow. We weren't very busy that day. And the kids in the car were okay? Yeah, they were okay. And I think that the kid in the car actually got charged for something, driving without a license or something. I don't know. Really?

Yeah. So the kids, the one that got in trouble, I guess. I don't know. Wow. Mom's hanging the kid out to drive. Mom runs in to get the ticket. And then hangs the kid out to drive. I don't know what that kid was doing. I put it in park. That's amazing. Yeah, it was quite a for about a minute there. Yeah. Now, did you shut down for the rest of the day or I hope you stayed open? You bastards, the DMV. Yeah, I'm a, I'm a bassist. at the DMV.

No, we actually had to shut down. We had to board all the windows up and everything. Oh, still open for business. Yeah. Yeah. It was like February in 2014. You can actually look the incident up, but I've got pictures and everything.

Nice. Do you take selfies, you and the lady, with her ticket, waiting in line with the SUV? Nice. No. No. No, I didn't. That's great.

James, thank you very much, man. I appreciate you calling, and thanks for listening to Chewing the Fat. Okay, I love you, show. Thank you, Jeff. Talk to you later. DMV stories on Chewing the Fat continues. Grant in Ohio, welcome to it. How are you?

How are you doing, Jevy? I am so good. I don't believe I've ever seen times better. Yeah, I don't really care. I know, I don't either. Yeah, so I went to this particular BMV in Ohio. It was like a super BNV. be, I guess, a regional center.

Yeah, the hubs. A little bit larger, yeah. And when you walked in the door, there was a little vestibule in there that you could either go to the left or go to the right. I went to the left, grabbed my ticket, sat down, waited about 40 minutes, got up to the counter, and they told me I had to go to the other side. So I go over there, grab another ticket, wait over an hour this time, and I was just to renew my license. So that was a fun of my birthday.

Wow. So when you walk in, now most of the time, and I realize that all DMVs are not made equal, but most of the time there is a person at least asking you, what are you doing here? Right. So at least they do have some sort of band director there saying go to the left or go to the right. Right. That particular one, they had no signage. They didn't have anybody telling you where to go.

The side that I went to originally was for if your license was suspended or something like that. So they couldn't help me apparently just renew my license. And by the way, the issue of a person that does that go to left or right is very rude and very old. And I hate that. Why you have to be so rude when I'm coming to ask for help? Because they're not there to help. They're just there to point you in the right direction. Don't be rude.

I'm not here to help you. Doesn't matter. I know you need help. That's for those people in there. All right. I'm here to guide you in the right direction. Don't ask me for any help. Go to the right.

what do you need what do you need you need a new license go to the right get a ticket sit down and shut the hell up geez i should work for the DMV grant thanks a lot man i appreciate it thank you jepard it's appreciate you thanks for listening to you in the fat too man oh seriously that's that's their job yeah but you know but those positions turn you into rude people i don't think you're rude going in i don't think you're rude going i think you're i think you're become rude because people expect you to help them with their problems and you're not there to help them with their problems. You're there to assist them on where they need to go to get their problems fixed. Yeah, but my taxes pays for your check. Oh, shut up with your taxes stuff. I'm

sick of hearing that too. My God, I need to work for the DMV. I do. I should work for him because I can pull it off. Because I, you know, we got it. Yes, sir. Your taxes pay for my salary. Thanks. Remind me. Go to the right. Pick your little ticket up and sit there. I noticed that are they the only people are keeping the ticket printers? I think they are. Those people are now, there's several delis at grocery stores that still use them to.

You know, the busy grocery stores still use them. Because you go in, you got... Number 30, I'm not picking a freaking two, okay? I'm standing right here. There's three people in front of me. Give me my ham. Okay. Do you have a ticket? A pound of the Black Forest hamper. I can't help you if you don't have a ticket. Yeah, I have a ticket.

Okay, I pick one up off the floor. I'm not a ticket on it. Here you go. That's my ticket. Those are the only places that are keeping them alive, right? The delis and a few grocery stores and the DMV. That's it. Because the one that you sent me to had the old-fashioned red pull ticket.

Yeah, the ticker ticket. Yeah, those are great. I love those. Those always like throwbacks. Oh, barbershops still use tickets. No, they do not. Yes, they do. No, they do not.

Yes, they do. What barbershop are you going to that hasn't still used the ticket? You walk in the barbershops? You're right there. That's what I said, but a Hispanic barbers, I go to. Oh, that figures. They have, what does that mean? Does it just figures.

Go ahead with your story. No, no, what does that mean? Just tell the story. They have the ticket. That's the story. But what does that mean? The barbers, they got like 80 chairs? No, they got four and four, so eight chairs.

And they need tickets? Yeah. Yeah, that figures it's a, I think you know what I mean. Amanda in Wisconsin. How are you? Hello, how are you? Hey, good. How are you?

Doing good. What's up? Well, my husband told me to give you all the call because he thinks it's hilarious that I got actually a rooster here at work from a customer. What work are you at? I work at the DMV. Oh, nice. Nice. Thank you.

So you're actually at the DMV now. I'm actually working right now. I mean, we'll talk quiet. Don't tell anybody. Okay, so right now people are waiting to get stuff done for you to call their number. and you're talking to me. So I love that. Thank you.

I'm a typical state employee there. Thank you very much. So a couple of questions, all right? Do you ever get tired of dealing with, you know, people like me? No. Just the everyday people that come in. Well, it's the same questions that you get over and over when you even, the state mails out letters for you to all read before you come in. Like, you know, have a birth certificate, somebody over there.

Have a birth certificate before you come in. I understand people are so stupid that way. I know you guys are not talking about me. I know you guys are not talking about me. And we were open on Monday, just FYI, I think all state. What? Texas was closed. No, Texas was closed, though.

Oh. I guess so. Yeah, Texas was closed. So, okay, so did someone pay you today with a rooster? Almost, no. No, he was just giving it away, and there was no one here, so we had the rooster. clucking around and roostering because it was a pretty slow day because it was on a Monday where they thought everyone was closed.

That's fantastic. Wisconsin. So the guy brought in his emotional support rooster and just had it with him? Well, now it's mine. So that's why it just hangs out here with me. He left it for you? Yeah. That is great.

And you didn't even bring it home. You just left it at the DMV? That's how much you think of the DMV. What do you do with the poor rooster at night? Does he just clucking around all by himself? Yeah, we're connected to the DMV. DOT side, so they are not really too happy with us with them clicking. Yeah, no kidding.

So do you feed it and leave it in its water? Does they have a little resting place there at the DMV for night? Or is you just find a chair and poop in it? Yeah, usually just finds a chair. Hopefully it's the boss's chair and it's just that. No. It's a good bird. It's a nice one, so.

Well, of course. I mean, there is not any other kind that you'd leave at the DMV. What name do we have it for, given? right now. Rudy the rooster. Rudy the rooster. Now this isn't Wisconsin? Yes, it is. Okay, now you don't have to tell me where in Wisconsin, but where?

Yeah, it's pretty north. Like, people get pulled over drunk driving on their lawnmowers, and that is a true fat. Oh, yeah, we've seen those stories. Yeah, we have. Yeah, those are the type of people that come in to see you with the birth certificate. I hate those people. Yeah, well, they also, we have snowmobile. trails here. Oh yeah, a bunch of them, right. Yeah, and so crazy just get drunk and drive on them

and get lost on them and call the cops because they're lost, and they come in here looking to get a different license. It's crazy. I love you, Amanda. I love you. Get a different license. You mean they want to try to sneak one? No, the occupational license. Like, you know, drive certain times. Right, right, right, right. Yeah. So, and so what do you do, do you just, are you just an overall DMV helper person there? Um, no, I do road test also. Oh, okay. And then, yeah, we just take your money and...

So how many times have you come close to losing your life on a, you know, road test? Oh, yeah, that actually is real. That happens a couple times a month. Really? These junksters don't look before they drive. Yeah, I know. Don't you drive like, don't you have the car with the brake on the other side, so you're breaking for them? No, we drive when their car...

Oh, that's right. You got to be their car. Yeah. But the funny ones are the ones that have those IIDs, those Intaxilax. So they're blowing while we're grabbing. You know. They keep beeping and we're like, oh, my goodness, is this going to like pull over? Yeah.

Let me ask you a question now. So you have that in Wisconsin. I know someone that has that in Florida. And like if you, when they give you the beep, like, hey, you got to blow, it doesn't matter where you're at. I've been in that car where the car is traveling at 65, 70 miles an hour. And if you got to blow. and if it doesn't accept it right away, it starts to slow down. You're on the interstate.

It just starts to slow down. And, you know, that person, whoever it might be is busy, who, blowing into the blower trying to get it accepted. It is dangerous. How can that be legal? Really. I'm talking to you about law right now.

Amanda, I don't care that you work at the DMV. How could you let that be legal? It's crazy, right? So these people, you have people looking for a driver's license that still have the blower device on their car? Yeah. Well, because it's, got out of jail and they

lost their license like for over eight years so they got to start all over again but they still have to blow her on they do because they still have to go through whatever they're right the mandatory testing right oh that hurts so what number you guys on right now one number what

oh she's talking to a customer right now don't worry about we're at work too Amanda don't worry about it we're all at work oh punch voicer just throw this in a junk truck junker There's your license. It will get me out to about three to five business days. She's working, too. I've in love with her.

At that, in 10 business days, please reach out to that number. Okay. All right. You have a great day. See, you'll have a great day. Amanda, that's so nice. That was really nice. Well done.

So what number was he? No, he was C-142. Oh, okay. C-142, yeah. Yeah. Do you have to go for C-143 or 44 now, or you just making them wait? because you're just you. No, next one will be an R ticket.

An R ticket? Yeah, it's who they come in, what they're coming here for. She's not telling me that. She's telling me that. She's got some trainee there. No, I'm telling me that. She's telling you that.

Because it sounds like ever so often I get the, I get the mumble phone. She's hiding. Oh, she's hiding. Okay, yeah. I hide behind my computer while I. Okay, good. Good.

Thank you. I appreciate it, man. I love you for this. I mean that. I mean that. I'm going to send you a rooster, not. But I would, if I could, if I could, I would. If I had a rooster to send you, I would.

Good. Well, I need some hens now. I need a friend. Oh, that's a good point. Now, let me ask you a question. Now, a couple things. If someone were to send a hen to you, would you just let the head on the rooster cluck around at night by themselves doing whatever they do? Leave them in the garage, yeah. Oh, okay, okay. They got further wings, right? That's absolutely right. So what's the worst besides, like, have you been in actual actual? Accidents are close to dying with the driving? No, it's close to dying.

Close. Kids like to see a solid green, and they think they can make a left turn when oncoming traffic is coming. And there's literally a semi that's like going to turn on the other direction. So they cannot see past that semi. But they'll see a solid green, so they just want to go. So they're just going to go. And then there's been several times there's like a cement trunk that almost hit us. And there's people that just the kids freeze.

And you're like, oh, my God, go, go, go. Go, if you're going to go, go, go, don't freeze. It's like, oh, my goodness. Or they go and say, like, we're doing a merge. They don't look over the shoulder enough, and they just floor it. Like, no, stop. That's great. You know, that was the one thing.

I remember my drivers, I'm going to give you a little hint. I remember on my driver's test, my original driver's test, back in, I don't know, 1812. I remember making a left-hand turn onto the road, and I turned into the middle lane. And that you can't do. You're supposed to turn into the closest lane. Right? Because you're making left-hand turn. That's the only thing I got wrong on my driver's test. I turned into the middle lane.

You can't do that. That's illegal. And I was so angry. People like you, Amanda, make them be mad. Amanda, do you have a Twitter or Facebook? Can you post a picture of your rooster? You don't have to be with you. We just want to see the rooster. Yeah, I do have a Twitter.

There you go. So tag. Shoe in the fat. Hashtag two of the fat. DMV stories. Take a picture of that rooster. We want to see that rooster. Yeah, absolutely.

A tag, absolutely, that'd be great. We want to see Rudy the rooster. Oh, she's helping the other one. That's it? Chewina's fat, DMV stories. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Two different hashtag, yeah, two different hashtag. Shoe in the Fat, and then hashtag DMV stories.

Fantastic. All right. I got to get back to me, y'all. Hey, Amanda, you're great. Thank you very much. Tell your husband, thank you, too. I love him, too. Yeah, I don't know.

He was right about that one. Yes, he was. Bye-bye. That's Amanda in Wisconsin. I love that. We also have Doug in Indiana, Jeffrey. Are you ready for Doug in Indiana? Doug in Indiana.

Welcome to DMV stories on Chew and the Fat. How in the world are you? And he's a truck driver. Nice. Are you on the road right now? I am. I mean, is there a way that you could prove it? Possibly.

All right. Thank you. Yeah. I live in Tennessee, and we moved to a new house about 20 minutes away in a different town. So I went in just trying to update. The address changed, yeah? The address changed. And because I have a CDO, you've got to bring certain documents.

And I have hazmat, so they're a little more particular. Doug, you're the man. I wasn't the first time. Thanks. Are you an EMT, too? Just checking? No, no, no. No.

So I went in and that one document was good. Next one wasn't. And so, of course, you know, I have to go back home. It's too late to get back. I got to leave the next day to go make my delivery. I deliver a long haul. So it's another week and a half before I get home to try again. Right.

I sat down, read through the document specifically. The second document, I brought in a water bill. I pay my water bill online, so I logged in, printed off the bill, took it in. handed it to the lady and she said, oh, I'm sorry, that won't work. It doesn't have the website address on the top of the page. Oh, shut it. Did you tell her shut up? I have said, you've got to be kidding me.

I stood in line for an hour and a half waiting here for you just to tell me that this won't work when it's a document listed on your acceptable documents. Thank you. And it's a document here. I'll bring up the website on my phone for you. Okay, there it is. And then I even went, it was early enough in the day, I went back to the water department themselves, and because I do it online, they don't have the actual physical bill.

They printed a page off, and they wouldn't accept that either. What? You've got to be kidding me. Now, let me ask you a question. Have you since got this resolved, or are you still driving around with your, because I would, I would have still been living at the old address? That's right. I told my wife, I was like, you know, I'm sick of this.

I'm just going to leave it. And then I said, I know my luck. I'll get pulled over and get a ticket. And then I'll get another one for not having the right address. Well, yeah, but when you get pulled over, here's a tip for you, Doug. When you get pulled over and they ask where you live, say the right address that's on the exactly. So, yeah, I did finally get it resolved.

Okay. And at the same place, I mean, finally after you went out back on the road and you finally got some, got a paper that had the website listed on the top. You were good? Correct. I was waiting. I had to add my name, our electric bill, within my wife's name. So I just added my name to the bill, so both of our names were on it.

And then took that. That's amazing. That's amazing. Doug, thank you very much, man. I appreciate it. Be safe out there on the road, okay? Hey, let me ask you a question, Doug. How's some of the new trucking rules handling you?

I know this is DMV story day, but I'll have there's some great new rules for the truckers and I'm a big fan of you guys. as you know that. As a matter of fact, I'll tell you how wonderful they are. My 14-hour clock is going to run out 15 minutes before I get home tonight. So I have to stop. Right. And my wife's got to come pick me up.

That's good. That's good. That makes a lot of sense, doesn't it? It does. It does. It's great. It makes a lot of sense. All right.

Well, be safe out there, Doug. I appreciate it very much. And bless your heart for listening to Chewing the Fat, too. I appreciate it. I love it. Thanks, guys. Have good day. See it.

You are smack dab. in the middle of hashtag DMV stories on hashtag chewing the fat. Corey in Pennsylvania, you are on the program. How are you? I'm saying, Jeff, how you doing, bud? I am better than ever. So, Corey, is you're a DMV story having to do with Pennsylvania or another great state in this country?

Well, actually, it has to do with another great state. I live in PA. This is back in 2008. I live in Colorado. Another Colorado one. I go out there. Yeah. I was actually out there for the whole D&C thing, unfortunately.

Oh. I moved out there for work. Yeah, it was a very joyous time. So I had to go out there, get an identification. I go into the DMV, which looked like the League of Nations in all honesty. It was pretty crazy in there. Wow. We get the number.

No more than five minutes of me sitting there. Gentleman comes, and he smells very distinct in his odor. You mean like Ralph Lauren Carl Lagerfeld Ralph Laurenne I don't know if you've ever heard that I just spelled that one Colen

As a matter of fact I have yeah And Ralph does not want to be affiliated with that by the way The gentleman sat down And the the Cologne overwhelm The area And you know I'm trying to sit there There's really nowhere to go You know

And I finally finally He couldn't take it after maybe, I don't know, three minutes, which felt like an eternity. I bet. I get up. I walk around, and I realize when I had gotten up, the gentleman was an obese gentleman. You know, he was heavier set. You know, I don't mean to drop the old. Yeah, easy.

I know. Thank you. Yes. So he was a, he was a, you know, his skeleton was larger. So the gentleman actually, the, the, his, his, his poop was on the seat. Oh, that's so bad. They literally this guy has had no shame. He just sat there.

He didn't care. They had, you know, I needless to say, I chose another day to go to the DMV and get my identification and everything. I probably would have to. I was lucky I would have barfed at that probably. I was lucky. I tell everybody the story. I was lucky that I was only there for a very short period times. Not like I waited there for too long and then it happened.

So that was the only silver lining in that story. Right. I showered and, you know, I forget that. as often as possible. I mean, you shower and you got to go run by the store and get some nose dush and clean that stuff out, man, because it stays with you. Actually, I ran right to the local mall and I picked up some that, that Ralph Lorette same blend.

So I got that call on. Hey, Jeffrey, I love you guys, man. I can't believe they let you go on the radio and never and your own show by yourself. I love you guys, man. Thank you. Thank you very much. I appreciate it, man. You take care.

Be safe out there. Thanks for listening. Seriously, I believe that I may have actually. I probably would have barfed. I can only take so much of that really and it's very tough for me too I mean I don't like that whole the body odor the poop odor

the urine odor I can kind of you might be able to get away with a little bit but number two oh that's barf material and so he would have been and I would have barfed on the poop person I would not have thrown up anywhere else barf on him yeah now

or her being a large bone obese person he was still not that bad because he was moving around, right? Because when you get to be an obese person where you're not moving, that's when you start really you need cleaners, you know, people coming in and hosing you down and stuff. Yeah, a cleaner, not cleaners. So I said cleaners.

Why would the S at the end? What do you mean? A cleaner. Cleaners. You need more than one person? Sometimes? Yeah, sometimes because it's tough. You know, you got to pick up this and hose and slide down and pick this up and hose and pick up

and wash. I mean, my God, man, have you not been obese? No. Anyway. Because that's what, I mean, you, when you watch any of the shows that make you feel better about yourself, say like for an example, sex 100 pound life, you realize that there are, there's different points of purchase to obesityness. You know, there's the point of athletically overweight. There's the point of, man, I could still walk a little, but I want to be in this cart. You know, I can get up and I want to be in this cart.

Then there's the point of I get out of bed about every third day. You know, I don't want to get out of bed every day. It's too much work. It's too much battle. Just bring me some food and I'll wash off a little bit, but I'm not going to get up and move around about a third day. And then there's, by the time you reach the point of it's been a couple weeks since you've gotten out of bed, you know, but you do finally get out of bed, but then it's another couple of weeks. But you get to that point, at some point in that in that time frame, you're like,

you're not getting out anymore. It's just where you live. You live in the bed. And, but to be able to move around and still be pants full of number two and smelling and that ick body odor smell and the ick number two smell, oh, that, that's nasty. that's nasty and that stuff lingers. I mean, I hope that place hosed the whole, you know they didn't, but I hope they hosed it down, you know.

I remember, it has nothing to do with DMV, but I was, we were in, uh, uh, Sam's Club one night. And, you know, Sam's clubs had their little dining area, and you get pizza and hot dogs or whatever. And so we were getting pizza or something with the kids and we were there. And a couple tables over, this little girl sits down with, you know, one of the big Sam's Club hot dogs and takes a bite and then proceeds to barf, everywhere.

I had to leave. I mean, it was, I could, had I looked any longer, I would have, I would have barfed right with her. Well, I had to leave. And it was, and then I come in and they're cleaning it up.

When cleaning ladies are there, cleaning it up like it's nothing. Uh, no, uh, not for me. No. Maybe we get the fire hose in and we hose everything off and wash it all down, but that's about as close as I'm getting.

All right, I'll tell you a quick DMV story that was emailed to me. Uh, so I had to get a new license plate down here in Florida. I paid the stupid fine online and had sent it to the house. When it arrived, it read J-I-Z-183. I thought nothing of it. I put it on my car.

I stood back and looked. J-I-Z-I-8-3. And I thought, oh, hell no. I went inside, went online to figure out what I could do legally to get the DMV without driving that much. I went to one office and it said the next day I got to. up and went to another DMV and told them I had to change my license plate and they asked why I had it to them and looked at me like I was dumb I told them I find the plate offensive they told me there'd be a charge for changing my plate and I told them I don't care then they entered the plate number into the database and said yeah this series has been recalled so I got the plate changed waiting and uh you know for free and they changed it but they recalled spell it again J-I-Z I-8-3.

Are you seriously writing it? You need it to be written down in front of you? Yeah, I don't get it. This is why it takes so long for things to be recalled in America. And his boyfriend apparently thought that it was funny and said at least you were the girl who got J-I-Z I-8-9. Thanks for listening to hashtag DMV stories on hashtag Chewing the Fat today. I'll leave you with this story, one that was emailed to me. And all of you who called, thank you very much.

I appreciate it. But this story out of New Mexico, I earned my ham radio. This is what they drive you to as DMV perpetrators. I earned my ham radio license and thought it would be cool to get a ham radio vanity plate. I mailed my request in that you have to download but can't submit online. They're still living in the 90s, apparently. I got the paper registration in the mail in November of last year, 2018.

Never got the plate. I've called multiple times, been put on hold for 45 minutes each time. The responsible department for making the plate hasn't responded to emails when I email them to inquire about it. They finally gave me a direct number to call for the person responsible for the department. I called it every day for a week, leaving a message each time with no response. I call the main number again, and after being put on hold for 45 minutes, I got the same person who helped me a couple of weeks ago. He gave me the direct number for the manager over the previous person I was calling. As of today, I still have gotten no answer as to why I don't have a plate yet.

I'm driving a car that if an officer runs the plates, it will come back as unregistered. I have the paperwork, and I have the paper registration in my car. Hopefully they'll understand what's going on, and when I explain the story. story to them. Yeah, you know what they're going to do? Say, no, I don't understand. Here's a ticket. Go in front of a judge. Good luck with that, man. Good luck. Adrian, welcome to DMV stories on chewing the fat. How are you? I'm doing well. How are you? I am so freaking good, but you don't really care. So what's up? Is your DMV story in Virginia? Yeah, actually, it goes back to when Tim Kane was governor. So it's a fun

story. When he was governor, he decided. This doesn't have anything to do with blackface, does it? No, no. Okay, okay, go ahead. We've got more of those coming, I think. I think so, too. With Tim Kane, he decided the budget was an issue, so he shut down the DMV on

Wednesdays. Why Wednesdays? I think it was just to make everybody, you know, everybody's life hell. He probably didn't think of it that way, though. I bet you, I bet you if you looked that up, I bet you was thinking that he was going to give everybody a midweek break. Yeah, he was going to make it easy on the staff. Right.

Well, that's the thing is it caused this backlog to where people were, you know, waiting for hours the few days that they were. And so they give you this little number when you get in there. And it's almost like going to a T.J. Max, they're like, now serving B12. Oh, T.J. Max has those two? Because I know the deli's doing stuff. Okay, go ahead.

Well, they get that pleasant voice that sounds like, you know, like alien, like when the ship is going to fall in the street. Now serving 122. Yeah, it's just pleasant voice, even though you're in the middle of hell. So what I decided to do, knowing that it was going to be ours, they didn't tell you how long. I just kind of took a risk, you know, I just took a gamble on it. And I got my number. I went next door to the Applebee's. and ate lunch.

There you go. You know, medium rare, so it didn't take too long. Finished up my steak, walked in, saw everybody looking at me all bellyache in and just pissed off. And then probably 10 minutes later, they call my number. Nice. That's a good plan. Yeah, you've got to take the rest sometimes.

And really, this is a business, a million-dollar idea for some restaurant out there. What you should do is when you open up next to the DMV, just put the speaker phone in the restaurant. So when people come by, they can order their food and just wait for the DMV to call your number. Or like an app. You can do like not a TV, but DMV each. Nice. Or a hot dog cart.

Oh, my gosh. $3 million ideas right there. That's amazing. There you go. Adrian, thank you very much, man. I appreciate it. Thanks for listening to Chewing the Fat, too. Thank you.

Sonia in Georgia. You are on DMV stories with Chewing the Fat. How in the World are? I'm great. So is your DMV story in the great state of Georgia or another great state here in the United States of America? It actually is from Ohio. Oh, another Ohio. To Georgia.

Yes. When I was 19, I had to renew my license. And as I went in, I waited through the wonderful line. Right. I got done with the line. And they had to give me a vision test. and I bombed on the vision test. I did not see a dumb thing.

And they yelled at me throughout the entire place as I'm leaving, shouting, there is no way we're going to give you a license. What? As a 19-year-old kid, I was publicly shamed in my hometown as I went out for. And there was no way they were giving me a license without a further eye exam. So I had to humble myself, leave in tears, go get my eyes checked, get glasses, and then come back. So I was already dealing with a handicap. I am 4-11, so I hear that's a handicap. Stop it.

Stop it. No, we're stopping. Stania. Stop. Stop. Stop. All right. I'll give you some vision issues.

All right, but just because you're a little height impaired, I don't give me the handicapped stuff. you stop it. But go ahead. Go ahead. So then I did have to go get my vision checked, went back with my glasses. Right. And it was a totally different situation. It was, you know, okay, you got your glasses. You did what we asked. So you're done. Yeah. How about not vision sharing, shaming me? How about that? That'd be nice. I don't care who you are. Nobody deserves that. Right. Whether you're six, eight or four eleven. Nobody deserves. that. And we had, there was several witnesses in,

and they stopped my mother later on in town and told her how rude the lady was to me. Oh, good. The whole thing. Yeah, it was great. Good. That's good news. And maybe somebody, you know, they actually did something about it then because that was uncalled for. But now on the flip

side of that, I mean, I want to thank that lady for keeping blind people off the roads. True. True. Absolutely true. I'm happy, you know, I'm sorry for how it went about for you, but I'm happy that they made you get glasses to drive on the road. Absolutely. Yes.

Sonia, thank you very much. I appreciate it. And thanks for listening to Chew and the Fat, too. Thank you very much. Lori in Wyoming, welcome to DMV stories on chewing the fat. How are you? Thank you. Hi, I'm great.

Coldly, great. Oh, yeah, I bet. So is your DMV story from the great state of Wyoming? It is. What's happened? What happened to you? Did somebody, did you have to get a lot? license to ride a cattle in Wyoming or something?

No, my son wanted to get a driver's license and he actually hit a car in the parking lot on his way with the instructor in the car. Oh. And then that's only part of the funny part. Yeah, no, it's funny when your kids getting in a car wreck. That's funny. Well, what it was funny when it was like, you know, in the parking lot of the DMV. Did he back up into a car or just drive it and bang into it?

I think he just kind of, when he was backing up, he's side-time. Yeah, yeah, that is funny. Six weeks later, they give him a driver's license, and about a week later, he rolls the car. Then, Getsu shows up to help him put the car back right-side up, none other than the DMV tester. Is he a part-time job with the record company or something? I don't know. That's really funny. It's ironic that this guy shows up and puts his car back up in, like, a week earlier he had given him his driver's license.

So, Lori, let me ask you this question. And I don't mean this. I mean, I mean this from the bottom of my heart, my loving heart. I mean, is your son okay today? Oh, yeah. He's not been injured in another crash. He's not. Nope.

Nope. He's certainly fine. Was there a third one in there? So he got three out of the way and now he's fine? I don't know. I think he's trying to keep up with. me because when I was a teenager I rolled a couple of Volkswagen. Wow, what are you doing?

I know. He might be trying to keep up with his mom. I mean, how did you? Okay, well, let's first. I mean, I've driven a lot of cars and I've crashed a number of them. Trust me, I've crashed a number of them. But I've not rolled one. And how did you, did you roll down some sort of Wyoming ravine or what?

No, they were actually both in California. Some kind of California ravine? My brother rolled his in California. What the hell is going on with your family? I know. Wow. We're competitive. Somebody's at the door hunt.

Nope, that was just a car rolling through the front room. I know. His did. His went right through a cabin. So you rolled two Volkswagen. Two bugs? Yeah, Volkswagen bugs. Uh-huh.

Seriously, what happened? Please, Tom. I have to know. When I fell asleep at the wheel going like 70. Oh, yeah. I crashed a car really bad sleeping like that. Yeah. And then the other time I just was turning too fast, and it just tipped over.

But there was like 10 people, 10 guys just popped out of nowhere. We were like in the middle of nowhere, and they just popped out, put the car back up, and we just took off. So those 10 guys probably had a rope over the road that made you fall. I mean, that's the only way they could show up. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. What cute back then.

Yeah. Oh, stop. You're cute now. Don't stop. Don't do that to yourself. All right. Lori, thank you very much. I appreciate it.

All right. Thanks for listening to you and the fat. And I appreciate you participating. Take care of yourself. Sure. Take care of yourself. Oh, my gosh. Thank you.

So I did. I remember falling asleep in a, and I went down in the, you know how the interstate has the big middle grass. ditches, you know, and you've got one side of the road. This is in Michigan. Yeah, one side of the road going one way and the other side of the road going the other way. And I'm driving one direction. It's the middle of the night.

I'm sleeping. I remember waking up and you're bouncing. And you're shaking. Your hands are still stuck on the wheel and you woke up and now you're away. I mean, you are awake. But you don't know what the hell's going on, right? You don't know if you got to stop or you hit the gas. You've been going 70.

You're driving down the middle of the wheel. All right. You finally stop. And you're down in the middle of the middle of the interstate, you know, and you're just kind of like, okay, we're alive. And we didn't roll. And it looks like the car is still okay. Can I just go straight and get back on the interstate or do I have to back up? I can just drive and turn a little bit, nice and easy.

We're back on the interstate. Good news. We're gone. I flipped one car at a fish tail in Florida going to work. and it was raining and I did not know when you fish tail you go you gotta go with it go with it yeah I went against it yeah then you flip it

and then I flipped yeah it was very scary it's very scary that flipping it was a volts not Volksville I'm sorry it was a Volvo oh so I mean those are pretty protective oh yeah the car protected me like there's no tomorrow when the one truck that I was car crashes on DMV day the one truck that I told I spun out on the bridge in Florida I mean almost went in the drink almost went in the drink

and it spun around and then it hit the guardrail backwards and broke the chair. So in the middle of the crash, my seat goes all the way back. It's in an extended cab. So I'm laying flat. I'm laying flat. And the truck is just spinning around banging into the guardrail. And then it bangs into the guardrail, goes backwards along the guardrail, scrapes the whole thing. And then ends up halfway out in the middle of the lane.

So there's still one lane that can go all the way by. And I'm blocking half of the other lane on the bridge that's going, you know, the same direction. And, you know, I finally, I sit up. It's raining cats. It was just raining. And some guy stops, and he runs up to my truck. And I don't want to roll the window down. It's raining and it'll get all wet.

I just roll it down just a little bit. I'm okay. Thanks for stopping. And then I thought, oh, man, I'm going to die because I'm in the middle of this lane. It's like 4.30 in the morning. It's dark. A couple cars went by. I did my own traffic report.

I called the radio station. I did my own traffic report. Talked about an accident blocking the east. bound lane of the Gandy Bridge and I called 911 myself. They came, took care of me and the police officer that came to report the accident. He knew me. He gave me a ride back to the

station. And he gave me the paperwork that said, you know, if you don't report it, it didn't happen because nobody was involved. It was just me, right? If you don't need, if you don't need the worry from the insurance company, then it didn't happen. That's good. Fispump. All right, let's wrap this thing up.

you all for participating in DMV Stories Day hashtag DMV Stories on hashtag Chewing the Fat. Appreciate it. It was fun. Had some great stories. Had some, had a lot of fun with you. I appreciate it. And we're going to have to do it again. I'm going to have to do this again. And I want to do a trucker's one again. Yeah, because who was it? Grant? Yeah, it was Grant. That trucker about the rules. I have, we want to know more. I've done a, I've done special trucker shows before. And you know I'm on your side. I love you. And truckers are the thing that runs this country. and I firmly believe that

and I definitely want to talk to you again so we'll make that happen again and I know it's hard I know you've got to set a time and call because it's not listening live so I appreciate it very much thank you have a great weekend we'll see you on Monday go Jeffrey

say it if I find out that you went behind my back that I did what that you went behind my back behind your wing did what and did something that I'm saying you shouldn't do.

Thinking you just do it? You're going to wish you'd roll this car. Okay. Because if I have to pull this car over, I have to get out, drag it out of the back seat. All you have to do it. All you have to do is say three little things. Thank you for listening.

That's four. That's four. Okay. Thank you listening. Nope. Okay. Hashtag DMV stories. Oh, I don't.

Oh, hashtag is compound word. Hashtag DMV stories. Three words. Okay, I'll say it for you. So, subscribe, rate review. Oh, fine. You have to say that. No.

I tell you, I do not have to say this. This is what our fight is about right now. Okay. I don't have to say it. Okay. I don't have to ask people to subscribe. I don't have to ask people to rate. I don't have to ask them to review.

I don't have to ask them to share. I don't. Okay. Okay. You can't make me. Oh. I mean, I want to ask them to subscribe. I want them to rate and review and share.

I want all the subscribers I can get. Well, you want them all. I want all that I can get. All that I can get. Okay. But you can't make me. Just say it. Like, I'm not going to train little monkey.

Can I tell you something? I just made you say it. You know, I'm going to