Chewing the Fat with Jeff Fisher - Ep 448 | Fat Pile Friday - Cowabunga EDITION

Episode Date: August 21, 2020

Missile found at Florida airport. Storms are comin California power outages because they didn’t foresee no wind and nightfall. Wait What!? New weather app Breaking News … Operation Varsity Blues��� Lori Loughlin and Husband sentenced today. Yes, they’re going to jail Vacancy at the USPS… I’ll take it for now… More from California / no power / fires and an xtra tax oh my… Subscribe to the podcast Tesla may add goat honks…  Cruise ships are getting back out on the ocean Airlines are changing a few things but maybe it’s time to let em go Paris Hilton doesn’t know who she is… Table read for Fast Times at Ridgemont High. Cows on the loose Weekend jokes about cows. You know you’ll use them… Day 159 of 15 Days to Slow The Spread Just an fyi  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

It was the night before the gathering and all through the house. The host rapid cozy cashmere throw from Home Sense for their spouse. Kids toys for $6.99 under the tree. And crystal glasses for just $14.99 for their brother Lee. A baking dish made in Portugal for Tom and Sue. And a nice $5.99 candle. Perfectly priced just for you. Happy holidays to all.

And to all a good price. Home Sense. Endless presents perfectly priced. And now, a Blaze Media podcast. Hello and welcome to chewing the fat. You look marvelous. And I mean that, babe, in the words of Sammy Davis Jr. So let's get this ball rolling, shall we?

Just a reminder, and I'm not sure how many more are out there, but a live air-to-air missile was discovered. at a small central Florida airport. Now it's secure now. According to the report, it was an unarmed French S530 air-to-air missile at the Lakeland Linder International Airport. Now, it's secure and safe, according to everyone. They called in the McDill Air Force Base Missile.

group and they made sure that it was all okay and then they shipped it back to McDill Air Force Base which is you know a little ways away so they threw it up on the flat bed and rolled it through down I-4 and into Tampa so as you're okay now don't worry about it you know the explosive ordinance team secured the device so quit your whining you'll be okay and don't worry about it how many more French missiles are just laying around. Just, you know, hey, what's that over there? Ah, it's just a missile.

I'll worry about it. Oh. Oh. Okay. Well, never mind then. Shoot. It wasn't even armed. Oh, okay.

Well, then quit your whining. Oh, just amazing times. Amazing times we live in. Right? Right. Welcome to Chewing the Fat. All right. We have storms are coming. If you didn't know that, and no, I'm not talking about the convention or the election. I'm talking about actual tropical storms and hurricanes.

We see where we have, well, two big ones. We have Tropical Depression 13 and 14. Well, actually, Tropical Depression 13 is now Tropical Storm, Laura. So Depression 14 hasn't turned into a name storm yet. It probably will. That will be Marco. And they're both looking to be in the Gulf of Mexico. Doubtful they're going to be in there at the same time, but it's possible,

bouncing around in the Gulf of Mexico at the same time. And just to make things better, there's a tropical wave forming. right behind them coming off the coast of Africa, which you will, you know, could head our way. So they're not sure how strong they're going to be. It's looking like Laura could turn into a hurricane or it could, you know, or it could dissipate. They could just disappear.

And we go, oh, what happened to Laura? And Marco, the same thing. But it's very possible. You look at the spaghetti models. They are both cruising. One's cruising up Florida. And Marco looks like it's going to cruise straight into the Gulf on in toward Texas. So, yay!

Yay! And it'll be fun because after they come flying through there and do whatever damage they do, that tropical wave, you know, again, if you're, you know, want to think of the worst, then it's going to shoot right up in there and come right back over you again. Many would just comment, well, hey, that's 2020. Yeah. Yeah, it is.

Yeah, it is. And we've got the blackouts and the power outages in California, the rolling blackouts, of course, for the, you know, people's safety. And power's going off different areas for an hour. I think it was only supposed to be an hour at a time, different, you know, rotating times. but Governor Newsom is not happy. He wants to know why this happened with little or no warning.

He demands an investigation into the disruptions. He wants to know why the agencies, you know, what happened, why there was a failure to predict and mitigate them. Well, we know because state officials blamed the weather. A power plant shut down. and a sudden short lack of wind at the energy generating turbines this weekend. Oh, so we didn't see and we didn't think ahead that there might not be enough wind. Oh, wait, what?

Yeah, that's right. And amazingly, it says that electricity from solar goes away at the very moment when demand for electricity rises. Really? Yeah. Yeah, because the megawatts of solar reduces their output at night. It's just incredible, just incredible, that these guys are running multi-million dollar corporations in billion-dollar states. And we just, we didn't realize that, you know, some days there might. not be wind and you know solar power starts to drop in our panels even though we bought them really cheap the power starts to drop a little at night oh is that when there's no sun yeah that's when there's no there's no light huh weird really

really weird welcome to chewing the fat uh two a fat two fat fat fat about Friday. I've got headlines. I've got all kinds of stories we've got to try to get to today that haven't had time to get to during the week. One of the things, one of the things that haven't had time to get to is a new weather app. Speaking of losing your power. Because of weather and because of no wind and no light. Is no, if it's nighttime, does that count as weather? Like when, if there's no wind, obviously, that's weather. But, but, but, but, if there's no wind, obviously, that's weather. But when it gets dark outside at nighttime, that really doesn't count as weather. So you'd want to know why you didn't see that coming.

Right? Maybe you should have. But, but, okay, so you didn't see it coming. But there's a new weather app, or at least it's fairly new. And I found it, I had it sent to me in my email. email Chewing the Fat at theblaze.com from Bob. Thank you so much for those of you that contact me through the email, Chewing the Fat at the Blaze.com.

You can always follow me on social media, Twitter, at Jeffey, JFR, Facebook, Instagram, and Parlor, Jeff Fisher Radio. If you want to come along for the ride on the social media accounts, there is the weather app that I mentioned that is called What the Forecast? Now, it's a couple years old. I come to find out. And I don't know that I actually knew about it, but I'm going to use it. I find it funny.

It gives you, and why didn't I think of this? I should be, this should be in my sight. I should be coming up with these lines for what the forecast, the weather app, because each day they give you a saying. And apparently you can adjust it for more adult. sayings, but like this particular day, in Salt Lake City,

today the sun will be invading your personal space. Get back your weird yellow ball. What? Is this fedora weather? Nope. It's never fedora weather. It's so, so bad. And the one that

was sent to me from Bob gave me it's for Nevada and it uh it says you shut your friggin hamburger hole this is a perfectly fine day and it gives you the and this was the latest one it was from August 17th sunny 70 degrees so what the forecast might be fun to have around for a while all right we have breaking news we don't need the breaking news sounder because this is breaking news in the Operation Varsity Blues case. All right, so Lori Loughlin and I love canon tonight's episode. Lori Loflin has been sentenced, and so as her husband,

Musa, Juniani. That's close enough. So he was sentenced earlier today as well in Operation Varsity Blues. So he was sentenced to, they did it all over Zoom. He got five months in prison, two years of supervised release, $250,000 fine, 250, hours of community service. That was, I mean, that's what they said, the deal. was going to be. It was up to the judge to accept it or not, and he did. Loughlin,

Lori, Lori, Lori, pay for my tuition, Lori! Was sentenced to two months of prison, two years of supervised release, 100 hours of community service, and a $150,000 fine. Now, there's, you know, pictures of her and her attorney, you know, coming before the judge. on their Zoom call. Hubby actually said, I deeply regret the harm that my actions have caused my daughters,

my wife, and others. I take full responsibility for my conduct and I'm ready to accept the consequences and move forward with the lessons I've learned from this experience. That's the only statement that he's ever given, and I haven't heard anything from Lori either, and I don't know that she said anything

for her sentencing, but that's incredible. Incredible! Incredible. And there's still other cases pending in Operation Varsity Blues. Don't do the sounder yet. But, I mean, I could hear it a thousand times, but I won't force the audience to hear it a thousand times. But I will say that it is amazing. And there's no, they wanted to serve their sentences opposite of one another, right? So we'll see if that actually happens or not. So I'm not sure it doesn't say when their prison time starts. I mean, it's very possible the way this whole thing has been treated and the hurried.

horrific crime that they committed that the, you know, they were there at the house right then, knocking on the door. Yes, we take the plea deal and you have us spent two months in prison and off they go. And you must play five months in prison and off they go. And we want the money right now. You can just wire the money into the state account right now. Okay. Well, you know, okay, Your Honor, you got it. And that's incredible. that they still have community service after that. I mean, just, wow. Just, you can quote me on that.

I use the Anne H line from the movie Volcano. Wow. So there you have it. The breaking news here on Chewing the Fat because when CTF records news happens, the Lori, Lori, Lori, pay for my tuition, Lori! Sentenced to two months in prison,

two years of supervised release, 100 hours of community service and 150,000 fine. Hubby, sentenced to five months in prison, two years of supervised release, $250,000 fine, and 250 hours of community service. Again, I quote, Anne H. Wow.

The cases are still ongoing in Operation Varsity Blues. Tonight's episode Going to jail. So I want to make Justin happy and let him know that I'm going to talk about the post office real quick, but I don't want to be an apologist. I just want you to know that I think that they could do a better job with me at the helm. When you look at the headlines surrounding

the post office. Pretty incredible. Today, I was looking at, we'll just go down, let me give you some post office headlines. Senator drops F-bombs as he struggles to unmute in post office hearing.

We should probably play that. Lewis DeJoy, the Postmaster General, thinks he's doing a great job with the post office. FedEx, UPS, and the post office are all tacking on new fees

ahead of an especially busy holiday season. Well, isn't that one? Wonderful. Postmaster General assures the public that the post office is ready for the election despite recent problems. And I will say this. I don't know that anybody's going to believe Louis anymore. That's a little too late. But, you know, it's not that I don't believe him, but I just think that no one is going to believe him. You know, it's a little late to the table for Louis to be saying that. And he also said that he wasn't going to going to, I believe it wasn't on the headlines that I just read, but I saw another post where he talked about he's not going to change the machines that he had taken out, the quick handling machines.

He took out and then they said that he took him out and he said that there was a reason that he took him out. So he's not going to, he's not going to put him back in. but anyway, it doesn't matter. Look, whatever he says now is too late to the table. So I believe that I should go ahead and just be given the job. But I was sent an email from Terry to chewing the fat at the blaze.com that has the front page from the USPS, the leadership, and it has the Board of Governors,

and it has the Postmaster General and Chief Executive Officer Lewis to Joy. But there is a vacancy. That vacancy is the deputy postmaster general and government relations officer. Now, if you're not going to get rid of Lewis, and it's obvious that the board of governors can't be moved right now, then give me the deputy postmaster general position. I'll do that and the government relations officer, and that gets me in the door. and then we can start turning that behemoth around. And they can say, oh, my gosh, everything has turned around since Jeff Fisher came on board.

Huh. I was listening to, I'll still do chewing the fat. Don't get me wrong. I could still do chewing the fat. And be the deputy postmaster general and government relations officer. I think I could do a podcast every day. And so I'll let you know what's going on inside, you know, behind the veil of the post.

office. So I need the gig. Lewis, call me, email me, you know, DM me, whatever's the easiest for you. But let's get this thing turned around. You know, a little bit ago I mentioned how California is struggling with their power issues because they didn't foresee that maybe sometimes wind

won't be blowing or that solar power goes away at night. But they are, you know, they're in trouble. I've got fires burning all over the state. The governor has declared a state of emergency. There's nearly 370 fires burning. Wow. That's a lot.

And there's a lot of people being evacuated. And a lot of people, I hope, need to stay safe. And videos again, every year we get the videos from the fires of people driving through the fires and the roads and it's scary. No question. I would not want to be the one to have to put up with that or fight it. Bless the hearts of the firemen that go out there to protect you for that. No question. But another thing that's happening in California is that they want to, well, they want to, you know, tax the rich. You say, well, Jeff, they already tax the wrist out there. What are you talking about? Well, look, the lawmakers in California, and specifically,

Democratic lawmakers in California, are proposing a new wealth tax for the state's richest citizens. And you say, good. Good. That's good. The rich people, it's time that they pay their fair share, bastards. Well, the proposed wealth tax

would add 0.4% tax on a taxpayer's net worth, net worth that exceed $30 million. That's good, right? You say, ah, okay, well, it's just 0.4%. and it's only going to affect fewer than 31,000 Californians. There's only 31,000 Californians that net worth exceeds 30 million. Okay. Now, look, the state already faces a, you know, $54 billion budget deficit.

But the good thing about this particular tax, and don't get me wrong, this is coming to a state near you. I can, you can just feel it. These ideas have a, they just roll downhill, man. What the bill contains is a special formula. So that if you've lived in the state within the last 10 years, then you'll still continue to get taxed. So even if you move, they still want to tax you.

There's no way that that's legal. It's no way. I mean, taxing you is bad enough. The extra wealth tax is bad enough. The extra death tax is bad enough. The extra tax on tax on tax is bad enough. But now they want to tax you after you leave the state? No, thank you. How about...

No? All right. Let's go to the break room. I need to drink of something ice cold for sure. Ah, so. So good. Friendly reminder. You need to subscribe to this podcast. Chewing the fat.

Choose a platform. One that you like, one that you listen to your podcast on, and subscribe to chewing the fat. Please. See, I said please. And those of you that are subscribers, thank you. See, I said thank you. So do it. If you want to thank you for me, subscribe.

I said, please. And I'll say thank you after you do it. So just go ahead and do it. All right. No matter what you're doing right now, stop what you're doing. If you're listening to this show and you are not a subscriber, stop what you're doing. Go to the platform of your choice and subscribe to Chewing the Fat. If you say to yourself, well, I don't have a platform on my choice, choose Spotify, choose IHeartRadio, choose iTunes, and then subscribe to Chewing the Fat with Jeff Fisher.

It's really, really easy. A couple of teases for those of you listening live on Fat Pile Friday, the 21st of August 2020. I did a special taping of the Glenn Beck program today. As we reminisce a little bit about the past radio days as Glenn was nominated and picked to go into the Radio Hall of Fame, Pat, Stu, and myself and Glenn sat down for his television show today. And you got to hear some old story. and some old clips and, you know, it was fun. And then Monday, this coming one, for those of you listening, you know, on the weekend,

if you're listening to a Fat Pile Friday, today the 21st or the 22nd or 23rd of August, 2020, on the 24th of August, Monday, I will be, you know, obviously I'll be doing chewing the fat, duh. But I will also be filling in for Steve Days on the blaze television and radio. network so you can look forward to that and we'll have a little bit of fun on the Steve Day show as I don't know where he's going I didn't ask you know I cared very little I said you're going to be off and you want me to do your show okay and then I hung up I know he was probably waiting for me to go really where you going what are you doing That's great.

You know, be safe, but I didn't. So I guess maybe I should say I'm sorry, but... Eh, eh. And the next week, you know, obviously I do chewing the fat on... Packed Grey on Leashed Wednesday and I'm joining the show on Friday. But just a little inside baseball chat, okay? Shh. Don't tell anybody.

All right? but next Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday, which is, you know, for those of you listening prior to those dates, the 26, 27th, and 28th of August 2020, then I'm going to be, you know, it's just going to be Pat Mey hanging out on the radio and television program.

So, I mean, you can always go back and download those and watch them and enjoy them at any time if you listen to this past, the live dates. I mean, you could do that with anything. Thank you very much. I appreciate it.

But, you know, just letting you end a little behind the scenes, rip back another layer of the onion just a little bit. Let you know what's going on. All right, well, where shall we go? It's Fat Pile Friday. I've been neglecting the Elon Musk story, as he promised in a tweet that there would,

be goat honks in the new Tesla models. He said, okay, that's what I love. He said, you know, there's going to be goat honks. I'm not sure what the goat. I mean, he also talked about pothole detection, which is really good. I got no problem about that.

And they're going to, they've had an outside speaker. added, which is awesome to the cars that are being produced now within the last year or whatever. And he said, yes, we're labeling bumps and potholes so the car can slow down and steer around when safe. So he answered a question on Twitter. The question was at one point there was silly talk of making the horn honk like a goat. is it an Easter egg or wide-release software update Elon Also definitely coming

Ha ha ha will only be on relatively recent cars As we didn't have an outside speaker until about a year ago Can change inside noise easily So I was trying to think You know I guess goat honks are what you think they are But as I was listening to do some goat audio. Who doesn't?

I spend their time listening to goat audio. I'm not sure there's different ones and I'm not sure which I like the best. Well, that's kind of cool. I like that one. Oh, that's a little baby. We don't want the little baby. Oh, no, that's mommy and the babies.

We don't want that. Oh, come on. I like that one. That's what I want. I want those. I want goat honks on Tesla. That is awesome. No, really.

It is awesome. So the cruise industry is back up and running, at least partially. I mean, they are starting to leave port. The cruises are leaving and going to Italy. They're not stopping at Venice, though. Venice is like, ooh, no, ooh, no, you can go to a couple other places, but no, you can't stop here. So good luck.

That's what's going to happen. They're just going to be picking cities hit or miss. And if they, the area says, yeah, you can stop here. That's where they'll stop. And if an area says, ooh, no, no, keep moving, move on. Then you're going to have to move on. People in Venice are torn, whether they, you know, they want, they love the money that the cruise industry brings. They don't like the crowds and they don't like, you know, the fat Americans that, you know, waddle around Venice.

But those fat Americans pay a lot of bills. So we'll see how long the old Venice says, no, no, no, no, no, no, please, no. So I see where Delta is now going to block middle seats through January. But they say they're going to allow more people on flights. Okay. They're going to continue blocking middle seats through the first part of January, covering the key holiday season. But they're going to raise the cap on the number of passengers on its flights.

So I guess the limit capacity is at 60% through September, and then they're going to make it go up to 75% of the seats in the main cabin in October. Well, wait, but is that counting the empty middle seat? I don't think it is. I think the middle seat is just zero and then you go from there. but okay good good luck i know southwest is blocking the middle seats i heard some of these airlines were saying they were blocking the middle seats

but sometimes it didn't seem that way i'm you know i'm just going by what i was told i'm just going by what i was told because uh american and united still have all their seats up for sale they are like no thank you we we want business and they need the business right now they're going to now american airlines is halting service to about uh 15 smaller cities you know once the federal aid runs out the federal aid ought to run out you know i was thinking about this the other day i know we have to you know they're too big to fail and we need the we need the uh the airlines and i put need in parentheses when I should, I'm not quoting anybody there.

I need in parentheses. But, you know, do we? Maybe we stop subsidizing. Yeah, make it on their own. I know, I know it's crazy talk. I get it. But maybe you just say, you know what? You guys, figure it out.

Figure it out. And if you can't fly somewhere, you know, somebody else will. You know, give it back to the old American way. supply and demand and cheaper prices, business, let's go. That's not going to happen because airlines need to be safe and they need to be overseen by the government. Don't you know that? Especially since 9-11.

We've got security and everything to worry about. We can't just let airlines fail. Well, if we stop giving them, and when they say, after federal aid runs out. That's, I think, and I'll have to find this out for sure. But I would say on the top of my head that that's the coronavirus aid money that they got,

right? The extra money for survival because of the Rona. That's not what they get regularly to stay alive. And I mean, they're still bleeding a year ago. They were at 2,533,184 souls through the turnstiles. Yesterday, 772,380 souls through the turnstile.

Okay. And they've already said they need, what, three or four times that to even come close to what they were? And that puts them back to, you know, a couple of million a day. It may be time It may be time Don't look at me like that I'm just throwing it out there Just throwing it out there

Oh no Oh no I don't want to bring you down For the weekend but Paris Hilton Paris isn't always happy I know I know Apparently there's a new YouTube documentary out

This is Paris And she speaks about a devastating experience. She kept a secret from everyone around her, including her sister. A traumatic experience she suffered during her childhood. And she said in the documentary, I feel like the whole world thinks they know me. She's heard saying off screen before it cuts to her apologizing as he drives her car. She tells the camera person, sorry, I'm so used to playing a character.

It's hard for me to be normal. No one knows who I am. I'm always putting on this faccade, facade, facade, facet, fackade. I'm always putting on this facade. I got it. Leave me alone. Always happy in a perfect life. So used to playing a character.

And her sister asked her in the YouTube documentary, Are you happy? and Paris nods answers sometimes. Now, her sister is heard saying off-screen, they say trauma. The mind may forget, but the body never forgets. It's trapped and it can come out whenever. Well, that, right? That brought up, yeah.

I mean, she curled up on the sofa and she She said that she didn't even know who she was sometimes. Now, according to Parrish, it didn't always used to be that way, but something happened in her childhood. She never talked about to anyone. And she tells her sister, I just heard bloody murder. And I couldn't tell you guys,

because every time I tried, I get punished by them. I still have nightmares about it. The only thing that saved my sanity is thinking about who I wanted to. to become when I got out there. I've just created this brand, this persona, this character, and I've been stuck with her ever since. I know, Paris. I know.

It's hard. We know you did your documentary in 2003, or I'm sorry, your reality show, a simple life in 2003. And then I'm not sure if it was before then or during that or after then. It's easy enough to find out. I just don't have the energy to look. Um, when you posted your sex video.

I mean, when that was released, sneaked out, when, when you wanted everyone to, you know, see your sex video to become a star. So I know, I know how traumatic some of those experiences could be. And I just wanted everyone to know that we're with you, Paris. We're with you. And we, we know how difficult it can be at times being you. and not knowing who you are. And it's difficult, we know.

But, you know, as your sister said, trauma, the mind may forget, but the body never forget. It's trapped. And it could come out whenever. Oh, man, I thought I missed it. And then I realized, oh, my gosh, I didn't miss it.

Thank you. Oh, man. The table read for Fast Times at Ridgemont High. Jennifer Aniston, Julia Roberts, Matthew McCona, Morgan Freeman, Henry Golden, Shia LaDouche, Sean Penn. Sean Penn is, I don't think he's reading, though. He's part of the nonprofits that this is benefiting. I think Sean is one of the co-founders of Core, and they are benefiting working the front lines to the people who are working the front lines

of the fight against COVID-19. They're also raising some money for Reform Alliance and organization focused on passing laws that protect the incarcerated population from COVID-19. So that's good. But they're getting together

and they're doing a table read of Fast Times at Ridgemont High, Dane Cook's Feeling Alive fundraiser. And they're going to all do the table read of the iconic 80s film and who doesn't think that Fast Times at Ridgemont High is an iconic table

re-win with Sean Penn's not going to reprise his role of Spicoli very sad but I thought I missed it because I was reading the story and it says Thursday the 20 last night and I'm thinking what last night are you kidding me it couldn't be last night last night was the the DNC convention Joe Biden accepted his nomination to be president of the United States it couldn't be last night and then I realized that's why they moved it.

They didn't want to go up against Joe Biden. So they moved it to tonight. Yay! Yay! So I'll still be able to get to see it, but I'm not. I'll probably miss it because I'll forget about it. I mean, I guess I could, you know, tack myself a note on my calendar or something,

but I probably won't. But it's tonight. You can find it. Just search for, you know, if you get this before 8 p.m. Eastern. on the 21st of August 2020. You can still catch it live. I don't know what they're charging.

You can find out what they're charging and you can go there. Just love a gosh darn table read of fast times at Ridgemont High. It already sounds fun, doesn't it? Right. I know. I know it does. I know.

And I'm so happy. that I didn't miss it because, man, do I want to miss it? And if you can hear the construction going on behind me, know that I'm broadcasting. I came back from the studios and I'm recording, chewing the fat. And the guy across the street is now doing something. They've been working this past week and I haven't cared enough to go over and see what they're doing. I may have to care enough to go over today because the cement truck just pulled in.

and they are busy doing construction work with the construction workers and the cement trucks. I was thinking that they were, you know, just cementing what they dug up, but it appears that they've been working longer than what it should take them to cement what they've dug up. So if you hear the construction, sorry, it's just the way it is. And I also have a story about cows that. is coming up on the podcast. We already talked about goats. So, I know.

I know you're going to want to hear about the runaway cows. For those of you listening that aren't subscribers of the podcast, this is a reason to subscribe. Stories about cows. Download and subscribe to more content at the blaze.com slash podcasts. All right. Let's rock and roll on the, the podcast version of chewing the fat today.

I know the construction guys are still going crazy, but I'm not going to stop just because they're out there working. I mean, good for them. I mean, they need the job, right? So a story out of Ontario, Ontario, Ontario, about runaway cows. The cattle took off and they found their way to a someone's corner yard and just sat down. You know what?

We've gone far enough. This isn't where we're supposed to go. we're just going to wait until somebody shows us where we're supposed to go, which is really funny. And if you know, I mean, I grew up on a, I grew up out on a farm and there were dairy cows. A bunch of, the dairy cows weren't ours, but they were, you know, part of our life on this farm that I grew up on.

And once in a while, man, they break down a fence and off they go. And they'll block the road. You'll be driving down the road. And there's a herd of cows just blocking the road. And they can either keep moving or they just stop and they realize, hey, we probably should move on over. So whenever it happens, especially if it happens in any urban area where you have morning traffic reports. And the traffic reporter's got to go, hey, we've got some cows blocking the road on 185 this morning. They won't move on over.

and those of you people stuck in traffic and you know it's utterly ridiculous, don't you? We'll let you know when the cows get moved and you can keep on moving along, okay? Whack, whack, whack. This weather report brought to you by, and then you move on, this weather report brought to you by milk.

But then I got to thinking about cow jokes, and I love freaking cow jokes. Okay, I just do. So I thought, you know what? I'm going to send you into the weekend on Fat Pile Friday with cow jokes. You know, you like them. You know, you're going to use them. And, you know, just turn it up.

You can play with you. You can play with the kids. Or you can listen to yourself and use them yourself. Right? All right. Because a lot of these cow jokes are kind of like what they would call dad jokes. So, you know, why was the cow afraid? He was a cow herd.

Why do cows have hooves instead of feet? Because they're, because, oh, I got to do the right joke right. Duh. Why do cows have hooves instead of feet? Because they lactose. You're welcome. You're welcome. A cow telling her family history.

My grandfather was a knight. He was sir loin. I got to get it. You know what. All right. Let's, uh, let's try. Let's try this. Why did the cow jump over the moon?

Because the farmer's hands were cold. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you very much. Be here all week. Thank you. Thank you very much. All right.

So what do you call a sleeping cow? A bulldozer. All right. I'll lose the room shot. I just like it. It makes me laugh. What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiler.

milk. Why do cows wear bells? Because their bells don't work. I don't even understand that. Yes, I do. What's a cow's favorite newspaper? The Daily Moose. What do you get when you cross a cow and a dog? Hound beef. What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef. Ground What do you get when you cross an angry sheep and a moody cow? A bad mood. Okay. What does a farmer talk about when she's milking a cow? Utter nonsense.

What did the mother cow say to the baby cow? It's past your bedtime. What did the cow say to his therapist? I feel seen but not heard. What did the cow say to all her friends? I am legendary. What did the anti-cow say to her niece? You're so utterly cute.

Ah, that's a bad one. Knock, knock. Who's there? Cow says, cow says who? No, silly, cow says moo. Okay, so knock, knock, who's there? Who?

No, silly. And cow says moo. What do you call two ducks and a cow? Quackers and milk. No, seriously. What do you call two ducks and a cow? Quackers and milk. What happens when a cow laughs?

Milk comes out of its nose. What's a cow's favorite TV show? Dr. Moo. What do you get when a cow jumps in a trampoline milkshake why do cows go to New York

and not anymore by the way to see musicals how did the cow get to Mars it flew through utter space thank you

thank you thank you be here all week how do farmers count their cows they use a cow Duh. What do you call cattle that tell jokes? Laughing stock. What sound do you hear when a cow breaks the sound barrier? Cow boom! No, seriously. What do you hear? What sound do you hear when a cow breaks the sound barrier?

Cow boom! I know. I know. Stop it. I could go. There's a bunch more. I'll stop. I'll stop. I know. It just, it makes me laugh. You know, like, what time is it when a cow sits on your hat? Time to get a new hat. It's day one.

Here, let me bring you back to reality for just a second. Okay, it's day 159 as of this day. The 21st of August, 2020, since 15 days of slow the spread. Just, just an FYI. Okay. What more? What happens when you talk to a cow? It goes in one ear and out the other.

No, seriously. Seriously. What happens when you talk to a cow? It goes in one ear and out the other. You may have heard of the sex cult nexium and the famous actress who went to prison for her involvement, Allison Mack. But she's never told her side of the story until now. People assume that I'm like, this perfect.

My name is Natalie Robamed, and in my new podcast, I talked to Allison to try to understand how she went from TV actor to cult member. How do you feel about having been involved in bringing sexual trauma at other people? I don't even know how to answer that question. Allison After Nexium from CBC's Uncover is available now on Spotify.