Chewing the Fat with Jeff Fisher - Ep 491 | Flying Squirrels To Fairies Oh My! | Guest: Eoin Colfer

Episode Date: October 20, 2020

How Fast does 1.6 million get your car to go? Crypto Cruise Ship coming soon… Cell service on the moon thanks to Nokia and Nasa #MeToobin. It’s healthy to be fat says Dr. “Bacon” Subscribe to the Podcast… Subscribe to the YouTube Email to [e-mail] The Silent Will Be Heard Dot Com Un boxing … Mercury One yearly event this weekend ( virtual of course ) M1NextChapter.com New Zealand more diverse than ever NY Post still blocked Jack and Zuck get a reprieve… Flying Squirrels mafia brought down… Eels dumped in NYC Zoo Lemur busted. Interview with EOIN COLFER The second Fowl Twins adventure, a spinoff of the blockbuster Artemis Fowl series ‘DENY ALL CHARGES’ www.eoincolfer.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome to it. It is chewing the fat. Happy, happy, happy days. If you, let's say, had, I don't know, 1.6 million laying around and you thought, you know, my car going down the interstate doing 75 miles an hour just doesn't cut it. I need to put 1.6 million into an SSC to Atara and be able to drive 300 16 miles per hour. That's now the fastest automobile on the planet. 316 miles per hour. That is moving. And you can quote me on that.

Now, the old record belonged to the Bugatti. And it went 304.7 miles per hour. Not bad. Not bad. Now, they did a couple runs, and the first run on the Tutara reached 301.07, and they were not happy about it. So they went through it again, and it hit 331.15 miles per hour. Then we went ahead and did the, so the average speed is 316.11 miles per hour on the, pair of the speed runs. So really, you're not doing 316. You're doing, you know,

maybe you're hitting 300, 331. Have you ever put your car to 100 or more than 100 miles an hour? And, you know, you watch NASCAR. I don't watch the entire races, but we've all watched NASCAR before and indie races

and street car races. And, you know, those cars are, you know, doing, you know, 100 200 miles an hour and they are moving. So you can well imagine, maybe you can't. I mean, I don't know that I can imagine either doing 330 plus miles an hour. That is, I mean, that's flying, right? And then literally that is flying on the roads.

1,750 horsepower in this car. Wow. Now, they say it streetly. So you could pay 1.6 million and you could be stopped at a red light next to me. So is it worth it? I don't know. I mean, if you got a place out in the desert with a runway out there in Art Bell Land in Perrump, Nevada, on a seven-mile stretch of State Road 160, you know, maybe it's all you when you go for,

you know, you go for 300 miles an hour. I'm sorry, 316.11 miles per hour, which is the record. But I don't know, man, that is, now you're getting kind of scary. Getting kind of scary driving something on land going that fast. Because I've been in, you know, a lot of cars doing plus 100 miles an hour. And you are moving. Again, you can quote me on that. You are moving and you are doing some distance.

But if you're here in DFW and you hit, I don't know, a couple hundred miles an hour on the toll road, my guess is you may not get a ticket, but you may say hello to a guardrail, which would not be good. And that's just, I mean, 1.6 million down the drain. Ah, you've already got it to waste anyway, right? Right.

Welcome to Chewing the Fat. So I want this to be a good idea, I think. I would talk it through with you. So a company, Ocean Builders, wants to use a carnival cruise ship and maybe multiple carnival cruise ships and make them become floating offices for techies, YouTube influencers, and digital nomads that can live and work remotely. I kind of like the idea. But it's a giant cruise ship.

So, I don't know, in today's world, I mean, those ships have been shut down thanks to something called, you know, what's it called again? Oh, yeah, COVID. So they are in the final stages of obtaining this carnival cruise ship, and they plan on having it housed 2,000 people

in its 700,000. 77 cabins priced between 25,000 and 50,000. That's what the report says. I mean, you're on the cruise ship, right? That's the crypto cruise ship. And you have, you know, fitness classes and gyms and swimming pools and, you know, a big theater. And I don't know. I kind of like the idea.

I don't know if you're going to get the giant balloon flying over the cruise ship for your internet service, for your. for your Wi-Fi, but you know, you have satellite access. It says here that they're going to be the newest health and safety standards, onboard testing, preventative doses of hydroxychloroquine. And it says in the story here from Business Insider and preventative doses of hydroxychloroquine, the anti-malaria drug that studies have found to be ineffective against treating the coronavirus. Well, maybe.

but we also know of many people that it's saved their lives so easy their business insider now I kind of want it to be a cool thing I really do it'd be it'd be really cool and you're out on a ship you can do what you want that's where you live right now I don't know I get back to you're on a cruise ship how do you get food it sounds great that you're going to have access to all of this stuff, but one person of your, you know, techie gets sick and the ship can go down. So I don't know. I want it. I want it to be kind of cool.

We'll see how it works out. Is it worth being on the ship for a while? It might be. It might be. I don't know, though, if you are down on the lower decks for the 25 grand, do you still get access to the other stuff or do the $50,000? techies get access to the pool and you get access to you know the sink on deck two we'll see well you have access to the swimming pool just at night you can go down to the meditation glasses no

problem oh okay all right thank you or you can upgrade for another twenty five thousand dollars sir and then you'll get access to everything all right all right no problem I want it to be cool, but I don't know that it will be. So good luck. So we've got the crypto cruise ships going on for the techies. And we also now are going to have cell service, 4G cell service on the moon. I know. So NASA planning to return to the moon in like three years or so.

And it wants 4G communications already on the moon. So they cut a deal with Nokia for like $15 million. I'm sorry, $14.1 million. And that's going to Nokia to create tipping point technologies for the moon. So they want to work toward having that sustainable human presence on the lunar surface. Okay. No problem. Now, I know that SpaceX has got some cash coming from NASA.

some of the other companies are getting some cash from NASA. So it was nice of Nokia to put their hand in the till and get a little over $14 million to create that service on the moon. So what's kind of cool is we're going to go to the moon in three or four years and you'll be able to tweet. Our guys will be on the moon, be able to tweet, have great cell service with 4G. And maybe we'll start a war.

So we'll have a 4G on the dark side and 5G on the light. side of the moon. So where do you want to be? You want to be where the 4G is or do you want to be where the 5G is? I don't know. But for now, Nokia is looking to get that 4G up and running on the moon so that when we land there and have sustainable human presence on the lunar surface, we'll be able to have that cell surface up and running and good to go. That'd be great, right? Of course it would. But with that is going to have to come some kind of security, right? I mean, we do want to talk about social media sites and what you could do about it and how they're censoring things? I mean, we see that happening every single day.

So let's talk about the social media sites and they're censoring. You know as well as I do that, well, let's call them the left, shall we? We'll call them the left. I don't want to. It would just call them the left. They want to silence and remove your voices. It's clear. And it's clearer and clearer every day with their own words they want to silence you.

Okay. Now, we know that Twitter and Facebook specifically are supposed to be open platforms. Do you believe that they are? I don't. Do you believe that they should answer for it? I do. I don't know if that's going to happen or not. but instead of letting social media sites revoke your right to free speech,

how about revoking their right to your data? Right? Now, you can just turn off your social media accounts, but that would be just giving them what they want. So let's talk about giving them something that they don't want. You having access to your social media accounts, but them not having access to your data. And that's where ExpressVPN comes in.

I got to tell you, when I log on to my laptop and ExpressVPN starts logging in and logs in and says, you know, you're connected, I feel like, huh, okay, that's good. Because we know that sites like Facebook make all their money tracking your searches. That's what they do. Your video history, everything you click on. And they sell that data. It's valuable. when you use ExpressVPN you get to be invisible

with your online presence even if you're you know you're still online let's be honest but let's just say you're almost invisible and that makes your activity difficult to sell trace that's what makes ExpressVPN

so so much fun to have to me it's fun Because like I said, when it comes up and it's ExpressVPN, I'm like, ha ha, yeah, take that. You don't know where I'm going. Ha ha, you don't get to track me. And it couldn't be easier to set up. You just tap one button on your phone or computer and you're protected. ExpressVPN also encrypts 100% of your data to protect you from hackers and internet bad guys.

So it's time to say no to censorship and take back your online privacy. ExpressVPN.com. You know what? Use my code. ExpressVPN.com slash Jeffie, J-E-F-F-F-Y. And by visiting the special link, you'll get an extra three months of ExpressVPN service for free.

ExpressVPN.com slash Jeffie. E-X-P-R-E-S-S-V-P-N dot com slash J-E-F-F-F-Y. ExpressVPN. dot com slash jeffy get that extra three months by using jeffy express vpn.com slash jeffy protect your data okay all right all right let's uh we cannot go we cannot go through this broadcast of chewing the fat without talking about hashtag me tubin it just cannot happen i'm sorry so geoffrey tubin is uh you political correspondent for CNN, and he was part of a Zoom video chat between members of the New Yorker, which he is a part of, and WNYC radio last week.

And according to him, he didn't realize that he was still on video. and he made an embarrassingly stupid mistake believing he was off camera he apologized to his wife his family his friends as co-workers but apparently he and not apparently he did pleasure himself on camera now jeff if you want to do you want to do you want to do that you want to do that. My gosh. Go ahead. There's no... And I'm not stopping you. Maybe you're, you know,

addicted to the porn site on the other screen that you said you were looking at. You believed you weren't visible on Zoom? I mean, who among us? Who among us hasn't been on a Zoom call and decided, you know, I'm gonna...

And I'll just mute the video on Zoom. This is why. A couple things. This is way different than having boyfriend or hubby walk by naked or be in the shower by accident as you're doing a Zoom call. Or you forget that you're on a Zoom call and you're talking to your coworkers and you go to the bathroom and then you realize, oh, man, I'm still on screen. That's different. In my estimation, it's different. still, you know, it's a questionable offense,

but it's different than, hey, I think I'll just take care of myself. And the computers are still on. So they're talking about election coverage and what's going to happen for them between the New Yorker and WNYC. and they said, is that Cuban taking care of business? With himself? Dude, turn the screen off.

Point the computer in another direction. That's not a mistake. I'm sorry. That's just not a mistake that you make. It just isn't. It just isn't. I'm sorry. Now, if you ask,

You know, he's one of those guys that wants to do it in front of everybody. We do stories about those guys all the time that seem to can't help themselves. I mean, he didn't ask anyone. Did he say, hey, Zoom call people, mind if I pleasure myself when we're in the middle of this call? You know, if I'm on the call, I'm like, go ahead. Yeah, like, you know, do whatever you've got to do.

But this does. Go back to what I told you to do in the very beginning of the pandemic. And you all laughed and thought, ha, ha, ha, that's funny, Jeff. But I'm telling you that more people would have not been in trouble throughout this pandemic and their Zoom calls. If they would have just, you take a picture, just a little, you know, snapshot of your face on a little stick. And you put it up in front of your desk. So the camera is looking at that. So you are technically behind the picture of your face.

You could do anything you want, right, behind the picture. Because people look up at the Zoom camera at their video and there's your face. And then if you want to go live, let's say you decide, you know, I'm going to pleasure myself and I want everyone to see. You could take the picture away. And there you would be live. But really, you just want to set the picture. you're behind it. So you go, yep, I'm here. Don't worry about me. I'm just naked. So I guess is that the new thing? I mean, really seriously, we're at the new thing,

Me Toobin, right? Hashtag Me Toobin. I'm okay with that. It's kind of funny. You know, I, you know, do I feel sorry for him? I guess. I don't know. Would he feel sorry for anyone else, no. So, you know, he thinks it's a stupid mistake. Yeah, well, people have, you know, are out looking for work, Jeff, and you're busy working and you can't find time in your own personal life to take care of yourself off your Zoom calls. Okay.

All right, dude. Take it easy. I think you can. I mean, and then I got to thinking about, you know, if there's other other things that we can call it. You know, so I looked at some of the euphonisms for, you know, manhandling yourself. And some of them I don't remember hearing. They're funny, but I don't know that I remember.

You know, like poaching the egg, shaking hands with the milkman, manual override, marching the penguin, double-clicking, polishing the banister, petting the catting the cat. Okay. I mean, we can just go on or not. There's a huge... I don't really making the waffles. Anything you say can be turned into, you know, taking selfies at the bean. Ooh, that's a... I mean, hello, Jeffrey. That's you. You know, dotting the eye. I do not remember. Now, some of them, you know, are for females, so, you know, I got it. But, you know, hand to gland combat.

Okay. It's just really, really kind of funny. And I'm sorry. See, there I go again. I'm feeling sorry for him. I'm sorry that it happened, Jeff. You know, but you got to be smarter than that, right? You just got to be if you're not doing it on purpose,

which how do you do that? on a Zoom call with cameras live and not mean to do it. That's what's turning you on in the cameras from the Zoom call. So good luck, God bless, yeah. But, you know, I hope, you know, I realize you've been suspended from the New Yorker. And, you know, you're going to go down now. It's going to be, I don't know that you ever get away from Me Too, but for the rest of your life. So, you know, go write a book.

Go be a professor somewhere. Go, just go away. Just go away. And just continue to me tubing on your own over there somewhere. Okay? Yeah, let's go. All right, let's go to the break room. I need a drink of ice, cold, refreshing what I drink.

I was going to say it, didn't you? Oh my gosh. That is so, so. All right. So as long as we're in the break room, we might as well talk about the health at every size movement, which is, I'm a fan of personally.

I'm a fan. Look, I'm not a scientist. I just play one on this podcast. But according to health at every size, characteristics such as our size, race, national origin, sexuality, gender, disability status and other attributes are assets.

And acknowledges and challenges the structural and systemic forces that impinge on living well. Right. Thank you. And according to this doc, Dr. Bacon, so according to Dr. Bacon, it's okay for people to be over. weight, it's not unhealthy to be fat. It might even lead to a longer and healthier life. Hello. Duh.

Actually, while I'm not a scientist, and again, I only play one on this show. When you get older, you know, obviously if you're overweight, you don't eat as much and you're less active. So you need that extra weight to, you know, keep your body going, that extra food that your body is living off of that fat. So, you know, I'm with Dr. Bacon. With Dr. Bacon, you're going to live a lot longer if you're overweight. Clearly, that's science coming from chewing the fat.

Clearly. Hey, remember to subscribe to this podcast. If you're listening to this show right now and you are not a subscriber, why don't you enhance your life and become a subscriber? Just choose a platform. that you like, there's a plethora of platforms out there. For example, iTunes, Iheart Radio, Stitcher, you know, Spotify, and subscribe to Chewing the Fat with Jeff Fisher.

And then once you're a subscriber, you can then, you know, rate and review it and tell your friends. And we told you last week that the rule of thumb needs to be, no matter what you're listening to, if someone asks you, hey, what are you listening to? your answer should be chewing the fat. Duh. But they don't know.

And you're being a good promoter of this show that has enhanced your life. So from now on, no matter what you're listening to, of course, after you're a subscriber, if you're still just a freeloader listening for free without being a subscription freeloader, then, you know, you and I need to have a separate conversation. But once that happens, then no matter what you're listening to. to it doesn't matter whenever someone says hey what are you listening to the answer is chewing the fat chewing the fat with jeff fisher you should subscribe and then you're good all right right all right i don't have to tell you again i don't i don't as long as you're busy subscribing you might as well go

and subscribe to the youtube channel as well it's chewing the fat with jeff fisher oh i know it's the same name weird i know i know also just a quick reminder For those of you that are subscribers to the podcast, coming up in the podcast version portion of this show, I get a chance to talk to Owen Calfour of Artemis Fowell fame. He's got a new book out today with the twins, for those of you that are familiar, deny all charges. But if you're familiar with Artemis Fowl,

Owen Calfour is going to join me here on Chewing the Fat today. and he's a fascinating guy. So if you're not a subscriber and you're listening to the show for free, just another reason and another example for you to be a subscriber. Congratulations to New Zealand. Boy, they are proud.

The Prime Minister, Justin Arden, won again in an overwhelming, I'm sorry, resounding mandate in the election. And good news for, New Zealand. Wow. More than half

of the parliamentary seats are now female candidates. They have their first leader in the one party African origin. They have a Sri Lankan origin.

In fact, it's the most diverse parliament ever in the terms of gender, minority ethnic and indigenous representation. It's the most rainbow representative parliament system in the world. 10% of the members in the 120 seat house being openly lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender. That is, wow.

Congratulations. That really is something. You know what? And I'll tell you another thing that's great, is that they kicked out a bunch of older white guys that we can't have anymore. Okay. Now, they're calling it a departure. But they got rid of the old white guys. I'll tell you that.

Many, the majority, elected into parliament are younger. And, you know, leaders of LGBTQIA plus infinity. community so congratulations to New Zealand wow it just just gets better and better for New Zealand doesn't it anyway I can't believe that the New York post the New York freaking post is still blocked on Twitter maybe maybe they're not by the time you're listening to this I don't know they're not back and down wow it's just incredible to me that they are still blocked, and we're supposed to believe

that the social media giants are not biased? Right. So the Justice Department, we are told today, is going to sue Google, alleging it relies on anti-competitive conduct to dominate search traffic. Okay.

I mean, you know it's true. I don't know why they would be trying to hide it. They'll just say that it's for the greater good and it's our company and we get to do what we want. Well, it looks as though the GOP is backing down on bringing Jack and Zuck to testify, which is a joke. I don't know that it would do any good, but it's a joke that they're not being called to testify. This is, it's becoming worse or worse. just take their safety nets away and let them be is really what needs to happen. No problem.

You want to be who you want to be? Great. You get to be who you want to be. But the safety nets are gone. I don't think that they want to do that. I don't think our political leaders want to do that. And so, you know, now they're going to try to, you know, docy dough around the whole thing. And I don't think there's any docy doughing going to be going on with old Jack and Z.

Zuck and alphabet at the table. But what do I know? When I say racketeering, scheme to defraud, dealing and stolen property, what do you think of?

I bet it's not flying squirrels, but that's what you need to be thinking of. So they just busted these poachers in central Florida for trapping flying squirrels. They're a protected wild animal in the state. So they've been selling them to a licensed wildlife dealer who claimed to his buyers they were captive bred according to Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission. Okay. So the dealer from Florida worked with couriers from Florida who drove the flying squirrels to Chicago where they were shipped unwittingly.

by the help of an unwitting international wildlife exporter to Asia. So in the last three years, they've made over 200,000, according to Florida wildlife, in flying squirrel trafficking. Wow, 3,600. 3,600 animals, boy, they're not getting a good price for those bad boys. Seems like an awful lot of work for a couple hundred thousand. If I am, they said, like, they busted like, like 10,000 traps for these flying squirrels.

They're shipping them from Florida to Jordan to Chicago and then shipping them with the help of the unwitting international wildlife exporter to Asia. I mean, South Korea. And they're only got, they've done this for three years and they've only gotten $213,000. That's kind of sad. That's got, I mean, good for them.

I mean, horrible for them. What are they doing? Horrible. They're getting those, well, those flying squirrels. It's bad, bad. Bad. I'm glad you got busted.

You poachers. Nasty. I'm glad. So good that you got charged with racketeering and defrauding and stealing and stolen property. Okay, glad you got that bad people. But it seems to be that

$213,000 for three years of work, setting thousands of traps, catching 3,600 animals, thousands of animals, making sure they get shipped to South Korea via Chicago, going through Georgia, then to Chicago,

then to fly them to South Korea, and you're only making, and you only made a couple hundred thousand dollars? No, thank you. No, thank you. Uh, you'd be better off, They just busted a guy here in Fort Worth. He's running a meth drug ring out of the back of his clothing store.

I can guarantee you. That's all. He was making it. He made a lot more than a couple hundred thousand dollars. I mean, if you're looking for illegal things, there seems to be easier ways to make a lot more money with illegal things. But what do I know? I'm just glad they got busted.

You know, unlike the people who are dumping these eels in New York, city. I'm just dumping eels, these exotic animals in the parks. So in this prospect park lake, they found a bunch of these eels. So I guess some guy brought in, uh, you know, garbage bags full of these eels and just threw them in the lake. Oh, okay, don't worry about it. Yeah, it's fine. They're probably going to die in the winter anyway. What harm could it do? Well, according to the, you know, of course they say, well, the ecosystem is all

thrown up and they could have negative short-term effects. And if transplants survive for a few years, well then, then you're in trouble. Plus, plus, according to University of Toronto freshwater ecologist

Nicholas Mandrake, um, climate change could feasibly warm up city waters enough to render them hospitable for swamp eels. So there, there you have it. If they don't die in the winter because of climate change, now you're talking about negative impacts. Oh, okay.

So I guess they've found Asian swamp eels in Hawaii, Georgia, New Jersey, Maryland, Michigan, Florida, Pennsylvania. There's some serious animal mafia going on. Seriously, from flying squirrels to eels, Asian swamp eels. Okay, all right. And I guess New York City is famous for, you know, introducing exotic species. You know, I guess in 1890,

these Shakespeare, enthusiast released a flock of 60 European starlings in Central Park. Now you've got hundreds of millions across the country.

That's what happens when you start putting things where they don't belong. You understand me there? Hashtag me tobin? That's what happens when you start putting things where they don't belong.

So I guess, you know, we've got all kinds of stuff being spotted in New York and all over the Country, you know, giant, look, the red-eared slider turtles have been abandoned in Ziddy Ponds, and Lord knows, man, you start seeing an abundance of red-eared slider turtles around. Yeah, that's right.

That means the painted turtles are out, and they get fueled by the green algae blooms. So, yeah, that's right. Things happen, all right, and then get this. get this climate change could feasibly warm up city waters enough to render them hospitable

then now you're talking about being in trouble okay yeah and there's more animal mafia going on they arrested a guy in San Francisco who stole a ring-tailed lemur from the zoo

I mean that's a you've got some guts you're stealing animals from the zoo Man, it's an arthritic 21-year-old lemur went missing. And they found evidence of forced entry at his enclosure. And there was a five-year-old that when leaving his preschool Thursday, about five miles from the zoo, he exclaimed, hey, there's a lemur.

There's a lemur. And they said, are you sure it's not a raccoon? And the kid was like, I'm not an idiot. I know what a lemur looks like. That might not be a quote, but that's a quote from me. He looked at the parents and the other kids and said,

hey, I know what a lemur looks like, idiot. I may be five years old, but I got it. Okay, I figured it out. So they quickly alerted animal control and zoo officials, and they coaxed the lemur into the transfer cage. Okay. Then they busted this 30-year-old because he was the one that let the lemur out. Why would you, I don't know why you let the lemur out.

It was just to kick in the cage and let the lemur go. They don't even say why he did it. It was just like, oh, I just got to let him out. I want to, maybe he's, you know, maybe he's, maybe he's an animal, you know, anti, I hate zoo person. so I could just loot and vandalize the zoo and let the animals free. Why don't you pick a bigger animal? Okay? I want to do that.

That's a good idea. Pick a bigger animal. Yeah. So thankfully the kid was smart enough to say, that's a lemur? Are you sure it's not a raccoon? Now, I wonder if most kids would go, yeah, probably was, and then just go home.

But this kid at least said, I know. I know what a lemur is and I know what a raccoon is. So why don't you figure it out for yourself? Okay. That's a lemur. Now, the zoo has given him a lifetime membership to the zoo. Kind of cool. Kind of nice of the zoo to do that.

That's really cool. No, there's no show. There's no show on this network or I believe any network in the country that is more pro zoo. than this show Chewing the Fat We are pro zoo On this show So anything that

Anything that can help zoos out We are all four here on chewing the fat We don't want people dumping eels Dumping turtles That don't belong where they don't belong We don't want flying squirrels Shipping from Central Florida To Chicago to South Korea

We don't want that to happen Any kind of anti-animal mafia thing. People are thinking about, we want to shut down here on chewing the fat. And that, my friends, you can quote me on.

Stream and subscribe to more Blaze Media content at theblaze.com slash podcasts. Welcome to Owen Calfour. Artemis Fowell fame guru as we bow down to you, sir. It's nice to have you along for the ride today. I saw where you. You posted today on your Twitter account that, you know, you released the prologue to deny all charges, the foul twins.

And you had friends, family, actors and actresses reading the prologue. It was fascinating. It was fascinating. That was fun to watch. It was fun to do. I think it's more difficult to pull all things together when we had the idea. was like, yeah, this will take about 10 minutes. Of course not. It took a lot of work, but it's nice because everyone in there is a friend of mine, as well as many of them being actors and what have you,

but they were really nice to do it, so I appreciate it. So you, one of the things that I enjoy the things from the prologue that we can get to, and then we can obviously talk about, you know, the new book and the history of Artemis Fowl and the twins, but I found it funny that you had, even in the fairy world, microphones get left on by accident. Yes, it's very much a reflection of our own world, I think.

And it's inherently funny when these things happen to fairies. Yes. Because it's not expected. So if something like that happens to a fairy, it's even funnier than if it happens to a human. So I love to throw everything in there. and any little joke I can get in. Whatever I can squeeze in I get it in. And well look

and it's always better to realize that oh my gosh that happens in the fairy world too. Yeah, yeah. It never gets old. Well, for me. Right, right. Yeah. So, and I love the is there, is that, what did I miss? If I missed, is there an actual

novel of pooping aliens? No, but I think there will be. because there's been so much response to that that it's actually based on morgue, of course, who could drink through his finger. He could drink through his finger. So it's like anti-mork.

I was a huge fan of that show as a kid and Robin Williams in general. Of course. So, yeah, it's kind of a little nod to Mark for Mark. That's awesome. That needs to happen. Even if I'm sure it will now, even if it isn't from you. So the latest book,

It was the twins, deny all charges, which is, you know, a line that I've often lived by at all times. It's a credo. It's basically my kids, you know, because they walk into a room denying stuff that they don't even know what's happened. But they're like, no, I wasn't, I wasn't born. I wasn't in the country. It was not me. It wasn't me. Yeah.

So I was looking now, you've got the, this is, you know, the latest edition. And then you've got your, you know, you've got, you've got, the novels turned into film now. Yeah. You've got, you know, I was looking at your work, just a, you know, even just a slight list of your work. Do you make, what's the process? Because, I mean, do you get to see your family at all or are you just busy writing every day? I like to give the impression of being really busy. But what actually happens is that it seems like everything comes out together.

I could be working for two years on three projects and then they all come out in the same week and it looks like I'm incredibly prolific but I think I do I work a lot I like working but my work is very enjoyable I mean it's really light I'm out here making myself giggle

it's not I don't tends to I suppose go too deep it's comic writing which is tough it's hard to do but it does have a very positive effect on your psyche, I think. So when, and do you have an office that you,

and I just, I'm just interested to see the process and find out about the process. But, I mean, is your office open or when the door is closed, do the kids know, oh, no, don't go out there? It's not really that. It's they don't care about coming out here. They have no reason. They would have no reason to want to see what their father's doing. They just like leave the money.

on the desk and back away. But if they want something, they will come out. But more usually is I will get a text and I will say, can I order Domino's? And I say, yes. And that will kind of be the extent of it. It's a very modern. Yeah, it's a modern.

But so I'm not locked. Often my wife, I've kind of got a little sofa there and Jackie will come out. And if I'm doing an event, she will sit down there. and enjoy it. Sure. So it's not locked up now, but, but people do tend to not come out unless there's something vaguely.

Right. Just let him be. He's out there. He's fine. Don't worry about it. The pizza's out the way. Don't worry about it. If he comes in, he'll just want to sit here and watch TV.

So let's not. Don't poke the bear, I think is the really funny. So when you started, you know, obviously, you know, on the history of you is as well known as you know, being starting off as a teacher and now you've created this huge, you know, life work that is going to, you know, leave a legacy far beyond you now, for sure. Whether you, you know, want to admit it or not, it definitely will be. When you first started any, any clue to what was going to come down the road or was it just something that you thought, man, I need to do this?

I think when you're like a young writer, you go between these two polar, opposites of one, you're the greatest writer of this kind of fiction that has ever lived. And two, it's like, what are you doing? Just stop at these dreams and just write, you know, do your teaching. And I was more in the worthless end of that in my own mind. And it took me 14 years to get published. That didn't help either. And I didn't really expect anything from Artemis because I had done a book earlier called Benny and Omar and the lead character Benny was a little bit. He was a normal kid in my mind that he made some bad decisions. And in the press it was kind of, this is not a good example for people.

Why are we having this boy who's, and I thought, see, I thought he was a nice kid. I don't understand what's going on here. So when I wrote Artemles, I thought, well, this is going to be get pilloried. Right. I was very, but what I didn't realize was, of course, Benny was realistic and Artemis is not. Right. No one is going to say, oh, that's a real kid who, there's a real criminal mastermind, you know, with a jet. That happened over there.

Yeah. So it was, nobody cared about that. So it was a different mindset people had towards that. And it took off, like instantly. Usually these series take a while to build. but like the first book came out and the first week you came out it was a bestseller from nowhere because i mean i had no profile i got i think i got on one tv show and that did it i was on good morning america uh this guy who was a publicist that he was great he got me on good

morning america and it was very interesting because it was like a hit piece about violence in kids books oh wow nice none of us knew this so we were I was going on with, I should have known when it was Diane Sawyer interviewing me. Right. She doesn't care about my book, my new book, right. Yeah, well, this is like a leprechaun guy and Diane Sawyer. What is going on here? And so she started talking about violence in Kinsbuck's. And I looked at the camera and I saw this guy and I was going to, is this what's happening here? This is not, uh, but then she, she said, I'm just going to read you a piece from your book and I thought, oh, here we go.

I'm done. And she read a piece and stopped and said, well, what do you think about that? And I said, well, if you turn the page, you'll see that he missed the gun. He was shooting. It was a trick and he missed. And so she turned the page. She saw that he missed. And she just switched into, well, I loved it.

And that was it. There you go. That was awesome. She's a total pro and she just went with the flow and it went from being a target to being, I love this book and the next day it was number three and 20 years later. That's great. It was just a twist of it. I'm getting several calls from this other.

Oh, are we running late? Yeah, we are. All right, I'll wrap it up then. I'm sorry. No, I'm sorry. Owen Kaufler. Thank you so much. I know you're busy.

The new book is, you know. know, deny all charges. We've got, you know, Miles and Beckett's latest adventures, and you're, you know, I didn't even get a chance to talk to you about the film. I wanted to talk to you about the input on the film. So I'll let you go. Not a problem, Owen. I'd love to talk to you again.

Absolutely. Let's set that up. Yeah. I'd love to do that. I would love to very much. Thank you, Owen. I appreciate it. You take care of yourself.

Thanks for joining me. You too. Take care yourself. Be safe and happy. Yeah, thanks to Owen Culfur. we got tied up in time. We got started late on that interview. So I hope that we can get him back on chewing the fat.

Fascinating guy. And wow, to think that it all started with a turn of fate on Good Morning America. Really fascinating story. So I hope to talk to Owen Calfor again. But kind of fun to enjoy the Artemis Fowell series. I'm sorry. And these are the new Twins series with Deny All Charges. And you can enjoy that.

And go to Disney Plus and watch the movie too, if you want and that's worth worth a watch anyway thanks oh and i appreciate it and sorry we ran late with your time