Chewing the Fat with Jeff Fisher - Ep 71 | Call Me John, Germs in Space & Poop Pot

Episode Date: April 9, 2019

Jeffy brings you the news that you need to know! What are you waiting for? Subscribe, Rate & Review!     Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome to Chewing the Fat with yours truly, Jeff Fisher. Listen, I know that I don't talk politics on this show. Take a breath of fresh air. However, I'll apologize up front because I'm going to talk politics right here. We got news yesterday that Alec Baldwin is considering running for president. I mean, why would that be sad news? No, for Alec Baldwin running for president? Come on.

Is Ivan his VP? He does not want anything to do with Ivan. He will not do anything. Ivan and Alec are not friends at all. And if Ivan ever wants to be on this program, I will pay for his flight and his hotel room to be in the studio with me. There's no, he, I want him here in person. Alex said that, hey,

uh, beating Trump would be so easy. Would it, Alec? Would it? His question, if I ran for president, would you vote for me? No. I won't ask for any money. Right. And I promise I will win.

Beating Trump would be so easy, so easy, so easy. I jump in, Alec. Gosh darn it, you're right. You could beat him. You could beat him. Is there any calls? Ivan? Any calls?

Anybody on the... Anybody on the line? I would love to have Dush Baldwin, Alec Baldwin, uh, run for president. Yes. Don't forget.

Now, he said he was thinking about running last time, right? And he also thought about running for mayor back in 2011. He, what happens is, we've discussed a little bit of Alex history before, but what happens is he starts taking his meds and he starts feeling like

everything's okay. And he's all right. And he's doing, he's got a few, a few gigs here and there. He's doing a few jobs. And then he goes off his meds because he's feeling good. That's what happens.

Everybody on their meds, start feeling good so then you don't need him. And he goes off the deep end. And what we want for him to be right now on his meds, 100%. Beating Trump would be so easy. And then he hits on the campaign trail. He's feeling good about himself. He goes off his meds. We have Alec meltdowns all over the country.

How much fun would that be? All right. So yesterday we talked about the giant forever roll from Charmin, toilet paper, and I didn't know the price. I apologize. I got hung up on the cost of toilet paper in my life and how much things would cost. So I did a little, I know this is a little shock, but I did some homework. I know, I know. Don't look at me like that.

I know. So one multi-user Charmin roll forever, or I'm sorry, one Charmin forever roll. Cost $9.99. A single user. size is also available for 549. A pack of three multi-user Charmin Forever rolls can be

purchased for 5996. Now wait a second. There are 10 bucks each which you can buy them. Three for 60? Charmin. Even I. That's a problem. Even with my math, non-skills. But it's currently on sale for $29.97. That's not a

sale price. That's the real price. But I, you know, whatever. Sharman, that's fine. You got, seriously, it's a thousand bucks right now, though, 30. Okay. Now, they're also throwing in, though, so maybe this is where they're getting it. They're throwing it in for an extra 30. The free stand for the roll. Because you've got to have the, you know, like I said yesterday, you're not squeezing

that against the wall. You just have to sit it down on the floor like the ones you do. You steal from big stores. Anyway, well, you don't steal. I mean, the ones that you take, you borrow. So I'm just saying. Anyway, you do bring it back. I bring the hard cardboard.

middle's back. Now there's some of the recycled of those big ones. Not that I'm aware of this, but those, it takes you all the way down to the end. There is no real hard middle of that. Just let you know there's no hard center. It's like candy. It's like candy just melts away.

Now, however, I will say that seems, you know, all right, 10 bucks a roll. How long does it last? You know, they say figure a month or so maybe? No way. No way it lasts like that. So I went, we know that, we know from last week, Americans far outpaced the rest of the world in toilet paper usage.

The average four-person household uses more than 100 pounds a year of toilet paper. I was doing some distance. So I decided, usually I get the, we talked yesterday about the Sam's Club. All right. So again, homework. I know. I know. So the members market that I usually get, right?

You get the 45 large rolls, 235 sheets of rolls like 20 bucks. That's what I said. I do it was around 20 bucks, something like that. So you get the 14. 35 large rolls aren't bad. Now, they're not Charmin. I know that, Charmin.

You know, I don't get to be with the Bear family every day. But for the giant roll, that doesn't seem, you know, maybe a one-time purchase just to get the stand and you get a picture for Instagram and you're good. All right. Hey, I got the one-time roll. And, you know, you look, you get a few hundred likes and you're good. And you're done. But that doesn't look like.

it's going to last for a month. They're saying, and it's, okay, Sharman tweets that it's a gift that keeps on giving, of course, and it's perfect holiday gift,

is it, is it? Easter? Happy, yes, is it Easter? Valentine's Day. Ooh, happy Valentine's Day with the Lord of One roll.

Father's Day, Mother's Day, Grandma's Day. Merry Christmas, just thinking of you. We were here last year. And to run to the store a couple times. Want to get this for you, Grandma. No problem. Now for Grandma, that might be a lifetime deal, right? Because grandmas are the one

square. Anyway, there's a lot of squares for grandmas. So good luck. I bet. I hope you get a gift of that. I mean, if you're thinking of the person, and it's, then it's a gift of love, no matter what the gift is. So it doesn't matter. Right.

Right. News about Johnny Mansell. Those of you that don't know, don't, don't, don't. How did I know that you don't even tell me? Mandele, I know him. Johnny Mansell. Tell me you don't know who Johnny.

I do not know who that is. Because Howard Mandel is the guy that doesn't like people to touch him. He's bald and germaphobe and he's on the America's got talent. Howard Mandel, I know that. That's correct. And, you know, I'll tell you another thing to, Harvey Mandel would never go to the ISS. No, he would not. No, he would not.

Because we're getting news today. I digress for just a moment away from Johnny Vanzel. We'll get back to it. However, we talked yesterday about picking, look, I love the idea that we've, NASA's kind of, you know, stepped back a little bit and we have private companies going up and picking up the trash and bringing the trash back from the space station. All good.

However, we're not a part of it. We don't run it anymore, right? I mean, we have to, we have to hitchhike to go up to it. From either Russia or India, who of the hell else China has given us, and we're going up. You want to send somebody off? We'll charge you. Okay. Uber flights. It pisses me off. I know. It's got to be from China

or Russia. We've got to pick up a Russia Uber. It pisses me off. Anyway, since we've done that, now they're reporting that the International Space Session yeah there's bacteria and fungi everywhere and it's really nasty

nasty fungi all kinds of bacteria all on surfaces all over the IS we turned that over to the damn dirty Russians they don't know how to clean NASA better take the genitors when we left the ISIS we took everything we took it all We took the spray bottles, the clean bottles, all of it.

The green machines, whatever you're cleaning with. The Mexican crew came to. Chris. Chris. That hurts. Does it? That hurts. Why would you just even think that?

What's our cleaning crew from? Our cleaning through? I don't know where they're from. I haven't talked to them. What language do they speak? They speak something that doesn't, I don't, we don't communicate. We do communicate because, look, it's the international, the international, The international

Space Station. The international sign language for getting this room swept is your arm going back and forth like it's holding a vacuum cleaner. There's not a person in the world that doesn't know that that means vacuum. Sue, vacuum the room. You don't have to speak any language for that. You just know what it is. However, Johnny Mansell. Let's get back to Johnny Mansell.

All right. Former college football star for Texas A&M. In fact, I saw him play a couple times. With your son? Yeah, he played against him. I beat him both times too. But that was his last game too. Yeah, both him and my son are the same age, I think, pretty close.

Anyway, he wants to be called by a new name now. We've called him Johnny Mansell for forever. And apparently he doesn't like that anymore. He wants to go by John. He doesn't want to be called. Johnny Mansell anymore. So he's going by John.

And this is news because... I have no idea why it's news. Except that, because Johnny Manzell, I will, to be honest, now, I'll never call him anything but Johnny. If I see him in the building, he's say, hey, Johnny, how you doing? It's John.

Okay. Johnny. Johnny, no problem. You got it. Take care. Oh, I won't be able to interview you. Damn. Johnny.

No, but listen, take care Johnny. Oh, stop it. That's like 8o Cinco. I like Ocho, though. Yeah, but you don't tell me what I call you. I'll call you where the hell.

If you want to change your name, that's fine. But he just wants to, you know, he's just tired of people calling him Johnny, right? That's all that's all it is. He's just tired of people calling him an adult. I'm a grown-ass man. But Johnny's not an adult name. Perhaps you should just stop partying

you'd have survived in the NFL instead of having gone to the Canadian League and get gicked out of there and then going to the AFF. Oh, you didn't get kicked out of that. That's right. The league folded. Oh, never mind. You're not doing anything now. Thank you.

I'm doing anything now but partying and wishing you had a girlfriend and going to strip clubs. That's great. No problem. John. Take care. Yeah. Thank you. Not a douche.

All right. I don't even care about those stupid stories now because really all I care about is this story today that came across my desk thanks to Chris Cruz. Did I just say that? We didn't record that. You can edit that out, right? Thanks to Chris Cruz. So, if you remember in 2017, it was the worst mass shooting day ever, right?

October 1st, the night, Stephen Paddock, opened fire, a crowd of concert goers in Las Vegas, 58 people killed, 851 individuals. injured, over 400 of them by gunfire and hundreds more in the panic and the rush. And we know almost what we knew then now. I mean, the investigation is over. They've shut it down. We don't know anything more real. What's the motive?

We don't know the motive. We don't know. We've got footage of him coming in different doors of the hotel, bringing in the, you know, bags of weapons. So the case is so open. We don't know he had his car The case is not open We've got up the FBI No no but you got you got all those questions

One person I think went to jail Right the guy that sold him the tracer bullets or whatever But one guy goes to jail It had nothing to do with the shooting at all What about the girlfriend? The tracer bullets that he was shooting out of the desert Agonizing And the girlfriend who got sent money

And sent away back to Panama or something right No Philippines What was it? Philippines Hey whatever Panama Philippines Yeah they're next to each other It's the same thing.

It's just like walking next door. So now there's a story. ABC News producer who won an Emmy last year for her network's coverage of the Las Vegas mass shooting. All right. Alexa Valiente died suddenly at the age of 27. Would not let it go. Right? Why is this case still closed?

We need to be open. We need to find out the motive. We need to find out all the people that were involved. We need to find out what's going on. We need to find out the hotel's connection. We need to find out if the guards in the hotel were illegal or were the American citizens. We need to find out all of this information. Nothing.

Shut it down. Right. Right. Except she just had a sickness and dropped over. She didn't get shot. And she was always a friendly face in the halls. Yeah. No kidding.

Trying to throw this whole thing on its curves. I'll tell you what. So anyway, I That means that something else is going on. Something's coming. Something else is happening. And if you're a reporter and you're working on the Vegas shooting with Stephen Paddock or you had anything to do with the 2020 story,

Las Vegas, heartbreak and heroes. If you had something to do with that, I would be careful. You might be accidentally part of a robbery. Oh, oh, did another person who worked on that show get killed? We need to look into that. We need to look at that. See if they're all still alive. I wouldn't go to the funeral either, man.

Would not go to the funeral. No way. You go to the funeral and then your picture's taken. Everybody knows who you are. And the clock is ticking. You're going down, man. So good luck. I know the story has nice things about Alexa and how, what a great person she was.

and what it was so fun and funny around the office. Gosh darn it, she had these flashback Fridays where she'd just play hip music for everybody in the office. Everybody just loved her. There's that a person in the office that didn't think, Alexa, what are you doing? Don't be doing that. Can't go over with the story anymore.

It's closed. They're going to come after you. So good luck, God bless to Alexa. And for the other people still working on the case, you might want to think about it. No retro? Oh, no. For Alexa?

All right. I'll write one here quickly for Alexa. This is retrospective on CTF. Alexa Valentetti. What's her name? Valante. Whatever name is. Alexa, you know the ABC reporter.

This was the Emmy winner. You know who she is. still working on the Vegas shooting. After her, Emmy Award-winning work, Las Vegas, heartbreak and heroes, remembered as a smart and dedicated journalist, thoughtful and attentive friend, avid traveler, who lived life to the fullest, dead at the age of 27. This has been retrospective.

on CTF. That's it. That was it. That's all you're getting today. For Alexa, Valiente. I hope that's her last name. Wait a minute. What is it?

Right. V-A-L-I-E-N-T-E. Say it. Valiente. Thank you. It's all you had to do. The whole story. It's all you need to do is her last name.

Not one time did you do it. And I gave you thanks to this for the story, too. I might as well get some animal stories out of the way. I mean, I've got them stacked up here, and there's several that need to be talked about. One, a sounder for animal music now? Yehaw. Classic he-ha music. Thank you.

I mean, this story is from Africa, so, I mean, that really doesn't. Fits right in with that jingle. I don't even believe this story is actually real. I have a hard time believe. I've had this in a sexes this weekend, and it's a, it's a story that makes you feel good because the story is a suspected rhino poacher, is trampled by an elephant, eaten by lions, right? It just feels like that's too good to be true. Go down the list.

You stopped at the list. Go down the list. It's just too good. It's just too good. So the South African police service. that on Twitter. The man was with a group of poaching when he was killed. After his death, the group carried his body to a nearby

road so passers by could find it in the morning before vanishing from the park. A relative of the man was informed about the ordeal by someone of the poaching group, managing executive park, warned of the dangers of entering the park illegally, and on foot are not wise. So this Kruger

National Park, that's thousands of acres and they were there to poach these animals. And they were there to to poach these animals. Now, between 2005, now this is actually,

between 2005 and 2017, nearly 2,000 elephants and 63,000 rhinos. Oh, that's a lot. Have been killed by poachers, 65,000 rhinos? Just for the rhino dust? Wow.

That's pretty amazing. So, they sneak in, And they kill him. So it happened on a weeknight. The remains of the man was found two days later. His identity has not been released because there's no way to know who he is by his shoe. They found the scene stand the Pride Lines had just devoured the remains,

leaving only a human skull and a pair of pants. And a little ways away they did find a shoe as well. The story doesn't have the shoe find, but I did read about the shoe find. I just find like, okay, we're all happy, right? these damn poachers coming after elephants and rhinos and thank God they it was killed trampled by a crazed elephant and then eat you know after the rhinos stuck his horn up the guy's butt the elephants ate him and then the lions ate the rest and left his skull to be had by the buzzards it can't be real they just don't want I mean I'm okay with there's poachers and people get

killed all the time out there in the wild but this is just a way to say don't be poaching. Don't be coming to the old Kruger National Park and trying to poach otherwise you can get eaten by the lions trampled by the elephants, rhinoed horned up your butt and all this left

is your skull and shoes. And pants. It seems I just pants. They didn't want his nasty old pants. Just does not seem like it's you want it to be real but I don't know that it is. We all know that dogs could sniff out everything,

but now a new study, a new study that's specially trained dogs, not just any old dog. You can't just go adopt a dog from the pound and expect this to be the special cancer-smelling dog. No, that will not happen. This has to be specially trained. 97% accuracy.

That's pretty good. I'm starting to Doc School. That's pretty good. Teach your dogs. Me, too. That's a great idea. We could specially train your dog for anything. Look, we could train them to sniff out bombs, drugs.

If you got low blood sugar, you got to have the dog around. If you got high blood sugar, low blood sugar, if you're about to have a seizure. And we also, we can tell them if you got cancer. I don't want that dog around. I don't want the dog. I don't want the dog to come sniffing me. If the cancer dog starts sniffing, you get away from. me.

The dog, I want to be part of the 3% where he's wrong. You know, nobody wants the cancer dog just to come up and go, why are you sniffing my groin? Get away from me. No, I don't want growing cancer. No. So is the dog with a stethoscope and a coat? Yes.

Yes. He gets the white dog jacket. Yes. Comes in, puts the plastic dog gloves on his feet and his paws. I think this is a PR move for the dog community. Remember last year and the year before that we had. some bad news about dogs killing people because it licked their face?

Yeah. So I think this is a PR movement. There's also a story. I didn't, I don't have it in my show stuff, but I read the headline and I thought I saved it and I couldn't find it today. There's also a story out there where the dogs are becoming, they don't get sick, all right?

They can't get sick and they're giving, so any kind of disease or anything, they're fine. So humans are getting measles, getting sick, the dogs are like, so we'll still be here. Dogs are taking over. Something's coming, Jesse. Isn't that the plot line for I Am Legend? Dogs are taken over?

No, it started with measles. Oh, probably. It is because I watched it last night. What are you doing watching I Am Legend? Just got added to Netflix. How are you doing watching I Am Legend? It just got added to Netflix. Did you watch Highwayman yet?

Okay. Good. I don't care what you watch after that. Anyway, I don't want the dog sniffing. I don't want, but that's a good business. Good luck. If you can train your dog to sniff cancer and then convince people to have it around.

Good for you, but I don't want the damn dog sniff. I don't want it around. Animal stories, people are looking for whoever killed a female ball digger. Oh, my gosh. People are still going bald eagles. It's like the bears. U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service in Arkansas that joined investigation of the death of mature bald eagle.

That eagle was found not near Tennessee Spur Road west of Monticello. I mean, that's right there. Remember the bear was killed in Alaska. This bald eagle was killed in Alaska. Look for the brother, I mean that son and father, dual. They probably did it. But this was in Arkansas, bro. In Alaska.

That's what I said. I mean, Arkansas. That's what I said. Oh, okay. I'm sorry. I miss that. I misheard you. So they transferred the dead bird to Little Rock Zoo,

which I'm sure is a fine zoo, big fan of zoos. The veterinary staff found a bullet wound, and I guess the preliminary cause of death now is a gunshot wound. I mean, did it take, is that the preliminary? Is it a preliminary? You think that probably was the cause of death? We found a gunshot wound. Could have died of something else, though.

We don't know. Right? Oh, man, don't be shooting bald eagles, man. America right there. No freaking no. A reward up to 6,000 is being offered. Oh, it's got to be more than 6. You got to give them a what?

Poaching hotline, 800, 482, 9262. Stop poaching hotline. Wow. 6,000 being offered for information leading to the arrest and conviction. So I could just, if I can't just call and say, What about the two guys in Alaska? I want $6,000, please. No, you can't do that.

You got to have the arrest. Who's shooting bald eagles? I bet you it was a mistake. People don't do that on purpose anymore. Right? That's the best. It's got to be some punk, some kid out with his 22.

It doesn't say what kind of rifle it was. But yeah. Yes. Duh. You don't shoot bald eagles. And so if you, you know, some kid, oh, look at that big old. bird.

What is he shooting with? I don't know. Some rifle? What was the sound again? Some rifle? That's the kind of rifles they have in Arkansas. You never been to Arkansas? I mean,

that's what they have. Yeah, I have. I've been to the diamond mine in Arkansas. What a rip off that is too. Oh yeah. I remember you talked about it with Doc. I did.

That thing is you've been had in America if you go to that thing. The diamond mine in Arkansas. You wish by the end of the day that somebody would come along and Thank you. You want that kind too. You want my kind and that kind. Please. How many damage is you fine?

At the time that we went, we went for one whole day. And we scoured the mine. You go to where the last person found the last one? We scarred that and we scoured some new places too, which, you know, it was been dug up, but it hadn't rained. You really want to go. The trick is to go right after it, right? But we went there, the whole family that spent the day. and we came up with zero.

Oh, okay, hold on. Did you get their tools or did you bring your own tools? Oh, no, you rent tools from there. What are you silly? No, you're the first time. It's your first attempt. You rent tools from them. That was your first mistake.

Just go in the middle of nowhere, this freaking diamond mine. Hopefully there's the chance that you can camp next there too. So next time we go, maybe we can camp for a few days. It spent days hunting for diamonds. That is a scam and a half, man. about every few months they come up with somebody come up with Billy

who lives around the corner okay we're going to take your picture hold this Billy has just found a diamond in the diamond mine worth $85,000 and there's another year of business for that damn diamond mine

and so I don't even get me started about that diamond mine why don't even start talking about that diamond mine oh yeah the dead bald eagle in Arkansas that pisses me off that diamond mine because you think you first get there you first walk up you're like yeah you know we can find

be cool to find a diamond. Be cool. You know, it'll be a little diamond. Who knows? It's worth nothing. It's not even more about the money. It's about finding the diamond at the diamond mine. You get there and then you realize, oh,

it's just a dirt field. There's all kinds of people scattered all over already. There are people like sitting down? Oh, yeah. They brought their own stuff. They brought their own little wagon full of diamond hunting material. They're out there. They got their little shade tent and had the whole thing,

and they're moving along the, They come along in this dirt field and till it ever so often. But when you want it to rain so that it brings up some stuff, according to them. And you go over them. The diamond mine had screwing people out of money people for the state of Arkansas. You know what we do. We come up with a diamond mine. It does have, it actually was an old diamond mine.

I just think that this is just a way to keep this thing going forever. Because the time that we were there, I mean, you're finding nothing. and every so often you know as soon as somebody finds a diamond and it's this beautiful and they're like dirt rocks you don't even know what they're looking like

you don't know what you're looking for you don't know if you had a diamond right you don't really know they give you the sifter and the little shovel and you got it through the sifter you're sifting if it sifts into dust it's not a diamond

if it stays in there you think oh it could be so you take it up you keep it in your bucket you take it up and the guy goes nope then he throws it away Wait, it's like the guy with the lottery ticket. No, let me see it. No, it's too bad.

That pisses me off. Why do I even start talking about the diamond mind? He bold eagle got shot. Oh, I remember why. I just want to ask the question. I don't even know why I want to. I'm not going to the diamond mind again. I'm not doing it.

Not doing it. All right, one last animal story before we go to the break room. Okay, I know this story. Look, we have to go to the diamond mind. the break room. I've got some headlines for you. I've got some great stories for you. But I just want to tell you about a man who identifies as a pup. A British man identifies as a dog. He claims that he's never felt like a human. He wears a fur dog suit, eats from a dog bowl, often barks at, licks, and even bites his friends. That's how you know the story isn't real.

there's no way a 37-year-old man who believes identifies as a dog still has friends that's not possible unless this is I can maybe you know what I apologize it absolutely is possible to other people who identify as a dog he's found friends on Facebook just like everybody does if you have some kind of weird thing you find a group on Facebook oh I identify as a dog too I'm not weird and I'm not going to be exiled from my family I can be together with my Facebook friends. We can do some live Facebook time and be dogs with each other.

Did you see when he realized when he was a pup? He was a pup. He felt he was a pup when he was a young child. He knew that he was different. He says, I realized that my behaviors were quite dog-like in childhood, probably around the age of six. No one ever talked about it. It was never mentioned.

Oh my gosh. As you're telling the story, I'm looking down here. The first time I heard the term of being a pup was though a pup I met online. Of course it was. It's the same. Everybody finds their freak friend. We've got to shut down the internet. That's just all there is to it.

Do you agree with Prince Harris? Or Harry? Sorry. How dare you? Don't be messing with the Royals, man. Yeah, they want to shut down Fortnite, right? Prince Harry does. And look, it fits right in.

It fits right in with the UK because they've now, they're ready to ban it all. all, right? That's all they want to do is shut it down. Well, let's just go to the break room and then I'll tell you about the stupid United Kingdom. It's coming across the pond to us too, but I need a drink of Coca-Cola zero-sugar first. Oh my God. I just so, I wish I could share it with you because it's so good. Before you move on, that dog suit is $2,200. what?

Bumbos by jeffey.com will be selling dog suits now as well. Popsuit, pop suit. Now we had the furbies or the furries, right? Not the furbies, of course you had the furbies, but the furies. So there's our general outfits. Now those are a little bit, I don't know that those people actually recognize themselves as the animal that they're in. right that's just their character yeah that's their like persona now they have the furries that the the sex club furries right in Vegas where you wear your suits and you just all rub up against each other which

talk about germs woof and i hope you've watched that bad boy suit i'll tell you wolf woof whatever animal you're portraying in there rubbing around man i need to have a little tied on that bad boy Okay. And you used way too much, way too much fabric softener. Anyway, so Britain has proposed back to Prince Harry and banning things on the internet. Britain has proposed new social media laws to penalize tech and social media giants like Google and Facebook if they fail to stop the spread and damn them of harmful content online. Australia has now introduced aggressive legislation with steep fines and to jail time for social media. companies, who are you going to throw in jail?

Australia, you're going to throw at Jack in jail? Okay. If they fail to quickly remove violent content, okay, well, how quick? What's quickly? What's quickly remove violent content? What's violent content? I mean, that's the gig to have, right? Is the person that decides that in the United Kingdom?

We talked about that last week. That's the job that you want. So it's just a matter of how about we all get over it just a little bit? And just remind people about the porn credit card that you have to get in order to watch porn. That well, in UK now, you have to identify as an adult with ID photo. How do you do that? Only one time, though. Just one time.

You just show them a picture, just your face online, that's all. You have to pay. And you have to pay, and you have to pay, right? That's agonizing. Not the porn website. In order to watch the porn website, you have to pay. Then you pay the porn website. It's just a one-time thing, though.

Yeah, it's a separate thing. This is like a government tax. Right. you're paying them to let you have access to the porn site, but the porn site is still charging you to have access to the porn site. Agonizing. Just agonizing. Makes you want to buy a dog suit.

Roll around all other people, I'll tell you that. No, it doesn't make you want to do that. That was just me. All right, well, never mind. Never mind. How about the, another UK story. We've got to shut the United Kingdom down. Why do we have not Brexit?

Brexit needs to happen. Man, get out of the EU now. Erisa May. Right, she needs to go. That whole group of her and her ilk, man, need to go. Oh, we believe in Brexit. We're going to call it at Brexit, but it's not really going to be Brexit. We're still going to be...

It's called Brexit, of course, and we're going to say that we left the EU, but we're not really going to do that. Did you watch the HBO movie Glenn talked about Brexit with the Cumber Patrick, dude? No. It's good. I had because it's You know we talked to my man Our man from England And I just kind of feel like they're gonna

It's gonna make me angry if I watch it So But it's good though you should watch it With I know and Cumber Bunch Cumber Patch Whatever his name is A stupid Benedict Arnold

Whatever his name is Oh that Benedict Arnold Cumberbunch Eggs Benedict Whatever his name is Well that's a good egg No not really Because it's got the bougie sauce on it

But that's okay I forgot that you don't like sauce but de Blanc the De Blanc sauce The de Blanc sauce? The whole bag's Benedict sauce nasty But maybe a little sausage gravy

White gravy or brown gravy Oh wait Hello sausage gravy What are you talking about Is white milk gravy The sausage in it? Good stuff man Anyway

Back to the UK A British supermarket Has pulled Chocolate Dunkloon Dunklings Not dumplings Dumplings I want to say

Chocolate dumplings I've never had chocolate dumplings before. That actually sounds like it's something that I could purchase. Ooh, chocolate dumplings. Somebody invent that and send that to me, please. Call me if you've had chocolate dumplings. 888-9-930, I'll eat it. Chocolate dumplings?

They can't send it via the phone. Yeah, send it via the phone. [phone]. Zipping through the line. Just email it to me. Email it to me. Chewing the fat at the blaze.com. Just email me chocolate dumplings.

We all good. So they have a chocolate duck. duckling box, little Easter thing. You know, and it's a waitress trio of Easter ducklings. And they've got three little ducklings in the case. One's name is Crispy. What's he Krispy? One's name is fluffy, a little yellow one.

And the dark chocolate duckling is ugly. Racist. The dark chocolate duckling is the ugly duckling. Racist. Right. That's what people are saying. So you're saying black people are ugly. Waitress needed to tell them to shut up.

And of course that's exactly what they did, right? Oh, no, they didn't. You mean they pulled them off the shelf? No, no, they left them, right? No, they pulled it. They pulled it off the shelf. And they pulled it and then they changed. And what they did is they changed,

they didn't change the name of the ducklings. They didn't change crispy, fluffy, and they didn't change ugly to thinks they're pretty. They didn't change ugly. to pretty on the inside. They didn't change ugly to doggone it. You could do it to any of those names. They just took them away.

Now it's just the trio of Easter ducklings. One little crispy chocolate, a yellow chocolate, and the ugly duckling with no names. So it's still being sold? We did. Look, our, we understand that people have a problem with things and it certainly wasn't our intent

to make anyone bad. It's just, Look, our chocolate ducklings and milk, white, dark chocolate varieties. Yes. Cut something to the soup. Stepping to the podium now is a spokesperson for a waitress. We understand that there's a, we understand that there was a problem between our duckling package, the darkling waitress trio of Easter duckling.

We understand there was a problem with crispy, fluffy, and ugly. Listen, we certainly. did not mean to cause offense and selling Easter-themed items. We're very sorry for any upset caused by the name of this product. It's absolutely not our intention to cause any offense. We did remove the product from sale several weeks ago. We changed the labeling, and our ducklings are now back on sale again. So I'd like to thank you very much.

We're very sorry. Any more questions? No, we're done? Okay, thank you. We're done. No, no, no, no. I already said, I already said. I'm already done.

No more questions. Ugly's off the shelf. We're still in the break room, so I got some headlines. I mean, let's not forget. Google beating Amazon to the punch in Australia. Google drones got the green light in Australia. Project Wing, a branch of Google's parent company, Alphabet.

It's Google. I hate that name. I want an approval to deliver small items of food and medication in Canabara. Uh, via drone. Where's that at? It's also I said Australia beating Google is beating Amazon to the punch in Australia. What kind of bearer? Where's that at?

It's one of their places in Australia. It's over there on the other side of the island. Where? Over there. It's over one of their places. Like you got, you got this place and then you got Canberra. Duh. Just look at a map.

Whatever. Wow. An Instagram account feature. featuring trendy pastors and churchgoers have outraged following. I got to start following this guy. Preachers and sneakers is the Instagram account questioning the morality of church leaders wearing pricey outfits. Shut up. I bet you Stephen Ferdick is one of those.

It has to be, right? Has to be. I mean, look. Is the Instagram account again? Uh, preachers and sneakers And and sneakers Preachers and sneakers Preachers and sneakers

Ah So funny It's got to be good Tell me it's good No? Not good Please hold while Chris Cruz Finds the Instagram account of

Preachers and Sneakers Your listenership is very important to us Please hold Thank you for calling Chewing the Fat Your listenership is very important important to us. Told you. Pastor Stephen is the first one.

Of course. He's wearing $637 shoes. Big deal. What are the Gucci's? I mean, you get... Air Presto. I don't know who makes those.

I mean, you get the Gucci's for, you know, you get the slip-on Gucci's that I love, man, the baby was comfortable. You get those for under a grand here in Dallas. Those are nice, too. But that's just me. And, of course, I would never do anything like that because I'm a poor white man living on the...

devil's back porch in the west end of Dallas. It's really interesting. They had the picture of the preacher, and then next one, so they have the picture of the shoes with a price. Nice. Nice.

That's a good, that's a good side. I have to start following that, man. I like that. Preachers and sneakers. Look, what the preacher's not supposed to go barefooted? Supposed to not wear clothes?

What did Jesus wore? Sandals. Right? So they should be wearing sandals. Why? Because Jesus did. So? Wow.

Jesus didn't have Gucci. He was busy inventing Gucci. Don't tell me, wow. What else we got? Give me another one. What's the preacher wearing? Pastor Levi is wearing black Nike's Blazers cost $5.51. So we have Pastor real John Gray, but I believe he's from here.

I think, I thought he was from here. He's wearing a $5,000 shoes. So they're just going after the shoes? That's great. Thus, the account preachers and sneakers. Actually, they went through Judah Smith and Chelsea Smith, and they're wearing pants that are worth $900 and a shirt that is worth $500. Yeah, that's where you've got to go is the fashion of the clothes, right?

Because you can buy, I mean, shoes are expensive, but people are usually okay with shoes. We've got another from Pastor John Gray wearing Jeezy's for $3,000. $1,000. I mean, okay, now you're starting to piss me. What did Jesus wear? Sandals. Thank you. Thank you.

You're right, Chris Cruz. Gosh, darn it. I think you went to pay less, too. Did he? Did he? Before they closed or after? Before? Yeah.

They're pay less sandals? Yeah. One more from preachers and sneakers. They're going after Pastor Chad, because he's wearing a Gucci Supreme bag that cost $2,000 and it was out of stock and he's wearing some pants

that costs $800 with black with a little bit gold on the side. He's supposed to be uncomfortable. This is ridiculous. And he's eating McDonald's French fries with my chicken, so hey. Don't try to be one with the people. What are you doing?

Stop with the one with the people think stopping at McDonald's like that. You're not. Stop eating that stuff. It's bad for you. You know it is. I'm just trying to be one with the people I'm dressed in $10,000 worth of clothes

You're looking large order of fries I'm highly upset that they haven't hit Either the church that I go to Or Watermark Those two other pretty young pastors They have nice shoes They're not on the account And they're up on stage

They're talking to people They're performing I mean they've got to have You've got to be comfortable on stage You can't just be hopping around in sandals You think you are Jesus as long as we're on fashion news. I mean, look, I am fashion.

You know that. You know, people call me that all the time. Michelle Pfeiffer, now the founder of a fragrance startup, Henry Rose, marketing itself as a 100% transparent about its ingredients. Ooh, man. The industry, the fragrance industry does not like to let you. you know what's in their sense, man. So people literally told me, says Michelle, you're going to fail.

I kept hitting dead ends because no one was willing to be transparent with ingredients. I wasn't willing to put my name and face on something that I wouldn't use. Thank you. So, well, that's great. Let's, you know, how's business? So good luck with Henry Rose, Michelle. Good luck. I'm interested.

We have to find out. I wonder if this is this a link to what's in it. It would be fascinating. He has monkey blood. Tiger blood. Monkey blood. Tiger blood. Okay, 100% transparent.

It's currently shipped to the U.S. collection for five different unisex fragrances. Fine fragrance like golden glow. So it's currently only got five different years of France. Made of soy. Boy, do I want to smell you if you smell like soy? There's nothing sexy. It's not the only ingredient.

Calm down. sexier than soy. Man. Oh, baby. You smell so good. You smell like a... Scyfield. Oh, yeah.

Come here, baby. We're going to be together like dirt and soy. Oh. It's all right. Stop it. It doesn't say what's in him. I want to know what's in him. If it's just so...

We're being 100% transparent. We're made with soy. That's crazy. What else do you need to know, Jeffrey? I'm sorry. I'm with her this. What else you need to know? I got to actually, if you actually read the story.

Wait, what? I know this sounds crazy. But I actually just now just read the story. The bottle is made of 90% recyclable glass. Okay. So. And the cap. It's the cap that's made of soy.

It's not the fragrance. So we're not even in the fragrance yet? Well, you don't know what the cap might add to the fragrance, though. Right? What the cap might give it a different kind of smell. And look, all fragrances smell different on everyone else. Everyone has a different smell with the fragrance. That's why you test it.

Henry Rose is a more expensive end of the spectrum with high-end fragrances like Victor and Rolf and Gucci and Valencia. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Self-funded by Pfeiffer. She's got more money than she knows what to do with. We're playing the stupid actors, those stupid movies she's in. Bless her heart.

Ingredients quickly realize anything, fragrance was flags, does tell her it was a cold follower. It doesn't say. She wants to be 100% transparent, except we're not telling us what it is. So they're like the Obama administration transparent. Yes, thank you.

That ticks me off. And plus the soy cap. I mean, that's just, that's just, you don't know what kind of, You don't know what could happen to the fragrance after it touches the soy cap. Vans, now immortalizing David Bowie with its new off-the-wall Vans David Bowie line. That'll be a big seller, actually. I like the red ones.

That'll be a big seller. That'll be really good. Vans has got some good collection, and they'll be the Bowie collection will be good. I saw a guy in, I wish it was one of the Bowie collections, too, in Chick-fil-A this week. Not that I haven't stopped by a chick-fil-a this weekend. But I stopped by a chick-fil-A this weekend And there was a guy in line with Some high tops that looked like these

They were really cool looking I mean, I've almost said something to them And I should have because yeah, He's a new Bowie collection Don't be staring at my shoes, dude But those look good So anything else on fashion? No, just know that Michelle Pfeiffer has her new

100% transparent She's not going to tell us what's in it But it's 100% transparency Of what's in it But you do know that the bottle has been 97% recyclable and you have a soy cap. Great, thanks, Michelle.

We appreciate it. Oh, Michelle. You still smell like soy. Let's go for a dance. So, here's some good news and bad news. Actually, there's no good news in this. I shouldn't even tease it as good news, and I apologize.

This is coming to a street near you because right now it's in Madrid. Most cannabis sold in Madrid, Spain is not suitable for human consumption. It's actually creating a public health issue. Researchers have tested 90 samples obtained in the Spanish capital and found that 80%,

88% contaminated with harmful bacteria poop. I mean, they called it fecal matter. I just, I kind of have lived. I mean to tell you now, so you're smoking, you're buying pot in Madrid, and you're smoking poop. Oh, man.

Who doesn't, no, first of all, think, dude, that tastes like crap. That's because it is. I mean, come on. Don't you have to, Well, now you have to wash your pot after you buy it. What's the world coming to? You can't trust anybody anymore.

Someone in the chain of selling it on the street has to wash it. I know you're not blaming the street guys. Oh, why? Someone somewhat in the chain has to wash it. I'm going to go into defense of the street guys. Oh, that's a surprise you of Chris Cruz is going to be defend the street guy. If I'm one of the street guy, if you give me the product, it's ready to sell. I'm not washing it.

You give me the product. I know that is ready for sale. So in Spain, residents can legally grow cannabis for personal consumption. I'm guessing you're not pooping on your own, in your own cannabis. But selling the plant is illegal. So I can grow. Spanish cannabis smokers mainly use marijuana, gresh, hashish, resin smoked by some of the most.

Boy, it's been a long time. Makes me want to even a, you know, even if it was, uh, again already. I still got some. Hold on. Don't fire it up again. Okay, again. Oh, it's really, it's really not that bad of a buzz for as crappy as it tastes.

Tell you that. Wow. I'm sorry. No, somebody's got to wash it, right? I mean, 67% ignite-shaped samples and corin samples. Fecal odor, contaminated with E. coli. Oh, we can't mess with that. Echolase bacteria of normally found intestines.

Yeah, we know where it's from. But nasty strains of cause, yeah, you don't want that. You do not want that. If you get that from smoking pot, ooh, nasty. I just want to smoke a bowl. So do you recall the pot? Yeah, that's what you do. Nation one recall?

Nation might recall. Yeah, from those of you who purchased any kind of marijuana in Madrid, you can bring it in. Bring it in for testing. See, if yours, it's good. way to get arrested. See if yours is made a poop too. Welcome, Madrid Police Department. It's got to be, look,

the only way, the only reason that it's got, people aren't pooping on their pot. That's just not happening. Only, I'm sorry? Maybe it's made they are? Only in this show, you talk about poop and marijuana in the same sentence. It's got to be how it's getting shipped, right? There's got to be some kind of nasty way

that they're smuggling the pot around. Balloon. With balloon poop? No, it's like a balloon You know What you're talking about But that doesn't It doesn't see through the plastic

It broke Oh you're still gonna smoke it I don't know I mean that's like That's like The monkey poop coffee right So It's not monkeys cat

No it's monkey It's a monkey It's not cats It's monkeys It's cat No it is not Look it up It's monkey poop coffee

It's the special brand don't you get by it it's like it's the Gucci of shoes it's the Gucci of coffee it's the monkey poop coffee is the copy luca which is a cat look up i'm telling you right now that that can if i believe that there is cat poop coffee however the monkey poop coffee is the one that is the world-class one i'm sorry yes jeff you're right oh my gosh look at I'm sorry? The poop coffee industry, cat, monkey, elephant, bat, bird, shit coffee. Wait, what?

The poop coffee industry, cat, monkey, elephant, bat, bird, shit coffee. And now brought you to the cannabis world. Yes, you too could smoke poop pot. Yes, not only... Cat, monkey, elephant, bat, bird shit coffee. And now human poop pot. Yes. Good for you.

Oh, man. Makes you want to. You don't even know really if this is real, right? They're just trying to get people to stop smoking pot. Because I don't know how you're smuggling. Are they smuggling pot in the sewer trucks? Are they, I mean, are we putting it out from, I don't know where you're smuggling pot and poop.

And then getting it out. It doesn't make any sense. Fertilizer. Yeah, maybe. Maybe, but that, but, but fertilizer is more animal, though, right? Not, not human. Can't afford an animal. I don't know.

It doesn't seem. It seems not. We're talking about Madrid, okay? What are you giving to Spaniards too much credit? Wow. Wow. Whatever. I mean, Madrid is a beautiful city, especially this time of year.

And it's even more beautiful when you're high on poop pot. All right, before we hit the road today, and I want to thank you for coming along for the ride today on chewing the fat. please subscribe, rate and review, and share the podcast with, you don't have to, you don't have to share it with friends, just share it. I don't care what you share it with. I mean, you're going to subscribe. Look, we need your subscriptions.

I know I despise begging for your subscription, so just let me say, please subscribe. But once you've subscribed, then, you know, rate and review. And I've made it easy for you, so you don't have to think about it. I know you all have busy lives. You can just rate it 20 stars, review it, best podcast ever, and you're done. And then when you share, you hit share and your email pops up. And the first name that pops up in your email, that's who you share with. So it doesn't even have to be someone you know real good or anything.

You just have to just share it. Whoever comes up, poop, just thinking of you and you share. And you're thinking of you, you should subscribe and send. It's real easy. Just a piece of cake with that. So, and I wanted to say hello to a new subscriber. at Founders Girl. Right?

Hello. How you doing? Thanks for coming along for the ride. It's good to see you today. You look great. All right. One more story before we go. Before you do that, hold on.

I got two reviews I want to mention real quick. Okay. First one is from Savvy K-88. I love Savvy. K-88, my favorite. Five stars. and she goes, Keith is bald as F.

Tony Sars, best podcast ever. I mean, okay, thank you. I agree. I agree. There's a number of things

that Keith is at F, but, well, bald is one of them. And finally from Jackcast 60. Oh, Jackcast 60. You know who pisses me off is Jackass 59.

Jackass 59. He really pisses me up, but 60 is good. good guy. Yeah, still chewing the fat, our best podcast ever, being the same ilk as Chris Cruz, fellow island fan of both of your work.

Keep up the good chewing. I mean, I guess thank you. All right, so a report finds that more, this is a scary, actually scary study, if it's true. Report finds more than 47,000 structurally deficient bridges

in the United States. I know I know what's just 47,000 Ouch You aren't lying How many bridges We're structurally deficient

47,000 Ouch Now about the What the outch is Not from the commercial Is what the ouch that we're looking for Not the Chris Cruz outch So it's really what the bit was

So like when I would say How many How many structurally deficient bridges, 47,000. Ouch. That'd be the commercial ouch is what we're. Ouch. Ouch.

Okay. Yes, that's the outch I want, not the Chris Cruz Ouch. However, it needs to be like, you know, right on. Like, how many structurally deficient bridges were there? 47,000. Ouch. Actually, I like my ouch better. I did not sound like the out of the show.

It's the epic music. That sounded like some sort of space show. It sounded like you've been watching I Am Legend or something. Is that measles on the show? Just waiting for the out music, really. It's just to say goodbye on the show. Whatever.

See, like that. Yeah, that'd be the end. Do the punchline and then do the end. Do you just static or you just, you know, do a punchline. You can hear that.