Chewing the Fat with Jeff Fisher - Ep 5 | Get Your Handicap Haircut Today

Episode Date: January 14, 2019

Jeffy talks about tipping flight attendants and a brand new social media account.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

You know, I was really thinking, after the Consumer Electronics show, I want the Roll Up TV. I saw a news report about, it was an article on the new Roll Up TV that's going to come out now. And they're like, you know, whatever they're going to cost. You know, they're going to cost too much money now, right? But if it's like the, do you know the little wristband you get for kids? Yeah, yeah, yeah. They slap a poop and they wrap around you. If that's the roll-up TV, that's what I want.

That is cool. And at some point, then this, we all know that the snap doesn't work anymore, so it just stays rolled up. And you spend 30 minutes trying to make it be straight. And then you let it go, and it rolls back up again. And that's exactly the stop. I'm trying to get this straight. I got to stretch it.

And it snaps back. But so I see this article, before we get started today, I want to see what they say about the roll-up TV. Of course, this isn't the roll-up TV. This is the Chevrolet truck commercial. I guess you carry the roll-up TV in your Chevy truck is what you do. Oh, here we go. Samuel Burke, CNN Tech correspondent.

I'm sitting under it so that you can see it's not just going up and down. It's actually unroll-in-a-box. It's on top of a ledge, like where your TV sits. For the past few years, lots of people have thought they knew where TV was headed, 3D, TV. When was the last time you saw somebody? Nobody. That never worked. Curves are nice. I have one. Those are nice. You can't roll up a television into a box and store it away.

You can't store it away. It's like in a box on a shelf. It's not that you don't just take it with you. LG display showed us another prototype. All right. I want a yoga mat. TV is what I want. This is like a box. It comes in a box on a ledge where, guess what? My TV would be sitting. I'm okay with my TV there. I'm okay with my TV there.

If it's in a box and it rolls up, it's like those, you know, in school when they have the screens and in shows they have the movies, the projector screens that they pull out, that's what those, I don't want one of those stupid things. The 18-inch display that you might be able to roll up and stick in your back pocket like a newspaper. Yeah, that's what I want.

They're in that same technology and applied it to a TV. They really haven't because there it is. and LG display just makes screens. They hope that one day TV manufacturers might actually incorporate this technology. See, now this guy is saying it one day, right? But the article I read, they said that they were coming out. They were already doing it. So CNN Tech correspondent, whatever his name was, I don't remember.

What was his name? Do you remember? I don't. Right. Fake news. That's what it is. All right, hold on. But what you can see here is how the technology works under the hood as the TV shrinks down.

Right, under the hood, which just sits there like my TV. You can fuck it away when you're not using it. And it looks like a flower box. You might actually want to use your television at different heights. Why would I want to do that? Music is playing in the house or what the weather is. Oh, yeah, that's what I want. I want to roll up my TV like a quarter of the way, so it tells me the weather.

I have a phone that does that. But they also think you might want to use a super wide format like we're used to in movie theaters. Right. Or possibly just watching it to watch television. What? We've all become accustomed to. Imagine that.

All right, this is just dumb. That's just dumb. That doesn't work. I don't want to, if it rolls up into a screen and then rolls back down, that's just dumb. Oh, there's the Chevy commercial again. Chevy's all over the CNN. How come Chevy doesn't?

advertise on this network. What the heck? I'll put, anytime I start a new story, run the Chevy ad first. I'm good with that. That's agonizing. I don't even want to talk about it.

I was all fired up. I don't even want to talk about it now. And I was going to talk, I wanted to talk, I wanted to talk to the Consumer Electronics Show guy, my man, Jim Barry. And so I was all fired up

because I was, I told Chris, oh, cool. We got to talk to somebody at the Consumer Electronics Show. And I said, oh, yeah, I got my man, Jim Barry. I've talked to him for years, right? And I talked to him like a couple years ago. I talked to him at the first. I go through my email and I search, you know, CES, Jim Barry.

And there he is. And I thought, oh, cool, there it is. There's, and his cell number. I'm like, all right. I'll live at large with my man, Jim Barry. I just call him and we'll set it up. Yeah. Then I read this.

I said, he is still with consumer electronics, right? I mean, he's been there forever. I'm sure he's got to still be there. So I click on it. I got to make sure he's still working for CES. And the CTA people. And he's their big,

they're big digital answers man spokesman. He used to come and bring all his cool stuff. Yeah, you know, he died shortly after I talked to him last. That's sad. My man Jim Barry died. shortly after I talked to him in 2017, it's been a year. It's so sad. But now I have no connection as CE.

So the Technology Association, this first story that pops up is the mourns the loss. It's not funny. That's not funny at all. I don't even know why I'm answered, but it's so sad. I mean, I talked to him in 2017, and then a few months later he passes away. It's very sad, and I'm very sorry that he's. He passed away into all his family and friends, including myself, you're missed. I loved you.

Very sad. And I didn't realize he was 71. But he was great. So now I guess I have to talk to somebody else. Now I don't want to because it's not Jim. And I don't care about the roll-up TV that's in a box. It looks like a flower box on my ledge. I'd rather have my curved TV.

This is agonizing. We can't even talk about the whole thing. We might as well just get started on the podcast. So much going on in the world today. I really, I seriously don't know where to start. I mean, the California wildfires that happened burned, I mean, thousands of acres, 86 deaths, 14,000 homes,

more than 500 businesses and 4,300 other buildings burned. So they've got this big deal about PG&E, the power company, going into bankruptcy because everybody believes that they started the fire. It was their fault because some transformer or power line fell down. Well, as I'm reading this latest story about it, and they're talking about them filing for bankruptcy and the CEO quit, the lady that was in charge for 12 months, quit. And now they're bringing in a new kind of temporary head guy.

And they're looking for another person to take over. And they're filing for bankruptcy. And they're trying to, you know, trying to save their face. And there's talk about the state of California taking PG&E over. And, you know, look, PG&E, we all remember, isn't it? Wasn't it PG&E with Aaron Brockovich? With the poisoning of the water? Remember Aaron Brockovich?

I love that movie. Julie Roberts, by the way. But based on a true story. So I'm reading about the story, and it talks about here how in their investigation, they're saying that in addition, a series of wildfires in 2017, they're also blaming on PG&E, which costs another 10 billion in damages, and 44 people died. and they according to investigators they found the company violated codes regarding brush clearance near its power lines or had made you know related violations okay then you know they should be meant to be paid for that right but in this investigation they claim that the fire was started when a PG&E power line came in contact with nearby trees okay

And PG&E reported an outage on a transmission line in the area where the blaze began about 15 minutes before it started. Okay. Now, within the massive burn area, PG&E found power equipment and a fallen power pole riddled with bullet holes. It also reported that it found downline with three branches on it. Okay. So I don't see how some of that can be PG&E's fault. If somebody is out there taking pot shots at their power equipment and their power poles shooting at it, putting bullet holes in it, they're the ones responsible, not PG&E.

But you're never going to win that case because PG&E is the big bad power company and they are looking to go down. And that's, they probably will. And good news for California, because the state does such a wonderful job running everything else, they're just going to take that over to. So good luck, California. Good luck.

Let me cross over to the world of, uh, of the shutdown. And I know I try not to talk too much politics, but it just, this really doesn't have anything to do with the shutdown. down except it ties in with the shutdown a little bit because over the weekend I see the story where flight attendants want you to tip them? No.

That's not going to happen. How about you give me my pretzels? You give me my Coke zero or my Diet Coke with an extra cup of ice and move on. I know that I've called you waitresses in the sky for years. And I know that's what you are. However, the waitresses that I give tips to, those restaurants don't charge me to come in. Thank you. I get to walk in on my own accord and sit down and say, oh, you know, I think I'd like this.

Thank you. How you doing? Yes, I'd like some water. You can bring me some water. You can serve me and do a good job. And I'll give you some extra money out of the, because I know that, you know, I know whether it's right or wrong. Well, that's another argument in itself, whether waitresses should be paid a whole bunch of money and not tipped, or be given, you know, two bucks an hour and live on tips.

That's a whole other argument. But either way, I go in there on my own accord. If I'm paying top dollar to fly, and now you want me to also pay the stewardesses or the flight attendants or the waitresses or however the hell you want to call them, you want me to tip them for bringing me a bag of pretzels, no thank you.

No, thank you. upgrade their, you know, like the food items where they have like more of like a restaurant feel instead of an airplane food. Would you tip then? Uh, no. No. What if they do a dinner and a show and... Hooters already tried that. Hooters Air already tried that. It didn't go over well.

I'm a fan. I was a big fan of flying from Tampa to Las Vegas on the Hooters Air, but a lot of people weren't. They went out of business. Not even to do a massage and a face. show and, you know, some... That I'll tip for. Really? If the flight attendant says, here's your Coke Zero and your pretzels and I'll be back to massage you in just a moment

once I get done delivering the Coke Zero's to the rest of the plane. Okay. I gave me a tip for that. We found it. We did find the loophole in that. I'll bring you a hot towel for your face. Well, they already do that. Some Air Lans already do that.

If you, when you fly, when you don't fly with the unwashed masses. Oh, yeah, of course. You how else do you fly? I mean, if you fly in front of the curtain, you're getting the hot towel. Oh, you're getting a hot towel and a little mimosa. Yeah. Yeah. And that's happening.

Oh, yeah. But if you're back there behind the other side of the curtain? No. Wait, there's a back of the plane? I'd like a hot towel. What? We don't have those. I didn't know there was a back of the plane.

I thought the plane ends at the curtains. How do they fly this thing? That's what I'm saying. The curtain at the end. Yeah, it's weird. I always thought the plane's ends as the curtain. Because I'd never go back there. No, don't.

Oh, don't? No, don't. It's dangerous. The plane might crash. I love it, too, when the bathroom was backed up when somebody actually has to use the bathroom. They've got the little kid, you know, and they're close to the front of the plane bathroom. And you really, you know, and they come through to use it. And everybody's looking at the buck.

What are you doing? What do you think you're doing? You're not supposed to be in the front. You have two bathrooms in the back. Thank you. I don't care how long it takes you to get your kid back. back there. I don't get that puppy diaper.

Don't bring that poopie diaper to the front of the point. That's right. Thank you. Yeah. No. Yeah. Because that high engineer curtain keeps everything away. Thank you. Yes.

Yeah, we got fans. So we don't they unwash masses. We don't. We don't. Smell seeping up here. No. In fact, I look,

what really ticks me off, though, and it's got to, is that they should have the people, when we sit in front, When I sit in front of the plane, all right, the people that sit behind the curtain should not board the same door. No. We should see. They should not pass by me.

No. I don't want to see them pass by me. There's many doors, according to the flight attendant. There's two in the back, two in the side, and two in the back. Right. Right. Use the side or the back. Thank you.

We could do that easy. Absolutely. They got no business wheeling them by me. No. I don't want to see them. I don't either. Why do you think I'm in the front of the curtain? It's embarrassing.

I feel bad because I don't want to look up at them. Don't. Oh, you can't make eye contact. Don't make eye contact. Oh, no, you don't. Don't make eye contact. You do not make eye contact. Keep looking at the time.

Actually, you look booge and you look up. You're like head high. Shoulder straight, head high, and they're not there. Work on a tablet. Oh, yeah. You have to take out the tablet and the headphones. The booze headphones. Bose.

Okay. You take those out too. What did you call them? The booze. That company is mad at you right now. There goes that sponsorship right there. But I'll take the sponsorship. They're Bose and I love them.

And I have my, I have my Bose headdance. I love them. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. You put them in. It goes, I love them.

I love them. Oh, yeah. I bought them when I, when I started taking the train every day. Oh, you have to for that, yeah. From Trent to New York. Poop.

And the technology is amazing. I love it. I love it. Anyway, and you're not supposed to have them on for take a shut up. Shut up. Shut up.

Oh, you know, they don't. No, they don't. And we'd see, how was that one, I was on one plane. I was on one plane and I hear the flight attendant. That's her official name, right? Flight attendant. I hear the flight attendant. We realize that some people still have their phones on.

We have to get those shut down. And I'm looking like, prove it. Thank you. Prove it. Thank you. No, you can't. You know why? Because everybody has their phone on.

Yes. And I'm sorry, if my $1,000 phone can bring. down a multi-million dollar airplane. I can't. You cannot. I can't. Look, private chartered flights. Yeah, you told me about it.

All the time. You told me. No problem. I mean, there's football teams, charter flights all over America every day. And there's not a football player. There's not an athlete. There's not a coach. There's not anything that doesn't have some electronic device turned on on that plane,

the entire ride. But they do turn off their laptops, right? And what? Yeah, no. What? Have you ever been on a private? No, you haven't had it. You're the one that told, this is by secondhand, you know.

You're the one telling me about the flights. Wait, I'm getting an emergency alert on my phone just a second. Oh, yeah, we have an Amber Alert. We do? Yeah, we have an Amber Alert. Is my wife okay? Oh, no, not that Amber. The other Amber Alert is.

The Amber Alert is. Actually, it's Amber Alert. It's for a Silver Alert. Oh, yeah. So if you're in Texas and you see George Webb, with license plate EKH 253 out of Oklahoma

2007 orange Chevrolet H-H-H-R just called 911 and let them know you found it and it's Chevrolet What did I say? Chevrolet. You really ticked me off with the pronunciations today.

I don't know what your deal is did you drink extra over the weekend or tough time reading English now? No, I'm reading in Spanish. That's what I mean, I know. That's what happens. I understand. I understand how foreigners work.

It goes from reading English into your brain, and then you've got to translate it from Puerto Rican into English, back into English, and speak it. I know. I know how it works. It's like I know how it works, please. Did you call it Spanish? Yes.

Is that what? I thought it was just Puerto Rican. No, it's not Puerto Rican. No, no, it's not Spanish. The same thing? Anyway, it's just stop, but don't look at me like that. It was just being stupid. But back to the plane.

back the plane. So everybody has their other. Yeah, everybody does it. I don't want to hear it. Plus, I think that I think we ought to put it the law down on the boarding past. Because we get the board first. Yes, you do. Right.

Yeah. I mean, I say we. Yeah. The people that fly this side of the curtain. Well, yeah. And we have a very boogey audience. So we know that our audience flies first class. Well, thank you.

And you know that, look, see I, I'm like a, you know, a C star. I can see that. Yeah. See, list. See list. Yeah, yeah. But I still, you know, people do recognize me around the country. Absolutely.

And so when I'm sitting there and they have to board and go by, let's see. Oh, hey, Jeffie, I got to talk to them. Keep going. Yeah, keep going. Well, the stewardess says keep going. I mean, the flight attendant says keep going. Plus, I'm waiting. She's got my hot towel and my drink.

And a Coke. Yeah. The Cook Zero. She has a. So keep blocking her. Good to see you. Keep, thank you. So I'm not, this all started with tipping.

No. No. I don't tip. No. On ground. You even think I'm going to tip on the air? What? What do you don't tip on the ground?

What? I do not tip. This has been going, like this audience knows that I do not tip. You don't get a tip out of me. That's a problem. That is not a problem. That is not a problem. That is not a problem.

That is not a problem. I just said it's a problem. And I'm telling you. Okay, it's your show. But it's not a problem. they don't give me the hole they only get paid $3, get another job but that's part of the job

a tip yes they're working for tips that's what they do no yes it is they do not that's the American way that is not that is a socialist way that's the American way you're begging people to give you money for doing your job no

the employer should pay you more I agree I told you I said that was a whole other argument and I agree that it's a whole other argument But I'm not tipping. There's only two people in the world that get money out of me. My barber? You tip your barber? Oh, heck yeah.

Oh, yeah. Dude, you need to find a new barber. My barber. You're tipping neither not enough or you're going to the wrong barber, but I would rethink that whole tip thing. The barber. I've seen the haircut. And those people that get your luggage at hotels.

What are this called? Footmans. Bellhops. Thank you, Christian. Bellhops. That's it. Those are two people. There it is.

that's why they have that's what they have and now and think of you know you have uh AI robots doing that now you know tipping no tipping no tipping oh there you go only one person nuggets to tip right barbers right why why the barber that's a strange one uh well this barber kind of does a head massage shoulder massage scalpel massage yeah come to think of it I didn't I was thinking barber because when I was a kid you know my that's where I got my haircut was the actual barber but now we're you end up going to the uh you know the hair salient wand for men and you do tip there yeah yeah i do because they you know that's sad shape on my beard you know cut it up and wherever you're going you might even think of a new place to valve is just saying do you go to the place that has a handicapped people working or something like that's a that's a million dollar idea no don't stop it that is it is yes it is Oh my gosh. Why not? You know I'm right.

You know I'm right. That's a million dollar idea. Tell me the Shriners wouldn't invest in that. Speaking of airlines. Speaking of airlines. You see where, of course, the great CNN are showing all the backlogs at the airports because TSA is walking out. They're not getting paid for the shutdown. So people are going to have to wait at the airport.

and not catch their flight. So, I don't know, maybe we should maybe let free enterprise take over. And maybe the airlines could, I don't know, pay the TSA agents to come to work and get the crowds going. Because if the crowd doesn't go through the TSA line, they don't get on the airplane. Right? That's part of the problem. Duh. So they need to make that happen.

But until then, you're going to get backlogged. That's all the way it is, and it's sad. And of course they show Atlanta. Isn't that where the Super Bowl is in a couple of weeks? Ooh, that could be a nightmare. That could be a nightmare. And speaking of being furloughed, people finally did not get their first paycheck as the government shut down happened. But I just see a story where this lady, since she was not getting a paycheck,

and what do you do when you are on a budget and you're not getting a paycheck? Well, you buy a lottery ticket, of course. Duh. Why would you buy a lottery ticket when you're getting a paycheck? That's stupid. And she won. One $100,000. Good for them.

I mean, that's good news, right? She wins $100,000, quick, easy $100,000, able to get through it. And the shutdown is a little bit eased on her and her family. And proof positive that, of course, you buy a lottery ticket when you're not making a paycheck. Duh. All right, why can't I get the million-dollar idea of the handicapped hair salon out of my head? This show, you know, comes up with some, that's what I'm here for. You know, I'm an idea, man.

And a million-dollar ideas, and this definitely is a million-dollar idea, the handicapped hair salon. I bet you we get government money for that, too, because we're creating work for the handicapped. we're training creating jobs we're bringing people into work we can work hand in hand with and I mentioned the Shriners but there's plenty of other places

to work with hand in hand or whatever body part you want to talk about now I can go a lot deeper into this and you have no idea how I want to but I think of actually I don't know that I want to

I don't know that I want to I don't know that I want to. Because, well, just because. Just because. I feel like I could go really, I mean, just think of the possibilities of the people that would be cutting your hair. Right?

And what a, you know, after training, what a great job they would do. Nope, we're just going to leave it at that. Ah, we're just going to leave it with that. I know. I know. almost ashamed to myself for stopping. But I kind of feel like I'm kind of serious about the actual company and the million

dollar idea with that. I think we could make a lot of money doing that or someone could. So good luck, God bless, because I'm too lazy to act on stuff like that. Like somebody will come up with it and I'll go, I said, I had that idea. But let somebody else come up with it. So handicapped hair salon, you're welcome. All right. This is something we need to do.

All right. So Kylie Jenner was the head of Instagram, most liked Instagram, you know, post of all time. So the internet wanted to beat Kylie Jenner. And I say the internet. A simple photo of a simple brown egg. A simple. Brown Egg. 27 million likes, setting the world record.

Now, the photo beat the image of newborn Stormy, originally posted on February 6th last year, 2018, with just 18.3 million likes. The Golden Egg uploaded an Instagram account. January 5th took less than two weeks and surpassed the model and lipstick. Wow. And the post was, hey, let's set a world

record together and get the most liked post on Instagram, beating the current world record held by Kylie Jenner at 18 million. We got this. And they did. That's amazing. All right, so we need to set our own record. What's some of the other big ones? Let's see.

Record and finish line sprint junk 14 million 18, 3 hours. Collie's post managed to garner an extra 100,000 over the weekend. Non-human Instagram, the egg is also the only non-human to make Instagram's top 20, singing among the world's most love celebrities such as Selena Gomez, Christine Ronaldo, and Beyonce. Callie's camp is surely walking on eggshells today. You're not funny, they're Hannah Sparks. I got your cute little line.

They're walking on eggshells. Got it. So, we need to do this. I want, I'm sorry. The account was created on January 4. Yes. Right? And it has four million.

followers. It's already verified and the image has 33 million likes. And it's a brown egg. And all it is and that's the only post. That's it. All right. We need to

we need to chase this. All right. I want we need to come up with chewing the fat. All right. Instagram account chewing the fat. If there is one available, get it. If that's available, get it. Do that

right now. See if it's available. If it's not, then we'll just have to go with Jeff Fisher Radio, I guess. But I don't want to do that. I'd like to have a new one, too. Because if people start looking around with the other pictures I posted, they'll move on. At Jeff Fisher Radio on Instagram. Of course, you can follow it. While Chris is doing that, you can follow me on Twitter at Jeff Emora, Facebook, Jeff Fisher Radio.

And of course, subscribe to chewing the fat, duh. You're listening. And just subscribe to it. We need the subscribers. We need the subscribers desperately. I say desperately. We need the subscribers. So just subscribe.

And then rate and review. 20 stars, best podcast ever. You're good. Thank you so much. And I appreciate you being here. I really do. So I'm just asking you to subscribe to the podcast. That'd be great.

All right. So, of course, it's taken. It's taken, yeah. Chewing the fat. Chewing the fat. Chewing underscore the underscore fat is taken. Underscore chewing, underscore, like, most, like,

any kind of different rendition of chune of fatty. Okay, what about because what I want to do this is my idea. Should I share it on there? Yes. I share everything out here, I don't care.

I want to share the picture of my heart, the blockage. The shot that the doc showed me where my heart, he showed me the blockage of the vein that was 100% blocked. It looks like this big blobbed

next to my heart. And it's just, just blocked. That's the 100% blockage. So, you know, like a heart for a heart to beat the egg. And what if we call it New Year heart attack or

I got it. Or clogged or blocked. I got chewing the fat. What? underscore chewing the fat underscore. I don't know. That's the new, the egg one, that's how it's like. It's Worlds underscore egg

underscore something else. Okay. So we got chewing the fat. Yes. I'm going to get the picture of my heart. We're going to go after the egg. I want the championship of the egg. Screw that egg.

And screw Kylie Jenner. And screw Ronaldo. And screw all of them. Beyonce. Selina Gomez. Sick of her. And a little my boyfriend left me. Huh?

I'm tired. Shut up. Yeah. For the egg is world underscore record underscore egg. Okay. So we're going to, it's chewing. It's underscore chewing the fat underscore. Underscore chewing the fat underscore.

And we're going to beat this damn egg. I'm going to get the picture. I got to get it from the dock because I gave me the run around the last time I went to get it. So I'm going to have to actually go through the hoops to get it. Which I didn't want to do. But I'm going to, it's worth it to beat the egg. A heart for a heart. Let's beat the egg.

Right? Something like that. We'll come up with something like that. But you need to help out with that. So when that happens, we're going to hear about it right here on chewing the fat. And we're going to do that. And if you can think of a better name than, you know, heart for a heart, let's beat the egg. Heart for a heart.

Let's crack the egg. I don't mind that. A heart for a heart. Turn the egg into a chicken. Hatch the egg. we're doing that all right I love that that that's what we're doing thank you all right so we'll get to that we'll stay we'll stay keep you updated on that as soon as I get the pick of the heart then we're going to post it underscore chewing the fat

underscore and we're going to we're going to have a catchy little little phrase to beat the heart and go for the world record I want that because once it starts see it those those posts like that. Once they start building up, then they turn into themselves. Yeah, they go on themselves. You can't stop it. So we just need to get it started. And once it starts, then it's like, everybody's like, oh yeah, we got to beat the egg.

And I want it to be my heart. I want it to be my... I don't know that my wife will... Look, my clogged artery that almost killed me is the number one boast. That's what I want. That's what I want. We're going to do that.

Right here on chewing the fat. We're going to hold a world record on this damn podcast. It's the last thing I do. Wait. All right. So I told you last week that my mother-in-law, you know, went back into the hospital. And I appreciate all the comments on social media, thoughts and prayers and best wishes. But what I really wanted to talk about is that, okay, so she's in the step down from the ICU in the hospital.

Okay? It's the, it's like the H. It's just a step down from the ICU. It's not intensive care, but it's close. But they've got this flu thing going all through the hospital. So if you go up to Sear, you have to put a mask on when you go in the room. Does that mean that's the only place that the flu stuff floats around in the hospital is the rooms? No.

Why do they not make people put masks on? I don't know. when they walk into the joint, it really doesn't make any sense. And on top of which, I mean, what, come on now, hospital, what are you doing? And then I see a headline this weekend talking about a big bacteria scare at some hospital.

I mean, what's going on? We're doomed. We're doomed is what's happening. So then I look, as I'm sitting here thinking about, oh, well, remember that story I saw this weekend? about the bacteria scare. Where was that? So I type into Google, bacteria in hospitals.

That was a mistake. Let's go down the list of bacteria in hospitals. Top story. To fight drug resistance, block how bacteria share it. Bacteria-ridden stethoscopes around in hospitals. Legionella bacteria detected in water at Brooklyn Hospital. Hospital stethoscopes are teeming with bacteria. NIH hospitals pipes harbored on common bacteria in infected patients.

Surgeries in Mexico linked to antibiotic resistant infections in U.S. respiratory bacteria found in West Michigan hospitals water. I'll stop there. That's enough. So when I went into the hospital a couple weeks ago, that's why I had to get out. Man, I went out. I got out as fast as I could. Those places, the hospitals will kill you.

Right? I mean, you're lucky to get in and out of those. Now look, I know. It's just a joke. I got it. Hospitals are great places when you're sick. But when you start to feel better, get out of there. Get out of there.

That's not a joke. When you start to feel better, get out of there. But I really don't understand the mass thing. I guess it's just they're saying if you captured some of the flu illness, you at least aren't giving it to the patient. Okay, I can go with that. All right, big news over the weekend, Game of Thrones. Going to return April 14th.

We knew it was coming back in April, but they announced during a true detective. Coming back on April 14th. Megan Kelly, getting all over cash. Good for her. Good for her. She leaves NBC with all of her $69 billion contract. Now, I mean, good for her.

She absolutely deserves it. She signed the deal. They brought her over. They, you know, whether, forget any of the inside stuff or outside stuff. That was the deal. That was the deal. And they, you know, the deal is over. But the contract is still valid.

She's there. She's ready to work. It's a contract. So she gets her money. Good for her. I mean, it pales in comparison. And she got to cash in the money while she was at home. They were still paying her.

So, I think she was like $5 million. That's legit. I mean, okay. What's the difference? The difference is that she got $5 million. She's sitting her butt at home. Well, now she gets $69 million to sit on her better off. On top of the $5 million she had from doing nothing.

I know, but. I love it. I love it. She's great. I love it. I'm confused. No, this is a good thing. Because she gets her whole deal.

plus five. I don't think so. I don't think the five was extra. I think the five was part of the deal. You think so? Yeah. I mean, I think that was all part of the contractual.

That's why they were trying to get out of it. Because they were saying that she was paid when she was working there, right? When she's doing the show. She hasn't been doing the show and we've still been paying her. And now they're saying, well, we're not doing the show anymore. That's why they were trying to get out of paying her, the rest of the deal. I mean, the headline is a little misleading because, it's not like this time she got $69 million.

The whole contract was $69 million. So whatever was left on the deal, that's what she got. She got it all. Whatever was left, whether it was $47 or $50 million or whatever was left on the deal. So she got the entirety of the contract now. I mean, they're paying her. Whether it's going to be paid off in two years or a year, I don't think they wrote her a check for $50 million,

although NBC certainly could do that. I think they're just going to continue to pay her. That'd be pretty sweet. That's like a lottery payment there, no matter what she does. I wonder, it'd be interesting to see if she still has like a non-compete or she can't run over to CBS or ABC. Oh, no, she can. And one of the stories that I printed out for you, she said she'll be back to work soon. Really?

Yes, so she's available to work anywhere. So she's saying she already has something lined up. So let's see where she goes. Well, Megan, call me. For what? I mean... Look, turn your headphones off for just a second, Chris. All right, I just want to talk to the audience.

I would much rather have Megan Kelly commenting on these stories with me than Chris Cruz. If Megan wants to come in and sit down with me... I mean, she has to do it live, of course. I don't want it over the phone. She has to come in and do it live. If Megan wants to come in and sit down with me and, you know, do a show... I'm here for you. Call me.

All right. You can put your headphones back on. All right. I was just thinking that maybe Megan could, you know, come on the show or something. Ooh, that should be a good guest. Yeah. Or co-host or helper. Guest, sure, you go with guest.

Go with guests. I'm sure she does. I wonder if, when she says she'd be back, though, if she has something doing it. I wonder if it still could be her own thing, right? Like billowry. It could be megankelly.com. could be megan kelly.com you know where she does your own thing

if it's something coming Google megankelly.com if it's taken you got the computer in front of you do that you're my dude boy oh you're my do boy you do it that's what you do here don't make me call me call me Kelly and have her come in

take your place please please call her I mean just do your job is all I'm asking. Doesn't she spelled her name weird? It's in like with a Y in there?

No, M-E-G-E-G-Y-N. Oh, yeah, this one says, yeah, M-E-G-Y-N. And Kelly, of course, is K-E-L-L-L-Y. All right, when I want it, it says this domain is currently not approved for cash parking.

So someone has it. She has to have it, right? I mean, she's a, hello. She's got to have, if she doesn't have Megan Kelly.com, that's a problem. What would she have, M-C-C-C-E-Cley, maybe M-Cleley.com?

If somebody bought Megan Kelly.com is holding out for a bunch of cash. Boy, I wish I owned it now, right? Oh my gosh. She's getting the full payout from NBC. She's willing to drop a couple mill for that. Oh, M. Kelly's owned by the Kellys. And it looks like it's... The Kellys.

The Kelly's owned by the Kelly. Really? Someone with the last name Kelly owns M. Kelly. It looks like it's just a car. Look at that. The Kellys. Yeah. Oh, that's stupid.

That is stupid. They're holding out for Megan Cash. They are, oh, yes. They're holding out for Megan Cash. That's a good idea, man. We should have done that. Should have done that. But this is pales in comparison.

I mean, okay, so she got her full payout of $69 million or whatever the heck it is. Pails in comparison to what, my girl, what's her name? Bezo's wife. That's her name. Not the girlfriend. I know the girlfriend, Lauren, everybody knows Lauren. Talking about the wife. Mackenzie.

Yeah, McKenzie. Yeah, McKenzie. You know, McKenzie and I got a thing. We got a thing. Because I don't call her McKenzie because we didn't want to get caught. What do you call her? Well, we just, we have each other. We have little pet names.

And I keep forgetting that her real name is McKenzie. But we still have a little thing. But so everybody's all wound up that she should, whether she should get all the money. We've covered this at, like, I love this story so much. I just love. I know that we should, we got to let the story go, but I can't.

I can't, because I love it. I love it. I want Megan. Megan deserves at least, at least $30 billion. Agreed. And at least $30 billion.

And I told you that I would settle for, if I'm Megan, I settle for $20 billion, a house and upkeep. $20 billion, one of the houses, the house that I like, the best.

Yes. And upkeep. Yes. Forever. And we're good. And I still want, Yeah, that's expensive. Oh, Jeff's footing the bill on that.

Oh, yes, he is. I don't want to hear any missed payment checks, not on time payment. I want that yard honed. I don't think they know what a lay payment is. I want those bushes trimmed. I don't want to hear any. I don't want everything. I want it done.

I want the drive blown off. I want my, I want oil, any oil stains wiped up. I want all of it. I know. That's why I'm just letting them go because I could go. on and out of just now but I want that done I want I want the I want the cook I want the laundry person I want the housemaid I want the butler footman I want I want the I want the footman I want them all and I want Jose and Hoseby out there trimming bushes

Jose and Hoseby their brothers it's their company and I want them trimming mowing doing it all I want them paid and the 20 billion and you know what I was thinking to now that I'm Thinking about, what's your name? Mackenzie. Can you just call her what you call her? It would be embarrassing. It would be a pet name for her. I don't want to do that.

It's just a pet name that we have. She should get, she needs some, she needs some stock in Amazon. She needs the $20 billion. I'll settle for this. This is my deal to you. Jeff, sit down, we'll talk. Megan, call me.

All right, I'm here for you. 20 billion. Okay. You know the house, the house that you like. Whatever one, whichever one is yours that you like the most is yours. Upkeep. And is she on the board of Amazon? She keeps her seat.

If she's on the board, she keeps her seat. If she's not on the board, I don't know that you give her a seat, but you give her, you know, a bunch of stock options. Whatever Bezos has, she gets a quarter or, a third of Jeff's stock options. Did you see if she's on the board? From what I'm seeing, she's not. Yeah.

No. But I did some research on the houses, and they have six houses. Yeah, see that? Only six? He is the 28th largest landowner. He owns property in Washington State, Beverly Hills, California, Texas,

Washington, D.C. and New York. Wow, he could do a lot better. I mean, he could do a lot, he should be owned a lot more property than that. But guys like Ted Turner bought all that crap years ago, the stuff that gets you land. Like Ted's one of the biggest landowners in South America and in the U.S., Ted's got, he bought all that farmland. So Jeff's got to, you know, he's running up behind. So that's still pretty good, but, yeah, so she'll stay in Beverly Hills. I was just going to tell you, out of all the houses,

Beverly Hills it. Yeah. That is the house I will keep. Jeff can have the apartment in D.C. and have the new apartment in New York where they opened up offices. It's a 4,500 square foot home, $12.9 million. And you know that's the one Jeff wants to because he's the Amazon, Hollywood mogul, he wants that one bad.

That's why he was at the Golden Globes. He likes that role. That's why she takes it from him. Call me, Megan. Yeah, okay, so $20 billion. Beverly Hills House and upkeep And a quarter stock options Quarter of whatever stock options you hold

And we walk away clean And you can go live with your girl who's older than me, Lauren And you guys can have you a little fun Now according to reports There I know the text messages I don't care about Of course there's going to be You know text messages of you know, I love you

and I want you. Have you read them? I love you and I want you. No. They're so good. They're highlighted. They're highlighted. On that one, all they highlight it is a text message he sent to the girlfriend. Jeffrey, please read those. All right. All right. Read those. Hold on.

I love you alive, girl. I will show you with my body and my lips and my eyes very soon. I like this actually. It's kind of, I mean, of course, everybody does this. Oh, right? Yeah, you're a honeymoon face. Yeah, I know, I know. I know. But what we're looking,

oh wait, I'll continue reading the text and then I'll tell you the good news that we've got to look forward to. I want to spell you. I want to breathe you in. I want to hold you tight. I want to kiss your lips. I love you.

I'm in love with you. I'll see. See? Everybody, I mean, he's in love. You know what I want? I want to get a little drunk with you tonight. not falling down just a little drunk I want to talk to you

and plan with you, listen and laugh get over yourself, Joe at what face? Do not make that face? What face? The face that you discussed by their love. I am inspired by their love, Jeffrey. Yeah, that's the face I have. Oh, okay, got it, got it. I basically want to be with you, all caps. Ex-limation point, ex-lmice point, ex-lmice point.

Then I want to fall asleep with you and wake up tomorrow and read the paper with you and have coffee with you. What is he, Donald Trump, reading the newspaper? Right? He wants to read his own paper, the paper he bought. Right? He owns the post or the post or the... Forget which one he bought.

You make me better. You're meant for me. I know it more clearly than I've ever known anything. Still inspired? Absolutely. I love everything about you. I love that your last pick takes me completely out of my head. Wait, wait, wait, wait.

Wait, what? There's a... I love everything about you. I love that your last pick takes me completely out of my head. What kind of pick? Any more information? I told you I'd get to the news at the end. Something to look forward to at the end of the text.

I am crazy about you. All of you. I need to smell and touch you. I want to hold you. I know you're right for me. I know we fit. I'm getting inspired. I like it when you're strong.

I like it when you're vulnerable. Everything. The only thing I don't like is not being with you. All of this is just straight from my heart. I love everything about signed. Yeah. No, I don't know. Visas doesn't have his own text writers.

All right, so here's the good news that we actually have something to look forward to. Okay, I'm ready. All right? Apparently. Apparently, he sent a picture of his private parts and several shirtless shots. You know he sent the shirtless shots for sure because he was Mr. Workout, right? He's Mr. Workout. We talked about that.

We talked about there's no way he wasn't cheating because that's what happened. You know, he got to feeling good about himself and Lauren was all hot for him saying how good he was. And the wife was like, what are you doing? What are you doing? We've got a company to run. I've got kids to take care of. You got a race to Mars to win. We don't want Elon Musk to win.

You have to win that. Yeah, great. You got nice pecks. All right. Let's go back to bed. And Lauren is like, you are so hot. All I want is you. I don't care about the billions of dollars.

It's just you I want. But, you know, he said the shirtless shots. But the private parts, the Anthony Wheater shots, can't wait to see those. And what happened was, right? So the way, I mean, Lauren, Lauren's got the big mouth, though. Lauren's the one that calls it.

Because she talked to a friend. What are you doing? What are you doing? She talked to her friend. She's out there, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And the friend then goes out, blah, blah, blah, blah. So, everybody else. Yes, the National Enquirer.

By the way, according to the news. If I'm Bezos, I'm pissed at that. According to the news, the National Enquirer has the private picture. So they took how much money from Trump to keep. pictures private, right? They took a bunch of money to keep pictures private, which is okay. I mean, it's part of the deal. I get it. So they took all this money and they just

put the story in the safe. We're not going to cover it. That was with the, what's her face? Red Stormy. So if they have these pigs, I mean, I know it could be considered maybe a tad blackmailish, but

Jeff could go to them and say, look, National Inguire Um Come on man Here's a couple million Give me the picks And I want all of it I want the

I want all of it And the text messages Because they're the one Who leaked the text messages And I'm not speaking for Lauren right now I'm saying I want all of it Okay Everybody else's picks

Yeah I want them all Otherwise I mean What else is he going to buy it Maybe he could buy the National Inguire But Homeboy is never going to sell it That's his baby Crazy guy that runs

National Enquirer, he's never going to sell it Generoso, Pope Jr? That's his baby. So he's going to just blackmail bizos for money To keep the pics private. That's how he's going to survive. And good for, I mean, bad for him. You don't want blackmail.

I was supporting blackmail, not me. Not me. I'll tell you that right now. This is pretty good. These are all the texts that we have? Yeah, that's all the texts that were published by the national. or poetry.

Yeah. It's good stuff. I like it with your stroke. I like it when you're vulnerable. The only thing I don't like is not being. Oh, this is just straight from my heart, not my purse. Oh, wait, this is from Jeff. I love everything about you.

I like to see the responses. Oh, me too. Yeah. But we don't have those. Because you know she's fired up. Oh, yeah. She's got him on the hook, man. And I love how he goes, I want to get drunk, but not fall in drunk.

falling down drunk just do i love that that's a good one yeah i need to smell and touch you i want to hold you i know you're right for me i know we fit i want to know what picture he's talking about that takes him away and just makes him forget i want to know what a picture that is that ain't a him no that's of her yeah yeah we need to see those if the national inquire is worth their salt I want that on the cover I want to see that standing in every grocery line in America All right so we got sidetracked on entertainment a little bit But I mean I just want to give you a little

A little update on you know as long as we're in the entertainment world Julie Chen Moon Vez Back hosting Big Brother So good How we called that we called that There's no way She can't leave

That's her baby That's her deal right But whether it's her deal or not I mean it's her Hubby's out though right I mean True, true, true. Hubby's out.

We've got Chris Pratt engaged to Catherine Schwarzenegger. Good for him. We knew that. We knew what's going to happen. You don't look. You don't start dating a Schwarzenegger. No, you don't. And let that one slide.

Absolutely. You're in that bag. You can quote me on that, too. Anthony Scaramucci, joining Celebrity Big Brother. Talk about a guy that needs some kind of celebrity. It's this guy. Yeah. And we had him on the network, Jackie Daly.

talked to him a couple of months ago. He was on the network talking about his book. So let's see how long he lasted. He's not going to last long. You don't think so? I mean, he's kind of a douche, but can we say that about Scarbochi? Yeah, we can. He knows that.

Yeah, I mean, that's his deal, right? He knows that, yes. He lives on that. He lives under the douche tent. That some of us belong there. Yeah, absolutely. Why are you looking at me? All right, I want to leave you with the warning.

I want to leave you with the warning today. There have been coyote attacks. Coyote attacks in Texas. In Frisco, Texas, as a matter of fact, Frisco is launching an interactive coyote sightings map. What? Have you been to it? No, I have not.

You have to. I have not, but I'm looking at the picture of it. Last month, the coyote attacked a small dog that was being walked by its owner. So it attacked the dog, and the owner was there. It just said, I'm not going to mess with the owner, but I'm taking your dog, bro. Keep reading, because listen to what. happened to the neck of somebody. The attack of the dog came out two weeks after Frisco officials said that a coyote linked to other attacks had died. Ooh, people are dropping them. The coyote was believed

to be responsible for attacks of two female joggers, an attack on another jogger and a child in November. What is going on? Why are these coyotes still alive? I don't care, Peter. These animals need to be put down. Thank you. How are people not putting these things down? How coyotes are people They're attacking They're hungry, Jeff They're looking for a place to live Get them out of here then

They shouldn't be out of here This is unbelievable They're attacking me Why have I not heard about this? You don't live in Friscoe? Oh, okay I'm just telling you to watch out But coyotes are starting to take over though

Because then we have a coyote found In a bathroom in Nashville This could be the one that they think is dead here in Frisco He left. So how does this coyote get into the music sitter city center in downtown Nashville? Did I print a picture? How does that happen? No.

Okay, so he was found on the bathroom. Yeah, in the sink. In the sink, he was sitting on the sink. Just chilling there. So he's up on the sink. Just sitting. How does that? It's got to happen.

Look, the story says an employee found an unexpected visitor inside the bathroom at music Exeter Center in downtown Nashville. According to police, the employee saw the animal inside the men's bathroom at the convention center and called police. They responded and took the coyote into custody. No one was injured. It's unclear at this time

how the coyote was able to get inside the bathroom. You want to know how? I figured it out already. The employee's been feeding these damn things out behind the center and somebody left that door cocked open and he got in the building. That's the only way these things are getting in the building. I'm sorry, they're not walking. Yes, they're not walking into

the front door. They're not walking around the back. They're out back by the dumpsters. They're out back when Bill and Fred are out there smoking a cigarette. And, you know, they go away, they start walking in and in comes the coyote. Right behind him and he's wandering the building.

He ends up in the men's bathroom and he's just like, I don't know why the hell I came in here. I think I'll just hop up here on the sink and wait for somebody to find me because I need to get the hell out of here. So, I mean, that's a smart coyote right there. Wait, you don't have cameras that music center. We don't see it?

That's a good point. Why don't we have the video of that? Because it was a security guy's fault when he was doing the roundabouts. He went outside to get a cigarette break, prop the door open, coyote inside. You're welcome, Nashville police. You're welcome.