Chewing the Fat with Jeff Fisher - Ep 623 | We’re All Crazy Now & ‘Mom Jokes’ | Guests: Lisa Beth Johnson & Phoebe Bottom

Episode Date: May 17, 2021

 Washed away lottery ticket. Birth on a plane… Kobe Bryant’s crash pics on trial… Non Binary gets panties in a wad… Harry and Oprah drop trailer for ‘The Me You Can’t See’… ‘HACK’ on HBOmax & ‘MARE of EASTTOWN’ Jean Smart / Kate Winslet… Harry on First Amendment it’s bonkers / Commission on information Disorder… Subscribe to the YouTube Channel… Email to [e-mail] Subscribe www.blazetv.com/jeffy Promo code jeffy… BRB Bot from Charmin… Headlines / DeNiro hurt on set / China on Mars / UFO video / Mask permissions / Biden diverts funds… JFK told Secret Service to keep distance… ‘MOM JOKES’ with authors/comedians Lisa Beth Johnson and Phoebe Bottoms Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What did I do with that winning lottery ticket? I hope I didn't put it in my pants and wash it and make it just go away. Well, that's what a lady claims in California. 26 million bucks worth washed away. So this lady is a regular at this convenience store in Los Angeles, and she told workers she had left the ticket in her pants and put them in the wash. Now, normally you'd say,

yeah, right. I mean, I did the same thing. But surveillance showed the woman purchasing, according to this, the winning ticket. Right? I mean, they know that where the ticket was sold, what time it was sold, and they have it on film her buying a ticket at that time.

But you still need the ticket and you need proof. So the $26 million dollar California lottery prize goes away because last week Thursday was the last day to redeem it and nobody did because you have to believe this lady she purchased the ticket right i mean the employees remember her she's a regular and they have it on tape the weird thing is they sent the tape to the lottery office and then they recorded over the tape why would you i would you record over that man if i were her I would have kept that bad boy as, uh, you know, further evidence just to have it. And you should, they, again, they know the time it was sold.

They have it on tape, time stamped of her buying the ticket. But rules are rules. You need the ticket, right? You have to have a photograph of front or back. Or there's got to be a way to, you know, zoom in on the video, which, you know, I'm sure it's very difficult with, you know, how it looks, those video cameras at the convenience stores aren't necessarily, you know, 5G. But they have her buying the ticket or a ticket.

And there was no one who claimed the ticket because she washed it away. So I don't know what happens other than she just goes the rest of her life going, I had $26 million in my pocket and I ran it through the wash. Man, think you're having a bad day? not as bad as that my friends not as bad as that welcome welcome to chewing the fat you know we hear about the lottos all over the country having you know unclaimed tickets and according to a spokesperson for the you know california lottery four prizes of 20 million or more haven't been claimed since 1997, including a $63 million prize in 2015.

Wow. But I mean, that is different than knowing you actually purchased the ticket and washed it away, right? I mean, she has proof of purchasing the ticket. They have proof of the timestamp of when that ticket was sold and where it was sold. So it's, I know rules are rules, man, but that is a tough. one to take. You know what else is tough to take? Is not knowing you're pregnant. Don't look at me. I'm not pregnant. But I read a story about a lady who gave birth on an airplane flying from Salt Lake City to Honolulu. And the story is, you know, it's an incredible story of this baby's birth. It was at 29 weeks.

And fortunately, there was a doctor on the plane. There were three nurses on the plane. There were three nurses on the the plane and the flight attendants, you know, know how to give birth. I mean, really, anyone who's been through a birth knows how to give birth or help assist in giving a female birth, right? I mean, you just don't have the expertise if something goes wrong. And that was an issue with this child who was 29 weeks. They talked about using a shoelace to, you know, cut off the umbilical cord. And they used an Apple watch to monitor the heart rate. And, and, And they used, you know, someone's old sock for a hat. I hope it wasn't, you know, it was washed from a suitcase, but it didn't say.

And, you know, it was flying over the ocean. And they made a big deal about, oh, is the baby an American? You think, you think it's over, you know, you're flying on an American flight, flying from a U.S. state to another U.S. state. you're an American citizen. But they made such a big deal out of it. It makes me think that the lady isn't a citizen. It's just me thinking out loud, that's all.

I don't know that. It didn't say. It just said that, you know, the lady was flying from Salt Lake City to Honolulu. And they made such a big deal out of this kid, whether it was going to be, you know, a citizen or not, that it leads me to believe that one of the parents, if not the mother was not an American citizen,

but I didn't say in any of the stories that I read. But the other thing that struck me was that she was 29 weeks pregnant and didn't know she was pregnant. Okay, thank you. I guess it's possible they said, you know, oh, a lot of women don't know they're pregnant. Not any of the women I know or have known. They pretty much know soon.

I mean, there are times. I guess in the first few weeks maybe that you think you don't know why you're feeling different, you're not quite sure, something isn't quite right then you realize, hey I'm gonna have a baby

I'm pregnant but you know you're pregnant and after 29 weeks you don't know you're pregnant come on now I find that very hard to believe And she didn't look like one of those 800-pound women.

You know, I mean, you hear the stories of my 800-pound life, and, you know, she was pregnant and, you know, you can't tell. I get it. But you still know your body well enough to know something isn't the same. Right? I mean, you have to. I don't know. Granted, I know.

Don't look at me like that. I know I'm not a female. I could identify as one, but that doesn't make me one. So I've never been pregnant. I've been around a whole bunch of women that have been pregnant. You can quote me on that. I've been around a whole bunch of women that have been pregnant. And every one of them, including the females that were impregnated from me,

or at least that's what I was told, knew that they were pregnant. and we see all the time you know when people come into your life that you know that are friends females and they have that different look that pregnant look that extra little glow that extra little

beam of being you know having another body in their body and it happens all the time you know you've witnessed it in your life you know you have you've seen your daughter your niece, your sister, your wife,

and you know, you go, man, you look, something is different. And that's because, I don't know, they're pregnant. And they know it. I mean, I can tell you that when my first wife, when she was pregnant with my oldest son, that's where I got the, you know, for the first, I don't know, two or three weeks,

It was like, you know, she didn't feel right. She wasn't, we were both working crazy hours, and she was running a hospital. And I was, you know, at that time, I was, you know, way out of my league. I was running a grocery store. She's running a hospital. Hello. And so, but I mean, we were both working crazy hours. And, you know, it was like something isn't right.

She didn't feel right. And then she, I remember, I remember sitting at the dining room table and having her go, you know, I think I'm pregnant. I'm pretty sure I'm pregnant. You just know. I just find it so hard to believe that you don't know you're pregnant. I just, I don't get it. I don't understand it. I don't see how that is even possible.

And you can email me chewing the fat at the blaze.com and tell me, uh, Jeff, you don't know what you're talking about. Of course it's possible that you don't know you're pregnant. You just, you're going through your life and you don't understand your body and all of a sudden it's different and you think you're maybe gaining a little waiting you don't feel good and you just of course you realize you're not pregnant you don't know if you're pregnant or not okay all right email me let me know let me know how it's possible because i don't see how it's possible i just don't i just don't but anyway congratulations she had the baby

baby mom are fine the baby is still in the uh intensive care of the nq unit in honolulu mom is was allowed to leave the hospital. They were all fine. The doctor did great. The doctor, the one story I read, you know, when they were calling if they're a doctor on board, his daughter was like,

hey, dad, they need a doctor. So he came out. They had the three nurses there. It was perfect. She was originally freaking out in the bathroom. So, you know, that's a heck of a flight over the Pacific.

Yeah, we got a pregnant lady. And, you know, we all need to pitch in. I need my mask on and I was waiting for something to drink and I was in the middle of eating my peanuts. So you mind? And there was a video released, millions of views. Everybody clapping and a baby was just born on the plane and everybody's cheering and applauding and congratulating. And, you know, I guess the baby was, you know, air-boiled. Get it, airborne.

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Bambi.com slash jeff. Okay, this is a weird case that I'm not quite sure. I mean, I understand it. Kobe Bryant died January 26th, 2020. Boy, it seems like so long ago, January 26th, 2020, when his helicopter was, you know, crashed. And they all died. It was seven people on board.

Anyway, the whole thing was, you know, sad. And it was, you know, pilot error and it killed the basketball star and, you know, the others on the flight. But the wife of Kobe Vanessa has filed a federal lawsuit against Los Angeles County that alleges invasion of privacy. Okay. A couple of the firefighters were there, and they took photos on their phone of the wreckage. What? I know.

And according to her, Vanessa, and the attorney, they served no business necessity, only to serve to appeal the baser instincts and desires for what amounted to visual gossip. Okay. The third firefighter, was involved because he had photos sent to him. Now, the media relations officer who went to the scene and later shared the images with off-duty firefighters and their wives and girlfriends while socializing at an award ceremony a little after a month after the crash.

The two firefighters, one of whom was at the site solely to monitor safety procedures, were sent intention to discharge. The third firefighter was received intention to suspend. Okay. Los Angeles County says there's no legal basis for Vanessa Bryan's lawsuit. The photos were not publicly disseminated. You know, she can't sue for a hypothetical harm. Okay. No problem.

Now, a couple of sheriff's deputies took photos. And they shared the photos with family. and friends, and in one case, a bar patron and a bartender who later complained to the sheriff's department. What kind of bartender complains to the police department about photos of an accident scene? Come on now. Do we live in America anymore? Well, that was Los Angeles County. So the sheriff, Alex Villanueva, condemned the deputy's behavior, and he, told them to delete the photos and you know they everybody says why did you tell them to delete because he wanted them gone and you know i guess one of the one of the sheriff stations uh you know pushed back on

the decision and was told um zip it delete the photos now and they investigated and they all got their little discipline in their hand slabs and then newsom signed a law that makes it a crime for first responders to take unauthorized photos of deceased people at the scene of an accident or crime. Now, if you're a first responder, I would almost say that most of any of the photos are authorized. You can't share them, right? Now, one of the people that got in trouble for it said that they sent him the photos,

and that's what they do. Captain Tony and Brenda, he has filed a retaliation lawsuit. saying he was demoted for refusing to hand over his personal cell phone. He turned over his department cell phone and laptop. And he received photos from people working at the crash site, as is common practice on all major incidents. So it's really weird that, you know, I can see it being wrong to share with family, friends,

and you're at a bar getting drunk. I take it look at this. That's Kobe Bryant. This is. helicopter crash. That's Kobe right there, I think. I might be the other guy. I mean, it's not really right. But, I mean, what is Vanessa Bryant? I mean, she's short on cash? Kobe's money not good enough? I mean, she's got to be worth, what the heck is Kobe worth? Half a billion dollars? $300 million? I don't know. I mean, I really, I'm not sure what

Kobe was worth. But he was certainly a very well-off businessman, you know, athlete from the NBA. So I don't think he was a billionaire, though, or not, you know, not really close. But, you know, what's Vanessa get out of this? I don't know. They didn't really share it with the public, although you could make the argument that, you know, wives and girlfriends, you know, are public, but none of it went public, went, you know, TMZ public. So it was actual, you know, it is hypothetical harm.

Anyway, don't be taking pictures. If you're a first responder, don't do it. Don't do it. You stop doing your job. Don't take pictures for future reference unless it's authorized. So I guess you have to just, if you're a first responder,

what, you have to show up and say, hey, authorization to take pictures. for, you know, documentation. So you actually get, you know, authorization to take those pictures. I mean, you're a first responder. That's what you're supposed to do.

You know, after you respond. Hey, wow, we're here. Look at how bad it is. Let me snap a couple of shots with my cell phone real quick before I go over and rescue some people. That seems to be maybe that's a problem. Maybe that is a problem. But Vanessa, anyway, we'll see what happens in this law.

suit. But also I might get some serious cash from Los Angeles County. We shall see. All right. Let's go to the break room. I need something cold to drink and desperately. Oh, man. Thank you for listening to Chewing the Fat today, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls. Oh, I'm sorry. And any non-binary passenger who happens to be along for the ride here today on Chewing the Fat, I want to apologize. I don't know if anyone is part of the rail maritime and transport unions. I'll tell you what I'm talking about.

Okay. A British train company founded in 2003. And it's just a train company. It crosses Yorkshire, Northeast England, and Scotland. And, you know, the conductor said, Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls. And a non-binary passenger who serves. serves as the Rail Maritime and Transport Union's LGBT rep.

That's not the LGBTQIA plus rep. It's the LGBT rep. He tweeted to the North London Eastern Railway. Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls. So as a non-binary person, this announcement doesn't actually apply to me. So I won't listen. And that's how I read his tweet in that tone. That's what it sounded like. me. But the train company, of course, replied, I'm really sorry to see this. Lawrence. Our train managers should not be using language like this. And I thank you for bringing it to my attention. Please, could you let me know which service you are on? And I will ensure they will remain as inclusive as we strive to be at L-I-N-E-R, which is the London-N-E-R-E-R-

I'm telling you what we are in a that's a sad state but that look we've had other issues like that with uh with tweets and Facebook posts in the United Kingdom so Lawrence got all

got his little panties in a wad and he tweeted out that tweet he got 36 likes and he got 142 responses and 52 retweets sad Lawrence said. I don't know if Lawrence

actually has any followers or not. Let's take a look, shall we? At Lawrence 1, 2, 3. Boy, that's genius right there. He is, oh, isn't that special. His tweets are protected.

I don't know if his tweets were protected before this or not, because some of the replies and comments were not really on Lawrence. side. I know. I know.

But his pronouns, they, them, because non-binary. Oh, that's so special. And he is an LGBTQ plus officer, the RMT union. That's so nice.

And he's the rep. And he got a little, got his panties in the wad because the conductor said, Good afternoon. Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls. if that's a problem

to you as a human being on this planet you have more issues than just well we'll just leave it at you have more issues maybe be sure you listen

to the new Harry Prince Harry former Prince Harry and Oprah's new show the me you can't see I know we're looking forward to it I saw that they dropped the trailer over the weekend.

And, man, it looks good. It looks good. It's like an eight-minute trailer. It's got Lady Gaga. It's got Glenn Close. It's got hairy. Megan makes an appearance. Wearing her little t-shirt that reads Raising the Future.

It's going to be great on Apple Plus TV. I'm looking so forward to it. And it's going to be. break the stigma of being labeled the other. You know, it starts out with the words you've heard it starts out with the words you've heard around mental health. Crazy.

Lost it. Can't keep it together. Yeah, well, maybe if you're LGBTQ union rep and you get a little wound up over good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, maybe that you're a little low on medication. maybe. It's just a thought. It's just a thought on my part. It's just a thought. Look, we all are crazy.

I'd just leave it there. All right. Yeah, we're all crazy. That's the series of my new show on Apple TV Plus. We're all crazy now. Actually, Apple TV Plus hasn't called me back for that show. But, you know, I'm here for them if they needed it. You know what I watched on HBO Max. Speaking of Apple TV Plus that I don't watch and don't have. I was watching HBO Max and the new show Hack with Gene Smart really funny.

Really, really funny. And Gene Smart is great in it. And it's you know, it's politically incorrect stuff. Kind of dark. It's really good.

The first two episodes dropped last week. And then there's going to be two episodes are going to be released on a weekly basis through June 10th. So it's a 10 episode season. Looking forward to the next two. It's really funny, really good, and worth watching. She plays an older comedian, legendary Las Vegas comedy diva,

and she gets sent a new writer with this 25-year-old to help freshen up the material and them getting to know each other and her, you know, realizing that she needs to, you know, get younger for the audience. And it's just a, you know, it's a fun, it's a fun ride hack on HBO Max. Gene Smart, I didn't HBO, and she's in the other HBO Max show with, what's her face? And, you know, what's it call it? You know what I'm talking about?

Mayor of East Town on HBO Max with Kate Winslet. Yes. and Gene Smart is in that too. She's awesome. And I think what's Gene 69 now? She's still working strong. She lost her husband last year. Bless her heart.

Bless her heart. I'm a huge fan of Gene Smart. And, you know, Kate Winslow isn't bad either. But I digress. So back to the crazies. Yeah, no, I'm not talking about Jennifer Anston and Amy Schumer, who says, we're all just hanging on by a thread.

I'm talking about the other crazies, Harry and Megan. But I see Harry is back in the news again, other than promoting his silly new show with Oprah. And, you know, being out there doing interviews on podcasts, he claimed on a podcast that the First Amendment is bonkers. Yeah. I know, Harry. It sure is. You know, you coming from, I don't know, another country and all should zip it. But, you know, I know that those are.

Constitution, that old thing, is just bonkers, isn't it? Yeah. Yeah, that First Amendment, too. You know, the one that Congress make no law respecting an establishment of religion or prohibiting its free exercise, that one? You know, the one that protects freedom of speech and the press and assembly and the right to petition the government for a redress of grievances? You know, that amendment? Oh, yeah, it's bonkers. Man, it's, it's, is bonkers, isn't it? It sure is. And he even said in the interview, you know, being new to this country, yeah, you are. We're letting you stay here. As far as I'm concerned, if you're new to this country and you want to start bad-mouthing the Constitution of the United States of America, maybe it's time to leave. I'm sure he's here on his visitor's visa. So, but I mean, I know that won't happened because it's Prince Harry. I get it. Don't worry. And I know that, you know, he's going to be on the Commission on Information Disorder. What the hell is that? It's going to conduct studies with 14 other people on a panel to analyze the spread of incorrect information throughout the country.

As I've said, the experience of today's digital world has us inundated with an avalanche of misinformation, affecting our ability as individuals, as well as societies, to think clearly and truly understand the world we live in. It's my belief, this is Prince Harry speaking, it's my belief that this is a humanitarian issue, and as such it demands a multi-stakeholder response from advocacy voices, members of the media, academic researchers and both government and civil society leaders. Yeah, that whole spread of misinformation. The First Amendment thing. As I've got so much I want to say about the First Amendment,

I sort of understand it, but it is bonkers. I don't want to start going down the First Amendment route, because that's a huge subject of one which I don't understand, because I've only been here for a short time. But you can find a loophole in anything. You can capitalize or exploit what's not said rather than uphold what is said. Ugh.

Ugh. Here you go, Harry. Zip it. That whole First Amendment thing is bonkers. But it's good because we're going to have him sitting on that darn board. The commission. I'm sorry, did I call it a board? It's a commission.

Commission on information disorder. Yeah, boy, do I want somebody that thinks the First Amendment is bonkers to be on that commission? No, no, I do not. I want to thank Natalie for emailing the fat at the blaze.com. Her email reads, hello, I saw this story, and it made me think of the best podcast ever, which is Chewing the Fat, thank you. This feels awfully similar to your car. cardboard cutout idea from the beginning of the pandemic.

CTF proves itself to be a trendsetter yet again. I just thought it might make you smile. You are awesome. Thanks for the great work you do. And Natalie gives me 20 stars. Yes, thank you. Now, if you are a subscriber, you know that you can rate and review this podcast and I've made it easy for you so you don't have to think about it.

Just, you know, rate it 20 stars and best podcast ever. obviously Natalie is following the CTF rules. Now, I will say I looked at the BRB bot from Charmin, and it is similar. It is something that you should have done when I told you at the beginning of this pandemic. You just have a cut out of your face to set in front of the camera. So you can do whatever you want behind the camera.

You can go to the bathroom. You could do what some of those other guys were doing. I think you know what I'm talking about. And you could, some of them, some women were taking care of a little bit. too with their lovers. But I digress. You just put the head up and you're fine.

You're good to go. You can dress whatever way you want. You have the same outfit on. It's shirt and tie. You're good to go. It's just a cutout. You set in front of the camera. And I should have actually sold those.

But their BRB bot from Sharman is actually a, you know, it's just a funny little thing. It's really not real. And the commercial, that they put together for the go lab by sherman it's actually it looks like a better bit than saturday night live is done in forever it's really funny and they they poked fun at the needless gadgetry they showed their own little devices in the video and you record uh you record yourself with different you know social with different facial expressions and laughing and then you use that when

you want to go away from your Zoom calls. And it's just, you know, using technology. And it's funny. And it's just a way to promote, you know, Charmin. And that's all. It's just raising brand awareness, which is most important in today's world because we don't know about Charmin,

but Procter and Gramble wants to make sure we spend a little money on that. And it's, anyway, it's funny. And it's really funny. And I was looking, I swear to you, Saturday Night Live should have done. this ages ago, but they didn't. And I can tell you, I could play the, it's better to see it than to hear the audio.

For those of you listening live today on the 17th of May, 2021, just know that I will play this commercial during chewing the fat during, on Pat Unleashed, this coming Wednesday. Okay? You can look forward to the BRB bot commercial during, Chewing the Fat Segment on Pat Unleashed this coming Wednesday, the 19th of May 2020. I have so much

I want to talk to you about today. I really want to I mean, we've got China landing on Mars. They landed a spacecraft on Mars. My comment to that is we're a little busy. Find another planet. That's ours. Okay. We had

the U.S. Navy releasing a UFO encounter where an object flies over the ocean and then goes underwater. And so we've seen that happen before in other videos released. I think that's our technology. I know that some of the UFO stuff from some of our military people have we been asked who said, you know, we don't know if it's UFOs or if it's our technology or if it's our, you know, enemies technology.

Let's hope it's ours. Or, you know, somebody from an enemy's. planet, I guess, would be better than someone who is our enemy. We have to believe that someone from another planet isn't our enemy, don't we? Yeah, we have to. We have to. We've got to believe that. We had the CDC director.

You know, we had new mask mandates or unmask mandates. But according to the CDC director, and you know, I love Dr. Rochelle Walensky. and she wanted to clear some of the, you know, confusion up over the mask mandates with the unmasking. It's not permission for widespread removal of face coverings. So those of you that, you know, wait for your orders from the CDC, she's made it clear that these mask mandate changes are not permission. for widespread removal of those face coverings. Okay?

So if you're vaccinated, you're, you can, you know, be safe as long as you're around other people that are vaccinated. But don't, don't you, don't you dare go by, go around someone who's not vaccinated. Oh, man. No, no, no, no. Now, you can if you, you know, you're wearing a mask and you're suited up and you guys, you know, socially distance away from each other. But really, you don't want to.

to be around those unvaccinated people no nobody wants to be around those people i saw a story where uh denaro was injured on his movie set they're filming in oklahoma uh killers of the flower moon and i saw their release on instagram they released uh uh what's his face decaprio in uh one of their posts as they were you know teased making of this film it's a source ac film and it's a source ac film and it's It's about this guy in the 1920s in Oklahoma that is a serial killer, and he murders for oil, and he murders, you know, the Osage Nation, and he murders his family, whatever. He's just a murder, bad guy.

A perfect character for Robert De Niro, I might add. A perfect character. But he got hurt, and he had to go back to New York. And when I first saw the headline, I thought, probably not true. He probably got some time off and went back to New York. York, but he did hurt himself on the set. He said that he hurt his quad muscles while filming.

Now, I don't know what he was doing in the movie. He said he was stepping over something and he just went down and the pain was excruciating. And now he has to get it fixed. And he said, that's what happens when you get older. You have to be prepared for unexpected things. Duh, no kidding. And so he's happy that the role is kind of a sudden. Derry role and he doesn't have to move around.

I'm sure that they will change some scenes around if he can't move properly for the role. But of course it's about a bad guy who kills Indians and kills people over that evil oil. So, uh, and of course he wants to be that role. And he plays that part perfectly because he's such a douche. And we also got news from our administration, uh, that they are going to divert two billion dollars from the COVID-19 funds to house migrant children at the border. Isn't that wonderful? Isn't that wonderful that he can just move money around like that? I thought when President Trump was

in office and he tried to divert some money from one of those other, I don't know, departments, you know, like the military, just a branch of the government. And he decided to move it to build some of the fence, some of the border wall. He was told he couldn't do that because that money was earmarked for the military. So I wonder if Mr. Biden, President Joseph Robinette Biden, will be able to just divert two billion to house migrant children at the border when that money was earmarked for other COVID-19 emergency funds. Huh, is anyone going to stop him from that? I don't know. I don't know. I really don't know. Huh. And I see where we had new news about JFK. Now this new news, I guess, came out due to a Washington Post reporter Carol Lennox's new book, Zero Fail, the rise and fall of the

Secret Service. And they're documenting, you know, presidential history from the services point of view, how inadequate the budgets are, you know, and the difficulty of the different people that they have to cover or protect. And they talked about the difficulty of protecting JFK and how he had asked them to back off on the day that he was assassinated because he wanted to, you know,

the idea was for the people to see him. And he, you know, I have to, you know, I do these stories about JFK being shot in Dallas. And I have to do my, you know, my favorite Kennedy joke. Don't forget he had breakfast in Fort Worth the morning of his assassination before he came into Dallas for the parade. And this has always been an ongoing battle between Fort Worth and Dallas.

Because Fort Worth says, hey, he was fine when he left here. You can use that if you want. So welcome to Letha Johnson and Phoebe Bottoms. Yes, they are the author. of mom jokes, dad jokes only smarter, according to these two. As I was perusing the mom jokes book and laughing quite a bit throughout the book. I appreciate it. It was fun. I'm sure you had fun doing it. Although it's how many jokes did you go through and are laying on the floor right now that's not even funny. We could, I mean, we could write an entirely, we could write two separate books

of things that weren't appropriate for this book and things that weren't good enough for it. So there's a trilogy coming out at some point. I like the not appropriate for this book. That's really good. Yeah. The adult mom jokes. You know, you kind of have to play with where the bar is in order to figure out where the jokes actually lie that, you know. Right. You've got to run the whole gamut.

Yeah, you really do. I'm fascinated. You two, you know, did the book. together and you would think that your mom's you're not don't tell anybody I'm very pregnant so that was this was a way for me to sort of deal with the impending motherhood and I also I was a living nanny for newborns and toddlers for 12 years so I've had the soft of my thigh bitten while trying to put someone's shoe on I don't know how many times and I've been sticking

for the entirety of that career. So, you know, I have... Yeah, just always sticky. And I babysat a lot, and I watched my mom raise three insane children. And, you know, we also have a lot of friends who have kids and a lot of very funny friends of ours have kids. And I just kind of wanted to, I mean, essentially, I'm going to be Phoebe's son's second mom. Right.

Of course. Yeah. Yeah, she's better be, she better be prepping for it too. Because the book also acts as a manual as well as a, you know, fluff piece. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. And it's actually, you know, as a manual, you would think that it's possible that a female may read this and think, I don't want children. Yeah.

Yeah, it's definitely, it can also be used as birth control, which is great. It's a very, you know, it's got a lot of universal applications. So as part of Chewing the Fat, which you are joining now, thank you. You know, a lot of times we talk, I do do some, you know, dad jokes from time to time. And I will be using some of your mom jokes to entertain the audience from time to time. But when in your studies and your thought process and your research, when do you as parents? And I know the answer as a parent. But when do you get over the fact that your kids are going?

to embarrass you no matter what you do. I mean, my plan is to just feed them information that I want screamed in the middle of a grocery store. Really like, target the messaging and be like, you know, this is this is the world until you stop telling everybody everything about our entire lives and really indoctrinate them with some grade A interpersonal propaganda. that sounds good i have five nieces and nephews that i'm you know i'm very close with too but it was funny i think maybe my sister-in-law was playing a joke on me one time i took her kids to the store

and they were like can we where's the anti-juice and i was like what's anti-juice and i i texted my sister-in-law she's like you're talking about wine i call it amy teaching. That is so funny. It's like, that's horrible. So when you were together, you know, writing the book and you're getting mom jokes together, I mean, obviously all of them are smarter than any dad jokes on the planet. I know that. Please.

Did you find some that you really said, you know, that you enjoyed obviously more than others? Like, what? We'll just break it down. Your favorite mom joke. Yeah, without question. You know, they're all our children. but some children you like more than others. Some do a little bit more work than some of the other.

I always get a kick out of this one. If I'm feeling nice, I let my kids lick the batter off the mixer. If I'm feeling extra nice, I turn it off first. Right, there you go. Thank you. And if I'm not feeling so nice,

I'd just save it for myself. Yeah. Yeah. Lisa, can you do the train one? That's my favorite, it, but I forgot to write it down. I just don't want to get the wording wrong. I don't know if I can find it right off hand.

Oh, that's fine. I can do. Okay. Uh, uh, the best way to get my kid to eat is to say, here comes the choochoo. And, uh, he has a certain amount of time until I untie him from the train tracks. Thank you. Something like that. Yeah, something like that.

Yeah. Like you get the idea. I'm going to kill my kid if he doesn't eat his beans. One of the, One of the things that I enjoyed was, you know, as I was sitting working, I was having my daughter start, you know, plummet through the mom joke book. And I would catch her not reading out loud and just laughing. And I realized that she's actually, she realized, oh, yeah, that's right. That's what we do.

You know, they're not all, you know, humor. There's so many different types of humor. And it's, and it was interesting to write this book and, like, something that you. read as funny is sometimes quite a bit different than something that you say is funny, you know? Right. There's no doubt about that because actually what makes the joke is that it actually happened. And you realize as you're reading it, oh yeah.

I didn't think it was funny at the time. I'll tell you that. We find out when your kids, what your kids think you look like when they dress up like you. Oh, yeah. I'm daddy or I'm mom. Well, for you, it's obviously mommy and the mom goes. And you realize, wait, I, do I look like that? You most definitely do in their eyes.

No question. Yeah. Having a little reflection of yourself running around is definitely, it will be a sobering experience. Yes, that's right. So were you, did you decide to have your baby while you were writing the book? Or were you already pregnant and thought, hey, we got to get this thing together? It was, I mean, I felt like an imposter writing the book without being pregnant. So I was like, this was all part of the book tour.

You know, you got to, you got to commit. Lisa? Yeah, and I think, I think, you know, myself. Yeah, Lisa, don't you care about the book? I'm saying. Being a highly sensitive person, I, you know, I feel so hard for moms. and I've watched them. I've watched my mom.

I've watched my friends. And I can feel it. I can feel it as much as you can feel it without choosing to experience it yourself. Oh, see. Yeah, that almost gets you off the hook. Almost. So, you know, one of the things that I enjoyed was that you find one of the jokes is a family vacation means planning the entire day of activities.

And then your kids only wanting to go back to the hotel and swim. Right. I mean, those are facts. I lived in Florida for a long time. And whenever people come to visit Florida, they come to visit you, which they do, you realize that they just want to go to the beach. Yeah. They don't care about anything else.

They just want to go to the beach. So when you go on vacation, it's like, there's the pool. Shut up. And I love a hotel. Like that came out of personal experience where at a certain point, you're like, our kids are so young. they don't know what things are. So you just get them out of the house and anything is exciting.

So our family vacations for a while, my parents would drive us like maybe an hour away to this best Western that half the pool was outside and half the pool was inside. And me and my little brother were like, I can't imagine something more excited. Like we don't want to go to the metropolitan and look at Impressionism. We wanted to swim between a flap that gave you an indoor and outdoor experience. And I, you know, I was like, all right, I want to go to Perkins for 15 minutes and get a pancake and then I want to have right back in that pool. Absolutely. Yeah.

That's fantastic. Yeah, the best Western vacations were always the best. Yeah. It's titular. It's in the title. It's the best possible Western experience you can have. So I was looking at this. I actually probably have some coffee stains on the book, the mom jokes.

That's the way it's intended to be read. Popping and sticky. Yeah. So how long, you guys got together and decided, you know, we need to put together a book for mom jokes. What was the thinking process behind that? You know, I think there's an entire genre that dads have gotten. And we love dad jokes.

Big old fans of them. The irony is we could probably, we just love humor. and I grew up with a very corny and, you know, lovely dad. And, you know, I worship his sense of humor. I could have just as easily probably written than dad. But I have even less credibility there. But I think that there's like, there's an element of the mom joke where, you know, it's, it's hyperrealism. Like, it's such a different concept.

and like this is a fun, you know, this is a fun way of exploring a universal experience because every mom is sleepy and every mom is covered in crumbs. And I think that there's really not as much emphasis put on that until pretty recently. Like it's just kind of become something that people talk about all the time. Well, it's because of you and mom jokes. It is us. Your book, you're the authors of what has. started the craze toward making a realization that moms do exist.

It looks like a one-liner joke book, but I think on the third or fourth read, you'll find that it's really an effective feminist manifesto. Should be considered as such. I mean, every mom knows, right, that they realize that they don't know when they're going to be able to take a shower or go to the bathroom by themselves. There's no time for themselves, right? they all realize that every, every mom that's married and has a husband and other children

realize that the kids don't know and aren't going to ask dad, even though he's in the house and he's in the next room over. It's going to be the question for mom, right? It's going to be. Don't you know what happens here too? I had, I've had, I had really, really bad morning sickness with this pregnancy. and it was a difficult, like, experience of just being sick constantly.

But one day I was like, oh, this is the last time I'm ever going to be sick without someone needing something from me. It's just a vacation. And then as soon as that happened, I'm like, it's just a vacation. I wobbled out to my husband. I was like, this is actually really great. I can just lay in the bathtub for three months. And no one needs anything from me.

Nobody wants anything from you. That's fine. Just leave her. be. And your husband is trying to do everything for you. Like what I presume what you will do once you have another one is to keep the kid out of your way. But yeah, he's going to need something for me or like my husband Matt who's been just spectacular through all of this. Of course he has. He's just a gem. But you know, if I'm out of commission, he's got two things to juggle. And, you know, right now we just have three dogs. So.

Oh, yeah. That's it. Yeah, that's an easy. Soon it's going to be kick the dogs outside and that's going to be the end of the way. Did you take care of the dogs? Yes, I did. Or the dogs are going to take care of the kid. They'll just band together and raise it as their own. That could happen and has happened in the past, no question.

Yeah. So mom jokes available wherever books are sold, right? I don't have to go to your house and knock on your door and say, hey. But please do you. It'll be more than welcome. Oh, please. Yeah, we'll have a little stand set up. Nice.

Mom jokes with some of the letters written backwards at the, you know, a cat. There's a lot of mom joke, ladies. Yes, your local bookstore, wherever you normally buy books, I'm just about anywhere that, I mean, we all know a lot of people do it online. Sure, absolutely. But yeah, support your local. So is there any word on an audio version?

Are you two, have you put together an audio version of mom jokes yet for the audience? That's an interesting idea. That is an interesting idea. You're welcome, by the way. You'll get royalties for it. Do you want to be the reader? You have a wonderful voice. I would love to do it,

except that I'm guessing that mom jokes probably needs to be done by a female, but it might be funny. It might be funny from a guy, actually. I think there's some jokes in particular that could be read. That's not a bad idea either. Have the mom jokes done by male and female readers.

We just get different celebrities. to read each one. I think there's what 700 jokes? There's like 300 pages. As long as we're talking trying to put something together, maybe we just do the grocery store read and people down aisle four

to read page two and page three is aisle five. And they just ask the moms to read the jokes. This is a very effective meeting. No, it's great. No judgment and brainstorming. I think everything. That's what these Zoom meetings are supposed to

be. Exactly. To put things together. Okay, Lisa, I know you guys are busy and got a lot of things to do. Lisa and Phoebe, thank you for joining me on chewing the fat today. I appreciate it. Good luck with the book. Mom jokes. Very funny. Good stuff. I'm glad you guys put it together. And I look forward to seeing you guys succeed with it. Thank you very. Thank you so much for having us. This is great.