Chewing the Fat with Jeff Fisher - Ep. 37 | Average Shower Time and LIVE Orcas Join The Show

Episode Date: November 13, 2018

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You're listening to Chewing the Fat on Demand. Outlaw King. See, they're releasing out of theaters and at Netflix at the same time. That's not the plan that's going to help them. They need to call me. Are we recording? All right, so I look up, welcome to the podcast. But as I'm sitting here getting ready, I've got a stack of stories here,

and I look up at the television. There's three or four screens in front of me here. I could just sit here all day and just wide, clearly. but they have the ad out for the movie Outlaw King, which doesn't look bad. It looks well worth a watch, but that's the one that's being released at the theaters and on Netflix. Okay, that's not the plan that's going to save movies and theaters.

Please, theater companies, people, corporations, Netflix, call me. I've got your saving grace plan. All right, I know how to do it. We can make it happen. and will everybody will be happy. You'll still keep the theaters open. Netflix will still get the releases. Everybody will be happy.

It will be good. Okay? Call me. You know what? Just email me. All right. Chewing the fat at the blaze.com. Chewing the fat at the blaze.com.

And then, you know, I'll send you a direct line and we can set up a conference call or a Skype call or whatever you want to do. Whatever you want to do. I promise, hey, read Hastings. I promise I won't use the N-word. All right, so you and I will be good. We'll be good. And I'll take care of you. And I won't eat any free food from the concession stands for all your theater people.

So we're good. All right, just call me. We'll work it out. We'll make it happen. All right, welcome to the podcast. This is Chewing the Fat with yours truly. Jeff Fisher. Thank you so much for coming along for the ride today.

As I'm, you know, preparing and looking at stories and stuff to do today, one of the emails that I get on a daily email, has a question about how many minutes. And they did a story yesterday that talked about it only takes as long as a shower. And they were referencing five minutes. And they apparently got a lot of heat because people were saying that, you know, nobody takes a five-minute shower. So they want to know from their followers, how many minutes does it take you to shower on average?

And they give you one to four, five to seven, eight to ten, 11 to 14 15 plus and of course they have the I don't shower at the end I guess some people still take baths but who takes a bath to be clean that's to soak just soaking in your own dirt you still have to shower it off now so I'm looking at this and I'm thinking what's the average I mean Chris Cruz the producer the producers chewing the fat here on the blaze podcast network Blaze Radio Network, whatever the heck this thing is, you know, where you can download it every day, wherever free podcasts are sold. iTunes, Google Play, Spotify, SoundCloud, we're there for you.

I know there's a list of a litany of places that you can get it. So thank you very much. And you should get it and you should subscribe and you should rate and you should review and you should give me 20 stars and say best podcast ever and share it with whoever. I mean, I've told you this already. I don't know why I have to anyway back to the showers all right so how many minutes does it take you to shower on average this is the question that they want to know on my email from the morning brew that I look at every day just to see what some of the stories are happening around the world so Chris Cruz yes showers every day all right how many minutes does it take you to shower on average 15 one I have a Oh, I didn't know it was an ABC question. One to four. Hours?

Five to seven minutes. Oh, okay, okay. Eight to ten, 11 to 14, 15 plus. 15. I don't shower. Oh. So you're saying 15 plus? Yes.

Really? Yeah. Every day. Every day. You don't, there's no days where the regular day is not in for five to 10. No. You know, shower, wash, get out. I have a system and it's, it's.

It times out about 15 minutes. We need to redo your system. This is what needs to happen. You have a system. I have a system, yes. I take five minutes on my right shoulder, five minutes on my left shoulder, five minutes on my left knee, five minutes on my right knee, five minutes on my torso. Oh, you're almost close. I know I am.

Thank you. That's pretty close. I can't remember 18. I got it. That's a little long. And seriously. What about you? That's a little long.

And so really, when you have to start paying those water bills, you let me come and see me. I have. 30 bucks a month. Come and see me. That's my water bill. $30. The wife's not showering at all. You don't drink at the house.

You don't do dishes. What? Yeah. All that happens. But you're on the clock. You on the clock. All right. Actually, I'm thinking daily.

Like, you know, I'm probably eight to ten. Maybe twice a day, though. I love showers. I love showers. And then if it's not a work day, we're probably up into the 15s, you know, in that 15 plus range. Because workday, a shower, get cleaned, put a little foo food juice on. Do you shower? I mean, do you bathe ever?

But it's been a long time. Been a long time. You know what our tub is used for in our bathroom? What? Dirty towels. Okay. That's what it's for. The only person that ever gets a shot in that bathtub anymore is maybe the

granddaughter and my wife's granddaughter not mine i don't have a granddaughter but not the sink well that's where i well she's not a little baby anymore she's like two all right but the last time she's dated with us shower the first two the first two days cried her brains out after that i said i didn't care you're taking the shower we're not putting you in the bath the bath for dirty towels they see that tub right there that's for dirty towels you are standing in there getting wet and after the third day she's fine you just got to break them in little kids are like a You just break them in. My son was the same way.

He was like bath. I'm like, shower. Yeah, no, no baths. You know, but I know that, you know, some people like them to soak and stuff and you just soak in your own dirt. But you still got to shower after that if you, because you're just soaking in your own dirt. I do it maybe once a month. So I could just relax. Yeah, I just soak myself.

Put the candles out and everything. I do. I put the candles. I put the scrubs and the rubs and everything. Perhaps you didn't hear me when I said, we're done. I don't hear anymore. Do you go to the little, the little, the little, rubber ducky?

Bed bath and beyond. I do. And get the stone rubs so you clean your pores. Yeah, but it feels like, what's the cause? It feels like sand, you just rubbing sand on. Oh, I love that. Mine is vanilla. It's like vanilla spice.

I always smell like vanilla spice once a month. Seriously, you get some help. is what you need to see someone. I do. I'm a veteran, so I need that. If that's what it takes to heal you, is vanilla spice crystals, I'm all for it, bro.

I am all for it. No question. All right, so, and they don't have an answer for what the average is, and I didn't look it up for what the average, because I really don't care. I just found it fascinating that people question, I mean, you should take a shower

or what feels good, right? I mean, I get nobody, the only people that are, taken under five-minute showers are the people that are actually worried about water bill you know like the cheap dad that has 80 kids nobody takes a shower longer than five minutes you're in and you're out that's it now the average I'm told now is 8.2 minutes that's probably about I mean that of course I say that's probably about right according to them it is but only 17 gallons wow

So you got to tell you I gotta have at least two two sprays I got to have a handheld to move around so you get all the corners and all the cricks and crevices I got to have that my dream

my dream if we're going to talk about dreams of showers dreams of showers I want to walk in shower for two people so that my wife and I could shower together but so that you have each side, there's two sides, so it's a big shower. And you have at least two or three sprays up top and two or three on the sides.

Coming at you. Oh, my gosh. That's my dream. If you want to give me a present someday, have that bill to my home. Now, I want the walls to be the glass blocks, you know, so it brings in light, but you don't see through them. And that's what, if you want that, please. That's funny is what that is. That's funny, but actually I'm not opposed to that.

Come to think of it. Okay. I don't know if you know this or not, but nearly 10,000 U.S. children a year are attacked by soup. I don't know if you know this. And it's a, this could be breaking news. nearly half of serious burns to children every year are scald burns from spilled food and drinks. Instant soup is particularly dangerous.

Now, is it the instant soup that's dangerous? Is it? According to the American Academy of Pediatrics, and I'm a member, nearly 10,000 children between the ages of four and 12 go to U.S. emergency rooms with scald burns from instant soup and noodles each year. Two out of every 10 scald burns are serious enough to require medical attention. The most commonly burned area was the torso. So they're probably knocking the soup containers toward themselves and spilling the hot liquid on their stomachs and laps. Ooh, you think, doctor.

Now, kids aren't dying from these injuries. thankfully. But according to a study, 90% of the kids were actually discharged directly from the emergency department. It was like, you're fine. Put some cream on it and get out of here, your little whiner. You put your soup in a bowl. 6% were actually admitted to the hospital. Now, in 2008, a study of scald burns from instant soup.

And if you think you can't get study money for anything, think again. because there's a study on skulled burns from instant soup found that most skulled burns were caused by soups that come in a tall container with a narrow base. Has that not been taken care of now? A cup of noodles. I don't see any of those tall containers of instant soup like that anymore. They're all in those little roundish, squarish containers now, right? So they don't tip over.

Anyway. They considered a design flaw in the instant soup containers. Well, I don't think any have are tall and narrow anymore for the microwavable soups like that. The researchers behind the American Academy of Pediatrics presentation used data collected between 2006 and 2016. And I don't know if you knew this existed or not. I did not. the National Electronic Injury Surveillance System. What do you work for?

I'm a National Electronic Injury Surveillance System reporter. When you get a badge working for them? N-E-I-S? N-E-I-S? I work for N-E-I-S. This is N-E-S. You're under arrest. Neas.

Which collects data on injuries caused by consumer products that sent people to emergency rooms. Now, the reporting system uses that sample data to calculate. total number of injuries related to certain products in the U.S. Now, this is the annual report. Fascinating. Now, this is the annual report from the National Electronic Injury Surveillance System. There were nearly 150,000 injuries caused by trampolines. Lawn mowers injured just under 90,000 people, and chainsaws injured about 30,000.

Just over 60,000 people were injured by soap and detergent in 2017. Come on now. Now, that number has increased over the past few years. There were 55,000 injuries in 2016 and 50,000 injuries in 2015. So are you kidding me? That number has increased. It had to be the Tide Pod Challenge, right? With the stupid kids that eaten the stupid Tidepods.

I mean, that's thinning the herd, really is what it is. I don't think the National Electronic Injury Surveillance System or the American Academy of Pediatrics would agree with me on that. But I'm just telling you, it's thinning of the herd. If your kid eats a tide pod, I know you don't want to lose them, but kids under the age of one were most likely to be injured by stairs, ramps, landings, and floors. Duh. teens and adults between the ages of 15 and 34 were also most likely to be injured by stairs, ramps, landings, and floors.

Kids between the age, kids between the ages of 10 and 14 were most likely to be injured by basketball. I mean, 60,000 people injured by soap and detergent last year. That is astounding. This is, of course, according to the National Legislature. electronic injury and surveillance system. So you can't doubt them. They're very important. And if you're, if you're kid,

I mean, I don't want your kid to spill soup on himself. I don't want anybody to spill soup on them. If you've ever had hot water spilled on you, you know how bad the burns could be. I remember my first wife actually spilled hot, scalding water on her. She was trying, spaghetti, you know, a bowl of spaghetti, taking it over to the soup, over to the sink, to pour it into the strainer.

and I don't know how I got talking about and I turn around and she's screaming because she poured it on you know she's ripping her pants off and she burned her legs really good with that and I just said too thin in the herd no idea

it would have been funny though to me not to her apparently there was a toddler born with devil horns have ever seen this a toddler born with devil horns now I've seen a lot of babies a lot of them were mine, unfortunately. But a Filipino toddler, Klein Solano, is in need of reconstructive surgery

following a brain operation that left his head with unusual origins. So he wasn't born, he had a brain operation. That's a misleading headline. He was not born with devil horns. The doctors gave him devil horns. So now he has what they call hydranate, what's it called? Hydrogenencephaly. Yeah, that's what he's got.

Although the doctors gave it to him. He wasn't born with this. Wait a minute. The 20 months, the 20, I should finish reading the story before I start completing a minute. The 22-month-old is battling a rare condition called hydranencephaly. In which the right and left sides of the brain do not develop properly. Okay, so he's got that.

All right, but that didn't give him the horns. They performed an operation to relieve swelling in his brain, good, which was a success, but it affected the way his skulls. developed. Yeah, so the doctors gave him He was born with that. The doctors gave him the horns. They call that a doctor screw up. Some people have a head that resembles devil horns. There's no doubt that he's

an angel, says his mom. Got it. We got it. Kids an angel. Her son now faces, nobody looks in the crib and says, someday he's going to rob the 7-Eleven. Nobody thinks that. But guess what? Somebody's got to rob the 7. The family sold most of their possessions. It's sad that they have to go through this.

No question. So he has a bad... But the doctors gave him the horns. This is a misleading story still. It did not change my... I'm mad at the headline. Because I feel sorry for the kid, because the kid was actually born with...

Hyderineencephaly. And because of that, the doctors had to operate which gave him the devil horns. So the devil is like, Go ahead and believe it. Ha, ha, ha. But it wasn't me. So we're still looking for a kid with devil horns.

With actual, that was actually born with devil horns. That was mine. Because the ones that are born with hydrantencephaly. Not from me. Did you know? You know how it's hard to relax? You heard Chris talking about how he gets in his bathtub. He says once a month, guaranteed it's at least every other seven or eight days.

but he puts his little scrubs on, his little crystal scrubs and his candles, he's trying to relax. Ugh, it won't work. I'm still on your ass. That's the devil talking to you. Anyway, the, uh, there's a way for you to relax now.

Chris, I've found it, all right? Hi, no, you know, we're not going to get that. If you were born with that, man. Ooh, sorry. I don't want anybody. I don't want anybody born with. Hyderine encephaly. No, that's bad news.

I do want to see a baby with devilhors, though. And I don't want to see the doctors try to get rid of it. Yeah, hellboy, but that's a movie. I know. I know. I hate to shock you. Yeah, maybe you should think about that at your next bath scrub. So anyway, there's a new internet app that's going to help you relax, Chris.

and it's a live stream of the ocean sounds of the Pacific Northwest. And you can access it, of course, anywhere in the world because it's a live stream on an app. And you can get the orca. We have to download this app. All right. So what we're going to do is I'm going to pause here for just a second on the podcast. You won't realize how long it takes.

We're going to download this app. And we're going to find out how relaxed we can become by listening to the orca sounds. because the project's lead researcher said they have hydrophones, underwater microphones, have been in place off Washington-San-Ireland since the mid-2000s, capturing the submarines goings and odds and bringing them to listeners in a rudimentary form. Now, the app just relaunched now offers real-time streaming as well as sounds from all-new hydrophone station off Whidbey Island. I love Whidby Island. beautiful this time of year.

Yeah, just to the southwest of the older ones. So he's expanding the hydrophones, the underwater microphones, and he developed orca sound. All right, we're going to download it because I want to be able to relax listening to Orca Sound. So if you wanted to relax to Orca Sound. So we've downloaded the app. We got the app.

All right. So let's go live to orca sound. Oh, we just listen to the ocean. Orca sound is just the water. That's great. I mean, that sounds like somebody left the toilet running. Play that again. I want to hear the live sound of.

Orca sound. Yeah. You got to fix the seal. Otherwise, the water continues to run. You got to wiggle the handle. Wiggle the handle a little bit just to get that thing locked down. All right. Now, they do say that there are times, obviously, when orcas aren't around.

So you're listening and all you hear is water and it sounded like it was rain. It's in the northeast. Big surprise. I mean, the northwest, big surprise. They could use a little rain in California, by the way. So blow something down south and kill some of those fires for the people, please. But we do have an opportunity they've given us. this is what you could possibly hear.

If you know, if you go there and there's nothing happening live, this is what you're looking forward to. Oh, excuse me. Where is my fart bag? Is that it? Orca sounds? No, there's more. Whoa, somebody's knocking at the door.

Don't let them in. What are they? That's like my grandpa sitting in the... After they... Oh, hey, easy. Orca, Oh, dude. Nice.

Nice. Orca sound. Easy. That is amazing. That's actually really cool. That's an outstanding orca sound. Oh, you know what has to happen. What has to happen is this needs to go on tour.

Orca sounds with, maybe he can hook up with all the orchestras around the country or a band. Some sort of rock band can go on tour with orca sounds. and play their music with orca sounds. But I like the orca sounds and traveling with different orchestras around the country. You're welcome, by the way, orca sounds for this great money-making idea. And you thank you. Oh, maybe we could join them on the orca sounds tour. I mean, what better way to enjoy orca sounds rather than chewing the fat?

I am a fan. I am a fan. Orca Sounds brought to you by Chewing the Fat. Nice. All right. I don't know about you, but I am thirsty. So let's head over to the water cooler in the break room and get something to drink and see what's happening. I just pulled this Coke Zero out of the freezer.

So it is literally ice cold. It is so good. But I will say that if you forget to get it out of the freezer, the Coke Zero cans explode. And you have frozen Coke Zero all over the freezer. And it really is not fun to clean up. Now, I could have left it and just pretended like it didn't exist. But there's no one else in this building.

Then you make my son clean it. There's no one else in this building that drinks Coke Zero and puts them in the freezer. So it's just like, I'm already guilty. So I have to clean it up. And it just takes a while. I wish I'd done it at home Then that's what I have a wife for So as I said in the Instagram live

You know we're doing a daily Instagram live Before the before we record the podcast every day Kind of like you know Unsaturated Fat chewing the fat edition And we talk a little bit about the stories coming up And some of the stories we may or may not do for the podcast And it's just a little fun podcast And we're going to start

We're going to start interacting with you So I know some of you've been asking questions We'll start interacting We're also going to do a live Instagram with you so you can pop in on Instagram. I can see your face. We can see each other. You know what I'm saying. And we can talk that way.

And maybe one of these days we'll do a live Q&A in the afternoon for the podcast, take some phone calls, just to record it live with some phone calls. That would be a lot of fun. But as I told you in the Instagram post today, now is your chance. If you want a Mercedes-Benz for $100,000, go to Merseys. Mercury 1.org. I can't give you any real numbers or anything, but I'm just telling you, I think that the odds are forever in your favor

if you put in a hundred bucks because I feel like, and I could be wrong, of course, and I probably am, but I feel like this is the year. I feel like put your hundred bucks in and you're going to win, because I know I want to buy a ticket so bad and there's nothing I want more.

I told you yesterday, I want nothing more than to have Glenn Beck pull out that card from the hopper for the Mercedes-Benz and have to read Jeffie. Jeff Fisher. Oh, do I want that to happen? Now, obviously, people will be pissed and think the fix was in, which it was not and is not, and would never be.

But it would be so much fun. And I get to Mercedes, huh? But you don't have to be here to, you don't have to be here, to, you don't have to be here to win. You can buy your raffle ticket online and then if you win, we'll call you and you can come pick it up. So, which I, I don't like that plan myself. I think you should be here.

And you can be here if you want to be. We're having the big party this is coming Saturday here at the Mercury Studios. We've got entertainment. We've got an auction, let alone, I mean, of course I'm going to be here. So you're welcome. But go to Mercury1.org and get your raffle ticket. Take a look. They've got a special online auction along with the live auction items that are going on this Saturday night here, but they also have an online auction with some items that are fascinating.

We went through. There's a Facebook live somewhere posted on the internet of Chris and I going through and seeing some of the items they have during the online auction. So enjoy that. It'll be great. All right. Now, as long as we're in the break room, just let me know that. I want you to know that the Game of Thrones season eight trailer is. out right season eight or season nine i think it's the season eight premiere right i don't remember

how many seasons for game of thrones now right i thought this was season nine but it's the final season and i see the promos for hashtag for the throne i i love it i cannot wait so it's coming out that's coming out in april so we're going to have to have uh we're going to have to have a very very much fun for that you got the toy story four trailer hitting uh so you've got pixar coming out with toy Story 4. And if this news wasn't enough, and they had the big news about the Aurora Cannabis, said that its revenue surged 260% over the last 12 months after it produced more than 11,000 pounds of cannabis, all right, nearly up nearly 400% from last year, we head to the story where they're telling me now that cannabis could improve.

improve pork flavor. Now, I will tell you that food does seem to be enhanced when you're under the influence of cannabis. That's what I've been told. I wouldn't know that, you know, for real. Oh, silly. But apparently they want to start feeding the pigs pot. And so you would have your pot-fed pigs. that is a good idea.

I mean, there would be nothing better than sort of eating pot-fed bacon, right? Pot-fed pigs' bacon. Pot-fed big sausage. Yeah. Weed-enhanced sausage gravy. Oh, yeah. Also, I have a little bit of sad news for you today. It could turn into good news, but it looks like it's going to be sad news.

Uh, Pab's Blue Ribbon could disappear. Pab's Blue Ribbon beer? That's an American iconic beer. Yes. Oh my gosh, PBR, PBR, Pat's Blue Ribbon. That's the beer of America. That's the beer that America was built on. All right, but that's because they worked out their deal like 20 years ago with Miller

brewing, with the Miller Coors Company. And so now Paps is alleging that the Miller Coors Company is working. is working their deal with them making it so expensive that they aren't going to be able to produce it anymore and it's just going to go away, which opens up the market larger for their beer. So PAPS is going to be history, right? That's what they're alleging, obviously in court.

So what is the world going to be like without Pabst blue ribbon beer? PBR beer. The heart and soul of American beer. I don't care. I don't want to hear about old Milwaukee. I don't want to hear about Budweiser. I don't want to hear about stroes out of Detroit.

I don't want to hear about Coors and they're sparkling water river beer. Pab's Blue Ribbon Beer and Miller, Miller Beer with your bottles clanking in the trash cans all over America. No. No. You're right.

Paps Blue Ribbon Beer. I wonder what's going to happen to the bar in Virginia and Hampton is called PBR, and their main beer is PBR beer for a dollar. Thank you. So what's going to happen to that bar? Don't start with me with your little for your dollar. That's your little snabbit trying to say that it's just cheap beer.

It is a cheap beer. Thanks to Miller. At one point, it wasn't a cheap beer. One point it was Paff's Blue Ribbon Beer. Oh, sorry. That's the whole point. Blue Ribbon, it won the awards. You had to pay $1.50.

Sorry. Sorry. I mean, hello. But tonight, I want you to think about it at home. What is the world going to be like without Pab's Blue Ribbon Beer? While you're shedding a tear for Pab's Blue Ribbon Beer in the heart and soul of America, red, white, and blue, as you're thinking to yourself,

honey, what's America going to be like without Paps Blue Ribbon Beer? Well, one thing that's going to be is still having chewing the fat. Chewing the fat, I'm still going to be here. I'm still going to be here for you. So subscribe, rate and review, and share. I just ask for those four things. I just ask for those four things. That's it.

Just subscribe. You rate it, you review it, and you share it. And I know sometimes it takes a long time. You think you don't know what to say when you're rating it and reviewing it. I'll help you out. You rate it 20 stars. You review it best podcast ever. And you just share it with somebody on your email list.

You know, type A. And then whatever name drops down, that's who you share it with. Simple, right? And you do that every day, every day you hit it. Every day for the next 26 days. You go through the alphabet. So tomorrow will be B, and the first name that drops down. And then you just do that repeated.

In fact, tell us we to do that every day for the rest of our lives. Today is brought to you by the letter C. Punch C in your email. the first name to drop down, that's who you share the podcast with. Carl is the one that needs to get it today. Whatever name pops up first, that's who you share it with. It's very simple. It's very simple.

Thank you very much. And I appreciate your diligence to rating it 20 stars, reviewing it best podcast ever, and sharing it with whatever letter drops down the first name. Thank you so much. I appreciate it. Chewing the fat. See you tomorrow.