Chewing the Fat with Jeff Fisher - Ep 662 | Is It Really Space? | Guest: Andrew Heaton

Episode Date: July 12, 2021

Just another 450,000 pounds to the recall… Found lottery ticket was a winner… Branson goes to space first… China space and human rights issues… Elon to testify… Tesla has a rat issue… Castration could help men live longer… Da Vinci Bear drawing sells for record price… Hunter art selling for well below Da Vinci… Super Mario 64 sells for a few bucks… American optimism highest in 13 years… Subscribe to the YouTube Channel… Email to [e-mail] Subscribe www.blazetv.com/jeffy Promo code jeffy… Andrew Heaton / New book / Los Angeles is Hideous: Poems About an Ugly City Also discuss his life in Nomadland. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

When I got a great deal on a great gift at Winners, I started wondering, could I get fabulous gifts for everyone on my list? Like this designer fragrance for my daughter. At just $39.99, how could I resist? This luxurious will throw for my sister. This gold watch for my partner? A wooden puzzle for my niece? Leather gloves for my boss?

Ooh, European chocolate for the crossing guard? At these prices, could I find something for everyone at Winners? Stop wondering. Start gifting. Winners, find fabulous for less. So last week we talked about the Tyson chicken recall that was 8.5 million pounds, almost, 8.5 million pounds. Because of the possibility of their chicken products contaminated with Listeria. Well, they've added to that now just another 450,000 pounds of ready to eat poultry products. We're going to go ahead and add that to the 8.5 million pounds, too, okay, of the recall?

So that's it, though. And they were just shipped nationwide to retailers, restaurants, schools, hospitals, and military bases. The recall involves three dozen fully cooked poultry products, you know, like chicken strips and diced chicken and pizza with chicken. We gave you the entire list last week, and they posted it on the, uh, United States Department of Agricultural's Food Safety and Inspection Service. The outbreak, of course, is related to the bacteria and linked to these Tyson products. It's led to one death in Texas, sickened another two people in Texas and Delaware. Don't forget that Listerosis is a potentially deadly infection, as it's already proven.

And it mostly affects older adults, people with weakened immune cysts, pregnant women, newborns, you know, people that would eat pre-cooked Tyson chicken products. That's all, though. Now, according to the CDC, remember, the symptoms include fever, muscle aches, headache, stiff neck, confusion, loss of balance, convulsions, along with perhaps some diarrhea or other gastrointestinal symptoms. So if you have any of those, please get checked. And I would say that if you have any of the Tyson products, you know, some of the 9 million pounds of recall chicken, you can throw it out, or I would recommend taking it back and getting your money back. But that's just me.

Hey, welcome. Welcome to it. It is chewing the fat. We'll just listen that. We have stories all of these. time about people claiming that they lost their lotto ticket and it was the mega winner and we don't know what they did with it and they're searching it and it hasn't been picked up so we believe that you know that person is telling the truth but it's their fault that they lost it

well now we have a man a florida man who claims that uh well he didn't claim i mean it actually happened that he was cleaning his house over the fourth of july weekend and he found a powerball ticket. It was months old, just in a drawer as he was cleaning and he went, oh, hey, that's a powerball ticket. I forgot that I bought it. I wonder if it's worth anything. It's worth a million bucks. What? So, I mean, it was probably coming down to the wire. It doesn't say how close he was to the wire of being able to pick up the money because I think you have 90 days. So it had to have been within that window. But he purchased the ticket. at a public's liquor store in Jacksonville.

The store, you know, obviously is going to get the $1,000 bonus. And the lottery official said the ticket matched all five white balls, but not the power ball number. So he only gets a million dollars. Oh, man. He said he was still in shock. Yeah, duh. Why are you buying lottery tickets and just tossing it in a drawer

and then forgetting about it? Okay. Anyway, congratulations to Kenneth Morgan for his million dollar ticket that he purchased and then forgot about it. I'm not really sure how that happens. I really am not. So did Sir Richard Branson win the billionaire space race or not? I know Jeff Bezos is a little wound up that Branson went into space. but did he really? 10 seconds 5 3, 2, 1 Release, release, release

ignition good rocket motor burn There's Mach 1 trimming now All right, good trim Cool shot really Did you watch it? I did

pointed directly up and heading to space. Things are looking great. We are 25 seconds into the burn now approaching Mach 2. Yeah, baby. And onward it goes. And into what Richard Branson claims is space. Now, I know that Bezos was a little wound up at this happen. I know he said, you know, hey, great and can't wait to be there with you.

Can't wait to join the club. But they also sent out a post talking about the differences. between Blue Origin and Galactic. And Blue Origin, Jeff Bezos, believes that, no, Virgin Galactic doesn't really go to space. From the beginning, New Shepard was designed to fly above the Carmen line, so none of our astronauts have an asterisk next to their name. For 96% of the world's population,

space begins 100 kilometers up at the internationally, recognized Carmen line and Virgin Galactic doesn't go there. And they posted a side by side of a Blue Origin and Galactic flies above the carbon line. Internationally recognized boundary to space 100 kilometers. Blue Origin, yes. Galactic, no. Vehicle type, rocket. Virgin Galactic.

High altitude airplane. Windows. Blue Origin. Largest windows in space. base virgin galactic airplane size windows escape room blue origin yes virgin galactic no i'm sorry the escape system uh ozone layer impact minimal to blue origin very high on virgin galactic flight history blue origin 15 safe flights virgin galactic three flights above 80 kilometers but not the recognized boundary of space.

So he was, Jeff was not happy about this at all. And Branson was just, you know, he had planned this really kind of all along. I don't know that the production of this event was pushed up because he was going to be on it or if they had it all ready to go. But they had a big production day. They had, you know, they had music lined up.

And Stephen Colbert, oh my gosh, he was the kind of host of the entire thing, although they kept going back to Virgin Galactic Space Command people who were, you know, talking everybody through the whole thing. But Colbert was the main host that they kept going back to. Now, I don't like Stephen Colbert. If you do, great. Good for you. I just don't find him.

What's the word I'm looking for? funny. But he, you know, thinks he's funny. And I guess he and Branson have this battle that they've been doing back and forth. And since I'm not a big Colbert fan, I don't watch his shows. So I guess, you know, Colbert has sucked up to Branson over the years and done little bit jokes with him, you know, to be a happy kind of guy. But the space tourism industry is up and running. Kind of, right? I mean, we're ready to go. I don't know that, you know, I don't have your money. and I'm not going to be able to pay a couple hundred thousand to go up into either the beginning of space or space with Jeff Bezos, who goes up in a couple weeks. So we'll see.

I know that, again, you know, Bezos said, can't wait to join the club. Oh, okay, no problem. Thanks, Jeff. We believe you. But the Virgin Galactic production for this whole thing was, you know, it was ready to go. And so I find it, you know, it was interesting, interesting that Branson had all that ready to go. Plus, I will say this, we are not ready for space. We are not.

Because, and why, Jeff, they went into space. Even if it was the beginning of space, they went in. Uh-huh. And you know what? It was delayed. Nobody's talking about that. Now, it still went up yesterday morning. If you're listening live to this broadcast, it is the 12th of July, 2021.

So yesterday was the 11th, and that was the Virgin Galactic Unity 22 flight. However, it was delayed from the original time. And why was it delayed? Due to prior weather. We can't even just take off and head to space due to prior weather, let alone the weather that's happening now or the upcoming weather. So when we can get past that, and we've talked about it before on this show, But when we can get past the, well, we've got to delay it due to prior weather.

Oh, okay. Oh, okay, no problem. Yeah, I know you spent a couple hundred thousand and you're ready to go. But sorry, you know, that disclaimer you signed when you paid for the deal? Yeah, well, we've got to postpone it because of prior weather. Speaking of space, I'd like to thank the U.S. Pentagon official for a lot of, listening to Chewing the Fat. Last week we talked about how big China was becoming in space and that their number one initiative in space was defense. Yes. And the U.S. Pentagon officials said, yeah, they're

investing substantially into weapons that have the ability to jam and destroy satellites. According to the report, such weapons can pose an immediate threat to U.S. national security. Yeah, hello. That's why we started Space Force under the evil Donald Trump administration. And we got laughed out of the park from this administration until people went, hey, you know, that's a military branch. Maybe you ought to not laugh at it. But just beware. China is definitely using space as a defense.

And then they already, speaking of China, decided that they're going to retaliate against the U.S. for the blacklisting of Chinese companies allegedly tied to human rights abuses. Oh, well, darn the luck. How about you stop, I don't know, abusing human rights and we'll stop the blacklisting, okay? It's just one of those things. And the other space billionaire is in the news, Elon. Elon Musk, supposed to testify today in his trial where he's accused of using one of his companies, Tesla, to bail out another of his company's Solar City, enriching himself and

leaving shareholders holding the bag. Really weird because Tesla's stock is up since the company purchased Solar City, so really wasn't bad for Tesla shareholders. Anyway, the backstory on that is in 2016. Tesla bought Solar Energy startup Solar City for $2.6 billion aiming to build a single integrated sustainable energy company. He didn't need much due diligence before buying Solar City. After all, his cousins founded it in 2006, and Musk served as the chairman.

But according to this, Solar City was in bad financial shape, losing money and holding more than $3 billion in debt. investors weren't particularly enthusiastic about the deal. After the acquisition was announced, Tesla shares fell more than 10%, wiping out more value than the entire purchase price of Solar City. So the lawsuit alleges that Tesla's acquisition of Solar City reeked with conflicts of interest and that Musk failed to disclose liquidity problems at Solar City. So we'll see if this comes out. I don't know. he owns 22% of Tesla and 22% of Solar City at the time of the deal, meaning he wasn't ahead of the corporate companies at the time.

We'll see. It's really weird. We'll see if it happens. If the deal, you know, if he's found guilty, I guess he loses $2.6 billion. Oh, no. I know. I don't know how he'll eat lunch. I mean, nobody wants to lose $2.6 billion.

Believe me. But I just, I find it strange that we're going after Elon for that. It just seems really weird. And we also are going after Elon because I guess rats are now chowing down on Tesla's. I know. And you think, wait, rats are chowing down on Tesla's? Yes. Tesla has made these internal wires that were insulated with soy.

rather than oil, which the critics claim makes them more appealing to rodents. According to one physician who lives in New York and uses her Tesla to commute to work in the Bronx told the post that she had her air conditioner stop working, and so she took it to the dealership, and they opened the glove box, and a rat fell out. Oh, okay, well, that doesn't... sound too fun. So according to this, the repair is taken more than a month and estimated cost of sword to over $5,000.

And they just keep telling her that the vehicle will be ready soon. She was unable to pick up the Tesla at the time of this particular story. So most auto manufacturers use the soybean versus oil in their wire insulation for newer vehicles because it's less expensive and better for the environment. Huh. So something that's supposed to be better for the environment is now causing rats to get into the vehicles and eat through the wires and causing your vehicle not to work. Yes, they're good for the environment and rat friendly. So, man, how bad? How bad do you want to soy-wired Tesla? Now, right?

That's what I thought. All right, let's go to the break room. I need something cold to drink desperately, and it's not soy. So did you see where they're talking about now how it's maybe possible to have men live longer by being castrated? I would say let's work on something else. Let's, you know, let's devise another plan. Let's take another pill. Let's do something other than castration.

So according to the studies, removing the testes of male sheep lets them live up to 60% longer by delaying the aging of DNA. And according to this, the same principles could apply to humans. But it could not, too, right? You know, of course women, you know, tend to live significantly longer lives than men. And this University of Otago led experts studied how sheep age by looking at their DNA. And they found that the clocks of male sheep tick faster than the females. Well, I mean, that's what happens with humans as well.

However, the castrated male sheep have similar DNA pattern to the females. The team believes that male hormones play a role in accelerating biological aging. Duh. So six years longer than expected after they were castrated. I'm willing to give up six years. Just me. I'm willing to give it up. Although that's 60% longer in sheep life.

Are you going to gain 60% as a human? As a human male? 60%. Wow. So if I get castorated and I was going to live to, you know, I don't break down the whole math for you. Because I am not a, you know, a mathematician. But let's just say 100% is 50. And 25% of that is 25.

So you get 25% more. No, that's not right. See what I mean? I can't do the math. I'm just saying I'm willing to give up 60%. Oh, that's a long time, right? That's a long time. So 50%, say the average male lives to be 70, right?

And I think it's a little older than that now, but the average male lives to be 70. So another 50% on top of that would be 105. So you're willing to give that up? You're willing to get to 105, 110 by being castrated? That's a good question. my answer, what would be yours? How about no? You know, if I were running a campaign, any kind of campaign, I believe that that would be my campaign slogan. How about no? Anytime somebody asks you about

what you believe in, how about no? Yeah, what about gun control? Yeah, how about no? What about being able to vote without an ID? How about no? Anything. How about no? That's the Jeff Fisher, Chewing the Fat campaign slogan for any political run that I do. How about no? Fisher, vote Fisher.

How about no? So did you see what? It's just a sign of what got me sidetracked on that. Well, just saying, how about no, actually put me in that direction. Anyway, Leonardo da Vinci. just sold, and obviously Leonardo himself didn't sell it, but a drawing that he drew way back, I don't know,

about 500 years ago, just sold for 8.8 million bucks. It's not bad. Actually, it's sold for 8.8 million euros, which equals about $12.1 million at a London auction. It's a seven by seven head of a bear, more than 500 years old. It surpassed the previous record of Leonardo drawings set by the horse and rider, which sold for $8.1 billion a million back in 2001. So, okay, good for them.

The auction house did not reveal the identity of the buyers. However, it was sold to a single bid from a man and a woman. And just so you know, the drawing was. created using Silverpoint on pale pink beige paper and is among a number of the artist's small-scale drawings of animals which date back to the early 1480s. So it would seem that maybe 12.1 million isn't that bad of a price for it. I do love that the auction house did not reveal the identity of the buyers. I know that's what we're saying is a good thing with the Hunter Biden artwork going for sale.

Yeah, we need to not let people know who purchased the artwork. And of course, not letting people know is being transparent from the Biden administration. Really? Yeah, after a careful consideration, a system has been established that allows for Hunter to work in his profession within reasonable safeguards. Of course, he has the right to pursue an artistic car. career. Does he? Oh, really? Thank you for that. What a joke. But I love how, A, and this one report this weekend from the White House spokesperson, Jen Saki, called him a child. Incredible. And I know,

I know he's President Biden's child. I got it. He's the child that lived. I'm not Beau. but being transparent. They're being transparent about letting you know that they're not going to be transparent. So, I mean, there's that. That's good, right? Of course it is, yeah.

And you see where, speaking of selling stuff, I kind of start going through my stuff, man. I sealed Super Mario 64. Sells for more than $1.5 million. Okay, I got to start going through my stuff. I mean, I've got to have some stuff that is worth some of this, right? So a sealed copy of The Legend of Zelda sold for $870,000 at auction, which set a new record for the most expensive video game ever sold.

And then now we have sold the Nintendo 64 Classic Super Mario 64 at 1.5. $1,560,000 smashing the record for Legend of Zelda. That spits on Legend of Zelda at $870,000. Incredible. Over the past 12 months, the record for the most expensive video game has risen dramatically. So here's a timeline.

July 10th, 2020. Copy of Super Mario Brothers sells for $114,000, which I'm willing to take, by the way. November 23rd, 2020, copy of Super Mario Bros. 3 sells for $156,000. April 2nd, 2021, copy of Super Mario Brothers sells for $660,000. July 9th, copy of The Legend of Zelda, sells for $870,000. July 11th. Yes, the one we're talking about that started at all, the copy of Super Mario 64 sells for $1,560,000.

$60,000. No wonder people are in a good mood. And I see where they just did a Gallup poll that finds 59.2% of Americans say they are thriving. 73% of Americans said they experienced enjoyment for a lot of the previous year. American optimism is at his highest in more than 10 years. Maybe they talk to the people who sold their video games for big money. Maybe that's what happened. don't know, but that can, that could be a reason that people have optimism is that they are

hoping that those games they have up in the attic are going to sell for hundreds of thousands, if not millions of dollars. And that, my friends, would definitely make one optimistic, of which I am. I am optimistic that I have some of those games somewhere in the attic or in the garage. I've got to find them, though. That is for sure. Behold, the mighty Los Angeles River, a lengthy concrete drainage ditch, wide as a shoebox, pretty as a penal shower, dribbling pollution into the sea. If a river but trickles through a mortar gutter, is it a river at all, or just a leak, from some distant dehydrated mountain with an ingord prostate and a bad aim? Twice a year, the rain gets lost or drunk and shambles through L.A., slashing life back into this trough. But the rest of the time, it's merely the seepage of urban incontinence.

That was titled The Los Angeles River from Andrew Heaton. In his latest book, Out Today, by the way, Los Angeles is hideous, poems about an ugly city. Andrew Heaton, welcome to Chewing the Fat. How in the World Are You? I am great. It is fantastic to see you again, Jeffie. And I, there's a certain level of ego gratification, having other people read your stuff. So thank you.

I'm going to live on that for a week. It was, I went through your book. Okay, so we'll talk about the new book. Now, your latest book. And I know you're, how many books, you've got like, what, 40, 50 books that you've This is my fourth book, but I think this is the one. I think this is the one that's really going to make me stratospheric. Because poems are huge.

Right. Exactly. Holy cow. What do you think of authors? You think of all poetry. Jeffie, you're nailing, because the first two books I wrote were a funny,

a funny novel about werewolves, and the second one was a funny novel about alien abductions in Oklahoma, both of which are huge genres in and of themselves with massive amounts of fans, right? So it's like, this is easy. And then I wrote a political satire book. That did okay.

And now I was like, how, what is the overlap of all the things the American public wants? Well, I know coffee table books making fun of one specific city and poetry. But maybe I'll become poet laureate. I don't know. Then it would all be worth it. So as I was going through the Los Angeles as hideous poems about an ugly city,

which one is, are there any that are your favorite? Because absolutely, the Los Angeles River is one of my favorites. Thank you very much. You know what? The very first one is my favorite because it just, For me, there's all sorts of things we could make fun of on Los Angeles, but ultimately it is just so ugly. I am so aesthetically repulsed by an entire city made out of bathroom tiling grout that that first story or that first poem largely encapsulates it. May I read it or would that be?

Oh, my gosh. I'm embarrassed that you have to ask. You just go ahead and read your work. Great. Thank you very much. So I'm going to read this. And this is again from the family. probably the funniest coffee table book ever written about L.A.

I think it is. Los Angeles City. It is definitely that. So this is the kickoff poem. The Greater L.A. Necroplex. Pretty as a cinder block smeared with lipstick, O blight of traffic and concrete dumpsters, by principle building material is bathroom tiling grout.

Every, a drenched in sunlight as compensation, like a chef at Applebee's drowning freeze-dried sadness in cheese to hide the shame, the shame. All the beauty of a parking lot, and yet, ironically, you will never find a parking space. Watch them toss palm trees at strip malls to gussy up the streets like injecting Botox into a corpse. Behold the concrete slabs with squares gouged out where dreamers peaked from cramp rooms to gaze at hobos. And then I'm not actually sure what the level of censorship I have to do here is. Jeffey, it's no censorship. There's no-s-

You're doing a read. Just continue with the read. To gaze at hobos masturbating into open sewers. Hard square lines and jarring angles, every neighborhood is the used tire district. Enjoy yon liquor store with bars across the panes.

There are no parks, but there are a lot of tent villages. Tis not a city, but a meat grinder. The devour's skinny hopefuls and burps out chunks of porn star. Warm but humid, the wed spot on the bed, you made with your crazy ex,

who's probably lying about birth control. Los Angeles is a prison yard with sparklers, shugging champagne beneath an overpass, a public toilet with a boob job, Instagram filters on a dead harlot. I can't believe you said masturbating on my show. Oh, my gosh.

Right. Oh, the censor's going to come after me. Oh, yeah. The great of L.A. So, okay, so you were living in L.A. You don't live there anymore, correct? No, I don't have any plans. I think I would explode like a vampire crossing three.

threshold of a church. We're at a return. So I'm not, I'm not planning on that. I live there twice. Oh. Oh. So this was written after the second. This was written after the second time. Right. So first time around, I was like a year out of college. And I, I've been living in Edinburgh. And I just moved back to our country, America. And one of my friends was like, hey, I know you want to get into radio, which I eventually did. And he's like, you should move to L.A. I have fixed up the tool shed behind my house. So I spent six, six months living in a tool shed that was... Cato Cahlin living out back. Yeah, it was...

OJ. Simpson reference for those of you that aren't... Yeah, yeah, and I totally would have helped my friend kill a guy, like if that had been a thing. Absolutely. But I lived there for six months and I just, I didn't like it. I didn't care for it. I left. And then when I left Texas here about a year and a half ago, I went, you know, I've never really liked L.A., but it's great networking.

It's supposed to be the place to be. Huge creative hub. I'm going to move out there. So I moved to Los Angeles, Jeffie. in January of 2020. And I got my apartment in mid-February of 2020. Again, I've stressed for the networking. That was why I moved out there.

I didn't have a job. I moved out there to find people to give me jobs. And was there for about six months. And then I was like, this is insane. This is like when a hot young Angeloo marries like a decrepit 90-something-year-old rich guy. And then finds out he doesn't even have money. And I was like, well, I'm out of it. I was in it for the money.

I wasn't here because I liked the city. There's nothing pleasant about the city. So I took off. Plus, I mean, holy cow, with the timing and then in a tool shed. Well, the tool shed was the first time around. The second time around, I lived in a much more expensive apartment. I lived in a 600 square foot apartment that cost $1,500 a month. Oh, you were large.

Yeah, and it didn't have a porch because I didn't think I need one. I thought I was going to be out, you know, drinking cocktails with models. I was living in Beverly Hills. Having jokes with producers and stuff. I didn't know I was going to be in solitary confinement for six months of my life. And so, yeah, did that. And finally, when I hate this, I'm leaving. And I bought a fiberglass camper and lived out of a 13-foot fiberglass camper for six months, which was vastly prefer.

Wow. No kidding. Did you travel the West and go through the desert? Yeah, I did. I kind of just jumped around for a while during the tail end of the pandemic. Actually, I was in California for a bit. I was collaborating. So I've got a podcast called The Political Orphanage, and I was collaborating with my friend Justin Robert Young out in Oakland.

And so for like, I don't know, a month, I just lived on the streets of Oakland. I got burgled. Somebody didn't just get burgled. They broke three of the four windows on my SUV. I'm assuming qua California lack of protein, not enough of her body strength to pull it off in one blow. But I got burgled. But I was doing that, you know, and I'd hang out in the forest. There's really pretty forests in northern California.

and then I was down in Austin for a bit. And then I parked at my parents' backyard for Christmas, stayed out there. And now it's parked in Wagner, Oklahoma, which is where I keep it in between Johns. Did they ask you for any information when they were filming Nomad Land with... No, I... You know what?

I came out, like, I think I recognized a couple of people in the film because I did meet, I did meet some of the hashtag Van Life people. Like, I made a buddy where I was in Oakland and... You have to be kind of careful where you're parking because like some, right, right? Because one, you don't want to be in a place where you're going to get hassled by cops. So like I liked to park. There was this really sinuously hill and I could park at the like in the parking lot of the entrance to a trail. And I never had a problem there.

But I didn't want to sleep there too many times in a row because there's afraid people get squirly. So I was parked in the parking lot of like a like a science museum. And I'm making pasta like I'm cooking dinner and stuff. And I put on some musicals that I was listening to. And I kept seeing this other van like on the other side of the other side of the parking lot. And I was just keeping my eye on it. And I walked out at one point to get some more water. And I hear this guy go, I don't think I need to be worried about a dude from Oklahoma that likes my fair lady, do I?

And I was like, sir, you have correctly identified who is the least dangerous person in the parking lot right now. I like, I hope you're not going to kill me. We ended up being frenzy. He was a great guy. And like, he just lives out of a van full time. He's been doing it for like 30 years. I mean, those are the places that we have stories all the time about homeless encampments. They find those places like that, the entrances to a park, a walkway, and that we're just going to live here now.

Well, but I say it is a little bit, it is a different phenomenon because he, like, he has a home, it's just mobile. And I don't, I did not get the impression that it was like a desperation that drove him to it, like, like, in nomad land where the lady kind of had to do it. I think he just really doesn't like having like one place that he's nailed down to. Like he basically stays kind of around California and then he goes to a forest for a week or two. And then after two weeks, he's like, all right, I'm starting to go insane. He'll go back into a city and hang out for a bit.

There's a lot of people like that. There's not enough people out here for me to kill. So I've got to come back into the city. Yeah. My axe is all polished up. I, you know, it's just going to waste. I need to figure out how to do this. But it was cool.

I'm actually kind of like I miss that life a little bit. I like, I like having like a bath. That's cool. It's nice having a bathtub. It's nice having a dedicated spot. for mail. But it was really fun for a while because I could like wake up and go, I think, oh, I'm good to a forest today. And I was just like drive an hour and a half and then walk around Redwood Forest. It was great. Nice. So you still have the camper out back and look at

it with Longingly? Longingly. Yes. I look at it like it. It's like a mobile frat party from my youth or something like that. I would have, I would have be buried at like a sarcophagus when I die. That's my plan. That's his trailer. Don't go here. there. So the new book is out. I will get back on that. I know we've been rambling. So the new book,

the Los Angeles is hideous, poems about an ugly city, a couple of things. Obviously available anywhere and probably at Andrew Heaton.com. I would go to Amazon. However,

you want to make it really easy. Go to L.A. is ugly.com. And that'll take you there. I love L.A.usugly.com. I was going to do Los Angeles is hideous. but I was like enough people are going to screw up the E and the eye. Right. I'm going to shorten that a bit.

Just to ugly. That's probably the best move. And are you going to be doing readings around the country promoting your book? That's the plan. My plan is to do a Texan media tour in the near future. I'll probably be down in Austin and do some shows down there. I'm very likely going to be in Dallas. Do you have the guts to do it in L.A.?

I mean, what's the problem? Yeah. Is there a problem? Honestly, Jeffrey, I am really curious. I am really curious to see how this goes over with people. people at L.A. because I think they'll love it. Yeah, I suspect that at least half the people that live in L.A. are not, are not there because they think that it's this beautiful place. I think they're there for the exact same reason. I was there, which is there some, some industry reason, right? And for them,

I think they're going to enjoy it, who I think's really going to love it is anybody like me who left L.A. And had like, five percent doubt, this will reduce the doubt to zero. Where you're like, you know what, this was a horrible idea. The other group that I'm really looking forward to is I feel like there's a whole cadre of dads whose kids when they graduate college debate moving to Los Angeles. And I feel like this is a great stocking stuffer of like, like I control you, but technically it's literature and it's tastefully done. Yeah, I'll, I'll go out to LA. It's one of my best friends from high school still lives out there. So I'll inevitably be there again. And I'm curious to see if I get tar and feathered. The trolling thing that I'm planning to do is I still have a lot of money in parking

tickets. And so I want to use revenue from Los Angeles as hideous to pay that off and then mail them a copy. And then what I might do is, I haven't worked out the details on this yet. I might come up with some sort of thing where like if you go to my website and you give me like $5 extra, we mail copies to the mayor of Los Angeles or so. Or we find like designated agencies and sort of troll them with it, which you know, everybody wins. They get literature and I get the sale. I like that. And in the end, I mean, you're donating to pay off your. or fines. Uh-huh.

So I'm helping the government out, which people in L.A. really like. And so really, it's a win, win, win. So you're living in Tulsa now. That's right. So you were out wandering the country in your tin box, pulled behind your automobile. Right. And you decided, I remember reading and talking about how Tulsa was advertising for people to move there. Right.

And you said, hey, Tulsa, I'm your guy. Pretty much, yeah. And they said, hey, Andrew, yes you are. Come to Tulsa. Contract negotiations are much simpler in Oklahoma. How much cash you're rolling in from Tulsa? How much are they dumping up to your pocket? They give you a $10,000 grant.

However, it is a time lapse grant. That is to say that I get, they meter it out over a full year because they, they want to avoid a couple. They want to avoid people lying for one thing. Right, for sure. And they also want to avoid people coming here, getting to grant and then immediately leaving. And so they give you $500 a month.

And then at the end of the year, they give you whatever the remainder is. In the meantime, though, I got to say, Tulsa is precipitously less expensive than every other place I've lived in the last 20 years. Because I spent a lot of time living in New York and then in L.A., and I lived in D.C. And Tulsa's cheap compared to those locations. You add $500 a month then.

Like I, by regular human standards, Jeffie, I do not have a very good retirement plan. By comedian standards, I am knocking it out of the park. Really? I'm putting 500 a month in a Roth IRA. Like this is, this is, I know what a Roth IRA is now. It's crazy. Yeah. I can see, obviously, if you, if you're watching the video and those of you listening to Chewing the Fat, I'll tell you what a fine establishment Andrew is living in in Tulsa.

I mean, it's got a dresser. I have a dresser. I have a dresser. I mean, that's impressive. I have a bathtub. And I bought one of those robot vacuum cleaners so that I actually, I have clean floors, which I've never previously what I do is I'd have a vacuum cleaner. And I would maybe vacuum once a year when it became too sticky.

Like when my feet had like mittens on their souls walking barefoot through it. I'm like, all right. Now I'm like, go like take at it a robot. Yeah, you and I'll say this too. Like I'm curious because you're. in Dallas. You've been in Dallas for a while, right? Yeah. I mean, technically, yes, Dallas, Fort Worth. I mean, technically, I live in Fort Worth. But yeah, Dallas is fine. Actually, okay, Fort Worth, I think is actually a better example about what I'm

about to bring up. So I'm back in Tol. I grew up in Oklahoma, but I've been gone 15 years, right? I had anticipated moving to Tulsa that it was going to be friendly. I knew that. And I think Fort Worth is the same way. And, and Fort Worth is overall, yeah. Generally considered a little bit friendly or a little bit slower pace than Dallas is the nearby city. The thing that surprised me that I had not anticipated about Tulsa is that I have a much more diverse social life in terms of people I meet ethnically or sexual orientation in Tulsa than I did in New York or L.A. L.A., I think that's because of the lockdown. But my theory is that I'm curious to what you think about this, I think if you're in a mid-sized city of like 500,000 people or less, it's almost an

optimal size to meet lots of interesting people. Because if you live in a city like New York with eight million people. There are 400 different Thai restaurants. I used to talk to people looking in windows at stores in New York and they look at you like, you're talking to me? I'm talking to you. I'd have to explain it. Like, if you compliment people, you're like, hey, I like, I like, I don't want to buy insurance. And you're like, I'm not selling you insurance. I'm not trying to convert you to Mormonism or anything. I'm just, I'm from a part of the country. I live in Jersey. I live in Jersey. Okay. Leave me alone. Yeah. Well, I mean, like, part of it is I think in every city is one of two etiquette models. One model is you show respect by giving people space.

That is the New York model. That's the London model. The Fort Worth and Tulsa model is you show respect by engaging with people, which I like. But the other thing that I hadn't anticipated was like in Tulsa, I don't know the exact numbers here. But let's say there's two Thai restaurants in Tulsa. So if you like Thai food, you can go get Thai food. There's only one or two places, right? So like there's two cigar bars in Tulsa.

I like cigars. Anyone in Tulsa that likes cigars be a black, gay or anything else, like there. Black, gay or anything else, like, there. going to be there. And we're all friends. We all like each other. Like you'll, you'll see this fascinating medley of people that probably wouldn't hang out in New York because they'd live in different neighborhoods and they'd have different socioeconomic strata. Whereas I find in Tulsa people are friendly. They like interacting with strangers. And you're just rubbing elbows with different people more than you would in places that insulate you. Plus, along with that, you've got a city that

is small enough when you go out to other places, whether it's shopping or whether you go to another restaurant. The people that you've become friendly with at the cigar bar may be there. So you're like, hey, that's Billy. How you doing? Hello. I was going. Yeah, yeah, I know I'm from the cigar bar. Yeah. And it's just, it's comedically friendly. Like I, like I, so one of the things I started doing, because again, I'm new here. I don't know anybody. So like on a given Thursday night, I'm just going to watch Netflix in my bathtub and eat Oreos with a ladle, unless I have something to do. But there's a group here that gives out, food to homeless people on Thursday nights.

And I've started going and doing that. And it's awesome because, like, in addition, like, I'm very friendly. So I like recognizing people. But now when I walk around town, I'm like, oh, hey, DeAngelo. Like, like, how's it going? Did you get that new leg? And like, like, just have these friends that are walking around and all. We'll hang out and stuff.

It's great. Hey, you get that new leg? How's it going? Does it look like I got the new leg, dude? I'm standing here on one leg. Now, but they're, and I guess they're super cool because they're, they're really happy that, like,

they've got just a person that's, He remembers their name and wants to interact with them and is like, hey, we're friends. Like, isn't that nice that, you know, like instead of me trying to shoe them away or something, I'm happy to see. So absolutely. So this is Tulsa. Now, for the 10 grand, didn't they also part of that deal was even more than 10,000? I mean, they were offering like free Wi-Fi and housing.

There's not free Wi-Fi. There is, there's a common, like one of those shared workplace things. So if you want to get Wi-Fi, there you can. So I go there periodically. But since I do like- Remember what the deal was. Yeah. Exactly for Tulsa.

I know some of the cities came up with different plans to try to entice people like you. Uh-huh. There's a bunch of perks, but a lot of them don't apply to me because a lot of the perks are for like entrepreneurs and like startups and things like that where they've got incubators and things set up. Okay. So there's a lot of that. For me, it's more of there's a monetary grant.

And they also do a really good job of having regular social events, which is good because I don't know that many people in Tulsa. So like last night, we all went to like a happy hour at a like a kind of a food court kind of environment. And I just got to putter around and, you know, be charming and friendly, which is my want. And yeah, and I'm going camping this weekend with a bunch of them. So it's a friendly place. Nice. I know we've gone way beyond time for for the world. So I mean, I appreciate your time. And I know you've got things to do rather rather than yap with me for the afternoon. So Andrew Heaton, the new book, Los Angeles is hideous. poems about an ugly city. And it was fun read, definitely a fun read. I can't wait to, you know,

get my copy since all I had was, you know, the stupid internet copy. Thank you for sending me that. No problem. I appreciate it. I will send you a hardback, gold leaf guilted supreme version, which I absolutely have an incentive to do now that I've already done the interview. It's already dropped. I'll be sure to follow up on this. Jeffie, it was fun. to talk to you. It was good to see you. Thank you so much for having me on. Absolutely. Andrew Heath. Thank you very much, man. Take care.