Chewing the Fat with Jeff Fisher - Ep 68 | Fat Pile Friday - Weight Loss EDITION

Episode Date: April 5, 2019

Jeffy brings out the fat pile and lets see how much weight he loses Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome to Fat Pile Friday. Nice to have you along for the ride today. I want to start out with how many times have I told you? How many times have we told you? Make sure you trust the people you're sending your naked selfies to. Okay? Just make sure you trust them. A New York woman says she was fired last week from her job as a middle school math teacher

after a student came into possession of an old, topless photo of her without her consent. Listen, she was an excellent man. math teacher by all accounts. Long ago, long ago, she sent her topless, unremarkable selfie to her companion, never to anyone else. Okay, well, first of all, that kind of hurts the unremarkable comment. But second, long ago, and by long ago, that means a couple years. It's a couple years ago.

And did that start becoming a thread? A couple of years ago. A couple years ago. Hey, a couple years ago. A couple years ago, I sent, I sent him a topless picture of myself. I don't know how the student got it. I don't know how that happened. Now the school district took possession of it,

fired her because her breasts were displayed. I have not seen the photos yet. I've been looking for them. To tell you if they weren't, if they were unremarkable or not. So listen, and it was to another teacher. And it just happened to be another male teacher I sent it to. I don't know how the kid got it.

I don't know what happened. But she's suing the school district for three a million dollars. Sexual discrimination in a $3 million lawsuit. Wow. Now, I mean, the question is, does she get anything? Do they say, hey, here's a million. Goodbye, have a nice day. Do they say, here's your job back?

You're right. We're sorry. You can have your job back and we're done. or does she, you know, get a photo shoot with Playboy and just be done with it. Either way, she wins. Welcome to Chewing the Fat. What was that? I mean, that sounded good is what it did.

I apologize. Not asking for what was that. I know what it was. Okay. That was great is what that was. Is that our new open? Oh, this is, this is the open. Was that like the, like the demo?

That was a remix version. You just fired the wrong cut as all. Yeah, it happens. I know it happens. It's okay. That's twice yesterday and today. It reminds me of, what does it remind me of? Oh, I know, poop.

It reminds me of poop on Fat File Friday. Look, seriously, if you find out of, Follow me on Twitter at Jeffrey JFR. Facebook and Instagram, Jeff Fisher Radio. You saw the picture that I posted of the fat file that we have today. It's quite fat. And it keeps getting fatter. And maybe it's too salty foods.

I don't know. Maybe it's not enough exercise. I can't even see you drink. Right. Oh, my Coca-Cola 0-2. Look at this. It's Friday. It's not even break room yet.

I don't even know if I want to open it before we get to the bed. You shouldn't open it now. I know what it. You should open out the break room. We can't have drinks in the studio. So cold. You saw the picture. And it is a serious fat pile.

So we are going to attempt. I'm going to do some new stuff for you because I've got some really good new stuff for you. But I'm also going to try to delve in from just go to the top and give you the headlines around the pat pile so we can start plowing through it and see, you know, if we can get rid of some fat. Maybe do a little exercise, burns a few calories today with the fat pot. I'll lose a little bit of the fat pile. We'll try. So a couple of poop stories, which, funny that I was reminded of poop of the bad production.

But anyway, I was. Two things. I have not seen this. And I wish I had, because I would have, for whatever reason, I know, look, it's me. I'm weird. I know what I want to see this. The portable kid toilet,

the portable sidewalk kid toilet, because I know the frustration of having a child that needs to go to the bathroom and not being able to find a place to go to the bathroom. So, you know, you just go. You have to. You know, outside or whatever. It's just the way it is.

Now, you obviously don't want that to happen. But it's a little portable potty that these people are carrying around. And they're carrying it around like in New York. They have an interview with one lady that, uh, I still take it with me. It's so hard to find a place walking on the streets of New York. What does it do? It opens up, has legs on it. could put a bag underneath it and the kid sits on and goes to the bathroom.

So it's a portable potty wherever you want it to go. Just like that. I mean, do I want to carry a potty around with me like that? Not so much. Is there privacy doors? Yeah, no, it's a little, it's just a stool. Oh, we're teaching our kids to poop outside? Yes.

Yes, that's exactly. And we're not, and some people apparently are, you know, the kids go behind the, go behind a bench or, you know, behind the car or whatever. But they're in the story. They talk about the parents that just open it up and sit the kid down. Go. If they're at the park or whatever, just go. It doesn't matter.

You got to go to the bathroom, sit down, go. This is like one step to San Francisco all around the United States. Right. I feel like we're too comfortable with this. I think we are. I don't like this because... You like your privacy? We're not just that.

It's like, I don't look to, daddy, what is he doing? Oh, don't worry, son. He's taking a poop. But he's 20-something. I know. But he was a toddler. He was using the thing that I did not get for you because I hold it until we get to the house. You can't, though.

You're a little kid. You can't expect a kid to hold it like that. I mean, really seriously. That's why you use public. It's difficult. See, this is why it was created because when you're in the city like New York, it's difficult to find a public restroom, right? stores don't have one. That is true. They don't have, yeah. And there's, you know, there's only a

Starbucks on every corner. Heaven forbid, you have to go into a Starbucks bathroom. Well, according to Starbucks, you could do whatever you want. I know that, but sometimes you have to go in there and it's busy. You have to wait in line. Yeah, the guy's pulling some herring on his arm. Right. Yeah. So I mean, you got to look. It's either hurry up, all right? Put the needle in. My kid's got a pope. I mean, it's really sad. Now, inside this story, it talks about a lady who, Samantha Allen founder of NYC

potty training she's milking that NYC thing $2,000 to teach tots how to use the toilet I'm sorry

NYC potty training Samantha Allen we should talk to Samantha this but she's living the American dream $2,000 to teach kids how to use the toilet. Unbelievable.

We are in the wrong business, Jeff Fisher. Now she claims, now she's kind of on our side that she says even kids like privacy, no one wants an audience to poop. Hey, so poop shy. You know, I get that. But, okay, if you're having children,

I know this is a stretch, but if you're having children, and you can't find the time to teach them how to use the bathroom and use the restroom, and you need to hire someone. I want to just hire a nanny. You have a separate...

Cheaper. In the long room, well, I don't know about that. Maybe that's the thing. You can't afford a nanny, but you do need someone to, you know, work on that. But then again, she's in New York, so $2,000 is... New York is so rich. $2,000 is nothing for them. Are they?

Amanda, it is a union state, according to Dublogio a couple days ago. It's a union state. Right. So it's fun. Two thousand dollars... They pissed $2,000 through those stupid portable potties for kids. I can't imagine

me using one. But it'd be nice to have one I guess sometimes if you're out, you know, out walking around out in the park somewhere. See, but here's the thing, maybe because I'm never been to a city like that and I never lived in a city like that, I don't see a reason why my son cannot hold the poop.

Well, they can. Kids can't. Kids can't. Mr. Crankshaft, old man. They're little kids. Now, you know, the argument is that you know your children. so you know when they have, you know, when they're starting to appear to be in an issue oriented time? What about to diapers?

Well, right, but as they, if you're trying to potty train them, you don't want the diapers, right? You want to, the diapers are maybe, depending on where you're at in stages of potty training. And I, I know, I know that you don't have any children. Have one. No, you don't have any young children. Don't even, don't.

don't. That potty trading, though, is a pain. That's pain. And, you know, it's frustrating sometimes. And you just have to, you know, you live with it, but it's frustrating. And children, you know, they, sometimes they don't even think about it, right? And it's just like, I gotta be. Is your wife's granddaughter party train?

There's no catcher. She's getting there. Diapers at night. Unless, you know, you lay down and take a nap with her. What happened? Well, at one point, someone laid down to take a nap with her and, you know, didn't put a diaper on her. You know, kids drink a lot when they're up and running around.

And, you know, you take a nap and you relax and you lay there in bed. And then you, you know, you go to the bathroom. Just all over the sheets and the person. So she peed on someone's bed? The person laying next to her. She peed on the bed on herself and on the person that's that next to her? All over the bed and the sheets and herself. I don't know, but he was a dummy.

Is he upset? He's upset with himself for not putting the diaper on her. He's upset with himself. So we know there was a he. And we know, we do know that it was a he. And we know that at the point of contact, sound asleep, it's warm. So he knew what it was. Oh, there was not a doubt in his mind.

I'm guessing. I'm guessing now. Just off the top of my head. I'm guessing now. Oh, so, so, I was, we were so tired. She wanted to take a nap. So did I. Lay down.

I didn't think about it. Did you get up? Well, no? You're tired, you're tired, baby. I'm like, you know what? I don't care. Once you're in there.

It's your granddaughter. I don't care. I have time to still. She's sound asleep, so I'll go back to sleep. And then about not anyone. Yes, of course I got up. That's just stupid. Someone would just lay there like that.

More poop stories for you here on Fat Pile Friday. North America's tallest mountain, the Denali, which could be in this story. I don't know that. I think I questioned these numbers, but could be covered in 66 tons of poop. Wow. Now, they're saying the glaciers are melting away.

Oh, no. I know. I know. And this is what makes me... Oh, no. Oh, no. The glaciers are melting away in the coming decades. Oh, no.

Yeah, no, they're not melting right now. Oh, they're not melting right now? Well, some of them are. Oh, okay, some of them are. Okay. But this is where they get the numbers from, you know. In the coming decades, if the glaciers all melt, then you've got 66 tons of poop. But right now, you have a little bit of poop.

So, who knows? According to guide companies, 1,200 climbers who attempt to the summit annually, now we're going to start packing away and removing their own. waste. So they need this pot, they need the thing from New York. Well, they have a special can that they use. So that because when you start getting up higher, it freezes so it doesn't smell according to them. But it's still weight, right? It's up to like, five, by the can I think is like 15 pounds. You're climbing. Fifteen pounds is a lot. Yeah, it is. Yeah. Yeah. Especially when you just the air is thinner. Right. I mean, you're talking about trying to get to the summit and it arises

20,000 feet. Yeah. I mean, when I climbed it the first time. Oh, you did. When you start The air gets really thin You don't want to you Another 15 pounds Did you carry your own poop? No, I did not What did you do?

I found a place off to the side You buried it New York City Yeah Yeah I do you need that bad boy And actually I used San Francisco Yeah San Francisco

Because New York City At least they're put At least they have Some potty in the bag Yeah Right I mean They're at least putting the kid On some kind of potty

A bag underneath them True San Francisco And don't worry about it We're paying for a crew to come along and clean it up sometime in the next week or so. Someone will report it with the app. Right.

Now here we go, a poop app. Ridiculous. Snap poop. So, I mean, what they have is the clean mountain can. Is that what it called? Nice. Why didn't we think of that? Because all it is, it's like a beans can that has been recycled.

And here you go. $15. Wow. Get your $15 poop cans. No? Oh, no? No. It's a clean mountain can

That I'm guessing it's clean Hold solid waste Including toilet paper During the climb Duh Oh my gosh What are you putting in there?

It's not just a can Wow Are you What you're talking about Now let's do some crime done wrong Well Hawaiian man Oh Let's do some crime done wrong

A little slow So a judge in Hawaii ordered a man to stay away from his Pepsi. So he tries to get out of going back to jail. He says, oh, Your Honor, look, I won't steal any more cars, I promise. I'm not going to steal any more cars, but I stole the car because I had to go get a soda. I was dying to get a soda. I had to get there.

And so the judge said, all right, I'll tell you why. This is a plea agreement. You get probation, no additional jail time, 100 hours of community service. You pay a $100 fine. You know what? And you're not allowed to drink any Pepsi. You stole the car to go get Pepsi. You're not allowed to drink any Pepsi.

Case closed. Guilty! Guilty! Have a nice day. Mexican police. This is a good rule of thumb for people who want to rob a bank. If you get, let's say you get a front end loader. Let's say you get some chains.

Let's say you get a big truck and jack hammers. And you think we're going to knock down walls and go in and grab the safe and pull it out with the front loader and take it someplace and open that safe up. What you want to do is maybe you want to do it on different days. And you might want to do it, say, I don't know, a different time, middle of day or maybe in middle of night, not when things are so busy. Because these prosecutors say they realize that the loader with the bucket, the jackhammer and the chain apparently was stolen during. during the day and they were out looking for the equipment theft and they realized that hey there's big noises and stuff going on in a local bank about four blocks away i wonder what that could be oh are those the same equipment trying to pull the safe out of the bank

just dump really that's just that's that's crime done with dummies just dummies and uh cruise passengers busted uh oh this is a good idea i know I know. This is actually, I mean, a bad, bad idea. How do you say a good idea? How do you say good? The cruise passengers busted for smugging millions of dollars worth of cocaine on these cruises. Come on, man.

In Cheeto bags. Oh. So they get everything, everything gets checked, right, when you're going on to the cruises, right? So they resealed the Cheeto bag. So, because there's not a lot of air. So let me just check with Cheetos, Cheetos, Cheetos. And if you said Cheetos bag, are you thinking of whatever drug? Are you thinking of that?

No way. No, you're not. No, you're not. And you get those, like here at Mercury Studios in the break room, in the actual break room that we go to every day, they have the bags of chips, the multi-flavored, you know, multi-kind gifts. So you have the bag that you buy like at Sam's Club. Doritos, Cheetos. Right. From the Fritos.

Well, they're right. The Frito-Lay multipack, right? Yeah. So if you took the plastic off of that, filled each one of those bags with a drug. A drug. A drug. resealed them, re-glued them,

and then rewrapped the plastic on those boxes and said, you know, hey, we're bringing these for our trip. Okay. And then, you know, I'm going to take them off here when we, the next stop, though, come back with nothing.

So how did they get caught? Yeah, that's how they got caught. They kept taking them out and off. Oh, they keep taking on and off. See, oh, you have to take a couple bags out. You don't bring the back in, you idiot. See? Don't take the box out.

Try it done wrong. Yeah. All right. I think we're going to make that even better. All right. So listen, this is what we're going to do right now, okay? We're going to go to the break room so I can have a drink of my Coca-Cola zero-shed. We're going to walk to the break room now?

Yeah. And then I'm going to drink, have a nice cold drink, and then we're going to delve in to this fat pile. Do we have time? We'll make time. We'll make time for you. Let's go to the break room. Oh, my gosh. The Friday.

this Friday, Coca-Cola Zero Sugar might have been the best of the week. Just a couple of stories before the fat pile, though. See, this is why we get a fat pile because I always have to do a couple of stories before we get to the fat pile. I know, I know. So yesterday we did the story

about the luxury hotels providing bunk beds. Now we have a story of these hotels in Europe are letting you You do, we've heard the yoga's with goats. Now they have yoga with lemurs. All right.

We can't just, not just yoga. Just yoga is not good enough anymore. There's got to be yoga with some kind of animal. Yoga with, I didn't even know you could get enough. What happens if they give too many customers? Yoga with lemurs. We only have 10 lemurs. That's all we have.

I mean, that's an expensive proposition. If they're raising animals for yoga? And then hopefully you have enough business pretty soon. How come you guys who've got a hundred lemas out back? We were provided yoga with lemurs and nobody wanted to do it anymore. So we just let them run around. A lemur hotel now. Ridiculous.

It cannot be. If you've actually, have you participated? Think to yourself just a second. Have you participated in a yoga event with an animal? Would you participate in a yoga event? with an animal the way that they want you to do the yoga and you want the animal to come up and cuddle you and crawl over you and why are you shaking your head yes in your car stop it stop it now you're smiling because you're thinking oh it'd be so fun to have the lemur crawling on my back

when i'm in my yoga position stop it but have a nice weekend thinking about that sunday you're out with the kids and giving you a hard time think to yourself i could be at a I could be at a hotel in Europe doing a yoga lemur event that lemur just be putting some pressure on my back right now and so sore stretched out

lemur's just jumping on me and just put a smile on your face here's the other story I want to do before we delving into the fat pile I subscribe to sometimes these daily news emails just gives you headlines of some of the big stories that are going on and stuff that's happening around the world

and one is called Morning Brew. And they always have a stupid question. And I shouldn't call them stupid questions, but to me they're just stupid questions that, you know, tried to entertain you as you're part of their deal. And they ask questions, and they want you to participate.

And one of the questions was, you get a text from a random number. All right? The message is conversational enough where you feel like you probably should know this person. But you don't. What's the best way to? ask them who they are and they wanted people to respond to them what the go-to

response is here think of what your response is right you get the text from the random number and you feel like you should the comment the message is conversational enough where you should pray you feel like this person should be in your contacts but they aren't and what's the best way to ask them who they are the first thing that comes to my mind is who are you I mean I'm embarrassed to ask Who are you? You text to my phone and you make it sound like, hey. I mean, who are you?

But some of the responses were actually pretty funny. One was text my dad's friend in the FBI. Are you the person I hooked up with on Friday or Saturday night? Can we move this conversation to Facebook Messenger or WhatsApp? I don't trust I message encryption anymore. peeing your name in snow is fun you should go go do it and send me a picture of it that's funny have someone else call them as a salesperson and hope they answer the phone with their name i used to answer the phone like that all the time i don't do that anymore jeff fisher

jeff fisher come to think about maybe i still do maybe i didn't stop that uh one of them is uh yo so i got drunk bet someone i had all my contacts memorized they said prove it so i deleted all the names in my phone who is this? That's pretty good one. Your name and my phone is simply Batman, but who am I actually talking to? You know, those are cute. But I still wonder why it's not okay to say,

who is this? All right, all right, all right. We'll get to the fat pile. We got it. I got to move this big old thing out of the way here, though. Holy cow. You saw the picture. At my Twitter account, at Jeff EMRA,

Instagram, and Facebook. Jeff Fisher Radio. All right. Start plowing through the fat pile. Transgender woman sued. This is, you know, this is from earlier this week. So as the pile gets longer, we might get into, you know, we might be. Last year.

Oh, we're way past last year, my friend. Oh, look at what's this date on this story? 1995. Yeah, okay, so. Transgender woman sues McDonald's for discrimination. Claims incorrect pronouns used. It's ma'am. Right, and that's what it is.

And so she said, now, the... How dare you say she? The McDonald's franchise owners have not responded to this, but it is a she. No, it's a she. He wants to be called a she. Refusing to use preferred pronouns to address Kelly using he or him rather than she or her. So I'm right, was she. But now Kelly says that they addressed her also as it.

That's what I will do We don't know that that's true She's just clashing that right But that's it And stating that Transgenders are an abomination See I don't know that I buy that See that's the whole thing about Trump hats

And being attacked I don't know that I buy it Because I can't see Someone who owns a McDonald's franchise Being that dumb Yeah I just don't believe it I just don't

You know she says A mockingly calling Kelly Jewel Juana Man in reference to the movie Juana Man. I'm sorry? I'm sorry, call him a what? Juana Man. I like that. Do you remember the movie Juana Man?

No, but I like it. Featuring a male basketball player who's kicked off the NBA and then impersonates a female so he can play in the women's league. Yes. You can't make that. Nobody knows Juana Man, right? Nobody. No.

The McDonald's franchise owner is not saying that. Also assigning menial tasks to Kelly, not that only entry-level employee. perform. Do the freaking job. What needs to be done needs to be done. You're above cleaning the freaking grease off the floor of McDonald's? Absolutely. He's a ma'am. What did they hire? They did hire her as

some kind of manager or something, so maybe she did think she was above doing any medial labor, but they shouldn't be. Mississippi. So Don't we have a boyfriend there? Do we have a boy from there? The pot's on the road. Isn't that from... Is he from Mississippi? Oh, I don't know if that's from Mississippi

or not. Fix the holes in a I mean some of a superhero holes in a road I love him by the way he hasn't been on this show oh we don't do politics I still want to talk to him about fixing the holes on a road

he's my superhero if he does that's my fault we have not played that commercial that's one of my favorite commercials we just watched that not long ago for whatever reason it came up on my feed and I was Pat tweeted out

maybe that's where I saw it because all of a sudden I get what the hell the girl is in the commercial with it with the cell phone What the hell? Excuse me, man. There's a pot on the hole.

A hole in a road. We got to do something with your potholes in a road. Ruud my car. That's so good. I want him. He needs to be elected. It's a shame in America. Elections are not working legally in America if he's not voted into office.

I'll tell you that right there. Bottle of wine a week as bad as a smoking study. Well, we heard that yesterday. I told you about white wine is bad for you on that. Why you shouldn't ignore nighttime trips to the toilet? Because you have to change. the sheets on your bed if you do. Hey-oh. Thank you.

New nose job procedure uses electricity instead of surgery. Oh, all spark. He's back. What? I just took the fork in the plug. Don't worry about it. You'll fix your nose. A nose job takes just five minutes and doesn't need surgery. It's been developed by scientists

using electricity. No thing. Show me on him. Let me see. Let me see that work over there on him. A team at Occidental College in California he discovered that passing current through cartilage, like in the nose, made it more malleable. So they zap you and then they push it and shape it in whatever shape they want. Makes sense.

Okay. Does your theory of three cuts to clownface work now? I mean, that's still, I don't know. Because you're not cutting anymore. No, you're not. But, I mean, it could be three zaps. Three zaps, clownface? It could be three zaps to clownface.

I'd have to, I want to see it done. I want to see what they do. According to them, this is going to revolutionize cosmetic surgery, is it? Okay, good. Cardley just made up of tiny rigid fibers loosely woven together in a structure resembling spaghetti. The technique was tested on a rabbit. The technique was tested on a rabbit whose ears normally stood straight upright. The researchers were able to make one of the ears bend over without damage.

Without damage, did the rabbit say, oh yeah, I'm fine. don't worry about it do you get the rabbit whisperer do the do the human now the rabbit ear is fine no thank you no thank you I think we need like a sounder that says next story the 10 best hospitals

in the world oh wait you're supposed to save that you're supposed to save that story because it's a long story I don't put that over here then okay an extreme stalker oh we did that we did the stalker story

where you have old fat and then you forgot to uh I do this is old fat. Good. Good. This is all old fat. Oh, so we're not as deep as we supposed to be. Nice.

I'm not, I'm stubborn as I'm losing weight fast. All right. Exercise works. I am working. I'm losing weight fast. Nicholas Cage filed for an element. Did we talk about Nicholas Cage? No, we did not.

Oh boy. We talked about it with Chad a couple days ago. I'm not losing fat that fast. We talked about it, but not with the audience. With Chad, we did. So he filed for an annulment four days after. getting married in Vegas. Nicholas,

come on. First, I will say this, that Nicholas Cage is pretty close. He's on his way to Cloud Face. He has surgery? This picture of him. Show me. Those eyes have been worked on.

That eyes and that upper face have been worked on. Yeah. Yeah. They have been worked on. That is not the Nicholas Cage that would be without the work. And good for him. You know, whatever. He's got the money.

He let him do it. It's fine. But I'm just saying, Nick. Slow down, bro. Well, he could use the... Sluid. Electricity. Yeah, the zapped.

Go get zapped. He's 55. He had no way. Sorry, that's work. Oh, that is not 55. No, no, no. He got married and then he didn't realize that they were, look, they were drunk. It was drunk love.

It was a Vegas love. I mean, I was just too drunk to understand my actions. We got married. It was just too drunk. Was it Elvis? And so, he woke up and one thing. Reality. came through.

One thing led to another. He realized. So does she get? He realized, holy crap. What did I just do? What does she get? I don't think anything. Maybe, who knows?

If I'm her, I'm getting something out of the deal, right? He makes a lot of movies. They're not good. But he owes a lot of money. He does. That's why he makes a lot of movies. I mean, that's Nicholas Cage, you know, that's why you see him in every boogie movie across any platform needs the money.

And so he's doing that for cheap because he needs the money. This is the fourth marriage. marriage for Nicholas, Oscar winning. What movie did he win an Oscar for? Nicholas Cage. Previously married to former waitress,

what is that, a leaky Kim? Is that her name, a leaky or a like? A-L-I-K-E. You know how to pronounce that? I don't know who that is. He got Best Actor

on 96 on the movie Leaving Las Vegas. Oh. And he was nominated. What an Oscar for that? Yeah. And he was nominated for Best Actor 2003.

for the movie adaptation. Wow. And then he was married to Lisa Marie Presley, which I actually stated the house that Nicholas Cage bought for Lisa Marie and him in San Francisco. When we went out to do the Super Bowl thing. The Super Bowl?

Yeah. We stayed in San Fran and we did the, we stayed at his old house in San Francisco. It was beautiful. It was gorgeous, like four stories. That was a couple years ago, right? Yeah. I don't know.

I don't remember. I remember you going over there. But it was, you know, if you were to move in it today, you need to have to do some work done. Oh, he's still and it works? I mean, it's nice. But it's not updated. It's, I would, I would want it up.

I would want a little bit more. One of the things I would put in is an elevator. So is it a 2000 or a 90 update? Like, where you at? Yeah, he's probably at, when did he marry Lisa Marie? So what year did he marry Lisa Marie? Because it was up there.

He's got this giant, huge fish tank up in the top floor. That's the room I stayed in all the way up. the top which by the way there was not an elevator was very disappointing and uh so you take stairs up and there's stairs on both ends going up and off to the sides I like I like the way it's built I just don't like having to walk all the stairs because I'm overweight 2002 to 2004 okay so that's where you're at so you're at the 2000 yeah yeah so that's where you're at so you need to up that and then he married Patricia Arquette as well but he's still drinking heavily at 55 so that's a problem yeah enough to get blacked out married

Yeah. Yes. That's a problem. Maybe you perhaps should think a little bit about that, Nick. Look at your life, bud. Let's take some notes, bro. American Alliance of American Football suspended. I did that up Pat Unleashed.

So we can just kind of throw it. No, that was sad to see them suspended. Oh, we're still into some old fat. Nice. Okay, we did that. Camoto Island. Oh, you did that. Murder King Testing Vegetarian Whopper.

I did that on the Pat and the news why it matter. In here. Did I do? Oh yeah, I did a two too. Nice. I did that everywhere. What the hell am I doing?

So this looks called recycled. Inbound and outbound states. I might have done that. Remember lunar eclipse viewing conditions. I don't have to worry about that. We missed it. Carol Channing. Oh, no.

Carol Channing. We lost her. And then we did talk about Carol. We did talk about it. But we did remember she, we, I think I did this story. But it's the story where she used to carry a, a piece of dried chicken in her purse to eat. Is he didn't want to eat?

Yeah, I know. Don't look at me like that. I'm just giving you care of channel stories. Netflix criticized for using footage of real-life disaster. And then they gave in. Yes. They caving on that, but they did not cave in on the satanic one. Thank you.

Shut up. Why would they do that? Yes. Ridiculous. And we just got the news today about the Mormon church. Oh, yeah. The kids are going to be able to be able to. to be baptized. As a kid,

you know, like they normally baptized people, not way, prior to today, they had to wait until they were 18 and go through some other steps because the church didn't recognize the LGBTQ parents as real parents.

And now that's changed. And a perfect example of why you don't give it, I cannot believe, I can't, I cannot believe that the Mormon church did this. But, you know, good for them if they felt it was the right thing to do. And they, you know, they obviously prayed about,

and they obviously thought that this was the right thing to do for them. Good. But in the story and in the reports, my favorite line is, it's a good step. This is exactly why you don't give in because it's never enough. It doesn't, Matt, hold to your beliefs.

Man, if you believe something and you just start getting beat up. Is it difficult to do that? I guess it is. I mean, look, you get a lot of pressure, right? I mean, that's... Okay, but if you're a Christian, who cares? You should not care about other people think. I know.

I know. I know. Saudi damn wage hike will cut two million jobs. That's two million jobs. That's two of it. It's not going to cut jobs. There's new jobs. Go find a new job.

I say that and then I'll lose my job. There's a new building being built by us, so we could go to that building. Lewis C.K. That's his name. I can't even say his name. Are you sure? I think I'm having a stroke. Don't be funny, bro.

Don't. Don't. I do not know what I will do if you have a stroke over there. Lewis CK. Jokes about his sexual misconduct. You know. Good. Right.

Joe Biden is doing it right now. Thank you. Plus, Louis, he's writing a better, bright on better things. Great TV show on FX. I talked about that the other day. Pornhub reports bump in traffic amid government shutdown. There's a surprise. Even if I talked about that before already, you know that's a fact.

What does this are to do? Right. Chinese anger room lets customers smash stuff with baseball bats. We've got some rooms like that in America too. It's called your house. There's no sandwich being made. Don't beat me to the jokes. It's my show.

I didn't know you're going to go there. Don't beat me to the jokes. Jack Dorsey denies mailing beard shavings to Azalea Banks. I know. Oh, Jack, water. Do you, okay, hold on. Oh, before you pass that,

do you think he did that? Because he has that face of, he does. I'm going to send you something personal. Here's my shavings. Yeah, he does. He does. Now, I know he's from St. Louis or Missouri

or that neck of the woods. He talked to, I've heard him, I've heard him interviewed before. Oh, he definitely sent those. He went creepy on that. And he does, Jack does have the look of being possibly.

The guy with the white van? Yeah. Yeah, the guy with the van with no windows. Yeah. He does have to be that guy. And you just say, ooh, okay. Take care. Good talk.

Yeah. Trouble. This tiny ant could have, oh, we talked about the giant. The tiny ants. Red flags to watch out before you get married. Ooh, this would have been for you, Chris. Too late. Read that before the second one.

Okay. This is the second one. Read that before the third one. maybe we ought to read it let's see we covered this by the way we did yeah

well then hopefully it helped it did good luck I'm still in the second one good luck Chris Hanson charged to catch a predator

charged with bouncing checks oh yeah he was having problems who hasn't bounced a check come on leave him alone right In today's world, it's easy. Yeah, it is. I mean, because you can't, you can't float them.

You used to be able to float. And when we talked about it, that's come back to me. That's what we said. You said the check and then, you know. The check floating. Yeah, I do remember those stories. And I can talk about them again, too, because it pisses me out. The, what people actually say before they die.

Ooh, we might want to. Ooh, we want a deep into that one. But it's not a Friday one, so you just put it to the, with the 10 best hospitals. My favorite would be. Oh, shit. Or maybe What the fuck? But hopefully you've got

I love you too You know Oh it's so good to see you Hopefully you've got some of that in there right I mean that's what that's what you want Yeah You don't want Two last words

You don't want the What I said before Just rewind Airlander 10 Prototype of World's Longest Aircraft Retired Who cares FDNA

That's why it's in the fight pile Some of these stories FDNA We have a reopened firehouse to serve Amazon boom in Queens. No, they won't. Nope, not anymore. Thanks, AOC. Airline passenger admits he carried firearm on flight from Atlanta.

Oh, yeah, he did that on purpose. We found that out. Man sculpted seven-foot bald eagle with snow in Indiana. What? That's newsworthy? Everything is newsworthy. This, what's the story dated? 1825.

A seven-foot bald eagle sculpted from snow that fell, Oh no, that fell from a weekend winter storm, sits in front of the yard, Indiana home, 15 hours scalping the giant eagle. I mean, you got nothing else to do. What else is this to do? The government is shut down. I got nothing else to do. The internet is down.

Let me go outside. I built a snowman. Go shovel the driveway. I'm going to be, I'm going to sculpt something, okay? I'm going to make something out of the snow. Trust me. The local news will make a news. You've been 15 hours out there.

Ah, yeah. And there might be some little bit more work I got to do out there, too, if you continue to talk to me like that. Tim Allen is going to celebrate when he sees the... Oh, he got the ratings. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We got the ratings for that. All right.

Crime News. Oh, this is Fat Pile. This is from Crime News, Fat Pyle. A woman posed as bail bondman to sneak drugs to inmate. Oh, yeah, she attempted that, but she didn't make it. Oh, she got busted. Florida man cuts neighbor with machete. He named kindness.

I just cut it with kindness. Shut up. Let me smoke my kindness, too, right along with that. L.A. drug dealer. caught sending meth to Grand Central. Finish the headline. He sent it to Grand Central Apple Store. He was busted when he tried to pick up a package of meth that he had shipped to a Manhattan Apple store.

So he's got to travel. He doesn't want to bring the meth with him on the plane because heaven forbid, right? You're not going to get called with meth on the plane. He's not an idiot, Jeffie. Right. He's not an idiot. So he sent it there. And, you know, FedExed it.

I'm addressed to himself. I wonder if they'd knock on the door. No, he went there, they arrested him there. Actually, they didn't. Why would they address him there? They launched, because it was so much. They launched an investigation. And then arrested him.

And then arrested him. Yeah. He almost got to go away with it. The defendant is charged with funneling drugs into our city by making a Manhattan business his unwitting package receiver. I didn't know I could send stuff to the Apple store. and pick it up. That's something new.

Team Apple is getting on it. No doubt. Not that I would do anything illegal or anything like that. It would be silly. Burglars want. Maybe we should start from the bottom. See how far we have? Yeah.

We're not going to. Ooh, that looks heavy. There's no way. Oh, that's a lot. There's no way that we made. That's one. So you did a three pile. Okay, now two piles.

Okay. What is that? All right, so this is, oh, the states and the apocalypse stuff. Okay, this is going to be saved for another show. See, over again, we would have a fat pile. Yeah, there's no doubt about that. What's up with that CD? What's up with a CD?

CD must be like a... Cod off point? A what? Cot off point? Yeah, a block off point for stories that I was supposed to save. Yep, I think it is. So what kind of CD? Hold on.

These are, these are extra-as. What's the CD? It's David and, uh. Oh, Tamila? Tamila, man. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Listen to it every day.

They're great. Hey, that's just a casing of it. I know. That's what I said. Prince. Oh, there we go. What was this? I remember this is.

Oh, yeah, there we are. There's other stuff I'm not even going to look at because that was below the empty CD case of David and Tamila. Man. Which you should purchase, by the way. Yeah. I mean. They're in town. That's good.

This one is called Us Against the World of Love Project. This is what they were hawking when they were here. And they got nominated. That's good. They've stopped by and to talk about it and congratulate us for helping them get nominated. Oh, wait. No, they didn't. Burglars wanted after trying to hit three restaurants in one night.

They didn't get caught? Oh, crimes down right. Robbers went on a burglary binge in the wee hours of Sunday, the twosome. reservation about kicking in the glass front door of Wolfgang Steakhouse, then dashing off with a wadded dough, several bottles of wine and liquor. Less than 30 minutes later, they bashed the glass, they ran into another restaurant. An employee awarded them off, chased them away. They went down to the subway. Then a little while later, they went into a pizza shop, got two cash registers and took off. A worker at the steakhouse said nothing and was taken by

the thieves. Okay, so let's see. Regist. They don't even have them. They got away with it. Good for them. I haven't looked for an update on that story, though, so they may have been arrested. You never know. Austrian train workers rescue wild goat buried in snow drift. Okay, I do remember this stupid story.

So the train workers are clearing the track because there's so much snow. As they're clearing the track, they realize, oh, look, there's a goat stuck in the snow. And so they go and they became transfixed with rest of them. scoing the goat. Good for them. Wasting my time. If I'm waiting for that train track to be cleared so I can get somewhere. I don't give a crap about the goat. But gee, I'm glad that

that goats were saved in the bank robbery suspect held after stripping awaiting arrest. Wait, what? Authorities are holding a man they tried to rob a San Diego County Bank, then told frightened customers to call 911, stripped to his underwear and awaited for arrest.

I mean, this just met somebody with a mental issue. Clint Gray, arrested Thursday, Wells Fargo. I'm not going to tell you anything. I got some Wells Fargo stories, but I'll let those go for right now. Derek Stevenson tells Santa that he was one of three customers inside the bank when the man entered, shouted it was a robbery, ordered everyone to the ground, staff and customers complied. Then the man told the people to call 9-1 and began stripping to his underwear, sat in a chair in the front door until the deputies arrived.

Okay. I mean, that's just somebody that needs some mental help. Why didn't you take the money? You're going to be a thief. Don't forget it. Moose walks into Alaska. We did the Moose story, didn't we? Moose go to Alaska.

Clothing retail. Jimbury files for, oh, you're sorry. Another store closing. Sorry to hear that. Massive Fortnite security hole. Oh, yeah, a lot of hackers to get in. XMTA boss admits stealing over 50,000 an iPhones from the agency. Wait.

What? Did we talk about that one? We did. Do you're shaking your head? Yes. Okay. Fortnite again. Fake Washington Post edit it. We're losing weight fast here. We're going through it quick. Did some of this.

Military smarting robots thinks insects might be the key to new artificial intelligence. We told you that already. I don't even have to do this story. We told you that on this podcast. That was the future. Dear military, come to me. Chewing the fat with Jeff Fisher. In fact, somebody said the Pentagon.

We know we have military people listening to the show, the world, around the globe. It used to be in Digibouti. We had several in Digibouti. Nine. Just got transferred out. We're waiting for a new transfer into Digibouti. But perhaps when they share, they've already subscribed, we know that.

But after they've subscribed, when they share, they should share to the Pentagon and just say, hey, thinking of you, maybe you should listen. They've got ideas that we could use. Sergeant So-and-So from Digibouti. I don't think that would get them in trouble at all. I hope the soldiers are in Djibouti. Usually when you leave a deployment, you go to the bathroom and you write a message on the wall. Right.

Is that way you do when you leave deployment? Okay. And I hope they wrote on the bathroom wall, hey, listen to Chew and the Fat with Jeff Fisher. Yes, they absolutely should do that. Man heard a loud crack when his... Do we talk about this? When he's what?

When his thing snapped in half? No, we did not talk about that. Are you sure? I'm sure. I remember that. I remember reading the story a lot. I do remember reading the story. Because it was fat.

So, Sean March at 48, is getting a little frisky with his girlfriend. I'm reading the story now. He's 48. His girlfriend's 36. I mean, you know, I did better, but good for him. At least for trying. When he slipped,

and heard a snap. Then he said, I was in excruciating pain while his bent things swelled up to the size of a bottle of wine. It's not funny. I'm not laughing. That's a sound effect or something. It's not.

Voice box? He called an ambulance. He's taken to the hospital. No kidding. Where surgeons operated to repair the penile fracture and torn urethra. Oh, you can't tore that. Bruised.

He was sent home with strong painkillers after. There better be strong painkillers. And I better not be just for like one freak a day. And told not to have sex until the end of the month. He had to take a month off. I know. I'm sorry. What?

He had to take a month off from sex. Oh. But he couldn't do that. So he ignored the doctor's advice. and waited three weeks. Look. How do we miss that? I grabbed hold of it and just grew and grew.

The pain was off the scale. From a scale one to ten, how much was the pain? A thousand. No, no, no, between one to ten. What was the pain? He sat up and watched it bed as his bent thing filled with, oh, I don't even want to think about it anymore. I don't even want to think about it anymore.

Be happy. You don't slip this weekend, whatever you do. Holy cow. Ouch. You'd be praying for the IRS to show up after that. Ouch. All right. I mean, it's Pat file Friday, but how much time do I have?

Let's do four more stories and then we'll be all set. Four more stories. You'll hear the sounder when it means we're done. Man strikes karate Kid Pose before stealing purse Police say a man launched into Mr. Miyagi's famous crane kick pose before stealing a purse at a gas station

in South Carolina. There's a good uh... I mean, the photos show him holding the one-legged stance. Oh, why? No, you know the, you know the crane, right? Yeah. Those of you watching on Blaze TV,

I just did the crane for you. Yeah. Top half. not do it. Yeah, you're not doing it. I could do the bucket. You barely get on the knee a couple weeks ago. You want to do a one-legged crane?

I can do that? Can you? I am. Please. Can you? Please. Okay. Police say the pose appears to be the man's

unique ritual. Oh, see? He's the man. Okay. He'd been identified in warrants of forthcoming. They don't know. The news outlets report the names in charges.

weren't available on Wednesday morning. So we don't even know his name. The news didn't even want to tell him his name. The news is like, yeah, just go with it anyway. Just print, print, print, print. Crayne pose thief. He's doing the karate kid stance. Print the story.

Prince, go with it, run with it. Put it out of the news. But we don't know what charges be filed. It doesn't matter. It's five o'clock news. Get it up there. Show the picture. Show the picture.

The crane. Use the thing from Miyagi from the karate kid movie. This is what he was looking like, okay? Police have arrested a New Jersey man who say they fake a slip and fall at a business to show. Oh, this is the guy. that threw the ice on the floor. Yeah, he was, that was great.

That's why you need cameras around, right? Because you saw that was, it was tremendous. He needs to go back to acting school. Revealed, dozens of girls subjected to breast ironing in the UK. I don't not even want to go read any more about this story. An African practice of ironing a girl's chest with a hot stone to delay breast. breast formation is spreading in the UK. Okay.

Thanks for listening to Fat Pile Friday. If this gives you any, I mean, maybe I'm against Brexit now. I mean, this has got to stop. That's ridiculous. Is this the, is that it? Why don't I just leave you, I'll leave you uplifting. I don't want to leave you with,

I don't want to leave you with Governor Breastoned. So why don't we just leave you with a North Carolina toddler, was missing for three days says he hung out with a bear i don't even need to tell you any more than that that's right you okay bobby yep i'm fine i hung out with a bear that is the stupid kid's name that is the kid's name oh another kid's name because you want to know what yogi was calling him right his name is not boo-boo that's what i that's what i hey boo-boo let's get us a big a neck basket? Let's see.

A three-tripped search team's spot where they were able to hear the three-year-old calling out for his mother. Oh, you were calling out for your mom? So you weren't that brave either, were you? You're out in the woods. Mommy! You hung out with the bear.

Did you? Did you? You're a little brat? Two days hanging out with a bear. I wonder what they talked about it. He was walking in the woods back there. We can't find him. He walked off somewhere.

We can't find him the rescue teams. He was authorities. He was alive and responsible. Well, yeah, of course, he was hollering for his mom. He was hanging out with Yogi the bear. Right. He was looking for boo-boo. Why doesn't, I can't say the kid's name?

Oh, he's probably too young to be identified. Oh, he says he took three her in his search team for Casey Hathaway. Hey, Casey? We're up here in the woods looking for boo-boo. And of course they, good for him. Good for him. And thank you to the bear, which is why, what's that? Thank you to the bear.

Why earlier this week I questioned the killing of those damn bears hibernating. There's a perfect example of why they shouldn't have been killed. I'm sorry, you did what? I questioned. Why, I came back around on that on you. They were already, don't get me started on this stupid story again. I don't even know why I brought it up. I shouldn't have brought it up.

You're right. What are you looking for more? We're done. We're done. We're done. We're done. Jeffrey, we're done. You heard the sounder.

I know, but the sounder's not on now. I'm just plowed through the fat pile. I don't know what you're talking about See where we're at All right I mean all right if you Fine that's fine There's still I'm not

I haven't lost that I mean to lose weight at all I've lost some I did lose some And thank you Look at this look how the trip I am I'm fat pot Friday I mean thanks for

Thanks for listening to chewing the fat Just remember to subscribe rate review It's all That's all That's all you tell your friends Tell your neighbors Tell the people you hate Have a good time.

And look for, uh, look for I got a special interview being posted tomorrow to with the great Phil Robertson from, a duck dynasty and, you were able to find him? And, uh,

what's his, what's his name of this stupid show on this network of the blair? Into the woods. Yeah, into the woods with Phil, right? Into the woods with Phil. Into the woods or in the woods?

Into the woods or in the woods with Phil or in the woods with Phil? I got a feeling that's in the woods with Phil, right? No, maybe into the woods with Phil. I'm not sure what it is. Go to the blaze.com slash TV and subscribe. No, it's not that. What is it?

It's the blaztv.com. Blasetv. com. Subscribe. Yeah, if you want to go in the woods with Phil. Thank you. You go to blazTV.com slash Phil. And then you can see his show.

All right. But if you go to the blaze. BlazTV.com, you could just subscribe to the network. Yeah, but you could do it through, you know, blazed. You can save some money if you go through Phil. You can? Yes.

Is that true? That is true. How come Phil gets the special thing? Everybody gets a special thing. Oh. Yeah. Just makes Phil look better. It makes Phil look better.

We don't want anybody else to look better. No. No. Go use Phil. Yes. PlaycTV.com slash Phil. Yeah. And then subscribe through that.

Yes. See, there's the music. That's what I was waiting for. I got more fat. We're done. We're done.